Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, fla.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 10:35:21

Comments

i am an alcoholic, my name is richard ...richard m. My favorite topic is gratitude. i have immense gratitude for my abstinence from drink. I am honest enough to admit my slips .an na beer or two or some na wine ....a few contact highs......over 4908 days since my begining dec 28, 1985...i never claim to have been sober the whole time !!!!! however i haven't gotten drunk or stoned ...... i geniuinely try to live each day one day at at time...... i work the steps and traditions ......i read the aa material and try to use it were applicable in my life ...... work with other alcoholics on a regular basis and attend meeetings on a regular basis .....i have assisted in starting groups and in keeping groups going . You see, we can not do this alone !!!! we useually make the same mistakes and end up crawling back together .... The compassion and love we have for each other is unconditional and is the glue our GOD ( HIGHER POWER ) uses to keep us to gether !!!!!! There is so much that other fellows have left us to keep us from making the mistakes others have .


Member: Alcoholic, Addict, Julie
Location: Jerusalem
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 10:41:01

Comments

Hi everyone. I posted earlier - guess it got erased. I'd really like to hear from other recovering alcoholics how they "Chose Their Own Conception of God", as mentioned in the book on page 12. I have worked the first 9 steps in my year and a half of sobriety, but lately have come back to struggle with this question.

As a child I was forced to worship, and I later parted ways with God and religion at the same time - I felt they'd both let me down.

When I came into AA 3.5 years ago, they told me to "just pray" and I did - not knowing to what or whom. I've had some good prayer experiences, but I don't feel like I've "got a handle" on God. I'm still flying blind and would like to hear your E, S and H.

Allen of Moncton - is that the Cartierville group? What an incredible group of people! If it is, please email me at mzjulie27@hotmail.com.

Thanks for being here.


Member: mel s.
Location: east tn.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 11:00:09

Comments

mel here alcoholic, 1'st one here,hmmmm. i've been having a little trouble lately dealing with the wreakage of my past.been a drunk or doper for35 years and in this program for almost 1.guess i'm just impatiant for change.been working the steps with a sponsor, but it seems like any change that comes is oh so slow and hard.still hav'nt had a drink for almost a year,thats a big thing there.i don't want to be what i was like in past,it just seems that sometimes i'm spinning my wheels when it comes to making any changes from the "old self".i'm ever so gratefull for this program and a higher power that has kept me from the next drink,changes for a topic ?. thanks for letting me share.peace,


Member: Paul C
Location: Antioch CA
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 11:00:18

Comments

Hello, I'm an alcoholic named Paul. I use to think the saying "sober one day at a time" was corney but guess what it has given me just over 4 years of soberity. And I'm grateful because my GOD has allowed me to live life daily...and that's the way it was always meant to be. I've had my share of ups and downs and I deal with them as they come. I'm grateful. I'm finally growing up, and I look around me and see that there are alot of beautiful and wonderful people around me (inside and outside of AA) and I'm grateful. GOD recently gave me an oppertunity to visit my 83 y/o active alkie dad. It was not a pretty site. It could easily be me. I'm grateful. Guess I've rambled enough but I'd like to close by saying I feel real graditude comes when your thankful for the bad as well as the good.


Member: juliav
Location: WI
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 11:40:05

Comments

hi... i'm julie in wisconsin. i stopped drinking/ abusing alcohol last november and pray hourly for all of the hurdles i meet. God has always been an important part of my life but for years it was more rote or 'expected' and now i find myself REALLY wanting a true relationship with God... to help with alocholism for just one thing... primarily because i want to be the good person i know i am. i have an old Bible that i turn to read. i went to treatment but left the facility a year ago... stayed long enough to learn/respect the 12 step program...while there i was told to just have faith and then i 'couldn't'... it wasn't what i had expected, but now i see that having faith is what it is ALL about. my God is an'awesome' God... the same yet different God of my childhood... i'm praying!~!~ music helps too. julie


Member: HARVEST MOON  S.
Location: UTAH PROVO AREA
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 12:58:40

Comments

I HEARD SOMETHING GREAT THE OTHER DAY ABOUT GOD/HIGHER POWER, IFYOU CAN'T STAND ANY MORE THAN KNEEL, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH EVERY MEETING I GO TO IS PERFECT TO WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. I'VE BEEN WORKING THE STEPS FOR A YEAR AND A HALF BUT I WORK STEPS 1 THROUGH 3 FIFTY TIMES A DAY, WITHOUT THIS PROGRAM I THINK I WOULD PROBALY BE DEAD ONE DAY AT A TIME ITS THAT SIMPLE I CAN BE SOBER TODAY I HOPE YOU GUYS CAN TOO BLESSED BE!


Member: Peg M
Location: Marion, Ohio
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 12:59:35

Comments

Julie this is a topic that cause controversy in AA meetings where I am from. Most people here like to believe in religion meaning the Christian religion and if you dont believe that way you are looked down upon.

I too struggled with a concept of God because of the religious ways I was taught as a child. My mother still tries to push her beliefs on me and tells me that if I dont believe as she does that I am going to goto hell.

I decided to go on a journey about 2 years ago and read about different concepts on God and different religious beliefs. I knew that in order for me to stay sober, that I was going to have to work step 3 100%. But that I also could not do that believing in the vindictive punishing wrathful God of my childhood. I read alot of different books and finally found what I believed in and what works for me today.

Julie Keep searching and you will find a God of your understanding. If you would be interested in reading any books you can e-mail me and I will share what I read with you. maggie43@webtv.net.

Peg M


Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 13:10:55

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Thanks for letting me share. The topic(s) seem to be gratitude and finding your conception of God.

Well, I didn't find God - cause he wasn't lost! I was. Had He not always been there, patiently and lovingly watching over me, I'd be dead today. I know that now. I didn't have any relationship with a Higher Power when I came through the doors, even though I believed there was a God.

How to explain spiritual growth? Don't think I am smart enough for that. I just know that by believing in a HP whom I choose to call God, I have been relieved from the obcession to drink. He has restored my sanity! Now it is up to me to stay spiritually fit.

So I pray, meditate, keep my side of the street clean, practice the steps and help others every time I can. Darn if it doesn't work.

I remember the absolute first time I finished a pray with "hope you have a good day God". I thought the clouds would open and lighten would strike - didn't. Could almost hear Him saying, "you too child". I found me - His wonderous creation, hidden in that bottle. I am so grateful today.

Just remember, it doesn't matter if you believe in Him, He believes in you.


Member: Stan P.
Location: Pa.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 13:23:50

Comments

Hello Everybody I'm Stan an Alcoholic I had to be hurting really bad to accept the God of My understanding as long as I found a loophole I did not need a higher power when you keep hitting your head against a wall it feels good when you stop .It is the insanity of my expecting change while not being willing to change.I go with the first person in this room let the attitude be gratitude.The only protection I have from that first drink is a higher power I have tried to do it myself it dont work.The hard part is letting go and letting God We Alkies are control freaks.Thank You For Letting Me Share ((((((((((HUGS))))))Stan P


Member: Chris S
Location: Seattle WA
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 13:26:22

Comments

Great topics - gratitude and GOD. I'm grateful that I have a GOD that believed in me when I didn't. And I didn't even know that God knew where I was. I really believe in that "footprints" piece. I fell that is how it was for me. I slso think how lucky I am that I can have a god of my own choosing and understanding. And I can believe in good things. not like that poor mom who thinks if you don't believe her beliefs you don't get to go to heaven. I have learned tolerance and acceptance in this program. And one more thing AA is not a religious program But a spiritual program . Big difference


Member: michelle m.
Location:
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 13:51:01

Comments


Member: michelle m
Location: costa mesa ca.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 13:57:48

Comments

Hi I'm michelle from ca. I've missed meetings for several months. I didn't realize how much I've missed them. I'm raising my 3 yr.old granddaughter and I have so little energy left. I love a a and will be sober 12 yrs this month. this is my first moment on the net and I am so glad I found you. I read the rules but it will take me some time to get used to the process. Ineeded this so much. Cut the bull michelle, I started to cry when I saw the Big Book on the screen I'M home. I love all of you. I need a hug sooooo bad. Hey Maureen, Asheara are you on the web.? thanks for letting me sheare. michelle.


Member: Missy D.
Location:
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 14:55:04

Comments

Hello everyone! I'm Missy and a grateful alcoholic. Gratitude....Hummmm... I have been sober for alittle over 3 years and have never felt better! AA has brought something to my life that i never had before; serenity. We are supposed to learn the twelve steps and apply them to all of our affairs. That I have and continue to do. I used to go to quite a few meetings a week, however, i do not go to as many anymore. AA has tought me how to live the twelve steps in my life outside the rooms. I am learning how to live life on life's terms. I am a recovered alcoholic, however, that does not mean I can never get sick again. As long as I do what is suggested and keep God in my life, things will be okay. I am very grateful for AA today.


Member: jeff s
Location: chappell, nebraska
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 15:03:21

Comments

hi, everybody, i'm jeff, and alcoholic. as usual the meeting topic is EXACTLY what i needed to hear about. today i am in that restless, irritable, discontented place that i get into when i forget to accept life on life's terms. i get frustrated and as the big book says i step on other people's toes and they retaliate. thanks for reminding me that i have so much to be greatful for. (not the least of which is a belief in a higher power) i gave up on God when i was about 12 but he never gave up on me. the god of my understanding is vast. so vast that i can only understand a small part of him. i get it a little more each day. the main thing for me, julia, is that i have learned to accept MY limitations of understanding god. it says in the big book, we claim spirtual progress rather than spiritual perfection.


Member: FREDDY H.
Location: BEAUMONT, TX.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 15:16:22

Comments

THANKS FOR THE TOPIC OF GRADITUDE. FOR ME IT IS HARD TO SEE AND FEEL THE GRADITUDE. I CANNOT GET INTO GRADITUDE WHEN I AM INTO SELF. GOD HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME AND HAS ALLOWED ME TO STAY SOBER FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS ONE DAY AT A TIME. WHEN I AM WRITING THIS IT HELPS ME TO STAY HUMBLE. I KNOW I AM COMMENTING TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE THE SAME REACTION TO DRINKING. I KNOW TODAY THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR. I HAVE NOTICED THAT IT IS EASY FOR ME TO GET ON MY PITY POT. I HAVE TO LOOK INTO MYSELF AND MY SURCOMSTANCES IN ORDER TO ACCEPT THE FINER THINGS OF LIFE. AND IN MOST CASE THEY ARE SMALL. YES AS STATED EARLIER IN THE DISCUSSION THIS IS A SPIRITUAL PROGRAM. I CANNOT RELY ON SELF WILL..."SELF WILL CAN HARDLY BE BE A SUCCESS. " PAGE 60 OF THE B.B. THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE....HUGS...


Member: Michelle M.
Location: Costa Mesa, Ca.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 16:46:47

Comments

hi,I'm Michelle I'm a sober drunk.Today is my lst day on the web, read the rules but am really new at this.When I found the site and saw the Big Book tears filled my eyes. God has always been kind to me but this was a real big GOD hug.Thanks to all who came before me on the web.I have moved 4 times in the last 14 mos with my 3yr old g.daughter in tow. Iam raising her by the grace of GOD and the help of Social services.I will formally adopt her in August the same as I adopted her mom 31 yrs ago. I am so so tired sometimes that it's an easy excuse to not go to a meeting. I sure don't recommened that. I need a check up from the neck up. I really miss the hugs. almost 12 years ago God intervened thru my ex and saved my life. Alcohol had robbed me of my most important commodity, my self-respect. It was restored to me day by day, but it did take time. I'm looking for my first sponsor maureen B. and my dear friend Asheara. I am staying cyber, thank you everyone for letting me share.


Member: Sharon F.
Location: Ohio
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 16:57:35

Comments

Hi, my name is Sharon, I'm an alcoholic. This is the first time I have ever been at this site and actually shared. Julie, you wanted us to share our E, S and H with you. Here is my experience:) I was in a very strict church, uniforms were long dresses that all looked alike, we wore coverings on our heads, with our hair pulled up in a bun. I am not here to knock that church just wanted to give you a little back ground That church was not for me, I wanted to leave it so badly, but couldn't. Felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. It was, I thought, part of the reason that after 5 years of sodryity I went back out. Not so, I had to be satisfied with myself, not my surroundings. However, I didn't know that, or couldn't face that. One day a friend asked me if I was interested in a Bible study. I said "sure" and joined it. Ever other Sat. we would go to a meeting, whip out the Bible's and study books and begin to write in them and consentrate on what the words meant to us. But I had an extreem hate, an anger towards God! I shared how unfair He was, and how punishing, and selfish God was. They prayed for me, not in front of me, in their own homes, didn't even tell me that they were praying. One evening, I had reached my spiritual bottom. I was crying, and on my knee's in the corner of my bathroom! I said, " God, if you give a ____ then help me, let me feel your presense! And just cried like a baby. this was about all I did except for to reach out my hand toward Him. He touched me that night. I could feel the warmth despite the cool air coming out of the register. I knew it was God, and He did care. And for the umpteenth time, I accepted Christ into my heart. Only, this time, I know I meant it. I had reached Spiritual bankruptcy! I went back to Bible study, and one of the girls told me that their church group was praying that I would feel the presense of God!!! The exact words I had prayed!!! From that moment on, I knew I would never leave God again. A prayer had been answered in a definate way, a way that I knew could not be disputed in my heart! So, Julie, I've shared my E, S and H! There is Hope! The God that was portrayed to me for 30 yr. was not a loving God. It was one that always looked over my shoulder and didn't approve, and always said, if you do that and forget to ask forgiveness before you die, you'll go to hell! And that was so-o no good! Now I have a relationship with the God of my understanding, He loves me and cares about every aspect of my life. If you will notice, I prayed, held out my hand in hope and despair, (which sounds paradoxical) and also with my mind. He honored that, came to me and comforted me the way only He can! God bless you. May you have many more years in the program and I'll pray that you find Christ the way that I did. Love and ((((Hugs))))!


Member: Sara D.
Location: Manhattan
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 18:15:37

Comments

I am new and not so new to this program. My parents have been involved in aa for about 18 years. I therefore have been going to meetings for many of those years, but never for myself. I puzzled together just days ago that I have a drinking problem because of some of my attitudes and behaviors that have already been mentioned: Control, letting go, expecting change while not being willing to change, unable to live life on life's terms, and especially being satisfied with myself. Bad self-esteem and no self motivation are two of my biggest "things." I realized how much I just really did not care about me or anything after my recent break-up, though I have not truly cared about me or where I was going for a long time. I know I have a lot of painful work ahead of me, but i have so much to be grateful for, namely you guys. Thank you for being there for me.. and thanks for letting me share.


Member: chuck b.
Location: texas coast
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 18:27:06

Comments

Hey folks; Please pray for me. I am long suffering and still drinking. Chuck


Member: jim H
Location: lebanon
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 18:58:52

Comments

When ever two or more people gather to share their E.S.H. WITH EACH OTHER, there is GOD! When ever you (I) humble ourelves and get honest with each other about our short comings, and work with each other for a common good, there is GOD. God of my understanding is the power I feel in the rooms. Watching a room full of drunks, druggies, cut throats, pan handlers, liers and cheats, stay sober by working together to solve there common problem of addiction.One person giving of him\herself unselfishlly, to help another suffering person is truely God at it's best.God is in all of us. Look with in and you will find God of your understanding.


Member: chris
Location: Rd. to happy destiny
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 19:05:08

Comments

will pray for you chuck. you pray too. god can do for each of us what we can't do for ourselves. Chuck, the beginning of chapter 5, "How it WORKS" are some of the most important words I have ever read. things like "Half measures availed us nothing" and "if you want what we have AND are willing to go to any length". That means putting the plug in the jug nay way you can. Stay out of stores taht sell beer, hang out with only recovering alcoholics - whatever you have to do. You have my prayers God bless you with peace, serenity and sobriety.


Member: Hank G.
Location: State of Maine, USA
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 19:29:00

Comments

Julie,

When I was in treatment 13 years ago, they told me that if I didn't believe in a God then fake it. So I did. Sure, I felt foolish praying to a God I didn't believe in, but I talked and talked to him[her?]. I was desperate to stay sober. One evening as I was driving home from an AA meeting, I was telling him about the great meeting. All at once I knew that he was there !! A warmth spread through me. I was extremely happy. He is not always in contact with me, but it is my fault because I neglect to talk to him. I can relate a number of times when I have been a quandry and turn my life over to him anew and he has shown me the way.

The contact with God can come from many many different avenues. I have a friend who actually experienced the prescence of a warm light as did Bill W. Another friend who came to believe does not know exactly when or where ; he says," One day I knew that he was there."

Please do not get discouraged. Keep praying in your own way [ He doesn't care how you do it] and He will be there some day.

I will pray for you.


Member: Hank G.
Location: State of Maine USA
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 19:31:49

Comments

Julie,

If you wish, you may email me at'

grouchy@aniop.com


Member: JohnO                     John o             
Location: Maryland
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 20:08:56

Comments

Hi, Everyone, I'm John O, A grateful recovering alcoholic. I am 3 days shy of one year. Its my first web-meeting. Regarding gratitude. I am never really thankful enough. I think we need meetings to remind us. I just sent a prayer out for Chuck. Chuck, did anyone 12th step you? Julie, thanks for letting me share.


Member: Vesta.
Location: New Orleans
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 20:11:46

Comments

Hello everyone! A very grateful recovering alcoholic here. Amy J. , thank you for your wise words. The purpose here is to help others stay sober NOT insane. Need we all forget that we are all just an arms length away from a drink? Alas, it is also wise to remember that there is a big difference between mental sobriety and just being dry...however we that choose mental sobriety over "just being dry" must acknowledge our own lack of patience with those that are obviously sicker than others... It's a great day to be sober!


Member: Linda B.
Location: Kansas
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 20:32:27

Comments

Hi, I'm Linda, and I am an alcholic. This too is the first time I have visited this site. Today has been a very long day, but I know that I am sober. AA has given me many tools use which I am very greatful for. God works in our lives in misterious ways. Faith is somethings that grows as each of us do as we work this program. God is all around us if we only open our eyes,ears and heart. I am very greatful for my sobriety today & my prayers for each of you.


Member: JohnO             
Location: Maryland
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 20:34:24

Comments

Hi, JohnO again, still recovering alcoholic. Since its my first time online with you, a question: Are the rest of you still online? I got Vesta's sharing, now nothing for 30 minutes. Is there not any interaction?Thanks. John


Member: chuck B.
Location: Texas Coast
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 20:35:09

Comments

Thank you for the prayers Chris and John O and all the others that I know said one for me. I will begin again tonight with chapter 5. I did have a 12 step long ago but maybe I need to look forward to a more meaningful one. Gratitude and God as we know Him. I can say(even at this time)I have both. Thanks Folks and I have prayers for Julie in J. and all others. chuck


Member: JohnO
Location: Maryland
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 20:50:47

Comments

DEar Chuck and group; I think that was an example of How it Works, I needed the human contact so I was seeking feedback at the same time Chuck was writing thanks to me and Chris. Chuck, thanks for acknowledging my prayers for you. Chuck, I think you need to call AA and tell them where you are stuck suffering. This is because I waited until I HAD to, and caused some problems for me and others. You have the power to make the call. Either way I will continue to pray for you. Thanks to all of you for letting me share. JohnO


Member: BRIAN H
Location: RAPID CIT S.D.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 21:13:18

Comments

HELLO,I'M BRIAN,a real alcoholic, great topic and one of those that sturs up plenty of debate.I have been a sober and clean member of this fellow ship since nov. 9 1990 and atttended meetings at our local club and all over the world on regular basis,my soberity is number one thing in life,.my spiritual awakeing has come thru prayer and living this program and I realize that I found god by looking within and not out.the god of my understanding does not care what I call him as long as I do realy on him for what I can't do for myself,I have over the years had some run ins with others members who were threaten because I do not worship thru christ,I'm not sure what threatens them worse that I worship differenly or that my form worship visably works and others find that attractive,never the less I stick to the path that is before me and carry the message,regardless of opinons and high fashion,I share this only because I know there other members out there can definetly relate,thanks to aa I have a personal relationship with the OLD BOY upstairs and haven't found the need for any of the versions being sold and pedaled both inside the meetins and out ,thank you for letting me share..MATHEM@WEBTV.NET.


Member: JoanW
Location: UpstateNY
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 21:30:40

Comments

Hi Everyone;

I am an alcoholic; my name is Joan.

((((Michelle)))) that is a hug in cyberspace. I am so glad you came to this site today. If you know how to e-mail, my address is ilizzyt@excite.com

chuck, I am real glad you are here today, too. I will keep you in my prayers. Please call AA in your area and find out where and when the meetings are. Ask to talk with a man who is in the program. I have been where you are and want you to know there is a solution. God Bless you. You are sooo one of us. Here you are in such pain and you are praying for Julie and others.

Julie, Hi. As a child, I had a God who was loving and caring. During my active alcoholism, I perceived Him as being vindictive, punishing. By the end of my drinking, I was sure that He had left me, totally. When I came into recovery, those who were already on this path brought me back to the God of my childhood. And, happily, that is where I remain (at least most of the time). I learned that He had not gone anywhere, I had. And, in recovery, I can again 'go away'. When my faith weakens, my fears grow and once more I have that all alone feeling. The remedy for that is for me to acknowledge, once again, Who is in charge.

God Bless us every one.

Love, Joan


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA, USA
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 22:15:20

Comments

Steve, alcoholic.

I'm fairly new to AA (about 107.9 days), and so the concept of gratitude is fairly new to me. There was a time when the only thing I was grateful for was not running out of booze before I passed out.

I have seen a lot of speakers at AA meetings talk about being grateful. They were probably telling the truth, but I felt I had to take their word for it, because that's all it was - just talk. Last night, I had the privilege of hearing a speaker who didn't just talk about being grateful. Gratitude just poured out of him. He was the most honest and open speaker I have seen in my short time in AA. Maybe there are others like him in AA, but he's been one in a hundred in my experience. He was very smart and very funny, too. It didn't matter to me that he was also crazy as a loon. He's been sober for 14 years, and he has what I want. Funny thing, I almost didn't go to that meeting last night. AA seems to work that way.

At night, when I pray to that power greater than myself, I tell Him how grateful I am. I'm going to keep doing that, but during the day, I'm also going to try tobe better at showing my gratitude to those around me.

Thank you for the opportunity to share.


Member: Bill L.
Location: Hampton Roads, Va.
Date: 06 Jun 1999
Time: 22:19:54

Comments

Hi!My name is Bill and i'm an alcoholic. First time sharing on the Web- can still feel the love and caring. I struggled with a new concept of God when I first sobered up. It came together for me one day when I sat in a park watching chidren playing. I noticed that toddlers would walk holding their fathers' hand and that as long as they held his hand they were fine. When they let go of the fathers' hand they would invariably fall and sometimes hurt themselves. Then it clicked - The toddler was me and the Father was God. As long as I held His loving hand I would also be fine.After 23 years of sobriety I still reach up and hold his hand. I also pray to Him frequently for it is by His grace that I am sober. I pray that you find Him now. Also, as far as gratitude : I am gratful I recieved this gift of sobriety and that I didn't get what I deserved. Keep an open mind - as our founders noted in the Big Book " be quick to see where our religous friends are right"


Member: ronda m
Location: eureka,ks
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 00:38:10

Comments

Hi everyone from ronda. This is my first time here and Im very grateful for my friend letting me use her computer because i do not have internet at home. I really am grateful for all the tools available in aa that help me with staying sober. I go to meetings 1 hour away from home. So I cant get to meetings as ofter as I like to and I really struggle at times. Im really grateful I do have a good support group at the church I attend and they understand I attend aa and that does not seem to conflict at all with my beliefs or theirs. I am grateful for my sponsor who lets me call her and spill my crap and lets me call her when things are going good. I am grateful to be married to a recovering alcoholic sometimes ha ha. I am grateful for may friend who lets me borrow her car to go to meetings. I am grateful for the pain I experience at times because I know I will be a better person and my faith in God will expand. I am grateful for the constant change in my life at times because it keeps me from getting bored. I am grateful for aa and its wisdom in helping me come to believe in a loving,understanding,patient, kind, all knowing, never late always on time, provider father God of my life.


Member: LEMON DROP
Location: PHILADELPHIA
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 00:54:19

Comments

HI! MY NAME IS L.D. AND I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC. MY FAVORITE RAP IS FOR GRATITUDE! IT IS CLOSELY CONNECTED TO ATTITUDE. WITH THE LIGHT OF AA AND GOD SHOWING THE WAY, THE 12 STEPS BECOME MUCH MORE THAN PLATITUDES! BE IT SO AND SO BE IT!


Member: JCP<dixyflier@adelphia.net
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 01:12:15

Comments

"It never fails if you go about it with one-half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when getting another drink" -- Dr. Bob

J here, a grateful alcoholic I just tuned in to see what the new topic was, and this is for me the most rewarding series of readings so far on the computer. I thank each one who has posted. However, lest I forget, for over a year of not drinking I still believed I was not making it -- I was not drinking, but I wanted one bad.

I did some things, reading, discussions, the steps, etc., but I did not begin really to believe until I began sober up. Either, I am grateful to my Higher Power reaching me through AA, or I am not dry yet -- there is no middle way. So if you are newer, that doesn't mean I'm soberer, but hang in there -- if you are unsure how to get twenty-four hours, as I was, go for twelve -- whatever it takes.

There is help here -- in this computere column, but also help in live meetings, sponsors, real friends, and others who do care.

Dr. Bob ended his "story":

"Your Heavenly Father will never let you down!"


Member: Joe E.
Location: Michigan
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 03:32:16

Comments

My name is Joe and I AM an alcholic. I've been sober for 5.5 years now, but I haven't been to a meeting in a long time. Lately, I've gotten away from my H.P., gratitude, and everything else. Yesterday I made a commitment to God and myself to get back with the AA program again. I've been praying for the strength to get me going again. It's going to be humbling to walk through the doors.

I'm gratefull that I have somewhere to turn. And gratefull that I found all of you to give me the strenght to follow through. I'll let you know.


Member: Sharon B.
Location: Usa
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 03:44:25

Comments

My name is sgaron and I`m an alki/addict. So amny seem to struggle with the Spititual aspects of AA. Seems a lot of us grew up in the confines of Christianity and never developed our own beleifs in God. I grew up with my Church~s God and My Father~s God.When I vame to AA I was introduced to Spititual guidelines that allow me to develope my own beleifs. When we turned our drinking over to HP each of us was hoping it would work for us. After some time we say that something was working as we weren`t drinking. This makes it easier to develope trust and faith that he can handle all our problems and our life. I figured a Baboon couldn`t possibly do worse than me. God could have my life if he wanted it. After all Iran out of running room there was no where else to go.


Member: Tony M
Location: Sydney, Aust
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 08:19:27

Comments

Hi, all - from The Olympic city. Gratitude, and humility (after sobriety) are the 2 greatest gifts I have been given through this program. For me, thinking back on how arrogant I was, still freaks me out. Humility is like the other end of the set of scales: when my humility is up, my arrogance, thank God, is down. It is, however, a daily process, achieved through prayer and through trying hard to consciously practise the steps at every opportunity. Chuck - hang in there, old mate! A wise and very sober person once said to me early in my journey: "When Daniel escaped from the lions' den, he didnt go back in to retrieve his hat, did he?!" In other words, stay away from the people, places and things that made you want to drink in the old days. End of lecture! God bless, one and all..Tony M - Sydney,NSW


Member: Wendy R.
Location: MI
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 09:17:32

Comments

Gratitude. I am grateful for the grief I have right now. I can FEEL and DEAL with this. I was supposed to be married in April and my stepson was killed three days before the wedding. I am really angry. He was a very loving you man, but he was starting to have some serious problems. I saw them, but his dad didn't. On March 17th he had a DUI (you know, St. Patrick's Day). He had a 1999 cougar-red-and he was 21 years old-bad combination and just what the cops look for. He had a lot of things going on in his life and I had an easy time dealing with him because I understood him. His mother rejected him a few years ago and when his dad and I got together, it developed into a wonderful relationship. He got interested in growing plants-one of my passions, came over for dinner every Tuesday night and brought his baby son and his laundry. He was paying all his bills-including child support and working as a sous chef at a very exclusive restaurant. He really was trying to do the right things. I know he was in a lot of pain about his mother and a girlfriend who rejected him, having to deal with the mother of his son and her lies and manipulations in trying to get him to marry her-or she would hurt him by using his son against him. It was really complicated for him. The night he died, he had been at a party and was on his way home when he lost control of the car and jumped a small berm. The airbags went off, the car was damaged, but stuck. After just being in jail the month before, he couldn't dial "911" on his cellphone-so he tried calling the place he had been partying at. He called seven times in an hour, according to the phone bill, but no one answered the phone. So he got out and walked. He was hit from behind by 2-3 vehicles who just didn't see him. We buried him on what was to be our wedding day. I am grateful I can see this young man as a loving, wonderful person despite the things I saw in him as defects-he may be one of the first people I have ever met that I didn't expect to be perfect and that we loved each other on an unconditional basis. As a result of his death, I am learning how to grieve. I never did-not for myself or any other loss in my life. It's difficult and horrendous and healing. I am angry because my fiance's favorite child was killed and sometimes Nick's death just hits him right square in the heart and he's sobbing again. I am grateful that he finds me a comfort. We'll still get married sometime. I have the best of lives right now. I know that sounds crazy, but I am happy and loved and can love in return. And I never once desired a drink. I am grateful to AA for closing in on two decades of sobriety. Thanks for being there.


Member: Rita F
Location: Indianapolis,In
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 11:46:58

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Rita and I am an alcoholic. Funny how our HP works, I haven't visited this page since I first got sober almost 10 months ago. I read down to this last entry about grief and love, and acceptance, and my first thought was, how will I be able to repond after reading something like this? Well, I refreshed the page to see if anyone else had commented, and no. So I am left to ponder this, and I realize that it is: once again : not always about me!! I suffer from terminal uniqueness now and then, and when I think I'm being humble or grateful is when I need to go to a meeting the most. I once heard that the one who has the most sobriety is the one who got up first this morning. So true. I also heard (as I am grieving the loss of someone special too) that by not accepting death, I am saying that his death shouldn't of been, and that means that I'm saying that I know what should be instead of God, and of course that is ridiculous!! Everything is just as it should be, there are no mistakes in our universe. I found my HP by realizing that if I could forgive others as a lowly human being, that surely my HP (who I choose the call God) could forgive me!! The surest way to get an attitude of gratitude is to work with another alcoholic. I thank Chuck for sharing today, because he reminds me that it dosen't get any better by going back out. I am responsible..... I will pray for you all, and you chuck, who shared the beginning of your first step with us, right here. Keep coming back, your finally home. Peace, Rita


Member: janice o.
Location: Texas panhandle
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 14:22:53

Comments

Janice here, alcoholic in TX. Let me do that again, grateful recovering alcoholic. I am so glad I didn't have to have a drink this morning. Thanks, God and all the others in AA who have shared and cared.

grateful today,

janice o.


Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 14:33:23

Comments

Thanks for sharing Janice O.

In early sobriety my sponsor said there were only three characteristics of God that needed to be true for me to get sober.

1. That He existed. or then He couldn't help me.

2. That He was active in this world, or then He shouldn't help me.

3. That He loved me, or then he wouldn't help me.

I have found alot more things about God to be true, but I am living, sober proof of these 3.

This is the source of any gratitude that I am able to muster on a daily basis.

Thanks for reading. I'll pass.


Member: Kathy F
Location: Illinois
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 18:44:24

Comments

Hi Kathy, alcoholic here. I have a question not related to the topic. Can you live with a serious drinker and quit yourself? My boyfriend drinks and (if Im a good drunk) likes me to drink with him. He drinks alot and Im finding it hard to be around the drinking and not drink. I love him with all my heart, but feel like its him and booze or no booze and no him? Any s similar stories? Thanks.


Member: Ladd G
Location: Wetumpka Al,U.S.A.
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 18:54:54

Comments

Ladd Alcoholic-Some times we (I) really get cought up in trying to find the meaning of life,who or what is god,which god is right,does he\she/it exist.The book talks about the god of good.It says we all have the basic idea deep inside.It was sugested to me once to ask myself If I really belive what I think I know about God,I was told to watch the children play,slow down and really look at a forest,look hard for the goodness in people(that one really suprised me)The power that drives a person to do good things is god.We all have a hero somewere. Someone told me it is better to do the right thing for the wrong reason,than the wrong thing for eny reason.Today I belive that.If I work the steps(the best I can with what I have),and really try to do the next right thing,then I was promised that I would come to know god as the ones did before.Its my experance that the power of good will lead the hopeless,blind,and the insain to the world of the spirit.I hope you learn to find peace and enjoy (your journy)your walk toward the world of the spitit,it really is a fourth dimension,and part of it was planed for each of us.Really...Love LaddLadd


Member: Michelle M.
Location: Costa Mesa Ca.
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 20:25:46

Comments

Hi Kathy F. I'm Michelle a sober drunk. Looks like you are in a tough spot. I usually hate those cliches, but this seems to fit for you, If you hang out in a barber shop long enough you're gonna get a haircut. Big (((hug))).I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.Grief eh? Boy this is a real well used emotion for me. 90 days after I got sober, my son developed AIDS symptoms, 17 mos later he died in my arms. God got me sober just in the nick of time. I decided to go to nursing school 6 mos later I was diagnosed with cancer and lost two body parts. Hey I wonder where they went? At notime during those events did I even think of the drink. I went to nursing school and right after I graduated my husband of 34 years dumped me. I didn't have to drink! My daughter told me she was pregnant, she had a real beauty but an old mental illness re amerged and she got lost in the streets. The baby and I moved 4 times in 12 months. Still no drinking. One of those moves was 8 weeks on my brothers sofa with seven other people in the house. Insanity probably occured. Now my g. baby will be mine by adoption soon. No ETOH for me. My daughter is back, on meds. working, and sort of in our lives. and no drink. I'd have to say GOD gives real good cybriety in my life. I love you guys.


Member: Richard A.G
Location: London(SE) UK
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 20:34:27

Comments

Hello I am Richard and I am an alcoholic.I have beeen 4 days sober.I had beeen in hospital for nearly 6.5weeks with severe clinical depression the alcohol did not help me. I continued to have sly drinks in hospital. I even consumed half bottle of vodka in eight minutes because my friend told the nurses I had some.My last drink was on 3rd June 1999. Alcohol and antidepressants,analgesia and carbamazepine(Mood stabiliser) does not help.My psychiatrist on friday warned me that I risked going back to square one if I drink and worse that I would become bipolar.I have not touched a drink since.What has this got to do with spirituality.Well a lot.Alcohol was my subsitute for spirituality. I converted to Mormonism in Wales in my early teens and then in my early twenties realised that being gay and Mormon did not mix. I had stopped going to church and discovered alcohol. It was easier to come out to the church as being gay than as a drunk Alcohol damped down all the hurt feelings,rejections and became my religion. I was a responsible drunk. I drank on my days off and binged drank.The binges became more frequent but no one seemed to notice. I am grateful that i have discovered a Higher Power and that my Heavenly Parents do love and care for me.For years I hated the idea of spirituality because it reminded me of religion. I now understand the difference.I am on step one at present but its a start.Thank you for allowing me to share


Member: Bill P.
Location: Fresno, CA
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 20:38:25

Comments

I'm Bill P and I am an alcoholic. First time here an this meeting and only about the third time on the internet. Thanks for being here it's good to know a meeting is there all the time, one I can get to when I really need one. Today, I really am thankful to GOD. On the 12th I will have 8 months. I first walked into a meeting of AA back in 1983. In all that time I have never made it past the second year. This time I am working the steps and first of firstes I have a sponser. GOD watched over me when I did not even care enought to watch over myself. I just wish to thank GOD and all of you in AA for being there. Take real good care of yourself. thanks!!!


Member: mark
Location: idaho
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 21:13:26

Comments

mark alcoholic this is my third day with out a drink thank you for being


Member: Bruce A.
Location: Bovard, PA
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 22:00:47

Comments

Hi everyone ,Bruce A.,An alcoholic. These are two good topics God and Gratitude. They go togethter. Julie, if you need a God while you are searching for yours, you can borrow mine. My God is caring, sharing,forgiving, all kowing,loving and kind. I can talk to Him/Her any time of day or night. In any position. I talk to God just like he/she is my best friend. I am so thankful my God led me to A.A. On 9-10-83.One day at a time I have changhed to accept life. My family has grown into the millions. It is all about unconditional Love. One alcoholic sharing with another. Isn't this cyber stuff special. Love you all, Bruce A.


Member: steve c
Location: kansas
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 22:11:03

Comments

hi everyone steve here at 5 years sober (may 29th), I like so many people in early recovery had a hard time with the GOD concept, i suppose what helped me the most was when it finally sunk in that the wording is as-we-understand-him, so between my lack of understanding and my willingness to be open I was able to look back into my early childhood(prior to grown up influences and the corrupting ingluences of my own rationalizations) and find a GOD truly of my own understanding that has sustainined me low these past few year, needless to say my gratitude is to God first the Group second, I have no doubt I am now five yaers older than I would have ever been.


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA, USA
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 22:44:36

Comments

Steve, alcoholic. 108 days sober.

Since there are two topics this week (gratitude and God), and I've only discussed gratitude, I'd like to share about the God of my understanding. Perhaps I should say the God of my non-understanding, because I freely admit that I have absolutely no idea who or what God is. All I know is that there is a power out there greater than myself. I pray to that power every morning and every night, and I am counting on that power to stand between me and that first drink. That's all I know. And it's enough for me right now.

Welcome to all the newcomers to this site, especially Chuck B. I will pray for you tonight, and I hope you keep coming back here.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 07 Jun 1999
Time: 23:06:42

Comments

Hi All Ya'all I am vewry definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. The one thing that I am probably the most grateful for today is the fact that I was beat by alcohol to the point that I was. I spent 7 1/2 years trying to prove I was NOT powerless over alcohol and nearly died several times. I even tried suicide several times and couldn't do that right. I rememvber once drinking a pint of rubbing alcohol because it was poison and I wanted to die and whjen they pumped my stomach I can still taste it. Today when I puit alcohol on a cut or something, I can still "taste" it and you can take my word for it it is not vbery good coming up. Another time I was in Mease Hospital in Dueden, I received schock treatments and I don't reccomend them for anyone because I can still feel them. i was NOT out whenm they hit me with the schocks and it ,a makes you move a round a little bit but you don't forget it. In this 7 1/2 period of time I got between 100 and 150 white chips and still today I ahve one 3 months chip. This was in Sept of 1975. That took care of my drinking problem but I still had a long way to go because I was very rebellous to "allowing " a God in my life. Finally when I was to be dry for 5 years I went all to peices and started to crying out on a very busy highway in Pasco County snd I was in acounty car and had to stop so I pulled off the road and it just "happened" to be in front of a man who was in AA. He saw me and came out and satr with me and this is when I surrendred rto a God of my understanding and became willing to let Him change me to please Him and His work. This is when I started to move in the program because I had God with me for the first time in my l;ife. In the 5 years of fighting God I was trying to talk myself back into adrink btu I am so glad I was beaten to the point that I was because i could never quite justify it in my mind because I knew if I drank again, I was dead and still believe this today. I believe every drink I took was necessary for me and I would not have made it on one less than I had but thank God I have arrived. I no longer have to drink and I am so grateful for this today. God loves you and so do I sanders@wfeca.net ICQ# 14412521


Member: Bill S.
Location: St. Louis, MO
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 01:06:19

Comments

Hi everyone, Bill, alcoholic. I came into AA shattered. I had been humbled one too many times by my powerlessness over alcohol. I knew I was an alcoholic and I had a sense of relief that I was in a room of people who had the same problem with alcohol that I did. As we went around the table, they of course put the new person on the spot. I told of how I got there in brief and explained why AA didn't take hold for me before. Namely my other problem, God. I, like so many of us, had a problem with this whole God thing. I despised organized religion with it's finger pointing and hypocricies. Well, that's all it took. As the discussion went on many of the old timers explained how they came to know their higher power. Some explained that it was almost like covering all your bets by believing in a higher power, others pointed out that there are mathematical formulas for the forces of nature, which in itself is a thought, and that there must have been someone capable of those awesome thoughts that put all of this, the universe, into motion, the big bang. My new sponsor who introduced himself and took me to a seperate adjoing room after the meeting had closed also encouraged me to look into sprituality and to forget the whole notion that God had to be found in an organized religion. He also recommended some outside materials for my sprirtual study, as well as the appendix to the big book about the educational variety of spirtual enlightenment. I am soooo grateful for all the wonderful people who cared enough to help me get a grip on my concept of a higher power and help me to begin to work the steps! Thanks to all of them, but more importantly, thank you God for putting AA and them in my life!! One more thing I am truly grateful for is that those folks told me that my concept could change and grow as I did. Today my concept of a higher power is different than it was when I first came in, and the door is open to further change as my walk in this program of recovery leads me on and on. I've also learned that I really don't need to know where it's leading anymore. I know that if I truly practice my spiritual goals of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love that it will only lead to good things. My higher power cares, loves and forgives me on a daily basis, only wants the best for me and is always there for me. All I have to do is call on him and he is there. May your higher power help you find him or her or it Julie. And when you do find your higher power, I hope and pray that enjoy as much or more, if possible, of the blessings that the Big Book talks about, not to mention the goals of sobriety, peace of mind and serenity! God bless you all.


Member: Karma D
Location: Ottawa ON
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 10:29:30

Comments

HI EVERYONE Today I have gratitude for what the program has done for me .I again have my belief in my higher power and today I really need guidence from my higher power bacause a friend of mine is going through a very hard time,his world seams to be crashing in on him,I know how he feels cause we are sort of at the same point in our sobriety that our strength is beeing tested.Bill collectors at the door like a pack of wolves.I need my higher power today to help me get through another 24 hours please say a prayer for my friend as I will be saying one for both of us Thanks for letting me share.


Member: louis
Location: gatineau,quebec,canada
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 12:17:15

Comments

LOUIS,ALKIE,happy anniversary john o.i'm not going to hell,i've just came from there.AA did not open the doors of heaven to let me in,but they sure open the doors of hell to let me out.and for that i am very greatful.without aa i have nothing,and without my HP i am nothing.thanks


Member: Robert B.
Location: Boise Idaho
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 12:41:38

Comments

Hi. My name is Robert and I am an alcoholic.

Welcome to the newcomers. Richard I related to your post because that is the kind of drinker I was. I was also reared Mormon and left the church over issues of race and sexuality, although I am heterosexual.

That brings me to share about finding a spiritual life in AA. When I left Mormonism I studied several other religions, many Christian forms and several non-Christian ones also. I found nothing that satisfied. I had a truly agnostic nature, so much so that when I tried to practice Atheism for a few years, I found my agnostic temperment was in the way-- In truth I did not have the faith for Atheism... and it takes a lot of faith to chalk this all up as some crazy accident. From Atheism I went into the Mystics and on into Occult studies. It was when I encountered Taoism that I found a perspective that sat well with me intellectually.... but I was a drunk and I couldn't apply the principles of Tao, alcohol robbed me of everything I needed except alcohol itself.

When I was finally beaten by alcohol and got to AA, got a sponsor, began to read the book and work the steps I found the god concept that worked in the Big Book; Either God is everything or God is nothing". I think this phrase came out of Carl Jung's influence, where so much of the thinking underlying came from the Bible. I am a pantheist: God is everything; everything is God. This understanding serves me well. I still have no religious affiliation. But I lead a satisfying spiritual life. I don't pretend to actually understand the nature of The Spirit. I don't even understand this computer I use. But both work just fine.

Peace Robert


Member: Caroline P
Location: Austin, TX
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 14:17:31

Comments

Hi Everyone! Richard thank you for the topic of Gratitiude. When I can be Grateful, I have become willing to do whatever it takes......to stay sober. I dont have to feel Grateful when I start thinking about it, but I usually feel very grateful when I am done. Today I dont have to "work" on being grateful, like on other days. This coming Saturday is my 16th anniversary, and things are happening that day that I know are Gods doing. I will be going through the steps with a group, starting with step one and continuing on in a 3-4 week period. I just happened to "bump into" this group at a meeting sunday. And it just happens to be meeting this time on my anniversary!

Julie - Peg had some great suggestions for you. There is also a great AA book called "Came To Believe" Get it, and you can read how many different people came to believe. I like it, because of the variety, and because the stories are short - something I needed when I first came in to AA. Now, when I lose faith I often discover that I am angry with God. It helps me greatly to write an anger letter to God. I usually am angry things are so hard for me, but sometimes I am angry about all the things that happen that are unfair, or that make no sense to me. What happens is, I get connected again to my Higher Power. Admitting my anger to my God brings me back to a place of honesty with God. I need to feel I can be honest with my God, in order to Trust. When it comes to faith, it is usually an issue of trust. The God I knew as a child, and in my church I could not feel safe being totally honest with. That is the big difference.

Mel- When it comes to the wreckage of the past - nothing is better than the steps. Keep praying,and use the 3rd and 7th step prayers. Amazing things can happen, some right away, some actions take longer to see, in order to give them up.

Michelle-I know how it feels to be tired, and with young children all day. My kids are 2 and 5. I have had to change my program: what I do, and how I do it. I still am adjusting to the fact that I cant just go to a meeting after work, during lunch, or at night. It is not that easy. So, I have started reading the Big Book more, my meditation books more, and praying and meditating morning and night. Right now I am trying to get to every single meeting I can....and it is so great! Good Luck to you!

Thankful One Day At A Time - CarolineP.


Member: ROBERT B
Location: NB CANADA
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 14:56:19

Comments

HI Robert here, alcohlic. I havent posted here for awile but reading what you people have said was probaly the best therapy.You see after drinking heavly for many years I finally got nearly 15 mos. withouy a drink in and was still going to lots of meetings,but I cant say I was working very hard at the steps or anything.About 3 months ago I started a relation ship with a young lady in my AA group.actually I went completly nuts over her.When she decided that she wasnt ready for this kind of thing, at least not with me, I took it pretty hard. I thought god damn it anyone would go on a little bender over somethink as devasting as this.well my little bender lasted almost a week(Im still real fuzzy headea, my last drink was this morning)IM in big trouble at work ,IMbig time sick and depressed worse then ever Any way Imnot ready to give up yet .THANK GOD FOR AA


Member: JohnO
Location: Maryland
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 17:17:46

Comments

Hello, its JohnO again, tomorrow is my 1st anniversary. I love this program and the miracle of spirituality it has unlocked for me. I can literally say that each time Ive asked my HP for help, it has come! For that to happen over a yearstime is not possible without it being Truly Real. So my gratitude today, for another beautiful day on earth, is to tell this experience here, in cyberspace, to encourAGE you who dont yet feel connected. And thanks to all of you, ie Us, for although I couldnt, We can, toghther.Its true. John O


Member: DOROTHY R.
Location: FLINT MICH
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 17:49:54

Comments

I love to talk about "gratitude". I,m a very gratiful alcohalic name DOROTHY, In my home group, we talk about gratitude a lot, but very few show it. I've been in service from day one. my sponsors beleive that is what keeps you sober, today so do I. Before I got sober, I had nothing to be gratiful for today I have so much. I found a DOROTHY that i never know, today I know who I am and where I belong. "GRATITUDE" there is so much I could so but if you have anytime in the fellowship I don't have to say any more.

I love being sober. I use to have to have somebody living with me at all times, today I live by my self in my own apt., I have my own car, and I don't have to do all those things women have to do to get drunk, so , GRATITUDE,YES I'll be forever gratiful that I found A.A. IF YOU EVER GET TO FLINT,MI COME TO MY HOME GROUP "OAK PARK"

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL.


Member: DOROTHY R.
Location: FLINT MICH
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 17:50:16

Comments

I love to talk about "gratitude". I,m a very gratiful alcohalic name DOROTHY, In my home group, we talk about gratitude a lot, but very few show it. I've been in service from day one. my sponsors beleive that is what keeps you sober, today so do I. Before I got sober, I had nothing to be gratiful for today I have so much. I found a DOROTHY that i never know, today I know who I am and where I belong. "GRATITUDE" there is so much I could so but if you have anytime in the fellowship I don't have to say any more.

I love being sober. I use to have to have somebody living with me at all times, today I live by my self in my own apt., I have my own car, and I don't have to do all those things women have to do to get drunk, so , GRATITUDE,YES I'll be forever gratiful that I found A.A. IF YOU EVER GET TO FLINT,MI COME TO MY HOME GROUP "OAK PARK"

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL.


Member: DOROTHY R.
Location: FLINT MICH
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 17:50:35

Comments

I love to talk about "gratitude". I,m a very gratiful alcohalic name DOROTHY, In my home group, we talk about gratitude a lot, but very few show it. I've been in service from day one. my sponsors beleive that is what keeps you sober, today so do I. Before I got sober, I had nothing to be gratiful for today I have so much. I found a DOROTHY that i never know, today I know who I am and where I belong. "GRATITUDE" there is so much I could so but if you have anytime in the fellowship I don't have to say any more.

I love being sober. I use to have to have somebody living with me at all times, today I live by my self in my own apt., I have my own car, and I don't have to do all those things women have to do to get drunk, so , GRATITUDE,YES I'll be forever gratiful that I found A.A. IF YOU EVER GET TO FLINT,MI COME TO MY HOME GROUP "OAK PARK"

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL.


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 18:33:36

Comments

Larry, alcoholic

Hey Julie! You may have heard my story before, but if not...

I was raised Catholic - Catholic Schools, altar boy, etc. - hated it. Never believed in it. Openly rejected it when I was about 14. Came into AA when I was 32, a militant atheist. The term "God as we understand Him" never was much help to me because of the "Him". To me it sounded like "You may choose one God from Column A, but you may not choose from Columns B or C". Sounded just like the anthropomorphic concept of God I had rejected years before.

I used AA as my HP for a number of years, but eventually went on a "search", as many in AA have done. I read about many different religions, got into deep meditation, and explored other avenues (e.g. psychology). Caroline: I also found "Came to Believe" helpful.) I finally found my higher power when I stopped struggling with the whole thing. The moment I stopped struggling and let go of the problem, the answer just came. My higher power had been with me all along. My higher power is described pretty well on pages 86 & 87 of the BB, "What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind". Only I do not attribute the source of this inspiration to a deity. It is the force itself that I consider my higher power. It is very close to the concept of the tao to which Robert referred.

Reading "The Varieties of Religious Experience" was very helpful in validating my experiences with my higher power. VRE is probably the most profound work I have ever read. It is marvelously expansive in its definition of "religious experience"; I was able to identify with many of the personal stories documented. I strongly recommend VRE for any AA, especially those having trouble with the HP concept.

On gratitude: being grateful for the things I like is pretty easy. Being grateful for all the things I don't like is the tough part. But the tough parts are what lead to spiritual growth.

Peace & Serenity


Member: Barb B
Location: W PA
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 19:05:13

Comments

Jello, everyone! (happy stuff) Mighty greatful to be here this perfect evenin. God as I understand him, hmmm,I read some good things. Either God is or he isn't. I too lost my God as I understood him as a child. Till the alcohol and its cousins quit working. All of a sudden, I found myself being wooed by something greater than myself. Outrageous things started to happen, Hare krishnas, a man carrying my favorite flower, daisies, and spouting bible verses at me. I even went into a bar, couldn't get drunk but met a man who had a sister that attended a church. He introduced me to her next thing I knew I was being baptized and having previously written a moral inventory, I did what I know now was my first fifth step. No aa meeting in sight but looking back in retrospect I recognized the steps 1 2 3 and 4 were already working in and thru me. That is how I know this is a God given program. Hey is there anyone out there from PA or Ohio who missed having the regular GOD AS I UNDERSTAND HIM meeting at the COOKS FOREST CONFERENCE a couple weeks ago? I did enjoy the one held a Kalumet campground.

To Kathy F. The big book says"BURN INTO THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF EVERY MAN THEY CAN GET SOBER REGARDLESS OF ANYONE" AS LONG AS THEY CONTINUE TO WORK THE STEPS AND PRAY. Personally, been there and just did that. Do some alanon meetings. I will pray for you. And him.


Member: kevin d.
Location: dayton, oh
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 20:45:57

Comments

Hello, I'm kevin and I'm an alcoholic. Here is one of many things I've utilized to help with a personal concept of God. Thank you all for the opportunity to share, with the hope that someone may find something to help in their foundation of this wonderful journey of sobriety. Spirituality is living one's life from the realization that the body/mind/ego personality we have been taught to identify with is just the tip of our iceberg, our little head sticking through the window of the senses into this world, whereas our true body is the universe. It is recognizing that our perceived world is mostly an illusion, a shared dream we are asleep in, and that the goal of life is to awake to our real Self which is vast and multidimensional--already intimately connected with all of creation, with a twin shadow self that is already scripted, mostly primitive, and hidden from us, but that this whole Self is already One with this mystery we call God/dess whose essence can hardly be understood, but to which we give names as Eternal Wisdom, Ultimate Reality, Birther of all Life, S/he Who Is, etc.

Our spiritual journey is interpreting the precious meaning of this unique life given to us and, hopefully, recognizing and living this Oneness, brought to us in many forms by the great teacher, Life itself, in its various crises and transitions.

Maybe it would help to realize that we are so made as humans that we need and yearn for the ultimate in our lives, the TREMENDUM MYSTERIUM, and that if we don't find it in this mystery we call God we are bound to create it by worshiping some thing in our exterior, material worlds, or even some idea--ideology, possibly, ideas about God. Many are of such orientation and persuasion that THIS DIVINE ENTITY needs to be definitive, nailed down, with all parameters set and explained. Some end up worshiping their way to God, rather than this mystery we call "God", and as a result, judging all others by their way to God, thereby judging others as further from God than they. Someone said that we must leave "religion" to find God. This is mostly true: I must leave all my preconceived ideas about God to find God. I prefer to think of this Infinance not as a noun but as a verb, always new: the possibility of each new moment. It is the Birther of all Life, Ultimate Reality, Eternal Wisdom, Unconditional Love.

The problem is that many end up worshiping their own CERTAINTY, or the singularity of their belief system, not the unfathomable Mysterium. Gregory of Nyssa in the 4th century said it well: "Concepts create idols, only wonder understands anything." Religion is about certainty, spirituality is about wonder. Many escape into religion in order not to be challenged by God. Christians may have made Jesus into the only Son of God in order not be confronted with his prophetical challenges to a vast new way of living and who he was as a human being. Jesus Before Christianity (before the Christians got hold of him) by Albert Nolan (Maryknoll, Orbis) is

an excellent start. Because we do not want to have to continually rethink

things, most of us prefer our illusions and private idols to reality and mystery and challenge."Church" is only one of the messes we've made out of "Jesus." It is unlikely that he meant to establish any of what we have today as "church."

Religion attracts those of a Guardian type personality-- needing certainty; Spirituality attracts those of a more Pilgrim type of personality-- more open to learning, wonder, mystery. These "types" are more bearings on a dimension rather than a dichotomy. Wholeness means having both, integrated, but ever new, never fully "arrived." More becoming, as a verb. Jesus invited us to the journey, not to "church", certainly not to organized religion--which he opposed. He gave the Reign of God back to ordinary folk without the need for official intermediaries. The uses and misuses of belief and power fascinate me as a psychologist interested in mystery, spirituality, the human shadow self, the role of grace, chaos theory & cyberspace.


Member: Bob C
Location: Pittsburgh Pa
Date: 08 Jun 1999
Time: 20:46:20

Comments

Bob C. Here and I am an alcoholic. First time posting although I've been reading quite awhile now. I have had knowledge of God whom I found while in the military, and he was not the God of my childhood whom I was fearful of and could never be honest with. How ever I never listened to him or followed his guidance but went my own way. I found him again as I prepared to take my own life and said God Help me. He did!! My wife who I was seperated from at the time called me at that time. I don't even know why I answered the phone or why I said I am in serious trouble. She drove two hours to Cleveland where I was living and drove me to Pittsburgh to the VA Hospital and to Rehab the first time I could admit I had a problem after 30 years of drinking. I will have 2 years sober in July, my wife and I are back together bought a new home, we lost the first one. I am truly grateful to AA I have a terrific home group a great sponser who has really become a true friend.

Barb, I was at Cook Forest and it isn't quite the same without the God as I Understand Him Sunday Morning. Sam P who used to lead it is from my home group and just got his 42nd year Coin, Sam is a super guy with so much experience strength and hope to share I am grateful just to know him. Thanks for being here all I have enjoyed reading all your posts now for quite some time.


Member: Susy D
Location: Oregon
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 01:47:36

Comments

Hi. I'm Susy, and I'm a VERY grateful alcoholic. I have been sober 2 years and 4 months. When I first came to AA I thought it was odd that anyone would be grateful to be an alcoholic, but then I learned that I was only an alcoholic. I was not crazy or depressed all the time or compulsive or stupid or mean or lazy or hurtful. I was an alcoholic. Take away the alcohol and I found that that I was sane, happy, quite controlled, smart( I own a business, and just got my tax liscense, unrelated to my business, have also earned 2 other certificates.) I am a very nice person and I actually have more energy than I ever thought possible. I have no need to hurt anyone. I would only be hurting myself. Grateful, you bet!! I can look into the mirror and smile. I can stay sober with my Higher Power, the Big Book and a whole lot of true friends that I found in the room of Alcoholics Anonymous. I will pray for all of you, as I do for my AA friends. Have a nice week. Keep coming back. Love, Susy


Member: Joe A.
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 01:51:25

Comments

Hi, everyone. Joe A. of Portland here.

Julie of Jerusalem: Here is what I consider to be one of the most wonderful ideas I have heard in my 28+ years of sobriery. I was chairing a meeting in Chicago years ago, and someone suggested as a topic, "How do you find God?" The very first comment was from someone who called himself a "recovering Catholic." He said that he didn't find God until he stopped trying and shifted his mind into neutral and let God find him! You might like to try that. If you are not satisfied with the results you get, you can always go back to the old ways.

Julie, please be patient with yourself. God is not finished with you yet! Allow yourself to evolve into a different person than you have been most of your life.

One of the most helpful things I have heard about gratitude was to make a gratitude list of the things I have to be grateful for. Then, at one meeting a man said that there are times when he found it absolutely impossible to feel grateful because he wasn't getting what he wanted. He had found that in that case, he could always make a list of all the things he wasn't getting that he DID NOT want--he didn't have AIDS, he had both arms and legs, he could see, he could hear, and a host of other things that were happening to others but not to him! Suddenly, he found that he could feel grateful.

Love and (((((hugs))))) from Joe Allison of Portland, Oregon.


Member: Robert James
Location: sunporch,Nebraska
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 02:59:50

Comments

I read William James's book,it made my head hurt but I read it anyway,then I saw myself in some of the stories,I was scared shitless on the night's these events occured.I came to believe it was my Higher Power getting in touch up close and personal,what this did for me was drive home the *Proof of Existence*.It was alot easier to pray and ask for guidance after that. I complicated the shit out of things when I first got sober,ask my sponsor. You may ask yourself,whats this Big Book all about?..answer's on page 45,so stupid it's simple.The main object of this book is to help you find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem,good luck,thank's for helpin me stay sober.


Member: Anne M.
Location: Somewhere up north...
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 04:39:51

Comments

This is a beautiful discussion. I really need some feedback. It's four in the a.m. here(not a good time for me to be thinking, let alone still up doing homework, trying to kill myself thru procrastination, I think; I do this more & more lately), and I don't get to more than 1-2 meetings a week(not enough for me) due to a killer college schedule. I also don't call my sponsor as often as I could(instead send her "Oh, don't worry about me, I'm great" e-mails) b/c I have so much shame still after 6 & some years that I always think she'll be disappointed in me for not putting more into my program(to date, she has told me that @ times, she is concerned, but on the whole, she thinks I am doing great - somehow, this never seems to really sink in, the old tapes are still so strong(my clinical depression does not help the situation, but I have experienced that when I work the program, things on every front get better))The anxious blackness of the depression(even though I have meds to help it quite a bit, and have had some wonderful therapists who have helped me to grow quite a bit) also is still so wearing sometimes(even in spite of the odd bout of ongoing prayer for strength & serenity) that I get angry about this extra problem, and I direct that anger at God(b/c I don't know where else to) and then I don't want to pray to this same God I am angry with(catch-22, I know). To be perfectly honest, the problem is this: I have done several Step Fours in my sobriety already but it was not until the one I completed this last winter that I was able to move on as far as 8 & 9(I had many compulsions & behaviours as well as alcoholism, and for the first few years, i just kept having to go back to Step 1 as I hit bottom in each of them, b/c they were all rather destructive to my leading any kind of healthy & just basic manageable life). So here I am, several years later, more manageably compulsive about my self-sabotaging behaviours, except for one REALLY big one standing in my way => I keep putting off taking the actions required to take Step 9. I've got the list, and I am at the top of it(my sponsor wants me to write a letter of forgiveness to myself - scary to move from hating to liking myself, I know the predictable pain of the former so well). I know in my intellect that going to the few people I need to say sorry to will most probably be easier than my imagination and my people-pleasing fears tell me it will(but they are very strong). I know in my head that I have nothing to lose, you all tell me, but the burden on my back, but I want a Guarantee, that doing this will ease some of this horrid shame & self-hatred I still carry, b/c all this shit wears me out & robs me of the energy to really share my warmth, creativity, intelligence, spirituality with others, and I feel so old at 33 that more often than I'd like to I want out of this pain(I'm not talking about suicide here, or even a drink, just getting out of this hellhole of anxiety, perfectionism, and mega self-criticism, and if doing Step 9 cannot help me with this, I will be even lower after I do it. I'm counting on God to help free me of this crap, but I'm not sure I can have enough faith that God will do this. Thank you all so much, for letting me share, Anne :?( P.S. If anyone here saw my posts back on CP, in spite of how I am feeling about my life, I meant what I wrote there. It always seems so much easier to care about others.


Member: BLIND DAWG
Location: LOS ANGELES,CA
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 10:10:07

Comments

HI. MY NAME IS BLIND DAWG, AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC...

MESSAGE TO ANNE M. WE CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE PLACES OR THINGS, RELAX AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU OR SAY ABOUT YOU. THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM. THE SERINITY PRAYER SAYS;

GOD GRANT ME THE SERINITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

WORRYING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WILL KILL YOU, SAY A PRAYER OR DO AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT THE SITUATION AND LEAVE IT ALONE, ENJOY THE REST OR YOUR LIFE WITHOUT ALCOHOL...!

THE REASON I CALL MYSELF "BLIND DAWG" IS BECAUSE IN MY USING DAYS AND PRE-USING DAYS MY DAD SAID I WAS LIKE A BLIND DOG IN A MEATHOUSE ... CAN'T SEE A THING, BUT JUMPING AT EVERYTHING NOT KNOWING WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE.

TODAY I HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 3 YRS. CIGERETTE FREE FOR HMMMM. 4.5 MONTHS. BEFORE THIS I HAD A RUFF TIME PUTTING TOGETHER 3 OR 4 MONTHS AT A TIME, FINALLY I UNDERSTOOD I DID'T NEED ALCOHOL TO MAKE MY LIFE COMPLETE ALL I NEEDED WAS TO FIND PEACE WITHIN MYSELF. TODAY I CAN BE IN A ROOM BY MYSELF AND BE CONTENT TO READ OR WATCH THE TUBE, PLAY MY GUITAR, SURF THE WEB. IN EARLIER DAYS I COULD NOT BE STILL OR BE ALONE I HAD TO BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR GOING TO SOMETHING WRONG- IT WAS EXCITING... WELL I GOT TO GET READY FOR WORK NOW... PEACE TO ALL MY A.A. BROTHERS AND SISTERS... READ THE BOOK................!!!!!!!!

BLIND DAWG


Member: rob c
Location: atlanta
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 10:13:48

Comments

Hi my name is rob and i'm an alcoholic, and i'm glad to have found this site... this program has given me everything i have today, and i am so grateful for the steps, etc..... three years ago i was miserable, broke, and had nowhere to live, and today my life is better than i ever could have dreamed! I have discovered that aa is the solution to all my problems, and as i work the program my life and decisions just seem to work themselves and today that is what i am most grateful for. I also have never been able to accept a conception of a god who demands that you believe in some religion in order to take part, but when i came to aa they told me all i had to do was to be willing to accept that there may be a god, and that was the seed from which my faith has grown, i have elected not to define god because that bust wouldn't work for me, the minute i define something i seperate myself from it, and for me that seperation could help me later rationalize a drink... thanks for letting me share


Member: Rachael M.
Location: St. Pete, FL
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 11:23:30

Comments

My name is Rachael and I am an alcoholic. Sometimes a grateful alcholic and sometimes not. I just hit the terrible 3 year mark and now I think to myself that the longer I stay sober the sicker I am getting. Sometimes I wonder if I am getting any better. I mean I look at my life and I see all of the miraculous changes for the better in the way I live at home at work at meetings and in public in general and I cannot deny that my life is better. I just wonder when I will stop thinking so horribly about myself. I'm tired of thinking that I'm ugly, stupid, etc. My sponsor says that I'm doing good, I work my a** off on the steps and go to a meeting EVERY day and I just keep feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Maybe it's because nothing is wrong and I'm not used to that. I'm glad I found this meeting. I look at my life 3yrs ago and have no doubts that it is better, that I live better. I'm so glad to be sober


Member: Pablo R.
Location: Midhudson Vally N.Y.
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 16:34:53

Comments

Hello all, my name is Pablo and I`m a grateful alcohloic and drug addict. When I first came around, there was no way I was grateful; infact anyone who was grateful must`ve been using, so I thought. However, today my thinking is a whole lot different. Today I have true friends, a family who`s behind me, and a place I can go to anywhere on the planet, where I can reach out, and there will be a hand to reach back. Of course that place is almost always a church basement. I`m also grateful that one year ago today I had my last drink!!! What a miracle!!! I didn`t think I could go a week without a drink; let alone a year. Thanks to my Higher Power, AA, And the people in the rooms, the sobject of gratitude has never been problem for me. LOL and (((((((( Hugs ))))))))))) Pablo. P.S. feel free to email me if anyone wants. pablofromwalden@webtv.net


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 17:01:41

Comments

I am grateful for today. I had a discussion with my lovely this morning and we both expressed some negative feelings and thoughts, but it was okay. I didn't have to drink, bet, smoke or overeat about it. <br> At lunchtime I got a chance to get to the tail end of an AA meeting and see the guy I am sponsoring. We talked outside for 15 minutes. Good stuff, feeling connected. Thanks.


Member: Bill R
Location: Washington
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 18:28:30

Comments

Gratitude is an excellent subject. I am grateful for a second chance. I abused alcohol and paid for it dearly both emotionally and financially. Now things are looking better than ever. No cravings, no needs or wants. I look at the alternative and the consequences involved. I still need to work on relying on my higher power. I have always believed in God but often don't let myself go when I really should to him. I am grateful for this format to hear how other cope as well as being grateful for what I have learned through experience. Thank you all.


Member: Chris
Location: Seattle
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 18:31:23

Comments

hey chuck - if you read this - wondering how you are doing now. Been praying for you. This is powerful stuff going on here. I swear I have felt the energy of of everyone who has posted on here. for the last hour - people have been pissing me off. Now I get on here - read a few responses and begin to get a little serenity back. thanks all.


Member: Ann P.
Location: Texas
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 18:56:38

Comments

To Rachael M. in Florida: three years of sobriety and working the steps sure sounds like a smart and beautiful thing to me! One of our big problems as alcoholics/addicts is that without our "emotional anesthetic" we start remembering all the bad things we ever did and all the bad things people ever attributed to us. Not a healthy place to be. The way I looked at it when I left my detox house 4.5 years ago was that I would consider the day I entered that house to be the moment that separated the old from the new me. I still regret and try to make amends for what the old me did, but I judge myself today based on everything that has happened since that day I went into detox. That's the part of my life that matters today. If you have three years of sobriety and have made reasonable (not superhuman, but just reasonable) efforts to be the kind of person you want to be, then you've done good. That's what you should judge yourself on. And be grateful for the opportunity to become who you hope to be. There are a lot of drunks and addicts out there who will never get as far as you have.


Member: st blue 24                                  
Location: the burg
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 19:04:41

Comments

Bob C in the burg, Sam P is a card, lovable, and spoke with him briefly at the forest. Would like to have heard from more people about their conception of God as I understand him at the 'Forest' in previous conferences, and less about Scrappys. (A lil rigorous honesty) Bottom line for me...God is love (we are to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God, and I believe that means to be an integral part of that love) And that means forgiving ourselves for not living up to our own perfectionism. And others.


Member: Mary H
Location: WI
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 19:20:31

Comments

Hi,Mary, alcohic here. I really felt the need to share today. For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling really good. Grateful and peaceful inside. But for the past 3 days or so I seemed to be losing that "willingness to let go". Things got a little hectic and home and at work and the first thing I want to do is fall back into "baby" mode and feel sorry for myself because I have to work too much or no one really appreciates all that I'm doing. You know things like that. I don't like that attitude in myself. I thought if I could just get it out I would be able to return to the calm, reasonable person that I like to be. I am grateful that I'm sober. It's not that I wanted to take a drink. I just didn't like the thoughts I was having. They made me uncomfortable. Thanks for being here and listening. I'm grateful for that too. My regular meeting isn't until tomorrow night and this helps even if I can't see any of you. Thanks again.


Member: Richard A.G
Location: London ((SE) UK
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 20:48:48

Comments

Hi I'm Richard an alcoholic,who happens to be gay,Mormon and depressive and co-dependent. Thanks Bob for being able to identify with me and my experience.Even though you are straight. To day I felt like having a drink.Instead I went to two meetings.One straight and the other gay.I guess it is difficult but thanks to my HP i got through the day.I am grateful that I am sober.To day my depression got worse and my head felt like spinning round but I am going to bed sober. Thanks for allowing me to share and I probably broke all the rules.


Member: Gaines
Location: Halifax
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 21:25:57

Comments

Hi alcoholic and addicted to all sorts of things, booze, sex, love, security, you know, anything that'll make me feel good for awhile.

Dorthy, I can relate to what you said, "In my home group, we talk about gratitude a lot, but very few show it." It is so easy to start out the day doing alright, praying to HP, and putting one foot in front of the next, and then to run into others who are in their funks, and wind up catching their ill will. Fortunately, the program helps me get past these unhealthy associations and relationships.

Richard, co-dependent. Ah, yes, and so easy for me to get involved, almost without realizing it. I heard it mentioned that co-dependent relationships arrive in the form of VPRs, or VICTIM, PERSECUTOR, and RESCUER roles. All it takes is someone attacking or defending against another to get it started. All these defenses, and their participants are ego driven, the old self-will run riot syndrom that we all suffer from at times. My experience is that from these roles come all sorts of defenses and accusations, all are off the mark, unhealthy, and are not in-line with the sunlight of the spirit, and HP. I have gratitude, big time, that I don't have to participate in this today, I can let go and let God. I can arrive at my day God directed by making the choice to put HP first on a daily basis, and I am so VERY GRATEFUL for that choice, and the chance at a life free from harmful engagements.


Member: Joe E.
Location: Michigan
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 21:49:10

Comments

Hi Joe again and I'm still and alcoholic. Rachel M. in St. Pete, I think I understand what your going through. I had three good years of soberity and then moved to a new town and a new job. I had a hard time fitting into a new group and soon drifted away from meeting and eventually my program. I've spent the last year on a "dry drunk." Miserable with everything, especially myself. I lost my gratitude. I didn't drink, more out of fear than anything else, but boy did I struggle. And I still am.

Last weekend I got sick and tired of being sick and tire with myself. I prayed for the first time in a long time and asked my HP for help. Monday I went to my first meeting in almost a year. There I found what I needed. I saw some familier faces including one from my old home group. My HP gave me the answer when I finally quit playing God. I left with a peacefullness I hadn't felt in a long time.

I know it's hard to see your progress. I hit a roadblock and insted of patiently waiting for the road to be open, I sought an easier softer way. I have regressed in my soberity by missing meetings. Instead of work the steps, I have to go back to step one an start over, because my life had become unmanagable.

I was once told, "When you get tired of looking out for yourself, look out for others. If you don't see progress in yourself, look for progress in others. Because in AA we're in this together, and when one of us grows thru the program, we all grow together." I'm grateful that I have a place to turn today when I feel full of self pity. I'm glad I'm back, and I thank everyone for being here.


Member: Tammy F
Location:
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 22:06:28

Comments

Hello all Tammy alcoholic here. Iam glad you are all here for me with my work schedule I find it hard to make f to f mtgs. Today I find so much that I can be grateful for. I have been in the program for 9 yrs. and I will never forget the first time that I realized how small things could mean so much, I had stubbed my toe one morning before a meeting and was grateful this could happen because I did it on my son's bed. This was great because when I got sober my chrildren did not live with me or even want to, however within 3 months they had moved back with me although I had no funiture not even a bed for them to sleep on and that morning it was a nice pain to know that they were with me and I had gotten a bed for him. Today things are just as good GREAT JOB nice house but I never want to forget where I came from because if I do I will probally go back. Hope all is well for everyone it does get better


Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 23:02:45

Comments

Bur For the Grace of God


Member: Duane M.
Location: Central N.Y.
Date: 09 Jun 1999
Time: 23:23:36

Comments

Good evening family,my name is Duane and I am a real alcoholic.Julie, I was told at first if I found it hard to accept GOD,to think of him as a GROUP OF DRUNKS or GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION. I have used them many times till I had found my true concept of my higher power.They all can do for me what I cannot do for myself.I have kept him close to me and I have turned my back on him when I wasn't getting my way.I am so greatful to be sitting in the rooms of A.A. again to recieve the message and to be able to pass it on also.So what ever it takes please find a power greater than yourself (that you will eventually call GOD),and remain a part of this family because we all need you as part of A.A. unity.Thank you for letting me share.


Member: yeu
Location:
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 02:11:07

Comments

fuck yeu bleu


Member: yeu
Location:
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 02:11:34

Comments

fuck yeu bleu


Member: Bob H
Location: Auburn, WA
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 02:53:05

Comments

I'm Bob, i'm an alcoholic. I just want to comment on choosing your own conception of God. My god today is the one of my understanding, he found me as I sought him. It took quite a long time but once the conscious contact was established the feelings were immense. The only description of this experience is that once you are touched you will know it. The feelings that will flow through you will be imminse and will as I have experienced it be almost electric feeling with all your nerve endings tingling. One way I have found that helps establish this conscious concept is taking a newcomer through their third step. The other part of finding the concept of God starts on page 84 in the Big Book and goes through page 88. Until it was pointed out to me I didn't even notice that Steps ten and eleven were intermixed togother on these pages. the important one for for working towards conscious contact with God and working toward's the concept of God starts with these words. "on awakening let us think>>. The daily practice of these few simple directions is what I feel is one of the corner stones as to how this program works. Thank you for letting me share this! this is my first time posting here, if I was in a regular meeting I'd be stumbling over myself after the first sentence. 6.5 yrs sober in Auburn, WA. Bob H


Member: BARRY S.
Location: AGOURA HILLS CA.
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 03:37:11

Comments


Member: Jan W.
Location: Yucca Valley, CA
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 04:20:39

Comments

I'm Jan and I am truly a grateful alcoholic.I too, had REAL problems with God while I was growing up.... Raised in the Nazarene Church.....Wasn't sure I believed in "God" when I got to AA. Chris made a great point when saying that AA is a spiritual rather than a religious program...but I digress. I was fortunate to be around many old timers when I first got here 24 years ago, and one of them told me that God has the greatest sense of humor. He hides himself in the very last place we would ever think to look for him. He hides "inside" each of us...Right in our gut! Well, I thought this guy had lost his mind!!! But you know what, after I analyzed what he had said (I analyze everthing, you see), and applied what he said to my own life, I found that, for me, it was true. While I couldn't accept the God I was exposed to in a religious setting, I did feel that there was something out there. I noticed it when I walked in a forest or sat quietly by a stream. I noticed it when I took the time I needed for ME! Someone said earlier that they gave up on God when they were 12....I'll just bet that giving up on God and giving up on themselves went Hand-In-Hand. When we come to believe in ourselves, God just seems to go with the package. It's OK Julie to LET GO. There is a still small voice inside you that always speaks, unfortunately, we are usually too busy to listen or we simply don't trust ourselves enough to just GET OUT OF THE WAY. Let me assure you that, when the moment or release comes, we will always remember the serenity that enters on its wake. As a very wise AA member told me, "you have to have SERENITY first, and serenity comes when you stop trying to be God.....after all, the job is taken!" This is a simple program and we as alcoholics are nothing close to simple. We are complex,highly intellegent people who often trip over our own feet while trying to do something simple. It takes practice (like everything else) but, when you least expect it, a God of your own understanding will come to you......just read the Promises and know that they are true. Thank you for allowing me to share.


Member: deanne
Location: melbourne australia
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 07:55:41

Comments

Hi all my emotional relatives, may you all stay sober and serene one day at a time. Im new at cybriety and need contact regularly with AA's whether by cyber or meetings to keep me going in life as without this contact I go insane quite quickly and usually self destruct be it by drinking, gambling or creating dramas etc. I need to identify with people who have similar mentalities. God bless and keep on walking one foot in front of the other and remember dont louse this up. Keep it Simple One Day at a Time. Yours in the fellowship. Deannexoxoxox


Member: deanne
Location: melbourne australia
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 07:57:29

Comments

Hi all my emotional relatives, may you all stay sober and serene one day at a time. Im new at cybriety and need contact regularly with AA's whether by cyber or meetings to keep me going in life as without this contact I go insane quite quickly and usually self destruct be it by drinking, gambling or creating dramas etc. I need to identify with people who have similar mentalities. God bless and keep on walking one foot in front of the other and remember dont louse this up. Keep it Simple One Day at a Time. Yours in the fellowship. Deannexoxoxox


Member: Rachael M.
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 09:14:48

Comments

Hi everyone. Good meeting. To:Joe E. in Michigan thank you so much for sharing with me. I see where I could be. I hope that you do get back into the swing of things as far as your program is concerned. I did alot of reflecting last night (and also shared with some people) and thought about how good my life is right now. I think that my HEAD is trying to sabatoge me because I really have nothing to complain about. I have two wonderful sponsees that both recently celebrated 1 year of sobriety. I just celebrated 3 yrs (May 19th) and I have a wonderful support system of women. I'm sober, almost 3mths off of ciggarettes and my needs are all met-even some of my wants. I think to myself what do I to complain about? NOTHING!! My head manufacturers lies and I believe them to be true. TO: Ann P. in Texas. Thanx for your comments also and you are right. I do have so much to be grateful about. I am too, I just get sidetracked in enemy territory (my head) sometimes and forget the really important thing. I'm a drunk and a junkie and I don't drink or do dope anymore. Nothing can beat that miracle! Rachael M. alcoholic in Florida


Member: Dave C
Location: Seattle
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 14:57:01

Comments

Hiya! Dave...alcoholic here. Got 90 days today! Didn't seem possible then. I finally got a sponsor and started digging in. I feel great. Being a musician and around booze I thought I couldn't get this far. I didn't know how to pray AT ALL in the begining. It IS a simple progression... For me, I was always reaching for that "3rd beer" My prayers go to everyone still out there... and those wanting a new beginning.


Member: Glo
Location: NM
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 15:14:24

Comments

Hi, I'm Glo I'm an alcoholic. This is my 1st time at a cyber meeting, glad I found it. Julie in Jerusalem posted, "I don't feel I've 'got a handle' on God". Who does? I spent the first 3 or 4 years of my sobriety trying to "get a handle" on God too and it only made me crazy. Like I wasn't getting something that everybody else got. I finally had to let go of "it" or I would've gone back out. Now at 5yrs sobriety I finally got it. For me the God thing is not in my head it's in my heart. It's not something to understand or "get a handle on", it's a feeling. It's kinda like magic; once you know how the trick is done you can't really call it magic anymore. Like all the other paradoxes I've found in the program, once I let go I got what I was looking for. Instead of "looking" for it, start "feeling" for it, it'll be there.


Member: Pat C
Location: Idaho
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 15:35:20

Comments

I should be dead and I'm not. God is everything, and he is faithful. I've not had a drink or any dope in going on 21 years. Everything else is fluff.


Member: Jim G.
Location: Hagerstown, MD
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 19:20:57

Comments

CONCEIVING GOD

JULIE of Jerusalem---Addict, Alcoholic---asked us to discuss our concept of God---how each of us "chose their own conception of God."

I conceived, rather than chose, my concept of God in my quest for sobriety in AA. I became aware of a loving God in "our group conscience." The group's compassionate acceptance made me aware unconditional love. My concept of God became a trustful awareness of a loving presence.

In my struggle for personal security I surrendered, as had Bill (page 13), by praying only to be useful to others. I persisted in this prayer as AA compassionately led me to a personality change. Eventually my daily prayer became "I wonder what surprise my higher power has for me today."

Like Julie, I had "parted ways with God" even though I had maintained membershop in my church, the only facetof society that hadn't dropped me. This was largely during my alcoholic addiction. AA's loving acceptance led me to my current trusting awareness of a higher power who loves and trusts me.

My freedom from alcohol---not missing a drink---came "automatically" with no personal "thought" or "effort" (page 85). So my concept of a loving God grew from an intentional prayer for usefulness to an awesome awareness of his loving presence in my life. I pray daily, "I wonder what surprise my higher power has for me today."

Jim G.


Member: Cheryl M
Location: Arkansas
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 20:47:29

Comments

Hi, I'm Cheryl, a very grateful alcoholic. If my sponsor preached one thing consistently, it was gratitude. Today, I celebrated one year of sobriety. I am truly grateful for this last year, every lousy and great moment of it. Gratitude will always bring me out of a funk or out of myself. Either are bad places for me to be as an alcoholic. Anyone having a hard time staying sober, here's a suggestion. Every morning pray the third step prayer. Every night make a written list of every single thing you are grateful for. (If you really try you will think of something). Then before you go to sleep, simply say of prayer of "Thank you". In addition to going to meetings and talking to a sponsor, in time you will truly be grateful. Thanks for letting me share, glad you are all here.


Member: TonyL
Location: Brainerd,Minnesota
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 21:33:43

Comments

I'm Tony and I'm an Alcoholic, I'm 16 years old and you know how that goes, i FINALLY GET TO DRIVE which is somewhat scary but I love it, I guess this gratitude thing is a great topic, but it's not really comming through right now, i have had the biggest shit ho,e week, to start it off on Monday I got a ticket for a wake restriction on a jet ski, on tuesday I almost chopped my finger off but luckily only got to the bone and had to have surgery so know I got this big dumb cast on my hand, on wed, I went down to pay my fine and it was ***** 80 dollars and to cap it off today I was going up a hill on my 4-wheeler and it flipped right on top of me, and i got a sprayned neck. I think I'll just sit home the rest of the week, thanx for listening to me wine, please send me E-Mails at tony369@hotmail.com lots of love Tony L


Member: DAN K.
Location: CA.
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 21:46:26

Comments

THE OBJECT OF MY AFFLICTION IS ALCOHOLIC ADDDICTION, I DRINK TOO MUC. SOB. DATE 3/18/99. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE PROGRAM AND ESPECIALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS WEB PAGE, GOOD ROUND THE CLOCK. THIS IS THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF THE A.A. PROGRAM. THE MORE PEOPLE IT TOUCHES THE MORE POWERFUL WILL THE MOVEMENT BE. THIS PROGRAM HAS MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME AND TO MY FAMILY. I HAVE TROUBLE WORKING ALL OF THE STEPS, BUT LIKE THEY SAY IT ISNT HOW HARD THEY ARE IT'S HOW OFTEN AND HARD YOU ARE WORKING THEM. NO ONE WILL MISS OUT JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE PROBLEMS RESOLVING INNER PHILOSPICHICAL CONCEPTS. KEEP IT SIMPLE, ITS A MIRACLE AND A GIFT FROM THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. WE HAVE NO CONCEPT OF THAT AS YET, WHEN WE CAN CONCIEVE OF THE VAST UNIVERSE WHERE WE COULD PUT A FENCE AROUND IT, WE WILL HAVE ARRIVED AT KNOWING THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. AND THAT WILL PROBABLY HAPPEN SOMETIME THIS NEXT CENTURY. NOW THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO MISS A SORT OF MTG., WITH THIS WEB PAGE OPERATING. THANKS TO ALL OF MY FELLOW RECOVERING FRIENDS. NEVER GIVE UP. A/A WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU.


Member: Mel A.
Location: the wild wild west
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 22:07:58

Comments

Hi all,

I am Mel a grateful newbie alki/addict just over the 90 day mark. I was away from an H.P. and when I did step two with my sponsor I was excited to actually define my HP myself. I gave it qualities that I desire such as unconditionally loving, supportive, strong, etc. It took me awhile before I finally applied the name "great spirit". I am not native american but I sure do like this name because it is not gender oriented. I've had several experiences since which have drawn me closer or reconnected me to the blades of grass, the songs of birds and the starry heavens. It is so comforting to feel that you are not ever alone, ever. You've got AA, you've got your HP, and if you're feeling really lonely toss out some bird seed and company will come to you. What an awesome gift!!!

Thanks for letting me share!

sincerely sober,


Member: Dennis D.
Location: Sherwood,Tx
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 22:52:23

Comments

I am Dennis, And i'm an alcoholic. I crawled into AA on 10/24/88 and have'nt had to drink since. AA has given me the only good life I have ever known. I had alot of trouble with the God thing until I read our book "Alcoholics Anonymous". The "Chapter to agnostics" saved my life. Lets not forget that today is AA's 64th birthday.....Happy Birthday AA!!!


Member: SKEETER  H   
Location: HAGERSTOWN , MD
Date: 10 Jun 1999
Time: 23:31:50

Comments

Hi I,m a alcohlic named SKEETER, For me the only way to let a higher power in my life was to step to the side and walk with him instead of walking away from him . It takes awhile to walk with someone your not familiar with but it does get easier as you have heard from my friends of aa . This is my first time here so thanks for being here for me. SKEETER


Member: Frank
Location: Morris County, NJ USA
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 00:01:24

Comments

Hello everyone and anyone, I'm Frank, an alcoholic. I'm fortunate to be sober today. Fortunate to have family, sponsor and friends in the fellowship who care. I'm back a little over six months and not always as grateful as I could be. On Friday evening my group will be bringing a meeting into a treatment facility at the local state mental hospital. I'm grateful that I haven't had to stay there since I first came to the fellowship over nine years ago. I could feel down that I relapsed after 5 years of sobriety. There were good things happening then. Yet I turned my back to God and this program. My drinking and my life got bad but I'm grateful I didn't lose everything. I will be grateful to carry the AA message and also for being able to leave when the meeting at the hospital is over. They say active alcoholics end up in jails, institutions or dead. Sometimes I think life on a mental ward can be a fate worse than death. Therefor I have nothing to whine about. I have a lot of life to live, one day at a time. I'm grateful every day that I wake up breathing, alive and sober. It's a gift.


Member: Robert J.
Location: Sunporch,Nebraska
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 01:35:52

Comments

Graditude is strange,well at least right now...for me it is.On a bit of a downswing right now ,having a hard time climbing aboard the old Gratitude train tonight.Something that I can't ignore however,is that Faith has stayed to move me through this difficult time..His plan not mine,this too will pass.Answers?,,only one,I have a higher power that I can ask for help.Sobriety continues to be foremost in my life,without it I'm lost i've been there and have no desire to return..guess I have something to be gratefull for after all,duh how long you been sober?The A.A. program work's,the fellowship is full of heroes..oop's I mean full of people just doin what they shoulda been doin all along,my friend Jerry has a way of bringin me back to earth..probably why he's my sponsor,thank's for letting me share.


Member: Jake N.
Location: Carbondale, Illinois
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 01:36:23

Comments

My name is Jake, and I am an alcoholic... I hope some of my good old friends from my rehab days in '94 have seen this site. Hello, out there in Newport and Palm Springs... but, I could never stay sober out of rehabs (7)! Thank you Bill Wilson, for this simple program, a drunk talkin' to another drunk, not drinkin' one day at a time, and goin' to meetings. What could be simpler? The dumber I get the better it gets; I used to think I was very intelligent! Anybody got a 64 year coin today?


Member: James S.
Location:
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 02:34:42

Comments

I am an alcoholic and am still active in my addiction. I wish to stop, but have not yet found the courage, will, or desire strong enough to do so. I would be very grateful for any help or advice. I don't know why I haven't quit even though I know I have a drinking problem. Please help.


Member: Hank G.
Location: State of Maine, USA
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 08:26:04

Comments

Hi,

I am Hank G. , a recovering alcoholic. I just came in from drinking a cup of coffee on my wharf at camp.

I stood there in the warm sun watching the loons play, the wind scoot across the water; an osprey dive for food; the trees change from their night colors to their day colors and listening to the many birds greeting the day.

Not only does God keep me sober, he provides me with beauty for my pleasure. It is because of him and AA that I am alive to enjoy it.

God Bless You All !!! Luv Ya!!


Member: Alcoholic, Addict, Julie
Location: Jerusalem
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 09:35:41

Comments

I'm going offline for the weekend. Can I 'bend the rules' just a little, to thank everyone who shared of themselves? This room has been 'electric' for me this week. I realize, once again, that there are no short cuts - if I take the action, the program works.

Richard M & Mel S, thanks for sharing the topics with me (how does that keep from happening each week?). Happy AA birthday to everyone who celebrated this week.

If you think you may have a problem with alcohol, find the nearest AA office, call them up and ask for help finding a meeting. And keep coming back!


Member: BILLYM
Location: SAN JUAN PR
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 10:52:58

Comments

THIS TOPIC AND CONECTION WITH A HIGHER POWER HAS BEEN VERY SLOW BECAUSE OF MY SELF WILL. GRADUALLY IVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE CERTAIN THINGS HAPPENING THAT HAS CAUGHT MY ATTENTION ON HIGHER POWER OR GOD IF I MAY KEEP HANGING IN THERE !


Member: BILLYM
Location: SAN JUAN PR
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 10:53:36

Comments

THIS TOPIC AND CONECTION WITH A HIGHER POWER HAS BEEN VERY SLOW BECAUSE OF MY SELF WILL. GRADUALLY IVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE CERTAIN THINGS HAPPENING THAT HAS CAUGHT MY ATTENTION ON HIGHER POWER OR GOD IF I MAY KEEP HANGING IN THERE !


Member: Janet P.
Location: Ca
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 13:04:21

Comments

Hi I'm Janet an alcoholic. This my first cyber meeting...too cool...thanks for being here. Now I'll know where to be at 2am when I need a meeting.


Member: Mitch G.
Location: Harrisburg
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 13:44:14

Comments

Hello, Mitch here, i gave up and now i want to come back, i would be most grateful for any of you to help me? i read all these comments, and were touched by all. I'm going to my first meeting tonight, this is only my first day sober, and i truly want to stay sober, and i'm scared. you all have already been here, hardest thing i have ever done. i will pray for you all, and pray for the strentgh of your support, i'm glad i'm not alone, although it feels that way sometimes.


Member: Anon/Foul Language Patrol
Location:
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 15:43:54

Comments

Yeu Hoo, Please don't post anonomously and use foul language for Jerusalem Julie is "past" that stage and it offends her. If you don't stop, she'll leave! Besides, she knows who you are!!!!!!


Member: Hollywood
Location: Cambridge Idhao
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 16:58:12

Comments

Hello my name is Hollywood and I am an alcholic. I am greatfull for my recovery. I has been almost nine months since I have had a drink. I am greatfull for the program of Alcholics Anonymous. It has brought me to understand my God and his will. I am greatfull for all this has brought to me. There is much to much to list all of the things I am greatfull for today. Thankfull to be a part of this wonderfull program. Greatfull to all who are in the program. God bless everyone, and take it for another 24 hrs.


Member: Carol
Location: WV
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 18:39:42

Comments


Member: PN
Location: usanj
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 19:39:53

Comments

WHATEVER! Did'nt read them all. Paul N.


Member: Dan O.
Location: Houston Texas
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 19:49:16

Comments

Howdy,my name is Dan... and I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful for my higher power for giving me the eyes to see and finally raise that white flag. My moment of clarity came about 3 months ago on 3/12/99 when I was on my kitchen floor crying and screaming at the top of my lungs to God saying,"What do you want from me"? I immediatly felt a calm come over me and a sense that all would be ok. I then knew what I had to do. The next morning I checked myself into treatment. I have since been willing to do what I have to do to stay sober and change. I feel that it wasn't my best thinking that got me here but rather my behavior. Today I can honestly say that I'm grateful. Thanks for being here, Dan O.


Member: cheryl m
Location: arkansas
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 21:15:19

Comments

message to james s.

james, do you have a copy of the big book of aa? get a copy and find the third step prayer. say it every morning whether you believe in any of this or not. keep saying it and saying it, morning after morning. go to as many aa meetings as you can, whether you have stopped drinking or not. if you keep coming back to meetings and saying this prayer, something magical will happen. for one thing, aa really screws up your drinking, ha ha. but seriously, this thing will work 100% of the time, if we work it. just get started. i never even wanted to quit drinking when i first went to aa. but by some miracle, it worked on me, and today i celebrate one year of sobriety.

lots of luck.

cheryl


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 21:16:46

Comments

I am grateful for the fact that I no longer have all of the fear and anxiety that I constantly had during my drinking days. I was always looking over my shoulder while I was drinking, looking for whoever I had wronged, or the police, or any of a number of other things. AA has given me the peace of mind to be able to focus and concentrate on the truly important things in life, which I never noticed through drunken eyes. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: cheryl m
Location: arkansas
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 21:19:09

Comments

mitch, you are not alone. but i remember that feeling. i also remember the feeling of going to my first aa meeting. hang in there. just keep coming back, as they say. stay as connected to aa as you can and your life will dramatically change. keep posting here so we know how you are doing. as far as sobriety goes, all we really have is today.


Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 22:32:45

Comments

Good Evening!

My name is Tom A. and I am a GRATEFUL sober alcoholic today by the grace of my understanding God and many things I have learned in this fellowship we know of as Alcoholic's Anonymous.

How great it is to know that this is a Suggested Program of Recovery. The topic of gratitude suggested by Richard M. is always an interesting one and the posts this week have provided for me some more insurance against taking that First Drink. One thing for sure that AA has taught me is that I just don't have any bad days, some are just better than others. For that I am grateful. Julie in Jerusalem has signed off for the weekend, but the teaching of AA about God is really simple "a loving God as He/She may express Herself/Himself in our group conscience." I might also add that the stories that appear after page 164 provide us with many ways in which others have discovered a Higher Power in their life. After all, AA promises sobriety one day at a time. Infact, Somewhere in the Big Book that theological term Salvation is defined as coming home! Somehow that speaks to me physically, mentally and spiritually.

I thank everyone for sharing this week your post have filled me with GRATITUDE and with GOD.

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net


Member: Lee P.
Location: Texarkana,Texas
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 22:45:44

Comments

Hello friends...Lee,an alky from Texas here.

Lots of good sharing this week,as usual.The great thing about choosing my own concept of a higher power is knowing that it is a broad highway and not a narrow trail.I don't have to believe the way of the Baptists,Catholics,Methodists,et. al.,or face the prospects of residing in an everlasting hell as they would have me believe.On the subject of gratitude:no matter what is going on in my life,I know that drinking will not make it better.I am grateful for this knowledge.


Member: Dan K.
Location: Ca.
Date: 11 Jun 1999
Time: 23:13:37

Comments

I almost had a near drunk experience on the way home from work. As I was driving home I felt still high on the adrenaline created by my job. The pubs on the road home to ruin were like a large magnet, like the kind you see in cartoons, that simple are able to overpower everything imaginable. The rational forces in my brain were no match for these very powerful magnets. All I can say is that I kept driving, turned up the music, and turned it over to my H/P, and the next thing I knew I was safely home. I realy dont know what happened, but everytime in the past when I was faced with this very same situation I ended up hung over the next day, and knowing what happened. All I can say is its amazing, it realy works when you work it.

I'm stronger for the above experience.

Sincerly, H.D. Dan


Member: james s.
Location:
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 01:04:13

Comments

message to cheryl m from arkansas

Thanks for your comments. I have had a copy of the big book for over a year now (given to me by a friend) but have not (been afraid to) read it. I will read your recommended passage and do what you recommend.

I'm not sure about the AA meetings, though. I live in a small town and my wife has a high profile professional position here. I know AA is supposed to by "anonymous", but is it really?

Thanks again. Contact me at gavin1@hotmail.com if you wish.


Member: Vesta
Location: New Orleans
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 01:29:55

Comments

On days (or weeks) when nothing seems to go right it's difficult to acknowledge and understand God's will. However, i always find if i take a deep breath, smile, remember "This too shall pass", pray and move on, things always seem to come together. To me God is patience, gratitude and all of the goodness we struggle for everyday. Accepting life as it happens, learning from our mistakes and staying sober one day at a time! I walk by faith, not by sight - however what i do see is a plethora of happy, sober and wonderful people! That's good enough for me! I feel God's presence through other individuals in the program daily. It's helped me with 1 year and three months of continuous sobriety after 10 years of struggling w/ the concept alone. Today, i'm not alone...Thanks everyone!


Member: JD
Location: DAYTONA
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 01:42:14

Comments

12 QUESTIONS:

IS GOD (OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING) 1. AN OBJECT OF WORSHIP 2. INNER SPIRIT 3. SOMETHING (SOMEONE) YOU WERE TOLD YOU NEEDED TO STAY SOBER 4. SOMEONE YOU USE 5. SOMEONE YOU IDOLIZE TO THE POINT OF GIVING HIM/HER/IT POWER RATHER THAN ADMIT YOU ARE SOBER BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT DRINKING. (YOU WERE TOLD YOU MUST HAVE A HIGHER POWER SO IT MUST BE GOD) 6. SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF SO THAT YOU WONT HAVE TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN SOBRIETY 7. IF YOU STAY SOBER YOU SAY IT'S BECAUSE OF GOD BUT IF YOU DRINK IT'S CAUSE YOU WANTED TO -- PRETTY LAME EH? 8. SOMEONE YOU GIVE CREDIT TO WHEN YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DESERVES CREDIT FOR TAKING THE STEPS 9. WHO IS WORKING THE PROGRAM YOU OR GOD 10.IF YOU DRINK IF YOU WANT TO WHY CAN'T GOD STOP YOU 11.IF YOU STAY SOBER ISN'T IT BECAUSE YOU CHOSE NOT TO DRINK 12.IS GOD REAL OR JUST SOMETHING WE WISH FOR


Member: JOANNA  W
Location: LARGO,  FL
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 06:07:33

Comments

I THINK GOD IS. I WOULD RATHER LIVE MY LIFE AS IF THERE WAS A GOD, AND FIND OUT THERE ISN'T THAN TO LIVE MY LIFE AS IF THERE IS NO GOD AND FIND OUT THERE IS..... FOOD FOR THOUGHT...


Member: Mark Q
Location: Idaho
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 06:55:09

Comments

I KNOW THAT GOD IS

TRY NOT TO BREATHE


Member: maria
Location: los angeles
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 07:48:37

Comments

I have never been to an AA meeting and I have not been able to give up drinking on my own. I have tried many times but always start up again. I don't drink too heavily (2-4 drinks in the evening), but I drink daily unless I make a great effort not too. I have two daughters how are approaching puberty and do not feel I make a good example. I do not want them to develop the habit I have, though I do believe it is very much a question of genetics (I am a genetics professor at a university). I do not believe in God or any higher being, but would still like help. Is this the place for me?


Member: Mary H
Location: WI
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 08:18:47

Comments

Mary, I'm an alcoholic. When I think of my HP, he seems to come to me in the form of a huge hand that holds me in it's palm or arms that hug me. Every morning I pray to be able to see things as he sees them because I believe he always sees the truth and always knows what to do. When he grants me the ability to "see" I can't help but smile. It's the most incredible feeling of peace. I am truly thankful that I am not alone and my life finally has meaning. When I was practicing I didn't think there was any reason for my being. I couldn't conceive of the fact that I was worth something just because I was alive! I thought you had to make a lot of money, or perform some superhuman feat, or be incredibly famous or beautiful to be worth something. Of course, I could never do any of those things so I was worthless. I was wrong about that(among other things!). Any power that can release me from the bondage of my own warped mind has got to be almighty! Even if (ha,ha)there is no God the act of believing anyway is enough for me. Thanks for letting me share and HP bless.


Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 09:31:10

Comments

Thanks for sharing Mary H. Hi everybody, my name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.

The discussion this week seems to have become a battle between the Christians (of which I am one) and the new agers and I feel compelled to say that AA is really not the place for it. We are not a religion but a "spiritual kindergarten." We teach nothing about God except that He exists and will get and keep you sober if you seek Him. This is a spiritual program designed to help alcoholics get and stay sober, period.

Even though the principals and actions of this program are Christian in origin, this is not a Christian organization. If you feel a need and are ready to progress beyond our "kindergarten" and explore "The great reality that is God", then you are encouraged to do so. But on whether you should wade through the various Christian theologies or to follow the latest new age guru, we, as members of AA, have no opinion.

Or town's oldest meeting takes place in the basement of a church and the oldtimers fondest expression is "If you need to save your soul, go upstairs. If you need to save your ass first, then we are here."

Thanks for letting me post twice this week. May God bless and keep you.


Member: Erin V.
Location: Colorado
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 11:14:11

Comments

I'm Erin, alcoholic. My gratitude is that there is a solution - and I don't have to drink ever again. I can live life sober, and it's more wonderful than I could have imagined. The solution for me is the 12 steps of AA and finding GOD. Also, having the attitude that we are here to help other alcoholics recover from alcoholism. I'm on my ammends, and plan to repeat the steps over and over again throughout my life. As far as a conception of GOD, it's come to me through working the steps. The only way that I could come to grips with praying honestly and having GOD in my life was doing the steps as stated in the Big Book. I never had religion growing up, so I had a pretty open mind on this. However, it's been a struggle, and only now can I say that GOD is truly there for me, as I rely on HIM for life, rather than other people, myself, or alcohol. HE removes the fear from me, and keeps me going. Glad to share, and take care, one and all, fellow alcoholics!


Member: Jo
Location:
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 11:43:10

Comments

My name is Joe and I am powerless over thinking. I think too too much. I can't take a simple statement (esp. from my girlfriend) and analyze it, weigh the evidence and arrive at some conclusion. I have been sober for 5 years and I still do that. It's clear to me now that I need to work the steps to keep my sanity. If anyone else has the same problem the answer is simple. Go to meetings, ask for help and get a sponsor that will take you through the steps. Amazing what I put myself through. So, if you are new to AA or find yourself thinking obsessively, get into the solution. I have wasted far too much time.


Member: Wes F
Location: Atlanta ,Ga.
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 14:13:20

Comments

I'M WES AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I GO TO MANY MEETINGS DURING THE WEEK. I HERE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT THAEY ARE GRATEFUL FOR BUT I NEVER HERE THEM TELL ME HOW. IF YOU ARE TRULY GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFTS THAT GOD GAVE YOU THROUGH THE PROGARAM OF AA THE PASS THEM ON!!!!!!!! I MUST CONTINUE WORKING WITH OTHER ALOCOHLICS AND CARRY THEM THROUGH THE STEPS AND HAVE CHANGES MY LIFE. I FEEL THAT IS WHY GOD HAS LET ME STAY SOBER. THE WAY I SHOE MY GRATITUDE IS THROUGH SERIVICE WORK. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE THAT YOU SHOWED WHEN I ARRIVED TO AA. IT IS A PRIVALIDGE TO BE A PART OF SOMTIHNG SO WONDERFULL!!!!


Member: Krishna I.
Location: Bangalore, India
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 15:26:30

Comments

Hi! My name is Krishna and I am an alcoholic from Bangalore, India. Sober today by God's Grace and with the help of the AA Fellowship. I have been sober for past 14 years but need to share on daily basis. The topic Gratitude and God is my favourite. I went online from my home today for me it is a special day. I am 52 years old have had bypass surgery followed by two heart attacks and since past three years am diabetic. Iused to be spirituaslly blind sine age 9 years when after a childhood trauma stopped trusting mankind and trusted only myself. I rejected all the three major religions in my country. Had two eyes but was blind! So drank to get drunk,suffered, surrendered, got sober. Was divorced in 1985 got remarried to my ex-wife in 1986 and now she too is seperated from me in my 15th year of sobriety. I have no complaints. God is most kind. Whatever I loved most he took away from me. First alcohol, I loved alcohol so He took that away, then Uma my wife, then Sweetmeats...I love pastries have a sweettooth so he took that away and gave me Diabetes. So that I could become lighter for the final journey, so that I could learn to lean on Him more. I am always grateful because all that now happens is His Will. So why worry,be Grateful. Thanks for letting me join in.


Member: Ann V.
Location: California
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 16:07:44

Comments

Hello everyone! I'm Ann and I'm an alcoholic. I wish I could say gratitude is my favorite topic. I do have reasons to have gratitude. I don't attend as many meetings as I used because I have extreme problems with intestinal gas that my GI doctor is calling irritable bowel syndrome. Anyway, the condition is miserable. Unfortunately, I am depressed around it. I still do my H&I and teleservice commitment. I've attended a few meetings lately, but don't feel very comfortable. In fact, I feel pretty uncomfortable around any people and situations. I didn't slip. I've been sober for years but this situation is difficult for me. Thanks for letting me unload some things. Since this is fairly anonymous, I feel comfortable doing this. My doctor thinks this may be as good as it will get. It's rather strange. This relates in a way to alcoholism. I'm isolating, and into the ism, I, self and me. It's hard to deal with it, and hope for improvement, but may have to accept it. I have quite an odor. I feel sad that this is reality. It's isolating for me. I'm glad that this cyber meeting exists as it helps me to remember that I'm not alone. Thank you for listening and for twelve-stepping me today.


Member: KathyH
Location: maryland
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 19:29:26

Comments

I'm Kathy, an alcoholic. I am grateful for so many things today, especially for the fact that the steps of AA have guided me to a relationship with a higher power. This relationship has provided me with faith to replace the fear, and filled up the great gaping hole in my soul that I kept trying to fix with booze.

My journey to faith was slow. Used the power of the rooms and the program for a LONG time. My God definetly hangs in the basements of churches rather than upstairs. I make good use of the "choose your own conception" option.

I know that I searched for many years for something to believe in, and it was only through my alcoholism and AA that I found a faith and manner of living that felt right.

The other big revelation for me, that some have shared about, was that the answers were inside of me all the time, I just needed to be willing to look.

I see and feel the presence of God everytime I look into the eyes of a grateful, truly sober drunk.

Thanks for allowing me share. My prayers are with you all.


Member: Bill W (but not original)
Location: Melbourne Australia
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 20:22:32

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and my name is Bill.

When I got to AA I had the idea that God was out get me - and I was so sick I suspected he already had.

I had a smorgasbord of religious training. My father was Anglican (Episcopalian to you Americans), my mother Presbyterian. I started school at a Catholic Primary school because my mother didn't like the headmaster at the state school. Later I went to a very small country school (14 pupils) during the WW2. At age 12 I went to a Methodist boarding school some 150 miles from home.

After boarding school and joining the army I rejected all religion except drinking! Later on, when I was discharged from the army I courted a Catholic girl and became a Catholic on account of wanting to get married and she wouldn't unless I did. That should give you some idea of how sincere my conversion was.

I paid lip service to Catholicism for many years, but I had a great sticking point that I kept closely to myself. I found I couldn't believe some of the more fanciful dogma ( please - I am only speaking for me - wouldn't want to offend any true believers - I envy them).

After I got to AA I was on the horns of a dilemma. If I had to believe in God as I then understood him I was in deep trouble, because the only concept I had was denial that there was anything in or out of this world more powerful than me! Or even if there was, His sole purpose was to punish me in this life and the next because I was such a worthless piece of junk.

I related this to my first sponsor and he told me to pray to a God I didn't believe in that I might come to believe.

I did this and discovered a wonderful truth about AA. We have been given the freedom to invent our own God or Higher Power. This is an immense privilege, I believe. My history showed me that I couldn't accept anyone else's definition of God, but I was able to accept my definition.,.

I have come to believe that no single person can see God exactly as someone else see Him/Her/It. We can't view through someone else's experience a concept that is so nebulous it can only exist inside each individual's mind.

So, I have come to believe in MY God, unique to me. He defies definition in terms that anyone else could understand. But he knows me, and is there whenever I ask.

What a wonderful gift AA has given me - my own personal HP.


Member: Martha Q.
Location: Yucca Valley, CA
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 22:34:20

Comments

Hi Everyone My name is Martha and I am an alcohlic. I will be 34 years sober the 27 of this month. I remembe the first time I ever sais that phrase at my first meeting. I didn't really believe I was a REAL alcoholic,I just thought I would go along with the format. After hearing several members speak I began to identify. I soon realized I was in a place of comfort and ease,not to mention the love surrounding me. The word GOD was difficult for me to listen to however, as I had long ceased to believe in Him. Little by little...I CAME...I CAME TO..and then I CAME TO BELIEVE. The wonders of His work in my life has been amazing. I can remember one day at work I was not being very nice, using words I shouln't use and jusst throwing a fit over I can't remember what...when I looked over at my secretary and she had her head bowed and her eyes closed. I yelled, "don't you pray for me". She answered back, "then pray for yourself". I said, GOD is always out to lunch when I pray". She then said, God doesn't have to eat". I suddenly understoon how small I was and how big God was. I soon stopped editing , dicounting and insisting that God communicate with me in a certain preconceived, acceptable way. God speaks to us in a multitude of ways. Being connected to God through AA has allowed me to see all the miracles He has given me in my years of soberiety. AA is such a simple program for we who are complicated. LET GO and LET GOD is my favorite phrase. He has given me purpose and meaning, primarily to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I hope I hear from some of you, and that my years of sobriety do not frighten you away...for it is the newcomer that teaches me. For you I am grateful you are there for me. Without you AA would cease to exist. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU. Martha


Member: JOANNE H
Location: GREENTOWN PA
Date: 12 Jun 1999
Time: 22:35:01

Comments

Hi IM JOANNE AN ALCOHOLIC I THINK THIS IS GREAT. WELL IVE BEEN IN THE PROGRAM 11\2 MONTHES.YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST TIME I WANTED TO DRINK.MAN DIDTHAT SUCK. BUT I DID A LOT OF PRAYING AND SPOKE WITH MY SPONCER AND SOOM FRIENDS IN THE ROONMS.I AM GREATFUL THAT GOD HELPED ME THRUOGH THIS AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE.


Member: Adam P
Location: Memphis, TN
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 01:42:26

Comments

It's so easy to believe that a higher power, or Hey folks. My name is Adam, and I'm an alcoholic living in Memhis, Tennessee. God, is helpful and wonderful when everything in life is great. it's easy to intellectualize this sort of thing when you feel you have no worries. This sort of thing becomes more difficult when life becomes troublesome. The temptation to manage situations through self-will is quite tempting, and natural as a human being, and an alcoholoc. I've proven to myself in the past that God handles situations in my life better than I do, so I've learned to give things over to God more quickly than I used to. This really helps to minimize the suffering I go through in life. Sometimes, however, a situation crops up in life that seems bigger than anything I've dealt with heretofore. It's these times which are most difficult for me. I know that I've not been let down up until this point, and that logic dictates that I won't be let down now, but logic doesn't figure well into these emotionally-fueled situations. I'm going through a time like this right now with respect to my financial situation. There's a solution in front of me, which thankfully doesn't involve anything like bankruptcy, but involves something more painful for an alcoholic like me....brutal honesty and the exposing of a lie which I have perpetuated for some time now. If I have faith that God will take care of me, and of this situation for me, then I should move forward in faith and honestly reveal the situation. Fear is a powerful enemy, however, and this is not as easy for me as I would like it to be. I need to move forward in faith.


Member: Mark Q
Location: TF Idaho
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 03:04:55

Comments

Mark,Alcoholic

Have any of you seen a eskimo?

I have been sober for seven days. After nine years sober went back to drinking, year sober back to drinking, year sober back to drinking, year drinking, back to a meeting. My eskimo was a ambulance driver, asking me if I was alright. I was setting in my car at a stop light with a prior feeling and thought of killing myself. I came to a understanding of a power (which I call God) is truly looking out for me. The meeting I went to was a speakers meeting, at a CA @ AA Unity Day Memorabilia. At the end of the meeting they did a count down. I was the youngest one, they my friends of many years, gave me a 60 year IWS Study Edition Big Book and love that over whelm me.

Thank you all and God for Being


Member: jose C
Location: Guadalajara, mexico
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 10:25:54

Comments

Here I am Jose An alcoholic, sober for 20 years now.This Business of the HP is not a Joke at all, it is a Key Question. now I am teaching at the best University in my Town, Guadalajara in Mexico. Not too much Prays, but good actions everyday. To me, God is my friend but it is not my partner but my guide and the impulse to keeping me alive..


Member: Chris H.
Location: Kendal, England
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 10:52:37

Comments

Hi, I'm Chris H., an alcoholic from Kendal, England. I came to my first www meeting a couple of weeks ago. Just a few days after that I became very ill, and had to go to hospital. My doctor thought I had pancreatitis because she doesn't quite believe I don't drink now. In hospital I had lots of blood tests and x-rays, the same sort I had when I was drinking 2 litres of wine a day.

The tests were negative; maybe I'll never know what caused the pain. BUT the up side was that my liver function tests were normal. I have had some really scary ones in the past, and was heading for permanent damage. But I kept on drinking until I found AA, first through my local group.Since then, yes, I have lapsed. Several times. But I could always talk to people who understood how compelling this poison, alcohol, is. People who didn't treat me as if I was being 'bad' or 'weak'.

And gratitude? I lost my driver's licence 18 months ago, not for DUI but because my doctor didn't think I was safe to be in charge of a car. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist last Monday, and when she saw the reports and my normal blood tests, she agreed to support my licence application. I'll be able to drive a car again! I've got so much life to catch up on.

I'd been through the usual stuff, detoxes, psychotherapy etc. But it didn't help me. I'd stop for a while, then start again in a big way. All I can say is, thanks, AA, you saved my life.