Discussion Meeting - 06/03/01 - Managing Fear while standing in the hallways

Member: Kelly F.
Location: Brussels
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 7:55:14 AM

Comments

Hi all/Kelly F./alcoholic.

Can't believe I'm the first one here... if this makes it through when I post, I'd like to hear how people handled "standing in the hallway" waiting for answers/direction from their Higher Power and managing FEAR while waiting.

Thanks for listening.

Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 8:04:36 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic when i hear the word fear it reminds me of 4 F's faith follow feed and find.If u have faith in HP there is nothing to fear god has the power to do miracles. You follow your HP you will have nothing to fear being on the right side. The more you feed on your HP stronger One can become. When I find him within me it makes me understand the meaning of spirituality.

Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila.,PA -
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 10:27:05 AM

Comments

Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 10:29:58 AM

Comments

Funny how God works. Just a couple of hours ago I read one of those compelling, concise expressions resemblinig those that AA is so full of. This one was not from AA lit. or meeting, but may find its way there "All worry (fear) is atheism, because it is a want of trust in God. (Fulton J. Sheen) God loves us in spite of ourselves. He has said "I willl never leave you nor forsake you". So believe Him. Do Step 3. I can't. He can. I think I'll let Him. Simple. Not easy. Have a good day, and stay well.

Member: morticia
Location: ohio
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 10:58:58 AM

Comments

i am a newcomer to this whole "alcoholism" concept...yet i cannot deny i have a problem anymore. alcohol is respsonsible for too much messed up stuff in my life for me to keep on listening to that voice..and yet.i am stubborn. me? surrender to a higher power? and yet, if i look at it in a "literal" sense, i am already surrendering to something i have placed equal to a "higher power"--alcohol. and boy, do i understand fear..fear of living the rest of my life like some pickled science experiment, fear of what life would be like completely sober, fear of one day slipping back into old habits...and fear of breaking down and actually saying the words..i need help. i am in deep trouble with alcohol. but i guess i am saying the words now.....i need help.

Member: Kurt R
Location: NYC
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 11:13:27 AM

Comments

Sometimes the best way for me to deal with fear or waiting is to get out of myself. Going to a meeting, calling someone, helping someone or being helped, all these things make me feel less alone. Thanks for this topic.

Member: Christine C.
Location: Natick, MA
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 11:26:32 AM

Comments

For many years, I despaired of ever believing in any sort of higher power again. I kept doing the next right thing, and I kept praying--I have sent many prayers into the formless void of unbelief,hoping that my prayers, my thoughts, would take shape around a higher power. I have come gradually to believe that I have a higher self--a devine higher self--made of love and light and that I see this working also in most of the people that I meet. Spirituality has come slowly to me, and with sustained effort. The small amount that I have at this time is well worth the bravery it took to leap through the door. If I live through this day, I will have had a whole day in which I have been happy, joyous, and free.

Member: Rick P
Location: England
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 12:11:00 PM

Comments

I have a very real fear that if I were to drink today my life would change for the worse. I’m not a church goer, but have always prayed to God as I perceive him for various reasons, usually when I’m worried or scared of something. Somehow I have always felt that there is a God.

Yesterday I prayed that I wouldn’t drink. Today I am praying that I won’t drink today. I think it’s helping.

Now in my fourth day without a drink. 93 hours at time of writing.

Morticia, give it a go. Stop just for a day. When you wake up you may be pleasantly surprised that there is no hangover, no need to reach for the aspirin bottle & none of that terrible thirst that wakes you in the middle of the night. OK, for me the critical time is the early evening when the “routine” of going to get beer or wine and sitting drinking until the pain of the day goes away. This is when I feel at my most vulnerable point.

I will try not to drink today. Tonight I intend to check the phone book and find out where my local meetings are and go along to one during the week.

Friend in Connecticut, still sober? Please post.

Thanks.

Member: sherryt
Location: california
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 12:26:15 PM

Comments

hi sherry here

I know what you are feeling morticia, I too fear myself. Everyday I say I won't drink today then the evening comes and I say well maybe just one or two. Then after a bottle of wine and several other drinks I'm medicated. I have found that the craving starts in the mind and I need to ignore that idea when it comes up. I know for me I don't like to be alone at night and the bottle keeps me company. I guess thats fear of being alone. I pray to God everyday that he gives me relief from this and almost everyday I drink. I need more that just prayer I need to go to meetings. So I will make it my prayer to stay in touch with you guys also everyday cause this really helps me not to feel alone. God bless you all for being here.

Member: The crazy world of AvrilG
Location: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 2:26:04 PM

Comments

I gradually became fear-free (sometimes) by hearing and using the acronyms we hear so often in AA

GOD = Group Of Drunks.....Good Orderly Direction Grow Or Die.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real....Face Everything And Recover.....Fuck Everything And Run.

I wanted the results posted before I had sat the bloody exam!! God will only do for me what I cannot do for myself. I have to trust in Him/Her/It and let it happen. Nothing happens by mistake in Gods plan of things, I just have to accept it, and when I don't get what I want, it usually turns out that I couldn't have handled it anyway.

When faith knocks, fear never answers the door. When I feel fearful, I am running on self-will, when I trust God's will, I have no fear. Of course if I don't stick close to AA and the programme it is easy to forget this, so I keep going to meetings and telling it like it is. 11 minutes - 11 weeks - 11 months or 11 years sober is no good to anyone who does not have faith and stay close to meetings and the programme. I just have to try and do the next right thing and pray to who/whatever is my Higher Power that 'This Too Shall Pass' - It usually does.

Good to see all the newcomers, you help this old ex-drunk stay sober, THANK YOU. And thank you {{{{{{{{KELLY}}}}}}} for the great topic for this week.

goodallavril@hotmail.com

Member: Veggie
Location: Israel
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 3:33:51 PM

Comments

Here are some answers I got as I sought to find "God as (some of us) understood Him!"

(These preliminary words on pork were written by an Islamic source noted below).</center>

<center>"You are what you eat" -American proverb</center>

In folkloric terms, eating the meat of the pig is said to contribute to lack of morality and shame, plus greed for wealth, laziness, indulgence, dirtiness and gluttony. We insult a person by calling him or her a "Pig" when they demonstrate these characteristics. Muslims are forbidden by God to eat the meat of the pig (pork). This is detailed in verses 2:173, 5:3, 6:145, and 16:115 of the Qur'an. An exemplary verse is quoted here "He has only forbidden you dead meat, and blood, and the flesh of swine, and any (food) over which the name of other than Allah has been invoked. But if one is forced by necessity, without wilful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

<center>Is Pork Forbidden to Muslims Only?</center>

The> Jews and Christians are also forbidden from eating pork. Here is a quote from the Old Testament to that effect: “And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcass." Deuteronomy 14:8 Many Christians believe that this verse was directed only at the Jews. But Jesus himself says during the Sermon on the Mount; "Think not that I am come to destroy the Law, or the Prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill." Some Christians say that, after a vision by St.Peter, God cleansed all animals and made them fit and lawful for human consumption. If ALL animals are cleansed by Peter's vision on, this includes dogs, cats, vultures, and rats: but you just don't see people getting excited about a cat-meat sandwich like they do over barbecued pork or bacon. Others say that it was Paul who rescinded the law forbidding pork to humans, in order to appease the Romans, who enjoyed the taste of pig-meat. Many excuses have been given, but none are very sound. Many Far Eastern traditions also discourage the eating of pork. The 3,000 year old Confucian Book of Rites says, "A gentleman does not eat the flesh of pigs and dogs." Although many Chinese are avid eaters of pork today, physicians of ancient China recognized pork-eating as the root of many human ailments. Buddhists, Jains and Hindus usually avoid eating any kind of meat.

<center>Bad effects of pork consumption</center>

Pig's bodies contain many toxins, worms and latent diseases. Although some of these infestations are harbored in other animals, modern veterinarians say that pigs are far more predisposed to these illnesses than other animals. This could be because pigs like to scavenge and will eat any kind of food, including dead insects, worms, rotting carcasses, excreta (including their own), garbage, and other pigs. Influenza (flu) is one of the most famous illnesses which pigs share with humans! This illness is harbored in the lungs of pigs during the summer months and tends to affect pigs and humans in the cooler months. Sausage contains bits of pigs' lungs, so those who eat pork sausage tend to suffer more during epidemics of influenza! Pig meat contains excessive quantities of histamine and imidazole compounds, which can lead to itching and inflammation; growth hormone, which promotes inflammation and growth; sulphur-containing mesenchymal mucus, which leads to swelling and deposits of mucus in tendons and cartilage, resulting in arthritis, rheumatism, etc. Sulphur helps cause firm human tendons and ligaments to be replaced by the pig's soft mesenchymal tissues, and degeneration of human cartilage. Eating pork can also lead to gallstones and obesity, probably due to its high cholesterol and saturated fat content! The pig is the main carrier of the taenia solium worm, which is found in its flesh. These tapeworms are found in human intestines with greater frequency in nations where pigs are eaten. This type of tapeworm can pass through the intestines and affect many other organs, and is incurable once it reaches beyond a certain stage! One in six people in the US and Canada has trichinosis from eating trichina worms which are found in pork. Many people have no symptoms to warn them of this, and when they do, they resemble symptoms of many other illnesses. These worms are not noticed during meat inspections, nor are they killed by salting or smoking. Few people cook the meat long enough to kill the trichinae. The rat (another scavenger) also harbors this disease. There are dozens of other worms, germs, diseases and bacteria which are commonly found in pigs, many of which are specific to the pig, or found in greater frequency in pigs. Pigs are biologically similar to humans, and their meat is said to taste similar to human flesh. Pigs have been used for dissection in biology labs due to the similarity between their organs and human organs. People with insulin-dependent diabetes usually inject themselves with pig insulin. If you pour Coke (yes, the soda) on a slab of pork, and wait a little while, you will see worms crawl out of it.

References: Animals in Islam, by Al-Hafiz B.A. Masri, Diet for a New America, by John Robbins, Homotoxicology, by Dr. Hans-Heinrich Reckweg, Islamic Dietary Laws and Practices, by M.M. Hussaini, M.S. and A.H. Sakr, Ph.D. Muslims in Alien Society, by Muhammad Samiallah (You will find this article at http://www.unn.ac.uk/societies/islamic/misc/pork.htm) {Emphasis added}

<center>What Does Factual Scripture say About Some of This?</center> <center>(This addition was written by this author's hand).</center>

Adding to this, we have been told that eating pork and pork products can cause increased levels of cholesterol in the body , which in turn causes a hardening and enlarging of the tissue that makes up the inside walls of the vessels that carry the life-giving properties of the blood, and therefore restricting the blood's flow to many different parts of the body. This in turn causes many different disorders throughout the whole body because of not receiving an adequate supply of blood, which may even cause the deterioration of the body's cells, in a malignant manner that spreads, which in a Word is called cancer. Yes! Indeed! From eating pork and pork products! But who warns you of this? I know not any in the common modes of communication in this world! Consequently, because of mankind's susceptibility to such malignancies, the warning has been given in Leviticus 11:7,8 that the flesh of swine is "unclean," and "of their flesh you shall not eat, and their carcasses you shall not touch! They are unclean unto you!" Now what usually happens when you try to publish the Truth of this matter? "The spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavens," spoken of in Eph 6:12 raise up a multitude of false-prophets with their followers, who are "the disobedient ones," spoken of in Eph 2:2, who start an extremely feverish outcry that Christ's earthly sacrifice cleansed all these "unclean" foods mentioned in Lev 11:1-47 for everybody on the entire earth since the time of that murderous treachery engineered by the original "deceiver and the anti-Christ," who "loves to oppress" with deceit, 2John7;Hos 12:7, the Jews! Also great support is given to this murderous propanganda by the death-dealing merchants who stock this "deadly pestilence" on their shelves! The Truth of the matter is that only the ones predestined for a Spiritual Inheritance with Our Lord and Saviour in the heavens were sanctified to be considered dead to this Law! See Romans 7:4. These are the "144,000" and "The Great Crowd" spoken of in Rev 7:1-17, none else! Now they all cry out that they indeed are part of these chosen ones found in the words of Rev 7:1-17, and enter into a feverish state of dogmatic belligerence, their "conscience being seared," 1Tim 4:2, by the demons to emphasize that this is so. This will include every so-called "Christian" religion of heresy under the sun; Catholic, Protestant, "Cultist," etc., etc., ad nauseam, taking every scripture that proves this to be false and trampling them under their wine-soaked feet! They indeed not only get feverishly belligerent, but take on a frenzied air of viciousness with these demons mentioned above that support them! And all throughout the 2000 some years of all this mindless hypocrisy, deceit and oppression, everybody feasts on this "unclean," nay, indeed "filthy" flesh of these disease-plagued swine!! See Rom 3:9-18.

<center>taught in thy name? And in thy name cast out demons?</center>

<center>And in thy name performed many wonders?…” </center>

Member: Veggie
Location: Israel
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 3:39:15 PM

Comments

Here are some answers I got as I sought to find "God as (some of us) understood Him!"

Pork the Other White Meat? (This article following was written by the Islamic source given below). In folkloric terms, eating the meat of the pig is said to contribute to lack of morality and shame, plus greed for wealth, laziness, indulgence, dirtiness and gluttony. We insult a person by calling him or her a "Pig" when they demonstrate these characteristics. Muslims are forbidden by God to eat the meat of the pig (pork). This is detailed in verses 2:173, 5:3, 6:145, and 16:115 of the Qur'an. An exemplary verse is quoted here "He has only forbidden you dead meat, and blood, and the flesh of swine, and any (food) over which the name of other than Allah has been invoked. But if one is forced by necessity, without wilful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Is Pork Forbidden to Muslims Only? The Jews and Christians are also forbidden from eating pork. Here is a quote from the Old Testament to that effect: "And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase." Deuteronomy 14:8 Many Christians believe that this verse was directed only at the Jews. But Jesus himself says during the Sermon on the Mount; "Think not that I am come to destroy the Law, or the Prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill." Some Christians say that, after a vision by St. Peter, God cleansed all animals and made them fit and lawful for human consumption. If ALL animals are cleansed by Peter's vision, this includes dogs, cats, vultures, and rats: but you just don't see people getting excited about a cat-meat sandwich like they do over barbecued pork or bacon. Others say that it was Paul who rescinded the law forbidding pork to humans, in order to appease the Romans, who enjoyed the taste of pig-meat. Many excuses have been given, but none are very sound. Many Far Eastern traditions also discourage the eating of pork. The 3,000 year old Confucian Book of Rites says, "A gentleman does not eat the flesh of pigs and dogs." Although many Chinese are avid eaters of pork today, physicians of ancient China recognized pork-eating as the root of many human ailments. Buddhists, Jains and Hindus usually avoid eating any kind of meat.

Bad effects of pork consumption Pig's bodies contain many toxins, worms and latent diseases. Although some of these infestations are harbored in other animals, modern veterinarians say that pigs are far more predisposed to these illnesses than other animals. This could be because pigs like to scavenge and will eat any kind of food, including dead insects, worms, rotting carcasses, excreta (including their own), garbage, and other pigs. Influenza (flu) is one of the most famous illnesses which pigs share with humans! This illness is harbored in the lungs of pigs during the summer months and tends to affect pigs and humans in the cooler months. Sausage contains bits of pigs' lungs, so those who eat pork sausage tend to suffer more during epidemics of influenza! Pig meat contains excessive quantities of histamine and imidazole compounds, which can lead to itching and inflammation; growth hormone, which promotes inflammation and growth; sulphur-containing mesenchymal mucus, which leads to swelling and deposits of mucus in tendons and cartilage, resulting in arthritis, rheumatism, etc. Sulphur helps cause firm human tendons and ligaments to be replaced by the pig's soft mesenchymal tissues, and degeneration of human cartilage. Eating pork can also lead to gallstones and obesity, probably due to its high cholesterol and saturated fat content! The pig is the main carrier of the taenia solium worm, which is found in its flesh. These tapeworms are found in human intestines with greater frequency in nations where pigs are eaten. This type of tapeworm can pass through the intestines and affect many other organs, and is incurable once it reaches beyond a certain stage! One in six people in the US and Canada has trichinosis from eating trichina worms which are found in pork. Many people have no symptoms to warn them of this, and when they do, they resemble symptoms of many other illnesses. These worms are not noticed during meat inspections, nor are they killed by salting or smoking. Few people cook the meat long enough to kill the trichinae. The rat (another scavenger) also harbors this disease. There are dozens of other worms, germs, diseases and bacteria which are commonly found in pigs, many of which are specific to the pig, or found in greater frequency in pigs. Pigs are biologically similar to humans, and their meat is said to taste similar to human flesh. Pigs have been used for dissection in biology labs due to the similarity between their organs and human organs. People with insulin-dependent diabetes usually inject themselves with pig insulin. If you pour Coke (yes, the soda) on a slab of pork, and wait a little while, you will see worms crawl out of it.

References: Animals in Islam, by Al-Hafiz B.A. Masri, Diet for a New America, by John Robbins, Homotoxicology, by Dr. Hans-Heinrich Reckweg, Islamic Dietary Laws and Practices, by M.M. Hussaini, M.S. and A.H. Sakr, Ph.D. Muslims in Alien Society, by Muhammad Samiallah (This article is found at http://www.unn.ac.uk/societies/islamic/misc/pork.htm) {Emphasis added}

What Does Factual Scripture say About Some of This? (This addition was written by this author's hand). Adding to this, we have been told that eating pork and pork products can cause increased levels of cholesterol in the body , which in turn causes a hardening and enlarging of the tissue that makes up the inside walls of the vessels that carry the life-giving properties of the blood, and therefore restricting the blood's flow to many different parts of the body. This in turn causes many different disorders throughout the whole body because of not receiving an adequate supply of blood, which may even cause the deterioration of the body's cells, in a malignant manner that spreads, which in a Word is called cancer. Yes! Indeed! From eating pork and pork products! But who warns you of this? I know not any in the common modes of communication in this world! Consequently, because of mankind's susceptibility to such malignancies, the warning has been given in Leviticus 11:7,8 that the flesh of swine is "unclean," and "of their flesh you shall not eat, and their carcasses you shall not touch! They are unclean unto you!" Now what usually happens when you try to publish the Truth of this matter? "The spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavens," spoken of in Eph 6:12 raise up a multitude of false-prophets with their followers, who are "the disobedient ones," spoken of in Eph 2:2, who start an extremely feverish outcry that Christ's earthly sacrifice cleansed all these "unclean" foods mentioned in Lev 11:1-47 for everybody on the entire earth since the time of that murderous treachery engineered by the original "deceiver and the anti-Christ," who "loves to oppress" with deceit, 2John7;Hos 12:7, the Jews! The Truth of the matter is that only the ones predestined for a Spiritual Inheritance with Our Lord and Saviour in the heavens were sanctified to be considered dead to this Law! See Romans 7:4. These are the "144,000" and "The Great Crowd" spoken of in Rev 7:1-17, none else! Now they all cry out that they indeed are part of these chosen ones found in the words of Rev 7:1-17, and enter into a feverish state of dogmatic belligerence, their "conscience being seared," 1Tim 4:2, by the demons to emphasize that this is so. This will include every so-called "Christian" religion of heresy under the sun; Catholic, Protestant, "Cultist," etc., etc., ad nauseam, taking every scripture that proves this to be false and trampling them under their wine-soaked feet! They indeed not only get feverishly belligerent, but take on a frenzied air of viciousness with these demons mentioned above that support them! And all throughout the 2000 some years of all this mindless hypocrisy, deceit and oppression, everybody feasts on this "unclean," nay, indeed "filthy" flesh of these disease-plagued swine!! See Rom 3:9-18. "Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not taught in thy name? And in thy name cast out demons? And in thy name performed many wonders?…" Mt 7:22,23

Member: ????
Location:
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 3:42:39 PM

Comments

What's the problem with your HTML?

Member: SDL
Location: CT
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 3:55:51 PM

Comments

Good Sunday afternoon to all,

I am now on day 3 and will successfully accomplish my first sober weekend. For a change, I spent time with my children today (2 and 4 years of age). Usually, I am too drunk to notice them.

Morticia and Rick P keep it going. I look forward to your posts each day and hope you stay sober.

Everyone have a great week

Member: SDL
Location: CT
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 4:08:06 PM

Comments

I believe in God. However, I am very surprised to read the religious aspect to AA sobriety.

The majority of posts on this site are related in some way to religion/God. Why is there such an emphasis on God?

My plan for being sober is replacing my old hobby, DRINKING, with a new interests, RUNNING and FAMILY.

Take care

Member: eve
Location:
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 5:11:28 PM

Comments

I think I have a problem. I got drunk last night-the principal provided the alcohol for the prom chaperones and I had too much to drink and too little to eat.

It wouldn't be so bad except some students may have noticed...I've spent all day praying and beating myself up. How can I face the people I work with at school tomorrow?

Member: Judy
Location: Illinois
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 5:21:39 PM

Comments

Hi all! What a great topic "FEAR". I can relate so well with you Morticia and Rick because I too had real fear of being without my coping mechanisms (alcohol & drugs) to live life without them. To face reality was very scary and it meant you had to feel various emotions. When things got ruff I had to cope with pot, beer and whatever else I had around because I was fearful to feel any anger and anxiety even if people were acting inappropriate or saying belitting things . . . I stuffed and then wasn't afraid . . . but alas . . . the fear always came back over and over.

The only way I have been able to get rid of the fear is to get down on my knees and pray that God help me do what I couldn't accomplish . . . to not worry and to not fear.

Do you know that it says "Do Not Fear" 365 times in the Bible (one for each day of the year) . . . it is a mandate for our lives not to fear . . . the evil one manipulates us to fear.

The total opposite of FEAR is FAITH . . . I choose now to have faith. Even if you have as little faith as a mustard seed you can move mountains . . . God can even help you with the faith part too.

SDL . . . my whole recovery is based on my Higher Power . . . my God . . . my Lord . . . my Savior!!!! He is the one that has kept me clean and sober and has given me the faith to BELIEVE. He has given me the courage, strength and honesty to commit to a program of a new way of life.

It is God that has given me an outlet to find new friends, a place that is safe to talk where people understand my exact desperation, fear, worries and addictions. These people don't judge me and they are real good listeners . . . something I never had before.

Unfortunately, when I was younger I never knew encouragement, strength and hope . . . but because Jesus personally lives within me I have all I need . . . I don't FEAR and can make it another day clean without coping by stuffing my emotions, drinking and smoking. I now enjoy my husband, children, friends and work.

If you read the first three steps you'll realize you can't make it in recovery without your Higher Power . . . mine is Jesus Christ.

You don't have to go to church, read the Bible, or have a religion to make it . . . you just have to call out to God . . . fear, faults and all . . . He'll reach down and calm your fears and cover you with His Unconditional LOVE.

I never knew about that before but Thank God I was an addict/alcoholic or I wouldn't know him so personally as I do right now . . . He has turned my nightmare into a beautiful dream . . . there is light at the end of this tunnel when you first begin to get sober . . . BELIEVE ME. IT WORKS!

When I was first getting sober the first thing I was so scared about was not being able to drink and drug anymore. These were my idols, my gods . . . not anymore.

All you have to do is have the desire to stop drinking and God will make it happen for you . . . let him do the driving and take the back seat . . . it sounds ridiculous but when we drove we didn't go the right route . . . He will get you on the right path to freedom. It's cool!

I love myself now for the first time cause I don't have to hide my secrets and live in FEAR. I know for sure that God loves me just the way I am . . . faults and all.

"Fear Not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

God has plans for us that are good and not for evil, to give us a future and hope. If you look for him in earnest you will find him.

I don't have to FEAR because I know the truth . . . even the awful truths from my past can't hurt me anymore.

Have a wonderful blessed week. Jooch

Member: vicky W
Location: NC
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 5:41:41 PM

Comments

Hi I'm vicky and I'm an alcoholic. I am newly sober, just got out of a 28 day rehab last week. Been sober now for 30 odd days. So far ok, but I FEAR the days ahead, when I may think I have this thing licked, and think one beer or glass of wine won't hurt. Thats what I fear. and I fear situations, that just "call" for a drink, like being at a casino, or bar, or travelling overseas, or on a cruise. Thats what I fear.

Member: Joe M
Location: Crystalbaech Ont
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 5:58:14 PM

Comments

Hi SDL can Iever raelate I am 10month Clean & Sober I live with my wife tow kids both teenagers at six month Iput my self in a recovery but I get to go home to be with my family wich is A good thing for me and my family but this weekend on sat my mind hasbeen raely waerd then sun I was in the state that I been in I feel better now Step 1 WE admitted we were powerless over alcol-that our lives had become unmanangeable And my trust In my higher power thank you S D L wish you one more day sobriety

Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 5:59:34 PM

Comments

Good Afternoon Everyone;

My name is Walter and I am an alcoholic !!

Welcome, welcome and welcome to all you real new newcomers (Rick, Morticia, SDL, Eve, and all others....). I wish I could show you a smile ((grin)) and give each of you a hug !!

Topic is fear....but do not be afraid of sobriety. Do not be afraid to share your feelings....remember, each of us once (or more than once), started with one minute, one hour, one day...eventually, one day becomes a week, months, years......then "suddenly" it is more "normal" to be sober than drinking. Life becomes a joy.....and yes, you will realize that you have been following a spiritual path.

Keep coming back (here) and pick up the phone, call someone local and attend a live meeting. You will meet happy, joyous and free folks who really want to share what they have with you.

Good Luck...prayers are with you !!

Member: Linda
Location: OH
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 6:18:16 PM

Comments

While waiting to hear what my higher power wants me to do or standing around being afraid of what may happen I put my program into action and do the footwork. It's amazing how the fear and worrying disappear as the answers come to me.

Member: roo
Location:
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 6:51:06 PM

Comments

my penis is too big for my body,i am hung like a horse.

Member: Tom S.
Location: NYC
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 6:59:51 PM

Comments

Good evening all. Tom, alcoholic. I've been experiencing lots of fear, gut-wrenching, dread about my job. The stress sometimes at work has been overwhelming such that I take it home with me and often lose sleep. I fear going to work tomorrow. Sometimes it seems irrational and I can't will it away. The only things that work are prayer, meetings and phone calls to my sponsor. This dread is of the type that I use to think I needed to drink and get high over because it would seem to melt away while I was drunk or stoned. For 25 yrs I was never present for these feelings and thus couldn't move through them. Today I at least have tools that make it all managable. My sponsor has me doing a 4th step about my job. It's a process and I don't have to do it perfectly. Most importantly, it's one day at a time. Thanks.

Member: LEGRANDPLAYER
Location: ONTARIO,CANADA
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 8:43:48 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Daniel and im an alcoolic.... just did my first A.A. meeting today... after being on another bender .Was sober from february 15 till april 17 .. cant believe i let that poison take over me again..thought i had reach rock bottom when i had quit the last time . Now i lost my wife . been an alky for 25 years . unreal the hurt ive inflicted along the way , to others and myself.I really need to control this crippling disease once and for all by taking it one day at the time and the help of all u A.A. members... PSS!! WISH ME LUCK

Member: Kathy W
Location: Florida
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 9:25:15 PM

Comments

Hi all. I'm a year sober-2 years in AA and am just starting my 4th step - scary! With the help of my new sponsor and my HP, I'm sure it will go well. I'm looking forward to the release the 4th step promises. Life is GOOD.

Member: Rick L
Location: Walton Ky
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 9:33:37 PM

Comments

Hi, Rick Alcoholic here. This is a real good topic. When I was drinking I would gulp down my first couple of drinks because I wanted to feel the effect right away. When I first came into AA I wanted prayer to work the same way. What I learned was that God works on his own time table and not on mine. I also learned that when I turned a problem over to him; I had to let go of it long enough for him to fix things. I had to quit dwelling on my own problems all the time. I was told to get out of myself go to meetings and work with others. I was really surprised that in time answers to my own problems would come in ways that I never thought of. At other times I would pray for direction on some decision that I would have to make and wouldn't get a clear answer. At those times I found that just having the honest willingness to do Gods will was enough. We are not perfect in AA. It is OK to make honest mistakes. That is why there is a tenth step.

Member: Kevin J
Location: Canada
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 9:46:21 PM

Comments

Hi/Kevin/Alcoholic BC Canada.

I'm back..I thought I had this thing licked.Apparently not.Then again going to meetings and not drinking may have helped... FEAR is my middle name right now.Everyone I know thinks I have my life under control.They have no idea how out of control it is.I have drank only the good stuff,you know.Premium Ales,expensive single malt scotch,etc..I guess that makes me a high priced drunk.I feel so broken right now.I am a Christian and just not conecting with my God.I guess it would help if I prayed too.I realize this is all self evident stuff when I write it down.Living it is the hard part.24 hrs in to Sobriety and still shaking.

Kevin

Member: Mitzi P.
Location: DE
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 10:23:21 PM

Comments

F.E.A.R. = Face Everything And Recover. It used to mean F--- Everything And Run. You never have to be alone with your fears again. You can talk about them at meetings and see heads nodding because we have all overcome many fears. You can use the phone numbers you asked for and talk in private. You can ask someone to accompany you to a fearful place, even if just to wait in the car for you. We all want to help you. Trust that, and keep doing the footwork. After 18 years in the program, I still have fears come up as my life changes and as I grow. I still use the simple tools I have outlined above to help me. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. We love you in your efforts to recover. Just PLEASE keep coming back to us for help. Love in recovery, Mitzi

Member: Doug K
Location: The cool and rainy shores of W. Mi
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 11:26:44 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Doug, and I'm an alcoholic. To the newcomers.....welcome from the jaws of hell. To SDL...don't let the fear of a higher power, spirituality, or religion keep you from seeking release from this affliction. Read the big book, go to face-to-face meetings, things will be better explained there (should be less "testament" shit and "big dick" shit at live meetings. If not, find another one.). Who am I to think that my HP will tell me directly and precisely what I am to do next? Moses? Who am I to think I'd understand it if it happened? Who am I bullshitting to think I'd do it unconditionally anyway? What directions am I waiting for? Whether or not to drink? To be kind to the world around me? To be tolerant of others? To be helpful to those around me? To be trustworthy and honest in my dealings? To accept people without judgement? To teat all others as I wish to be treated? I, too, have known the fear that paralyzes; and sometimes, still today, feel the fear that just immobilizes. But I recognize it as the absense of faith. Not having to take a drink today, knowing that it is not me who has the power to keep me from drinking, living amid an unfolding series of miracles, who I am not to have faith?

Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 11:41:28 PM

Comments

Hi, to all I`m Donnie and I`m a alcoholic. Great topic, for me I would say fear of taking that first drink is the biggest fear in my life I say life because if I was to take that drink I know I would DIE. I simply don`t have another recovery in me. Year`s ago death seemed to be the only way. I have found that life without booze is really good and as long as God is there to help me I will survive this. Today I can get up and know where I was and what I did the night before that was another fear to wonder how the hell I`d gotten home some night`s, so for today I didn`t have to pick up and with God`s help I won`t ever have to again. Thank`s for letting me share and GOD BLESS ALL.

Member: Misha B
Location: Texas
Date: 6/3/01
Time: 11:55:55 PM

Comments

Great Topic. During my first year of sobriety I was jobless, and needed to heal and also find a way to make a living. I heard a speaker suggest writing on the top of each day of a calendar "God is a good God." Since I felt God was ready to condemn me at the drop of a hat, this was important. My trust grew in HP one day at a time. Although I still had fear it was not morbid, crippling fear. Next cool thing that I did was read "Feel the fear and do it anyway." Nope, it wasn't an invitation to a wreckless way of life. Just the idea that trying new things and pushing past personal limits brings on fear....so feel it and do it anyway. (Like going to a meeting for the first time!) Also, meetings allay my fear big time! Love to you all, Misha

Member: Kat D.
Location: CA
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 1:10:26 AM

Comments

Hi I am Kat, an alcoholic... I have just started reading these shares and I found several very intelligent and helpful...you know, I KNOW ther is a God out there with people like you around. My deep dowm main reason for drinking was always fear...the thing i had to leARN I LIFE, SINCE I started drinking so YOUNG, was that fear is healthy, normal, and that we ALL have to work through it, continue on ANYWAY, not cure it with a drink or a joint...which is the easy way...i asked someone who never drank if they were afraid to get up and give a talk,etc. i found almost everybody FEELS the fear, BUT DOES IT ANYWAY...there is a God, He loves us ALL...He has not given us the spirit of fear...but love and faith...hang in there. Go anywhere you have to to stay sober...it may seem hard at first, but it gets easier...reality sober starts feeling more normal all the time. Such a relief to feel happy, laugh, or whatever, without guilt! (((Hugs)))to all.

Kat CA

Member: Emil J.
Location: British Columbia,Canada
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 3:05:30 AM

Comments

Hi,I am Emil and I am alcoholic.I was dry or sober for thirteen years of which first two I attended A.A.meetings.After that I did it on my own.I stoped taking steps after the thirt one.Did not want to burden anybody with my past sins and weaknesses,although I knew that they are surely not unique.Too strong willed to go to meetings if you know what I mean.I always feared my dark side,but I thought that because I am aware of it and am staying away from boozing,I can keep it in check.And mostly I did.So after thirteen years I started slipping one or two drinks at times because I had beaten the damn thing(alcoholism)Do you see my point? Then a disaster struck in my life.My step-son got killed in freak accident(helicopter crush).That being eleven years ago,I took it as an excuse for starting to drink in earnest again.Slowly I built my affinity for booze until two weeks ago- DUI!Now I am at the start again and now I know that I am and always will be an alcoholic.Fearsome thing for me is that I never had a physical addiction to booze,however,a mental adiction is working as well. I like to mention that pork eating,which I enjoy,does not rob me of my dignity,does not impact life with my family and does not affect my relations with my high power.

Member: Mark Dr. D
Location: NH
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 9:49:36 AM

Comments

(Morticia) It sounds like you'e already made some steps toward asking for help. A lot of what has been already said above would have been what I would have responded as well. Sometimes I think sharing an incident comes across as more real than the slogans.

THis weekend I was away with a number of people from my company at a rustic camp Literally on Golden Pond, ( the actual location the fiction was based on.) Unfortunately it Poured the bulk of the time we were there. Now I'm closing in on 8 months of sobriety. Staff members of the dept. that I manage were there, sales people, my bosses. We worked on solving problems in groups and as you could imagine there was a fair amount of political manuvering and tension at times.I contributed my share. After the work part of the day was done my bosses and some of my staff left while the balance of us stayed overnight.There was no shortage of booze. I had to hang around as not to be antisocial. I was given a few prods to sing, a throwback to my old party persona. I declined because I don't feel the need to be the life of the party as I did when I was drinking. I watched as the people around me got a little smashed and had fun. There was a pang of desire to do the same. Almost immediately was the sense that had I done so, I still wouldn't have been like the rest of them. I'd keep going. I'd end up doing something stupid. As things started to break up I then thought how easy it would be to snag that bottle of Taguaray and bring it back to my room. But I knew that I would stink the next day and that my shame would be unbearable. Yeah, I could have had a lot more fun with a few drinks in me-but that isn't really an option for me. And the results of taking those drinks are pretty well established. I'm not a social driker. I'm an alcoholic. I thank God that He gave me the strength not to give in to temptation. It's too bad I can't drink like that but those 5 or 6 hours of fun had the possibility of putting my life into a tailspin. And it feels just fine to be sober today.

Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 10:54:43 AM

Comments

Fear...I think it comes from exactly what the program teaches in the steps and traditions... 'problem solving with personality not spiritual principles'...the real personality fight is with 'God, the healing power'...it all belongs to ME, ME, ME.. call ME GOD' That's why a group of drunks sharing their experience, stregth and hope for the 'healing power' helps with the fear. Using intellegence putting humility first. Keep coming back.

Member: Kim V.
Location: Iowa
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 10:59:02 AM

Comments

Fear...God I think that's all I've felt my entire life...fear of that next drunk...fear of not getting that next drink...fear of someone finding out exactly how muck I drank...Fear of Fear. But I know that if I give it over to my HP, the fear goes away, but it's not always easy to do that...I fear the lose of "control" (haha) giving something over to someone else to "control"...as if I've ever had "control"-I even had a fear of visiting this site...but now that I'm here I think God for the People who made this posible and my fellow AA member who gave me the web address. This time around I have been sober for 10 days...I awoke in the hospital afer having been on a binge and trying to commit suicide (for the second time in eight months) talk about fear!!! I feared that fact that I had tried once again to take my own life but I also feared having to go on with life as I knew it. I had however had a year and a half in the program about four years ago and it seemed that when the fog lefted, I knew that if I went back out that there would be no coming back...I would die...so I went to a meeting, scared to death to walk back in those doors of AA but also fearing what would happen to me if I didn't...Now I think God ever day for the light he showed me that day and the path back. I am just so grateful to be sober today and to be able to go forward one day at a time. God Bless each and everyone of you, because without you I would not be here today...Thank You!!!

Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 12:23:13 PM

Comments

To the fellow with the initials, too lazy to scroll up - good luck and best wishes for your sobriety; there's not one way to get and stay sober, and AA does not have the only answer. I would gently suggest that if devotion to your family and to running doesn't produce the results you are looking for, that you keep an open mind and remember that AA will always be here. The reason I write this is because I have been where you are. An open mind is so very important, I have found. Bless you, and good luck.

Member: Michelle
Location:
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 12:52:09 PM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic, my name's Michelle. Thanks to Kelly F. for a great topic, one that I've been bothering my home group and other local meetings with for about , oh, two years now. Sometimes it seems like a long wait for God's answers, and the hallway can be dark and empty and boring and scary. But there is NO DOUBT in my mind that my God didn't bring me this far in sobriety to let me down about such a relatively small thing as life's terms. It had to be an act of God, me getting sober, because I couldn't get a day by myself. Alot has been going on this last year - divorce, my mother's death, new job,same things everybody goes through. It's just that I never had to go through anything like this before, and especially without the illusion of comfort that a drink brings. So, one day at a time, I don't pick up a drink. I can't say about tomorrow, and sometimes I DO say, if it's this bad tomorrow, I WILL drink. But TODAY I don't. And fortunately, it's always today! And these days have piled up into more than six years. I'll keep praying, for all of us, to keep finding the willingness to keep at it. It works, even if you're not sure that you believe it will. We believe in you!

Member: Spud
Location:
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 12:55:04 PM

Comments

Solution to fear = go to meetings, get a sponser, do the steps.

Member: Spud
Location:
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 12:55:18 PM

Comments

Solution to fear = go to meetings, get a sponser, do the steps.

Member: paul m.
Location:
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 1:12:12 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Paul, an alcoholic. I used to be afraid of dying, so I methodically began to drink myself to death. Today my greatest fear is to drink and NOT die, to be stuck forever in the hellish grips of active alcoholism. But I know I don't have to, at least not today. I agree with Doug K. in that when fear is present in my life it is a lack of faith on my part. My higher power will guide me if I let him, strengthen me if I ask, and put someone or something in my life that I need , if I let him. My prayers are answered simply, "yes, no, or wait" It may not always be what I want but it is always what I need.

Member: sherri M
Location: Texas
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 2:14:31 PM

Comments

I go in and out of fear and no fear constantly on a daily basis and have 6 years in. I fear for my sons because I can no longer protect them from the world because they are grown. Silly thing is when I realize just how well they do w/o me I know I did pretty damn good job of raisin' em' to be able to take on this crazy world. Don't really fear a whole lot else. Have gone through a lot of crap,quote unquote but even in those troubled times I had faith that god would do what is best for me. You see,the fearful times are lessons to be learned.The beauty of this program is when you begin to see how fortunate we are to be blessed in such a way to learn the tools that make us different from the rest of so-called society. We can look at others and really care about the pain someone is going through.We understand fear all to well and the mechanics therein. Good luck and god bless and I do hope you have the ability to weed out the crap and find what you need. Sherri

Member: Rick P
Location: England
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 2:25:02 PM

Comments

SDL, Morticia, and all the others like me just starting out:I saw something about not posting too many times in one week, so I will post to the coffee pot the rest of this week. This is day 5. 119.5 hours sober. Not drinking today.

SDL how are you doing?

Thanks everyone for your kindness.

Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 3:16:00 PM

Comments

Amazing to come over here and find the topic on Fear! I don't get much time on the puter, as it's my hubby's, so don't often get anywhere other than the CoffeePot here at Staying Cyber. Today, I just finished sharing about the fear I felt yesterday after sharing over there about something I'd never told the truth to anyone about, not even my sponsors in the past. Then to come over here and see this topic! Do-do-do-do (tune of Close Encounters).

I hadn't realized that even hiding behind this simple lie - that I didn't have children because my body couldn't handle long-term pregnancy - had kept me from feeling and living genuinely and fully. I hadn't realized it until I willingly revealed it, and then, whammo! Fear was released into my body and into my psyche like it hadn't been in quite awhile!

While that story was true for the first pregnancy, it was never confirmed about the 2nd one; I'd only assumed it would probably be so, and used that excuse for convenience-sake and to sound good. I drank for many years behind that lie, behind not being able to face folks in the eye and tell you truly who I was, or who I hoped to become, because I was afraid that I wasn't worthy, that I wasn't allowed to feel good because I'd violated myself in such horrible ways in my youth and early 20s. I felt lower than pond-scum because I stayed in hiding behind something that is no worse than any other human failing that anyone else has to face alone.

See, now I realize that the way I handled that situation, so many years ago, was because I handled it alone. I hadn't reached out to anyone else for help. That saying "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" means to me that it is because God doesn't expect us to handle anything alone - he provides all these people in our lives to reach out to for help, so no, nothing is ever to much for any of us to handle, because we are not expected to handle it all alone. Sorry for repeating.

I handled that situation all alone and I felt guilty and ashamed for the choice that I knew I didn't want to make, but felt I had no other choice to make for so many reasons. The main reason was that I didn't want a baby at age 26 to mess up my partying life-style. That was the truth! I also was afraid it would come out as a freak due to all the LSD and other drugs I'd done for so many years. I couldn't exactly go around telling normies that kind fo information over the years, so the lie grew and grew until I began drinking it away for many years to come.

I don't know if this answers your question ((Kelly)) about how to you "stand in the hallway" as you put it and "manage fear." See, I think if I start trying to manage anything, I usually starting thinking of myself as having to manage it on my own, and right away I see what trouble that will bring, based on my own poor track-record. I'm not the head of The Corinne-Management-Department anymore. I better ask for help, and I don't mean just by praying to God. See, my conscious contact with God as I understand God, means to build better relationships and better communications with the people that are in my life today. Since I see it that God works through people, it is those people in my life who are here in front of me to help me with the big decisions! I find that praying is a good way to get quiet, but I need practical experience and, yes, other's opinions, to help me see what I cannot see. No matter how much praying I might do, some things, I might not ever see, or ever be able to see, without talking it out with closed-mouthed friends/sponsors, etc. So, managing fear for me is best done by talking it out with people who I am close with, otherwise I am likely to keep it bottled up inside of me, and that will lead me to looking outside of me for a bottle of alcohol if I don't catch on in time that I am supposed to be asking for help. So, while standing in the hallway, ask someone to join you.

It's a "we program," after all.

Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 3:41:49 PM

Comments

Hello All - LeeEllen here and a recovering alcoholic. Welcome to all the newcomers!! There's a lot of wisdom from these people.

During the early days/months --- even years, of sobriety, I had an awful time with the concept of a Higher Power --- thus I had tremendous fear of everything and living without alcohol with a biggie.

I was told that I could use the AA tables as my Higher Power (or anything else for that matter) until I became willing to acknowledge the presence of a Power greater than myself. So, AA was my Higher Power for a very long time. Somehow, I came to believe --- mostly because I became willing, listened to others and read the AA Big Book many times over. What I saw and heard at the tables finally proved to me there IS a Higher Power and that I'm not IT. Thanks for letting me share. God Bless. Peace, LeeEllen

Member: Liz F.
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 5:15:09 PM

Comments

Hi all Liz here and alcoholic, Thanks Kelly for the topic and welcome to everyone new. Well I never was very good at "managing fear". It was always managing me. And when you took the alcohol away---whoa I realized exactly how much fear I had been living with every day. AA however gave me some tools right off the bat to start managing that fear--saying the serenity prayer like it was a mantra; parking myself in 3 meetings a day; talking to my sponsor and other recovering alcoholics. I did not come to know my "higher power" overnight. It has been gradual process. In fact, today because I do have faith in my higher power, I live pretty much without fear. That does not mean that I do not have my days. I do. But after almost 17 years, those days have gotten fewer and farther between. To the person (SDL I think) who was concerned about the religion stuff--we are not affiliated with any religion. This is a spiritual program and there is a huge difference between religion and spirituality. I am not a religious person but I am a spiritual one. Thanks for listening. Peace, Liz

Member: JASON M
Location: AUBURN IN
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 7:45:13 PM

Comments

HI JASON HERE MANAGING FEAR IS BETTER ONE DAY AT A TIME. IF YOU WAIT FOR ANSWERS OR DIRECTION FROM OR HIGHER POWER YOU COULD BE HURTING YOURSELF. JUST TRY TO HAVE TRUST IN YOUR HP . IT WILL LEAD YOU IN THE RIGHT PATH. IF YOU HAVE FEAR YOU NEED TO WORK ON GET CLOSER WITH THAT HP . IF YOU CAN NOT FIND THE WAY KEEP GOING TO YOUR MEETINGS TILL YOU FIND THAT WAY . I HOPE YOU ALL THAT HAVE FEAR GET RID OF IT . AND I KNOW THAT YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWERS WHEN YOU NEED THEM. TALK TO YOU ALL NEXT WEEK .

Member: Donna A.
Location: California
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 8:26:00 PM

Comments

I have found that it is impossible to be in faith while I am in fear. I always need help to find out exactly what I am afraid of, that is what I have a sponser for. She can always help me to find my true fears, you know my fears disguise themselves. I have read a lot of really good posts here today. And I would like to say that I really enjoy reading and sharing here...But make no mistake for me the online meetings can't replace my meetings I actually get out the door and get to. I have not found the need to take a drink since September 14, 1994. I go to a meeting nearly every day because I not only have a drinking problem, I have living problems that my sober friends help me with. And though you all give me warm fuzzies sharing here, there is nothing like a real AA hug!! Well I am off to my women's meeting. Sober By God's Grace Donna A.

Member: Maria G.
Location: CA
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 8:35:29 PM

Comments

Maria "glug"/alcoholic

The only way i would deal with fear for 20 years or so of course was by gettin loaded. WHOA! I was so fearless and courageous while i had a buzz...little did i know that the real heros were the ones staying sober, dealing with life blow by blow. It really is harder to keep drinking, because you just put off the inevitable: LIFE IS SCARY...DEAL WITH IT.

INNER PEACE,

glug

Member: Mike B
Location: Clinton Twp., MI
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 8:49:35 PM

Comments

I'm not new to A.A. I've tried (2) times before to manage/quit drinking. Obviously, I've failed. But, there is a time that you have to stand up and actually "fight" for the power and the hunger to stop drinking. This is my "fight". I've been in the A.A. groups twice before (only because I had to). Now, it's my turn to chose right from wrong and make a stand where I slipped before. It's hard!!! But, with a "Higher Power", anything can be overcome. This is my first Cyber. But, just letting everything out, it should make me stronger. Leave it, let God!!! All strength to you who read,,,

Member: Anner
Location: Chi-town
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 9:40:58 PM

Comments

I'm also not new to AA. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to quit drinking. I'm wating for a call back now to find out where some meetings are. And I'm getting a sponsor somehow, someway as soon as I can possibly ask someone. And I plan to listen and do what I'm told this time. Thanks for listening. God bless you all.

Member: Lee-ann
Location:
Date: 6/4/01
Time: 11:09:27 PM

Comments

I guess I fear alot and this could be the reason why I'm seeking help on the internet. I have been to one AA meeting and one NA meeting but I fear what my parents will think of me, they always have thought that I have everything under controll,(and compaired to my siblings I do) I'm trying to slowly explain how I feel and what I have done but I always think that everyone is drinking and geting drunk and that I can handel just one...I think that happened twice in the last 7 years that I have handeled just one. I guess that I have decided that I'm better off without it but scared to admit it.

Member: AZbill
Location: Arizona
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 2:00:16 AM

Comments

HI all Bill, Alcoholic. Good topic Kelly. BTW if you happen to run into a Gilbert DeM in Belgium, please give him my new email address. I lost him in a recent crash. On to the topic.

First some background, I was a bricklayer whom no contractor would hire. I went into brick manufactoring. I came into AA and got sober. Ok.

Now, in the Lord's Prayer we ask, "Give us this day, Our Daily bread". Our Higher Power wants us to live happy and healthy lives. In this we require food, clothing, shelter and above all, freedom. These things all come under the heading of bread. But in order to obtain these things we must claim them and recognize that God and God alone is the source. Our investments, business, and employers are the channels through which these things come. The number of channels is infinite, the source is One. The fading of one source is the signal for the opening of another. This gives rise to the expression. When one door closes another opens. The trick is to stay out of the hallways.

One personal experience: Early in my recovery, I was at a dead end. Stuck in the hallway. Had to choose between work and college (Majoring in Nuclear Medicine.) My sponsor ask me three questions. Can you lay brick? Yes. Can you make brick? Yes. Can you do Nuclear Medicine? No. He then said. "Stay in college, you can always go back. You may never get the chance to press ahead."

I took his advice. Graduated. Passed the boards and became successful in the field. By all means, Stay out of those darn hallways. Nothing there but stagnation

Bill

az-bill@mindspring.com college.

Member: AZbill
Location: Azizona
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 2:05:14 AM

Comments

Sorry College is not part of my email address :) az-bill@mindspring.com

Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 4:20:21 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.Fear is a great topic.Fear is a normal feeling that everyone has.When I did my fourth step I realized that fear governed my life.Fear can be an ally if I understand the consequences.I know a snake bite can be fatal in some instances, I stay away from snakes, I understand the consequences.I have no fear of alcohol today.I have a healthy respect for it, I know what it did and can do to me. Today faith has become a very big part of my life, I truly believe that no matter what happens in my life, inspite of me, it's going to be okay.God does for me what I cannot do for myself.I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I do not fear the process of dying.There are some horrible ways I can die, that concerns me, but the actual process of dying does not scare me today.At one time that thought absolutely terrified me.I am a true believer that selfcenteredness is the crux of the disease of alcoholism.We as alcoholic suffer from self centered fear, its only when we are able to confront ourselves as we are, are we then capable of moving from the shadow of fear to the light of faith. Even today, anything worthwhile I am able to accomplish, it seems that I still have to go thru a small wall of fear.But if I compare myself to myself, I can see a different person, and its only thru the amazing Grace of God and the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.

Member: Marie B.
Location: Chicago
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 6:53:42 AM

Comments

(((Lee-Ann))) Hi,I can relate when you spoke about having fear about telling your parents,because you feel you will be judged ,I too felt the same but after I finally did much to my suprise my dad was soooo supportive(my mom passed a long time ago). I believe they truly want things to work out for their children. So Please hang in there you got us all to . GOD Bless and do what you have to take care of YOU.

Member: GloriaJ.
Location: new zealand
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 7:10:08 AM

Comments

hi everyone reading the topic of fear has and always will remind me of how deadly serious this illness is it has robbed me of a life in thepast the only way i could cope with fear was to drink myself into oblivion my attitude was who cares whats the problem just have another drink it'll be alright since stopping drinking over a period of time with the help of my hp andby gods grace i have learnt to surrender my life over on a daily basis not always easy for an alcoholic like me i was always trying to outsmart myself thought i was really clever trouble is being the alcoholic i am you can't con a con and i was only fooling myself fear is like a thief in the night it'll rob me of my peace of mind i become anxious have panic attacks and literally paint myself into a corner and have nowhere to go as i said earlier by gods grace and learning that i can never face anything on my own i need others to support and nurture me through the fear my sponsor is always there for me i have meetings to go to everyday of the week i have others to have a coffee with i have been gifted this wonderful programme that i know truly works it has in my life and being sober one day at a time because thats all i've got countless times in meetings i see gods miracle working in others i know it'll work for others if they will only surrender and stop doing things there way thank you for this opportunity i have never been on line before this is my first time and it feels wonderful to have a meeting its getting late here in nz god bless Gloria

Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 8:23:19 AM

Comments

(((Kelly))), what a stroke of luck to have you start with such a great topic. So many insightful shares, thanks everyone. I am with AZbill on this one and I try to get out of that darn hall. I live life each and everyday and it is too short to wring one's hands over it all, at least for more than 24 hours. I try to stay in the day and sometimes moment. For me worry and fear waste me of my better G~d givn self. Faith and sense of humor has also gotten me through what I always thought of as my "last hour" before an action. I had a sponsor who would not let me use the big word-fear. I was to use scared, afraid, dont know, etc . . it really broke it down for me what was really going on and how to let it go. I let it go by giving it to G~d and steping back and out of the way. Sometimes I have to go through this several times; I can and do if I just try to stay honest and walk through it knowing G~d controls the outcome, not me.

Member: Louis L
Location: Ottawa Ontario
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 3:48:13 PM

Comments

Louis,a greatful alcoholic.If a try to control or listen to myself that's when fear starts to appear.If i "let go let God" and go to a meeting everything seems to go a little,alot more smoother.Keep coming back it works.It's not what i want that's important it's what i need,and i kneed you guy's and My HP. Thanks

Member: laura
Location:
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 5:13:40 PM

Comments

Hi i'm laurie and i'm a drunk I never been on line before and I'm 10 yrs sober. I just bought a house and I'm having a really had time, i feel like I,m newly sober again I been going to new meetimgs and trying to stay looking for a way in, but i,m not doing well with it. an old guy at the meeting the other day told me to pray. I don't feel like god is there even though i know he is. today It was my day off and I could leave the house and I don't even like the house.be carefull for what you ask for he will give it to you.I just can't get out of this funk.

Member: Iris M
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 9:02:45 PM

Comments

Hi all. My name is Iris and this is day one for me. I am having health problems and know I need to stop drinking now. I am scared and ashamed. Since I haven't found the strength to go to an AA meeting yet I'd like to come here. Reading your comments amkes me cry and hope one day I can be where some of you are. Thanks

Member: rabadabaroo doo
Location:
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 9:11:32 PM

Comments

my name is elenor rigby................

wiping the dirt from my hands as i walk from the

grave....................................

Member: rabadabaroo doo
Location:
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 9:11:45 PM

Comments

my name is elenor rigby................

wiping the dirt from my hands as i walk from the

grave....................................

Member: rabadabaroo doo
Location: threes a charm
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 9:12:13 PM

Comments

my name is elenor rigby................

wiping the dirt from my hands as i walk from the

grave....................................

Member: Barry L.
Location: PA
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 10:27:50 PM

Comments

Heard in the rooms:

A heavy rain is falling and major flooding is expected, a man is sitting on his porch and the water is a foot deep, a national guardsman pulls up in a truck and says you better get in we are evacuating the area, the man says "no need, I have faith in God he will save me". A few hours later he is on his porch roof the water is nearing the second floor, a policeman comes by in a boat and says you better get in, the man replies "no need, I have faith in God he will save me". A few more hours pass and he is on the peak of the roof, a coastguard helicopter comes and a man yells grab the ladder or you will drown, the man shouts back "no need, I have faith in God he will save me".

The man drowns and finds himself in heaven before God, and says angrily to God "I don't understand I had FAITH in you, and you let me DIE"
God says "I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic,
When I first heard that story it taught me alot in regards to fear and reaching out for help in recovery, and to me they are closely related. I have faith today that my Higher Power will provide solutions to my problems and fears, but I Must be responsible for identifying the help and taking the Right Action to bring about the solution. I do not believe in Blind Faith, I have learned life in sobriety is about me doing the right things, not sitting around waiting for them to happen. I identify with some of the newcomers, I used to get sober (dry) for a few months or years, and expect my life to change and my old fears to vanish just because I wasn't drinking anymore. It didn't happen and I would get drunk again. Not until I SURRENDERED and worked the 12 Steps, did a profound Spiritual change come over me, which allows me to deal with Life on Life's terms, and not be overrun with Fear.

I have no desire to be rid of fear today, when I was drinking I thought I had to be Fearless and have Courage in order to be a man. In rehab I read the definition below, I'm not sure where it is from?

"Courage is not the absence of Fear, Courage is the ability to make the right decision and take the right action in the face of Fear"

To me there are normal instinctual fears which are healthy, and abnormal manufactured fears which are unhealthy. If my car stalls on a railroad track and a train is speeding toward me, instinctual fear tells me to get the hell out of the car, this is a good thing. If I drive 20 miles out of my way to avoid crossing a railroad track, because someday my car might stall in the middle, and a train might speed toward me, and my seatbelt might jam, and I might get killed, so I might as well just walk down to the bar and have a drink, well you get the picture that's the bad kind.

I can still go off projecting unhealthy fears, but then I pray, and talk to another drunk, and the fear goes away. The program has taught me not to let fear rule my life the way it used to, and for that I am grateful.

P.S. I ate 6 sausages for breakfast a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't wake up in a different state, I still have my wife and my job. If I had 6 glasses of wine that may not be the case (the bible mentions WINE 232 times), many saying it is ok in moderation, not the case for this Alcoholic. I'm of to finish my (pork) kielbasa from supper.

Member: Ronnie W.
Location: Chgo.
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 10:31:04 PM

Comments

This is a great topic for where am i in my sobriey.? The worst fear for me is to look inside me to find me.Will i run back to my drinkig again even though it has tried numouros times to kill me health wise.I turn over a little bit more to my higher power everyday. i wasn't ready to admit there was someone who knew me better than i did. Now I know its there beacause i would not be where i am today with out my higher power.i beleive fear will always be a small part of me, but now i have some knowledge to handle it. thanks for this topic and sight.

alcohlic forever!!!!!!!! ronnie

Member: Dave W.
Location: N.Y.
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 11:06:50 PM

Comments

I have 4 little kids and sometimes they are scared of the dark.I tell them ,God is bigger than the boogie man and as long as you have Jesus in your heart the monsters don't stand a chance.I guess it can work for us bigger kids too.

Member: Andrea O
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 11:20:35 PM

Comments

Hello everyone - F E A R Face Everything and Recover. That is one of the best things we can do. Remember that God (or your Higher Power, however you wish to term it) is the one who has all power. May I find him now. A woman @ one of my meetings last week mentioned that EGO is Edging God Out. Remember too that alcoholism and alcoholics are often people who let self-will run riot. By admitting and surrenduring, I've been like a young tree in a storm. I'm able to bend and sway, not snap in too. Right now, I've been replacing one addiction with another because of perceived tumult in my life. I'm going to do my darndest to get back to simple basics like trusting in God the way a child has pure, unadulterated faith. I've found that when I think too much, I get in trouble. Thank you for letting my fingers do the walking on this keyboard, thereby propelling myself into getting out my thoughts before they trip me up.

God bless everyone. God wants each of us to recognize the gifts we have to give to each other. Thank you for giving me the gift of listening to me and of sharing your stories and lives with me. Andrea

Member: Vickie A.
Location: SF, CA
Date: 6/5/01
Time: 11:28:29 PM

Comments

Fear and Faith, they do seem to be connected for me. Great topic. There are big changes about to happen in my life and I am terrified. I have faith that it will work out exactly as it should. I couldn't always say that.I'm still worried and nervous, but I know what I can and can't do about it. There have been times in the past when I was so crippled by fear that I couldn't even remember what faith felt like. I was very lucky then to be surrounded by others who were strong in their faith. My answer was to have faith in the fact that they had faith. If that makes any sense. Either way, it worked.

As for coming to terms with what or who your Higher Power is, I heard something at a meeting years ago and it really helped me let go of some rigid notions that were hanging me up....If you don't like someone else's God, make up your own. It's your Higher Power, you get to say what it is. That gave me the freedom to formulate my own set of beliefs. It really did help keep me sober.

My favorite prayer now, the one I use the most, is "I hand it up to God, asking only for the highest possible good for all concerned." Sometimes I have to repeat it like a mantra for a REALLY long time before I relax with whatever I'm stressing over, but it does work for me. So does breathing. You can't think about anything else if you are thinking about your breath.

Thanks to all of you for being here.

Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 8:43:09 AM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic, grateful to God and AA for this 24 hours. Lots of good posts this week. To Tom S: Amen. To SDL: There must be people who stay sober for a long time without a higher power. I just don't know any. For me, it became pasinfully clear that my way wasn't working, so I wnet to God for help and it came. I've trusted Him ever since. For Doug K: I agree 100%. We are already provided the answers, we just fight them and find ways to ignore them. When I am at my best, it's when I'm trying to practice those things you mentioned. When I'm at my worst and my character defects are showing, I've forgotten those simple things and am too centered on me. For AZ Bill: Thanks, Bill, I always learn from your posts and I love your kind of sobriety. Fear: I've got it and it just "keeps coming back!" But, if I remember to ask God to remove it, and help me through what troubles me, it is invariably lifted, at least enough for me to get through the moment. It's when I forget to go to my HP that I can stew in it and let it bog me down. I like that Bible phrase that says words to the effect, "Don't worry about anything and pray about everything." As simple as it sounds, it works for me. Thanks for letting me share. Fred

Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa Florida
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 9:13:12 AM

Comments

Hi Tom M. here, a grateful recovering Alcoholic. I agree Fred if I turn it over to my HP, I chose to call it the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ, and ask him to help me just this day and remember that's really all I have to worry about. Ask him to help me work this AA way of life. It WORKS. However when ever I try to run the show, it don't take long for me to get in trouble. Thanks for the oportunity.

Member: trish l
Location: ohio
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 9:33:29 AM

Comments

I how a porblem with leting go and let God take care of it. But when I do what a wonderful feeling it to have a peice of mind I have. It is easy to get down on ourselfs But I look around and I see some one going thew something a lot worse. And when I see them pulling there selfs thew it I can see the grace Of My Higer Power.For with out him I cant stay sober or have the life I live today.

Member: charlie l
Location: massachusetts
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 12:15:25 PM

Comments

My fears are self centered. But, being an alcoholic, I have learned that I am self centered to the EXTREME. When I am in fear, it's because I fear not getting something or someway that I want, or, getting something or someway that I don't want. One of the other members spoke of turning things over. There is only so much control I have over my life. I have been told to do the footwork, and turn the rest over. Remember, a blessing in disguise is always in disguise. So many times what I would have chosen was not to be, and the end result was far better than I could have imagined. Help has always come my way when asked for, sometimes in strange ways. Like surfing into this site for example. Fear is a feeling, feelings don't get us drunk, booze does.

Just found this site today. It's good to be here. thanks for listening.

Member: Kate H.
Location: Troy, NY
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 1:13:36 PM

Comments

Hi, all. I'm Kate and I'm an alcoholic. Someone wiser than myself recently told me that all ANGER is FEAR-based. Reading these posts, I've found myself saying "bullpuckies" to the idea that god is interested in taking on anything I might "turn over", let alone taking care of ME. Sounds a lot like anger to me. Anger at HP. Therefore, I guess I'm afraid of it. Why? The ability to trust anyone or anything completely was stolen from me many, many years ago. Admitting that I'm an alcoholic and that my life was unmanageable made me realize that I can't even trust myself.

I don't want to drink today and haven't in a while. I've been making a ton of meetings, talking to folks before and after, taking other folks to meetings who need a ride, sharing here and in meetings and generally doing what I've been taught to do over the last two years. But none of that has released the anger/fear that I've been holding all my life. Getting professional help and trying to work on it but that doesn't seem to be working either or at least, not as quickly as I'd like.

Best thing that can be said is that I won't drink today and I'll keep comin' back....though somehow that smacks of insanity (repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result), too. It's a better brand of it than I had before, for sure.

Thanks for being here and letting me share. Love to all. Kate

Member: MARG R
Location: CANADA
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 4:06:41 PM

Comments

HI: MARG R CHECKING IN. SOBRIETY DATE STILL MAY 23, 2001. I GUESS THAT MEANS I HAVE 15 DAYS ALMOST. I HAVE HAD MANY SOBRIETY DATES AND I STILL KEEP TRYING. I HAVE 2 CHOICES I CAN GIVE UP OR I CAN START OVER EVERY DAY. IF I WANT TO I CAN EVEN START MY DAY OVER, MANY TIMES IF I HAVE TO. JUST FOR TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK. I MAKE THIS A CONSCIOUS DECISION EVERY DAY. IF I DON'T DO THIS I FIND I AM IN A VERY DIFFERENT HEAD SPACE AND I DON'T SEEM TO FEEL QUITE RIGHT UNTIL I DO THIS. I FIND DAILY MEDITATIONS HELPFUL BECAUSE IT JUST SEEMS TO CHANGE YOUR FOCUS. ANY WAY I AM WAITING FOR A NEW PLACE TO LIVE. I DECIDED I NEEDED TO CHANGE MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE TO GET BETTER. THAT WAS MY LAST RESERVATION I HAD. I HAVE BEEN IN LIMBO FOR 2 MONTHS GOING ON 3. IT'S BEEN HARD BUT I KNOW I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR ME AND MY SON. I HATE TO WAIT BUT I AM MAKING A CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO BELIEVE THAT THE PERFECT PLACE FOR BOTH OF US WILL MATERIALIZE REALLY SOON. I'M DOING THE FOOTWORK SO NOW IT'S UP TO MY HIGHER POWER.

TALK TO YOU ALL LATER

MARG

Member: dean w
Location: england
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 4:07:38 PM

Comments

I know I have a problem and I have not read anybody elses: selfish i know. but how do u cope alcohol has been a the biggest part of my life. I dont know if I can function without it

Dean w england

Member: deanw
Location: england
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 4:10:34 PM

Comments

Sorry just read everyone elses comments. mine seem trivial. sorry.

Member: John. A
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 4:11:22 PM

Comments

Hi,I am John an Alcoholic. First time here and second time sober. I was afraid of everything now I am afraid of nothing. What has caused this is that I now have a chance... with the help of God, AA and "friends". If I can understand and feel that the only fear I ever had was of me and the choices I made in life I can be fearless with the help of God. I am working towards this, it just takes time...

Member: Richard S.
Location: MA.
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 7:05:38 PM

Comments

Religion is for people who have a fear of going to hell and spirituality is for people who have been to hell. If we sit and think for a moment about who in this world has the most fear, I would think it is safe to assume the religios person is more fearfull by far. The God as I know him is loving and forgiving. Instead of us "standing in the hallway" waiting for something we want and think we deserve (selfish),go outside and wait for what our Higher power believes we need. If we had what we wanted, our lives would still be unmanageable do to alcohol. Open up a comunication with your HP, talk to him every day, have faith that your Will is left to him and what ever he chooses to do, so be it. He will not let us down. If we have done steps 1,2,3 this should be easy, its the steps ahead that are the ones to fear. So dont stand in fear waiting for answers to your problems, God will give us the answers when he feels were ready for them. Remember that the bigest miracle in our lives has already happened, we have one more 24 hrs. of sobriety than we had yesterday. Thank him for that.

Member: Cath H
Location: England
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 10:32:09 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. Its been so good to read all your shares on fear and console myself that I'm not simply some terrified oddball loser. I've been "around" AA for 10 years now and never managed more than a couple of months sober. I never put my trust in a higher power although I was continually declaring the opposite. If I could have done it on will power and I tried enough I'd have been sorted long ago. Now I find I simply don't have a choice. Its believe that God can and will help me or resign myself to being one of the unfotunates mentioned in chapter 5. No contest there for what I would prefer. My fear is my constant shadow and the only time I get peace or reprieve is when I'm at a meeting listening to folk who have trodden the same bleak path of drinking and I feel a spiritual hand on my shoulder telling me to trust and sobriety with all its joy (and problems!) will follow. I have to believe on a daily basis that this voice as well as my fellow humans in AA are not trying to deceive me,or pull a fast one, and if that is the only thing I can manage to do in the next 24 hrs I won't get drunk. When the complacency and cynnicism over take me i'm heading for another drunk, but this God has never let me down when Ive asked and sometimes I have been particularly ungracious and self serving in the way I've asked. So here I am in the very small hours wide awake and tapping away with a small degree of serenity and a lot of gratitude and yes a measure of anxiety about the next 24 hours but nothing like the overwhelming terror on my last bender. Thankyou all for your posted shares. When I began writing this stream of consciousness I felt lonely and disconnected but that one too has passed and it has been a joy to read what you all said and feel that delight of knowing that I'm not in this on my own unless I choose to be. Take care and I wish you all the best for your recovery.

Member: Wayne F.
Location: Houston,TX
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 10:41:10 PM

Comments

My name is Wayne F, alcoholic. I've been away from this site for some time mainly because the posts were irrelevent to my staying sober. My sobriety date is 3-19-89. To all the newly sober Friends of Bill W., I say don't leave five minutes before the miracle. These words meant alot to me in early sobriety. I'll try to keep up with all the posts and try to share my experience, strength and hope with y'all. God Bless, it's one day at a time.

Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, fl
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 11:05:51 PM

Comments

hello my name is richard , i am an alcoholic... a good buzz nphrase i heartd for fear...face everything and recover.....simple but effective ....and i suppose that is realy what it is a ll about ......dealng with life on life's terms and going on with out drinking ....more is constantly being revealed to us a s long as we follow the simple concepts.///however that may be to easy for many .... i live in perfect love provided by god.....i love each of you and hope to meet those that i am suppposed as life goes on.....ty and cyaaaa

Member: Kate
Location: Cheshire England
Date: 6/6/01
Time: 11:15:52 PM

Comments

Hello everyone. I'm Kate and trying to recover from this dreadful illness. My HP seems to try and make me understand that I do not have control over my recovery any more than I had over my drinking. He is in the driving seat now and has been parking me in places I haven't wanted to go but have been oddly glad that I have been. It was said to me very early on in my first few meetings that God won't give you more than you can deal with at any one time, and like most newcomers I thought that this was utter rubbish(having the weight of the world on my shoulders). But as I sit here wiping the proverbial egg from my face I am starting to understand how true that has been. If God had revealed to me at first, just how really ill I had become over the last twenty years I would have thought that recovery was not going to be mine to have. Right now I have to cope with the less than pleasant fear of knowing that I don't need to pick up a drink to be a very sick woman. The booze might not be in me but the illness is still there and always will be. At least (for today) I have not found myself hunting fretfully for the thirteenth step which ain't there and which will permit me to drink again. I am profoundly grateful for that. Thankyou for all your shares.

Member: Maureen
Location: Oregon
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 2:35:30 AM

Comments

Hello, My name is Maureen, and I'm not drinking today. As a matter of fact, I haven't drank for 23 days. I find miracle! Today however is a prefect gift. I'm going to trust in God, so I won't be afraid!

Delay not your conversion to the Lord, put it not off from day to day. Sirach 5:8

A day doesn't seem like much time until you realize how much can happen in a day. In his book "In One Day", Tom Parker says each day in the United States: 11,000 people get bitten by a dog. 13,000 people get married 20,000 people write the president. 87,000 people wreck their car. 180,000 people move to a new house. One day may not seem like much, but the facts show otherwise.

* Note I wonder, in a day: How many people die? How many people are born? How many people get drunk? How many people get sober? Only God knows--- I'll just have to trust in Him, then I'm not so afraid! He can handle it!!!

"You wake up in the morning and lo! Your purse is magically filled with twenty-four hours of the manufactured tissue of your life! It is yours. It is the most precious of possessions." Arnold Bennet Hope you enjoy your day! May you be free of fear,May you be at ease, May you be happy!

Maureen

Member: Matt B
Location: Japan
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 3:11:18 AM

Comments

About 2 years after going to my first meeting, I am going to try to go to a meeting tonight...I am scared, but I feel that this is something that I cannot put off any longer.

Member: Frank D
Location: Vancouver WA
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 3:49:32 AM

Comments

Awesome and thanks to all for talking about this weeks topic. I need to listen.......

Member: Bill P.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 11:31:12 AM

Comments

Hello to all and thanks for being here. I found this site after failing to find an online listing for local meetings - just for the moment, it's a godsend - I really need to let loose right now. Hope no-one minds.

Ten years ago this coming Sunday, I went into rehab after knowing for years that my life was out of control. My wife and two sons were afraid of me, I had no direction, and what was worst of all was that I was disgusted with myself. After countless false starts at meetings, I was ready to make a change. Rehab opened my eyes to enough things that I was able to stay sober for six years, during which time I completed a master's degree, took over a failing business and made it successful, and also pursued my musical passions. My relationship with my family mended and I'm still married to the same wonderful woman after 24 years. I also have relationships with my now-grown sons that I never thought I'd have. Sounds good, huh?

Well, it is...all except for the fact that I started drinking again four years ago. Until recently, I managed to do a pretty good job of keeping it a secret, even though I knew I'd be found out eventually. It happened about a month ago, and just like before, I've resisted getting help, certain that I could somehow self-will my way over this thing. This morning I realize I can't.

While my initial six years of recovery was wonderful, I achieved it only on the strength of faith in my HP. I paid little attention to the three sponsors that I took on out of convenience, worked only as far as the fourth step, and came dangerously close to allowing myself to get involved with a woman I'd met in rehab. (I didn't - and, no, I'm not an asshole, but I am human.) I don't believe in making the same mistakes over and over again. I know what worked for me and I know where I made my mistakes. Just for today, I know what I need to do. With God's help, I'll be able to follow through so that I can do it again tomorrow.

Inconsistencies? Hypocrisies? Lies? You bet! Been there, done that. Had myself believing that I could hide my behavior from everybody but God...and I trusted that God would ultimately forgive me. Just for today, that's unacceptible. Just for today, I can't operate that way anymore. I want to look my wife in the eye and return the truth I see. I want to get on with the second half of my life doing the things that make me happy and fulfilled without having to take time out to indulge my demons. And I want to be able to reach out to others. I vividly recall the wonderful feeling of keeping what I had only by giving it away. Unfortunately, part of me got too big and important to continue.

Thanks for being there for me and everyone else who needs you.

Member: Melody H
Location: Ellicott City, Maryland
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 12:09:06 PM

Comments

My name is Melody and I am an alcoholic. I have never "been" to this kind of meeting before and I'm not even sure how it works. I do know that my sponsor told me that the one truth that I have to accept on a daily basis is that I am an alcoholic and I cannot drink safely. The reason that I am here today is loneliness. It says somewhere in the big book, that we suffer from loneliness that only an alcoholic could know. I feel that way now. I have been sober since Feb. of 93'. I have been involved and have gone to meetings on a regular basis that whole time. Ten weeks ago God blessed me with my first child. I am so grateful to be sober for this wonderful experience. I thank God everyday. I also haven't been able to get out to meetings and although I have kept in contact with my friends and sponsor, I am starting to feel myself slip. I don't necessarily mean drink, just not feeling right. Very disconnected and alone. I don't know what the topic is, but if anyone could just talk to me for a while. Preferably a woman, sorry guys. Unlike when I first got sober, I find I relate to women better. I even like a few of them now!!! Sorry if I went off the topic, whatever that is.

Member: Marie B.
Location: Chicago
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 2:43:15 PM

Comments

Dear Melody, My name is MarieB. An I am A graeful Alcoholic who was lucky enough to find this site 65 Sober days ago before that ,I was drinking and feeling lonely from being in the house for 2 years do to a disabling surgery,JUST KEEP COMING BACK-IT WORKS! Believe me when I tell you the people in the (COFFEE POT) SECTION OF THIS SITE HAVE BEEN THE ONES THAT KEEP ME HANGING ON ! I don't have any answers but I do know that help Is here if you look for it! God Bless! KEEP COMING BACK! MarieB.

Member: wisenhimer
Location:
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 4:13:57 PM

Comments

Tis a topic I can relate to: standing there, in the hallway, before court perhaps, Tis the time for prayer, Anticipation of the coming events has now brought me to my knees, powerless over the outcome of what might or might not transpire; All that I've managed to do has come to this; the judgement of another. And what do I bring to court? No case whatever! No, no information doth the judge have laid before him, The judge knoweth me not, nor my circumstance, neither was he there, nor has he been there at any time nor has anyone told him my whole story, although I have had a lawyer. He is but a man this day, and for the first time do I know him, or it, as he truly is, or, is not, and in a word: there is no one to sign my paper anymore, No one who can erase the black board of my life here on earth, or here below, no one who understands. Today, they are all mere men, mere men unaware, in their vain endeavors and I, I am caught in the web of these blind leaders of the blind. All things going from bad to worse and I am left to keep back the destruction that seems now inevitable with none to deliver. This then is step two; Forsake this world, and go on to step three. And to his Word, forget not the Word of God or be turned out of the way before you ever begin....

Member: Art M
Location: Matamoras, PA
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 4:14:50 PM

Comments

<<deanew>> no one's comments in our program is trivial. Your honesty and expresions of hopelessness are things we can all idenify with. The fact is that when I had that fear of doing something about it, nothing was done about it! The only requirement for membership in AA is the desire to stop drinking. When I realized that was "all" I needed to be in the rooms, it made it easier. It's not easy to accept the AA way, because it's much more natural for me to bury my head in a bottle. But when I realized that other members really wanted me to share my real fellings I began to attend meetings regularly. The first step in the AA program starts with <<<we>>>. Thank you all for a wonderful meeting. Art

Member: Bob F.
Location: California
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 4:49:24 PM

Comments

(This is not on the topic.)

My name is Bob, a recovering AA member. I'm writing on behalf of a 12-Step fellowship that wants to hold a conference on Oahu in October 2002. In the spirit of cooperation, can you help with information or referrals?

Thanks.

Bob F. rcfrey@earthlink.net

Member: Brenda K.
Location: Connecticut
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 7:44:31 PM

Comments

I am grateful to have found this site, didn't think there was anything is way of support online for this. I am 5 days sober and terrified I will fail. I find that during the day my confidence is with me and then in the evening I have to fight not to fall into my normal routine of grabbing a beer or 6.....I pray every day that I can just make it through that day, and so far I am ok. So in relation to the topic of fear, I am fearful but hopeful. For the first time in my life I struggle through the night wanting that drink but feel good in the morning with no pounding migraine and dehydration. Anyway, this is a good site and I will be back.

Member: joey sixgun
Location:
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 8:33:55 PM

Comments

homos are like lesbians kind of

Member: cory
Location: austin
Date: 6/7/01
Time: 11:29:08 PM

Comments

I am trying to understand my suicidal thoughts with the help of my higher power. I feel like I'm in the hallway waiting, my thoughts of killing myself are really high right now. Yet I love my life. Acceptance is very hard to see when I want to keep up with ever thing going on around me, I have to give my old ways and haven't. Yet. The only chance of recovery is to completly give my self to God, to the program, and to my fellow AA members. I see "it" and can feel "it", but am I ready. Thanks andI hope someone responds-cory

Member: Kelly F.
Location: Brussels
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 2:57:04 AM

Comments

(((Melody in Maryland)))

I just saw your note this morning. Please write me if you want. I understand the loneliness one has after having a baby. It can be overwhelming.

Love, Kelly sabharwal@arcadis.be

Member: Lyna
Location: SE-US
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 11:51:10 AM

Comments

<<Melody, Kelly, Marie B., and ...all...>> hi i'm lyna (screen name) and feel pretty much like what Melody posted .... "...reason that I am here today is loneliness..." Feeling a lot of loneliness, uncertainly, confusion. Also Fear, if i think about alcohol... This morning i decided i would stop drinking. Now more toward the afternoon, and i am afraid of not having the "crutch" of my etoh.. preferably wine.. although i have stopped before, and sometimes am not sure if i am an alcoholic...(duh...) i know i need only think of today, and this hour and minute.. and ask my HP for help, guidance.. but then i might start rationalizing... "well, i might get too depressed if i don't have a drink(s), or, "how will i enjoy eating a meal or snack without it..." i am trying to convince myself that if i eat certain things, i would want coffee so i am thinking of shopping to get chocolate (if i EVER get out of the house) or whatever.. but i threw out any etoh that was in the house.., and i maybe shouldn't go out or i might buy wine or beer, or something... feeling alot alone, probably because my hub moved out, which i know is for the best, and as he drinks, it should be easier to stop without his being around and drinking...

and Melody I know some people get post-partum depression, and i hope you have told your doctor about some of what you are feeling.. (in case its not from the alc.)

if any of you (ladies) can think of a "discreet" way to contact each other, please let me know... now i am too chicken to give out email addr. here

first time here, i need to keep coming; any support would be appreciated (i decided for now not to go to an in person meeting.. ) so i guess this is it, i am thankful i found this site... thank you all...

Member: Sam L
Location: Hong Kong
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 12:16:14 PM

Comments

My name is Sam, I'm a alcoholic. I just got in Hong Kong so I have do my AA meeting online. About "fear", all about how you controling oue mind. You have to stay focus and walk thru all the fear to the other side of unknown. But we only human, from time to time, we all fear unknown, just like the first time I was in jail for DUI.

Member: St Francis
Location:
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 1:51:38 PM

Comments

DO WHAT IS NECESSARY

DO WHAT IS POSSIBLE

THE IMPOSSIBLE THEN HAS BEEN DONE

Member: Sharon T.
Location: upstate NY
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 2:18:22 PM

Comments

Kelly,

I realized in a very direct way what you meant by "standing in the hall", waiting for your HP, feeling the fear. After watching and reading responses all week long, I got up the nerve to go to my first AA meeting today. "Standing in the hall", waiting for the meeting to begin, was a fearful time for me. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. People were very supportive, and I feel calmer now. Thanks to all of you for giving me courage. Kelly, you could not have picked a better topic for me. I'll think of you the next time I am standing in the hall, afraid, and waiting.

Member: Tom G.
Location: Sussex, UK
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 4:41:56 PM

Comments

Hi everyone,my wife is away with my son for a couple of days (activity camp)She also is in the fellowship, and I'm missing her and Chris so it was nice to come in here and read all your lovely comments ( cept for the pork rubbish ) have you contemplated a sex change roo. I still have fear in my life only this morning I was afraid of crossing the road in front of a bloody great big lorry doing about 80 mph. I also have a very positive fear of drinking Thank God.The fear of financial insecurity has left me though,and not long ago I went for a job interview without a fearful bone in my body. (got the job ) A.A. and my H.P. have taught me the difference between positive and negative fears.I used to wake up at 4 a.m. when I was drinking I would jump out of bed and crouch in the corner of the room so nothing could get behind me, sweating, shaking and consumed with fear,but having no idea why, bet this sounds familiar to some of you. Well guess what I havent felt like that for years. To all newcomers get a home group, get a sponsor, get a big book and get on with it and keep coming back. God bless all of you even porky, and the big prick. Tommy.

Member: Tom G.
Location: Sussex, UK
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 4:42:02 PM

Comments

Member: Tom G.
Location: Sussex, UK
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 4:42:10 PM

Comments

Member: DB
Location: TEXAS
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 5:37:36 PM

Comments

I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE TODAY. I HAVE OVER 7 MONTHS SOBER, HAVE WORKED MY STEPS, HAVE A SPONSER, HAVE MANY FRIENDS IN THE PROGRAM WHOM I DO THINGS WITH DAILY, GO TO MEETINGS DAILY, AND HELP ANYONE THAT ASKS FOR MY HELP BUT I AM LOSING FAITH IN THE PROGRAM AND MY HIGHER POWER. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR A JOB FOR 2 MONTHS. I DO ALL OF THE FOOTWORK TO FIND ONE HAVE GONE ON MANY INTERVIEWS BUT SO FAR NO JOB. I HAVE TRIED TO KEEP THE FAITH AND NOT LEAVE 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE MIRACLE BUT SO FAR I SEE NO MIRACLE EXCEPT OF COURSE THAT I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK YET. I AM IN THE WORST MOOD TODAY THAT I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LEAVE MY HOUSE. PLEASE IF YOU CAN GIVE ME SOME WORDS OF WISDOM.

Member: laura
Location:
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 6:29:07 PM

Comments

Hi my name is laura and i,m a drunk. I know that gods time and mine are on two diff. time lines and when i think somthing should be happening and its not it for a reason. even if i don't know why at the time you see i really don't know what is best for me even at 10 yrs sober. I always think i do but it never works the way I think it should. god has never let me down when I look back. AA has always been there when I needed it the most keep the faith and always ask for the truth even when it hurts. god speed! Laura

Member: David K
Location: Atlanta,Ga
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 6:33:30 PM

Comments

This is someone trying to get back into the program. I had 9 months sobriety and relapsed big time. I miss the AA way of life because it taught me so much about how to live my life.It is an uphill struggle from where i am now, but one thing that keeps me going is that I have been there before (standing in the hall) and i was found. I know that even though i feel like hell now it WILL happen again. I have faith and i love all you people for being here for me because i need support right now. Its like they say " you always have another relapse in you , but do you have another recovery?" I am finding out the hard way that "another recovery" is very hard. It is possible if I just keep the faith I had before. Hope this helps anyone who thinks they might be able to drink 'SUCESSFULLY' again. take it from one who thought he could. Jail twice in two weeks, lost my job, lost my house and I am 27 years old. It does not get any better. I am suffering but I know if I stand in the hallway long enough, my HP will come. Thank You for the topic.

Member: Ellen D
Location: TX
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 7:17:28 PM

Comments

Hi, my mane is Ellen and I am an alcoholic. Been sober 9 years and have just found this site. Welcome to the newcomers to AA. And thank you to those that have shared some truly wise insights. I've been in a "hallway" for quite a while now in one area of my life. In the beginning it was frightening and frustrating- Will God really care enough about me? And, why isn't something happening NOW! Like so many others have said, my fear is really only a lack of faith (when I truly trust a person, I am not afraid they will hurt or betray me) and my time is not God's time. I now see this time in the"hallway" as an opportunity to exercise my spiritual "muscles" and strengthen my faith. After all, if everything always happened the way I wanted, when I wanted, why would I need faith? And this is also a time to open myself to exploring what God may have in mind for my by a) doing the next right thing and what is in front of me; b) getting out of myself and seeing where I can be of service to others. That doesn't have to be anything big either. It's amazing how helpful I can be if I just open my eyes and look for the need.

Thanks for letting me share!

Member: tm
Location:
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 8:29:02 PM

Comments

indiana wants me i cant go back there

tim mcveigh

Member: George G
Location: Miami
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 10:20:36 PM

Comments

Ij took my last drink on 06/06/01. I'm going into my third day from relapse. I'm disabled and cannot drive. I also have other problems that make it virtually impossible to attend face toface meeting's. I need the help and support of a twelve step group, at least in cyberspace. I've been aa member of AA, for 25 years, regardless of my relapses.

Member: Cher449
Location: Maine-iac`
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 11:10:02 PM

Comments

I absolutely was paralized by fear (of people mostly). I hate standing in the "hallway" waiding for the next "door" to open.....I am the one pounding on the same door and not looking for the door that is open...and I miss the oportunity.

I am the alcoholic that keeps doing the same thing expecting different results. Sound familiar???

When I got to AA, they/YOU told me to get a home group and a "job" there. Through taking these little jobs, I gained new friends and some confidence losing some of my FEAR. I had to reach out to other drunks when booking speaking comittments for my group. I WAS the kid in school who would rather take an "F" than give an oral bookreport.

I am just saying, that thanks to AA I am no longer paralized when I feel fear. I just talk about how I feel and walk through it WITH someone.

One last note...I NEVER go into my head (the attic) without a sponsor and a flashlight.

*smiles Cher

Member: Lisa G
Location: Earth
Date: 6/8/01
Time: 11:45:43 PM

Comments

this is my first time in here. my name is lisa and i am an alcoholic. i have been able to relate as easily at my computer as i have in the meeting rooms so i am happy to have found you. i have been afraid and very pissed off lately and my body is feeling it too. the tension in my shoulders due to the fear and anger is just not good for me. my way of barking has not always been effective in the past but when i state my case these days, i'm not as scary. sobriety has allowed me to react appropriately (most of the time) and with feeling.....and lots and lots of kleenex. tears are cleansing, but really!!!!!!

i wish you all another 24 hours ;-)

Member: Melanie F
Location: L.A.
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 12:47:54 AM

Comments

This is my first time at this site. Your comments and insights about fear have been helpful and have been good reminders. I am in a lot of pain/fear over the loss of a relationship. I am 5 years sober and it sometimes feels like my life is always going to be filled with fear and drama. It is hard to trust god's will right now.

Member: Pat@uk
Location: suffolk,uk
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 3:34:05 AM

Comments

Hi' every one my names Pat & im an alcoholic. Thankyou for a great topic. I too struggle with fear at times'' dont we all its only human. But my key is reconising it'' fear comes with many hats. I have always found sharing to be the answer for me ,it takes the power out of fear ,pulling the monsters teeth out''as my sponsor says. yours in recovery Pat.

Member: Maria M.
Location: So. California
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 3:44:06 AM

Comments

Fear? I have some good days and some bad days. On bad days, what I fear most is if people like me or dislike me. And I really do know better, it doesn't matter what people think of me, it matters what I think of me. As long as I'm taking care of myself and working my program, then that's all I have to worry about. I used to put too much thought and fear into "going out and getting drunk/high" but now I'm talking every day to my HP and he's helping me through so much, along with my sponsor. I fear stinking thinking because that always gets me into trouble. Take care, love and blessings, Maria.

Member: Kristi B
Location: Orlando, Fl
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 7:29:51 AM

Comments

Waiting can be what you choose to make it. It can be an anxious event, or if you choose, it can be a positive time. Whenever I am feeling anxious from waiting, I take a few seconds or minutes to reflect on recent positive events in my life. If I feel there have been none, then I think about past positive events. It always seems that reminding myself that positive things can happen opens my mind to signals and signs that tell me that I am capable of having more positive events happen. It seems that believing in success helps make more success real.

Member: Allison V.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 9:18:56 AM

Comments

MELODY H. Hi, congratulations on your new baby. I have 3 children ages 14, 9 and 2. Oh, how wonderful and blessed I felt with each new life. To experience that great gift and realize how much God much trust me. Yet after the birth and the exhaustion of those first few weeks passed, I too felt alone and a bit down. I wouldn't describe it as depression, but it definately left me feeling low. My advice to you is to get out, take walks, play your favorite music, find time to express yourself. This too will pass and you will get through it. I am an alcoholic trying each day not to drink. I've tried many times before-been sober for a few weeks and then BANG back to the same habits. Today will make 5 days for me. GOD has led me to this day. He has given me hope. I need to face so many fears. I need to be honest with people about myself and stop trying to be whatever I think people want me to be. I am afraid, but I am also full of hope for this day and for my future. I thank all of you for your truth and your sharing.

Member: Maureen
Location:
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 5:47:44 PM

Comments

To Cory, (in Austin) Don't ever give up, keep some faith,hope and the greatest of these is love with you. You said you love your life. Always remember to enjoy alil bit of something each day. You have a reason to be here! God loves you and so do i.

Member: Teresa
Location: Texas
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 6:07:40 PM

Comments

My name is Teresa, alcoholic. I just wanted to post here on this AA 'cyber' meeting. What a cool way to share es&h. I've been sober alittle over 13yrs and am just now discovering all the neato meetings on the www. Fear being the topic: Fear is a fact of life. I doubt there will ever come a time when I don't experience a tad bit of fear on any given circumstance. The difference now is that fear doesn't run my life like it used to. Fear isn't to be feared in my life today. Thanks for 'listening' ......

Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 6:31:10 PM

Comments

Chris here --alcoholic/addict/ bulimic---fear and anxiety have had alot of controll on my life. HOwever , with the help of this program and my Hp, I am learning to controll them. I finally reallized that I was always anxious about something that Had NOT happened yet. I began to turn my anxieties over to my HP ( I have an anxiety box which helps me ---I write what I am fearful of on a piece of paper and Place it into the box..thereby, figuatively "placing ' it in God's hands---That helps to prevent it from setting up residence in my brain ) As I slowly began to " let go and let GOd" , I began to realize that most of the stuff I worried about either never happened or turned out better than I could have expected it to. Now, when I feel that fear roaring about, if I can remember the past, I try to turn it over. That has really helped...and I feel alot better about so much. I , like others on this sight, am realizing that I have allowed fear to waste alot of my time. ---I am feeling guiltyright now because I allowed my 19yr old boy and my 22 yr, old to go to our beach house alone knowing that they were going over there to get drunk... am I enabling...I used to always be so strict about things like that. It never stopped them though...OH well...just needed to say that...Til next week..

Member: Misha B
Location: Texas
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 9:25:01 PM

Comments

DB, hope I catch you before this ends and we go into the next topic. When I am feeling strung out and hopeless I have to do the next right thing. This is what people told me when I was newly sober and jobless. Do the next right thing. For me, it was tending to whatever in my immediate environment needed tending: dishes, floor, plants, pets. It was scary but it worked because not only did I take things one day at a time, but sometimes one minute. It's gonna work for you. Hang in there!

Member: joe mama
Location: the projects
Date: 6/9/01
Time: 9:29:14 PM

Comments

chris,

beach house huh? damn rich people anyway.

Member: Rich N.
Location: Bellevue, NE
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 4:55:03 AM

Comments

Hello all...fear is just one of the many emotions that we face during recovery. The big problem with fear is it seems to be so powerful to us suffering alcoholics. But much of what we fear can be grouped into a category called unknown. This is the worst fear to me when I was a newcomer and can still drive me crazy after years of recovery. For this reason alone I need a sponsor, for a sponsor can sort out the real from the imagined. How can someone else do that so easily?? It is because they are not tied to the problem or fear emotionally. Many things will happen in recovery, and if the steps are taken, meetings attended and a sponsor selected and used then slowly the fears get smaller. And when faced with a new life problem or when I am paralized by fear then is when this program really saves me...I do the suggestions made to me by my sponsor, hold my head up and become more of a person by dealing with situations instead of trying to outwit or outrun them.

Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: detroit
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 8:46:36 AM

Comments

"I'd like to hear how people handled "standing in the hallway" waiting for answers/direction from their Higher Power and managing FEAR while waiting."...good topic Kelly!

I think the way I handle my fears while waiting for a new direction in my life is to find something to be compulsive about. I'm not saying that is a good way to handle things, just the way I continue to do it even after 10 years in recovery.

For example, there is a pretty good chance I might retire at the end of this year. Most people would be somewhat happy about early retirement. Not me! Lately I have been obsessing (even depressing) about the loss of structure in my life without a job to go to. Now there is nothing that says I can't get a job after I retire from this one. Any job would provide structure (something to do). There is also a pretty good chance that I am going to be a lot happier after retirement, but while I am in this transition, I am imagining the worst. Thanks for bringing up this topic and helping me to see that I still think like an "ic" (that's an alcoholic, without alcohol) :-)

Member: Susan
Location: New York
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 10:27:31 AM

Comments

Managing fear while waiting huh?. Well, that's my case now. I have a court appearance Tuesday night, and though the Lord tells me all is going to be fine, my natural instinct is to fear and I just keep replacing it with faith in my HP, whom I choose to be God. I just got back from a 5 week trip where I stayed sober and went to meetings (my clean date is May 27, 2001). I returned home last weekend to a home that only knows me as staying black out drunk every weekend, and trickles into the weekdays. My boyfriend didn't maintain my lawn mowing job while I was gone and I got flustered and my first thought was to drink. I even went as far as looking for a bottle in the house. I was scared, said the 3rd step prayer and thought of how it would make me feel. I have been feeling feelings of "doom" since last night, but know that this feeling shall pass (maybe pms in addition to court coming up). I thank God that I didn't screw up my life last night even though these feelings of sadness persist. I have surely been under grace in these 6 weeks of sobriety and am grateful to aa for the wonderful support (that I shunned for so long). Thanks for letting me share. ~Susan

Member: ShelleyM
Location: Panhandle,Fla
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 1:46:40 PM

Comments

Hello everyone new here,,Have been sick and need to have surgery this week. Sponser suggested online meeting, since I will be unable to go to meetings. Enjoyed all your comments,,I feel i can deal with my fears,with all your help Will Write more on next subject..grateful to be sober today.

Member: Jeff B.
Location: Northern CA
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 2:08:48 PM

Comments

My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic.

It is 6/10 and I still am sharing on the 6/3-9 topic since it came up...FYI

Fear and worry have been a part of me for as long as I can remember. It was not until I came to AA that I was able to even recognize fear and worry as being a problem and a major influence in how I lived.

What it was like- was that I used alcohol to overcome fear; and it did work for a while. It worked too well in many cases. Alcohol numbed my healthy fears and let me do things I had no bussiness doing. Until I had a few drinks I could not talk to the women at the bar, After a few, I talked to the ones that should have scared the hell out of me. When I had some drinks I could stand up to people that could kick my ass; and they did. I should have been scared to get in my car and drive drunk..not me.

What happened was that I came to AA and started to listen and share and try to work the steps. I did not drink and asked people for help (sponsor & anyone who would stay and talk to me after the meetings). I learned that some fears were good and some were bad. My twists and quirks would not always let me see the difference.

Today I have found many of my fears and worries still have an influence on my life. I am still learning to Trust God and clean house. When I use the tools that AA and God remind me of to face my fears (real or imagined) I am given one of the gifts of the program. When I can honestly look at my fears today and take some kind of action based on my belief in God and AA I am allowed to grow and experience how it works. Many little experiences adding up and blending into one...thats what I need; it is my hope; it is what you all give me. The growth is happening slowly for me but it happens quickly enough to keep me comming back. When does not seem to be working for me I can see it working for others and that keeps me around. It is what some power greater than me gives me (I call him God).

I believe that AA works today because I have never had a life this good. I am not driven by fear the way I used to be. There actually times when I am comfortable and sober. That may not seem like much to some people, but to me it is everything.

Thank you all for being here.

Member: Carl M.
Location: Black Ankle, N.C.
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 4:50:08 PM

Comments

Hey everyone, I'm a cross addicted acoholic named Carl. At one time in my life even though I would'nt admit it I was afraid of everything. I surrounded myself with as rough a group of people as I could find. I figured that you were judged by the crowd you hung around with.I didn't for the life of me want you to know I was afraid.This was a secret I thought I hid well.I was just a scared little kid.I hid in a bottle.I'm 51 yrs. old and have been sober for tow and 1/2 yrs.My soberity date is Dec.8,1998.On that day I underwent major surgery.The Dr. told me that I had to have this surgery and there was an 80% chanch that I would die from it. If I didn't hjave it they would start taking my legs off 8"-10"at a time;and o yea, you have Hep B and C. Hep C ,cronic active and you only have 2 yrs to live anyway.Talk about being scared.All of a sudden I was more afraid of dying then I was of living.As I was being anestisized I but myself in God's hands, when I came to I came to believe.I came back to AA and started to9 practic these principles in all my afairs.Today I don't have to hide behind a crowd of roughnecks, or in a jug.Life is better,in fact I have a life. I am the relief house manenager of a half way house,and the outside sponser of a prison AA group.How do you whip fear.Have faith in God as you understand him,and be patient.My sponser told me not to give up before the miracle happens.Thanks to my Higher Power(I choose to call God), you people, and the program of AA; it did. I thank you for allowing me to share