Member: dan
Location: ca
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 20:40:05
"hitting bottom"
Member: dj
Location: norfolk
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 21:13:56
dj alkie hitting bottom, or why did'nt i stop sooner. i had too keep on till every thing was gone. and it was easy to see the dead end-of my life.!!
god bless
Member: Kelley C.
Location: TX
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 21:17:38
Hi, I'm Kelley, alcoholic. First time here. I have 33 days sober by the grace of God. I am so greatful that I found this page. God bless you all, and for Nev, and Lisa, and all others struggling with staying sober one day at a time, please hang in there and keep coming back. Especially, try to make it to face to face meetings. The people are so wonderful and supportive. Just try it. You won't regret it. Thank you so much for letting me share. Again, God bless you all.
Member: Tim C.
Location: Upper Michigan
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 22:14:04
I'm Tim C, grateful recovering alcoholic. I hit A bottom, but I don't believe I hit THE bottom. I've seen many not survive THE bottom. I continue to use the fellowship and steps to stay out of a bottle and carry the message to others. Recently, two kind people responded to me. Thanks Jack and Joan. I'm better today and am focusing on resentments, our worst enemy.
Member: Michele B
Location: Mass
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 22:24:51
Hi my name is michele . my bottom was when i lost my 2 boys because of the use and abuse of alcohol, i hve been here in the program a few 24 hrs, i am grateful to this program cuz if it wasnt for this program i wouldnt hve gotten my children bck. I also hve myself bck.
Member: Sara R.
Location: Rochester, Mn.
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 22:27:08
Hello. I'm Sara and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first internet meeting! On May 14th I celebrated my 9th sobriety anniversery. "Hitting bottom" is a great topic. I've heard it said that "bottom" is a state of mind, not a place. I think I had lots of "bottoms" in my drinking career (thats not meant to be a pun, though it could be ha ha). The one that got me here probably looks anti-climactic from the outside but its the one in a succession that got me to finally surrender and try a new way of life-- without alcohol-- I'm now coming to believe that this was the "work" of my Higher Power as I understand Him. At that particular low point I was defeated and EMPTY enough to allow His love and energy to move in and to listen to somebody else -- the people in A.A. who accepted me and showed me through sharing their experience, strenght, and hope how to live sober One Day At A Time. But I say I am "coming to believe" because for me it has been a slow proccess - and thats okay -that's what its all about. I have had many gifts in sobriety but I can still take my will back. That is a very dangerous thing for me to do. Recently I almost slid too far down that slippery slope ... I hadn't taken a drink but like someone said to me,"I was so dry I was a fire hazzard!" But I hadn't strayed too far. I still wanted what you had and you waited until I was again ready to "pick up the kit of spiritual tools" desribed in detail in the Big Book. So that was another bottom. But in sobriety I have learned to have hope and to know that "this too shall pass" when I think times are particularly hard. And you know what? They really do. And today I don't have to dig my holes deeper or throw in the towel and Really mess things up.So I guess Like all of you my bottoms have come when I was " sick and tired of being sick and tired" and finally realize that I Can't DO It, so let Him. Thanks for the topic Dan. Thanks for sharing dj and Kelley.
Member: Frank
Location: NW NJ USA
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 22:37:26
Hi I'm Frank and I'm an Alcoholic. I think I hit bottom when I said enough's enough and I had an honest desire to be sober. My last drunk convinced me that I belong in these rooms. I was willing to take direction and be a part of a group. Sponsorship became more important. I wanted to work for the sobriety my sponsor has.
I have heard that hitting a bottom is like going down on an elevator. We can get off at any floor or continue going down. In the last two years of on and off drinking I tried for control. There was none. My last time out I came out of a black out at the bar, got sick and had to take a cab. That convinced me. I don't want the horror while in search of drunken relief from a bottle. I'm powerless and my life was unmanageable. I couldn't predict my behavior while drinking. By hitting bottom I'm open to the idea of a Higher Power, God and the principles of AA.
Member: Bob E.
Location: IN
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 22:38:47
I had to hit my bottom before I would seek help. As Ben Franklin said, "experience keeeps a dear school, but a fool will learn in no other." I was one of those people who had to learn everything the hard way...through my own experience. Today I firmly believe that every humiliation, hurt, and pain that active alcoholism brought me we necessary for me to reach the point of surrender. I wish I would have gotten here earlier, but I don't think I would have stayed if I had. Now I'm watching a loved one go down the same path I travelled years ago, and it's not a pretty sight. He seems to be a mirror image of me...hard-headed, stubborn, a know-it-all. Just like me he says he can "quit anytime I want to". He refuses to try to learn the easy way--from the experiences of others. My recourse is simply to pray for him, asking my HP to watch over him, and protect him, and someday to bring him to AA. I must remember that we use attraction rather than promotion when we carry the message, and that just as I could not be forced into recovery, neither can he. Some get here sooner than others, but I believe it's our own personal hells that lead us to step one.
Member: Sanderrs W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 22:54:16
Hi all Ya'all I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I really enjoyed your post Sara and coukld identify with it many ways. I too believe that your bottom is a stae of mind and not a place. it is that point where I am willing to accept help and become willing to go to any length to get help. I don't believe you will ever make it if you come close to your bottom. You have get to your bottom an=d surrender. You don't even have to be an alcoholic to be a meber of AA because the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, but the first step is written for alcoholics because it says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol. Untill you can admit that then you have not reached your bottom. I ahve been here for nearly 24 years now and have seen many come and seen many go. Many of those who go back out try to come back. SOME of them are fortunate enough to make it back. I have seen many die outthere trying it one more time. Obviously they had not reached their bottom. Lots of those who died were friends of mine and it hurts to see them go but I can't stop them, all I cann do is learn from their mistakes. I ahd a friend who was sober for 7 years and went back out and is still trying to vcome back. The last time I saw him, he wass in a dumpster looking for food. That was 23 years ago and he still makes a meeting everry now and then so you may not be able to make it back if you choose to go back out. Stay while you have the chance and enjoy the ride of your life. God loves you and so do I. sanders@wfeca.net ICQ# 14412521
Member: Mary R.
Location: ON
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 22:57:29
Hi,Mary here,an alcoholic. I too hit several bottoms,and different kinds. My final one was more of a spiritual/emotional bottom, which meant I was empty. I had nothing to give to others, and I could not recieve, because of my obsession for alcohol. But self disgust, my desire to make it different for my kids, and my higher power helped me to end the madness. AA and the people in those rooms, have made me feel I belong, and have shown me amazing tools for living without alcohol. I am so grateful, for all the love and acceptance, and for the amazing stories people have so generousley shared, so that I may learn and grow, and continue to be inspired not to pick up that drink. Thanks, Mary.
Member: Pablo r.
Location: Midhudson vally N.Y.
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 23:25:20
Hello everybody, I`m Pablo, alcoholic and drug addict. Thanks for the topic Dan. My bottom was watching the police take my son out of my car, while I was handcuffed in the back of a patrol car. The next ten days, I spented in the county jail. There I had some time to think about what I was going to do. What I came up with, was that I would only drink beer. We all know how that turned out, don`t we? Within two weeks I was downing vodka out of the bottle. I could not even stop drinking long enough to attend court sober. Anyway my H.P. did for me what I wouldn`t do for myself. I was sentence to 3 years probation, and in turn mandated to rehab. It was only GOD`S grace, I didn`t do alot of time,He must have other plans for me. Anyway June,9,1999 will be a year since I had a drink or a drug.Now that is a miracle, I didn`t think I could go a week without a drink let alone a year. It was hard work, but very rewarding. Today the promises, are working in my life. I still have life`s issues to deal with, but being sober I can handle them one at a time. For those just coming around or back, keep coming don`t quit before the miracle happends. If anyone would like to email me I`ll gladly respond. Keep it simple lots of (((((((hugs))))))) Pablofromwalden@webtv.net P.S. This is a great webpage
Member: Duane M.
Location: Upstate New York
Date: 23 May 1999
Time: 23:38:42
Good evening family,My name is Duane and I am a real alcoholic.I had hit my bottom 5 years ago and for many 24 hours I was able to say not yet on going back out.Then the beginning of this year I let the little things build up.Forgot the slogon"FIRST THINGS FIRST"Started talking to people that would tell me what I wanted to hear,not what I needed to hear.Turned my back on my higher power and had a slip(sobriety lost it's priority).Within 4 days I almost lost my kids(I'm a single father)that I worked hard to get through sobriety,my job,home, myself.I had returned to the rooms shaking from D.T.'s thanks to god.Unfortunatly 2 weeks later I found myself with the drink and drug in my hand.This time a different slip(suicidal leap into the past).Got into a fight and many other good things(HA HA)that come with it.Once again GOD had showed himself to me and today I am keeping it simple.I am starting over fresh like I had done 5 years ago because I think I only have one more bottom left and there are just too many of GODs gifts here and too many innocent lives that depend on me.I am so grateful for that 3rd tradition.Thank you for this soberspace.
Member: I'm Charity, Alcoholic
Location: AZ, USA
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 00:24:29
Hi everyone & thanks for sharing. Bottom, Whew... Almost 20 years ago I was on my knees in a jail cell, another drunk, another day, kept getting worse. For me there was only one way to look -- up -- I thought that was where God was, up there somewhere. I asked Him to help me, to show me what to do. I was so tired of living the way I was living ... I wanted to die and wanted to live, but not like this anymore. The next morning a relative picked me up & the look in her eyes made me cast mine down. I remembered my prayer. I was led to this program, a young scared woman, today I am still kind of young but FREE. Thanking God daily for the courage to not drink one day at a time, for a bottom that for me was torture, for the will to live a new life and walk into an AA meeting. For all of you, your smiles, your love, your healing words. I have a fear of drinking & vigorously work the steps daily in my life. It is simple, not always easy, but simple. Alcoholism is a disease, we can't help it we have it, thank God for AA.
Member: Terry S.
Location: Huntington Beach, Ca.
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 00:39:45
Simply put, why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still dranking can dream of taking. Who wishes to be RIGOROUSLY HONEST and TOLERANT? Who wants to CONFESS his FAULTS to another and make RESTITUTION for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone MEDITATION and PRAYER? Who wants to SACRIFICE time and ENERGY in trying to carry A.A.'s MESSAGE to the next SUFFERER? No, the average alcoholic, SELF-CENTERED in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospect-unless he HAS TO DO THESE THINGS IN ORDER TO STAY ALIVE HIMSELF. Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A., and there we discover the FATAL NATURE of our situation. Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded to conviction and as WILLING to LISTEN as the dying can be. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless OBSESSION from us. Least we forget children?
Member: Lisa M.
Location: N. California
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 01:25:15
Hi, I am Lisa M. I am an alcoholic and I am 10 days sober. :-) After reading many of your stories, I was asking myself whether I have really hit bottom. I was worried that my bottom wasn't going to be "THE" bottom enough for me to stop this time. I don't want any more pain and I have come extremely close to losing everything because of my drinking and the behavior the goes along with it. I know that God has gently eased my fall. With the stupid things I have done that would have guaranteed me to lose everything, I am grateful and I pray that I can stay in here so I don't hit the bottom again. I don't think I have any more chances left. I think God is up there saying, "Come on, are you listening?" I am scared that I will start to feel better and think that I can have just one (denial) and go under for the last time. I am scared to death of myself and thinking that it won't happen to me. You have to realize that there is some sort of a problem when you endanger the dearest and most precious to your heart - your children. You know you love them more than life, yet you put the alcohol above them? I hope I am scared every day of my life of even a sip of a drink. It is so helpful to be able to come here. I know I have a place to go at all times. God Bless you All!!!!!
Member: Mike C.
Location: Quad Cities
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 02:21:33
Hi, I'm Mike C. and an acoholic. I was in the A.A. program and had sobriety, and piece of mind for 9 years. Then I went on a trip to Australia on business, with a year of not attending any meetings. I have been overseas to Australia prior to that for three years sober, working the A.A steps and attending meetings. I took a brandy in flight. It was full blown after that. I had a slide that has latest four years. This is not a slide, it is going out of the program almost without hope! I have heard that everyone has there own bottom. THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS YOU TAKE THAT LAST DRINK BEFORE HITTING BOTTOM IS YOU! I know that to be sober is to work the steps of A.A. and attend meetings.
Member: Steve W.
Location: Cal
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 02:42:28
Member: Steve W.
Location: Cal
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 02:42:35
Member: Steve W.
Location: Cal
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 02:48:53
I think your topic is very important because if we ever forget the bottom we hit that got us here then we might find ourselves hitting an even lower bottom ( if thats possible ) rembering our bottom is rembering our past and least we forget our past we're doomed to repete it!! Steve W.
Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 05:06:57
Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Happy birthday to Staying Cyber!
Hitting bottom. I know that it's different for everyone, but the only one who knows what each person's is, is that person and God. Some of us lose everything material and personal. We use up all of our loved ones and there's no human left to help. Some of us, reach the point of desperation before the material things are gone. I was one of those.
I never lost a job, a home, a family. Never got a DUI or went to jail. Yet, I reached a point where I could no longer live with drinking and was afraid to stop for fear of the DT's, convulsions and death. Couldn't go on and couldn't quit. Fours hours without alcohol and the withdrawal symptoms would start - and I would get terrified - so measured out enough to maintain. I knew I was going to die if I kept this up. So I called my birth sister who had been in the program for 13 yrs - the rest is a rather boring story - the end result is I got sober with alot of help. Both medical and the rooms of AA. All under the care and grace of my HP whom I chose to call God. I have alot of "not yet" that I never want to experience and through practicing the principles of this program, I won't have to. I never have to drink again, even if I want to. Awsome!
I remember the feelings, the fear and desperation of that day and will all of my life. That is one reason I am a grateful alcoholic! I never want to go there again.
Thanks for letting me share.
(((((Tech's))))
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 06:29:46
Thanks to all for the great topic here today. I have been coming to AA for about 15yrs now, and drank for 6 yrs with just meetings (No sponsor, programme, humility, or much of a desire to stop drinking - Not enough to get me sober, as I came to believe) I drank after 6months DRY, and let me tell you that 6 months dry was worse than any drinking spree (IMO) I have often heard said, "A head full of AA and a belly full of beer ain't no place to be" I can confirm that. So, during my time in AA, I have heard many tales of hitting bottom, but none has ever had such an effect on me as the one I heard around 9yrs ago, from a girl who had just come back into the rooms, after a short spell of not drinking, and it had such a profound effect on me, I have not drank again since that day. It was the most horrendous story of devastation which this illness can cause, and you know, after that meeting, I saw that miracles CAN and DO happen in this fellowship. How that girl had ever survived the things in her life were a mystery to me, and that is the worst story I have ever heard in AA. You see, the story is MINE.
I never did prisons, wrecked a car, killed anyone (to the best of my knowledge, but could not swear to it) Never lost a job (Got suspended once, but lied my way back in) BUT, My story really IS the worst I will ever hear because I LIVED IT. And Dear God, thank you for being there with me throughout my life, and bringing me to this place. Everyone's bottom is different, and ours IS the worst. I cannot believe how or why I lived to tell the tale, but I can well remember how I felt after my last drink, and believe me, it is as clear today as it was then, nine yrs ago, almost, and I never want to forget it, because I believe what I have heard in AA. If you cannot remember your last drink, you ain't had it yet. I have also had emotional rock bottoms in sobriety (I think it's called 'living') But nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake, I believe, and I just know that I am right here right now, because here and now is where I am meant to be. I may not always like it, but hey, I CAN live with it, just for today. Tomorrow may bring its own dollop of crap, but what the hell, if I am sober tomorrow, all you'll be here for me to have a moan at, and to kick my arse and say, "hey, remember that girl in AA in Barnsley, almost 9yrs ago?? Think about it, THEN tell me your life is crap today!!"
My gratitude chokes me, today, I can cry happy tears, for this thing TRULY IS a miracle, and I just LOVE Living Sober. Thanks for being there, and feel free to e-mail if you want to, all e-mails will be replied to.
Goodie@tesco.net
Member: Jack B.
Location: Windsor, ON
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 07:44:58
Hi, Jack- alcoholic.
Thanks to Tim for his kind words recently....WE ARE NOT ALONE !!
BOTTOM This a great topic. I believe (for me ) it would have been impossible to surrender wihtout hitting MY bottom (it is different for everyone)my bottom came when my thoughts and actions were completely opposite to the way I was raised, and I could not stop hurting myself and others even though I desperately wanted to stop.
God mercifully gave me a feeling of disgust for myself and what I had become. At that point I didn't want to live , but was too scared to die...............it was this state of mind and body that finally drove me to scream out "GOD HELP ME!!!" I then fell into a blackout and awoke 3 1/2 hours later with the brilliant idea to call the AA hotline !!Pretty smart,,,EH!
I have since learned that the thought to call AA was simply the answer to the Prayer "GOD HELP ME !!" ( The first sincere prayer I had ever said in my life)
Thanks for being there, Love and prayers, Jack.
Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 08:17:36
Thanks for sharing Jack. Hi everbody. My name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.
A doctor calls his patient on the phone. DOCTOR: John. I have bad news and worse news. JOHN: Better give me the bad news first. DOCTOR: You only have 24 hours to live. JOHN: My god. How can there be any worse news than that? DOCTOR: I forgot. I was supposed to call you yesterday!
That was my bottom. Only bad news and worse coming down the pike. Unlike the joke, however, and thank God, there was someone there to share the good news with me that I didn't HAVE to live that way anymore.
Take care and God bless.
Member: rich l
Location: new hampshire
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 08:58:53
great topic we all have to have one to get here to get to aa.its a god given program for those those want it not for those who need it
Member: Deanna
Location: Texas
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 10:35:12
Deanna here, alcoholic.
Happy Birthday Staying Cyber!
I, also, had lots of bottoms, but my last drunk I believe was THE bottom. I was lucky, no EXTREMELY lucky I made it home that night. I had always wondered in the back of my head if I had a "drinking problem" or was I just a "heavy drinker?" Ummm, both...Now, I know that. I surrounded myself with people who had the same problem and couldn't recognize it for what it was.
My 2nd husband was killed in a car accident in 1993. He was an alcoholic. We never discussed the problem because I loved him too much to "start any discussion" about it. If he was drinking he was happy. When he died, I took his place.
On Feb, 7, 1999 I came out of a blackout in a cemetery 65 miles from my home and I had been throwing beer bottles at his head stone. I didn't know at the time what caused me to come to, but I do now. It was the Grace of God. My whole life flashed before my eyes and it scared the hell out of me. At that moment I knew that if I ever drank again I would die. Driving home I heard a song on the radio called "That's Why I'm Here" by Kenny Chesny. It's a song about someone just like me. Someone who had hit the bottom. The song told me that I couldn't do it by myself. I needed someone to help me save my life. That place was AA. I found this site three days before I went to my first f2f AA meeting. My life has not been the same since. Everyone at my home group has loved me (and still continues to do so) until I could love myself. God and AA has tore down the wall that I built between my kids, husband and myself, so that I could actually feel how much they really cared about me. God has given me so many gifts in the last 106 days. More than I ever got when I was drinking. Everyday that I don't drink, I get another day of sobriety. And that is exactly how I have to do it. I have to take it 24 hours at a time. If I think about tomorrow my spiritual condition suffers. I believe in this program. When I hear or see of anyone "going out", it reaffirms my commitment to staying sober. One of the first things I heard in AA is "some of us have to go back out for the rest of us to stay sober." I hate that it has to be that way, but as the BB says, our hands should always be there for the alcoholic that stills suffers. Thanks for the topic, Dan. I needed it.
Ya'll have a great sober day.
Deanna
Member: Robert B.
Location: Boise Idaho
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 10:42:35
Hi. My name is Robert and I am an alcoholic.
I bottomed out several times before I became willing to concede that abstinence from alcohol was an absolute, fundamental prerequisite to change.
Whenever I get complacent I read the opening paragraphs of "A Vision For You" in the Big Book. Those Paragraphs describe how the last few years of drinking felt so accurately, so vividly that I am always reminded of the last drunk.
Despair led me to sobriety, "Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization" led me to recovery.
So how do you know when you have hit bottom? When you stop digging!
Member: georgel
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 10:55:10
Hi, I'm George and I'm an Alcoholic. I'm also on my bottom right now. Thank you for this topic and this Web site. I will remember my last drink, let's see - I was blacked out in a lounge and the hostess plucked a beer out of my hand which woke me up. So I took myself home. This was last night. I've been in and out of the program, treatment once, and basically I've been living a nightmare the last couple of years, of wanting to quit but not being able to of my own power. It's only been the last year or two though that I've been so disgusted with myself that I can't stand the sight of myself. I have a lot to live for because of a family who loves me and I thank God for that because I couldn't have hit bottom without seeing how my disease affects them. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'll be at a meeting after work. I'm grateful I found this site today because I know how easily I forget and I believe that this topic and my finding this site today were not accident, but the work of a Higher Power.
Member: Bob K
Location: Perry, Ohio
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 11:36:57
Hi, I'm Bob and I am a greatful recovering alcoholic. I hit what was (God willing) my bottom on November 5 1998. I had been toying around with the idea of quitting drinking for a few months. It was no big deal because "I wasn't an alcoholic" "I had no problem drinking", "I could quit any time that I wanted to", I just didn't want to.
I don't know why I got drunk that night, I didn't intend to, I had recently begun drinking afer a few months of being a dry drunk and had come back with a vengance. For the first time I had become a morning drinker, when I woke up, on my way to work, at lunch, on the way home, and untill I finally passed out at night. There wasn't even a buzz associated with it any more. I just drank to drink.
I was on a business trip, I had driven from Cleveland to Detroit, acomplished what I needed to do quickly and was feeling pretty good about myself and headed for home.I had no intention of having any beer but almost unconciously I stopped at a little store and picked up a six pack. I finished that off in no time and needed more. The minute that I crossed the border into Ohio I started looking for more. (you see I was a cheap drunk, you have to pay a deposit on the bottles in Michigan so I saved myself at least $3.00 by waiting to get into Ohio, almost another six pack).
I got back on the road and headed for home.Driving in what was sure to be a blackout (I was going in the general direction of home but didn't know where I was),I saw the lights of a Ohio Highway Patrol car in my mirror. I had between 6 and 12 (I'm not sure how many I'd drunk) empties on the seat next to me and a McDonald's cup full of beer, and was pretty sure that I wasn't going to make it home that night. They got me out of the car, did the roadside test, and placed me under arrest. It was there on the side of the Ohio turnpike, with my hands cuffed behind me, that God came to me. I had always tried to lie my way out of everything but this time I heard God and he told me "this is the worst trouble that you have ever been in get something good out of this. Be totally honost." From that moment on, I became totally honost, not only with others but with myself. I didn't know much about AA then and nothing about the steps, but it was there and then that I took my first step, I admitted to myself that I was powerless over alcohol, and my life had become unmamageable.
I did my night in jail and returned to work to face the music (I was on a business trip, using their car) fully prepared to lose my job of 20 years. I admitted my powerlessness over alcohol and was asked what I was going to do about it. My reply was "I'm willing to go to any lengths to fix this problem". I still have that job, I was introduced to AA and miracles continue to happen.
AA is not about drinking, its about living, I only have control of this moment, with the support of my family and friends I can stay sober for this moment, it's God who puts those moments together and makes them days, months and (God willing) years.
Member: Pierre S.
Location: Grapevine TX
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 13:48:27
I'm an alcoholic and my name is Pierre.
I sure do agree with Robert from Boise . My life is so good today after 14 years on the Program it's easy for me to forget those last days and how bad it was then.
All I need to do is start reading " A Vision For You " and it all starts coming back .
I have read it hundreds of times and I tear up, without fail, every single time I read it as all those old feelings of TERROR, BEWILDEMENT, FRUSTRATION and DESPAIR flood over me . Sometimes I need to be reminded how bad it was so I can better appreciate what's happened to me by the GRACE of God and with the help of AA.
When I was at the International Convention in San Diego in '85 I heard a Speaker give the best definition I'd ever heard of the BOTTOM. He said it was WHEN THE LEVEL OF PAIN EXCEEDED THE LEVEL OF PRIDE .
Love and Prayers to all .
Pierre
Member: Corinne B.
Location: CC FL
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 14:06:12
'Afternoon ((DMers))!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & everywhere!!
So glad to see this topic while I'm up & able & very much in need of online support! I'm pretty sure I'm still in the midst of a bottoming out of sorts myself. I've had lots of them over the past 30 years. Here I am at 44 yrs of age, disabled, living with my mother in the town where I did most of my active alcoholic drinking as a teenager (along with all the drugs), still wanting anything but what it is that I have right now. That is exactly what I drank over for so long - never feeling as if I had gotten what I wanted. Big baby in the high chair, banging spoons on the tray "I want what I want when I want it and I want it right now!"
I can't have it. I can't have those 6 years (when I was sober before) back today. I can only have today, today.
At least I have been able to come back to where it all began to, I dunno, I guess be forced to take a long hard look at where I was when I first was guided to AA in 1986. It's a desolate place. Was then, still is. But millions of people flock here every year for vacations, for the shuttle launches, the beach! What a fool I was, and still am, on many days, but at least I am being given a daily repreive, here, once again, to try to put forth my best, in the midst of much chaos! I've been told many times "You're a survivor!" Not me, alone, not without God, AA and you.
So, what helps lift me up out of it? It is to know that for some reason, I was able to help someone else today, in some small way, even when I didn't realize it, but they assured me I had. I like that this is a "WE" program, because "I" sure messed up my life by myself, many times, and plenty long enough, by continually going after things I thought I wanted to have, rather than realizing the gift of knowing that what I have is exactly what I need, and wanting only that. Just wanting what I have, instead of having what I want.
God, help me, please. I don't ever want to live like that again. Thanks for letting me share. I really liked what I read here today. Happy Bday StayingCyber! Corinne B.
Member: Phil A
Location: UK
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 16:09:19
Hi All
Good topic "Hitting Bottom", I don't know wether I ever hit my own Rock Bottom, every morning when I awoke with a screaming headache, not remembering where I'd been, what I'd said or done seemed like a Rock Bottom to me. I never got sent to prison or hospitalized, but for the grace of a loving God or Higher power I listen to other people and think "that could have been me in the sanitarium or prison". With the help of AA and the belief in a power greater than myself I hope that I will not sink any lower to a Rock Bottom.
Peace and Serenity Phil
Member: NICK S.5-15-84
Location: O.C.N.J/
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 17:18:44
HI EVERBODY I'M AN ALKY LIKE ALL OF YOU, SOBER SINCE 5-15-84 AND JUST HAD A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY WEEK OF AA FELLOWSHIP COUPLED WITH A YOGA SEMINAR SUNDAY TO END THE WEEK OF REFLECTING OVER THE PAST 15 YEARS OF LIVING SOBER A DAY AT A TIME. IT HAS REALLY BEEN A LOT OF GREAT NEW BEGINNINGS OVER THE YEARS. NOW TO BEGIN WITH THE TOPIC OF HITTING BOTTOM. FOR ME I HAD TO MOVE FROM O.C.N.J. BACK IN '84 TO FT. LAUDERDALE, FL. TO REACH MY BOTTOM. IT WAS AT THE COCONUT GROVE ARTS FESTIVAL WHERE I ENDED UP SLEEPING ON THE DOCKS NEXT TO MY ONLY REMAINING BELONGINGS, MY BICYCLE WHERE I WAS FINALLY SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED AND DECIDED THAT BOOZE HAD BEATEN ME DOWN ENOUGH AND THAT I WAS GONNA GO BACK TO AA. AFTER ABOUT 10 MEETINGS OF OPEN MINDED LISTENING I FINALLY GOT THE DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING. TODAY I KNOW THAT GOD DID FOR ME WHAT I COULDN'T DO FOR MYSELF BY GIVING ME A SECOND CHANCE IN LIFE AND BLESSED ME WITH THAT DESIRE. THAT WAS MY FIRST BEGINNING OF YHE MANY BEGINNINGS THAT HAVE TURNED MY LIFE 180 DEGREES AROUND TO THE WONDERFUL LIFE THAT I'M TRULY GRATEFUL TO LIVE EACH DAY AS THEY DEVELOP. THANK YOU GOD [GROUP OF DRUNKS] FOR ANOTHER DAY OF SOBRIETY.
Member: NICK S.5-15-84
Location: O.C.N.J.
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 17:19:06
HI EVERBODY I'M AN ALKY LIKE ALL OF YOU, SOBER SINCE 5-15-84 AND JUST HAD A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY WEEK OF AA FELLOWSHIP COUPLED WITH A YOGA SEMINAR SUNDAY TO END THE WEEK OF REFLECTING OVER THE PAST 15 YEARS OF LIVING SOBER A DAY AT A TIME. IT HAS REALLY BEEN A LOT OF GREAT NEW BEGINNINGS OVER THE YEARS. NOW TO BEGIN WITH THE TOPIC OF HITTING BOTTOM. FOR ME I HAD TO MOVE FROM O.C.N.J. BACK IN '84 TO FT. LAUDERDALE, FL. TO REACH MY BOTTOM. IT WAS AT THE COCONUT GROVE ARTS FESTIVAL WHERE I ENDED UP SLEEPING ON THE DOCKS NEXT TO MY ONLY REMAINING BELONGINGS, MY BICYCLE WHERE I WAS FINALLY SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED AND DECIDED THAT BOOZE HAD BEATEN ME DOWN ENOUGH AND THAT I WAS GONNA GO BACK TO AA. AFTER ABOUT 10 MEETINGS OF OPEN MINDED LISTENING I FINALLY GOT THE DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING. TODAY I KNOW THAT GOD DID FOR ME WHAT I COULDN'T DO FOR MYSELF BY GIVING ME A SECOND CHANCE IN LIFE AND BLESSED ME WITH THAT DESIRE. THAT WAS MY FIRST BEGINNING OF YHE MANY BEGINNINGS THAT HAVE TURNED MY LIFE 180 DEGREES AROUND TO THE WONDERFUL LIFE THAT I'M TRULY GRATEFUL TO LIVE EACH DAY AS THEY DEVELOP. THANK YOU GOD [GROUP OF DRUNKS] FOR ANOTHER DAY OF SOBRIETY.
Member: Kris G.
Location: Wash, D.C.
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 18:16:22
Kris here, alcoholic/addict...great topic and just what I needed to read here this evening. I've got a little over 4 mos. this time, so I'm not that far away from my last bottom...although sometimes you'd think I had 10 yrs. sober the way my stinking thinking gets in my way and tells me that maybe a drink wouldn't be that bad...yeah, right! I know that's a buch of crap. Lotsa good things in this mtg...I have a lot of not yets, and also many experiences that became reality and a living HELL as a result of relapsing over and over the past few years. I agree, we all have our own bottoms, they just hopefully lead us all to the same place, which is this beautiful program of HOPE. Our story is the worst one we will know, like someone said, because we are the ones who lived through it. I just love what you posted Pierre...bottom is when the level of my pain exceeded my level of pride! Way cool. Definitely a very false pride. My bottoms have all had similar things in common like the intense self loathing and self hate and disgust at how I was living (actually dying), and all of the other hopeless and helpless feelings that go along with that desperate place that we as addicts know all too well. Well, that's all for now. Thanks for being here everyone and god bless. The war is over and I lost....Kris G., alcoholic/addict.
Member: Janet V.
Location: Paso Robles, Ca.
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 18:38:51
Hi. I'm Janet, and I am an alcoholic. What a great topic choice! Hitting bottom for me was the choice between living or dying. I was miserable living, yet too afraid to die. A year and a half ago, my higher power helped me find the help I needed through the program of Alcoholic's Anonymous. In that time, I have come to friends and "angels" in this program who have taught me how to really live. Without hitting bottom, I would never have come to know A.A. Thanks to all who share thier experience, stregnth and hope. My hope is that we all will listen so that we can grow and learn, without reaching another bottom again.
Member: JB
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 18:44:31
My name is J and I am a grateful alcoholic. I had to hit a pretty ugly bottom. My car was being repossessed from not making the payments, I got fired from my job as a liquor sales rep, my husband was divorcing me, I was losing custody of my two year old son, and so I went with the man I had an affair with to Ireland and drank my way from Galway to Cork. Came back to face my problems and found they had not gone away by leaving the country. In the grips of an overwhelming depression I called a church for help and the counselor there took me to my first AA meeting. I have been here ever since. I am grateful to the love and fellowship I have found in the rooms of AA and to the principles I have learned by practicing the steps. Last month I celebrated ten years of sobriety and I drive a car that is being paid for, I have a stable relationship, there is a strong bond between my son and me and I have a good job. I no longer fear the past nor wish to close the door on it as I have learned from my experiences. Happy Birthday to Staying Cyber and keep coming back, it works!
Member: Joe B.
Location: Dover,DE
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 18:47:41
Hi all,Joe alcoholic. First of all happy B-day cyber and all. Hitting bottom has been peculiar in my addiction. I've been as far down as homeless and suicial and I went back out after periods of sobriety. No disaster or major event has brought me back this time, with better resultsand more determination to give myself to this wonderful program. Just one more thing to let be without disection. congrats all. Thanks Bill and Dr. Bob
Member: Lori B
Location: OH
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 21:54:52
Hitting bottom is just deciding when you want to get off the elevator. It can be at a different place for everyone. I decided I had gone down as far I wanted to (reality was it was as far as I could and still live). This for me today is not just about drinking or not drinking but about living or dieing. I have to keep it that simple. I have 10 years in the program and to take a drink means a short road to death for me. Life is so goooood today. AA has given me life. for that I am eternally grateful.
Member: JAYNE D
Location: KENTUCKY
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 22:07:53
Hello! i'm jayne an alcoholic. my bottom was being sick and tired of being sick and tired and so far one day at a time and the help of my HP 8 1/2 months later i hope i don't start digging again today. Great topic. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: anonymous.
Location: calif.
Date: 24 May 1999
Time: 23:03:15
I hit my bottom over and over again but until I could truly admit that I was powerless and my life was unmanagable I couldn't stay sober..............and even then I had to find a power greater then myself and turn it over to him............ then and only then was I able to stay sober. And by continuing to go to meetings, hang with the fellowship and do the steps I have found a way of living which is truly worth living. I never felt that way before...........now I don't have to crash cars in blackouts, sleep with strangers, get in fights in bars, worry my family, lose jobs, feel suicidal....and the list goes on. AA has show my a spiritual way of life ...........and we are not a glum lot.......have tons of fun in sobriety. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Tom H.
Location: Bend, Oregon
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 01:16:29
Hi! I'm Tom, alcoholic
First time on cyber. I like it. Been sober 19 years and I can tell you I have no will power. I'm overweight, smoke too many cigars and I would drink if it was better than being sober. That's the truth. So, I'm one of those bone heads who literally needs to be whacked upside the head with a 2 X 4 to get it. Some need more convincing than others. I bounced in and out of the program for seven years before I finally had had enough. Thank God. Great topic and this is online meeting is really neat. I love you all. Tom H.
Member: Bob P.
Location: Albany, N.Y.
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 04:19:13
Hi, My name is Bob and I'am without a doubt an alcoholic. I say that today after many 24 hrs of experience in the program. I knew intuitively from the start that I was a drunk. I had to hit my own personal bottom before I became willing to try another way. When I finally crawled into the rooms. Initially, I attended meetings grudgingly and heard almost nothing. Eventually, I believe with God's grace, things started to make sense. Things like I never had to drink again, and that I could live a sober productive life. I clung to these things because my life depended on it. I'am extremely grateful for the program and people in it. These same people never turned their backs on me, no matter how I acted. They kept telling me to keep coming back. I never want another "bottom" because there's a certainty that I might not make it back. So, at least for today this old dog is staying the porch of contented sobriety. Thanks to all who have shared their experience, strength, and hope.
Another link the chain,
Bob P.
Member: Bob W.
Location:
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 06:21:42
Hi, my name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic
Bottom to me isn't a place or time it's that feeling of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization...........drunk or dry. I was sober for 8 and 1/2 years in 1996 when after getting treatment for depression (thought that alcoholism never was my problem, just depression after getting treatment) and going on a trip to Cabo San Lucas I drank, drown might be a better description. Anyway, here it is 1999 and I have "bounced" in and out of AA like I'm God's Hacky Sack or something. I was "dry" for five months until about two weeks ago. I'm at the jumping off point that the Big Book talks about "cant live with it and can't live without it". In all honesty I was like a recovery guerilla when I was sober, I would announce to everyone and anyone that I was in recovery and if you didn't like it then f--- you. Not a good way to be (for me anyway, or others). My old sponsor always told me that depression was anger turned inward. Anyway what I really want is what a lot of you seem to have and what I didn't have my first time around although I would try to fake at meetings "happy, joyous and free". For me the word recovery means getting back what I had, I don't want that.
Member: Paul B
Location: Chautauqua, NY
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 07:45:49
Hi, I'm Paul, alcoholic. My sponsor says if you can't remember your last drink, you probably haven't had it. Hitting bottom is a blessing and the epiphany it generates can lead to a new life.
There are other bottoms in AA. Slacker bottoms for those of us who have let up on the program and let our spiritual conditions slip into the dumper. These are great to come out of, but bad to live in.
Member: Mike Mac
Location: Indiana
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 09:25:53
Hi everyone.Mike,an alcoholic,here.
I was always told you had to hit your bottom before achieving sobriety. I feel my "bottom" is a flexible thing. My bottom can be as low as I choose to make it. Even "six feet under!" I used to talk with almost a disdain for what we used to call "High Bottoms" (people that did not have to go though much turmoil to get here) But after 19 years on the program and hearing others share their experiances, I realize my bottom was really not so low either. As was stated earlier the bottom is a feeling. Everone here had to reach their own personal bottom. All our pain, remorses, and personal conficts are real. The experiances may be more horrific from one to another, but our sufferring got us here, no matter what that degree for the individual. Thank you for letting me share, I'm ranbling.
Member: Michele
Location: NJ
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 09:39:58
Good day to all my sisters and brothers in AA. My name is Michele B. and I am an alcoholic. I give honor, praise and thanks to Jesus the Christ, who is GOD as I understand him. God is so awesome and I was blown away when I needed a meeting in the midddle of my morning at work. I saw the topic "hitting bottom" and I was amazed that God was giving me exactly what I needed. I am grateful for the change because I printed out everyone's E.S.H. and read it first. I heard in early recover and yet today, that it is important to learn to liten and listen to learn. So as a result of listening, let me welcome the newcomers, Kelley and Lisa M. and Deanna. I applaud your courage and encourage to allow the grace of God, the power of Alcohilics Anonymous and the love of the fellowship to manifest great things in your new life sober. The programs works. Congratulations to Sara on 9 years of sobriety. Many thanks to all of you for the profound things that you have shared. I also have hit different bottoms in recovery. Thanks to Tim who shed clarity on the difference of "A" bottom and "THE" bottom. I have once again found myself engaging in a behavior that was not pleasing to God, positive for others around me or positive for me. I have been in an adulterous relationship. It hurts so bad, I wanted a full glass of straight Vodka at 2:00 am Monday morning. I am grateful that going to meetings and the grace of God did for me what I wasn't willing to do for myself. I went into "I'll show you, I'll hurt me" mode. My soul is antsy today becuase I am withdrawing from all contact, phone calls and visits to this person. I need my thoughts changed but I also have to stay stopped long enough (abstinent from sex and the relationship) long enough for the grace of God to remove the obsession. My sponsor has often shared with me that God can not remove the obsession as long as I am using. I am in a lot of emotional pain and mental torment. I feel like I am not good enough for a man to love or marry. Bottom line: I need to accept the precious gift of God's love for me through Christ. I am now reaching out to women - the very women I have been isolating from because I didn't want help. The Big Book says freedom from fear is more important from freedom of want. I have re-committed to living the steps, going to meetings and letting people know the me that is vulnerable. This is the bottom that feels like the elevator can't go down anymore. Thanks you to Frank in NJ, Sanders W., Steve W., Avril G., Jack B., Chris C. (for the real joke), Robert B. and everyone that took time to participate in their recovery to reach out and help another alcoholic. Thank you for allowing me to share my pain but most for giving me what I needed before I knew I needed. That alone declares that their is a loving God who expresses Himself in our group conscience. He knows all things and He is able to heal hurts that man can not reach.
Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 10:24:32
Good Morning!
My name is Tom A. and I am sober today by the grace of a loving higher power and this fellowship we know as Alcoholic's Anonymous that has taught and showed me about "Hitting Bottom." Thanks Dan for the topic and a special thank you to all who have and all who will post on this discussion meeting this week.
Happy 2nd Birthday to Staying Cyber!
My first recollection of hitting bottom came at my first AA meeting. One of the speakers said that "Any damn fool can stay sober for twenty-four hours." That is the foundation upon which I have built my program. Over time I have discovered that the disease of alcoholism attacks its vitims physically, mentally and spiritually and I arrived at AA completely bandrupt. I also believe, along with Doctor Silkworth's opinion that any treatment that fails to recongnize the physical, mental and spiritual is doomed for failure. I also agree with those who have said if I forget my last drink I haven't hit my bottom. Mine was a bottle of Bud at about 3:30 P.M in Ocean View, VA on July 25, 1960. I also know today that I might have another first drink in my life, but do I have another recovery.
Hey thanks for putting up with this old timer who didn't think he'd live to see 30 years of age. By the way I'm 67 and getting younger every day.
Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!
God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: Lisa J
Location: Geddes
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 12:36:58
hi guys!! I am Lisa and I am an alcoholic!! Haven't been to a meeting in about 3 years. Was doing okay for awhile but I hit the wall again. I look back and can see all the signs that lead me here. I should've known better but I think it's cuz I don't have people like you. I need AA. I am deathly scared of meetings. I don't like to talk in front of people so I have been avoiding them like the plague. Through this site and listening to all of you I hope I can find the strength to go to a meeting. You people are awesome. We aren't soooooo bad.
Just two days ago I hit the bottom one more time. Can't believe it can happen so many times. I was very heavily involved in my church. I was leading a Youth Group for the teens. I went out and partied with them and eventually hit on a few. What a loser!! That was not me. The guilt that I am having is so bad that I am questioning life. But I have two wonderful kids and husband that will stand behind me (why I don't know) that I cannot hurt them. I live in a town of only 300 people and everyone is talking about me and what I have done. I want to lock the doors on my house and never go out again. I have been thinking about suicide but I can not do that i am too chicken. But I want to prove to everyone or show them how sad I am and how bad I feel.
Member: Lisa J
Location: Geddes
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 12:39:03
it's me again!! I ran out of room - I must of rambled too much so I'll make this short. If anyone has some advice or help for me please email me at gedville@easnet.net
Thank you all and God Bless
Member: matt m.
Location: Mattsky@uswest.com
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 14:17:03
You know I have to so a word or two, My name is Matt and I am an alcoholic I have read alot of great stuff on the topic and i have to agree that hitting a bottom is up to the individual not all has to be lost, just your self respect helps. I can say that i have hit mine and i am gratefull to write about it. the good lord has made it aware to me that i don't have to live my life in dispare.
Member: Robin
Location: NY
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 14:18:42
I have been in the AA program, or part of it I should say, for seven days. I have done an awful lot of thinking on the topic 'hitting bottom' unsure still of what finally brought me to this place of sudden serenity. I know times will be tough, but right now, I'm enjoying my sobriety and just the simple math of seeing straight, day by day. I was raped in colledge, ammong othwer things. Screaming fights and broken glass, boughts with cocaine and black out after black out. When I moved to NY 11 months ago, my alcoholism took a nose dive and progressed severly and rapidly. It was the morning after I was raped by a good 'friend' that I realized it was time. You see, for me, it was never a matter of wether or not I was an alcoholic, but just how much I was going to take. I still drank for a month after that inncident, several black outs, falling down, things I don't have names for yet. I wanted to hurt myself I think, subconciously. I've gotten so tired of using that word. Finally, a friend sat me down after a long night and sternly advised me to get help. What really made me see the light was, this friend is an alcoholc, and if an alcoholic who is not in recovery can tell me I need help. then God, I must need it. I asked another friend to take me to an AA meeting. A friend I had been drinking with as a teenager who has been sober for 8 years. He is 28. I am 26. I feel a little strange being so young. Is this what they call a high bottom?
Member: Clayton U.(sq ft)
Location: near Annapolis, MD
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 14:28:03
Well well well...... Here I am........ At a Cyber AA meeting....... It's really a spiritual experience..... to share with you, my brothers and sisters..... I had my last drink June 5th, 1974..... I celebrate 6/6/74. I know the feelings of uselessness and despair.... that feeling that "I can't do anything right, suicide is the ONLY answer" we,,. I was wrong! I called AA for help. They asked if I could go till Monday without a drink and I said, "Sure! I'm not an alcoholic!". I went to AA to learn how to STOP HURTING AND TO LEARN HOW TO DRINK RIGHT. Well, i had 4 days dry already, what the heck..... I went for "One more day without"..... and another and another...... today is 9020 days..... It is VITAL to my sobriety, that I not forget my last bottom!!!!! Thank you all!!!!!!
Member: Melissa
Location: Atlanta
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 15:33:39
Hello family, Melissa alkie and addict here.
I have been looking at myself today, long and hard. I don't like what I see. I am not working a good program. I surround myself others in the program because I am so afraid that if I do not have someone around me at all times, than I will drink. I am terrified that I am going to relapse, and this time, I would not come back. I want to be better, I want so desperately to be well. I think I am slowly loosing this battle. I feel as if I sit still I will explode. That I am a caged animal trying despratly to get out of that cage. I spoke to a friend last night who suggested that perhaps I had not hit my bottom yet. I feel as if I am dying inside and I don't know what to do. I have hit my knees, meditated, tried to call my sponsor (unsuccessfully) and nothing seems to getting better. Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest...
Melissa
Member: Lisa M.
Location: N. California
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 16:47:57
Hi everyone and a great day to all. I am an alcoholic. A few days ago I wrote that I was unsure about what "bottom" really meant and as I continue to read, it is becoming clearer. Bottom is different for everyone. I am fortunate that my last incident didn't take me to a "bottom" of losing everything, and I am grateful to God that it brought me here. The pain in my heart is going away, my desire to drink is fading, too. I know that I am being given a "peace" of serenity, like a sneak preview. I know that I better start working the steps and going to face to face meetings and getting a sponsor. The pain does get better. I am so grateful to have this site. This has helped me get to 12 days. I am clearer, more patient, more tolerant, feel better about myself and others, have gotten through really difficult situations better. One of the obstacles I am finding though, is my inability to deal with conflict. I realize now that everytime I had anger flare or had conflict that I would drink to ease it over. Now that I am not, I find myself physically shaking. At this point, if shaking is the only result of my anger, after what I have been through and put others through, then it is a miracle.
God Bless You All.
my e-mail: McWaggy@aol.com
Member: Phil A
Location: UK
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 17:45:57
Hi All
I don't know if I ever hit Bottom, but it seems to me that everytime I drink/drunk that is my new Rock Bottom. I say everytime that I WILL NOT DRINK AND I WILL NOT GET DRUNK, yes I relapsed after two and a half months in the program, that for me was a new personal low, but I learn't through the program that life aint always easy (as if I didn't know that already), I was back into the program two days after that last drunk and I just count every day without a drink as a wonderful bonus because no matter what tomorrow may bring I can say I did not take a drink today.
Melissa Check your e-mail.
Peace and Serenity to you all
Member: Mike
Location: Seattle
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 19:58:38
Mike, alcoholic. Just a couple thoughts to add.
The first: Bottom is where each of us quit digging. For me, it happened when I turned to the friend that helped me move out of my own house in response to the restraining order, and said, "That's it. Ive had enough. I've done as much damage to myself and to others as I'm going to do. I'm going back to AA and do the 90 meetings in 90 days that 'they' tell me I have to do." I did that 3 weeks shy of a year ago today. One chicken shit day at a time and I still go to 4 meetings a week. Working the steps is more like working the steps over, and over, and over again.
The second: No matter what, don't drink, don't jump, and don't shoot. My chest hurts today from missing a woman that I met through my sister in the program. The woman is still completely controlled by her fears, currently masquerading as anger at some trivial remark. I have never felt longing like this, ever. Relationships without drugs or alchohol to kill the joy and the necessary pain are very difficult. I know that I don't have to feel this way. I can go buy a pint, no why fool around, let's just start with a case of magnums - 100 proof or better. I won't feel anything, then.
Hey, why not? I only lost a house, a wife, the affection and communication of both daughters, and any hope of a viable career last time out. What do I have to loose?
Death, jail, or an asylum are still the only place that drinking can take me now. AA really is the last house with a light on at the end of the street. Even if I just wind up in jail, with my mouth, I'll piss off someone whose neck is bigger than his head and this disease will have succeeded in killing me anyway.
Our bottom is our call.
Member: Mary H
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 20:42:26
Mary, alcoholic. I think that I've finally reached my "final" bottom. I was in the middle of another fight with my husband of 13 years because I had gotten angry and left him at the bar. We had gone to a friends going away party and I had been cruel and insensitive as usual when he wanted to go home.(He's not an alcoholic) When we both got home the fight started and by the end of it I was screaming "I'm finished!" I was in tears and ready to die. I called my father in the middle of the night. He wasn't home. I left a message. He showed up the next morning to talk to me. All day I felt fear, anxiety and hopelessness. I couldn't take anymore. Luckily I had an appointment with me counsellor the next night and when I got there I finally told him the truth. I had been lying to him too. Thought I don't think he was really fooled. It felt like a great weight was lifted by just saying the words and meaning them. Now it's one day a time, trying to stay positive and hoping the save my marriage. It seems stressful sometimes but I am grateful that I'm sober right now.
Member: Amy J
Location: S W IA
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 20:46:14
Good day friends! It truely is a good day. I have been reafirming all my reasons to stay sober by reading all your thoughts. My bottom occured when my husband was ready to take my precious babies and walk out of the door. At that time I realized that my true love was not the beer can that I held in my hand. I feel that a persons bottom is a personal place. I was mentaly, physically, and spiritually sick. I finally became sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Enough of the old sayings.(even though they are true in my eyes.) Melissa, don't give up. pray to your hp to get you through this. You will make it if you want it. Use the tools that you pick up in meetings. Do what your heart tells you, not your head. My head never did get me too far in the respect of booze and drugs.
Peace and joy through all your lives. We've been through hell, now we can have a bit of heaven on earth.
Member: Sashya C.
Location: Soberville
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 20:47:58
Hi! I am Sashya, an alcoholic and addict. I, too, had to reach my bottom. Thanks to God that I hit bottom when I did...I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. She's a healthy happy 10-mo-old now. But, if God hadn't gotten me help when he did, I would have killed both of us. Her father is still trying to find his bottom. Someone mentioned digging earlier...he's digging his grave I think. AA has taught me that he won't get help till he wants it, and that I can't control him any more than I can control alcohol and other drugs. It is very frustrating, though, to watch someone you love kill themselves slowly. My bottom was pretty bad. I had progressed to being an IV grug user, and I was shooting up one evening (my ex and I were fighting)and I thought...this sucks, I'm not even getting high anymore. I tried to commit suicide that night. My ex came in and saw me with a belt noose around my neck, and he just walked into the other room. Later that night, I got pulled over for a bad tail-light, and was taken to jail for an outstanding warrant in another county. The sheriff who transported me was the Uncle of a guy I was engaged to before my last trip down addiction row. The sheriff, Tom, said that he could tell I had a problem (I looked like hell)and said that he would take me to get some help if I wanted it, but not until after I had appeared before the judge. He told me to think about it over night, and to call him in the morning if I wnated help. The next morning I called him, seeings how I had no way back home. After I called, I had second thoughts, and he found out. He said he thought I would be putting my life in direct danger if he let me go, and arrested me and took me to treatment. Thank God, and thank Tom for saving my life, and my baby's life, too!!
Member: Ariel F.
Location: Central WI
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 21:52:01
Hi, everyone,my name is Ari and I'm an alcoholic. I've really enjoyed reading all the comments so far about "hitting bottom." I remember being in treatment and doing something called "Writing first steps" which was basically describing our bottoms and the related consequences. As the days went by and people wrote more and more "first steps" it turned into a "consequencs war" and one I was not really able to keep up with. Even the counselors got on my case because my stories weren't of the "horror quality" they seemed to be looking for. But I KNEW I had hit my bottom and that was good enough for me. That was 22 months ago and by the grace of God and the fellowship of this program I'm still sober today - one day at a time. I'll always remember my last drink, but for now, the most important drink is the one I didn't take today. Bottom was a very dark place...I'm glad I'm in the light with all of you today. God Bless!!
Member: Billy M.
Location: Omaha, NE
Date: 25 May 1999
Time: 22:24:15
I'm Bill and I'm and alcoholic: High bottom, low bottom drunk. I don't think there is enough difference between them to shake a stick at. My bottom came when I was so mentally and physically sick I didn't care whether I lived or died. And I still didn't realize it was alcohol and my complete disregard for my higher power that got me there. I believe my road to recovery daily is my dependence upon my Higher Power. I guess I always remember the slogan: "God don't make junk." Happy anniversary, thanks for sharing.
Member: Jay B.
Location: N.H., USA
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 00:10:13
This is my first internet meeting, and I sincerely thank every one of you for being here. I lost my brother at 5pm today to alcoholism; he took the easier, softer way out- he shot himself. It has been a major blow to my serenity, and if it wasn't for my excellent support group, I'd be drinking right this minute, even though I know what it does to me, and I have a life second to none now. I've been in recovery since 9/96, after hitting what I hope was my bottom. I was incarcerated for 2 1/2 years for theft and possession to support my drinking and other habits. Today I have the support of the people I used to steal from, and their trust. But I still only have today, and I'm still one drink away from a tragic end. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for letting me share, and thank you for my sobriety.
Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 00:46:08
J here, a grateful alcoholic. I have known about these columns awhile, but just got around to offering. Met nice people here, whom I would have to travel around the world to meet in regular meetings. My bottom was unique (aren't they all?) only because it was mine. A friend moving away -- employment situation like a fire drill -- we threw a party, and after midnight I told him what was wrong with him. I do not remember what I said, but I remember in the car the next day arriving at his vacant apartment, never to see him again. I remember later on a nearby porch talking with the past evening's hostess (when I was drinking, people did not always invite me inside). She was nice, if obstinate. I told her I might call AA that week, I had been thinking about it a long time. She went inside -- ten minutes or more, time enough to pour a tall one, for old times' sake -- but returned emptyhanded. "I phoned, and they meet at the Presbyterian Church in thirty minutes." I arrived late; still know the member who led, but what I focused on was a drink after the meeting. Then a huddle of strangers cornered me, yelling slogans. No problem; bars still open, and chances of me getting home on a holiday evening without a drink looked happily slim and nil -- let alone making 24 hours dry. Last night I revisited that second meeting -- not the first time, for sure. (The days and dates don't match because Memorial Day came on 26th that year; I have checked). Can't say I danced up the 12 Steps like Fred Astaire. It was all I could do to "postpone the inevitable" for a tediously long time that I really believed could end only one way. That was 1975, and if I owed that first 24 hours to AA, what can I say now? My incredible debt is up to 24 years and counting -- who knows, I might actually get sober someday -- thanks totally to the grace of God and the fellowship of AA. Peace, don't take the first drink, and keep coming back!
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 01:09:58
the writing was on the wall with me.4th drunk driving offence,my girlfreind who said "she would never leave me", she dropped me like a hot potato.lonelyness really set in,i was getting drunker faster and drinkng everyday.i knew the gig was up,it really hit me on christmas night ,i was by myself in a chinese restaraunt,feeling so hollow,knowing i was losing everythng real fast, i was lonely and very scared,in walked my younger brother,he said his heart was pounding when he saw me.i looked at him and just started crying me eyes out,telling him i was a bum and not to be like me.it was terrible,but it was at that point that i started to turn things over,i went into a two week program for second offenders(my second time doing that)i had to stay thier for the two weeks.my boss gave me vacation time to do it,i got good exposure to aa and other coping skill type things their. its like night and day ,i have a good ,not perfect life that i wouldn"t trade for the world .i guess that was my ,hitting bottom,i do not want to ever go through it again.thats why aa is so important to me.if i stay balanced(which aa helps provide)i never have to drink again,thank you God, aa, and all of you people,you are why i am staying stopped.just one day at a time.my name is tony i"m an alcoholic.
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 01:17:14
jay,sorry about your brother.
Member: LORI D
Location:
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 06:06:42
Good Morning Everyone I knew I had hit my bottom when I woke up in a fog not realizing what I had done the night before When my fog lifted a bit,I realized I had been involved in a car accident.Terrified was not the fealing Had, it was pure disgust with my way of living. The look on my daughters face just simply broke my heart&spirit.After I was done with all my court I realized that I needed help,and I reached out to AA. I was very terrified to walk through those doors but the fear soon left me and I felt like I had found something here that I could not explain. I've learned to share what is bothering me and not keep all mt emotions inside,I've come to believe that with this disease we are powerles and do need that open hand of AA.Many people have helped me to understand that we are powerless over this.Each morning I say a prayer to help me along with my day,soom are good and soom not but I don't pick up that drink.Instead I look at my precius daughter and thank my higher power for giving me this second chance Thanks for having this sight,and I really get something out of everyones sharing LORI D
Member: Julie B.
Location: North Carolina
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 07:42:09
jay b., sorry about your brother...thoughts and prayers...stay strong...remember Psalm 46...
tony g....thanx again for encouragement...hang in there....
Member: Deanna
Location: Texas
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 11:44:57
Deanna here, alcoholic.
Jay, words cannot say....
You give me hope and inspiration. Thanks for helping me stay sober today.
Deanna
Member: Elizabeth S.
Location: Southeast USA
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 12:02:31
Hi, I'm Liz, an alcoholic. Jay, stay real, you are doing the right thing by sticking close to the fellowship. I will be celebrating my 6th birthday soon but I remember in January of 1997 my brother was brutally stabbed to death as a result of this disease, the same year, my father died in October and my mom in November. Why didn't I take that drink-because of a loving God, a proven program of action and a fellowship of people I do believe love me. I remember my bottom, an emotional and spiritual hell! My insides were like raw hamburger. Through this program I have learned that I got here when I was supposed to-not one second early. I learned that I could have gotten off the elevator on the 5th floor, I didn't have to wait until I was under the basement! I have learned that all bottoms have trap doors if I don't practice a spiritual program. My bottom wasn't the kind you could see-material things, it was the kind you could not see which, to me, is the most deadly. I have reached emotional bottoms in recovery. I kept doing the same things, expecting a different result and I was clean as a whistle! Why? I wasn't practicing spiritual principles. My ideas do not work, but the God(spiritual) idea does! Stay away from the first one. How does this thing work? It works just fine. Thanks for allowing me to share!
Member: Clayton U.(sq ft)
Location: MD
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 12:18:38
Jay, sorry for your loss...... Prayers and Peace.....
Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 13:24:56
My name is JC and I am an alcoholic. My HP permitted me to contact AA in a 4 months black out binge. Couldn't live or without alcohol. It was just the right time for me, had no problem in identifying myself as an alcoholic and I hadn't done any wrong (I thought it at least), didn't kill anybody, no jail, still had my wife and kids. Just lost 2 jobs, no big deal. I was still alive, in state to understand the AA message and being fed up being bored of being sick and tired of booze. How can't I be grateful for God's perfect timing who granted me to live sober in this Fellowship, one day at a time? Thanks for letting me share. your grateful mate. JC
Member: Jim Mc
Location: San Francisco
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 13:49:54
Hitting Bottom Topic: Well, it's been along time since I've written anything in a discussion group on the internet, but I thought I would give it a try today. I like the process of writing out one's experience, strength and hope because it gives one time to think before talking (writing).
I guess my experience hitting bottom makes me think of an experience in the Sierra Nevada's. I was around the age of 19 at the time. My addiction/alcoholism was in full bloom and I was finding that the blackouts were increasing and the pitiful and incomprehensible experiences were growing. I had started the late afternoon off with taking a variety of different drugs, excessive amounts of gin with 3 other "friends."
As the evening progressed, we decided it would be fun to venture up one of the mountains from the cabin we were staying at and look at the stars. As the 4 of us progressed towards the top of the hill, the LSD began to take affect and simple tasks became more difficult. The excessive amount of gin didn't seem to help either. The night became darker and no one had the skills to light a fire. It was cold and windy and dark. One of my so-called friends began to get cold and decided that he thought the jacket I was wearing was his and he proceeded to get forceful of the fact that he wanted his jacket back. Even though I was under the influence of substances, I had a moment of clarity that I wasn't with "friends." I went ahead and regretfully gave the jacket to him. I found that I didn't want to spend the rest of the evening with this 3 other people, so I stated to them to go ahead with out me. I was going to do this trip on my own. As the evening progressed I found that I couldn't walk back down the mountain. It was pitch black out, and I was afraid I might take a step off a cliff.
I proceeded to sit down on the ground and curl up in a ball for warmth. That evening seemed like it took forever. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the night. I couldn't move, or see anything but pitch black. I knew I was still alive, but might be overdosing. What went through my mind that night was a variety of things I will never forget. What would the newspapers say, "Local kid freezes to death in the Sierra Nevada. Excess amounts of drugs and alcohol found in autopsy."
As the night progressed, I thought I was going to die. I found I couldn't move, couldn't see and was cold as hell. I thought what if I do die. I might go to hell. My hallucinations proceeded as follows. I envisioned my hell as being spending the rest of eternity in a cold dark place with those other 3 so-called friends (jerks) sitting around a fire that wouldn't keep us warm.
As the night progressed, I wept in my fetal position and prayed that I get help from God. I guess I went through the first 3 steps without knowing them. I realized my powerlessness and unmanageability and definitely wanted some sanity back. I reached out to God that I didn't understand and asked for help.
At some point in the evening, things shifted and I began to see the silhouette of the tall sugar pine and fir trees around me. Those trees were so comforting to see. The sun began to rise, and I made my way back down to the cabin I was staying.
I believe that my admission of powerlessness and asking a higher power to help was the beginning of my recovery. I proceed to get some drunk driving arrests after this event, which forced me into an outpatient recovery program. I ended up getting clean and sober and it is 16 years later - still clean and sober.
I hope this helps someone out there. Thanks for reading. Jim Mc
Member: jrr
Location: harmony on the Lake
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 19:12:26
jay.. evidently your brother hit his bottom, so sorry for the pain you must be going through.. fact of the matter is this is a deadly disease. i hope i never find my bottom.. only hope i remain grateful and sober.. a day at a time. And thankful i have stopped looking for it.. the fact remains.. some die trying to control this deal.. surrender to a new way of life, and a Source greater than yourself, do the 12 steps as they are laid out.. and do not pick up. i have seen many fellows in AA go through pain, suffering, loss and joys without having to drink. you are a source of inspiration, jay, and your experience helps me.. this deal works.. i promise! peace, jrr
Member: Jay B.
Location: N.H.
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 19:35:15
Thanks for the words of inspiration, Julie B, Deanna, Liz, and everyone else who shared. Still hanging in there. Praying alot just for strength to make it through the day, and for God to remove the obsession to drink or drug just for today. Bless you all, and thank you for my sobriety. JB, alcoholic.
Member: scott d.
Location: new jersey
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 20:34:41
1st time here , anyway having problems with sponser , sober 3yrs , we never talk anymore ,im not blaming him ,its mostly my fault ,i dont call him he dont call me ,, dont know to many people that i would ask to be my sponser either, i talk to plenty of people in the rooms and go to alote of meetings , but theres nothing like a good relationship with a sponser , i miss that too. ive noticed that ive been having drunk dreams which i havent had in a long time .. im getting scared . i have no intentions on going out though sobriety is all to immportant , i wouldnt trade it for the world ,, but i do know how this disease is conning and baffeling , and i dont take nothing for granted .. any experience strength and hope would be apreciated . maybe a few prayers also would be nice .. thanks for being here
Member: Edward D
Location: San Luis Obispo CA
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 21:09:42
My name is Edward, I'm a Real Alcoholic, Hitting Bottom is a good subject, 9-2-82 I hit bottom. I stuck a 12 guage in my mouth,but was too drunk to get my toe and the trigger on the same page. I threw the shotgun across the room and cried out to GOD "KILL ME OR CURE ME LORD , AND I DON't GIVE A F--- WHICH ONE, BUT ONE OR THE OTHER!!!" I turned myself into a detox center. 21 days later I woke up in the ICU of Barnes VA Hospital . I spent 2 weeks on an observation ward, when I asked to be put in the treatment program I was denied, they said I was too far gone. I kept asking, my brother called politicians, I was finally let in !!! I was buddied up with a man by the name of Ira. Ira and I were joined at the hip for the next 90 days. He got out 1 day ahead of me , I was to meet him at his place to go to breakfast. When I arrived, his landlady told me an ambulance had taken to the hospital, I went there and asked for him. Two men in lab coats came and asked me if I knew IRA. I said yes,they took me to him. I had to identify him . He went out and drank himself to death. I THANK GOD for letting me hit my Bottom !!! I still have another drunk in me, but do I have another Recovery in me ? That I don't know !! For me KISS works best
Member: Edward D
Location: San Luis Obispo CA
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 21:11:22
My name is Edward, I'm a Real Alcoholic, Hitting Bottom is a good subject, 9-2-82 I hit bottom. I stuck a 12 guage in my mouth,but was too drunk to get my toe and the trigger on the same page. I threw the shotgun across the room and cried out to GOD "KILL ME OR CURE ME LORD , AND I DON't GIVE A F--- WHICH ONE, BUT ONE OR THE OTHER!!!" I turned myself into a detox center. 21 days later I woke up in the ICU of Barnes VA Hospital . I spent 2 weeks on an observation ward, when I asked to be put in the treatment program I was denied, they said I was too far gone. I kept asking, my brother called politicians, I was finally let in !!! I was buddied up with a man by the name of Ira. Ira and I were joined at the hip for the next 90 days. He got out 1 day ahead of me , I was to meet him at his place to go to breakfast. When I arrived, his landlady told me an ambulance had taken to the hospital, I went there and asked for him. Two men in lab coats came and asked me if I knew IRA. I said yes,they took me to him. I had to identify him . He went out and drank himself to death. I THANK GOD for letting me hit my Bottom !!! I still have another drunk in me, but do I have another Recovery in me ? That I don't know !! For me KISS works best
Member: Jay B.
Location: NH
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 21:14:42
Scott D, earlier this year my sponsor started working out of state, so it was very hard to catch him, at meetings or on the phone. I wanted a sponsor who I could really talk to, someone who I felt comfortable saying anything to, so I asked a man who I always saw at my home group meetings, and always had time to talk and listen. It worked out fantastic, and he's the best sponsor I've had. If you don't feel that comfortable with anyone yet, maybe a temporary sponsor would be a smart idea. That way, you could develop your relationship with him, or look for another, but you wouldn't be stuck without a sponsor. I would give it a try. Best of luck, keep it simple, and just don't take that first drink. yours in service, Jay B, alcoholic.
Member: Tony T.
Location: La.
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 21:36:41
Hi, everybody, really good to be here. Heard some great stuff. Bottoms, we all got them and there's only one good one the one the that gets you help. If I ever forget what I am it won't make any dam diffrence who I am. I remember a guy who used to say never underestimate the power of the spoken or (written ) word. Today I really understand what he meant. The words of AA cary hope and life for many people like me who had all but given up on this thing called life. I didn't fear dying, Hell I feared living. My bottom was not too any different from a lot of you. Home life, bad , wife about to leave, job all but gone. Life was just crazy, and nothing made any sense at all. I knew that something was bad wrong but really didn't beleive it was alcohol. How blind I was before I saw. I had to get well before I could see how really sick I was. Before AA life was just something to be endured,angony, pain, depression, fear of everything and fear of losing what little mind I had left. Thank God and AA and so many people I couldn't count. Special thanks to God for letting me keep my wife and children whom I wold die for but found out I couldn't stop drinking for. Thank all of you for being here for me Today I have over 2 years sober, a wonderful marriage, great relationship with my kids, and very wonderful, and mericful, God who loves me inspite of myself.
Melissa, please don't give up. I've been where you are and made it through. This too will pass, beleive me it will. May God bless and hang on to you.
Lisa, don't be so hard on yourself, we're all human and all do things we are ashamed of. Face you fear , trust God and go on. Well it is always great to hear from all of you May God Bless and Hold on to all of you. Bye.
Member: Barb B
Location: w pa
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 21:59:20
warm hugs to everyone. Had to experience a few bottoms, one was after i had already experienced 22 months sober, I opted to abort, and suddenly became sick an tired of this disease killing my kids. So I came (ran) back to the rooms. But I guess my real last bottom was when I was in so much emotional pain that i didn't want to drink, I wanted to die. And i did just that, I learned how to die, and let the steps become alive in my life. I surrendered. And I let God be God of my life... That was in 91, and since then I try to surrender daily, some days I trudge and some days I trot that Happy Road of Destiny, and it all depends upon that, surrender, accept and choose to love, to give, and forgive. God Bless Moneib, who today hit his bottom and met his Maker. There but for the Grace of God, go I. Vios con Dios, Moneib.
Member: Eric K.
Location: Fl.
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 22:58:34
Thank you all so very much for the words I feel comming from your hearts.My name is Eric , alky.I manage to hit bottom in my tens, 20,s and 30,s.At 41 I surrendered and the tears of joy keep comming.God bless you all and Jay I pray everyday so I don,t shut out his sunlight,you and your brother are now in my prayers.To everyon else on this page thank you so very much for my ist year of peace.I just can,t get over the power we have and the little I don,t God bless you all.
Member: Rick S.
Location: Ct
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 23:17:07
Hi...my name is Rick...this is my first meeting..and I'm an alcoholic... Rock bottom hit me when I was served for divorce...and although this seemed like a blessing to me at first...the realization of the effect on my children ...and in truth...that the realization that I did not wish to be seperated, nor loose a great wife and friend hit really hard when the finality of the situation set in. Although I have greatly reduced my alcohol consumption over the last several months, I had a excessive drinking weekend this past one.... When I nearly crawled into work on Monday morning...I said to myself this is it... I will walk that road no longer... no more will I fool myself into thinking I am consuming to feel good...or to enrich my life ...but rather using it as a cop-out to run away from it....I am an alcoholic.. but...I have had my last drink.
Member: Brian O.
Location: Kansas City
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 23:19:47
Good evening everyone, I'm Brian and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time in a cyber meeting, and just love hearing from everyone. I just recently had my three month anniversary. It's been a long haul, but I'm hanging in there and doing what I think is a big factor for me in my sobriety, and that's having a positive attitude. When I hit my rock bottom, I don't even think I knew that I had hit it. I had been seperated from my wife for about 9 months, (Due to my drinking), and let me tell you, while she was gone, I think my alcohol consumption probably doubled. I decided to drive my car one day after about 13 hours of drinking with my friends, (who now don't play on the same playground as I do), and got pulled over and arrested for not my 1st, but my second DUI. I served 2 days, and was ordered to a treatment program twice a week, along with AA twice a week. Also, I was put in a random UA program. So the courts were making me stop drinking. Man was I sour about all that nonsense. I'm still in my program today, and I go to AA twice a week like I'm supposed to, and now because I want to. A wise man once told me, that if you bring your body enough, your mind will follow. Everyday, I thank God for the officer that pulled me over. I think he saved my life. And for that, I owe this unknown person everything.
The program has helped me to identify that even though I didn't drink all the time, when I did, I was powerless over it. It had complete control of my life, and of me. The old saying, "1 is too many, and a 1000 isn't enough." That's how I drank. Everytime I picked up a bottle, I drank until I passed out, or unitil I was sick. I've been fortunate not to lose my job. Somehow, I've managed to make it in the corporate world without the alcohol screwing that up. I came clean with my wife a couple of months after the DUI, and she took me back. Because of my willingness to admit I was powerless over alcohol, I now have my family back. Thank you God, and thank you unknown officer for helping me find my powerlessness. I owe the most to all of you in AA, and for the AA program. God bless and keep coming back.
Member: Brian O.
Location: Kansas City
Date: 26 May 1999
Time: 23:20:22
Good evening everyone, I'm Brian and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time in a cyber meeting, and just love hearing from everyone. I just recently had my three month anniversary. It's been a long haul, but I'm hanging in there and doing what I think is a big factor for me in my sobriety, and that's having a positive attitude. When I hit my rock bottom, I don't even think I knew that I had hit it. I had been seperated from my wife for about 9 months, (Due to my drinking), and let me tell you, while she was gone, I think my alcohol consumption probably doubled. I decided to drive my car one day after about 13 hours of drinking with my friends, (who now don't play on the same playground as I do), and got pulled over and arrested for not my 1st, but my second DUI. I served 2 days, and was ordered to a treatment program twice a week, along with AA twice a week. Also, I was put in a random UA program. So the courts were making me stop drinking. Man was I sour about all that nonsense. I'm still in my program today, and I go to AA twice a week like I'm supposed to, and now because I want to. A wise man once told me, that if you bring your body enough, your mind will follow. Everyday, I thank God for the officer that pulled me over. I think he saved my life. And for that, I owe this unknown person everything.
The program has helped me to identify that even though I didn't drink all the time, when I did, I was powerless over it. It had complete control of my life, and of me. The old saying, "1 is too many, and a 1000 isn't enough." That's how I drank. Everytime I picked up a bottle, I drank until I passed out, or unitil I was sick. I've been fortunate not to lose my job. Somehow, I've managed to make it in the corporate world without the alcohol screwing that up. I came clean with my wife a couple of months after the DUI, and she took me back. Because of my willingness to admit I was powerless over alcohol, I now have my family back. Thank you God, and thank you unknown officer for helping me find my powerlessness. I owe the most to all of you in AA, and for the AA program. God bless and keep coming back.
Member: Jack B.
Location: Windsor, ON
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 00:22:32
Hi, my name is Jack and I'm an alcoholic.When I first began attending meetings there was an old- timer who would say to me, " Jack, if you are so smart what are you doing here??" After I realized that my very best intentions and efforts brought me to the point of surrender it became easier take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth.
Brian from Kansas City: glad to hear that surrendering worked for you also.I will be in Kansas City from June 10th thru 13th and willhave some free time between conferences for meetings or a coffee. If you are interested you can e-mail me at this address: < jrbechard@yahoo.com >
Happy and Sober May 27th to all!! Jack.
Member: Phil A.
Location: CA
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 04:02:28
I got 34 days sober I feel so good
Member: Kerry F.
Location: DELAWARE soon FL
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 09:30:34
I'm Kerry F. and I think this is a great topic as I think bottoms are a great thing. I know this sounds odd but for myself and others without a bottom there would be no surrender,Hence no recovery. I am greatful for the bottem that brought me into recovery. I have grown from it and now look at it as a blessing. My divorse, as bad as it seemed at the time, is the best thing that ever happened to me. When I excepted that this was the way things were, I was able to go on with my life in recovery. And i love being sober today. I thought my bottom was worse then anyone elses but it was not.Others have had it worse then I, I'm still gratful for mine.
Member: dan
Location: ca
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 09:34:29
seems as different as our bottoms may be---high or low, so called---they have in common a willingness to accept help from those who've "been there and back". Is "getting off the elevator" as simple(though not easy) as saying "I need help"?
Member: Terry
Location: AZ, desert
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 13:55:57
Jay I lost a childhood friend to an overdose in my early sobriety, he could/would not stay clean or sober. A small funeral; his parents, my parents & me. Some die so others may live, he gave me life, his life was not meaningless, he gave me gratitude for my program, I wasn't alone anymore. I'm sorry for your loss, try to look at your gains, and his life will have meaning.
Member: Chris H.
Location: Kendal, England
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 14:11:57
Hi. I'm new to this group, although I attend AA meetings when I can. I am the sole carer of a disabled 17 year old boy, so it can be hard getting along to meetings.
I've never been to prison, never had a DUA (although I lost my driving licence because of the illness of alcoholism) and I never believed I was hurting anyone but myself.
I continued to drink for a long time after I found AA. There were no 'binges' and I thought I could drink sometimes and get away with it. But this illness is insidious and rots us away inside. Then suddenly we can't cope any more, and our body lets us know. I had honestly ceased to believe that my drinking was affecting me. Just a few drinks here and there. Then three weeks ago I woke up during the night with chest pains and nausea. Gradually I realised that I was very ill and I called a doctor. Twenty minutes later I was in Intensive Care. I hadn't had a heart attack, as they thought, but my liver function tests were very abnormal and my whole body was under strain. Basically, I'd poisoned myself once too often. As I lay there with monitors around me, I realised that I'd been fooling myself in believing that I could have a safe relationship with alcohol.
It was a time to reflect, and I realised how terrible things would be for my son if I died. I then realised how much living I wasn't doing because I drank alcohol instead of facing challenges.
I came home still quite sick, on steroids and pills for nausea. I wanted to get well, because it was true, I was sick because I drank alcohol, and I wasn't fooling anyone.
My first 'reward' for sobriety has been a return to normal liver enzyme values. But I don't feel good, yet. That will take some time.
For me, 'rock bottom' was being in ICU, with machines monitoring what my body was doing and blood being drawn every which way, and the care I was given by nurses and doctors whom I couldn't fool. I just had to face up to myself, and those hours in ICU gave me plenty of time to do that.
Still sober, and praying to stay that way.
Chris H.
Member: Hollywood
Location: cambridge Idaho
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 16:42:20
Hello my name is Hollywood and I am an alcholic. Hitting bottom that is a good thing to talk about since it seems none of us seem to gain recovery until we recognize what our bottom is. My bottom had been with me for along time. The being tired of the booze not working for me any more, but yet I could not stop drinking.I wanted to stop drinking for along time. But found I could not. I finally earned my second D.U.I. and that was the deffinent Bottom. Enough was enough. I saught help through a rehab program wich introduced me to the A.A. way of a new life. I am very greatfull now for all that has happend, and all that I now experiance in sobriety. Sobriety is a way of life for me now, and I plan to continue it for quite some time. God bless everyone and may we all succeed in our sobriety.
Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 16:45:14
good topic, thanks.
my BOTTOM wasn't that bad, i had a hell of a hangover and wished i could die rather than experience it, but no dui, didn't lose my wife or job, no financial problems, just horrible embarassment whenever i would unexpectedly lose contol of my drinking. But, that didn't matter because i could relate to AAs and it has worked for me now 8 years. thanks
Member: Mary M
Location: Northeast
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 17:51:41
Hi, I'm Mary and I'm an alcoholic. I have just started back to AA and have been sober for 10 days. My life has been out of control for a long time. I need to take control of it again.
Thanks.
Member: David
Location: Kent, WA
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 18:42:55
Hi, I'm David and I am an alcoholic. My bottom had none of the usual losses such as job, family,possessions, jail, etc. I had nothing to lose except a job that wasn't a major concern for me. I had nothing I could not afford to lose which was how I lived my life then. Stay near the bottom and you don't have far to fall. I had few friends. The ones I did have were crazier than me. Then I became emotionally involved with another girl. That was it for me. Through my insanity, I lost control, took a fall and thought that was the end for me. Seems quite petty now but at the time that little hole became larger than any canyon on earth.
I decided suicide was my best out solution but fear sent me to psychologist who listened for an hour to everything except my drinking. He then asked if I might be an alcoholic. And here I thought I had hid myself well. This led to treatment, A.A., many sponsers through the years, and the best friends one could ever have. Eighteen years later and I have a home, wife, children (one is disabled). My daughter near died and I, also, all in sobriety. None through drinking. I have grown through all of it. In the program, live gets better or different. Or both.
I have a lot to lose but I don't worry about how far I will fall because the fellowship and my God gives me strength to stay sober and live life on His terms. My goal is acceptance and to be their when I'm needed. This is a great site and my first posting. Happy Birthday Staying Cyber. Jay, may your Higher Power give you strength. I will pray for you and your brother. To the newcomers, find a meeting and go, get a sponser, and read the Big Book. As I was told in the beginning (which I hated but I have to say it), no matter what the problem is, "This to shall pass". Thank you all for being there.
Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 19:57:10
I hit bottom when I was standing in front of the judge trying to explain why I had done what I had done. I had always thought, "That would never happen to me", but it did. In retrospect, it was the best thing that could have happened. Many people that have been in my shoes were not able to try to explain their mistakes, because they were dead. I was being given a second chance, and I wanted to make the most of it. Thank God for AA and its teachings. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: Don P.
Location: Louisville,KY
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 20:02:41
Hi-I'm Don P.,alcoholic.This is my first online experience with AA.I'm excited about finding this site! Thanks to you who maintain it. I too hit a bottom that left me spiritually bankrupt. All I could think was "I can't go on". I said a prayer and was honest for the first time in my life. Next day I was in a meeting and God gave me willingness to listen and to try a new way.All I wanted was to stop drinking.I've received SO much more.Life isn't always rosy, but I'm so grateful to have a life today.Thank you all for being here. Today is all we have.
Member: Lisa M.
Location: SF
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 20:33:34
Today is day 14. I feel so much better. I seem to be clearer and more focused at work and at home. I am in a realtionship with someone who drinks excessively. Although he doesn't intentionally make me feel this way, I feel like I am no longer "fun" because now I realize that he drinks constantly. I feel like this is very dangerous for me. It makes me wonder why I can't drink without repercussions. His family just recently had a discussion about how his mother may be at her "bottom". When they were describing the circumstances surrounding her situation, I thought they were describing my own. I feel myself detaching from this man I love so much because I don't want to be like him. I am very scared that I'll give in. The positive side to all of this is that I get a moving picture of what it's like to drink. I used to think it was entirely my fault when we would fight and now that I haven't been drinking, I see how his behavior changes how he interacts. If anyone has any experience on how to survive in a love relationship with someone who glamorizes alcohol and can't seem to live without it, please let me know. I am scared that I will weaken and give in for just "one". My "one" would be my last "one".
Jay, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for all your words and stories, it helps me get through another day without a drink. I am so grateful.
Member: Tina S.
Location: CA
Date: 27 May 1999
Time: 23:09:06
I had often wondered if I had hit my bottom. I had heard so much about high-bottoms and low-bottoms. Then I heard someone in a meeting say, "If you are wondering if you've hit bottom, this is the bottom." :-) I loved that
Member: Tracey H.
Location: Tempe, AZ
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 01:36:51
Hi! I'm Tracey & I'm an Alcoholic. I have to say-- first time visiting stayingcyber, and I am psyched! Happy anniversary, and thanks to the techs who work so hard to help all of us stay sober. I was a "high-bottom"--never went to jail, never lost a job, never even got a DUI (amazing in itself). Nonetheless, figured out that I couldn't be much more miserable and self-obsessed even if I really worked at it and called the local hotline. Unfortunately, the only meeting I could make was the one at 11pm in West Hollywood (I was living in L.A. at the time). Went three times. They warned me that this was a good meeting at which to stay sober, but not necessarily a good one at which to get sober. They were right. I heard so many horrific, whacked-out stories in such a short time that I decided I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic if that's what all these folks were. So... took me another ten months or so to clue in. Six and a half years of sanity and sobriety now, but I'll never forget how miserable I was in L.A., because I know that it wouldn't take much to put me back in that place, if I'm not vigilant. I'm here, I'm grateful. On the lighter side, if you ever are in West Hollywood, check out the 11pm meeting--it's a trip!
Member: Jake N.
Location: DuQuoin, Illinois
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 01:42:06
My Name is Jake and I am an alcoholic
Im am the luckiest living person alive today, and its cool to hear the stories of the other lucky people who have recieved a second chance. Each day of detox for me (I used to say sobriety, but in the dictionary it says "moderation and control of faculties")is a day that I no longer need to 'figure out'anything. I feel like Im getting dumber and for me thats a great feeling, things keep getting better and better. At the bottom of page 63 it says 'a great effect will be felt at once', thats all I wanted when I was drinking and using, but this one keeps on working and lasts a long time 'at least until I lay down tonight'. Maybe I'll get lucky again tommorow and not pick a drink. thank you AA and each and every member.
thank, Jake N. DuQuoin, Illinois
Member: Jake N.
Location: DuQuoin, Illinois
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 01:51:10
Jake N. capital@capitalmgt.com 800-585-8542
Member: Jake N.
Location: DuQuoin, Illinois
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 01:51:50
Jake N. capital@capitalmgt.com 800-585-8542
Member: debbie g
Location: washington state
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 09:00:41
Debbieg here and definately alcoholic. Lisa J., it will get better, IF you stay sober and most of us can verify that by sharing some of the things we have done in our drinking days. I know I HATED me when I drank, but yet I continued to do so for alot of years,. I would go get drunk and do the most awful things, and everyone in my little home town(of course I drank up there where everyone knew me!!!) would be talking about me and the things I had done, and then I would go on the wagon for some time and try to convince myself that I wasnt really like that , along with trying to be really good and spending alot of my time explaining to all of them that I really wasnt that bad. Just when I started to kinda like myself again........yep, I would go out and do it all over again just to go through it over and over again! I do believe I was alcoholic from the day I first took in alcohol and blacked out. And then I didnt black out EVERY time I drank, there were times that I behaved and acted like a good girl, only to be followed by a good blackout and all that goes with it. Alot of quitting over the years and then convincing myself I could do it again,what insanity!!!!! After about 6 years of not drinking(I might add that during that time I was taking valium and smoking pot) I split up from my second husband and hooked up with someone who drank like I drank and yep, I started drinking again!! In a very short month and a half, I was blacking out almost every time I drank and ended up wrecking my car 3 times in one night, rolling it, hitting a pole and ending up on all 4 or should I say 3 tires (one was flattened) and drove away from that only for my car to sieze up , so I pulled over to the side of the rode and the cops and fire trucks were there in no time. I barely remember that night only bits and pieces but some of the folks that were on the scene remind of certain parts of that night all the time. They cuffed me and took me to city hall and I got DWI and they took me to boyfriends house.(still dont know why I didnt end up in jail!!) I had a nice supply of pot I had just gotten that night too and was so worried the next day that my name would be in the paper and my dad would see it that i went right down to an outpatient drug program (as if that would keep my name out of paper LOL) and went deferred. THAT is how I got to AA and I am sooooo grateful that God was there that night with me and I walked away with that accident with only a tiny mark on my neck from the seatbelt, and didnt hurt or kill any one that night. That was Feb.25, 1995 and I have not taken a drink or drug since. I go to lots of meetings still and am forever grateful for this program and new way of life today. whewwww! I went on and on here, just wanted to let you know lisa that ot will get better, and you can change the way of life that causes you to feel ashamed. God bless you and keep coming back. thanks for letting me share!
Member: Chadm
Location: Toronto Canada
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 10:23:38
Well this is just day one for me but hey everyone here had a day one. Going to my first meeting Monday night and am sure that i will make it till then. Just wanted to thank everyone for their sharing caring attitude. Prayed actually prayed this morning for the first time in years. Feeling better already ....can't believe it and cannot believe I am doing this but I have to before I lose it all. Was popped for impaired two years ago and frightened that it might happen again. That is my motive here along with having a sane life. Thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: Sashya C.
Location: Soberville
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 14:45:42
Hi! I am Sashya, and alcoholic and addict. I response to Ariel. There is no need to feel uncomfortable because you were a "High" bottom. The purpose of sharing our story in a meeting is not to say "He was a worse drunk than me..." That kind of thinking is for the AA whose looking for a reason to do some more research on alcoholism. No-the purpose of talking about our past is in order to share our experience, strength and hope. Maybe someone is just reading this site today, not sharing...not sure if he/she has a problem. Maybe they relate to my story, maybe yours, maybe the others...it doesn't matter. What matters is that there IS hope. We don't have to be slves to our "ism" any more!! Isn't that just absolutly phenomenal? God Bless
Member: SUSAN S
Location: YACHATS, OR
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 15:04:53
HI IM SUSAN AN IM A ALCOHLIC. FIRST TIME HERE. I STAY HOME WITH MY KIDS, 17M AND 4 YEARS AND DONT GET TO MANY MEETINGS FOR LACK OF BABYSITTERS!IN MY EARLY SOBREITY I WENT TO MEETING ALMOST DAILY. I HAVE 10 YEARS NOW AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I HIT NEW "DRY DUNK" BOTTOMS ALL THE TIME. MY LIFE GETS SO WRAPPED UP IN THE KIDS THAT I FORGET MY PIMARY PURPOUSE. IVE BEEN HAVING DRINKING AND USEING DREAMS AGAIN, I KNOW I NEED MORE MEETINGS, BUT CANT GET TO THEM, LIVE IN VERY SMALL TOWN 635 PEOPLE. SO I THOUGHT ID GIVE THIS A TRY, MY HEAD IS SPINNING, SOMETIME I THINK IM GOING CRAZY AND DRINKING SOUNDS REAL GOOD, KIDS ARE CRYING GOT TO GO
Member: SUSAN S
Location: YACHATS, OR
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 15:05:51
HI IM SUSAN AN IM A ALCOHLIC. FIRST TIME HERE. I STAY HOME WITH MY KIDS, 17M AND 4 YEARS AND DONT GET TO MANY MEETINGS FOR LACK OF BABYSITTERS!IN MY EARLY SOBREITY I WENT TO MEETING ALMOST DAILY. I HAVE 10 YEARS NOW AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I HIT NEW "DRY DUNK" BOTTOMS ALL THE TIME. MY LIFE GETS SO WRAPPED UP IN THE KIDS THAT I FORGET MY PIMARY PURPOUSE. IVE BEEN HAVING DRINKING AND USEING DREAMS AGAIN, I KNOW I NEED MORE MEETINGS, BUT CANT GET TO THEM, LIVE IN VERY SMALL TOWN 635 PEOPLE. SO I THOUGHT ID GIVE THIS A TRY, MY HEAD IS SPINNING, SOMETIME I THINK IM GOING CRAZY AND DRINKING SOUNDS REAL GOOD, KIDS ARE CRYING GOT TO GO
Member: Bill R
Location: Washington
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 16:40:03
I feel grateful that the state patrol pulled me over when evening 1 1/2 years ago almost to the day. Grateful because that wake up call prevented me from possibly becoming further "out of control" and "bottoming out" as today's discussion suggests. Instead I have totally cleaned up my act and decided there are many more important things, such as family and friends, than taking the risks I did when I used alchol. Who knows if the prospects of jail, losing a drivers license and/ or losing my job hadn't come into play if I would have "discovered" my potential to use and abuse alcohol. I hope many others reading about our experiences will benefit from them.
Member: Tammy B
Location:
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 19:16:49
Hi im tammy alchol.i have only been sober i week i am in a outpaitant program i have been i jail for fighting and i am a blackout drinker
Member: Tammy B
Location: KY
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 19:26:17
Tammy again i have hit bottom and i still dont know how to get throught this i am just tacking one day at a time
Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA, USA
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 22:18:41
Hi, my name is Steve, and I'm an alcoholic.
I've learned in AA that alcoholism is a three-part disease: physical, mental, and spiritual. To me, that means that we can have three "bottoms." Maybe all at the same time, maybe not. For me, I think I hit my physical bottom when I was about 35. I was drinking heavily, and using cocaine and crystal meth. I had a DUI, almost killed myself a couple of times driving in a blackout, and lost my job. But none of that got me to AA.
I think I hit my spiritual bottom about 4 years later, when my first child died, five days after she was born. I was so empty inside, all I could do was drink. That didn't get me to AA either.
A year after I lost my first child, I stopped drinking for about 2 years (on my own) and then tried to control my drinking for another 10 years. About three months ago, at age 52, I hit my mental bottom. 10 years of control drinking had driven me to the edge of a nervous breakdown. That got me to AA.
I think the terms "high-bottom" and "low-bottom" are unfortunate. There is only one recovery program suggested by AA, and I believe it can work for any alcoholic, no matter when he or she gets "off the elevator" and in to AA.
Thank you for the opportunity to share.
Member: John M
Location: Ventura
Date: 28 May 1999
Time: 23:56:10
My name is John and I am an alcoholic. I had an interesting bottom which I don't fully understand. From age 18 to 33 I drank for "fun" and to eases the worries of the day. But by age 33 the party was over and I drank mostly alone and out of necessity. I had expected to live that way and die youngish as the result because "countless vain attempts" to stop drinking only made it worse. But after a short period of arround the clock drinking, I stopped getting drunk and only felt the sickly hangover feeling from alcohol. I knew that to continue to drink was to die, and that is what I tried to do. But some inner or devine power kept me alive against my will. All of the sudden I felt a great rush of feelings come over me and I got a clear message; "go to AA". I did and have not only received sobriety but also faith in a loving God.
Member: curt s
Location: florida
Date: 29 May 1999
Time: 00:24:50
my name is curt and I'm an alcoholic,makeing this statement is a reminder of how bad things had gotten in my life,I remember how hard it was to bring myself to say that in the begining.to admit that I was beaten,to walk in to a AA meeting I felt humileated I did'nt know that I was about to rise out of the ashes like a phneox to be reborn to move into adulthood to take my rightfull position in life.I don't mind identifiing myself as an alcoholic now I've come a long way and learnd so much thanks to AA.To admit having hit a bottom is a time to celabrate a time for a second chance that is an amazing thing!
Member: Rick L.
Location:
Date: 29 May 1999
Time: 03:37:25
Hi, my name is Rick and I'm an alcoholic. Been sober over 9 years but still can recall the bottom I hit, ouch! I just moved and am trying to find new meetings so I thouhgt I'd stop in. I sure am glad you are all here with me. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: John B.
Location: Blaine Mn.
Date: 29 May 1999
Time: 03:51:10
Good Morning! I'm John a Drunk, glad to be sober today. By the Grace of God, working through you folks, I've been sober since May 26,1983. Wow all Glory to God, and my heart felt thanks to you wonderful people! Being from Minnesota,(the land of 10,000, treatment centers)finding the fellowship of A.A. wasn't hard, but finding the Program of Recovery was,to say the least a little foggy. But after lisining to my Sponsor who told me "don't drink, go to meetings, and READ THE BIG BOOK!!!, towhich I whined I can't relate to the damn thing, to many big words, and besides it talks a lot about GOD, anyhow he was tolerant and kind and told me to shut the f--- up just do as I say, Thanks Tom I. from Wabasha Minn. The only words I knew at that time were one syllable words, you know, cuss words, It was God working through Tom and the Big Book, along with you people to teach me multiple syllable,loving words. One more thing, this is my first time here, and I'd like to thank the hosts of this room for being here, and I'd like to thank the hosts of the Montreal,Seattle, and San Diago International Conferences, each one was different and each one was well done!!! Come to Minneapolis in the year 2000, I'll be waiting for you, you'll know me by my Big Book and ear to ear grin. Thanks again for showing me the many faces of God Peace Out
Fenwatchr@aol.com
Member: Mike R.
Location: Gulfport, MS
Date: 29 May 1999
Time: 08:16:27
My name is Mike and I'm just another alcoholic & addict. Please remember this, sober or not, clean or not, if you are alive and reading this you have not yet reached your ultimate bottom. I have 2 friends who committed suicide because they could no longer live with or without alcohol & drugs. If you are breathing, you still have hope. Trust God, clean house, and go to meetings. God loves EACH of us more than anyone else....how's that for a paradox ???
Member: Mary H.
Location: WI
Date: 29 May 1999
Time: 09:52:53
Hi, Mary. I'm an alcoholic. It's a gorgeous Saturday moring in Wisconsin. I feel great! I have plans for the day! Not long ago I couldn't have said that. Thanks, to a loving HP and lots of wonderful people like you I feel like someone has given me sight. The bottom is to me the beginning to the road to the top! Wish I'd known that sooner. Be grateful. Be happy. Take a look at the world! Hope is here. Peace. Have a beautiful day.
Member: Rebekah T.
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Date: 29 May 1999
Time: 10:45:02
Your bottom can be NOW! Sobriety has not always been rollicking through fields of daisies but it's not as bad as splitting your head open falling down on the sidewalk, either. My last drunk was TERRIBLE!! I do NOT want to relive it. I also don't want to go where others have gone. Jails, institutions and death I will put off as long as I can. Hopefully, I will never have to go to jail or an institution. I love AA and I love you all. Keep coming back and DON'T DRINK! It gets better. I don't want to drink today. When I first got here, I didn't think I'd EVER say that. May Spirit bless and keep you. Just be willing to be willing to be willing...something bigger than you will take care of the rest. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STAYING CYBER!! Hello to all the alkies I know around the world, I miss you!
Member: g. ginglefunk
Location: plano tx
Date: 29 May 1999
Time: 22:27:11
My name is gary and I am, was, and always will be an ALCOHOLIC! For years, hitting bottom was an ongoing process. I hit bottom here, there, and basically, within a year of being anywhere. I've been whammed, blammed, and hit by a car. Used it as a reason to resume drinking, once I could "walk" again. Guess I just got tired of it all. I finished college and became a pulmonary therapist. Too much to lose to continue drinking,... HA! I'm still paying out money to the county in order to fulfill my probation requirements for my latest DWI. Am also required to attend 12 sessions @ the TX addiction counseling center...and then I get to do some service for the community! Am not allowed to leave the surrounding counties without permission beforehand for the next 1 1/2 years! Believe me it sucks! By the way, tonight is the 1 year anniversary of my most recent DWI. I also have 90 days of abstinence tonight. Hope is my crutch @ this time that I might find a path to a more fulfilling lifestyle that does not involve the use of mood altering substances! LET AA SHOW ME THE WAY. So be it.
Member: Robert W
Location: NewZealand {southisland}
Date: 30 May 1999
Time: 04:13:57
Hoi Robert W Alkie
Just don't pick up th FIRST ONE eh!
Keep comi'n back
Keep doin what you are doin and you'll keep gettin what ya gettin.
Member: JOHN B.
Location: GALVESTON, TX
Date: 30 May 1999
Time: 08:37:26
MY NAME IS JOHN AND I'M AN ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC BEFORE JOINING A.A. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO STAY SOBER. I'M HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME AJUSTING TO THE DEMANDS OF A VERY UNRECEPTIVE WIFE. BY KEEPIHG MY FOCUS ON MY HIGHER POWER IT HAS HELPED. I STILL FEEL A GREAT SENCE OF LOSS IN MY LIFE. SHE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR AND IT HURTS TREMENDOUSLY. I DO UNDERSTAND THAT I HAD IN MY PAST A GREAT PART AND ROLE IN HER DECISIONS NOW. MY QUESTION I WOULD LIKE TO ASK IS. WILL I EVER KNOW A NEW FREEDOM AND HAPPINESS? IBELIEVE THAT I WILL! THANK YOU BILL W. AND DOCTOR BOB FOR YOUR DEDICATION AND UNSELFISHNESS. BECAUSE FOR THAT I AM TRUELY GREATFUL! MAY GOD BLESS THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD AND MY GOD KEEP A.A. FOR THOSE TO COME. JOHN B. ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC
Member: Deanna
Location: Texas
Date: 30 May 1999
Time: 11:24:58
Deanna here, alcoholic.
TAMMY: If you think you have hit your bottom and don't know what to do, then go to an AA meeting. You have absolutely NOTHING to lose if you do. If you have hit your bottom then something you will here there will stick. You can email me at froghue@nabi.net. If you need to talk I am here.
Ya'll have a safe Memorial Day! There are some of us out there who haven't gotten the message yet.
Deanna
Member: AZ Sunshine girl
Location: A real alcoholic
Date: 30 May 1999
Time: 12:53:48
Mary, Tammy ... don't take control, Let God have your life, Ask for His protection & care, ask for Him to keep you sober today, every morning. Go to meetings, get a sponsor. Talk to other sober women. Love you in the fellowhip of the spirit. God Bless & keep you.
Member: Russ P
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 30 May 1999
Time: 13:30:00
Is there a bottom? I have thought that I was there many of times. I would stop drinking for a while until things got better, then start drinking again vowing never to put myself in the same situation again. Each time was different but equally devistating. I guess the (Bottom) is in the eye of the beholder. The only way that I have kept sober this time around is looking back on all of those expieriences and keeping in mind what would happen if I were to try to drink sensibly again. I am sure that it would be enjoyable for a time, but in the end it would have the same result. Hang in there anyone can stop and enjoy life, you just have to look at your problems the way that makes the most sense to you.
Member: Ken B.
Location: Winnipeg Mb.
Date: 30 May 1999
Time: 16:20:16
hello friends ken b. alcoholic addict. if indeed its lonely at the top who cares!!!its definetly lonely at the bottom!!!!!! its a beutiful day to be alive and sober! hope i always stay some were in the middle love,you all with you in spirt. until next time!!!if you cant be happy stay sober and it will happen in GODS time!!!!!!!
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