Member: Ed C.
Location: Florida
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 5:54:58 PM

Comments

Good afternoon, In the Dr.'s Opinion in the Big Book. page;xxvi. Bottom of the page. The Dr. states "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effects produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false". This statement is one, after a time sober I became aware that it not only is talking about the alcoholic knowing the they are killing themselves with alcohol, and cannot do anything about it, but also is true about the aspects of many peoples actions. It contributes to bad behavior, and is what I believe is the root of the insanity that is eroding the moral foundation of today's society. I have found that one way to remind myself of what is really true is to say the serenity prayer. I believe that it is not just the alcoholic that could benefit from it's wisdom. To know the difference between the true and the false. Thanks.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 6:32:50 PM

Comments

Thanks Ed. Good topic and an important one. Bill here, an alcoholic from Arizona. One of the things we like to hit the newcomer with is the spirituality of the progam. It certainly is that. But in the beginning I was not interested in spirituality.

What I wanted to know was. (a) Why can't I drink like I used to? and (b)Why can't I quit now that I want to?

When I walked through these doors and was cornered by this kind old man who told me that I was sick and that you all were going to get me well. I belived that and I understood that. I still thank God today for that chat in the parking lot. :)

In any problem solving setting we first have to define the problem. Then we need to search for a soulution to that problem. And finally find a practical way to put that solution into action.

AA does exactly that. The first step defines the problem. We were powerless over alcohol. The second step defines the solution. We need to find a power outside of ourselves. Then the next ten steps outline a practical program of action. Tells us what action needs to be taken.

The spiritual part of our beautiful program happens somewhere along the line. The promises tells us that. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. And just a few paragraphs later we will fing that our sanity has returned. That we react sanely and rationally. Such a deal. Eh??

Thanks for being a part of my sobriety today

Bill

az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Lisa  M.
Location: Ocean Springs Ms
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 6:52:51 PM

Comments

hi I am lisa an alcoholic, sober 2 1/2 years by the grace of GOD. When i got interested in learning about alcoholism. I wanted to know why I couldnt drink, why i couldnt say no to the next one when my friends could stop at the 2nd or 3rd and i couldnt stop till i hit the floor. I read in the big book about the phenomenon of craving (xxvi aa book) I needed to understand it was not that i didnt have will power. It was an allergy to alcohol. As long as i didnt have the first drink i would be fine, to drink for me is to die, keep it simple that works for me. God bless and happy mothers day.


Member: Jim F
Location: Guilin, China
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 7:26:37 PM

Comments

Thanks for the topic.

I focused on the "effect of alcohol." I can still remember the taste and look of that first beer. How can anyone drink that stuff? I can still remember the first shot of straight whiskey. Ugh! But I did not let the taste hold me back, not for a minute.

Always good to be reminded why I got sober. Remember: Reality is for those who can't handle alcohol.

Jim from Sequim

Actually, it's still Sunday in Washington, so happy Mother's Day!


Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 9:54:11 PM

Comments

Hi to all I am Donnie and I am a alcoholic. Great topic the doctors opinion is always a topic here in town. I have probably have reread that section over and over the most, Because I just could not understand why me just a beer drinker could not drink safely. I found that we have a disease and it will stay in remission as long as I do not put alcohol into my system. The allergy concept was another concept that made since to me and if you think about it if you do not take that first drink you do not have a reaction to it. I still sit today and wonder why or how I stopped drinking and have to say I am baffled as it says in "How it Works." I have to never have to drink again if I don`t take the first drink today and that is exactly what I have and that is all I can ask God to help me with today. Thanks for reading and God bless all.


Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 10:03:15 PM

Comments

Hi folks! Adam, alcoholic. Wow--great topic!

You know, when I read this statement in the Big Book, I think about my actions when I was drinking less than the drinking itself. It was pretty hard to lie to myself about the drinking...I always knew when I was drinking that alcoholism ran in my family and drank anyway. Where I lost track of the difference between the true and the false was about the way I acted and the people I hung around with. I told lies to them to get them to like me, and I told lies to myself about the fact that they really did.

I remember when I was on the swim team in college emptying out the contents of my wallet to "pay for my share of the beer," knowing that I was the only person on the swim team paying any money to be at a swim team party and remembering that I had done it the week before, but still telling myself it was okay and that there's no possible way these guys could be taking advantage of me because we were teammates! I remember allowing myself to be humiliated on video when I was drinking and telling myself it was okay because deep down these folks really do care about my feelings, right? I remember telling people story after story about my cool friends and my cool life back home (neither one existed), and simultaneously telling myself that these folks would never possibly put two and two together and figure out I was full of crap. Needless to say, they found out anyway and I tried to lie to myself again about it, saying "Well, THEY'RE the jerks...not ME!"

Drinking robbed me of any capacity to be honest with others and myself and accordingly, my behavior was totally insane. When I admitted that such behavior was the best I could do and that it was unacceptable--even to me, then I was given the opportunity to learn new behavior and to become an honest person again.

Grateful to be sober today.


Member: Celeste K
Location: NV
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 10:58:44 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Celeste, and I'm an alcoholic. Good topic, To know the difference between the true and the false.

I have been false with myself and others for the last two years. I moved from CA to NV four years ago, and that is when I stopped using the program.

I told myself, as I had in the past, that I could handle things on my one. Well....as we alcoholics know, that's crap!

I have been "pretty good" about not drinking, though I do take over the counter sleeping pills almost every night. However, my behavior has deteriorated back to how I behaved while drinking. I lie, I'm lazy, I blame others.

However, with the help of God, and AA, perhaps I can get my sanity back.

Thanks for the share.


Member: Fred H
Location: Taxachusetts
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 11:26:59 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Fred & I'm an alcoholic.

I just wanted to thank Celeste for speaking up. I've got the same problem. I've been "sober" for almost fifteen years but I've invented various excuses (some almost valid) for dropping out of the program. It's good to be back and to hear some common sense about drinking.

Just keep on coming & don't do what I did. It doesn't work.


Member: ja
Location: NYC
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 11:58:50 PM

Comments

HI I also stopped going to meetings. For 8 years I did things my way. No I did not drink, But I was Miserable. It took me a long time to realize AA is a spiritual program. But today I am grateful. When I returned to meetings 2 months ago I was welcomed with opened arms and from day one of my return I knew this is the life for me. I came for my drinking now I stay for my thinking. I have tried living without AA, and without the steps and for me it was not a happy life. For awhile I though it was, I got more unhappy as the meetingless years went by untill I was brought to my knees (by my own thinking) and walked into AA knowiing all my answers are there. AA is about alot more then not drinking, of course we must not not drink and then we could learn to live a life beyond our wildess dreams. Thank you all for being here.


Member: Andy B
Location: Louisville, KY
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 12:16:55 AM

Comments

Andy, alcoholic S.D. 8/24/01. It has been shared to me and in my own experience has been that this is the phenomenon of craving for alcoholics. I was really good at drinking at my problems and successes. I liked the effect produced by alocohol. But I never got enough even though my body had all it could stand. I found myself always coming to on porches, couches, or even back at home from blackout drinking. Car banged up or misplaced. I didn't like that kind of effect, so I couldn't understand why everytime I drank I ended up that way, even though I didn't want to. When it was explained to me in beginners meetings that once an alcoholic takes a drink he breaks out in the allergy of "the phenomenon of craving" and that really kicked home to me that I was alcoholic. That's what I get from that portion of the doctors opinion. That once I take a drink I cannot know what will happen to me, but I do know that I will continue to drink until something besides myself stops me. Thanks, for letting me share.


Member: Bill F
Location: Lost Angeles
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 1:28:12 AM

Comments

Great topic Ed. AS I read down the posts and hit Andy's the thought occured to me that in this context the craving is for the fantasy to become real. Drunk I could solve the problems of the world - even world hunger was no problem after a couple of drinks. Sober - I am fortunate to be on the green side of the grass and somehow the only problems HP puts in front of me have solutions provided with them as long as I do the actions and ask for a little help along the way. Sober I can't even lie about why I'm late for work and I sure pray a lot of other people would get that way. It's a shame when even presidents can lie about amoral behaviour and CEOs about a company's solvency and parents about what their children are doing and I could go on forever it seems. I have given away as many "12 Steps for Everyone" as I have Big Books because I believe anyone who applies the steps to their lives can begin living life on a spiritual basis. The truth all by itself does really set us free.


Member: Tom T
Location: New York
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 1:54:18 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Tom and I am an alcoholic.

It wasn't until I had learned about the history of AA that the doctors opnion made any sense to me. Here was someone that had spent years trying to help drunks using all the experience he could muster, and the best he could do was explain the symptoms.

My own experience with that true and false thing came to my attention after drinking for 26 years, quitting for 4 years and starting again.I had lost family,job,freinds,cars,and drivers licenses. Done counciling,AA and knew that the judge was serious when he said, " If I appear in front of him again I would go to prison."

Why then was I standing at the drivers door of my car with my hand on the handle, after having two or three beers on the golf course debating, "Lets go down to the hotel and have a drink" I can remember thinking "better not, you've had three already", then I would think, " ah chances are ,I won't get caught." Back and forth the debate went.

Later as I was chained to the bench at the county jail, I recalled what someone that I use to ride to meetings with had told me. They had said," If I was alcoholic like they were and I was to start drinking again, probably the same things would happen that had happened before.

Here it was, proof that I was alcoholic just like that person had said. Proof that I could not differentiate between true and false.

It goes on to say at the end of that paragraph that "this is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."

As I sat there chained to the bench, the first three steps occured in my life. I had given up fighting and spending all my efforts trying to keep on drinking. I truly thought I was going to prison and I was OK with that, I had caused it myself. That was a psychic change thanks to GOD and AA

Thanks for the oppertunity to share


Member: Don C.
Location: Arlington Tx.
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 8:32:29 AM

Comments

Don here, alcoholic. thanks to everyone who has shared that they thought they no longer needed AA. That they could do it on their own. I have been sober almost 18 years and in recovery, and thank God, have never gotten tired of doing for Alcoholics Anonymous. My life has been enriched beyond measure just by suiting up and showing up. I believe that if everyone would give back just a little to AA we would all benefit from it. My wife and I have been members of Alcoholics Anonymous since the 17th of Nov 1984 and I cannot imagine a better way to live. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 11:02:54 AM

Comments

It’s great to read so many great things this morning. Checking the new posts on this site is part of my “daily bread”. I was startled to discover the depth of my insanity. Continuing to drink in the face of the consequences was insane. What I believed about people things and myself was also insane. Over many years, alcohol and drugs twisted my perceptions to where it became a living nightmare. I was always in a state of dread, waiting for the next horror. I had to drink because I believed what I was thinking. It was shortly after my fifth step that, I first got glimpses of sanity. That was when I first experienced and came to love serenity. Today I do not trust anything coming from my own mind as it always leads to disharmony. I frequently check “How do I feel?” When I feel stuck or a “Brilliant” idea comes forward, I know it's time to contact my sponsor.


Member: shawn c
Location: houma,louisiana
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 11:06:10 AM

Comments

hi. thee first comment talked about how we come to no longer be able to tell true from false. that wasnt only for me in my using. i have two years sober thanks to god and aa. one thing i have gained in this sobriety is the knowledge of me being my problem. my inability to deal with life on lifes terms. i can go back into my past before i started drinking and ee where that fantasy world was building. it was within me not to see truth from false. fantasy from reality. the drink only made fantasy more fun and wild. i didnt care that i couldnt drink like others cause ia wanted to drink more. ego city you know. but im in today now and with the program i can look at today for what it is. accepting it not fore what i want it to be but what it is. i dont know a bunch of long educated words but i do know that the program has made it ok for me to have dissappointment, sadness, anger, or just simply not getting my way. its ok. in reality the worlds not gonna end if it doesnt go my way. wow, imagine that.that false way of thinking, false world was hell to live in. i had to, I I I,make everything work. i knew all the answers. i knew what you were doing wrong to make everything go bad. reality is a ...ch at times. but i wouldnt trade my worst day today being sober for my best day being drunk. they dont even compare.sobriety isnt always what i expected to be but as long as i stay in today and do what the program suggests, it will all work itself out. just to share a couple of things my sponsor has shared with me that has helped me a great deal: keep your mind where your body is & keep it simple by doing the next right thing. dont focus on everything after this minute. if you did what was right, it will work itself out. remember, IM NOT GOD. guezzwho@bellsouth.net


Member: Aaron H.
Location: newtown, ND
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 12:30:31 PM

Comments

when I was drinking with my so called friends once they got a load of me they never wanted to drink with me again let alone probably see me again. when I came into the doors of A.A. for the fifth time out of treatment I relized their was something different this time which was My life made sense,this twisted rollercoaster of a life filled with anger, resentments, shame and guilt made sense for the first time. that was eight months ago? In my fantasy world I believed alcohol had some promise for me that someday by magic the booze would set everything right, what an empty promise that was. when A.A. got a load of me this time they asked me to keep coming back , they said It works and this time I believe them, I put that thought not only In my head but also In my heart, I have the promise In A.A. that things will only get better If I don't take that first drink. Im living life one day at a time and It works. thanx god,


Member: aj
Location: MA
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 2:53:45 PM

Comments

hi- Aj alcoholic. Secrets and lies. that's what I'm living w/ daily. I was sober many years until last summer. Now my life is coming apart. Both myself and my husband are active. We keep trying to get sober and failing, then lying and sneaking around each other. I'm not sure what's worse, the alcohol or the deception. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just want to sleep 24/7, but i have 3 small kids to raise. I know all about AA from years of involvement, but knowing it doesn't mean I can live it. I appreciate being honest on line, b/c I'm living a lie. Thanks


Member: Jack H.
Location: Orlando, FL
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 3:30:07 PM

Comments

Hi family, I'm Jack and I'm an alcoholic. Super subject and super comments. I finally got started getting well when I finally hurt enough that I had to be honest with myself and with God. Just being honest with you AA folks saved my little pink butt 22 years ago. It still works for me and thank God, I'm not smart enough to fix it.


Member: Valerie M.
Location: Canada
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 7:59:54 PM

Comments

I'm glad I "tuned in" to this meeting just now. I really took in some great information and insight. I was starting to fall into that cocky "I'm doin' so great!" "I'll never want to drink again!" and "I can be around drinkers and not be triggered!" WRONG! My 6 year old daughter's new pal has parents that always smell strongly of beer! After hanging out on their deck, having a great chat, smelling that beer in the air... I found I was right back to my craving thoughts. They were gone for so long but right there in my face when provoked! I found myself driving home thinking about the good (bad) old days. I took in a meeting and felt much better. That's how I feel now - especially after putting things in perspective - reading all these great shares. Thank you so much all.


Member: Lisa W
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 9:19:45 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Lisa. I just called my fiance' and told him (in tears) that "I drink too much." He knew it, but still doesn't know to what extent. It was the first time I'd admitted to him that I have a problem. I'm terrified to attend an AA meeting in person, but am trying to work up the courage to do so. Just reading all of your comments regarding your level of confidence in and reliance upon the program is motivating me to take that next step. I'm feeling awful tonight and will likely cry myself to sleep. I am so impressed by all of your courage. I hope I can take it one day at a time and be able to say one day that it's been one week, one month, one year, two years, etc. since I've had a drink. Thanks for "listening" to a newcomer.


Member: Judith.L
Location: Melb. Australia
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 10:22:20 PM

Comments

Hi,

Judtih here alcoholic/addict.

Just got to speak to ((AJ)) and ((lisa W)).

well the honesty is just a great start. Its so fantastic and just freeing when we ADMIT we have a problem.

So well done !! Firstly pat yourselves on the back for that one. Then Know that when you do that FIRST scary step of going to a meeting will will be giving yourselves that Greatest GIFT you could ever give yourselves or anyone. Including your families or partners.

Give yourself a GIFT today and 'Just Do It'... Go to that MEETING and start living with the Truth and not the Lies and pain and hurt and frustration etc etc etc.......

Know you are loved and will be even more loved when you take that first step. Its baby steps! One foot in front of the other.

I lived the lie for too long, but its over, I got AA or should I say AA finally got me.

Thanks for letting me share.

Love and MoonBeams to you all, Judith Grateful recovering Alcoholic.....(thanks to the program!!!) One day at a Time.....with Baby steps!!


Member: Shannon M
Location: Atlanta
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 11:10:05 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Shannon, alcoholic. I am extremely greatful I found this web site tonight, I've been out of town and unable to make a meeting in a couple of days. It's amazing how much of an affect that can have on you! I have read exactly what I needed to hear. I've been 'resting on my lorals' lately, and not putting in the needed effort on my program. I will never understand why I have to make myself miserable in order to do some work. From what I have gotten out of this, is a reminder of the necessity of knowing how important this program is. I need AA to be sober and happy, because I am an alcoholic. When all else fails, I have to remember that I am greatful that I am an alcoholic, and for all the benefits I have received strictly because of my higher power and AA. In order to continue to be happy, I have to put my all into the program, and I know that it is well worth the effort. I just needed to remind myself of that! Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Al S
Location: Tallahassee
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 12:24:53 AM

Comments

I'm sober 12+ years and want a drink to begin the grieving process. Most of my sober time was in Ocala and then we moved. Over the last 4 years I have grown apart from my Ocala AA family, have been snubbed over and over by the local "I am so cool" Tallahassee in crowd and with other things (dreams-goal issues) in my life not coming to pass after being patient (12 years?). . .I have lost hope. I hang on by my fingernails for my children, remembering what it was like as a child when my parents were drinking (not fun) but in the back of my mind I wonder if I approached this with the right mind-set I might be able to pull it off. . .drinking for release of the sorrow and grief of the loss and failure of so many dreams, of promises un-fulfilled. I seem to want to start the grieving process of letting go with a martini or glass of wine. Insane? Yes! Do I care. . .not so much these days. Neither do the kids care to pick up after themselves. . .and I have no desire to be the enforcer of the laundry, glasses, dishes and whatnot. I have enough just keeping my own *$^* in order.

Are things so dismal I am living under a bridge and don't have food? NO. If so I would blow my brains out for why bother living.

I have expressed my feelings at meetings here in the microcosm of political insanity where they have a “Lawyer’s only” group if that gives you a feel for the mindset. Anyone who has attended meeting for any length of time might think a group would rally around such a person with a sad heart as they usually do but not here in this totally bullshit town or say yes to a cup of coffee. The silence is deafening.

I have resigned myself to cyber AA, something I never ever thought I might need.

I expect a letcture on the proverbial pity pot. Save the exercise on your fingers. I have spent almost 13 years putting one step in front of the other and I’m 53. When I wake up in the morning I feel like hell without taking a drink.

Damn!


Member: ZG
Location:
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 2:23:44 AM

Comments

Al S. ... when I find myself in a state of despair or self-pity, I know that I need to shake myself loose and get busy. Put my hands on something and GET BUSY. Busy doing what?...helping another alcoholic is the ideal, but it doesn't really matter as long as I am doing something to get OUT of SELF! Hobby, sport, activity, reading ....cleaning house...whatever! As my mind becomes occupied with whatever it is that I choose to do, I find, with a little time, that the sick thinking subsides and I begin to feel a little better about things. Adequate rest, healthy foods, and excersise come into play as well when feelings are involved, and inter-personal relations, when they are SHARED, can help to abate the feelings of aloneness. To have a friend, one must BE a friend. I don't know of many people who have their dreams and goals fulfilled on their terms. Perhaps dreams that you haven't even envisioned are being fulfilled without your awareness. Make the effort to find and see them. If you have grown apart from your AA friends, you may need to look inward to determine why and what needs to change. Try going to your meetings and make a conscious effort to become a "part of" the group again. Help out with the group chores and business. "Act" a "part of" and you will become a part of... the group..the people..the fellowship, again. Also, be aware that genuine depression is a factor in the lives of many recovering alcoholics, so if you can find no relief in any other way, don't wait too long to consult a doctor, lest your condition become dangerous to you. God loves you Al, and I do too. Don't give up.


Member: Phyllis P.
Location: Cairo, Egypt
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 4:17:25 AM

Comments

For Lisa W, I know it is hard, darlin', but you gotta go to a meeting. I was sober nine months before I finally got myself a sponsor because I was too fearful to just go up to a nice lady and ask, "Will you be my sponsor?". Those first steps toward sobriety are very hard but when I think about all the insane and shameful things I did when I was drunk, how could I be too shy or fearful to do a simple thing like show up at an AA meeting? For A1S, I feel for you because I too have felt like my "dreams" didn't materialize and people at meetings were a real drag. But, I never gave up and my HP pulled me through those really down times. I had to learn to let go of "dreams" and accept what my HP gave me. He knows better than I do, what is good for me. Acceptance will get me out of those lows everytime. :) Thanks to all of you for sharing. I've been in the program since 01/87...it works!


Member: Joni B
Location: East Coast
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 8:56:48 AM

Comments

"Accept disappointment." Because life is full of it for everyone, and drinking as a result will only make our disappointment feel worse. When I feel impatient that I don't drive the kind of car I used to drive, or make the $$$ I used to make because I lost my job, etc., I remember that the thing I have to be happiest about is that I am SOBER! And I'd rather be sober & "living simply" than active with $$$ and a nice car (these are NOT symbols of my success; sobriety is!).


Member: Jim A.
Location: Texas
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 10:41:15 AM

Comments

Hi...I'm Jim, a very grateful recovering alcoholic from Dallas, and sober since 2/22/91. Towards the end of my drinking, I noticed that taking a drink was usually good for about the first 12 minutes of relief from my troubles. For those twelve minutes, I would usually feel free from all of my cares, worries, resentments, lost opportunities, shattered dreams, legal troubles, etc. The problem was that this relief only lasted for about those twelve minutes. After that, I found that it was just the opposite; I couldn't shut out the thoughts of what I was doing to myself, what was going so wrong with my life, the fear and dread of the future, etc. If alcohol would ever have worked better for me than that, I might still be drinking. The reality was that alcohol took far more from me than it ever did for me. I came to know also that any positive sensation that I might manage to achieve from drinking was not only elusive, but always fleeting.

As for knowing the difference between true from false...The most honest and truthful that I have ever been in my entire life was the day that I walked into an AA group with tears in my eyes and a lump the size of a dinette set in my throat and asked a bunch of recovering drunks for some help. What I have received in return for this act of honestly and hope is infinitely more rewarding than anything that I ever got from alcohol. The best part too, the genuine serenity that I feel each day lasts for a lot longer than a shaky twelve minutes. All that I have to be willing to do to get it, is to renew each day my commitment to being an alcoholic who chooses not to take a drink today, and be willing to be guided by higher power and the love of a caring AA fellowship.

Don’t get me wrong, my life is still just as demanding in some ways as it was before I made it to AA. The difference is that now, I can choose not to drink over it.

Good topic. Thanks for helping me to stay sober today. Good luck to all you new guys out there. I will be thinking about you today. ;)


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 11:51:08 AM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic.

For Al S: No lectures from me, but -- I like what ZG and Phyllis P had to say to you after your share, and I hope you can find their wisdom. I heard another wise AA member say, when someone said the members had let them down, that AA members are just people and seldom measure up to all of our needs and expectations. They make mistakes, are often into their own issues and stories, and can always let us down -- they are just people (like us). The only unchanging, ever-present friend we have, who will always be there and never let us down is our Higher Power. I saw no mention of your Higher Power in your share, and just wondered if you had returned to that source at this time of need. In my sobriety, that has saved me many times, and I pray it will help you, as well.

Good topic this week. I remember the sensation of pouring a glass of voldka, and realizing while I was pouring that it was killing me. That realization did nothing to make me stop. That is our sickness or at least mine. Thank God, he lifted that compulsion from me and gave me some peace. In my case, all I had to do was ask. The program of AA, if we follow it, gives us a new path, one that is good for us and for society. Through our program, we can become society's most responsible, respectable members. All we have to do is follow a few suggestions, and work the program to the best of our ability. In my case, that is don't have the first drink, read the Big Book, go to meetings, pray every day, help another alcoholic when I can, and thank God for my many blessings. Thanks for letting me share. Fred


Member: Joseph E
Location: knox tn
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 12:23:03 PM

Comments

hi all i am joe and i am glad to be here


Member: clare g
Location: scotland
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 1:55:58 PM

Comments

please! to the Lady,who after 12 years feels like giving up Don't. I have been sober for a long time as well, although it may not feel like it right now it's worked till now. I live on a Scotish Island, I'm originaly from london England, and had lots of meetings, here there is only one a week. So I have to make the most of it, and share when I can and also on sites like this.

Go share at your meeting tell these people how you feel, hear yourself! go for yourself!

If you do I'm sure that someone sooner or later will go for that cup of coffee with you! I'm very far away I know, but am thinking of you and all the sharers here, thank you for your thoughts.


Member: Jack H. (jackh@netpass.com)
Location: Orlando Fl
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 2:45:17 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Jack and I am an alcoholic. I just feel that I need to respond to Al S: Six years ago I moved from Chicago to central Florida. The meetings here are a lot different from what I was accustomed to up north. I put myself thru some grief for several months because, in my opinion, these people just "did'nt do it right". BALONEY!!! When I realized that my main problem is ME the AA's here turned out to be just as great here as they are anywhere. I am a creature of habit so I did not want to change. After 22+ years, my sobriety is the most important thing in my life so I go to meetings to help me, not to judge others. Thanx for letting me share


Member: Walt
Location: Northern California
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 9:32:56 PM

Comments

Hi, Walt, alcoholic...The wisdom to know the difference...when I first came to that line in the serenity prayer it was about 1986 and I was a mess...I did another two years of research and got on the road less traveled...I am currently in an extremely painful separation, because I thought that I had the wisdom to know the difference...I'm so grateful for this site and all of you who have shared...you reflect me back so that I can see...please take the first step and remember that the longest journey begins with it...I don't know about society's decline, but I do know about mine and I'm praying for help from all quarters to get me back to where I was when I was green and teachable....drinking is not the issue today for me, my thinking always ahs been and will always be my problem... via con Dios


Member: Rita F.
Location: Indianapolis
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 2:13:30 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone! My name is Rita and I AM an alcoholic. This is such a great topic. I always find AA's and my HP to provide exactly what I need. My sponser gave me these little gems to hold onto when the going gets tough: "You don't have to be a good AA today, you just have to stay sober and wherever I go I take myself with me...which makes me laugh because I so know what it feels like to have to change. We alcoholics detest change, which is the symptom of our dis-ease that keeps us stuck. This is surely cunning, baffling and powerful. Without help it really is too much for us. We could jet to 5 foreign countries and all the states, but if we don't deal with what's really going on with us, we will feel the same in each location we visit. Perhaps a visit or a phone call to some "familiar" AA's will help. The other suggestions here are also the good sharing. Thanks for letting me share. I have to remember I'm still sick and need you all to help me each day. Peace


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 2:30:31 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. I used to wonder why, I could not drink like other people, but today I really don't care about it. Some people when they drink, have a social relationship with alcohol, when I drink, I have an alcoholic relationship with alcohol. I keep it simple, today I have a better way of life sober, than I ever had when I drank. Thru the amazing Grace of God, I have enjoyed continous sobriety since November 23rd 1987, and I can honestly say it has been about 8 years that the thought to drink has even crossed my mind. That is only thru the Grace of God (step 2) and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thanks for allowing me to share and being here for me. God Bless all.


Member: kevin a
Location: houston
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 3:11:10 AM

Comments

good morning group i only have 7 days sober,but i feel blessed to have found this site thank you all for welcoming a guy like me in to aa.


Member: pete r
Location: s. carolina
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 8:29:42 AM

Comments

hi,i remember enjoying what it did for me. now i must remember what it did to me.


Member: trish
Location: ind
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 12:27:14 PM

Comments

the diffrence to realize this is an illness and not a thing of will power is still a tuff thing for alot o people to belive and those who are alcoholics are the only and i belive only ones who can truly understand that. maybe understand is the wrong word but feel how true that can be.people say they realize that but do they???


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 3:36:37 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, Kim here - alcoholic.

I love the Dr.'s Opinion because it describes my behavior at the end to a "T". I drank for many years because I liked the way alcohol made me feel, but then it turned on me and I became an alcoholic - unable to put it down or if I did put it down, I was unable to KEEP it down. That was even when drinking became "injurious" to me mentally, spiritually and physically, not to mention those I loved.

At the end, I was truly unable to differentiate between true and false. I believed most of the lies and justifications I created to cover up my drinking - even though the TRUTH was staring me in the face: 2 detox stays, ruined trust from my son, family and employer, and financial ruin.

In a moment of clarity or what some call the Grace of God entering my life, I saw the TRUTH through my alcoholic fog - that I was killing myself with booze and drugs and hurting those around me who still cared. That was when I accepted Step 1 - got honest with myself about exactly where my FALSE thinking had gotten me - and surrendered to this disease. That was August 1, 1999 and I hope to never have another sobriety date.

So like you Ed C., I also accept the truth today, even though at times I may not like it very much and saying the serenity prayer is just one of the tools I use to remain truthful (reality/sanity based) in this program. Other tools are using a sponser and working the Steps.

Thanks for letting me share and a big WELCOME to all ((newcomers)). Keep Coming Back!


Member: Jim F
Location: Guilin, China
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 4:22:21 PM

Comments

When Al talked about moving and not liking the AA in the new area, I was taken back to my own early days in the program. I was on a court card, just watching, not serious, when I saw a man with 2 years talk about moving to the area and not liking the meetings because they were different. He had only been to two in a month. The next time I saw him, he was a newcomer, asking for help. I never saw him again, but I have never forgotten the lesson.

Reality and fantasy? Reminds me of a story that Singing Sam used to tell in S. California AA.

Practicing alcoholics sit around on barstools, drinking and talking about all the great trips they are going to take some day.

Sober alcoholics sit around in meetings, talking about drinking, and then go out and take those great trips.

Have a safe and sober day,

Jim from Sequim


Member: Gage
Location: Louisiana
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 8:52:45 PM

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I'm not sure I understand the topic. Are we talking about how alcohol obscures reality or something like that? That's not my problem anymore. I don't drink. My concern is how to stay in the steps. Also, while I might be personally concerned about how alcohol use is effecting society at large, it really isn't any concern of AA's. We have a singleness of purpose, and that's not it.


Member: terry k
Location:
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 1:45:49 AM

Comments

Hi Terry here(alcoholic) I feel like I'm in a vicious circle here and any comments or advice are needed. I am a single parent and work long hours. It is difficult to get to meetings alot through the week, any thoughts on on line stuff. I know that I need to get a sponsor and that scares me. I have been in and out of aa for 10 years but I can't seem to get it. As soon as something upsets me all rememberance to what I will feel like is lost. Thanks for listening.


Member: your friend
Location: usa
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 2:52:01 AM

Comments

Al, You know as well as the rest of us, that there is nothing that is going to happen to you today, that a drink wont make worse!! its just that sometimes after being sober for so long we forget that! yes... my friend you sitting on the big ole pity pot of alcoholism! get off it, get busy...if you dont like the meetings in your town, keep searching you'll find something.


Member: Josh sober 1-8-98
Location: dallas
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 3:16:02 AM

Comments

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE A BIG WELCOME TO KEVIN. THIS PROGRAM AND A HIGHER POWER CAN NOT ONLY GIVE YOU A LIFE THAT YOU COULD NEVER DREAM OF HAVING...... MORE IMPORTANTLY YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY NOT TO END UP IN THE PLACES THE MAJORITY OF US END UP PRISON, INSTITUTIONS, OR DEAD.


Member: kenny b
Location: ohio
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 6:09:52 AM

Comments

alcohol always got me out of depression,till years of drinking gave me depression,im glad im still sober since 8/10/87


Member: Tom S
Location: NYC
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 10:08:54 AM

Comments

Good morning. Tom, alcoholic. I picked up late because I grew up in a household where both parents used, which turned me off. However, at the first opportunity, thinking I was better than my parents and able to handle it, I eventually picked up and for the next 22 years lived a lie. Funny thing about it was that I didn't care for the taste but loved the way it made me feel. The insanity of my disease was that eventually I couldn't quit drinking no matter how much "control" I would try to project publically. I functioned such that I had a job, payed bills, went to the gym. In the meantime, I was hiding my drinking from my friends, who were all heavy drinkers themselves, while binging when I could be alone. On the surface I thought I looked great but inside was in great pain, which I stuffed, conveniently, with my drug of choice and best friend. Looking back on it I had such great difficulty showing up both physically and mentally. As much as I thought I had it together in other folks' eyes, I certainly couldn't have been projecting anything positive, because when I see guys today at work and they smell of stale booze from the night before and have those puffy eyes, I know that I must have smelled and looked like that, and I know just how they feel. Eventually, however, it did stop working while I couldn't stop the craving. And the alarming aspect of my own bottom was that I was right where my father was 20 years before he was killed by this disease. Sick and tired of the headaches, waking up in piss, my lies, the pain, alienation, I found my way into the rooms and had no problem hearing the message. I got a sponsor, a higher power and latched on to the principles. What has worked for me these past 4 yrs & 4 months has been keeping it simple: I only look at today, I pray, talk to my sponsor, go to meetings, and show up for myself. Eventually, one day at a time, I looked around and things, somehow, had gotten better, especially my attitude toward myself and other people, just like they told me. So you see, it's as simple as just not picking up that first drink, making meetings and talking honestly about what's going on with you. For you guys that are just coming in, or coming back, it will get better if you take care of yourself today. Sorry I was so long winded but I thought this needed to be said. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: ChrisH.
Location: Fla.
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 1:19:32 PM

Comments

I'm CHris--I'm an alcoholic/addict/ bulimic...this has been a great meeting for me...I have just been stuggling with all the pride that is within me. Believing that I have had ANYTHING to do with whereI am is not the TRUTH it is a LIE. My Higher Power, whom I call GOd, has done it ALL. I just need to take a look at where I've come from and where I'd be if it weren't for this program to remember that TRUTH. Pride is so false, but so deceptive. SOme one from my home group used to say that A.A. means Attitude Adjustment. We go to A.A. meetings to get our Attitude Adjusted.( I really need to go to more meetings!!) The truth about me is that my best efforts got me brought me so low that I needed A.A.. So much for what I can do by myself! I have learned in the program that no matter how low I get, I can always start fresh with the GOd's help. I don't have to waste time regretting my past screw ups ( however maany they may be). I can live in the moment and look to the future with a new hope and encouragement with help from my Higher Power.


Member: Single Parent, too
Location: Here
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 2:22:13 PM

Comments

Terry K. - Go over to the Coffee Pot and pose your question and/or leave an e-mail address. You'll most likely get a lot of responses!

Welcome!


Member: Afterthought
Location: Sierra Vista,Arizona
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 2:59:41 PM

Comments

How important is the Doctor's Opinion?

Every successful 12 Step program (and there are over a hundred of them) is based on the information found in the Doctor's Opinion... That's pretty important... :)

Source: Weekend Big Book Seminars by Joe McQ and Charlie P.

Bill

az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Clair E
Location: Tampa FL
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 3:30:55 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, my name is Clair and I am an alcoholic and addict. My sobriety date is Jan,17,1998. Today, was a good day. Yesterday was a good day and since I got sober, all my days have been good days. I am very grateful for all the gifts God has given me since I got sober. I don't deserve them but I know he loves me and wants me to be happy. I try to help others, share my experience and hope and just do what is infront of me. Thank you all for being here. Love Clair


Member: Sheri J
Location: Virginia
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 3:41:53 PM

Comments

Hi...I am new at this! After reading the comments the past couple of weeks...yes..I am an alcoholic. I had no idea there were so many who had suffered like I have/am! I plan to stay tuned for as long as it takes to get out of this hell! Thank You.


Member: Ali L. 
Location: SoCal
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 8:19:02 PM

Comments

HELLO ALL! Ali, alcoholic here. Like fellow Texan Kevin, I too, am celebrating 7 days today. This is my second "meeting", my first being last Thursday. And like Al, sorta kinda (I don't have his time), I also do not like the area meetings. SoCal is different from Texas! But I know that cyber might not keep me sober because I am one of those who needs the interaction of group -so I'll "cyber" it for a few more weeks until we move up to Sacramento and see that the Sacs have to offer. Unless, of course, the urge comes - then I know I have to get to a meeting. Truth and false. Hmmm. I absolutley LOVE what Tom S shared. When I initially got sober in 93, I had hit the bottom - I had gotten kicked out of a club I was worked at because I was drunk and then drank non-stop for the next week. It was then that death stared me right in teh face and that is what got me sober. That was because truth got hold of me and shook me until I (finally) listened. But after my glorious four years of sobriety, I thought I could handle it again. Here comes the false... I had stopped going to meetings because CA meetings were "so different", though I KNEW that that kind of thinking would start up the drinking. And now for the last 4 years I have been in and out again. I'm one of those extremists who mindset is "well, I'm not homeless (yet), I'm not drinking in the morning (yet), I'm not broke (yet), so I must just have a little bit of a problem - I'm not REALLY and alcoholic!" That is the alcoholic Ali talking. Now, there is sober Ali who remembers all those hours spent in AA, I practically lived there, and who remembers the messages and what needs to be done. She know those yets are just waiting for their chance. That Ali is willing to go to any length to get back the sibriety that made her so truly happy. My job is getting sober Ali back - by the way, I'm not schizophrenic! :-) I thank those of you who responded to last week's post -I feel loved and cared about. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME SHARE! I needed that!


Member: britt b
Location: Georgia
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 11:37:53 PM

Comments

Hello my name is Britt and I a an alcoholic. I now have 369 days. When I started going to meetings I did not like the meetings I went to. This was a smoking group and I did not smoke. Most of them did not seem to have jobs and I still did. But It was the only meeying that fit into"my" schedule. I was trying to make any excuse I could not to be there. Fortunatly my desperation and need to stop drinking overpowered The excuses. This Is now my home group, complete with my sponsor. Yes there are a lot of smokeres in this meeting. An low and behold most of them have jobs. The point I am tring to make is it did not matter weather I liked the meeting or not. I needed and still need this group. For me it is the prescription of those hwho have gone before me. thanks for letting me share.


Member: Carrie B.
Location:
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 12:18:23 AM

Comments

Hi everybody: I'm Carrie and I'm an alcoholic...a suffering one, right now. I really need some support...hopefully someone who has been where I am can respond with some hope. I am 10 years sober, and still going to meetings, have a sponsor, sponsor people, pray, etc. but my proverbial "you know what" is falling off. I feel like I am doing everything "right" that I have been taught. I have just never been in this much pain in sobriety before. I have stepped up meetings and am seeking outside help as well, and most importantly not taking a drink today, but meanwhile I am scared to death. There aren't a lot of people with a lot of time where I live, so it's been hard to get some feedback about what might be going on with me and how others have gotten through it. Please help! Thanks! :)


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 8:32:14 AM

Comments

I am anilG an alcoholic and I focused on the "effect of alcohol." I can still remember the taste and look of that first beer. How can anyone drink that stuff? I can still remember the first shot of straight whiskey. Ugh! But I did not let the taste hold me back, not for a minute.

Always good to be reminded why I got sober. Remember: Reality is for those who can't handle alcohol.


Member: Denise  P
Location: England
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 9:42:55 AM

Comments

I have just discovered this site, have been sober 37 weeks now and am back in Alcoholic behaviour and very frightened of slipping. Am going to meetings with sober friend, and have to move on in recovery. Looking forward to logging on in the future, today has given me hope.


Member: Cynthia A.
Location: New York City
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 9:44:50 AM

Comments

Cynthia, alcoholic

Great topic. Earlier this week, I was on a train coming home from a meeting. A recent trend in advertising has been to purchase the ad space in the entire train car so that consumers are completely saturated with your "message".

The message in question that day was Remy Red. Everywhere you looked in this train car was a beautiful, sexy, glamorous ad for Remy Red along with different cocktail recipes to try with it. Let me tell you, I was a die hard beer drinker (loved how it looked, tasted and felt in my hand) and I have never even tasted Remy anything but my mouth actually watered! Everywhere I looked, there was a bright red full size ad for Remy Red. Apart from looking straight down to the floor, this ad was IN YOUR FACE! As I looked from one ad to the other, my heart rate actually increased. I was sure glad to get off the train. When I got home there was a message from one of my friends in the program. I was sure glad to call her back and laugh about it with her.

My disease is sneaky but thank god that I'm not alone anymore. Left to my own devices, I would answer all own questions with all the same insanity.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: marty g.
Location: manitowoc, wisconsin
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 9:50:36 AM

Comments

hi all, for me, on those days when nothing seems to be going right, i get my big old a-- out of my self pity mode, by going to a meeting. i do not go to a meeting for what people are, i go for experience,strenght, and hope. eventually, people do start talking to you if you stick around after the meeting,i know from experience. that is what sober is---son of a bee--everythings real. i stay sober one day at a time. and by some words told to me---- dont drink, go to meetings, read the big book. it has worked for me for 7 years. thanks for letting me share. marty g.


Member: ed k
Location: Ireland
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 10:12:07 AM

Comments

Hello! I'm Ed - an alcoholic. This is my first 'cyber' meeting, and it is rewarding. A little background on me: I 'came in' first time in 1981,in Calif.USA. I have been 'in and out', since then, a lot of times. I have been hospitalized, tied to hospital beds, almost died, drunk drivings and courts, loss of kids and wife; I'll stop there. I've been sober about 5 yrs now; I'm not sure, because this time I haven't been counting - it has just worked out that way. What I've picked up on most is from those members who are in pain with their new gpoups - I have the same problem. I want Californian AA and its people, Not Irish AA and its people; so I've almost quit going. I'm 61yrs. old, and feel as if I am getting too old & to afraid to be involved or say anything anymore. BUT I do know what the thoughts and situations leeding to that first drink are. You have my gaze at them- I thank you. There is a meeting I shall attedn tonight. It wasn't in mind before this first trip to cyber AA.

Thank you! Ed

What


Member: TMG
Location: North
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 1:17:35 PM

Comments

Ed:

Maybe your problem is with letting go of a power that is more perverted and corrupt than you ever were. The power of the catholc church! Maybe you never really got into the 3rd and 11th steps. Maybe that pedophiliac god of the catholic church both in CA and Ireland has a tormentous lock on your mind that threatens to roast you in the eternal fires of "hell," if you deviate one iota or tip of a letter from the abominable and perverted trinitarian god of the roman papacy! Why don't you try taking a good hard look at all that papal pukedom and "choose your own conception of God," (Ebby Thatcher to Bill W.). If you want to get some veteran insight on "God as I understand Him," look at

http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/hpp.html

All you got to lose is a lifelong burden of a "great millstone" upon your back, and freedom from that accursed den of iniquity and "fire and sulphur!!"


Member: Norman C.
Location: Reading, PA
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 1:22:01 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Norm, a grateful alcoholic. I have had problems with the idea of an allergy. To me, an allergy was what happened when I touched poison ivy. I never itched when I drank. Of course, it was getting me into trouble - accidents, and family trouble. I knew at the time I went to my first AA meeting that I had little control over drinking. When I started to drink, the only thing that stopped me was when I ran out. The system I used was to limit my supply. When I went to my first meeting, I finally saw a way to not drink. I went through my first year scared that I would drink. I listened to all the success stories of the speakers (all the meetings I went to were speaker meetings). For me, this has been the easier, softer way!


Member: a_hosie@hotmail.com
Location: north dakota
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 3:56:55 PM

Comments

hi Im aaron, alcoholic who has been sober for 8 months and Im 28 years old Ive been drinking since I was 12 years old. I remember what kept me drunk was blaming others for my problems fueled by my drinking on hatred , remorse , and resentments at others for who I was. Only recently have I looked this way for once at my self. I can relate to all the insane stuff I hear at meetings people talk about I know that Im not alone I have a.a. and my higherpower to thank for that. In the twelve step book It states that we are powerless over alcohol and that means we are powerless over what It caused us to do or think unless we are in recovery taking principals before personalities and working the steps you will continue to be powerless over the insanity, what ever works for you people and keep it simple, youll stay alive to see tomorrow. see you at the next meetings.


Member: kevin a
Location: houston tx
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 4:36:02 PM

Comments

hi to all my name is kevin i am an alcoholic ten days sober today .thanks for the big welcomefrom JOSH IN DALLAS.my sponser is working very hard thats just what i need if it was not for guys like him and plases like this i dont know were i whould be at this time ,dead probaly,thank you all for your fellowship and caring may GOD bless you all.till next time see ya from kevin in houston.


Member: Ernie S.
Location: Texas
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 5:19:05 PM

Comments

hey all! I'm Ernie, an alcoholic, sober 3 years and 4 months only by the grace of God as I understand Him. This disease or illness is what I prefer to call it. I read some where that when I lie to others, that's serious stuff. But when I lie to my self, that is always fatal. My problem was that I never knew when I was lieing to my self. This program has pointed out to me these very real facts about me and the insanity of alcoholism. This scared me at first and I also learned that probably no human power could help me. but God, (as I understand Him) could and would if He were sought. This was all very heavy stuff for me because I had tried "religion" but I learned that spirituality and religion are two different things. I slowly realised the fact that my thinking left to my own devices has been leading me to death as long as I can remember. Let me add something from the BB and i'll stop. page 27 : Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. thanks for being here for me. ernie


Member: Erma G.
Location: Utica,N.Y.
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 11:58:16 PM

Comments

I've heard that all it takes to start a new AA meeting is a resentment and a coffeepot.Maybe a newcomers meeting is what some of us need.You know,try giving it away instead of always looking for what we think we need to get from a meeting.Nothing kept me out of the bars and I'd better stay willing to go to the same lenghts to keep my ass at meetings.I try to remember that if I need to rationalize or justify my behavior or thinking I'm usually wrong.I'm trying to convince myself of a lie so I can continue my sick thinking or behavior.Nothing so ensures continued sobriety as intensive work with other alcoholics.That can't be accomplished in a vaccum.I need to go to meetings and be a working part of the solution.


Member: sue s.
Location: so.ca
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 12:44:27 AM

Comments

hi i'm sue- alcoholic/addict! i didnt know i was insane until the day came when the insanity oozed from my pores. i remember the day the walls came crashing down and i could not stay in denial any longer that i was out of control and could not manage my thoughts or actions....i did not want to wake and face another day. that was the day the miracles began to happen...god knew i was done and was in need of his help.... i began my journey into aa, meetings , sponsor, big book....now i'm beginning to work on comming out of my shell, to let others in, to see me the real me, no walls, no lies...just me.....really feels awkward i gotta tell ya....but i'm happier than i'v ever been in my entire life.....i am lucky....i was blessed to get back the love of my mortal life of 25 years, and my family.....i truley love this statement...I CAME TO AA TO GET SOBER AND I FOUND GOD.......I'M SO GRATEFUL ! thanks for letting me share


Member: Anonymous Alcoholic
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 5:18:22 AM

Comments

Thanks Ed ... "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effects produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false"

That quote really strikes accord with me today and I agree that it applies to more than just alcohol/addiction. I seem to get 'sucked in' to stuff that is pleasurable, yet painful. Once I start doing something like that for awhile, the sick part of me wants to continue doing it, even tho the healthy part of me says 'it's stupid'. I am abivalent about stopping/changing my behavior. I guess that's why I continue to need 12-step programs like AA, even after 11+ years of dryness. Thanks.


Member: Lenny S
Location: Morisset N.S.W. Australia
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 7:29:28 AM

Comments

Hi world. Was 28 years sober on 5/12/02. Now the work begins.

To the previous response about getting a sponsor. For 4 years in sobriety I was going round in circles. John Lennon sang "How can you go forward when you dont know which way you are facing".

Well, out of desperation I got a sponsor and got some direction in my life. Sobriety took on a new meaning. I was guided through the steps and then to working with others. What a reward.

At the time my sponsor said, "Work with a new member". I said "but they don't want to hear my problems". He said "Dummy, they are not supposed to, you listen to them.". I thought that was very selfish of the newcomer but I did it anyway. After 3 months I couldnt remember what I almost picked up a drink over 3 months previously.

Since then I have been taken through the steps on many occasions and sponsor my share of people. Thank God I was pushed into it by my sponsor. If you havent got a sponsor, may I suggest this could help solve your problems as it did mine.

Lenny S cherlen@primus.com.au


Member: Vivian F.
Location: IL
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 9:15:58 AM

Comments

Vivian, alcoholic in recovery 36 days and extremely grateful to God and a good treatment program and AA, which is a much Higher Power than i am alone. Just want to say to clare g in Scotland, I too am isolated and limited in mtgs. available. I've been on-line here but this is my first comment. There is such an abundance of great reading out there that keeps me on track. Also the telephone is my connection with the AA world and I use it whenever...One hard thing with only one mtg. is same people, same stories, even if the format is varied. That's where stayingcyber comes in. I'll keep coming back here because it works when I work it. And that's the truth as I see it "just for today."Thanks


Member: Jillie  M
Location: seeing hope
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 9:27:45 AM

Comments

Jillie an alcoholic who like those who have shared has been away from meetings for sometime. Thanks to all for your honest sharing. I signed on this morning because my life is coming apart. My thinking is pure insanity . Problems with my son, my husband, my daughter, anger self pity, lying, blame it is all running rampent. It finally dawned on me that it may just be me and that I'm out here by myself trying to run everything with a very sick mind.Pride and shame kept me from going to a meeting so I thought cyber might help. It is the first sane thing I have done in the past year.The thing that I had forgotten and what kept me sober for so many years is that I need never be alone and that others have been there and can show me the way out of this insanity. My story is not so special nor I'm I. It all has come back to me how I want to be, how I want to live my life, that I want the promises in the Big Book and that I must do the things needed to get them. I'm grateful I'm an alcohlic and that you have shown me the only way for an alcohlic to have peace of mind is to get to meetings and work the program.It works! why did I ever think I could do it on my own. I guess just the insanity of the disease.


Member: Phyllis P.
Location: Cairo, Egypt
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 3:52:24 PM

Comments

Hi, Phyllis here, alcoholic...This is for Carrie with ten years sobriety who says she feels terrible even though she's going to meetings...."Sometimes we try too hard to get this program..." take it easy there's a meditation from the 24 Hours a Day book that might fit.."It is only struggle that hurts. In sloth, physical, mental or spiritual--there is no sense of failure or discomfort." Maybe if you're feeling that this is hard, it's because you're really growing! Hope things get better!


Member: Deb
Location: Canada
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 11:46:32 PM

Comments

Thank you all for sharing your stories, thoughts and wisdom. Today is my 4th sober day and I have come here each of those days and found some strength for that day. I have a lot of reasons I can't get to a 'real' meeting, but I'm hoping your words, the Big Book, and trying to live the steps one day at a time will help me to stay sober. Thanks again for your help.


Member: maria c.
Location: ca
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 11:51:10 PM

Comments

Maria,93 days thanks to God, AA and a good recovery program. Thank you for all the great shares. I am in a position where I cannot attend meetings as much as I would like to so I am very grateful for this meeting. I also got to the point where I felt I was ok. Thank goodness I now know if I start feeling that way I really need a meeting.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 5/19/2002
Time: 12:46:53 AM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am an alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers!

Interesting topic, Ed. Taking Dr. Silkworth's comments in context, I think he is specifically talking about the alcoholic, although certainly he would agree that some non-alcoholics have similar problems. In a nutshell, my insanity as an alcoholic amounted to my continuing to drink, even though I knew that it was destroying me spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially.

While I agree that this type of thinking can contribute to the decay of moral integrity for people other than alcoholics, "AA is not a cure-all." In fact, responding appropriately and consistently to reality can be much more complex and, unfortunately, does not reflect an adherence to the Golden Rule.

For example, the following rather well-known contemporary hypothetical (familiar to many in the academic community) of the inconsistency of most Americans (U.S.)moral thinking illustrates the complexity of the problem:

A person has his new Mercedes get stuck on a railroad crossing. He or she sees the train approaching his car and he has the option of switching the train to an alternate track to prevent itfrom hitting his new car. However, this person also notices that, if he switches the train to the other track, it will hit a group of poor black children playing on the railroad tracks.

Many Americans, except for a sizable number of committed racists (both within and outside AA) would be willing to sacrifice the car in order to prevent the children from being killed. However, if you were to ask the same people who were willing to sacrifice their new Mercedes whether they would support spending tax dollars to provide these same children with good healthcare coverage or educational facilities, many of them would probably say "no." Go figure!


Member: Bonnie 5/30/80
Location: God Bless the USA
Date: 5/19/2002
Time: 3:02:03 AM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here ((((ROOM-HUG)))) a heart felt *welcome home* to all that are new to the program or this site.

Thanks ((ed)) for the great topic, I have the ism in most of my affairs. I do most things to excess, I've never been one to eat half the candy bar, even as a child. I stay up too late when i have to get up in the morning (how many times do you think the boss is going to buy that the clock was blinking when I woke up?) when I'm doing something that I enjoy I want to do it until I get so tired I cant do it anymore. When I do these things I sabbotage my serenity and put myself right back into alcoholic behavior. actually I don't do them very often anymore but I do still have my alcoholic moments, where I have to be a good parent to myself and use some self diciplin and knee mail, back to basics when it happens. Have to remember HALT I was told don't get too: H ungry A ngry L onely or T ired ((al s)) dear heart, was right where you are at when I was 15 yrs sober. the road less traveled, a spiritual thing this is, so hang in there, there i was new meetings, new people that didnt like people from california. First of all found this site, it helped but it was nothing like the connection i had felt at face to face meetings at my home groups. theres something almost alcoholic about the way I kept chasing that feeling that I felt back home LOL come to think of it. I'm 52 now so I know how that one feels also. I just kept remembering what my sponsor repeated many times, just do it. Don't go for you but to give back to those who are new. Give newcomers your phone numbers. Go to different meetings until you find one that fits better but you will never find that old *home group* feeling again. and really if Im honest with myself, i had kinda lost that home group feeling before I left home. time for the spiritual journey was at hand. pages 60 thru 63 & 449 thru 452 BB (417 thru 419 - 4th addition) always help me put things into perspective. Keep showin up here, I'll be your friend and there are some really great people here, let us get to know you and share in your joys and tears. hang around and we'll share ours with you. we need you here with your experience. once you get beyond this you'll help so many with the sharing of it. hang in there dear heart.

Dear God please bless all who venture here, love and hugs, bon


Member: Paul B.
Location: Loisiana
Date: 5/19/2002
Time: 3:22:27 AM

Comments

Hello everybody, Im an alcoholic my name is Paul. Good subject, I dont know if I can really ad anything to what has already been said.For me the doctors opinion played a vital part in my sobriety.Here is a doctor who has been in the field of alcoholism for many years. He explains his own inadequecy to to help the alcoholic stay sobure. And why he encouraged the movemant of our fore fathers. I gues it just really hit home with me when a doctor explained the hoplessness of my disease and that their is virtually know other other solution availible. He tells me that I may rely on absolutely anything the big book tells me to do. He explains the alcoholic mind and the insanity of that first drink followed by the physical craving. Why do you think they put it at the very beginning of the big book? so that the potential alcoholic reader can see what a Dr. thinks. Any way peace yall Ill be back through.


Member: Paul B.
Location: Loisiana
Date: 5/19/2002
Time: 3:22:36 AM

Comments

Hello everybody, Im an alcoholic my name is Paul. Good subject, I dont know if I can really ad anything to what has already been said.For me the doctors opinion played a vital part in my sobriety.Here is a doctor who has been in the field of alcoholism for many years. He explains his own inadequecy to to help the alcoholic stay sobure. And why he encouraged the movemant of our fore fathers. I gues it just really hit home with me when a doctor explained the hoplessness of my disease and that their is virtually know other other solution availible. He tells me that I may rely on absolutely anything the big book tells me to do. He explains the alcoholic mind and the insanity of that first drink followed by the physical craving. Why do you think they put it at the very beginning of the big book? so that the potential alcoholic reader can see what a Dr. thinks. Any way peace yall Ill be back through.