Member: matt w
Location: australia.western
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 9:22:52 AM

Comments

I am matt an alki, I beleive that meetings are very important, for me ,because I suffer from terminal uniqueness, when I was drinking I beleived I was a one off,that no one else felt or acted or beleived as I did I was all alone in this crazey world.I beleived no one understood me.I went to my 1st A.A. meeting & found I was not all those things, it was like a home coming, I was told 90 /90 I did about 120/90 & continued to until my circumstances changed.When I moved here my closest meeting was 100 mile away so I opened one here. 1st friday of the month. have spent plenty of them with the B.B. & God.But some months it's the only meeting I can get to.Meetings are good , meetings give me hope,people to identify with.But it is how I live my life ,how I put this program in my life on a daily basis, how effectively I hand my will over that keeps me sober.I am no good to myself or anyone else as a 90 min. legend.IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT. YOU MAY DIE IF YOU DON'T


Member: Geoff G.
Location: New Haven, CT, USA
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 9:58:00 AM

Comments

My name is Geoff and I am an alcoholic.

I think I am unique too. I felt that I was always the victim, that everyone was always picking on me. What I am discovering in my fourth step is that I create these situations with my isolation, with my arrogance, and by acting superior to others when I do have to interact with them. I was closing myself off to deeper connectedness, pushing people away from me, and pretty much provoking the maltreatment that I suffered. I have a choice whenever I relate to people places and things in this world. I can either close myself off and feel fear and differentness, or I can choose love and see the best in everyone and everything, opening myself up to connection with others and situations. The only way that I can remind myself of this choice so that I will be capable of taking action in a positive direction instead of the negative is to pray to my higher power for clarity and help in seeing the world as it actually is. When I put my higher power in charge of my life, I automatically look at the full half of the glass instead of the empty. My higher power is the power of love and connectedness, so putting it in control of my will and my life, means that it is love and connectedness which flows through me, and I am then blessed with the gift of feeling a part of this universe and fellowship with other human beings. I feel so grateful to have found AA. Thanks for being a teacher on the path.


Member: sherri M.
Location: S.TX
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 10:59:47 AM

Comments

Me too, to everything the gentlemen before me have mentioned.I have felt all those things as is typical of people in recovery. Yes, I have feelings these days. In pretty fair shape actually. Six years on and I feel pretty damn good about life. I thank everyone of you for that. I have rather taken to this site rather than attend physical meetings due to my schedule.It's a life saver. I like it better too than attending my local meetings cuz I get bored w/the same ol' people and this site offers me views from everywhere and anyone. May god be with all of you, Sherri


Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 12:42:45 PM

Comments

Good Morning Everyone, My name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic !!

Oh how hard it was to say that the first time. Yes, because "no one would understand..."

Like so many, I stay away from any attempts of recovery, because "I was different" but like Matt, my first meeting was like "coming home". those people shared their stories and I knew they understood me and where I was. For the first time I was not ashamed of what I was..... Now having 12 years of sobriety, the sentence "My Name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic", means I am a "part of", no longer unique in my suffereing.

This identification is why Singleness of Purpose is so very important for the newcomer.....if he/she does not hear the story of alcoholic suffering and recovery they could walk out the door before the miracle.

Welcome to all the newcomers and Thanks everyone for being here for me.


Member: Roman G.
Location: Detroit
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 1:40:15 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Roman and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first net meeting and I thank my higher power that this is available online. Like Sherri M., my schedule makes it difficult for me to attend live meetings. Now I can commit to 90/90. Thank you everyone for being here.


Member: Pete S
Location: Maryland
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 2:06:57 PM

Comments

Good afternoon averyone, I am Pete and I am an alchoholic. Good topic Matt! It seems to be twofold. 1. I can't fathom a place where the nearest meeting is 100 miles away. Your post gives new meaning to the phrase meeting makers make it. Around here, within a half hour drive there are 30 - 40 meetings. I guess it says something about suburban Maryland.

2. I though I was unique also. It just wasn't possible that anyone else could go through the personal hell that I put myself through, not to mention family and friends. I couldn't even garner the courage to go to AA on my own. I called the hotline more than once, and then rationalized over a glass of scotch why I shouldn't go (and didn't) I took sitting in jail, waiting for a court date facing numerous charges (none DWI) that brought me to my senses, along with the hardest phone call I ever had to make, the one to a rehab center asking for help. I thought I ws in control, I thought I could manage, I thought I could do anything. I found out I was WRONG. When court dates (3) came and went, I was free on probation with a court ordered requirement for outpatient rehab and mandatory AA. (This was engineered by my attorney and the state's prosecutor) I was terrified of the thought of walking into an AA meeting. Rehab didn't bother me, heck, the place is full of people like me who need help. AA was different. What if I met someone I knew, What would they think. (Looking back it all seems pretty stupid). My fears were put to rest almost immediately when I aproached the front table to turn in my court slip, and the fellow chairing the meeting extended his hand and said welcom. (He wasn't the judgemental parlimentarian I had pictured). My fantasy about being unique was shattered when the first speaker started to talk. Imagine that, a middle aged man, self employed, maintenance drinker telling my story. I sat there completely dumbfounded. There actually are others like me. I wasn't planning to share that evening, I was just going to sit in the back and listen, but I did, and it was like a hundred pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. By the way, the speaker I am talking about is now my sponsor. I would trust him with my life. Perhaps I already did

Thanks for letting me share

Pete


Member: Jeff B
Location: Northern CA
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 2:26:55 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. Meetings have helped to keep me sober for over 3 years now and I know that without them I could not have done it.

The sole purpose of the meetings is to carry the message of AA. Meetings have taught me simple tools and ideas that I forget quickly if I don't attend. Hearing you all talk about yourselves reminds me who and what I am. Saying that I am alcoholic and telling you what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today might give someone hope.

When I was drinking I hoped that things would change and did know what to do besides try one more time to drink and not get in trouble. I heard AA's say that not drinking today and not taking the first drink was fundamental. I was able to hear how some power greater than us helps us if we let Him or Her or It. I was able to see through you all that my life run on my will was not going to work. I heard you people say that you were willing to make an agreement in principle with God (or some great power) that you would let him run the show and that meant taking some actions (steps).

Every time I take an action that I don't want to that is because of AA I am given a gift. Sometimes I don't want to go to a meeting but I show up anyway. I can't remember feeling worse after a meeting when I went when I did not feel like going.

The other alcoholics in the meetings are just like me. I am sometimes wrong. I believe today that between the people at the meetings, God, prayer, and trying different actions (steps); some of which make me uncomfortable, I am able to grow and be more like what God wanted in the first place. That is what I wanted the whole time and could not find with booze. I have so much to learn from and through AA. If I do what I can, some great power will take it the rest of the way.

Today life is good and I keep getting more comfortable with being alcoholic and not drinking. Thank you all for being here and at face to face meetings.


Member: RN
Location: Texas
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 3:33:44 PM

Comments

My name is ray. i am a alcoholic. i have been sober 2 yrs. i am trying to learn this puter . for i can talk to people online thats have the same proubles i have . with alcohols and drugs.i have a great wife and 3 kids they ages are 38,37,32.2 girls 1 boy.5 grandkids all boys.i am a member at golaid group.in san antonio tx.been there for about 25 yrs.still going and trying hard.good luck to all god bless all ty ray bye.


Member: RN
Location: Texas
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 3:35:10 PM

Comments

My name is ray. i am a alcoholic. i have been sober 2 yrs. i am trying to learn this puter . for i can talk to people online thats have the same proubles i have . with alcohols and drugs.i have a great wife and 3 kids they ages are 38,37,32.2 girls 1 boy.5 grandkids all boys.i am a member at golaid group.in san antonio tx.been there for about 25 yrs.still going and trying hard.good luck to all god bless all ty ray bye.


Member: David M
Location: Northern NJ
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 6:59:01 PM

Comments

I need to find a meeting list for Bergen County in NJ, is there a web site that lists meetings and times? Thanks Dave Dmerlin63@earthlink.net


Member: Cliff H.
Location: Bryan, Oh
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 7:15:34 PM

Comments

Hi Cliff here. I'm an alcoholic. I can remember the first time I said that. It was so strange to say that to a group of people that KNEW I was an alcohic before I did. They have been where I have been and know what I have been through. It was such a relief to know people that won't hold alcoholism against me. Since then I have made some very good friends that support me when I'm down. I also have people coming to me for advice on how to quit different habits. I just relate to them my story and tell them about the 12 steps. They have really helped me and I know they will help others with the help of their higher power. Thanks for letting me share. Stay sober.


Member: DALE C.
Location: Michigan
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 7:30:51 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Dale, and I'm an alcoholic. Yes, I agree..most of us felt very unique with our problem before attending an AA meeting. I know that I did! Plain and simple..I didn't WANT to be an alcoholic. I came the first time back in 78' because my wife was giving me pressure. I have been in and out of the program many times since then. The wife has long since gone, but I try to attend meetings daily. It is my only salvation. I have come to find out that I'm not unique, and in fact have made the best friends I currently have from my home meeting. I'm also a Vietnam vet and was in the Vietnam Veterans of America organization. I could relate with those guys...but found that my ties with the members of AA was even a stronger bond. I pray that I will remain a regular member and depend on my fellow alcoholics...hope they depend on me too. THANKS


Member: CLARA A.
Location: FL
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 8:30:57 PM

Comments

HELLO ALL, CLARA, ALCHOLIC, IT IS SO WONDERFUL TO KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE, AND WHEN WE FIND OURSELVES ALONE WE ALWAYS KNOW WHERE WE CAN CONNECT. WHEN I NEED TO MAKE A GRATITUDE LIST THAT IS ALWAYS ON THE TOP OF THE LIST, KNOWING I AM NEVER GOING TO BE ALONE AGAIN AS LONG AS I CONNECT WITH GOD AND MY PROGRAAM. THANKS


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 9:12:51 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

Being so selfish due to my alcoholism and the accompanying desire to acquire booze, I naturally became self-absorbed, an environment which lends itself to terminal uniqueness.

While I still can fall back into the old self-serving me occasionally, AA has taught me that I am like all other alcoholics when it comes to the disease of alcoholism.

Therefore, though I may at times feel unique in my sobriety, thanks to AA, this uniqueness needn't be terminal.


Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: W.Va.
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 9:16:59 PM

Comments

Hi, to all I`m Donnie and I`m a alcoholic, and for me to say I was a alcoholic took alot of drink`s to finally hit my bottom. This was sickness, craziness, and most of all sadness.1 The sickness was getting up in the morning and throwing up or the dry heaves I was so tired of having to get that first drink so I could quit shaking and was able to sign my name so I could get into my job. I also had blood pressure that should have probaly killed me.2.The craziness was the money I would spend weekly and in the end I was only a beer drinker on a good day I would drink two case`s. I lived fifteen minute`s from home this ride would take me about six hour`s I wasn`t much on bar`s I would stop at liqour store`s get my beer and just drive. I have to say this was a miricle I never had a ticket of any kind that was god looking out for me.3. The sadness I don`t know were to start the way I did my mother and father alone was enough to make me sick. I would make both of them cry almost daily. The argument`s was hell because we alway`s end up saying thing`s that would hurt deep. The fight`s with my wife although never physial the mental part of this was and still is trying to repair, she say`s it is forgotten,but I have trouble letting go of this. My son had to see me drunk and passed out one to many time`s. I have made a vow to myself to stay sober threw any reason that life will put before me I have been sober a little over two year`s today by the grace of god and the AA program. The program has taught me to live life for today ,it is a great life I`ve had my problem`s with depression and am dealing with this as I handle everything else one day at a time(some day`s this is more like one minuite at a time). Today was great tommorrow will be also if the drink stay`s in the past, so that`s enough from me thank`s for reading and listening and GOD BLESS ALL.


Member: Sammy L.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 9:55:12 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my problem is Sam. I thank Matt for the great choice of topic, and I also am blown away by the scarcity of meetings there. I guess I'm somewhat guilty of taking them for granted, there're almost 800 of them a week within 45 minutes drive for me. I relate to feeling that I am terminally unique. I was fortunate in getting "hooked" on the fellowship at my very first meeting. Fortunate, because my 1st meeting was also my first day clean and sober, 11/19/94. I'd been in outpatient recovery, and the counselor there was a 17 year sober member of AA, who tried to get me to go.. Like Pete shared, I was terified about going to AA. Also like Pete, I found that it was nothing boogeyman I had dreamed. There's only a few things I remember about my 1st meeting, but I'll never forget them. One is that I remember thinking that I was no longer alone. That floored me, because I didn't remember ever being conscious of feeling alone before. I never missed you until I had found you. A man responded "I understand" to something I said. That floored me too, because somehow I just knew that he did, even though he didn't know me from Adam. I'd just been with my family, where there'd been many times someone had said "I understand," and maybe meant it, but I just knew they didn't. They may have wanted to, but they couldn't. At that meeting, no one was pointing at me, they were talking only about themselves. For the first time, my hearing really worked. Thank God for that, and for all of you. I have "kept coming back."


Member: wicked wanda
Location:
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 11:58:41 PM

Comments

i am a wickan........lets wick around


Member: Rob A
Location: Gippsland Australia
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 1:09:17 AM

Comments

G'day Folks, I am Rob, alcoholic and because of the miracle of this program I am sober today. You know I never thought in the depths of my drinking there would be a time where I could say that I would go 9 months without picking up a drink, but that has happened. I would love all the years of soberity around me to fall in my lap NOW, but I have come to understand that I do this for today, it is only today I will not pick up a drink, the point is there have been a few of those days now and my life has changed because of it. I have just attended Lakes Entrance, Victoria, Australia, 21st Anniversary weekend. All of us at the Tooloo Arm Hall on Saturday night, dancing, having a great time, all without the grog. I marvell at that miracle as all of us there would know all so well what it was like to be at a function,"off our faces", and yet here we all were having a great time sober. There really is miracles in aa, the rooms were full of them down at Lakes Entrance last weekend. I never want the insanity back in my life, I never want those deep feelings of depression, I could not cope with the heart ache misery and pain that alcohol brought to my life..............NEVER AGAIN!! Its nice to wake every morning with a clear head, to feel good and to know that today I am not going to pick up a drink. I also know that my life only costs me the price of a local call. Thank God for AA Rob ps "God" means a "Group of Drunks" to me today and I have great love for you all


Member: Frank O.
Location: NW Florida
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 4:08:54 AM

Comments

Hi I am Frank & I am an alcoholic. A terrific meeting this. I can't wait to tell the guys in the prison meeting I go to what awaits them if they choose to stay sober & attend meetings(meeting makers make it). Some have over 10 years sobriety but have yet to see the streets and know only what they read about the www. Thank you to whoever arranged this site and thanx to all who are participating in my sobriety by commenting on this page.


Member: Denise B
Location: Roach MO
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 8:35:51 AM

Comments

Good Monday Morning.

I'm an alcoholic addict named Denise.

I consider myself so blessed to have had an aunt that went to AA. I love here dearly.

Many years ago, when I was 18, she brought me to a meeting with her. Her home group. All she did was introduce me - and all they did was say "Hi Denise," and I left. It's funny how, over all these years, I've never forgotten the warm feeling I got when I entered that room - or all those coffee cups hanging on the wall!

I always thank God for that day - because I knew what AA was. As years went on, I always knew it was there - somewhere - if ever I should need it.

I wasn't really afraid of AA - I was afraid of myself - and what I might find - and what I would have to do.

But when the time finally came - when there was nothing - and I knew I had to look at myself - I knew exactly where to go - and what to do - and that there would be others there like me to help me and show me how. Cuz it sure as hell, ain't easy - at least not by yourself. I couldn't do it by myself. I could fake it great. But giving it ALL up, to that power greater than myself, is the only thing that helped me.

I thank all of you my friends - my Higher Power's mysterious ways - that help me through this - every day - and you my wonderful auntie. I wish you could come with me to a meeting today. Or maybe you just have.

Love you all.


Member: Evin D
Location: Sunny South Florida.
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 9:46:40 AM

Comments

Hello. My name is Evin and I'm an alcoholic.

At a dinner party in 1994 I got embarressingly trashed - nothing new about that. The following morning one of the people I worked with took me aside and told me that I reminded him of him. He was referring to his own drinking days and was/is a recovering alcoholic and became my first sponsor.

I felt a chill down my spine when I realized that he knew I had a drinking problem. I suspected it but thought that my cycles of depression, high blood pressure and constant fear and anxiety were unique to me. I drank to relieve the stress. I found out of course that the opposite was true. I wasn't unique. Drinking started the stress to begin with and the cycle followed that.

My first AA meeting was like walking out into sunshine from a smokey room - refreshing and had meaningful. I felt that I belonged. The road to recovery was a long one after that but AA was and is my anchor point. I achieve lasting sobriety 4 years later (Thank God) having lost the battle of my uniqueness that my ego fought every day. Booze kicked my ass so badly it nearly killed me.

Thanks Matt for the topic. And thank you all for this opportunity to share.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Member: Dan F
Location: Northern CA
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 9:47:15 AM

Comments

Hi all. Great topic this week. Was it the oldtimer Clancy who said that if there was one flag that all alcoholics could pledge allegience to, the flag would say "but I'm different"?

For me a huge part of my uniqueness was the "fact" that I was just smarter than other folks. Then, sitting in one of my first AA meetings, I had the thought, "Dan you've been smarter than happy people all your life, look where it's gotten you." I finally saw that I wasn't being any too smart looking down on people who'd figured out how to go all day long without a drink and be happy on top of it. I became teachable.


Member: Philomena DOS 11/04/94
Location: Hacienda Hts, So.California
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 10:53:32 AM

Comments

~~~\_/7......updtd 05/07/2001 It's me Philomena, grateful alcoholic,

I first logged on this site @ 10 weeks ago or so. This is from the discussion meetings, coffee pot,and a 12 & 12 from archives,that I checked out.

Look at our group. Awesome.

Hello to (((ALL))) of you .. . . .

:-):-):-), AdamH, AlexB. AlK, AliceR, AllisonW, AndrewA, AndyM, AngelicaU, AnilG, ANNA, Anne, AnnieK, AnnieKelley, Annie P, AnnT, Anonymous, Ardis, Arlene, ArtP, AvrilG, AZBill, BabetteR, Baker, Barbie, BarruB, BarryL, Bea, BernardB, Betsie,BillJ, BillM, BillP, BillW, BilliJo, BillyD, BobF, BobP, BobPatles, BobS, BobT, BobW, Bobby, BrendaC, BrianB, Briana, BrockS, BruceC, BryanL, BunnyL, ButchL, Candi, Carla, CarlaJ, Carol, CarolC, CarolD, CarolMN, CarolSW, CaroleA, CarrieL, CaryB, CecH, CharlesM, CharlieDarling, Cher449, CheriseF, CheyrlS ChrisB, ChrisC, ChrisH,ChrisM, Chris(Nurse), Chris0kC, ChuckK, ChuckM, CinCin-Robin, CisF, ClaireB, ClaraA, ClaraL, ClevelandChris, CliffH, ColleenNA, ConnieP, CorinneB, ChrissyV, Dakota, DaleC, DaleL, DaleS, DanA, DanF, DanL, DanM, DanN, Daniel, Danielle, DaveZ, David, DavidB, DavidH, DavidM, DavidR, DawnL, DB, DeanS, DEB, DebbieP, DebbieT, DebK, Deborah, DebraCT, DeeBee, DeniseB, DennisF, DennisV, DerekB, DianaP, Dleonard, DollieW, DonF, DonW, DonnaH, DonnieM, DougK, DougR, DT, DudeL, DuncanM, EdG, EdieR, Eduardo L, EileenL, Elaine, ElaineT, Elliott, Em, Eric, EricH, EvinD, Ferdinand, Fayla, FranD, FranW, FrankD, FrankK, FrankM, FrankO, Fred, FredM, GabrielleP, Gail, GaryC, GaryG, GaryK, GeoffG, GeorgeP, GeriW, GerryMac, Glen, GlennH, Gordon, GregC, GregL, HarryK, Heather, HeidiP, Hipolito, HollyK, IlaN, Inez, IsobelD, JackB, JaclynH, JamesC, JamesP, JamieB, JamieE, JamieS, JanBB, JanS, JaneP, JaniceS, JanieC, Janine B, JasonB, JasonM, JEAN, Jean-ClaudeT, Jeff, JeffB, Jen, JenG, Jenn, Jennifer, JeremiahB, JeremiahM, JerryJ, JimB, JimK, JJ, JL, JMS, JoD, JoM, JoanH, Joe, JoeH, JoeL, JoeR, Johanna, JohannaF, JohnB, JohnR, JohnW, JosephZ, JoyceY, JudahZ, Judi, JudyL, Julie, JustinR, KarenB, Kari, KarrieL, KateH, KathleenF, KathyM, KathyR, KatieD, KatieN, KayeF, KeithM, KellyF, KelllyK, KenC, KenS, Kerry, KerryB, KerryF, KerryK, KevinR, KimC, KimD, KimO, KirstenT, Kyle, Laila, L.A.Roxx, LaRaeS, LarryR, LauraJ, LavonneA, LeAnnW, LeeP, LeeEllen, LegrandplayerDAN, LenP,LesA, LesC, Lilly, LindaA, LindaC, LindaO, LindaS, Lis, LisaIL, LisaC, LisaK, LoisS, LoriR, LoriS, Lorraine, Loretta, Lucy, LukeD, Lyn, Lyle, LynneB, LynnS, MadelineE, Maggie,MarcyC, MariaK, Marie, MarieB, MarkA, MarkB, MarkC, MarkD, MarkL, MarkW, MartinaG, Mary, MaryV, MaryS51, Marty4D, MattL, MattW, MD, Mel, MelissaB, MichaelB, MichaelL, MickL, MikePA, MikeK, MikeL, MikeM, MikeN, MikeP, MikeW, MikeyW, Milt, MiriamT, MiriamW, MishaB, MissyR, MitchellWI, MoniqueU, Mouse, Mrellen, NadiaB, NancyW, NateH, NewBeastie, Noel, NormP, Oracle, Orbison, OttoP, PamB, PamD, PamMidwest, Patg, PattiD, Pattw/2tees, PaulB, PaulOH, PaulM, PaulaP, PaulineG, PeggyH, PeggyL, PerryA, PeteB, PeteS, PhilA, Philomena, PK, RachelLee, RandyL, Rayday75, RayP, RayS, RedZ, Rhonda, RichR, RichardM, RickA, RickW, RichadM, Rob, RobA, RobertB, RobertC, RobertCD, RobertJ, Robin, RobinA, RobinB, RobS, Rod, Rodrigo, RogerS, RomanG, RonN, RoxanneH, RN, RT, RustyW, SallieD, Sami, SammyLee, SandersW&littlefella, SandyB, Sarah, SarahS, SCB, Schiz, Scott, ScottE, ScottH, Sean, SeanT, Shannon, ShannonM, Sharon, SharonFrey, ShehehC, SheilaB, SheilaJ, SheilaL, ShelleyC, SherryH, SherriM, Shirley, SidH, SidL, Sonia&cat, StanM, StaceyS, Stephanie, StephanieT, Stephen, StephenT, Steve, SteveD, SueG, SW, synonymousPhilD, TaritaM, TerrenceW, TerryC, TerryG, TheThief, ThomasR, Thumper, TiffanyB, TimG, TimV, TimY, TinaM, TJ-D, Todd, Toddy, Tom, TomB, TomG, TomM,TomS, tony-da-duck, TonyB,TonyD, TonyG, Toronto, TP, TriciaMC, Turlough, TypingMonkey, Valerie, Verna, VinnieV, Von, WaltB, WalterT, WillD, WilliamA, WillieD, Wouter, YesiC, Yvonne, Zane, Zeke.

Thank you all for being here!!! THIS IS A GROUP HUG (((FOR ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SHARING & FOR BEING HERE)))

KCB....Keep Coming Back. Remember to Keep It Simple. ODAAT....One Day At A Time.

ALL of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for letting me share.

Take Care. Peace.

God bless you (((ALL))), love,

Philomena


Member: Mary V.
Location: CT
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 11:08:39 AM

Comments

Hi all, Great topic! I can definitely relate about the feeling of uniqueness. I'm pretty sure everyone (alcoholic or not) experiences that type of feeling to some degree. But of course, we alcoholics seem to have it mastered. :) I always felt different when it came to drinking... why can others stop after 1, 2, 3 drinks? I always craved more once i started. How come noone else seemed to have as many problems when they drank? I'm so very grateful that when I went to my first meeting there were people there I could relate to. That there were a couple other young adults there that shared similar feelings/experiences as I felt. That there were other high functioning, high bottom alcholics there. And if they could do it, maybe I could too. So at 7 weeks sober, I keep going back. Thanks for letting me share.

Hugs and Prayers to all, Mary V.


Member: Tim M
Location: Chicago
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 12:00:22 PM

Comments

Hello, my name is Tim and I finally came to the conclusion last night that I am an alcoholic. I have never attended a meeting yet but this site has really helped me see what AA is about and how it can help. I have made a fool of myself and hurt to many loved ones to many times. I am scared to go to my first meeting but it can't be any worse than how I feel "the morning after" a night of drinking. Thanks to everyone on this site.


Member: chris o
Location: co mountains
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 12:18:14 PM

Comments

my name is chris and i'm an alcoholic.

i would agree with matt's topic, and i'm starting to feel a little like matt though on a different level.

i just moved to the mountains a few months ago and the closest meetings are 45 mins away. coming from a town where a five-minute drive would get me to any one of at least five meetings daily, i'm starting to feel disconnected.

i called my sponsor this morning and i'm checking in here--i guess i'm longing for that connection, that hope and inspiration that comes from hearing the testimonies of other alcoholics.

i don't want to drink, but i am feeling restless, irritable and discontent. i guess it's time to up my committment to the "you work" part of that phrase.

it's nice to have an opportunity to check in and say where i'm at.

thanks.


Member: Connie S
Location: FL
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 2:21:57 PM

Comments

Hi all. My name is Connie and I'm an alcoholic. It's been five years since I've attended an AA meeting. I was sober for six years and I thought I was "cured", or I thought I could at least handle social drinking. Big mistake. In the last two months I gotten wasted more times than I care to think about. I knew today I needed to find a way to start working the program. I'm glad this site is available....it's a start.

Thanks.


Member: Tiffany G
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 2:46:07 PM

Comments

Alcoholic/Drug Addict here... looking for help!!! I am only 21 and have already destroyed my career, my family and most importantly, my life. I am reaching out to anyone who can help. It seems almost impossible to me that I will ever be content with a "normal" life(a sober life). I have reached a place in my heart that I have never known before; I am ready to change - just scared. I feel like I am so alone and reading these messages has helped a bit. I attend my first AA meeting on this Thursday, wish me luck!

Tiffany (former stripper,drug addict,loser,liar,alcoholic)


Member: Connie  F.
Location: Marthasvineyard
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 5:19:28 PM

Comments

I was an active alcoholic from the age of 17 until I came into AA at 47 I was GIVEN the gift of acceptance [I did not earn it] so I didn't have to go out again but I have watched with compassion the torment of many who did....and grieved for the ones who didnt make it back and who died out there. Now I have a couple of grandsons who are beginning to get in trouble with alcohol. My sons have been drug and alcohol free for alot of years now for which I am deeply grateful tho neither avails himself of the comfort of the program. I love knowing I am accepted for the person I actually am instead of that shaky creature who pretended to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be. [exhausting!!]. What helped me alot in the beginning was to hear that a "change of attitude" WAS a spiritual awakening! [I did not think I would be capable of having a spiritual awakening. I was afraid AA was going to be "religious" and did not yet understand that the program is Spiritual...not religious..Our turning to a higher power..a power GREATER than we are, which can even be the power of the program, is the end of our isolation! My 28th anniversary is coming up Memorial Day if I keep on the way I am going which is bringing me peace and contentment and occasional Joy!!! I sure was surprised it included JOY!!


Member: JASON M
Location: AUBURN IN
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 6:59:05 PM

Comments

HI I AM JASON ALCOHOLIC. I AM WORKING ON A 1YR B-DAY. AND I HAVE HAD MY UPS AND DOWNS. BUT WITH OUT PEOPLE TO SUPPORT ME AND AA MEETINGS I WOULD STILL IN THE DRINK. I AM THANKFUL FOR THIS MEETING JUST LIKE ALL MEETINGS. BUT TODAY I AM THANKFUL MOST FOR MYSELF THE MOST I AM STILL SOBER AND I WILL DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO SAY THIS WAY . THANK FOR SUPPORT AND KEEP GOING TO YOUR MEETINGS.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 7:19:11 PM

Comments

Mark, alcoholic I take exception to Tiffany's hammering of herself. The only "losers", are the one's we end up burying. God has never given up on me, just as I know he won't give up on her. I was 23 when I was drug into the rooms of the fellowship. About the only human trait I displayed was that I walked on my hind legs. I'd lost my family, all my financial resources, was in debt up to my armpits, alone and isolated, on the verge of getting thrown out of the military. My last drunk entailed my assaulting a couple of cops, pissing all over myself and my roommates stereo system, all done in a blackout. For the last 6 months of my drinking, I blacked out every night. I was taken to my first meeting by my commander, who got my attention by first taking a stripe from me, again, and asking me if I knew what I did the night before. When I said, no, he then told me what I did. He also told me all about himself, see, he had 5.5 years clean and sober. He took me to my first meeting. If ever there was a "loser", it was me. But, through the miracle of sobriety, a loving God freely extending his grace to me, and wonderful fellow alcoholics and drug addicts all over the world, today I'm coming up on my 16th sober birthday. I'm coming up on my 20 mark in the Air Force. I have a bunch of more stripes, and a wonderful family. I getting ready to leave here in 10 days for my last assignment at Grand Forks AFB, North Dakota. I owe everything in my life today to the simple things I was taught at my first meeting back in Germany. 1. Don't drink or use under any circumstance. 2. Show up. 3. Just do what's suggested. Simple stuff. There are no losers in sobriety. For a true alcoholic, there's life, or death. I want to live. Hugs to all and see you later.

Mark


Member: DavidR
Location: Southern
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 8:58:18 PM

Comments

Hello again to all of you, and thanks for some great words of wisdom. I have been sober since 2/18/2001, and proud of that. There have been many temptations and demons of the illness telling me that I am not an alcoholic, and that I can control it if I start again. I keep looking to my higher power and to folks like you, who are like me to remind me that I am not unique in my issues and love affair with alcohol. Our situations and to what extent our use, abuse and addictions have cost us may be unique, but we are all in the same boat when it comes to the one common voyage: we have lost our individual power to control our drinking and behaviors attached, and tired of it. God bless you all, and looking forward to another 24 without a 24 pack.


Member: David R.
Location: Southern Va.
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 9:01:44 PM

Comments

Sorry I forgot to mention southern Va. Good luck to you all, and may God be with you as you can't do it on your own.


Member: te-he-he
Location:
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 9:06:35 PM

Comments

tiffany.......lets dance naked in the sun.


Member: Len P
Location: Edmonton ,Canada
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 12:56:42 AM

Comments

Hi everyone,my name is len and I am an alcoholic.I used too suffer from feeling different too,since I did my step 5,I no longer feel different.The key to getting well in A.A. is living the twelve steps on a daily basis.Any "sober" oldtimer will tell you that going to meetings is not enough,that the steps must be worked.


Member: Debra c t
Location: New York
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 4:16:04 AM

Comments

Thanks to Tiffany for your share good luck with your first meeting a whole bunch of souls will be there with you, do you know how brave and wonderful you are? It was once said to me, actually many times before, "we will love you until you learn to love yourself" (a thought i need to constantly keep in mind) and i don't care what you have done in your past no matter what age you are I know I have the "wreckage of my past" to constantly deal with, the decision is whether I get fixated on it and let it get me stuck in quicksand (do me a favor take my advice I am not using it, Ha, but ain't it the truth!!!)

And thank you to Philomena the mere mention of my name in print made me feel so much "a part of..." a total and complete group hug to the program and those on this site and again a personal thank to Philomena I really fit the bill of the alkie/addict an egotist with an inferiority complex and need all the strokes that are out to get

I love you all!!!


Member: Andrew Y
Location: Sydney
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 9:05:58 AM

Comments

Hi everyone I am Andrew and an Alcaholic, I have found in the 3 months that I have been with the fellowship that it is possible and even easier to deal with the world without booze, Its quite strange but having lost my home and wife money and job that dealing with the stuff is a lot less extreme than if I was drinking.

Its still not a heap of fun but it feels right. and thats a whole lot different feeling to the rage or despair that come on in a binge.

I think the difference for me is that the world is a lot more manageble if Im not drinking. Certainly more predictable.

I like being sober even if it is somewhat strange at the moment.

wishing Lots of love and fun for all the members today


Member: George P.
Location: texas
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 10:47:14 AM

Comments

Hello,everyone my name is George and I am a real alcoholic. Its only by gods grace i havent had a drink of alcohol today. I went to my first meeting in the early 70"s with the idea I could hold my marriage together. My wife thought i spent too much time drinking and not enough time with the family. Let me tell you I went for 2 weeks every day trying to prove that I wasnt like these people. I drank their coffee ate their hard candy [ which made me a nervious wreck] and after the meetings had to drink a 6 pack or two just to calm down. My wife is German a hard case, after 3 or 4 months said she was going to leave me. God only knows how much i hate to loose something,so i convinced her that if i went with her to germany our life would get straightened out all would be ok, she agreed. But as the story goes after being in Germany about a year or so the germans put me in a treatment center.I remember in that place thinking ,If I get as bad as these guys I would do something about my drinking. I truley thought I always got the bad breaks in life that if i could only make the right manover every thing would change and it would all be ok, but it never happened.It seemed as though lifes circumstances began to get more difficult as time went by. this required more and more drinking. I drank into the gates of insanity and while in the process of ending my life god intervened.I am still not sure how, but I ended up in an AA meeting.I heard an illness of this sort, I thought my god, Im sick Ive been sick a long time, Im not the no good bum they were all thinking about me.I heard I was speritually sick and somehow deep inside i knew they were right, I had tried everything else.I was told That if i drank everyday I needed to treat my disease everyday so thats what Ive been doing, sober since sept. 84 and very greatful. Thank you all for being here and allowing me to share.


Member: Raleigh W
Location: Washington D.C.
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 10:58:06 AM

Comments

Does anyone have any experience with relationships ending in recovery. I recently broke up with someone I was dating in the rooms, and now I have to see her every night. It is possibly one of the most painful things that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Between watching her sulk and then flirt with others, it makes me question myself and feel 'unique' and not a part of. Any suggestions or experience would be appreciated. I've got nowhere to go but AA, I've tried everything else. I just am not doing well with this 'feelings' thing.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 12:17:11 PM

Comments

Mark, alcoholic, Relationships in recovery are wonderful, until they come to an end and then comes awakening to face the four horsemen, terror, will she tell my secrets? Bewilderment, what did I do that drove her away? Frustration, Now where am I going to get any? And Despair, I will NEVER love or date another woman again. Hang tough man, she's going through the same feelings that you are. I used to hate hearing this, but, it's o very true, you gotta give time, time. Trudge the road bro, don't worry about her, or her trudge. As long as you didn't drink or use, relationships are positive growing experiances. Been there, done it, and got the t-shirt many times over.

Mark B


Member: Debbie P.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 1:19:25 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, this cyber group is helpful to me to. I realized that i was apart of aa, when i read in the bb "an alcoholic of this type", thats me yall. And there is no middle of the road solution, so i do everything, and i go to any length today, and i pray for courage to change. But i found that not only was i unique in my career of drinking and unmanageability, but that my experiences in recovery are not unique. And when i go to meetings i hear from people in recovery the same experiences im having, and so i know that im not alone, and i dont feel so bad about my growing pains.


Member: Debbie P.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 1:19:37 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, this cyber group is helpful to me to. I realized that i was apart of aa, when i read in the bb "an alcoholic of this type", thats me yall. And there is no middle of the road solution, so i do everything, and i go to any length today, and i pray for courage to change. But i found that not only was i unique in my career of drinking and unmanageability, but that my experiences in recovery are not unique. And when i go to meetings i hear from people in recovery the same experiences im having, and so i know that im not alone, and i dont feel so bad about my growing pains.


Member: Diane F
Location: Alaska
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 3:37:25 PM

Comments

Hello, I'm Diane, an alcoholic.

I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret...

You are all unique, just like everyone else : )

To Tiffany -- What I would give to be your age starting on the path to recovery. I went to an assessment when I was 21 and had that chance to start then, but my pride and ignorance of the disease got in my way.

I heard a chairperson at an AA meeting telling how he was 31 years old (just a year younger than me) and had 9 years of sobriety. I envied him so. It wasn't an envy out of greed, it was a pure joyous envy. I can't wait until the day that I can say I have 9 years, or a year, or 60 days for that matter. What I do know is that I will take it one day at a time.

To Tiffany and Tim M in Chicago, remember, when you do go to that first meeting, you are unique, just like everyone else there. If you don't share at the meeting, at least introduce yourself and say, "I am an alcoholic." At my first meeting, it was awkward and I felt funny saying it out loud, but it did something for me. It was like my initiation into the fellowship, the start of a wonderful and beautiful relationship.


Member: Teresa K
Location: London, England
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 4:07:25 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Teresa and I am an alcoholic. I'm not a newcomer to AA, but I am a newcomer to the internet. So hello or whatever to everyone else. But for the grace of god and the power of this fellowship, I have not had that first drink today. So thank you all for keeping me sober. xxx


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 9:14:34 PM

Comments

Mark, alcoholic, More about this relationship thing. I drank and used over and behind feelings. I first heard Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb", when I was a freshman in college. I wanted that. I medicated myself to totally numb out. Man, if a chick even turned me down for a dance in a club, the feelings of rejection and not being good enough, not measuring up, were so overwhelming that it was pour more booze, or stuff more Valuim into me. So I get clean and sober, and these things, these feelings, start coming up. What and how do I deal with them? As I started drinking and doping at about 12 years old, thats where I was emotionally, when I got clean and sober. I had to learn how to do things, how to cope with things that I never learned as a teenager. The first time I danced sober, was a tramautic experiance for me. "Is everybody watching how I look like a big dork"? The first time I held a girls hand in sobriety was electric. The whole spectrum of feelings and experiances I went through during my first few years of sobriety was a wonderful time, looking back now. It didn't seem that way at times, but, hindsight is 20/20, and the faith that I developed by going scared, trusting in God, knowing he wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, is a part of my spiritual growth. Today, 16 years into my trudge in sobriety, I still am amazed and at times, overloaded by the feelings I experiance during everyday life. That's why I still go to meetings, still share these feelings, continue to try new things, because it's life man. What a wonderful journey. I'm getting ready for my sixth major move in sobriety. Packing up and moving 4000 miles is no easy feat, and going into a new shop, community, and a new sober fellowship is daunting. But remember, God won't give me anything I can't handle, and he didn't bring me this far to drop me. I trudge, own the fear, and all the feelings that go with it, and just go scared. So get ready Grand Forks, because whenever I get to a new town, I call the central office, and hit a bunch of meetings, sticking out me hand and trying to fit in, become a part of. It's hard, but, I have no other choice. If I don't, I'll drink or use, and for me, like it says in the Big Book, to drink is to die. I don't want to die, life is to cool, too wonderful. Enough from me, I gotta get back to packing and cleaning.

Mark


Member: jose peterbuilt
Location:
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 9:40:37 PM

Comments

tiffany thanks for the dance


Member: buyt
Location:
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 12:39:18 AM

Comments

jose can you see by the dawns early lite


Member: Dollie
Location: Texas
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 8:18:41 AM

Comments

Hi I am Dollie and I am an alcoholic.

Good topic. Me thinking I was unique, I believe was one of the reasons, I couldn't stay sober. I have been around the program off and on since june of 89. As of today, I have about 2 months. Before that I had almost 2 years. That was the longest I have stayed sober and clean. I thought I was different and sometimes I still do. The difference between my problems and everyone else's is that they are mine. But, thank God I have a sponsor that has been through a lot of things that I am going through now. And, she reminds me that somebody always has it worse than me. That I am not alone. I'll close with that. Thank God for AA, I would be lost without it.


Member: Tracy M
Location: Washington
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 9:20:42 AM

Comments

Hi, Im Tracy and Im an alcoholic. I guess I could say I suffer from the uniqueness problem as well. Im here as a result of the recommendation of my therapist, who I began seeing as the result of the recommendation of a friend who thought I was too stressed out and depressed. I told myself my situation, and thus myself were unique enough to justify the beer I drank to try to relax. Almost three years ago my wife of 14 years demanded we divorce before I deployed again (Navy). We did all the paperwork ourselves and I filed it with the court. Went on cruise and worked my butt off, exercised like a man possessed and in every port drank enough tequila and beer to float an aircraft carrier. There was a core group of people who partied very hard, and I became part of that group. I found myself at a poolside bar in Dubai at 7am, after getting off watch. Working on my third beer, I realized that not long ago I would have been repulsed at the thought of drinking that early but hey I worked all day the day before and that justified it. 6 months of cruise finally ended, I went home to spend Christmas with my parents. Mom questioned how much I was drinking. Hey, Im on vacation Ill stop when I go back to work. Back to homeport after Christmas. The X and I were now in an actual legal battle (lawyers part of the deal) over how much support she should get. I transferred, ended up with both children (she basically abandoned them). My daughter is a special needs kid, so there was a little more stress more reason to keep that beer fridge stocked so that after I get her in bed My son is 13. A little more stress. The X is now using my name and personal info to obtain credit and bounce checks all over the west coast. Have another beer. I am teetering on the edge of ruin, and damn if I aint unique. Linda said I want you to go to an AA meeting everyday. So here I am.


Member: mary a
Location: vt
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 9:54:43 AM

Comments

this is the 1st time i have seen this. how wonderful and has helped me a great deal. first meeting i went to is in 92. my therapist wanted me to see that i wasn't alone. that i was not the only one who had messed up, embarrassed myself, felt guilt, fear etc.but it has been a long road and many stumbles and falls.starts and stops. I need help..my last drink was last night to my daughter waking up and crying you promised.i didn't end up drinking the rest-i went to bed. but how horrifying for both of us.i seemed to dred going back to a meeting and don't want to as have had a few relapses. feel like a loser. but with the help of reading these things from you all it really makes me feel as though i can't wait.controlled drinking just doesn't work. my family and daughter have had it. my daughter doesn't deserve the fear etc. she feels. wants to control the fact that i don't pick up.she needs to be a kid.there is no logic, or trying to explain.parents think i should be able to have self control etc. just don't understand..thanks for you people that i don't slip into guilt, lower self esteem and fear of wondering when i see people what i might have done or said. etc. lots of love and thanks for sharing. mary


Member: Kim M.
Location: MI.
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 11:47:51 AM

Comments

Hi I am Kim And I am an Alcoholic.... This is my first time on the site, but not my first time with AA.. I havent had a drink in 2 days now and I pray to God that i will not have another one from minute to minute... I guess you could say that I am just as unique as anyone else who is in my situation.. (NOT) I need to make sobriety the focus of my life, and with the help of the Fellowship I pary that I can do it this time.. Thank you for being here for me..


Member: James C
Location: Chicago area
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 12:00:25 PM

Comments

To Mary A, VT:

Welcome Home. We're here with you and you never need to be alone again.

At the beginning I couldn't understand people who resumed drinking after periods of sobriety. When I meditated on it, I found that in order to relapse you have to FIRST get sober, and I had never been sober in my adult life. So you have a strong experience you can rely on -- you know that life can be better, and you know how to get there.

Don't beat yourself up. Remember what works and move back in that direction.

There is a great story in "Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers" (page 290):

As if to illustrate the danger, Jud O. noted that in 1969 he picked up a drink one week before he was to have his ** 30th anniversary **. "I had retired as director of research for one of the big rubber companies, and taken a European tour. I had been fairly active in A.A. for a number of years, but then I got busy with my work and wasn't going to meetings. My wife was in the hospital, and I was feeling sorry for myself . . . "

"That day when he came into the hospital, he was drunk," said Dorothy. "It was 11 in the morning, and it got me so upset, I asked for a hypo. When I woke up, I thought I'd had a bad dream. I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it 30 years!"

"Jud? He was the Rock of Gibraltar," said Kate P., Duke's wife, on hearing about his slip nearly ten years after it occurred.

"When I came back to A.A. it was the same as I remembered, only more people and more meetings," said Jud.

"Some old friends and some new ones helped me, but getting straightened out was the hardest thing I ever did. It took three years. On the other hand, it convinced other people that the original idea was correct: No matter how long you don't drink, the next one is right around the corner. It never lets you go. Dr. Bob was right: 'The first one will get you.'"

Much love,

James C JimBob@pobox.com


Member: Dave
Location: Kansas
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 2:26:17 PM

Comments

Hi all thanks for the wonderful shares. The thing about feeling unique for me is thats all it is a feeling. I can feel disconected and fearful but I have been given the courage to accept it and walk through it without having to pick up over it. I'm currently feeling out of sorts in a big way lately as it seems that I don't fit in even at my AA meeting. I have only one small group that I am able to attend and for one reason or another I am not particularly close or trusting of any of the other members and have watched the tone of the meeting that we have get watered down to nothing more than a gab session. Try as I might I have grown frustrated in trying to bring the meeting back in focus to make it worth attending. Now the group is starting to fracture with little alliances being formed where each member co-signs the others line of crap. So I have quit attending meetings for a time. Don't want to totally alienate myself from the group but am not interested in being a part of this petty politics that is going on which is weakening the message. As alcoholics we are prone to be warped in or personalities and we have some extreme egotists in our group. I also cannot relate to the "normies" in my community as I get the feeling that I am largely ignored by them and beneath contempt. I find myself going through my day bordering on absolute rage and I feel almost compelled to act on it in order to keep people from walking all over me. Can anyone relate to this? I'm not feeling that this is what recovery is supposed to be about. But everyday I feel the same way and I know in my heart I need to put God first, me second and everyone else third. In other words not let others have free rent in my head. But I am totally caught up in this and I know the forces of evil in this world and my disease want to see me fail. Like Cale Yarbourough straight into the wall in a catacalizmic fireball. Luckily I do have other souces of support such as this site and I also subscribe to the Grapevine which is an invaluable lifesaver for me. Sure would like to resolve this whole mess once and for all but it has been going on at differant levels always lurking in the background when it was not totally overwhelming me that I cant recall a time when it wasn't just a hugh ball of crap. Is that unique enough for ya? Thanks for 12 steppin me.


Member: Louise A
Location: UK
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 5:46:02 PM

Comments

hi - Im Louise. Im new. Not really sure why I'm here. Finding this so difficult. Ive read many of your posts, and i'm scared to admit that i related to so much of what you have said. The isolation, the difficulty facing up to it, pushing people away,my thoughts dominated by drink it seems, all the time. Days off work cos I'm so hungover. Tired of feeling so ill and exhausted. My Mum was an alcoholic - and I guess I have turned out just like here...and it scares me. Sorry - can't say any more.

Take care all


Member: William.A.
Location: High-Point.
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 5:55:16 PM

Comments

Hello,William.Alkie.

The topic is a great one for me today,I can really I.D. with everything everyone has said and would like to add I almost thought-- some of you were talking about me reading my mail sort of.

Thank all of you who have been there for me along my journey,I really can feel the love thaat was spoken about in those days.


Member: no name
Location:
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 6:26:43 PM

Comments

First time here. Am i really not unique or different? Are there really others like me? I'm scared to go to meeting but know I have to. I am an alcoholic and ashamed of it.


Member: Miriam W.
Location: Baltimore, MD
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 9:48:36 PM

Comments

Things are really good right now...which is scary for me, because in the past when they have been, I've had to take control and create chaos either by drinking or doing some other self destructive behavior. I plan to stay on track right now and keep going to meetings, keep calling my sponsor and working the steps to the best of my ability. PRAYING is also a big thing for me too. See ya'all.


Member: ITCHY
Location: BALLS
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 4:08:23 AM

Comments

MY BALLS ITCH AND I CAN`T FIND ANYTHING TO SCRATCH THEM ON.


Member: Gail D.
Location:
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 10:18:57 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Gail, an alcoholic. Many thanks to everyone who has shared. I'm living far from meetings also and find these on line meetings a life line although I still miss getting to face to face ones.

As far as feeling unique - it is very easy for me to slip into that and into isolation. I heard when I came in here that I had to be teachable, had to listen to learn. I heard that you can be too smart for this program but not too stupid. That helped me to open my ears. I heard a woman say when she had one day here she wanted ten years - that was me. I still don't have 10 years, but I have put a few 24 hours together and my life is a whole lot better than when I first got here. I am a whole lot better - happier, more serene and more well.

I was afraid to put down drinking and drugs and once I put them down I was afraid of everything. Like I just read, I had started drinking in my early teens and had not learned how to socialize without alcohol. Even today, I am not always comfortable in social situations. But that's ok with me. I sometimes push myself to stay and try to have a good time, and sometimes I call it quits and go home. Either way, what I don't do is pick up a drink.

Tonight there is a big wedding in the community where I live. I have all these mixed feelings about it and I'm feeling "not a part of". I think I want the attention to be on me, when of course, it is on the couple getting married. I am still feeling tremendous grief and loss over moving out of the States 5 months ago - and, since that was due to my own marriage, I'm feeling like I paid too high a price. I remember my wedding and the high hopes I had and now, almost 5 years later, I still love my marriage but I feel like many of my hopes have not come to pass.

Thanks everyone for listening to this. I am hoping to let go of some of these feelings so I can go to this wedding and rejoice with the bride and groom like I am supposed to. One friend once said to me that when we get married we ask the question "will you walk with me into an uncertain future?" I guess that sort of sums up life, the future is uncertain and I know that I am walking this path with the help of my Higher Power and all those in the fellowship. The path might not always lead where I want, but I am not alone.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 10:38:29 AM

Comments

hey philomina,thanks for the group list,thats pretty impressive,nice work....being sober allows me to live life.when i was drinking i ran from life ...d.d.t.& m.m.


Member: mary a
Location: vt
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 11:00:01 AM

Comments

hi everyone; mary a-vt am suddenly struck with the severity of the disease-problem.just wrote yesterday and so inspired to go to a meeting yesterday noon. then struck again last night with stinking thinking and drank the 4 i had left over.thinking that will be it. why does it take so much to learn. i ended up buying 6 more. am single parent.my poor daughter. i need your help. this relapse and getting sober again isn't as easy as it was in past. the growth of the disease. like they say it doesn't go back to what was but the beast gets worse.please e-mail me as i need everyones help. thanks... windstar103@hotmail.com


Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 1:11:42 PM

Comments

Chris H. here...alcoholic/addict/bulimic//Howdy all...thanks for all ofyour entries. I always get so much out of them. To theperson who feels so ashamed of being an alcoholic...I used to feel the same way. Now I am so greatful that I am an alcoholic !!I never would have found this way of life and the wonderful people in it. Love to all this week...


Member: alysa d
Location: netexas
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 2:12:13 PM

Comments

Hello, My name is alysa. I am 29 and a newcomer. I've never been to an AA meeting. I have been drinking on and off since the age of 16. My drinking is getting out of control and causing a lot of family problems. I realize that I need help and I hope by reading everyones comments I will get some kind of an idea on how to reach a recovery from my disease.


Member: rick
Location: georgia
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 2:25:58 PM

Comments

(Mary) don't give up on yourself. Its OK if you fall the only bad thing is if you fail to pick yourself up and try again. You went to a noon meeting which you said seemed to help. Why not go again today and talk to someone there about what is going on with you? Then perhaps you can arrange to go to another meeting together in the evening since that is when you had problems last night. But do go and introduce yourself there is nothing to worry about as we have all been there before. Get a sponser and get a Big Book and read the book when you are between meetings. Go to as many meetings as you can each day and soon you will see that you are staying sober day by day. Good luck and God Bless. "Let us love you until you can love yourself."


Member: Michelle R.
Location: Oz
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 5:10:51 PM

Comments

Michelle - alcoholic, addict, junkie...I just celebrated my three years on May 7th. I did this thing once before and went out on my three-year sobriety birthday and got drunk. I had been in relapse mode for over a year. As a single mom then, I used the kids as my excuse for not making the meetings I should have...I lost a sponsor and didn't look for another one (funny..when I ran out of booze, or drugs I certainly didn't stop looking), I stopped praying and I let a man who was using move in with me..humm wander what the problem was? hee hee. I just wanted to share that all of you, my home meeting(my family), my sponsor, my sponsees, my HP, the steps and my attitude keep me sober, for me it takes all of these to feel content in my own skin. When one of these keys is missing, I feel it, and I know I need to start living the deal again. Meetings are a significant part of my recovery and I couldn't be somewhat sane without them. PS - My first meeting ended up being a business meeting and I could not figure out how this thing kept all of you sober...


Member: Grey G.
Location: NW
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 6:41:24 PM

Comments

Hi, G. here and an alcoholic. I first went to AA on May 19th 1986. I stayed sober for thirteen years. But...no meetings for the last eight years. Then one day I was driving home and knew my family was out of town. Really without thinking about it I stopped and bought a half rack. Sat in the woods and drank it. That was three years ago. Now I'm back to square one, floundering somewhere above bottom. I am not unique but after not going to meetings I thought I might be. Ha! Maybe someone can read this and it will remind them to "keep coming back, it works!" Thanks and God bless everyone here, even the guy with the itch problem.


Member: DougU
Location: NC
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 12:17:03 AM

Comments

Hi - Doug, I'm an alcoholic. Here by the grace of God and grateful. I've always had so many great things in my life and I treated them horribly. I'm back to treating my blessings with the care and respct they deserve. Without AA, where would I be? I don't want to know. Relapse is a horrible thought, I don't want to drink again. I won't today.


Member: Doug K
Location: Morrell Country/ W Mi.
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 12:36:59 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Doug and I'm an alcoholic. Yes, ashamed, disgusted, repulsed, horrified at what I had become when I finally showed up ay AA. Of course, I was sure I wouldn't make it, sure I didn't want to. Afraid of what life would be like sober, when all I was used to was loaded. Alone....so terribly alone...no one could understand what had been going on in my head. Frustrated...why was this happening? And to me? Why can't I just quit....or even slow down?

A bit of time has passed since then and the oposite of all the above has occured. I may be unique as compared to those who can drink responsibly, but not at all unique to the people who share the tables of AA. I left my first meeting with two very important things...two thing I still cherish...one was hope, the other was the resounding fact that this program and these people were where I really belonged. I had finally found "my people"...and they were happy to see me. Good luck to the newcomers, if you're one of us, welcome home. This could be as bad as it gets....unless you're unique.

Thanks


Member: Judy D
Location: NJ
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 12:39:59 AM

Comments

Hi. My name is Judy, alcoholic. I just found this out and spent all day at the hospital recovering from withdrawal symptoms. See, I knew my alcohol consumption had increased recently, but I had drunk frequently before and quit twice in a day when I became pregnant. And I have almost never had a hangover. Most of my drinking was wine, I thought, to relax in the evening. But I've recently been starting to feel terrible around midday. I thought it was anxiety, so I thought the wine was "just taking the edge out". But the anxious feeling became first shakiness, then outright trembling and twitches. Yesterday, the heartburn stomach ache and twitches went away when I drank some wine. I still didn't think much of it until it was much worse today. I looked up info on alcohol withdrawal side effects... sure enough those were two. I immediately went to the hospital and sure enough, was diagnosed.

So, I guess I am 24-hours sober. I plan to call an outpatient treatment center tomorrow. I'm doing whatever AA research I can to get help. I hope this is ok that I wrote this here since I haven't gone to an AA meeting yet. It just feels good to have a place to go. I'm just glad I didn't hit rock bottom or completely destroy my liver. I have a beautiful boy who deserves to have his mother around. I find it daunting to not be able to enjoy a nice glass of wine, but, man, it's good to know that those anxious feelings were caused by alcohol, not calming them. I feel better tonight than I have in a long time.


Member: Robert C
Location: Philadelphia, PA USA
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 11:40:16 AM

Comments

My name is Robert and I'm addicted to alcohol. I have read this list and more than anything else, AA material, acquaintances that go to AA, the obvious disarray that is my life, or the damage I've done to myself and others, I will now stop drinking, hopefully, and start going to meetings. I am a bit scared at losing all of my alcoholic friends but I feel I have to do this. Don't want to go OT but if anyone has any advice/encouragement for one who is afraid of leaving the drunken comradery for the unknown scary sobriety please post them. Big UP to the list creators and contributors. You might just have helped save my life.


Member: Jason 
Location:
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 3:08:36 PM

Comments

This is my first time visiting this web site. It is interesting to read what others are going through with their alchoholism. I am attending diversion and one of the requirements for completion is to attend at least four AA meetings. I thought they would be stupid, but there is a lot of helpfull information in your comments.


Member: Jason  L.
Location: Oregon
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 3:09:08 PM

Comments

This is my first time visiting this web site. It is interesting to read what others are going through with their alchoholism. I am attending diversion and one of the requirements for completion is to attend at least four AA meetings. I thought they would be stupid, but there is a lot of helpfull information in your comments.


Member: Roger M
Location: OKC, OK
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 3:25:35 PM

Comments

Hi! Only by the grace of God I am Sober! I am the Commander And Chief in my life! That is why I am in a bad spot! If I am left to my thinking, I not only will be miserable, but without a doubt I will drink! As long as I call my sponcer, he will remind me my best thinking helped me get into AA! As long as I go to a meeting everyday, I will be reminded how to not drink just for today! As long as I surrender MY will, everything seems 100% better, as long as I stay out of the way, and let the miricle happen! Glad to have found this site! ONE DAY AT A TIME! I am glad i am not unique today! That way I never feel alone! Thanks!


Member: Miles M
Location: Nova Scotia Canada
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 7:28:20 PM

Comments

Hello friends my name is Miles M I sobered up march28 1996 at the age of 28 broken hearted and very alone,sitting in detox i worried about my friends and what i would do with my time.If they are my friends they will suport me,looking back i have two friends ,the rest were drinking bubbies i find these people borning my true friends are you people,because you understand me and for time there isn't enought all i did was worked the 12 step to the best of my ability joined a group got a sponsor and read the big book first time on this site cool sit


Member: Redneck Zeke
Location: Wilderness
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 8:28:01 PM

Comments

"Woke up this morning in back of my Chevy again! As broke and alone as I think that I ever have been! Playing these big city games, you just can't win! Going back where a man is a man, and a friend is a friend!

Give me a long slow-moving freight train! Don't want no fast high-flyin airplanes! Sing me a slow lonesome old love song, for before long: I'll be long gone!!

Anyone here lived that song?


Member: backdoor billie
Location: amcrack
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 10:08:22 PM

Comments

hey redneck that song sucks and so do you....

.......ha ha ha ha ha

old stogies i have found,short but not to big around


Member: Donna
Location:
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 10:34:18 PM

Comments

Hi--I'm Donna and I'm an alcoholic. You know-- I love AA and everyone in it. You have given me EVERYTHING I have today. What a lucky person I am to have been given the chance to turn my life around. My family relationships have been mended, a great husband, 5 healthy children, and such wonderful friendships. But to tell you the truth, I have moments when I just don't want to have anything to do with meetings or the twelve steps. I guess I become ungrateful and get sick and tired of trying to do the right thing all the time. Sometimes I just want to let it all out, isolate or revert to old behaviors without picking up a drink. This is the insanity of the disease. These are the times when I go whether I want to or not. It's been ingrained in me from my sponsor that there are 2 times to go to meetings--when you feel like it and when you don't. I came for my drinking and stay for my thinking. If I forget to remember, I'm doomed to repeat and of course "meeting makers make it". The ones I get the most out of are the ones I didn't want to go to. AA is a gift and I was told you have to give it away in order to keep it. My worst day sober is better than my best day as a drunk. It's a simple program but not always easy. These or just some of the things I've heard over and over again at meetings. I just wanted to share that I'm only human and having these feelings at times are normal as long as I share with my sponsor and keep doing the deal. Every time I felt hopeless--it has always passed. Then I get back on track and I'm truly available to be of service to others. Thank you all so much for helping me stay sober.


Member: CASEY
Location: HOUSTON
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 1:12:32 AM

Comments

Hi;my name is Casey and I'm an alcaholic. Reading the other comments makes me grateful I live in Houston. We have over 2000 meetings a week in the greater Houston area. Not saying you can't get or stay sober without that but its nice not having to find out. I know at one point in my sobriety I lived in the mountains of N.Mexico and had to drive 140 miles down to Santa Fe for a meeting but it was worth it. I guess thats what they meant about going to any length in the first part of chapter 5. Just have to remember meetings aren't a gaurantee to sobriety,but they sure do help. I really believed if you had three people you could call friend you were lucky. What a crock!! Today I can't even begin to count the people I call friend, we are to the truly blessed people.I'm new to this form of meetings but it sure helps remembering I'm never alone. Thank you all and GOD bless you.


Member: Rich R, S-L-O-W-L-Y recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit (and Boston)
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 6:18:15 AM

Comments

Unique? Sure I am unique...just like the 6,000,000,000 others here.


Member: lulu
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 3:58:54 PM

Comments

the internet..................a place you can meet 6,ooo,ooo,ooo other loosers like yourself.

ha ha ha ha he he he ha ha ha he he he ha ha he ha........ect ect ect


Member: lulu
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 3:59:07 PM

Comments

the internet..................a place you can meet 6,ooo,ooo,ooo other loosers like yourself.

ha ha ha ha he he he ha ha ha he he he ha ha he ha........ect ect ect


Member: lulu
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 3:59:19 PM

Comments

the internet..................a place you can meet 6,ooo,ooo,ooo other loosers like yourself.

ha ha ha ha he he he ha ha ha he he he ha ha he ha........ect ect ect


Member: lulu
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 3:59:30 PM

Comments

the internet..................a place you can meet 6,ooo,ooo,ooo other loosers like yourself.

ha ha ha ha he he he ha ha ha he he he ha ha he ha........ect ect ect


Member: Donna A.
Location: Southern California
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 5:54:15 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Donna and I am an alcoholic. I too have been terminally unique. Thank God I have a sponser that won't let me stay there. I am forever grateful to AA, the steps, my sponser,meetings, and God's Grace. Welcome to the newcomers and keep coming back until the miracle happens for you.


Member: fred  s
Location: river rouge  mi
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 8:53:20 PM

Comments

I AM Alcoholics and grateful to A A. to Tiffany A A work go meeting make a winner not a looser. i have 4 year with A A. thank you God AA and fellowship. looser have trouble with life . A.A program is for winner I AM Grateful A.A Followship and program


Member: fred  s
Location: river rouge  mi
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 8:54:35 PM

Comments

I AM Alcoholics and grateful to A A. to Tiffany A A work go meeting make a winner not a looser. i have 4 year with A A. thank you God AA and fellowship. looser have trouble with life . A.A program is for winner I AM Grateful A.A Followship and program


Member: l. kay h
Location: ne ohio
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 9:36:44 PM

Comments

l. kay, alcoholic, jusy wany to tell mary a., vt, she's not alone--we have alot in common--guess we're not as unique as we might have thought. i'm "new" to AA, though was superficially involved 6-7 yrs. ago. never found a meeting where i felt comfortable so decided i could go it alone. wrong!! have been drinking and generally destroying my life in small increments, and just can't do it any longer. thanks everyone for being here. hang in,mary, iknow there's hope.


Member: re
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 9:54:35 PM

Comments

yeah and whats your claim to fame lulu? head Moron in Charge?


Member: lulu
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 10:09:58 PM

Comments

whats a moron???is that in salt lake city?is

that a temple or something?


Member: Darryl B
Location: Alaska
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 11:16:32 PM

Comments

I am Darryl and I'm an alcholic. Thanks for staying around until I needed you again.


Member: Tiffany K
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Date: 5/13/01
Time: 4:43:54 AM

Comments

I am a child of an alcoholic and I would like to talk to somebody. Please e-mail me at munchies66@hotmail.com I would be very grateful if someone is willing to talk to me.