Member: WALT
Location: NORCAL
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 11:13:36 AM

Comments

I"m Walt, an alcholic....I'd like to talk to the issue that seems to be gone from the program, at least when I listen to all the people who keep going in and out, that being CONVINCED, and conceding to our inner most selves that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. I am currently going through another very tight knothole, of my own design, and there is alot of pain involved, but I know that when I started this program I was done, and I am truly grateful for that fact in my life...there is nothing that a drink won't make worse for a person of my type...it always has so I'm sure it always will...I pray for all of you who read this and are still a quart low....please go to a f2f mtg and get a sponsor and get honest....via con Dios


Member: Stew E
Location: FL
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 1:39:04 PM

Comments

Great topic, Walt! I too can not understand this and I too knew once "WE ADMITTED..." that I was done.

Alcohol is poison to me (and chemically, too).

Honesty and accountability are hard to achieve.....but isn't anything worth having.

KCB.


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 2:53:26 PM

Comments

Like your topic Walt.

I am one of those alcoholics who has gone in and out.

On page XXX of the big book it tells of a man who became "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has not had a drink for a great many years.

The world has "sold" me their ideas and it has lead me back to the bottle.

Today I am sober ... sold" on the ideas contained in the book of Alcoholic Anonymous.

Thanks A.A. and the ideas in the book of Alcoholic Anonymous.


Member: michael
Location: coastal NC
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 3:23:41 PM

Comments

Walt, Great topic!For this alcoholic the recovery didn't begin untill I was ready to admit to my inner most self I was an alkie.No more excuses,being responsible in life.It's not always easy, but it beats what I had before I entered the rooms.I had finally had enough misery and hiding from the real world. Keeping it green and working with another alcoholic reminds me where I came from. You are right .........There is nothing that a drink would make better........ For me to drink is to die! I chose to live! With God and some effort on my part I've managed to stay sober 34 months now.AA has taught me how to live ............. Now if I do tomorrow what I did today I may be sober then also.The longer I am sober the sicker I was ..........LOL!

thanks to all in the site! michael p.s. first time here


Member: Gage
Location: Louisiana
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 4:19:45 PM

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I like this topic too, Walt. Thanks.

When I first came to AA in the early 80's I was obviously having some problems with drinking, and I knew that I drank differently from a lot of people. But I was only in my twenties. I was in fact a full-blown alcoholic then, but I had a lot of trouble believing it. For one thing, I liked drinking. I just didn't like all the trouble it created for me. Also, I found it hard to see myself in a lot of the stories I heard from people in AA. I don't know whether I was just too young or just too stubborn. Eventually, I started drinking again.

I stayed with drinking for a long time after leaving AA that first time. I've only been sober now for 14 months. In my last two years or so of drinking, all sorts of weird things started happening that I remembered the old folks in AA back during that first experience used to talk about. But war stories are just war stories. All any alcoholic needs to do to collect war stories is to continue to drink. I've got plenty of them now.

What is true, I believe, about every alcoholic, regardless of what other types of trouble booze cost them is that craving that is talked about in The Doctor's Opinion. That's what I could finally accept was the real benchmark of an alcoholic. From the very beginning, whenever I took a drink, that craving set in. Eventually, as my obsession with alcohol grew, the craving was there when I got out of bed in the morning. Near the end, I found that my whole life was structured in one way or another around that obsession and craving. Looking back on it now, I realize that that craving was happening very early in my drinking career -- I can even remember myself as a teen not being able to get through my first drink without starting to think about the next one.

I think if a person can reckon with that one fact about their drinking if it exists, then it's easy enough to believe that that one aspect of their drinking will never change. A person could in fact get themselves set up where they'd never even have to leave the house, and where there is no people to bother them about their drinking. But if they are living a life built around managing that obsession and craving, then their life no longer belongs to them, and they are in big damn trouble. I never want to have to live like that again, and I accept that I am and always will be an alcoholic, and I need help just to live.


Member:   Billy  J.
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 7:09:03 PM

Comments

Hi This is Billy and I am convinced I am an alcoholic and if I take one lousy drink I would end up back in the hell I left over 24 years ago. AA is just as important to me today as it was when I first came to the fellowship. For all those out there who are not convinced we have a saying in Glasgow. "it is better to be in AA and kidding yourself on you are an alcoholic than being out there kidding yourself on you are not. keep sober company Billy


Member: Bill F.
Location: Lost Angeles
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 9:03:53 PM

Comments

Interesting topic Walt. I came in in 76 and went out in 78 and came back in 84. In the interim there were suddenly a lot of treatment centers and a lot of information on alcoholism. There were a lot of counselors who convinced a lot of folks they had a drinking problem - hard to argue with facts. So my first reaction is "convinced" is an intellectual activity. "Conceeding to my innermost self" is an emotional activity and the one that counted for me. That concession came when I realized that I could probably do this fourth step if I only had a fifth. The in-n-outers I have sponsored typically dont work the steps and never get in touch with their innermost selves - if they come back and if they work the steps - they invariably succeed - albeit with the same difficulty that comprises most of our experience, strength and hope.


Member: LennyB
Location: FLA
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 10:44:35 PM

Comments

Hi everybody, my name's Lenny & I'm an alcoholic who's just coming back. Appropriate that you mentioned folks coming in & out, Walt. And like Sarah, I can't count the times I've been through the revolviing door. But you know, it's not because I'm not convinced. Far from it. I know all too well how bad a bug I've got. It's 'caring' to do something about it that always brings me back down. I just stop caring. I give up, for one reason or another, and go back out. I know damn well what's wainting for me out there, and I know it's going to be worse than before - physically, emotionally, financially, professionally, legally. But I give in. It's insanity, that's all it is.

But hey! Been sober for 4 or 5 days now, and slap myself upside the head, as much time as I spend on the Internet, you'd think it would have dawned on me to try online recovery. Never thought about it. Just...stumbled into it tonite, and you know, I think this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I'm excited, which is definitely a step in the right direction. And looking forward to checking out other resources, and getting involved in sobriety again. For all the time I spend surfin' the net and downloading freeware, it's amazing that I found recovery online. Well, take that back. I haven't found recovery yet. I'm sober right now and looking forward to tomorrow and (pardon my south) ya'lls comments & feedback - and a white chip! Hey! Anybody know how to find a white chip in cyberspace?!

God bless you all for being here.


Member: Doug K
Location: The wet, drizzly - but blooming shores of W Mich.
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 10:48:38 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. my name is Doug, and I'm an alcoholic. I know what that means for me. It's the fundamental precept of my existance. It doesn't matter why or how...it just is. I have this disease and it will kill me - but not before I destroy, by my own hands, all the things in my life that are most important to me. It doesn't matter when I take the next drink, it matters if I do. One drink, and alcohol owns my soul. The demons, so long ago quieted, return and I once again become that which I despise the most. Because of this program, its principles and its people, because of the love of a higher power, and because of a little willingness on my part - prompted by the clear memory of where I was and what I was; I didn't have to take a drink today. And for that I am truly and deeply grateful. Thanks


Member: dave z
Location: berkleymi
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 11:39:15 PM

Comments

Hi I'm dave, the drunk.

Gage, you mentioned the wierd things happening that the old timers would say would happen. Ain't that the truth. Almost word for word. But you have to admit that sobrieties promises come true, too. Sometime quickly, sometimes slowly, they do happen. The rewards.

><


Member: dave z
Location: berkleymi
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 11:40:24 PM

Comments

Hi I'm dave, the drunk.

Gage, you mentioned the wierd things happening that the old timers would say would happen. Ain't that the truth. Almost word for word. But you have to admit that sobrieties promises come true, too. Sometime quickly, sometimes slowly, they do happen. The rewards.

><


Member: Bryan H
Location: calgary ALBERTA
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 12:13:46 AM

Comments


Member: Bryan H
Location: calgary ALBERTA
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 12:17:15 AM

Comments

l was one that kept going in and out l really did not accept the fact that l was a alcoholic


Member: Gino  C.
Location: NEW YORK
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 12:28:42 AM

Comments

Good topic WALT.., My first step was my best step.

Gino


Member: Dustin
Location:
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 12:38:01 AM

Comments

Hi everyone. I'm Dustin and i'm an alcoholic. I'm convinced that im an alcholic, but i've been considering testing the waters again. I'll make up my mind to do it, but then i chicken out.I just cant forget the fun I used to have, but on the same token, i cant forget the bad times. I just don't know what to do. I talk to my sponcer about it, and for the moment I dont want to drink, same with the meetings, but a short time later, i'm wanting to drink again. I have 8 months in the program and made alot of new friends, but I just dont know if i'm ready. sometimes I think I am, but other times I think im not. I'm just so confused.


Member: Jeff
Location: Ne
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 12:51:38 AM

Comments

I`m Jeff an alcoholic. This i`m sure of cause every abnormal drinker at some point in his or her life questions there drinking "do i have a problem or not", i was told "if your wondering than you just might have a problem". I feel that the doors of AA must revolve both ways, i dont understand it but they must. That line in the BG. BK. " we had to concede to our inner most selves that we were alcoholic".... is my favorate line, clear cut undeniable, eather we are or we are not alcoholic. "Quite waisting my time, if you want to stop drinking i can help if you don`t, than there is the door" The man that told me this became my sponser.I needed this tuff love. Sponseship is the key, one on one talk with another alcoholic, someone who understands were i am coming from, one who has been there. These are the things that atractted me to AA & has kept me here. I have always felt that if i would ever go back out that i wouldn`t or couldn`t come back, but its good to know that i would be accepted back.


Member: Jim D
Location: Mid-West
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 2:50:57 AM

Comments

This is my first time to the site... and have a question for all of you. I have been to one AA meeting and have not heard of "sponsorship", thought this is a topic that was (oddly enough) covered in a Funky Winkerbean cartoon.. does this still happen in normal AA meetings? I find that accountability is the cornerstone to solving issues like this and something that I would like...

Feedback please!!!


Member: Erin P.
Location:
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 4:10:05 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Erin. My higher power must be on to me because the topic of sponsorship came up and that is exactly what I wanted to talk about and possibly get some answers on. I have been sober a few 24 hours and I have a great sponsor since year one. Unfortunately I have moved very far away from her and cannot have as much contact now. I tried getting a sponser where I live now, but I just can't bring myself to have the kind of relationship, based on true trust, with her that I have had with my "far away" sponsor. Its very distressing. Also, I believe that a sponsor should be someone pretty neutral and not let personal feelings of disappointment get in the way of trying to be helpful. I have just been fired by my new sponsor and I have to admit, it is somewhat of a relief. I read the chapter on sponsorship in the "living sober" booklet and it had some really good suggestions about it too. The distressing thing for me is how do I do another 4th and 5th step without a sponsor I can talk to face to face?

As for the newcomer who brought up the topic: My first sponsor saved my life. I was so scared and vulnerable when I first joined AA, having given up the only thing (alcohol) that seemed to be making life possible...or impossible...I now know the difference, and not knowing what to do with all the junk left behind- she gently, but firmly, guided me towards the action I needed to take and the way of thinking i needed to think in order to learn how to live my life without drinking.

In my experience, a sponsor has been someone who has given me a chance to learn and to grow without expectations or conditions. She has listened to me, and knows every pitfall i create and can point it out right away. She doesn't let me feel sorry for myself, but does give me comfort when I'm in pain. She takes no bullshit, but realizes I'm still learning and therefore is accepting. She kicks my butt when I need it, but then dries my tears as well. She gives me hope to keep going. She doesn't hide the fact that she has problems, but doesn't burden me with them...she has her own sponsor. She is REAL with me and makes no promise of perfection...In fact, it is what has drawn me closest to her...Is her willingness to show her true self to me. Her favorite slogan is "show me, don't tell me"...which she has done for me. I love her just the same and she has shown me that unconditional love exists.

I'm very grateful to have her in my life. The things she passed onto me in my first couple of years of sobriety have helped me build a strong foundation that remains the heart of my sobriety today. Do I need to find another sponsor? I don't know. thanks for letting me share.


Member: Ake B
Location: Melbourne
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 5:03:16 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Ake and I am an alcoholic. I think sponsorship and stepwork goes hand in hand. I was around and in and out of AA for many years and the reason why was, I didn't want to do the steps (you know the easier softyer way). It didn't work, I got drunk again and again. Finnaly, there was but one choice, do the steps or be gone. I couldn't do the steps by myself and asked someone in a meeting for help. He took me trough it and it had an remarkable effect. So, for me, a sponsor is someone who helps me with the steps. If, as in my case, it also evolves into a deep frendship, that's a bonus.


Member: Scott B.
Location: Alaska
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 5:09:42 AM

Comments

My name is Scott and I am an alcoholic. Sober since May 9, 1988.

The first step had me baffled for years, even in sobriety. Looking back, it is now clear that I was lying to you folks in every meeting that I went to. I was busy telling you that I was an alcoholic, when the truth is that I had no idea what one was. But as usual, my self-centeredness allows me to believe that I know things of which I am actually ignorant. I felt better after the meeting than before, and if I had to call myself an alcoholic to get to come back, well then so be it. I might have well been saying "Hi, my name is Scott and I am an armadillo".

Today I know that I have a disease called alcoholism, and that alcoholism is a physical allergy to alcohol combined with a mental obsession for alcohol which results in a spiritual malady that no human power can affect. Alcoholism has nothing to do with whether I ever lived under a bridge, or drank out of a paper bag, or had delerium tremens, or drank in the morning or became physically addicted to alcohol or did other drugs or didn't do other drugs.

I thank God that when the pain of living (sober) became too great that He sent me a sponsor who suggested what seemed at the time a novel idea: that I treat my disease, meaning that I work the steps as they are outlined in the Big Book. And then he showed me how to live my live on those spiritual principles.

My life has been so full, that I do not think that I can adequately describe it. Not without tragedy, yet with such fulfillment as is barely believable.

I have a sponsor, who has a sponsor, who has a sponsor. And I sponsor men who sponsor men who sponsor men. There is a chain of accountability there of which I am proud to be a part. Nobody makes things up. We just give it away as it was given to us.

I am very thankful to AA for my life.


Member: Beto L
Location: Tampico, Mexico
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 8:08:54 AM

Comments

Good topic. In chapter 3 of the BB, "more about alcoholism, it pretty much nails down the situation of the alcoholic in denial. I'm grateful for every drink I took, because the "lash of alcoholism" beat me into a state of teachability before I hit the doors of AA.

I stayed sober the first thirty days or so by Grace, and then by Grace I compared my life to what it was like drinking. The hell of trying to stay just drunk enough, without losing control and ending up in jail again, the hangovers, the cost of drinking, not just the economic cost but the emotional, physical, and spiritual cost... Well, I can do without those things, thank you. All I have to do, should I want them back, is drink one drink.

So, when the people who went before me told me to ask a power greater than myself to give me this day without the desire to drink alcohol, I did it. I haven't had a drink since.

One day at a time, Beto


Member: Sarah S
Location: NJ
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 8:29:04 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Sarah, and just found this site from a friend. Was sober for five yrs and have been out there for the last 5. i guess I was never really CONVINCED that I was a drunk and I'm still having trouble admitting it! I didn't drink yesterday and don't want to today. Maybe if I clean out all the empty bottles hidden in my bedroom that will convince me that I have a problem. Well, I hope I stay sober today. Maybe just writing this will help me


Member: Mike T
Location: Rhode Island
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 8:46:13 AM

Comments

I'm Mike an Alcoholic,

<<WALT>> Great topic. Just came back myself. Had 8 years but not activethe last four. I started dabbling over 3 years ago. No jackpots back the very sick feelings are back in full force. Nothing will be better if I drink or drug. I MUST go to meetings. My life got so much better when I was attending meetings.

<<Sarah>> You MUST go to meetings too. IT WILL get better if you do and WILL get worst if you don't. I'm living proof.


Member: Natasha B.
Location: London,Ont.
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 9:46:32 AM

Comments

Hi.My name is Natasha and I'm an alcoholic who is still practicing.I've been in and out since age 18, I'm now 27. You guys all know( well most of you ) how crazy and horrible it can be out here but I just can't stop.I can't freaking believe it, I've just decided to hit the morning meeting. Oh God.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 9:59:54 AM

Comments

This is another good topic. For many years I knew I had no control over my drinking and my life was unmanageable, but I had no faith that God would restore me. I went to meetings and listened for all the differences and took that to mean I didn’t belong. This drunk had to be pounded into submission. I only became willing when I thought alcohol had taken away all other options. What I have found is a profound gratitude for my sobriety today. I’ve listened to thousands of stories, from many different kinds of drunks. For me doing the steps helped me to find a personal God who will relieve my obsessions, if I ask. I ask daily for relief from the bondage of self, because my preconceptions are my worst enemy. No one can say what it will take for you to accept the gift of sobriety, but I do know if those of us who have been here awhile, always show you a kind, loving tolerance and compassion, you may also believe and accept the blessing. “Please keep coming


Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 10:27:40 AM

Comments

In spite of all my behaviors, NOBODY else could tell ME that I had a problem. When they tried I either lashed out in anger of ignored them alltogether. "I can quit anytime" was my motto and I believed it. I just didn't want to quit.

"Anytime" was always some other time. All the while my relationships with family, friends and work were going downhill. It didn't matter, my best friend was alcohol. That the Doctor told me I was killing myself didn't matter, it was worth high blood pressure, abnormal liver function, diabetes, ect. Besides, I could always quit, anytime. That my entire life had become centered around drinking couldn't be true, I knew I didn't have a problem. I had no drinking problem even when I began plotting ways to end my life, because I was always so miserable. After all, alcohol was always there for me.

I quit for New Years. The date for new years slipped to Jan 27th., which is my DOS. I don't know what made me quit, but the power of God. I thank him daily for another 24 hrs sober. And I thank him for the knowledge that I am an alcoholic.


Member: Ian M
Location: Ohio
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 10:44:23 AM

Comments

My name is Ian and I am an alcoholic. I got sober in Florida in 98 and moved here in the fall. I was on the phone to my sponsor in Florida almost every day. I went to meetings and stuck my hand out and acted like I was a newcomer because that's what the oldtimer's at home told me to do. When I went home at Christmas, I told my sponsor about all the meetings and service work I was getting in to and then she said "Do you have a sponsor?" And I said "Yes, you!" We laughed and she said "a sponsor needs to be able to see your face on a weekly basis and hear you speak in meetings." I knew she was right. So, I stopped looking for someone who was just like her and I got someone who was willing to meet with me every week. And I have to say, it's better. Much better. I really needed a meeting this morning. Thanks, Ian


Member: Elsa R.
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 1:20:33 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I am Elsa and an alcoholic. this is my first time ever trying to seek help and I hope to God I can stick to my guns. Please pray for me and be patient. If anyone can give me any feedback please do so. thanx!


Member: Greg C
Location: midwoh
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 1:20:35 PM

Comments

Great Topic Walt...... I of course was in control of my drinking,everybody has met the king or queen of denial.After alcohol had destroyed everything that I wanted and worked for in my life I gave it up But my ADDICTION had full control over me and I was powerless to stop it from rearing it's grotesque head in another form,DRUGS... So I had no control over it at all nor did I have any will power to stop the onslaught of it's destruction.The only form of will power I could muster was to admit to myself that I had a disease and give in to the power of God and the help of AA to stop it.I have not had a drink in about a year and no drug abuse in 4 months,One day at a time,AA and God is the only way to stay,God bless all of you and Sarah S. get to a meeting as soon as you can.......


Member: Keri R.
Location: socal
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 2:16:25 PM

Comments

I had almost 5 months and yesterday I took 6 vicodin, I am absolutely sick to my stomach. I cannot believe it did it. I didn'y even think about calling my sponsor, I just figured that no one would know. I KNOW. I told my husband and my sister. I feel like such a failure. I have to go home and tell my 15 year old son. He was really looking forward to my six month chip. He keeps my chips in his wallet. I am so sad.


Member: Mike T
Location: RI
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 3:29:34 PM

Comments

Keri R. just get to a meeting tonight. I had a lot of 24hrs and started dabbling with vicodin. The last six months have been crazy. The sick thing is, 6 vicodin sounds good to me. I need to get to a meeting.

Keep coming to meetings


Member: Elsa r.
Location: Los angeles, CA
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 3:41:24 PM

Comments

Keri R. this is my first time, the relief to get it out is amazing. I hope I can even make it to 5 months. Get to a meeting, I am trying right now to find a location for me. :)


Member: DonC
Location: Arlington Tx.
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 5:01:05 PM

Comments

Keri, when you re-establish this time try keeping your chips in your own pocket. Keep them where you keep your loose change and when you decide to buy a drink or drug and go to pull out some money that chip will come to the top. It will give you just a second to change your mind.


Member: JL
Location: The Beach
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 6:11:41 PM

Comments

I was convinced I was an alcoholic long before I had ever considered doing something about it. Is that sick or what? I would wake up in the morning and if I remembered what happened the night before I said to myself "You alcoholic, you need to do something." Years went by where I tried to control my drinking. I could not. I finally picked up a Big Book and began reading. I found myself "the real alcholic" described right there in those pages. I made a decision to get to an AA meeting and see if that would help. When I took step one, it was the most natural thing for me to do. I had conceded to my innermost self that I was powerless and my life had become inmanageable. Now I am really screwed. If it weren't for the other 11 steps, I would've remained a prisoner of alcohol. I read above a lot of talk of going in and out of the program. I can't say folks that continue to drink or drink again after some time sober aren't convinced. It's just that there is a lot more action required to get past and stay ahead of the obsession to drink. I must do it every day. Those that are new or struggling, please get to a lot of meetings, stay close to sober alcoholics, read the literature, and work with a sponsor. And don't drink between meetings, that part took me ahwile.


Member: Ron K
Location: N. S.
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 7:00:55 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Ron and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Walt. We all know how important the first step is, and how hard it is to do. I had to be beaten down so far before I would finally admit to myself and to another human being that it was my best friend, alcohol that was making my life so miserable. It just didn't matter to me when those who were close to me, told me that I had a drinking problem. In one ear, out the other. I too had said that I had tried AA and that it didn't work for me. What a joke. Didn't listen to one word that was said. I was comparing, not relating. Had to go back out and try it some more. Took 5 years to get back to AA, and alot more pain. Thought my life was over, when I accepted that I was an alcoholic and had to get help.(LOL) Today I know that part of it was- the bad part. This program is a little ironic. Once we admit total defeat, WE WIN. Have to do step 1 on a daily basis, as a reminder that I will always be a alcholic, no matter how long I am sober. To the new comers, keep coming back. Don't give up just before the miracle happens. I wouldn't trade my sober life for anything. (O.D.A.T). Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Bryan T
Location: Thumb of Michigan
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 7:42:29 PM

Comments

I am an alcoholic, my name is Bryan This is a good topic, and one that personally scares the hell out of me. I knew I was an alcoholic before I ever sought any help. Once I decided to do something about it I was sure that I did not want all that misery back in my life. I was and am convinced that for this alcoholic, to drink is to die. When I hear others talk about the revolving door concept it worries me. I have lost too many friends, have seen too many people not make it back again. This disease is terminal. That is the bottom line. I know the only way for me to keep it in remission is through the fellowship of AA, living the steps and going to meetings. Thanks and bless all of you.


Member: Suzi
Location: Caribbean
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 9:42:45 PM

Comments

<<<<Keri>>>> My heart goes out to you....I have been in and out for the last 10 years....This last time, I was sober for two years, I now have 20 days...........I was so disappointed in myself. I live in on a small island in the Caribbean and could have continued on without anyone knowing, but the relief I felt after calling my daughter and my mom and telling them was probably what saved me from continuing to drink. I thought my daughter would be so upset and angry with me. What I found instead was a lot of support and love from both my mom and my daughter. I don't have the option of a meeting because there aren't any on the island, so I am using this and other sites and talking to people I used to all the time....Yes my phone bill is going to "cost" me, but so will my next drink. Please keep coming back and sharing...It has helped me a lot and I want everyone to know how much this site has done for this alcoholic in the last 20 days.... Thanks


Member: Suzi
Location: Caribbean
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 9:43:04 PM

Comments

<<<<Keri>>>> My heart goes out to you....I have been in and out for the last 10 years....This last time, I was sober for two years, I now have 20 days...........I was so disappointed in myself. I live in on a small island in the Caribbean and could have continued on without anyone knowing, but the relief I felt after calling my daughter and my mom and telling them was probably what saved me from continuing to drink. I thought my daughter would be so upset and angry with me. What I found instead was a lot of support and love from both my mom and my daughter. I don't have the option of a meeting because there aren't any on the island, so I am using this and other sites and talking to people I used to all the time....Yes my phone bill is going to "cost" me, but so will my next drink. Please keep coming back and sharing...It has helped me a lot and I want everyone to know how much this site has done for this alcoholic in the last 20 days.... Thanks


Member: Lenny
Location: Sunny Florida
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 10:35:17 PM

Comments

Keri, Natasha, Elsa, Suzi - all of you struck such a chord. I know how you feel because "I'm right there too." And I am so glad that you all found this site and opened up and shared your confusion & hurt, because "I'm right there too." I just wanted to let you all know that your efforts, your words did reach somebody somewhere, and I hope to continue to hear from you each day on this page, because "I'll be right here too." God, I hope I will.


Member: JCP
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 10:36:12 PM

Comments

Hi, group, J here, a grateful alcoholic.

It's fascinating the angles we find in "sobhriety." (A little like drinking?) No finger-pointing here--I was in A.A. not only griping but making quasi-knwing jokes when I "knew" for at least a year and a half that that sooner or later I was not going to "make it."

Now I value that little fear as doubtless getting me across a few rough spots, because I haven't drunk yet.

I enjoy owing it all to A.A., because if I didn't think I could do it, I can't very well go around yelling, "Ready to Tell You How it Works, gang."

To which the old-line A.A. respons is, "Fine, it works just find--keep coming back."

I know it doesn't look as simple as that--for at least a year and a half of actually not drinking it still looked like an impossible dream. I underestimated A.A.

I probably wouldn't drink tomorrow without Staying Cyber, but every little bit helps.

Thanks--JCP

I haven't said anything here lately, but thanks for keeping it going.


Member: John H
Location: In., USA
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 10:41:29 PM

Comments

John, here. I went in and out countless times during decades before entering the program. Once in the program and seeing the fellowship first hand, I knew there was the place for me It boils down to recognizing the 3rd Tradition, the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking and following the suggestions. The desire to stop drinking is the key and following the 12/12 relentlessly. Thank God, that guidance has provided me the gift of nearly 16 years of continious sobriety. God's blessings to you all!


Member: Suzi
Location: Caribbean
Date: 4/29/2002
Time: 11:34:41 PM

Comments

Just knowing that I am not "alone" in this is such a comfort.....Of course, when it happens, you think I am the loser....Everybody else gets it...Why can't I...Well a very wise AA member who also used to be my boss while I was activily drinking told me. "If it were easy, everybody would be doing it". Those words stuck with me....When this slip happened 2&1/2 weeks ago, he was also someone I called. This is the same man that I used to fear, (he was my boss after all). Once again, I was surprised at his reaction....He told me that just because I slipped doesn't mean I lost everything I had worked for", just pick up the pieces and move on....Don't drink just for today...Don't worry about tomorrow...

Thanks for letting me share


Member: Kelli C
Location: Wyandotte, Michigan
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 12:15:23 AM

Comments

Hi ... I'm Kelli, alcoholic/addict. I'm very new to recovering and having a hard accepting the fact that I NEED to quit drinking & drugging. I'm finding that I have alot of resentments!! I can't understand where all these resentments are coming from!! I fel that I'm all alone & nobody understands me!! But I know that other alcoholics & addicts that are in recovery do understand me. I'm so scared!! Scared what the world has to offer me!! Scared of not being accepted for who I really may be. I feel so alone ... sometimes I think that a drug or drink may help me! But I try to remember the road it took me down. I know if I go back to using I will end up dead. I need to find a good sober support group & some sober friends that I can talk with. I give all of you credit that have stayed clean & sober ... I know it wasn't an easy road for you. I hope someday I can be clean & sober too. Thank you,

Kelli


Member: Ray C
Location: Haines  Alaska
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 2:14:35 AM

Comments

Hi All,I'm Ray an alcoholic.I like someone said earlier belived I was a alcoholic long before I wanted to do anything about it.I think it takes what it takes to aquire that willingness to want to change.You know the cliche about being sick and tired of being sick and tired.I hear lots of people worrying about there slips,I certainly drank and drugged after my first meetings and was told the sins not in failing it's in not trying.As long as you keep coming back and keep trying your going to learn and your making it.Thanks all for your posts,they mean alot to me...Peace Y'all


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto,Pa
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 3:03:18 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Great topic Walt. The single most important thing I know and accept about myself on a daily basis is that I am an alcoholic. For me that means the real alcoholic, we don't pick up the first drink. Come hell or high water, good bad or indifferent, we just don't drink. Our basic text says that when an alcoholic drinks something happens. I don't need to understand this, but I need to accept it. When I drink, I can't, and don't want to stop. Some people have a casual/social relationship with alcohol, I have an alcoholic relationship with alcohol. The most important thing in my life today, is not to pick up that first drink. As far as choice goes, the real alcoholic gave up the right to choose when it comes to alcohol. Our Big Book says for reasons unknown to us the alcoholic has no choice when it comes to alcohol. Thru the amazing Grace of God, the Fellowship of Acoholics Anonymous and our 12 step program, I have enjoyed continous sobriety since November 23, 1987, for that I am and hopefully will always remain eternally grateful. Thanks again for a fabulous topic.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 3:22:32 AM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers!

As some others have shared about themselves, being convinced I was an alcoholic and admitting this to my innermost self did not prevent me from continuing to drink.

Because I did not understand the nature and power of alcoholism, I continued to believe I could control and stop my drinking using my own resources, even though I knew I was an alcoholic and had admitted it to myself.

Only when I admitted to myself that I needed help to stay sober did I really admit I was powerless over alcohol; and only when AA taught me the truth about alcoholism was I firmly convinced of this.


Member: Jessi
Location: Brunei
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 3:50:07 AM

Comments

Hi Jessi alcoholic here. 2nd time in here, and it is sooooo great to hear people talk my talk. These sites are the only AA I get around here, cos I'm a loner in Brunei. In case no one knows where it is, it is in Southeast Asia beside East MAlaysia. Anyways, nice topic, Walt. Step one is what I constantly have to take every single day to stay sane with my mom around. I just moved here from BC, Canada with my parents and life is sooooo hard. It's like lots of the feelings of using, but with nothing to numb out with. But I'm coping, and staying connected as much as I can with my AA friends, is a good way. Even though the phone bill is absolutely atrocious!!!! But seriously, step one is the basis of my sobriety and sanity. Even though it is hard to take sometimes. But I must always always remember the serenity prayer.

It seems like the longer I am sober, the more flashbacks I have of my using days, and that totally sucks cos sometimes I fantasize and run with them, which I totally shouldn't. It's a good thing this is a muslim country where there are no public sales of alcohol and drugs is a death penalty. Cos I'm too lazy in this heat to go looking for it. This is my second time in the program as I can identify with lots of you guys, and it was harder in the beginning.. But now I know it truly does get worse. I am totally and absolutely convinced this program works, and I have got problems that I don't know how to deal with and I'm soooo confused. Anyways, maybe I will ask for help on it sometime soon. Thanks all you guys for being here and another 24!!!!!


Member: Stew E
Location: FL
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 6:41:34 AM

Comments

Just keep the plug in the jug (or vacatin bottle)!

All else will fall into place "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly". I pray for all that it will be the former.


Member: Paul G.
Location: Hinsdale, IL
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 7:26:19 AM

Comments

My name is Paul and I'm an alcoholic/addict. My sobriety date is Friday the 13th of August 1999. I've had some terrible days sober (like the last seven in a row) but I've had two and a half fabulous years clean and sober. I'm not going to drink or use today and for that I'm grateful. My desire to NOT drink/use is still greater than my desire TO drink or use. Getting sober was easy. I just stopped drinking. Finding a way to get comfortable that way is the trick for me.

Recovery is of the mind. When I need a check up from the neck up, I get to a meeting immediately, before I can talk myself out of it.

God Bless all of us. Especially the newcomers that need that extra boost.


Member: SandyC
Location: Scotland
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 7:52:35 AM

Comments

Jack, I just have to agree about accepting the reality of my alcoholism on a daily basis. In just nine months I've seen several people in our group go back on the booze and some of them have told me that they had ignored that basic 'rule' about not picking up the first drink. Dustin wrote that he was 'considering testing the waters'. To me that's crazy because I know what the result would likely be for me. This time I'm sure I would not make it, that little 'test' would probably cost me my life. Like Bryan said I don't want to die and if it means that fear helps me to keep sober today then that's fine.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 10:26:40 AM

Comments

Kim here, alcoholic. I really don't have anything new to add to this topic - it's all been said above.

Admitting I was an alcoholic happened when I was 17 years old when I went to my first AA meeting. Accepting I was an alcoholic happened 14 years later at the age of 31 when I was stripped bare - emotionally, physically and spiritually - by this disease. Accepting my alcoholism for me meant that I could no longer do this program Kim's way - that I wasn't unique - that there was an answer to my malady if I worked the Steps and changed the person I had become.

Recovery is a process, but one that will continue (sometimes slow, sometimes quickly like the promises say) IF I don't pick up that first drink. That's my acceptance - that first drink is a MUST NOT.

Thanks for being here and KCB to all those new to the halls. We need you as much as you need us.


Member: Jennifer K.
Location:
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 11:30:03 AM

Comments

Have any of you read the books "AA: Cult or Cure" by Charles Bufe, or "How Alcoholics Anonymous Failed Me" by Marianne Gilliam?


Member: Kim S
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 11:50:26 AM

Comments

Kim, adict/alcoholic. I have not been here for nearly a year. I hit 2 to 3 meetings in my city every week.

I think that the only step that needs to be taken completly is step 1. The rest of the steps teach us how to live but nothing is possible in this life for us without admitting that we are powerless in regard to alcohol and realizing that our life is messed up and needs this program.

I have recently had a scrape with this. I have been, "talking" to another AA and was forming an atraction toward him. I think that it is mutual but he has since backed off. (He recently ended a relationship)

The last time that I spoke with him, he was in a relapsed and I still wanted to see him! It was as though I can admit that I am powerless over my adictions but am blind to his. He is the one who said "no" to meeting. I am greatful for that. I did not make a fuss. I simply, and kindly let him go. But I am agonizing over it. I have been clean and sober for 1.5 years. He has been in the program for many years but I thought that he had about 5 years sober.

If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

I pray with all of my heart for his recovery. I also know that he needs to find his own, male support, if he wants to get straight. I am simply having a very hard time, "letting go and letting god." I am having a hard time accepting that I am powerless. I know that this is what I am doing because of the agony. If I were accepting this, I would not hurt so bad.

Does anyone have any words on this?


Member: Patrick  S
Location: England, U.K.
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 1:17:48 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, my name's Patrick and I'm an alcoholic. Been in this Fellowship a long[ish] time - 11 years but relapsed a couple of years ago when, in quick succession, my long-term relationship with a woman I adored ended, I lost my job and then my Mother died very suddenly - aged only 59. At the end I had no more fight left so got drunk for a few days before heading back to AA. Sadly, my heart wasn't in it anymore - all I could see were cliches and I couldn't bring myself to talk about my own pain in front of people who were struggling for the first time to get sober. So, I drifted away bit by bit and became reclusive, trapped in my own little house. The loneliness, hopelessness and the utter separation from God and humanity finally got to e two nights ago - I got drunk - and had the very worst hangover I can ever remember! I want to get back to meetings but just don't know how - I know the format, the literature etc. back to front but it just doesn't seem to connect anymore. Years ago, when I first fell through AA's dorrs, I'd known a loneliness that can only be felt by a drinking alcoholic - but the loneliness and hopeless of the last couple of years have been worse. I don't want to drink again and I desperately want the warmth and support that only othere alcoholics can give me - I just fear that I may be one of those 'unfortunates' mentioned in Chapter 5. Sorry - I seem to have taken up a large amount of space so i'll shut up now. I have a special email account for replies, so feel free to contact me - any input welcome. Best regards to you all. Patrick EMAIL: Afraid-Of-Sunlight@ukf.net


Member: JL
Location: The Beach
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 2:02:52 PM

Comments

This topic has been eating away at me. Excuse me for double dipping. But today I heard an alcoholic share that he is convinced that he can no longer drink successfully, in the book it says like a gentleman. That's it! I may or may not drink again, but I am convinced of being an alcoholic and have conceded to my innermost self that I am powerless over alcohol. So therefore today I have no illusions and no reservations. Drinking for this alcholic is extremely dangerous. I don't drink no matter what. On the eve of my second AA birthday I am feeling a need to stay very close to the program.


Member: Barry
Location: Northeast U.S.
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 2:24:41 PM

Comments

Great topic. Admit that I am alcholic is easy. Got me free drinks in bars. Accepting it much harder.For Natasha, Elsa, Suzi, Patrick and anyone else still struggling. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. C. God could and would if He were sought.Learned that at meetings and from my sponsor. I will ask my Higher Power to help all of you.


Member: Norman C.
Location: Reading, PA
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 3:27:02 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Norm, a grateful alcoholic. I told a stranger I was an alcoholic about 6 years before I came to my first AA meeting. By that time, I wanted things to get better. Then, I heard the people at the meeting speak, and I knew I was in the right place. I was and am sure that once I pick up a drink, it takes me. And I am powerless at that point. I need to keep close to AA in one way or another to keep my sobriety.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 4:18:21 PM

Comments

HI Everyone. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. Great topic Walt and one we talk about a lot at my home Group. Fort Hauchuca Brown Baggers.

Before I go any further. Jim D try to get a hold of a pamphlet entitled, "Questions and Answers On Sponsorship. Free at most AA meeting places. If you have any trouble finding it email me your snail mail address and I will send you one.

Back on Topic. "Being convinced...." Is it salesmanship or it it honesty? I was one of those that was taught to read the Big Book with guidance and with a dictionary. Convinced: Persuade by argument or evidence (salesmanship?) or to feel sure of something. (Honesty?) I feel it is both.

In the original manuscript It mentions something like if you are not convinced then go back to the beginning and reread to this point, or toss this book away.

What is it that I needed to be convinced of? (a) That I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life (Step One); (b)That probably no human power could have relieved my alcoholism (Step Two); and (c) God could and would if he were sought(again Step 2)

Just prior to those A,B,C's It tells us that the description of the alcoholic..The Doctor's Opinion, and Ch I, "Bill's Story; The Chapter to the Agnostic, (Chapter 4) and Our personal adventures... this is our drunk-o-logs. And that whole paragraph is essentially the instructions for the first two Steps.

I had reached the point in my life where I could not drink nor could I not drink. I had been drunk for an indeterminate period of time. I have no idea. A year? Two Years? Who knows? I was on the bum. Borrowing money I could not pay back, Running bar tabs that were impossible to pay. I was hanging out with Black Lung Folks. They were supporting my drinking. I did have a small government check but most of that went to child support and alimony. That was all it took to convince me that I was an alcoholic.

It was divine intervention that caused me to set down the last half of my last drink and walk out of that barroom never to return again to drink.

I came into AA a week later not believing it would work. Got a sponsor. He moved in with me and we started through the Steps for the first of many times to come. We are both still sober today. The step that follows step 12 is step 1. That one half of a drink is still sitting on Waldo's Bar (Now the White Front) in Louisville, Colorado.. waiting for me. Thanks

Bill

az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Elsa R
Location: LA
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 6:42:11 PM

Comments

I'ved convinced myself people. I'm going.


Member: Cor V
Location: Victoria BC
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 7:54:49 PM

Comments

Greetings, my name is Cor and I am an alcoholic, and a grateful member of the town and country friday night group in Victoria BC, great topic Walt, when I called the AA line I wanted someone to come out and take me to a meeting buy me coffee and keep me occupied for the night. Norma T answered the line and she invited me to get myself down to the next meeting starting in about 45 minutes about 20 minutes drive away. I finally agreed to go and before hanging up she asked me this question which was the best question that she could have asked me. she said "Cor I have one question for you", I said ok go ahead, she asked, "have you finally had enough?" I choked and hesitated but put to me so bluntly it was exactly what I needed, I said yes I have and I will be at the meeting, you see I was not of a mind to be convinced about anything back then, I was convinced I was a looser and that was it. My mind did not work that well, I thank Norma for her question, I will never forget her, my convincing had to be of the educational variety over this near 11 years. Thank you for allowing me to speak and visit the greatest home group in Victoria if you are ever in town.


Member: Steve K                              
Location: BETHEL N.Y.
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 8:45:20 PM

Comments

Hi I`m Steve alcoholic. Good suject. I worked in a drug/alcohol rehab. for 12 years as a construction supervisor called DAYTOP VILLAGE which is world wide, and I traveled to many of there facilities. All this time I was a functioning drunk. Then it caught up with me and they had to let me go, but it was on good terms and after a few months I stayed home and drank still thinking I had this under cotrol. after a few DWI`S I started to thing I was having aproblem. I went to DAYTOP to go into thier program and was told they new I would be back when the time came. I completed the program which was very dificult for me, and then went to DAYTOP groups, AA. When they thought I was ready they hired me back and I am now the administrator of one of there facilities. I now work with people who are in the place I was and can show them that you can learn a new life that is healthy and prosperous if you realy want it I did it with the knowledge of my problem, my HIGHER POWER, and AA. I bacame spiritual and this gets me through good times and rough times. Thanks for letting me share. GOD bless you all.


Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 9:51:07 PM

Comments

Good Evening Everyone;

My name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic !

Funny how hard those words were to say at my first meeting, but as soon as I did and all those people said “HI Walter”, I knew not only was I in the right place but also that there was no doubt what-so-ever that I was an Alcoholic. Today when I say those words, it is a reminder that I am still an Alcoholic, but those words mean that I am a part of something wonderful and I belong.

I am celebrating 13 years sobriety today ! Thank You all for being here for me.


Member: Jack C.
Location: New hampshire
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 11:02:41 PM

Comments

Congratulations, Walter. It(we) gets better and better. thanks for the share. Steve K- Keep up the good work. I'm really glad you're now in a position to help others full-time. It means a lot when a person's experience shines through. All the best and amny thanks.


Member: Lenny
Location: Sunny Florida
Date: 4/30/2002
Time: 11:45:37 PM

Comments

I second those emotions, Walter and Steve. It's great to hear someone who was down but then rebuilt. Kinda like beating the odds. Man this is a great concept, this online meeting. I'm so glad I stumbled into (or more likely led to) the web site. God, drunks are so ambitious, aren't they?! I mean, hey, let's have a world-wide online meeting and maybe even folks in Burnei will show up. And we don't even have to get in the car and drive and pass the local pub and possibly get distracted. We can just share and grow and get inspired and end another day of sobriety - and then go to bed! God, we drunks have it made!

Thank you all for taking the time and having the courage. You are all inspirations to me.


Member: Bob W.
Location: Chicago, IL.
Date: 5/1/2002
Time: 12:31:29 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Bob and I am an alcoholic. I was looking for a 1-800 number to call to try and find meetings near my parents home(I just moved back yesterday), and I found this online AA site.....Nice. I don't need any convincing about me being an Alcoholic. When I drink I can't stop, almost always blackout, become another person and so on. I have been in treatment for the last eight months and just came home yesterday. Knowing all that I know now about alcoholism and me admitting that I'm an alcoholic, there is no reason EVER for me to take a drink. I don't NEED to, if I drink it's because I WANT to. I'm grateful, grateful for the fact that when I'm off my square and a thought of buying a case or bottle comes into my head, the good times don't come back to me. What comes back is a world of pain, disappointments, failures, etc. I am not a "Social" drinker. I never have been, and am willing to bet that I never could be. When I drink, things get very ugly...very fast, Period! I'm 21 years old, I have enough tough times coming to me as life deals them to me, I don't need to seek out or create more problems by drinking. To anyone who is thinking about "going back out there", Good luck and may God be with you. Maybe this isn't your time to get this, and that's ok(If you're not ready then you aren't ready). I'm ready. I'm ready to live that happy and meaningful life and ready to make the necessary sacrifices(letting go of old people, behaviors) and changes I must to achieve my dream. Always ask yourself "What's REALLY going on" and "Are you ready"? I'm rambling so to everyone....Good luck, keep your heads up, and I'll see you around.


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota,fla
Date: 5/1/2002
Time: 10:23:04 AM

Comments

hi my name is richard, i am an alcoholic. Today is day #5968 of contiguous sobriety. The first step is so important, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had beome unmanageable. I AM ALWAYS THERE. Gratitude follows immediatly. we have a program that works. The whole goal is to keep the alcohol out of our mouths.....it is that simple. If you want to suffer, go ahead and complicate it and look for some thing else....rjpmoody@webtv.net in love and service, richard m


Member: John H
Location: In., USA
Date: 5/1/2002
Time: 11:05:59 AM

Comments

Bob W,

This is from John, a real recovering alcoholic. You are young and know that picking up that first drink will in time be a disaster. Stay sober, a day at a time, by working the program as suggested. That direction will lead you to happiness and the ability to face life on life's terms. God's will, not mine, be done! God's blessings to you and all on this web site and elsewhere.


Member: Brian T
Location: Kamloops B.C
Date: 5/1/2002
Time: 12:48:54 PM

Comments

My name is Brian, and I am an alcoholic. It say`s in the Big Book that `we were DRIVEN to be here'. What finally `DROVE' me to be here was my state of PITIFUL, INCOMPREHENSIBLE, DEMORALIZATION . I no longer had any more answers. I could no longer deny that which was so obvious to everybody but me. Once I could finally Concede to my innermost self that I was alcoholic , I figured that my life depended on finding out exactly what being alcoholic meant.What it means to me is that I have a disease that is PROGRESSIVE, INCURABLE AND FATAL. Progressive means that it will always get worse,never better.Incurable means once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Fatal means it will kill me slow and stupid, or quick and dumb.My sponsor did me the huge favor of drilling theABC`s of the program into my head.A-THAT I AM AN ALCOHOLIC AND CANNOT MANAGE MY OWN LIFE.B-THAT PROBABLY NO HUMAN POWER (ESPECIALLY ME)CAN RELIEVE ME OF MY ALCOHOLISM.C-THAT GOD CAN AND WILL IF HE WERE SOUGHT(DOES NOT EVEN SAY FOUND)This program has saved my life, and has given me so much more than I could have ever hoped for. GOD BLESS


Member: T. Hinks
Location:
Date: 5/1/2002
Time: 5:58:06 PM

Comments

The alcoholic mind and body craves an escape from as many things as there are people doing it! It is the same thing with the use of drugs! At meetings I have heard many people sharing their stories say they had to hit their bottom before they could work an initiative to stop! This is the only formula for figuring when an active toxic user and abuser is truly ready to stop that I've ever heard! Has anyone ever heard something different?


Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 5/1/2002
Time: 7:14:43 PM

Comments

Lessa E here, grateful recovering alcoholic. As more than a few have mentioned, I KNEW I was an alcoholic long before I first came to the tables. But, I'd gotten out of a few other diseases on my own will-power (or so I thought!) and I really was convinced that it was a 'personal weakness' that was preventing me from stopping drinking.

Took a few more trips 'out there' for me to be beat down sufficiently to realize that a) an HP I now know as God had been there carrying me the whole time, through the other tough spots and that b) only He was gonna be able to relieve this obsession with alcohol and the inability, on my own, to do anyting about HAVING to drink every night.

I'm just very grateful I got a chance to come back this time. And that today, I'm willing to go to any lengths' to maintain my sobriety.

Grateful for another sober 24 hours.

lessa_e@hotmail.com


Member: Lenny   cherlen@primus.com.au
Location: Morisset Group. East Coast Australia
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 6:11:13 AM

Comments

I have to admit to my Innermost self that I have a problem with anything today. I can still con myself even at 28 years sober on any issue today if I dont do a regular inventory or a daily inventory. Im working on my eating problem today and I have to apply the same principles of the program to it as I did to my drinking.

Arent we lucky to have a program and fellowship which makes us aware of our defects and shortcomings and then gives us a solution to them. I dont need to look anywhere else.

Thank you all for your comments here. Gives me plenty tp think and act on. Love you all Lenny S


Member: Louis
Location: Ottawa,Canada
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 9:00:55 AM

Comments

Louis, alkie Congratulation Walter.Keep coming back,we need you.


Member: angel g
Location: texas
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 11:38:28 AM

Comments


Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 12:30:57 PM

Comments

Hi all, I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. After being in and out (really just around) AA for a long time without any success at staying sober, Iwas able to string together 10 months of sobriety. My fiance came into AA (her first time ever)several months ago and all hell broke loose... she started hanging out with some "evangelistic" type AA's and between them and her, my life was a living hell. With the help of a good sponsor and other AA's I manged to mind my own business most of the time... sometimes not... she wanted a man for a sponsor even though there are plenty of women around... this particular fellow has several women that he sponsors... well...it all hit the fan the other night and got really bad yesterday... she has said some pretty nasty things about me to these friends of hers that got back to me... yesterday... I was in really bad shape... made lots of phone calls... but I couldn't shake it. I finally got a motel room and a bottle of vodka and drank myself into oblivion. Today I start over... all I have is today... that's all I ever had. I feel bad about drinking but I feel even worse about how twisted I was and still am about my powerlessness over alcohol.


Member: RonS
Location: Andover ohio
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 2:57:34 PM

Comments

HI I'm Ron I just came back after tossing a year in the can and I read Joe e his comment about what has happend well it seems to me I did the same thing over a person..but in fact it wasn't that person but my spiritual corruption that led me back out. All my sponsor could say is are you going to let a good relapse go to waste what did you learn from it I learned I'm my only problem whats inside me is the problem no one else so yoy see I can't blame no one else but myself for it truley would be the easier softer way out.BUt today I have 4 good days of being sober but I have spent that 4 days in company of other people in AA painting our new meeting place for the church and other things and the hardest thing I have had to do was face the one person in my life who believed in me I hurt someone I love but the sun still shines and it wil get better but for me know I have to work on me and no one else thanks for reading


Member: Bill S.
Location: Iowa
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 5:43:26 PM

Comments

Hi- My name is Bill S. I am a grateful alcoholic. I admitted I was an alcoholic to anyone for a long time, but that didn't do me any good. Once I "fully conceded to my innermost self" that I was an alcoholic recovery began. That was over 21 years ago. I have not gotten rich, famous, beautiful, skinny or good looking, but I have gotten to the point where I can live with myself one day at a time without picking up that first one. And for that I am truly grateful. Thanks for letting me share and thank you for being my friend!!


Member: Bruce N
Location: Houston Texas
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 6:29:23 PM

Comments

Bruce here, a grateful alcoholic. I was just thinking that when I went to the bar my I would say to my bartender "ya know Red...I think I might be an alcoholic" and he would say "Well...I guess you're in the right place then". Then when I got to AA I would go to meetings and I would say "ya know...I think I might be an alcoholic" and they would say "Well...I guess you're in the right place then". Funny how we percieve things. The first step gives me a New perspective on what I think I already know...The rest of the steps give me a solution of what to do about the problem. I believe these steps were devinely written and have kept me chemical free for 19 years and that is most certainly a miricle. By the way...Steve K from Bethal....I enjoyed your story alot! Very Cool.. God bless.


Member: jen p.
Location: cincinnati
Date: 5/2/2002
Time: 8:47:40 PM

Comments

Admitting powerlessness over alcohol does not relieve the "to drink or not to drink" obsession, or make living in your own skin any more bearable. It not the "Big Step" of Alcoholics Anonymous, though wouldn't that be nice. I admitted I was an addict way before I hurt enough to make any more effort than that. At the end of my addiction I was miserable. When I was using, all I could think about was how much easier things would be if I wasn't obligated to get a fix several times a day and when I would dry out all I could think about was getting away from the pathetic reality I existed in. Only intolerable pain and desperation motivated to make more of an effort, to admit and then take action. And I let the people in this program, who had already been where I had been and had found a way out, tell me what to do. Today living in my skin is pretty cool. The insecurity and inadequacy that drove me to look outside myself for way to feel ok is gone. I consider myself a satisfied AA customer, and a miracle.


Member: LennyB
Location: Sunny Florida
Date: 5/3/2002
Time: 12:11:00 AM

Comments

Joe & Ron. It's just a slip. "only a flesh wound" says Monty Python. You didn't lose all that wonderful sobriety you had accumulated. Feel good about knowing that you did it once, and can do it again. Find strength in thinking about all the great things that you accomplished in those 10 months/one year. So you screwed up. Once in 10 months? Beats the hell out of once a day like it used to be. I'd call that progress. Don't get down. Just get back on the track you were on and forget the slip. Dwell, and feel down about it and start getting on yourself about it - that'll drive you right back out to drink again.

Hey I'm no one to talk. But in my 'little' book, you guys put a little serious sobriety together. Feel good about that and move on. Heck, wish I could string 10 months or a year together once in a while. Even once would be nice!

Hang tough, guys, and keep up the good work.


Member: Linda C.
Location: Winnipeg
Date: 5/3/2002
Time: 12:18:04 AM

Comments

Hi. My name is Linda and I am an alcoholic. Step One is the step that needs to be done 100 percent. This step has 2 parts. I had to admit to myself that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life IS unmanageable by me. When I first came to AA I was able to admit that I was powerless over alcohol, but I had trouble understanding that my life was unmanageable. It took alot of meetings and LISTENING to others share at meetings before I was able to understand the unmanageability in my life. Once I admitted to myself that I couldn't run the show anymore and that I needed help from a higher power(my way wasn't working)then I was able to move on with the other steps. Even though I have been in the program for awhile I still need to do the steps on a daily basis. If I don't I could easily start running the show again(which gets me into trouble), and end up back where I started from. I like my life nowadays and do not want to go back to my old way of life. So, One Day At A Time I work My Program to the best of my ability to ensure my sobriety!

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: JeffJ
Location: Vancouver BC
Date: 5/3/2002
Time: 12:17:34 PM

Comments

91 days today. I think back to 92 days ago and realize that something in that period of 24 hours had changed. I knew - I just knew. I don't think I had ever read step 1 but I just knew. I can't express enough, how lucky I feel because of whatever it was 91 days that changed my outlook on life. To celebrate 90 days my wife gave me a coffee coaster for work that says "We cannot direct the winds, but we can adjust our sails." and 91 days ago, that is precisly what happened. Thanks to AA for being.


Member: Mike G
Location: SoCal
Date: 5/3/2002
Time: 1:34:25 PM

Comments

Thanks Walt for the great topic and all for shares.

Being as totally honest as I am able I realize that I am still "being convinced..." My sobriety date is 8-9-99 and I used to have another. I am convinced that I am closer to actuall "being convinced..." than I have ever been. Witness to this the fact that I am now doing more program now than I ever have up until this point.

For a long time 'suiting up and showing up' was basically the extent of it and seemed to be enough. Hearing others share on the importance of doing all of the program... steps, inventory, amends, etc., I would take note but not take heed. Starting around this last holiday season I felt the need to double up on meetings. Being seperated from my children the holidays takes it's toll on my emotions. I continued the more frequent meeting schedule not really knowing why. Convinced of course, that this could not hurt.

Just recently I felt need to make efforts and replace the sponsor who had gone back out five months into my sobriety. I took numbers and actually dialed a couple of them but really didn't 'hook up' until the day I was asked, "Do you sponsor people?" I told the new quy who asked, "Let's just talk on a regular basis for now and see how that goes."

That night I dialed the last phone number I had taken and said, "Help!" Now he's working with me and I'm working with the new guy. Funny how things sometimes work out isn't it? I thank God for A.A. and for the fact that I am now convinced that I will be more convinced every day from now on.


Member: Patricia M
Location: New York (USA)
Date: 5/3/2002
Time: 2:06:59 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone at the cyber meeting. First I must Always remember the first step in sobriety. ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE!!. I remember when I first came into the room of AA. An Old timer said to me dont worry you are just a drunk and you are in the right place. I was so turned off by that, I said to the man I am no way even close to being a drunk. How dare you say that. I stormed out of the meeting crying and thinking I just drink to much, black out and do not have a clue as to why I keep Continuing the same insane pattern over and over again. Finally, My brother-in law took me to AA meetings where I had to learn to listen and get my self out of the state of denial. Finally I heard an old time say "THE FIRST DRINK WILL GET ME DRUNK". ONE IS TO MANY A THOUSAND IS NOT ENOUGH! That is so true for this ALCOHOLIC. If I continue to make meetings, stay honest about this disease, then I will be able to arrest this disease one day at a time. Thanks so much Walter for an Excellent topic, and starting the meeting.

My heart is with Elsa R, Natasha B, Sarah S., Keri R. and all who are new to sobriety and this site. STAYING CYBER HAS KEPT ME SOBER


Member: Bob P.
Location: On a trout stream
Date: 5/3/2002
Time: 10:18:11 PM

Comments

Good topic...

I think for me the key to being able to stay away from the first drink and from thinking that, gee, maybe I don't have this disease after all is to keep going to meetings. Lots of meetings. If you go to enough meetings, you see what goes in and out of the revolving door in both directions. Doesn't mean we can't be foolish enough to take our will back and screw up, but it (for me anyway..) is less likely when I am staying close to the program..


Member: michael s
Location: ny
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 12:18:55 AM

Comments

God Bless everyone. Does anyone know if there are meetings or places on the web for family members or friends of alcoholics who have not started recovery but have problems and don't feal compfortable speaking with these people about this? Thank You.


Member: michael s
Location: ny
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 12:24:01 AM

Comments

God Bless everyone. Does anyone know if there are meetings or places on the web for family members or friends of "old timer" SOBER alcoholics? I have problems and have not started recovery but have problems and don't feal compfortable speaking with my long time sober family and friends because they are so different and would rather be truly anonymous if this is possible? Ant suggestions?Thank You.


Member: Michael M.
Location: New York City
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 1:26:41 AM

Comments

Thanks for the topic Walt. I'm still struggling to get sober again, and it's awful. My first time around, I had almost nine years sober. I've had a few fits and starts, but haven't been able to put an entire year together since. Typically, what happens is, I go to lots of meetings, don't get a sponsor, don't work the steps, and yet the desire to drink and use leaves. Not long after that, I leave, thinking I've got this under control.

Well the truth is, I don't and never will. Without the help of other recovering alcholics, and without actively working a program of recovery, there is no chance of staying sober for this alcoholic. My inner most being may accept my alcoholism, but my outer most being has to do something about it, every day.

Hope my experience keeps someone who's considering drinking again sober for a day.

I'm gonna keep trying. Thanks so much to all of you for being here and being honest! It truly helps!

Michael M. nyc_techy@yahoo.com


Member: D
Location: MO
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 1:44:49 AM

Comments

I am alcoholic,my name is Dave. true to thine own self is that I have a divine soul and to find it I must learn to surrender,to thy self,this is not easy but a daily duty of putting others first. But i am not honest, i am deceitful, i am lustful, materialistic, at times and always battling with these insticnts, the infantry, calvery and most powerefull of all is the elaphantry, hope you all understand this because this is how complicated i make all this war with my higher powere and self.


Member: Terry G.
Location: Phoenix AZ
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 1:48:05 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Terry,a gratefull alcoholic.I have recovered,from a seemingly hopeless disease.The Doctors Opinion,took all the pressure off my EGO,and I was able to continue onto the remaining steps.I am happy,joyous,and free,most of the time.When I'm not,thats the only time it's all about me!The only power I have is through my Higher Power. I can't,HE can I think I'll let Him. He will anyway! Sober now for almost 7 years by the Grace of God.A.A.,and my loving Sponcer.


Member: Terry G.
Location: Phoenix AZ
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 2:05:37 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Terry,a gratefull alcoholic.I have recovered,from a seemingly hopeless disease.The Doctors Opinion,took all the pressure off my EGO,and I was able to continue onto the remaining steps.I am happy,joyous,and free,most of the time.When I'm not,thats the only time it's all about me!The only power I have is through my Higher Power. I can't,HE can I think I'll let Him. He will anyway! Sober now for almost 7 years by the Grace of God.A.A.,and my loving Sponcer.


Member: Laura  W.
Location: South Lake Tahoe,Ca.
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 3:19:44 AM

Comments

Hi. Laura. I had an experience today where I really felt that "fully conceded to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic" first step in recovery. I'm new-5 months. Just finished my seventh step. Today I was in a situation that brought up all the fears and guilt and shame from my past. All at once when I wasn't expecting it. I wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober and feel those feelings. But my sponser has really built a foundation for me from the Doctor's Opinion, Bill's Story, and There Is A Solution-so it seems. As much as I wanted a drink I knew I wouldn't,Couldn't take one. She always says"You can't drink on the truth" I think I know what she means. I have to say I felt emptyness,anger, at not having my old friend to stand by me ,but I'm sober. I am into the steps and tomorrow's another day.


Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 4:12:29 PM

Comments

Good Afternoon to all who read and posted this week on Staying Cyber's Discussion Meeting. Thank you Walt for the topic and I have enjoyed reading the comments it has generated. My name is Tom A. a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and the teachings learned in this A.A. Way of Life. I will simply share what happened to me at my first A.A. meeting and the memory of it still keeps me sober. On July 25, 1960, I arrived very early to this meeting and I was somewhat intoxicated, daily drinker you know! The first A.A. member I met was Billy T. and he went about the business of setting up the meeting and telling me to Easy Does It! The effects of alcohol were wearing off and he encouraged me to drink some coffee. Soon others began arriving and their appearance astonished me. Back then we had many Open A.A. meetings and this one was an open speakers meeting in which there were two speakers with a coffee and potty break between the speakers. Things have really changed. At that meeting one of the speakers said ten little words that literally changed my life. Those ten words were "Any damn fool can stay sober for twenty four hours." On my way home from that meeting my old 1952 Plymouth with a puke steak down the side automatically turned into my favorite watering hole and when I entered the bar I said Millie bring me a Budweiser, but she did not hear me and in that moment of truth those ten words filtered into my alcohol soaked brain and I change my order to a Seven-Up and have not found it necessary to take that next first drink. Then I proceeded to go to meetings and that first year I went to eight meetings a week. Today, we attend at least two and tomorrow night I have been asked to tell my story at the England, Arkasas Group. One thing I have learned is that each one of us is just as close to that next first drink. Thanks again for letting me share and my wish for all of you is as Father John Doe has said "Sobriety Without End." Love and prayers from an alky who cares.

God Bless - Tom Anderson, cte50203@centurytel.net


Member: Lesley L
Location: South Yorkshire UK
Date: 5/4/2002
Time: 8:25:54 PM

Comments

I've just discovered this great web site and have found so much good stuff to read and learn from! The difficulty with accepting one's alcoholism rings a chord with me, too. Always have had to go out and prove otherwise! But having another go at a different result this time.


Member: lenny
Location: equator north
Date: 5/5/2002
Time: 12:03:46 AM

Comments

This is all great, but how do you deal with the sh*t that comes on the first "bad" day?


Member: Erma G.
Location: Utica,N.Y.
Date: 5/5/2002
Time: 12:55:00 AM

Comments

I have never heard anyone say that on the day they picked up they had first hit their knees and asked for help.What is your idea of a bad day??? Believe me there is not a day that can't be made worse by a drink for me.This has been a couple of the worst years of my life.But the way I've handled things is not something I have to be ashamed of.That is all due to the way of life I've learned in AA.Keep coming back. You're worth it!!!Grateful to be sober.


Member: Real Man
Location: passed out on the floor
Date: 5/5/2002
Time: 2:29:46 AM

Comments

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

When I was drinking, I always tried to build myself up. I used to tell tall stories about myself. I told them so often that I half believe some of them now, even though I know they aren't true. I used to hang around the lowbrow barrooms so I could feel superior to the other customers. The reason I always tried to build myself up was that I knew deep down in my heart that I really didn't amount to anything. It was a kind of defense against my feeling of inferiority. Do I still build myself up?

Meditation For The Day

God thought about the universe and brought it into being. His thought brought me into being. I must think God's thought after Him. I must often keep my mind occupied with thoughts about God and meditate on the way He wants me to live. I must train my mind constantly in quiet times of communion with God. It is the work of a lifetime to develop to full stature spiritually. This is what I am on earth for. it gives meaning to my life.

Prayer For The Day


Member: Maria-K.
Location: San Diego
Date: 5/5/2002
Time: 7:21:26 AM

Comments

Hi AA people. I "stumbled" upon this site-- very enlightening (compared to the space I've been mentally occupying. I was done - well actually fried - several years ago. Nevertheless, I continued to drink again. I had depression from cancer and loss, and I just wanted to numb out. I'm recovering from surgery once again and am looking for online meetings until I can get up and out to my old f2f meetings. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life before and I hope and pray for all of our collective strength - our unity - to keep us sober. I've certainly enjoyed reading this discussion. I may have even gained some personal empowerment (which equals hope) towards this problem, although I have a problem trusting myself. Thanks for letting me share. Very sincerely, Maria K.


Member: Anonymous Alcoholic
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 5/5/2002
Time: 7:43:56 AM

Comments

Walt, thanks for the topic, it is very meaningful for me. My name is Xxxx X and I call myself an alcoholic, but it wasn't always that way. I came to my first meeting of this great fellowship on 12/12/90, still hungover from the night before and this meeting wasn't until 8pm the next night! First clue that I might have a problem with alcohol!

But my 'super-intelligent' mind told me that I should look at all the evidence before declaring myself alcoholic. After all, I could have a 6-pack of beer in the fridge for 6 weeks without drinking it. And, how about all those times when I could have one or two drinks and stop??? See, on 12/12/90 I still had a tons of 'yets' to experience with my drinking. In fact, I heard so many drunkalogs that I started to realize how lucky I was that bad things should have happened to me while drinking but they didn't, e.g. no driving tickets - never even stopped - when driving dozens of times drunk.

Finally, what really convinced me that I had a serious problem with alcohol was I heard someone at a meeting express 'my story'. They said "I didn't get in trouble every time I was drinking, but every time I got in trouble, I was drinking!"

I didn't have to THINK about it anymore. If I wanted to stop getting in trouble (e.g. that terrible hangover 12/11/90 and like ending up in a hospital ER getting my stomach pumped after chugging a 5th of Jack Daniels and some other things that I am too embarassed to share here), then I should stop drinking.

Since 12/12/90 I have not found it necessary to consume one drop of alcohol. And I am super greatful to the fellowship of AA for making it relatively easy for me to do. I love meetings (I've been to over 2000 of them so far). I love my new 'personal' relationship with my HP. I am so grateful that AA helped me to become honest about my other addictions/compulsions (I have been bet-free, smoke-free, and 'fat-free' for over 10 years too!)

I do agree, Walt, that we need to be CONVINCED that we have a problem, otherwise we will go in and out of the program. Thanks.