Member: Sharon Frey
Location: sunny beautiful Portland,OR
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 11:29:00 AM

Comments

First one here? Have a great and Happy Easter one and all. I am full of gratitude this morning as I awoke to sunshine in Portland on Easter Sunday as it usually rains on all holidays. Iam so grateful to God for AA and for AA for returning me to my God. If it wasn't for these Steps and Traditions Iwouldn't be here,I'd be dead and not in a space that I would want to be in. Grateful for my family, friends, and YOU ALL you saved my sanity this last year. Grateful that I can still learn and have a chance to grow and learn to like me and the world. Don't always like what happens in this world or with me, but I have another chance to learn acceptance and self-esteem, love (true love not heat) and etc. I am sitting here with the thought running thru my feeble brain that I CAN do ANYTHING with the help of my God and AA.

Love and prayers for all,

Sharon


Member: pete S
Location: Maryland
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 12:06:50 PM

Comments

Good comment Sharon, Easter for me is a reminder of the power of God over adversity. The past few weeks have been extremely difficult for me, not so much in staying sober, but in dealing with life's problems on laifes terms. Thanks to friends in the fellowship, and a growing faith in God, I am getting through this period and regaining my equilibrium. I am truly grateful. Happy Easter

Something to think about: While Easter celebrates the Ressurection of Christ, and his victory over death, Likewise AA offers us a ressurection from the death of alcohol addiction and a new life through the steps and traditions


Member: Rick W
Location: California
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 12:47:50 PM

Comments

Happy Easter to all. I'm new here and have been sober for 48 hours. I to am viewing this Holiday as a re-birth of sorts to myself. I am finally able to admit that alcohol is a seroius problem for me, one wich I am unable to control. Tomorrow I begin looking for a meeting near me. I must admit I am releived and terrified all at once. Thanks to all of you out there for sharing your stories and feelings, you'll never know how much it has helped me in the last two days. Again, HAPPY EASTER TO YOU ALL!!!!!


Member: Tim Y
Location: Reno
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 1:53:47 PM

Comments

It's a beautiful day to be sober. In fact, all my days since I stopped drinking have seemed beautiful.

Happy Easter.


Member: Philomena DOS 11/04/94
Location: Haceinda Hts, So California
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 2:34:18 PM

Comments

Good morning, Philomena, greatful alcoholic, It is @ 11:37am here. "HOPPY,HOPPITY EASTER!"

My spiritual sharing begins here. APRIL 15, DAILY REFLECTIONS THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS . . . harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. As Bill Sees It, p. 5

It has been said, "Anger is a luxury I cannot afford." Does this suggest I ignore this human emotion? I believe not. Before I learned of the AA program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose. The Steps offered me an alternative. Step four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of "letting go" started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me.

"Thank you for letting me share."

I first logged on this site @ 6 or so weeks ago.This is from the discussion meetings, coffee pot, and a 12 & 12 from archives,that I checked out. Look at our group. Awesome.

Hello to (((ALL))) of you .. . . .

:-):-):-), Adam H, Al K, Alice R, Allison W, AndrewA, AndyM, Anil G, ANNA, Anne, Annie K, Annie P, Anonymous, Ardis, Arlene, Art P, Avril G, AZBill, Babette R, Barry L, Bea, Bill J, Bill M, BillP, BillW, BilliJo, Billy D, Bob F, Bob P, Bob Patles, Bob S, Bobby, Brenda C, Brian B, Briana, Brock S, Bruce C, ButchL,Candi, Carol,Carol C, Carol D, Carol MN, Carol S W, Carole A, Carrie L, Cary B, Cec H, Charles M, Charlie Darling,Cher449, CheriseF, ChrisB, ChrisH,ChrisM, Chris0kC, ChuckK, ChuckM, ClaraA, Clara L, Colleen NA, Connie P, Corinne B, DB, DLeonard, Dale L, Dan N, Daniel, Bob S, DaveZ, David, David B, David H, David R, Dean S, DEB, Debbie T,Deborah,Derek B, Diana P, Don F, Don W, Donnie M, Doug K, Doug R, DuncanM, Ed G, Edie R, Eduardo L, Eileen L, Elaine, Elliott,Eric, Eric H, Ferdinand, Fayla, Fran D, FranW, FrankK,Frank M, Fred, Fred M, Gail, GaryC, GaryK, Geri W, GerryMac, Glen, Glen H, Gordon, Harry K, Heather, Heidi P, Hipolito, Holly K, JJ, JackB, Jaclyn H, James P, JamieB, JanBB, Jan S, Janine B, Jason B, JEAN, Jeff, JenG,Jenn, Jennifer, JeremiahM, Jerry J, Jim B, JimK, JJ, JMS, Jo D, JoM, Joan H, Joe, JoeH, Joe R, Johanna, John B, John W, JosephZ, JoyceY,Judi, Julie, Justin R, KarrieL, KateH, KathyM, Kathy R, KatieD, KatieN, Kaye F, Kelly F, Ken C, Ken S, Kerry, Kerry B, Kerry F, KimD, KimO,Kirsten T, Laila, L.A.Roxx, LeAnn W, Lee P, LegrandplayerDAN, LesA, Les C, Lilly, LindaA, Linda O,Linda S, Lis, Lisa IL, Lisa C, LisaK, Lois S, Lori R, LoriS,Lorraine,Loretta,LukeD, Lyn, Lyle, Lynne B, Lynn S, MarcyC, Marie, MarkA, Mark B, Mark D, Mark L, Mark W, Martina G, Mary, MaryV, Matt L, Mel, Melissa B, Michael B, Mike PA, MikeK, MikeL, MikeM, Mike W, Milt,Miriam T, Miriam W, MishaB, MitchellWI, Mouse,Mrellen, Nadia B, NancyW, NateH, NewBeastie, Noel, NormP, Otto P, Pam B, PamD,Pam Midwest, Pat g, Patti D, Pattw/2tees, PaulB, Paul OH, PaulM,PaulaP, PaulineG, Peggy H, Perry A,Pete S, PhilA, Philomena, RayP, Rayday75, Red Z, Rhonda,Rich R,RickA, RickW, Richad M, Rob, Robert C, Robert CD, Robert J, Robin, RobinA, Rod, Roger S, Ron N, Roxanne H, RT, S W, Sami, Sanders W & little fella, Sandy B, Sarah, Sarah S, SCB, Scott,Scott E, ScottH, Sean, Shannon, Sharon,Sharon Frey, Sheheh C, SheilaL,Sherry H, Sherri M, Shirley, SidH, Sid L, Sonia & cat, Stan M, Stacey S, Stephanie, StephanieT, Stephen, Stephen T, Steve, Sue G, synonymousPhilD, Tarita M, TerrenceW,TerryG, TheThief, Thomas R, Thumper, TiffanyB, Tim V, Tim Y, TinaM, Todd, Toddy, Tom, TomG, TomM,tony-da-duck, Tony D, Tony G, TP,TriciaMC,Typing Monkey, Valerie, Verna, Vinnie V, Von, Will D, William A, Willie D, Wouter, Yesi C, Yvonne, Zane, Zeke.

THIS A GROUP HUG (((FOR ALL OF YOU HERE NOW & ANYONE COMING HERE LATER. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SHARING & FOR BEING HERE)))

"HAVE A JOYOUS,SPIRITUAL,BLEST & HAPPY EASTER!"

ALL of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

KCB...Keep coming back. Remember to keep it simple. One day at a time. Take Care. Peace. (/o\) //_\\ God bless you (((ALL))), love, Philomena


Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: W.Va. for this week I`m in Shellman,Ga,
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 4:43:05 PM

Comments

Hi,to all Donnie a truly gratful recovering alcoholic. I`m was glad to see this topic today, because of Jesus giving his life ,so we could all live today. I`m also very gratful for BILL W. & DR. BOB for having the brain`s to start the A.A. progam because it has gave me to much to list here to be gratful for just a couple is ; my wife , son , mom , dad,and I would say the most important is my life. Thank`s for listening and being here, and GOD BLESS ALL WHO TRY.


Member: ClaireB
Location: Chattanooga
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 8:54:43 PM

Comments

My first time at this or any "cyber" site for alcohol recovery, I recognized last November that I had a big problem with alcohol. I have even come to admit that I am an alcoholic -- a hard word for me to say that first few times. I have not quit entirely but I know I will. I am working step 2 with a workbook for the purpose. I read the big book and I have gone to meetings. Easter--today--I am grateful to be sober. My beloved son and his cousins were here today with their girl friends and boy friends. They are all 19 to 22 years old and so full of life and promise. The weather and colors outside fit perfectly with their wonderful, playful love for each other. I am so grateful to God that I was happy to be sober all day and be fully present with and for them. I pray for those alcoholics I know who will not recognize the problem and who suffer greatly. On this Easter Day may they experience peace!


Member: Tarita M.
Location: Upstate
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 9:30:04 PM

Comments

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL, I'm really glad to be sober today. This is one of the holiday's that in the past I be out making a spectical of myself in preparation for my birthday on the 17th. Today I don't have to do that. I feel as though I've been reborn myself and feeling free from the bondage that I was in for so many years. Claire I can definitely relate, I think back to all the years that I missed by being under the influence (drunk) and not being able to participate fully with my family and I feel good today that I can. Just the looks on their faces makes it all worth while for me. It's truly a beautiful day and for that I'm grateful. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Tom  G.
Location: mid Michigan
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 9:46:51 PM

Comments

hi, my name is Tom, and I'm definitely an alcoholic and grateful for the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 steps, 12 traditions, and sponsors who offered me their wisdom as I traveled down this sometimes rocky path of sobriety and spirituality. I came into the program and I remember being totally grateful that felt I had finally come home. I am truly grateful for a second chance at life that a God of my understanding and you people showed me. The certainty that I didn't have to live in the quicksand all around me which my drinking put me in. I don't know , but I know AA worked for me. Happy Easter!


Member: Debbie T
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 10:00:13 PM

Comments

Hello my name is Debbie, and I am a grateful recovering alcholic. I am slowly being restored to sanity, ever so slowly sometimes it seems. Todays daily reflection is very important to me today for a harbor a deep resentment toward my ex. I am praying for him daily but it is difficult at times. Thank you all for being here and letting me share. Debbie


Member: FRANK D
Location: NEW JERSEY
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 10:53:36 PM

Comments

Sounds like everbody had a sober easter which is fantastic this is my first time on a cyberchat discussion keep the program simple & you will see it really works Frank D


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 10:54:31 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

While I have struggled with having gratitude over the years due to chronic illness, I find reason to be grateful for many things, my sobriety first and foremost. In fact, I make a gratitude list each night, something that has helped me gain conscious contact with my HP on even the worst of days.

Happy Easter to all those AA's who celebrate this great day.


Member: Randy L
Location: Corpus Christi TX
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 11:06:49 PM

Comments

I'm Randy, and I'm an alcoholic.Grateful to be sober since 9/27/90.happy easter to all.


Member: Lori R.
Location: CANADA
Date: 4/15/01
Time: 11:58:12 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Lori and I'm an alcoholic, and I too am pretty grateful to be sober. I know I wouldn't be here today had I not found the program of AA. I know today that I can handle just about anything life has to offer, provided I remember 2 things, God's running the show, and if I don't drink the first one I'll be okay. And I have, this past year walked through some pretty heavy stuff in soberity, I didn't drink and with just not drinking I survived and things got better. I can't say whether this will always work, doing steps and meetings, help with the growth, but not drinking keeps me alive to maybe experience that growth. I hope everyone had a great Easter Day.


Member: Missy R.
Location: NC
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 1:01:22 AM

Comments

For Pete S. The words you typed were beautiful. Not that everyone else's are not but for some reason what you wrote about the ressurection from the death of alcohol really hit me. Thanks for giving me something to keep in mind when the path of sobriety goes a little crooked for me.


Member: Barry B
Location: California
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 1:49:21 AM

Comments

Hello to the Fellowship:

It is always a great day when I am sober. In the morning I sit quietly so I can let my Higher Power in; so I can hear him throughout the day. Got a little reminder, everytime I look at my watch I think of my Higher Power. Life is so much nicer when I have a quite mind, so each day I practice sitting quietly. Stay sober.


Member: Steve D.
Location: Annapolis
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 7:40:27 AM

Comments

Hello, first time in here. Just taking a look around. I think I have a drinking problem and am looking for some help.


Member: Paul
Location: ohio
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 7:46:15 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Paul and an alcoholic. I'm grateful for the fellowship which is helping me return to sanity. Grateful for the opportunity my higher power gives me to recognize his extreme potential for good in my life. Grateful for the searing pain and upheaval he gives me (or more aptly I create, lol), because its a chance to do it better this time, sober.Grateful to my family and friends in AA. Grateful to know I don't have to struggle thru life and its problems on my own. Grateful as I look over my inventory that the person I see in it is no longer there. Grateful to a God "who gave his only begotten son..." Grateful to the newcomer who reminds us all how it was. The list could go on, and I'm grateful for that. My life isnt a bed of roses but today it doesnt have to be, today I'm sober. Thank you all for being here and around the tables.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 8:30:50 AM

Comments

I'm Fred, and I'm an alcoholic, grateful to God and AA for today's sobriety. Thanks for all the lovely messages, looks like we are focused on gratitude, my favorite and most useful life topic. When I am off center, and not feeling well, I go to God and start listing to him the things in my life for which I am thankful. Every time I do this, new people, events, and happenings are added. The list is endless, which always brings me back to reality and re-centers me. I have so much to be thankful for, that no small worry, small event, or small person can throw me for long. Thanks, God, for my life, and thanks, AA, for my sobriety, and thanks for letting me share.

Love, Fred


Member: Joanne J.
Location:
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 11:30:00 AM

Comments

H my name is Joanne (Jo') I am a recovering alcoholic.ONE DAY AT A TIME I've been sober for 14 yrs. Staying sober for me is living and loving yourself first. This does nt hppen over night, it takes fr you to believe in yourself and your HIGER POWER.. God is mine,he gave me another chance to live again sometimes we have set backs in out lives, but it does'nt mean pick up a drink or have the poor me's. I pray every morning thaking God for not making me pick up the First One. Keep up the good work, for the old and new comers, don't forget where you came from you know the old saying. One who forgets are doom to repeat.Keep coming! :)'Much Love, Jo'


Member: Kate H.
Location: Troy, NY
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 1:01:36 PM

Comments

Hi, everyone. Kate here and I'm an alcoholic. Steve, I sat where you are about two years ago (next Monday to be exact). I had worried about being an alcoholic for many years and then my disease would convince me that I was "OK" and getting better. I wasn't. It was a short repreive before I progressed to the next level of pain and suffering that alcohol could bring to my life. I drank at first to numb the pain of living and quit when I finally understood that it wouldn't work for me any more...at all. If any of that, or anything anyone here says, rings the slightest bit true for you, I suggest that you find a meeting near you and stop in. Try the program for 90 days. If it doesn't feel right for you, go on back out. AA will still be here for you when you decide that you want what the program can give you, peace, serenity and a new way of living that allows you to feel your feelings and even enjoy them after a while. If you get a Big Book, read it. Especially the stories. You might just find yourself within those pages. It's a much better life that I have today than I had two years ago and it's all through the program and a lot of hard work on my part. They say this is a simple program for complicated people. I've found this to be true and I hope you will, too. Keep comin' back. Love to all.


Member: Tom
Location: NYC
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 2:05:32 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Tom, an alcoholic. I've had a little trouble focusing today. Having trouble staying in the moment. Even had trouble concentrating while reading your entries. I'm suppose to be working on some (due) school work that I feel very unsure about. I'm also returning to work and school this week after a week-long break, and have some fear about both. I'm finding myself trying to "act as if," and show up, reluctantly, and still feeling very anxious. I feel like running. However, if I look at the facts, my history, I know that I'll be okay through this because after I'm done here I'll pick up the phone and call my sponsor and I'll try to connect with my higher power and turn this over the best that I can. I also know that there was a time when I had a completely different attitude about school and work because the only thing important to me was squashing my fears and resentments with a few drinks, which never really stopped at a few. And I'd rush enthusiastically to the bar, or wherever, to escape. I don't have to do that today. Now I have tools to deal with my fears and resentments: prayer, meetings, the phone, etc. My experience is that it all works. Thanks for listening. Tom


Member: Maria K
Location: Finland
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 2:18:05 PM

Comments

Im Maria K and Im an alcoholic. Steve D., Welcome to AA! If you have a drinking problem, AA is the right place. With this 12 step program it is possible to keep sober and live full life with joy and happiness! It will not be an easy life but it is worth of living. Go to an AA meeting, you will get help there.

Thanks to all, Maria K.


Member: Gary G
Location: ALASKA   USA
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 3:29:09 PM

Comments

My Name is Gary and I'm an alcoholic, With the help of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous I have not had a drink for 20 years. And for that I am truly grateful. I had my last drink Easter Sunday 1981. I did not do it alone. Thankyou all of you out there on Staying Cyber

Gary G


Member: pat g
Location: Tucson
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 3:46:17 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Pat an alcoholic. Happy Easter to all. I had a rocky start to this weekend but it all turned out just fine. Felt squirrely about some financial problems, anxiety about finding a new job and an upcoming invitation which included a very clear message and yes there will be alcohol - what should I do for you? Found myself misreading recipes, finding it hard to concentrate or stay in the moment. Finally, slowed downed, relaxed, meditated, read Step 2, called my sponsor, read BB 449-452 and started again. This time I was able to follow the recipes and stay in the moment. Did not go to the gathering and refused a second invitation. Decided to just reflect on what Easter was all about. Amazed me that Mary's words "Thy will be done" is pretty much the cornerstone of our recovery -- no wonder this is my favorite holiday. It has given us all life not hell anymore. Everything turned out fine - I didn't drink - it's been six months now --and I slept better knowing my recovery still comes first. Happy Easter to all.


Member: BunnyL
Location: Vancouver, Wa
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 3:49:56 PM

Comments

Hi fellow friends of Bill B. I have just become acquainted with this site and am so happy to read the comments of gratatude from new people and also Gary G in Alaska with 20 years. I sit here with 21yrs & 5 months, no thanks to me but many thanks to my higher power and the many meeting rooms I have sat in. Remembering I have a choice to pick up that first drink or not to...Thank you all for being here and hope to be around again soon. bunny


Member: Jason M
Location: Auburn IN
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 6:21:55 PM

Comments

its nice just to be able to share with people from your home at all times. this is my 1st time here and i am getting as much from this as a live meeting .i do fell like every day i stay off the big A its like being reborn. it is a new life for me and my family. I am happy for this new life and thank god for this new chance. talk to you all next week. lets do is one day at a time.


Member: Tom S.
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 7:06:42 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Tom and I am an alchoholic. I am just back in the program after a long relapse. I have not been to a "real" meeting yet this time, I guess because of the shame involved with the relapse. This is a good starting point for me. I have a lot of work to do on myself, and it won't be easy to get my life back on track, but I have had good sober time, and I know it will be worth the struggle.


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 7:22:15 PM

Comments

Hi Family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering alcholic, and boy this is my favorite topic to talk about. I have so much gratitude every day, as even the bad days turn out the way it is suppose to and for that I am grateful, as it helps me to grow into the person that I am becoming . I am so gratful for the fellowship of Aa and the Aa program which as reallly taught me to live on life terms to be gratful for everything in my life, and above all I am so gratful that I don't have to pick up that drink which made me un gratful as I wanted everything my way and I wanted everything and what I got was broke hangovers, cuts, bruise, loss of memory , and today I don't have them and I am so grateful. And I will be 60 in a few days, and never thought I would reach that, and be looking forward to retiring in 2 yrs. Boy life is just great, and I thank God every night for having all of you in my life, and helping to except life, and really becoming a human being I like to be around. I Love you all.kwduke@keysdigital.com


Member: Bunny
Location: Back in the hole
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 7:27:55 PM

Comments

This talk about "Easter" is obnoxious to many eyes and ears! In the following "Fortunato" are all the proclaimers of "Easter!" It is quite symbolic, and must be read carefully!!

THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged; this was a point definitely, settled --but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong. It must be understood that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good will. I continued, as was my in to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my to smile now was at the thought of his immolation. He had a weak point --this Fortunato --although in other regards he was a man to be respected and even feared. He prided himself on his connoisseurship in wine. Few Italians have the true virtuoso spirit. For the most part their enthusiasm is adopted to suit the time and opportunity, to practise imposture upon the British and Austrian millionaires. In painting and gemmary, Fortunato, like his countrymen, was a quack, but in the matter of old wines he was sincere. In this respect I did not differ from him materially; --I was skilful in the Italian vintages myself, and bought largely whenever I could. It was about dusk, one evening during the supreme madness of the carnival season, that I encountered my friend. He accosted me with excessive warmth, for he had been drinking much. The man wore motley. He had on a tight-fitting parti-striped dress, and his head was surmounted by the conical cap and bells. I was so pleased to see him that I thought I should never have done wringing his hand. I said to him --"My dear Fortunato, you are luckily met. How remarkably well you are looking to-day. But I have received a pipe of what passes for Amontillado, and I have my doubts." "How?" said he. "Amontillado, A pipe? Impossible! And in the middle of the carnival!" "I have my doubts," I replied; "and I was silly enough to pay the full Amontillado price without consulting you in the matter. You were not to be found, and I was fearful of losing a bargain." "Amontillado!" "I have my doubts." "Amontillado!" "And I must satisfy them." "Amontillado!" "As you are engaged, I am on my way to Luchresi. If any one has a critical turn it is he. He will tell me --" "Luchresi cannot tell Amontillado from Sherry." "And yet some fools will have it that his taste is a match for your own. "Come, let us go." "Whither?" "To your vaults." "My friend, no; I will not impose upon your good nature. I perceive you have an engagement. Luchresi--" "I have no engagement; --come." "My friend, no. It is not the engagement, but the severe cold with which I perceive you are afflicted. The vaults are insufferably damp. They are encrusted with nitre." "Let us go, nevertheless. The cold is merely nothing. Amontillado! You have been imposed upon. And as for Luchresi, he cannot distinguish Sherry from Amontillado." Thus speaking, Fortunato possessed himself of my arm; and putting on a mask of black silk and drawing a roquelaire closely about my person, I suffered him to hurry me to my palazzo. There were no attendants at home; they had absconded to make merry in honour of the time. I had told them that I should not return until the morning, and had given them explicit orders not to stir from the house. These orders were sufficient, I well knew, to insure their immediate disappearance, one and all, as soon as my back was turned. I took from their sconces two flambeaux, and giving one to Fortunato, bowed him through several suites of rooms to the archway that led into the vaults. I passed down a long and winding staircase, requesting him to be cautious as he followed. We came at length to the foot of the descent, and stood together upon the damp ground of the catacombs of the Montresors. The gait of my friend was unsteady, and the bells upon his cap jingled as he strode. "The pipe," he said. "It is farther on," said I; "but observe the white web-work which gleams from these cavern walls." He turned towards me, and looked into my eves with two filmy orbs that distilled the rheum of intoxication.

"Nitre?" he asked, at length.

"Nitre," I replied. "How long have you had that cough?"

"Ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh!"

My poor friend found it impossible to reply for many minutes.

"It is nothing," he said, at last. "Come," I said, with decision, "we will go back; your health is precious. You are rich, respected, admired, beloved; you are happy, as once I was. You are a man to be missed. For me it is no matter. We will go back; you will be ill, and I cannot be responsible. Besides, there is Luchresi --" "Enough," he said; "the cough's a mere nothing; it will not kill me. I shall not die of a cough." "True --true," I replied; "and, indeed, I had no intention of alarming you unnecessarily --but you should use all proper caution. A draught of this Medoc will defend us from the damps. Here I knocked off the neck of a bottle which I drew from a long row of its fellows that lay upon the mould. "Drink," I said, presenting him the wine. He raised it to his lips with a leer. He paused and nodded to me familiarly, while his bells jingled. "I drink," he said, "to the buried that repose around us." "And I to your long life." He again took my arm, and we proceeded. "These vaults," he said, "are extensive." "The Montresors," I replied, "were a great and numerous family." "I forget your arms." "A huge human foot d'or, in a field azure; the foot crushes a serpent rampant whose fangs are imbedded in the heel." "And the motto?" "Nemo me impune lacessit." "Good!" he said. The wine sparkled in his eyes and the bells jingled. My own fancy grew warm with the Medoc. We had passed through long walls of piled skeletons, with casks and puncheons intermingling, into the inmost recesses of the catacombs. I paused again, and this time I made bold to seize Fortunato by an arm above the elbow. "The nitre!" I said; "see, it increases. It hangs like moss upon the vaults. We are below the river's bed. The drops of moisture trickle among the bones. Come, we will go back ere it is too late. Your cough --" "It is nothing," he said; "let us go on. But first, another draught of the Medoc." I broke and reached him a flagon of De Grave. He emptied it at a breath. His eyes flashed with a fierce light. He laughed and threw the bottle upwards with a gesticulation I did not understand. I looked at him in surprise. He repeated the movement --a grotesque one. "You do not comprehend?" he said. "Not I," I replied. "Then you are not of the brotherhood." "How?" "You are not of the masons." "Yes, yes," I said; "yes, yes." "You? Impossible! A mason?" "A mason," I replied. "A sign," he said, "a sign." "It is this," I answered, producing from beneath the folds of my roquelaire a trowel. "You jest," he exclaimed, recoiling a few paces. "But let us proceed to the Amontillado." "Be it so," I said, replacing the tool beneath the cloak and again offering him my arm. He leaned upon it heavily. We continued our route in search of the Amontillado. We passed through a range of low arches, descended, passed on, and descending again, arrived at a deep crypt, in which the foulness of the air caused our flambeaux rather to glow than flame. At the most remote end of the crypt there appeared another less spacious. Its walls had been lined with human remains, piled to the vault overhead, in the fashion of the great catacombs of Paris. Three sides of this interior crypt were still ornamented in this manner. From the fourth side the bones had been thrown down, and lay promiscuously upon the earth, forming at one point a mound of some size. Within the wall thus exposed by the displacing of the bones, we perceived a still interior crypt or recess, in depth about four feet, in width three, in height six or seven. It seemed to have been constructed for no especial use within itself, but formed merely the interval between two of the colossal supports of the roof of the catacombs, and was backed by one of their circumscribing walls of solid granite. It was in vain that Fortunato, uplifting his dull torch, endeavoured to pry into the depth of the recess. Its termination the feeble light did not enable us to see. "Proceed," I said; "herein is the Amontillado. As for Luchresi --" "He is an ignoramus," interrupted my friend, as he stepped unsteadily forward, while I followed immediately at his heels. In niche, and finding an instant he had reached the extremity of the niche, and finding his progress arrested by the rock, stood stupidly bewildered. A moment more and I had fettered him to the granite. In its surface were two iron staples, distant from each other about two feet, horizontally. From one of these depended a short chain, from the other a padlock. Throwing the links about his waist, it was but the work of a few seconds to secure it. He was too much astounded to resist. Withdrawing the key I stepped back from the recess. "Pass your hand," I said, "over the wall; you cannot help feeling the nitre. Indeed, it is very damp. Once more let me implore you to return. No? Then I must positively leave you. But I must first render you all the little attentions in my power." "The Amontillado!" ejaculated my friend, not yet recovered from his astonishment. "True," I replied; "the Amontillado." As I said these words I busied myself among the pile of bones of which I have before spoken. Throwing them aside, I soon uncovered a quantity of building stone and mortar. With these materials and with the aid of my trowel, I began vigorously to wall up the entrance of the niche. I had scarcely laid the first tier of the masonry when I discovered that the intoxication of Fortunato had in a great measure worn off. The earliest indication I had of this was a low moaning cry from the depth of the recess. It was not the cry of a drunken man. There was then a long and obstinate silence. I laid the second tier, and the third, and the fourth; and then I heard the furious vibrations of the chain. The noise lasted for several minutes, during which, that I might hearken to it with the more satisfaction, I ceased my labours and sat down upon the bones. When at last the clanking subsided, I resumed the trowel, and finished without interruption the fifth, the sixth, and the seventh tier. The wall was now nearly upon a level with my breast. I again paused, and holding the flambeaux over the mason-work, threw a few feeble rays upon the figure within. A succession of loud and shrill screams, bursting suddenly from the throat of the chained form, seemed to thrust me violently back. For a brief moment I hesitated, I trembled. Unsheathing my rapier, I began to grope with it about the recess; but the thought of an instant reassured me. I placed my hand upon the solid fabric of the catacombs, and felt satisfied. I reapproached the wall; I replied to the yells of him who clamoured. I re-echoed, I aided, I surpassed them in volume and in strength. I did this, and the clamourer grew still. It was now midnight, and my task was drawing to a close. I had completed the eighth, the ninth and the tenth tier. I had finished a portion of the last and the eleventh; there remained but a single stone to be fitted and plastered in. I struggled with its weight; I placed it partially in its destined position. But now there came from out the niche a low laugh that erected the hairs upon my head. It was succeeded by a sad voice, which I had difficulty in recognizing as that of the noble Fortunato. The voice said-- "Ha! ha! ha! --he! he! he! --a very good joke, indeed --an excellent jest. We will have many a rich laugh about it at the palazzo --he! he! he! --over our wine --he! he! he!" "The Amontillado!" I said. "He! he! he! --he! he! he! --yes, the Amontillado. But is it not getting late? Will not they be awaiting us at the palazzo, the Lady Fortunato and the rest? Let us be gone." "Yes," I said, "let us be gone." "For the love of God, Montresor!" "Yes," I said, "for the love of God!" But to these words I hearkened in vain for a reply. I grew impatient. I called aloud -- "Fortunato!" No answer. I called again -- "Fortunato!" No answer still. I thrust a torch through the remaining aperture and let it fall within. There came forth in return only a jingling of the bells. My heart grew sick; it was the dampness of the catacombs that made it so. I hastened to make an end of my labour. I forced the last stone into its position; I plastered it up. Against the new masonry I re-erected the old rampart of bones. For the half of a century no mortal has disturbed them. In pace requiescat!

Indeed! Indeed!


Member: Kaye F.
Location:
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 7:42:12 PM

Comments

Hi all it wasn't a Happy Easter for me and my family.I had quit drinking for 3 weeks and had a relapse on Palm Sunday. I felt so guilty I got drunk 4 more times. I know what I have to do. Go to meetings, get a sponser and don't take that 1st drink.I'm going to lose everything if I don't. Those 3 weeks sober were great. I just have to keep telling myself that and be grateful I am learning One Day At A Time.I am overwhelmed with problems I can't fix. But I can fix my drinking problem with the help of AA and all of you.


Member: Dennis V.
Location: ny/nj
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 9:19:23 PM

Comments

hey , this easter season, reminds me in particular, of the wonderfully sober statement of: "God, thank you for what you have given me, thank you for what you have taken, and thank you for what you have left behind." May you all have sobriety and serenity this season.


Member: Fank D
Location: NJ  USA
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 9:47:54 PM

Comments

To Tom s & Kaye F remember no one is perfect all the time do not beat yourself up over having a SLIP the main thing is that you both are back. remember the longest march starts with the first step. ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL.get to meetings & keep it simple .we are all sober just for today good luck


Member: Sheila J.
Location: Rockford, IL
Date: 4/16/01
Time: 9:51:48 PM

Comments

Hey all, I am Sheila sober for 5 1/2 years, I need to go to meetings as it has been too long to remember, I am still sober but loosing the gifts of the program due to lack of work and will. God is my hp and I have not been giving him the attention he deserves. I have never been to this site before but will revisit. I do have tons of things to be grateful for but have not looked at life like that for a while now. I now know after listening to all of u that I can make it, I just have to get back to the basics. Thanks so much, I'll be back.


Member: larry r
Location: s.california
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 1:01:04 AM

Comments

great not to be buoncing a easter ham oof the dining room. just grateful to celebrate a sober an peacful holiday


Member: Madeline E.
Location: South Texas
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 1:12:50 AM

Comments

I'm Madeline and I'm an alcoholic. I haven't been sober in awhile, usually drinking every day. I haven't been to a meeting either except for coming to this discussion meeting. You all have so many good things to say concerning AA, your HP, the fellowship, gratitude, etc. I'm having a difficult time with simple positive feelings. I feel that I've destroyed my life and my health. I am powerless over alcohol! How do I become willing? Thank you for listening to me.


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 2:48:52 AM

Comments

Gratitude is an excellent topic.Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.I was taught that humility will get me sober, gratitude will keep me sober. I cannot fathom any greater miracle that God has performed on this alcoholic than that of removing the obsession to drink.No matter what happens in my life, I know and accept that I don't have to drink over it, and that is a wonderful wonderful feeling. My life today thru the Grace of God, Alcohilcs Anonymous and our twelve steps is a life beyond my wildest dreams. I can honestly say that I have everything I need today and almost everything that I want. I also need to remember that to keep this, I have to give it away. We are all synonomous with the miracle of Easter, because each one of us has died in our own way and have been reborn thru God's amazing Grace.For that I hope to remain truly grateful.Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless all.Also belated wishes for a fabulous Easter.


Member: Clara A.
Location: Fl.
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 6:52:31 AM

Comments

Hello, My name is clara A. recovering alcoholic, Happy Easter to everyone! what a glorious gift to be retruned to God through the steps. god had a definate plan for Bill W. and the ones who wrote the steps, this program has been such a gift to me, it has helped me to find loyal friends, a plan for living,and most of all sinerity. I can sit at my computer and join a group of people who are on the same path as me, early in the morning or late at night. Thanks for being there I love you all. clara A.


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 8:23:35 AM

Comments

Hi I am Ed an alcoholic, I am grateful for each in every day that I am sober. For these days have change my life and those around me. Without the help of AA and the people that have seem me through most of my recovery I belive that I would not be here today. Grateful and happy and very much sober. So keep doing one day at a time..


Member: LeeEllen
Location: Michigan
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 11:59:24 AM

Comments

Hello All - LeeEllen here and a grateful recovering Alcoholic. I have much to be grateful for today --- there was a time that I didn't know that. Even during my drinking years, I was continually given chance after chance to start anew.

Madeline - It sounds as tho' you're becoming willing right now. You've admitted powerlessness and that your life is unmanageable. The journey into sobriety can start today if you choose. Call AA - get to a meeting. The people there will welcome you with open arms as they've been where you are now. Listen to their stories and you'll find that you can relate to everyone one of them. You'll be surprised at the feelings you have when the meeting is over - relief, hope, gratitude and many others. I hope you will give it a try. God Bless us all. Peace, LeeEllen


Member: Joe M
Location: WPB Florida
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 12:34:11 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I Joe and I AM an Alcoholic.

I think gratitude is an excellent topic and I thank you Sharon for bringing it up. I don't think we hear enough about gratitude at meetings today.

I am grateful to god and of course to AA for giving me a life today. Granted, my life isn't at all like I had planned when I was younger. I found out that for this alcoholic, planning my life was the worst thing I could do. Today, I try to devote my days to doing God's will. I pray about it, think about it, then do what I think God wants me to do. This is what the big book says we should do.

I am grateful today for some key people in my life who finaly showed me why I was stuck for so many years, bouncing in and out of recovery. Step three says "we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him", but I spent years trying to turn it over to Him. I would say, plead, beg Him to take charge but always ended up in the pits again. As simple as it may sound, I finaly found out that the actual turning over of our will power and our lives is accomplished as and when we work the steps. Steps 4 through 9 actually transforms me into a working model of what God would have me be. Then Steps 10 through 12 maintain and improve my contact with God and with other human beings.

I am truly grateful for all of you because you are God's channels. It is through you that God works most of his miracles today.

Thanks, and have a peaceful week.

Joe


Member: Mark C.
Location: NYC
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 6:44:13 PM

Comments

Hi, Ifm Mark. And Ifm an alcoholic. Ifm very grateful to the of this site who were here when I needed to talk to other alcoholics. And Ifm grateful to AA in general for the same reason. Ifm an atheist, so I pass on the grateful to God part, but I am very, very appreciative of my good fortune in being alive in the universe that I was built for.

I also appreciate it that, thanks to AA, the recovery movement has gained enough people, and enough momentum, to branch out into other types of recovery. My home group is a secular mailing list called LRSMail, that you can get to from the www.unhooked.com site. Thanks to these guys, and you guys, Ifve been sober for six months today. Itfs a totally different world from the one I was living in when I logged onto this site a half a year ago. Thanks everyone!

Mark C.


Member: WilliamA.
Location: High-Point
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 7:10:46 PM

Comments

Hello,William,A.Alkie.

I would like, first thank the person who started the topic off this April afternoon. My Easter this year was very special since I spent it sober,with my wife and mother-in-law our children,and thier family.I am truly glade to hear from the last person who signed on ju- st before me. Being sober has been wonderful-- these past (10) years even though it has been some life on life terms to deal with.


Member: Andrew A.
Location: Calgary
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 8:28:59 PM

Comments

Gratitude can be a fleeting thing for me at times. But when I look at where I was before starting the process of recovery compared to where I am today it is like night and day and there is really no comparison. The moments of clarity and times of peace that seem to fill my time and the wealth of love in my life today serves to keep me centred and commited to more of the same.

Love that learning curve.

paxaa@hotmail.com

(((Edie)))


Member: stoned
Location:
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 9:04:17 PM

Comments

i pissed a stone damn i feel much better now


Member: Sherri M
Location: George West,TX.
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 9:30:31 PM

Comments

Gratitude is a daily occurence for me to more or less degree. Usually more by far. Right now,I am grateful for my soboriety and for god's always wise ways of showing me the "benefits" of soboriety through the ridiculous example of others whom are not fortunate enough to find thids program. I feel as though I should apologize for that self-centered remark.Really, it is sad and sometimes I wish I could do more for others but I have decided just to work or rather help out those that reach out to me. Madeline,God be with you.You are trying to reach the light through the dark. I suggest you pray for guidance and make it to a meeting. The angels will help along after that.,sometimes in ways you least expect it. God be with each and every one of ya'll.


Member: DEB
Location: MICHIGAN
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 9:56:00 PM

Comments

Hi everybody, I'm Deb, an alcoholic. Today I am grateful to read messages from the 'new' people on this site! I think it is SO WONDERFUL that you still LOVE yourself enough to ask for help! Something is churning inside of you, and you are SO TIRED of feeling this way?! Well, you came to the right place, and you DON'T have to feel that way any more. We will help you anyway we can. That first step is very important. Admitting you are alcoholic, and something other than YOU is controlling your life. For ME, I had to go a little further than just admitting. Heck, I was in and out of the program for 15 years admitting I had a drinking problem. I had to finally ACCEPT it!!!!! I knew this time if I accepted I was an alcoholic, I then would really have to do something about it. I knew all along I SHOULD, yet I kept trying to find everyway possible to continue drinking. I honestly did not want to stop. But as time went on, it was no longer fun, and it really was starting to eat me alive. In the past when I tried to stop, I never really thought about ONE DAY AT A TIME. I thought those were more stupid words AA used. This time they made sense to me, it seemed the only way within reason that I could even attempt to try this! So, in this fight for my life, I began going to as many meetings as possible, AND began living in the day. Those 24 hours seemed to be working OK, and before I knew it, a month had gone by......A DAY AT A TIME. I was becomming a beleiver. I kept hanging with the winners, I began looking at life more positively, and found those feelings of lonliness and despair leaving me. I only took baby-steps, because it all seemed so over-whelming. AA has never failed me, and I have a faith in GOD that I never dreamed possible. Next week, I will be celebrating my first year in sobriety!!! NEVER-EVER...did I think I could do this....but with gratitude to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, God, and that stupid saying;"ONE DAY AT A TIME....I am doing it, and it has changed my life. Today, I am so very HAPPY....and YOU will be too. Trust us, trust GOD, and beleive in yourself. We're here if you need us! My prayers are with you, and for you! HUGS.....DEB


Member: nancy c.
Location: magnolia,tx
Date: 4/17/01
Time: 10:47:36 PM

Comments

The words "attitude of gratitude" ring through my ears as I read the topic tonight. Those wise but simple words has helped me through so many obstacles in sobriety. I still can remember the blackness that surrounded me in the pit of despair which of course I only was able to share despair with others because misery Loves company. To so many of those that shared , Claire B., Steve D., Kaye F. You do not have to continue to live that way anymore you actually have a choice, even though you do not feel like you do. Right now you can get down on your knees and completely humble yourself and ask the Good and Gracious Lord above to please help you and remove the obsession to drink. God never turns his back on his children who call on him for help! And you too will be able to share a time of gratitude as well. Remember it is not a life changing event over night. It has most likely taken quite sometime to get you in the pit that you are in just like myself and it will take time to get you out BUT DON'T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS!


Member: Chris V.
Location: O' Fallon, IL
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 2:16:40 AM

Comments

I'm Chris and I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. Sometimes it's hard to be grateful, especially when you feel sorry for yourself. But I know what this program promises me, that no matter what happens, I don't have to drink or get high today. It doesn't promise me that life will be just like I want it, or that living will be easy. Only that I can stay sober and grow spiritually through whatever pain I encounter. For me, that's hope. So I guess I'll just keep praying and putting one foot in front of the other, because that's what we do to stay sober. Thank you all for being here, and God Bless.


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 6:09:43 AM

Comments

helo my name is richard , i am a n alcoholic....my sobriety date is dec. 28. 1985.Today i have 5590..days of contiguous sobriety.....one day at a time .....this is my 16th sober easter....one of my drinking easters wasn'tso sober ...i decided to recall , with a friend those ancestors that on easter ...probably builta nice hot fire and got drunk ......well we did .started the earth burning that night in my dad's drive way.......drinking boilermakers and carrring on ...... had a few nice explosions ......and was lucky my pop didn't decde to come out of the house and shoot us ...!..i was 37 at the time.....i haven't seen my friend since ......oh well...this is easter week and i am sober and gratefull.......may we all have many years of sobreity and peaace !!!!!


Member: Paul M
Location: ohio
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 7:28:17 AM

Comments

I know this isn't the coffee pot but felt compelled to respond: Madeline E.; when I felt as you did I followed some simple steps, 12 of them. I have heard many times gratitude is a measure of our sobriety, and even if some days the best thing that happened was I didnt take a drink then it was a great day. I actively involve my HP in my life, and some days he at least makes me "willing" to be willing (lol)Its a progressive recovery just as it is a progressive disease. I know it will get better . For me surrendering made me willing.I have repeated the serenity prayer a hundred times some days, each time ending with "thy will not mine be done" Good luck Madeline make sure to go to meetings, and remeber a day at a time


Member: Lavonne A
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 10:06:01 AM

Comments

Hello family, Lavonne, gratefully recovering alcohic. I love to talk about gratitude. I checked an online dictionary for a definition of gratitude, which then pointed to "thankful," which said: CONCIOUS OF BENEFIT RECEIVED. That is something I was seldom aware of during my drinking career...I was seldom totally concious. My life is full...on top of MY gratitude list is the word FAITH. I have it only due to this program and you people showing me how to develop a relationship with the God of MY understanding. The rest just happened to happen. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Katie H.
Location: California
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 5:31:17 PM

Comments

My name's Katie, and I am an alcoholic.

There is no better topic in the world for me than gratitude. It's so easy for me to get caught up in all of the difficult and stressful things in my life and forget to be grateful for all the wonderful blessings around me. First and foremost, I have not had to take a drink in almost 8 months. And truth be told, all of the things that I'm stressed about now, I never would have had a chance to even think about 8 months ago. When I drink I truly lose all that is inside of me. I lose who I am. I lose all respect and all love for myself. It's a horrible place to be, and I do not want to go back. So there are some days that I want to jump out of my skin (like today!), and I want everything to work out the way I want it to. I want to be in control, but such thinking leads me to places of pain. Sometimes I just have to strip away and look at the truth in my life. I am sober today, and that alone is enough for which to be forever grateful. Life is life, and now I have to actually live it...what a blessing that I get that chance. A lot of us don't. I thank my higher power who keeps me sober and sane when I let him and to all of you for knowing what it is to truly be an alcoholic.


Member: Cliff H.
Location: NW Ohio
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 8:46:07 PM

Comments

Hi all.I'm Cliff. I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is Dec 30, 1999. This is my first time doing this over the net so I hope I am doing this right. I have so much to be grateful for. I was released from prison 2 1/2 months ago. I have had a hard time trying to learn a new set of priorities that I didn't have when I was drinking and I thank my higher power that I can continue to stay sober and meet new people that have been where I have been and seen alot worse things than I have.I am grateful for a second chance at life. A second chance to live the way my higher power wants me to live, clean and sober.


Member: Bernard B
Location: Province of Quebec,Canada
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 10:01:55 PM

Comments

Hello Friends,I am Bernard and I am definitely an alcoholic.I have been sober for quite a few years.I will be confronted with two tough weeks very soon and I have been feeling tense,anxious and afraid.I was toying with the idea of having a wee dram.I do not know why I punched AA in the search engine.Anyway am I grateful I found this site.Thank you all,especially Tom from NYC,for sharing.I feel much better after reading through your messages.I'll be back and I am sure I'll make it through this difficult time ahead.Bless you all.


Member: tj D.
Location: San Diego
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 10:18:32 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm teej, alcoholic. I'm doing 365/365 (if 90/90 is good then 365/365 is better, right?) Since I'm working late tonight, I didn't get to a regular meeting so the thought occurred to me to check out meetings on-line that I've heard about but don't use. Just wanted to check in and let you all know I'm here (in case God is checking to see that I made it to a meeting tonight, ha, ha)


Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 10:28:15 PM

Comments

im a drunk.

lu-lu


Member: walt b
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 4/18/01
Time: 10:51:46 PM

Comments

hi I'm walt an alcoholic,where to start not sure just having troubles dealing with being sober and I know theres no meetings this late in my small town.I've been in and out of the program and realize know I need it.has anyone ever felt life sober is like a jagged edge one side clean the other the dark world of being a drunk? thats whats happening as we speak....if anyone has any input please email me at molsonxxx3@hotmail.com.....thanks for letting me spew...take care and love to all !!


Member: Inez
Location: Albany, GA
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 8:49:08 AM

Comments

To Madeline E. from South Texas. I understand where you are! I had to pray for the willingness. I was on my knees when I asked God to help me be willing to try AA again. I made my first meeting and when I walked out the door that night the desire to drink was taken from me. God has blessed me from that day to this. I am saying a prayer for you, I will asked him to give you courage, strength, and the will to take that first step toward sobriety. Prayer works, I am living proof. I should be dead now. Praise God I am not. Love to all.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,Ilinois
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 8:50:27 AM

Comments

I am anil and i am a recovering alcholic I am grateful to all AA and alanon members for keeping me sober and sharing with me. It means a lot to me.I am also grateful to my higher power to keep my sanity.


Member: Inez
Location: Albany, GA
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 8:50:40 AM

Comments

To Madeline E. from South Texas. I understand where you are! I had to pray for the willingness. I was on my knees when I asked God to help me be willing to try AA again. I made my first meeting and when I walked out the door that night the desire to drink was taken from me. God has blessed me from that day to this. I am saying a prayer for you, I will asked him to give you courage, strength, and the will to take that first step toward sobriety. Prayer works, I am living proof. I should be dead now. Praise God I am not. Love to all.


Member: Rusty W
Location: coast of Maine
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 11:50:06 AM

Comments

Rusty-GREATFUL ALCOHOLIC-(d.o.s. 4-95) thanks God,A.A.my sponcer.just for today.


Member: Kelly k
Location: CA
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 1:59:22 PM

Comments

I am to the point now where I black out evrey night and I don't remember what I did. I am definatly a drunk and I want to quit so bad. I have a wonderful job, but if I continue with my drinking I know it will effect my work. Already my family has been greatly hurt by my drinking and my wife has just about given up on me. I travel alot and am wondering if I can get and stay sober on the web. It's wierd, every morning I wake up saying there is no way I will drink tonite. I don't even start feeling well until about 1:00, but by about 4:00pm the urge comes up every dam day. I am so grateful to GOD for everything he has given me and I pray that today will be the first sober day and that I will never dring again. Thanks for your help.

Kelly


Member: Tarita M.
Location: Upstate
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 3:39:28 PM

Comments

Kelly, Hi, I'm Tarita an alcoholic/addict. I can definitely relate to your share. Only thing though, is that I'm a woman. Now that's really disgusting ain't it? Well, let me tell you that the things that you do still have going for you in your life will be gone in no time flat if you continue to drink. The job, the wife, the kids, the car, house the whole 9 yards. We call it the not yets. Been there, I lost my job of 16 years due to my activeness. Almost lost my boyfriend of l5 years, the kids, myself as well. I remember the blackouts, at the end of my career they occurred everyday. You know why? For the simple fact that I was an alcoholic and was to embarrassed to ask for help, thinking that that was a sign of weakness. WRONG!!! I realize today that that was the most courageous thing I've done in life, reach out. I remember vowing that I wasn't going to drink that particular day only to head right to the bar after work, which was at 3:30pm. Why? Because somebody at work pissed me off, or before I went home to my family I wanted to unwind just in case they pissed me off I'd be better apt to handle whatever the situation. It was always You, Them, They never me! I'd even gotten to the point where I hated to drink but, just couldn't stop. I was to affraid to live life on lifes terms, it hurt to bad. Feeling ashamed, guilty, misunderstood, angry.... I've said plenty of times in meetings that,"I didn't see the light, I felt the heat!" I hope you feel the heat also because if you don't,...DIE


Member: wouter
Location: neth
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 3:45:43 PM

Comments

High, Wouter here, alkie.

Come to this site so now and again. What baffles me is that a lot of people still thank the man called God. Since we live in a free world and there is a thing called freedom of speech I think you are all free to believe that so called God. Or Higher Power, for that matter.

I believe alcoholism is a diseace of captivity.

The only one who can set the prisoner free is the guard, or the key. But the three are one and the same. The key is the Higher Power, and God is within everyone of us.

Alcohol puts alcoholics in a liquid jail, but that can vaporize in one moment. That moment is bliss. My moment was at a party, totally drunk, being crazy out of my brain, insulting my former girlfriend. I realized I could't go on like that.

So I turned the key, set meself free, easy.

It's all between the ears.

Good luck, thanks for sharing


Member: Joanna F.
Location: Yuba City, CA
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 4:36:46 PM

Comments

I'm Joanna- I'm an alcoholic. Kelly, when I read your share it was like reading my own story before I got here. Everynight I was drinking to the point of black out - it didn't even take that many drinks anymore to get me there. Trying to hide the blackouts and piece together what I had said, done, heard, watched on TV, etc. was getting harder and harder. I am a woman, and I had a good job, still had my family, etc. I was lucky enough to pick up that phone and ask for help before I lost any of it. I had great support from boss and family. My life has changed dramatically - from being sure I could not go through a day without a drink to 2 plus years of continuous sobriety. From shame and self-loathing to gratitude and peace. I have a higher power, which came hard for me, but seems quite natural now - I am not religous, but I feel a peace and spirituality that I never had before - all those years of catechism and mass never gave me that. I just didn't get it until now. I encourage you to go to an AA meeting, keep coming back and you will be amazed.... Joanna F.


Member: HELP
Location:
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 8:36:09 PM

Comments

I NEED A JOB


Member: M.D.
Location: KY
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 8:41:20 PM

Comments

To Kelly k in CA. For a great aid to sobriety try these sites: (1) rational.org (2) peele.net (3) smartrecovery.org. One size does not fit all. Good luck in finding your path.

M.D. in KY


Member: hell..p
Location:
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 8:42:59 PM

Comments

i need a life and a job


Member: Jamie E
Location: North Texas
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 8:50:46 PM

Comments

My name is Jamie and I AM an alcoholic.... I have never done this before. I started treatment today at a Day Hospital. It was the scariest thing that I can remember (ha ha) doing. I am not too sure what to say or do... the topic of the week seemed to taper off... I never really drank everyday, but when I did, it is bad.... I have 48 hours without a drink, and now that I have accepteded that I am truely an alcoholic I want a drink worse than ever before... is that normal??? Everything is getting to me today.... just excuses??? I am not going to have a drink today. As soon as I am done here, I am going to bathe my daughter, read to her, and spend time with my loving husband who has been so good to me for the past three years.... luckily, I haven't lost my family or my job, I just pray that God keeps me in his arms through this terrible time.... my treatment center says I need to go to meetings everyday, and I know that I do, but coming into the online meeting was the best that I could do today... is that wrong??? I know that I am rambling, I apologize. Thanks to all that are listening... God Bless you all and Good Luck to you as well... All my love.....


Member: TBRIDGMAN81@AOL.COM
Location: STAYING IN AA
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 9:28:53 PM

Comments

HI TOM B.AND THANK GOD FOR AA! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN THIS AREA.BUT ITS NICE TO SEE AA WORK EVERYWHWERE!I JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THERE GREAT COMMENTS AND I WANT TO TELL JAMIE "KCB" THIS IS THE START OF A GREAT LIFE FOR YOU JUST STICK AROUND FOR THE MIRACLE!REMEMBER THAT IF YOU DONT PICK UP YOU CANT GET @#$%ED UP! THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME!


Member: Mike N.
Location: brenham tx.
Date: 4/19/01
Time: 10:49:23 PM

Comments

Well this is my third dayu sober,again.I seem to have been stugling with diseas for the last 16yrs.Every time saying i am ready,i have had enough.Sobered up for 14 months when my sponsor Rusty T. passed away of a massive heart attack.I did meke till 18 mos.before i relapsed now find myself in that same old place.With those same four horseman.With that same feeling that i have had enough.I am not willing to give up.But the real question am i willing to do what ever it takes.I sure do hope so.With help from people just like you i want have to go through this ever again,GODs help to.I will take it one day one minute at a time.Keep coming back it works.


Member: Jeff B.
Location: Northern CA
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 12:45:31 AM

Comments

Hi, My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. I am in a little bit of a funk. I just got back from a meeting and it was good to have some contact. I got home and wanted some more. I have been spinning at work and I need to remember who and what I am. Sobriety first. I am nothing without AA, God (some power greater than myself), and all which comes with them.

You all remind me to ride it out. Try to take the right actions even when I am feeling fear. Go to a meeting to give. 2 a week may not be working if I do have that peace I have experienced. I have to keep practicing this stuff to learn and grow. My hope is the growth and (spritual) experience.

You have all helped to remind me and so thanks for being here.


Member: Greg C.
Location: Fresno,Ca.
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 1:49:51 AM

Comments

Howdy,Folks, 1st time here,but not my first day. To the newcomers...God is the hand that reaches out to you when you stumble,so that you may NOT fall. And if you've fallen,to pick you up again. Just reach out...we're ALL here to help. And stay,miracles really do happen...I'm HERE!!!!(Come ta think of it,this works pretty well fer the OLD FOLKS,too!)


Member: greg c.
Location: fresno,ca.
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 1:55:06 AM

Comments

Tim Y.,Reno...ever hear of Merced? How 'bout the Hobie House? Wether you have or not...God bless you and yours...............G.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 11:07:36 AM

Comments

Mark, alcoholic,

Badlands, You gotta live em everyday Let the broken hearts stand as the price you've got to pay Keep pushin till it's understood and these Badlands start treating us good

Bruce had it right with this one.

Mark


Member: Ann T.
Location:
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 12:09:51 PM

Comments

Have I joined? I'm new and scared. Somebody help me. PS Happybelated Easter. He has risen.


Member: 13 stepin
Location:
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 1:01:10 PM

Comments

ann t,

are you lonely?????????i can help...


Member: Tim Y
Location: Reno
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 1:43:06 PM

Comments

Greg,

I can't say that I understand what your talking about but, bless you and yours as well


Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 1:52:46 PM

Comments

Hi, Ann, you've joined if you say you have. I remember being new and scared. That's normal. Phone AA in your town city and just tell them 'I'm new and scared.' They'll do the rest. Thinking of you with love, Melissa, an alcoholic


Member: Em
Location: NYC
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 2:26:47 PM

Comments

Hi, my name's Em and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober since 1984.

My two favourite tools to keep me sober: 1.Just do the next right thing, whatever that seems to be at the time. Here's a hint: it's the thing that moves you farther away from the possibility of picking up a drink. 2.I love to hear everyone share about gratitude. I can feel gratitude even when at first I don't think I can... One of the AA founders wrote: "Turn your face toward the light, although for the moment you cannot see." Thanks to everyone (especially the new people) for sharing, and for letting me share.


Member: Cis F.
Location: Charleston, SC
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 5:03:50 PM

Comments

When I was about 3 months sober, I was fired from my job (I was never fired while drinking). My sponsor told me that I needed to get on my knees and thank God that I lost that job. I found that puzzling at the time. When I was about 8 years sober, I found out that my marriage was ending against my wishes. My sponsor said, "Great! Now when a woman comes into AA who is going through a divorce, you can help her!" I had to be TAUGHT how to be grateful, and I still have to be reminded about it...that's why meetings are so important, because I am a quick forgetter. Thanks for the reminder and thanks for letting me share. We are all truly blessed by the grace of God.


Member: Kevin R
Location: Media PA
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 5:04:14 PM

Comments

Helo My name is Kevin I am an alcoholic all firs time on this site I just got out of a program in New Jersey I was there for six months and now i am back at home with my parents I am twenty years old I have not made a meeting since coming back and I need to do that I have been back about a week that is bad I know but I really do not know where any of the meetings are around here my recovery has been based out of New Jersey so far well thanks for letting me share.


Member: Ann T.
Location:
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 7:59:02 PM

Comments

whT, SPECIFICALLY ARE THE STEPWS


Member: Robert B.
Location: Charleston
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 10:23:29 PM

Comments

Hello, my name is Robert, I'm an alcoholic. I thought for a long time that being an alcoholic was a death sentence. However, coming into the rooms of AA, I've learned a whole new way of life. I am so thankful to God, and the fellowship in these rooms that I have not found it necessary to drink for 2 1/2 years. Life is grand! So I think I'll keep coming back. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Philomena DOS 11/04/94
Location: Haceinda Hts, So California
Date: 4/20/01
Time: 10:34:10 PM

Comments

Evening all, Philomena here, greatful alcoholic,

(((Ann T)))Welcome to the Staying Cyber site. Come over to the Coffee Pot section to continue conversation and sharing. This Discussion Meeting section is for once a week sharing. We can all help you better over at the Coffee Pot. God bless You!

(((All Newcomers))) WELCOME! Suggestions; Get to face to face meetings, don't drink, one day at a time,keep coming back.

(((THIS IS A GROUP HUG FOR ALL OF YOU HERE NOW & ANYONE COMING HERE LATER. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SHARING & FOR BEING HERE)))

Thank you for letting me share.

All of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

KCB...Keep coming back. Remember to keep it simple. One day at a time. Take Care. Peace. (/o\) //_\\ God bless you (((ALL))), love, Philomena


Member: Paul B
Location: Seattle
Date: 4/21/01
Time: 1:29:31 AM

Comments

It's been a long time since I have checked in with this group. I am so grateful to be sober and spent Easter weekend at an intenational AA conference in Vancouver, British Columbia. This program is so powerful. I owe my life to AA and all of you for keeping me sober.


Member: Ann T
Location:
Date: 4/21/01
Time: 8:14:24 AM

Comments

Have truly just bottomed out. Out of work (not because of my alcoholism) and I am an alcoholic. Lost my home yesterday because of abandonment. What so I have to be grateful for? sorry I'm not on topic.


Member: dave
Location:
Date: 4/21/01
Time: 2:30:52 PM

Comments

ann t

lets have sex ill make you feel good


Member: Debbie B.
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Date: 4/21/01
Time: 7:35:07 PM

Comments

Greetings. This is my first time at this site. I have been sober for 2 weeks. I was going to go to a meeting tonight but stopped in here instead. It has really been helpful. I am grateful to my boss who has been really understanding about my going to meetings at lunchtime and taking that extra half hour and I am grateful to a good friend of mine who has been very supportive and sort of like my own personal cheerleader. I am taking this one day at a time, which makes coping soooo much easier. Thanks for "listening." I'll be back!