Member: Therese
Location: Upstate, NY
Date: 4/15/00
Time: 11:51:47 PM
Greetigs All!
I would really like to hear others comments and experiences with sponsorship.
How to find a sponsor that one connects with, how to be a sponsor.
Thanks, Therese
Member: Jim G
Location: CA
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 2:18:43 AM
Hi... Jim, alcoholic...
I've always liked the advice given by Earl Hightower, one of the funnier national speakers around AA... as I understand it, Earl suggests that you listen to the people around you speak and watch how they act... and then you pick someone who looks and sounds as if they have what they want... not what you want, but what they want...
But don't wait around making the decision about whom to ask... from what I've been able to figure out, the sooner you get hooked up, the better...
Jim...
Member: Tom R
Location:
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 2:43:08 AM
Therese Sponsorship, Good topic. It took me a long time to use a sponsor. I guess I started using one when I hurt enough. I'm ready to change when my back is against the wall. You might say circumstances make me willing to change. I got nothing to do with it. A sponsor is sponsoring so as he can remain sober. That is the reason I sponsor. I share with the newcommer my experience. This is the best guarantee I have at remaining sober. Why? It demonstrates my belief in my Higher Power (God). I cannot save anyone. I could not save myself. I've been given a program that works and if I follow the recipe, it turns out. A sponsor is someone that can show you how this program works. He/She can take you through the steps so that you can obtain the elements to live this sober existence. I don't know about you, but, living life sober has been one of my major obstacles. Drinking was my answer to the restlessness,irritability and discontentment. Hell, thats still there once the bottle goes up. Now, I have to live with that stuff and find some peace in all of this. The AA program will show you as it showed me how to live the new life. The book describes the AA program (STEPS) as revolutionary and drastic proposals. For me, I needed help for such proposals. I could not do it alone, I had to be shown.
Member: Tina F
Location: florence oregon
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 3:21:13 AM
I think finding a sponser takes a little time you have to listen to the person and make sure they have the same moral beliefs and make sure they walk there talk out side of the meetings hang out with them see if they use there recovery in every day life as well or if they just sound good in a meeting thats my oppinion because if you can't trust your sponser it's notgood, i've had my sponser 3 years and a good support group and without that i probably would'nt be clean still thats all out of me.
Member: Catherine W aka ramonacat
Location: Ramona, CA
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 3:49:30 AM
Catherine here~grateful to be a sober alcoholic!
This is the only post I will make here this week...any others under my name are the village idiot.
I was just on-line w/ my sponsor. How appropriate!
I did like has been mentioned...watched, listened and finally chose the person I admired most. She was and is the most honest and peaceful person I have ever met. Very serene in all things. Spooky! But she has been my sponsor for 20 years now. She only once has told me flat out what to do and I deserved that one. She guides, does not push or insist on anything. Lets me grow at my own pace and is always ready and willing to help me seek my next indicated step forward. Always supportive and always answers my questions with sincere honesty. Having been w/ me so long she knows me inside out. I cherish that, as it is a long process to get to really know someone. I was not able to get and stay sober the first 14 years, I was not surrendering to the steps or the program thereof. Today I have a bit of time going for me and still I use her when ever I need some direction or suggestions beyond my sober friends and meetings. There are many details in our lives that cannot be shared in detail in meetings. She taught me that as well.
As far as sponsoring...I can only give what was given to me. If it works for someone else thats grand, if not thats ok too. I have only resently begun to feel that I may have something to give away that is real.
Member: Colleen D
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 7:52:17 AM
Hi- colleen - alcoholic here. this is an interesting topic to me. i have been sober about 8 months and attending meetings. i have not gotten a sponsor and i don't feel i am ready for it either. my main purpose right now is to stay sober, plain and simple. i listen at every meeting i go to and rarely share. i have chaired some meetings to try to get over my being so uncomfortablen over sharing, but it has not alleviated itself yet. i have approached several people in my home group to ask about the sponsor situation and have not gotten very far. I have not gotten to know any females in this group and I know i need to branch out to other groups to make that connection. I am just not ready to do this yet. I know there are no rules/regulations in this program and right know i am thankful for that. I intend to proceed this way until i am able to take the next step. the only steps i have come to grips with are the first and second. I see people who use the rooms as sponsors and wonder if this is advisable? Well I certainly intend to find this and many many others things out for myself. Thanks for listening.
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 8:58:21 AM
tony alcoholic...when i first started going to meetings i met a couple of people i liked,one old timer and another guy, i talked to them alot,months later i realized i was being sponcered and i didn't even realize it at the time,they were helping me a great deal,making me feel welcome,and listening,telling me things to do,and things not to do.thats how it worked for me. i've managed,through God's grace to stay sober for over two years...and counting..and it's done ,one day at a time..
Member: Jenn P.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 9:30:15 AM
Jenn here, alcoholic. Sponsorship is one of the best blessings I know. Sponsoring and being sponsored. At first, I came in to a meeting where there were few women. I heard about a sponsor but did not want or think I needed one. I could do this myself, just give me the book and I 'll follow directions. I didn't realize that "Get a sponsor" was a direction because it didn't say that specifically in the book. So I merrily took off, working the steps by myself. You can imagine that it was not too long (7 months?) before I hit a wall and realized that I would need a sponsor of my own. I asked two women who said no for good reasons, then I gave up, but was driven to ask again. I got a sponsor whom I had watched and listened to for a while. I wanted what she had at that time. I later got another sponsor who I could identify with more, she seemed to be placed in my life by HP, and my original was not around much. This next sponsor and I did lots of work, had lots of fun, and I feel I could not have the life I have today without her. She moved far away last year, and though I will always consider her my sponsor, she said I needed someone here who could see my face and hear me share in meetings, so I followed directions and have a new sponsor. It's important for me not to think I can do this alone.
As for sponsoring, it is definitely a gift for me. I learn and grow so much as I try to help another by sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I see my character defects clearly as I work with those my Higher Power sends my way. I think they help me more than I help them often enough. Thanks for letting me share on this great topic!! Now I'll listen. Bye!
Member: Fearful
Location: Kentucky
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 11:35:55 AM
Here is some very sound advice on sponsorship. NEVER LET A SPONSOR TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE!! I picked a sponsor who was controlling and manipulative and ended up in deep shit. My life is worse than when I was drinking. I got a new sponsor who is working the steps of AA with me and NOT trying to control every part of my life. It seems to be working much better now but I am still digging out from being lead around by the nose by that other control freak.
My advice about sponsorship is to be careful not to let those control freaks out there feed upon your fears and tell you how to live your life. A sponsor is someone who should assist you in your search for sobriety. NOTHING MORE!
Also remember that you are not growing or learning when you are being controlled by others. A very important lesson I had to learn the hard way.
Member: Dan W.
Location: Ok
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 12:19:42 PM
Hi everyone, I'm Dan, alcoholic. The first time I was in AA I got a sponser who had what I wanted. He had a nice house, a pretty wife and a gold watch. Well I got drunk and so did he. When I fimally got sober 10 yrs ago I found a guy who had peace. It was in his eyes that I saw it. I also found trust in him in that he really wanted to help me.He showed me how to workthe steps as out lined in the Big Book because that is a sponsers job. He showed me that the solution to all my problems are in working the 12 steps. I think it is very important to find a sponser as soon as possible and that he has worked the steps in the BB of AA.It's all there in the book. This is not a selfish program. In fact, "selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles." Fearful, I liked your comments.God runs my life, not my sponser, he just showed me how to access the Power that can relive me of my problem.
Member: Rick S
Location: B.C. NV
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 12:56:16 PM
My name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic...When I first got sober I trusted absolutely no one so taking advice from someone was not going to happen. "I never listened to anyone about my addictions before why the hell should I start now" kinda thinking. What I did was use the group from a meeting I was going to, to bounce my questions of sobriety off of. I would then take all the input and make a decision. The people that have asked me to sponsor them over the years get the same response..." I will be your friend and help you to understand the principles, traditions and steps of AA in situations I have also been through, but I will not be your lifes gurru." In doing this it lets me help others by sharing what it used to be like, how I changed my life, and what it is like now. In simple terms...it makes sure I don't forget where I came from! If you are new to sobriety the best advice I can give is...be careful who you decide to trust, just because someone is sober does not mean their life is better or they have regained sanity. Watch them to be sure they walk what they talk before you give your deep dark secrets away. Seee Yaaa !!!
Member: DebyA
Location: NH
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 2:01:42 PM
Theresa, as a female in the fellowship you need to be particularly careful in this area. First, even if you are in very small town with no woman who you look up to, NEVER have a sponsor of the opposite sex.
The advice about watching others and selecting carefully is good to, especailly about finding people with similar values.
Personally, after more than one bad experience, I gave up on the idea of sponsorship a long time ago. Instead I have replaced that idea with a small group of very close friends with whom I have very close and regular contact. For me, this has worked FAR better than any sponsorship relationship.
Also, I start seeing a good therapist. Just because we have all managed to quit drinking by working the steps doesn't mean we have all the answers for life's problems. This has been enormously helpful to me.
Thanks for listening.
Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 5:17:16 PM
“You see, our talk was a completely mutual thing. I had quit preaching. I knew that I needed this alcoholic as much as he needed me.”—As Bill Sees It, p. 257.
J here, a grateful alcoholic—This new millennium still owes me big time, and probably always will (in my view of course) because in its first week I lost my sponsor after nearly 25 years.
He was younger than I by quite a bit, and I have heard that he said I was his sponsor—I may have been too egocentric to see beyond my perceived benefit. I know the benefit was not confined to me—he had a genuine gift of going out to people on the edge of the program (like me) and helping them in. He only had six months on me, giving his first lead in my first meeting, but to me that night six months sober looked like the Impossible Dream.
He was not the first best friend I have lost either, just my one and only sponsor. We did not actually meet first night of mine, either. Other members cornered me in the at a back table, quoting slogans because even they were deep for my brain soaked in seven years of daily drinking.
So I was basically spared the sponsor problems that, in my impression, came out of the rehabs, etc.--which tried to combine their medical approach with A.A.’s unique approach.
I was fortunate, admittedly, and yet everyone I know who simply tries to do the program day to day is “fortunate.” You can make it, one day at a time. Big Book says it helps a lot to be honest, but honesty was not my strong suit that first night, or any time soon thereafter.
A.A. has something called a “singleness of purpose.” It is not a medical facility, and a sponsor is not qualified to treat you for ANYTHING. She or he is offering a hand, an open door, a phone number against loneliness—a prime trigger of relapses. If it starts sounding authoritarian, check with the chairman or group secretary about other prospects. If that doesn’t work, it’s probably not the only group in town.
My Saturday morning group, with probably the most newcomers around here, has a “temporary sponsor” system—where the chair asks sponsor volunteers hold up hands. That way the pigeon can pick her or his own sponsor material without making any heavy commitments. We’re only talking about one day at a time here.
This is my opinion, it doesn’t hurt to be nice to sponsors, most deserve it, but if the conversation seems to be about the sponsor and not you, then you might consider taking the above-noted step toward something new.
Keep Coming Back
Member: Tylene
Location: Defiance
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 5:33:58 PM
When I got my first sponsor I choose somebody that kind of thought almost the same asI did. She told me she only sponsored people that done by themselves. I came to find out that this didn't work for me. When I finally got tired of hurting enough and really serious about the progam. I begin to listen to what people were saying. I found somebody that I could relate with and walked the talked. If you go to meetings watch the people and you will beable to pick these people out. I know today I choose not to be without a sponsor. She has been a really big help. When you get a sponsor call them everyday whether everything is going good or bad. This is a suggestion only. I know that without my sponsor I probably wouldn't be here today.
Member: michele m.
Location: springfield ill
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 8:29:08 PM
Therese,
to me a sponsor is very important as she should be there to take you thru the steps by the big book. to listen and offer suggestions when you ask for help and sometimes when you don't because once you work the steps and complete step 9 work 10,11,and 12 you should hAve a much closer contact with the God of your understanding and he will be your ultimate sponsor and your earthly sponsor will become your best friend at least that is my opinion. be selective about who you pick but if you do pick the wrong one you can always fire them and get a sponsor that suits you. thanks for listening . micki alcoholic
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 4/16/00
Time: 8:42:15 PM
'Evenin' ((DMers))!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & nowhere in particular!!
Great topic, Therese! My very first sponsor happened to be the first woman to speak to me at an AA mtg. She came up, introduced herself to me and asked if I wanted any coffee. She appeared to be comfortable in her own skin. Even though she only had about a year and a half sober, she made for a great sponsor because she always checked with her own sponsor when she was in doubt about how to work with me. When it came time for me to start making amends, she actually went with me to my employer, so that I could turn over some things I'd stolen from their store. That was the hook for me; no one had ever held my hand through such an ordeal in my whole life!
My current sponsor is a woman whom I'd always felt an intense surge of energy towards whenever I saw her! She, too, had that quality of seeming to be very comfortable in her sobriety. Interestingly enough, most of my sponsors have all had the same physical characteristics; that being the exact opposite of my own mother - hmmmm... interesting dynamic! And one that certainly didn't escape my notice! I find that I am not comfortable around women whom I feel judged by. That is not to say they are judgmental, just that I feel judged by them.
None of my sponsors have ever insisted that I call them every day, nor given me any time limits on any "assignments" or suggestions that they have given me. I sense they already know how I feel about authority figures! When I asked my latest sponsor to help me, I felt a great sense of relief, because I knew I was ready to get down to work again, and immediately started feeling better about myself and the decision to go after true serenity through sobriety with someone's help. I know all too well this journey is a fairly empty one when taken alone. I always need the help of others to get where I need to go.
Member: Mark M
Location: California
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 1:18:03 AM
Hi, Mark here, Food and sex addict Okay...so I am not an alcoholic..lol. Our church group uses the Big Book, 12x12, and Serenity NT as our references. We concentrate on writing out our steps and folow through methodically. We have basically three sponsors in our group. My first sponsor passed me to someone else because of my plethera of issues ! My Second was frustrated and threw my steps and journal at me. My third sponsor helps me focus and find the answers. So much for the Horror story! I think having a sponsor and using them is vital. Often we look into the mirror and not see. The sponsor can often see our blind spot or where our feet are in denial. I think we pick our sponser at first to find the easy one. I often think we need the hardest one who will hold our feet to the fire! When on my own binge this weekend..got a meeting tommorrow...maybe start all over Peace
Member: Nick T.
Location: Colorado
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 2:36:22 AM
Hi, I'm Nick and I'm an alcoholic. Sponosorship is one of the great things in A.A. A sponsor is someone who you should be able to trust and take you through the 12 steps and the big book. In finding a sponsor you should go to a couple meetings on a regular basis and get to know some people at these meetings. If you introduce yourself as a newcomer or vistor from another group at the beginning of the meeting and stick around at the end of the meeting people will come up to you to try and get to know you better, and if they don't go up to someone, introduce yourself, and ask if they can help you to meet some people in the meeting. If you don't have a sponsor you should probably try to find a temporary sponsor, which you can do by asking someone such as the meeting chairman as to who would be a good temporary sponsor. By going to several of the same meetings you will hear who has good stuff to say and who has quality sobriety. Then you can go up to this person and ask if they have gone through the big book, if they have a sponsor, and if they have worked the 12 steps the big book has described them. A person such as this would make a good sponsor. Also make sure you feel comfortable talking to this person and try to get to know them a little better.
Member: Tim V
Location: Poconos
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 8:05:49 AM
I've had 3 really great sponsors in nearly 20 years of sobriety. Not one of them ever told me what I should do. Rather, the showed me what to do by their example. Whenever I asked advice, the should share their ESH.
I’m currently sponsoring several guys and I try to do the same thing. My first sponsor, Art, told me a sponsor is a guide. That is the best description I’ve heard.
Member: Tim V
Location: Treasurer
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 8:10:35 AM
Pass the Hat. 7th Tradition: "We have no dues or fees, we are self supporting through our own contributions."
Member: Village Idiot~~aka~~Village Idiot
Location: in a Village!Where eslse?
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 9:58:06 AM
Sponsers are vitally important.Never had one but hope to one day.Being a sponser is vitally important.Never was,but hope to be one someday.Sobriety is great.Never have been,but hope to be one day.
Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa, Fl
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 11:43:52 AM
Sponsorship is a good Topic. Both getting one and being one. Getting a "GOOD" sponsor can make a strong program. I am going to have my 9th birthday June 11 Getting a poor sponsor can be a great Hinder. I have had the good fortune of getting a Great sponsor. We have all seen what getting a poor sponsor can do, or NOT DO. When I first got a sponsor I chose someone I seemd to like and get along with. BIG MISTAKE. My program went know where be cause we were just complmenting each other. Well after a while I realized we were just standing still. Fortunately he move far away. Then I took some advice I had heard a good speaker give one time. That was to try an choose a sponsor who was going where I wanted to go, be what I wanted to be. So I did. I looked for some one who was not just talking the talk, but was really walking the walk. I said I have my 9th birthday coming up. What I did not say was I had been around A.A. for almost twice that long. I know now it was because I did not get a good sponsor; is why it took me so long to get in the program. My sponsor is going where I want to be. He tells me, no he shows me how the program works. If I guffed up he would just ask if I learned anything. He led by example. He is ALWAYS there to answer my questions. He never puts me off. He won't let me sit around on a pity pot when things are not going right, but he can be a comfort when a real friend is needed. Well that's my 2 cents worth. I hope it helps someone get a good sponsor. Thanks for letting me share. Tom M.
Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa, Fl
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 11:44:38 AM
Sponsorship is a good Topic. Both getting one and being one. Getting a "GOOD" sponsor can make a strong program. I am going to have my 9th birthday June 11 Getting a poor sponsor can be a great Hinder. I have had the good fortune of getting a Great sponsor. We have all seen what getting a poor sponsor can do, or NOT DO. When I first got a sponsor I chose someone I seemd to like and get along with. BIG MISTAKE. My program went know where be cause we were just complmenting each other. Well after a while I realized we were just standing still. Fortunately he move far away. Then I took some advice I had heard a good speaker give one time. That was to try an choose a sponsor who was going where I wanted to go, be what I wanted to be. So I did. I looked for some one who was not just talking the talk, but was really walking the walk. I said I have my 9th birthday coming up. What I did not say was I had been around A.A. for almost twice that long. I know now it was because I did not get a good sponsor; is why it took me so long to get in the program. My sponsor is going where I want to be. He tells me, no he shows me how the program works. If I guffed up he would just ask if I learned anything. He led by example. He is ALWAYS there to answer my questions. He never puts me off. He won't let me sit around on a pity pot when things are not going right, but he can be a comfort when a real friend is needed. Well that's my 2 cents worth. I hope it helps someone get a good sponsor. Thanks for letting me share. Tom M.
Member: Mary A.
Location: Austin, MN
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 1:11:50 PM
Selecting a sponsor is very important. I had to trust my "Gut Feelings" because I didn't know the person well. I was also fortunate to have my H.P. help with "My" selection. I have found if there are times that I have disliked my sponsor greatly, generally because she wouldn't let me get by with anything. I need someone who is willing to hold me accountable for my actions. I have also received very good advice from "old-timers" at the meetings. They share their ESH so that I may learn from it. It is hard to trust yourself to make a sponsor selection, sometimes it is better to let it happen. If you are Best Friends with your sponsor it is time for a different sponsor. Hope you will be able to find someone who has what you want (peace, happiness, etc.). Watch them after the meetings and in general to see if what they say at the meeting is what they are doing. Take Care.
Member: Laila
Location: Turku , Finland
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 3:45:44 PM
Hi everyone, I'm Laila alcoholic and codependent. JENN P,POCONOS:I identified A LOT with your share, thanks!!! When I came to AA I thought sponsors were for sissies, I just needed meetings and lots of literature. I ran into a wall quite soon but didn't realize it until after 3 years sobriety in AA. Today I have a sponsor. She lives abroad, we communicate by email. I've started working and trying to LIVE the steps now, and I feel lots better than before. Thanks for one more sober day! Take care everybody! Laila DOS 2nd Oct 1996 email oct296@hotmail.com
Member: Therese S.
Location: Canada
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 5:50:58 PM
AA got me out and I went three times a day...noon, 2:30 and 8:00 in the evening. I did this for about a year. I was hooked on cocaine and was an alcoholic. Having meetings at odd hours like the middle of the night or 24 hours a day for a week around Christmas is a life saver. Now, I go once in awhile but I've never talked in a group because I don't have the courage. I am really interested in making some connections here.
Member: bonzo 5/30/80
Location:
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 10:24:59 PM
Hi extended family, bonzo/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) so good to be here with those in the fellowship. To those that are new to AA or this site, "welcome home". Sponsorship - good topic ((therese)) the actual first sponsor was the lady who took me to my first meeting, (one of my old drinking friends) she told me to read 60thru63 and 449thru452 every day, she talked to me everyday until i found one - First official sponsor she had 1yr, got her when I was 30 days sober, she never had time to talk, got the next sponsor w/5yrs at 6months sober, she helped alot but started going thru some real painful times of her own and I just took too much energy. She fired me when I was a yr sober. The next sponsor I got was the chair at my sunday womens meeting, I went to a meeting a day for the first 5 yrs of sobriety. so I knew her pretty well, she had 13yrs and had a calmness about her that I wanted. My insides were always like a bag of cats. and my head was like a bus load of teenagers coming home from a football game. At 13 months sober I did my 5th step that I'd been working on for a yr. That sealed the friendship. I lost her for a yr before she died, she was having a tough time dealing with a situation in her life and went to a therapist to help her dig a little deeper and he gave her an antidepressant, she od'd a yr later. I miss her very much. About 9 months ago, I got one with 29yrs. She has helped me thru a difficult time and with my moving and changing schedules, I havent been able to spend as much time with her as I'd like to. These women have given me their energy and undivided attention. They have all had their own ways of sponsoring and I have needed each one. one would hang up on me if I used the word but. one would listen intently and use a story from her life to ease me into my solution. one ignored me and that made me research literature for my answers. one said don't call me back until you make a decision cause you keep doing the same thing over & over expecting different results. I have needed different sponsoring all along my 20yrs in this program and God has provided. Every one of them were God/step based suggestions. I try to sponsor in the same way. Always praying for God's guidance before sharing with them, Never sponsoring more that 2 or 3 at a time. Taking time for myself when energy wanes. Always leaving the decision up to them but always telling them the truth as I see it adding, it's only my opinion & the decision is yours. Dear God please bless all who venture here. love and hugs, bon
Member: DonF
Location: nh
Date: 4/17/00
Time: 10:48:54 PM
Don, Recovering Alcoholic, Great Topic, and even greater sharing on it. I had a hard time deciding whom to ask to be a sponsor, and then replacing him when as he said "When you're sponsor has more problems than you it's time to get a new sponsor" Now I'm not sure I agree with him anymore. Collen..(4/16 7:52am) Not ready? To learn about yourself, to learn HOW to be Honest, Open, and Willing? Take the invitation to have someone to kick around today's happenings and feelings. It's not just the dramatic moment depicted in movies, when you thirst for a drink, and are supposed to call a sponsor. If you can't call and discuss what you heard in a meeting, or discuss how you felt when your boss hassled you, you can't call when the thought of the drink comes, either. TomM (4/17 11:43am) you got that right, the one with appearances of success does not necessarily have his program together. Why does he find it necessary to flaunt his "stuff"? Ever hear the expression "It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to find serenity(the Kingdom of God)"? Principles, not Personalities. Find someone who knows the program, working the steps, how to find topics in the Big Book, etc. Mark M(4/17 1:18 am) Food? Try Overeaters Anonymous. Sex? Try Sexaholics Anonymous. Church is good, and for some, Jesus alone is sufficient, but for most of us, we can't discuss our relationship with Penthouse magazine with someone who can't stay out of a high-stakes poker game, or who never sat in a restaurant he didn't like. We need to talk to others like ourselves, and figure out how to save our ass, before we can deal with the concept of saving our soul...and we need to do both. Donaldo88@aol.com
Member: GREG G.
Location: KENNEWICK, WA
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 12:19:51 AM
Member: Chuck M.
Location: MI
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 12:28:56 AM
Hi AA Members, My sponsor say's get a sponsor that has a sponsor. (as a sponsor we don't have all the answers - just some of them)
Member: GREG G.
Location: KENNEWICK, WA
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 12:29:21 AM
Member: Jack B
Location: Cumbola Pa
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 3:10:57 AM
Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.When I think of sponsorship, the first thing I think about is our basic text,In the foreward it states that the purpose of our book is to show another alcoholic precisely how we recovered.I believe that a sponsor should be an extension of our Big Book.I looked for a sponsor that knew he was just a messenger of our Big Book and not its author.I also believe a sponsor should have at least two years sobriety and also I looked for a man who openly showed that he was enjoying his sobriety.My sponsor has often stressed to me that all I can expect from him is the truth about me, whether I like it or not. Thanks for letting me share and God Bless.
Member: Gabrielle P
Location: Manfield,
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 6:32:31 AM
Hi Gabrielle, Grateful, Recovering Alcoholic here. This is a very private subject to me for each individual must decide what a sponsor is going to be to them. And each person must decide what it is they want out of a sponsor relationship before they can pick one. I personally believe it is one of the most rewarding parts of the program. It is an opportunity to really share with another human that which kept us sober. Teh setting of example is just the surface, it is the souls bearing and the level of trust that builds through such a relationship that benefits both parties that allows me or incourages me to enter into sponsorship. The first time sometime asked me, I was scared, I thought what on earth could I have that they want! I asked my own sponsor and she told me," They see what you have to offer, a genuine, honest trusting individual who cares very deeply about those around her. I didn't see that!! So I had to take a closer look at validating myself without getting a big head, and I begin to see the same thing. I hadn't really noticed the change in myself and still had not gotten to the point where I felt comfortable sponsoring someone else. It was many months down the road when a young woman came up to me and she asked me to sponsor her that I was ready to take on the responsibility. It is a commitment to self, to God and to the program and I believe a direct reflaction of how working the steps in my own life has been seen by another. The honesty and friendship of such an event is very rewarding and is just one more gifts I have been given. So I try to reach out and give back what has been given to me, that I can know another indvidual, feel their pain, guide them in their efforts to stay sober, and learn from them more about myself, and grow with someone in the fellowship. Thanks for the topic, and for being here for me. In Sobriety, In A.A., In Life!
Member: Tom S
Location: Holt, Michigan
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 8:39:48 AM
Hi . I am Tom and an alcoholic. I would just like to say that if you have had a bad experience with a sponsor do not let that atand in the way of your mission;that being remaining sober. When people let you down turn to your higher power and find the serenity to accept that and then move on with life. Our mission as alcoholics is to remain sober or die and we must not let anything stand in the way. For me, part of my moral inventory was to assess the sponsorship situation, admit where I failed, and and where my sponsor failed. Rememember the serenity prayer...to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can. I still do not have a sponsor but I continue to work the 12 steps, read the Big Book, come to this room and do what I can do. The rest I turn over to my higher power. God Bless y'all and for pete sake, STAY SOBER!
Member: LYNDA VR
Location: NORTHERN WISCONSIN
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 9:02:26 AM
IT TOOK ME YEARS TO GET A SPONSOR.....I, LIKE MANY ALKIES TEND TO BE A LONER AND DIDN'T WANT ANYBODY HASSLING OR BUGGIN ME. FINALLY, LAST FALL, AFTER A SERIOUS FALL, I GOT ONE. i HAD KNOWN HER FOR SEVERAL YEARS, LIKED HER HONEST WISDOMS AND CANDID SHARING, AND STRAIGHTFORWARD SPIRITUALITY. THE BIGGEST FACTOR FOR ME - WAS THAT THIS WAS SOMEONE I TRUSTED AND WAS WILLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL!!! SOMETHING I NEVER DID BEFORE, EVER. VERY BIG TO HAVE SOMEONE YOU ARE WILLING TO CALL. ALSO, FOR ME; CUZ THERE'S LOTSA DIFFERENT KINDS OF SPONSORS, SHE IS SOMEONE I TRUST WITH MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, SHE DOESN'T JUDGE ME, GIVES ME HONEST FEEDBACK EXAMPLED THRU HER OWN EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, AND HOPE. THERE ARE DEFINITELY THINGS SHE CONTINUES TO ENCOURAGE ME TO DO, BUT DOESN'T DEMAND. I AM TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE HER IN MY LIFE AND IN MY "CORNER".
Member: Village Idiot~~aka~~ Village Idiot
Location: in a Village(where else?)
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 10:42:14 AM
((( Chuck M. ))) My sponser always says: "Get a sponser who has a sponser who has a sponser!
Member: A Friend of BW
Location:
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 1:21:57 PM
Another sick pup!
Well, I met with my new sponsor. My sponsor helped me walk through my inventory. Ouch, why is it so damn hard to get really honest when someone is calling me on my crap? My ego was challenged, and my defenses were balking at investigation. I was squirming big time. This new sponsor was strong, spiritual, and definite. My new sponsor allowed me "no" ground to BS at all, and told me they could not back off, because they wanted to see me get healthy. Oh, thanks! My sponsor informed me I was deluding (deceiving) myself (duh), and this was adversely affecting those around me (really?). What became clear is that I've compulsively acted out of self will and communicated my selfish desires, been dishonest and self seeking, again! If I sound like an alcoholic, guess what? Imagine that. My sponsor let me know that a couple of the people I thought were problems, weren't. Well, I was so relieved, I was ready to stop right there. My inventory pointed out the fact that I was so damn dishonest that I did not know where their crap ended and mine began. I was living their garbage, as well as mine, because I didn't even know the difference, my house was not in order, and I couldn't find my way through the clutter. What a brain I have when I am not working my program. My sponsor let me know, by my own inventory, that I had adversely affected a few people. It was my inventory, why in the h--- couldn't I see that for myself? I am sorry to the person I interfered with, at least now I know it, and won't do that again. My sponsor told me I don't know what I want, because I haven't been asking God for guidance, I've just been driving my bus by my unaided self will. I'm amazed how quickly I can be grounded when I just ask for help in the program. My life is clearer today as a result of this honest and supportive sponsorship.
Good sponsors set things straight, but I have to do my own program. I'm amazed at how subtly I now have to walk a spiritual path to keep my side of the street in order. My life is a mess, if I do not ask God for guidance, and honestly work with alcoholics, a day at a time. I guess sobriety is progress and not perfection (duh again). I feel like I just got back into the program, my ego is flattened.
Member: Bill A.
Location: NY
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 2:30:30 PM
Bill A. here an alcoholic. Wow, there is some really good stuff posted on this site about sponsorship. I feel like you're talking about my life. I think I will sit back and listen (oops, mean read). I have much to think about.
Thanks for all the posts, I like what this site has to offer.
Member: Another Alcoholic
Location: In a Beautiful State
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 2:39:40 PM
Sponsorship is something I must be very careful with. I have the tendency to place people on pedestals. This is dangerous and very destructive for me. I have had the same sponsor for many many years and God willing it will remain that way for a long long time.
What my sponsor did for me, was help me to grow up and knock off the games. This was not done through control but rather through friendship, understanding and love. When I was finally faced with having to take action and change some things in my life, that is when I finally started to reap the benefits of those ever famous promises.
I breifly would like to say to A Friend of BW that although it sounds like you have had a breakthrough, it also sounds like you are beating yourself up for being human. The one thing we must remember is that we are human and sobriety does not mean that we become saints. That was my breakthrough! I get to be human, I get to make choices for me, I don't have to sacrafice myself anymore, I am not always wrong or the cause of someone elses pain, I finally get to be ME without all of the conditions! That is the lesson my sponsor helped me to learn.
I would like to also say to Fearful that I fully agree with your warning. Sponsors are not God nor are they qualified to tell us how to live our lives. I encountered one that effectively and methodically destroyed a great person's life and by the time he saw what was happening to him, it was too late. He lost a lot including the wonderful relationship we had together. I see him now and can't believe what a lost soul he has become and he still cannot function without someone telling him what to do. I grieve for him and pray every night that he will get away from that manipulation and open his eyes wide enough to see what a great person he really is.
Having a sponsor and being a sponsor require careful thought and consideration. I do not sponsor anyone who wants me to run their life for them and my sponsor remains in my life as one of my best friends. She does not tell me what to do but is always there to hear all about my humaness...that is when she is most helpful, when she laughs and says "oh my gosh another sign of your humaness, should we put it in the headline news?"
Thanks for letting me come back here another time.
Member: Lorrie G
Location: Houston
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 3:03:41 PM
Another Alcoholic, you hit the nail on the head for me. My sponsor also pointed out that I was trying too hard to achieve sainthood in this program and was not working enough on just being human. I would go to meetings and preach a lot of nonsense but never really revealed my true self. Thanks for the reminder. I must get back to the basics.
Member: Charlie A.
Location: Des Moines
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 4:03:53 PM
I have just recuperated from what has been described here as a "manipulating" sponsor. This guy beat me down so bad that I was really beginning to believe that I was nothing more than a piece of shit with no future. Like A Friend of BW I did an inventory and shared it with my sponsor. Not only did this guy tell me what a loser I was but he also made it clear that I was responsible for all the problems experienced by others who were included in my inventory. Don't get me wrong folks I am not saying I didn't cause any harm to anyone because I most assuredly did, but I am saying that this guy who I called a sponsor trashed me into believing that I had no worth whatsoever. Nothing I did was good, according to him, and then he informed me that the rest of my life would be spent making up for all of my past transgressions. Give me a break, PLEASE! I thought AA offered happiness, freedom and wholeness. From what this guy told me, I would never see any of that because I was such a bad person. To make this story a little shorter, this guy encouraged me to walk away from some very wonderful people. I did what he told me to do and I have paid dearly for it.
Another Alcoholic, I relate to what you said about losing valuable relationships as a result of such destructive advice. I suffer this loss every day of my life. A Friend of BW, I relate to what you wrote as well about seeing me for the dishonest person I was but I also warn you not to compromise your heartfelt desires because someone else may think they are wrong. I gave up many of my heartfelt desires at another's suggestions and have never stopped regretting it since(15 years later).
Member: James
Location: Out Here
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 5:00:20 PM
Humility and humiliation are two different things. ((a friend of BW)) you should learn the difference between the two. Self humiliation, self denial, self beating, self degradation are NOT what this program teaches. It is one thing to take responsibility for our past bad actions but it is another to wallow in this self bashing crap. Man I see to much of that in this program lately. We get sober and continue telling ourselves we are bad news. No wonder low self esteem runs rampant in the halls and rooms of AA. Sponsor or no sponsor, if that is what being sober means I don't want any part it.
Get a life people and try some positive reinforcement for a change. It works!
Member: LDD
Location: Southern California
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 6:30:32 PM
Hi. This is my first post here and a good topic for me as I have been thinking about getting a sponsor. I asked an online friend to be my sponsor and she turned me down saying that I needed a face-to-face sponsor. I have been sober for almost thirteen months, but I have only been an alcoholic for a few weeks.
I did try a sponsor at about three or four months sober, but it didn't work and she "fired" me. It was the best thing she could have done for me, actually. I think the reason why it wasn't working was that I hadn't really accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic. Even now, when I know I am an alcoholic, it is so hard to say and admit.
I only go to one meeting and while I like the women there who have some long-term sobriety time, I don't feel comfortable asking them to be my sponsor. I'm not sure why. But I don't know anyone else to ask.
I have trouble getting to meetings because I lost my drivers license. I also haven't liked most meetings I've gone to and am OK with the one I do go to.
Does anyone have any suggestions on finding a sponsor?
Thank you.
Member: Larry
Location: New Orleans
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 9:18:40 PM
Hi, Larry here. I am a person who abused alcohol for many years, and lost much by doing so. I am sober today by choice. James adds a wonderful sentiment to this discussion. My experience in the rooms of AA has been a tragic one, and I thank God that I did not listen to some of the unbelievable baloney they ( When I say "they" I mean I went to 5 different meetings!) tried to foist off upon me. In answer to my hurts and questions, I recieved platitudes and slogans. My sponsor was a wonderful lady (yes, lady. I am gay and so is she) was the only one who listened. She never once told me that if I left that I would drink again (I haven't!). She never once accused me of "stinkin' thinkin'". She always heard me out and never put me down. And she did me the greatest favor of my life when she steered me to Rational Recovery. Now I work one step: I never, ever drink, for ANY reason. Period. I involve myself in normal activites with normal folks who don't all have the same last name: alcoholic. I'm happy to be sober and enjoy a full and productive life. By the way, that sponsor is still my friend, even though every other "program friend" has deserted me long ago. That was nine years ago, and every day I thank my sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous. You too can have what I have. Peace. True peace to you all.
http://www.rational.org/recovery
Member: Donna
Location:
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 9:47:09 PM
Hi. My name is Donnna and I'm an alcoholic. This is a great topic. A sponsor is the most important part of the program for myself I find. In the beginning I was on this search to find the best sponsor for me and all I was doing was putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I was told to find someone temporary until I found someone that I really clicked with. In the beginning I was so confused and thats what I did. I found this nice lady that was sober for some time and we went to meetings together and out for coffee. I believe in my sobriety God has led me to certain people at the right time because I truly wanted to stay sober for myself. I was truly and still am trying to follow the direction of my sponsor and others. Just doing the next right thing with good motives. I eventually found a fanastic sponsor I've had for the past 8 years. We have had very similar morals, values and very similar drinking histories. She is like family and I do believe God and AA led me to her. If I didn't have a temporary sponsor in the beginning , who knows where I would have been. I'm only sharing my own experience. It's been mostly wonderful.
Member: David C.
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 10:10:57 PM
Hi, David Alcoholic here. I can look back on how my sponser came into my life and see it as God working in my life - even before I believed in any "God".
I had come to believe that AA meetings were helping me and decided to follow your advice to find a sponser. I asked my neighbor who is/was in AA. He said no - I asked three times total. He said no three times. The last time he walked/pulled me across the room and deposited me in front of Terry. He said this man will sponser you. I had never seen or met this man. Terry asked me if I wanted a sponser and I answered yes. He said come to my house on Saturday. I showed up on Saturday and met him. His requirements of me as a "pigeon" are that I go to regular meetings, at least one a week that he attends, I work the steps and I become willing to work with others.
He said I will share with you the basic fundemental of AA. It is that when one alcoholic shares with another there is some chance that they may both stay sober. It is my experience that this works, as I have been sober for close to five years now. I try to be of service in AA meetings as best I can. I always have a job in my home group and I always try to reach out to the new comers.
I currently sponser several men and have found that sponsering them is good for me. I was so afraid at first to reach out and I believed that I had nothing to offer. Now when a man asks me to sponser him I wonder what he has come in my life to teach me.
My advice to LLD is believe as best you can. A sponser is just a friend. A person to guide you through the steps. The next time you go to a meeting your sponser will probably be sitting right next to you. Just look at her and ask.
Peace
Member: GREGG G.
Location: KENNEWICK, WA
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 10:25:04 PM
Member: Kevin S.
Location: Allentown Pa.
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 10:49:37 PM
Hi.Kevin alcoholic and addict.I walked out of a prison cell in September 1998. FEAR!!! I Was full of fear. I called a contact who i met at a meeting in the prison and he came to pick me up. This man did not know me at all other than i just got out of jail for felony charges.He knew i wanted to stay sober,that is all he needed to know.He took me in to his home,fed me put a roof over my head and told me not to worry about money or anything else,but getting to meetings and meeting people. at this point in my life i really did'nt have a choice i burned all my bridges and know one wanted anything to do with me.My only choice was to trust someone who i did not know and that was rough! This guy who took me in had a friend who he introduced me to and that was to be my sponsor. I got to know him,heard his life story and hung out with him in diners. Today he is still my sponsor and i love him. He goes out of his way to help me even when i don't ask. My suggestion to you is GET TO MEETINGS , hang out after the meeting , go to diners even if you think it's korny , just go! I learned more about this program and how to stay sober in diners before and after meetings. You will meet someone who has the same story as yours, or you will meet someone who you can connect with.My prayers are with you. For this drunken addict,i had to ask myself how bad do i really want to stay sober?
Member: Tom
Location: Homosassa, Fl
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 11:16:54 PM
To LDD Southern Cal 4/18 6:32pm I don't usually respond a second time but this is such an important step I felt I had to respond. PLEASE PLEASE if you are serious about your program, find a sponsor. Going it alone can be dangerious. Getting the right sponsor can make the journey you are on much safer. Most of all Go to meetings. Find one every day until you get a good sponsor. Pay attention at these meetings and watch the people of your own sex and how they are working their program. Are they just talking the talk or are they really walking the walk. Are they where you want to be , NO BE but where you want to be. Are they making meetings , are they involved in service. will they tell you how it is or are they just telling you nice things. This is life and death. you might have another drunk but will you ever have a next sobbering up Good luck and God Bless Keep coming back.
Member: Sober & Happy
Location: by the mountains
Date: 4/18/00
Time: 11:26:59 PM
James, someone always told me throughout my childhood and part of my adult life.....
"never ever give up your passion because it means losing the essence of you"
For a time my passion was lost and I spent much time beating myself up because I thought I was just not good enough. And now I have found it once again. I am NOT bad news and I DESERVE good people and things in my life. How is that for positive reinforcement?
p.s. my sponsor thinks so too.
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 4/19/00
Time: 3:21:22 AM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! Thanks everyone for sharing!
This is an excellent topic, and I think the bases have been pretty much covered already here, but I would like to add from my own experience. Before I do that, however, let me say there is a pamphlet about sponsorship, "Questions & Answers On Sponsorship" that anyone interested in can purchase through GSO or, perhaps, through an Intergroup office for less than a dollar. Also, the booklet "Living Sober" discusses sponsorhip in Chapter 11.
When I looked for a sponsor, I took the typical suggestions--for example, another male, someone with both length and quality of sobriety, and someone whom I could identify with when they shared. However, I didn't rush into getting a sponsor, nor did I waste time. Instead, I asked someone to sponsor me temporarily. Thus if we were compatible in this relationship, I could ask for permanent sponsorship, and, if not, we could each go our separate ways.
Fortunately for me, my relationship with my temporary sponsor worked out well, and he became a permanent sponsor. He is also my good friend today.
Member: Bridget H
Location: New Zealand
Date: 4/19/00
Time: 9:48:47 AM
Hello, Im Bridget and Im an alcoholic, This is a new form of meeting for me ( first time on internet) and i have enjoyed very much the discussion on sponsorship. May I share with you all the small amount of experience which i have had with sponsorship to date.
I came into AA Jan 1999 and initally did everything by the book according to my sponsor whom i approached within the first few meetings i attended. I didnt take time to choose my sponsor and agree very much with what others have suggested in choosing a sponsor.
When I got to AA I was emotionally desperate for recovery. Deep inside I knew that I had tried everyway I knew possible to change the destructive drunk patterns which I had been living with for years and gotton to the bottom with. So I was if you like eager to get this thing that AAers said they had, expecting that if I did everything real fast Id get recovery real fast. Typical!! Expectations and assumptions got me no where as you will see.
With these attitudes I followed the suggested pescription; Got a sponsor, did at least one meeting a day, went through the steps with sponsor, got into service etc etc. I wanted recovery bad.
My choosen sponsor was very controlling however and I started feeling very uncomfortable with the way that I had to tell her everything that i had done each day and follow her directions and her decisions for my life. This felt very unhealthy and not quite right but I went against my uncomfortableness for a while because my sponsor said i was full of disease and that she would do my thinking for me. Pretty scarey to be told none of your thinking is ok. Created more dependancy, bit of a nightmare really , i had more than enough to begin with!
She and her friends spoke of themselves as the AA Nazis and were proud of their hard core line of sponsorship. Not very healthy relationship at all. I ended up being very much more mixed up than I was to begin with,very frightened. If this was the love of the fellowship then I thought id take my chances else where!
I left AA for 3 months last year and returned on October 11th realising that though that sponsorship relationship was a painful experience I could'nt use it as another excuse ( however inappropriate her behaviour had been) not to stick with the AA 12 steps if I was to have the recovery that I was seeking. Being away from AA my life had gotton worse. I needed AA.
Any way to cut a long story short this sponsorship experience re inforced for me that recovery is my choice on a daily basis, that the sponsor I have in my life is my choice and in both i have responsibilities. I live with the consequences of my actions and choices. I am learning to take responsibility for those two processes in my life.
Thank God I kept coming back, for it is God who is healing me through this wonderful programme, I am growing up slowly and gently to be the person He created. This is new for me, Im well used to running away.
I am very happy to say that I have a different sponsor today and that she is a mixture between a friend and mentor, not too emotionally attached as to be unhealthy but not so distant as to have the distance of a professional therapist if you know what I mean.
She shares her experience strength and hope with me. She encourages me and she supports me to front up to my life sober in a very loving supportive capacity. Sponsorship seems to be like the rest of life , experiences that one can learn from if one chooses to.
I know Ive grown from both these sponsors. Im thankful for them both. I wouldnt recommend the first type of sponsor!, sounds very much like the control freak some one mentioned earlier, but i can smile when i think about it now, i lived to tell the tale!!!
Im a grateful member of AA today and that I heard the message given infinitum and kept coming back. Im really glad that I came on to the internet and have listened to your discussion, bye for now. Bridget
Member: Deseree
Location: Plymouth
Date: 4/19/00
Time: 10:15:02 AM
This message is to (A friend of BW). Do you have a mind or heart of your own? All I read in your post was my sponsor told me this, or my sponsor said that, or my sponsor said I was this, or my sponsor says I am not doing this, bla bla bla. My sponsor, my sponsor, my sponsor!
Let me ask you this, does your sponsor have to live with the decisions he/she makes for you? I feel sorry for people like you because hard core fanatics prey on your kind. I agree with James you need to get a life because allowing others to define who and what you are is no more than continued sick dependency.
By the way, your sponsor told you that your were not asking for God's guidance, right? I suspect God has answered your prayers but you either don't like the answer or you aren't listening because someone else (ie your sponsor) says it not the right answer. Boy theres some positive growth for you!!! NOT!
Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 4/19/00
Time: 5:27:10 PM
Hi everyone, Mary - alcy
I have been thinking about this weeks topic for a couple days.....of what sponsorship means to me.
To me a sponsor is a mentor.
I have had more than one in my sobriety. I asked my first sponsor to be my sponsor for all the wrong reasons. I felt I could get over on her, she was a quiet woman, housewife who drank at home alone and very mild mannered, I was the complete opposite. But at least I could tell people that I had a sponsor. I didn't know it at the time of course but the kind, gentle and loving way this woman worked with me was EXACTLY what I needed.
I have seen two ways of dealing with a bad experience with sponsorship. One is with bitterness and resentment. The other is to learn from the experience and be all the wiser.
Sometimes it happens that we cease to grow with our chosen "mentor" and it is time to move on to a new one. But I believe we can learn and grow from all our experiences in AA (and life itself), good AND bad - if we choose. The hard part of this for me is to do it without bitterness and resentment.
Love to all - Mary.
Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 4/19/00
Time: 7:28:04 PM
I am chuck. an alcoholic. My confusion about a sponsor was the definitions of friend and sponsor. A sponsor should guide a person through the 12 step program in the Big Book. The definition of a friend is one joined to another for mutual help, and not in a sexual or family way.
I see newcomers call someone who has not done the steps their sponsor. I think it is friendship, someone they can relate to who is coming out of the problem the same as them.
Step 12 says having a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps I try to carry this message. I think a sponsor should have completed the steps
I sponsor by showing the steps in the Big Book and my understanding of what they say. I heard on a tape a fine piece of advice that I adhere to; If your sponsor tells you anything ask him to show it to you in the Big Book. If he can't show you get another sponsor because that one can kill you.
I believe that all my answers to life are found in the BB, providing I ask the right question. Since my problems are symptons I stop looking at them and look to the steps for the answer.
Since we are all equal, after I have finished guiding through the steps our ongoing relationship is called friendship. Doesn't my best friend know everything about me and vice versa. Wouldn't each of us help the other, and want to share our lives.
By sponsoring I have grown in this program. Their questions have made it necessary that I have to keep going back to that book. God says I will get a benefit if I help other people. It works[one more time]
Peace and Serenity
Member: Barry K
Location: Lake Oswego,OR
Date: 4/19/00
Time: 7:34:01 PM
Hello everyone! I'm Barry an alcoholic. I just recently went through a 21 day impatient program and am currently attending a year long outpatient program. My sponsor is the same person I had 4 years ago. I wasn't ready then so it didn't work out. Now, I'm eager to learn and have a strong desire to stop drinking. We have many similar religious beliefs(none), as well as working together for 3+ years. I am 33 years old and he is more than twice my age. He has been sober for more than 18 years now and I have a great respect for what he says and what he has done. We are now currently doing the steps - and he opened my eyes and let me see that my higher power has been there all along - my mind was overtaken by this disease and not able to see it. I look at my sponsor as a teacher to me. When we go over the Big Book together it is not only helping me but him as well. Remember, this program is one alcoholic helping another. Nobody else could help me get through this but another fellow alcoholic. People who are not alcoholics don't know how to help us and they don't understand how difficult it is to stop drinking. Take care and just take it one day at a time.
Member: Gary
Location:
Date: 4/19/00
Time: 8:05:20 PM
Member: Gary
Location: ALASKA
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 12:08:11 AM
My name is Gary and I'm an an alcohlic, Today is my AA birthday. With the help of God and the people in these rooms I haven't had a drink in 19 years. This web sight Staying Cyber is like my second home group, Its a wonderful tool of soberity. Anyway folks I thought I share the day with you. Nineteen years ago in 1981 it was Easter Sunday it made it easy for me to remember. I chaired the 12 Noon group today and received my XIX coin and then we all went out to eat. I got alot of hugs and a card and we talked about alot of things. More or less we talked about being grateful for each other for the program. One of the members read a portion of the big book that is worth repeating. They read "The last fifteen years of my life have been rich and meaningful. I have had my share of problems, heartaches and disappointments, because that is life, but also I have known a great deal of joy, and a peace that is the handmaiden of an inner freedom. I have a wealth of friends and, with my A.A. friends, an unusual quality of fellowship. For, to these people, I am truly related. First, through mutaul objectives and new-found faith and hope. And, as the years go by, working together, sharing our experiences with one another, and also sharing mutual trust, understanding and love-without strings, without obligation-we acquire relationships that are unique and priceless. There is no more "aloneness," with that awful ache, so deep in the heart of every alcoholic that nothing, before, could ever reach it. That ache is gone and never need return again. Now there is a sense of belonging, of being wanted and needed and loved. In return for a bottle and a hangover, we have been given the Keys of the Kingdom.
Thankyou for my life
Member: Kim S.
Location: Michigan
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 9:56:55 AM
Hi all! Alcoholic named Kim, here. I thank my HP (God) every day for bringing my sponsor & sponsees into my life. My sponsor taught me how to work the steps into my life & practise the principles of them on a daily basis. I, in turn, try to guide my "kids" in the same way. I do not tell them what to do (nor did she to me). I share my own experience in similar situations & make suggestions toward possible solutions. I try, ALWAYS, to live in the solution rather than the problem. Stuff happens in this life, but how I deal with it is directly proportional to where I am at with my HP. I can get restless, irritable, or discontented if I am not in a "good" place.
When I got to AA, I didn't know how to live life on life's terms. I did not know how to be serene & peaceful through tough times. I did not know how to rid myself of my resentments or that they were the blockage to my HP. I felt like the lowest piece of crap on the face of the earth. I learned how to do/feel these things & more from my sponsor. I learned that she & I had done some of the same things, and how to no longer regret the path that got me where I am today. I am grateful to her (& all of my other AA friends) for teaching me the things I needed to know to learn, grow, & change into a person I can respect today. I am no longer filled with self-loathing or self-pity.
Don't get me wrong.....none of this was "easy". I have always been the kind of person who learns her lessons the hard way (& still am, some days). But with my sponsor's guidance, I CAN learn & to me, that's the most important part. Learn the lesson, find the gratitude, & move forward. Thanx for letting me share & for another day SOBER!!
Member: Jill Z.
Location: Wareham,Mass.
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 10:15:26 AM
(((Bridget H.))) and (((Mary K.))) Please refrain from posting over the limit. Bridget is new,in here, and it is understandable........However(((Mary K.))) you post much too often and use too many words!
Member: Liza M.
Location: Hollywood,Calif.
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 10:29:48 AM
Love the topic. AA saved my life 14 years ago. My first choice of sponser was a nightmare mistake.She would try to get me in a dark secluded place and seduce me(physically). I resisted the first few times.Finally we had sex and I regretted it.Today I have a sponser who is loving and caring in appropiate ways.She doesn't try to lick my pussy.
Member: David R.
Location: Nashville TN
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 4:46:28 PM
Hi, David R. here. Finding and using a sponsor has always been tough for me. The character defects that helped my drinking and drugging always made it dificult for me to ask and to utilize a sponsor. I found it hard to beleive that anyone would care to listen to my "problems".I now have a temporary sponsor and hope to suck it up and do what I am told. Anyone else have that problem?
Member: GREGG G.
Location: KENNEWICK, WA
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 7:52:44 PM
Member: Its Me Again
Location: Pluto
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 7:57:41 PM
(((David R.))) NO
Member: DonF
Location: nh
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 9:40:40 PM
Don, Recovering Alcoholic Deseree (4/19 10:15)...think it's a bunch of crap to ask sponsors advice and listen? Ought to be tough and strong and do it your own way? Do you see this somewhere in the first three steps, between the lines? Not me. I'd rather stay sober. Don't drink, go to meetings, ASK FOR HELP, and let it happen. I wish you well. Donaldo88@aol.com
Member: ......
Location: ......
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 11:10:53 PM
DonF...are you our new Higher Power? Did you write the Big Book? Everyone works the program in the best way that works for them. Get off your pulpit and say something worth reading. I can't stand judgemental, holier than thou jerks like you. You never have anything worthwhile to add or share. All you do is run off at the mouth. Deseree, don't pay him any attention and you just keep on keepin on.
Member: MaryAnne B
Location: Casper
Date: 4/20/00
Time: 11:25:06 PM
I am alcoholic. ((DonF)) Deseree never said that people ought to tough it out and do it alone. Why dont you stop reading stuff thats not there. She simply pointed out that the dude or dudette who is a friend of BW doesnt seem to think on his/her own. Asking for help and letting someone else control you are two different things. There is a fine line between helping someone and controlling them. Go back and read a freind of BWs posting. Its reeks of someone who just lets another lead them around. We are suppose to grow up and become responsible in sobreity not turn into a bunch of weenies dependant on our sponsors. Sorry DonF I think you dont read very well.
Member: DRY IN THE DESERT
Location: NEVADA
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 12:00:08 AM
GOOD EVENING EVERYONE; MY NAME IS WALTER AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC !!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARY AND THANKS FOR SHARING !!
GOD HAD A PLAN FOR ME AND MY SPONSER LONG BEFORE I EVERY THOUGHT OF ATTEMPTING RECOVERY....AND HE (HP) DOES HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR. MY SPONSOR'S SOBRIETY DATE HAPPENS TO BE MY PHYSICAL BIRTHDAY, SO WHEN I WAS "CELEBRATING" MY 30TH BIRTHDAY, BY SPONSOR WAS GETTING SOBER. GOD KNEW I WOULD NEED A SPONSOR WITH 12 YEARS SOBRIETY WHEN I CAME IN. THROUGH A LONG CHAIN OF STRANGE CIRCUMSTANCES, MY SPONSOR MOVED TO THE CITY I ATTENDED MY FIRST MEETING IN, THE DAY BEFORE I WALKED IN THE DOOR. HE WAS WAITING THERE FOR ME ON MY FIRST DAY......HE TREATED ME LIKE A REAL PERSON (I WAS BEARLY A HUMAN THAT DAY!!), A FEW DAYS LATER HE CALLED TO SEE HOW I WAS DOING, A MONTH LATER HE ASKED ME TO JOIN HIM IN A BUSINESS VENTURE....WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 11 YEARS WITHOUT A HARSH WORK OR FEELING BETWEEN US. HE "SPONSORS" ME BY ALLOWING ME TO OBSERVE HIS LIFE OF SOBRIETY THROUGH THE GOOD AND THE BAD. WE SHARE EVERYTHING AND NEITHER IS THE MENTOR OR THE STUDENT...IT IS AN EVEN TWO-WAY STREET. WHEN GOD HAS NEW LESSONS FOR ME TO LEARN, HE SENDS ME A NEW SPONSEE AND IT IS ALWAYS A WONDERFUL LEARNING EXPERIENCE FOR ME. I ENJOY A WONDERFUL QUALITY OF SOBRIETY AND I ATTRIBUTE IT TO GOD PUTTING PEOPLE TOGETHER. WITH 11 YEARS,I SPONSOR MANY MEN (AND ONE WOMAN), MY SPONSOR HAS 23 YEARS, HIS SPONSOR HAS 38 AND HE KNEW SOME OF THE FOUNDERS OF AA. IF YOU WANT TO FEEL ELECTRICITY, HAVE FIVE "GENERATIONS" OF SPONSORS/SPONSEES SITTING AT ONE TABLE.
IF YOU ARE NEW, DO NOT BE AFRAID OF SPONSORSHIP....THIS IS THE MIRICLE THAT BOB AND BILL FOUND...ONE ALCOHOLIC SHARING WITH ANOTHER, ONE ON ONE. AS WITH EVERYTHING IN THIS PROGRAM, DO THE FOOTWORK AND EXPECT A MIRICLE. GO TO LOTS OF MEETINGS, SHARE AND STAY AFTER THE MEETING FOR FELLOWSHIP. GOD WILL PUT THE RIGHT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE.
THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE.
Member: JOSEPH
Location: LOST IN TX
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 1:04:26 AM
MY NAME IS JOSEPH WALTER YOU HAVE WHAT I WANT THANKS FOR SHARING CARING IM NEW
Member: Sylva H
Location: New Zealand
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 1:29:41 AM
My name is Sylvia and I am an alcoholic from New Zealand. Sponsorship has played a vital part in my recovery of 11 years. After 18 months dry I knew I was on my way to taking another drink as I found I couldn't live without the booze any more than I could live with it - a terrible and demoralising realisation for someone like me! I could not think my way into right living, nor live my way into right thinking.
I am very grateful today that I took the advice of an AA friend and made that difficult initial appraoch to a sober woman and asked her to help me. She agreed, and my real journey in recovery started. She showed me through sharing stories and experiences of her own journey and by inviting me into her life just what sobriety can bring to someone as severely damaged by alcoholism as I was. She unfailingly brought me back to the Big Book and the Steps in every dilemma I faced - and there were many! When I had a bit of sanity under my belt she shared with me her firm faith and constant reliance on God, so that I could see for myself His working in the life of another alcoholic.
I now sponsor women myself, and follow her example in sponsoring me. I tell women who I work with that they must constantly refer to the Big Book for their answers and to check out what they hear from others (me included) as another person may put them wrong - not intentionally, but because everyone filters things through their own experiences, and it is very easy to mishear what another is saying or meaning. I share my faith and experiences as honestly as I can, and if I am useful, that is good - but as others have mentioned here, the constant referring to the basics of recovery necessary in sponsoring keeps my feet firmly on the ground.
My sponsor fired me at the end of the 12 steps. She said her job to guide me that far was now finished. I was very hurt at the time, but she is now a valued friend, and someone whose spiritual experience and wisdom I have come to trust as I trudge the road of happy destiny.
I am firmly of the belief that sponsoring from both sides of the fence is a productive and essential part of recovering from this deadly disease of alcoholism.
sylviaelizabeth@hotmail.com
Member: sunny s
Location: New Bedford, MASS
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 1:37:13 AM
I've been more actively a sponsor these last few months than a sponsee. A week ago last Saturday, our step study group did the 7th step at the beach. It was the first time for 2 women. It was beautiful to stand by them as first they asked HP to take away their character defects. This week we are working on the 8th. When one of the women said she will make the list but she AIN'T making amends...NOPE not going to rock the boat.... nope things are going along good... not going to mess it up. I did a quick run through 1,2,3, and was able not to laugh and hug her. She did agree to pray for the willingness and the strength but NOPE, she ain't doing any amends. I'm still giggling as I write this. She has no idea how beautiful her honesty is. I told her but she can't see it. I finally had to laugh out loud and give her a squeeze. HP helps us with one step at a time. She has all she needs to do step 8. That is all she needs today. We get the strength and courage to do today's work. I learned that from a loving sponsor. She was just as tough as me, not afraid to speak her mind, compassionate enough to do it with kindness and love, and obviously using both her sponsor and HP as help in working with me.A sponsor's job is to pray for the sponsee and teach the AA way of life. It says in the big book that you can't transmit what you haven't got. There is no point in using a sponsor who hasn't done all the steps and continue to do them. There is no point in looking for a saint. A sponsor is going to have character defects, make mistakes, have resentments and days of insanity. Can the sponsor talk about that openly? On the issue of giving advice, I seek it of my own sponsor often and sometimes I take her advice when it is different and better than what I would do. I run my thinking by her and welcome her input. I give my sponsees input, my opinion if I'm asked and sometimes when I'm not. But it's just an opinion, it's not an order. It's a vote. Quite often it's a suggestion to get other opinions. Only occasionally is someone's thinking so foggy that I push for my advice to be followed. Sometimes it's life or death. It is important for a sponsor to know the difference between my will and HP's will. Clancy in Calif. helped me out with that one. He said if it's my will, there is only one right way. If it's HP's will, there are choices. The best way to find a sponsor is to ask that your spirit be drawn to the right person. That's what I do and I also pray about it when I think I've found the right person. I've had to change sponsors because of moving across the country. The best way to be a sponsee is to learn to be a trustworthy friend, and to surrender to the idea that somebody else may have a whole bowl of serenity when you haven't got a sprinkle. If working with that person gives me some serenity, and some better understanding of the steps, then I've probably got a good one. If somebody wants to give me lots of advice about how to run my life and never mentions a prayer or piece of step work to do, then I've got the wrong person. As a sponsor, I have a reputation for being tough about working the steps. I don't have a lot of patience for BS'ers who just ask me because the treatment program or the P.O. says they have to do that. I'm honored to stand by women who are making their way closer to a higher power. I'm honored that some women stand by me as I make my way closer to HP. Once, I heard a recovering murderer talking about finding a sponsor when he got out of prison. He chose an ex-cop who had no problem grabbing him by the neck if he thinking, talking or acting wrong. he grew up and learned a beautiful way of life from the cop. My ponsor doesn't grab me by the neck, but i can trust that she will get in my business if I'm off base. I'm honored to have had sponsors who leaned on me when they needed to do that. Some days, it's a question of who has the sanity? My sponsees love knowing that I hate the slogan "This too shall Pass." We all love it when my sponsor says "When one door closes, another one opens. But that hallway is a bitch." It's about friendship, sharing laughter, and sharing the life of stepwork.
Member: Therese
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 1:51:55 AM
Just wanted to thank you all for sharing such wonderful stuff about sponsorship.
I've learned that I'm not yet ready to sponsor anyone AND I can utilize the sponsor I have more.
For those who have had difficult experiences with sponsors I'll pass on what was given to me: "Some are sicker than others". In my early haze, I couldn't sort BS from fact, couldn't distinguish who was talking but not walking and didn't make good choices. Not that I didn't learn something from each - almost all are still in my AA life today. I finally asked someone I did trust in AA to help find someone for me. And I found someone who truly believes in a HP and believes in carrying the message of the BB. Not to mention she makes ME work and not run.
I'm so grateful for this space and for those who share thier experience, strenght and hope.
Thank you. Therese
Member: barb w.
Location: south dakota
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 2:50:56 AM
Hi, BArb, an alcoholic, I agree w/ Sunni, the hallway is a bitch. In little towns where there are not many sober people, who even try to begin to understand let alone a sponser are a hard thing to find, so you continue to look and stay open minded doing life one day at a time. Thanks.
Member: Dean S
Location: Phoenix, Az
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 3:02:07 AM
HI!! My name is Dean and I am an alcoholic.
My sponsor is a guy who had just what I wanted and needed. One day it occured to me that I would like to be able to enjoy life as much as it appeared that he did. So I set out to act like him that day. I spent the day greeting everyone I met with a smile and a word of encouragement. What a day it was!! I learned a great lesson that day and get chills when I think back on it. We became great friends and though he is now is 85 years old with 53 years of sobriety I am still learning from him.
To save a lot of time here I refer you back to the post of Kim S 4/20 9:56:55 A.M.. Kim put it pretty much as I see it.
Floyd set the example for me and took me on many 12th step calls. I have sponsored many in the same manner I was taught and many have stayed sober, some have not. The end result is that I am sober and a better person for carrying the message. Thank you for letting me share.
Thanks for your love. Thanks for my life. Dean
Member: DRY IN THE DESERT
Location: NEVADA
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 8:03:31 AM
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE !! MY NAME IS WALTER AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.
((((JOSEPH...LOST IN TEXAS)))....WECOME BUDDY!! MAY THE MIRICLE THAT HAPPENED FOR ME HAPPEN FOR YOU...GOOD FOR YOU FOR REACHING OUT..TEACHING IS TWICE LEARNING AND I CAN USE YOUR HELP. THE NEWCOMER IS THE LIFEBLOOD OF THIS PROGRAM AND YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE "ROOM"
TALK TO ME (I CAN BE YOUR CYBER SPONSER IF YOU LIKE)
DRY IN DESERT@aol.com
Member: Pinkletink S.
Location: The Vineyard
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 10:28:01 AM
I call myself Pinkletink on-line and I am an alcoholic with the background of 30 years of drinking and 27 years of sobriety [if I make it] this Memorial Day. I was pretty confused for perhaps the first year or quite possibly longer. I am so grateful I stuck around until I really wanted what the program offered. I really did not know what I wanted except that I wanted to be able to stop feeling so miserable. I felt I had plenty of reason to despise myself...plenty of proof that I was a loser without hope. When I finally was able to hear what was being said and to recognize that I was surrounded by people like me who had the sme destructive experiences or worse and had survived , were able to laugh, to be healed and to help others to be healed. Hope flickered alive! I heard "don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens".."the hoop we are asked to jump through is much wider than we think". HOW it works: honesty, openmindedness and willingness" Stay in the NOW...don't miss it by dwelling in the past or projecting into the future [projection is almost always negative for an alcoholic..that is what worry is, right?] I asked a woman I found at my first meeting to be my sponsor because she had about 14 years. However she went out again after 15 years and had a terrible time getting back and then she died. I picked someone about my age in the program who impressed me with her conviction that AA was the answer for her. She had an aura of serenity about her..and an obvious peace of mind that I coveted...I picked her to do the 5th step with because I was squirming in my seat at the step meetings when I was 5 years sober and had not done the 4th or 5th steps. I now know that you compare yourself with yourself and do not compete with other members because you think you SHOULD. I was also told you can do more than one 4th step and have more than one sponsor at a time depending on your own individual needs. I think it is a sign of self respect when you feel the need to take tender loving care of yourself with the guidance of someone who can be objective as to what is in your best interest. This has to be someone, preferably in the program, who can think clearly and who knows and understands your story. We never have to be alone again!! Congratulations Gary in Alaska!! It is a wonderful program and now that is further reinforced by finding you all here any time of the day or night...and in Finland, New Zealand, Australia, Ireland too!!! WOW Thanks so much for the most wonderful Spiritual connection I can imagine...worldwide! love to you all.
Member: Joy P.
Location: IL
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 11:23:33 AM
Hi, I'm Joy/alcoholic I have found a wonderful sponsor ,By the grace of God, she read a post and jumped right in. She has given me a lot of hope and she also busts my chops occasionaly with asignments from hell that turn out to be amazing blessings.She never asks from me more than I can handle and always is there to listen and then kick my butt out of self-bondage. I have grown to love and depend on her.I hope to one day give back what I am recieving "kick someone elses big book".Having a sponsor has taught me to trust and gives me a guide- line in progress. happy,joyous and free, Joy
Member: Carla M.
Location: Sarnia, ON
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 1:30:15 PM
Hi, I'm Carla, and I'm a recovered alcoholic. God is my sponsor. I had a temporary (and human!) sponsor who guided me through the steps necessary for me to change. I knew I couldn't figure those steps out myself (my alcoholic brain couldn't/wouldn't process "truth" very well, and truth is vital to recovery!), so I looked for someone who, himself, had had a spiritual awakening as a result of both taking the steps described in our book and implementing AA's suggested way of life (living according to the steps) in his own. It took me a year and a half of going to meetings before I found him. He graciously agreed to guide me through the steps that are outlined, described, and explained in our book, and what had happened for him (as well as for the folks who wrote the book) happened for me. Part of the process for me was/is complete surrender to the One Who has all power. My temporary (human) sponsor could not relieve my alcoholism. God could. God has. There's no way I ever did enough to deserve it, but I'm grateful that God is so loving that He gave me this gift. No one in this discussion is looking for advice (and I'm certainly the last person on the planet who could give any, haha!), but when it came to finding someone to guide me through the steps necessary to change, I'm glad I kept looking until I found someone who had experienced, himself, the changes promised in our book. But, like I said: my real sponsor is God. He saved my sorry butt.
Member: LDD
Location: Southern California
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 1:46:59 PM
I posted a couple days ago and I hope its OK if I do so again. Can I say a couple general things? First, it is very hard to read posts that use all capital letters. In fact, I don't read them at all - I just skip over them.
Also, paragraphs are marvelous things. They keep thoughts organized are make long documents easy to read.
Now, for the real reason I'm writing. I think I want a sponsor. I don't know how to get one. I can't get to a lot of meetings because I can't drive and the bus to my hometown quits fairly early. I am willing to try a cyber-sponsor if there is a woman with lots of years of sobriety who is willing to take on a hard-deaded lawyer who is sober, but not liking it much. We can give it a trial run. Nothing says it has to be forever.
Thank you.
Member: EyesNotSoGreat!!!!!
Location:
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 1:56:58 PM
Hey LLD, aka shithead, for your information. Some have trouble seeing so they have to post in capital letters so they can read it. It's called a disability asshole!! Live and let live, prick!!
Member: LDD
Location: Southern California
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 2:33:12 PM
Thank you EyesNotSoGreat. For your information, I also do not see well and it is much easier for me to read correctly typed words than words all in capital letters. But you have told me all I need to know about this forum. I will not post here again. Enjoy your sobriety and the knowledge that you have been a great help to those that struggle with theirs.
Member: steve L
Location: INDY
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 4:53:48 PM
LLD at least eyes didnt use all caps
Member: jOANIE o
Location: mT.bETHEL pa>
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 7:07:11 PM
hI ALL MY NAME IS jOANIE AND i AM AN ALCOHOLIC. sPONSORSHIP MEANS GUIDE TO ME TOO tIM AND jENNY BECAUSE LEFT TO MY OWN DEVICES i COULD NOT RUN MY OWN LIFE i HAD MADE A MESS OF IT AND i NEEDED SOMEONE TO GUIDE ME.i HAD TO LET THEM ANDi BEGAN TO GROW IN SOBERIETY. iT IS THAT SIMPLE LET MY EGO DOWN AND LET IT HAPPEN.iT IS NOW 20 YEARS LATER AND i AM STILL SOBER i AM FREE AND HAPPY AND i HAVE THE BEST PARTNERSHIP WITH MY SPONSOR. gOD HAS BEEN MY CO PIOLET THRU ALL OF THE ABOVE AND i AM SO GRATEFUL tHANKS
Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 7:12:18 PM
Hi,
I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Thanks Therese for the topic.
I agree with what many of you have shared about looking for a sponsor that has the qualities that you would like to have. I also agree that your sponsor needs to walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Yes, Therese, there are many would be sponsors that don't have it any where close to having it together.
I do believe that this program is progress and not perfection, but my choice in a sponsor is someone who has progressed at least more than I have.
Thank you to all for sharing.
Member: Doug S.
Location: WV
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 7:57:31 PM
Doug-alcoholic,For me trying to go without a sponsor was like being on a dry drunk and I couldn't figure out why I was relapsing because just going to meetings and sharing every day life stuff was not enough. Now that I found a sponsor that I can trust I can unload the stuff I need to help me stay sober. But it took me a long time to find one that I could trust. Now that I am guided through the steps sober life is alot easier because I found out I COULD NOT do it by myself. WE can but I can't.
Member: Debbie M
Location:
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 8:15:51 PM
Hi LDD, if you are still reading this page. You can contact me at deb_mcgregor@hotmail.com if you would like to talk about sponsorship some more one-to-one.
Debbie M.
Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 8:24:08 PM
Good Evening!
My name is Tom Anderson, a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this fellowship we call A.A.
I haven't looked in on Staying Cyber for awhile and thought I would check it out this evening and noticed that Therese had selected a real good topic. The posts have been helpful and filled with many suggestions. I have learned in this program to develop my own definitions for topics like Sponsor and my very first sponsor and really my only sponsor was Ray D. He came into A.A. six months before I did and we sort of hooked up to eachother. Ray stayed sober and died sober with over 30 years of sobriety and even today I recall my relationship with him. My definition of a sponsor is simply this "A Sponsor Is A Friend."
Ray and I had been running around the Norfolk, Va area for about two years and I got transferred and before my leaving we both made a deal with eachother that we would contact one another before taking a drink. I believe that kept both of us sober! Even today that deal is still with me. By the way we also included in that deal that we would not give each other our phone numbers. My friend is still helping me to stay sober one day at a time.
Happy Passover and Happy Easter
God Bless - Tom Anderson, ate@gte.net
Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa, Fl
Date: 4/21/00
Time: 11:51:31 PM
To all who took the time to read all the postings or most of them. Remember Everyone has the right to post what they feel. Know one has the right to be abusive. (I can't talk too good either, for give the spelling.)The point I want to make is, opinions are like, well you know everyone has one.Some are just better than others.Anyone who wants to use this forum to critize others and be abusive needs to look for another place to spew their hate. We are all just a bunch of xdrunks trying to help each other. This was a great topic and I am proud of the person who chose it. Tom M just another grateful sober acholic.
Member: Dennis M.
Location: Seattle area
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 8:22:10 AM
Hello there, my name is Dennis, and I am an alcoholic. I am certain that I have told the truth so far. (Some would suggest that quitting now would insure this level of honesty). It took me an entire year of wanting to drink every moment of every day when I got here, so the first year sober was done without a formal sponsor. I simply white-knuckled it, staying sober on defiance, resentment, and of course, the ever famous, "pride". I would not suggest this format for anyone new to AA. I later found out that many other "boneheads" like myself did it this way too, somehow managing to stay sober. I can look back now and see that I had many people to look up to for examples of what to do, and what not to do, but as I found out later there is nothing better than one on one conversation with another sober drunk to help solve the common problems that face us alcoholics. My first sponsor taught me to become aware of every thought and action I had. The old saying "The only thing you have to change is EVERYTHING" fit me to a T he said, so before I said or did anything under any circumstances, I should stop myself, and try to do it different than I used to. This sounded stupid, but I started practicing it and it really started paying off. He was a great one for saying things to me like "HOW BAD DO YOU WANT SOBRIETY..DENNIS? ARE YOU STILL WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTH LIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE?" These kinds of remarks were exactly what I needed to hear, they would have done me no good if they had been sugar-coated. He hurt my poor little feelings sometimes with these little ego deflating remarks, but isn't it true that when there were only six steps, one of them was called DEFLATION? I absolutely love the people of AA who twelve stepped me, helped me through the big book with common sense approaches like,"read a paragraph, or even just a sentence or two, and ask yourself, "what does this mean to me personally?" I had to do it that way, because I was unable to digest it in bigger pieces. One thing I really hate is when I see sponsor's referring to their sponsee's as "babies" or other nicknames like that, I find that to be rude and thoughtless, but it is, just my opinon. I believe that being a sponsor is a true honor, and a wonderful gift as well. Giving it back to keep it, is to me pretty much the whole ball of wax. Its like a perpetual motion machine, and it should never stop. Thank God for that! It seems like when we first get to feeling better in the program, we all sort of gravitate towards trying to carry the AA message, and I believe that is great. But we cannot transmit something we haven't got, so its probably better to have a sponsor who actually has had a sponsor of their own. I would not go to a sheetrock hanger for brain surgery. (Where did that thought come from?)I had better shut up, I am starting to annoy myself with cliches. Hopefully, when the new guy or gal picks a sponsor, they will be guided by the sound of the truth, which has an unmistakable ring to it. And if we are paying attention, we will be able to see if someone is walking the walk. Or just plain ask questions about that person. Thanks, I really am going to shut up now. I have been sober now for 7 years and 3 months and will always be in the debt of AA, which for sure, saved my life.
Member: Catherine W.~~aka ramonacat
Location: Ramona,Calif.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 11:34:35 AM
Time we change the topic.
Remember,we are here for the newcomer and they are getting bored with all of this.
The new topic is:My first meeting and how I reacted.
Read the steps without stopping.Get to a meeting.Sponser others.Find a god you can deal with.
Member: elizabeth b
Location: rome ga
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 3:25:21 PM
well my first meeting i was sober( which was not my first meeting) I was afraid and i thought all these happy people are faking because i couldn't believe that you could be so happy. but now even when i go through hard times i feel full of gratitude for not having to be drunk and also go through hard times
Member: JaneE
Location:
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 5:13:35 PM
My first meeting was on April 1st, my arrogance told me that anyone who would have to join AA had to be a "fool". Needless to say, I hadn't reached my bottom. It didn't take long, on April 22 I picked up my "clean" surrender chip, and by the grace of God, I've been sober 15 years today. I have been on the fringes of the program for the past few years, and today I'm feeling especially "squirraly". Moving from the city that I got sober in, I had a hard time finding the same brand of "the program" that I was use to. I did all the things that my sponser told me to do for a few years, then I quit calling her. Now, today, I choose to reconnect. Thank you AA
Member: sorry ramonacat
Location: here @ 11:34 am today.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 6:05:55 PM
Dammit! ramonacat...I am so sorry I posted under your name again. I have been looking at this problem I have with you and I think I am starting to understand it....I am attracted to you and its making me crazy! Damn I can't stop thinking about you and since i cant have you I act out. I am sorry.
Member: darshana a phillips
Location: red level alabama
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 10:21:20 PM
i jusy moved out of a halfway house and i am very scared to ask for a sponser in my home town because it is so small
Member: LA TONYA S.
Location: INDIANAPOLIS, IN.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 10:30:47 PM
Just remember: God CAN AND HE WILL,,, BUT ONLY IF YOU ASK. ROMACAT, I WILL BE YOUR ONLINE SPONSOR, IF YOU LIKE. CONTACT ME ANY TIME VIA: BLUEEYEST473849@AOL.COM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN YOUR HIGHER POWER, JUST BELEIVE, THAT'S ALL I DID. " KEEP IT SIMPLE "K.I.T, XOXOX,L.S.
Member: LA TONYA S.
Location: INDIANAPOLIS, IN.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 10:33:02 PM
Just remember: God CAN AND HE WILL,,, BUT ONLY IF YOU ASK. P.S. DARSHANA A PHILLIPS, I WILL BE YOUR ONLINE SPONSOR, IF YOU LIKE. CONTACT ME ANY TIME VIA: BLUEEYEST473849@AOL.COM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN YOUR HIGHER POWER, JUST BELEIVE, THAT'S ALL I DID. " KEEP IT SIMPLE "K.I.T, XOXOX,L.S.
Member: LA TONYA S.
Location: INDIANAPOLIS, IN.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 10:33:41 PM
Just remember: God CAN AND HE WILL,,, BUT ONLY IF YOU ASK. P.S. DARSHANA A PHILLIPS, I WILL BE YOUR ONLINE SPONSOR, IF YOU LIKE. CONTACT ME ANY TIME VIA: BLUEEYEST473849@AOL.COM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN YOUR HIGHER POWER, JUST BELEIVE, THAT'S ALL I DID. " KEEP IT SIMPLE "K.I.T, XOXOX,L.S.
Member: LA TONYA S.
Location: INDIANAPOLIS, IN.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 10:47:52 PM
Just remember: God CAN AND HE WILL,,, BUT ONLY IF YOU ASK. P.S. DARSHANA A PHILLIPS, I WILL BE YOUR ONLINE SPONSOR, IF YOU LIKE. CONTACT ME ANY TIME VIA: BLUEEYEST473849@AOL.COM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN YOUR HIGHER POWER, JUST BELEIVE, THAT'S ALL I DID. " KEEP IT SIMPLE "K.I.T, XOXOX,L.S.
Member: LA TONYA S.
Location: INDIANAPOLIS, IN.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 10:48:40 PM
Just remember: God CAN AND HE WILL,,, BUT ONLY IF YOU ASK. P.S. DARSHANA A PHILLIPS, I WILL BE YOUR ONLINE SPONSOR, IF YOU LIKE. CONTACT ME ANY TIME VIA: BLUEEYEST473849@AOL.COM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN YOUR HIGHER POWER, JUST BELEIVE, THAT'S ALL I DID. " KEEP IT SIMPLE "K.I.T, XOXOX,L.S.
Member: LA TONYA S.
Location: INDIANAPOLIS, IN.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 10:50:29 PM
Just remember: God CAN AND HE WILL,,, BUT ONLY IF YOU ASK. P.S. DARSHANA A PHILLIPS, I WILL BE YOUR ONLINE SPONSOR, IF YOU LIKE. CONTACT ME ANY TIME VIA: BLUEEYEST473849@AOL.COM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN YOUR HIGHER POWER, JUST BELEIVE, THAT'S ALL I DID. " KEEP IT SIMPLE "K.I.T, XOXOX,L.S.
Member: elizabeth b
Location: ga
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 11:08:35 PM
i live in a small town myself and the thing to remember is that if their at an aa meeting their there for the same reasons you are. I recently moved from the place i got sober also and it was hard to force myself to go to meetings in the first two weeks. but i know that if i don't get myself connected then i'm on dangerous grounds. and today i don't want to play russian rulet with my sobriety. just dive in and get to know at least two people. it gets easier and you won't always be the " new kid on the block"
Member: Tony G.
Location: Pompton Plains, N.J.
Date: 4/22/00
Time: 11:50:26 PM
My name is Tony and I am an alcoholic. Sponsors is a good subject. Sponsors are not, marriage counsellers, banks, or sponges. Sponsor are guides just like the guides in travel films, but they guides us through the steps of AA. What I found was a good sponsor duesn't just talk the steps, they live it. All the best ones I've seen leave their attitudes at the door and listen. My sponsor is one of these but I am biase. He listens, never give advice, and tell me what he did in a similiar situations. He never tells me to do anything because he knows the worse thing to do is tell me to do anything. He only give his expierence, strenghth and hope and most times that is what I need. I admit sometimes I look for sympathy, a pat on the back, him to agree with whatever justification I come up with for doing or saying or acting the way I do during any given day. He Does Not Do That. He usually just looks at me and asks where am I at fault. I admit after I'm over my snit I relise I am at fault somewhere in it and set to work on changing that part of me. My Advice if you don't have one get one if you do bare/bear with them their human too. Untill I post again, Peace
Member: Rob R
Location: B.C. Canada
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 3:22:51 AM
I know that we are asked to keep our comments to topics concearning our use of alchohol,and yes folks I am a recovering alchoholic,but along with my drinking went a nother nasty addiction to drugs.I was at a local meeting today,at wich I was told that disscussion concearning the topic of drugs is not part of our program.THESE OLD TIMERS,both of whom are pot users went on to say that our litrature doesn't mention drug use and that bassicaly it is ok to use drugs as long as we dont drink,after all we are there to deal with alc.Iwas appauled having read more AA approved litterature than just the big book i know there is at least one full chapter telling us thatusing any substance is not being real.I am refering to the book LIVING SOBER.I have personally burried friends and resently a fammily member that thought as long as they weren't drinking what harm would it be to get high. I for one am getting tired of hearing members make comments such as,how spiritual they are ,that they are living an honest program,that they are doing everthing in thier power today to be REAL,etc etc. I wish i knew how to accomplish those things while being high.. I would really appreciate your oppinions.
Member: Larry
Location: New Orleans
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 4:49:00 AM
Hello again, everyone. I find it interesting that nobody had a comment to make about my previous post. I just wanted to share with everyone in the meeting here what a former sponsor and current good friend had done for me. I have been reading the posts here, and many of them make me smile because of their honesty and genuine nature. I would challenge everyone here though, to really consider all of the postings as a whole, and just feel the pathology!! All of the tales of sponsors who 13th step, insult and degrade, smoke dope, etc., really tell the story behind the structure of Alcoholics Anonymous. To be sure, there are many who owe (or believe they owe) their lives to the Program. However one of the many concerns I have is the whole idea of relying on a group of people as "sick" or even "sicker" than ourselves for help with our drinking problems. I speak from the perspective of nine years of happy sobriety and several years before that of many, many AA meetings. Nobody can say that I don't know what the Program is about, because I have been to many more meetings than I care to remember. I speak from the heart to all of you who have assumed the terrible yoke of a lifelong terminal illness. When we look back on our lives, most of us who drank can remember that drinking was a central activity for us. We chose our friends from the bottle, our social lives from the bottle, etc. So much of our daily lives revolved around booze--when we would drink it, how we would drink it, who we would drink it with, and so on. When we decided that we had had enough, we came to the rooms of AA and then proceeded to replace that focus with another. Yet think about it, friends, and think hard. Although we abstained, our lives still revolved around booze. Now, instead of being concerned with when we would drink it, how we would drink it, and who we would drink it with, we began to replace that with concern over how we would avoid it, when we would avoid it, and who we would avoid it with. As gently and lovingly as I know how, I am saying that indeed, our lives STILL revolved around the bottle. That is when I realized that in addition to stopping drinking, I wanted to truly leave drinking behind. I didn't want to drink booze anymore. I didn't want to hear about booze anymore, and I began to seek out friends and activities which did not revolve around drinking (or abstaining) at all. I began to look up to the lives of people who were NOT "alcoholics" for my inspiration, rather than many I met in the rooms who although they were not drinking, their lives were steeped in misery as they constantly reminded themselves and each other how close they were to relapse. Friends, I am not saying these things to disrupt the meeting or hurt anyone's feelings. I only want to share with all of you who share the common goal of leaving alcohol behind. We can all do it, and lead healthier lives in so doing. I am not a sick man with a progressive terminal disease in remission. I am a healthy and happy man who chooses not to drink because my drinking behavior was far more trouble than it was worth. If anyone would like to chat with me about this and don't really care to respond in the meeting, my email address is: cajunland@hotmail.com I would be more than happy to explore these ideas further with you. Thanks for your time, everyone. Peace. Larry
Member: Shelli
Location: CA
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 5:39:18 AM
Good morning Shelli here alcolic,sponsorship is an excellent topic haven't been here since last week so had a bit of catching up to do. A sponsor is a guide in recovery whom you feel can help you get onto the right path. That being how to learn to live sober with this 12 step program not an easy thing. My suggestion is to first go to a lot of meetings, listen with your heart not your head, see how these people live, how they treat others, do they appear to know what there talking about, I like to suggest one picks a sponsor with in there first 30 days, I have found that for me my sponsor came to me, we had a lot in common, we were both in the same line of work, she had 2 years in the program she was not pushy or controlling, she knew how to listen and she told me what I needed to hear not what I wanted to hear she was honest with me, she also showed me respect, I can honestly say she was the first women in many years to actually ask me what I thought or how I felt and why, at first I used the group as a whole as a sponsor so I could figure out the language of AA, then I choose a girl in the program that I didn't know very well turned out she smoked pot and offered me a joint on my 30th sober day which of course I inadvertantly accepted, at that point I realized this was not what I wanted she is still my friend but has since gone out many years ago, going into my second month of sobriety I found the lady who I still call sponsor, and also joined NA through the back doors of AA, they told me that liking my sponsor was not a prerequisit to this program but I sure found it to be helpful, today almost 14 years without a drink I still feel I picked the right sponsor for me, She is a very spiritual lady and although I moved away and very seldom see her she is still #1 in my book, I have since had many men and women whom I have used as sponsors although not on an official level and even here on this site there are a couple who have reached out there hand to me to help me feel at home here, these I call sponsor, For myself I have not sponsored very many my first person was not only an alki but was also drug addicted and a slasher, she had a thing about cutting her wrists and after a couple of trips to the hospital I had to suggest she find someone more qualified to help her, a very difficult beginning for me, many have come and gone and only 2 people that I know of have stayed sober and are still very close to me, most I have found simply do not want to do the work or make the behavioral changes required to bring about a change in lifestyle. If you keep doing what your're doing you'll keep getting what your getting its all pretty simple. This is a very simple program that is very hard to do. Basically my sponser told me that I would have to unlearn every thing I knew to be a fact and relearn a whole new way of life. And she was right and she wasn't afraid of my anger, I had some major trust issues and the affected every erea of my life. But she stuck with me, I do not believe in hiring and firing sponsors, I believe you get help from whom you need to get help from at the time you need it people change in our lives, and change is the only constant in this universe. And the biggest thing my sponsor taught me and I teach others is that only you can be responsable for your own sobriety and only you can take that away from you. God my help you stay and get sober but you have to do the work. Bottom line....Just don't drink....and from there you can begin to peel the onion, work with others, acknowledge other problems like maybe drug addiction, co-dependancy, gambeling problems, sex addiction, maybe your an adult child of an alcholic maybe you have alanon issues whatever... put the plug in the jug and start there...recovery is a process and takes time. But first step reach out to the people in the rooms of AA if you are an acholic and when they reach back take hold and never let go. I was told when the student is ready the teacher will appear. Happy easter everyone and have a great week. Just another grateful recovering soul.
Member: Shelli
Location: CA
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 5:49:05 AM
P.S. so sorry for the double dip, but I really want to stress that a good sponsor walks what they talk, it is very hard to be sober and stoned at the same time, and I believe someone else said it earlier a good sponsor is also someone who wants what they have and knows how to keep it and very important they are happy pretty much of the time given an accaisional crisis that they have to deal with. Thats it I'm outta here. :-)
Member: Tom K
Location: long Island, New York
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 6:34:49 AM
Hello, my name is Tom, I am a grateful Alcoholic. By the grace of God and the fellowship of AA I am sober over thirteen years today. On the topic of sponsorship, when I walked into my home group, I was lost, desperate and in a lot pain with a tremendous amount of fear and not knowing what I was getting myself into, I happened to know a person in the group who with the help of some men got me a temporary sponsor. This man saved my life, I called him everyday for about 6 months or so he had about a year of sobriety at the time. I didn't know what to say when I called him, but that was ok, he did most of the talking and by the time we were finished I felt better than before, maybe with a little less fear than before and he always said to me thanks for calling you helped me too, I couldn't understand that at the time. As time went by I was looking for a sponsor, and this was for me at the time,who was working the steps and who had more time. Every week at the our home group step meeting, this man who I met right at the beginning and who sat next to me at most of the meeting's kept asking me did you get a sponsor yet and I would say no. This went on for about a month I guess, finally one week he asked me again, I guess he was waiting for me to ask him, I was pretty slow or I guess in a fog, he finally said well I'm your sponsor and call me and that was over twelve and a half years ago and rarely does a week go by that besides going to the same meetings we talk on the phone. This man has helped me over the years giving me what was given him, and has helped me through the twelve steps. Today we are good friends, and I have had people put in my life through this fellowship, that I have been able to give back what was given me. I thank God for what has been given me, much more than I could ever have imagined when I walked into these rooms thirteen years ago. For me Joining that home group was the start, I slowly learned to open up and let people get to know me, that was difficult, but I was desperate and I had to get the garbage out, and I had to learn how to live, one day at a time without a drink. AA has given me my life today and for that I am forever grateful. Thanks for letting me share, Tom.
Member: Turnup
Location: Tenn.
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 7:47:23 AM
Turnup here,acoholic,addict etc.To Rob.R. 3:22 A.M.,to me,in my humble opinion, there is virtually no difference between alcohol&drugs.They're both chemicals we put into our bodies that change our perception of reality,our feelings and emotions.I've been to several types of meetings.At some the old-timers would jump down your throut at the mere mention of drugs,while at others 80% of people there were crack heads,coke heads wanting to clean up.The only place they could find to work a 12 step program of recovery was the rooms of A.A.To me we all have the common disease of addiction weather alcohol or drugs there isn't much differance.It' like choosing between dieing by drowning,hanging or burning up in a fire.Some drugs weren't invented tet when the B.B. was written,does that mean it's o.k. to smoke crack,drop acid,swallow p.c.p.or shoot up crank???To me it's just substituting one for another and anyone who says it's o.k. to do drugs as long as I don't drink is full of shit.Thanks for letting me share.Peace o.d.a.t. Turnup.
Member: Alphonse J.
Location: Hartford,Conn.
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 8:00:03 AM
(((Tom K.))) Congratulations! Wish you the best.......keep comin back!
Member: Catherine W.~~aka ramonacat
Location: Ramona,Calif.
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 8:06:30 AM
(((Tony G.))) and (((Shelli))) The topic is: MY FIRST MEETING and my reaction! You fuckin idiots dont no its not about spoonsership now?
Member: AA
Location: AA
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 9:37:37 AM
Catherine W...take your filthy mouth out of here. You do not pick the topic here just because you want to. The new topic starts today. So when you are the first one here TODAY, then you can pick the topic. Until then take your vulger language somewhere else.
P.S. from the sounds of that dirty mouth of yours, you need a FIRST MEETING!
Member: Catherine W aka ramonacat
Location: Ramona CA
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 5:36:12 PM
(((AA))) Fuck you! This is my last post here....ever! I'm movin on to "Bimini" where it is not a boring place with fuckin assholes like you!
Member: George D.
Location: Sidney,Aus.
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 5:42:35 PM
Hi.....Love the new topic! My first meeting I was very afraid.
Then someone came over annd told me not to fear because we are all here for the same reason. I had the shakes and shivers and was fidgity.
People must have noticed cause they came over and introduced themselves and said "wecome" to me. I left my first meeting feeling a bit better than I had in a long while.
My first meeting,I see now,was very critical on the road to sobriety.
I am grateful for that first meeting.
Thanks Catherine W for a great topic and please dont go away.
Member: elizabeth b
Location: ga
Date: 4/23/00
Time: 6:57:16 PM
I've read some of the comments from today and i think yesturday. The bad language isn't very spiritual. i hope who ever used it starts to feel better and not so angry. In some ways each meeting i go to is my first meeting, except that i know people now. I never know what i'm going to hear and i always try to find something good or useful out of a meeting. even if its compassion and patients. i am of the school that feel i have a chronic and progressive disease that left to my own devices will kill me. and just a small side note i do believe that one of either bill or bob did have a problem with prescription drugs. in any case, i just pray that we all in our own places remember that at each meeting, a new person may be there and for them it's a matter of life and death. and my life is not all about aa but i do remember what i am every morning. my life because of the 12 steps and the people in the program is able to be about doing things i would not have thought i was able to do when i was drinking. I pray that your higher power is watching over you.