Member: Frank D
Location: Van. WA
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 11:07:30 AM
HI all, I'll be frank with you. I'm an alcoholic. Haven't been here for a while. WoW, I told on my self. Being just OK doesn't get it! Thank you AA for the better then just OK way. Mabe we could talk about, being true to your self do to having our program.
Thank you all, and God bless us all.......
Member: Walt
Location: NorCal
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 11:24:10 AM
Walt, alcoholic...good topic Frank...like most all of this program the ideas were gathered from somewhere else and the unfortunate part is that alot of complete thoughts were not repeated in totality..."To thine own self be true" is a perfect example of this sad state of affairs...I say sad, because alot of people nowadays just see what they see and don't know the rest of the story, which in this case is quite germaine to the subject..."For then a surely as the day follows the night, thy can be false to no man." Being true to me and my self has always been a big problem for me and when I learned how to accomplish that things got alot easier. Via con Dios
Member: Steve
Location: Bethel,N.Y.
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 12:41:38 PM
Steve alcoholic I know if you can`t be true and honest to yourself it is impossible to be true to others so you are still leading that alcoholic lie. Being true and honest takes that heavy wait off you, and will give you serenity without fears and worries like in the past when you had to lie to hide what you were doing to yourself and others.
Member: Doug G
Location: California
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 12:45:30 PM
Hi Frank. I am in an alcohol/drug recovery program along with about 20 veterans. We follow the twelve steps of AA. I could be wrong, but I believe I am honest and true to myself as a result of it. You must be true to your self if you really follow the twelve steps of AA.
My alcohol/drug recovery program is a duel diagnosis program. We have alcohol and drug problems as well as various mental health issues. We work within the twelve steps of AA, but we also work with programs specific to duel diagnosis. I hope members of staying cyber don't mind if I talk about this.
I have never been so honest and true to myself as I am working this program. Everyone in our program is required to attend AA meetings unless their illness keeps them from attending. I happen to be one that does not attend AA meetings due to my illness, so I use staying cyber to keep me in contact with other alcoholics. I am required to share even though it is very difficult for me.
I am required to read what I share in front of the group. That makes me very anxious. I know most people attending AA meetings have anxiety when it is their turn to share in meetings. I guess there is not much difference.
I know this is off the topic, but I am so self-conscious about what I share. I fear that I will either bore or offend someone with what I say. I have a real problem with negative thinking. Does anyone elese have negative self thoughts?
Member: Matt K.
Location: IL
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 1:12:52 PM
I'm Matt, alcoholic. I have just returned to the program after two yr. relapse. I was sober for 5 yrs prior to the isnane first drink. I am back because I was true to myself, finally. I could lie and mislead others, but not myself. It is this honesty to myself that got me back to the program. I am grateful God that I'm back around other people like me, and hope to stay sober for a long time. But I have to keep telling myself to be honest, and take it one day at a time. Thank You
Member: Mari S.
Location: Indiana
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 1:34:52 PM
Today is my eighth sobriety birthday!!! What a miracle!!
I think eight years have passed without a drink or a drug because you folks taught me HOW to be true to myself. I truly did not have a clue as to what that meant when I first got here.
I have learned by seeing my sponsor and many other wonderful people in AA live by that motto....no matter what, and no matter what lengths they had to go to.
Thank you AA....you truly have saved this alcoholic's life.
Blessings and contentment to all of us!
Member: Margie
Location: L.I.
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 2:27:15 PM
Welcome all to this site!!! Happy Birthday Mari S. KCB!! Keep coming back as well Matt and all others lurking here!! Good topic Frank D., I originally came into this program of recovery for my kids, having learned the steps and all it entails, am realizing I am doing this for me. If I don't, all other gifts in my life will fall away. Never thought I was that important before. I am learning to love myself, which helps me to love others in spite of all of thier faults. : ) I look at myself now, and I change me, can't change others, God does that in his time. Whether it is a good or bad lesson to be learned, I look inward, to see where I am to change, that is the gift of sobriety I give myself!! Is simple, not easy!! God bless all of you!!
Member: Jerry R
Location: Champain,Illinois
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 2:35:05 PM
Hi all, Im just 90 days sober and in being true to myself I've discovered I can't move back to Decatur,I went back there to check on my apartment and got some really weird feelings so i hightailed it back here where everyone I have met is working a program and interested in me not in how much $ I have to party with,Thak God for A.A. and you people
Member: Patrick M.
Location: Western Alaska
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 3:40:19 PM
Hello, I'm Pat, and recovering alcoholic in a remote area of Alaska. I appreciate all of you for being here and your wisdom. For the new people, I was told that I had the rest of my life to work on myself. After a few short months in recovery I realized that the more that I put into my recovery, the better I felt. I had to break through a lot of FEAR (false events appearing real) and embrace the new me that I was becomming.
One of my reasons for moving to such a remote area is that I've felt drawn to help as many people in recovery as possible while helping myself. After 16 years sober, I'm still working on "my stuff" and get the feeling that I always will. Seems that new stuff comes up to replace the stuff that I've worked through.
I love you all, Pat
Member: Dave
Location:
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 4:11:37 PM
Rigorous honesty with myself is a necessity in this program. For me, it first came in the first step. After my head cleared some, after about 6 months sober, I did a fourth and fifth step and really got in touch with who and what I really was and am. After I got honest with myself I could then be honest with others. I now have just over 3 years and I cant believe the miracles that keep rolling into my life. Thank you God for these steps and this program.
Member: John
Location: Indiana
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 4:34:04 PM
From John, an alcoholic. Have slowly learned that most important priority is being honest with the Higher Power, "thy will, not mine, be done". This goes back to the first three steps.
For me, I have many years of continuous sobriety. I worked and served the program and was able to stay sober. But the 11th Step and it's emphasis on doing God's will and thinking good at the same time led to being able to being truer to myself and others.
It's better now, but I must put God's will first to attain serenity, peace of mind, courage and a feeling of honesty. Thanks, folks, and God bless you.
Member: Lessa
Location: Chicago
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 5:39:53 PM
Lessa E here, grateful recovering alcoholic. Being 'true to yourself' is an interesting topic Frank. Thanks for picking it.
I was so addled when I first came to the tables, I had no idea who my 'self' was, much less how to be true to it. What I THOUGHT it was turned out to be false pride and ego. For example, I THOUGHT I liked doing charity work. Organized it all where I worked, getting hundreds of employees involved as well as participating. I would've described myself as caring "civic-minded". Never occurred to me how selfish I was. I know now I used to do the good works somehow hoping to even things out with God - hoping against hope that those good works would cancel some of the 'bad' of drinking. This is but a small example of how I am learning more about my 'true self' as I work my way through the steps. More is being revealed to me about myself all the time. Some is a surprise, some isn't. And, since I spent so much time avoiding life with my drinking, that my 'true self' is still a work in progress as I bump into life's walls along the way and grow. I suspect, if I stay sober, it will remain that way.
Thanks for letting me share.
lessa_e@hotmail.com
PS Mari, congratulations on 8 years!!!
Member: Pat
Location:
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 8:28:09 PM
Pat here, nice to read your comments, am still a baby in this stuff and struggling, just wanted to say thanks for this site so i can read and learn
Member: Stew E
Location: FL
Date: 4/7/2002
Time: 10:08:58 PM
I can relate to Doug. I must also attend several meetings a week. I visit this site (and others), but I still make it a point to get out to the rooms (not chat that is). I lead a busy life and this allows me often times a greater return than other meetings. Make no mistake though, this is very serious to me and I thank those responsible for the site.
I agree with Dave and John about Steps 1 (then 2 & 3). The POWERLESSNESS must be admitted and from there it's a piece of cake. Speaking of cake....
Happy B-Day Mari (clap, clap). Here's a cyber (and sober) hug..... ummm.
Member: Lori
Location: Canada
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 12:12:40 AM
I'm Lori, an alcoholic, grateful to be sober. Welcome to the newcomers and Happy Birthday to the eight year-old.
I really like this topic about truth to oneself. I think it's probably the main thing this alcoholic(myself) aims for. I got a pretty good look at me when I did my 4th step and the truth really wasn't as bad as I thought.Yet in some places it was, but I had blown things up also. I spent my whole thinking I was this big bad scary monster or something and the drinking made it worst and worst. But I learned that feeling like the worst person in the world is pretty ego based also. Like Really "THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD" ha ha I can laugh at myself today at least. In step 5 , I learned about my delusional self the one that can justify and rationilize my behavior. My main thing was always minimizing the drinking and the problems drinking caused the "I'm not so bad" thing I supppose.
Thats how I really thought for a long time. Extremes either I was terrible or not really so bad. Today, after 5 sober years, I do believe I know myself better and I can accept today (at least) that I am human, not the best or the worst, because we can't really compare ourselves to others. Just like its hard to compare apples and oranges. There 2 completely different things. Well so are people. This in itself shows me just how important getting to know my true self is. Being one of God's Children, with brains to use and a gift of life to explore, I like to do with my own rules and let everyone else do with theirs.As long as I don't drink and use this program as my guide, I think I will find me one day. Sorry I went on for so long, It's a deep topic for me I guess.
Member: Clare G.
Location: Boulder, CO
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 12:38:41 AM
Hi, Clare Alcoholic, Just needed to hear some sobriety and step talk. I know honesty is a butt kicker for me. I really thought I was the honesty police before I got sober. It was really important to me that YOU were honest. Today I really struggle with the "TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE" stuff. I also struggle with 11 and making time for that. When I first came in 11 sounded like one of the easier steps. Another AA Paradox I guess.
Happy Blessed 8th birthday. And keep coming back to the birthday girl and any newcomers. Thanks to you all, My Higher Power and the program of AA. It does work if I work it.
Thanks for being here 24-7
Member: Saer Z
Location: Westchester, NY
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 4:32:08 AM
I used to think that the part in Chaptyer 5 that refers to the folks who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves was...WELL jjst different than how I see it today...WE Lie to ourselves BIG TIME. And when we are doing it, we don't KNOW we are doing it. Sooooo, I thinki it always best to assume that there is some part of myself that is a blind spot, that someone else can see, so before I am so quick to say someone is full of da-da, I wait and pause and remember that built in liar I have. Things work out better. I fight less. I am less ALL KNOWING. "The TRUTH" as we know it is not possible to define. There are too many valid moving variables that are part of this.
Member: mike
Location: west
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 9:45:11 AM
Hello. My name is mike and I am an alcoholic. How is it that I started being true to myself. I used to think that in this game of life I could rise to the top on ability, knowledge and determination. When life didn't go my way I was the victim of bad breaks and other people. At the end of my drinking I was crushed by one giant act of self-will. I found myself in jail again charged with a felony and I couldn't blame anyone but myself. When I started drinking two days before I hadn't planned on going to jail. But that kind of thing was happening more frequently as my drinking progressed. Sitting in jail I was real thirsty, I wished I was dead and I was at last willing to ask for help and to listen. I had been to my first meetings of AA the year before and now I was ready to go back and really listen and try. The people in my early days are the ones that made me mad. They would say something like if you know so much why are you here. One time at a meeting early on I mentioned that I had read the Big Book several times and she told me it was time that I started studying it. Who was she anyway (I think her name was Vivian and she had been sober maybe 30 years at that time)? So I considered the source and accepted a little more truth from that woman that day. You see the truth about me is what was and still does make me mad if I won't look at it. So when I am desturbed now it is once again inventory time. The truth and the steps are the things that set me free. Thanks for the lift.
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 9:51:38 AM
Hi, Frank here, alcoholic,
Being true to myself was the hardest part of the beginning for me. After all "I could quit anytime I wanted, others drank more than me, I just like to drink, I don't need to,, I'll quit tomorrow, and I don't have a problem" were some of the things the liar in me had convinced myself were true. Step one was the beginning of truth for me.
Frank
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 11:06:47 AM
As others have mentioned, while I was drinking and drugging, I lived in a total fantasy world, my insanity finally turned the world into an ugly unbearable place. Thanks to the steps, I am restored daily to a better level of sanity. I ask God to make me willing today to grow past the limitations, I will impose on myself, left unchecked. I will quickly become complacent, and believe I am “right” and I don’t need anyone help. This is where I need you. I need to be rigorously honest with at least one other person and be willing to listen objectively to my “closed mouth friends” perspective of my behavior. This was not so easy when I first got here, but alcohol pounded the crap out of me and made me willing to “go to any lengths”. Today sitting here in the loving embrace of God, I can face those things about myself, which are still not “perfect”.
For the newcomer and those still struggling, I could never imagine, the Joy I know now, Please Keep Coming Back.
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 12:39:50 PM
I have just started getting serious working my program. I added meditation and yoga to my daily "to do" list and while I like the benefits physically, it has uncovered my dishonesty and brought that to light. This is probably why I resisted suggestions to meditate in the first place. I made all kinds of excuses - too busy, no private time with the kids around, etc Was I just afraid of what I would find, or afraid of finally having to do something about it? Probably both.
Anyway, I am having a really hard time and feel isolated and alone. I know I should call my sponsor, get to more meetings, journal more, etc. and I am willing to do just that. Thanks for letting me vent.
Peace.
Member: CAROL D.
Location: MONTPELIER, VERMONT
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 2:40:59 PM
HI I AM A DRUNK, I WAS PLANNING I HEAR GOD LAUGHING OF VISITING NEW ORLEANS AND ALSO GO TO A SPIRITUAL CONFERENCE. MY THERAPTIS MADE ME AWARE THAT I MAY BE SETTING MY SELF UP I BEEN TRYING TO GET THE AA MEETINGS LIST FOR NEW ORLEANS OFF THE COMPUTERD WITHOUT ANY SUCCESS I BEGAN TO HIT BOTTOM IN NEW ORLEANS AND I WAS ROMANCING THE DRINK I WAS NOT ENTIRELY AWARE OF THIS SET UP TO DRINK I DUMP IT IN AMEETING AND SOME ONE WITH 15 YEARS MADE ME AWARE HOW I CAN COMMIT MY SELF TO POSTCARDING PEOPLE DONT GOTO BURBON STREET IF IT IS NOT FOR MUSIC COMMIT TO CALLING SOME ONE. I BEEN SOBER THROUGH THE GRACE OF GOD AND AA FOR 20 YEARS SO ITS BEEN 21 YEARS SINCE I HAVE BEEN TO NEW ORLEANS ONE OF THE OLD TIMERS SAID I THREADING ON DANGEROUS GROUNDS, OTHERS SAID THE AREA STINKS OF BOOZE, AND IT IS DIFFERENT SOBER I WAS ORIGINALLY THINKING OF SEEING THE AWFULNESS OF THE DISEASE AND HOW I HAVE CHANGED BESIDES I LIKE ARCHITECTURE, JAZZ, FRENCH QUARTERS THE STREET CAR NAME DESIRE
Member: CAROL D.
Location: MONTPELIER, VERMONT
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 2:48:03 PM
HI I AM DEBATING ABOUT VISITING NEW ORLEANS IT WAS A PLACE I HIT MY BOTTOM AM I ROMANCING THE DRINK OR SETTING ME UP FOR A FALL I ALSO REGISTERED FOR A SPIRITUAL CONVENTION AND CONTACTED AA I CANT SEEM TO GET THE MEETING LIST OFF THE COMPUTER ANY ONE KNOW HOW I CAN DO IT MY THERAPIST SAYS I AM SETTING MY SELF UP I AGREE BUT CAN IT CHANGE THIS BY FOCUSING ON MEETINGS WRITING PEOPLE AT HOME AND COMMITTING MYSELF TO CALLING PEOPLE AT HOME GOD GOES WITH ME I HAVE TWELVE ALOT IN SOBRIETY AND HAVE 20 YEARS I DONT WANT TO LOSE IT SO I TAKE HER COMMENT VERY SERIOUSLY
Member: Pete F.
Location: Peru, Illinois
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 2:48:42 PM
Hi, I'm Pete and I'm an alcoholic. Grateful for this forum. Sober only 35 days and a meeting at my fingertips whenever I need one! Being just an infant to the program, I don't pretend to have much figured out yet. But I feel I'm making progress. One of the early signs of this progress is the incredible sense of liberation that finally being truthful with myself has afforded me. Not that I am completely incapable of lying still. I'm actually planning to color the truth a bit in DUI court next week. Working the system a little bit, as it were.
The difference is that this time I'm not going to believe my own bull****. Just a short time ago I thought that the world owed me something. I worked hard, have a good job, and provided well for my family, I thought. Well as it turns out I was neglecting everything that was truly important while I was rewarding myself with alcohol. Alcohol returned the favor by helping me to almost lose everything dear to me. I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.
So far in the program I have gained a lot back. My wife, my kids, my work, everything has been so much better and more positive in such a short time. I owe all of this to my striving for complete honesty. Though I expect peaks and valleys to come, I truly look forward to what can happen in the future. I look forward to the privilege of being me again. The kind of me that can stand proud and look anyone square in the eyes when dealing with them. God bless you all.
Member: B.
Location:
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 5:55:37 PM
Hi, my name is Leslie. I am responding to a gentleman named Doug G. from California. I really related to your message and I need a contact to talk to about dual diagnosis. I am Bipolar and also alcoholic. I have had a rough time with sobriety but I've managed to collect 10 yrs along with having Bipolar. I consider this a huge accomplishment. I've lost everything due to my illness and I have had to work my way back up. I would really like to talk more with you if you feel comfortable. My e mail at work is LLBROWN@sjhsnet.org. Thanks.Leslie
Member: Susan LJ
Location: Naples,FL
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 6:41:14 PM
Good day to you all and thank you for being here. My name is Susan and I am a GRATEFUL recovering alcoholic. Good topic. I have 22 monthes clean and sober, and a great sponsor and a town with a lot of meetings available daily, this forum looks interesting for hearing a gret variety of solution oriented stuff. I often prface my sharing with "My Sponcer said" cus she is so on the path. So , she said, try substituting the word honesty for the word wisdom in the serenity prayer once in awhile. \so this it how I ask my higher power to cut thru the reams of craps that used to circle endlessly in my head. I also use the long version of the serenity prayer from the acceptance booklet to help me sort thru an issue. If I stay in the moment and try to do the loving thing, I am good to others and have no regrets.Happy Birthday to the 8 yr old, and you new comers, keep coming back, I love you.
Member: BILLIE
Location:
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 6:51:09 PM
I WAS MASTERBATING
Member: Acheau
Location: pie why die
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 7:13:27 PM
~Approached by a friend, or relitive or aquentance, Approached by a stranger or even a sign along the way, or, a liqour store that spies a delight, we must always have to ourselves and to our credit the lord ever before us. In a round about way, we must: "quit ourselves like men," to be true to ourselves, though it might seem otherwise to some. It is like having the wife along when a buddy stroles by with an invite to entice, We must be true, we must remember with whom we have to do, we must remember together also the bible verse: "How, can ye believe, who seek praise one from another, and seek not that praise that cometh from God only?" In this way then, we are true to ourselves, when we turn aside from the world and all its inventions, content to serve God only. For he that would seek anything less, or, anything else, has yet to cherish and to cleave to: The narrow and difficult way that leads to eternal life, and, therein is the reason why we are admonished to be faithful unto ourselves...
Member: MINDY E
Location: MODESTO,CA
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 9:34:34 PM
HI I'M MINDY AND I'M A GREATFUL RECOVERING ACOHOLIC/ADDICT. TODAY I AM VERY GREATFUL THAT GOD HELPPED ME TO FIND MY WAY TO THIS WEB SITE. I SURE FELT THAT I NEEDED TO HEAR ALOT OF WHAT ALL YOU WERE SAYING AND I CAN SO RELATE WITH MOST OF YOU AS WELL. ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE LIKE ME, DUEL DIAGNOSED. I'VE ONLY KNOWN FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS OR SO BUT ACCEPTING THAT WAS JUST AS HARD AS ACCEPTING I'M AN ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT. WHEN SAYING THIS I HOPE I'M NOT OFFENDING ANYONE. IF THERE IS ANYONE THAT WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS ISSUE ON A FURTHER MATTER PLEASE FEEL FREE TO E-MAIL ME AT LITTLEBITOTHAT@HOTMAIL.COM
Member: Doug K
Location: The warm, rainy shores of W. Michigan
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 11:00:11 PM
Hi everybody, my name is Doug and I'm an alcoholic. "To thine ownself be true." It means to me basically to accept myself without grandeur or illusion. I am what I am. Sometimes I do things well, sometimes I fail dismally. I'm not smarter, better, sexier, more "AA", etc and I'm not dumber, worse, dumpier than anyone else. I'm just me, the way I am. And that's ok. Now I want to qualify that by saying that the "me" that I am needs to be diligent in maintaining my spiritual program, constant improvment in the day-to-day battles with my character defects, holding close to the trust I have in my higher power. But I am just me, not better not worse, than you. And I need to accept that. Thanks
Member: Roger P.
Location: Braintree, MA
Date: 4/8/2002
Time: 11:20:16 PM
Hi! Roger, alcoholic. Being true to self means knowing truth about self and accepting it (action). First, I am human. As such I have same basic needs and rights as all of us do, no matter what other issues, addictions, etc. exist. I thank God and AA for the 12 steps that guide my imperfect attempt at living. After many years of struggle I have accepted myself as loveable and acceptable as I am. Faith has made this possible, as well as some magnificient people (also imperfect) put in my life. Sobriety for me today is truth and life and relationship and freedom of choice. As my sponsor said to me years ago, my relationship with God, myself, and all of you are all part of the same ball of wax. In this moment!
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 2:28:04 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Bill W in one of his writings talks about the highest form of humility being when we take a good look at ourselves in step four and accept ourselves for who we are, what we were, and what we are capable of being. No more, no less. An old saying goes that if you don't want to accept the truth about yourself, and don't want to face the problem, then you had better break your mirrors. Today I accept me, the good, the bad and the indifferent. Thru God's grace I have enjoyed 14 years and a few months of continous sobriety. I am at peace with me, and I am a very, very satisfied customer of Alcoholics Anonymous. God Bless and thans for a good topic.
Member: Phil S.
Location: Pennsville, NJ
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 12:54:24 PM
Hi, I'm Phil and I'm an alcoholic. Facing the truth was the hardest thing since as alcoholics all we did was run from the truth. Being true to myself to me means Knowing what I can and cannot do, where I can go, things I can do. The most important things I learned about truth is that I don't know it all. Today I know what I Have to give to my higher power and what I have to do for myself. The truth is, I'm an alcoholic, I cannot stop on my own, I need help and need to help others. This program has saved my life over the years! I want to thank all my friends who"Trudge the trail of happy destiny with me". Peace to all.
Member: T Whitley
Location: Amarillo
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 1:55:26 PM
Being true to yourself, hmmmm, at first I thought, they tell you to get out of yourself. Help others! Right? True to yourself is not fooling yourself, not easing God out, relying on your higher power, making others none of your business. I am very true to myself today. I set boundaries to keep me sober. I don't let people drink around me or force me to feel any way I do not want to feel. You have to be true to yourself in this program or you can't help others and you darn sure can not make your amends if you don't get really honest with yourself. That's all I got!
Member: Sarah W.
Location: Virginia
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 3:00:50 PM
Being true to oneself means to me that I must know who I am. I know I was a very sad and fearful woman. I know I drank to experience what I thought was appropriate feelings for whatever the occaision. Looking back at my life I realize I hid myself with drugs/alcohol (also a drug). What was I doing? Finding out I am really okay has been such a gift and I don't think I would have done this just by stopping the insanity of drinking. The program is my key to having a happy, healthy life discovering who I am and being truthful which ultimately leads me to truth to myself. Thanks to all who are consciously seeking truth in life and spiritual fulfillment. Congrats to all who are living sober. I'm inspired.
Member: Peg S
Location: Can
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 3:15:58 PM
Peg - an alcoholic. 24 hours sober, familiar with the program and 12 steps member of alanon 20 years ago. Now I know what you guys feel like. "Unto thine own self be true" right now the only truth I know about me is the one I faced 24 hours ago. I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. Going to be a lot of tears as I peel that onion. Thanks for being here
Member: Mark D
Location: NH
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 4:54:34 PM
Before I got into AA I went to a counselor, who pretty much guided me into AA, and he pretty much nailed my major malfunction. He said, "Mark, your glass is more than half full but you see it as half empty. There's a leak in the glass and you keep filling it with alcohol to fix it."
He was right. I did go into AA eventually because I desperately wanted the obsession to be lifted. I stopped filling that glass with alcohol; stopped drinking -- but there was still a crack in that glass that I couldn't even fix through a 4th and 5th step. 9 months of sobriety--I went out.A month later I was back in the program convinced more than ever that AA ruins your drinking, and that it just couldn't do for me what it used to.
I'm approaching the 8th month of my second go-round. I'm in a much better space now because I have finally accepted what I am, right now. I'm OK. If you look in the mirror and know that you have worked your program but still not like the person looking back because he's not thin,good looking, rich, smart, etc., enough; you are not being true to yourself.
I'm ok as I am today. I can be better tomorrow too, if I work at it. It took me 45 years to become a fat bastard, it's not going to dissapear overnight.
And I haven't picked up.With the grace of my Higher power, the help of my sponsor and friends in AA I won't ever have to.
Member: Olive
Location: Vancouver, Wash.
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 5:12:24 PM
Hi, Olive here, an alcoholic.
Being true to myself has been very difficult because drinking has caused me not to know who I am. I'm still struggling with getting sober, and I think a big part of my problem is that I'm seeing it as simply just refraining from pouring beer and wine down my throat -- not as matter of facing who I am, what I'm doing and where I'm heading. I guess I'm kind of afraid to live in sobriety.
But the good news is that today I'm feeling open minded, trying to live in the moment not stessing and worrying about the past and the future. I know that this type of thinking is critical to working an effective program. And at this very moment, the idea of learning about myself seems kind of exciting rather than scary. I definitely need to get to a meeting soon.
I hope that I can finally have "the courage to change the things I can."
Member: Frank D
Location: Vancouver WA
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 6:24:06 PM
HI all. Being Frank I am a alcholic. Thank you all for the in-site about trully doing for our self's the best we are able to, with the awesome help found in our program. I'm still liken being the first post here this week. All your sharing makes life one step nicer, forward. And I really mean it, Thank You!!!!!!!
Howdy Olive from Vancouver WA. Were sure having a rain day here in beautiful Vancouver WA.
Enjoy, and God bless us all.......
Member: Bernie S.
Location: Woodside, Nova Scotia
Date: 4/9/2002
Time: 10:49:17 PM
Hello again. I am Bernie, and I am an alcoholic. Good topic. My sponsor told me to read the Big Book. He said that book is divinely inspired. He told me just to read the black stuff in the book, though, and to stay away from all that white stuff. On pg. 30, the black stuff says "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic." And, on pg. 32, in an example on whether or not we can control our drinking, we are told "It will not take you long to decide, if you are honest with yourself." I pushed my last drink away from me on December 1, 1997. Three days later, I made a decision in the form of a prayer. In that prayer, I offered myself to God, to build with me and to do with me as he would. I asked to be relieved of the bondage of self so that I could better do His will. For I was convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated me. Selfishness, self-centeredness, self-pity, self-seeking, self-reliance, self-confidence. It is true that, in the beginning, I needed to be honest with myself but that I should then move outward to God and to the people around me. When I pray I am careful not to pray for my own selfish ends. Bill W. was once asked if AA is a selfish program. He responded by saying "salvation of his own soul is the highest vocation that a man can have. Without salvation, however we may define this, he will have little or nothing. If we cannot or will not achieve sobriety, then we become truly lost, right in the here and now. We are of no value to anyone, including ourselves, until we find salvation from alcohol. Therefore, our own recovery and spiritual growth have to come first - a right and necessary kind of self-concern." I guess I'm just not much for Shakespeare.....
Member: Jason B
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: 4/10/2002
Time: 9:25:50 AM
Hi everyone my name is Jason and I am an alcoholic!Just got back from my homegroup and I am killing time before work.My sobriety date 6/6/88,I got clean at eighteen by the Grace of God!I had enough pain and continue to change through pain!I want to thank AA for basically raising me from a child to starting to become a man!Its not the drink or the drug that is my problem anymore,its the living thing!I find myself in a constant battle with self still with almost 14 years! My sponser tells me "Its not the areas you do have faith but to look at the areas in my life that I dont or have a hard time with having faith"!That is so true because I am having a hard time lettin God help me with all areas.I still like putting my hand in his plan which tends to get me into trouble!Thank God for AA and the support I have recieved over the years,thats what keeps me coming back!Maybe you could share how you apply faith and action to all areas of your lives!The only way I know how to be honest with me is by opening up to you and letting you see all of me,thats what you taught me so thank you!! May God bless all of you,thank you again!
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 4/10/2002
Time: 5:25:14 PM
I'm Chris ..an alcoholic/addict/bulimis---I've missed 2 wks. --for various reasons....good to be back... Went to my first f/f meeting in a few years2 wks . ago...so great... there is nothing like it! Talk about getting honest...I guess I cannot really be honest with my self unless I go to f/f meetings....I can really tell myself that I'm alright when I'm not...I realized that I am not really being abstinant with my eating...and am not doing much better now , because I haven't been back.....I'm not really sure what being true to myself means..It is such a foreign concept because my family of origin was centered around the abuser. "Self" got put aside in order to keep that person happy and from reacting in violence. I learned who I was... and Now I find myself falling into the same pattern with my own relationships...I AM eager to learn what that statement means...Serenity to all.
Member: annie d.
Location: monmouth county,NJ
Date: 4/10/2002
Time: 6:39:03 PM
hi im annie.i had ashort relapse on 2/13/02.i have been unable to get more than one year since1997 when i went out after three years i always had a reservation in the back of my mind. i thought i could drink as long as i didnt do drugs which i havn"t for 7 years. i went to my second rehab recently and i feel like i really dont want to play around anymore. alcohol doesnt get me high anymore but i kept hoping that each time i might. it only made me more depressed and couldnt talk to my hp during those times. i had always been suicidal but im finaaly at apoint that i want to live! i need to be truly honest about how i feel and get selfish but i must admit that i dont know how to stay sober i thought i was doing everything right but i never felt complete i have put my sobriety in gods hands today and ask for help i am a begginer and need all the help i can get any suggestions?
Member: HollyR
Location: Dearborn, Mi
Date: 4/10/2002
Time: 9:50:49 PM
Doug, well, if you can in anyway get to AA meetings, do it! I'm also in a dual diagnosis group, and, unlike yours, we don't seem to ever get off step one, so, I'm happy for you that you have one that sounds like it works the steps. As for negative thinking, I think that's a major trait of alcoholics. The 12 steps has taught me to look at the good in things, to see challenges as learning tools. And although that rigorous honesty of the 4th step was not easy, it has paid off a million fold. It's when I'm lying to myself that I'm in trouble. Honesty starts with in and you can't be honest with others until you're honest with yourself.
Member: STEPHANE V
Location: WINDSOR ,
Date: 4/10/2002
Time: 11:00:52 PM
HEY EVERYONE I'M STEPHANE AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.ITS GOOD TO BE ALIVE. NOT ALL THE TIME BUT RIGHT NOW IT IS.I FOUND THAT STAYING IN THE NOW OR IF YOU WANT GETTING OUT OF MYSELF IS MY LIFELONG BATTLE AND IT'S THE AREA I NEED TO WORK ON CONSTANTLY. I CAN SO EASILY GET OFF ON THE STUPIDIEST THING AND FIND MYSELF ALL WRAP UP.IN THE PAST MOSTLY. SO I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF HOW SELFISH I GET BEING LIKE THAT.IT TAKES AWAY FROM ME ALL POSSIBILITY OF ENJOYING THE GIFT OF LIFE FULLY.THE THIRD STEP PRAYER IS A VERY IMPORTANT TOOL TO HELP ME STAY HUMBLE AND OPEN TO RECEIVE GOD'S HELP. THE BEST IS YET TO COME I'D SAY,IF I LET IT. GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY! REMEMBER "I GET DRUNK , WE STAY SOBER"
Member: DH
Location:
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 12:13:34 AM
Those who write in caps, please go back and see how it looks compared to those who don't. It's sloppy and hard to read. If you're not good at typing, and put the caps on for convenience, please just write all in lower case, it's easier to read and reading a message written in caps is like listening to someone WHO SHOUTS EVERYTHING... IT'S VERY ANNOYING.
Member: Blueshadow1
Location: Chicago's Western Suburbs
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 2:17:37 AM
I really think that I'm going to like this site. This is my first time here & I really like the idea of a meeting on demand 24-7.
I guess that the topic is honesty. As far as I'm concerned honesty in the program & in life is the only way. I'm a multiply diagnosed person, having been diagnosed as everything from schizophrenic to borderline personality disorder. Right now my current diagnosis is Alchoholic/Addict/Major Depression/and AADD. I'm currently on psychiatric medicine, and I've found happiness, joy, and freedom in AA's 12 steps. Group therapy, and Psychiatry. Once again to reiderate, honesty is not the best policy, for me it's the only policy. How It Works says that even the gravely mentally & emotionally ill do recover if we have the capacity to be honest. Always remember "THAT GOD COULD AND WOULD, IF HE WERE SOUGHT". I thank God that, AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE IS MY LONGITUDE & LATITUDE. today & tomorrow & everyday.
Member: Phil S.
Location: Pennsville, NJ
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 2:33:38 AM
Hi Annie, I'm Phil an alcoholic. I was wondering what step you were on when you went back out? Did you call your sponsor before picking up? The reason I ask is because in the years I've been in AA, I have never seen anyone go out who was thoroughly following the steps, had a sponsor and made a commitment. You had asked for suggestions and this is what I did that helped me. I got a sponsor, worked the steps like there suppose to be done and I got a committment. Get a home group, make coffee, help set up etc. Find a higher power. All these things are needed for a firm foundation to sobriety. Remember, putting down the drink only creates an oppourtunity to become sober, following the steps is what keeps us sober. You do these things HONESTLY and complete and you will do great. We are all miracles so don't quit 10 minutes before the miracle happens!! I want to thank all my friends who "trudge the trail of happy destiny with me." Peace to all.
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 9:55:50 AM
hello my name is richard , i am an alcoholic. TODAY is day # 5948 since my last drink.....i do it one day at a time .....tolerance and love is our code and that includes the relationship ...with myself.....as well as with others....may god bless you and all those you love ~!
Member: Mary A.
Location: vermont
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 10:13:45 AM
Hi Everyone..mary here..alcoholic.thanks for all the shares on being true to ourselves and forever being honest..respect that above all else.i have found that being true to myself means looking not just at the bad stuff but looking at my passions and what really moves me and enjoy and tapping into it to feel alive.then i am not looking at just the negative, hurt, pain and then to the drinking so i don't have to face and look at it all.although have done that too just can't stay in that.have to go above it to other side so to speak.also keeping higher self connected to higher pwer and other people who also share with honesty.i appreciate and luv all who are honest and share so.much truer, richer experience for all.And if i am better All else is..leading me back to happy..thanks for letting me share.. health, peace, luv and light to all here..God Bless mary caress39@hotmail.com
Member: Pete B.
Location: Indy
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 2:31:07 PM
Hi everyone, Pete here...alcoholic! When I went to my first AA meeting I bacame overwhelmed with the honesty that was in the room. I quickly realized that there were no "shades of gray"....it was black and white. I couldn't lie ... period! And I realized I was either in or out....and I didn't want to go out again and kill myself.
Well, 15 years later AA is still teaching me to be honest and true. It's the only way to live for me!
Thanks for reminding me! I need all the help I can get! Happy birthday to all the anniversary folks and my prayers are with all the newbies.
God bless !!!!
Member: Lori P
Location: Kansas
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 5:22:31 PM
I'm Lori and an alcoholic. Iam still having a little trouble being true to myself. I have been sober for 10 months and it's been a tough road. I am working the steps real hard. And yes sometimes they are real eye openers. Thanks to everybody on this site for their support. After all we are all after the same goal. It's a good to be sober. One day at atime is the only it can be done.
Member: Valerie M.
Location: Canada
Date: 4/11/2002
Time: 7:32:48 PM
Wow! This is the first time I've discovered "Staying Cyber". What a great idea. I always get so much out of AA. After 9 years of sobriety, as I unravel myself, so to speak, I find I am becoming more true to myself. I remember once when I was just shy of a year sober and a man approached me from AA. I was so paranoid that someone would overhear us and "find out" I was an alcoholic. (Like they didn't already know!) Now, I feel so greatful to be here and being sober is one of my major accomplishments in life. I'm proud to talk about it if someone asks - especially if I can help someone by sharing. There are so many wise people writing here. I got a lot out of it. Thank you!
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 4/12/2002
Time: 3:26:08 AM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers!
Being true to myself continues to be a challenge. First, I had to remain sober and practice the Steps of the program long enough so that I could begin to uncover my true self, or to be reborn via a spiritual experience.
A main benefit of being true to myself in this context is that I no longer rush to beat myself up over something I said, did or failed to do. For me, being true to myself in this sense means learning to be more forgiving and merciful when I fail, rather than always choosing to punish myself.
Member: ROLLIE G.
Location: Lennoxville.Que.Can.
Date: 4/12/2002
Time: 9:18:17 AM
Good morning to all my cyber friends out there. I have not been commenting latley but staying cyber thanks to my higher power and you people for every 24hrs. to Mary A. are you the Mary A that rollie moved back in Lennox. I sure love this site because i have not been to meetings for over 90 days now due to poor vision but was operated 1 week ago and must get back to F2F meetings soon .keep on sharing everyone it sure is enjoyable to read. Love to you all .ROLLIE G
Member: Dan D.
Location: Chicago
Date: 4/12/2002
Time: 11:08:36 AM
Hi, I'm Dan an alcoholic.Thanks for the topic of Truth to ones self.I need the AA meetings and a God founded life to really be true to myself.I can't be always see the real truth unless I bounce the situation off friends in the program.I do know this from experiance.When ever I am walking around angry with my girl,job, school,and people in general I had better take a good look at myself.The last time I did'nt do that,the day after Easter, I decided to go get a drink.Nothing real dramatic happened,jails,hospitals...,like has often in the past but I lost what has become most important,myself and peace of mind.Today I'am sober for 6 days.I was sober for about 6 months and am sorry I let myself down.What everyone is telling me is that I need to just move on and learn from the experiance.So to get back to the topic. I was't true to myself and started to blame everyone for my foul mood and got crazy enough to think a drink would provide relief.It did'nt,I thank God that today I am sober and not in jail or a hospital.Being true to myself starts with not drinking today.
Member: Kevin S
Location: The Bunnvale Group, New Jersey, US
Date: 4/12/2002
Time: 12:27:19 PM
My name is Kevin and I'm alcoholic. Whenever I used to drink, my life would break out in grief.
It's been great reading all the comments about being true to yourself. It is a topic that stirs me up with all kinds of thoughts and experiences
When I became sober, being true to myself could only mean being selfish and blowing off anyone who got in my way or thought differently. That was the alcoholic monster that was Kev. The only self I knew was that part. The sober Kev was just being born.
I hadn't a clue who I really was, so I didn't stand a chance of being true to myself, or anyone else.
The problem was my lack of humility. I like the definition of humility that I heard in the early days of my recovery:
True humility is when you can value yourself no more, nor less than you actually are.
Boy, that in itself is a tall order! Applying the steps has helped me quite a bit, but may never get me completely there. What I've found in the meantime is to seek God's will for me. He knows me better than anyone. Looking back, I realize that he has been with me always, even in the horror of my addictions when I wasn't capable of hearing, or merely discarded that fleeting voice.
Somewhere deep inside each of us (my opinion) is my pure spirit. It seeks only to do the right thing. Regardless of whether it gets me to where I WANT to be, or think I SHOULD be. Or where my friends or family thinks I should be. But where my God wants me to be. That is who I truly am and my spirit lives. If I do that, I will be closer to being true to myself. SoIt means sometime doing things that I personally don't want to do, that go against my every wish, and yet when I am able to do that I am able to look myself in the mirror and know that I'm on the right track. If I'm honest, the man in the mirror won't lie.
I feel that I have to say that what's black to me might be black to someone else. And vice versa. The realm of the spirit defies all my logic and attemps to quantify and fully understand it. Bill and the pioneers of AA made it very clear when they used the phrase GOD, AS YOU UNDERSTAND HIM. Not God as WE UNDERSTAND HIM. I have seen too many miracles from people who "did it all wrong" and chose "a road less traveled", and became a better person as the result, regardless of my opinion.
Thanks for the opportunity to share.
Member: Tori C
Location: London
Date: 4/12/2002
Time: 1:36:23 PM
Hi all. I'm Tori and I'm an alcoholic. I'm 24 days sober and really struggling with this honesty thing. My whole life has been about pretence. Any negative feelings were not allowed in my home when I was growing up because my parents couldn't deal with them, so I eventually learned to play my part in the "happy families" game, rather than cause an argument by expressing my emotions. Since joining the programmme I've learnt that for the last 12 years I've been projecting an image of what I think people want to see rather than allowing myself to simply be. I guess it's part of my people-pleasing. I just want people to like me, even if that means sacrificing myself and my views and beliefs. I'm just starting Step 1 and already I'm realising that unless I'm willing to be 100% truthful with myself and my sponsor, then the programme will not work for me. I just thank God for the support I'm getting and for AA and I'm looking forward to getting to know myself honestly for the first time. Thanks for the opportunity to share. God bless.
Member: Linda B
Location: Troy, ohio
Date: 4/12/2002
Time: 8:18:29 PM
Hi all my fellow travelers on this road to happy destiny!!! The topic of to thine own self be true is a great topic and your comments are just wonderful. This is just my second time on here and I am fairly new to the cyber world, but with AA on it, I like it already. God Bless to all and have a great weekend!!!
Member: CHris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 4/13/2002
Time: 4:17:00 PM
Hi all---CHris here, again--never posted twice---I just need to say that that I am really struggling with staying sober. I really need to be honest about it. As I said in my last post, I have NOT been sober with my eating and that is my main drug of choice.. I am doing better now , but I realized that I must be honest about it. For me to stay sober , I must be honest with myself and with others about what I am feeling. The "old" me would rather numb out than to be honest. That, I guess, is being true to myself. IT is so much better and Healthier to be honest about my feelings and struggles than to "use" over them. I guess I need to believe that my Higher Power can take care of my problems. ...To stay true to myself is to take care of myself...I think...Thanks for letting me share twice.
Member: Jim S
Location: Amalapuram, India
Date: 4/13/2002
Time: 8:07:59 PM
Hi all, Jim....alcoholic! 24 days sober! EGO makes me be dishonest. EGO wispers in my ear every day that I can still have one or two and be OK. Just putting this in print helps me crash back to reality. Thanks.
Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 4/14/2002
Time: 7:19:01 AM
Hi all!! Mary, alcy.
The only thing I HAVE to be true to myself aboutin order to stay sober is that I am an alcoholic that cannot drink in safety. All the rest comes with time, experience and the willingness to learn. Like someone else said this is a lifelong process....I am always learning about me...and if you are an alcy like myself life is never boring.
May God bless you all with another 24! Mary K
Member: DB
Location: KC
Date: 4/14/2002
Time: 8:01:22 AM
Hi I am Alcoholic My name is Dave Your not ok but that is ok Im not ok but thatis ok, being honest is a learning experience since i have been so dihonest in my life i thought that was it, I learn about Pride and fear, that are in front of the lie. I am trying to get with a lady in a relationship, and i do not know what the heck i am suppose to do the person she wants money for one thing,which is it my responsibility to help her out, well it is difficult to know when to give that line in big bk about being on a service plane oh well a long time ago a aa member says were not here to figure out relationships, there are to much for us we are alcolic and staying sober one day is our deal. so enjoy the day and look for honesty in our daily lives