Member: dj
Location: norfolk
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 09:15:35

Comments

love of one another alkies


Member: Corinne B.
Location: 4 Days Till I'm FL Bound!
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 10:34:34

Comments

'Morning All!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & everywhere!

DJ, great topic - one I have needed to reflect upon from a couple of very specific stances, since "re-upping" this past November '98. When I first got sober in 1986, I lived alone and it was very easy for me to not be around alcohol and/or practicing alcoholics. Plus, at that time, I really thought my main problem was cocaine and life-style, and a musician friend convinced me that he and so many other friends we had in common had tried and failed many times to quit the "hippie-dom" because we continued to "disco" once the '80s rolled around, drinking to our hearts' contents, cocaine being a great catalyst for allowing us to stay up later, dance & drink longer! That's how I was led to AA initially & for 6 years, I managed to stay sober, but eventually got complacent and went back to drinking for another 6.5 years!

Now that you've brought up this topic, it has me reflecting on one important component that I never delved into, but heard of many times - double winners - those AAs who also went to Alanon meetings. Since I've been back in AA, I have found it difficult to deal with living with alcohol around me all the time. Unfortunately, that won't change once I get divorced & move to Florida this coming week, because I'll be moving in with my Mother, who drinks - and who, in fact, went to AA for 2 years - and yes, the whole family is certain she's alcoholic. So, I have been giving a lot of thought here of late that I need to get my butt over to the Alanon meetings (can I say that here, hehehe?) once I get down to Florida, so that I can learn to love not only other recovering Alcoholics, but also to learn more about how to Live & Let Live around practicing ones!

Thanks for the topic. I hope to report on my progress once I'm resettled several weeks down the road! Corinne B.


Member: Linda K.
Location: PA
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 11:36:23

Comments

Good day! I am an alcoholic and my name is Linda.

(Bear with me please, I have only had one sip of my morning coffee....) As always, the topic is sooo timely for me. HP knows what I need! I am presently staying in the first floor apartment of a long time friend/lover and former drinking compadre while I get my feet back on the ground after some tough months financially. My friend lives upstairs and while he initially agreed to not drink around me("NOT a problem!!" he said cheerfully and a bit too emphatically...), he has taken to doing so again daily. I cannot be around him, or alcohol. While I have had long lengths of happy sober time since 1977, my experience is that exposing myself to it to this degree is very dangerous to my serenity and sobriety. I must move and will do so just as soon as I can. Yesterday I treated myself to three meetings and felt grand until I came home to find him sitting in my living room quite snockered and basically blaming me for it. I left and spent the better part of the night sipping decaf, reading and writing at a local diner. I gave a lot of thought to going to Alanon, just as Corinne talked about and will find out today just where and when these meetings are. I want to be of any help or encouragement I can to him (he has been a good friend in many ways to me to over the last 10 years)but I just can't do so when he is drinking! He doesn't see the need to stop since he is a "high functioning" alcoholic and those things which happened to me while I was drinking haven't happened to him: he isn't "that bad" and therefore not an alcoholic. So I therefore must move ASAP to protect my much-valued sobriety. Aahh.. Life is so weird sometimes.

I am so grateful to God to provide me this support and guidance through AA in all its forms and formats!

P.S. You are quite welcome, Steve F.! I hope each day is bringing you more gladness in sobriety! And Jeff, keep coming back and don't worry yourself to death!


Member: Todd P.
Location: Indpls, IN
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 12:14:33

Comments

Hi! my name is Todd and I'm an alcoholic. This is a pretty good topic for me as well. I have been living with my brother ( a practicing alcoholic ) ever since the day i sobered up, 2 years ago. At first it was very difficult for me to be around him but there was no way i could afford to move out. I can remember hiding out at the club till very late in the evenings just to avoid being around him. Today things are a little different. Someone told me in a meeting once that just because i quit drinking doesnt meen that other people were going to and I had to learn to live in this world with alcohol in it. After working through the steps, I reallized that I may be the only example of AA that he ever see's, and by staying sober myself and practicing the principals of this program. Maybe, just maybe, someday when he wants it he will know where to go for help. Thank you for alowing me to share, and keep coming back. I know i will.


Member: KERRY F.
Location: DELAWARE
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 13:48:10

Comments

HELLO,KERRY F. ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC HERE.LOVING ONE ANOTHER AS ALCOHOLICS I TAKE TO BE THE TOPIC THIS WEEK.WELL I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND LIE AND SAY THAT I ENJOY THE COMPANY OF SOME THAT ARE IN THE FELLOWSHIP WITH ME.BUT I WILL SAY THAT WE DO NEED EACH OTHER,LIKE THEM OR NOT.I HAVE NO DISLIKE OR RESENTMENTS TOWARD ANYONE IN THE FELLOWSHIP.BUT THERE ARE THOSE WHO MIGHT NOT SHARE THE SAME PAGE AS I DO.BUT WHEN THE NEED ARRISES THESE SAME PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS THERE WITH THE EXPERIANCE,STRENGTH AND HOPE WE ALL NEED.LINDA IN PA,THROW THE FELLOW OUT!


Member: Kerry B   3/21/80
Location: Idaho
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 13:50:44

Comments

Kerry, an alcoholic

Not quite sure what dj was getting at with the topic. Here's my "take" on what I think was meant. When I was drinking and using, really before that, I always seemed to have this feeling of lonliness deep down inside of me. Seperate from the rest of the human race, as though everyone else in the whole world had some "secret" that they were keeping from me regarding how to live happy, make friends and so forth. I was raised in a very large city, and it did occur to me quite often that there must really be something terribly wrong with me, to feel alone in such a crowd.

The first meeting I attended, having not really given too much thought to my drinking as being such a problem,(see at that time I was willing to go to any lengths, I just didn't know what it was that I had to go to any lengths to work towards). It was just a "hunch" if you will. What transpired during that meeting is the feeling, finally inside of me, that I really did belong on this planet, and that there were other people who had gone just as long, feeling that "apartness" from society. I felt Love, genuine love, for these people whom I had only really just "met". Wow, I know today that it is compassion, empathy and identity with the people in AA. The reason it is stressed so much in the rooms that we must give away what was so freely given to us, is that, for me at least, part of my alcoholism is that "feeling" of being apart from, and it can come back if I don't share with someone who may feel as I did when I was new. In the giving, I receive. I love this program, what a wonderful life, even with all the bumps in the road.


Member: JB
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 16:07:46

Comments

J here, grateful alcoholic. I'm a bit confused over what the topic is this week. About loving other alcoholics I find that a challenge at times. So many times I see my own defects reflected in others and I act out against that mirror. In a f2f meeting this week I shared that my mother has started drinking again and I cried for the separation that has occured between us because of her using. A fellow alcoholic pointed out how that using behavior must have really hurt when I was a child and didn't have the language or sense of self one needs to tolerate someone actively using. So I got in touch with being able to take care of my inner child thru this situation and once again I learn so much about life in these rooms of AA. As for alanon, because it is public knowledge at work that I am sober, a coworker approached me that he was concerned with his spouse's drinking. I listened to him and said maybe alanon would help him deal with it. I called our intergroup and got several meeting times for his area. It was so neat to help someone suffering from this disease. I wish him well in his recovery, if he starts on that path. Hope you all have a good week. Peace and serenity-J.


Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 17:08:08

Comments

Hi everybody. I am Chris and I'm an alcoholic.

I used to best relate and get along with other alcoholics. We used to solve the world's problems while we deepened our own. It seems no wonder to me that God would use you to solve MY problems NOW. I loved you then (as much as I was able) and I love you now. Keep coming back. I need you. Thanks for listening. I'll pass.


Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 17:13:27

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Hello family.

Like Kerry, I was separated from the earth people - never felt like I belonged. Even to my birth family. What a relief when I came into the rooms of AA and found that I was home. Of course, my new family was a bunch of sicko's, but then so was I. They loved me when I was totally unlovable. Some of us have gotten better, others remain as sick as when they came through the doors. Guess what, I love them all - often don't like the behavior, but love the person. Because they understand and accept me for who and what I am - an alcholic who is living sober.

Hugs to everyone


Member: PatO
Location:
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 19:02:46

Comments

I am looking for a little help. I went through the loss of my first wife 10 years ago to cancer. With 3 kids 5,6,10 that made life a little rough. One of my "habits" was/is to have 1/4-1/2 liter of vodka prior to going to sleep. I've just been diagnosed with a pretty serious cancer myself and would like to get away from the alcohol but am having difficulity getting any sleep. That's in addition to the drugs the doctors gave me. Terror is an interesting thing. Anyway if there is someone there with possitive suggestion I can be reached at "porourke@usinternet.com."


Member: jENNIFER D.
Location:
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 21:23:21

Comments

I GUESS THAT LOVING ONE ANOTHER IN THE PROGRAM MEANS THAT I LET THEM BE THEM AND I MYSELF. I DON'T ALWAYS AGREE WITH OTHERS, BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN STORIES. I FIND IT HARDER WITH THOSE CLOSE TO ME WHO ARE STILL DRINKING - WHO I SEE AND WORK WITH. LET PEOPLE BE THEMSELVES AND YET KEEP MYSELF SEPARATE IF I NEED TO LOTS OF TIME, I HAVE TO TALK THINGS OUT WITH MY SPONSOR AND LIFT THINGS TO GOD


Member: anonymous
Location: soberone
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 21:31:44

Comments

the greatest gift i have is working w/another alcoholic what a great way for me to get out of self-then to help someone in need of recovery the greatest gift i have gotten is to hold another alcoholic in my arms and let them cry like a little baby and tell them its gonna be ok to be able to let there pain reach inside of me and touch my pain is something i wont soon forget just like going out on a 12 step call. giving back what has been so freely given to me.


Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 23:10:56

Comments

Not too many notes tonight -- I read back a little and two more came in. Maybe many are still at meetings tonight. I went this afternoon.

I had trouble with AA meetings for a good while -- I thought wanting that next drink meant simply that I was not going to make it.

My biggest miracle was to get to the second night's meeting. I know people come back, but I had very little faith in continual sobriety, and even less in any hope that I might ever stop again if I started over.

I remember hearing the first time that Dr. Bob the founder had said the desire to drink never left him. Bingo! To me that meant one thing: Wanting to drink and drinking are not the same.

I don't feel compelled to philosophize it. I used to drink everyday and now for agood while I haven't. There is no doubt who gets the credit. I don't have to explain. (And I did find out that bad things do happen even when you don't drink.)

So the thing we say the most may be the most important, like, "Keep coming back."

dixyflier@usa.net


Member: BA
Location: Hagerstown MD
Date: 28 Mar 1999
Time: 23:19:47

Comments

Greetings everyone! I learned about loving another in a very difficult manner. I was 6 months sober, and met another alcoholic, and of course, ignoring everything about waiting a year before getting involved in a relationship met, moved in with Chuck. We had a terrific 8 months together sober, then he went back out. I tried controlling him, throwing out his alcohol, and all that stuff people tried unsuccessfully with me. His drinking ended up killing him after we were together for 2 1/2 years. I attended an alanon meeting, but honestly felt so guilty there, because i was one of those people they were trying to deal with - an alcoholic.

Yes, there are people in the rooms that bug the heck out of me, who don't seem to "get it", who are there because the judicial system told them to be there. I just need to remember that 7 years ago, i was new in the rooms, didn't listen to anything anyone advised me on, and paid for my mistakes. When I can't love someone, i pray that HP will give me the love for them.


Member: Shannon L.
Location: Washington
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 10:45:20

Comments

Shannon a grateful recovering alcholic here. Wow when I first came to the program of AA I had a hard time with other alkies, because I thought I was different. I was taking other peoples inventory and judging them on there past. I did'nt want to get involved with them and I hussled out of the meeting hall as soon as it was done. I thought I was so much better that I went out to drink with the better crowd. Will it was know different got another DUI I have three to count. And I realized that I was no different. I started to work the program and things started changing for me. I remember this one idividual in AA who I could not stand I had very little tolerance for him. My sponsor told me I didn't have to like him I had to Love him and to pray for him. I was like whoa now love to me was personal and I didn't want to be personal with this man. Today I am able to realize there is different types of love and I started to pray for this man. Just recelently I was at a meeting with this man and for the first time I listened to him share. I was starting to feel compassion and love for him. This program if you work it can be a miracle. I don't know whats happening to me, but I like it and I will keep coming back. Thanks


Member: Destine' W.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 10:55:48

Comments

I'm Carolyn & alcoholic. When I came in the program of AA, I wasn't aware of the fact that I didn't love myself. All I knew is that I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. The people in the program said let us love you until you can love yourself. They knew what I couldn't put a name to. I later realized that I did hate myself for doing all the things I did while drinking. My life was a big mess! They loved me unconditionally until later I was able to love myself and realize most of all that God loved me too!

Today, I do love others in the program whether we personally fellowship or not. There's this common bond we have. I know today that God's not done with me yet - therefore them either. Ah -- Progress!

God bless you all.


Member: Stan
Location: Sacramento
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 11:43:54

Comments

Hi everyone, My name is Stan and I'm an alcoholic. i have been sober for over two years, but just can't seem to get the message of AA. All I want to do is to quit drinking, not do all this GOD stuff. But at the same time it seems like I'm missing something.....It seems like the only time I'am felt close to GOD was due to a crisis.............i am flustrated in sacramento....don't know what to do.............Sorry for being a gig bottle baby.


Member: Jim H
Location: Eatern MA
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 12:46:31

Comments

Hi, Jim H, an alcoholic

I have a great respect for the people in the various AA meetings that I have attended. I came with trepidation, wondering how I would fit in with a bunch of admitted drunks. My worst fear that I would find pluggers, with little to nothing in common. What I found was kind, generous people from all walks of life, who extended warm and gracious welcome, with a sincere desire to help. I have learned a great deal from all these people and I express my gratitude to them.

Keep coming.


Member: Jameela M
Location: Kentucky
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 12:51:28

Comments

Hi! My Name is Jameela and I am a alcoholic I am responding to stan. When I first came into the program all I knew was how to drink because I had been doing it for over twenty-five years. After a while I became anxious because everbody was talking about God and i was angry at him i could not get it. so i felt empty inside . the big book tells me that if i cannot get the God concept then i will DIE!!! So what I start doing was asking something bigger then me for help, whether it was my home group or my sponsor untill I could get the God concept. It was really hard because i thought i had been running my life. If it wasn't for something bigger than me Iwould be dead or in jail. We cannot expect to get better all at once. we did not get sick all at once . I am nine years in recovery and sometimes when my will is not in line with my God i san still get on that thing about I can't feel god. so I have to keep trudging the road.(Trudging) walking with a purpose.


Member: sasha
Location:
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 12:53:34

Comments

Hi Everyone. I have a big message for some of you. THat is -- these cyber meetings ARE extremely helpful to me, and I have not been TO a meeting with real live humans and all of that. So those of you who trash this forum, or think its an excuse not to go to a meeting ,remember this: Tomorrow will be my fourth week anniversary of not drinking, and there have been days when I have been sitting here at work pitying myself and thinking, well, just for tonight... and then I jump into this room and I find hope that I can go on, the rest of the day, without a drink. But I would like to pose a question regarding a problem I am grappling with. How do you deal with friends who you used to drink with and don't know of your new sobriety? They still expect to get together and have wine with dinner and go out for happy hour. These folks are still friends of mine, but not so close that I want them to know I am an alkie who has chosen not to drink. I am afraid they will rib and cajole me into a glass of wine or ten, and this scares me. I don't know how to deal with it. Any advice would be appreciated.


Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 13:21:27

Comments

Good Afternoon!

My name is Tom A. a sober alcoholic today by the grace of Loving God as expressed in our groups conscience.

Learning to love has been and continues to be a daily living experience for me. This program has brought me to a point in my journey that I can truly say I try to love everyone because I have learned to love myself. You might chuckle at this, but my early sponsor's told me that I must learn to love myself, and I took their advice and everytime I looked at myself in the mirror I sang the song "I love, I love Me, I'm wild about myself." You know if you do something long enough you begin to believe and I can say I love Tom today and you who come to AA from "Yale, Jail, Park Avenue, Park Bench. I love all of you, including myself.

Enjoy your sobriety today!

Thanks dj for the topic! I love you!

God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net


Member: Don N
Location: Iowa
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 15:21:24

Comments

Hi My name is Don N an Im an alcoholic. Very early in soberity I heard someone say at a meeting "I dont like everyone sitting around these tables but I love everyone here now" I didnt understand that statement back then but I do now If you dont understand that statement You will If you KEEP COMING BACK GOD BLESS


Member: faith c.
Location: arkansas
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 19:29:01

Comments

hi, i'm faith an alcoholic - this is in response to sasha. in the big book (i can't quote word for word) it says we need to get new playmates and new toys when we get sober. i have been sober now for 2 1/2 yrs and can say that i have only kept my best friend (also my best drinking buddy) out of all the friends i had when i was drunk plus one boy friend. i wanted so bad to not drink that i made sure that i only accepted invitations where i knew there would be other aa's or i knew there wouldn't be any alcohol. i also made sure that i stayed in constant contact w/ the aa's i felt comfortable with. if these people really are your friends they will not ridicule you for your decision, but will respect you for having the courage to step forward and say "hey! i need help!". in time i discovered that i didn't really care how many people knew that i was a drunk or who they were. it is my feeling that the more open i am w/ my illnes, the more likely i will reach someone who is in need of help.

one really important piece of advice, go to a meeting - you will be amazed at the love and acceptance you will be greeted w/ when you walk through those doors.

i hope i didn't go on too long - thanks to all you aa's - i love you all!


Member: M.I.C.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 19:30:45

Comments

Hi all!!

I heard early in sobriety that to get sober you have to change your playpen as well as your playmates. I stand absolutely no chance of remaining sober if I live with booze, hang out with it or look at it on a continuing basis. I have a disease which tells me I don't have a disease. If I let this twisted little brain of mine look at a drink, drunks drinking, users using or anything similar, it starts telling me in any way that it can get me to listen that "just ONE!!!" won't kill me. And we all know it's the first drink, not the cases that follow which get us drunk.

I have been going to meetings long enough to know what I must do when my diseased little head starts talking to me : 1. Beg for my H.P. for release from the obsession. 2. RUN, don't walk to a meeting 3. Call my sponsor, and if she doesn't answer, any alcholic will do. 4. Grap someone who is worse off than I am at the moment.

EASY DOES IT!!

Peace-out!


Member: M.I.C.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 19:31:11

Comments

Hi all!!

I heard early in sobriety that to get sober you have to change your playpen as well as your playmates. I stand absolutely no chance of remaining sober if I live with booze, hang out with it or look at it on a continuing basis. I have a disease which tells me I don't have a disease. If I let this twisted little brain of mine look at a drink, drunks drinking, users using or anything similar, it starts telling me in any way that it can get me to listen that "just ONE!!!" won't kill me. And we all know it's the first drink, not the cases that follow which get us drunk.

I have been going to meetings long enough to know what I must do when my diseased little head starts talking to me : 1. Beg for my H.P. for release from the obsession. 2. RUN, don't walk to a meeting 3. Call my sponsor, and if she doesn't answer, any alcholic will do. 4. Grab someone who is worse off than I am at the moment.

EASY DOES IT!!

Peace-out!


Member: Johnny B.
Location: Cincinnati,Ohio
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 20:04:02

Comments

My name is John and I am an alcoholic.I have been sober for 18+ years.My home group is Delhi#1 group.I just found this web site.A friend in AA told me about it.I sense the topic is loving others.I honestly do my best but sometimes I find it difficult.I only hang out with people I consider WINNERS.I was told early in my sobriety[by my sponser]to hang out with the winners,people working the program.I was at a meeting last Friday night and there was a guy there that claimed to be 15 years sober and wanted to committ homicide.This guy was very scary.He was extemely"DRY".I tryed to talk to him after the meeting but he said I was making him angry.I in no way shape or form want what he had.


Member: Armando A.
Location: Caracas,Venezuela
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 22:01:46

Comments

My name is Armando A. , I am an alcoholic and drogadict First time here,Yes is dificult to live with other people drinking like crazy around you,but life is like that, and the important thing is to stay away of the alcohol yourself,the rest of the world is not your problem, rigth ? Happy to be here Keep coming back


Member: Marianne K
Location: Pa
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 22:41:25

Comments

Hi, my name is Marianne and I'm an alcoholic. First time here, and I think I'll be back. I've been going to meetings for quite a few years and have met people I've liked and people I haven't liked, but for everyone I have met I am grateful. I have to have an open mind though, because you never know where the "good stuff" is going to come from. Sometimes its from the people I didn't care for. If I shut my mind to these people, I could be the one losing. I've always been told, stick with the winners and follow the sobriety you respect. Loving other alcoholics is a given, but if doing so is heading you towards a drink, you might want to turn around. I know I would. Thank God and AA for another day sober.


Member: Michael H.
Location: Michigan
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 22:47:44

Comments

I have been in and out of the program for 16 years. If it wasn't for a close sponsor that I consider a close "brother" I wouldn't be here. I am now trying again to stay sober after a month long drunk which did nothing for me as usual. You would think that I would learn that it doesn't change but I guess I just keep hoping it will. I know from the program that it doesn't. I will keep trying. I relate well with others, I just don't seem to be able to get the handle on it myself. Thanks for listening.


Member: Shawna W
Location: Central Wisconsin
Date: 29 Mar 1999
Time: 23:00:49

Comments

Hi All Shawna alcoholic, I think that without my AA friends and sponsor I wouldn't be sober today. About a month ago I was dangerously close to replapse and I really needed a friend. Well,by the grace of God I found my phone list and started to call fellow alcoholics. I went to 5 meetings that day some were 45 minutes away. But by the end of the night the thought of alcohol had totally left me. I am so grateful for my new found family because without them I don't think I would make it through the hard times. I rely on them even during the great days. They are just always there when I need them.Thanks for being here everybody!


Member: Jane S.
Location: Oakland, California
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 00:10:31

Comments

Hi, I'm Jane - alcoholic. A meeting with people from Pennsylvania and Venezuela and California at the same time? Dr. Bob could never have imagined it.

So far my last drink was Feb. 11, of 82. I wanted to address what Sasha said about never having been to a real meeting. You didn't put in where you live, and you probably don't live in Oakland, CA, so I can't offer to take you to a meeting. Cyber meetings seem to be useful, but what kept me coming back and helped me stay sober was the look in people's eyes, when I could bear to look at anyone. They laughed a lot, which is indispensable for sobriety, and they looked at me with a kindliness that I hadn't seen before, an unguarded caring look, and told me to keep coming back. I hope you go to a meeting soon. I have known people who went out because they stopped going to meetings, one of them was CHuck. C.'s granddaughter, who died drunk in her late twenties after ten years of sobriety. We're all really different in the program, but deep down in particular ways, alcoholics are different from 'earthlings' and we feel our kinship in meetings.


Member: MatthewM
Location: H-town,TX
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 03:16:45

Comments

Hey, What's up? My name is Matthew and I'm an alcoholic/addict/manic-depressive/money-grubbing/co-dependant/freeload'n/resentful/recovering catholic/sexaholic/smoker/LSD freak/hot check writing dude. Any questions? My sobriety date is 9/21/98 and contrary to popular belief getting better in every way every day. Hell, loving myself is hard enough and living with my sister(also a recovering garbagecan junkie)makes loving other alcoholics slightly difficult. The concept of compassion and being useful to my brothers and sisters is wonderful in theory but actualy interacting with other alcoholics is sometiomes nomore than disheartening and quite frustrating. I have to keep reminding myself that we are all sick, some more than others and all simply want to be loved. I also have to continualy remind myself to place principles before personalities and when someone ostensibly offends my quite fragile ego that my purpose is to stay sober and assist other alcoholics in their respective plights for sobriety. I must also convey that I am afraid of people and that being renitent and pushing people away is my only developed coping skill. I am just now learing to love myself and can almost see me loving other people. Progress not perfection, right? Anyway I truly am grateful for a benevolent presence in my life and my sponser(I call him "Old Fart)is Kick-Ass. Cognitive therapy, i.e. positive reinforcement of my subconcious mind, is working wonders in my life. "The Power of Your Subconcious Mind" by Joeseph Murphy while not AA approyed literature is a book that I highly recommend to persons with an inability to love themselves and positively interact with other human beings. Sorry I tend to ramble. I love you all(I'm try'n at least) and have a great week.


Member: John T.
Location: Denver
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 04:17:12

Comments

J.T. and I am an alcolohic from Denver and I am here for the very first time too!! This is great~~ and welcome all. To Sasha I would like to say congratulations, a day is a long time to not have a drink! On the topic, they told me when I first came in to let us love you until you learn to love yourself, because I thought,or knew I was a piece of shit. Now I realize I was and am a sick person learning to be well. And now I am haveing valuable loving relationships with people in and out of the program!! It does get better ONE DAY AT A TIME.. sorry I don't mean to yell! take care and easy does it. P.S. Just to give you hope, my sobriety date is 5/24/94.


Member: sasha
Location: Snoot City
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 08:56:46

Comments

Hi All. Sasha the sloshed here. THanks to all who wrote with advice. I have another one for you all. Do you ever feel sorry for yourself because you can't drink? I find myself remembering some of the fun, yes, real fun, I had with a glass of chardonnay in my hands, a kind of lightness I cannot deny. "Like drinking stars," as one author has written. It was a dimension of myself that I miss. Of course, intellectually, I realize that this is no reason to take that first drink, because nothing useful will come of it. But, still. I'm wistful sometimes. On the subject of dealing with my friends who drink: how awful to have to stay away from them just because of my own weakness. I don't want to lose them, and I don't want them to think I'm judging THEM. At the same time, some of these friends are folks I work with and I don't wish to tell them the truth, i.e., that I am a recovering booze-hound. Thanks to all for listening. I truly enjoy this forum.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 09:06:09

Comments

hi,...tony an alcoholic,sasha you said you have freinds that might tease you into drinkng?when the topic comes up, simply say your not drinking,say its been making you sick lately(after all thats true isn"t it?)if those people stick with you they may be true friends after all,and in time(sober time)you can talk a little more in depth about why you don"t want to drink.going to meetings will make i all come together,promise.to everyone else keep plugging away,it"s a zillion times better being sober,God bless.......tony


Member: Jackie B.
Location: Clarion, PA
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 09:46:28

Comments

Howdy ya'll...alcoholic named Jackie. Once when I was relatively new to the program, I asked my sponsor how these people that don't even know me can say, "If nobody told ya they loved ya today, I do." She explained to me that everyone has their own definition of what love is and that I needed to pray about mine. As with the word "sorry", I threw the word love around and abused the hell out of it, took advantage of it and then spit it out when it was no longer useful to me. I don't love everyone in the fellowship, but I do respect what they are doing in trying to stay sober one day at a time. There are people that I just don't genuinely like, but I do respect their sobriety. I wish them no harm and pray for God's will to be done in their lives, but wouldn't carry the word love into it. Love to me when I was out there meant...L-lust, O-obsession, V-violence, E-extortion. Not today...today, Love is a choice...a decision based on trust, honesty, respect and acceptance. My sponsor taught me how to love by loving me through example. She allowed me to make my mistakes and not once backed down from her decision to love me. Thanks for readin my share.

Peace,

Jackie


Member: sasha
Location:
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 10:27:47

Comments

Tony, thank you for the advice. I like it. I think I can say "I'm not drinking tonight. It was making me sick," with a straight face and not feel deceptive.


Member: ed p.
Location: illinois
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 12:38:00

Comments

hey first time here been sober almost 21 years.can't think of a better plan for life as the steps.hope everyone succeeds as i have.i owe my life to aa,my family and everything i own.keep up the good work folks.


Member: Kent H.
Location: lovingitsoberinTN
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 13:29:58

Comments

As Ben Franklin said: "We must hang together or we shall surely hang separately."


Member: Michelle D.
Location: Indiana
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 14:32:14

Comments

Hi! I'm Michelle, and I am an alcoholic who is really having a problem with staying sober with a husband who brought more booze into the house and who keeps telling me I don't have a problem..We have two kids, been married 20 years and get along otherwise pretty well. I feel like he's trying to KILL me. Did anyone out there actually make over a year in recovery in this kind of situation? For anyone who thinks meetings are a waste, let me say from firsthand experience, GO NOW and KEEP GOING BACK. It keeps you focused when everyone around you is telling you that "YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM" or the voice inside says,"See you can handle it!" Right now, besides dealing with my homelife I am praying for a sponsor. I think that I need one NOW. Take care.One day at a time! Michelle


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 14:36:48

Comments

Hi there, My name is JC and I'm an alcoholic. I can't think of any AA member I don't like/love? (now). Everyone added a brick to the small sobriety house I've tried to build. Some may hurt my feelings, I may not understand the reactions of others, but then I remember what one of my AA friends (a winner you should say) always says"Who am I to judge somebody else?". That's the question (for me). To Sasha, I'll not talk of the importance to go to meetings, some did it before, and those are good advices. I noticed than the more people knew I had quit drinking, the more I was secured. I told my friends I went to AA, they were glad I was doin' something about my problem. I love to watch them enjoy a good bottle of wine, I've accepted that it is poison for me 'cos I'm an alcoholic. I told my co-workers and my boss that I've chosen not to drink alcohol anymore without going into details. It may happen that somebody buggers me (maybe 'cos that person has a slight alcohol problem too?) and most of the time I don't have to answer him myself (what I'm not afraid of), one of my pals knowing my problem tells him to leave me alone. Thanks for letting me share. Love (of course). JC


Member: Just Me
Location: at work right now :)
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 14:56:14

Comments

I heard Earnie L, the author of Stage II Recovery being interviewed on the radio one time. They asked him what his definition of recovery was. He said first you have to learn how to abstain, then you have to learn how to love. Love yourself, love one another (and Earnie didn't say it but I would add, love God). Thanks.


Member: Shawn S
Location: St Pete Fl
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 15:04:38

Comments

Hi All Shawn S. Alkie in Sunny Florida!!! Corinne B. Where are you moving in Florida???? Im in St Pete... Look Us up. Travellers Rest Group Mon & Fri Or email @ SMS1963@hotmail.com My hubby and I will be happy to show ya around. Love and tolorence is our code. Its so easy to practice when your my friend and so hard if I disagree with you. Thats where tradition 12 comes in. Unconditional LOVE....Thats what Im practicing for all the tourists visiting & clogging up my streets during the final four!!!! Crazy Drivers in rental cars But if thats all I have to fret about oh well


Member: JCP
Location: W.Va.
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 18:39:16

Comments

JCP, grateful alcoholic.

There seemed to be a lull.

Tigger

(Don't laugh . . .

__ _-==-=_,-. /--`' \_@~@.--< `--'\ \ <___/. \ \\ " / >=\\_/`< ____ /= | \_/ _' `\ _/=== \__/ `___/ //\./=/~\====\ \ // / | ===| | ._/_,__|_ ==| __ \/ \\ \\`=-| / \\ | _ \\| /==|-\ `.__' `-____/ |--|==| \ \ ===\ |==|`-' _> \ ===\ /==/ /==\ | ===\__/--/ <=== \ / ====\ \\/ _`-- \/ === \/--' | \ ==== | -`------/`--' / \___-'

thanks to a Higher Power and AA, I didn't drink today. (This may not show in the blue)


Member: james d.
Location: KS
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 20:20:58

Comments

Anybody home? First time to this site. Taken first step. Do you know Bill W?


Member: Ed P.
Location: NC
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 20:22:46

Comments

Im Ed alcoholic I see it as everbody in life. Some are better in one way or another. We all have something to offer. Getting along is just growing as a better person. See yall later ED P.


Member: SophieL.
Location:
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 20:53:51

Comments

First time online. First time in too long a time. But I'm glad to be reading and listening tonight. I am reminded of how I came to love others again, just as I came to believe in a power. And yes, first it was just a power. Later it became apparent that the power was indeed greater than myself. Somehow that power lets me believe that a love for others can bring happiness back into my life. It's enough, anyway, to keep me from seeing a drink through. Because, after all, I think I can safely say that the people in my life are worth far more than a bottle. Quite a change in my thinking over the years. It's a relief to be here. Sometimes I forget that it is. But I do feel lucky. And I thought I had a bad day today! Thanks.


Member: Mike S.
Location: Boston
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 21:47:53

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and my name is Mike. Today I recognize that left to my own thoughts and mental and spiritual sickness I will destroy myself. Yes this alcoholic alone is in bad company. I need all of you like I never knew I would need anything before. I have always been a loner so I became self reliant, self centered, and self destructive! Other alcoholics loved me until I could love myself! Now I welcome every opportunity to freely give that which was so freely given to me GOD BLESS EVERYONE! Bye from Boston!


Member: Patt O.
Location: OR
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 21:48:08

Comments


Member: Patt O.
Location: OR
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 21:56:57

Comments

My name's Patt, and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. Loving other alcoholics was very easy for me when I first came into the program. I was so beaten down by alcohol and felt so miserable about myself that I was in seventh heaven when I found out that I was sick more than crazy and everyone was so kind and loving to me, accepting me for what I was, warts and all. Today I try to remember that love for others, not judging anyone (who am I to judge??). There are times when it's difficult, heaven knows, but I don't have to like everyone, not they me. Nonetheless, none of us wants anyone else to go back out and we'd go out of our way to help someone to prevent that, no matter how miserable a soul they were. That's love to me. Thanks for letting me share--it's wonderful to find you all. Patt O.


Member: Arlene G.
Location: Rockland County, NY
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 22:11:13

Comments

Hi. My name is Arlene & I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for almost 2.5 years and I still cannot be around people who are drinking excessively. It's just not enjoyable for me, maybe because I see so much of my old self in them. In the beginning I needed to avoid gatherings where people were drinking, so naturally this meant I had to give up all of my old buddies. Over time, however, I have been able to reconnect with the people who REALLY are friends and are important to me. I still don't socialize with them when they're getting stinking drunk, but I can go out to dinner with them and not freak out when they order a drink!! I just had a bad experience with my father the other night. He is, or should I say was, a dry drunk for about 5 years after having a long history of alcohol/pill addictions. He just informed me that he's taking Valium now, and he sees nothing wrong with it because he doesn't have a problem with Valium!! Can you believe it? Well, I can't. And I'm having a hard time loving and accepting him right about now. Even though I can understand his denial and all that goes with it, I am still angry at him and this disease. I guess acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. Thanks for listening.


Member: dj
Location: norfolk
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 22:27:43

Comments

(((sasha))) guess what your frends have ben hopeing and praying!!! for you to see the light, and get help.- before you die young and crazy, dont worry about your frends they will survive!!!! its you (love) were talking about!!!!!! god bless ps see ye by the grapevine dj


Member: Debbie S.
Location: A.Valley, CA
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 22:41:11

Comments

I really need some feedback. I am an alcoholic. I have 90 days after relapsing on prescription meds after 11 years of sobriety. I am having a difficult time loving my husband of 11 years, and knowing eachother, and being in eachother's lives for 38 years. Is anyone there?


Member: Debbie S.
Location:
Date: 30 Mar 1999
Time: 22:42:50

Comments

My e'mail address is msmocha@qnet.com. Someone please contact me!


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 00:01:41

Comments

My name is Steve. I'm an alcoholic

When I read the first post a few days ago, I didn't understand what the topic was. Maybe because I'm so new to AA (Day 40 just starting.) So, I've been "lurking" and reading.

I must say that after reading all the responses so far, especially from Kerry B., Chris C., Geri W., Tom A. and Marianne K., I'm starting to get it. I think Marianne said it best - you never know where the "good stuff" is going to come from.

Pat O. Please call your local AA hotline and find out where you can go to an AA meeting.

Stan, from Sacramento. I've been having some trouble with the "God" thing myself. I guess I believe in him, but I'm not sure I believe that he can cure me of my insanity (i.e. my alcoholism). I've been told that it's not necessary to be "religious" in the AA program, but rather, that what is required is spirituality (i.e., belief in a power greater than yourself). The saying I heard about this that I liked the best was "Religion is for people who are afraid of Hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there- and want to get out.

Matthew M. Cool greeting. You said it all.

Sasha - congratulations on not drinking, but please be careful. Hanging around bars in your early sobriety and feeling sorry for yourself because you "can't" drink, will surely lead you to resume drinking, IF you're an alcoholic, of course.

Jackie B. Except for the part about violence, I really related to what you said about love "out there." I'm too new to know much about love in AA, but as someone said (either here or in the Coffee Pot section) "I don't know what's happening to me right now, but I like it!" It is nice to finally fit in somewhere.

Debbie S. I'm here if you want to talk, and I will e-mail you, but you need a lot more than anyone can offer over a computer. Do you have a sponsor? Are you going to meetings? As I said above, I only have 40 days, so I can only tell you what "they" are telling me. "Don't drink, go to meetings, ask for help." Good luck.


Member: Myrna M.
Location: Indiana
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 00:37:25

Comments

Hi. I'm Myrna an alcoholic and addict. My first meeting on line and I'm excited. I had trouble finding you. Now I feel at home. I'm still figuring out how to do this add my comments to the meetings.Guess it all comes with time and work just like soberity. I'll be back soon. Nice to have a meeting any time.


Member: JR 1/14/99
Location: Auburn, CA
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 11:24:35

Comments

Hello, my name is JR and I'm an alcoholic-addict. To Debbie S. from A. Valley, your little story really hits home for me. I first got sober on 4/20/89. 9 months latter my back went out and my doctor prescribed me codine. I neglected to tell him that I was a recovering alcoholic. It took me nine years and eight months to finally get back to the halls and walls of AA. I'm also married (for almost 10 years) and I too am finding it hard to love my wife. The biggest problem I'm having is dealing with what she did while "I was out of town on business". She has asked for forgiveness, and I'm trying to but it is hard. I find that the Lord's Prayer helps (ya know, "...forgive us for our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" I don't know if this story helps you Debbie, but I'll be praying for you tonight.


Member: Sara D.
Location: Currently Palermo
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 13:29:45

Comments

Hi my name is Sara and Iąm an alcoholic. Sober over 15 years a day at a time... visiting in Italy with family who are living here & travelling with my oldest friend... I looked up this site ahead of my trip because although I got contact numbers in Italy from GSO I wasnąt sure Iąd find a meeting I could go to... I have a lot of support from the earth people around me and have a "sobriety bank" very full of regular meetings , and I have tapes and the grapevine to get me focussed. But I need to at least touch base with "real" alcoholics. (Newcomers listening??) So since I wonąt actually make a meeting this is great. About the subject... this morning I had one of those clear thoughts : I carry AA with me, wherever I go... the people are in my mind and my heart and I keep my sobriety in my "middle eye" at all times... and then I can do and go anything/where I want. This is the kind of freeing love I think we all needed fromthe beginning - and Im glad I have it now. Thank you all. - & keep coming back - Sara


Member: john mc
Location: u.k.
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 19:02:12

Comments

The Nazarene gave us the answer over 2,000 years ago. love God and love your neighbour as yourself. How do we love God? Follow his Good Orderly Direction. For alkies that comes in the form of this God given Programme ( as written in the B/Book, there is no substitute). lt follows, if you are doing that you must be loving your neighbour, therefore you must be loving yourself.Maybe thats to simple, but thats the kind of guy the Nazarene was.


Member: Bill W
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 19:30:07

Comments

Evening friends, Bill, alcoholic. Can't say I like everyone in this programme. Nor, in all honesty can I say I love you all, but I'm working on it. So please to see new people coming to these rooms. Particularly the new people who help me remember where I came from. It used to bother me to be present when people were having a drink. Today I have a choice. Sit and watch them drink or leave. Even my friends in the Legion know I don't drink and the bartender refuses to give me anything but a cola of choice. Great friends and I love them as much as I can. Some are trying. Have another sober 24 everyone.


Member: Hollywood
Location: Cambridge Idaho
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 21:08:35

Comments

Hello my name is hollywood and I am an alcoholic. Through my progress in my recovery, I have learned to trust and learned to feel again. To be in touch with your feeling's good or bad is a good thing. I know I can trust my fellow AA. member's and I guess in a strange way love them. AA. as a whole is a family. It is a place for help and place to dump if that is waht you need to do. My love for God is expressed through my feeling's twords my fellow AA,members. I also had to learn how to love and trust myself before I could learn to love or trust others. Take what you need and share the rest. God be with all.Hollywood.


Member: John.L
Location: Delaware
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 21:44:23

Comments

Hi my name is John alcoholic thanks DJ for this topic,{love of one another alkies}it is where I have been for awhile lately,I have been having some trouble with some people in AA,,,but in the same sentance I love all people in AA,,,,,cause they are there for the same reason I am,so whether I like them or dislike them I have learned that I need all people in AA to stay sober,,cause I can't do this alone.and at times I forget that.

it just seems that there are certain clicks in AA,,,and that is the reason I drank !!!!to fit in to a click.but i'm not willing to fall into that! I didn't get sober to be judgemental of people who are trying to get help,the same as the rest of us...so I LOVE ALL PEOPLE.I may not like them !!!!but I Love them cause they are trying to improve there life and everything in it!!!how can you not LOVE someone who is trying to do that?????So before you judge someone for what they look like or sound like on the out side! take a good look at the inside,you may just see your self if you look hard enough! "A person trying to recover"so remember LOVE is unconditional,,,,we are all human,in the big picture of life and recovery so love thy self that way you are able to love one another. Thanks for listening Signed John.L {and if no one has told you today,I LOVE YOU!!!}


Member: George T.
Location: Michigan
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 21:50:00

Comments

I'm George, I'm an alcoholic.

It is very hard to love some people. It's hard to love your own family sometimes. But it's true, eventhough you don't hate them, you just can't love them, not even with tough love. Jesus said to love your enemies, that is a very difficult thing to do. He's asking a whole lot more of me than I can handle at this time.

But just because I am not up to it. Just because I find myself incapable of loving in one particular case, that does not mean I am a failure and have to get on the pity pot or have to drink again. It only means I have a ways to go in healing from a sickness that I will always have in part. I have to come to terms with myself not with this person I would like to strangle if I could.

Love then, for me, is being able to love at all not love all. I don't have to love everybody and everything. I have to love myself sober and the love of other things and certain people will come in time.

Love and keep coming back


Member: Bruce A.
Location: Bovard,PA
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 21:56:58

Comments

Hi Bruce A. ,Alcoholic,Love one another as we love ourselves. I didn't know anything about love until I came to A.A. 15 yrs ago. People showed me unconditional Love. They Loved me until I could do the steps and love myself. It is hard to give something away until I possess it.Now I can practice what I have learned not only in A.A. but also with my family and others too. Love is the answer!!! Love you all, Bruce A.


Member: Doug N.
Location: AR
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 22:24:10

Comments

Thank you everyone for being here. Doug, alcoholic. Really, really wanted meeting tonight and after only 45 min of search engines and links you're here! Just to sick tonight for face to face.

Some of my drinking came from being lonely and feeling unknown(loved). Since coming to AA and 'working it' I have found 100s to love and be loved by and not just in AA. The God thing that I was afraid of has brought me more comfort and strength then I ever thought possible. Don't be afraid, just do it! It's !@#$#ing incredible! Today I'm not afraid to go anywhere, meet anyone or do anything -by HIS WILL. Each day I ask for His will and as long as I accept it I have absolutely no worries. His will for me is often just to do what I'm supposed to do each day -go to work, work good, go to meeting, come home, read, and try very hard to treat everyone with patience and compasion -. That's been the hardest thing for me. Some require so much. Those that do I know God has put in front of me because they need it and I'm getting better at giving it. This is how I found and maintain real sobriety. 1,2,3.Love you all. bye.


Member: Floyd C.
Location: S.F.Bay area
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 23:09:36

Comments

My name is Floyd and with the love and occasional kick in the butt from my AA friends I have been a dry and mostly sober member since Feb. 10 1965.I hate hearing people say you should do this or that so Sasha I will tell you about an occasion that happened to me when I was an aprehensive new comer.A business associate that I had helped by saving him a substantial amount of money asked me to lunch as a gesture of appreciation.There were several of us at the table and each ordered drinks when asked what my choice was I ordered coffee.The host tried to encourage me to have something else. I declined and was kidded about it until I blandly stated That if i was to drink I would break out drunk all over. Most people don't care if you drink or not.Just don't try to stop them at times like that . Good luck a day at a time. Floyd


Member: Floyd  C.
Location: S.F. Bay area
Date: 31 Mar 1999
Time: 23:34:11

Comments

Hi this is Floyd again .I don't mean to be a space hog but I thought Stan would at least under stand the situation that happened to me.I was being the all knowing sponser of a native American that was very puzzled by an understanding of GOD.We were walking along a main business street and as we passed a novelty shop my friend stopped and went in.I went in to see him looking at a totem pole.The kind that tourists buy.He said "now there is something I understand. So He bought the totem pole .For the time being at least it became his higher power.At the meetings he became known as Totem Pole Joe.One night at a meeting he said he found out that there were some people that shouldn't drink.Indians, Irishmen and most everyone else.Keep an open mind Stan.and good luck Floyd C.


Member: joyce p
Location: utah
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 00:04:29

Comments

joyce,alcoholic, when i first got here, 11/84, i didn't do GOD, and i loved any man that i thought could fix me, or that i could fix. all you women could just leave, thankyou very much. thank god that today things are different. i was told i could create a higher power that i could work with, for years i just had this guy in jeans with one hell of a sence of humor(much needed to work with yours truely). today he's a bit more fluffed out, and bears NO resemblence to THE BIG DUDE IN THE WHITE ROBE. this is because after years of feeling like i was the fly and GOD had the fly swatter i was in no mood to strike up an ongoing conversation with HIM. hence, my hp in jeans who i can and do have an ongoing conversation with. he not only can lasugh with me at the places my sick head can go, he's not even perfect, nearly, but he has been known to have to take the long way to a goal. as for love, the people in aa taught me that love is a simple matter of acceptance,of myself, hp, and you. found a definition of love years ago that works for me; LOVE:to extend yourself for your own or anothers spiritual growth. to me the period art the end of that may be the most important part.


Member: Kevin
Location: Washington state
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 02:31:50

Comments

I know exactly what it feels to try to keep loving someone even though they could careless about you! My brothers seem to careless about there big brother trying to better himself, all I want is them to have another chance like im getting at life! I have been sobor for 6.5 mos now and its hard to keep your chin up sometimes but, my mother has gone sober with me and thats great! I just thank god for all of you, and my sobriety! If anyone would like a sober friend to talk to just email me at kkilgore2@compuserve.com or u can reach me on ICQ my number is 30273362 I love to meet new people.


Member: Author
Location: unknown
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 03:11:05

Comments

I'm Your Disease

I hate meetings. I hate higher power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all that come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of Alcoholism.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's me. I have killed millions, and I am pleased. I love to catch you, with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and your lover. I have given you comfort, Have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me? I was there. I love to make you hurt......I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. You can't feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I will ask of you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things and I was the only one who would agree with you.

Together we were able to destroy all good things in your life.

People don't take me seriously, fools that they are. They don't know that without my help, these things would not be made possible.

I am such a hated disease. And yet, I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More then you hate me, I hate all of you, who have a 12 step Program. Your Program, your meetings, your Higher Power. All weaken me and I can't function in a manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me. But I am growing, bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist, But I am here...And until we meet again.

If we meet again -----I wish you death and suffering.


Member: sasha
Location:
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 08:20:33

Comments

Hi Everyone. Sasha here again. I am enjoying all the comments. I found the "I am alchohol" approach very creative and effective. Just want to let the guy who implied I am "hanging out at bars." Just the opposite, actually. Today is day 33 and i have not been in a bar in at least that many days. I am trying to stay away from situations that will make me want to drink. As for feeling sorry for myself, I sense that there is some denial here about certain feelings. I learned long ago to acknowledge my feelings of sadness, regret, longing, etc. And then I move on. These past weeks of sobriety I have felt many sensations: gratitude, happiness, yearning, peacefulness, anger, panic, etc. Overall, I have enjoyed a certain stability and peace this past month that I have not had in many years.


Member: Bill T.
Location: Ridgefield, Wa
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 09:07:27

Comments

Hi! Bill here I'am an alcoholic. Just a few word's on loveing one other. It is a hard thing to do when you first stop drinking. My first sponer told me if he was to be my sponer, then sit down and listen. So I started to do that, it was hard. I ask him what is this thing about loveing one other. He say that in time I will understand. And he was right. For a true alcoholic, it is hard to love another person or even hug them, especially it is another man. It took me 10yrs in this program to hug a man.The old saying a slow groweth is healthly one,was true for me.I have learn alot in this program, besides how not to drink. After 1yr in this program I got marry to another alcoholic in the program. We had some hard times with loveing each other, but this program show us the way. Well I am here to tell you all we are still together, and have been together for 19yrs. now. So loveing each other is hard to do but in time it comes. Thank's and have a great day. In Service Bill


Member: Destine' W.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 09:22:54

Comments

Hi yall, I'm Destine' & an alcoholic.

I'm probably not supposed to talk in this discussion but once a week (maybe I'm crosstalking???), but I need to share. I'm a temporary at this job and everything here seems weird. The place is beautiful but the people in it seem almost robotic! I can't explain it but there's something in the air. Maybe it's just me. Before I stopped drinking, the whole world seemed weird. I always thought that I should have been born in another place & time. Today, almost five years later, I fit most of the time. The Big Book somewhere talks about the uncommon becoming common (living life on life's terms) and the common becoming uncommon (my drinking, thinking, etc.). Maybe this place is normal, I don't know.

I'm feeling so alone out here. Thank God I'm not hung-over!!!

Amen to the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous!

Feeling Strange Today,

Destine'


Member: DanF
Location: CA
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 10:16:23

Comments

I don't know how to make myself love others. Sometimes I'm even "justified" in not loving someone. I've just found that if I do the simple things that AA suggests ON AN ONGOING AND DAILY BASIS, loving others comes pretty naturally. Doesn't really take much effort.


Member: scott c
Location: brady texas
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 13:31:12

Comments

hello, my name is scott and i am a true alcohlic the topic learning to love is most of the time pretty tough since i have always been self centered and selfish all my life. on 5-24-98 i had a motorcycle wreck and layed in a pasture all night long as the direct result of alcohol in which i broke my back in 4 places,my leg in 38 pieces and numerous other breaks .that is where i learned to love my higher power and other people,whether i like them or not.every one has the right to love and to be loved. for me it was a long and difficult process but the rewards i recieve are worth it.SOBRIETY !!!!! thank you for giving me a life worth living. scott in brady texas.

]


Member: Terry T.
Location: Ottawa On. Canada
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 15:20:07

Comments

I'm terry and i am an alcoholic and sober since august 12,1979. The last meeting I attended won Monday past when I attended my home group of Uptown Monday night group and heard a great speaker. On Tuesday evening from 7 until 10 I made myself available for phone duty at the Intergroup office, gave oout info and shared with callers who were having problems then went home contented. e-mail:terrythomey@hotmail.com


Member: Lori B.
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 16:40:24

Comments

Hi, everybody. I needed this Discussion Group today to help me stop feeling sorry for myself. ("Don't they know if they just do it my way it would all work out fine?" <big grin>)

Anyway, as for the topic of loving other alcoholics: I do feel it's important for those of us in recovery to extend our help to those alcoholics in need. However, I also am of the firm belief that it is entirely possible to "love somebody" right out the doors of AA. Sometimes we just have to allow a drunk the opportunity to go on out there again and do some more "research". I am more than willing to help another alcoholic with regard to getting and staying sober by offering my experience, strength and hope. But I must remember that I can't save anybody, I can't do the steps for anybody else, and I can't do the footwork for other people. All I can do is love 'em the best I can, always keeping in mind that we're all the same in only one respect -- we're all alcoholics.

I've been clean and sober since 8/26/86. I've been all the way to hell and back since I got sober. The gift I was given through the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is that not only do I not *have* to drink one day at a time; but I don't even *want* to drink. And that, my friends, is the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Remember: If you don't drink, you won't get drunk. If you don't get drunk, your life will change. It may not necessarily get *better*, but it will most definitely get different! Keep coming back.


Member: garthg
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 20:16:37

Comments

Hi all you out there. I'm Garth and I'm an alcoholic and I've been a member in good standing of AA since September, 1975. Fascinated to read all the comments on "love." Like all of us, for me it was a hard thing to learn for one who had never known what the word even meant. For me it was pretty much confined to jumping into bed with whatever woman said yes. A big breakthrough came when it was suggested to me by an AA mentor that I read a little book called "The Greatest Thing in the World," which is a sermon on love givwen by a Scottish theologian, Henry Drummond, way back last century. In it he defines the ingredients of love thus. Love is patience, kindness, generosity, humility, courtesy, unselfishness, good temper, guilelessness [thinking the best of everybody] and sincerity. And it slowly occurred to me that if I try to practise the Twelve Steps of the AA Programme in their entirety, then surely I will end up acquiring some, if not all, of those ingredients in my life and loving others (some of whom I cannot even like) will come naturally. God bless you all.


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 21:55:17

Comments

Love of our fellow man is always a good topic to reflect on. While we are taught from children to try and love each other unconditionally, it becomes extremely difficult when we do not love ourselves first, which is the state we can get into while drinking. This is one of the lessons that was the toughest to realize and understand, and I do still need a reminder from time to time. However, it has become better with the help of AA and the lessons learned within. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: john mc
Location: u.k.
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 22:53:11

Comments

The Nazarene gave us the answer over 2,000 years ago. love God and love your neighbour as yourself. How do we love God? Follow his Good Orderly Direction. For alkies that comes in the form of this God given Programme ( as written in the B/Book, there is no substitute). lt follows, if you are doing that you must be loving your neighbour, therefore you must be loving yourself.Maybe thats too simple, but thats the kind of guy the Nazarene was.


Member: john mc
Location: u.k.
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 22:53:33

Comments

The Nazarene gave us the answer over 2,000 years ago. love God and love your neighbour as yourself. How do we love God? Follow his Good Orderly Direction. For alkies that comes in the form of this God given Programme ( as written in the B/Book, there is no substitute). lt follows, if you are doing that you must be loving your neighbour, therefore you must be loving yourself.Maybe thats too simple, but that's the kind of guy the Nazarene was.


Member: john mc
Location: u.k.
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 22:53:53

Comments

The Nazarene gave us the answer over 2,000 years ago. love God and love your neighbour as yourself. How do we love God? Follow his Good Orderly Direction. For alkies that comes in the form of this God given Programme ( as written in the B/Book, there is no substitute). lt follows, if you are doing that you must be loving your neighbour, therefore you must be loving yourself.Maybe thats too simple, but that's the kind of guy the Nazarene was.


Member: john mc
Location: u.k.
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 22:56:41

Comments

The Nazarene gave us the answer over 2,000 years ago. love God and love your neighbour as yourself. How do we love God? Follow his Good Orderly Direction. For alkies that comes in the form of this God given Programme ( as written in the B/Book, there is no substitute). lt follows, if you are doing that you must be loving your neighbour, therefore you must be loving yourself.Maybe thats too simple, but that's the kind of guy the Nazarene was.


Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 01 Apr 1999
Time: 23:27:42

Comments

John, a grateful alcoholic.

Step 2 shows how it works in more ways than one. "Came to believe." (The subject is "We," carrying down from Step 1.)

If it had said, "You gotta believe!" it would have been true but some of us had heard that before without getting any soberer.

After years of daily drinking, I dragged in and they did not say, "This is what you do!" They said, "This is what we did."

If you don't see the difference yet, don't drink and keep coming back--to live meetings.

In the experience of trying to deliver love, I do think that when it does not seem to work we have to let go and let God. Maybe there's something we don't see now, but will later.

Have a nice Easter.


Member: TOM O
Location: MA.
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 00:57:46

Comments

THERES NO MUST!BUT A LOT OF YOU BETTERS.


Member: TOM O
Location: MA.
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 00:58:07

Comments

THERES NO MUST!BUT A LOT OF YOU BETTERS.


Member: Pat M.
Location: Trail BC Canada
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 01:06:06

Comments

Hi, My name is Pat and I am an alcoholic. When I first came to this program, I became emotionally involved with a member who had a lot of years in the program. I thought it was wonderful, but other members were not happy and said I was being 13 stepped. Which I guess I was, but I was having a great time doing the same things in sobriety that I did drinking. I was in A.A. almost three years when I hit another bottom. Only trhis time I didn't have the booze for a buffer. I ended up in a treat-ment centre and this is where my life finally started to turn around. It was here where I really found out what thw word love meant. I had never had time for other woman before, I think I spent all my time competeing with them.It was here I found out what trust,honesty and love and support of other woman was all about. They cared and loved me when I did'nt even like myself. And I knew in my heart that their love and support was genuine and didn't have a price tag on it. So to all you fellow A.A. gals, I thankyou from the bottom of my heart for being there for me!! I would like to say that everything went well after that, but not so. I ended up living with a fellow in the program for three years. Then we got married. Which was disaster from the start. I have learned that two sick heads don't make a well one. We have now been apart just over a year. Today I can say I am happy and content to be alone. I don't think I really want to spent the rest of my life alone, but today it's o.k. What a change for this sick gal that couldn't or wouldn't stand on her own two feet. Today I can say I love evrybody in the program, I may not like them, but I can love them and respect their sobriety. Thanks for being here!! Pat M.


Member: Marcia D.
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 02:12:51

Comments

Hi, Marcie Alcoholic. AA is the greatest thing that has happened to this drunk! I'm well into my 5th year of sobriety, and I'm still not cured! I'm extremely grateful of that. I'm struggling financially and am fortunate to have the opportunity to live temporarily at my folks while I study to get caught up in my profession. Some people have said I'm taking a big step backward, and others think still differently. I can get 10 different answers for the same question. What's really important is that I "be true to thine own self". Only God has the answer. If it doesn't work out, then it isn't the way God wants me to do it. I'll never know if I don't try. I'm only responsible to do the footwork. Making my own decisions as a mature adult is growth for me, and I'm so very grateful that I get to grow up in AA. God Bless! Marzdesn@pacbell.net


Member: nick p
Location: new zealand
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 04:33:46

Comments

generally if i can stay clean daily then i,m achieveing my results and feeling better for my recovery although i,ve found it tough over the last few months.i had 10 months sobriety then blew it last friday by turning to alcohol which made me feel discusted but i,m back doing meetings again.thankyou all for giving the support that we need in recovery...


Member: Colleen W
Location: DE
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 06:16:24

Comments

Colleen here. Alcoholic. I find I can still love my old friends (the drinking ones), but I have to keep up with them from a distance. Like over the phone. I'm still pretty new at sobriety (6 mos) and can't be with people who's main idea of a good time is tossing back a few (always turns into a lot). I make no secret of my choice to not drink. I find the more people I tell the more secure I feel in my decision. So many people are happy to hear it. In fact, the only people who don't feel I really need to quit entirely, that I can still come out and have just one, are people whohave their own drinking problems. It's just that they don't see it yet. Or don't want to. My nonproblem drinking friends knew I was an alcoholic and needed to give up the booze long before I did. It's a easure of their true friendship and proof that they loved me that they're still my friends. For that I thank God. You don't have to like what someone is soing to love them. It's kinda like when your child does something really bad like lie or steal. You certainly don't like what they've done, but you still love the child. Well, I don't want to be greedy with the space but all this talk of love has reminded me that I love all of you here and I love me too!(wasn't too long ago I couldn't say that with an ounce of conviction) Have a Happy and dry holiday weekend.


Member: Marv B.
Location: Bedford, tx.
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 11:39:20

Comments

Hi. I'm Marv, Alcoholic. The topic says something that is so unique about us drunks. We seem to have an unexplainable understanding of one another. I recall an old sign that hung in a bar where I used to drink: "There's the love of a man for his wife, there's the love of a child for his mother, but the greatest love of them all, is the love of one drunk for another." Even when drinking, we sometimes found ourselves getting into a sick form of compassion, but the true love of us Alkies is shown through our 12th step work in AA. I'm eternally grateful for the love that was given me when I walked in the doors of AA. My sponsor had almost 20 years in when I walked in. He was about 58 years old at the time. He celebrates his 90th birthday this year and is still sober. He told me in plain words about things I would enjoy if I stayed in this program. He rephrased the promises in many ways, and he did it with love and concern for my well being. I'm eternally grateful. Thank you.


Member: Courtney L.
Location: Ontario
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 11:49:04

Comments

My father is an alcoholic and so is most of his family I suppose. And I'm pretty sure I am as well. I guess it's good that I've realized it when i am only 22 so I have some time to fix things. Anyway I've seen my father drinking and smoking dope since I was 17 and even though I thought 'it can't be that bad if he's doing it, intellectually I knew different. Sometimes I get really mad at him, like I have all this built up anger for his contribution to where I am now (binging pretty hardcore). But I will always still love him. I wonder sometimes why he drinks. I wonder if there is really a reason. I think to myself there must be some reason he's numbing himself, and I wonder what is so painful. I know what is painful for me, but I wish I knew what drives him. maybe that's just my need to pigeonhole everything nicely. Anyway ALANON sounds like a great idea and I will be looking into it. C


Member: Michelle
Location: C.
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 12:15:25

Comments

Hi, I'm Michelle,a grateful recovering alcoholic. This is a vwery good topic for me because I am having a problem with another AA member. She is friends with my fience's ex-girlfriend. She HATES me. This is to the point where she is spreading malicious gossip about me and telling friends of mine that I'm not running a good program. The old ME would have said,"She's a b**ch" and tried to get back at her by doing the very same thing. Today I have to remember that all in all that is not good for me. My sponsor says it is hard work to be mad at someone. Try it and see all the anger and resentments that pop up to cause you anxiety and stress. So I have tried very hard to pray for her. I know today that will not necessarily change her, but it helps me to relax about it. I have to remember "Live and Let Live" and that God will take care of me. I really don't think you have to LIKE everyone in the program, but the love of a fellow alcoholic gives you peace of mind and the strength to endure situations such as mine. God will help her also when she is ready for His help. I know that today. If I send her love through prayer, all will be well for me and that is what TRULY matters.Hate eats you up. That's why I don't truly hate anyone today. Love conquers all and makes a person serene. That serenity is what keeps me sober. Thanks for letting me share. Good topic!


Member: sheena h
Location: england
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 13:04:43

Comments

Hi My name is sheena and I am an Alcoholic. Life is good and I have returned to college. I have been sober for 14 year. I found it diffuclt when I first came to AA to love everyone as I couldn't love myself. But AA loved me back to life.

I am in the process of trying to do a diseratation. Are there any lady alcoholics out there that can help me by sharing with me their experience of the help they got or did not get from the health system. If you got help from the health system do you think it benefited you or not?? Also, if you have children, how do you think your active alcoholism affected them. Please reply to sheena@mecca93.freeserve.co.uk


Member: sheena h
Location: england
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 13:05:30

Comments

Hi My name is sheena and I am an Alcoholic. Life is good and I have returned to college. I have been sober for 14 year. I found it diffuclt when I first came to AA to love everyone as I couldn't love myself. But AA loved me back to life.

I am in the process of trying to do a diseratation. Are there any lady alcoholics out there that can help me by sharing with me their experience of the help they got or did not get from the health system. If you got help from the health system do you think it benefited you or not?? Also, if you have children, how do you think your active alcoholism affected them. Please reply to sheena@mecca93.freeserve.co.uk


Member: sheena h
Location: england
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 13:05:53

Comments

Hi My name is sheena and I am an Alcoholic. Life is good and I have returned to college. I have been sober for 14 year. I found it diffuclt when I first came to AA to love everyone as I couldn't love myself. But AA loved me back to life.

I am in the process of trying to do a diseratation. Are there any lady alcoholics out there that can help me by sharing with me their experience of the help they got or did not get from the health system. If you got help from the health system do you think it benefited you or not?? Also, if you have children, how do you think your active alcoholism affected them. Please reply to sheena@mecca93.freeserve.co.uk


Member: sheena h
Location: england
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 13:06:15

Comments

Hi My name is sheena and I am an Alcoholic. Life is good and I have returned to college. I have been sober for 14 year. I found it diffuclt when I first came to AA to love everyone as I couldn't love myself. But AA loved me back to life.

I am in the process of trying to do a diseratation. Are there any lady alcoholics out there that can help me by sharing with me their experience of the help they got or did not get from the health system. If you got help from the health system do you think it benefited you or not?? Also, if you have children, how do you think your active alcoholism affected them. Please reply to sheena@mecca93.freeserve.co.uk


Member: otto
Location: Iceland
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 16:34:00

Comments

Hello alkies. I“m otto and I“m an alkie. It has been a good reading to day on this page. To be able to love some one I had to take a good look at my self. What am I doing with mylive. I lived like a garbidge can. Every thing was good enough for me. I treated me like I was durt. The things I put in my mouth and how I treated my body I dont menchen my soul. Itis for love I“m still were I“m to day. Love from my wife and another AApeople. My wife didn“t give up on me why Idont know really. But anger was my middle name when I was drinking. Every thing that went wrong in mylive was alwayes somebodys foulght not mine. I spent years beaing angry and hateful. And ofcourse felt sorry for my own skin. I didn“t hug my doughters or were there for them.I never sad I love you or showed that to them. I sat in my stool and drank.When I see this to day I feal sorry for thouse people because I“vebeen there. And it is something spesial how we alkies love one another. I think the reason is we have exsperied the same pain an helplessness abaut the sitiation and were not able to do anything about it on our own. The "normal" people only sayes this is his own fault, he shut notdrink so much. But AA people seesthe pain and LOVES to give a hand and gide us IF WE LET them. I can say to day I love you all and thank you for beeing ther for me when I needed it the most. Happy eastern and good luck to you all. otto


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 17:41:40

Comments

My name is Steve. I'm an alcoholic

I need to apologize to sasha. I re-read your posts, and you're absolutely right. You didn't say you were "hanging around in bars", so it was wrong for me to assume that.

Nor did you say you were feeling sorry for yourself. You asked us if we ever felt sorry for ourselves. It was wrong for me to assume I knew how you were feeling.

You did say that you felt "wistful". I admit I had to look that one up. It means "full of unfilled longing or desire." I can't speak for any other person (alcoholic or otherwise), but that sure described me when I was drinking. I most definitely had an unfilled longing to "fit in". Since I've only been in the AA program for 44 days, I guess I have to admit that I still feel that way a lot of the time. I haven't felt yet like I was "loved" by the others in my AA group, but I certainly have been accepted, and I do feel that I "fit in" when I'm at an AA meeting with other alcoholics.

Congratulations on 34 days, sasha. I hope you keep coming here.


Member: Helen R
Location: Berks, England
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 17:57:54

Comments

Hi,

I am prety screwed up at the moment. Ihave just started attending meetings again after twelve months absence.

My shrink put me on a controlled drinking regime, except... The world just turned upside down... So for the lat few weeks I have been mixing loads of booze with benzodiazepines, I even stolen some drugs from a schizoprhenic friend of mine - I never abused drugs before.

Anyway, a couple of days ago,I got in touch with my old sponsor and told her what was going on. I haven't seen her for over six months; but now I find I am lying to her - I never lied before, I always told her about my drinking or my problems.

I have started lying to the one person I never ever lied to

My intake has risen to well over thirty units a day and often caps 40.

I don't want to lie to her, I hate lying to her, but I need her approval, I need her to tell me that everything will be alright.

HELP!!!!


Member: Nick S. 5/15/84
Location: O.C.N.J.
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 18:07:34

Comments

Hi Everybody I'm an alky named Nick. Happy Good Friday for all of you, for those who are true believers that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. I'm only bringing this up because I've come to believe that it's a whole lot easier to practice the program when you recieve forgiveness from God.[Jesus] It's alot easier to forgive yourself,too! I hope I didn't offend anyone by what I just said but then again I didn't become a member of AA to be liked anyway. I'm pretty sure there are some other true believers out there to comment on this subject. May God bless you and keep you-until then. HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!


Member: NICK S.5-15-84
Location: O.C.N.J.
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 18:08:39

Comments

Hi Everybody I'm an alky named Nick. Happy Good Friday for all of you, for those who are true believers that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. I'm only bringing this up because I've come to believe that it's a whole lot easier to practice the program when you recieve forgiveness from God.[Jesus] It's alot easier to forgive yourself,too! I hope I didn't offend anyone by what I just said but then again I didn't become a member of AA to be liked anyway. I'm pretty sure there are some other true believers out there to comment on this subject. May God bless you and keep you-until then. HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!


Member: Patt O.
Location: Oregon
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 20:49:54

Comments

This is for Helen in England--TELL YOUR SPONSOR IMMEDIATELY what you're up to. Complete honesty is necessary for your survival and you need help. Please know that we're here to help you in any way. Call your local AA office and get some women out to give you help, maybe even to taking you to hospital or a treatment center. Good luck, my dear. I'll be in London in May--will watch for you on this site--maybe we can take in a meeting or two. For Debbie S. Hang in there, lady. I've been married for 39 years, and we've been through everything together--to Hell and back. There were times it was very hard for me to love him, and vice versa, but I had to change so much about myself (mini-4th steps are wonderful for this)--I ain't perfect and sainthood is out of the question. Blessings to all.


Member: Shawna W
Location: Central WI
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 21:05:54

Comments

Hi all Shawna alcoholic. WOW Sasha I am a firm believer in things are said at precisely the right moment. today is my 80th day into soberity. I have been out of rehab for 11 days now. I have come to the realization that life isn't all that when you are sober. I found myself feeling really sorry for myself today all because all the people I work with were going out BARHOPPING and I can't go. I know that I should really be thankful for my soberity but on the flipside I think of Alcoholism as a curse sometimes too. I am too damn young too end my "DRINKING" career. However I know that I will die if I don't. I was already too damn close too death for my liking. SO why do I still wanna drink once in a while?? Plus, I had $100 stolen from me today and I was so close to going out and getting wasted because I felt sorry for myself. the cops were called and talk about strange having the same cop who busted you on a drug charge taking a report on you being robbed. He couldn't believe I was sober. It did feel pretty good I guess. I have no idea why I am rambling on and on so anyways thanks all and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Peace and Soberity,Shawna


Member: KIMBERLY
Location: TEXAS
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 21:56:13

Comments

Shawna, Hi I am Kimberly and Iam an alcoholic addict . Congratulations on your 80 day's. By the grace of god I havent found it nessesary to drink or drug in 2 years, and for that I am truly grateful. It sounds like you have gotten some of your feelings back, I know for myself that when I feel things that I dont really want to feel that is when I want to escape via the bottle or the bag . It sounds to me that may be where you are at .We suffer from an illness of our feelings and also from an illness that tells us we have no illness . when faced with a decision to go bar hopping or feeling real angry try to remember your last drink or drug .And don't forget that our best thinking is what got us here. Lot's Of LOVE. KIMBERLY


Member: marty b
Location: amarillo
Date: 02 Apr 1999
Time: 23:36:32

Comments

Hi every one /im marty and im an alocholic this is my 1st time here/had to look for u here just as i had to go looking for u in one of those smoked fillesd rooms/i'm glAD THAT I HAVE FOUNDU BOTH TIMES/well i,m not sure if you are talking about love of each other just because we need each other or we wont be here or if your talking about that other kind that causes me a whole lot of trouble/either way if u hadn,t picked me up/dusted me off and ask me to keep comming back i wouldn't never would have known what love/its in the book/the best defination i,ve heard/love is when you don,t standd in the way of anothers growth.THOUGH ONE to nick p and james d keep up the good work thanks for listening/i,ll only show up here about once a week or every 2 my job keeeps me out of touch.


Member: Phill U
Location: australia
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 00:24:44

Comments

many years ago, my father worked with a bloke who didn't drink but dad felt the uncanny link like he had with other members of AA this bloke said his favorate movie was called " come back Sheba" It was not untill many years later that my dad saw this movie witch is about an Alcoholic and dad realized that this bloke was also an alcoholic and his feelings were not unjustafied as he had previosly thought.


Member: neil b
Location:
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 01:15:26

Comments

hi my name is neil and yes i am a alcholic some days are harder then others but with god and aa i have been sober for almost a week now and i owe it all to you people


Member: neil b
Location:
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 01:15:52

Comments

hi my name is neil and yes i am a alcholic some days are harder then others but with god and aa i have been sober for almost a week now and i owe it all to you people


Member: neil b
Location:
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 01:16:18

Comments

hi my name is neil and yes i am a alcholic some days are harder then others but with god and aa i have been sober for almost a week now and i owe it all to you people


Member: neil b
Location:
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 01:16:45

Comments

hi my name is neil and yes i am a alcholic some days are harder then others but with god and aa i have been sober for almost a week now and i owe it all to you people


Member: neil b
Location:
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 01:17:11

Comments

hi my name is neil and yes i am a alcholic some days are harder then others but with god and aa i have been sober for almost a week now and i owe it all to you people


Member: SCOTT C
Location: BRADY TEXAS
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 03:10:06

Comments

hi. my name is scott and i am a true alcoholi! i just wanted to let TOM o KNOW THERE ARE 70 MUST IN THE BIG BOOK READ IT AND YOU WILL FIND THEM!!!!! TO NIEL , A WEEK IS A HELL OF A LONG TIME FORDRUNKS LIKE ME! HANG ON THE RIDE HAS JUST BEGAN. JUST REMEMBER THERE WILL BE A DAY WHEN YOU FORGET THE HELL ALCOHOL HAS CAUSED YOU AND THE INSIDIEST THOUGHT THAT IT WAS'T THAT BAD WILL SNEAK UP ON YOU AND TELL YOU IT WILL BE OK THIS TIME .DON'T BE FOOLED THE DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU,BUT WE DO . REMEMBER THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS IN A-A.EVERY TIME I EVER WENT BACK OUT I FIRST SLOWED DOWN ON GOING TO MEETINGS THEN I STOPPED GOING THEN I GOT DRUNK!!!!!! IT'S NOT ABED OF ROSES BUT IT BEATS THE HELL OUT OF LIVING THE NIGHTMARE.


Member: SCOTT C
Location: BRADY TEXAS
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 03:10:33

Comments

hi. my name is scott and i am a true alcoholi! i just wanted to let TOM o KNOW THERE ARE 70 MUST IN THE BIG BOOK READ IT AND YOU WILL FIND THEM!!!!! TO NIEL , A WEEK IS A HELL OF A LONG TIME FORDRUNKS LIKE ME! HANG ON THE RIDE HAS JUST BEGAN. JUST REMEMBER THERE WILL BE A DAY WHEN YOU FORGET THE HELL ALCOHOL HAS CAUSED YOU AND THE INSIDIEST THOUGHT THAT IT WAS'T THAT BAD WILL SNEAK UP ON YOU AND TELL YOU IT WILL BE OK THIS TIME .DON'T BE FOOLED THE DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU,BUT WE DO . REMEMBER THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS IN A-A.EVERY TIME I EVER WENT BACK OUT I FIRST SLOWED DOWN ON GOING TO MEETINGS THEN I STOPPED GOING THEN I GOT DRUNK!!!!!! IT'S NOT ABED OF ROSES BUT IT BEATS THE HELL OUT OF LIVING THE NIGHTMARE.


Member: SCOTT C
Location: BRADY TEXAS
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 03:11:00

Comments

hi. my name is scott and i am a true alcoholi! i just wanted to let TOM o KNOW THERE ARE 70 MUST IN THE BIG BOOK READ IT AND YOU WILL FIND THEM!!!!! TO NIEL , A WEEK IS A HELL OF A LONG TIME FORDRUNKS LIKE ME! HANG ON THE RIDE HAS JUST BEGAN. JUST REMEMBER THERE WILL BE A DAY WHEN YOU FORGET THE HELL ALCOHOL HAS CAUSED YOU AND THE INSIDIEST THOUGHT THAT IT WAS'T THAT BAD WILL SNEAK UP ON YOU AND TELL YOU IT WILL BE OK THIS TIME .DON'T BE FOOLED THE DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU,BUT WE DO . REMEMBER THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS IN A-A.EVERY TIME I EVER WENT BACK OUT I FIRST SLOWED DOWN ON GOING TO MEETINGS THEN I STOPPED GOING THEN I GOT DRUNK!!!!!! IT'S NOT ABED OF ROSES BUT IT BEATS THE HELL OUT OF LIVING THE NIGHTMARE.


Member: Ian
Location: Australia
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 08:08:57

Comments

My name is Ian and I am an alcoholic. I am extremely grateful today to be sober, I spent the last two days with my 8yo daughter, tommorow morning (easter sunday) I am going around to her mum's place to search for easter eggs. None of this would be happening if I had not found AA. I have been sober for a while now and still have not been able to get into a longterm stable relationship but generally things have improved out of sight from my drinking days. To all you out there having a battle. I was taught in the early days it is the first drink that does the damage not the tenth, twentieth or thirtieth and to attend regular meetings, the rest will fall into place. Happy Easter to you all. Love Ian


Member: John M.
Location: CA
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 09:10:08

Comments

My name is John and I am an alcoholic. I like the idea that to love someone is to do something for them, action. And when I can't think of what to do I try yo not harm them, inaction. The bottom line in my experience is that inored to receive Gods love I must love others, that is the cycle Bill W talked of in Language of the Heart. Outward flow of love to others, inward flow of love to us from God. Great topic.


Member: Mark H
Location: London
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 12:40:42

Comments

I am very fond of other alcoholics as on the whole I can totally relax with fellow alcoholics. In their company I can be myself, insecurities and all, and this is mutual as I know other alcholics relax amongst other alcoholics. With alcoholics you can really say "How you are". In many cases it could be a bad move to tell work colleagues etc how you really are as they may use it against you or you may feel belittled. Alkies are cool, though some are a pain in the butt ! I`m very grateful for AA & hope I have not bored you with my waffling ! Have a good day !


Member: bob f
Location: bronx
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 15:51:14

Comments

i love people who have walked in my shoes had similar problems & experiences these are the friends who help keep me sober


Member: HelenR
Location: Berks, England
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 16:10:02

Comments

Thanks Patt O. in Oregon, I did make the phone call to say I had LIED about my drinking - though she's not my sponsor anymore, she used to be.

I went to a meeting tonight and the subject was of all things HONESTY. I shared about my lack of honesty and generally got a hell of a lot from the meeting. The chair really did hit home. I had been nervous about going to the meeting, but listening to this guy talk really turned things around and I actually began to enjoy the meeting. I also realised today that when I was around in 1997, I regularly left meetings knowing that I was going to go home and hit the bottle. Perhaps now that I have found this site, I can get some of that out of my head after meetings.


Member: Ted. G
Location: London
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 18:55:09

Comments

4/4/99 I do my first chair at a meeting in a few hours time and I am very nervous. As a former actor and teacher I have addressed many audiences, yet feel daunted at the prospect of doing a chair! I don't intend to think in advance about what I am going to say- I will try to hand over and ask my Higher Power for guidance. I ask all readers to pray for me to find courage and serenity to perform this task. I will pray myself for all recovering alcoholics everywhere and for the many more who still suffer from alcohol abuse. It is prayer and caring that binds us together in our fellowship. May God as you understand him/her be with you.


Member: FranA.
Location: South Carolina
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 20:17:53

Comments

My name is Fran, and I am a real alcoholic. The kind that the book of Alcoholic Anonymous talks about......I went to my first meeting in 1974 ......and then in & out for seven years and then I thought I would never drind again but that day came after 8 and a half years and one night I wasn't an alcoholic anymore. I was out( but by GOD'S GRACE)only 1 and onehalf years, but I did attend meeting when I was sober and sometimes when I was know sober. On 4/7/92 I had my last drink. I sure have a long way to go, but I would never and could never stop drinking and stay stopped and I tried almost everything.......START AT THE PREFACE OF THE BIG BOOK my sponsor told me this time. I didn't hear it until after her death, but I am doing it now and I knows she knows and always meetings, meetings, THANK GOD I HAVE A COMPUTER, I have always had personality problems in AA. I am a sick cookie and now one that is approaching 55! love to each of you.hope this isn't to long, just learning.


Member: Ron T
Location:
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 20:35:16

Comments


Member: isaac b
Location: texas
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 20:41:25

Comments

Hi Im Isaac and Im an alcoholic and just thankful to be sober today


Member: George R.
Location: Granite, MD
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 20:45:32

Comments

Hello everyone! George R. here and I am an Alcoholic one drink away from a drunk today by the grace of my Higher Power and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. An interesting week's discussion and enough to make this alkie remember that we are all sick people trying to get well one day at a time. And I am grateful that I have learned in this program that we can do together what none of us can do alone. This site is a great way to stay in touch with other recovering alcoholics, BUT it should never be used as a substitute for face to face contact at meetings or failure to make a personal AA contact everyday (in person or by phone). We may not feel that we need the help but the other person might! It has been my experience that I cannot know where my HP may be directing me or to whom a contact may be a saving grace. Do not overlook what you have to offer when you share your experience, strength and hope with someone else. And Fran, your comments are a good example - booze is still out there kicking butt if I don't remember that I have an incurable disease that MUST be treated on a daily basis. You are much younger than I, but, like you I am also still learning. Thanks for sharing - you all have helped this old alkie stay sober today!


Member: Ron T
Location: Tacoma
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 20:47:32

Comments

I do not really know why I started drinking, I just know from the moment I took my first drink of Alcohol at a very young age it seemed to be the answer to all my percieved problems.. I suffered from low self-esteem. Over the years of alcohol abuse I eventually got to the point where I drank to temporarily relieve all the guilt that I was self-inflicting. It was a vicious cycle.. It was through Alcoholics Anonymous that I have discovered how to live life free from Alcohol.. Thanks.


Member: Steve H
Location: Utica NY
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 21:05:08

Comments

I am Steve and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for over four years and I am in worse shape today than I was three years ago.I have been going through a funk for about eight months and I am at my wits end.I am tired of being alone and living the life of celebacy.Where is a person in recovery supposed to meet others of the opposite sex? We are not to date within the program and we must stay away from people places and things while try to live a fulfilling life. This is really getting old.I dont want to live like this anymore.I didnt sober up to become a priest.I also need someone that dosnt know me to do the fifth step with.


Member: Bob g.
Location:
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 21:34:48

Comments

Bob G an uncured alcoholic! I think that love is a difficult thing to do, but an easy word to say. To me, love is care and concern for the growth of the person you love. I've been sober since 1976, and had hoped desperately that my kids would not go through the hell I did. But, it seems that my 15 year old son is using, and he's really struggling. As I trek through my denial, I see some of the signs of the ugliness of this disease in him, and its hard sometimes to find that boy I love. I'm struggling with loving him while "hating" some of his behaviors. But, there is no other direction I can go....he's my son. So, tonight, the truth is, I'm hating this disease, and am hurt by what is happening to him. I am praying for him, and hope others will too.

By the way---loving everybody is impossible, in my opinion. But, trying to be faithful to what I believe has led me to have better relationships with people, so I'm going to keep trying that.


Member: FranA.
Location: South Carolina
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 22:31:15

Comments

It is so very hard to watch the ones we love that don't have a solution, but we all know that if it hadn't been for all that pain that we inflicted on ourselves and certainly others, we wouldn't have needed the PROGRAM. I was such a lost soul before KING ALCOHOL entered by life. It was glorious. It took away the pain, fear that I felt all my life...Oh Yes, ACOHOL, gave me wings to fly and then it took away the sky. I never knew I couldn't quit, either. I really believed for years after coming into AA that when and if I really wanted to quit drinking that I could. No one was more surprised than me when I decovered I couldn't or wouldn't quit. One afternoon, I dropped to my knees in a detox center, on EASTER SUNDAY, as a matter of fact and my prayer was not from me, but it was "God, please give me the DESIRE" to get sober again. That's what alcohol took away the last time. I did not care whether I lived or died, I just knew I had to drink. However, since that Easter in 1992, I haven't consiciously wanted or needed a drink.....


Member: BRIAN B 
Location: MN
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 23:10:01

Comments

HI BRIAN ALCOHOLIC. WE ALL NEED TO REMEMBER TO PUT PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES KEEP COMING BACK....


Member: faith c.
Location: arkansas
Date: 03 Apr 1999
Time: 23:58:30

Comments

hi all - faith c. alcoholic here. about a year ago i let another aa's personality get in the way of me going to meetings - this had a very bad affect on my general well being - i felt this person dominated the meetings and no one else could speak and that she hated and picked on me. one day i decided to speak w/ this woman's sponsor and she told me the best thing i could do was write down everything that bothered me about the woman and put my name at the top of the list. well i just got mad about it and avoided more meetings until i got to thinking about it - we are all in these meetings for one common goal "sobriety", we are all sick, the big book teaches love and tolerance. i have since learned to love this person and have missed her as she doesn't attend our meetings right now. i hope she comes back soon. thanks for listening(reading). love to all!

faith c.


Member: bob e
Location: canada
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 01:27:36

Comments


Member: Hal H.
Location: CT.
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 01:31:17

Comments

Hi my name is Hal and I am an alcoholic. I know for myself it is only by the grace of God This program and my footwork that I am sober today. Great topic! I've had my experiences with active people, but I know what it would do to me if I picked up. I have seen first hand the turmoil that replaces serenity very quickly once one picks up. The guy that lives downstairs downstairs from me is active. It hasn't bothered me. I am very program orianted. I get to meetings , am involved in service work, call my sponcer, and talk to H.P. all the time. My wife had a slip this year. that was tough but I never once thought of picking up over it. (Allright so I smoked a cig.) but as far as living with or around active people, we all are going the have to deal with it. Just becouse we have stopped drinking does not mean the world is going to. Bump up your meetings, call your sponcer, or talk to another alcoholic when things like this "ruffle your feathers" God bless and keep coming back. The program works!


Member: Cynthia K.
Location: Georgia
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 01:42:33

Comments

I have 24 days sober today. Some days are better than others and usually the bad ones are when I WANT MY WAY. I feel like I'm learning a foreign language. It still surprises me sometimes to say and KNOW that I'm an alcoholic and addict. I want to learn real love and tolerance, I want to love myself . I never have I guess. I thank God that he got me off my butt and into AA, I do feel much better.


Member: Vince H.
Location: N.T. N.Y.
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 11:41:52

Comments

Vince H. here.....just yur garden variety drunk! I try to take what I hear and learn at meetings and take that out of the rooms to the real world. If I don't....I can count on picking up a 'few' resentments and other sundry stuff that WILL affect the way I'm trying to live. That way is sober.If I find those feelings comin' on......Icall another alcohalic. Funny thing is I have been blessed with some of the sharpest drunks around! We don't even have to mention alcohol or the baggage that it brings......we know that the person on the other end of that line has gone thru the very same 'hell'! For these people and the Higher Power, I can never put into words how this whole thing works. All I can say is THANKYOU! What' even better is, if I pass these things on to another drunk, damn if it don't come back to me! Geez, yah think Bill & Bob had this in mind on that 12th step? SoberAnLuvinIt!!!!!!!