Member: CIS4
Location: Northren Ontario
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 9:55:35 PM

Comments

Oh wow! I am the first one here. I didn't expect this at all. I don't normally post. My topic: When did you know that you hit bottom. What did you do to reach a DOS?


Member: TOM O"S 
Location: MA.
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 10:11:49 PM

Comments

When the level of pain excess the level of pride. Ask for help from a Power greater then myself who I call God and don't drink! My names is Tom and I am a alcoholic.


Member: Jim C
Location: Mid Michigan
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 10:44:55 PM

Comments

I'm Jim and I am an alcoholic.

When I was balling my eyes out in the back of a police cruiser begging the officer to give me a break because it was my second offense within 6 monts. I had just gotten off of probation from my earlier offense.

That is when I knew I had hit my bottom. I knew all the implications of what would likely happen to me. I knew my situation was caused by my abuse of alccohol and other drugs. Some how that night I came to form a resolve to find a way out of the turmoil I was causing in my life. After I got out of the drunk tank the next morning, I somehow found the phone number to a local AA club. I went to my first meeting that night and have been sober ever since.

So, on the day I hit my lowest point I also started my recovery. Now I realize that that was the way it is supposed to be. We each reach our own personal low and then come back from there.


Member: Lynn S
Location: OR
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 11:11:22 PM

Comments

I'm Lynn and alcoholic. When I got tired of waking up with the toilet bowl, vomit in my hair and sick and tired of being sick and tired. A little help from the cops is always a little embarrassing, too. Oh one other thing, I knew that I was getting there when my friends started mentioning that maybe I had had a little too much to drink. Peer criticism never feels too good. The light came on 18 years ago tomorrow on March 20th. I've not found it necessary to take a drink during those years. I've sure thought about it a lot but, I had already had three relapses. 0ne day at a time-How do you stay sober? Go to meetings and don't drink in between, work the steps and find a sponsor. It's not for sissies as they say. Thanks for being here.


Member: Paul B
Location: Kirkland, WA
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 11:12:12 PM

Comments

Hello, my name is Paul and I am an alcoholic.

I hit bottom when I couldn't think for myself, was totally ashamed of who I was, was unable to commit suicide, and was totally out of control. I like the comment above, and for me the pain had finally brought me to the breaking point. I was void of all emotion, realized my behaviour was inappropriate, and my drinking had impacted my work.

In summation, I hit my bottom when I could go no further. I knew the alternative was death.

I finally reached a teachable moment. God was there to pull me up out of the grave I had dug and he used AA as the tool to do just that. The miracle is: I haven't wanted or had to drink in over two years.

Because of what God, the program, and the fellowship has given me, I will always be in God's service to others.

Love Paul


Member: Lisa M
Location: Atlanta
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 12:10:47 AM

Comments

My name is Lisa and I'm an alcoholic. For me, this last time it took the long arm of the law, again. Because before I could get away with drinking wine at home. Telling myself that it was only wine. Then the bottle of wine had to be a liter of wine to geet me numb enough to make me happy. Of course I also didn't need any one else or the program - so in essence, I was lost AGAIN. I have a question, though - what is DOS stand for?

Please God help us all!

Lisa


Member: Rick W
Location: Iowa
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 12:22:44 AM

Comments

Hi My name is Rick and I'm an alcoholic.Glad to be here and glad to be sober.I'm not so sure as everyone else was that I had hit the lows of lows.It wasn't necessarily the worse drunk however it the one that broke the camels back,namely my wife. I begged,pleaded, and even got down on my knees. I was and still am a sick puppy. Not until I was in treatment a couple of days that I realized that I had hit my bottom. The hell I put her through for eleven years and the thirteen or so before that I put my mom and dad through, not to mention the misery I felt were something that I look back on but hopefully never relive again. God willing I will be one year sober on Tuesday. It has been the hardest and most rewarding journey I've ever accomplished, by living one day at a time. This old timer at a meeting once said that we have to take certain amount of drinks not one more and not one less and it's time. For me I believe that to be true. What I have heard and listened to in the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous have saved my life and I will never be able to repay what it has meant to me except to say thankyou. I thank God which I choose to call my higherpower for keeping me clean and sober for the last 363 days. It truely keeps on getting better and better. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: joe w
Location: sw  wn
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 2:26:28 AM

Comments

hi my name is joe i am a alcholic from amboy wn. was sure somthing was wrong with me for a long time before i got to the door of AA but only knew one way of life and it was killing me,i was asked by a friend if i wanted to go an AA meeting with him i went to get a look at what a real alcholic looked like so when i got that bad i would quit. need i say more everyone in the room had more going for them then i did and they had said if you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it that was the beginning of my new and more wonderfull life then i would have ever dreamed possible god willing i will have 30 years sober on april 26


Member: joe w
Location: sw  wn
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 2:27:01 AM

Comments

hi my name is joe i am a alcholic from amboy wn. was sure somthing was wrong with me for a long time before i got to the door of AA but only knew one way of life and it was killing me,i was asked by a friend if i wanted to go an AA meeting with him i went to get a look at what a real alcholic looked like so when i got that bad i would quit. need i say more everyone in the room had more going for them then i did and they had said if you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it that was the beginning of my new and more wonderfull life then i would have ever dreamed possible god willing i will have 30 years sober on april 26


Member: Bill S.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 4:20:05 AM

Comments

Hey everyone, Bill, alcoholic. I hit bottom in a jail cell on Christmas Day of 1996. Had to call my family, that thought I was sober, to come get me out of jail! The guilt and remorse were what humbled me enough to go to AA. I knew I had a problem for a long time but didn't ever think I had to get help? It's there that I finally felt at home and although it was horrible that first six months I knew it was where I needed to be. I have remained sober since working the program and have grown so much. I thank God, a God I wouldn't have found except for AA, everyday for the program of AA. I am living proof that miracles do happen in AA. With peace. Bill S.


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 4:58:04 AM

Comments

My low point came when my daughter came out to see me before she moved to England. I had stopped at the bar and I almost missed her. She was crying and I will never forget that moment. Drinking was more important than seeing my daughter maybe for the last time.

That was not my last drunk, but my employer sentenced me to alcoholic counselling. I told the counselor that was pointless and she said if you don't come here you have to go to AA.

My 1st meeting gave me HOPE that maybe I did not have to be alone anymore and maybe there was an answer.

The best tool I got was one day at at a time. I only had to quit today, I only needed to have enough belief for today.

Peace and Serenity


Member: Carol C.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 6:53:32 AM

Comments

Hi Carol Alcoholic.

What a powerful topic. I'm 9 years sober and thinking about my bottem brings all the pain back like it was yesterday. I hit an emotional bottem. I was in so much pain, in a bad marriage, drinking to stay in the marriage so I thought. I had tried to stop on my own many times, going for months at a time and always finding a reason to go back. My bottem was at my sistors house. I got so drunk that night at a bar I was on the pool league, I blacked out. Someone had to drive me to my sisters where I spent the night trying to leave. She took my keys. She had to restrain me. I remember waking up with bruises of finger prints on my arms and couldn't remember a thing. That was my bottem. I started hitting meetings and by the grace of God, it's been 9 years. To this day she still says to me your not an alcoholic. You were able to stop. Even after all that craziness that night. Thank God I'm well enough not to buy into that insane way of thinking. Thank you for being here. Have a great week.


Member: Tom
Location:
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 7:54:15 AM

Comments

Lisa - Atlanta. DOS is the acronym for "Date of Sobriety".


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 7:57:30 AM

Comments

My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic.

Thanks for the topic CIS4. I was sick and tired for a couple years already, my life was getting completely out of hand. Then, after a few drinks, life was not so bad after all. Yet, those few morning drinks tended to increase and the period of time between "life’s not so bad" and the black outs tended to diminish.

One day, being sick and tired in the evening, I phoned AA. Coïncidence, someone answered, another coïncidence he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. It’s all those coïncidences (or God’s perfect timing) that lead me to that magic moment when I decided to give AA a try. Was it really my rock bottom? I don’t know, all I know is I thank God for not having had to try for a second chance, maybe there was none available for me in His plans.

Thanks for letting me share. jctoller@hotmail.com / ICQ 36308407


Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 8:14:27 AM

Comments

Hi all, Mary, alcy

There were many times I thought I had hit bottom, only to drink again and discover a newer low and then another and another ....bottoms are endless. I had to do this many, many times. See, I am an alcy that didn't want to stop drinking - just wanted the trouble and pain to go away. I had become unemployable, homeless, helpless and hopeless. Did whatever was necessary to keep the booze in supply... The one bottom I have yet to experience is the one six feet under the ground.....and my disease would like nothing better than to accomplish that one. I was the living dead.

The only explanation I have for my sobriety date (3/4/88) is the Grace of God. That coupled with my hopelessness. I figured why not try AA again, hell, it won't work anyway - I am destined to die a drunk.

I still can die drunk if I do not keep my sobriety my #1 priority.

God bless all.


Member: Tim V
Location: Treasurer
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 8:50:07 AM

Comments

We have no dues or fees, but we have expenses that we cover via the 7th tradition. Please visit "Pass the Hat".


Member: Pauline M
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 10:16:00 AM

Comments

Good morning everyone. Pauline, alcoholic.

I, too, had tried to stop drinking many, many times. I tried stopping on my own, I tried AA, I tried prayer, but I hadn't tried "acceptance". I always thought deep down inside that I wasn't really an alcoholic; I only needed to find the right type of booze and the magic number that would allow me to drink socially. My bottom came on the weekend of Saturday, December 11th. My husband and I had attended a Christmas party, booze was downstairs in the "rec" room and I started sneaking drinks. I got a little buzzed and my husband suspected something was up but wasn't sure. The next day we left for the Cape (Cape Cod for you out of staters) to attend another Christmas party--we were going to be gone 2 days. I should mention my husband is a social drinker. I had drinks at the Christmas party, which was at a restaurant, so I was able to get drinks on my own. I had quite a few and the next day proceeded to sneak drinks from the bottle my husband had brought along for when we visited at friend's homes. The progression of this disease brought me to the point where I was standing in the kitchen, clutching the bottle of booze to my chest, with tears running down my face BEGGING my husband to let me have "just one more". I called my sponsor that night, went to a meeting DRUNK and was welcomed with open arms--I had the desire to stop drinking. My sobriety date is now 12/16/99. I have admitted and accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic. I will face this disease and get through it one day at a time with the grace of my God and the help of AA.

Thank you for a wonderful topic--I need to remember my bottom.


Member: JCP    ^/^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 10:46:33 AM

Comments

J here, a grateful alcoholic: Not sure what I knew. Memory comes out of blackout a Memorial Day morning—I know exactly where—driving toward the apartment of a friend who was leaving town to take a new job.

Somewhere around midnight somehow I made some kind of scene, focused on what I deemed wrong with my friend, actually a very nice guy as I recall. This morning he was not there, of course, the point of the party being to send him off.

One of the hostesses I talked with late this Monday afternoon (after a Memorial Day to remember, if only I could) told me to wait on the porch. Often people didn’t invite me in, but I had the shakes, maybe she was getting me a drink. She brought back a piece of paper with the address of my first meeting.

This was not my sobriety date, but by sheer exhaustion mostly I made it home and to work, did not stop after, and arrived very tensely at a second meeting. Spiritually, at least, it is still one day at a time.


Member: ReneeW
Location: NY
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 12:08:46 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Renee and I'n an alcoholic. For a couple of years I knew that something was very wrong with my life but I had no idea that alcohol was the problem. In 1990 a friend told me I was going to die if I didn't stop drinking. That got my attention and I stopped drinking for about five months on my own. When I picked up again, I drank for a week straight, didn't go to work, didn't do anything. That's when it occured to me that I had a problem with alcohol. I called a friend who I knew was in the fellowship and went to my first meeting. I wish I could say I have stayed sober since then. I have a lot of shame about my relapses, which have been many. The last time I drank was on 10/31/99. My relapses can be attributed to cutting back on meetings and people, places and things. When I drank in October, a woman in the fellowship said to me, "You're going to get the point where you realize that you arn't getting anything out of drinking." That was very helpful to me, I stopped looking at it like alcohol was something I really wanted but couldn't have. It's not something I want in my life, one day at a time.

Thanks for listening!


Member: Corinne
Location: Camino
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 12:53:56 PM

Comments

Hello ((DM)) folks!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & nowhere in particular!!

Thanks for an excellent topic CIS4! I have hit two separate bottoms which brought me to AA. The first one came after many years of paranoia behind continuing to do the same things over and over again, expecting different results. No matter how many things I switched to, I always ended up getting paranoid behind whatever substance or type of booze I tried. The highs were no longer working to stave off my terror.

I was finally 12th Stepped the old fashioned way. Someone I'd known since my early days of getting high led me outside a bar at midnight on a Sunday night, and asked me one simple question (after I'd asked him if he had any coke, so that I could stay out drinking longer). His question to me was "Are you hurting?" I fell to my knees in that instant, knowing he could see right through me, and I had an almost immediate sense of "the jig is up!"

I called AA the next morning, and went to my first mtg the next day after that. Unfortunately, for me, I came to AA thinking my real problem wasn't alcohol; that it was just drugs and that way of life. So, a couple weeks later, figuring if I was gonna really give it up altogether, I'd better have one last fling. Luckily, I only went out for 24 hours, got back real quickly, and I stayed sober (and substance-free) for the next 6 years, but eventually decided I could drink, so long as I stayed away from drugs, so I went back to drinking (only) for another 6 1/2 years.

What helped me hit my 2nd - real Alcoholic - bottom, was that my 1st and only marriage of almost 2 years was in shambles, and I again reached that feeling of terror that life was not worth living. A month after attempting suicide, I wound up for what became my 1st of 3 trips inside a psych unit. But even all those "wonderful medications" for depression & anxiety (hope you caught the sarcasm in that) could not keep me sane. During this time, I also learned I had Hepatitis C, so I started having to control my Alcohol intake, which is absolutely no fun at all for an Alcoholic.

I was filling out a daily sheet of physical symptoms relative to hormonal health for my GYN, and she suggested I also track my daily chocolate and Alcohol intake. Something about getting it down in black & white had a powerful impact on me. My GYN also told me that if I wanted to play it safe, I should only drink during the 2 week period of time between the onset of my menstruation (sorry, guys) and the 14th day after. When the 15th day approached, the one where I needed to stop drinking for the next 2 weeks until my next period started, I got on my HepC support site & asked folks there to pray for me to be able to not drink my then-beloved red wine.

Many folks there were also 12-Steppers, and they all encouraged me, without any judgment. The very next morning, after a chiropractic appointment, I went directly to a place I figured might have AA mtg guides, got the schedule, and went to my first AA mtg in 6 1/2 years. I immediately felt like I was "home" again that day (11/14/98). It took 2 more short bouts of deliberate drinking again before I was ready to leave it alone for good and all, and I was able to recapture my original sobriety date from 1986 by one day. On April 8th of this year, I will have one year sober again, by the Grace of a Loving Higher Power.

This time, I have been able to see my drinking for drinking alone, without any other drugs, and have finally conceded to my innermost self that any life with Alcohol is no life I care to live. And life finally feels worth living again, thanks to AA, good sponsorship, and the willingness to get honest enough to open my mind and do some work to stay sober, one day at a time. Thanks.


Member: Coleen
Location: MN
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 2:14:39 PM

Comments

Coleen, alcoholic. I've been hanging around here at the bottom for some time. I'm one of those people (unless we're all that way) that analyze life and its meaning on a daily basis. That can be pretty overwhelming, and alcohol could always numb me to the point where I didn't have to think about it...for the time being anyway. Thinking back on my life, I've had a problem with alcohol since I was 14--sneakingbeers at my brothers' graduation parties. I've always had a need for 'too much', and just now I have realized that I will never be able to go out for a drink like regular people. I'd get that first beer and then worry the whole time about when the waitress was coming back. That's why I always drank at home--over a case a week...anyway I've got 2 kids (grades 2 and 4) who have grown up seeing me drink on a daily basis. They see me manage in life just fine--though they don't realize I stayed up ;til 1 most nights....and I'm thinking what really bothers me is that they are seeing alcohol as a normal thing that anyone can handle on a daily basis--heck, my son will get up to kiss me goodnight and ask me if I would like him to get me anotehr beer from the fridge. Pretty pathetic, me raising kids with that kind of tolerance. Anyway, looking back anything that I can think of as "bad" happened as a result of alcohol, starting as early as losing my virginity when I was 16 and continuing on with my inability to make it through any day without taking a 2-3 hour nap. Pretty hard to be an involved mom when you're too tired to see past 8:00 pm when you can crack open another beer and feel better about life.

So as of 3/18/00 I admitted for the first time to my husband and to myself that I'm an alcoholic. I feel like crying all the time, but I don't think alcohol will make my depression go away. Sort of looking forward to my first AA meeting. Please pray for me.


Member: Lynn C.
Location: Southern Illinois
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 2:34:32 PM

Comments

Hello my name is Lynn and I'm an alcoholic. Great topic, hitting bottom and finding recovery. I went through treatment in 1985, but I wasn't there for alcohol, my only problem was cocaine or so I thought. I stayed sober for about four months until I looked up and old girlfriend that I had never really got over. She became my new addiction and higher power. She drank socially and I was so obsessed about rekindling a relationship with her that I saw my non drinking as a threat to my chances with her. So I tried drinking like a gentlemen for the first time in my life. I even had some success with it as long as the relationship was going good. Ever time the relationship took a down turn my drinking would get a little worse. The relationship became such a roller coaster ride that I was miserable even when things were going good. This all ended when she broke up with me for the fiftieth time and I went out and got my 3rd DUI. I had just got my drivers license back six week earlier after not driving for a year. I hit the bottom that night and knew I belonged back in AA. But I wasn't ready, my drinking actually increased at this point. I started going to this Wednesday night AA meeting because I knew I would need some letters from you AA people to give the judge if I was going to have any chance of keeping my drivers license. I did most of my drinking on the weekends, so I could handle not drinking on Wednesdays if I had to. I kept up this charade for about a month until something happened. I went to the meeting on Wednesday and the people there before the meeting seemed to be genuinely happy and alive as they always did. On Thursday I walked up to the local bowling alley and sat in the bar there drinking. I spoke to no one except for the bartender to order another beer. It was like I was a ghost, I was there but I wasn't involved in life. There were people around me having fun, playing darts, they were alive. But for me it was as if I was already dead. I didn't even get drunk, only had maybe 8 or 10 beers. The next day at work I ran into another guy who had been going to the AA meeting, he had been court ordered to go. He asked me how the meeting were going and I told him, "well I'm going, but I'm not really into it if you know what I mean". His response to me was this, "Gee, that's a shame". His words hit me like a ton of brick, he was exactly right it was a shame, I was miserable, suicidal and the answer to my problem was right in front of me but I wasn't taking it. That was my first day of sobriety 4-23-87 almost 13 years ago. All I had to do to get sobriety was what those happy people had asked. Be willing to go to any lengths to get it.


Member: Karen
Location: cape cod
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 2:47:52 PM

Comments

Hi, Karen here-active drinking alcoholic. I can't stop. I am afraid of what my bottom is. I was shit-faced last night again. I had the intentions of not drinking, but I did anyway. I went to a friends house for dinner. They bought a 12 pak of hienieken, I drank 7 and came home when it was gone and had 3 more. It dawned on me I never said good-night to my daughter. I hear everyone talk about being arrested and in trouble with the law, I don't think that is going to be my bottom. I think my bottom lies somewhere in loosing the people I care about and hurting myself. (not like suicide or anything, just staying on a path of self destruction) I know my bottom is coming however because I am falling face down and I can see it coming at me! I wish I had more faith in AA. I need a sponsor that is tough and sarcastic, like me. I have plans to go to a meeting on Thur., we will see how that goue--That is if I can drive. bub-bye


Member: Marv B.
Location: DFW, Tx.
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 3:14:43 PM

Comments

After a whole lot of really low valleys, I finally hit a bottom when my job was being seriously threatened. I knew if I lost my job I wouldn't have drinking money. I suddenly decided I wanted to quit drinking to save my job in order to have money to drink on. (Another type of reasoning only an alcoholic can understand.) It was with that initial thought that I headed for help and was steered to Alcoholics Anonymous. That was in Dec. 1968. I now have enough money to drink, but now I don't want to drink. Love life through AA. Love all of you.


Member: Georgiana
Location: Toronto
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 4:59:58 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, Georgiana, alcoholic, here....

What really brought about my bottom was a friend's death from this disease three weeks past her fourteenth birthday. Actually, it was not quite three years later, the anniversary was approaching, and I was desperate to drink myself into a stupor in order to get through it. I remember it really well, pacing my apartment like mad on a Saturday night, wanting so, so badly to go and drink myself into a blackout so I wouldn't have to face the pain - then I had a moment of clarity, and somehow saw a fork in the road in front of me. One way was to continue drinking... and kill off my dreams, my future, and eventually (but not quickly enough) myself. The other I couldn't see so well, in fact I had no idea what it would be like; the only thing I knew is that if I were to survive, the drinking was going to have to go. I phoned AA, and the only meeting near me that night was starting in ten minutes. (I think I also hastened things a bit by quitting smoking a couple of months previously, so alcohol was the only thing I had left, and it was much clearer how desperate I was for the stuff.)

That was just over three years ago. It makes my anniversary rather bittersweet, but perhaps it's a good reminder of what I'm up against. Alcoholism is deadly, and sometimes rather impatient as well - and it certainly doesn't look like it's going away anytime soon, at least not in my case!

Anyway, I'm very grateful for these online meetings. Being a student, at this time of year (three weeks of term left!) it's pretty difficult to get to as many face to face meetings as I'd like, and although these aren't a substitute, they're definitely a helpful supplement. Reading people's bottoming out stories has been particularly moving; it's woderful to see the contrast between people's past and present lives... proof that it works if you work it.

But speaking of work reminds me that it's time to get back to the ol' grindstone. Cheers, and a sober 24 to anyone who wants it.


Member: Tacey
Location: Arizona
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 5:45:20 PM

Comments

Hello. My name is Tacey and I'm an alcoholic. I hit many bottoms before I finally kept a DOS. I had many relapses. For me, NOTHING kept me sober. No thoughts that brought dread or fear caused me to stop. The knowledge that I was going to die drunk (and soon) could not keep me sober. Losing my children, losing my loved ones...the list goes on and on.

My bottom happened when God intervened and began "doing for me what I could not do for myself." I believe that my God put His hands on my shoulder and said, "Tacey, you've had enough." Then He put me in meetings and kept me there until I had enough sobriety to make a choice. I know that I DID NOT have it in me to get sober or stay sober. It was total divine intervention. Knowing that keeps me grateful every day that I am sober. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: JOE  L 
Location: arkansas
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 6:48:24 PM

Comments

hi i'm joe a grateful alcoholic,today by the grace of GOD-everyone's bottom is different but in my case there was no more fun in that bottle- i got that desire to stop drinking,but i couldn't do it without the grace of GOD my higher power and AA--5-12-99, 3 days after a friend died from a heart attack from drinking allday long -did i want to end up that way drunk- all i know is read your BB and go to meetings, get you a sponser and don't drink today- you can get drunk if you don't take that first drink---and keep coming back because it works if you work it


Member: Duane M.
Location: Central,New York
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 8:09:51 PM

Comments

Good evening family,my name is Duane and I am a real alcoholic. When I hit my bottom my life and job was going good but I had felt so empty inside I could not stand life. I had three children and a fiance'.I knew that my life was in a shamble but I did not realize that it was caused by alcohol. I was working with a friend who had been through de-tox and sober for one year.I asked him how he did it and he took me to a meeting. We got there late and I had no idea what anyone was saying.I did not go back until I tried the poison again. It took me three months before I spoke up and asked everyone "what the hell are you talking about.They made it my first meeting.That was six years ago. Today I have almost seven months because I thought that I could do it on my own after five years.(real alcoholic thinking). I am working harder and staying closer to my sponser and getting involved with my home gruop and living much happier.Thank you for letting me share


Member: Gypsy W.
Location: Lubbock,tx.
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 8:13:54 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Gypsy W. from Lubbock Texas. For me a 'bottom' is nothing but my becomming willing to accept Spiritual Help. With this sort of a bottom, one can either grow and become Spiritually Reliant; or one can re-assert his self will. When this drunk re-asserts his self will, he is headed for the same results which brought him to the program. When I opt to become Spiritually Reliant then the door is open to the life that is happy, joyous and free. I was first introduced to the 12 steps on June 10, 1963. I have been continously with alcohol or mind altering chemicals since Nov.19,1993. For me this is more of my daily reprieve date , because this reprieve is about much more than the avoidance of the symptom od alcoholism. This is my first time to post a comment here. I thank-you for your being, because I could not have a reprieve without you. gypsy1821@yahoo.com


Member: Robert L S
Location: Arizona
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 8:23:18 PM

Comments

Robert, Alcoholic/Addict!

Wow cis4, Great topic. Thank you!

Well here goes. I started getting high on new years eve in 6th grade, Did most recreational drugs before I settled on Alcohol... I thought I really enjoyed my drinking for a long time. I pretty much dedicated my life to it. I was very selfish. I do not have kids. All my hobbies were ones that I could enjoy while drinking. I was able to make it to work every day. I even have a very good job. Well I did realize that for the last year of my drinking, it was not for fun or enjoyment. Every day as soon as I got home from work I drank as much as I could as fast as I could, till I passed out. Then my last "Drunk" was the eve of my belly button (1-22-00) birthday. I have NO idea where I had been that night, I have no idea how 'I' drove home... But I did wake up in my own bed... My wife said she found me just standing at the front door, not even trying to figure out how to open it to get in....

I spent most of my bb b-day on the couch & did a lot of soul searching... I knew, that day that I had gone as far a I ever could, I knew that, what I now know is my HP must have brought me home. I knew I could never drink again. That was 58 days ago. I started searching the net for AA related stuff. I found the coffee pot.. I got a lot of good advice from there. I wanted what a lot of people seemed to have. I took the advice from people in the cp. to get to a face-2-face meeting...

I am now proud to be in AA but I know I have a long way to go "one day at a time"

Bob


Member: Arlene 
Location: Northeast Washington
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 8:45:07 PM

Comments

Hi, Arlene and alcohoilic. My bottom came when alcohol stopped working for me. I got to the point that I could no longer pass out or balck out. I just got misserable. I was afraid to live and afraid to die. Still I walked in to my first meeting believing that alcohol was not the problem. Life was the problem and alcohol was the answer. I don't know what I heard at that first meeting, but some thing gave me hope. Thank God that have not had to have a drink since that day, 6/19/78. I pray that I never forget that alcohol dosen't work for me. Thanks for being here.


Member: ANNE LINN
Location: MANSFIELD, OH
Date: 3/20/00
Time: 10:33:52 PM

Comments

I KNEW I HIT BOTTOM WHEN I COUL NO LONGER STAND MYSELF OR WHAT I HAD BECOME.THE BIG BOOK TALKS ABOUT THE FOUR HORSEMEN ON PAGE 151. TERROR, I WAS AFRAID OF MYSELF, BEWILDERMENT , I WAS LOST ,FRUSTRATION, I'LL CALL THIS SHAME IN MY CASE, AND DESPAIR' I WAS ALL ALONE MY FAMILY HAD GIVEN UP ON ME AND I HAD USED UP ALL MY FRIENDS. BUT I KNEW THERE WAS HOPE IN THE PROGRAM AND WENT INTO TRREATMENT THAT WAS IN MAY OF 97' AND I HAVEN'T HAD TO DRINK YET.AND THATS BY THE GRACE OF MY GOD AND THE ROOMS OF A.A, MY SPONSER AND WORKING THE STEPS. DON'T GIVE UP BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS. SOMEDAYS SEEM HARDER THAN OTHERS BUT IF YOU TRUELY LIVE 24 HRS AT A TIME ITS NOT THAT LONG.


Member: Bonnie C  5/30/80
Location:
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 2:20:07 AM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))) man I love u drunks and druggies here in the name of fellowship. For those of you that are new to AA or this site, a heartfelt "Welcome Home" to those that have been sharing here for awhile, thanks again, you are appreciated by this drunk. Good topic, thanks ((cis4)) What brought me to my bottom was, feeling like a stranger in my own home, "no feelings" feeling like the outsider even when being the center of attention at a party, shame attacks when remembering the day or night before and everytime I remembered, sometimes yrs later. feeling like i was losing touch with reality and the next minute everything was too real and overwhelming. feeling like i was a hamster on a wheel, doing the same thing night after night, sometimes not wanting to, sometimes resigning myself to the destructive ritual, always ending up doing it, there at last. I didn't know it was my drinking that was keeping me in my chaotic prison and that every one of my problems were from my own choices, I just thought if these damned people around me would just do what I want them to do, then everything would be fine, (hell, I didnt even know what I wanted from them, how could they possibly know how to please me) my poor babies, they took the brunt of it. but anyway - being a very unhappy camper, one night, sitting with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other, i went channel surfing, before it was called surfing and landed on a religious program. so I turned off the program and said God if you're there, take me and make me a productive human being or let me die, nothing happened, so i had another beer. see my timing is, I want it all and i want it now, but God's timing is perfect, so about a wk later, after He had everything and everybody in place, i came home from work had one and a half small glasses of wine (thats how i always started) small drinks but this nite was different, I couldnt even stand up, started crapping my pants and throwing up at the same time, my very expensive silk jammies were still on as i showered. You see I had everything money and prestige could buy, lived in a house overlooking the ocean, cars, toys, nice kids that were out of control, good job, husb had good job too. no duis, nobody telling me that i drank too much, they thought it was cute, when I'd jump in the pool naked at a party. They got pissed when I got sober. Thank God. I surrounded myself with people as sick as I was, when i got sober, they had to look at themselves. anyway back to that nite, I called one of my friends that I used to drink with that had gotten sober and she took me to my first meeting. told me to buy a big book, read it, go to meetings everyday and get a sponsor. I was out of answers and listened. I got a sponsor who was tough and had 14yr (after 2 others, who wouldnt ask me to work) and did everything she asked. i listened to the similarities and tried not to justify with the differences. the first day i got here you said i was now responsible for my sobriety, that i couldnt justify my behavior while drunk cause you folks were handing me the tools to stay sober. That drinking would now be a choice and the disgusting, embarassing behavior would also be my choice. I chose to stay sober. I can choose to drink even with God's loving hands around me but I don't choose that life anymore. I stay sober because I don't pick up the first drink. God helps me with that. At first, i shook and cried and prayed. I didnt really know God, I just didnt drink till the miracle happened. Haven't had to drink since the first day I walked in the doors of AA. (by the way mom died 12 days after I got sober, but i chose to honor her by staying sober) she never wanted me to hurt. anyway that was almost 20yrs ago, life is sooo good. God is my friend today. sometimes I like His decisions for my life and sometimes I dont but whats different is that, I know He knows best cause I couldn't have even dreamed of the blessings I have today. My sobriety has consisted of alot of pain (touchstone to growth) my dear sponsor used to say and an immense amount of joy at different times but what kept me here was the hope that someday I would feel like I feel. Thank God i stayed. Dear God please bless all who venture here. love and hugs, bon -- bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: Shelli
Location: N.CA.
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 6:18:21 AM

Comments

Hi,Shelli alcholic, what a trip just left the coffee pot and touched there on this very topic. I knew I had hit bottom when I found myself standing on a cliff top with half a bottle of Jack Danials yelling at God or what ever it was out there destroying my life, wanting to jump but with so much rage in me at my ex-husband that I decided murder was a better option. I was suicidal and homicidal in the same breath and totally out of control. I had lost my job, my home, my car I had no money and 2 children to feed, I later found out he had been doing things that were so outrageos that my mind simply could not accept the reality of it all. I weighed about 98 pounds thought I looked good and was incapable of holding down a job. Ihad also lost welfare. I believe that night I probably said the first sincere prayer of my life or at least for a very long time. Through a series of events I met a man in AA who took me to the Alano Club and the rest is history. I lost both my children in my first year of recovery it took 2 year to get my daughter back, I had to let go of my son now after 13 years he is back in my life and coming home in July God willing, Miricles nerver cease to happen in my life. Happy Spring all. Shelli


Member: Fred E.
Location:
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 6:52:00 AM

Comments

Hi...Fred Alcoholic. looking for website listing metings in Connecticut...need web address.


Member: Fred E.
Location:
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 6:52:30 AM

Comments

Hi...Fred Alcoholic. looking for website listing metings in Connecticut...need web address. My e-mail address is ADCchris@aol.com


Member: Diane H
Location: Midwest
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 9:26:29 AM

Comments

My bottom was realizing I had better quit before I hit bottom. I drank wine, because it is socially acceptable. 30 days ago I decided this is it. I was drinking several nights a week--I might take 2 off to show I wasn't alcoholic. My mother is an alcoholic. After visiting her, I came home depressed, realizing I will end up just like her if I don't quit. I proceeded to have a bottle of wine to ease the depression. I attended 2 AA meetings and then got scared of the program. I have some painful things I don't want to remember. My daughter told me sometimes you need to tear down in order to rebuild. She is 20--very good wisdom for a young woman. So, I will go back to AA. I have tried to quit before--sometimes for long time periods; the longest being a year. Then, thought I could handle the wine again. It wouldn't take much time and I would be back up to several bottles a week. One night my youngest daughter (l4) walked in as I was getting a glass of wine--I nearly broke my arm trying to hide the bottle in the refrigerator. That combined with the visit to my mom was the bottom for me. I haven't lost anything material --but have lost self-respect, which in some ways is everything.


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 11:05:03 AM

Comments

Larry, alcoholic

I hit my bottom on January 28, 1990. I had come home very drunk, trashed the house, and threatened my wife. Afraid, she ran out to a neighbor’s house and called the police, who came to my house and stood guard as my wife took our kids (who thankfully had slept through the whole thing) and spent the rest of the night at our neighbor’s. The next morning, I packed some things and checked into a hotel so my wife and kids could come back home (she wouldn’t come back while I was still there). That afternoon I went to see a psychiatrist about my problem. I was sure I must have some kind of emotional disorder or lack of willpower. The shrink diagnosed me with the disease of alcoholism. He was the first person who had ever spoken to me about my drinking without condemning me or criticizing me or judging me. He was simply making a factual statement, which was somehow easier to accept. Of course, as I was about to lose my family, I had been beaten into a state of reasonableness. I was finally willing to listen. Then came the shocker. He said, “I can’t help you”. At that point I got scared (which I’m sure he intended). I knew for a long time that I had a drinking problem. I had tried many times to quit on my own unsuccessfully. Deep down I knew that the day would come when I would have to quit, I had just been able to put off that day for a long time. Now the day had come and the shrink was telling me there was nothing he could do. I had watched my father die the gruesome death of the final stages of alcoholism, so I knew how the story ended.

After he let that sink in, the shrink prescribed AA for my affliction. He told me that the first thing I needed to do was get sober and that’s what AA was for. If after 90 days or so of sobriety I still had any “issues” I wanted to discuss with him, he’d be happy to start working with me then. I was impressed that he wasn’t trying to bilk me for money, which is one of the reasons I took him seriously and called AA. He called my wife and scared her too, which helped to get her support and bring us back together again. That night I went to my first AA meeting. I was still chicken, so I found an open meeting and my wife came along for moral support. We met some people we knew who made me feel a little less uncomfortable. So I kept going back and I haven’t had a drink since then.

Thanks for letting me share.

Peace & Serenity


Member: tony
Location: ma
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 12:11:14 PM

Comments

the first dam drink i ever had was my bottom ,but i didn't know it.24 years of drinkng ,feeling so alone in a crowded room,picking something to do(fishing ect..) knowing it was just an exuse to start drinking,i couldn't commit to a girl,couldn't stop but tried,every five years i was getting arrested for dui,drinking on the job,missing family events because they cut in on my drinking,walking around like the living dead...fat puffy face,my bills where out of control..everything on the verge of being shut off....the sick part is ,i thought it was ok,that this was life,that it was like this for most people...the feeling of terror was zooming in on me,the gig was up..ruined inside,a scared little boy who thought he was tough. i had to go to a two week in house alcohol program(for my second time) thank god i became willing to accept help,i started doing what was suggested and i'm a good person with a second chance in life,i'm very grateful and try to help someone else every day, i learned and am learning everyday,i truly love life today....iv'e been sober for two years and one month...i am amazed at the differance in my quality of living today...both materialy but mostly spiritualy....tony alcoholic


Member: Chris H.
Location: Traveling
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 12:36:09 PM

Comments

I'm Chris an alcoholic. Hitt'n bottom huh? I guess the question is which one. Well, here's my story!

I was recently reminded, by a dear friend of mine in AA, of when I first got into AA. I went to a meeting based on someone's urging. I was a real mess, my hair was twisted and dirty, and my clothes were covered with sticks, dirt, dried barf, and booze. The meeting I went to was in a treatment center. I had to leave the meeting 3 times to puke in the bathroom, and everyone could hear it. The chair person asked if there were anyone with a burning desire. I had to talk, but didn't really want to be put on the spot, I was so sick. I just said, "I need help." The chair person said, "so what, there are a million alcoholics out there that 'need' help!" I was incredulous, and then he said in a softer voice, "do you 'want' help, this program's for people who want help." I said, "...yes." He assigned someone at that meeting to be my temporary sponsor. My new temporary sponsor took me out to eat. He took me to the bathroom where I puked my breakfast, and then he dropped me of at a nice woman's house for a rest. She let me take a shower, and then sleep in her bed while she found another meeting for us to attend, and then took me there. She stayed with me through the meeting and then took me to an AA softball game. I watched the game, not feeling well enough to play, and then she gave me to another AA who took me to third meeting that day.

I will never-ever forget the love and caring I got from that 12 Step call. I have made attempts at helping other AA's over the years that need help, but know in my heart that while I try again and again, I can never repay the incredible goodness of the program, and people, who like me, who are helping others so that they too may be sober and survive to be happy, joyous, and free.

Surrender means giving up, letting go, and letting God or your HP, or the program do its work!

God bless you all for being there when I "needed," correction "wanted" to live!


Member: Joy P.
Location: Il
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 2:20:27 PM

Comments

My name is Joy ,I'm an alcohollic. I was powerless. I decided I couldn't die and didn't want to live in hell anymore. Yesterday I made 7 months sober. I also took my best a.a. friend to the hospital she just cant quit,or find that higher power ,or believe ....her pain has been a bitter sweet gift to me ...Today I am sober and want to stay that way at any cost. Thanks, Joy


Member: Liz Winters
Location: Hopedale Labrador
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 3:00:01 PM

Comments


Member: Liz W
Location: Hopedale
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 3:15:09 PM

Comments

Hi-My name is Liz and I'm an alcoholic. I knew I hit rock bottom when I awoke in jail one Thursday morning. I did not care about my job at the time,or how much hurt I was putting my family through.I Thank God every day for letting me realize that I needed help and letting me be able to understand who I am today. Anyway I am looking forward to the next topic and will keep in touch. See you later. Liz.


Member: Chris h.
Location: Florida
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 4:32:04 PM

Comments

Chris h. here, alcoholic/addict/bulimic . I feel like I am hitting a mini bottom right now. My sponsor said last night, "Well, at least you can see it now. " This sight is the only meeting I have been to in a in a long time, mabey a year and 1/2. Various reasons, but the bottom line is that this is not enough. Yesterday I was crazy in the head and I finally realized that I need face to face meetings ( have I gone ?No!Sounds weak i know!). I have not had a drink, but my eating disorder is beginning to get out of hand..I was trying every day to control it and not succeeding (kind of like controlled drinking), until finally realized that it is the program , meetings and my Higher Power that I need rather than my attempt at will power. That never worked before I don't know why I thought it would work now. I know that the next step for me is complete loss of controll and a drink. So I am getting my ass back to meetings..Part of my problem, I'll be honest, is that I don't want ot go back and face everyone and tell them Why I haven't been to meetings...I don't want to go through embarassment of it and the shame. I don't want to stand around after the meeting and feel uncomfortable and not feel part of the group. I want to just slip back is as if I've never been gone. But I know that that will not do me any good. Honesty is the key to healing for me. I felt so much better after talking about this to my sponser last night, and I got a glempse of the serenity I used to feel when I went to regular meetings 3 times a week. It was my only way of survival. I feel ashamed and common--I thought I would be different from everyone else!!(HA!) Well, Thanks for listening..and being here...mabey this has helped someone who has a similar problem!


Member: Marlea C
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 6:05:57 PM

Comments

Hi, Marlea here alcoholic. I was pretty much a wreck for the last year of my drinking, but I didn't realize it at the time. I only knew that I was miserable and unhappy and everything felt very out of control. I would try and make it through a weekend without drinking and sometimes I would, but other times I would wonder "why am I doing this?" and have a drink only to feel like a failure and chastise myself later. But I believed the real problem in my life was my husband. Since he was drinking every day morning till night and did not hold a job I figured he needed to get sober. Then if he quit drinking I wouldn't want to drink anymore. So I made an appointment with an intervention specialist. While I was there I broke down and started crying about the state of my life and how my own drinking makes it hard to confront him. She suggested treatment for me and made it sound like a vacation. So two days later I was in an inpatient treatment program. Scared to death, not totally convinced this was the best choice, but willing to try anything to improve my life. Besides, if I quit drinking first then I would be in a better space to help my husband to quit. Well, I couldn't do anything about his life, but it is amazing how much better my life has gotten without drinking. I have also learned to accept responsibility for my own choices which is very freeing. It didn't happen overnight, and I am still growing, but it sure does keep getting better. Love to all, Marlea


Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 6:13:11 PM

Comments

Hello, cis4----- Have you heard of the expresion 'Between Hell and a hard place?' Well, the 'hard place' is rock bottom and when you reach that your looking over into hell. You can't mistake it, rock bottom is very hard and it hurts. And Hell is very near to you until you reach out for a lifeline. Be it AA or friends or family grab that lifeline and hang on!!


Member: Bruce G.
Location: Memphis
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 11:31:14 PM

Comments

'lo friends,Bruce here,an alcoholic, I didn't "hit bottom", I just couldn't go on falling. ::::looking back::::> self-will let me down one too many times.


Member: Susan S.
Location: Tahlequah, OK
Date: 3/21/00
Time: 11:40:32 PM

Comments

Susan, Alcoholic...My bottom consisted of absolute gray. No abyss, no contact with the world. I was alone and flatlined. I had to watch sad t.v. shows about kids with cancer to cry and when even that didn't work anymore. Nothing mattered. Not my reputation, my pride, what anyone else thought. Even suicide was too much effort to contemplate. It took too much energy to even drink anymore. God removed my craving for alcohol by filling me with ennui.

I always felt guilty that my bottom was not traumatic or socially unacceptable; but, I have come to realize that the hell I created in my life was as bad as anyone else's (and also that everyone else's was as bad as mine, humbly enough).

It takes what it takes and I now spend a lot of time acknowledging that I have feelings and surrounding myself with love and laughter...because I deserve it. I'm God's kid and I deserve all the rewards of his kingdom.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: GREGG G
Location: KENN., WA
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 1:06:06 AM

Comments


Member: Zak E.
Location: Red Lodge, Mt
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 1:13:13 AM

Comments

Hi,I'm Zak and I am an Alcoholic. Hitting bottom? I was sixteen and living under a bridge I was getting low on vodka and deffinetly broke. I said that prayer. You know the one you're not supposed to say if you don't really want help. "God Help ME!!" He helped me alright, right into an AA meeting. I stayed sober about 9 months, then relapse. Why? Because I wasn't doing anything, except wasting space and other peoples time. I drank again and hit it hard,for about 7 months then out of no-where I realized that this wasn't ok, so I called a friend and went to a meeting. I had been going just not being honest. So I got honest, and it was hard. That was in June of 1992, and I am still sober by Gods grace. I don't think I really knew it when my bottom was happening, or even for a while later. What I really think is that God knew it was my bottom and He moved mountains to get me here and keep me here. I just truned 26 yrs old and I ca't believe that I am still here. What a wonderful life.


Member: angelo b
Location: Nunavut
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 1:32:46 AM

Comments

Bottom for me was the sense that I was sliding off a roof into the void and no one was going to care or catch me, and it was going to happen real soon. Then I prayed. Something happened and I wound up in a meeting. Then I learned that booze was driving me to my own extinction. Then I learned that it had happened to others as well. Then I got the message that it didn't have to be that way and the feeling of hopelessness was replaced by the pink cloud effect, but also a belief in a loving Higher Power who was/is interested in every breath I take and how well I am doing with that breath. Bottom was truly the dark before the dawn. Thank God. Happy 24.


Member: Herb S.
Location: Vancouver BC
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 4:06:36 AM

Comments

My bottom was my wife saying she was going to walk out the door and I knew she meant it this time.My son was four at the time and I pictured my family breaking apart.More importantly though, I pictured ALL of the relationships I had in my adult life.There they were:alcoholic, daughter of alcoholic, grand-daughter of alcoholic, eating disorder,alcoholic, normie who told me I drank too much, the list of hurt and angry and empty women stretched back in time and I knew the common denominator in all those relationships was ME and MY DRINKING!! I also knew that unless I changed, the list would go on and I would never find the peaceful family life I sought.After I got into recovery, I realized I had to do it for me, but I'll never forget that moment of clarity.The last few years have been a blessing for me and my son and I have started a new relationship with someone sober...the promises are coming true! I hope this provides some encouragement to those who still haven't lost everything and are saying "that's not me". Bottom is not skid row, bottom is when you decide to stop digging!


Member: Mike M
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 1:34:23 PM

Comments

the bottom for me was not a hard one I was two and half years sober when I moved from MA to Florida a geographical cure the only one my life was a lady I believe as sick as me we went to Florida thinking things would be different I was there about three weeks when I get into a confrontation with a gentleman about nothing I neglected to mention I was only in Florida for 24 hours when I picked up the drink my confrontation led to some jail time not only was I in jail for a simple assault but I was looking at 18 felony charges that had stemmed back over two years so needless to say I had plenty of time to think one of the guards in jail maximum security St. Petersburg FL was from Boston he asked if I had a drinking problem and told me that they were once again going to start AA meetings in the jail. the following week I`m 1 of the lucky ones that got to attend those meetings that was in January 1982 I was 21 years old and thought I knew everything. I had already been in eight detox`s wrecked two cars one motorcycle,stabbed when I was 17 lived on the street the years lost my family and friends and had nothing but the close on my back! thank God for the program {AA} and the fellowship if. I am now 39 years old and have 17 years of sobriety I have had a wonderful life and continue doing so if I remember my bottom. so remember get to a meeting don't drink ask for help and always remember your bottom thanks Boston mike


Member: Dale S.
Location: California
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 3:51:21 PM

Comments

My family had told me that I was an embarrassment to them and they told get out. So I left I didn't need them anyway. A few drinks and I was on top of the world. I rented a room and got drunk. I drove to the beach and got drunker. Driving back I remember driving on both sides of the road not caring if I was on the wrong side of a dangerous two lane winding road. My only concern was that I get back to my room without being arrested again.

Back at my room I passed out. Waking up the next day I felt bad. Thinking of the night before I thought, this has got to stop. I did not want to drink anymore but the and pain of being kicked out of my home was too much. I had a drink to ease the pain. The pain was not going away so I decided to get drunk. It was as though the booze was not having any affect on me. I started felling loneliness I had never felt this type of loneliness before. It was as though alcohol had deserted me also. I drank even more and I laid in my bed and I was visited by terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair. I saw myself for the first time for what I truly was. A disgusting, vile, dangerous, hopeless drunk. I realized that alcohol was my master and their was no way out. I had tried everything God, treatment centers, doctors, and AA. I was utterly doomed I would never be able to stop drinking. I decided that it would be a service to everybody if I would just kill myself. Better that then to kill someone in a drunk driving episode. My date of sobriety is 2/24/94


Member: Maria
Location: Alvor
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 5:40:54 PM

Comments

I knew it !!!the bottom was there,but I couldn´t finish. Avoiding the mirror,being seen by someone,atending phone calls,avoiding myself.Being unable to work,to read,to think or speak strait,unable to function.Deep in my own mysery,living just for today to drink!!! TODAY,the same effort I try to put,with the help of my HIGHER POWER and this miraculous simple program on my JUST FOR TODAY IN SOBRIETY. GOD BLESS YOU ALL, TRUE ALKIES LIKE ME.


Member: Nanette G
Location: Ohio
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 5:53:02 PM

Comments

Nanette Here.. alcoholic.. Bottom was the day that I realized I had no more excuses for drinking.. I could no longer blame anyone else for my pain and I was the only one who could get me out of the hell I was living..and I could only start on getting out of this hole by putting the wine bottle down for good. DOS 1/1/99


Member: Laura S.
Location: NYC
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 6:14:00 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Laura and I am a drunk.

My bottom was long and slow - like the air slowly seeping out of a tire. It started in March when at an OA meeting it was advised that I stop drinking because of the high sugar content and because it would relax my resolve...I was outraged! I vehemently defended my "party girl" bohemian lifestyle. I was told that if this was an issue to go to an AA meeting. I went to one. One. I sat in the back and decided that it wasn't for me, I would just smoke pot instead of drink. Of course, I couldnt' stay away from the alcohol...it was my first and true love. My OA sponsor had 6 years of sobriety in AA - he didn't preach or push, and I thank him for that, because I wouldn't have listened to him the day in September of'95 (not clear which day) when I was suffering to intensely. It started over a man, but turned into something deeper - my soul was crying out for relief. It was that point where I couldn't live without alcohol, but couldn't live with it, either. My sponsor gently told me of an AA meeting near my house that started in 15 minutes, and before I could chicken out, I hauled my sad butt there. This time I heard the message. I had one joint a week later, which was a miserable failure, and the next day, October 8, 1995, I surrendered to the program, and haven't had a drink (or drug) since. I am so grateful that this person KNEW an alcoholic when he saw one, and didn't push any definace buttons. I could still be out there, and that thought terrifies me. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Toddy N.
Location: Ruidoso Downs, New Mexico
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 7:44:29 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Toddy and I'm an alcoholic. I thought I'd hit bottom many times and had promised to quit drinking many times. Finally on April 13, 1993 I 'came to' about 6a.m. and asked God for help. I had been drinking the night before, which was my usual mode of behavior. I had both of my daughters with me while I partied with friends. I shouldn't have been driving, but we made it home about 10 p.m. I immediately went into my Jeckyl/Hyde mode and got mad at everyone in my family, both kids and husband. I got the girls out of bed @ midnight and made them clean their bedrooms. I finally passed out @ 1 a.m. This night of drinking was no worse than usual, as a matter of fact I'd had many that were worse. What made it special I think was that I felt really rotten for doing it again. My bottom was when I got so disgusted with myself I couldn't stand myself. I was so tired of saying"I'm sorry" to those I loved. I knew that when we all got up for the day I would have to say "I'm sorry" again, and I knew they wouldn't believe me anyway. I truly feel that if God hadn't stepped in at that point and given me the thought of A.A. that I would now be divorced without custody of my children. I know my husband loves me dearly, but he was at the end of his rope. When I did wake up, I asked my husband if he thought A.A. might help me. He said,"Something better." Luckily I have a dear sister-in-law, Syndey, who is sober 14 years thanks to God and A.A. I figured if a cool person like her could belong to A.A., maybe it would work for me too. I also have a good friend, Joe, who's sober 22 years. I went and found Joe that morning and asked him how to get in a meeting. He said he'd have someone call me. They did, I went to my first meeting that night, April 13, 1993 and have been sober ever since. Sure, the urge hits now and then to drink, but I think it through and lose the desire really quick! I guess hitting bottom was when I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't even face myself in the mirror. I didn't care how disgusting I was to others before that. But when I became disgusting to myself, that was enough! Because I couldn't leave or tell myself to go away! Thanks for letting me share, Toddy


Member: Lucky Jim
Location: Ireland
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 8:29:14 PM

Comments

Greetings to you all from Ireland. Jim here, an alcoholic and a lucky, lucky man. I've been on the road for nearly a week so I'm just catching this topic now that I'm home. And what a topic! I'm afraid it's just too big for me. I've read every single posting above, and I feel everyone's pain. It's like at any of my AA meetings, the one time when everyone gets a liitle tense, a little inward-looking and uptight is when someone is sharing about his or her lowest ebb - that horrible feeling of being completely and utterly unhappy and lost. However, these are also the times when the magic of AA can be seen at its most efficacious. The combined outpouring of a affection and support from a group of people who have each experienced the same tragedy in their lives is wonderful to behold. It's just honest old-fashioned magick with a "K", as old as a group of cavemen huddling together for comfort and courage when they heard the snarl of some predator in the night. My own low point is of no importance, in fact there seem to be quite a few, but thank God for AA. I'm glad I have you to huddle with.

Lucky Jim.


Member: Val BR
Location: Indiana
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 8:40:55 PM

Comments

I'm hoping that last night was my "bottom". I know I don't want to go through this pain and shame anymore. My daughter caught me trying to sneak a drink in my bedroom, told my husband and they both confronted me. At first I lied, but realized I was caught. The look in my daughter's eyes and face hasn't left me all today. My hus- band stopped drinking a couple of years ago on his own and I did too for a while. But I ended up then drinking on the sly so he wouldn't know I had started up again. And I knew it was only a matter of time before I was caught. Last night was at least the third time I've been caught and I know I'm pushing the envelope to expect them to let me get by with it again. I know I don't want to experience this kind of pain again...please, God, make this my bottom and give me the strength to change my life. I am a functioning alcoholic but realize that my career and marriage have been impaired by alcohol. I am not happy with how I am living my life and I want a life free of alcohol Weekly I look at my book for AA meetings and have been reluctant to go thinking I could cope on my own. I am doubting that now. There is a lot of shame that goes with this and being I am supposedly a "successful" career woman makes it hard to forget my pride and admit my weaknesses. It has been heartening to hear so many of your stories to know that I really don't know the meaning of the word "success" until I am able to free myself of alcohol. I feel your "peace".


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 9:17:08 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! Thanks everyone for sharing!

Hitting bottom was essential for me to seek help in order to stay sober. Everyone of us has our own particular bottom, but for me, hitting bottom meant suffering so much mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically that I just couldn't take it anymore. So I sought help, after some failed but serious suicide attempts intended to escape the nightmare.

The beginning of Chapter 11 (pp.151-152)in the Big Book more or less describes my bottom. Of course, as Chapter 1 in the 12x12 discusses, not all people have to suffer losing everything in order to reach bottom. CIS4, you might try reading the previously mentioned AA literature to help you answer the questions you've asked.


Member: Guess Who
Location: Again
Date: 3/22/00
Time: 10:55:52 PM

Comments

There is a liar posting on here again. Be careful everyone because they believe their own bull shit and then come on this site to spew their crap all over us.

You know who you are, you liar!


Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 12:32:00 AM

Comments

Sorry for the double dip people but to VAL BR, your post really touched me. I've been where you are at and I just wanted to say that you will regain your daughters respect again. I know because that happened to me. I have managed to stay sober and my family have shown so much love and support that I feel I can never let them down again. Don't feel that you can never put it right again between you because you can, and it's amazing how your loved ones will forgive. TO 'GUESS WHO', just go away !!!!! You're a mess !!!!


Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 12:51:10 AM

Comments

I'm Don, recovering alky. Karen on Cape Cod, do you think you can continue on what you yourself call a path of destruction, but not call it suicide? If you're on a road that you know goes over a cliff, why not turn off the engine? Because this would be logical and rational. With booze in us, we alcoholics are not rational. Even when we become enlightened, booze makes us forget what we know. We can resolve to have only one Heinie, but that resolution dissolves, and we have ten. One is too many, a hundred is not enough. As long as you hang on to the power to control how much you drink, you have no control. The only way is to surrender the control, give it up to your Higher Power, and then control will happen. It's just a matter of not having the first drink, and the second will take care of itself. Come with us. We don't know you yet, but we already love you in a very special way.

Donaldo88@aol.com


Member: GREGG G.
Location: KENN. WA
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 4:26:16 AM

Comments

KEEP COMING BACK, IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!


Member: Guess Who
Location: Again
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 8:24:17 AM

Comments

To jenifer d....Mind your own business! Unless of course you are the liar I spoke of. Not the one I was referring to but if the shoe fits......Aren't you that same person who tried to tell someone on here that their topic was not a good one? Thought so.....so when talking about someone being a mess; you might take a look in the mirror before opening that big mouth of yours.


Member: Joe M
Location: W.P.B. Florida
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 8:32:47 AM

Comments

Wow! Great topic CIS4!

My DOS (thiis time) is December 19,1999. The details leading up to that date are too many to post here. The important part of my "hitting bottom and climbing up again" story is that this time I am different. Notice i didn't say that I feel different. My bottom came and I bounced along with it for several months last year. In and out of hospitals, contemplated suicide, and finally those days where DTs, hallucinations and panick were all that I knew. But while all this was overpowering me I somehow sensed that God was with me. That sense of His spirit has stayed with me this time and I am different. The obsession to drink has been lifted. My fears of losing my job; of economic collapse have left me. Slowly my obsession over my divorce and losing my beautiful wife is leaving me. I am different. I don't just feel different. For the last 18 years I've hovered around the outskirts of the program. Today I aim to center myself in AA. By following the suggestions, by getting active, by getting to know all of you and letting you know who I am. My prayer is Please god I will stay connected with you and do the footwork if only this is my last bottom. Today for me it's Thy will not my will be done.

Thanks for letting me share!

Joe


Member: Kat L.
Location: Austin, TX (for now : - )
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 8:42:22 AM

Comments

Hi everybody. Kat Littlecreek here. Alcoholic and drug addict. Thanks for the good 1st step meeting. Welcome to the newcomers and those just becoming "one of us". Give this thing a try - it really works! Stick around and watch the miracles happen in your life and the lives of the people around you. It can make you a believer - just like it did me.

I always enjoy listening to peoples' stories, and every once in a while I hear one that reminds me of my bottom. I was not one of us who had ever tried to stop - I truly had never thought about whether I had a problem. Oh I knew I had "problems" - I was miserable - but that was just life stuff. I had buried both my parents in the prior year - 5 months apart. I had finally had to admit that I had failed. My whole life up to that point was an attempt to "have the happy family". That was the beginning of the end. I was 35 years old, my then 15 year old son was living with his Godfather, my career of over 10 years was gone, and so was my most recent 4-year relationship (and that was a long term one!) I was living with yet another one - and he too was one of us, and dealing drugs. We stayed in a house that was framed and roofed, with the garage converted into a place to live while the house was in process. I had the money to financially take care of myself - I was missing enough functioning brain cells to be able to come up with any idea about living, like having a home, going to the grocery store, etc., etc. I lived every day just to get "out".

I had a "moment of clarity": I was standing in the "room", 4 days (and nights) into my most recent binge, and I looked across the room to see a pair of red tail hawk wings hanging on the wall. In that moment I was stuck stone cold sober. I realized in that moment that my life had been spiraling downward for many years - ever since I had made the conscious decision to stop seeking what I know today to be a "God I could do business with." I'd like to tell you that I got sober after that night, but I can't. It was approximately 7 months after that. I still had another "Mr. Right" to try.

One Monday morning a friend came over after the "weekend before", when she had once again emptied the family bank account and her husband was threatening to throw her out. She told me that she had to find some help. We looked in the phone book and found a phone number. She called, and we made plans to go to a meeting the next night. She had asked me to go with her because she was afraid to go alone. I was a "good friend" after all, and my friend needed help. Of course I would go. The next night I had a couple glasses of wine before we went - I needed fortification. They were to be my last.

The most amazing thing happened that night: there was a woman leading the meeting who talked about how she had felt on the inside. She talked about being terribly lonely, even in a crowded room, about being completely baffled and confused, never being able to understand her behavior, always ending up where she was determined to never go again, (literally as well as metaphorically), waking up and rolling over to find, yes, once again, somebody she had "never seen before in her life!" and wondering where the hell she was. I was amazed! How did she know?? At that point she had my rapt attention (to the extent I was capable any more of paying attention to anything!). Then she said the most amazing thing: she told me (yep, I knew she was talking directly to me!) that she had a disease, that she was an alcoholic and a drug addict, and that since she had come to the Program and had become willing, that her life had been completely changed. She told me that she HAD a life today. She told me that learning how to not drink and not use drugs had completely changed her life. Then she told me that the way she had done that was to go to meetings, every day, talk to people, find a sponsor, ask for help, and do her best to work the steps of the Program, one day at a time. As she stood there that night, she told me that she hadn't had a drink or used drugs in over four years. Unbelieveable! I wanted what she had. She had "friends". She had a life.

That night was the moment I was "struck sober". And you know what? My friend left half way through the meeting, and never returned. I will be grateful to the day I die for Patty's "realization" that she needed help, and for the blessings that I found in that dingy little room in the bottom of that church. I pray that one day Patty will also want the help that we found that night, and I thank God that I did.

Come the end of May this year I will have 15 years of sobriety, by the grace of God, the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous and a whole lot of God-graced people. I am truly grateful, and thank all of you people for my life.

Happy Thursday everybody. Kat.


Member: Steven H.
Location: NYC
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 9:05:17 AM

Comments

Hello I 'm Steven and I am an alchoholic. I remember sitting in a small room in my apartment after midnight, drinking wine, smoking pot working on some recorded music.My stomach was bothering me . I was slumped in my chair. I saw an image of a tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was "homelessness." The feeling I had that when the money I had ran out that I wasn't sure if I would be able to get my business up and running again. I wasn't sure if I had the energy. The feeling was a very literal experience of the powerlessness talked about in the first step. I remembered my father, who had skirted close to homelessness, before he died (without having recovered from his alchoholism)and I did not want to go there. That was the beginning for me me of a pathn that led me to stop drinking , then to stop taking drugs and sometime later to come into AA. That was seven years ago. My sobriety date is 12/24/92. Thank you for my sobriety. P.S> to Karen /Cape Cod if you calll the AA office near you on the Cape. They can always help in getting you a ride to a meeting. Good luck! Steven


Member: Pam S
Location: NC
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 11:11:00 AM

Comments

Hi I’m Pam and I am an alcoholic. This is a great topic. I will never forget all the stupid things I did when I was drunk and using. My thoughts go back to some terrible memory every day. I started smoking pot at 14 years old and drinking with an older friend of my brothers at the same age. I got drunk the first time, sangria – I never could stand sangria after that evening. I grew up to more expensive wines; beer and I drank Jack Daniel’s and beer shooters. Yuck! My date of sobriety was 12/9/95? 94? There is someone keeping tabs so why don’t you tell me my date? Oops my smart @#! mouth got the better of me. I am kind of scared to be wrong! LOL All I really know is I drank and drank, I quit and I drank and drank, I quit, okay you get the point. It took me a long time to get it right. Don’t be embarrassed about coming back. The one thing you can say for most alcoholics is we have been in the same place. Stay clean and sober today! Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Big Book
Location: Page 62
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 11:12:08 AM

Comments

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.


Member: Catherine W
Location: Ramona, CA
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 11:12:48 AM

Comments

Catheine W~~Grateful to be a Sober Alcoholic!!

In the summer of '79 I lost my job as city manager of a large chain store in Portland, OR, due to missed work, drugs and alcohol, etc. That winter I just continued on my trek to insanity...losing my home, having my car repoed(while sitting on a bar stool), slept in an empty house on the nights I could not get picked up at the bar. Stole the money from the bar one night w/ the co-owner as my accomplice, along w/ the owners credit card. Ran away, crossing most of the US across the south hitting gay bars in every big city as we traveled. Most of that trip I don't remember. Somehow ended up in New Orleans, then the card expired. To avoid capture we backtracked to Dallas....but I did not have a problem w/ alcohol...

Still on the run I landed in San Diego. Spent a few nights in the Grey Hound bus station....the story just gets longer and longer. That was in early '80. I did not view any of this as a problem with drinking. Things got better in SD, in a recovery home, food and shelter only. The seed was planted, but did not sprout until 13 years later. Got back w/ my company, got a home, a car...I was doing well again, couldn't be an alcoholic! But over time, I lost something more precious than all the material stuff. I lost myself. By 92 I had been in and out of hospitals several times for depression. The last time out was when I hit an emotional and spiritual bottom. I had learned to survive w/ nothing more than a clean pair of jeans in a backpack, but I knew that I would not survive w/out my soul. Maybe this doesn't make sense...but that was my bottom. I had lost Catherine...this time, and I could no longer live this way. 09/04/92 I finally saw the Bright Flash of the Obvious...I really was an alcoholic! I called for help and here I am.

AA saved my life, working the steps saved my soul.


Member: Jane M
Location: Calgary, Canada
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 11:22:29 AM

Comments

I am Jane an Alcoholic from Calgary, Canada What a wonderful topic. It is important for me to remember my last drunk and how grateful I am today just to be alive. Sometime life is hard and confusing, it is also great, joyous and wonderful. The best thing though, is that I don't have to drink in reaction to anyway life is today. If it was not for AA I certainly would be dead and my children would not have a mother. The only thing I have to remember is no matter what happens to me I don't have to drink, I may be crazy, but if I stick close to the program and let go, things usually work out. I am truly grateful for my sobriety, it comes first before anything else in my life.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 11:53:25 AM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic, sober today by the grace of God. The last year I drank, I was 34 years old. It dawned on me that year that my life was really over. The rest of it would be pretty much the same. My wife was about to leave with my kids, I was in poor health and my job was afffected, and I drove drunk every day, so it was just a matter of time before I got in legal trouble. My favorite activity was to drink by myself and everything else was in the way of that. I saw no way out of this, since I had to have alcohol to relieve my problems and stress. Lots of alcohol. On that final weekend, I drank all day Saturday with a friend and stayed away from home all day and evening. I got home drunk early Sunday morning. Knowing my wife wouldn't want anything to do with me, I went to a spare room and went to sleep. That Sunday morning, I woke up and for the first time in my life, got on my knees to pray. I asked God to please take over my life. I told him I couldn't do it any more. I asked him to show me the way and what I should do. I asked him to please forgive my sins and terrible behaviour over the previous years. Finally, I asked that if he couldn't help me live, that maybe he could help me die. I was finished. That was the bottom and the beginning for me. Technically, the next day was. I poured the hard stuff down the sink and drank one last light beer to help my shakes. That was the last drink I ever had. It was President's Day weekend, 1979. My wife stayed with me (35 years now) and I have great grown up kids. My life is a miracle. It makes me cry to talk or write about it. Thanks, God, for saving this sorry alcoholic. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred


Member: Annemarie
Location: Chicago
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 2:46:36 PM

Comments

Wow. Great topic! I've spent my whole lunch hour at work reading about the devastating experiences of people who have gained the courage to reevaluate their lives, take action and reap the rewards (or at least take the first steps in making a change). Not a bad way to spend an hour! Not to sound cliche, but I'm so happy and proud for all of you!

I'm newish -- and really related to VAL BR from Indiana about her experience. I've accepted the fact that I'm an alcoholic. I can't stop after the first drink, I hide my drinking because I -- altho I want the temporary "high" -- I know my craving is ravenous and not normal. It's gettting to the point where I drink regardless of my knowledge of the physical, mental, emotional, relationship and career damage. Hmmmm, not quite rational.

But like you, Val, my life isn't quite "unmanageable"yet. BUT I've had enough confrontations by my husband and - gulp - my boss that make it clear that it's not just about me anymore. It's about my most important relationship and the bloody source of my income! I just can't hide it any longer. And do I want to?

Going to meetings is the best thing. Sure, reading people's experiences on forums like this is wonderful, but SEEING fellow alcoholics of all ages and backrounds is invaluable. Getting nods, smiles and hugs makes the 24 hours a lot more bearable.

Anywho, thanks for letting me share. Good luck everyone!!


Member: John.L
Location: Newark,De
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 9:09:28 PM

Comments

HI My Names John...Alkie/Addict,,,thank you for the subject...I can relate to alot of what was said here in alot of peoples word,a few things really stick out though,,I didn't hit a so called bottow,cause i'm still alive,,i just got fed up with living inside of this miserable shell of the man that i used to be.there is always another bottom you can hit....it haas been awhile since i've been here,,and i'm celebrating 21months clean and sober today...and i'm just glad i've had the oppurtunity to experince this part of my life. which would have never been possible,Had I not stopped drinking and drugging.I have had some rough times in this past 21 months,but none bad enough to make me go back to that miserable S.O.B. I used to be,,and never want to go back to being ...thanks for letting me share


Member: Connie H.
Location: Washington
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 9:25:29 PM

Comments

Hi,Connie here and I'm an alcoholic. I've just started AA meetings, and this is one week today that I have been sober. I finally realized that I just couldn't stop with one drink. One became two, two became three, and before I knew it the whole fifth of vodka was gone. It took almost losing my kids and everything else important in my life for me to realize that I couldn't stop drinking by myself, and that I HAD to stop drinking. I have been to 4 AA meetings, and am going on vacation in Hawaii in two days, and plan on attending meetings there. I've been told they hold them on the beach--how cool. I believe what they say about AA--keep coming back, it works.


Member: Rikki S.
Location: Alberta Canada
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 9:35:23 PM

Comments

Hello everyone...my name is Rikki and I am an alcoholic. My one year birthday is coming up very soon and I have been reflecting on how I came through the doors of A.A. I'm no differnt than anyone else in the rooms..I couldn't stop drinking and my life was in total chaos. I don't miss the agony drinking brought me, I don't miss the suicide attempts, the blackouts, the hangovers, the shame, the anger....the list goes on and on....My bottom was almost a year ago...The worst day of my life...What brought me to the doors of A.A was a power far greater than myself.:)I wish you all the best in the road of recovery:)


Member: Val BR
Location: Indiana
Date: 3/23/00
Time: 11:10:09 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Val BR and an alcoholic. That is so hard for me to say. I'm now two days sober. To emphasize the "bottom" that I wrote about, the guidance counselor from my daughter's school called. Apparently, my daughter had been spending a lot of time with her these past two days, crying. Tonight my daughter and I had a talk. As I had feared, she was taking on the responsibility for my drink ing. Isn't that the pits!? She has not slept well for two nights now. I'm hoping that our talk tonight resolved her worries. It's one thing when we feel we're only hurting ourselves. It's even more painful bottom when our children are so hurt by it. I would give up my right arm for her, so surely I can give up the bottle for her.


Member: Melissa M.
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 12:36:28 AM

Comments

Melissa, alcoholic. What a powerful topic...it makes me remember sitting in bed last June 19th, (my birth day) going through the motions of being pleased and happy with my two kids' homemade cards, and gifts and breakfast and inwardly wondering what would be a nice, quiet, discreet way of killing myself because I didn't want to get out of bed because whenever I got out of bed, I just started drinking and I couldn't stop, had tried, and tried and tried and I just couldn't stop. In the shower a few minutes later, it occurred to me than suicidal thoughts weren't exactly sound mental health and I should probably tell my husband and go to a psych ward or something. But I didn't want to go to a pysch ward. Went to three AA meetings that day instead. Nothing happened. Sat there silently shaking at all three and no miracle happened. Went home and had a drink. My best friend called and I spilled out the truth to her. She was shocked. But she said she knew someone in AA and I shrieked into the phone 'get me her number!' This person called me and said pray now, pray hard, then go back to a meeting tomorrow and, this time, OPEN YOUR MOUTH! I did that. That's how I met my sponsor. I did everything that was suggested to me. I picked up my 9 month chip on Tuesday. There are no words to describe my gratitude. For God, who saw that I had had enough, for AA for being there, for my sponsor, for my life. I sometimes feel like I'm swimming in gratitude. Thanks for a wonderful topic. I had no idea sobriety could be the best thing that ever happened to me.


Member: Carol C.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 7:14:31 AM

Comments

To Val BR -

Please call the AA Hotline. They know how you feel and believe me, the rooms are full of successful functioning business people who are alcoholics. I am one and am now 9 yrs sober. Don't let that stop you from seeking help.


Member: tonydaduck
Location: U.S.A.
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 7:43:00 AM

Comments

(((Catherine W.))) You wrote an excellant story about your "bottom"......very well written and i wish you the very best. However,in one sentence you wrote: at age 92 you were in and out of hospitals. At th risk of sounding negative, i feel a need to help you face reality........at age 92 one can expect frequent hospital visits!!!! L.O.L.


Member: ct
Location: england
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 10:50:59 AM

Comments


Member: Jan S
Location: Australia
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 11:20:21 AM

Comments

At my bottom, I actually felt quite sober. Like many people here, I felt I had a choice of either staying and getting sober or of dying and getting out of it all together. I really missed my Father, after he died, and felt I wanted to be with him - I missed him so much. What makes me laugh is that after having these thoughts, I rang a Helpline and was told there was a 2 week waitlist for the detox program (I had thought someone was just waiting to come and get you, once you admitted a problem!). The next best thing was an AA meeting some hours later. I had one friend left who got me through that waiting time. Perhaps more money is needed for this sort of thing? That was my bottom - deciding I'd rather die than carry on and quite calmly accepting that decision. Thought I would leave too much mess if I went then, so stayed on - and sober - haven't helped much and still thinking of opting out, but at least it's a rational decision this time.


Member: Jennie M
Location: Qld Australia
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 3:34:50 PM

Comments

Hi, Jennie Alcoholic here. Wecome Jan, good to see another Aussie here. I do believe we have to have more money spent on detox centres but lets hope the new budget takes that into consideration. I'm on the Gold Coast, if you need to talk to anyone please post back. There is some great love and hope and courage here. Have a great 24. God Bless.


Member: JIM H
Location: lebanon pa
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 5:17:45 PM

Comments

If you have to ask, you didn't hit it!!! You"ve hit bottom when you are willing to go through any length to get sober. Get real! You"re a drunk and you know it!


Member: Jan S
Location: Australia
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 7:54:15 PM

Comments

Jan, alcoholic, Thanks Jennie M - it's only been 6 months for me - I hope the Budget helps, but must say AA was more of a help to me anyway. I'm sure some of those programs are run by completely sober people who have no idea of the horrors of addiction. AA was wonderful - such a relief to walk through their doors and not have to try and "pretend" anymore (ie pretend everything is OK etc). I was surrounded by kindness and some women rang me that weekend to make sure I was alright. (It was a small group, so maybe I just got lucky, but most people at this room seem to have similar stories). I would say to anyone hitting their bottom and thinking they have no-one to talk to (perhaps you've alienated all your friends, or just don't want to "confess" to them), please ring AA. The people can be so warm and envelop you in that warmth - they have been there at the bottom themselves, and that's the difference. You don't have to pretend anymore, OR go into details of "just how bad" you are! Just fronting up is enough, and it's such a relief once you do!


Member: chris a
Location: michigan
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 9:41:42 PM

Comments

hello all good day to be sober


Member: jim m
Location: Arkansas
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 10:25:38 PM

Comments

hi all im jim and im an alcoholic and a drug addic... well hitting bottom is differant for everyone... my bottom was my screwed up life and loosing my job,wife,nearly my home,everything i have worked so hard for...ive been back in aa for almost 3 weeks now...im greatfull for all this things that have happend to me...it woke me up again...this is my second time in...i was sober allmost a year 8 years ago...i knew then i was a drunk and destoring my self...insanity... im like alot to weak to comite suicide but to strong to come back...well im back through finding my bottom again...i have found god again through working step 2...its the ralling point...for alot of us...knowing that we will be sane again..if we stay close to god... i got a dwi not long ago...ive been in and out of jail most of my life...i started smoking pot at the age of 10...ive never stoped till now... i still cant sleep night swetts..lol..we will make it though..me and god and my sponcer...thank god for aa and the people in it..u guys and gals know where i have been and can tell me how to get out...but i must do the foot work...imtrying to recover it will be a long road ahead...i try to keep myself close to god..he makes it ok in my heart and mind...as long as i dont take it back...its kind of funny i was in a metting tuesday night...there was a newcomer newer then me...we talked about 1,2,3...my sponcer said when do know its time to work 3???hes sponcer told him that when u hit bottom again its time...well i had hit bottom again the night before...funny thing about sponcers they know where u are without u asking...i guess he could see it in my eyes...all the feelings of guilt and FEAR were there again...the place i was trying to go away from was right back...well i started crying and told everybody i had been thinking of sucide again my wife wont come home, i had wanted to get drunk so bad that night...anything to change where i was...i made it through...thank god...god has made it a point to keep me very busy these last 3 weeks...im back working, paying my fines off,me and my wife are gana start dating again, trying to get to know each other again...my life is coming back toghter... thanks to the big book and u good people... and of course god most of all...working step 3 and 4 yesterday and today and probley a while...lots of stuff in here to find out about me...its been so long sence i knew me...im learning though...u must keep an open mind and god close to your heart...things will work out...may not be the way u want them but they will work out...i am becomeing greatfull more and more everyday...for the little things...like waking up...like being sober one more day..like for my wife leaving...like i said before thank god for aa i havent found it nesesary to drink today for that i am truly gretafull...thats all i got...thanks for letting me share...if anyone wants to write me they can find me at catfish@ezclick.net jim


Member: Robert J
Location: KS,USA
Date: 3/24/00
Time: 11:55:52 PM

Comments


Member: Heatherb
Location: Minnesota
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 8:07:48 AM

Comments

My name is heather and I'm an addict and an alcoholic. Like the topic. I got asked a lot - what made treatment different this time? To this day I don't know. I woke up one morning with a different outlok. Sometime during the night I had been touched by an angel. My God is loving and has intervened once or twice to help me keep my sobriety (since May 25, 1995) He once went so far as to have all my money stolen so I dould not easily get a drink. The next day I got a sweepstakes check in the mail for the same amount of money that was taken out of my purse the night before. It's one day at a time with God for me. I have loved each and every one of them. Bless you and keep coming back.


Member: lisa
Location: texas
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 9:49:04 AM

Comments

God I love Alcoholics Thanks everyone for sharing your experience, strength and hope with me and others that want it. To KAREN IN CAPE COD. I understand your questioning and lack of faith in anything but Alcohol/Drugs. I do have to ask though HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE ANY FAITH IN THE AA PROGRAM? Have you read these stories? Do you listen in meetings? These people are just like YOU and me. They have something that works better than Alcohol/drugs... Karen trust me when I say If this program did not work the same or better than alcohol I WOULD NOT BE HERE. I struggled with this reliance on AA for 7 years and was miserable( the emotional hell is enough for me)Then 4 years ago I got it what ever IT is that makes us stay and listen and then ACT our way to saner thinking. This program Works! It worked for me! It works for all the others here and in meetings.I wish you complete defeat soon and I hope you get a sponsor. Please keep coming back we need you as much as you may need us. Love Lisa


Member: Jenn P.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 9:56:22 AM

Comments

Jenn here- an aloholic who is happy joyous and free! I cannot tell you how uplifting all the posting are this week. i check in daily to read the new ones, and you guys make me cry with joy and gratitude for this god-given program. My life is so good one day at a time. My district is having a workshop today entitled "Fun & Fellowship: Circles of Love and Service". That's what brought me from my bottom, where I dreaded every day because I knew I would drink again and then I didn't know what would happen, to a place where I look forward to each day with joy and excitement. The love I was given in this program, and the service that keeps me sober and happy.Thank you for letting me share. Have a beautiful sober day!


Member: Tim
Location: Akron
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 11:22:22 AM

Comments

Tim, alcoholic. I once heard an old timer in the rooms say, "You've hit your bottom when you decide to stop digging." No amount of consequences (short of death) are enough to stop an alcoholic until a decision is made. We must come to a DECISION, when we truly believe, " I can no longer live like this. I will do whatever it takes to stay sober(I will go to any lengths). As we learn of the nature of our disease and the suggested program of recovery from it, we find that the strength to recover must come from a power greater than ourselves. I choose to call this power God. May you find him now.


Member: AL L
Location: Toronto
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 1:44:22 PM

Comments

I think it is important to remember that there is always a new and better bottom available to us. It is found at the end of our arm should we pick up a drink. If our last bottom was not good enough, no doubt the next will be even more impressive. The burning question is at what point does irreversable insanity or death limit ones ability to handle these "bottoms"? I sincerely doubt my physical and mental ability to "top my last act".


Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 2:19:20 PM

Comments

Hi,

I'm Mary and an alcoholic. I agree this is a good topic and I have enjoyed reading all the stories. I can relate to several of them, the ride in the cop car and bawling my eyes out because I was ashamed of myself and my behavior. I can relate to friends and relatives calling me a fat, sloppy drunk.

We have to make the decision that we are powerless over alcohol, because before that alcohol has the power over us.

Thank you to all of you who have shared in this topic, it's been one of the best.


Member: Roy S
Location:
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 4:09:48 PM

Comments

I , too, knew I had hit rock bottom when I was in the back of a police cruiser. I had had friends and family tell me I was drinking too much, killer hangovers, and other signs, but the police trip did it for me. Once I realized that if I did not get help that I would probably end up dead, it was obvious where I needed to go and what I needed to do. I'm just glad that AA was there to help. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: NorahC
Location: Ireland
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 5:30:44 PM

Comments

I`m Norah I`m an Alcoholic, sober today through the grace of God &AA a day at a time. I`v enjoyed the meeting, even the sniping it has helped me to look at me. Before I got on this programme, if I was put on a table in front of me I would not have recognised me. Having shared I`s & me`s, only that this is a WE programme, there is no way that the I in me would be sober today.My H.P looks after the I today. I only had to become willing. AA & my H.P. gave me back the deeds to my life. I know that alcohol will not get them today.It took my home, my family and almost my life, I`m left with the war wounds i.e. chronic heart disease and other disabilities. I thank God every day for the air I breathe. Counting my blessings today they would run off a foolscap page.For me : God will move my mountain as long as I keep digging with the Tools AA freely gave me. The 12 Steps. Some days I forget which Step I`m on, a long as I don`t go past the first part of the first one, I`m in with a chance, I don`t set out to hurt or harm anyone today, I`v caused enough of that in my drinking. I pray that I have helped break the chains that bound me and my family to alcohol and the isms of it.A DAY AT A TIME.

Thank you all for being there, without you and all AA`s I would`nt be here.


Member: Sarah
Location: NH
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 5:44:15 PM

Comments

Fred E. If you've not found it yet try http://www.ct-aa.org/

The listings are in the Meeting Info section.

Thanks to all for beautiful shares, haven't much time to visit this week, glad to read of so many blessings and remember my own.

Keep Coming, Keep Sharing, God Bless, S


Member: DANNY
Location: LAX
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 11:24:15 PM

Comments

WHEN IT STOP WORKING FOR ME (THE DRUGS THE DRINKING) AND I START WORKING FOR IT. WHEN MY WIFE KICKED ME OUT AND MY CHILDREN LOST ALL RESPECT FOR ME. WHEN I GOT TO A POINT WHERE I FELT NO LONGER EMPLOYABLE. THE WHEN THE BOTTOM FELL OUT. BUT TODAY THING ARE GETTING BETTER ONE DAY AT A TIME. AS LONG AS I STAY SOBER AND WORK THE STEP. ALL PRAISES TO GOD MY HIGHER POWER.

PEACE DANNY


Member: Eduardo G.
Location: New Orleans LA.
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 11:41:33 PM

Comments

Eduardo and I am an alcoholic and drug-addict. I knew I had hit bottom when I woke up the morning after I had tried to commit suicide (alcohol and drugs overdose). I did not die. I did not know why I did not die then (Sept-29 -96), today I know that a power greater than me kept me alive for me to tell my story. Today; I am grateful, I was unsuccessful with my suicide for I see and feel the blessings of my higher power in my life. Here I am sharing over the internet 3 and a half years later; fully alive, thankful and grateful working this program just for today because it is the only day a have in my life.Thank you all for letting me shared.


Member: Pete E
Location:
Date: 3/25/00
Time: 11:56:55 PM

Comments

Pete, alcoholic, CIS4, thanks for the topic. After being defeated by this illness again after a number of years of staying dry on my own and having been sucked back in to that seemingly inescapable vacuum of active alcoholism with even greater compulsion than ever, I was again forced by circumstances outside of my self to take a hard look at my situation. In a God-given moment of clarity, I realized that this was not a problem that I could simply "decide away". I knew that booze had taken hold of me again and, even if I was able to stop for awhile again, it would come back. I guess I finally understood that I was powerless over alcohol. I didn't know those words at that time, but that fact was finally clear to me, and I felt absolutely doomed. Thank God for AA and the freedom I've been given. Keep the faith, Pete


Member: Jan D.
Location: Texas
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 1:02:48 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Jan. I am a truly grateful alcoholic. My sobriety date is 3-31-96. And for that I am truly grateful. I hit bottom (again) almost 4 years ago. I knew I couldn't live with the large hole in my gut any longer. I knew I was tired of being sick and tired. I wanted the peace that I had known in AA before. See, I had started drinking again after 2 years of sobriety so I could have fun and join my friends. It was a living nightmare for 2 months. I thought I really wanted to die. My bottom 3-31-96 was when I was standing in a hotel bar at 10 a.m. wanting another margarita. That's when I knew I AM an alcoholic. Keep it simple and live one day at a time to its fullest.


Member: ANDY P.
Location: port orchard , washington.
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 2:05:18 AM

Comments

well i hit bottom when i realized that booze didn't work for me anymore. It seemed like it didn't matter how much i drank,I still felt totally screwed up.


Member: bob t.
Location: oakville, ont.
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 6:09:54 AM

Comments

i'm bob and among other things, an alcholic. i hit my bottom last weekend when i was out on a bender and ran out of beer and money. what better to do than rob the neighbourhood variety store. after i had done it , i called my sponsor and he came over, sobered me up a bit and convinced me to turn myself in. i'm out on $25,000 bail and im still not convinced i did the right thing by turning myself in. i know honesty is the key, but now i'm looking at doing 2 years federal time. this is the lowest i ever sank to get a drink. i would love input. glad to be here.


Member: Keith P
Location: Tasmania Australia
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 6:45:43 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Keith and i am an alcoholic. i live in Tasmania Australia.i started drinking when i was 16 years old drank 8 years nothing compared to a lot of people in AA but it was enough for me. ive been sober now for a bit over 20 years one day at a time and by the grace of god and to the tolerance of the fellow members of AA i have no words of great wisdom i would just like to say hi and hope you all have a good day.


Member: To: BOB T
Location: Ontario
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 9:02:40 AM

Comments

Bob T - Hi ! Welcome, come visit us at the Coffee Pot (scroll down below). You'll meet lots of positive people willing to help.


Member: Darren R
Location: Ingersoll,Ontario
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 5:17:23 PM

Comments

Bob.t You did the right thing turning yourself in. In the long run you will be a free man. In more ways than one


Member: kris r
Location: wv
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 6:26:04 PM

Comments

Hi. my name is kris and I am an alcoholic and addict. I have been in AA for almost 11 yrs. Last June I relapsed no reason other than I wanted to stop feeling again. BIG MISTAKE! I am fighting the urge to drink and I am using pot so I wont get into the alcohol. The insanity of this disease is astounding! I work and go to school plus have a son. I try really hard not to let my disease control me but just as the big book says controlled drinking just does not work for me. I am tired and scared, but there is something keeping me from the program.........Pride. I don't want to tell anyone I have went out again. I still go to meetings but I don't feel right talking and I don't know who to talk with about all this because I am scared. I can't believe I was stupid enough to start again. Too much to type so I will stop here. Thanks for listening. Kris


Member: Elizabeth E.
Location: Southeast USA
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 9:30:23 PM

Comments

hi, i'm an alcoholic, my name is elizabeth. I didn't know i was an alcoholic until i hit the rooms of alcoholic anonymous. all i knew was that something was terribly wrong with me. i was working on a job that paid good money but i still couldn't keep lunch money, cigarette money, gas money. at the end, instead of spending $130 on groceries for me, my husband and one child i was down to spending $50! and that is for a two week period. i was constantly going into extremes from rage to depression-never on the positive side. i spent a lot of time away from home-drinking of course. i tried time and time again to figure it out but i kept coming up zero because "surely it wasn't the alcohol-i had been drinking for 20 years! God blessed me with a girlfriend (former drinking buddy) that had been sober 2 years and kept asking me to come to meetings. well i finally went as "support" for her. i went to about four meetings in a two week period never admitting i was alcoholic. after those two weeks, i tried it again. AA and the 12 steps were for you, not for me. well, God let me see the whole turn of events. I just wanted to drink two quarts of beer and stayed away from home until 2 the next morning. I came into AA and picked up my one and only (by the Grace of God) white chip and been sober since July 17, 1993. Thanks for being here!


Member: Connie N
Location: Minnesota
Date: 3/26/00
Time: 10:09:38 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Connie and I'm an alcholic. Since I've only got 20 sober days under my belt, I find particular interest in this discussion about "how do you know if you hit bottom." My bottom wasn't like some people's, (gosh that looks funny in type)....but anyway, I don't have any DWI's, no major disasters...just life wasting away from me. My alcohol usage was getting worse as the years went on, and frankly life was beginning to get in the way. I'm 34 years old, and until this last stretch can't remember going more than a day without drinking for the past 7 or 8 years. I've been to four AA meetings so far (not counting the on-line meetings), and for the most part they've been wonderful---some of you people are so uplifting! You know at the beginning of the meeting when they recommend a person have six weeks of sobriety before becoming an official AA member? At my first meeting, I leaned over to my friend Paul and said "Do they have to be all in a row?" Gosh I thought I was witty. :-) But really, at the time I wasn't sure I could do it. Thank you all for your stories---I know that with your continued help and the Grace of God I'll make it. And you know what I'm looking forward to the most? Sitting on the deck this summer with my four year old eating an ice cream cone and not wishing it was a beer.

Take care, and God Bless. Connie


Member: skywriter
Location: northern alberta
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 12:31:39 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Doug and I am an alcholic. Well it has benn almost nine months clean and sober and the fog is starting to lift. Hitting rock bottom is something I do not wish on any one in the whole world. My bottom was on July 11 when I completely went over the bend and went completely frigging nuts included assulting my wife and scaring the hell out my poor children and having the neighbors wanting to kill me and the police wanted me in the slammer. But for the grace of God I only pushed my wife out the door but I think that was it for her she had enough of the crap and mental abuse that she could take. I had to go to a dry out place for three weeks while she filed the divorce and that was it if i didn't stay sober i would never see my children. Well i learn the hardway and lost the most beautiful pereson in the world and i thought i was going to die. But thanks to God and my many new freinds of A.A. I am able to get better on day at a time and I get my kids every second weekend and now they run to me instead of away from me. And as what you had said connie I know it will be cool to sit at the lake with the kids have an icecream instead and fish instead of drinking Hang in there things will get better Later freinds

peace Doug


Member: Camo
Location: deep South
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 8:20:11 AM

Comments

Hi y'all! There's a song with the line "sometimes it seems like the bottom is the only place I been". That pretty well summed up most of my drinking career. I am a retread in the program, but the bottom I pray was my last came when I quit being scared that I would get killed or do myself in, and started being scared that I might actually live a long time feeling the way I did. My last conscious thought at nights then was "dear God, just don't let me live through the night to wake up again".

I am grateful that today I do not have to feel like that. Some days are good, some are really awful, but I am given hope in this program. Just passed the 21 month marker and thanking God for every 24hours in that time.


Member: Bob T
Location: Ontario
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 8:32:53 AM

Comments

good message camo from the south.there are many days i don't want to get out of bed out of fear of being a failure. i to am a retread. i can feel your pain from the past and your happiness now. keep coming back buddy.


Member: Andrew C
Location: London, England
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 11:41:08 AM

Comments

It's good to read all your comments - I have had many many up's and down's in my short time around but I have never had to wake up and say to myself "what have I done" that feeling of hopelessness and terror really is unforgettable and please god I'll never experience it again. I can clearly remember waking up after my last "mission" and saying "please no more" Over six years have passed and, by doing what AA suggests I have stayed sober through thick and thin. Very sadly my mother passed away on new years eve just gone and I stayed sober throughout. Because of AA I made amends to my mum and I could be there for her during her final days and months. AA is a truly great organisation and although it's tough at the moment I have to be grateful for all I have been given.


Member: Double Post
Location:
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 11:59:27 AM

Comments

bob t. Chris here, an alcoholic. Here's a bit of my experience, strength, and hope ;)

If you want a shot at a life of happiness, joy, and freedom, you have come to the right place. Nobody said this is easy, just that this simple program works when we work it. You've taken the first step to go through the problem and not around it! Congratulations! All it takes is an honest desire to stay sober (a day at a time), read the big book, get a sponsor, do the steps, and go to meetings.

This program has worked for me and for many, many others too.

All I can tell you is you can make it, and it does get better!

((Blessings))


Member: Jennie M
Location: Qld Australia
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 4:29:37 PM

Comments

Hi, Jennie Alcoholic here. Bob T, that was a very courageous thing to do - handing yourself in - the consequences will take care of themselves because God is on YOUR side. You sound like you really want sobriety and by being rigoursly honest as you have been you will make it. This disease is so deadly to us - once again congratulations. Keith from Tassie, welcome, it is good to see a post from close to home. I am in sunny Queensland and it is raining! Are you coming to our 2000 convention? Have a sober 24 everyone and God Bless.


Member: Alcoholic, Eric
Location: Virginia
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 10:31:07 PM

Comments

I was at rock bottom when I came to my first meeting after trying all of the "normal" ways to quit or control my drinking. I remained there , and kept coming to meetings for about two years, still unable to stop drinking, but not fighting the urge as hard, because I was beginning to believe that I had a disease, and I merely did not want to take the daily treatment. On January fourth, 2000, everything I had heard came together. Almost 90 days and about 200 meetings later, I have not had to take a drink since then. "sometimes slowly" Question: How long do you have to keep going to meetings? Answer: Until you want to. ewr


Member: the masses
Location: waiting not so patiently
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 10:34:48 PM

Comments

WAKEY WAKEY TECH ITS A NEW WEEK!


Member: Jason D
Location: Ma.
Date: 3/27/00
Time: 11:23:46 PM

Comments

Hi My name is Jason and I am a Alcoholic The topic is how did I know when I hit bottom. The past five yaers of my drinking was all a bottom. I can remember going to the package store telling people that I had to quit and come walking out with a case of hydrolic sandwitches. I would drink at the bar and not talk to anybody stuck in my own head. But the iceing on the cake was when I cheaked myself into a mental hospital for treatment beacause I was seeing things that did not exsist. my emotions whrer out of controll and I could not think. Somehow I drove to my fathers place of bussiness and was takin to the emergancy room of the hospital. I did not feel human and everybody was talking in some language or code. I knew I needed some help. So thats my bottom. Today I am celebrating three year of sobrity and I am able to hold a full time job and keep a place of my own. So if your having doubts about AA just keep going to meetins, and don't give up. I am greafull for the life that AA has given me.


Member: Danie B.
Location: Quebec
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 12:03:52 AM

Comments

Hello, I'm Danie and I still don't feel comfortable saying that I am an alcoholic. Perhaps I'll come to terms with it someday. This is my fourth day without a drink. That might not seem very significant to most of you, but I can't remember the last time I didn't have a drink for four days.

I've known for a long time that I drink too much but always convinced myself that it's because I socialize a lot. In the past months, I've been drinking just as much at home and cocktail hour has been getting earlier and earlier in the day. (I work at home.) A typical day is getting a beer early afternoon and not stopping until the wee hours of the morning. Of course, the next day I feel hungover and can't motivate myself to work. On those days I would never want a drink, so I only drank every second day. Lately that has changed as well. I started to believe in the "hair of the dog that bit you".

I began to take this problem seriously about a month ago when I drove home so drunk I could barely see where I was going. In the cold light of day, I couldn't believe I had done such a thing. It scared me. So I started taking a cab out. Last Thursday, I came home to my husband late, and so drunk, depressed, etc. that I said terrible things to him. The next morning I realized that drinking had begun to change my personality and was affecting my emotions and judgment. I called AA. I haven't been to a meeting yet. (I still didn't know I was an alcoholic, only that I wasn't very good at stopping before I got drunk.) Instead I looked for on-line meetings and found this site.

I'm almost convinced now that my problem is a serious one. REASON: I haven't had a drink in four days and I crave it so much that it's testing my willpower. It's almost as bad as when I tried to quit smoking. This was a real revelation for me. I didn't expect this.

Sorry for talking for so long, and thank you for listening. If anyone knows a good reason why "live" meetings would be more beneficial than on-line meetings or chats, please let me know.

Danie


Member: Keith p                
Location: tasmania australia
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 12:46:31 AM

Comments

hi my names keith i'm an alcoholic the day i reached rock bottom was the day i realised i couldn't live with the booze and i couldn't live without it there wasn't a future for me which ever way, or so i thought . Besides the booze had stopped giving me the magic glow. The booze had sent me nuts .i had heard of aa in my geograpicals .i rang aa desperate for help. A little fellow came round to see me. i was lucky he was straight to the point and suggested if i wanted to try and do something about drinking and my self he would meet me at the meeting the next night. At my first meeting i wasn't real well but i knew i was home .although being sober hasn't been easy at times it shore beats the hell out of being drunk .i know where i've been and what i have done and i enjoy a life i could never imagined when i was drinking i hope jan s (aus) is still doing fine hi jennie m (qld aus )nice to here from you i don't think i be would able to get to the convention. i'll leave that one up to the higher power. Hope it has stopped raining in the sunshine state. Until next time thanks every one god bless


Member: Robert G.
Location: Arizona
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 1:43:48 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Robert and I am an alcoholic. I knew I hit bottom when I saw how I let down some people I barely knew, that let me in to their house, cooked and cleaned and cared for me. Sure I have let down family and friends

before but these people were different , they were like me, alcoholics and addicted. There is nothing more pathetic than a heartbroken alcoholic. I should know because I am one

right now or have been one.That hurt me enough to start working "my" program. And with that I will pass.


Member: Mark P.
Location: Vancouver, Canada.
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 3:11:19 AM

Comments

My name is Mark and I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous... My first bottom was spending some time in a remand center for assalt... My thoughts were, what's a nice guy like me doing in a place like this. Four months later, realizeing I wasn't an "alcoholic" I went back drinking. However... I continued to attend live meetings when sober, until I heard the word "yet" and got honest enough with myself to see some similarities instead of only the differences.I then was able to see that alcoholism is a disease and I have it...Back to meetings and no more booze...Then the "place"...I couldn't imagine life with a drink or without one. I could live no more. "Acceptance" of my humbled condition...100% Acceptance of step one began my adventure to freedom and happiness...I love my life today, but I know I can't keep it without giving it away with a sponsor,homegroup and lots of live meetings so we can see the life and truth in each others eyes...Thank God for you all and A.A. After more than 8 years and 5 months of just for today this is my first non-live meeting...might try again some day.


Member: Chris S.
Location: Kansas City, Mo.
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 3:28:53 AM

Comments

My first time through "the doors" was a nudge from the judge, so were my second and third.That still wasn't enough,however I believe that at that first meeting, step one started working me although I wasn't ready to work it. It was four years, three jobs, three cars, and many resentments later that on the night I had been freed from house arrest that I sat alone in a bar, not fifty feet from the AA group I was "forced" to go to, when I asked the bartender to call me a taxi(because I was to drunk to walk four blocks home)and she rolled her eyes at me and said that I would never get a cab there at 2:30, that I realized how pathetic and alone I had become. It finally sunk in that "it always gets worse, never better". The taxi came, I went home, thought about my revelation for two days and went back to that group, tail between my legs, this time with a TRUE desire to stop drinking. By the grace of God and AA I have not had a drink since may 30 1997. My name is Chris I am a greatfully recovering alcoholic.


Member: Bill Th.
Location: Central Texas
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 6:26:22 AM

Comments

HI I am Bill T a recovering alcoholic who can't spell and would really like to go to sleep.

It is 5:00 in the morning (central standard time). I prefer face to face meetings.

I'll go to my home group later today and talk about it.

I wish you all well

Goodnight


Member: Joe R
Location:
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 8:22:15 AM

Comments

Cyber Techs...What is the problem? Why can't you guys clear the week out when it ends. WE ARE SICK OF THIS TOPIC!

NEW TOPIC: Let's discuss "losses" in and out of sobriety and how we have handled them.


Member: Tom S
Location: Holt, Michigan
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 8:45:53 AM

Comments

The greatest loss I have experienced is the trust of my daughter and my wife. I recently relapsed after almost a year of sobriety and it brought back all of the shame, humiliation, etc. I am now back in AA on a regular basis, reading the Big Book as much as I can and trying to be completly honest with myself. I am an alocholic and can never have another drink again. It hurts very much to know that I have hurt my family again and now it is up to me to pick up all the pieces.


Member: tonydaduck
Location: USA
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 8:56:31 AM

Comments

My bottom came when i gazed down the end of the bar and saw a man i knew well.He was a very succesful business man and looked as if he fell on extremly hard times.He had a soiled and tattered topcoat on.It seemed like only yesterday hee looked healthy and prosperous.i recall,a "spiritual-awakening"?,making a plea to god: "please god....not me!" It was very soon after that plea,along with other influencing factors,that i drank what i hope is my last drink.


Member: tonydaduck
Location: USA
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 9:03:12 AM

Comments

I'd like now to write about the many "GAINS" i derived from sobriety.: 1) My SELF respect 2) emotional growth 3) feeling close to god 4)general good physical health 5) the ability to love others 6) the,ongoing,ability to know myself 7) the opportunity to pursue my interests 8) the frequent brush with serenity 9) the frequent feelings of gratitude


Member: Kathy
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 9:14:27 AM

Comments

new week and no one here? How about acceptance of where you are? I've been looking for a job for about 6 months and haven't found one in my field. Then I get in the poor me's and I don't want it to lead to pour me a drink. I'm having a hard time accepting the situation.


Member: Joe R
Location:
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 11:17:36 AM

Comments

Excuse me Kathy from NY...but I did pick a new topic (if you will note my posting). Acceptance is the topic du jour on this site is discussed almost every other week. Not that acceptance isn't a good topic because it is, but can we please get on to some real life topics, like the one I suggested?


Member: Frustrated Too
Location:
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 11:29:45 AM

Comments

Kathy, I can relate to where you are at. I have a job and cannot wait to get another. My work situation is so bad that I wake up every morning and hate every day. I am working with some cruel people and wish they'd just disappear. I am interviewing too. I have had so many near jobs that got my hopes up only to not pan out. Don't feel that just because you don't have a job, you are miserable. I have one and hate every day. I am having to pray all the time for serenity and daily and hourly on how to deal with nearly senile people with terrible ethics. I wish they'd just have strokes, and then when I think that, I have to counter it with prayers for the sobs. The prayers for these people are hard, and I have been loosing my faith in God, and my pitty pot isn't helping matters. I keep trying to interview and do everything I can to get out, but it just isn't happening on my timeline. My anger is high, and the only thing I can say is, "mean people suck!" So far I have been standing my ground with these jerks too, without blowing my top, but it is getting harder. I know I have to leave, and that ANGER is one thing in the big book that is called FATAL to alcoholics. All I can tell you is that this program does work, one day at a time, and there is no situation that a drink can't make worse. I am having to remember this too, while I find reasonable ways to vent my frustration without causing additional harm, which is just not easy.

Easy does it but do it! Meetings help too.

Keep coming back, and stay sober, I know it will get better on the other side, it always does, but it just isn't happening on my time right now!


Member: Shannon S.
Location: Southern California
Date: 3/28/00
Time: 1:05:00 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Shannon and I am an alcoholic. Today I have 6 years and one day of sobriety. I just wanted to thank my higher power, my sponsor and other alcoholics everywhere. Best wishes and gratitude to you all.