Member: Donna R
Location: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 9:02:12 AM
Seen a member drinking alcohol and when he came to a meeting he acted and talked as if he had remained sober. Do I say any thing to him or the group ??
Member: Shelli
Location: Oregon
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 9:28:17 AM
First off, the topic I get from your share, is are we working the program in all of our affairs and "walking the walk". I guess if you sit and watch, he'll either come clean or he'll dissapear, hopefully getting back when ready.This program for me has always been clear in that I have to do it all, read the book, pray and meditate, reach out, go to meetings , work the steps..each time I've tried to leave even one thing out, I lose some quality to my sobriety and eventually have to look inside to see what I've left off. The payoff for FULLY committing to this program is limitless and worth every bit of the effort. Thanks for letting me share. Shelli
Member: Pat H.
Location: No. Va.
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 9:31:35 AM
The ONLY requirement for membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking. If he is still active,that is not to say he doesn't meet our requirement. Remember he is on;ly fooling himself. We don't call this disease cunning baffling and powerful for nothing. I have been in this situation where somebody was active and lying about it, more than once. Usually they made it after some little time. I would never say anything in a meeting. I don't feel confrontation is the answer. Have some faith in the program.
Member: Bruce N
Location: Houston Tx
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 11:15:29 AM
Bruce here, an alcoholic. Good subject to address as it hits at the core of some of the principles and values I've come to learn in the program. I personally have found it necessary to have healthy people hold me accountable for my actions. The best feedback I have been given (or have given to someone) comes in the for of experience,strength and hope. If someone during a meeting turned to me and said "I know you've been lying about your drinking and I think you should stop doing that", I would probably tell them to put it where the sun don't shine. But if, after the meeting was over, one or two members asked to speak to me about the experience they have had and the outcome they've experienced in that area it would seem to me I would be able to here their concern a bit more and not just want to rebel. The group(s) have loved me back to health and I feel it is my reponsibility to return the favor. God Bless......
Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 11:45:13 AM
Kim V here alcoholic. I don't think anyone trying to fool themselves will make it however I know what shame feels like. I think it is terrific that this person made it back to another meeting. I believe sharing concerns with someone on a one on one basis. Telling that person that you care and are concerned and that you understand their shame and pain and want them to know that you are there for them if they need you. Maybe mention that you know the group wouldn't think any less of them if they CHOSE to confide in the group. This MUST be their decision as we are not taking their inventory. Lets share our support when another member has fallen. We need to be supportive. thanks for letting me share. I also wonder how you know for sure this person was drinking and are not just assuming. thanks for letting me share.
Member: kimberley
Location: seattle
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 1:33:44 PM
hi kimberley recoverig alcolic, i see it as principles before personalities in other words myob, until this person is honest with her self it will be to no avail , she is right where she is suppose to be in a meeting, its very dangerous ground when we start working others people programs for them our primary purpose is to stay soer and to help other alcholics achieve sobriety, that all we dont baysit anyone, there is a progar called alanon, for people with problem caused by others peoples drinking, the traditions of aa keep me minding y own business the steps and hp keep me sober, as it says no human power could have relieved our alcholism but god could and would if he were sought.
Member: davez
Location: berkleymi
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 1:57:10 PM
Great topic, because I was that person. But I kept coming back and was always accepted, and soon was tired of letting myself and others down, and after awhile, accepted it. ><
Member: Rita
Location: Manitoba
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 2:47:53 PM
hello everyone. great comments. i really heard the love and principles.. in all of them. people truly caring and concerned, and working the program. i remember feeling shocked the first time i saw a man drunk at a meeting.. it was confusing to me, he never interupted or caused the meeting any problems, but other times i have seen drunks getting escorted out the door and babysat till the meeting was over. it was a most excellent 12 step for me..and i got to be reminded first hand "what it was like" its a good feeling to see the person as a human being who is worthy of love and caring and humane treatment,,just because they are alcoholic, does not mean they are garbage(by the grace of god only that was me!) and its not good for me to stinky think' about anyone..or judge anyone, and aa taught me that. And more importantly i must always remember that 'no human power could relieve my alcoholism...and god could and would if he were sought..so it is with the struggling drunk...i don't know what god will do with him, he may die drunk, he may get sober, he may become the queen of england..but if we neglect our fellows we are sure to suffer" in meetings i have heard people ask "why is it that some of us get it and some of us die? how come? why? why oh why? and right after the meeting there's a newcomer standing at the door looking lost and afraid with no one to talk to..ready to bolt..selfishness can kill us, god makes that possible...just look at the state of the nations today all as a direct result of selfishness and ignorance. In aa i get a brief time out from all of it..and i don't want to bring the same attitude i had in the world into my spiritual haven. thanx for letting me share
Member: Rod R.
Location: Vancouver
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 3:16:04 PM
Hi all...great reading this am....I would hat with the person outside the meeting and ask if there was anything I could do to help him/her with the program....being very non judgemental yet honest. The seed of sobriety is there...we must collectively nuture it. All the best to you and yours..one day at a time..
Member: Judy L
Location: New York
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 3:30:23 PM
I could be that person. Last night I bought 4 beers and drank 2 of them.> They did nothing for me all I felt was bloated, disgust and disappointment. I went to a meeting tonight and didn't say anything. I was foolishly hoping that someone would come over to me and ask what was wrong.. (Like they saw me buying the beers) I know I should share this at a meeting but I've had so many slips I don' t think anyone takes me seriously. What do I do?
Member: Catherine M
Location: Berkeley
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 3:55:44 PM
Hi there. I'm new to this...friday was my bday & I haven't had a drink since then...I REALLY want to quit, but I must say I am terrified of attending an AA meeting, mainly because of the situation that Judy described. But it is heartening to read that there are others out there who slip & go back & try again. If the effort & desire to quit is there (especially after a slip)then you should be taken seriously, by yourself as well as your fellow group members right? Thank you all for sharing.
Member: David H
Location: NAshville TN
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 4:31:35 PM
It takes what it takes. I know when I first started going to meetings, I tried the marijuana maintenance program, picking up chips but while still smoking pot. It didnt work. After I went back to drinking for another 7 years, I was told in treatment I had to get honest. But I had to try everything my way first. Now I have over 4 years of real sobriety from working a real program. Thank you AA.
Member: David H
Location: NAshville TN
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 4:54:25 PM
It takes what it takes. I know when I first started going to meetings, I tried the marijuana maintenance program, picking up chips but while still smoking pot. It didnt work. After I went back to drinking for another 7 years, I was told in treatment I had to get honest. But I had to try everything my way first. Now I have over 4 years of real sobriety from working a real program. Thank you AA.
Member: Rod R.
Location: Vancouver
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 5:04:40 PM
To Judy L. Share how you feel and tell them the truth....you will be surprised at the compassion and the help that is forthcoming....don't drink and go to meetings....this is a me program...don't dwell on what other might ot might not think...your life depends on how you work this simple and honest program...
Member: Rod R.
Location: Vancouver
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 5:04:45 PM
To Judy L. Share how you feel and tell them the truth....you will be surprised at the compassion and the help that is forthcoming....don't drink and go to meetings....this is a me program...don't dwell on what other might ot might not think...your life depends on how you work this simple and honest program...
Member: Rarely
Location: Winnipeg. Can.
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 7:32:38 PM
Boy what great and careing shares, Before I came to A.A. I was the boot"legger, and drug pusher. There was no A.A. in my home town, and people came from 50 miles away on Sunday night to hold meetings in my joint (home) During the mgt. a knock would come on the door and I would sell a couple of bottles and go back to the mgt. At three months I stood at the turning point...boot"leg or stay sober, When I was about one year sober knowing that you can't con a con I asked those people who came 50 miles one way to hold mgt. in my house if they knew that I was boot"legging when I first sobered up....they said yes but we also knew you where sober... The greatest gift those people gave me was that they never judged me for what I had done, what I had become, or what I was. They just excepted me for staying sober one day at a time. On April 05 this year I will be 30 years sober, Im very active in the program. But I don't know if I could work with some one who is still boot"legging.....Like they did with me. MAN THATS A LOT OF LOVE THAT I GOT FROM THOSE ALCOHOLICS
Member: Ed Z.
Location: Ohio
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 9:00:02 PM
Hello, Ed Z. alcoholic. There for the grace of God go I. The only thing I know for sure I would do is thank God it was not me drinking. I would like to say to Donna from Winipeg all kinds of noble words about the program of another. Truth is in a similiar situation years ago I let the other person find their honesty. The only person I can get sober is me. My honesty about the booze is owned by me. I did say something to my sponsor but not who. To thine own self be true. My ankles are swollen the size of softballs or I'd be at a meeting now. I will and do take practically any medicine given to me by my physicician with his or her DEA drug enforcement agency number on the bottle. Either M.D.'s way or don't see and pay them. Tomorrow a medical doctors visit occurs. Today, I believe an AA member drinking is not wonderful but similiar to alley trash, lightning storms and severe cold weather. God loves everyone who can read this. Take care extended family.
Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 3/16/2003
Time: 10:58:23 PM
Hi i`m Jeff an alcoholic. When i was a young boy (to little to be left alone) my father took me along to AA meeting when mom was working, i remember meeting a guy by the name of Bob & his alanon wife, who became good friend of our family. As the years went by & i found myself at those AA meeting too, i was floored one nite to find out ol` Bob never did quit drinking all those years. One nite at a meeting when Bob & i was the only ones to show up, we talked about this battle that Bob has had all these years, i told him that we could go to meetings together every nite if he wanted too & if there was anything that i could do to help him i sure would. Bob thanked me. He said that when he went to a meeting, that was one hour that he didnt have to take a drink. I still don`t understand to this day how he could do that for 30 years or more. Then one day my mom called & told me that ol` Bob died last nite.... he died sober, he hadn`t had drink for about a week, his wife told my mom it was the best week they had for a long time. This taught me one thing about the people who still suffer.... & that is not to give up on them, some day they just might make it. It took 30 years but Bob got what he wished for... he died sober.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 12:44:17 AM
HI All.. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. Over the years I have seen quite a few "wet" drunks come into these rooms. As long as they are not abusive or disruptive, I just let them be. We cannot reason with many who are still drinking. Someone may try to approach the person (If their own house is in order) and chat some about recovery in simple terms. You will know in a few minutes if you are getting through or not. The bottom line is this and nothing more.... If someone wants to drink, that is their business. It is when they decide they do not want to drink is when it becomes our business. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. AA does not provide the initial motivation. That must come from the individual themselves. The first Step reminds me that I am powerless over alcohol. Mine and everyone else's Thanks for being a part of my sobriety today Bill....email.... az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Steve H
Location: Guernsey C.I.
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 4:20:33 AM
Steve H here, alcoholic, i would speak very calm to this member,but, be careful you don`t put your soberity in the firing line, I`ve been in the same situation as you and ended up on a 6 month bender, luckly my HP pulled me out of it and I`ve now been sober since 01/03/03,use your HP, and be careful, thanks for letting me share, Steve
Member: joe s.
Location: Michigan Rezdog
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 10:30:07 AM
joe, alcoholic. i was the "keep coming back" guy until someone told me i could be the "keep staying" guy. i would rather see people at meetings than not at all. tolerance ... the lowest form of acceptance. my sponsor tells me if i'm looking for an alcoholic to work on, go to the nearest mirror. today i can accept my brothers and sisters for who they are, not what i would like them to be.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 10:43:19 AM
Hi, Kelly an alcoholic. I can not put it any better than AZbill did. Words of wisdom for sure. I see my share of wet drunks too and gave someone a ride home last night that stopped for milk and came out with a six pack. I was not mad because he said he was court ordered to go to meetings because of a DWI. He is not ready. I have others that are not honest about their drinking and I just stay away from them. You can't reason with a drunk! Try using that person as a power of example of what you don't want to go back to. I am powerless over alcohol, mine and everyone elses. Amen. Kelly
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 10:46:26 AM
Craig, here another "real" alcoholic (page 21). Six months into AA, I made the decision to "dabble" in drugs again. I was quickly out of control, but I still went to meetings. A home group member took one look at me and said "you look like hell". I stopped going to meetings after that and I eventually put alcohol back into the mix and damn near killed myself. Today, I see that member helped me reach my bottom. I sponsored a guy for awhile who said he wanted the program, but couldn't stop drinking. My sponsor asked me to stop enabling. He said I was doing harm by allowing this guy to believe he was in the fellowship while he had not gotten to the first step. I told my sponsee I was happy to remain his friend and he should get to more meetings, but he was not ready for the steps. Ultimately I can only be responsible for my own recovery and my own relationship with God. Today, in these situations and all things I ask God first, talk to others and wait to see what resolution God presents.
Member: Gayle C.
Location: Taunton, MA
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 1:49:32 PM
Gayle-Recovering Alcoholic No, my experience has been that principal or personality has been the greatest teacher. Preamble states a desire to stop drinking, we need to remember those who have a desire, but can't seem to put the cork in the bottle. Love and tolerance is our code. I have been in that similar situtation...I just gave her a big hug and said keep coming.....she did and has been sober a few years now.
Member: Tammy B
Location: Salinas, CA
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 2:40:38 PM
Hi, My name is Tammy and I am an Alcoholic. Everyone works there program how they are going to work it. It took me from September of 1988 to February of 1989 to stay sober. I was in so much pain and I was 17 years old. I didn't want to let it go. Eventually the pain won and I was able to get sober. I liked what everybody has had to say. Thank you all for listening.
Member: Norm F.
Location: Columbia, SC
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 2:40:50 PM
I'm Norm and I am alcoholic. The next time I was at a meeting with that person, I would bring up the topic of honesty. Love being sober.
Member: alcoholic carolyn
Location: south east USA
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 4:17:41 PM
alcoholic carolyn here - have not read in my big book that one should check up on anothers drinking or their honest - seems those are things one should ckeck on in there own 10 step.
Member: Stephen.Mac
Location: Scotland
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 4:40:36 PM
Stephen recovering alcoholic from Scotland.This topic highlights the one demand of the program and that is the ability to be rigouresly honest with OURSELVES.Honesty was not one of my strong points and only when i was completly broken emotionaly spiritually did I decide to get honest.Help is at hand in A.A all any of us needs to do is ask.Glad to be online and sober
Member: siobhan c.
Location: washington
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 5:21:56 PM
siobhan, alcoholic. the only thing any one of us can do in a situation where we know someone is still drinking is sit back and be available, while working our own program. as long as we are there for others, either in aa mtgs or online or as a friend, we are doing our part. we cannot force sobriety on anyone. those in alanon can vouch for that fact. it is a good sign that that person did return to aa even after drinking. all we can do is be available to those who seek our help. also, hearing about this person helps me by reminding me how easy it is to reach for that next drink,whether or not i take that drink is up to me. however, knowing that i won't be kicked out or have the additional shame of someone else bringing up my shortcomings in a public (more or less) forum brings me some comfort. keep in mind the serenity prayer: the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, and wisdom to know the difference. i cannot change another persons life or habits, only mine. i have to focus on the things in life that i have control over. if we start managing other peoples lives, who is going to manage our own? it is hard enough, for me at least, to make sure i am honest with myself and those i love and respect. i cannot be the watchdog for someone elses honesty or lack of it. what i can do is be ready when and if they need me for support. thanks for letting me share. god bless.
Member: Angie
Location: Austin
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 7:22:32 PM
Hi! Angie, Recovering Alcoholic. I was also that person who drank and went to meetings. It was called denial and desparation. I wanted to be sober but I couldn't see live without drinking. I watched people change while they worked the Steps, etc. I had to see it to believe it. Maybe he does too. The point has been well made that the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. AA was the only place I felt safe for a long time. I did not go to meetings drunk, but I did not tell anyone I was drinking. I didn't get sober one minute before I was ready. Either he will get sober or he won't. Sounds cold, but it is a fact...Thanks for my sobriety...
Member: Debbie Magill
Location: N.Y.
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 9:22:46 PM
Hi, Deb Recovering Alcoholic. I wouldn't say anything, They will learn sooner or later the hard way or the easy way. I am sober for 5 yrs now & many of times wanted to give in but didn't thank God. Take care of yourself. Thank You.
Member: Tom A.
Location: Land of Lincoln
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 11:25:11 PM
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO EXEPT THE PEOPLE I CANNOT CHANGE,COURAGE TO CHANGE THE ONES I CAN, AND WISDOM TO KNOW ITS ME TOM
Member: Tom A.
Location: Land of Lincoln
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 11:25:46 PM
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO EXEPT THE PEOPLE I CANNOT CHANGE,COURAGE TO CHANGE THE ONES I CAN, AND WISDOM TO KNOW ITS ME TOM
Member: Ron L.
Location: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: 3/17/2003
Time: 11:51:53 PM
THERE IS NOTHING SO SAD AS AN ALCOHOLIC WITH A HEAD FULL OF A.A. AND A BELLY FULL OF BEER.
Member: tom A.
Location: land of lincoln
Date: 3/18/2003
Time: 12:10:30 AM
to:Judy L.from new york stop taking sobriety lost its priorty so litely
Member: Melanie
Location: Akron, OH, USA
Date: 3/18/2003
Time: 12:12:18 AM
Hi, I'm Melanie an alcoholic. The only time I would mention this to the person is if I feel close with that person. I would say privately that I wish he would call me anytime he feels like taking a drink, let him know I care and will be there for him to talk to. JUDY--talk with your sponsor or any close friend in the group if you are uncomfortable with the whole group. I had a sponsee who took 6 months to get sober. I talked with her anytime she wanted more AA to work on until she got well. She has moved on, but now has 4 or 5 years sober. It can happen for you if you keep trying. CATHERINE M.--Don't be afraid! We were all new and scared once. Go to a meeting. You will find love and guidance like you never imagined. We are a bunch of drunks like you who understand and will show you the way! Love and blessings to everyone.
Member: srikanth
Location: Bahrain
Date: 3/18/2003
Time: 4:33:40 AM
This reminded me of myself in my first days of soberity. All I can say is, to tell the an active alcoholic who attends meetings to "keep coming back", and if he does, he will grow in the programme, just as countless others have. Srikanth, Bahrain
Member: Brenda Mc
Location: Winnipeg
Date: 3/18/2003
Time: 12:49:45 PM
Hi: I needed to read this. I am sponsoring a newcomer who just can't seem to stay sober. I know she is making excuses. I get frustrated and after reading this realize that I just have to keep loving her -- no matter what! Thanks
Member: Greg K
Location: Illinois
Date: 3/19/2003
Time: 1:45:42 AM
Hello everyone my name is Greg and I am a spirtually enritched recovering alcoholic. For myself in the beginning I had no Idea what to do with myself. Alcohol was my answer for everything good, bad, or indifferent. My first year of sobriety was an emotinal roller coaster. I recall one particular day I spent about 3 hours on the toilet. Not that my plumbing was messed up or anything its just that I knew if I got up I was headed for the liquor store. I really had no idea how to make the pain go away, (I wanted a drink). So I sat there until the pain subsided and my head cleared a fraction and I then made a phone call and got to a meeting. This is just one example of how insane I was. I have many others. It wasn't until I started working the steps and cleaning house that little by little the cravings and and squirrelly thinking started to minimize. Now 7 and 1/2 years later I almost never crave a drink. I would say on the average of about twice a year a random thought enters or a situation comes up thats triggers a response. I accept this as for many years I had made drinking my lifestyle and just as a pleasant spring morning or the smell of rain in the air will trigger an old memory so will life's events trigger something from my alcoholic past. I find that this will generally occur when my spiritual cup is low and I have been lazy in my recovery. My recovery is proactive. I do the work to get the results. I am often amazed at how many different ways god can speak to me if I am listening. Everything from people to bumper stickers. Today it is easier for my support group is so much larger than I could ever have expected. When I was drinking I could count my friends on one hand. I knew of alot of people but only about 5 friends. Today only 1 of those people still interacts with me. That is not to say I don't have friends now. My support team are my friends and let me tell you I have a rather large support team. All in all AA and 9 different churches are represented in my support group. I am having the time of my life. To say it is easier to stay sober is an understatment for me. God granted me the serenity today. It is still one day at a time.
Member: Roy S.
Location: Bangor, PA
Date: 3/19/2003
Time: 11:02:19 AM
Hi, Group. I'm Roy, an alcoholic. I think this is a good topic to really illustrate the way that AA can help those who are suffering from this disease. I just joined AA, but from the two meetings that have been to, I have come to understand the incredible amount of caring and compassion AAers share. There is so much support shared between members. At last night's meeting, one fellow said that he had a really bad day; the urge to drink hit "like a ton of bricks". Several members offered phone numbers, saying "call me when you have that feeling". I think the thing to do in the situation mentioned is to talk to the person; tell them that you are concerned, and offer your phone number. We can only beat this addiction with the help of others, we know that we are powerless by ourselves.
Member: carmen j
Location: brookhaven pa
Date: 3/19/2003
Time: 1:55:24 PM
go to meetings get a sponsor get involved get in service keep coming back it works if you work it peace everyone stay healthy
Member: glen c.
Location: boston
Date: 3/19/2003
Time: 5:11:23 PM
i know that if i cant help an alcoholic i wont hurt one .i would simply talk with this person and tell him if i can help him in anyway to get in touch with me by phone or b4 or after a meeting. and what i've also learned never look down on an alcoholic because someday i might be looking up!
Member: Adelea I.
Location: Dresden, Germany
Date: 3/20/2003
Time: 9:59:28 AM
Adelea. alcoholic. compassion is what units us in AA, and god knows that when I got sober, I had no compassion for anyone or anything, so I thought the world was judging me as I was judging it. I know that when I drank, a beast welled up inside of me. a beast made of fear that acted only on anger and rage. so, to find people who were kind and compassionate to me without "reason" took me off guard. todayI understand. wherever I go, I find AAers who are of this mold. I had a secret relapse in very early sobriety, that I kept hidden for 3 years, then one day a friend confided in me she had relapsed months before and had not told anyone. this honesty on her part gave me the courage to get honest with my home group. no one judged me, no one gossiped. they welcomed me with love again. have a beautiful day!
Member: john g
Location: Maryland
Date: 3/20/2003
Time: 11:20:59 AM
John here, recovering a day at a time. I was like your friend, drinking and going to meetings. I didn't always fess up, because it would have become a burden to the group to keep hearing how the program wasn't working for me. I would tell the group that I was trying and that I didn't think I had had my last drink. Then, one Saturday morning, I didn't show up to make the coffee. I was too hungover and embarrassed to go to the meeting. The next week I apologized to the group and explained my hangover. I told them that I wasn't giving up, but that I had to be honest. I then went into a 28 day program. When I returned, I had an edge and a desire. Now, when I pick up a chip, a seven month one next week, they always cheer me on. Because I was honest when I was drinking, they know for sure that my sobriety time is real. I am also thankful that AA doesn't tell people like me, "You've had enough chances. You don't have a desire to drink. Please don't come back." They never said that to me. And because of that, they've stuck by me and are happy to see that I've got real sobriety and that I'm not straddling the fence. Of course, it doesn't hurt the group to see that powerlessness is out there for those who entertain the idea of a drink. It's great to be honest about my disease. It's not a shameful thing; it just is. They are there to help and they sure helped me until I got on the right path. Thanks, John
Member: Dancing Goat
Location: New Hampshire, US
Date: 3/20/2003
Time: 1:32:12 PM
Kelly!!! I finally made it, then remembered it was Org, not com! :) I know that the second time around AA, I was drinking still, however I freely admitted it. "only requirement is a desire to stop drinking." It doesn't say you have to be honest to be a member. Oh well C'est le vie!
Member: Danny "Doc" F.
Location: Blue Mound, (Near "Cowtown") Texas, USA
Date: 3/20/2003
Time: 3:29:46 PM
Danny F. - "Doc", here! I'm just a drunk, who don't have to drink, today! Several times, in the beginning of my Recovery Journey, I was on the verge of getting loaded, and later on, when I thought I was "Cured", I did relapse, with things other than alcohol, but, when I was beaten into submission, by this disease, I came back to meetings, and was greeted, with the same love and tolerance, that was there, in the beginning! Members did not "Judge" me! If they had, I would have been gone! One thing, I heard, that stuck with me is: "NONE of us came to AA, with a pocket full of honesty! We had to get to the point, where getting honest was easier, than getting loaded!" I believe that, today! Thank God, Getting loaded became harder, for me! Love Y'all, LOTS! "Doc"
Member: Mitch M.
Location: FL.
Date: 3/20/2003
Time: 3:56:10 PM
Mitch, alcoholic: Hello fellowship! This is a little off the topic,but just wanted to say Thanks for being here. I found this web site a while back and have been reading your comments. 10 days without a drink due to your help! Also went to a meeting today and picked up my white chip.Not my first one but maybe my last if I work at it. I have tried alternative methods to stay sober,no luck there! Anyway Thanks once again and keep on truckin!
Member: Greg G.
Location: Michigan
Date: 3/20/2003
Time: 9:13:28 PM
Hi All: Greg, an alcoholic in Michigan. 6 years ago when I came into this fellowship, I met a man at what later became my home group. He had been in AA for about a dozen years. He still drank regularly. He attended several meetings daily, fixing coffee at a lot of them. He was as involved as anyone that I've met in AA. The man was very lonely, and the only social life he had was going to meetings to be with people who were not judgemental and really have a positive outlook on life. He admits that he slips, and I believe that he really wants to rid himself of the addiction that we all share, but he can't seem to get there. He has read the Big Book so many times that I'm not sure he couldn't recite it cover to cover. How he finds time to drink, I don't know... but the fact that he has given so much of himself to this fellowship without finding the sobriety that many of us cherish makes me so sad. I do not belittle him for his failures. All I know for sure is that for those hours he spends in meetings he's not drinking. His desire is genuine, but his inner strength is weak. We should all say a prayer to our higher power to help these people as he has helped us. Greg
Member: Marlene C
Location: West Coast
Date: 3/20/2003
Time: 11:06:01 PM
Hi there, Marlene, Alcoholic. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking; and for some it's very difficult to admit defeat. It is not our responsibility to "out" someone's relapse it is theirs, but it is my responsibility, to have the hand of AA always ready. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Carrie K.
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 3:24:14 AM
Alcoholic, Carrie, here, thanks to all of you for sharing...I can share with the 'active' alcoholic by just being at a meeting, sharing openly and honestly about my addiction, and when the time comes to greet him, I do that too. I am a true blue alcoholic from the very beginning of my use at age 14. Thank God to all of you who didn't judge me when I walked into the room, frightened, humiliated, disgusted, ashamed, to name a few. I pray for the still suffering alcoholic, those dear to me, and those I may encounter. YOU ALL ARE BLESSED! Like they told me in the beginning, keep coming back!
Member: sue b
Location: england
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 8:09:48 AM
Hi Sue alcoholic, someone from my home group still drinks yet claims to be 3 years sober. He has just taken on a secretarys commitment, and does other service which clean time is required. He says his sponsor has told him not to tell anyone about his lapses!! I only know because i have seen him and he felt that he had to confess. Im 2 months clean and sober and sometimes it is really difficult to not be angry with his lies. When im feeling bad i also start to wonder if everyone does this? I havent told anyone except my sponsor, who suggests i pray for him
Member: Richard B
Location: `kansas
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 8:58:31 AM
hi i.m richard and drunk from kansas, what i was told early on was to promise i would,nt drink today but would tomorrow and thats work for me i've got several 24 hrs thanks to people like you. i've been sober going on 16 yrs one day at a time thanks love all of ya richard
Member: Deb C
Location: BOSTON BABY! USA
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 10:45:25 AM
Hi there! Very good sentiments this morning!! I have been in and out of the Program for about 9 years......wow seeing that written down really sucks. This was after being without a drink (kind in AA, but not really) for 4 years. I realized recently that I have been drinking for 19 years of my life. I am only 33. If it were not for the people in my groups, in this Program, I would be dead. I have no doubt in my mind about that. Every single time I had to hang my head, and my tail between my legs, to get another 24 hour chip (THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE!) - the love and healing energy I felt from my groups, kept me trying. Not for them, but for me. I tried to use their love to realize that I AM WORTHY of their love and of sobriety. I have always had the DESIRE. I have 23 days yesterday. And at the same time, I only have today. Thank you, Goddess. Seeing someone drink and then seeing him or her at a meeting, not taking a chip, is hard thing to deal with. The person needs to own up to it him/herself. You can offer help, maybe even mention what you saw, but I feel that it should be on a one on one situation and be presented in a non-judgmental way with love and sincerity. Thank you for your time and letting me share. Blessings to you all. If you are praying type people, please say one for me. Happy Eostara!
Member: Deb C
Location: BOSTON BABY! USA
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 10:46:49 AM
PS, I am Debra and addict alcoholic. Sorry for not 'saying' that before.
Member: Danny "Doc" F.
Location: Blue Mound, (Near "Cowtown") Texas, USA
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 12:40:21 PM
Howdy, Y'all! Danny "Doc" F. - A drunk, who don't have to drink, today! Sue B. from England, I have no problem, with someone who feels a need to claim more sobriety, than they actually have! They only hurt themselves! However, I would have a problem, with a "Trusted Servant", who is STILL drinking!!! I do KNOW, that when I take a drink, responsibility goes out the window! I figure, it's probably the same, with most alcoholics!! If my sponsor told me to pray for this person, I would, but, first, I'd speak to this person, and ask them to step down, from a position of responsibility! I'd do this, in private, though, so as to avoid controversy, within the group! In addition, I'd pray for my self, for strength, to carry out this task, and for my group, that no harm might befall it! Ya might even say a little prayer, for that sponsor! This deal works, only when we work it! "Doc"
Member: Greg S
Location: Central Coast, CA
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 1:32:58 PM
My name's Greg and I'm an alcoholic. What a great discussion topic! I found myself changing my mind several times after reading everyone's comments. It seems like this comes down to whether you believe the person is being dishonest, or is silently calling out for help. But does this matter if the person hasn't even done the first step in the program. (Powerlessness over alcohol) You cannot help someone that has not accepted and acknowledged the first step. All the compassion in the world won't help. It is a indivdual choice. Most recovering alcoholics have such a tenuous grip on sobriety, that any distraction from working the program could be fatal, and then how would you help this person?
Member: page on acceptance
Location: sobercity
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 4:05:41 PM
i have felt betrayed by persons in aa, who claimed to have sober time..and found out later they were pot heads or drinking in the bars etc etc...but if i really got honest with myself... i didn't have a pure clean and sober record either.. you know i took an couple of tylenol 3's when i had my tooth out.. even though i didn't need them; the pain was long gone.. or went to the doctor and got valum 'for anxiety.. and sleep problems...which in hind sight were really just 'dishonest' problems... so i cannot judge anyone... and i need more to look at me and 'what i did' which was pretty silly...now ian't it. (getting mad at another alkie for something that i did myself) i believe most of us... falter somewhere along the line when trying to get sober and or clean...while trying to get and stay sober... if we were all REALLY HONEST about it, alot more members would not have the sober time that they claim.. i know that today.. aa'ers get so caught up in 'TIME IN THE PROGRAM' that they just convienently dismiss the truth that maybe they aren't 10 years or 5 years and so on.. so just like the big book says... i must concentrate..not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes...and i challenge all of you to look at your record of time in...and get honest about your sober date... i did and am better for it... pride eh? its a bitch ain't it? another 24 god willing..to all of you here on the site.
Member: Ronnie Joe
Location: Baltimore
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 4:43:47 PM
Soberity Donna is a choice...and if this person comes to a meeting this also by choice. He or she is just fooling one's self by pretending to be sober...however as an alcoholic myself...hey I think we all been there. At least the person is coming and with each meeting hopefully this soul finds the inner peace to really look within himself and see the truth! Guilt can be a heavy burden to carry around!!! (At least it was for me!) Remember though...Sometimes we all have to go through ugly to find beautiful. God bless all. Ronnie Joe :)
Member: bikerbabe
Location: hellishelping
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 7:01:34 PM
i think i should post a comment to give the new people advice and guidance, because i have some time in and i know alot more than they do about staying sober.. plus i am in no danger of drinking myself so how could i possibly understand the poor s.o.b that is staggering throught the door.. drunk..my god! do i feel superior about myself after seeing that.. yes indeed.. baskin on the spiritual hilltop lookin down on all the dummies.. that's what the programs given me, lol bikerbabe.
Member: John O'L
Location: DFW Texas
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 7:53:21 PM
My name is John and I am an alcoholic.......I first went to AA in the late 1970's, but my last drink was not until 1982. It has been my experience that everyone who enters the doors of AA wants, to some degree, to get help for his/her drinking problem. I certainly didn't want to stop drinking when I first came in - I wanted to learn how to drink without making a total ass and fool of myself! It seemed to me that I might be able to do some social drinking every once in a while. This sure didn't work out for me at all!!! Now, I certainly can't be surprised when another AA thinks that he/she is capable of the social drinking experiment, and some people (like me) have to go through the experience themselves and do not believe it if it is in a book or shared by another. I had to suffer profoundly before I was ready for acceptance of my alcoholism. Thank God that no one told me I wasn't welcome between 197? until 1982! The person who is still drinking and attending AA knows that it isn't right, but hopes to be able to beat the horrible game of alcoholism. I will do all that I can to assist them in achieving and maintaining sobriety, and thereby helping me maintain my sobriety in the process. God Bless all of you!
Member: Garry K
Location: Orlando Florida
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 8:55:35 PM
I remember when I drank and went to meeetings, not on the same night, but in the same week. it was the best I could do. I didn't have the ability to pray and ask God to take away the desire to drink. I gained that ability by following the advise: Keep comming back. Thanks to all who put up with me and to God for taking away my desire to drink.
Member: Cher449
Location: Maine-iac
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 11:23:28 PM
Whenever I see a drunk come in to a meeting I tend to shaare that I came to AA meetings for two years still drinking. I was told to keep coming.Those two years were a living hell. Usually the drunk person thanks me for what I said. All I know is that I kept coming and eventually it worked for me. I have been sober since Aug 7th of 95.
Member: Cher449
Location: Maine-iac
Date: 3/21/2003
Time: 11:24:34 PM
Whenever I see a drunk come in to a meeting I tend to shaare that I came to AA meetings for two years still drinking. I was told to keep coming.Those two years were a living hell. Usually the drunk person thanks me for what I said. All I know is that I kept coming and eventually it worked for me. I have been sober since Aug 7th of 95.
Member: Kathy S.
Location: Bowling Green,KY
Date: 3/22/2003
Time: 7:58:10 AM
Hi, I'm Kathy and an alcoholic. It seems to me that the important thing is that this individual is at a meeting. Last month I ran into a former coworker who came to meetings about two years ago and managed to stay sober about 60 days. He decided he didn't need the felllowship and could do it his way. He looked awful! He informed me that he had lost everything. His wife , home, Job, etc. and was living at the salvation army. I begged him to call his sponsor and come back to meetings. He just said "It's too late". I read his obituiary this week. 31 years old and found dead in his residence. I wish I could see him at a meeting drunk or sober but now it is too late. I've been told that some must die so that others can live but I still feel angry that this disease is so cunning , baffling and powerful. This man was one of the most intelligent people I have ever known yet his ego got in the way. I know the only defense I have is to "practice the principles and carry the message". It worked for my mother for 35 years and it's been working for me for 5.
Member: Gerry L.
Location: Southwest US
Date: 3/22/2003
Time: 10:56:30 AM
And what would be your motive in informing the group, Donna? What would the pay-off for you be? It's been my experience that some of the sickest sober people are also some of the most self-righteous. It's deadly. The best thing you can do for a practicing alcoholic is to stay sober yourself and practice tolerance and kindness. How would you like to be treated in the same circumstance?
Member: Patrick M.
Location: Shishmaref, Alaska
Date: 3/22/2003
Time: 1:20:53 PM
It takes a lot courage for people who are still drinking to continue going to AA meetings, knowing full well that their disease will eventually kill them. I attended a meeting in my former home town and one of the fellows that's had hundreds of slips came up to me to share that he has 18 months of sobriety. It's taken him ten years to get it. I don't know that I have that kind of humility or drive to stand up to the challenges he has had with with his alcoholism. I'm afraid that I have to much of an ego that would eventually kill me if I ever drank again. Being somewhat lazy, I've chosen to just work the steps, make meetings, and not drink one day at a time. So far, its worked for the last 17 years. Patrick M.
Member: day day day
Location: chay chay chay
Date: 3/22/2003
Time: 3:38:21 PM
What a sty to see such a guy but why die? Could it be in obedience he said a day or set a day? or, twas it because he still believed in vain? For you see to me, the very soul of the program is why die! a kinda pie why..
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 3/22/2003
Time: 3:52:36 PM
I'm Chris---I'm an alcoholic/addict---It is so true that we take pills and such, and still consider ourselves sober...I know I have done that...In the years that I was out of the program because of illness,...That was so true of me...I wanted to take a white chip when I returned to meetings but didn'thave the courage to to do it...I know I would feel better about myself today if I had...Perhaps I can do that in the near future.. I recently recieved a 9 yr. chip. It feels false to me, because I know how precarious my sobriety was during that time when I was absent from meetings... Hopefully, I can fess up in a meeting in the near future... It really doesn't matter what others think. What matters is the quality of your sobriety and thereby , your life..Right now , my life feels like it sucs...I know i need to have more gratitude and faith that if I let go and let GOd things will get better...They always do, but it never feels like it will when you are in the middle of the problem....I think I will take my own advice and stick around until the miracle happens....Take action....help another alcoholic...or another human being...live in the solution rather than the problem...and not quit in the middle of the desert...The new dawn could be right around the corner...and believe that my Higher Power ( who I call God) loves me and wants the best for me...rather than is disgusted with me and angry with me...IF that's not stinkin' thinkin', I don't know what is...I am so greatful for the hope that this program offers us...and the fellow ship of love and friendship that is offered to me in A.A....Thanks for letting me share...We really have so much to be greatful for...The other thing I want to stop doing is the same thing expecting different results...Thanks again , gratitude to A.A. and to all of you!!!
Member: Gabrielle
Location: Northwest Ohio
Date: 3/22/2003
Time: 6:56:30 PM
Gabrielle grateful recovering alcoholic...It really does not matter what drug or even alcoholic that soemone consumes and then attends meeting...it is not my business....it does not bother me....my responsibility to that person and any other in the room is hold out my hand and offer love and support...I cannot keep anyone sober and am only accountable for my own actions....When out there, I thought it was my business to be my brothers keeper and to tally up what was wrong with everything and everybody that did not fit into my self created illusion....that led me to self destrution by not being aware of what was wrong with me and what i needed to do to correct my problems....God brought me alive to the rooms in spite of my efforts to prevent it....who am I to question His reasons?.....my place is to do the best that I can to live life on lives terms and to share with others ow I do that, one day at a time....so let them come as they are, drunk, sober, lying, cheating, helping, in service or not.....we are human and we are all there for the same thing....to find and practice a better way to live...without regret of where we have come from, or what we have done to get there, accepting of our selves and others as we are....no more no less... I cannot fail until I stop tryng, In Sobriety, In AA, In Life Gabrielle
Member: Danny "Doc" F.
Location: Blue Mound, (Near "Cowtown") Texas, USA
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 2:15:39 AM
Howdy, CPers!! - Danny "Doc" F. here, a drunk, that don't have to drink, today! - I want Y'all to know, that I am in complete AWE, of my God, today!! He makes SURE, that I hear his words, through the people he chooses, to be in my life, today!! Y'all may not know it, but, you folks ARE the voice of God, today!!! Patrick M. - I believe, you are totally right, when you say, that it takes a lot of Courage, to attend meetings, still drinking, but, you pointed out, that you chose, to do it another way, because, you were too lazy, to do it the "Hard" way, so to speak! Ya know, we ALL choose that "Easier softer" way, in our own way! For some, drinking is easier, for others, not drinking is easier!!! I found, like yourself, that for me, it was easier to stop, than to continue!! It took me a while, though, to reach that point!!! My point is, though, that it takes that Courage, you mentioned, to do something, about the problem, whether or not, we do it by stoping, or by continuing!!! Am I making any sense, here? Hope so! Chris H. - You're absolutely right, when you say, that "What matters is the quality of your sobriety and thereby , your life." Without quality, in our life, we have no life, of any real duration, all we have is a delay, in our dying!!! For a LOG time, I believed, that being dry, was being sober! Today, I don't see it, that way! It's TRUE, that there's more to sobriety, than just not drinking!! Ya know, Bill W. told us, that this is just a kindergarten! Today, I believe that! Gabrielle - You hit the nail on the head, when you said, "God brought me alive to the rooms in spite of my efforts to prevent it....who am I to question His reasons?" How many times, have we all thought, that we had it figured out, what God wants us, to be doing, only to find out, that the plan we had projected, was not His, but our own? Most of us, fall on our face, just like I did, when we have God and His reasons all figured out!!! All I KNOW, today, is, that God HAS to run th' show, 'cause, I can't!! I proved that, without a doubt!!! You guys, telling me all this, is just AWESOME!!! It's all stuff, that I was letting slip from my active memory!! Thanks, God, for the refresher!! I NEEDED it! Thanks, CPers, too! I love Y'all, today! THAT'S a fact!! Danny "Doc" F. - In AWE, today, of my AWESOME God! (Thanks, God!)
Member: anilg
Location: mt vernon.IL
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 8:32:59 AM
I am an alcoholic and i believe that the most important thing for a person to come to these meetings is to be honest to themselves and willingness to stop drinking.This person who lie about drinking is fooling himself like any alanon learnings best thing is to ignore these individuals let them face the consequences and deal with his life.thanks to aa.