Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 9:49:53 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Pam, an alcoholic, How about the topic "Getting Honest with Myself"

Yesterday a sponsee returning for a white chip again spent the day with my fiance and I - and in conversation said he couldn't reach out to others or ask for help, because he is too "shy"

We each shared with him how we came to see the honesty in ourselves of thinking we are "shy" is really self-centered fear: focused on what will others think of me and things like that.

At the next F2F meeting we took him to, he trusted his HP to give him the ability to just do it, and face his fear, with no thoughts of what others might think of him, and he reached out and introduced himself to several others and got phone numbers. He was amazed to learn that he is not "shy" - but had been letting fear prevent him from what he really did want to do. Getting honest with my self has been an ongoing process I grow in, experiencing the ongoing growth in true freedom. Thanks for letting me share. Pam


Member: Pat R.
Location: Ann Arbor, Mich.
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 9:51:17 AM

Comments

This is a first for me- two days without a meeting and a huge growth spurt comin' on....yikes! We were just talking about"carrying the message" the other night. I was taught, "Never say 'no' to the program." So far, this has held me in good stead. When I find myself making excuses for not wanting to help others (sponsership, handshake, etc.), it usually means I'M IN TROUBLE! Someone at the same meeting brought a sign-up sheet for the answering service and for going on 12th step calls. I was so grateful to her and scared even as I signed up for both duties. What DON'T I owe the program for what I've gotten? When I think back....jheesh! I wouldn't be so damn busy if I hadn't found the program, that's for sure! Yo-Peace, -PJ


Member: sherri M
Location: S.TX.
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 10:12:13 AM

Comments

I have come to the conclusion that I only need be honest to myself and that's about it. I'm talking completely honest w/myself.In my life it has been quite the fun just running amuck with "stories"ie.,manipulation to get what I want.BS was and still is a way of life for me in some aspects depending on whom I come in contact with.Why take life so seriously. Things directly related to my soberiety such as my mental health requires me to be honest w/me,myself and I.I can easily admit my mistakes and apologize when necessary. As first mentioned, I do analyze when fears arise due to the fact that more than likely it is in some abyss covered up by years of my mind covering up and doing "what is best" for me.I don't have many fears these days. When anger arises I too look at this as some aspect of not being honest w/myself.Usually that has to do w/contol and expectations of others to which I should know better but still expect certain things of others I should not. I have only control over me and my actions thus.....I have only me to be totally honest with.Yes'sometimes my anger stems from me lying to myself. Ah well........such is life!I do relish when I pull of a good ol' story though for the benefit of one's pleasure.Nuthin' beats a smile or a laugh.


Member: Scott H
Location: S. Michigan
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 12:02:37 PM

Comments

Hi,I'm Scott,a self centered,manipulative,ALCOHOLIC,with a big ego and an apparent inability to be honest with myself. Just Drank again after another 90 days and the guilt,shame and remorse are worse than ever. Just can't seem to get it. Had 6 years at one time.Life was good then.What is MY problem.?? My "I" keeps getting in the way of the "WE" part of the program. Hoping it gets better again. Help me out here friends. Please. Thanks.


Member: Andrew P
Location: Central NY
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 1:19:35 PM

Comments

Until I got honest with myself, truly honest, nothing was going to happen for me in the way of true sobriety. I can make all kinds of excuses, like I used to. The truth is I am an alcoholic. That is the first thing I need to accept everyday. My relationship with my higher power must come first or "fear" will dominate my life. Sobriety is not the goal for me today. Turning my will over to my higher power is. I learned that from an old timer. I had to think about it for awhile, but it is the truth. Unless I turn my will over to my higher power, I am selfish and self centered. Gotta go. Keep movin forward.


Member: Linda G
Location:
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 2:00:50 PM

Comments

Hi everybody; I'm Linda, an alcoholic:

I love this topic and need to hear it. I heard a quote on tv this week that brought honestly home to me yet again: "There comes a time when we cannot turn our head any longer." Thanks for being there, my dear, dear friends. love, Linda G


Member: Lori S
Location: NJ
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 2:44:57 PM

Comments

Lori Present, recovery addict and alcoholic. Great topic (Honesty) I seldom to never even think about honesty relative to my sobriety. Whenever I do, I almost always fall short. My motives for what I say and do are almost always tainted with righteousness, Justification etc. blah blah blah (EGO) I hate to be wrong, I hate to admit defeat, and I really hate asking for help! The flip side is I now that is (wrong for me) to think. So thanks one and all you remind me of who I no longer wish to be!


Member: wouter
Location: neth
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 4:26:30 PM

Comments

wouter recovered alkie, but with a lot looking back. and, being honest to meself, I see a lot of flaws in that other me. We started a relationship + 5 yrs ago ( me very drunk on the wedding of my sister, she not availble because etc etc but two kisses started the whole thing). She was very much in love with me in the beginning. 12,5 years younger she was, so naive and so sweet. Now I am being punished for being dishonest in the beginning ( drunk and stoned and humiliating her a lot) because when we broke up almost a year ago I loved her still too much. But I saw I ruined the base. When the base isn't solid it must fall. So it did, exactly on my head it did. And now sometimes o feel sorry for meself, but hey, i wa s a real prick in the beginning. I still owe her a lot, iI still love her a lot. She took another man very quick after we broke up, and I went nuts, but a) I didn't drink B) I didn't kill her. But hey, looking at the bright sight: I' ll get my love, eventually. It will be my first sober love, and I am looking forward to it.

Thanks for sharing


Member: Carol W
Location: St Louis
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 4:33:13 PM

Comments

I'm Carol, an alcolholic. Heard (again) this AM at a meeting the definition of insanity--doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I did that with drinking until I was put in lock-up (treatment)and got honest about my drinking. Thank God I got it: I'm an alcoholic and powerless over the first drink and if I want to live, I don't drink today.

Now, I have a living problem and I have to be honest with myself and a sponsor about what I'm doing and thinking. I don't buy the part about being honest only with me, myself, and I. I've been honest only with myself for about 4 years now since I stopped calling my sponsor. I stopped going to meetings for about 9 months and got really depressed (but didn't drink, thank you, God). I went back to meetings 2 years ago and I've got a new sponsor, but I don't use her and she calls me more than I call her. I asked her to sponsor me so I could say I had a sponsor if anyone asked. So it's just been me, alone, sometimes honest and sometimes full of bull. And it's a dangerous place in my head alone.

It's time to work the program again like I did earlier in my sobriety when my life depended on following directions and getting honest. I've been really miserable for a couple of months, since I quit a long-term job at a big corporation and now I'm at a small company. I know I had to leave the big crazy place, but it's not working out like I think it should at the new place. I have so much fear and I know I need to be honest and share my fears with a sponsor and ask for help. I'm going to get a new sponsor this week at my home group--I know someone I can ask.

Good topic on a couple of levels for newcomers and old-timers alike. Thanks for listening.


Member: Joe
Location: Ohio
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 7:50:19 PM

Comments

Hi everyone my name is Joe and I'm an alcoholic.

I kind of want to go off the topic and share how I have been doing. I graduated a long term rehab progrm one month ago. When I got out I figured that I would not have really hard struggles. Well I was wrong. This week has been really hard for me. See I'm on a follow up plan where I can't date for 3months and I can't smoke for 6. Now those may not sound like huge things but every one of my friends who are off of this follow up plan smoke and talk about dates and various things and I get very jealous. I have the power to sign myself off of the follow up but it would be the worst decision I have made in recovery and I know that. I'm only a 17 year old kid and if I wasted the rest of my life to drugs and alcohol because i wanted to date or smoke I would feel even worse.Since I have been out I have been doing bad in school and all I want to do is be out with my buddies.It just seems like life sucks right now do to my pity and my selfishness and resentments. If someone could give me some advice it would be very appreciated.


Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 7:59:34 PM

Comments

Good Evening Everyone, My name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic..

Great topic....

When I first came to the rooms and heard folks talking about "...going to any length", I was not sure what that would be for me....going to many meetings, putting program ahead of worldly pursuits, etc. etc..

Having 12 years of sobriety full of joys, heartaches and just plain old living....I have come to believe that going to any length is, in fact the exercising of self honesty.

If I am hurting, I can fool you, the group, maybe my sponsor, but sooner or later, I must be honest with myself, share and move on.

Thanks Always for being there for me.


Member: Dave
Location: Madison
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 8:19:54 PM

Comments

Thanks for the topic. Getting honest with myself is also a process. It continues to amaze me as to what the values are that I am discovering. I thought I had values but they were nothing more than ephemeral ideas. It feels good to have a belief system but it can be a challenge to stand behind it.


Member: Clara  A.
Location: FL.
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 8:24:51 PM

Comments

To Joe in Ohio,step3,step3,only 17! what a great life you will have living by the 12 steps.


Member: Tony P.
Location: St. John's, NF
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 9:24:08 PM

Comments

Tony an alcoholic.

Self-centred fear is probably my most persistent character defect, and a tough nut for me to crack.

Here is how I have come to understand things:

1) I connect to my higher power through other drunks. I am inspired by their experience, strength and hope. 2) When I am fearful (angry, resentful, etc.) I isolate myself from others and cut myself off from my higher power. 3) When I am isolated, I rely upon my own advice, and an alcoholic who talks to him/herself is talking to a fool.

Take care, and have a joyful 24 hours.


Member: DEB
Location: MICHIGAN
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 9:57:55 PM

Comments

Hi Everybody, Deb here...alcoholic. I just wanted to say something to Scott in Michigan. I'm not sure if this will help or not, but sobriety is worth a try and finally "get-it". I too have been in and out of the program for 10 years, and now have been sober for almost "ONE" year. What I finally figured out Scott, was that it was easy for me to admit that I was alcoholic, I could just never ACCEPT it! I thought I was being Honest enough with myself by admission. Time in sobriety would go by, I'd struggle a little, work the program(kind-of), yet in the back of my mind i was really setting myself up to drink again. I did not take all the suggestions the fellowship gave me, I did it my own way, which I thought was an OK way. I continued to fuck-up, drink again, and go through all those useless feelings like you are having now. Once again, with my tail between my legs I came back through the doors of AA....this time with a different attitude. I finally wanted something that I couldn't seem to grasp before, so I vowed to do exactly what they told me to do. I got HONEST with me, and I ACCEPTED that I was an alcoholic, a serious disease that still gave me a chance at life if i chose it, and that I could find freedom from that which controlled me IF I just accepted it for what it was. So for me Scott, that is where it's at....HONEST ACCEPTANCE. These days i'm giving it everything I've got, and i'm not doing it alone. God, and AA are my lifeline. I wish you well, you did it before, you can do it again.....I am.....One Day At A Time. Hugs, Deb


Member: Toni J
Location: Salem, OR
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 9:58:40 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Toni J and I am an alcoholic, I am clean and sober today by the Grace of God and because of this Program. Welcome any newcomers here. You are very important to us.

You will notice in the Big Book of AA, in the chapter How it works,it talks about honesty three times in the first paragraph.

Being honest with myself, I have heard in meetings if you are not using a sponsor, you are giving God all the answers. Personally, I have not used a sponsor in a few years, this has caused a great deal of pain in my life and I do not recommend it.... I got in a relationship and have been keeping secrets from friends and family and not having to be accountable to anyone. When I keep secrets that is lying by ommission. It also gets the ball rolling for self-will to run riot.

He was in "treatment" and felt it was enough, he has just relapsed again and I got off the rollercoaster. Looking back I had a lot of signs, I quit working the Program of AA and got really miserable and now I am trying to start over and pick up the pieces. Luckily I didn't have to drink over it. But being honest with myself is talking with my sponsor and with people that care about me and not keeping secrets either. I am starting to feel like a weight has been lifted. When I work the program of AA I live in peace and serenity. When I don't, the insanity returns. I like being sober and serene. So I am back to the program that has been suggested, the one that works, not mine.

Thanks, for letting me share.


Member: been there
Location: done that
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 11:00:23 PM

Comments

center street,market street,cordon rd,silverton road,lancaster drive,state street,the pink elephant tavern.........hmmmmm salem huh??


Member: Harry K.
Location: U.K
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 11:19:44 PM

Comments

Harry here, an alcoholic. Being honest with myself has a couple of fazes, 1st, knowing and OWNING the fact that I am powerless over alcohol is the first part. When I could get that honest I knew that my "bargining chips" were cashed in. I couldn't drink again, I was powerless, game over. the 2nd faze takes time. I need to remember that for so long I've conned myself into doing the wrong things for what I believed to be the "right reasons". I simply want what I want when I want it and I am expert into fooling myself into believing anything my defective mind tells me. Self honesty does not come in a day, it requires that I practice it and watching out for my "wants" on a daily basis. By working these steps for myself and then with others,I've learned how to examune my motives behind the things that I do. I'm human, and being human I will want "approval" sometimes. Thats not a sin. the fact that I can recognise I need it when I do something lets me know that I'm learning what it is to be honest with myself. I know the difference between "love" and "Lust" "needing" from "wanting" and being "lazy" from being "cautious", yet, I can still lie to myself and get it all backwards if I'm not careful. Jesus, I've lied to myself about so many things for so long, I need to slow down and look at things. I'm still horney, frightened, insecure and impatient. Any one of these "defects" has the power to motivate me into lying to myself and doing the wrong thing. Thanks for the topic!


Member: Harry K.
Location: U.K
Date: 3/11/01
Time: 11:19:51 PM

Comments

Harry here, an alcoholic. Being honest with myself has a couple of fazes, 1st, knowing and OWNING the fact that I am powerless over alcohol is the first part. When I could get that honest I knew that my "bargining chips" were cashed in. I couldn't drink again, I was powerless, game over. the 2nd faze takes time. I need to remember that for so long I've conned myself into doing the wrong things for what I believed to be the "right reasons". I simply want what I want when I want it and I am expert into fooling myself into believing anything my defective mind tells me. Self honesty does not come in a day, it requires that I practice it and watching out for my "wants" on a daily basis. By working these steps for myself and then with others,I've learned how to examune my motives behind the things that I do. I'm human, and being human I will want "approval" sometimes. Thats not a sin. the fact that I can recognise I need it when I do something lets me know that I'm learning what it is to be honest with myself. I know the difference between "love" and "Lust" "needing" from "wanting" and being "lazy" from being "cautious", yet, I can still lie to myself and get it all backwards if I'm not careful. Jesus, I've lied to myself about so many things for so long, I need to slow down and look at things. I'm still horney, frightened, insecure and impatient. Any one of these "defects" has the power to motivate me into lying to myself and doing the wrong thing. Thanks for the topic!


Member: J.C.
Location: Kansas City, MO
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 3:20:46 AM

Comments

I really related to what "Harry K" of the U.K. said as it too holds true for me and being honest with oneself is an ongoing process that can be accomplished by Making Meetings, Reading the "Big Book" and staying close to your sponsor. I don't care where your at in the program as we all have a constant ongoing battle with ourselves on being honest with ourselves. Remember learning how to live a honest productive life after many years in the bottle is no easy task. Fortunately for all of us is if we truley work the AA program one day at a time...we all stand a better chance. I am fortunate for when I found the program, March 2oth, 1970 I also acquired a real back to the basics sponsor...who pounded, Keep It Simple Stupid"(KISS) into my head and slapped a Big Book in my hand and told me that all my answers about living life were in it. I immediately asked him where the answers were in the book...and all he would tell me was up to me to find them. That was 31 years ago...and it still hold true.

Last April 10th I had a massive heart attack... to the point that when the ambulance delivered me to the hospital...I had no vital signs. The Trama crew brought me back...then set me up for a 5-way bypass operation, which resulted in a 2 week stay in ICU where through that time period they had to call away..5 Code Blue's on me. Three weeks after that and with only 20% of my heart muscle function...they transfered me to Glennon Place Nursing Center, here in the city and where I now reside. I now kinow how it really is to work one day at a time...as at 64 I was pretty much totally put out of commission. And now I live right in the heart of death...as thats what its all about here at the home. But each morning I still get on my knees and say "Please"...and a "Thank You" that night. The rest of the day is filled with a lot of saying the Sirenity Prayer...as I know my higher power, or God as I choose to call him...has ghot some sort of mission for me to do or he wouldn't have let me live and be here at Glennon Place. The longer I'm in this program the more amazed I am with it. Remember...KISS...One Day At A Time!

J.C. in K.C.


Member: Stan
Location: Findlay, OH
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 6:50:32 AM

Comments

Hi Everybody, Stan here, Alcoholic. The hardest words I ever said one day in treatment were those. It was the beginning of honesty for me. I didn't understand it then, and it's taken a long time for me to do so.

When I think of Honesty, and after reading about the relapse mentioned earlier this week, I realized that the most Honest thing I ever realized, and one that still hits me between the eyes on occasion, is that I can't not drink! I picked up my 12 year coin last month, but I didn't do it! That's where I have to be honest.

When it comes to my sobriety, I can't do it. My Higher Power has to. That's where the Steps take me if I can really be honest about it. I keep hearing people asking why they can't stay sober, and then it comes to me, the reason I can't is because I'm an ALCOHOLIC. People tell me "one day at a time." If I could stay sober one day at a time, I wouldn't need HP! I could do it myself. Doing it myself is an impossibility. That's the honest truth.

For me, Honesty, Humility, and Sobriety all come down to "I CAN'T, He CAN, I'd better let HIM!"

That's Honesty, and it's also, for me, the answer to the question "How can I stay Sober."

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Amy J
Location: S W IA
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 10:45:46 AM

Comments

Amy J alcoholic. I thank you for the topic of self honesty. I am my own worst problem. I can find every justification possible to not allow my feelings to be felt. I am learning to trust others, to listen to the group and my sponsor, and to meditate to allow my hp to be heard after I pray. The things I find most annoying in others are usually the things I need to work on myself. I have to remember to let others walk the path at their own pace and stumble without judging. Who am I to judge my sick brother. Today it is OK to be where I am as long as I am moving toward the solution. As I said, my problem is me. I love to hear that POP as my head comes out of my backside. Honesty is not something I am comfortable with so I need to continue to practice it to make it part of my program.

Today is a great day to be sober!


Member: heidi p
Location:
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 12:29:38 PM

Comments

Hi, everybody. I'm Heidi, alcoholic. What a great topic for me to read your comments about today because there's things in my life that I am avoiding the truth about. For one is my sobriety. I have not worked with a sponsor for almost 3 years now and I know that I am not working a program. I am so grateful to God and the fellowship for keeping me sober this long. My experience with my first sponsor was a positive one, but then I moved to another state and had to start over in AA with getting to know people, finding a group, etc. I never found that one person who I thought measured up to the first woman sponsor I had. Of course since that time, I have had a great disappointment re:my first sponsor. She abused our friendship, really let me down and it took her off the pedestal I had her on. I found out what it meant that we are all only human, and some people are not completely well even after years of sobriety. So, adding this to the list of excuses I was making for not getting another sponsor, more time has passed and I have depended only on prayer and meetings. Of course the benefits of attending regularly, working the steps the first time around, and trying to be a better person, have paid off. Today I may have backslid a bit but I donīt behave like I used to. The problem is in my thinking. Thatīs where the real trouble is. This is why I need a sponsor. This is how it works for me. I let someone get to know me, and share about my life with them. Then over time, as they get to know me better, they are able to see where I am steering off course and make suggestions that may be helpful. I also know that when there is something in my life that I donīt want to tell my sponsor about, that itīs most likely bad and Iīm trying to get away with something. A sponsor helps me to learn honesty with myself and another person. So, for the newcomer and for any person in my situation, letīs look around the room at the next meeting we are in, keep an open mind, and get a sponsor. Even if we think itīs only temporary. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: diana
Location: ca
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 3:02:32 PM

Comments

I am very new I am afraid of getting a sponsor I guess I am not sure what they do I am having a hard time grasping everything I go to meetings then I miss one or two then it is hard to go back which makes it so hard to try and be sober I just want to get IT. thanks


Member: albert
Location: alberta
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 3:23:20 PM

Comments

I just got 60 days and then have had 3 or 4 drinks a night for the last few days. I must not be able to be honest to the fact that I no longer can even take the first drink. I forget that even a few is ruining my sobriety and ruining my life. But I hate to work hard at things that arent entirely implicit to my understanding. I hate to ask for help that I can't do it alone. I lie to myself untill I work my way into trouble with relationships, money, work, legal and sobriety untill I am alone and fearful and into a vicious cycle.

Wouter.. I really see myself in your last post. That helps me not feel so alone and gives me strength.

Scott in Michigan- I am also in your shoes- hang tight.

thanks for letting me share im in


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 3:40:45 PM

Comments

"Getting honest with myself;" This is the topic, brought up around not being able to reach out to others.~Not many of us were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of a noble birth. But God chose the foolish thing of this world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of this world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things-and the things that are not-to nulify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. And this is a service that we do for Him, to be such. If we are not already at this place of our development: to this lowly state, then it must needs be that by the steps that remove our shortcomings we will find ourselves that far down the scale; and it is at this place that we look round about for help somewhat bewilldered! At such a place as this, it is but few that stay on that narrow and difficult Way, for having been stripped of all things by the hand of God so as a man is to begin now to trust in God rather than the 'vain help' that comes from man, or rather the world; "We had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we might no longer trust in ourselves, but in the living God who raises the dead." It is a part of turning our wills and lives over to the care of God this desolation that looks for help, can you not see it? That herein it is indeed happining that at such a place, in that movement from self will to God's will, where many say "what an order; "Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness, and I looked, to take pity, but none; and for comforters, but I found none." There be those who will say: reach out, and you shall find help, but you'll discover that the kind of help they would to give you is not quite what you had in mind! This kind of help, self centered on their part, if we are going to be honest with ourselves. For who helps another unless there is something in it for himself? Perhaps its praise of others, or vain glory that is to be had for doing it>Unless help that is recieved comes thru obedience, it is from a sensual source of one kind or another. The question might be asked then: How does God help you then, if not through others? ~Well, Thats for me to know, and you to find out!....


Member: THE WAR ZONE
Location:
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 5:31:38 PM

Comments

US NAVY BOMBS KUWAIT,INTENSE FIGHTING


Member: Justified
Location: In the world
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 6:36:50 PM

Comments

Yes you can get honest with yourself, many have and moved onto better things! But with some it is seen that the more one gets honest, the more they see the lies and corruption that is in this world, as it has been aptly noted; "the world and its people are often quite wrong!!" Here is a good example of that:

This is frightening!! Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 have done time for assault 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year Can you guess which organization this is? Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

You gotta pass this one on!

And yes! "Fallen! Fallen is babylon the great!!"


Member: Sandy J.
Location: MI.
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 8:23:37 PM

Comments

HI SANDY ALCOHOLIC,honestly fear is a battle for me. This is my frist online letter on my frist computer. Honestly I have faced many fears,thanks to AA.I'm chipping away at one right now.What will people think of me now?What silly fears!I know I have a disease of the mind,thatAA.has helped me through fears unkown and unfelt by earth people.In all honesty I would not trade one twenty four hours of 13 years soberity.


Member: maryo
Location: nj
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 9:39:47 PM

Comments

Honesty. I needed to here this one. Just back to the rooms after 4 years. Tonight I'm already questioning the fact of my alcaholism and wether I really need A.A. after only 10 days of not drinking. Honestly that's crazy!!! I have been praying to my God for willingness and honesty and patience. I'm not able to make as many meetings as I would like to keep it fresh in my mind. I'm glad for this option. I'm gonna hang in there though.


Member: ANTHONY P.
Location: AUSTIN, TEXAS
Date: 3/12/01
Time: 11:52:55 PM

Comments

I TOO AM HAVING TROUBLE ASKING FOR HELP. I TEND TO TRY AND DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF BUT FIND MYSELF BACK WHERE I STARTED, DRINKING AGAIN. I AM AT THE POINT OF NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO. I HAVE A SPONSOR AND I HAVENT BEEN CALLING HIM LIKE I SHOULD. I FEEL EMBARRESED AND ASHAMED OF MYSELF. I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY CONNECTION TO MY HP. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 1:23:57 AM

Comments

Honesty, to thine own self be true. Keep working the program on a daily basis, one day at a time. Read the Big Book, work the steps, call my sponsor often. Especially when I'm in fear. Go to face to face meetings. "One day at a time.!"

"A serious message I need to pass on to each of you!" I need to pass this on to all of you.

"THIS WAS SENT TO ME,THE DAY BEFORE HIGH SCHOOL SHOOTING IN SANTEE, CA"

"SO VERY, VERY, SAD, THAT I WASN'T ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS BEFORE THE ABOVE FACT."

"THE REASON IS, THIS WAS SENT TO ME AT WORK." "THERE WASN'T MUCH I COULD DO ABOUT IT THERE."

"TODAY I AM."

"THANK YOU, IN ADVANCE, FOR PASSING THIS ON!"

Not in the New! Please Read!

Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:

"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers."

"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart."

"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent."

"I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy-it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves."

"I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today":

Your laws ignore our deepest needs, your words are empty air. You've stripped away our heritage, you've outlawed simple prayer. Now gunshots fill our classrooms, and precious children die. You seek for answers everywhere, and ask the question "Why?" You regulate restrictive laws, through legislative creed. And yet you fail to understand, that, God is what we need! "Men and women are three-part beings. We all consistof body, soul, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and reek havoc. Spiritual presence's were present within our educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact."

"What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs - politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws."

"Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. Political posturing and restrictive legislation are not the answers. The young people of our nation hold the key. There is a spiritual awakening, taking place that will not be squelched! We do not need more religion. We do not need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage. We do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people with basic needs are being ignored. We do need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God!"

"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes. He did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America, and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him."

"To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA-I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"

Do what the media did not--let the nation hear this man's speech.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,Illinois
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 9:06:24 AM

Comments

My name is anil I am an alcoholic and an addict.first thing that comes to our mind if u are serious about quiting your habbit of drinking and taking drugs is admit that we are powerless hardest of all be truthful and honest to yourself. we drank hiding our bottles couldnot control our urges.we hurt people with out anyreason or find a reason to fight and argue so that we could be left alone to drink.Take the first step admit to yourself/HP be honest.


Member: Philomena D.O.S.11/04/94
Location: Hac.Hts.,So.California
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 10:49:51 AM

Comments

I'm Philomena, grateful alcoholic,

Honesty, a great topic, one of the first things I learned in AA from the newcomer chips they gave at our meetings. "To thine own self be true." Besides going to meetings every day after work for the first year,this message on the chip is what helped me. I kept them in my pocket. Tried to always make sure my dresses & skirts had pockets if I wasn't wearing casual slacks. Then continuing the program by reading the Big Book, going to BB studies, & step studies. Getting a sponsor who gave me direction in a loving firm way. I've worked through all of the steps and continue to work them on a daily basis one day at a time. I am so grateful for this program to teach me an easier softer way of living life on lifes terms. I find my self checking to make sure of all my intensions before making the decisions, am I being truthful in my real reason for doing what I'm doing. "HERE IS A MESSAGE FOR ALL NEWCOMER'S" HOPE Do not be discouraged. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 60 Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat. Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A. A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road.


Member: Lea K.
Location: BRF,WISCONSIN
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 1:13:24 PM

Comments

Hi I am Lea an alcoholic and an addict,co-dependent and other things. This is my first time online at a meeting. Honesty. Right now I am feeling out of touch with my HP. Some new changes like moving to a new town have helped with that.Feelings of fear because i have to make new friends, go to a new clubhouse,get a new a job.And i am frickin scared.... HONESTLY!I didnt wanna move but GOD Decided this was the only place i was going. I had nowhere else to go.I miss my friends at monona serenity.But i have made it to some meetings up here.I feel scared. I do talk with my sponser and try to stay close to GOD right now but it is hard because i am so good at isolating. I really could use some support. thanx...


Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 2:15:18 PM

Comments

I used to think I was the most "honest" type of person but until I started paying attention to the 4 absolutes, I never realized just how much dishonesty I had.

But this has been a process. As I worked the steps, I became more comfortable with myself. As I became more comfortable with myself, I became more willing to speak and express my truth.

To thine own self be true. I have to be cautious of which "self" I'm true to. My "lower" self can still be manipulative, fearful and self-centered. Today I try to be true to my higher self, the person trying to learn to live honestly, unselfishly, lovingly, and in purity. As my sponsor puts it: "Say what you mean and mean what you say".

I spent so many years believing my own bullshit that I definitely need my sponsor and the fellowship to call me on it. Even today, I sometimes can't catch myself in dishonesty until someone else takes my nventory. If I ever walk away from my group of people who knew me before I knew myself, I am lost. Everytime.


Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 2:15:39 PM

Comments

I used to think I was the most "honest" type of person but until I started paying attention to the 4 absolutes, I never realized just how much dishonesty I had.

But this has been a process. As I worked the steps, I became more comfortable with myself. As I became more comfortable with myself, I became more willing to speak and express my truth.

To thine own self be true. I have to be cautious of which "self" I'm true to. My "lower" self can still be manipulative, fearful and self-centered. Today I try to be true to my higher self, the person trying to learn to live honestly, unselfishly, lovingly, and in purity. As my sponsor puts it: "Say what you mean and mean what you say".

I spent so many years believing my own bullshit that I definitely need my sponsor and the fellowship to call me on it. Even today, I sometimes can't catch myself in dishonesty until someone else takes my nventory. If I ever walk away from my group of people who knew me before I knew myself, I am lost. Everytime.


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 2:17:56 PM

Comments

I couldn't recover until I learned to be honest.

[EXCERPTS FROM THE BIG BOOK, CHAPTER FIVE] "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being COMPLETELY HONEST WITH THEMSELVES."...

"They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands RIGOROUS HONESTY."...

"Many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be HONEST".

I couldn't have said it better myself.


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 2:18:16 PM

Comments

I couldn't recover until I learned to be honest.

[EXCERPTS FROM THE BIG BOOK, CHAPTER FIVE] "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being COMPLETELY HONEST WITH THEMSELVES."...

"They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands RIGOROUS HONESTY."...

"Many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be HONEST".

I couldn't have said it better myself.


Member: Mary C.
Location: Fairfield, CT
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 4:12:02 PM

Comments

Hi all, Great topic, Pam. I'm still pretty new to this site and have not been very successful in staying sober lately... but what I do know is what brought me to this site and to the beginning of this journey for me is finally being honest with myself!! So for me, being honest with myself is the start... and every time I feel myself slipping and kidding myself that I don't have a problem, I have to go back to that. It's a first step for me, and one that I must constantly remind myself of. Thanks for reminding us all this week!! :)

Joe- I'm in my 20's and can remember quite well how difficult it is to be 17 and surrounded by the temptations and pressures that age brings. That's when my real heavy drinking, and drinking problems, began. Stay honest with yourself, and seek guidance from your Higher Power daily!! I know that's what would have helped me SO much back then... Keep us updated, buddy...


Member: sam caldwell
Location: NY
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 5:04:48 PM

Comments

anonymous.. the 12 steps usually lead to some type of humility.

guess with your self indulgence and delusions, you have not quite mastered what is in that book, huh?

keep coming back, try to remain teachable, and most of all, try to get over yourself.

i would bet many many others simply scroll by your name.

too bad. you may have a message one day.

when you in fact, get sober.


Member: William.A.
Location: High-Point
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 6:01:45 PM

Comments

Hello,William here alkie.

First I would like to thank Pam for the topic and to share my experience,streignth and hope,it goes as follows. I ttruly agree with the way Pam started her sharing and for me I made many excuses for my disbelief until my sponsor ask me an important question,it was what did I want to save ( my face -or my butt) at that time I wanted to save my face and keep hiding in what was terrible pain so he told me that when I was ready to talk truthfully he would be thier for me,he was and I did sooner than I could have thought.

Today I am almost (10) years sober and sponsoring other men just like me.

Thank ,s to my Higher Power I was able to hear the message and not the messenger,I got sober inspite of myself . Hoope I was help to someone. Love& tolerence is our code,and mines


Member: AA
Location:
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 6:38:22 PM

Comments

“ACCEPTANCE” AND ACCEPTANCE IS THE ANSWER TO ALL MY PROBLEMS TODAY. WHEN I AM DISTURBED, IT IS BECAUSE I FIND SOME PERSON, PLACE, THING OR SITUATION - SOME FACT OF MY LIFE - UNACCEPTABLE TO ME, AND I CAN FIND NNO SERENITY UNTIL I ACCEPT THAT PERSON, PLACE, THING OR SITUATION AS BEING EXACTLY THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THIS MOMENT. NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS IN GOD'S WORLD BY MISTAKE. UNTIL I COULD ACCEPT MY ALCOHOLISM, I COULD NOT STAY SOBER; UNLESS I ACCEPT LIFE COMPLETELY ON LIFE'S TERMS, I CANNOT BE HAPPY. I NEED TO CONCENTRATE NOT SO MUCH ON WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED IN THE WORLD AS ON WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED IN ME AND MY ATTITUDES The Big Book - Page 449


Member: JD
Location: SOCAL
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 7:16:23 PM

Comments

I AM NEW TO THE SITE, I TRIED AA 2 YEARS AGO, GOT ABOUT 4 MONTHS BUT THEN HAD A "PARTY" UPON UPON MY BA GRADUATION WHERE A FELLOW MARINE BUDDY OFFERED ME A BEER. I FELT I COULD HANDLE IT, SO I HAD 2. THAT NITE AFTER GETTING BACK TO MY APT I WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF RUM, WHICH DIDN'T LAST TILL THE MORNING. I HAD BEEN SO HAPPY AND HAD NO BODYFAT WHATSOEVER WHEN I WAS OFF IT. NOW I'M OLDER IN LAW SCHOOL, STILL IN THE MARINES (ALBEIT RESERVES) BUT HAD KNEE SURGERY 6 MONTHS AGO, GOT HOOKED ON VICODIN AND BOOZE AGAIN. I FEEL MY LAW SCHOOL SLIPPOING AWAY SO THIS MORNING I CALLED THE NEAREST VA HOSPITAL AND ASKED THEM ABOUT WHAT PROGRAMS THEY OFFER. THEY HAVE A 30 AND 45 DAY PROGRAM WHERE U LIVE IN A GROUP HOME AND GET BUSSED TO THE HOSPITAL FOR WHATEVET TREATMENT OR GROUP STUFF. I CAN'T DO THIS TILL AFTER EXAMS IN MAY (i HAVE ALREADY DROPPED 2 OF MY CLASSES), I GUESS MY QUESTION IS DOES THIS INTREATMENT STUFF WORK, OR AM I BETTER OFF JUST TRYING TO FIND A LOCAL AA GROUP (i JUST MOVED). i AM PHYSICALLY AND PSYCHOLIGALLY ADDICTED RIGHT NOW AND AM WILLING TO TAKE A MONTH OUT TO GET SOBER, FOR GOOD. I HAVE BEEN DRINKING HARD SINCE I GOT BACK FROM DESERT STORM,IT HAS SCREWED UP MY MILITARY CAREER, COST ME MY HOUSE AND FIANCE, BUT I AM STILL HANGIN ON TO LAW SCHOOL, BUT I HAFTA STOP.DOES ANYONE WHO VOULNTARILY WENT TO TREATMENT KNOW WHAT GOES ON THERE ? I SAW 28 DAYS BUT THAT'S A MOVIE ... GOD BLESS DAVE


Member: Bob
Location: Canada
Date: 3/13/01
Time: 9:55:55 PM

Comments

Im waiting to voluntarily get into a 28 day re-hab program too,Ive tried and had some success with Aa,but I always manage to"slip"and each times its worse.Would also like to hear of anyones experiences with 28 day programs.


Member: Mike H
Location: KAnsas
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 12:24:32 AM

Comments

Hi all, made my meeting today and it was a pretty good day. Just needed to feel at home for a little bit. ya know like a meeting this is pretty cool. Today, no booze "first things first" and when my head hits the pillow hopefully I'll know that I didn't do it, HP did. thanks


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 1:20:57 AM

Comments

Hello. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. Darn good topic Pam. Honest with ones self. If I were not honest with me, then it would be impossible for me to be honest with you.

I may not have realized that I was an alcoholic. But, I did know that my drinking was not normal. I never did kid my self about that. I dwelled on it. I loved it. I made jokes about it. Like in "Man I am glad I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics have to make them meetings." I am just a drunk. :).

Then the day came when I simply could not drink another drop. I sat down a half of a drinkk I took a look around me. Folks I was not sitting in a class bar. I was roaming alleys, living in a chicken coop converted to an apartment. I never finished my last drink. It is still waiting for me there on that bar top. I had reached my saturation point.

I knew that I was done drinking. I was honest enough to realize that. I knew I was going to need some help. I was honest enough to know that. I knew there were several avenues to sobriety. I have a daughter that got sober in the church. I know of others that got sober in treatment centers. I knew that AA existed. I chose AA.

When I came to AA. I was honest enough to work the AA program. Not the churhes program. Not the Treatment Center program. Not Bill Smith's program. The AA program.

It is all about Bill being honest with Bill. I do not have to tell you I am alcoholic. Not in an open meeting. Not even in a closed meeting. I do openly admit that but I do not have to. But I have to tell myself that I am alcoholic. I tell my self that every day. I wake up every morning knowing I have only two choices. To drink until I die or to seek spiritual help. I am honest enough to know that.

Thanks for being a part of my sobriety today.

Bill

az-bill@primenet.com


Member: synonymous
Location: Dayton  OH
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 1:36:50 AM

Comments

the full quote: To thine own self be true. And then it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not be false to any man. -W.S.

Joe- I first tried this program at 17 and didn't quit drinking for 11 more years. If you are serious about getting sober and getting your life together you have a wonderful opportunity to do so with time and health on your side. Some of the wisest people I have ever met in this program got sober in their teens. God bless you in your quest for peace and happiness.

What a long strange trip it's been. Six years and they have been almost a blur with so MANY incredible things occurring in my life (and I've managed to not drink over any of them!) I never stayed sober anything like six WEEKS on my own for 12 years and barely 6 hours the last year or so of my drinking. I was truly incapable of being honest with myself about my problem. The fog of alcohol had lifted for many months before I really realized that I was what I had been calling myself in meetings. Then I think I suffered from rigormortis honesty for some time after that yet :o) The cathartic 4th and 5th steps were when I first began to really start to apply true honesty to my daily life and not just mouth it. I needed my truth detector sponsor by my side for a long time though and he guided me through the swamp that was my 8th step list and really encouraged me in my amends. I am far from perfect in my honesty efforts even today but thanks to God and the fellowship of AA I didn't drink today. Thanks for all who were (and are) there for a drunk like me! Have a great day ODAAT Phil D. DOS 3-14-95


Member: Rusty W
Location: Maine
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 1:57:05 AM

Comments

Rusty,alcoholic.honesty was something I grew into.rigorous honesty was something I learned from my sponser, people in the fellowship,and my GOD.I gotta be honest with all of these or I'm screwed!I'ts not easy sometimes but well worth it.When I'm lying to myself,I can lie to anybody.Honesty is one of the principles I have to live by.I ask GOD for help to be honest,my sponser knows when I'm not being honest and kicks my butt! With all this,I can live one day at a time happy,joyace and free!When I'm honest and not running on fear and ego, I can be there for my fellow humans.thanks and GOD bless.


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 2:17:27 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.Great topic getiing honest with ourselves.Easier said than done, however as it says in our Big Book, we must be painstakingly honest or our sobriety is going to be treacherous at best.It took this alcoholic almost seven years of continous sobriety to realize that alcohol was but a symptom of my disease.The self-centeredness, ego maniac, with low self esteem, life guided by fear were all part of my makeup.It wasn't until I made a commitment to God and the twelve step program of AA in step three, did life in sobriety begin to take on a new meaning.Taking the searching and fearless moral inventory of myself in step four and continuing to check up on myself as outlined in step ten has helped me to live my way into sober thinking as opposed to thinking my way into sober living.Our coin says to thy ownself be true, and that is hard at times.Its always easier to focus on/blame others for our plight in life.Thru the Grace of God and Alcoholics Anonymous I have enjoyed continous sobriety since the 23rd of November 1987.In this time I have learned that we are all created in God's image, for me when I stopped trying to create God in my image, life became worthwhile living again.The key to good sobriety for me, is I am useful today, no more no less, just useful.I have a reason to get up in the morning and for that I am truly grateful.


Member: wally
Location: swamps
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 3:58:14 PM

Comments

im wally gator im the most swingingest gator in the swamps,see u later wally gator


Member: Brian B
Location: Chaing Mai, Thailand
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 4:15:26 PM

Comments

I rarely post here, but this is a topic near and dear to my heart. As a humanist, my version of a HP is in my fellow humans, not some external interventionalist God who is going to personally interfere in my life if I go through some mystic process called prayer. The link to my HP is my conscience, which has had to be developed within AA and listening to my fellow AA members, and the world and society in which I live.

This places a special responsibility upon self-honesty. I have to live with my own conscience. If I do something that affects my conscience, then I have to look at it, honestly, and do something about it - (usually via the Serenity Statement). With something like 11,800 "Just for todays" under my belt, I work now within the maintenance steps, 10,11 and 12. This requires self honesty, especially 10, on a daily basis.

This honest self-appraisal has given me a quality of life beyond my wildest dreams. I can now live within my conscience, and the freedom that gives is amazing. It took years of spadework to get this thing right, and in all humility, I am still having to work it - its called life, and thanks to AA and a 12 step programme, I now have one. Isn't our fellowship amazing? See thee, Bri-turd.


Member: Rich R
Location: Detroit
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 4:58:02 PM

Comments

Thanks Pam for the topic. I started getting honest with myself about 10 years ago. First about my drinking, then my gambling (including the stock market), then my smoking, then my overeating. It took about 10 months to admit how compulsive I was. But, that was just the (major) addictions. I am still not honest about other areas of my life (e.g. character defects). Thanks for letting me share here.


Member: Frank M
Location: Ca
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 5:04:30 PM

Comments

This is my first time. I have been sober for 1 day. I have had many chalenges from war to starting a buisness, however this is the toughest battle I've ever been in. Is there light at the end of the tunnel?


Member: dave b
Location: ny
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 6:01:38 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is dave and i am an alcoholic. First i would like to thank Pam for this topic and also address JD from socal and Bob from canada. I have just recently gotten out of a 28 day program which turned out to be 30 days. I did not go voluntarily but after 8 days heard a message from a counselor that got me thinking. Back in 92 i quit drinking and went to AA meetings. My life inproved tremendously and i became a foreman in the company i was working for. Life was GREAT! i quit going to meetings after 2 yrs. and started drinking again 2 yrs. after that. I never got honest with my self about what alcohol had done to my life or tried to change my attitude. Well guess where i went? I lost my job, got a dwi,and life became a living hell. Going to rehab was the BEST THING that ever happened to me as it gave me tools to work with and made me realize that with out being honest with myself that life couldnt get better. I had to be honest in my feelings, about changing my attitude, and most importantly be as honest as possible to those around me. I still dont know if i will be able to keep my family as they are feed up with the attitude i had from drinking and the lying that had come with it. if u r thinking about a rehab i beg of u to take a chance NO MATTER HOW LONG! ISN'T YOUR LIFE WORTH IT AND TO THOSE AROUND YOU? be honest to your self and look inside because i promise u that life without alcohol can be so successful and the rewards u reap r ten fold. i thought when i was successful it would be alright to drink again, well I WASN'T HONEST TO MYSELF! I will recover and hopefully get back some of what i lost but i will be fearless in my recovery and always be honest with myself at how i got here. PLEASE DONT LET ALCOHOL CONTROL YOUR LIFE, IT WILL TAKE U WHERE IT WANTS TO GO! thanks for letting me share!


Member: tony
Location: don't beam me up
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 6:34:45 PM

Comments

hi tony alco thanks good topic boy when you get sober life really gets busy get out of your self scott life is good baby !!!love being sober !! on my way to meeting !! thanks love ya!!


Member: tee-he-he
Location: jail?
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 6:50:48 PM

Comments

but im still crazy as a loonatic......

where are you lu-lu?you WERE my hp.


Member: rick n.
Location: penn.
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 8:26:06 PM

Comments

frank m,

yes there is a light.....problem is,its a damn

freight train!!!!!!!!!hang in there,more to come


Member: humbaby
Location: tx
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 8:32:21 PM

Comments

I spent nearly 10 mths in a court ordered treatment facility and it was the toughest yet most gratifying,life saving thing I have ever done for me in my life. It not only changed my life but all those around me. 28 days is a breeze! A counselor told me that the only true rate of any acountable longevity for success in soboriety was when someone had a min. of 9mths in treatment. considering how long we have drank.,this is minor on the time scale. Take your 28days and learn everything youcan!


Member: Joann L
Location: St Louis , Missouri
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 8:58:52 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone ... My name is Joann Na I am an alcoholic..... "Honesty is the best policy" How many times have I heard that over the years. Well I know for one thing that if I dont stay honest with myself that I cant be honest with anyone and of course like many of us I couldnt be honest when I first got sober. It took me a very long time to be honest with myself and others about what really was the "problem".. This May will mark my 10th year anniversay of sobriety (God willing) and I am just so grateful that I can be Honest,Openminded and Willing to recieve this wonderful program .. Thank you all for being here for my sobriety and I will keep coming back. Joann L


Member: Michael
Location: AZ
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 10:57:47 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks to those who sincerely shared!

Admitting I was an alcoholic and that I needed help to stay sober provides a pivotal example of me getting honest with myself. Perhaps an equally pivotal example of me getting honest with myself occurred when I wrote out my Step 4.

Today, years later, I can say that, generally speaking, I am more honest with myself because of (among others) Step 1 and Step 4. Yet I've also come to learn that if I don't practice the AA program on a daily basis that I will eventually fall back into practicing the old ways of self-deception and rationalization.


Member: Joanne B.
Location: San Diego North County
Date: 3/14/01
Time: 11:52:11 PM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic named Joanne. I finally got online and couldn't wait to check out A.A. on the web. Honesty is always a great topic! It's just that when I ask myself if I'm being honest, really honest, the comittee in my head can really confuse things. All I know is that when I first came to A.A. in 1989 I knew I was a drug addict, and it took a few days of meetings and alot of coffe and fellowship before the real truth hit me between the eyes, I was an alcoholic, and I knew it was true.

I stayed sober 6 years and went back out for 2. Now I'm sober 3.5 years. Honesty with myself first is the only chance I have for honesty in my work, family, relationships.....all the things I ever really wanted. The best way I've found to be honest with myself is to stay accountable to others, whether that be in the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous, my family, my doctor, my employer, my friends, you know "wherever possible to do so".

Thanks for letting me share.

Love you all, Jojo


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 12:30:12 AM

Comments

Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona..

Michael. Will you be at the Area Assembly in Parker this weekend? I sit on the Treatment Panel. If you are there drop by and say Hello.

Joanne B. We may have met at the San Marcos Sat nite meeting. I visited N. County quite a bit. Vista, Oceanside. and Valley Center. Hugs, Bill

az-bill@primenet.com


Member: Donnie M
Location: W. Va.
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 5:19:05 AM

Comments

HI,I`m Donnie and I am a alcoholic.Great Topic I myself had a real hard time getting honest with myself. It truly hit me like a ton of brick`s that I was never going to drink a beer again.I think that was the hardest thing to beat into my hard head,but once I HONESTLY looked at life without alcohol it seemed that life got better, and is alway`s getting better. I was alway`s the one who could try to drink the most in my circle of so called FRIEND`S. I say this because when I got sober I realized that those friend`s had to go. I was reading As Bill Sees It on page 172 this matter of honesty - Only GOD can fully know what absolute honesty is. Therefore,each of us has to conceive what this great ideal may be-to the best of our ability.The way I see it Bill W. & Dr.Bob were very smart men to understand that staying sober was the simplest thing if we JUST DON`T DRINK. Thanks for listening and GOD bless all who really try.


Member: Kate H.
Location: NY
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 9:52:57 AM

Comments

Hi, all. Kate here, alcoholic. I've got nearly two years in the program and I'm stuck at just about the same place I was at two months. Haven't been able to commit to really working the program even though I understand enough to know what that refusal means. I'm setting myself up to drink again just as I have in the past. I'm a periodic but this is the longest I have been dry in my entire adult life (I'm 50.) Recently I've been sliding back into the pattern that I should have recognized instantly if I had been honest with myself. Wanting to isolate, not sharing in meetings when I actually get to one and fighting my therapist tooth and nail when she's tried to encourage me to get a sponsor and really work the program as it's written, not the way that I think is best. Depressed, overwhelmed, feeling really crappy, just wanting to curl up in a ball until it all goes away....sound familiar to anyone? I know it does to me. I've lived it off and on for soooo long. I've tried to THINK my way through this all on my own. I'm just smart enough to be stupid when it comes to admitting that I can't do this alone, no one can. There, I said it but can I live it? Dunno. Part of me wants to surrender but the darn stubborn Irish head I was born with is still too thick and pigheaded to actually DO it. A friend of mine says that prayer works even if you don't believe in it....that it's been proven scientifically. So let me ask for that kind of help if noone minds. Please keep this fool in your prayers til I can do it for myself. Thanks for being here. You've all spoken to the me that wants to stay sober.


Member: zeke k
Location: oil city,pa
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 10:40:26 AM

Comments

zeke here honesty isa very good topic it took me a long time to get honest with myself, today after a few 24hrs of being sober i can say that i am a happy person, inside and out and it all started with not taking that first drink.


Member: CHECK IN
Location:
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 1:40:29 PM

Comments

TYPING MONKEYS ARE ON THE COFFEE POT


Member: John K
Location: Panama
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 2:23:41 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm John, I'm an alcoholic. I was in this program a few years back, and it did me a world of good. But, here I am again. Tomorrow makes one week sober. I use alcohol to escape from reality. I don't like my life.


Member: babs
Location: STL
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 2:26:59 PM

Comments

I drank to much 10 months ago, got in trouble. Stayed sober for 10 months and drank again. Only to get in trouble again. Because my drinking history is not "enough", my insurance doesn't cover treatment. It will cover a therapist. Will AA and therapy be enough? I hope so.


Member: the saint
Location:
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 2:53:23 PM

Comments

babs you answered your own question........... ............only YOU will know


Member: CARL B GOODE
Location:
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 4:38:22 PM

Comments

WHATS A TYPING MONKEY MEAN???


Member: sister ignatia
Location:
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 5:35:29 PM

Comments

oh stop that


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 6:01:58 PM

Comments

Even in the topic it is evident that we think too much of an honesty that looks not to God. If we begin to center our honesty toward God rather than ourselves, the world, and those therein we will advance so much the faster than if we seek to please anyone here below. I've been to meetings where honesty was the topic and seldom do we hear anyone who is truly looking to God. Are we honest in our decision to turn our wills and lives over to the care of him or is it still the cash register we seek to find an honesty with, is it the world and its system we are trying to please or is it God we are looking to find praise from. Let us therefore be honest with God rather than ourselves and the world or we have yet to find that new employer the big book speaks of in reference to Christ....


Member: here we are
Location: there we'll be
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 9:42:58 PM

Comments

oh brother................


Member: michae c
Location: st pete
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 10:41:24 PM

Comments

IM a member of this big fellowship and am happy to share my name is michel c. honest am I glad to hear others share to get a feeling of it and to get some working in my life. Just reading opened my mind to get a new concpt and joy my hp is you all more than some space owner or outside Father the some total of everything. So now to say this last week so much fear and depression overwhelming me not turning it over,Best friends breast cancer operation in a few days other close members sad cancer news just about a walking stoned dude and no drink or smoke but so numb so thanks all of you for showing a reck like me how not to pick up today...


Member: Roger J
Location: South Georgia
Date: 3/15/01
Time: 10:44:51 PM

Comments

Honesty - True honesty is asking God to show me where I need prunning and do my part in changing my defects and allow God to do His part. For years I used alcohol as a way of having "fun". Well as years went on things became less fun. I had no idea it had anything to do with alcohol, because I had "THE TOTAL INABILITY AND UNWILLINGNESS TO SEE THE TRUTH ABOUT MYSELF"! So pick up the bottle: This bottle was "let's say" a rattlesnake. I would reach down day-in-and-day-out to pick this snake up and it bit me almost everytime, but you know I was unable and unwilling to see that! On many occations I thought I could pick up the snake - thinking today it's a stick, or a nonpoisonous snake, or just thought it wouldn't bite today. I was only fooling myself. One day over two and half years ago God allowed me to see the Snake for what it really is, as I reached for it thinging it was a stick or something, I all off a sudden saw it as a poisonous snake, and my life has changed from that point on. Through the fellowship of AA, the 12 step program, and finally finding a God of my understand I haven't had to take a drink these past few years. I realize it takes spiritual maintanence on a daily basis, or my invisible snake would return if I don't do what Gad wants me to do. I'm just grateful today that I "Have the Total ability with God/AA's help and an undying daily willingness to see THE TRUTH ABOUT MYSELF"!

Thanks for listening


Member: T.J. S
Location: Omaha
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 1:03:24 AM

Comments

Hi, T.J. alcoholic. Thanks everyone for sharing. This has been a powerful experience for me, witnessing the power of the program through you all. First, to the people who are new or struggling to get it. I can't say I know how it works, how it is the switch finally gets thrown and sobriety happens. I do know two of the biggest blocks for me, and apparently others, were taking directions from another person and being open to a higher power. I simply had to get desperate enough, ie had to run out of new ideas and realize that of and by myself I am drunk and suicidal (that latter part is not true for all, but is part of my story), to take the suggestions and pray to the god of my understanding at that time. From there amazing things have taken place. My conception of a higher power has changed radically and I have experienced the freedom to be true to my own self (higher self as someone else said). Today I understand honesty to essentially mean true humility. Showing up in the moment, as my higher power has me, open to what is put there for me to do or experience, open to what my higher power would have me become from there. For me, one of the truest things Bill W. wrote was that humility is the foundation principle of all the steps. It is all about letting go of fear and learning how to love. One aspect of honesty/humility that you all have helped me with today is seeing again that I am one among many, no more, no less. There is no way of Being more profound or meaningful than that. In my personal experience the many are also One. My prayers go out to you all, thanks again for showing up and being real.

Namaste


Member: Andrea FS
Location: Omaha, NE
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 1:17:57 AM

Comments

Hello, My name is Andrea and I am an alcoholic. It has been great reading everyone's comments on this week's topic of honesty. My husband and I have just found this site and have been addictively reading everyone's responses. We are quite a bunch of "strange angels" aren't we. I felt touched and brought into the moment by everything that was posted. And I do mean everything. I could hear my judgments and comments in response to several of the postings and AA's voice in my head responded in kind. To the man with 1 day wondering about the light at the end of the tunnel . . . and to the responder who told him it is a freight train . . . I suppose being "rocketed into the 4th dimension" could be equivocal to a "freight train coming your way" (I love that song by Metallica). It certainly has felt like something akin to that for me; but not like being run over -- more like being picked up and taken on a deliriously unknown and ecstatic journey where everything has been rearranged within and without. So hang in there to those of you who are new and to those of you who are not, myself included, I will hang on to . . . just for today. Aren't we all new each day? If only I could remember that. Honestly, on honesty when I'm in the past or in the future, I suck. When I'm with you . . . I'm in the sunlight of the spirit. So I'll keep coming back because it works. Thanks to everyone.


Member: Bob
Location: Canada
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 6:40:55 AM

Comments

Thanks to the guy who wrote about the 28 day program and all the rest of your post brothers and sisters,we are people who would"normally not mix"if it wasn't for this thing we call addiction.Were not stupid,we can see the harm thats been done to us and know to leave it alone is the only answer,but its so tough to get over this "relationship"that I,and many others have had since being very young.Im looking forward to go into re-hab,one month from today,and learn as much as possible as to why Ive gome down this path."Our alcoholism is but a sympton"intrigues me as Ive known for a very long time I must get away from this life and soul destroying life but even after fairly long periods in the program always let myself think this time will be different,I'LL stay in cotrol,as someone else just said,it will only be astick,not a serpent. The best to all


Member: annie k
Location: blue ridge mts.
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 9:39:53 AM

Comments

The longer I stay sober, the narrower the road gets. For the longest, I could be sober about things with others, but rarely with myself. I'm a self-made cheat, liar and thief. The way I lived life before coming into AA was to do anything I had to to counteract the problems I caused myself in order to survive. I lied when I didn't need to, cause I had been doing it so long it was second nature to me. I lied to cover my butt. I lied to make myself feel better(THAT always worked LOL). Today if I am not honest, I get very uncomfortable in my skin...just like I used to feel all the time. I don't like that feeling. If my conscious contact with God is in line, I don't feel the need to lie. I've been sober over a decade, and the life I have today is more than I could ever have imagined. I still get scared sometimes and lonely and angry...but I haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink by the grace of God. Congratulations to all the newcomers. You are taking the first steps toward getting your life back. It's a helluva ride! Reach out and let the people in the program help you. Helping you helps me...we're all in this together and that's the magic of this thing. God's got a deal for drunks who don't drink. Get on board.


Member: Steeled Joseph
Location: Redville USA
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 12:21:11 PM

Comments

Get Honest with yourself! Certainly you must! But now we have some new bankruptcy laws bureaucratically flying around the exalted halls of Washington, DC. Well the Clinton administration never got honest with itself!! You can't expect too much out of the "First Son" of George Bush of Yale's Alumni either, but you had better be honest with the creditors who are breathing down your debt-plagued necks! Or else!! Yea! "The rich over the poor beareth rule! and slave is the borrower to the lender!!' Proverbs 22:7


Member: lucifer
Location: waiting for your arival
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 12:26:31 PM

Comments

the rich get richer the poor get poorer,

but one day.........everyone will get there turn

in HELL...................


Member: SR IGNATIA
Location:
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 1:04:24 PM

Comments

OH STOP THAT


Member: SCOTT W.
Location: NEW YORK
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 2:02:59 PM

Comments

GETTING HONEST WITH MYSELF WAS A VERY HARD THING TO DO AT FIRST ESPECIALLY,BECAUSE IN DOING SO I HAD TO ADMIT THAT I MADE A TOTAL WRECK OF MY LIFE AND THAT ALL I DID WAS CAUSE PAIN AND SUFFERING TO EVERYONE AROUND ME.AFTER 40 DETOXES AND 10 REHABS,NUMEROUS ARRESTS AND ALOT OF TIME IN JAIL I WAS BEATEN DOWN SO BAD AND WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT I BECAME WILLING TO GET HONEST WITH MYSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE AS WELL.YOU SEE I HAD DIFFERANT AMOUNTS OF TIME IN THE PAST RANGING FROM 30 DAYS TO 3 YRS OVER AND OVER AGAIN,I LEARNED HOW TO DO TIME IN THE ROOMS AND OUT OF THE ROOMS AS WELL.ANYBODY CAN DO TIME ONCE THEY GET USED TO IT BUT TIME DOES NOT EQUAL RECOVERY!!! ONCE AGAIN TIME DOES NOT EQUAL RECOVERY!!!!WHAT I FOUND OUT IS THAT THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO CHANGE IT,RATIONALIZE IT,JUSTIFY IT, IT STILL REMAINS THE TRUTH.I FOUND IT MUCH LESS STRESSFUL TO ACCEPT WHATEVER IS GOING ON AND DEALING WITH IT WITH HELP FROM G-D AND THE RECOVERING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.IN ORDER TO GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF AND THATS THE BOTTOM LINE!!!!


Member: Christine H.
Location: Simi Valley, CA
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 2:27:12 PM

Comments

Hi I am Christine, an alcoholic. I have been dry for 5 days. I have been sober one day. I finally found it in myself to open my mouth and find out about how to get a sponser, so last night I swallowed my pride and got one. I feel so much better then I have felt in the past five days. I think that it is only right (for myself) to change my sobriety date to March 15, 2001. Don't you? Well all in all, we worked through step one and now I am on step two, and am quite stuck here. I cannot quote anything from the Big Book, or from the Twelve and Twelve but I am thankful to be where I am at, and I am happy to finally, if not only a little surrender. To myself, to you and to the program. Thank you all, my fellow alcoholics.


Member: yea
Location:
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 2:28:24 PM

Comments

amen to that jail food sucks


Member: Sharon F
Location: cloudy 48F Portland, OR
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 5:52:56 PM

Comments

Self honesty was taught to me thru AA. Yes the preacher's daughter had lied to self and everyone else for so many years I didn't know HOW to be honest. So bad I had to ask my son how old I was..lol.. Thru these last 23 yrs I found the ability to be honest not only with you but with myself. Finding MY God was a big help.. sure didn't chose Dad's, I found a different side of the same God.. If I hadn't found AA, I wouldn't have my LOVING God,and true honesty.. Brian, I certainly respect you !! Love and prayers, Sharon Frey slfrey@Yahoo.com


Member: ellen
Location:
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 8:37:39 PM

Comments

the color is funny on here ,is my computer broke


Member: yuk on color sceme
Location:
Date: 3/16/01
Time: 8:48:44 PM

Comments

my eyes are going crazy


Member: ben franklin was gay
Location:
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 12:26:06 AM

Comments


Member: Keith M
Location:
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 4:25:39 AM

Comments

I've been sober since march 6th. My wife wants a divorce and we have a 3 year old daughter. I relize now that it was my drinking that contrbuted to her wanting to leave. However I also believe it was OUR drinking that brought us together, and that fact scares me to death. I fear that our lives are going to take separate paths. One to recovery and the other contiuing down a self-distrutive path. I've prayed about this everyday. Her father also is in recovery for 15-20 years and I don't think he is aware that his dautgher is in the same situation he was in. I feel I need to call him. I don't want her to contiue the family tradition. I definatly don't want it passed on to my daughter. And yes I am an alcholic.


Member: Mark C.
Location: NYC
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 8:41:02 AM

Comments

Hi, Mark here. I'm an alcoholic from NYC. I did some big time lying to myself the first time I went through this program. I tried to convince myself that I believed in some white-beared God figure and that I had turned my will over to Him. Some say, if you can't make it fake it, and I got a lot of milage out of that at first, but like many lies it got me in trouble in the long term.

Now I am five months sober, and ready to honestly admit to myself and the people in the rooms that I am an antheist. I'm also powerless over alcohol. Those are two things I have to be honest about. I'm open minded and, who knows, I may change my mind, but this time round, I'm not going to pretend I believe something I do not.

It was this online meeting that got me sober, but I also hang out on the Lifering Secular Recovery Mail list (at www.unhooked.com) and the Self Management and Recovery Training BBS (at SMARTRecovery.org). Both of these grous copied AA in taking on the rule that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Well, I've got that!

Thank you all for helping to make these past five months possible.

Mark C.


Member: Jeff
Location: Northern CA
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 9:29:35 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. Honesty is a topic that always makes me question myself. Ever since I was a kid I considered honesty a good thing and like so many of the defects that I found in the 4th step my intentions did not match my actions.

When I was drinking I lied; plain and simple. It is hard to drink the way I did and not lie. I lied about my drinking, I told you I was more important than I was and I believed it myself. If you were a chick in the bar I would tell you just about anything I could think of to get something going. If you were my boss I would tell you that I had done something you had asked me to and then do it quickly to cover my ass. If you were my family I would tell you what you wanted to hear most of the time just to get you to treat me like I wanted. Sometimes I told the truth and that made things even more confusing.... Remembering what I had said to who and why and when.

The scarriest lie I ever told you and myself was that I could drink safely in spite of my experiences to that point.

I have not been drinking for a few years, thanks to God and AA. When I wake up in the moring I ask God to show me what I am, and then to show me what I could be. I continue to catch myself telling someone something that is meant to impress or make myself out to be something that I am not. Many times I exaggerate the good or the bad. Sometimes I find that I tell someone a lie because I am too lazy to figure out the truth or because I am ashamed to say I don't know. That self-centered fear mentioned above is a big one on some days.

AA sets some pretty damn high standards for me and I am aware that progress is the only thing I can hope for. I am so grateful for the progress...I need this stuff and all of you at meetings and here on my screen. Thank you all for sharing.


Member: P.N.
Location: Ks.
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 9:47:16 AM

Comments

Hi,I'm Pitsy and I am a alcholic. I liked what Linda said about, "There comes a time when we cannot turn our head and longer." I have been sober for 62 days after being drunk for over 21 years. I knew that I had a problem but I couldn't do anything about it. I tried to stop but just couldn't. I got to the point of no return and then I went to treatment. Treatment saved my life, my job, family, etc. It did not save my marriage, which sucked any way. Since I've been sober life is so much better in every way. I have to pray to my higher power every morning and thank him every night for one more day of sobriety. I can not look back. I still have a lot to learn about living sober because it is all new to me, I haven't known it since I was a young child. Good Luck to All of Us and may our Higher Power guide us through this. Remember that you are not alone. Thanks for being hear.


Member: SW
Location: MN
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 10:37:59 AM

Comments

Hi I'm SW, an alcoholic!! I have no will power or confidence to stop drinking. I truly want to stop, but don't know how. Things are worse than ever. I've been on a two year binge, and don't know how to stop. Life is getting worse day-by-day. I admit that I'm powerless over this shit!! I want it to stop, I want the pain to subside!! What do i do???? Help!!!!


Member: TiffanyB
Location: Virginia
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 1:32:57 PM

Comments

Hello, I guess that getting honest with myself has and always will be an ongoing struggle. Having been only sober for a short time now, I find myself having to look at who I am and ask myself how I could let this happen to me.

Some terrible things have occurred because of my alcoholism and I sometimes feel that they will always be there, never to pass away. Getting honest with myself is a painful but necessary process and I hope that one day I will be able to look back on these early days as just the stepping stones that they are for a happy life.


Member: sherri M.
Location: TX.
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 3:40:01 PM

Comments

Man.,some of you guys really scare me! That's good! SW in MN made my heart start racing just recalling when I was in the same boat just seven years ago. So desperate. It is so far away yet so near how scared I was after always being able to overcome about every obstacle one could have in their lives and there I was unable to stop drinking. Didn't even eat.Wasting away in front of the boys I love so much and my family trying everything they could and yet I could not stop until........that 4th DWI in less than 2 years time. that disease got a hold of me quick. Honestly.,I would have died if not for court orfered treatment. It was pure hell sobering up and seeing my boys who I could no longer touch through the jail cell windows.That was my low point. I did not need for god to take me any lower to realize that I was powerless over alcohol which I knew obviously but could not stop. Learning to be honest w/myself and giving up that ever so strong will power I had was next. I did it and life is so much better now whatever comes down the pike. I care not about losing a relationship only to stay sober.I love my boys and family w/every fiber of my being and yet I can still come around aND LOOK at myself standing alone and honestly like that person. I do thank god so very much for all my tribal members in AA. We are definitely a breed apart from the norm and I am cool w/that too.Thanks everyone and I pray that all of you can find peace w/in yourselves.


Member: Jeff g.
Location: Vermont
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 3:49:44 PM

Comments

Hi i'm Jeff and an alcoholic. I'v been a dry drunk for years. I tried aa before and never worked the program like I new I should. Mainly because of fear. Being honest! What an immense undertaking for an alcoholic like me. I'm so scared to share my thoughts and feelings about anything. I know you've all been there. How do you put aside those deep seated fears and find the courage to speak when all i'm thinking about is " I will look and sound stupid ". How do I overcome this fear? How do I learn to respect myself enough to not care what others think of me? Please help! I need comments. Thanks


Member: Howdoyoudo?
Location: Pushkin Square
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 3:52:45 PM

Comments

(((More "Fallen! Fallen! is babylon the great!!"))) for those who got Honest with themselves:

Busted! The 'New Economic Paradigm' Goes South

For the past few years we have been carefully following the development of the US and world economies. Yet almost overnight, instead of "the boom will last forever", the press now has stories about "how to survive the recession", and openly discusses the economic slowdown. They don't even blush at the fact that mere months ago they were encouraging everyone to get into the stock market or miss out on fabulous wealth and early retirement! We explained long ago that the so-called "New Economic Paradigm" was nothing new at all &endash; that it was an investment boom propelled by the super-exploitation of the working class and ex-colonial world. Only a year ago, the bourgeois press was full of excitement and bravado about how the boom would never end, that "this time it's different", etc. We pointed out repeatedly that the capitalist system has the boom-slump cycle built in. Simply put, what goes up, must come down &endash; that much was certain. The only unknown factor was when it would collapse, and how hard and how quickly it would fall.

It is impossible for capitalism to overcome the fundamental contradiction that the working class is not paid as much wealth as it produces. The surplus wealth the workers create over and above the wages they receive from the capitalist form the private profit of the capitalist. The workers can therefore never buy back all the products they create. After a period of boom, increased productivity, investment, and growth, the economy inevitably begins to freeze up - a crisis of "overproduction" sets in, and the economy spirals into recession or worse. Layoffs increase, perfectly good factories are shut down, new investment stops. The bourgeois are so worried about the coming slump (and the inevitable social discontent which will accompany it) that they hurried to blame Clinton before he left office, are rushing Bush's tax-cut for the rich through Congress, and are of course praying that Alan Greenspan of the Federal Reserve Board can work some of his "magic".

So while the contradictions of the system will never result in a "final crisis" until the workers of the world overthrow it once and for all, the capitalist world was dealt a harsh blow today which will make millions of people question its right to continue dominating their lives. The Dow Jones Industrials (DJIA) and NASDAQ suffered overwhelming losses today in a broad-based sell-off that handed the Dow Industrials its worst percentage loss in 11 months and took the NASDAQ below the 2,000 mark for the first since December 1998. Billions of dollars of personal wealth were wiped out. With the bursting of the economic tech bubble, the NASDAQ now is down more than 60 percent from its March 2000 record high as profit warnings mount in the deteriorating economy. That drop surpasses its hammering of 59.9 percent during the 1973-74 prolonged bear market. This means that if you invested $10,000 a year ago in the NASDAQ, you would now have only $4,000!

This was DJIA's fifth largest point drop ever, with a 436.37-point tumble, or 4.10 percent, at 10,208.25. It was the lowest close for the blue-chip average since late October 2000.

Wall Street's broadest economic measure, the Standard & Poor's 500, plunged 53.26 to 1,180.16 for a loss of 4.3 percent. The S&P has lost nearly a quarter of its value since its closing high of 1,527.46 reached March 24 of last year. Many stock market analysts are expecting things to get much worse before it gets any better. The NASDAQ, DOW, and S&P 500 are, in large part, measures of business expectations and with the Dow and S&P 500 which are faltering and the NASDAQ below 2,000 have many owners of capital shaking in their boots.

The US economy, which is being held up by waning consumer confidence (now at its lowest level in years), is the main engine of the world economy. When it peters out, the rest of the world will be hit as well. So it is no surprise that foreign stock markets were not immune from the paranoid selling spree on Wall Street today as European markets felt the blast from the NASDAQ and DJIA bomb blast as well. Japan, whose market also fell to below 12,000 today is teetering on a total collapse of its economy with interest rates hovering around .01% and unemployment rates rising to their highest levels ever. All of this economic doom and gloom highlights the contradictions within the chaotic capitalist system.

This does not bode well for the working class. It is invariably the working class who feel the brunt of a market going bad. In fact, they feel the strains of a waning market before even the so-called experts know about it. For months now there have been huge layoffs in the manufacturing and tech sectors. Just last week one of the tech industries mainstays, Cisco Systems Inc., which hit its all-time high of 82 dollars last March and is now trading at 18 3Ú4, announced it was laying-off thousands of workers. Subsequently their stock plummeted.

Under capitalism the workers are nothing more than a commodity and the owners of capital use this to their advantage. When demand for a product subsides the workers of that industry are laid off in an effort to decrease expenditures. Of course this knee jerk reaction by the capitalists has the effect of further depressing the capitalist economy as workers who were once consumers are now only able to scratch by, purchasing much less than before. Moreover, the workers have not been privy to the "boom" of the last decade here in the States, with real wages stagnating and individual debt ballooning, they sure as hell will be privy to the bust! It is not the bosses who suffer; it is the workers! And things can only get worse from here!

The only way to curb this roller coaster ride of capitalist economics, which tosses its unsuspecting passengers, the workers, to and fro, is a democratically planned socialist economy. Surely recent events are enough to convince one that the current unplanned economy and the mysterious ghostly

hand of the marketplace are not good enough for the workers in this day and age. Capitalism is a dying system there is no need to feed off its carcass or suffer under its decrepit rule. Jump ship now and join the revolution!

By Kristopher Marc and Peter Johnson (in the USA) March 12, 2001

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Member: Donnie M
Location: W.Va.
Date: 3/17/01
Time: 10:12:59 PM

Comments

HI,all stay honest with yourself,and the rest will just happen. SW I had to take my last drink and hit my knee`s and ask GOD TO SAVE MY ASS!!! Thanks to all and GOD Bless all who try.


Member: Chris V.
Location: Belleville, IL
Date: 3/18/01
Time: 12:29:31 AM

Comments

Hi everyone. I'm Chris and I'm an alcoholic. I heard a quote one time that said that to be dishonest with others is immoral, but to be dishonest with yourself is just plain stupid. Being dishonest with myself is death spiritually. When I got sober and began to work the steps, I got the chance to find out who I truly am. When I am dishonest with myself, I am wasting time when I could be useful to others. God Bless, Chris V.


Member: Gary G
Location: ALASKA
Date: 3/18/01
Time: 6:31:17 AM

Comments

My name is Gary and I'm an alcholic, I just made plans to go to Texas. There seems to be a good old boy down there, and on May 10th he is celebrating 55 years of soberity. I'm going to park the dog sled and go down there and help him celebrate. He likes to say " I have three numbers that are important to me, the number 90, the number 65, and the number 54. I'm 90 years old, I've been married 65 years-----to the same woman, and I have 54 years of soberiety. But the most important number is the number 54 because if I didn't have the number 54 I wouldn't have the number 90 or the number 65.

Gary G


Member: brenda r
Location: austin ,tx
Date: 3/18/01
Time: 10:00:09 AM

Comments

Hi B here not drunk for 34 days out of 26 years. Got scolded in a chat room for being on step 4 after 8 days but giving God the full reign is not a problem. The honesty thing on the other hand. Beat myself for the past 5 years fully aware of my alcoholism and its effect on my world. However just picked up the book "women who love too much" and if alcohol is the symptom I think that i just found the problem. Now we get really honest. ouch. Thanks to everyone here for sharing it is all good. Please if you have time to include me in your prayers. God bless all of you . Love and Prayers B Ps to Anthony P e-mail is spie@swbell.net I'll buy you a cup of coffee or something dont know how much i can help but you are not alone in austin :)