Member: Margie
Location: Long Island
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 9:55:46 AM
OK I think I am the first one...
In lew of what I felt last night I would like to discuss how AA, and your HP has helped you in understanding and facing the many insecurities you had coming into the rooms!!
I have a very deep issue with the need to get attention and admiration from others, thanks to the rooms and being honest,as suggested in the BB, I am undersatanding that this is totally human and normal. Sharing about this feeling, and many others helps me to feel more connected and to understand where they come from. The 4th step has also enlightened me, and has showed me they are feelings of fear not facts!!
Hope all are having a very sober and grateful day!
Much love and hugs...Margie
Member: Bonny G.
Location: Hot Springs, AR
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 9:57:14 AM
Hi, Bonny, grateful recoverying alcoholic. I thought of Step 3-Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I think I need to refresh my own life with this topic today. I seem to sometimes forget that God will see me through situations that jump at me in my day to day life, even after 8 years of sobriety. I sometimes forget that God can handle the people that I must deal with in my daily life also. I am praying to God for those people who cross my path at work, some of them I simply have a hard time with. Thanks, any input will be wonderful.
Member: Bruce N
Location: Houston
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 10:59:18 AM
Thanks for the topic this morning Margie. I'm Bruce, a very grateful alcoholic today. I too suffer from time to time with the "I Suck" syndrome. Feelings of worthlessness go back a long way. God tells me that I'm not supposed to dwell on the negative effects of those days but turn them around as positive experiences that can be used to help someone else. Notice I didn't say just another alcoholic. How He helps me do this is to remind me that I'm not in this deal alone, that he has put me here with about 6 billion other children of his. And most important thing of all is that he wants me to love myself just as He loves me. And to do that I believe he sent a program, a group(more than one), 12 steps, a church, friends, family....on and on to remind me that He LOVES me...and he wants me to LOVE him right back. He wants me to do these steps not just talk about it. His goal for me is the 12th step....to LOVE Him and HONOR Him by sharing my experience,strength and hope to ANYONE who suffers and has no hope. I'm in my 19th year of sobriety and need to here these words more today than ever. Thanks for letting me share and God Bless each of us.
Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 11:00:04 AM
Jeff, alcoholic Well i was insecure to the point that i had to drive around the block at my first f2f mtg. to be sure i had the right place. Looked at the posts for weeks before posting here, even with years of sobriety. I think we all have the need to be accepted, encoraged, or even loved, these are basic human needs or wants. I don`t think these are nessarily bad? Some of my new found feelings are fearfull to me yet today, i didn`t know i had such strong emotions or didn`t see them or analize them when i was drunk. It takes some time i think to be able to sort the good from the bad, all i know is there is`nt anything that my Higher Power & i can`t handle today. Well i don`t know all there is to know about this deep stuff i try to learn about myself, all i know is i`m sober today. Woke up today, made coffee & realised hay i`m 13 yrs sober today, wow made it another year, by the grace of God. I feel good thanks....Jeff
Member: Margie
Location:
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 11:29:46 AM
Congratulations Jeff!!!! Much love and many many more years!!!
Member: sherri Mc.
Location: George West,TX.
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 11:33:11 AM
Hey all..been away from this site awhile. Practice the AA principles in all aspects of my life. It is nice to see people with about as much or more soboriety than I.(7 years). It is hard to imagine I had the insecurities aforementioned but I did. I tell myself that I have never really cared too much if others "approved" of me nor did I seek attention. I guess because I figured out a long time ago how to play the "game" in whichever situations I have been in. Insecuruties crept up in soboriety when I had to stop playing games w/myself and get honest. Look inward, not on whom I was getting over on. No more manipulations,just plain ol' honest words and emotions based on taking care of me! It did'nt take real long to get back my honest "I dont give a crap what the world thinks of me attitude". It was and has been nice to know that that just comes naturally to me. It is really more along the lines of let go and let God type of philosophy or the serenity prayer. There ain't a whole hell of a lot I can do about other people and their perceptions but.....there is a lot I can do about me. Take care and God Bless.
Member: oscar
Location:
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 12:02:15 PM
MARGIE you selfish selfcentered pig!!!! do you not have the mental abilities to follow simple instructions READ THE FUCKING GUIDE LINES TO POSTIG!!!! AND FOLLOW THEM BITCH.oh by the way,did you stay out and check the site every second so you could be the FIRST POSTER? have a cigarette and die pig
Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 12:03:27 PM
Hi to all and way to go Jeff we can only hope many more days will come.
Thank you Marge greta topic.
For me I have always had a hard time starting something new and soberity was no different. I find that once I found a higher power to help me walk among others and be able to look poeple in the eye and come to understand that most people feel the same nervous feelings that I have. Today I know with God`s help I can and usual do confront my fears head-on and once I jump in and get my feet wet so to speak I am not nearly as sacared as things like I used to be. I have found a love for myself today and I believe this has helped me see the love for others as well. Thanks for letting me ramble and God bless all.
Member: Joni
Location:
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 1:14:34 PM
This is for Oscar,
CALL YOU'R SPONSER!!!!
Member: Fareedah B.
Location: California
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 1:15:36 PM
Hi Margie and all, I am new to this group -- My Name is Fareedah and I am an alcoholic. What a wonderful topic. I suffer from deep insecurities as I think most of us do. I have found that if I "suit up and show up" for life, God intervenes and allows me to do what is necessary in spite of my insecurities.
Recently, my life took on a different path. I had been a student for the last five years and completed my BS in June of last year; started working as a substance abuse counselor at our nation's largest rehab center in July; and entered the MBA program online in December.
All my insecurities came up and my head told me that I could never pull this off. I have the kind of head that wakes me up in the morning and says "Fareedah, we got an idea" -- before working the steps, I would be off and running with whatever it told me. Today I know that I constantly search for the easier softer way and that I have to ask God each day to show me His path.
After taking the third step, I realized that my life was no longer mine -- I had given it over, insecurities and all -- I just suit up and show up.
KCB
Fareedah
Member: Gage
Location: Louisiana
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 2:22:12 PM
I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. Margie, first let me say that the person who spoke so badly to you above has no right to speak to you that way, and in a face to face meeting would never do so because he knows that somebody would wipe the floor up with him if he did. So, he brings his psychotic aggression here where he feels like he is hidden, and it's really quite pathetic when you think about it. He will post some of his pitiful, pious bullshit to me very shortly after he reads this, so if everyone will forgive me in advance, I'll just go ahead and tell him to go screw himself now.
(Sorry folks, I just ain't that well yet.)
Margie, what I have discovered about myself is that I am inherently a coward. From as far back as I can remember, I have sought the approval of people in order to skirt adversity, I have lived in fear of abandonment which has either caused me to do things that I wished I hadn't or to not do things that I wished I had, and I have geared most of my thinking about life from the standpoint of a basic misconception: I thought brave, successful people felt no fear. Courageous people do feel fear from time to time, they just don't let it rule them. They keep going, and when they need help they ask for it. I'll keep going if you will. And let's not be afraid to cut up and have a little fun either. It's lighter than we think.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 4:45:04 PM
Hi folks! Adam, alcoholic.
Excellent topic, Margie! You know, I came in to AA when I was 21 and this was the last place I ever wanted to show up. Not because I didn't think I had a problem--I mean, hey, I was lying, stealing and vomiting uncontrollably every time I drank, yet never refusing a drink that was put before me...I knew there was something wrong with that. No, the problem for me was that I was afraid that the people in that meeting were going to take one look at me and say, "Sorry, kid...you can't possibly be done dying yet. Come back after a few more years of drinking." And I couldn't face THAT possibility. I knew I was dying, and (having had a mother who is also a sober member of AA) I had seen first hand that AA could render drunks sober. As reluctant as I was to come to AA, I wanted what was here...and what kept me coming back was (a) the fact that nobody in the rooms told me I had to leave because I was too young, and (b) seeing a group of drunks actually having fun exchanging experience, strength and hope. There was a lot I didn't understand about AA my first few months, but I began to see that that Group Of Drunks (G.O.D.) had something that I needed and they were not keeping me from it; in fact, they were sharing it with me if I wanted it. Realizing that fact after a few months of showing up at meetings kept me coming back...and still keeps me coming back!
Glad to be alive and sober today. Thanks for the great topic, Margie. I LOVE ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS!
Member: Liz H
Location: Northern England
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 6:27:44 PM
Thanks Marge and all. Insecure, moi? You know I really thought I was so hard and did not give a damn what anyone thought of me. How wrong could I be. I just wanted to reject them before they rejected me. Being real and vulnerable is still hard. But I like the feeling when I have done it and the world did not fall in. I can sometimes say I don't know what to do or that I might be wrong today. Like Fareedah, I unerringly chose the easier , softer ways in life and it has taken a few years of sobriety to realise they are all illusions and they have to be paid for at a terrible interest rate! For example , I am getting divorced just now from a guy I never should have married but,at the time, it seemed easier than facing the terror of being alone. Now I can face that aloneness, look myself in the eye and I am not afraid.I relish my quiet times alone today. I could have had all this peace all along but instead I chose several years of hurting myself and my husband becauseI thought it would be easier.......
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 7:05:44 PM
((Margie)) First let me say you've got my attention and admiration, yours are posts which I look forward to reading. (along with many others here)
My greatest insecurity is a fear of rejection, God had to work on that one awhile before I could even walk into my first room. Now that I'm in I know better, and will work on my other defects as I'm able and I identify them. I could do none of this without Gods help.
I pray for Gods continued help, and that he shines his light on all else who need him, even Oscar. Amen
Strength to all.
Member: Alkadic
Location:
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 7:41:33 PM
Hey Oscar? Who the hell are you anyway? FUCK YOU IN THE ASS!! Better switch to decaf from now on, bitch!
Member: Greatful alkie
Location: canada
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 7:54:04 PM
Oscar you shithead sob. go show your stupidity and ignorence on another site where you are not welcome you asshole. are you ashamed of your address you twit.
Member: Greatful alkie
Location: canada
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 7:58:31 PM
Oscar you shithead sob. go show your stupidity and ignorence on another site where you are not welcome you asshole. are you ashamed of your address you twit.
Member: Joanie E.
Location: Amityville
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 9:28:11 PM
Thanks for the great topic,Margie. The first time I heard the phrase ego maniac with an inferiorty complex I squirmed in my seat. That continues to happen,but it proves I am a garden variety alcoholic.(THANK GOD!) My sponsor has to constantly remind me it is none of my business what other people think about me.As long as I keep my side of the street clean it should not matter, but that is not always the case. I hope to continue on this beautiful journey,God willing I will celebrate two years on April 26 th. Be still and feel the Peace!
Member: john r
Location: baltimore
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 10:09:57 PM
im an alcoholic my name is john. i wasnt able to get to a meeting today, and have been feeling uneasy throught the evening. i thought maybe doing some online searching would help. glad i found this site. also glad to have gone another day without taking a drink, and for the other alcoholic who came in at age 21, i felt what you did while initially entering the rooms. im only 18, not even old enough to legally take a drink, but i hit bottom. good luck to all.
Member: tom
Location: locked under sinkw/rats
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 10:51:23 PM
any of you asswipes want a piece of me,better be prepared for a bodyodor that canmpeal wall poperhey the canadian dick licker. stay over there with you funny money mrargie please kill yuorself please for the sake of the kids
Member: proud canadian
Location: canada
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 11:00:22 PM
TOM you can KISS RUMP thankyou.
Member: Doug G.
Location: California
Date: 3/10/2002
Time: 11:52:20 PM
Hi Margie. I am unable to attend AA meetings for health reasons. But I do use stayingcyber to help me understand that there are other alcoholics just like me that have the same problems I do. I can really relate to insecurities. I drank to drown my feelings of being insecure. I still dwell on things I say in social settings and twist them around in my mind so they become negative. I know I always do that, but I still have not learned how to stop it. I just received my 90 day chip at the alcohol recovery program I attend. They are working with me to overcome those negative thoughts and feelings.
I still have problems when it comes to my higher power. I believe there is something greater than us that has created the universe. I believe that it is necessary to turn over things that we cannot control to this higher power, but I am not certain that it is God the way most christians believe. Please don't think poorly of me or my beliefs.
I am sorry for all the trash on stayingcyber this week.
Member: Richard J.
Location: Fallon NV
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 1:36:47 AM
Im alcoholic and I suffer from a disease called Richard, I am (21) also a young alkie who has hit bottom. WoW theres some sickies out tonight. Not too long ago I was suffering, so I understand the madness,anger,and resentment. When I got honest with myself, It was only then I came to the realization, That everything I did, or said revolved around FEAR. Doug G not to be synnacal but you shouldn't be sorry for things you have no control of, I know you mean well but dont be such a CO. oscar says something, some of you folks dont agree with and watch the insanity fly. WE all know oscar stayed up all night to get into the chair and margie beat him to it. And tom, its good to see a practicing alkie try to type, Its too bad the rats have you locked under the sink. But the real question is what are you doing with those stinking rats? Are you racing them rats? And yes to the canadian I bet Tom is letting them rats kiss his rump. This has to be the most hilarious meeting Ive been a Part of. Great topic on Insecurity Margie.
I will be sure to keep everyone in my prayers tonight. And may you find sanity and serenity.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 10:33:52 AM
Great topic! When I first walked in the doors, I was also a loner and a “people pleaser”. I let your feelings and moods determine my feelings and moods. I had no conception of myself beyond the chaos my experience and perceptions created. This approach to always living in the past or future caused so much pain and fear, that I could not cope and sought out relief in drugs and alcohol. As my disease progressed I became a raging madman, hating everyone, but especially myself. I was too chicken shit to kill myself. It was only after getting a sever pounding by King Alcohol, that I was willing to believe, there may be a different way of living. Today I wake up with a profound sense of peace. My sanity returns daily as I become more willing to let God, show me the way. I know now that most of my insecurities were really a form of conceit. I faked vulnerability in order to manipulate you. Sitting here in the loving embrace of God, I no longer need to change you to fit my ideas of what you should be and I can love and forgive myself daily as I am, so long as “I keep my side of the street clean” with “right” action. If your new, believe me when I tell you the steps have given me a life of abundance and Joy, I could not of imagined while I was still active in my disease. Please keep coming back.
Member: Kathy N
Location: Sunshine State
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 12:44:59 PM
I have been told that its always progress and not perfection. I am one more time feeling the insecurities that you spoke of Marge. I do go thru this from time to time and each time I learn something new. Iam not happy feeling this wasy so it doesn't take me as long to get out of it. I have a God who loves me and I turn my will and like back over to him until the insecurties stop. Some people think it a somedays not so good . My God will take it back Until I can let go of a defect it will come back and help me learn new ways to let go and move on. The steps have shown the way. And now I need to accept his will in my life. Not easy but worth it. Thanks for all you Miracles
Member: jerry b
Location: wisconsin
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 1:09:21 PM
hi never been here before online that is, but a perfect topic for me. people pleaser, self conscious and so on are many things that keep me down. i am terrible at believing everyone is looking at me, and talking about me. i am scared to death to try new things for FEAR of looking stupid. ive prayed a lot about this but it just doesnt want to go away, its really depressing me more and more and i am not sure what to do anymore with it. ive even been doing this at meetings now, afraid to get a sponsor because of so many relapses, and having to tell the truth drives me insaane.
Member: Karen M.
Location: OH
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 1:25:45 PM
Hello to all. I'm Karen and I'm an Alcoholic who has been postponing this journey to sobriety and recovery for years! Now, I'm ready to start feeling and loving again and I only hope that when I attend meetings and get on AA sites that I will acquire good friends and support that will encourage me and give me the strength (along with God) to stay sober. Margie, thank you, and I did notice postings from people who blurted anger at you that was intended for someone else or something else and we will all pray for them to seek additional help to recover. I pray that I can stay sober and strengthen my faith for myself, my family and friends, and to live a more joyous and prosperous life (for lack of words). Insecurity is with everyone to some degree and I, like many, do not feel secure in social situations. Pray for me and for anyone who struggles with these situations.
May God bless you today! Karen
Member: Kate C.
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 3:26:22 PM
Hi,I'm Kate, an alcoholic. Good topic. When I first came into these rooms, I was terrified that someone would call on me and I'd have nothing good to say. I felt like I didn't deserve to be taking up space in a meeting unless I could produce pearls of wisdom like I was hearing from some others. So I'd spend the whole meeting thinking about what I'd say if I got called on. I was SO impressed with the wisdom I was hearing and could relate to it so well, I felt like I'd finally come home. I wanted to belong and be accepted, but felt like nobody'd like me if I couldn't say all the right stuff. If something "lame" came out of my mouth, I'd agonize afterwards. It took me a long time to get comfortable and start telling the truth, that I was just a lame misfit alcoholic who still wanted to drink a lot of time time. Now after working the Steps and showing up for 12 years, I realize it's not about me making a good impression. I'm still lame, and that's okay.
Congratulations and happy birthday to Jeff!
And as far as the anger that has erupted, these rooms are supposed to be a safe place. Here in AA, we build each other up. We don't tear each other down.
Member: Angel
Location: Hawai'i
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 3:31:21 PM
Aloha StayingCyners, <: Human Misquitos-types like Tom & Oscar (humm, sounds & spells like the same suffering soul), sure get alot of attention. Makes me think of the WANTED photos at the post office. It is SO easy to love others when people like them open their mouths & hell flows out. So, GREAT TOPIC Margie! My first meeting was SO scary. Then, I was called on to share, (What WERE they thinking???) A fight broke out, a big Tongan flew over the sofa & grabbed my leg as he lay flat out on the floor. "GREAT", thought I, this is somewhat like home! (living with a practicing drunkie, mum & hubby, and, oh ya, moi')Ok, I just kept right on talking until they took the mic. away. True story. Don't let me scare you away newcomers' this is NOT your everyday meeting, God just knew what would keep me coming back. <: ps. I'm so glad I'm not in jail, but, it sounds like if someone(s) don't get help ASAP.......
Member: Rollie G
Location: Lennoxville.Que.Can.
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 4:40:27 PM
Margie Hang in there we enjoy your comments and keep on sharing. Keep up the good work and set your alarm for the early bird call again next sunday AM. it will be as good as winning the ....Lotterie. Good luck to you margie and we love you Love from Rollie G.
Member: Mary S.
Location: midwest
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 4:56:41 PM
Hi. This is my first time here. I apologize if this is not the appropriate place to post this question but I am trying to find help. Does anyone know of a way I could find an e-mail sponsor to help me? I am an alcoholic and need advice from someone experienced with helping alcoholics and would like to do it via e-mail. I would also be interested in a live chat room evenings after 8:30 p.m. CST.
Thanks for any help anyone can give me. My e-mail is msmith0123@yahoo.com.
Member: TeresaB
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 5:58:28 PM
Hi everyone, This is my first time here, actually I had my moment of clarity Saturday night. I know I am insecure, I actually suffer from anxiety now. I am in the same boat as Mary and I too need a "hand" to hold on to. I am tryng very hard but am scared at the same time. However! I want this, it is time. Thank you all I also would be interested in exchanging e-mail I am treebarry29@qwest.net
Member: terry j
Location: SF Bay Area
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 6:53:22 PM
Hi:
This is a great topic for me. I have been alcohol and drug free for 4.5 years now and for the last 3 years have not been going to meetings. When I quit drinking I quit all of my friends and did not stay in AA long enough to make new ones. Now I feel like a total fool because I'm lonely and feel stupid going to meetings like a newcomer. Sometimes my mind tells me if I drink at least I will have a reason to go to meetings and start over and do it the right way. I have completely isolated myself. I keep thinking what a loser everyone will think I am - to have almost 5 years and I'm still struggling with these feelings of not belonging.
Member: Lori R.
Location: Canada
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 8:31:18 PM
Lori, Alcoholic,Wow, This is totally an awesome topic. The people pleasing and insecurity. I was just plagued by both in early soberity and of course in my drinking days. I suppose feeling like I didn't quite measure up to everyone else is why I drank in the first place. I let the world and and its people dominate me like the BB says in the 4th step.Today, well I know I am still not the most confident and secure person in the world, but things have gotten a lot better. I understand it's me I need to be comfortable with. I have to live with myself and exist as me. This is still not easy all the time, as insecurity returns, but I have a HP to relieve that. The steps help with the ego and delusional thinking I can get into because I've probably never known my real self. Getting to know me is probably one of the greatest rewards this program has given me. The ablity to be human and make mistakes and be okay with making mistakes. Awesome stuff. Thanks again to all who shared. Lori another proud Canadian
Member: LeeG
Location: Texas
Date: 3/11/2002
Time: 10:30:32 PM
My name is Lee and I am glad to be here tonight. I am working on a 4th step and am in great fear of not doing it correct. Anyone have any suggestions as to how to begin?
God Bless
Member: Patrick M.
Location: Goodnews Bay, AK
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 12:05:22 AM
Hello, My name is Pat and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. Margie, I wished that I had checked into the meeting yesterday because I was having one of those "down" days that come to visit. With 16 years of recovery under my belt, I realize that they'll pass, that tomorrow will be another day, and that maybe I should just cut myself some slack. I have an AA birthday comming up and I always get a little nutty the week before anyway.
I appreciate the topic, and reading the through the shares has helped me with a reality check.
God bless you all, Pat
Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 4:03:03 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
When I got to AA I was just fear. I was totally miserable all day long until I could drink to escape. Step 4 tells me that selfishness, dishonesty, self-seeking and fear are the symptons of my insanity.
All my misery is in my thinking caused by one or more of the symptons, usually self. This program offers a totally foreign concept. Stop thinking about myself and think about God.What kind of an idiotic idea is that.
I did the steps and now practice step 11, think about God many times during each day. My misery is gone and I have a taste of happy, joyous and free.
Peace and Serenity
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West, FL
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 6:48:16 AM
Hi Family Charlie Darling a very gratful recovering alcholic, first thank you so much Margie for the topic, after being sober for just and I mean just over five years, I hfind now that I have no use for negativity in my life, and I thank AA for that, as it has taught me to think positive, and to try to help others, and before it was me but today all I ask for myself is to keep my sobriety, and continue on the path osf growing to be the person I like to be around. Second I pray for Oscar as he needs it, for he is insecure in his life, and cannot life in the real world such as us recovering alkies. For we are not a CLUM LOT. and Jeff congrats you are a Bloody miracle Darling. I'll keep coming back, as I want the life I have today sober, honest, and grateful for all the people such as my true family of Alcholics, as they are the ones who helped me grow into who I am becoming today, and today I really like myself thank you family you are the best. Love you all kwduke_1999@yahoo.com
Member: Kevin S
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 11:55:51 AM
My name is Kevin, and by the Grace of God and the AA program I haven't had a drink since 2/23/75. I was 24 then, and 51 now.
Over 1/2 my life has been lived sober, with all the ups and downs as everyone else. But I still forget that in God's eyes we ALL have value and worth. When I allow myself to just settle into his arms and let go, I feel that I am no greater or less than the rest of us, whether in AA, at home, at work, or at play. It is only when I forget my faith that I begin that selfish, fearful scramble, that I get bent out of shape and lose all humility. The pain usually drives me back to a more sober way of thinking and behaving. My God has never punished me FOR my sins. But I am always punished BY my sins.
If I can stay honest with myself (Step 1 & 2)and willing (Step 3)to to continue to look at myself (Step 4), the world around me will take my inventory for me. To clean it up I have to carry that mess until I work the rest of the Steps until God removes it.
Thanks for letting me share.\
Kevin S The Bunnvale Group
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 12:09:41 PM
Hi everyone. Kim here, alcoholic. Thanks Margie for the topic.
I have been fear-based all of my life, but at times that fear comes out as 1) indifference, 2) aloofness or 3)anger. I had a counsellor tell me years ago, "Kim - you walk the yellow line on everything. You never seem to get close to either side of the road. Quiet a pragmatist."
Given time and some introspection, I walked that yellow line because I was afraid - insecure - about most things that were of importance to me because I didn't want to get hurt. So if I met you at a meeting, I'd be friendly but cool because then if you didn't like me, it didn't make a difference because I never gave it a chance anyway.
I still haven't gotten over a lot of the fear and insecurity that has riddled my life for 34 years. However, through AA and a loving HP, I was taught what HUMILITY means and call apply that concept to most insecurities. AA has taught me, through the concept of humility, how to be "right sized." That means that I am not less than or greater than anyone in the halls - I am just me, an alcoholic in recovery from her disease.
Working through insecurity (fear) is a process and because we are HUMAN with emotions, probably will not be erraticated totally. However, we have the tools to not let the negative thoughts/feelings control our lives like we did in our disease.
Thanks for letting me share. Have a good one everyone. Kim kimtuck67@hotmail.com
Member: Tech
Location:
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 12:53:51 PM
Testing
Member: Tech
Location:
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 12:54:04 PM
Testing
Member: Dennis H
Location: New York
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 2:04:18 PM
hi everybody my name is dennis and i need help i think that i have a serious problem with drinking.i drink everyday and alot and i am at the point where i am seeing my health is failing i have heard about aa and have seen people turn there lives around withit.but it just seems so hard to me. please tell me were you found the will or stength to stop.
Member: JOHNNY C
Location: NOLA
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 5:14:00 PM
Frank D ; Someone once told me that Rejection may be Gods protection.
Member: Rhonda K/
Location: DERRY. N.H.
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 6:44:05 PM
Hi everyone, I'm Rhonda and an alcoholic. Some good postings and alot of not so good stuff. I have been sober since 11/1/99 and am so grateful for the fellowship and the steps of recovery. Anyone who posts negatively in my opinion is sick and not really trying to live the steps. Please lets remember the newcomer and what impression they would get from the swearing and bickering. Nice to hear from you Charlie. Congradulations Jeff.
Member: NancyB
Location: PA
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 7:19:45 PM
Margie, I am a newcomer to cyber AA meetings. I have attended face-to-face meetings for 17 years and stayed sober, but still have insecurities. Since this is my first opportunity to experience an on-line meeting, I am truly disappointed in some of the very nasty comments. That might happen in a "real time" meeting, but the member would be redirected very quickly!
I believe that I might just stick to what has worked for 17 years, hopefully 18 on April 13th! Margie, hang in there honey and remember to take it "One Day at a Time".
Member: Mark D
Location: NH
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 9:30:52 PM
"I wouldn't belong to any group that would have someone like me for a member." - Groucho Marx
That pretty much summed up my whole approach to how I fit into this life. I had it long before I touched alcohol to my lips. Alcohol gave me instant personality, and escape from the fear of rejection, failure and all the other "little deaths" that I suffered upon myself to escape life.
I could function as the center of attention or as a ghost drifting through life, but an average person walking down the middle of the road is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. God gave me whatever talents I have to use them and not worry about it. He's already picked me up out of the gutter and dusted me off by removing the obsession to drink. He's given me tools and trusted friends through AA to keep me walking down the center of the road. Now he just wants me to put one foot in front of the other, stay focused but not frenzied, and try to do the next right thing.
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota , florida
Date: 3/12/2002
Time: 10:32:27 PM
hello my name is richard , i am an alcoholic.......Today is da # 5919 for me since i lost the desire to drink and then found aa........much aprehension at the time .......and after all just who is in charge anyway,,...?????? after many years of reading and trying to comprehened the stuff.......it is all relevant in its place and time ......our basic code of love and tolerance seems to help goveren our general course.....i use the aa preamble in everything , just to check my mmotive !!!!!I always remember " a drink will not make anything any better " thus each contiguus day of sobriety ...makes life a little sweeter...!god bless you and good luck !!!!
Member: Joe C
Location: Flagstaff AZ
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 1:19:32 AM
I'm Joe an alcoholic, Thanks to God AA and everyone else I haven't had to drink in a good while. My perception is twisted, do not see things very accurately but if I keep going to God, meetings, working with others, and my sponsor I get trough again and again. I beleave that Book says something like It outlines a design for living that works it really does.
Member: Gary M.
Location: Alberta
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 2:55:04 AM
Hi everyone,my name's Gary & I,m an alcoholic; Great meeting & topic Margie.Like many others this is my first online meeting this is my first meeting anywhere in quite a while,so after reading some of the great messages,I believe the insecurities that I am feeling now are a direct result of my abence at meetings.I just celebrated my 6th birthday on March 08,by myself.After 6yrs I think I'm starting to forget WHO got me here & why I'm here.Who am I trying to fool besides myself,Mar.08 would have been my 6th birthday but I had a slip(Sobriety Loosing It's Priority)on Oct.17th last year.It was only a couple of drinks,until a friend stopped me but never the less 5 1\2 yrs.of sobriety lost,all because my stupid ego wouldn't let me call someone for HELP.Just like in the beginning I stumbled around lost for 35yrs in a drunken state, 12 of those years after I first discovered AA before I would admit that I really was powerless over alcohol.I'm thankful to GOD & all those great messages,I believe GOD is still my Higher Power(even though I messed up)brought me to this site tonight.I'm starting to feel better about myself already.To all you newcomers to AA,keep coming back,because it's the newcomer that keeps the old timers coming back with there vast knowledge to this terrible disease.Another 24 to all!Great to be back. Goodnight Gary
Member: Ray C
Location: Haines Alaska
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 6:18:03 AM
I'm Ray an Alcoholic..and even after years of no booze and lots of meetings I can and do find myself insecure about life at times.In my case it's generally stinkin thinking.It's easy for me to have a good tude when things are going my way but being a slow learner and a fast forgetter I sometimes do have troble accepting life on lifes terms.Like it's already been said it's a lack of faith in my hp or the program that usually makes me that way.Sometimes I got to go back to the early days of my sobriety and simply fake it till I make it again.It's hard to be down if I think up.Living in the day and not projecting or worrying about a uncertain future helps too.Realizing I'm just human and not perfect and that I'll have days like that and they will pass helps also.For me easy does it and keeping it simple have great meaning.Making meetings and a change of attitude are what fixes me.Thanks all for being here and helping me through another 24 hours.For you new people keep coming back and make live AA meeting as often as possible and you to will learn that life can be good and you don't have to drink again.MaryS try the chat room at sober24.com for live chat about recovery.
Member: sally a
Location: new yord
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 6:45:05 AM
great topic. first time here and this helps a lot.great topic and congrats to all a start to another day of being sober another 24 hours.
Member: Dennis H
Location: nEW YORK
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 8:11:52 AM
Hello everyone it is Dennis i visited this sight yesterday asking for help i am shaking terrible this morning and hope i find may waynot to drink today.I cant believe how hard it is not to drink i guess because i never tried before.I am still looking for answers from anybody that can help me not drink.i am not a member of AA but a do have a drinking problem i have drank everyday for last twenty years ans it is killing me. i havnt drank for a day now so please give me some direction
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 9:43:32 AM
(((Dennis))) A desire to stop drinking makes you a member if you want to be.
Don't pick up the first drink, that way you can't have the second. Go one day at a time. say "I will not drink today!"
If the detox gets bad, see a doctor, if you have to go to a hospital.
Go to a meeting, you'll find that everyone there understands and wants to help. We've all been where you are now. Keep coming back here, You have new friends if you want them.
PRAY, God , or whatever higher power you have faith in, can and will relieve you!
I know it ain't easy, I'm only 6 weeks sober myself, You reached out for help, take whats there. It can work if you want it to.
I'll pray for you.
Frank drystep@aol.com
P.S. More people will answer if you post on the coffee-pot part of the board. Many good people here, they have helped me alot.
Member: Nola K.
Location: NM
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 12:11:30 PM
Hi all, this is my first time on the site but I'm glad I found it, thank you for the topic marge. its a really good one for me, I have been in recovery for 20 years this Jan. and the feelings of insecurity and not belonging are still in my memory banks. but thanks to the program and working the steps I found where those feelings stem from and was able to give them back to whatever person dumped them on me. the BB talks a lot about clearing away the wreckage of your past this includes not only what you have done but what was done to you. read page 164 and believe that if your God is a God of grace and forgiveness then he wants you to be Happy, Joyous and Free because he either is a forgiving God or isn't ! believe he is. Thank you for letting me share Keep on Trudging.
Member: Jim C.
Location: Venice Beach, CA
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 3:42:47 PM
Today I will say "yes" to life. And throughout any anxious moments, I will know that my higher power is right there with me.
Welcome home.
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 4:56:20 PM
I think "not feeling comfortable in our own skin" was a reason a lot of us drank. Every human being has a NEED for attention and acceptance. If someone says they don't they're lying. The problem is when we either need attention from everyone all the time, or we simply don't believe the positive, nuturing things people say to us. Not believeing the promises God had made to us. That I have value, that I am his son, that no matter what shit I pulled in the past....all is forgiven.
I only have four months sober and already I feel more comfortable and at peace. The way I smile at the camera when my picture gets taken is different. It looks real, not pasted on. Most importantly it feels real to me. Doing a 4th step is humbling, but somehow liberating for me. I can stop carrying around the crap and dump it!
I use humor to face my insecurities. I'll say, "Rich, God gave you many, many talents. Unfortunately this (the task at hand I am struggling with) is not one of them."
Peace.
Member: Stan M.
Location: Ohio
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 7:54:31 PM
I'm Stan, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm visiting a town where there are no meetings tonight, and I really need one. I recall my panic at the first meeting - what will they think? What if they think I'm a drunk? Fortunately that's all changed, and the rooms of AA are the one place that I do feel okay in my own skin.
I've been around the program 7 years, and am now 2 months sober after what I hope is my last relapse. But, this evening, I'm restless, irritable and discontent, and can't find a meeting to go to. Reading this helps me to recall the importance of meetings, and the value of sobriety. So, this will have to be my meeting for tonight, and tomorrow I'll find one. Thanks for being here.
Member: Bruce N
Location: Houston
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 8:27:02 PM
Dennis....detoxing can be dangerous unattended, don't wait for it to get bad! Call your local hospital/detox center now and get some help. This is nothing to fool around with given the amount of drinking you said you have done. From there the Doctors and their aids can point you in the right direction and to the closest AA meeting. If you cannot get to a hospital call the AA number in you local phone book and someone will come to you assistance. Please don't wait too long Dennis. God Bless
Member: Anne M.
Location:
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 10:46:14 PM
My name is Anne and I'm an alcoholic.
This is my first visit to this particular site, and, wow, did I get an eyeful.
GARY M...where you at in Alberta? Too cool to see Alberta in the listings:)
I was sober 13 months, but also had a slip...fear, denial, insecure...fear (did I mention that one?). Thankfully, I do have a new sobriety date of Feb.1, 2002, and it feels good to be off the sauce. I am very insecure, too, Margie...I've sold myself out, my true feelings, what I really think of ideas, all to just get along, go with the flow. I'm always afraid of the 'big bad wolf' in the corner...then, though, will feel so silly to discover that there is no big bad wolf. My own worst enemy is me, and my shadow. AA has helped me become a stronger individual, and that confrontation doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world, it just means that maybe, just 'maybe', I'm showing the other person that yes, I do have an opinion different from yours, and if you don't like it, too bad--cuz guess what? I don't like your opinion either. God made as all different from each other for a reason. Just imagine if we were all the same personality-wise...what a bore this world would be. AA has taught me how to respect myself and others, you get that when you actually work the program, and spiritual progress is a terrific goal, and one that is so achievable if you simply give yourself completely to this simple program.
Thanks for listening, and thank God for my sobriety. EASY DOES IT!! Don't forget our primary purpose, and Tradition 12--placing PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES. Bill W and Dr. Bob didn't design these steps and traditions because they had nothing better to do. Let's get along, we're all in this boat together.
Member: Anne M.
Location: Alberta
Date: 3/13/2002
Time: 10:54:05 PM
Gary M...
I hit the submit button by accident, I also live in Alberta...our roundup is May 11 at Easyford Hall, outside of Drayton Valley. Come on out, it'll be a great supper:) Any one of you who wishes to attend, email me at adljmail@yahoo.com
Sorry to submit twice guys..sorry, sorry...hope I didn't tic anybody off...I just hit the submit button by accident before I was finished.
Member: Omar J.
Location: Toledo, Ohio
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 12:28:02 AM
Hello, My name is Omar and I'm an alcoholic...I came home from prison one year ago today. Went to meetings, got a sponser,started working the steps, became employable again. Before i started my ninth step my sponser pointed out to me just how much i've changed. I really never noticed anything that apparent except that after my fifth step i felt like i belonged and i wasn't as good or as bad as i thought i was. This program and my higher power have truly been the only reason I haven't drank and i'm not back in jail. I still have to remind myself at times that just for today if i don't drink i'm not doing too bad.The best thing i did was listening to the suggestions given in the rooms and actually doing those things.I love the real friends i've made too. Take care everyone
Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 4:49:16 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
Anne M Alberta, you sure brought back memories. I was the foreman when Mobil Oil drilled out the block of oilwells south of Easyford. When I first saw Drayton Valley there was only a store, garage and community center. I now live south of Calgary. Maybe I might see you at the Area 78 assembly in Red Deer, March 28.
Peace and Serenity
Member: Louis
Location: Ottawa,Canada
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 9:51:25 AM
Tom and Oscar, i wish you both a very nice day filled with love in your hearths.
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 2:37:19 PM
Hi all---great to be here!!!I'm Chris, I'm an alcoholic/ addict/ bulimic----I am greatful to be here today and greatful to have found the way out of a living hell through the program of A.A....Insecurities??? Who me?Nahh---It seems that most of us- Alcoholics suffer from the pain of insecurity and people pleasing. That was one of the great things for me... to realize that in the rooms, I wasn't so different. Iam also glad that progres is two steps forward and one step back...I have just had a step backwards. I am working with a friend from the rooms who is VERY strong....I was intimidated by this and wanted to please her, so I agreed to a price for something that I didn't check out. I am so mad at myself for giving in to her and not standing up for myself. I don;t know if the price is bad or not...and it is eating me up. I can't realy call her back because she has ordered the product already...I also did not give her very much time to begin with becasue I had procrastinated...the good news is at least I recognized it amd I can learn from my mistakes...Ihate it when I am intimidated by strong people...I have a record of that. HOwever, I do not have to beat up on myself and I am human ---I am not perfect..Next time I will do better with my H.P.'s help!!!So glad everyone is hear... Thank GOd for the program of a.a.!!
Member: Tony K
Location: So. CA
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 3:39:28 PM
Hello all, My Name is Tony and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for your posts and for being here. I am a homebound alky due to health reasons so I am glad you are all here. When I was able to go to meetings I to felt that feeling walking in the door. "I want attention, I don't want attention" LOL I wanted to to be in the corner but damn the people wouldn't see me there. I was lucky and waled into a group that is so up and happy you can't isolate. They made it so much easier to feel a part of. I think that I have let go of those feelings of "pay attention to me" on most days anyway. I feel sometimes now that I just want a visiter. I stay close to people through the phone and PC. I try anymore to just be me and any attention that does come my way I am so grateful for. I have been blessed with good family and friends. and of course my relationship with God that has kept me sober for 7 1/2 years now. thats amazing to me. Good lucj all and god bless you for being here. Tony:)
Member: Tony K
Location: So. CA.
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 3:49:00 PM
Hello again, I must have had a moment of self obsession. I wanted to ask you all if you want to. to pray for my friend jared, he is struggling with his drinking. I think he is almost ready. he has called me a few times now crying and as you know all I can do is be there for him and encourage him to walk in the door of AA again. He has been out there for over five years now. Thank you for your prayers and I hope he makes in the door of AA. Tony
Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 5:48:26 PM
Good afternoon from Carlisle, Arkansas USA. Thank you Marge for the topic and I am grateful to everyone who has posted on Staying Cyber's Discussion meeting this week. Tom A. here, a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this fellowship we call A.A. Early in my sobriety, I attended a meeting in Norfolk, Virginia called the Try Again Group and the topic was about insecurites that we experience and I remember this particualar event as though it happened today. I suggested that I had an inferority complex and the the Chair that evening said "No you don't have an inferority complex you have a superiorty complex" and upon reflection Paul B. was right. I took my last drink on July 25, 1960 and I still attend face to face meetings and belong to two online A.A. Groups and have returned to Stayer Cyber this month. Why because A.A. has provided the tools for me to stay sober one-day-at-a-time. I remember another meeting early in sobriety were Bob B. said that "If we keep one eye on yesterday and one eye on tomorrow, we will be cockeyed today!" I beleive that too! Thanks for letting me share. Love and prayers from an alky who cares. "EASY DOES IT."
God Bless - Tom A.
Member: TMG
Location: North
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 6:43:43 PM
Insecurities are indeed abounding in this "world and its people (who) are often quite wrong," these days. How many of us users and abusers of toxic substances were brought up in the Roman Catholic religion? I would say many because toxic abuse has always been rampant among the Catholic "faithful!" Well to me that shows that it never really was worth the powder to blow it to the "hell" they always filled our heads with from the bully pulpits they so piously stood upon, so as to instill gross fears that planted themselves in our psyches to keep us running from a sadistic and vengeful god who was out to get us! But this homosexual pedophilia news of Catholic priests abusing the children of their congregations is spreading around like a fire in a dry woodland! And no matter how they try to smooth it over or explain it away, its stench keeps climbing to the highest places! So when you talk about insecurity in the light of all this, where is true security to be found? Psalm 11:3 reads, “if the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” It doesn’t take a Rhodes Scholar or an intellectual giant of any kind to see from the history , doctrines and hypocrisy of the Catholic church that the devil was the only foundation it ever had!!
See http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/hpp.html
Member: Barbara H
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 9:44:30 PM
Hi, my name is Barbara and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic I too suffer from low self esteem which as many of you may identify with was there long before I drank. I have been in A.A. for 10 years + one day at a time and am at present on my 4th step - again! Although thank God I haven't had a drink since coming 'home' to A.A. it took me a long time to find someone I could trust completely. Thank God I now have and we are working through 'Recovery is a Process rather than an Event'. I feel I am going much deeper into the steps this time and since 'making the decision to turn my will and life over to God as I understand Him' I feel less insecure already. I know I am embarking on the action steps and much work has still to be done (and always will be) I have a much more positive outlook. I still have my 'insecure, inferior days etc.' but at least i can walk into any room now A.A. or otherwise and not think everyone is staring at me and seeing all my defects! I was at a wonderful step meeting tonight and have been banging in as many meetings as possible because I slackened off for a while and I know that is dangerous. I will be eternally grateful for what A.A. is doing for me - I only came to stop drinking by the way - boy was I in for a shock when I realised there was much more than alcohol wrong with me! Anyway it is good to meet you all - well most of you - Oscar (God bless him) needs some serious help. This is my first time on this site as I am new to computers - but I'm never too old to learn. God Bless all - Take care and hope to speak to you again.
Member: Mary S
Location: midwest
Date: 3/14/2002
Time: 9:48:30 PM
To RayC: thanks for the link, I didn’t know about sober24.com
Member: Jim K.
Location: PA
Date: 3/15/2002
Time: 9:34:07 AM
Hello All,
Jim K. I am a recovering alcoholic. I am alcoholic inspite of being raised Roman Catholic. The God that TMG claims to have been nutured on is not the God I grew up with or the God I know. My alcoholism and insecurities have nothing to do with my religion. They are a creation of a society that values the outward and has little time for that which exists within each of us. Think about the message we are constantly bombarded with: beautiful people are wonderful, smart, thin, able to drink at all hours of the day and never get drunk, and most importantly they are defined by their sexuality. It is when we don't measure up to these standards that trouble sets in. We look for answers in all the wrong places even after we get ourselves on the right path. Why? Because the message we hear day in and day out is that we need to be thus and so in order to be loved.
My God and that of my religion loves me inspite of all my warts. Once I realized this I was able to stop denying my warts and do something about them. With God's grace I will continue to work on living with them.
To TMG the walls and roof are being renovated but the foundation is strong and will survive as it has for 2000+ years.
God Bless all of you!
Member: Don S.
Location: Colorado
Date: 3/15/2002
Time: 10:30:00 AM
Good morning to all
I just found this site. I am an alcoholic and am desperately trying to find help to stop drinking. I only drink at night and get up and work all day. My greatest desire is to have the craving for alcohol to go away. I have prayed and had counseling...it just won't go away. I went to an AA meeting but didn't return. I could not relate with the 5-6 people there. May God hear my cry and set me free from this prison.
Member: Mary S
Location: midwest
Date: 3/15/2002
Time: 12:19:56 PM
Don, I am in exactly the same boat that you are. I only drink at night, and I drag myself through each day, only to drink again the next night. And I too am desperately trying to find help to stop.
I just found this site, too, earlier this week. I posted both here and over at "The Coffee Pot" part of this site listed at the opening page. Put your post over there, too.
Several people have e-mailed me this week and I already feel a small measure of hope. We ARE in a prison, and it can be so discouraging. But there is help here. Do what I have done this week, keep coming back, and answer any and everyone who e-mails you. Put your e-mail addy in your post.
((((Don))))
Mary msmith0123@yahoo.com
Member: Don S.
Location: colorado
Date: 3/15/2002
Time: 12:36:43 PM
Thank you Mary....my e-mail is d77@frontier.net Don
Member: Kevin S
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Date: 3/15/2002
Time: 2:02:38 PM
Don & Mary,
Don't despair. I know it seems that you're trapped and there's little comfort so far. I've been there qs well. I started coming to AA after being in a mental ward. ANYTHING was worth a shot at that point. I went to meetings, gave what I could to the effort, but I still had trouble. But I knew that AA worked for them, so I kept going, even though I didn't understand them. Besides, they were kind and encouraged me to come back even although I was a mess and my life was a total disaster.
It took 10 months for me, but finally I managed more than 2 months sober.
One of my obstacles was that I wanted them to somehow do it for me. They couldn't. Then I tried doing it with willpower. I couldn't. In despair, I gave up and realized that I was totally lost. Nothing would help me but I kept going anyway. I had nothing to lose. It was at that moment that my ears opened and I began to listen to the voices of AA and try to do what they did. It eventually fell into place.
For some, the craving (we call it a mental obsession) goes away almost immedietly. For me it was about 6 months. That was the point when I suddenly realized in the midst of a major risis that I didn't want to drink. God and AA could help me through anything that comes along, as long as I stayed close to the program and kept an open mind.
For me this all took place in 1974-1975 when I was 24 years old. I'm now 51 and have been sober all this time. And so have some other good friends that went through it with me. Even if I couldn't relate to then then. Now they are some of my best friends. They helped save my life.
Give AA all you've got. It sure beats the hell out of that prison we you talked about!
We can't give it to you, but we'll walk with you until you're well on your way to recovery.
Kevin S The Bunnvale Group
Member: STAN A
Location: COCONUT CREEK,FL.
Date: 3/15/2002
Time: 8:21:05 PM
JUST FOUND THIS FOR FIRST TIME - ALL YOU GUS TALK ABOUT IS ALCOHOLISM- I JUST WUV IT.I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING WEEL(ER) WITH Y'ALL D.D.G.T.M. - AND MAY GOD BLESS
Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 3/15/2002
Time: 11:41:16 PM
Thanks to All for a wonderfull week of posts, and for the congrat`s on my 13th. Get mad if you want, i did post "TWICE" hahehahe! Afer all god gave you free will! Hang tough Dennis H. of N. Y. the only way is the sober way!
Member: gioconda
Location: los angeles
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 12:10:39 AM
This is for Dennis who is so very ill. I have only recently found the way to stop drinking after years of it. Also years of heroin and cocaine. Alcohol was the most difficult to put down. PLEASE JUST KEEP COMING BACK. Find an AA meeting, or call your nearest office. People will come to where you are and take you to meetings. Keep going even if you are still drinking. Keep listening. Keep trying. One day the clouds will part, and the light will come through, and you will be so glad. There are many, many, many people in AA who had to try repeatedly and struggle very, very hard to stop drinking, and I am one of them. But once you find the key to this program, once you "get" it, and just let it in, the relief you will feel is the best thing in the world. Keep trying. Keep coming back. It works. We love you.
Member: sean c
Location: vancouver
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 1:37:56 AM
my name is sean im an alcohloic... iam trying this for my first time ,iam 21 years old and i came into this organization as an addict now realizing that iam most definantly an alcoholic . my clean date is january the 4th 2002,and iam living in a recovery house right now but iam going to the queen charlottes to work in a fishing lodge so i wont be able to attend meetings . i currently go to at least 1 meeting a day sometimes 2 or 3. iam finding my recovery very difficult with out booze. i have centered a good half of my life around alcohol my grandpa died an alcoholic and i come from a good family. i really dont know what to say . iam really hoping this web site will help me in my sobriety because i will feel distracted with out. if u have any suggestions could u please email me? at seanconway83@hotmail.com
Member: LEONARD.F
Location: AUSTIN,TX
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 7:23:28 AM
HELLO MY NAME IS LEONARD F IAM AND ALCOHOLIC. FORFOX78704@YAHOO.COM
Member: Rich R
Location: Detroit
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 8:20:39 AM
Rich R, alcoholic. Great topic. Thanks Margie.
I have been insecure all my life. It might have something to do with being the third child born to alcoholic parents, but that really doesn't matter much (and I'm sure if my parents could have done better, they would have done better).
Anyway, AA helped me to be honest about my insecurity. It helped me to see how I used/misused/abused alcohol just so I could feel more normal or less insecure.
AA members taught me how to 'get over it'. Mainly by their confident sharing of their stories, warts and all. Funny, I used to be REAL quiet, now I can't shut up!
My HP showed me that if I insist on trying to 'run the world', of course I am going to feel insecure. That is a pretty big job description for a person of my limited talents/capabilities. However, if I can switch places with the ole HP and let him run the world and me just act like I am 'one of 6 billion', then I can probably handle that job assignment (with His help).
Thanks for reading 'my stuff' and thanks for sharing yours. Together we can do, what none us can do individually. I love AA and I love Staying Cyber!
Member: Jeff N
Location: Camano, Washington
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 12:44:06 PM
Hello, My name is Jeff, I am a alcholic/addict!
Yesterday was my 31 day sober, That is the longest I have ever gone in the last 18 years with no drugs or booze. I am just now feeling a little better, sleep, energy is getting back to normal. I know I have a long way to go but I am going to take it one day at a time. I need to find some sucess in my sober life so I can feel good about being sober I know that will come in time. I look the the future and try and surround my self with thing, people, activities that will keep me away from Drugs / Booze. Like I said one day at a time and the cravings are becoming less nad less! Thanks
Member: joseph
Location: liverpool uk
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 2:45:06 PM
hi my name is joseph,im a gratefull recovering alcoholic.i love reading all the coments,and hope everyone stays sober ,just for today.thank god and aa,and all you ,for keeping me sober today.joseph,everton fc,
Member: Jerry S
Location: Florida
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 9:29:11 PM
Hi, I also enjoyed the comments. I have struggled with many of the same feelings this week. I told my bosses that I thought I probably will retire in two to three years. I woke up during the night panicking. I spent the next few days sort of telling them "After thinking about it, I probably don't want to retire". I had so much fear and insecurities. Much of my identity is tied to my work and I get lots or recognition for it. I am feeling better about myself today and my confidence is back but this was a gut wrenching week. Thanks for listening.
Member: Dan D.
Location: Chicago
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 9:44:06 PM
Just want thank everyone for all of the positive comments.It's so nice to get on-line and read recovery at the end of a long day.
Member: CarolynS
Location: Hawaii
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 10:16:18 PM
Aloha All, Carolyn here, recovering drunk. I have come to believe that we are all in need of acknowledgement, this is why I go to meetings. Going to meetings, often allows this drunk to see, to accept and to learn.
We are all insecure, heck, we are human. We long for human companionship & love. This program has taught me that to love is as easy as breathing. Keep on breathing y'all, it is a wonderful life we have. Mahalo,
Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 11:00:46 PM
Thanks for the topic Margie. I'm Bob and an alcoholic. I don't understand my insecurity and thinking, still to this day, when I "came into these rooms". I do know that when "I" am in charge, and G~d is not, I operate from fear and insecurity. The why of that is up to speculation and I don't spend any time with it. Now, facing that part of me is different. It still comes up because it is a part of me. This disease is an "ism" thing, not "wasm". It doesn't go away, but does take a holiday for longer periods of time the more I rely on G~d to guide and direct my affairs. And, just my opinion, I do not think it is normal to seek attention and admiration from others, unless I'm about 5 years old, which I can be from time to time. I believe those kinds of insecurities are part of the emptiness of not feeling adequate and whole and one of G~d's kids. I'm learning to watch over that part of me that wants attention, by doing things for myself that care for it. I don't think it's fair to push that off onto others to take care of for me. If I want that kind of belonging, then I give that to another, helping them feel important and cared for, and the result is that I feel useful, important, and the right size. Thanks for letting me share. Bob
Member: Rita F
Location: Indianapolis
Date: 3/16/2002
Time: 11:18:12 PM
Hi everyone, My name is Rita and I AM an alcoholic. Great Topic! I am also insecure about the f2f meetings, sometimes to the point of not wanting to go. My sponser told me that I do not have to be a good AA today, I just have to stay sober. That helped me because I was desparate when I made myself walk throught these doors. F E A R = forget everything and run: used to be my mantra, but since coming into the rooms its been F E A R = forgive everyone and recover!
Bill and Dr Bob wrote a page for the those people who found it necessary to post comments of such a nature as afore mentioned.. top of page 67. Thanks for all the posts, even the ones I didn't care for, you also teach me with your sharing. Congrats on the birthdays! One day at a time, and as an oldtimer shared: don't drink even if your ass falls off, and if it does, duct tape it on and bring it to a meeting!
Member: Sooz
Location: NC
Date: 3/17/2002
Time: 8:33:53 AM
Good morning all! I'm an alcoholic, name Sooz. I have been insecure since the day I was born I think, destined to use alcohol to numb myself. I have really had to address this in recovery as so much of the program involves Me taking steps and coming out of myself in order to recover. One of the first meetings I went to , 2nd I think, someone came up to me and handed me the book As Bill Sees It and asked if I would like to read it. Being new to AA, I thought 'how kind, they knew I was nervous and are trying to make me feel more at home'. Of course when the meeting began and it got to Bill Sees It, I found out quickly that not only was I wrong about trying to read other people's motives, but I had to get over very quickly my fear of getting up in front of a group. It was good, though, I learned this was a way to participate in meetings during the period I had nothing to give back or say because I did not know anything about living life sober. AFter 10 years of recovery, I am still working on looking for validation and acceptance of the things I do and the person I am from Myself and my Highter Power. I was taught as a child that validating one's self was somehow conceited and wrong and had to change that way of thinking. Surprisingly, I now get validation and acceptance without looking for it so much and it feels so more real when I do get it. It's really weird to ,me now how much time I spent living before feeling so insignificant. Today I am just a spec on the earth, but I am a spce that has meaning as we all do--kind of like a puzzle. I have enjoyed reading these posts this week and look forward to the next topic. Thanks to all of my fellows for being here online, another way to stay sober one day at a time.
Member: Thomas Z
Location: D.C.
Date: 3/17/2002
Time: 10:13:17 AM
Good morning all. Insecurity is something we all must deal with. I have never felt confident at all times, and therefore i drank alot when I felt I needed to be confident. Somehow, the more I used alcohol to be secure, the more times I felt lost when i didn't have it. So, times when I should have been completely comfortable, became unmanagable w/o alcohol.
I just started a new job. And its a "sink or swim" atmosphere. I know no one. It has been extremely difficult working in that environment all week, and having to turn down "the boyz" on friday happy hours. I don't have time to socialize during work and my refusal to join everyone at the end of the week is raising eyebrows. When your boss says he thinks it would be a good idea for you to come out, how do you refuse? I can't go to a bar and watch people drink! I know that! But, since taking this job I have found it more increasingly difficult to turn everyone down. My insecurities are peeking again, and I feel without a solution, my sobriety might end.
Im sure many have similar experiences and your thoughts on how I can manage this would be wonderful. The job is to good to quit, so although that might be the answer, at this point I need solutions within the environment before I assess the RR of the job.
Thank you for being here Thomas
Member: Jason S.
Location: Maryland
Date: 3/17/2002
Time: 11:42:30 AM
Hi, Thomas, would telling the truth be an option for you? I found that people respond with support to the truth. I know how very hard it is to do, but it's not impossible and it has yielded some big positive and unexpected results for me. Just another option. Best of luck.