Member: Ladd G
Location: Wetumpka Al.
Date: 07 Feb 1999
Time: 23:45:48

Comments

Ladd alcoholic,last week We talked about live and let live.Sometimes I here a lot of hurtful things said in meetings,things that are not AA and are not said in enything like a constructive manner.I have to ask..Is this what Bill and Bob would have wanted? There is a great differance to mebetween tough love and arrogant pridefull hurt in the name of spirituial living.Im confussed,thanks a lot to all of you could enyone with time address this. Love Ladd


Member: Jim R.
Location: Chgo
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 01:10:13

Comments

Live and Let Live to me is a simple thing. I can only share my experience on the subject. I know this for sure... if I allow myself to get caught up in another person inventory, and I do at times, then I fail to accept the fact that I am human, and I make mistakes... so why would I expect others to behave like me, when in fact, I am flawed, and I am succeptable to making mistakes... It all comes down to treating others the way you would want to be treated... with respect and dignity... I hope I get it right someday.


Member: BILL S.
Location: ST. LOUIS, MO
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 01:22:00

Comments

I'M BILL AND I'M AN ACOHOLIC. LIVE AND LET LIVE IS PROBABLY ONE OUR HARDEST TO LIVE UP TO CREDOS. I'M NOT SAYING IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, JUST THAT IT'S TOUGH TO DO EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY! I FIND MYSELF TAKING OTHERS INVENTORY OFTEN, AND THEN CATCHING MYSELF AND HAVING TO MENTALLY SLAP MY HAND AND REMIND MYSELF TO LIVE AND LET LIVE. AND I THINK THAT'S WHY BILL W. AND DR. BOB LIKED THE CREDO, "LIVE, AND LET LIVE". BECAUSE IT IS CONSTANTLY THERE TO REMIND US, AND SO WE CAN USE IT AS A TOOL TO HELP CORRECT OUR ALCOHOLIC THINKING. WE ARE NOT "CURED", AND WE ARE NOT PERFECT, BUT WE ARE RECOVERING, AND WE ARE PROGRESSING, AND WHEN WE THINK SOMEONE IS TAKING SOMEONES INVENTORY, AREN'T WE REALLY TAKING THEIR INVENTORY? GOD BLESS.


Member: LIZ S
Location: NEW ZEALAND
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 02:30:57

Comments

What a great topic means to me to mind my own business, easier said than done but its getting better for me and I just need to practice, practice, practice. As a recovering alcoholic there are certain things I need to avoid like the plague and doing other peoples inventory comes naturally but the truth is I cannot afford to do the stuff I did as a drinking alcoholic. I love the AA slogans which always remind me to keep it simple.


Member: john mc
Location: u.k.
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 03:19:49

Comments

Barry: Do what's best for you and your sobriety and God bless. Surprised you lasted so long, your a better man than me, your patience, understanding and tolerance ( and that of the other Techies ) is admirable, a compliment to your recovery and l for one am grateful for your efforts. So how do we identify the problem: Whenever there's controversy on this site there is one name which seems to be ever present, no prizes for guessing who!! He seems to revel in it and that's his stuff , over which l'm powerless. The Techies are in a pretty vulnerable position, easily abused. Sadly it seems the best way to deal with this stuff is to try to ignore it, not easy to ignore someone who seems to delight in pressing peoples buttons. Where l come from these people get sorted pretty quickly and rightly so, though l sometimes doubt the methods used, bottom line is the meeting is more important than any individual. The biggest weakness of this forum is how vulnerable it is to abuse, especially by those who should ?know? better. To easy to hide here, doubt if it would be the same at a f2f!?. Enough of the problem, what's the solution? lt's my experience that when you find people doing God's work you won't have to look far to find the other guys disciples and that's just the way of it. Thank God for f2f meetings for which there is no substitute, that's where the solution lies. There is only one message and it's in the B/Book Chap. 2 THERE IS A SOLUTION. Keep it simple?! To those of you who do'nt hear what l'm saying, just ignore me P.S. JO ANN; The answer to your question is, yes


Member: Geri W
Location: Virginia
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 05:13:55

Comments

Geri, very grateful alcoholic here. Live and let live is tough. The line between my responsibilities for my fellow man and minding someone's business, can get fuzzy sometimes. Is it right to watch someone hurt themselves or others without comment ( sometimes physical interference )? Can we stay idle while self destructs - or destroys someone's personal integrity? I'm sorry, but I don't think that we are supposed to "ignore" bad things. I know I'm not in charge of your (or my own ) life, but my HP tells me to stand up and be counted as one of His children. And to be There for those in pain. So I will - when I am led by the principles of the program - tell it like it is - in love and peace. The key - in love and peace. hugs, g


Member: Bob F
Location: Oregon
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 06:46:03

Comments

Bob here, I'm an alky:

Ladd G: I relate. I'v needed to work on my tollerence lately. Seems that I sometimes forget that I have a desease that brings out some unkind traits.

I review the AA slogans as well. Live & Let Live, First Things First and Easy Does It are three that give me thought. Page 135 of the BB talks about them in a chapter that deals with tollerence twix family members involved with on of us. Hurtful things can happen but the important thing is to remain unified (as do AA members as a whole).

One of my associates said once: "This AA group would sure be a great bunch if it weren't for the sickies". Kinda puts things in perspective for me.

Well I hope I'm not being insensative by being my normal sarcastic self and lotsa AA love to everyone. I'm very greatful that your all here for me. (sickies & all)

Yours in the fellowship: Bob F


Member: Bill T.
Location: Easter Shore of MD
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 07:58:52

Comments

My name is Bill, I am an alcoholic. For Ladd: I was taught, many many years ago, and have since observed it on my own, that Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of example MOST OF WHICH IS BAD. But don't be alarmed, there is plenty of good example to learn from. Listen to the good example and ignore the bad. Stick with the winners, but be wary even of them - sometimes they too go astray. Learn from the good and ignore the bad. Trust your own common sense to know the difference. Get to know and be guided by your own Higher Power - that Spirit within yourself which enables you to know right from wrong.


Member: Al M
Location: Whiterock B.C.
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 09:14:51

Comments

Hi Al here an alcoholic. Live and let Live is a tough assignment for me at times over the past 20 years of sobriety. That is a result of my desire and need to control others or situations and outcomes. The key for me is In Step 3 which allows me to "releive the bondage of self." and hopefully "quit playing God".Page 60 to 63 of the BB. In the final analysis I really am not entittled to run someone elses life just as they are not supposed to manage mine. I must permitt others to make their own way and mistakes as painful as that might be. I can only be there for support not as a crutch and share my experience strength and hope when called upon.Besides when thing get tough Itry Rule 62 to not take it all so dam seriously. God bless


Member: LezliM
Location: Hawai'i
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 10:54:59

Comments

I find the notion of Live and Let Live as very difficult-the words, actions, and (if I may be so presumptuous) thoughts of those around us were the excuses to drink. I find myself saying the Serenity prayer over and over as the concept of accepting what I cannot change is really new to me. I thought if I discussed things, worried about them, and came up with solutions, then everything would eventually be alright. Its a big relief not to have to take on the whole world. Focusing on my recovery is all I can really handle-one day at a time. Im so glad I found this meeting. I have not yet the strength to share at the meetings I attend.


Member: George T
Location: Michigan
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 11:08:49

Comments

Live and let live means not to judge others or seek revenge,or hold a grudge. These last two items are a direct result of the first. Vengence is mine sayeth the Lord. This tells me that AA helps me to see how to be a better person besides helping me out of the hell of drunkedness. Oh excuse me. I'm George. I'm an alcohlic


Member: BRIAN
Location: RAPID CITY S. D.
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 12:33:08

Comments

HI I'M BRIAN,ALCOHOLIC,I hear ya, somtimes the meetings can be used for polictal grand standing,individuals who know whats best for us and how the world should be.completly ass-9 and very unattractive.I'm very gratefull thats theres so much true spiritual freedom expamples at the meetings that I learned this way of life before the disease killed me. Today I don't know whats best for anybody else( not even sobriety ) only whats worked at keeping this drunk sober and given me a fighting chance at the kinda life I truely want,at meetings I take what I want and leave the rest or at least I try to practice that(progress not perfection )P.S.its always a poliction whos threatened by the freedom of others,so much for not taking their inventory (oh well! )thanx for my soberiety and questionable sanity and unquestional freedom (H.P.)...cya..BRIAN.


Member: Mary L
Location: Washington
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 14:13:56

Comments

Mary, sober alkie here. There's one key word in the phrase "Live and let live",it's simpily LIVE. I have enough shortcomings to keep this alkie busy for the rest of my life. I don't want to take on others shortcoming too as I already have enough to handle. If I practice all the principles of this program I will have my life full enough that I won't have time to fill up my life with others faults. I try to really LIVE my life these days, doing as HP would have me do, and this keeps this alkie focused on my faults not others. When others behavior upset me, I have learned the hard way that it is easier to turn the problem over to HP. Heck, if I had all the right answers to life, I would't be in AA. My very best ideas got me here. I,ve been given a second chance in life and I intend to REALLY LIVE it, day by day. Live my life, not someone elses too. HP has a plan for them too. Remember that if we turn something over to HP and don't let go, we will be upside down. Thanks for being here for me. AA Hugs, Mary


Member: Kate T.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 15:05:09

Comments

Hi, I'm Kate, and I am an alcoholic. That means that I am self-centered in the extreme and oversensitive to what people think of ME and what they do to ME and how they talk to ME. From the 12 and 12, page 90, step 10 "It is a spiritual axiom that EVERY TIME we are disturbed, NO MATTER WHAT THE CAUSE there is something wrong WITH US. When I am uncomfortable with the way others operate (letting live) it means that there is a problem within me (unable to face my own living). The people who have gotten under my skin have been my greatest salvation! The personality aspects of those in the program are there for me to learn how much I am still invested in my ego, in my own personality. It takes all kinds of people to reflect God's grace, which is not one dimensional. Judgement of others is a sign of immaturity and lack of understanding, as it reads in the St. Fracis prayer in step 11 that I seek to understand rather than to be understood. Therein lies the peace of God, which is what my daily spiritual maintenance should be producing. Discernment is different than judgement, I may be able to see something in others but I don't take it personally. I if have to judge I am in the realm of THE GREAT ME, and that means I better fall to my knees quickly!


Member: Kate M.
Location: New York, NY
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 15:09:47

Comments

re: live and let live, I tend to think that I do this, of course my bigger issue is whether I'm going to be alive at all if I keep going like this. It's so strange, I work here on madison Avenue and have friends and all, and no one has any idea what my life is really about, not the slightest bit. I mean people have suspected, but I always manage to convince tham that there was a good reason for my behavior, that OF COURSE I wasn't drunk at work at 10 am. of course. I'm getting scared.


Member: Mike
Location: Calgary
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 15:20:02

Comments

Mike Alcoholic, in my 3 years of sobriety letting go and letting Live was the largest and scariest hurdle I've had to overcome. The thought of being alone for all of eternity was most overwhelming. But I servived and in retrospect learned the things I fought so desperatly to hold on to did not exist, they were all a sick allusion. This fear was what drove me to AA where I now find the sanity to Live. Thanx Mike


Member: Bill J. 12-19-75
Location: South Texas
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 15:34:21

Comments

Live and let live is a great slogan and have heard some good things here. We should remember that its a slogan not the 11 commandment. We are told to not become doormatts. My experience has been if we accept unaccaptable behavior we will get a lot more of it. So there is a time to say no. Page 449 will probably be left out of the next Big Book because some take it too literal. That will be a shame but then sombody smarter than I may be able to reword it so the loopholes wont be there. Love and Service ,Bill J.


Member: Linda A.
Location: Az.
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 16:48:53

Comments

Hi Linda, Alcoholic. This is a great meeting. It's exactly whats happening in my life. Some differences with co-wokers and yes I felt like a doormat, but if I would have minded my own business in the first place, well then the doormat problem wouldn't have occured. Page 449 is one of my favorite spots in the big book and always will be. Now I can go back to work on me and not some one else. Thanks all for your opinions. It makes me stronger and I hope all of you too.


Member: John.L
Location: Delaware
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 17:19:15

Comments

Hi!i'm john acholic,and live and let live is a hard on for me to except right now at my stage of recovery.I've been dealing with alot of emotions!which is new to me!and alot of bad dreams.when my best friend&god daughter was killed by a drunk driver.I almost lost it bad. and it's been haunting me in my dreams lately. I've been trying to come to terms with it!but i just can't.it's been almost a year now since the accident,and i just can't find it in my heart to forgive the man who killed them.yes i know i need to let go of this resentment .my sponsor keeps telling me that.but like i keep telling him.how do you let go of something you'll never in your life forget???thanks for listening.i hope you all have a safe and sober day :)


Member: kristina d
Location: mi
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 18:41:57

Comments

hi i'm an alcoholic live and let live. i had to do that or i'd die.i had a hatred for my father for most of my life frirst i tried to run then i tryed torun through the bottle. both almost killed me now i let go and let God. live and let live. and take it one day at a time' thank yuo so much for being there...i am forever greatfull.


Member: Geri W.
Location: Virginia
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 19:17:45

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic. Kate - run, don't walk to your telephone and call the AA number. They will get you help right now. Drunk at work is dangerous ( I should know, I was there ). OK guys - we can't be so interested in live and let live that we let a post like that go unanswered. Help her! hugs and sorry for the 2nd posting.


Member: joyce p.
Location: utah
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 19:38:33

Comments

Hi joyce,alcoholic this is my first time at this meeting so i will qualify, my sobriety date is 11/9/84. when i came through those doors i had no idea how to live, let alone let live. but my HP (who i was hiding out from, convinced he was the fly swatter and i was the fly) had a plan. he put a sponser in my life that was hard core, BB thumping, old time AA. had she been any softy i would have probably walked over her on my way back out that door. she loved me enough to yank my sheets on a hourly basis. and she told me some very important stuff. she told me my best thinking got me here. that the people sitting by me in a meeting were the same people that had sat by me at the bar. that i needed to stay with the winners. didn't take me long to see not everybody in these rooms has what i want. she told me to find those that had the kind of spiritual program i wanted for myself and do what they do. that was awhile ago, but i find it is still true today, i may have 14 years but i still need people who have 15 & up to tell me how to keep growing. can't say i'm a quick learner, i've done it wrong, gotten "well", and managed to become spiritually and emotionally bankrupt at 10 years of sobriety. only by the grace of my HP did i not drink. today i know that i have to enter any meeting like a newcomer, if i delude myself that i know squat i'm headed for having to pull myself out of bad company (my head) one more time. thanks for a good meeting. i'll keep coming back.


Member: David O
Location: Midland , Tx
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 19:40:13

Comments

Hi , Alcoholic and very grateful to be sober today.I understand about the confussion with the hurtful things people say in meetings. Myself, I have to focus on the love that, I am giving and receiving in my own life. I do understand what your talking about Ladd ! I'm not giving advice just sharing alittle. Say man, have a really good day and keep coming back.


Member: Jeff O.
Location: California
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 20:45:00

Comments

This is a very interesting topic. To live and let live is something that I struggle with everyday. I have a real hard time with certain people and there behaivor. When I get feeling crazy I usually try to read page 449 in the big book. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems. This seems to humble me and keep me grounded. Let me tell you folks, I have to read this page a lot. God Bless


Member: sharon b
Location: Painesville    OH
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 22:13:06

Comments

Hi, sharon here,recovering alcoholic. I believe that the absolutely most important reason for "live and let live" is that by practicing it you can avoid resentments. And resentments are killers for us. One A.A. meeting alone is packed with resentments for me. People chatting about things which have no bearing on A.A.; others gossiping, often about other members; watching the same people over and over chairing,being secretary; you get the picture. For me, "live and let live".


Member: Dave J
Location: Anaheim, Ca
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 22:33:48

Comments

Dave, Alcoholic. I've learned that I am responsible for my OWN actions today. When I hear or see something rash I make a mental note to try NOT to do the same thing, and accept that person as what they are. A sick person just like me. A sick person trying to get well.KCB.dj


Member: Geno D.
Location: Washington, DC
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 22:55:47

Comments

Live and Let Live to me is a wonderful topic. It is a constant reminder to me that I must accept people inside and outside of the rooms as they are. Acceptance of thier difference,and were they are in thier (HP) path of recovery or society. I must be mindful that getting clean and sober is a proccess;indeed,progress can't be measured in comparison to how/where I'm at in the process to anyone else's proccess.Outside of the room's LIVE and LET LIVE will help me stay focus and tolerant of another human being;unfortunately not everyone has a program. I'm the one with a program,and in keeping on my path,following the steps and the principles of AA;hopefully, I'll display a mindful,acceptable, and tolerant concern towards my Brothers and Sisters.


Member: Gary G.
Location: Smithers BC
Date: 08 Feb 1999
Time: 23:05:02

Comments

God Bless All of us, we are trying to have spiritual progress not spiritual perfection


Member: Beverly A.
Location: Louisiana
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 00:43:04

Comments

I'm Beverly, an alcoholic.I needed to hear this topic tonight.To "live and let live", for me is to do what is in front of me to do, and to let the other guy take care of his stuff. I have enough of my own to worry about. This is my first time here,and will keep coming back. thanks for the topic.


Member: NericeK
Location: Southern California
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 01:06:13

Comments

Hi! Nerice, alcoholic! My ability at times to 'Live and Let Live' is a real measure of the quality of my sobriety! Meetings<bad, good or indifferent!>seem to mirror life so well...they have helped me practice!Thanks for being here.


Member: NericeK
Location: Southern California
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 01:06:25

Comments

Hi! Nerice, alcoholic! My ability at times to 'Live and Let Live' is a real measure of the quality of my sobriety! Meetings<bad, good or indifferent!>seem to mirror life so well...they have helped me practice!Thanks for being here.


Member: Paul
Location: Cape Town
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 02:39:05

Comments

Good morning. I am Paul. I am an alcoholic. To Ladd -- about live and let live. I read something which helps me: "Always speak the truth -- with love in your heart. Before you speak look down -- if there is not love in your heart rather keep quiet."


Member: Jennifer G.
Location: Sylacauga, AL
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 10:12:03

Comments

Hi. I'm Jennifer and I'm an alcoholic. To Kate: The hardest part is getting started, reaching out for help, please call the AA # and find a meeting. If you need to talk, e-mail me,gravettefam@mindspring.com, I will have 6 months sober the 11th, but I am a good listener. Please get some help ASAP, I care about you.


Member: Tom H.
Location: Weatherford,Tx
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 10:30:36

Comments

Hi Tom here alcoholic this is my first timeat this meeting my soberity date is 12-23-83. This is my 2nd time around in AAand Ihave been workingmy program like itis suggested this time around.i can leaaarn from all themembers in this program as i have met only one stranger in AA an that was me.I likelive andletlive as it reminds me of 2 things,1 every time i take someone else's inventory i'm taking my own as i can see my faults quicker in others then in myself. and 2if i want to share my thoughts i have to grant you all the same privelge as it is a two way street i have to allow otheers the same thing as others allow me not always easy but then I'm not perfect yet just sober today.. thank you for allowing me to share.Iwill be here more often..Tom


Member: Stuart
Location: Ann Arbor
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 10:40:31

Comments

In 'Live and Let Live' the first word LIVE is key for me. Thank you, Mary, for pointing that out, your suggestions were very helpful. AA has taught me how to LIVE. Taking it a Day at a Time, having Conscious Contact, being Eternally Vigilant that I have a fatal progressive disease (the only disease that, at times, tells me that I don't have a disease!), utilizing Anonymity when appropriate, having Gratitude, Keeping It Simple, the Program has taught he how to Live, indeed. I've gone from being a blackout drinker, unaware of other people's feelings, to a respectful worker, husband, and father to two beautiful kids. But, it's God, my Higher Power who gets all the credit. Anyway, I've said enough. Speaking of Living though, I've found Exercise and Humor helps a lot with my recovery. Have others found these helpful also? It seems sometimes I'am too serious, and I need to lighten up.


Member: Robert B
Location: NEW BRUNSWICK CA.
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 13:52:18

Comments

Rob alcoholic Not all of us are in AA for the same reasons it seems some people go to round ups and spend 95% of the time socializing . For some I believe AA is just a social club, not me . Im there trying to save my life. It dosent take long to meet the people who really want to find a way out of this insanity we call alcoholism.Ignor what you can of the bullshit and the dating games and concentrate on working your own program to the best of your abilty. In any group of people there is always those you can identify with and those you have to put up with. When people see there that your trying to change your life those who are also trying to figure out this baffling ,powerful and cunning disease will be drawn to you. You cant or wont like everybody as in every other groupe of people.If we didnt all have problems we wouldnt be here.And Kate yes, if booze is affecting your work or any other aspect of your life, the people in AA are the ones who can help you if you want it.At least they are your best chance, and if your like me, mabey the only one you got.

Best wishes to all.


Member: Phyllis M
Location: Boulder, Colorado
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 14:16:59

Comments

Hi, I'm Phyllis. Alcoholic by all counts. This is an excellent topic. Just last night I was at meeting judging the lady across the table. She has come in and out a lot. When it was my time to speak, I looked directly at her and told her this disease was serious - nothing to screw around with. That if she kept playing her games, it could kill her. Then I suddenly felt as if I was looking in a mirror and had to admit that, even though I'm not drinking, I haven't been attending meetings, got rid of my sponsor (who was incredible) and haven't read the BB in MONTHS!! I might add I am celebrating 12 years on 2/15. Truly, some are sicker than others. I try to remember what an old timer once said in one of my first meetings - When we are pointing a finger at someone else, there are three more pointing back at ourselves.


Member: Martina
Location:
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 15:43:18

Comments

Hello everyone,

I'm Martina, a gratful, sober alcoholic.

For me, developing a positive attitude is a discipline. Being negative is a bad habit that I need to break. It is easier to be negative than to be positive. It is more human to be negative than positive. When I am bitter and angry and full of sefl-pity, the natural outcome is to be negative. Being negative is full of pride and shows a lack of willingness to be vulnerable. It is self-protective. For the alcoholic, negativity is part of the package. One of those things that needs reconstruction. A positive attitude can be very healing to yourself and others.

The bible says, "whatever is lovely, whatever is noble, whatever is true.... think on such things.... and the peace of God, which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" this is a verse which I meditate on frequently.

May God's peace be with you all.


Member: Jean J.
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 16:58:33

Comments

Hi everyone, Jean alcoholic posting for the first time here. I learned along time ago that I stop where you start. Meaning " I am responsible for me and my actions" as you are yours. If I have a problem with something or someone I am saying that I know better than God and that my way is better. Everyone is exactly where they need to be at that time in their lives. I also learned that everyone that I come in contact with is a Mirror or a Teacher. They will either teach me something or mirror a behavior that I don't like within myself. If I keep an open mind and try to do GOD's will instead of my own, each day is an Adventure. Live and Let Live means complete acceptance of all of GOD's creature's. Thanks to God for showing me this path to you.


Member: becca R. 
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 18:30:43

Comments

BeccaR. alcoholic New Hampshire I recently got this new computer and here I am Anyway I recently learned what Live and let live means only to me! A person whom I though was a sober friend wound up taking me for a slander ride, verbally and I soon found out also what the slogan "some are sicker than others asnd what a lesson learned and she get's prayed for lot's of times a day


Member: Larry J.
Location: Phila. Pa.
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 19:22:10

Comments

I'm Larry a grateful recovering alcoholic,and i am new to alcoholic anonymous online. I have been trying to learn how to live and stay sober one day at a time. I have been first introduced to AA back in 1986. Out of the past 13 years have been sober for approximately 3. I recently have one month and five days. I am looking forward to having a quiet, peaceful, sober birthday tomorrow. I will be 48 years old. I have been making meetings on a daily basis, reading,and connecting with my home group, and sharing with my temporary sponsor. I am one who is willing to go to any lengths to maintain a healthy, spiritual balance in my life, and to have AA as a teacher, for I am a student.


Member: Jeanie W
Location: So.Bend, Indiana
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 19:24:20

Comments

Hi I'm Jeanie, recovering alcoholic. Live and let live means me keeping busy at my program and letting others do the same. I love to share, both to speak and listen and that sharing teaches me how to be more accepting of others. From the tables I've learned to appreciate others even though they are very different from me. Some are harsh and some very gentle, but in at least one way we are all the same. When in doubt, ask your Higher Power. This is my first time here. This is great!


Member: Bob
Location:
Date: 09 Feb 1999
Time: 22:47:34

Comments


Member: Kathy O.
Location: Elgin,Illinoit
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 00:07:25

Comments

Hi everybody-my name is Kathy and I'm a grateful alcoholic and glad to be sober today. I hope Kate has picked up the phone and gotten to a meeting-you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Phyllis already said what I was going to share-when I point my finger at someone else I have three fingers pointing back at me. When I have a problem with someone else it's because I have a problem with me. Thank you all for being here-the committee in my head has gotten kind of loud in the past few days, but reading everyones shares reminds me of who I am and how far I have come and what is important. MY sobriety is the most important thing in my life and as long as I remember that everything else falls into place. Love to all-Kath+:)


Member: Dave  B
Location: ELK , WA.
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 03:12:59

Comments

IM Dave an alcoholic, On pg,66 & 67 of the Big Book sayes that ''Though we did not like their symtoms and the way these disturbed us,they,like ourselves,were sick too" "We ask God to help us show them the same tolerance,pity,and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend". God grant me the serinity to accept "the people I cannot change,the courage to change the Person that I can ,and the wisdom to know " I AM THAT PERSON". In other words "God it's in your hands -not mine. Live and let live. thanks Dave.B


Member: john mc
Location: u.k.
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 07:24:36

Comments

Sorry Guys and Gals. My earlier post was meant for the coffee pot. Sorry for any confusion caused. John.


Member: Kate M.
Location: New York, NY
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 11:15:21

Comments

Hi again everyone, and thanks to those who responded to my post (jennifer, I'll write to you). I went to my first AA meeting last night, not being able to get to work and having finally realized that I've hit the "rock bottom" I've heard about.I was so scared to got to the meeting, I guess I've always thought somehow that if I actually went, I would be admitting how weak I was. Which obviously I am. Anyway, the room wasn't filled with broken down depressives, which I had envisioned, but with really cool, vibrant people-young, old, every kind of person-and I met this wonderful woman who talked to me forever while I was crying. I really broke down, hope I didn't make too big a scene. Anyway, I haven't had a drink since! (11 hours and counting) I know this afternoon is going to be so hard; if I can just hold on until the meeting tonight, 8 hours and twenty minutes to go.. Oh, I almost forgot; my name is Kate and I'm an alcoholic


Member: Debbie O.
Location: California
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 11:48:17

Comments

Hi Kate, keep up the good work.I will be praying for you.This is my first time to be at this online meeting.Thankyou for being here everyone. This is alot of fun. GOD bless.


Member: Joan W
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 17:02:54

Comments

Hi everyone;

I am an alcoholic and my name is Joan.

Kate, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and goosebumps. I feel like I am once again witnessing the miracle. I will hold you in my prayers. I am so glad you went to that face to face meeting. You will never have to go to your first meeting again. That is such a big step. I would love to "talk" with you, my address is ILizzyT@excite.com

I have seen myself in most of these posts today. The big "I" sometimes gets to thinking everyone would be all right if they would just do it my way. Who do I think I am? When I came to AA in the fall of 1983, I was incapable of being a wife to my husband or a mother to my children. I started drinking when I got up in the morning and was passed out or in a blackout most of the day. When I came to the rooms, people told me they had been where I was, and they gently led and guided me by sharing their experience, strength and hope. I have personal knowledge that this works, so when I get to thinking I have the answers I try to remember how they accepted me and let me make my own way with loving guidance. That is all I have to offer anyone.

I thank God for this meeting and all who are here. God bless us every one!

Love, Joan


Member: Sharon B.
Location: Westfield, WI
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 17:25:06

Comments

Live and let live is a very tough topic. How can we as recovering alcoholics judge other people or stick our noses in other peoples business? If we live by our quest to remain sober we leave ourselves open to the same rules as we want not to be judged by! This is my first time in this type of discussion, I usually remain silent at AA meetings. I feel this is a great way to say what I think and feel, without everyone starying at me like an outsider. Thanks.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 17:25:35

Comments

I'm Chris an alcoholic. Hi Kate M., I am so happy to hear you found AA. I have found AA to be a safe place where I can get help to recover from drinking. The program works for me. I have nearly 16 years in the program, a day at a time. Even though life has ups and downs, I have found every day, month, and year of recovery to be a blessing. We are here for you, and we have all been through what you are feeling. Early on I hung on to sayings like, "the only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking, keep coming back, easy does it but do it, and hit 90 meetings in 90 days." God bless you and good luck!

John.L, coming to terms with big things that happen to us in our lives is good. I do not believe acceptance is the same as denial, nor do I believe we get to experience life without feeling. I don't think we can do that, nor do I think we should. Acceptance is something we arrive at after facing things squarely. This program requires rigorous honesty to survive, and sometimes that is quite hard. What a horrible tragedy you have had to face, of course you are going to feel! I believe we get to go on living after we can forgive others when they harm us. After all, isn't this about how you feel? You have a right to be happy too! Prayers help, but nothing that big is easy to deal with, I know.

Now to the topic at hand, "LIVE and let LIVE." God bless you Debby C. for sharing the meaning of "To thine own self be true!" Living life happy, joyous, and free is a gift and a promise of the program. How truly lucky we are to have a program that can make this possible for us!

Bill T. thanks for reminding me to "Trust your own common sense to know the difference. Get to know and be guided by your own Higher Power - that Spirit within yourself which enables you to know right from wrong."

Yes, Al M. buddy, "I must permit others to make their own way and mistakes as painful as that might be." That is the "let live" part. If I decide for them, I am not living my life, and I cannot afford to do that to them or to myself.

David O, I think you found the most central message of this topic when you said, "Myself, I have to focus on the love that, I am giving and receiving in my own life." Paul, thanks for affirming a message about dealing fairly and honestly with others, "Always speak the truth -- with love in your heart."

Stuart In 'Live and Let Live' the first word LIVE is key for me. I've found Exercise and Humor helps a lot with my recovery." I have found these things have helped me, as well.

(((Big Room Hug!!)))


Member: Sandi M.
Location: Crescent City, CA
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 19:22:07

Comments

Hi from Sandi, Alcoholic, first time in this discussion group, I am greatful for your comments on the subject of Live and Let Live. For me I try to remember that everytime I forget this message and start taking inventories, I am setting myself above the other person, which means I forget I have a Higher Power who is the only one who has the power to help others. I need to save all my energy for my own recovery. Thanks for all the wisdom and love you share.....


Member: Pete B.
Location: sw MI
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 20:20:46

Comments

I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. My name is Pete.

As we know, the most important person in this discussion is Kate. Your statement about 10am work took me back. I loved to go have "3 martini lunches" and try to function at work afterwards. And there were many. I should have been fired. As I look back, I was enabled by some of the people around me. I should be in jail now serving a life time sentence for driving under the influence. That's just a little part of my drinking career.

In this morning's meeting we read from the 24 hour book. One line hit me .... "the most improtant thing one can learn is ask God for help". And I don't mean "foxhole prayers". Well, in order for me to understand this, I had to surrende firstr. I was horribly confused and afraid in that first week of AA. But my HP was nudging me to keep going to meetings .... and I did. I relied totally on the serenity prayer and it worked. And it can work for you Kate !!!

When it comes to "letting live", I always need a horrendous dose of humility. I really have to work hard at that. It takes prayer, action, and gratitude....................for me.

Ok ......great topid Ladd.......Kate, one day at a time (for me it was one houre at a time). God bless .......... Pete


Member: Chuck K.
Location: Texas
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 20:46:29

Comments

Hi everyone. I'm Chuck, and I'm an alcoholic. Way to go, Kate. I read your post last night; tonight I got teary-eyed reading your subsequent one. We've all been there, and we all want you to have what we have been so freely given. Hang around, one day at a time, and you, too, can experience the miracle of recovery. That is a fact of our experience. Any of us who lives sober today is a miracle.

"Live and let live" is so easy, so simple, and so effective that it will take me the rest of my life, one day at a time, to progress towards the depth of the wisdom it expresses. I appreciate everyone's comments so much.

God Bless all here. Kate, you have been and will be in my prayers. So, here's to keepin' on keepin' on for all of us today.


Member: John J
Location: branchville N.J.
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 21:08:24

Comments

Kate-Keep going to meetings i did 90 meetings in 90 days and it realy helped me it gets better evry day it realy does I know for myself a sponser with some time (10-20)yrs. helped me alot hope all is well and keeps getting better thanks evryone for agood meeting this is my first time atthis meeting i will keep comming john alcoholic 11-13-87


Member: Hollywood
Location: Cambridge Idaho
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 21:17:11

Comments

My name is Hollywood. I ahve been sober 137 dAYS. It is remarcable for me to be able to say that. The knowledge I have gained through this program really works. It allows me to live each day as it comes to me. you live life on life's terms. My higher power allows me to stay sober one day at a time. Through the teaching's of A.A. we learn from one another how to live and let live. You do not have controll over other People, and so you must learn to except things the way they are. There is no real reason to be bitter about things that You have no power over. Don't be negative and try to acsintuate the positive. I have found in my recovery that there are some things that just can't be helped. And instead of drinking over them or usinig it for areason to drink, your better off just to see what you can do about it, or maybe there is nothing that can be done. Your higher power will take you in the direction of his will. The answers are in the Big book. They are there in black and white. Take from your Mtg's what you need and leave the rest there. God be with each and every one of you. One day at a time.


Member: Ladd G
Location: Wetumpka Al.
Date: 10 Feb 1999
Time: 22:25:19

Comments

Hi Ladd alocoholic,This week has been great with yall.Ive herd some things that really put my thoughts in perspective.Kate-you are what this is all about.This week(sunday) I hope to celibrate my fourth year sober.Its been by the good I have found in other people,people who said what others have said to you.We do know how you feel,you can do it,it might get tough but from this day on what ever it is you never have to do it alone. Sometimes I forget.I dident come to AA for eny other reason than to deal with alcohol. And you people gave me the arrogance to think I could someday have the good I found in your worlds.Today by the grace of a loving god,and the goodness that I can see if I look for it.I havent had a drink all day. Kate there have been a lot of great things shared here,but you reminded me how it works.We reach out for you,you reach for the stars,and we all get a tast of heaven. Thanks All-Love Ladd


Member: andy c
Location: colorado
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 00:00:22

Comments

hi group,,live and let live is a gr8 topic.Thanx for being here on a snowy night when my home group was cancelled due to weather. I really needed a meeting tonight and this is a nice alternative to bb study.thx


Member: Robert N. 12/10/98
Location: The Colony TX.
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 01:00:57

Comments

Hi all. Roert,alcoholic.Kate, I am so glad you are here.There is a solution.For me Live and Let Live is all about acceptance, and my serenety is directly linked to my acceptance.If I can let go of my expectations and just "Let Live" then I can hold on to my serenety.LIVE EASY BUT THINK FIRST.Thanks for being here and letting me share.Robert


Member: Geri W
Location: Virginia
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 05:38:51

Comments

Geri here, a very grateful alcoholic. Kate - I am so glad you made the meeting. Now you have a chance - and alot of prayers going for you. Happy sober day to everyone. I can't, God can - so I think I'll let Him. Hugs


Member: Kate M.
Location: NY NY
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 11:32:32

Comments

I'm so overwhelmed right now that I don't even know where to begin. First of all, it's become clear that this decision to kill kate the hopeless drunk and try to be kate the rational sober grown-up is going to be done without most, if not all, of my "friends". I physically don't know what to do with myself if I'm not here at work or at a meeting. Thank God I found this online meeting here-maybe I should get the internet at home now. Speaking of this meeting, when I read all of the things that you've said I sat here speechless, not even believing that people who haven't met me would care enough to read my post and respond with real concern and empathy. All I want is to be able to do that for someone else someday. My friends are not terribly impressed with my decision, as if I've undertaken to cramp Their social life in some unforgiveable manner. I won't lie to you-I'm dying for a drink.I last drank on Tuesday at around 5:30 pm-I've already reached a personal best in terms of how long its been. Honest to God I don't know how you do this. I'm very shaky. And I'm dying to drink. But I have a sponsor now, and another meeting to look forward to tonight, if I can hold on then I'll deserve to go. Pete, I'm going hour to hour too, just like you were. I'm especially afraid of lunch hour. You all are unbelieveable. Thank you so much. kate


Member: Robert B.
Location: Boise Idaho
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 11:36:28

Comments

Hi. My name is Robert, and I am an alcoholic. I've enjoyed the ESH share on this topic, including some very clear insights. My original sponsor always encouraged me to find the spiritual guidance to distinguish between "Live and Let Live", and "Live and Let Die". He recognized that I was lazy and self absorbed, and that given the slightest opportunity, I would abuse "Live and Let Live", hiding behind it to avoid reaching out to others.

Welcome to the newcomers. If you are willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcoholism, you don't ever have to take another drink of alcohol as long as you live. No matter how hopeless and defeated you feel now, there is a solution to be found in recovery. Please, Keep coming back.


Member: SueB
Location: Barberton, OH
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 14:32:43

Comments

Hi everyone. SueB, alcoholic. I'm glad you're here, Kate. It takes real courage to accept help. In the beginning, I too, had to take it hour by hour. It does get easier, just keep comin' back, and don't drink no matter what! I will keep you in my prayers. Now the topic--Live and let live--for me means tolerance and acceptance. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Straight from Tradition 3. By turning away the so-called undesirable, unkempt, and those not "like us", we become judge, jury and executioner. This is not practicing "good AA". Who are we to say who comes into the fellowship and who doesn't? Just because a person has a different lifestyle, or has different spiritual beliefs is no reason we cannot learn from them. When I see a new person walk into a meeting here, I know there are reasons for him/her being there. First the obvious reason is that they want to get sober. But less obvious and something a lot of people don't think of is that they are there to teach us something. I simply have to ask myself what it is that I've been praying about. The HP puts people in our paths for a reason. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that, and try to be a little more tolerant of the homeless man who smells so bad, and not be afraid of the ex-con. We need to remind ourselves that we're all there for a common purpose. We may not like it, and we don't have to agree with it, but we do have to accept it. You are a member of AA if you say you are. With that, I'll pass. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: George T.
Location: Michigan
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 15:50:15

Comments

Dear Kate

Now I know what people at meetings mean when they say they need to listen to newcomers to be reminded of where they came from. When I read your post I forgot my own problems at least for a moment and I had the feeling of having a weight lifted off my shoulders. My stress level is so high I gnash my teeth while asleep acording to my dentist. I told her I have never done that as far as I know. I beleive I am going to get fired today and I dread going to work. I havn't had a drink since Memorial Day last year, so drinking isn't the problem. I still make alot of mistakes at work and they are catching up with me. In the past I thought it was the alcohol but now I know better. I have come to realize that I am not as smart as I thought I was and am considering changing to a simpler life and simpler job. Oddly enough I don't feel diminished by the idea, but unconsciously, I guess, I my ego is suffering. Such are the problems of every day life that I had tried to elude for many years through alcohol. I keep telling meself at least I am sober. I never want to go back to that pompous, overbearing, maniacal drunkedness. I can see clearly now, the clouds are gone. The days are brighter and so full of life and grandchildren. So what if I don't make so much money. So what if we have to skimp on some things. We are happy thats what counts.

The topic may be "Live and Let Live", but to me To Live sober is the best part. I'm George, I'm an alcoholic.


Member: Pat S
Location:
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 16:54:12

Comments

Hi Kate, Go to meetings early and stay late:o) I am new in aa 3 weeks tonight but I have been to about 50 meetings already. The people there keep me sober till I can go home and sleep. When I cant sleep I read the BB and other pamplets. I got angry today but the serenity prayer helped take it away. Keep going to f2f and comming back Pat


Member: FranC'86
Location: Van Buren, OH, USA
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 17:44:10

Comments

Fran C and I'm an alcoholic. You know I've been around these rooms for a few 24 hours, and my sponsor told me that phrase has 2 parts LIVE and LET Live. I am responsible for my own behavior attitudes, comments, etc. I am not responsible for others. I have to let them live the way they choose to. If that isn't something I like, then I have to give that person a severe case of the letting alones. I don't have to like or condone their behavior. I am equally certain that, like a lot of you stated, that this was a way that Bob and Bill had in mind to produce Peace of Mind for the suffering alcoholic. Just because I have a few 24 hours behind me doesn't mean I don't suffer, I do in one form or another. Ladd, just remember the others are responsible for their own self, let them live the way they choose to, and you do not have to meet their standards, higher or lower.


Member: Flossie B
Location: Hobbema.ab.
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 18:48:05

Comments

Hi, My is Flossie an Alcoholic, good day all! Hey, maybe this person is just hurting within and just needs to express himself. Maybe, just maybe Dr. Bob $ Bill would have us be more compassionate. Luv ya all!


Member: DAN C.
Location: LUDWIGS CORNER PA.
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 19:42:56

Comments

hi i'm dan and im an alcoholic kate thank you for helping me stay sober.keep hanging in and as soon as you can get the coffee commitment. ladd, my sponsor told me early on "if you spot it ,you got it" after 33 yrs of taking everyone else,s inventory it's not aneasy defect to overcome.this is another reason for me to make as many meetings as i can,to practice,practice,practice these principles in all my affairs.


Member: Ed G.
Location: New York
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 20:07:47

Comments

Hi, I'm Ed and I am an alcoholic. First time here, I was feeling sick tonight and didn't go to the meeting I was planning on going to. This was a great alternative and after reading everyone's comments I feel much better - must be something to that Live and Let Live. Keep trying it John L., that wheel man could of been any one of us. Thanks Kate - keep listening it's the best advice I got when I came in. God Bless.


Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 21:24:26

Comments

Good Evening!

My Name is Tom A. and I am a grateful recovering day at a time alcololic. Dear Kate on July 25, 1960 at my very first AA Meeting these words were shared with me by another alcoholic, he said "Any damn fool can stay sober for 24 hours." That's how it works for me and I'm sure many others. We are glad your here and I want you to know I'm still that damn fool. Keep coming back Kate! I use the guiding principle of "Live and Let Live" daily in my life along with the two others that are found on page 135 of the Big Book. I quote, "First Things First, Live and Let Live, Easy Does It." When I use all three life seems to work out better for me, you see these folks in the program have taught me that all days sober are good, some are just better than others. I thank everyone who has visited here this week and Phil thank you for suggesting the topic. Yours in daily sobriety.

God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net


Member: Sam J.
Location: Southeast
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 22:34:19

Comments

Hi everyone. I am an alcoholic and the name is Sam. In response to Ladd G.'s comments, I would just like to say that I feel that I owe it to my fellow alcoholics to treat them with respect and dignity. When I first came into AA, I probably just wasn't ready, but I was met with the so-called tough love. That was just not for me. I was in and out for the next 11 years. Finally, in October of 1975, I came back in. One of the members decided to sponsor me. I did not ask him, but I thank God that he did. He took a different approach and treated me like a human being and I became willing to listen to him. With his guidance, I finally got sober in Nov. 1975. If he had tried the tough love crap on me, I would not be sober today. What I am trying to say is that everyone is different and one cannot approach all newcomers in the exact same way. I concur that there are some people that require the "tough love" approach. We are all different. As far as saying hurtful things at meetings, I will be the first to admit that there are people in AA that I don't really like but they are fellow alcoholics, and fellow human beings, and they deserve to be treated with common decency. I certainly am not an expert on AA, and hope to God that I never become one, but this is what I feel in my heart. Again, I thank God for a sponsor that had the wisdom to realize that each newcomer is different. Thank you very much for letting me share. By the way, on my first post, I talked about a serious matter, and out of ignorance, ended it with LOL. I honestly thought "Lots of Love". Thank all of you, and God bless.


Member: Robert
Location: Nashville
Date: 11 Feb 1999
Time: 22:35:21

Comments

Reading the posts about live and let live has reminded how I take everyone elses's inventory every day. It sure does make for lively lunch conversation with co-workers to talk about others who aren't in our little group in a negative way. What does this have to do with staying sober? I'm not practicing the principles of AA when I'm gossiping. Love and service is our code. I've got a long way to go but I'm trying.

Hang in there Kate. Call that sponsor.


Member: Brian B
Location: South Yorkshire, U.K
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 00:46:56

Comments

I`m an Alcoholic,my name is Brian.I had a recent experience on the topic. In a local meeting, a lady member had returned for the Nth time, tearful, hurt and asked "why has it happened again".- She asked, I answered. She only comes to meetings after she`s had a drink; she hasn`t a sponser, home group and, despite many years around AA, hasn`t done an ounce of service - isn`t it about time she joined? I then talked of my own experience, over 30 years sobriety, done service from year 1 and get to at least 2 meetings a week. Later, I was quietly told I had been a bit hard, was I not ego-tripping and not letting live and let live? This set me back,- was I? (The good old defence mechanism, look at myself!) I didn`t like what I saw, perhaps I had preached, been a bit of a bleeding deacon. The reality was, the slogan became a measuring stick of my own feelings, and that`s important. If I`m in touch with how I feel, then I can adjust, make amends, whatever-it`s all there in the programme, isn`t it.


Member: SCOTT B
Location: CONN
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 01:45:50

Comments

MY NAME IS SCOTT I'M AN ALCOHOLIC THIS SITE IS A GREAT PLACE 24-7 I THANK YOU ALL


Member: Amy K
Location: Sav. GA.
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 01:51:01

Comments

Hi, My name is Amy, and I just recently realized that I too am an Alcoholic. It has been 4 days since I've had a drink, but I have been drinking daily for 9 years, I have tried in the past to stop, but never was as serious as I am this time. I realized, I am 31 yrs old, with a 10yr old and a 13 yr old, who have basically seen me this way their entire lives. And a husband, whom I've been married to for these 9 yrs I've been drinking. I feel I have wasted alot of my life and want to start fresh, I plan to get this Big Book everyone talks about, I am glad that there are resources like this on the internet, since my main fight with the drinking is not being able to sleep. It's 2am, and I can't sleep, for the past 4 days I've been sober, I haven't slept. Are there any suggestions? Please e-mail me at 102745.2536@compuserve.com Kate, I really can understand where you are coming from, keep up the good work!


Member: Mark V.
Location: Mass.
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 03:10:13

Comments

Hi gang, I'm Mark and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time on the Stayingcyber page. I can hear everyone in unison saying "Welcome". My soberiety date is 4/20/80. I've been around for quite some time and I still fall prey to the inability to live and let live, that is just one of the many dilemmas of an alchy of my hopeless variety. Our program is about principles, and getting closer to a Higher Power which will solve our problem. And our problem centers in our minds, and no where else. A sick organ cannot administer to itself the needed remedy, it needs intervention of some sort. Alcohol is but a symptom, my feelings are a result of my preceptions that center in my mind, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, THOUGH HE USUALLY DOSEN'T THINK SO. Having said all that, my experience strength and hope from doing, and living the twelve steps as best I can in all my affairs, is that when I am unable to live and let live is when I am doing my best to avoid looking at something in myself. I am reminded of a spiritual law, Everything I resent I become, and I only resent that which reminds me of myself. When I am not practicing self examination, meditation and prayer, I fall quick into inventory taking, finger pointing, self pity and falling into the "Victim" state of mind which I loved so much as a wet drunk. It gave me two things which I desperately needed to maintain my misery. One was to be irresponsible for my actions, and two was to have an excuse to be miserable and not try to change. When I don't live and let live, I am playing God, and as it says in the book, we have to quit playing God it doesn't work. If I stay resentful because people don't do as I wish, the insanity of alcohol will return and then I will drink again, and with us to drink is to die. I have to live and let live, my life depends on it. I can think, resent, and self pity my way right out of the program, the fellowship and away from My Higher power to a life of sober misery, or drunken-ness. My Higher Power has brought me so far in this life, what happens to other people in the fellowship is between them and their Higher Power. We all have many path's but the same goal, we all have to work out what we have to work out from our own individual backgrounds, but we share in a common solution (and not a common problem) that we can agree on which binds us as we are now joined and keeps us sober. If your new, please hang on and just listen to the music until you can understand some of the words. Give freely of what you find and join us, surely you will meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then.


Member: Pat S
Location:
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 07:58:21

Comments

So happy I found this site. I have only been in aa for 3 weeks yesterday and have attended about 4o meetings so far f2f. This is great for extra help and I can use it. I have a sponser now and am working on step one again :o) Hugs Brian. Your heart was in the right place I personaly like to here opinions like that after the meeting and by aa friends that care. I am open to any and all sugestions for newcomer. Amy , Hang on with us all. go to f2f and talk to others there. They want to help soooo much. In 3 weeks it feels I have found a home . Have a good 24 Pat ICQ# 21665878


Member: Terri O
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 11:10:35

Comments

Hi all I am Terri, alcoholic.

The Coffee Pot on this site seems to be a good place to practice "Live and Let Live" LOL and I am grateful for the chance to get such practice.

I had 9 months yesterday, and have been living a rather sheltered existence since I got sober - soon I will be back in the 'real world' working, and have to say I am a bit concerned about it. How will I manage to go to enough meetings, how will I spend time online, how will I have time for excercise, etc.?

I am pretty convinced that we spend so much time on other people's stuff because we don't think we deserve to spend all that time and energy on ourselves! This is one nasty mental illness, that steals our time on earth when that is all we have.

Thank you each and God for AA in my life today, if I am LIVING every moment of my God-given life I am letting others live, de facto. I see some have learned this quickly - congrats Pat S, you are doing absolutely marvelous! Amy congrats on your 4 days, I have had many problems with sleep, especially first couple of months, guess what it gets better, but it's very gradual. I know it doesn't feel like it, but lack of sleep at least is not fatal, unlike daily drinking. All best to you, please come back to us.

Love to all in AA.


Member: Dan H.
Location: Cleveland
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 11:23:37

Comments

I'm Dan, and I'm an alcoholic. I find it very difficult to resist feelings of dislike, distrust and resentment when someone at a meeting runs his/her program in a manner inconsistant with my standards. Resentment is the key word here for me. Unchecked resentment will lead to the poor me's and to the pour me's. Lately I have come to realize that there just might be folks present for whom the offending [to me] statements might just strike a chord that will keep THEM sober for 24 hours. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Nowhere in the preamble does it say that not frosting Dan H. is a requirement for anything. Good thing too, because a large part of my willingness to turn my will and life over to my higher power has come to include a willingness to listen to others in a [choke] non-judgemental way.

Thanks for stopping in, Kate, you helped me to stay sober today. Keep in touch with your sponsor and keep coming back!


Member: DESTINE' W.
Location: HOUSTON, TX
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 13:18:17

Comments

Hello, my name is Destine' and I'm an alcoholic. Live and let live is a good topic. It took me a while in the program before I realized that each member has his/her own experience and various levels of strength & hope depending on their own recovery and the Power they have come to know. I also realize that we can't all be at the same place in our recovery at the same time. Sometimes, I tend to forget what it was like exactly for me in the beginning because now living life sober has become more easy given the tools in Alcoholics Anonymous. I give thanks to God and the program that today, I can listen to others & still be okay where I'm at. For me, pretty much everything that happens throughout a 24-hour period of my life IS related to alcohol. After all, the drinking is only a symptom of what's really wrong with me. The person I'm offended by that shares in a meeting may be useful to someone else at that time. What God has for me, it is for me. How selfish of me to think that every message is for me!!! People cross my path in life for various lessons -- sometimes, I believe, for me to simply practice patience & tolerance. How infinately unique of God!! He knows what I need when I need it.

I'm a grateful alcohol. I, too, have been gravely offended by others in the program but have learned that I can't pick the splinter out of their eyes before I get the plank out of mine!!! This new way of life, inventorying myself, keeps a self-rightous drunk like myself in CHECK.

THANK GOD FOR ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!


Member: Michael M.
Location: Albany, NY
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 14:03:48

Comments

I'm Mike and I'm an alcoholic. Live and Let Live is all about acceptance. Acceptance of yourself above all else. I couldn't accept others until I was able to honestly examine myself and start to accept myself-with all of my character defects and flaws. I've found that the people who most annoy me are people that are much like myself. Just my perspective! Thank God for AA !


Member: Rich R
Location: Detroit
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 15:03:10

Comments

Ladd, I had the same problem as you when I first started attending meetings. I got all upset over something that someone said. I mentioned it to an oldtimer and he said "remember we are ALL sick, but some are sicker than others." I've used that many times over the last 8 years. Thanks for raising the issue and causing me to remember.


Member: Kate M.
Location: NY, NY
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 15:37:40

Comments

hello to everyone, it's Kate, the hopeless alcoholic! Actually, if I really believed I was hopeless, I wouldn't be here. Anyway, I think this whole topic of the behavior within face-to face meetings is so fascinating, the meetings I've been to so far are incredible in the variety of experiences and opinions. Brian, and I know I'm too new here to be expressing opinions, but I want to say that I think that you did the absolute right thing in responding to the woman who only comes to your meeting after drinking. If she has come back, time and again, in the same condition and with the same questions, then it's time for a new approach. I wish I had been given a reality check of that nature-I may have sobered up long ago when things weren't quite so desperate. And looked at from the other side, it would be very disenheartening to me to come to my one safe, sober place and be faced with the same drunk person who can't make the committment over and over again. I think I would be angry, and I know that's not very "Live and Let Live". I'm rambling, but I think you probably told her what no one else had the guts to. I hope you, or someone, eventually gets through to her. I guess I can kinda relate to her, how she's feeling.

In the last few days I've come to love, and really depend on, this web site. I check it about 10 times a day so I don't miss any posts.

Thanks and love to EVERYONE here for being this bedrock of support that I don't even deserve. This is lonely and physically scary (vomiting, tremors) but I deserve it. I did this to myself, what a grand success I am at throwing my life away for my obsession with alcohol.Can you believe two friends, who know I've quit, came by last night with wine? Just like we never had that talk? I'm starting to understand when you guys talk about resentments. But I guess I shouldn't blame them, they are who they are.

Love,kate


Member: Sandi M.
Location: Crescent City, CA
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 16:20:39

Comments

Hi, Sandi, Alcoholic....Thanks Mike M. in Albany, for the reminder that it all starts with me. Self acceptance. You can't give away what you don't have. What a gift this is to be able to hear from all of you. God Bless and keep the faith.


Member: Linda P (Traveler)
Location: Fresno, CA
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 17:37:45

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda P an alcoholic.

It was told to me early on that when others are acting out, that they are hurting, or very sick. That was true for my own behavior. When I was involved with such activity in early sobriety, it was because I hated myself and used that behavior to keep people at a distance. Having compassion for the suffering alcoholic, drunk or sober, was shown to me by example by the old timers in the program. That is the way they treated me, dispite my actions. I make every effort to follow in their footsteps with dealing with others.

Love is a very powerful emotion. When expressed through compassion, understanding, acceptance, it has the ability to change people's hearts, resulting in a change of behavior and attitudes for those who are the recipients of such kindness.

When I see a adversity, I try to exhibit tolerance and patience, allowing those involved to find their own way and figure things out for themselves. I pray for them to find peace within their own hearts to forgive one another. If not, they alone make their activitites a burden onto themselves. We on the other hand do not have to take part of any destructive behavior they are engaged in.

Welcome to all the newcomers. Love to all. Linda P (Travler)


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota,fla.
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 19:07:16

Comments

hello my name is richard ,i am an alcoholic. page #449. and acceptance is te answer to all of my problems......take it to heart!!!!!


Member: CINDY H
Location: MA
Date: 12 Feb 1999
Time: 22:57:55

Comments

WOW!! LIVE AND LET LIVE TO ME TODAY IS HARD BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING IN TODAY. MY DISEASE IS ON. SO YES I WOULD LOVE TO RUN SOMEONE ELSES LIFE. WISDOM TELLS ME THAT WHEN I HAVE THE FINGER POINTED OUT I HAVE TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR TO SEE MYSELF. AND AS FAR AS OTHERS IT IS ONLY AN OPION. GOD BLESS


Member: Kristen H.
Location: Houston,TX
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 00:14:31

Comments

Hi, My name is Kristen and I am an alcoholic. I agree with the gentleman before me who said page 449, It is probably one of my favorite pages in the book and I found myself having to read it everyday. The last sentence on that page really fits this topic when I judge someone else "I am saying that I know better than GOD."


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 01:56:53

Comments

hi all tony alcoholic...in the morning i ask God for help ,to remove the obbsession for alcohol,i ask only to have the day that he has intended for me, and that i handle it the best i can.i also ask ,that i may be kind and helpful to others. or just to be the best person i can be for that day. it keeps it simple,and it works out to live and let live.i also say thanks at the end of the day too!(it works for me)kate,be patiant,and your in for the most awsome time of your life!!! tony


Member: Char F.
Location: Cr, IA
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 02:34:46

Comments

HI MY NAME IS CHAR AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A MEETING ONLINE BEFORE, SO LET ME KNOW HOW I DO. I AM A 25 YEAR OLD SONGLE MOM AND FULL TIMECOLLEGE STUDENT, AND THAT LEAVES LESS AND LESS TIME FOR MEETINGS, SO HERE I AM. I THINK GOD DIRECTED ME TO YOU GUYS. I HAVE A REALLY RUFF WEEK, AND A TERRIBLE NIGHT UNTIL I HEARD YOU TALKING ABOUT LIVE AND LET LIVE. IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES AS I AM TYPING THE REASON MY WEEK HAS BEEN SOO STRESSFUL IS THAT I HAVE NOT RELIED ON MY HIGHER POWER. I HAVE BEEN RUNNING, WORRYING, AND ULTIMATELY STRESSING OVER EVERYTHING. NOW I CAN SIT BACK AND LIVE NAD LET LIVE THAT MEANS TURN IT OVER LET GOD DRIVEAND LET GOD DRIVE OTHERS LIVES TO. THANKS FORM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.


Member: HANK C.
Location: LAKE WATEREE, SC
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 10:28:49

Comments

I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. MY NAME IS HANK. I'VE IUST FOUND THIS MEETING. GLAD YOU'RE ALL HERE. I HAVE EMPHYSEMA AND AM NOT ABLE TO ATTEND MEETINGS AS OFTEN AS I ONCE DID. IN MY OPINION, THE SLOGANS ARE A WONDERFUL SET OF GUIDELINES, OR GOALS, IF YOU WISH, THAT I MUST STRIVE FOR ON A DAILY BASIS. "LIVE AND LET LIVE" IS PROBABLY HARDEST FOR ME. THE ONLY WAY I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IS THROUGH THE GRACE OF A LOVING GOD, AS I UNDERSTAND HIM, WHO FORGIVES MY MISTAKES AND SHOWS ME THROUGH MEETINGS LIKE THIS HOW TO CORRECT THEM. THANKS FOR BEING HERE AND ALLOWING ME TO SHARE.


Member: Bob B.
Location: New York
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 10:47:15

Comments

Hi, my name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic. During the last months of my drinking, just over three years ago, living was not high on my list of priorities. Caring for my own life and any concern for the lives others around came well after my desire to drink. Fortunately, terminating my own existence in an abrupt manner did not appeal to me; a slow suicide from excessive drinking was my way of escaping the pain of living. I would I would imagine myself dying alone in a dark and filthy place. This was my bottom.

Today I live with a desire to be good to myself and others. This drastic change in attitude began the day I "turned my will and life over."


Member: Russ M.
Location: Falls Pa
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 12:56:51

Comments

Hi, everyone. My name is Russ, and I'm an alcholic, Live and Let Live..wow did I need this this morning. I am much better now from reading you're words..Thank you!!


Member: tom a
Location: southwest
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 14:20:14

Comments

My name is tom and i came to the realization last night , that the only way i can "live and let live" was to admit that i am a alcoholic and need help. thank you to my firneds who led me to AA it all gets better from here just got my 24 hour coin felt great


Member: George T.
Location: MIchigan
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 15:02:26

Comments

Hello all and welcome back

I am so happy to still have a job today. If you read my post of 2/11, you know what I mean.

I want to share a short story that's related to "Live and Let Live". Its on the net. I tried to get an address but I don't know how to do that on the computer. You can get there by typing "serpentinia" on the "Yahoo" search engine, Click "serpentine", Scroll down to bottom of page to "Visions of Anonymity"

The author obviously has been to a few AA meetings, but I'm not too sure she was commited to the principles. Any way now I'm being judgemental. It would be interesting to see your comments.

I'm George. I'm an alcoholic.


Member: George T.
Location: Michigan
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 15:19:33

Comments

Here is the address http://serpentinia.com/prior_issues/1998_v2/n1/ss_5.htm

If that doesn't work

type, serpentinia, on yahoo search engine

click, serpentine

click, 1997 short stories

Scroll, to the bottom of the page to "Visions of Anonymity"


Member: Wayne
Location:
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 21:28:14

Comments

Hi I'm Wayne and I am a alcoholic. I have enjoyed all the postings this week. Thank You! I would like to add something to be of help if possible. The idea of "Live and Let Live" gives me a sence of unity that I cherish deeply. No matter how hard I try "I" (as an individual) come back to that thought "that I am Different" and I know the principle behind Live and Let Live is the unity that binds us. Thank God! We can admit that we need one another!


Member: Tina R.
Location: Fresno, CA
Date: 13 Feb 1999
Time: 22:31:28

Comments

Tina, alcoholic. "live and let live" is extremely hard for me right now. I've been and out of recovery for about 2 years. I try and let everyone else around me live except for myself. When I let myself live, is when I drink. I know that the answer to this is to follow God's will, not my own. I am learning to surrender.


Member: Kevin K
Location: Utah
Date: 14 Feb 1999
Time: 00:35:14

Comments

HI I'm Kevin and an alcoholic, One of the saving graces for my in AA are these little sayings that are easy for me to keep in my head, Live and Let Live, Easy does it, One day at a time. I easily get lost in my own world and in this disease and I need something to pull me out and thank my HP for this program. Live and Let Live quickly lets me know what I gotta do, Worry about me first. How quickly I worry about you, what you're doing, saying, how quick I can take your inventory. What the hell am I doing? What am I doing about MY problems? what can I do about yours (whether you know it or not). Not a damn thing. Thank you for giving me my life back.


Member: Jan M.
Location: IN
Date: 14 Feb 1999
Time: 04:50:55

Comments

Hello. Since a quarter century ago, its easier today to live in a world where I know that everyone has a right to be wrong. I would have been dead a quarter century ago,but

god brought me to the doorstep of this miracle program, and the members brought me through.

truth is never hostile or bitter, but often hostilities come wrapped up in truth. Love is truth, and for all the love Ive been given, please accept some back to you.