Member: Corinne B., Alcoholic here, there & first one this week!!!
Location: Camino, CA - Where the deer eat our plants!
Date: 2/4/01
Time: 9:37:27 PM

Comments

Wow! First one this week? Who'd a thunk it?

I'd like to hear about "love and tolerance is our code" this week. Want to get this topic started before someone else beats me to it, so I'll post on topic later in the week. Thanks!


Member: Tony G
Location: Pompton Plains
Date: 2/4/01
Time: 11:00:58 PM

Comments

Hey Looks like I'm number two. Tony G. here alcoholic. Love and tolerance is a great subject for one of the hardest things for me to do in the beginning was to be tolerant of others. I was so sure of myself being so bad that I thought I lost my ego and you had too much. That was pretty sick of me I had an ego but it needed to be woke up first and when it did it was a force of nature all its own. It took me meeting someone just like me to make me see how big my ego was. We argued about everything when we were at work and he helped me see that my tolerance to other peoples point of view was not there. I had to learn tolerance and with that it may not have become love but it was a deep respect for what he was and what he did for me. I first have to love myself before I can love another. This includes forgiving myself for becoming an alcoholic. Sounds harsh but till I did that I wasn't growing. Now I do love myself and found because of it my tolerance of people, places, and things have become larger. Thanks for reading,Tony G


Member: vicki h.
Location: northern texas
Date: 2/4/01
Time: 11:02:59 PM

Comments

it's hard to be loving and tolerant. alcohol is my problem? well, life is my problem. i think when i go to meetings, i tend to treat my family better than when i don't go. meetings remind me where i came from. they remind me i still have a long way to go. god bless you all.


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 12:59:05 AM

Comments

Hi all, Bob alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Corinne.

"The only requirement...". "In Tradition Three, A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, "you are an A.A. member if you say so. You can declare yourself in; nobody can keep you out. No matter how low you've gone, no matter how grave your emotional complications-even your crimes-we don't want to keep you out. We just want to be sure that you get the same chance for sobriety we've had". 12 and 12, p. 139.

"Dr. Bob was my constant companion and partner in the great A.A adventure. As the physician and great human being that he was, he chose work with others as his prime A.A. vocation and achieved a record which, in quantity and in quality, none will ever surpass. Assisted by the incomparable Sister Ignatia at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron, he-without charge-medically treated and spiritually infused five thousand sufferers". 1966 Letter (Bill W.)

What a great example, which giants upon whose shoulders we stand. Getting caught up in comparatives of accomplishment would be such futility, and invite a giving up. If, instead, I try to become infused with the spirit of Bill and Bob's intentions, by reading what they published and the accounts of those with whom they worked, then I have a beacon and guide. I can see the fruits of any menial effort I put forth, to carry the message and spirit, on the faces and in the shining eyes of those near me.

Going to shelters to find people in need is a grim yet beautiful reminder of a place G~d's grace and plan did not include for me. However, shelter or the affluent side of town A.A. meeting, the pain in the heart can just as easily be seen in the eyes of some. I used to easily notice the differences between me and others, and suppose that was to avoid seeing that part of me, and feeling the disgust and disdain of that part of me. They've now become important teachers of some of my most significant lessons.

It's easy to love likable and beautiful things and people. It's nice to be identified with them. So it's not a place to visit much. Not much spiritual reward in it for "them" or me. Cozying up to those with differing opinions, moods of restlessness,irritability and doscontent has much more to offer. The ism (I See Me) resides there every time. Love and tolerance of me engenders this same condition, in me, toward others.

I had none of that when I got here. I had to read what the "giants" wrote. I had to watch the current examples being loving and tolerant. Then, little by slowly, on rare occasions, I had personal expereince with it.

Thanks again for the topic Corinne. Putting ES&H and beliefs into print, helps solidify my becoming. And, by the way, that "spiritual infusion" Bill accorded Dr. Bob: hasn't it grown wonderfully!

May G~d's love and grace heal us little by slowly.


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 6:47:42 AM

Comments

Good morning family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering alcholic, and this is a great topic, and today I can put it into practice in all my affairs, and as it was said before, you have to learn to love yourself first, and once you can do that you would be surprised as to where it will take you.I find that if I am pataint everything will happen in good time It is hard to be tolerant of certain things that happen throughout the day but I pray each day for the patience, tolerance, and love I need to get me through it, and by starting my day with an attitude adjustment meeting is a great way, as I go to one every morning, and I try to bring at least one thing I hear to the rest of the world with me. I do not want to go back to my old way of thinking as that only got me in trouble not with police or anything like that but wiht my self. Today I have a clear head and have alot of love for everyone I meet, and when I can't tolerate something or someone I pray . The POWER of PRAYER works.Thank you for letting me share. kwduke@keysdigital.com


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 7:04:40 AM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic, sober today by the grace of God and AA. The comments about first learning to love and tolerate yourself nailed it for me. When I first quit, the self loathing and intolerance I had for me did not allow me to love and tolerate imperfections in others. Then I went though some years when I thought I had all the answers. I did not know the meaning of humility and was an ace at arrogance. Then more recently, with more meetings and reading, it occurs to me that I am just a child of God, one of his billions, not perfect, not awful, just average. It's OK that I'm just an average guy, facing the same struggles and having the same dreams as everyone else. When I started to understand that, the mistakes, shortcomings, and imperfections of others started to bother me less, and their worth and strengths started meaning more to me. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred


Member: Al K.
Location: Delaware
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 9:40:09 AM

Comments

Morning, all. Glad to be here. Glad to be sober. Keep on sharing.


Member: roo
Location: ny
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 10:10:08 AM

Comments

roo alcoholic ..god loved me ,when i couldnt ,love and tolerance are action words easly thrown about,the 12 12. show me this.today i can give love and accept to,the more love the more tolerance recieved.this program is all spiritual for this alc.the newcomber that walks through the doors..is gods miracle to me and give back what was so freely givin tome;to me tis topic very serious its what keeps me coming,practicing in all affairs is the key if i get spirit/ sick trouble comes i could drink drug again, not perfect but progress have a sober day everyone.new to site e comptor world


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 10:58:50 AM

Comments

Love and Tolerance...I was hurting so much when I first walked through the doors. And I heard the laughter and suffering in the experience, strenght and hope. I learned some new words... principles, anonymity, autonomous, humility, restored to sanity, and even "God". Been a real learning lesson of the HP...I choose to call the Healing Power. Thanks.


Member: Al K
Location: delaware
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 11:30:32 AM

Comments

Thanks, Sarah. We're all in this life raft together.


Member: Mark M.
Location: North Texas
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 11:34:52 AM

Comments

God Bless all of you. If we can just for a brief moment put ourselves in the other persons shoes, it is easier for tolerence to come. This does not work all the time because the day is long but practicing patience and tactfulness is one of the ladders that we must climb. We begin to to see the beauty of the world when we learn to listen and not judge. Love one another.........


Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 12:13:42 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Melissa and I'm alcoholic. Love and tolerance are more easily said than practiced. It's a really good topic for discussion. I'm hoping that a lot of people will post here this week, and I'm hoping I can learn something. The most I can say is that I'm praying for love and tolerance. Thank you to everyone who posts here. I've been reading this site for over a year and it really helps.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,Illinois
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 12:21:23 PM

Comments

I am an acoholic after u have been drinking for a long time i noticed that my tolrence was getting shorter each day i will snap at everything if it is differnt but since i have been sober my tolrence has become more i take things more easily like i am in meditaitons the people around me are happier my family loves it more. love and tolerance go hand in hand.


Member: Tom S
Location: NYC
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 12:31:31 PM

Comments

Hi all. Tom, alcoholic. I was told when I was counting days that AA is a microcosm of the world because I was so amazed at how some people could be so intolerant of others in the rooms. Later on, with a "few 24's" under my belt I found myself getting impatient with folks in the rooms. And my sponsor said I wasn't going to enough meetings. I was getting away from the principles we were here for. We're here for everybody. Nobody checks anyone at the door. The only requirement is a desire to stay sober. Then just don't drink one day at a time and make meetings. The concept is simple. That's pretty awesome.


Member: Sandy B.
Location: cool colorful Colorado
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 1:42:54 PM

Comments

Thanks for the great posts, everyone! I think I will add "Healing Power" to my HP's list of names, too!

Early on I heard from an AA I really admired that "when I quit looking down on people, then I can quit looking down on people who look down on people, then I can..." --well, you get the idea. At that time, I was identifying with many shares from "people who ordinarily would not mix" in my AA homegroup. I loved the comaraderie, acceptance and fellowship I found there. I figured all of AA was like that, until I started going to an AA club, where I was shocked at the gossip, criticism, etc. Then I read "The Language of the Heart LotH)," and learned how AA needed all kinds of people -- including the "power drivers" and the more conservative members -- to hammer out the traditions that keep this deal going.

I can't say today that I automatically love and tolerate everyone, but I believe my HP and AA have changed me, and are continuing to change me into a more loving and more tolerant person. It's trite but true -- the attributes that irk me in another person are almost always mine, too, and "let us love their best and never fear their worst" is still a great motto (see LotH, p. 268).

BTW, now that I dug that up, I'm rereading "Humility for Today" (pp. 254-259-- what a great essay!


Member: Al K
Location: delaware
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 1:46:54 PM

Comments

Tolerance? When we're drinkers/users we can't even tolerate ourselves, not to mention others. When we work the program, tolerance is like a new concept and must be learned all over again, if not for the first time in our lives. For me, it never came until I learned to let go of things I can't change - such as other people. It's an ongoing process. Nothing in the world is tolerable before we learn to say 'Uncle. I surrender." Thanks for listening.


Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 2:27:16 PM

Comments

Yesterday, I had an experience I'll never forget. The afternoon meeting ended and I found I had a couple free hours. So I ended up driving to an apartment building that houses transient people. I was looking for a specific person.

About 2 months ago, I had received a call from one of our felowship about a woman who had seven months sober, had completed a treatment program but was destitute and living at that apartment. She needed help getting rides to meetings. I balked at getting her because I was afraid of the location and worried about my safety. But the thought of her never left me.

A lot happened to me in the next 2 months. A lot of growth in faith, and a deeper love for myself. So there I was, two months later, heading to this location without any shred of fear or doubt. I felt like I was in a trance. I walked down this long, dark hallway and knocked on a door. The door opened to a small room, bathed in light. It was furnished with a mattress on the floor, a small black and white TV, a small fridge, and a dresser. She kept apologizing for her meager possessions. The floor I sat down on was the most comfortable seat I'd had in a long time. I felt like my Higher Power was sitting on the ground beneath the window, opposite me.

My heart was filled to the brim with love. All I could see was a scared person, hanging onto sobriety with all her might. She was extremely depressed and discouraged. Hadn't been to a meeting in 2 weeks and hadn't talked to her sponsor in over 2 months. But spread around her were books, the big book and the 12&12. We visited for a while. Talked about where she was at, I shared myself. I was so full of love for her. So glad that God had sent me there, despite myself. I didn't promise her anything, just gave her a couple of bucks, my pager number, and a list of the meetings I regularly attend. When I left, her eyes were shining and so were mine.

"Love and tolerance" is our code. But it doesn't come from being said over and over again. It comes from living life one day at a time, putting ourselves at God's disposal, being willing to go anywhere and do anything to help another alcoholic. It comes from looking around ourselves and seeing that everyone has a cross to bear. Tolerance means that I must not judge who to save and who not to save. A person in a "safe" neighborhood could be more dangerous to me that a person in a "dangerous" neighborhood. I can't rely on my limited perceptions and vision to always determine what the right thing to do is.

When I went home later that night, I stood in each room of my house and looked around. I was awestruck by my life and how far I had come in sobriety. I was so grateful that I had been willing to believe that God would do for me what I could never do for myself. All the things I take for granted and all the memories of the beginnings that never seem to fade (thank goodness).

Love and tolerance are beautiful concepts, but they need to be followed with action. In life everyday, they can become powerful, exquisite, and purposeful.

Whenever someone anywhere asks for help, I want the hand of AA to always be there...and for that, I am responsible.


Member: Per S
Location: Karlskrona, Sweden
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 3:48:24 PM

Comments

Hi all, I'm Per and I'm an alchoholic. Thanx all and I just thought I should tell you that I now have found a new 'favourite page' on the web... :o)... Please keep on the discussion... but are there someone who can say how I can 'forgive myself' and start love myself (because I now that I can't give love to anyone if I don't love myself)??? I'm one of these newcomers (sober for 2 months) but I will keep on looking here....


Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 4:19:34 PM

Comments

Hi All - LeeEllen, grateful recovering alcoholic here.

Von -- Thank you for sharing such a wonderful experience. I could feel the love you described.

AA is truly a God-given gift. Peace, LeeEllen


Member: TOBIAS H
Location: FL
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 7:48:47 PM

Comments

Hi, Tobias, alcoholic. I have just recently put the bottle back down, about 30 days now. I initially sobered up in 1995, at age 20, remained sober 2 1\2 years and then went back out and have been in and out since then. I believe the first time around was very solid. Iactually felt like I was going to be alright as long as I did not pick up(this came about the 4th and 5th steps honostly done with a trustworthy sponser. I went through treatment(21 days) then went straight to a 1\2 way house(10 months) then a 3\4 hose for 10 more months. Then started employment at the treatment facility that I had attended(ironic). This all started from a run in with the law, and the beginning of 3 yrs. probation. I had no clue of AA or my disease I just thought everyone around me was out to hurt me(including the system. To make a long story short I,after almost 3 yrs. of sobriety I fell into some hard times and some good times as well. My girlfriend(an AA'er) broke up with me and I was just finishing my long stint of probation. What a combination. By this time I had moved out on my own and my disease started having it's way with me. The phone I had used to call my sponser had now become 500lbs and the meetings were few and far between. praying at this point was nil. Oh' yeah I almost forgot I had started hanging out with old boozin' buddies. I don't think I need to tell you what happened next.

So at any rate, here I am again, I have since moved away from my hometown and looking for a fresh start. My status in ashort time is well, I have gainful employment, and my cousin moved with me at the time and he supports my not drinking, although he enjoys the occassion brew. I'd truly say he's not one of us. He has seen my bouts (blackouts) and is in favor of my sobriety. I feel I do O.K. if I can get in my mind that I will be alright without drinking. Still plenty of emotional healing to do and FEAR definately is at the door.

This may not be the topic, but I feel better getting my feelings off my chest, thanks for letting me share. Last night I found this site, it was after noon so I wasn't able to share. Coming here allows me to think of a friend of mine with whom I got sober with from my hometown, sad to say I later was getting drunk with him, his situation like mine is in and out of AA. So I'm sending him this link. Who knows, it might save his life.

THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING THE HAND THAT REACHES OUT. TOBIAS


Member: Mark D
Location: Manchester NH
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 8:07:27 PM

Comments

I find it interesting that the topic of "love and tolerance is our code" witch appears outwardly selfless so quickly reverts to love and tolerance of ourselves. But it's true. Especially if you're like myself with a ridiculously low self esteem. In AA they talk about reaching your lowest bottom in drinking; how there's always a lower one waiting and how some people who stop before they lose too much as having 'high' bottoms. Well the same way a drunk will persue ever lowering bottoms, (which I surely did), I pushed away my tops. That is to say, whatever I accomplished became of less value by my accomplishing itBy never loving myself enough to give myself credit I would qualify myself to be useless and therefore only fitting to be a drunk. Per S. in Sweeden-- you can't ask God to forgive you unless your willing to forgive yourself, forgiving yourself takes the same leap of faith it takes to ask God to take away the compulsion to drink. There's a point past reproach and remorse that turns to self flagellation. Keep on top of the program that's laid out. Don't expect too much too soon, but value the things that do come.


Member: Gwen B
Location: M'ETTA OHIO
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 9:17:29 PM

Comments

I need some information. Can districts put their DCM's on a budget? You see, in my district our DCM is of the opinion that we, as an A.A community are obligated to grant any request for money he asks-without question. For instance, last month he attended Unity Day in Akron. Now, he had no A.A business to attend to that day, for him this was a pleasure trip. But still, "certain" members of the district voted to give him fifty dollars out of our contributions so that he could go. Is this how it is supposed to be?


Member: 44444444444444444
Location:
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 9:29:35 PM

Comments

gwen,

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Member: Tech Helper
Location: TechLand
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 10:06:12 PM

Comments

Gwen, please pose your question on the New Coffee Pot page, using this link:

http://stayingcyber.org/rooms/coffeepot/coffeepot.asp

We try & let the Discussion Meeting keep to the topic given at the start of each week.


Member: L. B.
Location: illinois
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 10:29:13 PM

Comments

Hi all Lorie recovering alcoholic good topic. I still after many 24's have a hard time with tolerance. I find the love easy enough (sometimes it hurts me more to love) but I dont always remember the tolerance. I love this site it seems to always hit home. As I have learned the AA always has since I came in. Once again you my fellow friends have got me putting things in order. I dont always get what I need from my home group but when its not there you are. THANK YOU ALL!! :) good luck to all and remember we only have today.


Member: JR2806
Location: Michigan
Date: 2/5/01
Time: 11:27:13 PM

Comments

My name JR and i am a alcholic, very good topic going here. I have noted that most of your comments have been centered around the members of our fellowship which i understand but what about those who are closest to us ie:wifes husbands children or moms and dads atc. ?? maybe it is my own sickness but in my recovery it is these people that i struggle with then any of the members of the group i am a memebr in.i am quick to be caring and tolerant of other AAs but admit that i am not this way at home.i am quick to judge and to put down something that i would not do so fast in a meeting. and yet isnt it these very people who showed me tons of compassion and forgiveness once i got sober ?? well this is just a thought and something that i struggle with thank you


Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 3:24:20 AM

Comments

I'm Pam and I'm an alcoholic. This is a good topic and I like JR's honest question about tolerating our families and others outside the program. When I was new, and so very impatient and intolerant of everyone, everywhere - my sponsor told me to pray for Patience. After seeing how that answer comes, I do not suggest praying for Patience to anyone unless you're really wanting to receive it. For the following 2 1/2 years after praying for Patience, every single thing in every possible area of my life did not happen or come through, etc until "the strike of 12". During that time, I not only received Patience, but also Longsuffering, Withstanding, Endurance, etc. I constantly had to Trust God, wait on His Way and His Timing, pray for Acceptance (live by the Serenity Prayer) . . . and then when I did my Step 4 at 18 months sober - I saw that most my anger and upset and intolerance with others was really anger at my own self that I just THOUGHT they were all causing. My attitude & outlook in that area of intolerance with others (esp at home) completely changed. I knew it isn't them - its me. I lost that desire to control things and people are moving fast enough or doing right or good enough to suit me, etc. I began taking responsibility for my own self and how I am, and not expecting others to do for me what I am to do for my own self, too. And that did away with another area of intolerance. At same time, when I first had gotten sober was in NH, and at my first meeting I'd been "adopted" by a whole group of old-timers as well as assigned a sponsor. Often they had the topic "Got to love everybody, even if ya love some a&*hole least of all" . . . getting the point across that we are a Support Group for one another and to let everyone be where they're at so far in their own growing, just as we want others to do to us. Each time I made even the slightest remark about anyone at a meeting, this group of Old-Timers would be on my case reminding me that God runs every meeting, and that He puts every person there that is supposed to be there. And some He puts there for the rest of us to see how much we still need to grow - so thank Him for the one I'm not tolerating, rather than being critical or judging them. Over time, I really thought and believed that I had grown to having complete love & tolerance for others with acceptance of each and every one "as is" . . . but later I found I never had that at all. I had relapsed after 6 years and then got sober again after I moved to FL. In no time of being sober again, I couldn't stand the knots in my stomache at how intolerant I had become of almost everyone at every meeting. I would hear them share and be thinking "this one is full of b/s" and that one goes on for 10 minutes to hear themself talk and its nothing about this program, etc etc. I kept praying for God to remove these defects of intolerance, critical judgementalism, etc, but it just continued to the point that I couldn't stand being at meetings. I'd leave early, go to another, and I'd be just as intolerant of everyone at that one. But during that time, I had also begun working on my Adult Children's 12 Steps, and through that, I saw a much deeper lack of Self-Acceptance than I'd ever seen in my AA 12 Steps. And that my defect of Perfectionism was so much deeper than I'd ever seen in my AA 12 Steps. I got a much deeper sight of my own self realistically, and gained Self-Acceptance that I'd never had. I could be a human instead of super-human. Before this I'd never seen how I expected total perfection of myself. I couldn't see that this defect was going on in me, so instead I was only seeing what isn't perfect in everyone else. As if that was making me OK with seeing they're not perfect either. Ever since, I completely lost the intolerance of others - esp at meetings. I find them all quite entertaining instead (where else can ya go get entertainment like that for only a dollar??) Its been several years now that I really enjoy going to meetings and want to be there for others. I love everyone exactly where they are at and appreciate every one. Each has particular ways and gifts about them that is very enjoyable and loveable. I am always grateful I can be a part of this awesome fellowship. And its "natural" . . .the way I am in the program is the same with others outside the program. It is true, we need to love ourselves with acceptance as is, in order to love others as is. We need to do that step work and see our own selves realistically before we can get on to accepting what we see. If we need outide help for this, we're told in the Big Book after Step 11 to go get that help (if we're having problems other than alcohol.) After getting thru the 12 steps and seeing that I am powerless over people, places and things as well as powerless over drugs & alcohol . . . I knew I needed more help. By prayer I was lead to Coda, then Adult Children's, and then through Inner Child Healing. These are all in the 12 steps, but just more in topics that are not brought out at our meetings for us to identify and find what our problem is. For me, the additional help revealed all my 'triggers' . . . and even if not triggers to drink - they had been triggers that kept myself at dis-ease and miserable. I am so grateful to be an alcoholic and that I have been given the gift of learning how to grow and keep on growing One Day At A Time, But for the Grace of God. The Spiritual Way of Life is definately the easier,softer way and keeps us living happy, joyous & free whether things are going good today or things are going bad. Thank God for bringing this program to us!


Member: saras
Location: MN
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 8:02:07 AM

Comments

Thank you for your question, JR. I have no problem being tolerant of people around me in most cases, but your question made me look very hard at something I think I've been avoiding. I have got amazing, supportive people around me that I continue to hurt with my selfishness. I really am sick (quite blind, actually) and have been for a long time.

However, I am now using a capital I when referring to myself. This is a first for me. So, as we know, it begins with the capital I (self-love). Maybe this final "selfish" act of self love will cure my selfishness.

I am on the road, and I am "acting as if" I am a good person, who tolerates others on their own path. Maybe, if I "act as if" I am tolerant of those closest to me long enough, I will believe it and become it (with a little help). And maybe, just maybe, it will be before I lose any of them.

Thanks again - this is my first week with all of you. I have much to learn.


Member: annie k.
Location: blue ridge mountains
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 11:27:44 AM

Comments

Thanks Corrinne, for a lovely topic. Thanks all for sharing. Like many, I had no tolerance or love for myself or anyone else. It has definitely been a long haul these past 11 years in the program for me to come to a place where I can sometimes see those around me through God's eyes. We are all only human, no more-no less. My love and tolerance came for others first, and for myself later. I wasn't a very loveable person for a long time. I am a low bottom drunk and I had many horrible nasty years to hone my alcoholism to a perfect science. I did things I was sorry for, ashamed of, and totally humiliated by. I could see no reason to love or trust myself. By the grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I am not that person today. I was sick and I was beaten to death by booze. Today I am a child of God. That by itself makes me believe that I can't be so audacious as to not forgive me if God forgives me. It isn't easy, but it comes. Living ODAT is the only way to grow through the things we bring here. Seeing others and myself through God's eyes--with love and compassion and mercy--is the saving grace for me. People hurt me and irritate me and make me crazy sometimes, but I have the 12 steps to help me look at the things in my life that cause me discomfort. Like several have said, I almost always see in those people the things I don't like about myself. Thank you God. Everyday I have solutions to the things in my life that I don't handle very well. Prayer and 12 steps. If I am going to practice the 12 steps, then as the BB says "Love and tolerance of others IS our code"


Member: Bonnie B
Location: Reno, NV
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 12:17:43 PM

Comments

Hi Everone: Love and Tolerance: We were accepted in AA because the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. So the key is acceptance. When you can accept wheather for good or for bad you can tolerate. Love is gained by working the program. We first love the program, god, and ourselves. then we can love others. Short and sweet


Member: Graeme Mc
Location: Belfast
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 2:37:30 PM

Comments

Hello to all you recovering alcoholics, my name is Graeme and i am an alcoholic,love and tolerance sit within us all, its easy to tap in to the vein when all is well within the spiritual realm but not so when we are walking in the shadow of self. I of my natural disposition will fall into the latter and in doing so i will allow the discontent of self to send me dummy messages and i will fool my self into a state unwillingness towards others. i am not in the best of form as i write this comment , but the years of fellowship teachings have allowed me to understand that this to shall pass love & best wishes


Member: lisa f
Location: pittsburgh area
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 5:24:28 PM

Comments

i think that if it was not for love and tolerance of this group of alcoholics anonymous then i feel i would have went out and stayed out because of the fact that i am a chronic relapser and although i have frustrated many people they are still there for me and that is why i try to be loving and tolerant because i must remember what would the master do.


Member: Corinne B., Alcoholic
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 6:00:29 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone. Thank you all for such wonderful posts this week. I asked to hear about love and tolerance because mine is a bit lacking these days. Many of you know about my husband's recent brush with death, having found out in early October that he had lung cancer, and then having the lung removed right after Thanksgiving. He also had a mild heart-attack of sorts while they operated, yet none of this has truly gotten his attention. I have grown increasingly impatient with him, as well as becoming more and more intolerant of his negative view of the world. I have also not been as loving and kind toward him as I know God would have me be. My impatience is rearing its ugly head and is showing up in some of my recent posts on the other pages here. It was subliminally pointed out to me that I am not working a very good program, and I heard the message loud and clear! LOL!! Thanks for opening my eyes, dear ((Gwen)) on the old CP page today!

In times like these, I pray in earnestness, prayers that I feel to my very core, such as when I offer myself to my HP, in all willingness, to have him bring me back to that place where I can be useful in his world. Thank you, friends, for showing me once again where I have gotten off the beam. By reading here on Staying Cyber how you each reach toward the spirit of the light, I think I just might have a chance to hear the truth and speak the truth, with loving kindness and gentleness one more time. I just pray I don't run out of time getting the job done, because sometimes this deal happens way to slow - and that's usually right after I think that I've got it all wrapped up, only to find out that my heart weighs too heavy from the pain of living up in that head.

Anyway, thanks again and that's what prompted me to ask for the topic - not that I thought I had a whole bunch (or even a little) of either alive in my life. It was solely because I needed to hear it, because my heart was telling me that my head was back in charge - a very dangerous thing for this Alkie, to be sure!


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 6:52:06 PM

Comments

WOW, ((((PAM )))))))) THAT was A LOT of words... talk to a sponsor or any humans in person lately? hey,are you a 'circut speaker'or something? oh i get it, you are tring to "teach" us patience and tolerance...


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 6:52:28 PM

Comments

WOW, ((((PAM )))))))) THAT was A LOT of words... talk to a sponsor or any humans in person lately? hey,are you a 'circut speaker'or something? oh i get it, you are tring to "teach" us patience and tolerance...


Member: (((((((((((imp))))))))))))))
Location:
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 8:15:39 PM

Comments

wowie........owie..........tee-he-he........

.............i tolerate the world...........

..........BUT I DONT HAVE TO EXCEPT IT........

...............do i lu-lu?.........

tee-he-he

((((((((()))))))))))


Member: ricard m
Location: sarasota, fla
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 8:56:39 PM

Comments

love and tolerance is our code.........it is really very simple ...i try to know , love and serve god each day in a sober way ........that includes all those that god puts in my life !!.for i believe , we are all god's children ..good , bad or indifferent ..........of course being clean and sober helps me stay on course!!!!.try it.you will like it !!!!!!


Member: William,A.
Location: High-Point.
Date: 2/6/01
Time: 10:23:01 PM

Comments

Hello,William,Alkie.

If I had to describe with two words our 3rd tradition it would be love/tol. our code as stated in the Big-Book,thank my higher poweer that this is our code if not I would have not been able to stay around since I went to meetings at the most important time in my soberiety in an area where people made it seen like being like was the main pourpose in A/A- life.I ttried very hard to not be popular and as a result I got sober and moved on with my new found way of life in hand ,I moved over (500) miles away from the place that I got sober in and have remained sober ever since. I miss those people since they grew me up and put up with me until I was able to draw a sober breath and learn what love/tolerence was all about.

Higher-Power Sure Blessed A/A.

ME TOO...


Member: Lori R.
Location: CANADA
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 12:10:49 AM

Comments

Hi, Lori alcoholic here. Love and tolerance for me means mainly that I don't have to judge others anymore. I heard something once at a meeting and I think about it everytime I hear love and tolerance. Its like "what is keeping one alcoholic sober, may get another one drunk", so tolerance is the key because we're all sick in some way and I know that today. Not to judge and try to tolerate and somewhere along these lines I'll learn to love. God bless Lori


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa.
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 2:39:20 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic.Love and tolerance is a great topic.I have had continous sobriety since the 23rd of November 1987.I once made the statement early in sobriety that I loved everybody in AA.An old timer looked at me and said son you don't go to an awful lot of meetings do you.Today I can understand what he meant.There are people in AA,I don't like and I am sure I am not liked by everyone either.However any one who walks thru the doors of AA has my unconditional respect and love in the fact that they are there for the same reason I am, and thats to stay sober for today.Tolerance of others, when I start feeling holier than thou then maybe I need to try walking on water and see what happens.I have to remember the patience and tolerance that was shown me when I first entered our rooms of AA.If I remember what I was like and how the the hand of AA reached out to me, then its easier to have the tolerance of others that is expected of us.Patience and tolerance of myself and of others is something I will be working on til God calls me home.Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: rita n
Location: kentucky
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 6:45:16 AM

Comments

hi rita here im a alcoholic first time .good to be clean and sober ,patience was really hard for me at first .but i have to remember i am powerless over many things not just alcohol.sometimes there is a lesson in waiting .


Member: Jim C
Location: Rhode Island
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 8:06:12 AM

Comments

Hello everyone. My name is Jim C. First time back after ten years of sobriety.Guess I need to learn more about love and tolerance and a lot more. Had A big time relapse Monday night ,will catch a meeting Wednesday night.They didn't have the internet or at least I didn"t, back in 1990 ,this is a great new way for me to stay connected. I'll try to stay ciber every day.


Member: 100%
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 1:36:04 PM

Comments

yeah,yeah,we only have today.bet i have tommorrow too.


Member: tobias
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 2:27:33 PM

Comments

you think?


Member: sick of chinese
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 3:50:34 PM

Comments

sonia, grab you kids piggy bank, and lets go have some pizza


Member: sick of chinese
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 3:50:39 PM

Comments

sonia, grab you kids piggy bank, and lets go have some pizza


Member: sick of chinese
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 3:50:44 PM

Comments

sonia, grab you kids piggy bank, and lets go have some pizza


Member: sick of chinese
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 3:50:49 PM

Comments

sonia, grab you kids piggy bank, and lets go have some pizza


Member: roo
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 4:23:20 PM

Comments

if had patience ,be doctor.. need to have program working in life to have tolerance. no work no love defintly no tolerance same as serenity..........'''''',./


Member: roo
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 4:23:25 PM

Comments

if had patience ,be doctor.. need to have program working in life to have tolerance. no work no love defintly no tolerance same as serenity..........'''''',./


Member: ((((((((((((()))))))))
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 5:03:51 PM

Comments

lu-lu,

what he say?????????????????????


Member: cc
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 5:05:42 PM

Comments

the flashy girl from flushing the nanny named fran..............


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 5:42:20 PM

Comments

"Love and Tolerance is our code." I haven't felt Love, no not in a long while; As for Tolerance, that I regard in AA for several reasons, some selfish, some with regard to others.~God is love and once this love is known all outward affections that love can be called fall far short of Him, but even this, this love has been far from me. When God turns his face away, what can one do? All things belong to him and if he decides to look away, one can only hope it cometh from his good pleasure alone and not from some shortcoming that he has seen in me; One would hope he has something in mind for me to know or to learn or to experience or to do, or to be, and not that He is at all displeased with me for I know not what. I admit that I am not altogether perfect as long as I still smoke and this has been a war against my soul, but on the other hand no flesh shall glory in his sight and its been the one thing that has humbled me, it has kept me from thinking more highly of myself than I ought to think. I even was sent to judgement over my reluctance and sloth to rid myself of smoking when it was my time to quit in accordance to the divine will, but I'm sober, but I did get it done, I say I did, only after He scared the 'you know what' out of me by what could only be called a dream of judgement that was more real than real ever thought it could be! On the other hand, I wouldn't have know by experience even if there were such a judgement in this life if it had not been for this dreadfulness that befell me; to be sure, I don't know what, if any thing will become of it. But this I know, God is, and you'll not hear me say Raca, lest I be in danger of the counsil which I've read there is an also to shun. As for AA. I've been tolerated even though there is differences in me that cannot but seperate me from the rest according to my calling and election, and in this, knowest I, that the offence of the cross cannot be avoided; nay, I do not say that those in AA love me, but I say they do put up with me in the face of this, and I acknowledge them here in regards to the code of love and tolerance....


Member: roo
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 7:03:25 PM

Comments

lu lu iam mean if not active in my recovery,have,no love or tolerance or serenity,easy to love someone i like, its the ones dislike,need to tolerate and love,maybe not love but practice doing things change the things i can and the wisdom to no the diffrence,,have a go one lu lu


Member: Carolyn
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 8:00:07 PM

Comments

Thank you all. I was feeling very intolerant of someone. You all told me what I needed to hear.


Member: Carolyn
Location:
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 8:02:10 PM

Comments

Thank you all. I was feeling very intolerant of someone. You all told me what I needed to hear.


Member: Pete S
Location: NE Maryland USA
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 10:01:37 PM

Comments

Hi all, My name is Pete, and I'm and alcoholic. First time I've seen this sight, and I'm more nervous about this than I was when I shared at an open discussion meeting 18 months ago. This topic is a dificult one. On the road of recovery, I am still a newcomer, I've been in the program for 18 months. Tolerance has been an issue with me. While I was drinking it was probably issue one. But, I suspect that went with playing God, and trying to direct and rule things and people that were none of my concern. Now, I am getting better at being tolerant. Working the third step, and surrendering my will to God has made me realize that a lot of what I thought were tolerance issues, were really control issues. I am learning each day how to separate what really affects me and my recovery, and what is me trying to play God. I find I'm getting into far fewer arguments now, and there seem to be a whole lot more people that I can "tolerate" now. Love is a whole nother issue, Fortunately, through it all my wife stood by me, and finally when things got to bad, pushed me to get help. She was unrelenting, and in being hard as nails showed a love that I didn't realize was there. Love for myself, is begining to return, seems it disappeared when God disappeared from my life. Seems to me it was about the time I took up the bottle. It took a period of time in a dryout tank, a minister who spoke civilly and understandly about me replacing God with alcohol, and a drunk to convince me to get help, both physically and spiritually. The minister convinced me to return to prayer, and ask for help from God. The drunk convinced this drunk that I needed help. The result: Rehab, 12 steps, and numerous AA meetings. I treasure my new life, and am grateful to God and all those in the fellowhip that are making it possible for me. Thanks or letting me share


Member: ginny m.
Location: california
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 11:27:28 PM

Comments


Member: ginny m.
Location: california
Date: 2/7/01
Time: 11:32:21 PM

Comments

I'm Ginny, greatful alcoholic, most of the time. Wish I could say, all the time, but that would not be the truth. I am learning that is okay as well. Love and tolerance are my tasks these past few days. You all have been very helpful. Thank you. Family. I get that feeling just sitting here, like I do in the rooms of AA, in my area. I am in school and loaded with homework, having difficulty getting to meetings. I need to check in, so I am glad you are here. My significant other recently went out and says he is doing what he needs to do. I have to trust that he is. I pray that he is and that he will rediscover his own god again in sobriety. The only thing that is keeping me clear is my God, God is love and tolerance. I learned that from all of you and the fellowship. Please pray for Ralph, still suffering.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 11:27:52 AM

Comments

some days tolerace is tough,sometimes i disguise tolerance for just not careing,but i want to care and tolerate which is where the love comes in .i try on a daily basis to show love or express it in some way. i do have it in me,how i can make someone feel is how i try to show it.my biggest way of expressing love to others is being honest with them,to let them know me without being afraid of them knowing me .(hope i'm makeing sence here) love and tolerance was never a topic i've discussed sitting in a bar.i'll never be perfect at expressing both ,but ,if i stay sober today i have my best chance at showing i love,i can tolerate,and that i care.....ddt+mm.....i'm tony an alcoholic


Member: jeremiah m
Location: ohio
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 11:42:52 AM

Comments

hello

love and tolerance is an interesting topic. i dont bevieve i have ever had this one. i have love for my familey and for the program. its got me where i am today. i dont think i really tolerate anything or anybody, or i could say i tolerate everything and everybody and it would mean the same thing. but nothing is really coming to mind so thats all i have.

thank you


Member: RANDY B.                                 i 
Location: TUSCALOOSA , AL
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 11:57:19 AM

Comments

hi. i am new to this. please bear with me. i have been in a treatment center for 2 weeks. i am doing ok. minimum withdrawels, etc. i am worried about going home and someone offering me something and not being able to turn it it down. not for the need for the drug, but the people pleasing problem that i have. i think i can, but is there someone out there who has the same problem that can give me a few pointers?


Member: roo
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 2:27:29 PM

Comments

randy b powerless over people places things .when you go home go to a meeting.ask for help go , first time getting sober/ dont matter your alive,you have the choice,take one day at a time live in today. dont beat yourself up.try not to project,give yourself the chance.we are all in this together.we can sober. one drunk or one drug addict helping another.surround yourself with sober people ,stay in the middle you cant fall of the edge. keep coming it works if you work it ...................


Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila, PA USA
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 3:11:46 PM

Comments

Hello All, Joe L. here, still alcoholic and still never had it so good, and it's all because of you, God and A.A. I'm Irish Catholic and I've always known what hate was, never knew anything about love. All i knew is the Beatles were signin' "All You Need Is Love" and I did not have a clue. I think I've learned about love in A.A. People caring for me when I did not care for myself - make any sense? People telling me not to drink, make meetings and I'd be ok. God Bless Them. I think I know a lot more about tolerance than love. I think I'm tolerating a lot of people until I can learn to love them. I can tell you it does happen, but sometimes it take years... Stick around till the miracle happens. Peace


Member: Michael M.
Location: Sacramento CA
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 3:49:04 PM

Comments

To Randy B. I'm Michael, alcoholic from Sacramento CA. One of the most powerful things I learned about stopping a relapse is to not let yourself get close. People take unnecessary risks with their sobriety. I hear people say, "This will be a good 'test' for my sobriety." I have learned about myself (and it sounds like you have too about yourself) that I historically have not done very well on those kind of "tests." Screw those tests. Don't let yourself get that close. An oldtimer told me once, "Don't just "keep coming back." He said, "Instead, just STAY." Peace to you my Brother. So you know it works, this month I'll celebrate 13 years of sobriety. Michael M.


Member: Joe A
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 3:57:21 PM

Comments

Hello all,I'm Joe and an alcoholic. Love and tolerance has probably kept me sane and in in recovery more than anything else. Like Lisa F., I have relapsed several times, and although my wife feels dissappointed and angry, she is still there to support me. The more times I screw up and get off the path, the more I learn and know that I will eventually "get it."The hardest thing for me is to love and tolerate myself. I seem to drink because I'm depressed, but drinking makes me more depressed, and the cycle continues. I enjoyed 6 years of sobriety from 1991 until late 1997. the last few years of that period was spent caring for my former wife who was terminally ill with cancer. Somehow I managed to stay sober through that whole period and about six months after her death. I think I then realized I was alone, and my main incentive not to drink, her, was gone. I know we need to do this for ourselves, but whatever works is good with me. I started to think I could drink "normally" and proceeded to get right back to the earlier behaviour. It is obvious that I am powerless over alcohol, but it still seems to takes numerous stupid acts on my part to get that point across. I'm just glad my wife today is forgiving. I also know if I continue on this path of self destruction, our marriage will be in big trouble. Alcohol is indeed cunning, baffling, and powerful. I have finally started to realize that I am basically a good, kind child of god, and by tuning in to this higher power, I really don't need the extra boost of alcohol or other substances to sustain me through the times. I guess I need to be more loving and tolerant of myself, along with others, in order to lovingly and soberly go through the journey of life. I just recently discovered this group and am very grateful for it. Thanks to all of you for listening.


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 4:26:34 PM

Comments

i'm NOT "just AS CLOSE TO MY NEXT DRINK" as the fool who is UNWILLING to; work the steps,learn about the traditions,hang out with/help a newcomer,put a dollar in the basket,go to meetings regularly,pray,and trust god.


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 4:36:50 PM

Comments

Love and tolerance is our code; and Oh how I have had to practice this patience in the meetings of AA. Many are the speakers that deliver a discourse therein, while more often than not they do speak from lieing lips rather than from the truth of the heart. They speak falsehood, a poison to the newcomer and a stinch to the oldtimer. Before each meeting, they announces that the views of the speakers are their own and do not necessarily reflect or respect the views of AA. as a whole. This was meant to be used to cover for the man of truth that speaks contrary to the common order of things that he might not be flogged for his candedness of speach; But instead its been used otherwise to cover the profane and those that would utter the abonable; Anything goes anymore in AA. from calling God a she to stamping out the very words of God that are to turn them to sanity, and they say they're sober. They say too you gotta give it away to keep it and thats just what they've done, given away AA. that they might keep it, keep it for themselves. Women so called speak as though they do not need to accept anything that would otherwise bring their hands to their mouths; they think they can change what ever as they dote about uncontested in their imaginations that might bring them some vain glory or other. They do so to, because there is no cross talk and so they have the courage, which is rather their shame to speak the unspeakable and no one durst but in, and they call this serinity, and even pray for it. I've heard their speaches, both men and women that test my love and tolerance. They go about to test just that knowing who I am and what I profess and who I affirm and what I approve. They have me silenced. and that they went about to do, they taught me love and tolerance, their form of it anyway. As for the scriptures they can't but help me there too, for I'll not cast my pearls before swine, and I'm not the begger they think I am....


Member: **********
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 5:28:19 PM

Comments

flogin the dog


Member: Terry G
Location: Bury England
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 5:54:13 PM

Comments

I'm Terry I'm an alcholic. I have not had a drink for 4 days now and I have just returned to AA after 10 years of drinking. My wife has work and college commitments so I cannot get to as many meetings as I need, so I think sites like this will be Ideal for me when she is at work. I know how important meetings are and I will come to this site again and let folk know how I am getting on. I hope everyone is well. I know I feel better writing this.I'm learning to share again Thank you all for being here - Best Wishes Terry


Member: ((((((((()))))))))
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 7:30:44 PM

Comments

lu-lu,

where are you???????????????????


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 10:54:21 PM

Comments

i'm right here


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 10:54:28 PM

Comments

i'm right here


Member: (((((((((())))))))
Location:
Date: 2/8/01
Time: 10:58:11 PM

Comments

ok just checking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im lookin for hair pie.......i think chingaling has some contamanated stuff!!!!!!!!!yuk


Member: Cecil
Location: Colorado
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 9:08:41 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Cecil and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time on this site and I want to thank everyone who shared. I have to get my daughter ready for school so I'll post more later. Thankyou all for being here.


Member: Mark D
Location: Manchester NH
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 10:40:29 AM

Comments

TO RANDY B IN 'BAMA-- We all know how you feel. Thats the strength of this fellowship. I know that's kind of an old fashioned word but when you look it up in the dictionary you get: companionship; community of interest,feeling or experience; a company of equals or friends friends are people who enjoy YOUR company and share SIMILAR NEEDS. If you are in the company of people who don't understand/care about YOUR need to be sober then you are not amongst friends. If you can only please them by going along with them and drinking against your better judgement you are not amongst friends. If these people don't care about something that is so important to you that you had to be in rehab to begin to deal with it-- WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CARE ABOUT PLEASING THEM??!!?

I know you're on shaky ground right now, and you will be for a while--but you have to look at matters like this in a cold hard light and act accordingly. It will work. by the way, I'm 4 months sober (would be 6 months if I didn't have to go out and "test" myself. Sometimes I get more comfort in talking to a relative newcomer than I do someone with years and years of sobriety. When one is just starting out the 'years' ,thing can be almost uncomprehensible. It does get better sooner than later. Just hang in there and look for the good stuff.


Member: Annette
Location: London, England
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 12:07:59 PM

Comments

Hi there, I'm Annette and I'm an alocoholic. I am still very new to AA. I will be celebrating my 1st birthday next week. But I have learned so much from what you have all said and from AA meetings in general. I have a lot of trouble with love and moreso with tolerance. Today my "head" has neither. Bad Day. But thanks to reading the things you have all written I am off to pray for love and tolerance. For me love and tolerance must start with myself. I am the first person I am intolerant with in the morning and the last person I love during the day. But I am sober today and for that I am very grateful. Thanks guys. My head is quiet after reading all you had to say...


Member: Antoinette McC
Location: Kingston NY
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 4:53:55 PM

Comments

Hello all -

I have less trouble loving and tolerating others than I do myself, I find...or so I tell myself, till some asshole really pisses me off! or - more commonly if you know how I mean - just annoys me. For instance, there's this ancient old fuck with incipient emphysema in the group home where I live, and he's always outside smoking when I want a quiet smoke myself...his racking cough and idiot mind just Get to me, and I find myself cursing inside and going elsewhere, when really I know he's a sweet old thing who gets lonely and likes to talk about the pike he used to catch when he fished in Quebec... Problem too is I love these sexy type guys too much and I'm in my first year...second month, actually, of recovery, and I'm told I'm supposed to love these people just a little less...and, I find, when I do not lust, then suddenly I don't love them so much and need to tolerate their flaws a whole lot more. Or even, their real characters. But, what do you do when you really Like a character, and he's sexy? I get intoxicated. Good thing I'm loyal, and think he likes a squeeze too. Are you out there reading, cool dude?

Best to all. Love this site, last week especially.

Antoinette


Member: Chris
Location: Fla.
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 5:37:43 PM

Comments

Chris here--alcoholic/addict/bulimic here--- The program of A.A. has taught me more about love and tolerance than I ever learned anywhere else. I think that the reason for that is that for an addict to harbor rementment and intolerance is a sure path to the drink again ( for this addict anyway). It became imperative for me to tolerate and truly love people...and what was great was that I found that that was the way to true peace and serenity. I have learned so much about accepting people for who they are and about not trying to control (which never worked anyway) them. It is an ongoing battle and ,as some have said here, as soon as I think I've got it under controll(there's that word again), I blow it. I guess that's just my HP reminding me that I cannot do any of this without His power. Thanks for all of the sharing..Another 24 Hrs.!


Member: eric m
Location: west virginia
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 6:57:59 PM

Comments

whats the topic.


Member: alt
Location: indianapolis
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 7:02:17 PM

Comments

alternity -alcoholic speaking for this alcoholic, I feel that Im pretty damn tolerant and loving of others inside and outside of the program. Were a sensitive lot and when we apply the steps and act with humility we can act with gods will. Each day i pray for my higher power to show me more of his will and only to use that as my guide. Im in.


Member: tee-he-he
Location:
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 7:08:26 PM

Comments

antoinnette,

wanna see my big tool?


Member: eric m
Location: west virginia
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 7:09:24 PM

Comments

HI MY NAME IS ERIC IM NOT A ALCOHOLIC BUT I WAS CHEMICALLY DEPENDENT ON MARIJUANA. I WANT TO THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING HERE AND HELPING PEOPLE. IT HELPS ME BECAUSE IT SHOWS THAT THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT WANT TO HELP. SOMETIMES JUST SITTING DOWN AND LISTENING CAN BE A LIFESAVER. I THINK THIS SITE IS GREAT AND CAN HELP PEOPLE IN BETWEEN MEETINGS.IF ANYONE HAS A CLUE ABOUT NA PLEASE LET ME KNOW


Member: AZbill
Location: Arizona
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 9:45:39 PM

Comments

I Gwen B.. If you get this far the answer to your question is absolutely not. But it is up to the Group Conscience. I am in service myself and a DCMC. Email me if you wish.

Thanks Corrine for the topic. Good to see you. I will comment on it later. Gotta 12 Step just coming in.

Bill

az-bill@primenet.com


Member: ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Location: )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 10:11:21 PM

Comments

LU-LU WHERE ARE YOU AT??????????????????????


Member: A C B
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 2/9/01
Time: 10:22:17 PM

Comments

Hi. This is my first time on this site. Love and tolerance...two things I have been lacking a lot of lately. I've been sober for almost 10 years. There are times, however, when I feel like I did as a newcomer...angry, fearful, intolerant...Some of this is due to my getting caught up in the "problems" in my world, my decreased attendance at meetings and increased isolation. I'm easily set off and know the problem is within me, not anything outside of myself. It is easier to put the blame out there. I know this too shall pass, and I will feel connected and feel truly grateful,serene and okay with the world and annoyances will roll off my back. I know this is true unless I decide to take that first drink...For the grace of my H. P., I have not taken that drink today. P.S. Congratulations to the newcomers. Hang in there.


Member: Dan C
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 4:59:23 AM

Comments

Dan, alcoholic. Thanks for the site. I've just made a week sober, and I seem to hate everyone right now. I'm grateful for the love and tolerance I get from y'all around the tables. I found myself at a meeting this week congratulating myself for working a better program than the guy next to me. What a joke, what do I know? One whole week, and all I can do is call my sponsor and babble incoherently. Well, I don't have much to offer, maybe someday I'll be a little more tolerant...Thanks again.


Member: Helena F
Location: Yorkshire. England
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 2:00:08 PM

Comments

Dear Dan, I think you're doing great! I'm currently at my sponsors place. And have spent the afternoon babbling/laughing /crying, and that's after four years in AA. That's OK though because I have to be loving and tolerent of myself as well as others, and remember that I suffer from a disease called alcoholism that can be arrested a day at a time providing I 'WORK' this programme. Although I have not had a drink for four years I have not worked the programme for four years either = result; a gibbering, dithering,depressed etc. wreck. I don't have to beat myself up about this either because the nature of my illness will try to tell me 'I'm OK, fine! etc. I have recently surrended to the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous and what an absolute relief it is to know that there is a power greater than me working in my life who loves me so much that I no longer have to die from this disease. Thankyou God for AA. Lots of love in fellowship.


Member: Antoinette McC
Location: Kingston NY
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 2:29:28 PM

Comments

I have to tell you, Tehehe, I'm not interested. but thanks for the idea. bless you and your tool too, silly man :) the only big tool I need this year is my higher power, dagnabit - byeee! antoinette


Member: Mark C.
Location: Michigan
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 3:26:50 PM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and my problem is Mark. Love and tolerance was and is... still a daily decision. Before AA I chose intolerance not tolerance and fear not love and my life was unmanagable, and the powerful nature of drugs and alcohol gave me a very short lived break from the stress and chaos that I created in my life. But then alcohol turned on me, it became my life and I always looked forward to it, while knowing it just made everything even worse than before. I had to find a find a small measure of tolerance for myself first, before I could come to tolerate other. Then as myself, I could eventually come to accept that others, like myself, had struggles and acted out in ways like and unlike myself. Who the hell was I to judge. If I had been judged and harrassed when I first came to AA I would have ran as fast as I could. They told me to just keep coming back, and they would love me, until I learned to love myself. I had to accept that if I was insane(and I was) then others could be sick too. This spiritual program called AA has shown me that I was/am an egomaniac with a insecurity complex. That others were judging me by my actions not my intentions. AA taught me to practice these suggested principles if I wanted real change in my life. If I learned to accept and forgive others I could learn to control my actions and attitude, and to arrest my resentments. I had to (love)accept and (seek tolerance)forgive myself. Then I could share with others what I had been so freely given. This program was a gift, but I have to accept it and practice it daily for it to work in my life. Even today, cause today is all I have. ODat, Mark


Member: ((
Location:
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 4:09:22 PM

Comments

you are silly lu-lu!


Member: John G.
Location: Walla Walla, WA
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 7:24:08 PM

Comments

Hello my name is John, an alcoholic

I have tried recovery many times for only being 20 years old and I've come to know that it is really difficult to stay sober without working the steps. Every other time I've tried to stay sober I didn,t work the steps but this time I'm going to do this the right way. I've been clean since December 10 and I'm loving every minute of it. Thanks for listening.


Member: MARIE
Location: Happy Destiny
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 9:53:10 PM

Comments

Those who are sincere about thier recovery don't have much choice but to be tolerant of others in and out of the program, the grouch and the brainstorm are not for us , intolerance will surely lead to resentments!Look for what we have in common rather than the differences, sometimes that's hard for me to do but if I try I can usually find something in common,asking GOD for help in this area is the best solution for sure. May GOD be with all of us as we TRUDGE THE ROAD


Member: David G
Location: New York, NY
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 10:37:49 PM

Comments

A Short Thank You poem from a son to his father. "Thanks for the love you never showed me Thanks for the 12 pack you drank every day Thanks for the abusive names that you called me Thanks for the psychotic mind games you used to play. Thanks for always having a couple of beers nearby. Thanks for all the times you made mother cry Thanks for making me pick you up from bars Thanks for my pint of emotional scars Father Father where should I start. I've thanked you soo much, but it's just the start. When I was a child I never told you my only wish.

Budweiser Budweiser your not my friend I hate you. I HATE YOU! you make me so sad.

Why can't all the alcohol in the world just disappear, I wonder what my life would be like without daddy drinking beer"


Member: bruce.s.
Location: Jackson,Ms.
Date: 2/10/01
Time: 11:07:30 PM

Comments

A.A.Rules,man!


Member: Melissa W
Location:
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 12:26:28 AM

Comments

Melissa, alcoholic/addict. Just got a verbal spanking from my sponsor about love & tolerance! I was complaining about the local recovering community, it is so cannibalistic & 2-faced. A friend of mine slipped, to his face it was all, "glad you're back", etc. Behind his back, it was brutal. When he found out, he was devastated. What my sponsor shared w/me was that because love & tolerance is a code, I can no more judge or criticize the "backstabbers" more than they can work someone else's program. She reminded me that it is a code, not open for interpretation or selective application. Regardless of the circumstances. Hearing this twice in 1 day tells me that it is 1 of those super-important issues in my program.


Member: Mark W
Location: CA
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 12:30:40 AM

Comments

Sorry if this is a bit off the subject in discussion but I felt the need to relate this today. I came home this weekend from a treatment center that I have been in for a month to tell my two college age sons and my elderly parents that I have lied to them. Before entering the treatment center I was unwilling to admit to them the fact that I am an opiates addict. I have lied to them about where I have been these last 5 weeks, a fabrication that I am now recognizing as a huge mistake on my part. I held my addiction as a deep secret and withheld the truth from the ones I needed most to know about it, the ones I need now to be a part of my recovery. I landed yesterday and drove to tell my parents first, I then drove to my home to meet with my sons, admit to my lie, tell them the truth about my addiction and ask of them forgiveness. I had prepared myself for the worst of reactions, and was blessed to find that both my parents and my sons were willing immediately to look past the lies, find out more about what all has happened with me, and expressed their eagerness to participate in any way they can in my recovery. What an absolute blessing, I gave the results of what was to happen this weekend over to God before I left to fly down here and He saw fit to bless me with love and compassion from the ones I hurt the most. Brutal honesty hurts at times when you have to go face to face with it, but a lie hurts so much more, truth sets you free, a lie imprisons. I am grateful for this online AA format as this is my first experience with it, we are snowed in up here this weekend and this was my only way to get to a meeting today. I am grateful for those who read this and get something out of it, I am honored to have read your stories as I learn so much about myself from them.


Member: Bruce A.
Location: Crowsnest,PA
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 1:13:05 AM

Comments

lov e and tolerance. two virtues I have to work on.I have been sober since 9-10-83 but haven't perfected these 2 qualities. I would like all comers to aa to get sober instantly especially people who ask me to sponsor them. Not going to happen. i didn;t get sober my first try. I was given unconditional love when I came around and still receive this. Now I can practice love to the best of my ability in aa, at home, at work and in life. Sometimes I will fall short(lol) but I keep trying. Tolerance of others is tough at times. this is when I have to pray and be close to my higher power. I have to let God run the show. Lover You All, Bruce A.


Member: M E
Location: LONDON
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 5:16:47 AM

Comments

IM NOT A HAPPY BUNNY I THE PAST WEEK IVE BEEN TO TWO MEETING ONE OF WHICH THERE WAS A GROUP OF HIGHLY DISRUPTIVE PEOPLE OUT SIDE THE MEETING THIS MADE ME FEEL VERY UNSAFE I WAS FEELING STRONG THAT NIGHT BUT OTHERS WERENT AND IT AFFECTED THE GROUP AS A WHOLE!I WAS A VISITOR TO THE GROUP AND SUGGESTED AT THE END THAT SOMETHING SHOULD BE DONE ABOUT IT I WAS MET WITH A FEEBLE RESPONSE AS THE SECRETARY AND THE OTHERE MEMBERS WERE SCARED! LAST NIGHT I WENT A TO A MEETING WHERE THE SECRETARY IN HIS GANGSTAR MASK INSTILLED FEAR INTO THE HEART AND MINDS OF THE MEMBERS OF THE GROUP HE WAS VERY CONTROLLING AND SAID THAT HE THIMKS THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE IN THE ROOMS TALK SHIT I FELT OFFENDED BY THIS AND FELT THAT HE HAD RESTRICTED THE FLOW OF THE MEETING AT THE END OF THE MEETING I DARED TO SPEAK UP AND SAID "IS IT OK TO TALK SHIT"I WAS MET WITH A HOSTILE REACTION FROM THE GROUP BUT ITS NOT THE DARKNESS THAT MOST FRIGHTEN US ITS OUR LIGHT AND YES I FELT FEAR FOR WHAT I DONE AND STILL DO .HE CAME UP TO ME AT THE END OF THE MEETING AND SAID THAT WAS OUT OF ORDER I MANTAIN THAT IVE DONE THE RIGHT THING.WHEN GOD IS WITH YOU WHO CAN DEFEAT YOU?


Member: SimonM
Location: UK
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 9:24:22 AM

Comments

Hello, I'm Simon from Staines in England and I have just admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic. Love and tolerance? I don't know the answer to that, I do know that there are alot of people who are not alcoholics (a difficult word for an alcoholic to spell) who do not love and who are not tolerant. It will be a test for me to love and tolerate SOBER and if I can't at least I won't have the booze to blame for my shortcomings. I'll just be a sober unloving intolerant human being. BUT I doubt that 100%, otherwise I would not be a tolerant loving alcoholic. Thanks for being there when I would otherwise be alone. ;-)


Member: Bill M
Location: Southeast Georgia
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 9:40:16 AM

Comments

Taking my inventory seems to be more fun for others than it is for me. I can understand this as I feel the same way about your inventory. It's O.K. to take others people inventory, other groups inventory or AA's inventory, as long as I remember it is a waste of time. One of the old ideas that I continue to hold on to is trying to change the things that I can't change. You are one of the things that I can't change but thank you for letting me share with you. It makes me remember the way I am to live and caring about you you is one of the new things in my life that makes me feel better. Feeling better is the only reason I drank and when it didn't make me feel better, I couldn't figure out what to do. AA said don't drink any more and we will show you how we did it. I was sure it wouldn't work but gave it a try. The first few decades are the hardest but with a good sponsor, (not friend, but sponsor) and the group,(my group), and their higher power made it work. They knew I was a liar, and a thief and drunk but I didn't.


Member: Bill M
Location: Southeast Georgia
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 10:17:36 AM

Comments

I understand that pot is a drug that causes paranoia, panic and anxiety, especially at the customs gate at the airport. Oh get over it, I thought it was funny. For the pot smoker, AA is a healing process that works for a lot of sicknesses. NA will get there one day. They seem to overlook the traditions, especially the one about "we pay our own way", and when they learn how to tell time, they will eventually be able to write a book that called "NA Comes of Age". Eric you seem to have found help right where you are even if you have never had a drink in your life, AA is good way to live. We have many who are not alcoholic that have found AA a good way of life. It is confusing to some of us as dishonesty is not a life of death situation for them and it is for alcoholics. Oh yes, for the fellow that don't like the AA meeting in London, anyone can find a good meeting in London that can find a bar. When you hit bottom, your concern is not whats going on but getting help. The book recommends you go to the nearest bar (not a respectable lounge, or 5 star hotel bar, it says the nearest bar and try some controlled drinking. You may not be an alcoholic and it may kill you, but it is the only way to get to your bottom. .


Member: Allan W.
Location: Medford, Oregon
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 11:16:54 AM

Comments

Allan, definitely alcoholic. The love and tolerance deal is a struggle for me at times. I can love now but sometimes i love like a steamroller. i still have a hard time tolerating others. i , at times bite my tongue until the point of bleeding. i have at least learned to listen to others, and usually keep my opinions to myself.


Member: it is i
Location: toolman
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 11:34:39 AM

Comments

lu-lu...........................are you at the bar again?????????????????????????


Member: John B
Location: Houston TX
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 1:18:42 PM

Comments

This is my first time here and have 5 years in April of being dry and drug free.I`m John B. and truly grateful for finding this site.My HP brought me here because I recently purchased a house in a new town to me and haven`t made a meeting in person since November.Patience and tolerance for me has become more than lacking and I have truly been enlightened by most of what I have read here and will continue to do whatever it takes to stay sober.Go to meetings even when I can`t afford the gas.I would of went to any length to drink and drug but had lost sight of the need to stay sober.I haven`t relapsed but am always just one drink or hit away.Thanks for being here and I will be back.Have a great week.


Member: Sandy C
Location: USVI
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 3:26:54 PM

Comments

Hi,My name is Sandy, Alcoholic,I had a relapse after being sober 6 years and i believe amoungst not attending meetings, that my lack of love and tolerance were the key issues and caused much resentment over the last year. I have been home from a rehab for 5 days now and feel strange and lost. I like this on the computer as I can find hope when I truly need it, besides this way I can still be home with my children. Thank everyone for being here. Very grateful! Sandy


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 4:01:00 PM

Comments

How loving and tolerant hath God been who has made a way for us to depart from the oppressions of the world? A world that is corrupted through lust? Has he not put up with our inventions both without, and within AA? We who afore time were drunk with not only wine but ungodliness and a soul that starveth after the word of God hath he quickened. But even now in our inventivness we have sought to climb up another way, when we know right well who is the way and the truth and the life. How loving and tolerant hath God been whos name can no longer be mentioned in the rooms of AA save the Lords prayer which testifies of the way out that use to be and still is according to those that diligently seek him....


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 2/11/01
Time: 4:15:07 PM

Comments

HI Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. Amen Melissa. Your sponsor was absolutely correct. "Love and Tolerance is our code". Code clearly defines that statement as a "Body of laws" first and a Set of principles (a fundamental truth or law), second.

Just one of a few "rules" that we hear so often don't exist in AA. He he he..

Bill

az-bill@primenet.com