Member: Connie N
Location: Minnesota
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 9:41:37 AM
Hi--I'm Connie and I'm an alcoholic. I've been an admitted alcoholic for almost two years now...It seems I quit drinking for a few months--actually made it to 9 months last year. And then I tell myself I can have just one...and before you know it I'm back to drinking gin by the quart. Alcholism is an ugly disease and it's very tricky. Today is another day one for me. To all of you who are in the same boat as I am, don't take the first drink. You may think you can handle it...but in the end you can't. Get out your blue book and go to a meeting.
Member: annM
Location: australia
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:09:58 AM
Hi Connie from Ann Aussie, I can really relate to your just one drink policy. I prayed for my higher power to realase me from the complusion for drinking. It did not happen! I now pray for the willingness to not drink. It is difficult, but I believe that is the key to my undoing or doing. Lots of luck Ann from Ozxx
Member: Steve
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:14:20 AM
Hi Steve alcoholic. Connie, I have listened to many people with that same problem, and when I first got sober I felt the same. I was in inpatient recovery bacause of legal reasons, but AA was the help I realy needed I found so many people with the same proplem I had. What was the best help I recieved from AA was the spirituality and having a HIGHER POWER which I can go to every day to get me through the ups and downs of life, and not feel alone with this burden. This took me awhile but it realy works. Good luck to you and go to meetings even if you don`t feel like doing it.
Member: Steve
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:14:23 AM
Hi Steve alcoholic. Connie, I have listened to many people with that same problem, and when I first got sober I felt the same. I was in inpatient recovery bacause of legal reasons, but AA was the help I realy needed I found so many people with the same proplem I had. What was the best help I recieved from AA was the spirituality and having a HIGHER POWER which I can go to every day to get me through the ups and downs of life, and not feel alone with this burden. This took me awhile but it realy works. Good luck to you and go to meetings even if you don`t feel like doing it.
Member: Steve
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:14:24 AM
Hi Steve alcoholic. Connie, I have listened to many people with that same problem, and when I first got sober I felt the same. I was in inpatient recovery bacause of legal reasons, but AA was the help I realy needed I found so many people with the same proplem I had. What was the best help I recieved from AA was the spirituality and having a HIGHER POWER which I can go to every day to get me through the ups and downs of life, and not feel alone with this burden. This took me awhile but it realy works. Good luck to you and go to meetings even if you don`t feel like doing it.
Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:15:46 AM
Yes Connie, I made it through a year almost then thought one drink would be OK and it was devastation ! Just can't do it that way, i always need more. Been good for 3 yrs. now and it's wonderful, never think about it much except I remember the bad times and shudder. The last drunk was awful, alchohole had gone beyond feeling good for me, just going from drink to drink to cover the shakes and sitting alone on the couch through the night with a drink because the shakes were to bad for sleep. But it took reaching that last bottom and help from others to get me where I am today. Couldn't do it alone. today I have my life back and it's wonderful, if I can do it, Anyone can !
Member: Barry C
Location: New England
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:41:43 AM
Hi,Barry alcholic. At first I did not understand that first drink thing.It always took three or four to get drunk. After treatment, I thought I would be alright, just a few beers and a little pot. First day went great. Second day big trouble.Today I understand(I think)about first drink gets you drunk. If I forget past lessons like I have quite often, all my pain and misery can come back, shortly after first one. Great topic, thanks for helping me stay sober today.
Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:42:17 AM
Hi, to all and thank you Connie for your honesty. We all have to stay away from that dreaded first drink. It is a simple program if we don`t drink and go to meetings and when the desire hits you better do just that go to a meeting and/or talk to another person in the program. The steps work, but you have to learn to accept that one drink could be your last. I am coming up on three years sober and I thank God everyday that I don`t have to live that miserable life I had to live just a few years ago. We can live our lives without alcohol if we chose not to take the first drink and Connie don`t beat yourself up about your slip just remember want you had and go back to meetings and prayer and please remember it never has to be this way again. Thanks for letting me share and God Bless all.
Member: Bruce N
Location: Houston
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:44:52 AM
Hi folks...I'm Bruce an alcoholic. Thank yuou for wanting to discuss the First Step Connie. It is real easy for me to forget my powerlessness over anything much less alcohol. After I tried about everything I could think of to change my reality I decided to begin doing what the ones who were "Staying" sober were doing. By that I finally began reading the literature, got a sponsor who also worked the steps and was firmly grounded in the program and began believing something else was at work in those meetings other than a bunch of drunks who think they got this thing figured out. I thank God everyday for what I have and ask His forgiveness when I forget what He has given me(everything I need). Going on 19 years and still need His strength and guidence each day or I'm a mess. Love this site and Go Patriots!
Member: mike
Location: west
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:10:52 AM
Hi, I'm mike and I am an alcoholic. I managed to go about 6 months without a drink when I first attended AA. I didn't much like what I heard so I stopped going. I was working this not drinking business my way. And do you know what, I got drunk behind anger because life didn't work out the way I thought it should. When I got back I was ready to do some of the things suggested by those who had been sober for awhile. And today I take the blue book to meetings and talk about what I have found in the book. The things that book suggests to me to do are the things that keep me sober. And a big part of that is sharing that book with others. I now carry extras just in case there is a need. I don't know much relative to that blue book. But the power that I need to stay sober and live well comes through that book to me. Just mike and an alcoholic!
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:28:41 AM
Hi, Lessa here, grateful recovering alcoholic. Thanks for a great reminder Connie - that the first drink is deadly.
Like a few others mentioned, when I heard the notion that "it's the first drink that gets you drunk" I thought the folks who said it were nuts. It always took a TON of drinks to get me drunk. I mean, I'd go home most nights and chug alcohol until I passed out. One drink? What a silly idea!
Well, I found out the hard way why that first drink is deadly. After 5.5 years of being sober, I decided I deserved a break. Was having a tough time; I was working very hard and playing hardly at all. There was NO drinking or drugging. I kept alcohol in my house for visitors - after all, it wasn't a problem for me, as I had over 5 years of sobriety under my belt. How wrong I was!!
By the time I got sober that first time, alcohol had long since stopped working. I never got that neat buzz that precipitated blacking or passing out. Went straight from ok to passed out. And the trouble wiht that first drink you take after a little sober time, is that it works. It dulls the painful edges of life. It fills that empty void inside of you. It does what you can't do for yourself. And once this drunk has felt that slight buzz, she's completely sucked into the whole alcoholic mess again.
This is my second pass through the program. I now don't question the program. I work it - HARD. Because I know from a pretty nasty firsthand experience that the first drink will lead to my disease being activated again. And will undo alot of the good that previous sobriety has brought about.
Thanks for letting me share.
lessa_e@hotmail.com
Member: kathy
Location: Sunshine state
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:54:18 AM
Hi all, When I got sober I was told it was a daily maintance was the key work. I was told it was a three fold disease . Spirtual, Mental, and physical. The physical is important. Eating weel is important because you have deprived and I have deprive my body of what it needs. HALT was what I hung onto Hungry Angry Lonely and Tired. I said the senerity alot and sometime still do. This disease is very patient and it progress while we are sober. IT isn't my history of the past that scared but what lengths I have seen other go to stay drunk. I greatful that my God saved me from that and if I attend to my Spirtual, mental and physical needs I have a better. Don't give up l minute before the next miracle. Connie you are already a miracle you didn't drink today. Thanks
Member: John H.
Location: Indiana
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:54:55 AM
Hi, John an alcoholic. Good to be here to share.Doesn't it boil down to admitting that our lives are unmanageable when we pick up that first drink? Do we want to return to that? Get numbers to call, get to a meeting as soon as one can. Share at meetings and with someone you are comfortable with. We know what we should do, spend time with your HP and ask for help. We all need that, don't we? Another drink will do no good; it can do uncalculable damage. Best wishes toyou all. God bless!!
Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 12:39:03 PM
This business of bouncing to and from sobriety has me confused. When i sobered up i did without any reservations whatso ever, i was done, the booze had me licked. I feel i hit a bottom or should i say they showed me my bottom at the meetings i attened, brought it up so i could see were my life would end up if i continued to drink. They told me i had to want to be sober more than i wanted to be drunk. I feel if a person still continues to drink than there is something wrong, for it is imposible to work the steps to the best of there ability, have a sponser, go to meetings, pray for soberity in the morning & thank him at night and still drink. Its imposible. Thanks for listening. Jeff
Member: sandyc
Location: scotland
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 1:53:35 PM
Thanks Connie for the topic. There was a guy at our meeting on Friday who had been in AA for ten years before he had another ‘first drink’ in November 2000. He was a big tough looking guy and wept as he poured out his shame and guilt. There was no criticism by anyone even though he had been drinking before the meeting. He just got a warm welcome for what was to me amazing courage. I’m not sure if I have what it takes - what people like you have - to try it again if I slipped. Thanks for helping me.
Member: Virginia D.
Location: Oklahoma now
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 2:01:43 PM
Hi everybody,
Virginia here and I would like to thank you Connie for the reminder that no matter what is going on in my life a drink is not going to make it better and to keep in mind "what it was like, what happened and what it is like now"...
I ended up after several "geographics" completely out of my mind, hallucinating, vomiting almost daily, (I can still see that big ole black trash bag beside the bed that I used when I couldn't make it to the bathroom to vomit) I was very sick, couldn't hold a job, no money, no food, living in an old broken down car (later) is just part of what happpened.
Thank God for Alanon and AA because I identified with all and they told me to just keep coming back and not to worry about what problems I was having. So I did just that. I stayed right in the club parking lot for about 2 months in my car and went to lots of meetings and talked to lots of recovering alkies. I love em all!
AND today, I have the peace of mind that I first came in to the program to get. I can remember saying just those words too early on..."I just want peace of mind"
My family actually calls me today and I own my own home, I can look in the mirror today and like what I see, have worked at some of the largest corporations in the country, and have a network of real friends. I don't mean this as bragging but just sharing the God given changes)
I would say that "I have recovered" as it says on the very first page of the big book and I thank God and you people and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for the happiness I have today and am ever so grateful.
Thank you,
Member: Fran M.
Location: michigan
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 2:21:19 PM
AA has given me that time to think before I again pick up that drink, I still have family members that are active alcoholics and homeless and before I pick up I think back to what alcohol really was to me.....drunk driving tickets constant pain and wanting to die so the bullshit would end. Hmmm guess for today I will choose more wisely. Good prayers to you who are trying to get sober! Thanks.
Member: mike q
Location: huntsville alabama
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 3:07:28 PM
hi im mike and im a drunk. thanks for the topic connie. i just got my 6 month chip the other day. it only took 17 years! i was never able to string together more than a few months at a time before i finally surrendered. i finally realized that at some point in time we will have no mental defense against that first drink. our only defense will be our higher power. most days have not been happy joyous and free, osme days im just not drinking today and thatis ok. talk to your sponsor every day and keep going to meetings. mike q huntsville alabama
Member: annM
Location: aussie
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 3:32:28 PM
Ann from Aussie, am going to double dip - Sorry, but I am going through exactly as Connies described. \ Pig headed , Iam (my partner told me to give-in go to a meeting). I feel ashamed that I am guilty for the first drink but he said to me, "cant you see the hope in the messages given in the AA articles and the big book"" - I have to admit yes because "I am not as bad as any drunk I have met in AA" == let me tell you - Ii am just the ( and more so). Conie, do your best and you will know what that is. Lots of love...Ann xxx
Member: Laura
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 4:52:07 PM
My spirituality has also helped me in the ups and downs of life. It also took me a while to reach this level of spirituality. But, its a day to day process. If I'm not continually working on myself, I can go back to the old way of thinking very quickly.
Member: Laura
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 4:52:27 PM
My spirituality has also helped me in the ups and downs of life. It also took me a while to reach this level of spirituality. But, its a day to day process. If I'm not continually working on myself, I can go back to the old way of thinking very quickly.
Member: catherine
Location: SC
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 5:06:39 PM
Im catherine,alcoholic. Thanks for the reminder of what is was like...I was a slipper for seven years...in and out, in and out. I now realize I needed every drink to convince me that I was indeed powerless. I now have 17 years of wonderful sobriety and need to remember just how difficult it was to give up the idea that i could drink without problems. "keep coming back" was a life saver for me. Thank God there were sober members always willing to help me every time I tried to get sober. Keep coming back Connie and anyone else struggling to find sobriety. God Bless
Member: Madeline S.
Location: L.I. New York
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 6:55:25 PM
Hi Connie, I had to keep the program real simple in the beginning. All I had to do is not drink today. I was told meeting makers make it and get a sponsor. I called that sponsor everyday and she guided me as to how to work the program. For me the key was my sponsor and she worked the steps with me.
Member: ruthiew
Location: Alaska
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 7:28:07 PM
Hi All,
Good topic for me, I am a "slipper". But I hope the last slip was just that, the last. Coming up on 30 days, again, and I'm finally being honest in my f2f meetings about my desire to "escape". Wow, what a difference it makes to say it out loud. Got lots of good feed back from AA's sober for a long time. So I will pray more, read more, work harder. Cunning, Baffling and Powerful, yes. I see it now. It's so strange, but I don't try to kid myself about taking that drink. I know it leads to disaster. But I just don't stop myself because the desire to not think is so strong. I am learning to pick up the phone, which is a hard one for me but surprisingly enough (go figure) it works! Okay, so I'm a little slow and stubborn, but I'm getting it! Love being sober and love AA. Thanks for listening.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 9:03:35 PM
Adam, alcoholic.
I was told that if I picked up a drink again, I would pick up where I left off in my life. well, where I left off was alone in a foreign country throwing up on passengers on a train, on myself, and later into a cess pit after a night that had started with the promise to myself of "I'm just going to have two." This was the cap on four solid years of blackouts, theiving, drinking in secrecy, and total isolation from family and friends. I don't know what comes after that, and I don't WANT to know. All I do know is that I can't have just one...you know why? I've never had just one--EVER! Like I said, I was the type of alcoholic that went to a party seriously intending not to drink or get drunk, and when somebody put a glass of beer in front of me I had an entirely differnent agenda on both counts.
I think this is really the essence of the 1st step for me--realizing that just because I haven't had a drink in nearly six years does not mean I have gotten control back. And I try to make idea a real priority in my life because I don't ever want to go back out there again. I'm really amazed at these people who can come back to AA a second or third time after drinking again. I know I have too much prode to do that.
VERY VERY grateful to be sober TODAY!
Member: Art N.
Location: Fort Morgan, Colorado
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 9:54:57 PM
Hi, I'm Art and I'm an alcoholic-- WOW--what a relief it was to really know that. To finally be beaten up enough to want a better way of life for myself. I had trouble with the idea that being defeated by alcohol was the path to winning. I also thought that how could I get on the first drink. This is what was shared with me by an old timer in Lake Jackson, Tx. If you stand on a railroad track and get hit by a train, what hit you first, the caboose or the engine? The end of the train did not kill me, it was the engine--and so I came to understand that the first drink (because of the desease of alcoholism)was what got me going so that I ALWAYS got drunk. I also did not drink just one. That one always led to more and more. I come from a family of alcoholics who care about me and my well-being today. I went to meetings with my Dad, brothers, and sister-in-laws. This disease is cunning, baffling, and POWERFUL! If you don't believe in the GOD thing, here is something to consider Connie--the guy who introduced himself as Bruce N. from Houston, Tx is my brother! We have not been in a meeting for a very LOOOONg time, I personally think that it is a God thing that we are finally in a meeting together again here today with you discussing the 1st step. Thank you for bringing us together again HEY BRO-- KEEP IT SIMPLE-- 17 YRS AS OF JAN. 13, 2002 WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT?
Member: Ann M.
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:08:08 PM
Hi, all -- Ann here, alcoholic. Thanks to the grace of God and this program, I have not felt compelled to drink today or for the past 13 years. Early in my sobriety someone shared something at a meeting that I have never forgotten--that is: If I am honest, I really do not want "a" drink, I want a bunch of drinks. As an alcoholic, "a" drink makes no sense to me at all--what's the point? Remembering that has so far kept me from being tempted by "just one drink." I can't handle it, and I know it. I know my alcoholism is patient--it is out there and it is waiting to kill me. Hang in there, it's worth it.
Member: GC
Location: Indiana
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:15:22 PM
Hi I'm G an alcoholic recovering that is never will be recovered like Virginia D. I am glad some can say that but not for me. I am an alcoholic and always will be. To Connie I would like to say hi and keep coming back. It's a one day at a time program and it's a we program. Get phone numbers and try 90 in 90 that's what I was always told. Meetings were the key for me and learning what AA was and all about spirituality. It's a wonderful feeling being sober just one day at a time. Read, pray, call before you take the first drink and think that drink through. Go to lots of meetings it only takes two people to have a meeting so if you call someone your having a small meeting. Thanks for the topic and good luck but you won't need it. Also it has been said that our alcoholism is a mental obsession which becomes a physical craving after the first drink. Just concentrate on the first 3 steps, I can't, someone can, and I'm gonna let them. Simplified. Thanks again.
Member: Lori R
Location: Canada
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:25:52 PM
Hi, I'm Lori and I am an alcoholic. The first drink really is the one that gets you drunk. IT took me a long time to accept this. I spent about 3 years going in and out of AA trying to prove I COULD drink and control my drinking. Things of course went from bad to worst and I hit (God willing) my final bottom in Sept 1996 (which is my soberity date). I know I am very grateful to be sober today, because without my soberity I would have nothing else anyway. Don't pick up the first drink and you really won't get drunk.
Member: Gage
Location: South
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:07:54 PM
I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. Anytime I think of a drink these days, I try to think it all the way through. I know that if I take a drink that it will set off a craving for alcohol that will not end with that drink. I know this is true because it is exactly what happened time after time. Even after three years of having no alcohol at all, the first time I picked up a drink that craving set in and I got drunk. By the time I made it back to AA sixteen years later, I was completely obsessed with alcohol. Also, something new for me had begun to happen: I had reached a point where I no longer wanted to drink, but I couldn't stop. Often, I could not drink enough to get drunk. At other times, I would blackout on my first drink. The last two years or so, I pretty much drank all of the time. But the one thing that happened no matter what else happened was that when I took a drink, that craving set in.
There probably is such a thing as a horse's ass who just drinks too much. He may experience all sorts of repercussions for his drinking, and may cause himself and lots of innocent people pain and suffering. But an alcoholic, when he takes a drink, experiences that craving. It is the surest sign that he is an alcoholic. It happened to me every time I drank.
Member: Greg G,
Location: Coldwater, Mi. - USA
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:34:20 PM
Hi all: I'm Greg G. and i'm an alcoholic. Alot of good discussion here. I've found in the last five years of sobriety, that a higher power, and support from friends and family are what has kept me away from that 1st drink again. Don't just go to meetings and set in the back. Find a group that you can relate to. Get involved with the discussions, and be greedy. Take everything that you can away from the meeting with you. (Except maybe the coffee pot) Grab the free literature, and file away everything you here. It will come back to you when you really need it. Trust me. Greg
Member: Lisa V
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:38:59 PM
Hi Family, I am very grateful for the program and the fellowship of AA. I know today that I am only one drink away from a drunk. Each day I need to ask myself "am I willing to go to any length to stay sober"? When someone goes back out I never hear them say "I was calling my sponsor, going to meetings and working with others". Today I know what I need to do stay sober one day at a time. Thank you to everyone for sharing their experience, strength and hope:)
Member: carlene
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 11:58:07 PM
hi i'm carlene, alcoholic. yes i too am a slipper but have never admitted it to anyone. i have 3 weeks now and have been going to a great speaker meeting on saturdays. i've heard so much of that 1st drink coming back into peoples lives that i don't feel ashamed of myself anymore because i do not feel alone. maybe next week i will stand up as a "newcomer in their first thirty days" so i can get a good feeling back about myself and feel that i am back on the road to recovery. hang in there connie...
Member: Dan H.
Location: Glennallen Alaska
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 7:12:35 AM
Dan H. grateful alkie here. Been almost 5 years since I have lost the compulsion to take that first drink. I did it by going to meetings and listening to old timers and newbies alike. It gets pretty easy if you see the serenity the old timers have and the misery the slippers go through. It is also cool to watch as the newbies that keep coming back learn with time that they don't have to take that first drink and then are eventually able, if they are honest with themselves, to stay sober longer until finally the miracle happens for them. Our strength, hope, and experience are what keeps us in this lifeboat. If we work the steps and go to meetings that boat eventually DOES lead to the proverbial paradise island. Thanks to every single one of you I was sober today.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@Yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 10:31:38 AM
Great Topic, I love first step discussions. It makes be review what happens to me when I drink(or drug). Just as the Big Book describes I also tried lots of ways to drink and not drink. I also felt drugs may help me “control” my drinking, but I always ended up abusing both drugs and alcohol. Finally I had to give up the fight. I could not win. Life was not worth living, but I was too coward to end it myself. So I was faced with the dilemma of; “How do I continue to live without using?”
I first came back to AA because I knew people there who were addicts like me, but did not drink. My last debauch convinced me to stop fighting so, I followed direction to the best of my ability at the time. It was only after doing the steps, that I gained my first glimpses of serenity and God. Today my serenity is almost perpetual, no matter what the circumstances look like, I do not drink, but turn to the God of my understanding. One single hour of Joy is worth more than all my lifetime of struggle.
Member: Dennis C.
Location: Norristown Pa.
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 11:38:23 AM
HiI'm Dennis And I am an alcholic. I'm just one day out of rehab and stuck at home. So I am sort of venting some frustration also here. I've read some of your letters and and gotten enough support to get me through till I can get to a meeting tonight so thanks for that. At any rate just knowing that so many people are out there with the same problems as I haveare willing to listen to and share problems is a great comfort and gives me a bunch of courage I didn't have yesterday when I got home, 'cause I was pretty scared yesterday and don't mind admitting it now but I couldn't let my family know it. So after 35 years of drinking, two weeks ago I got smart enough to sign myself in and go get help at a rehab and am glad that I did physically I feel better than I have in years and although I'm still suffering from the torments I put myself through I am at least feeling emotionally strong enough to admit my problems, reach out for help and pray for the strengh to someday help others in our same circumstances THANKS
Member: Melissa
Location: Canada
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 12:14:49 PM
The thought of having that first drink horrifies me. It's the one that sets off the craving for more, and even if I didn't have as much to drink as I wanted, my only thought would then be of when I could drink some more. And that would be my only thought. No room for anything or anyone else up there in my drink-obsessed head. So today I am willing to keep in mind that I am alcoholic, and do the things that sane and sober people do. The twelve steps keep me sane. I know from experience exactly what would happen should I ever decide to have that first drink. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep from picking up a drink again. I'm lucky. I do not crave a drink, I do not want a drink, and I have heard over and over again in meetings that the first time you truly get sober is a gift. I want to keep that gift. I have no confidence whatever that I could quit drinking again. This is a good way to start the day. Thank you for the topic.
Member: Michelle
Location: Texas
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 12:17:11 PM
WOW! That is what I keep telling myself. " Only one drink", or sometimes I will give myself a 3 drink limit. More often than not, It does not work for me. Duh, Im a alcoholic. That is the first time I ever admitted to anyone. It really does'nt seem so hard hiding behind a screen name. I have silently been thinking of living a sober life for a few years. I feel as if Im ready. No more "only one". Good Luck To All
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 12:23:52 PM
Connie, thanks for the topic. Congrats on Day 1 - keep coming back.
I bounced in and out of the program for 14 years. My first AA meeting was at the age of 17 and I got sober this last time at the age of 31. And like someone above wrote, I needed EVERY drink and EVERY horrible experience I endured those 14 years to finally SURRENDER.
During those 14 years I knew I was an alcoholic, but I didn't know about the cravings and mental compulsion. You see, I have a disease that if left untreated, says that I don't have one. Without working the steps and attending meetings, I begin to romance the drink again... toy with it in my head... until I used to finally give in to the craving and relapse.
AA helps me remember that I am an alcoholic and I can not take that first drink without resulting insanity... NO MATTER WHAT. I 've been sober 2 1/2 years now and life is continues to be life. The things in my life didn't change - I had to and that started with the 1) admission and later 2) acceptance that I am an alcoholic - NO MATTER WHAT.
Thanks for listening.
Member: Randy L.
Location: Lakeland,Florida
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 12:39:01 PM
Hi all. Randy,grateful alkie here.I remember finally hitting my bottom,everything that was ever near and dear to me gone from my life.I walked in a club in Ft, Lauderdale,Fla. People in the room sat me down and shared their lives with me. They told me I was not a rotten SOB trying to get good,but a man with a devastating sickness trying to get well.I was in such great pain,I listened to those good people and I started doing the things they told me to do. Like going to meetings,getting a sponsor,reading the big book,picking the phone up, ect. they told me if I was alcoholic and continued to drink I would end up in a mental institution,a penal institution or a graveyard.they told me the worst part of it was going back & living in that hell on earth I came from.They told me I didn't have to do that any more,because there would be countless others coming in AA that would do those things for me.They told me the gospel truth,for i have seen hundreds succumb to our disease in the 29 plus years I have been clean & sober in our God given program.Remember,none of us have to do thatanymore if we just go through that unconditional surrender & reach out for help.God bless Connie & all. AND PLEASE ,JUST KEEP COMING BACK.
Member: Michelle B.
Location: w
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 1:51:27 PM
You know if we all could stop at one drink we would not be on this website. How many times have ALL of us said... only one drink and then went on to have two, three,four and then...oh, I will stop at five. Pretty soon it's morning and you realize you blacked out and your bottle of wine is almost finished or IS finished. I got drunk this way on Jan 18/02 and I did not 'want' more than one. I Could not Stop myself...I was with someone else that wanted to drink...so I kept on. I had NO control. I don't want to do that again. Hopefully AA will work for me. Good luck everyone else... (All of you)...alcohol sucks!! We know it.
Member: RICHARD M
Location: Sarasota, fla
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 2:03:00 PM
hello my name is richard , i am an alcoholic .....my sobriety date is dec. 28, 1985...immense gratitude for nnot haveing to relapse and ..then get a new sobriety date ...tolerance and love are our code....many time s before that i would want to quite ...and then within a few hours or days or weeks ,,,,relapse....finnaly through prayer ...i realized i needed to learn to live without drinking the alcohol....then the desire was removed ....it took me almost 15 years to get there...i hope it doesn't take ou th ereaDER THAT LONG .....LOVE , PEACE AND HAPPINESS ~~~~~~~
Member: DB
Location: UK
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 2:36:10 PM
Hi Connie. Don't let defeat turn into despair. I went back drinking after 10 years. Why? I don't really know. But I wasn't doing what was suggested. Meetings on a regular basis, self-honesty and failing to enlarge my spiritual life. Hope you find what you need.
Derek from Manchester, UK
Member: Virginia D.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 3:25:18 PM
Whoops! need to clarify what I said in earlier post...sorry if I have given the wrong impression.
However, this is what it says word for word on the Title page of the Big Book:
"The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism"
THIRD EDITION - 1976
I think chapter 3 tells Why I will never be able to drink again like one of those darned "normies"
Grateful today for this program of recovery and you all. Thanks for being here...
Member: Miguel L.
Location: NorVan,BC
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 5:35:58 PM
Hi, I am Miguel an alcoholic...it is really a terrible decise...I just had a slip, after almost six years of sobriety..I never imagine that I was goin to fell off the W. the others yes, not me.....but here I am. It is simple ..I lost contact with the program, I close my mind and my hart to the reality end I started living in my mind again. This morning I went to a meting and I re-descover that I was among people like me that understood me and I can relate.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista Arizona
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 8:40:16 PM
Hi! Bill here Alcoholic from Arizona. First I would like to say that we clinically detox in three to five days. I am a medical care professional and know this. Some of the worse cases take up to a week. What this means is that the physical compulsion for you to drink has left you. You are no longer toxic.
The mental obsession still may be there. Alcoholics seem to have a mind that tells them that they can drink, and a body that tells them they can't. If you are alcoholic then you can never ever drink again successfully. I am sorry to tell you that but that is the way it is. The idea that someday you will be able to drink normally must be smashed. It cannot be done.
We need to get spiritually fit. Now we can do this through the 12 Steps of AA. In church. Some treatment centers work. The idea is to pick an avenue of recovery and stick with it. Do not try to mix two or more recovery systems. It may not work. I also would recommend staying away from all the hip slick and cool sayings and get to the meat of recovery.
The bottom line to all of this is, all the meetings in the world and all the churches in the world and all the hospitals in the world nor all the Gods in the world will NOT get you sober unless you want to get sober. You MUST have an honest desire to stop drinking alcohol. There is not program that will work for an alcoholic unless they meet that one simple requirement.
Dr. Silkworth wrote an interesting article for the Grapevine some years ago titled, "Slips and Human Nature". I will be happy to mail anyone a copy if they will write me for it. It gives clear cut reasons why alcoholics go back out.
Thanks to all who posted for being a part of my sobriety today.
Bill
az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 8:44:00 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the all the sincere shares, and welcome newcomers!
Connie, you seem to have a fairly good idea of the thinking that leads you back to the bottle. One strategy that has helped me overcome obstacles in the path of my sobriety has been to pray for the power or pray to my God to help me overcome these very obstacles.
So, in addition to trying to practice the Steps of AA program to the best of your ability, you might consider asking your Higher Power each day to prevent you from "slipping" again or to prevent the "stinking thinking" that leads you back out from creeping into your head.
Again, this tends to work for me, although not always as quickly as I would like it to.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 2:23:12 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Our Big Book tells us that for some reason unknown to us, we have lost all power of choice to drink. The real alcoholic, we do not drink.Come hell or high water, good, bad or indifferent, we don't drink. I am a true believer that once we put together our first 24 hrs, we know it can be done. Once we have our first 24 hours and begin to embrace the fellowship, of Alcoholics Anonymous, our steps, and a God of our understanding, there isn't one alcoholic ever again has to pick up that drink just to have one IF THEY DON'T WANT TO, one day at a time. I have enjoyed continous sobriety for a little over 14 years. I have not had the obsession to drink thru the amazimg Grace of God from about my 7th month of sobriety. I can honestly say that it has been about 7 or 8 years that I have even thought about a drink. That is entirely due to God, A A, and our 12 step program. For me to think that I can have just one, or can control my drinking after knowing what hell I went thru is absolute insanity. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: mr. sobriety
Location:
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 7:20:37 AM
Just drink and you wont get sober.
Member: Robin A
Location: Lakeland, FL
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 8:30:22 AM
Randy L in Lakeland, FL;
Do we know each other? I regularily go to the Acceptance Group meetings and also The Winners Circle when work allows.
Will post on the topic this evening-have to hustle to work...
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 10:37:46 AM
This is my first contact with any form of AA meeting. I am on my 8th sober day and needing help to make it to nine. Thank you for sharing.
Member: dave z
Location: berkleymi
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 2:41:52 PM
I used to get so PO'ed at people when they would tell me the reason I continued to drink was because I hadn't suffered enough yet. "You don't know me, you know nothing about me!", I'd think. Funny thing was, they did know. I wasn't done beating myself up yet. I wasn't ready to accept defeat. I couldn't admit to surrender. Be ready when that time comes. You're getting a good foundation now.
><
Member: Aaron W.
Location: Somerset, NJ
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 3:06:16 PM
Hi everyone... My name is Aaron, I am a alcoholic. Connie thanks for helping keep my memory green. I clearly remember the days I could'nt stay away from that first drink. I did not understand the phenomenon of craving, it only occur after the first drink, that's why we don't know where the first drink is going to take us or leave us. Beleive me it took and left me in some of the darnest places. I never want to see them again. When you receive the sufficient amount of pain required, and only then will you refuse that first drink. It is sad we have to hit that type of bottom before we understand the first drink is the one that get us drunk. PLEASE KEEP COMING.
Member: Ronnie
Location: Chicago
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 4:23:11 PM
First drinks can litterly kill you. this i know from experiance.in jan 2000 i was hospitalized, iwas given a 20% survial rate. i lost a month of my life due to comma. they told me i could not drink again. did this alcaholic listen? no way.i got my self back on my feet and started with i will only have one , then one became two and so on. back in hospital in march 2001 . This was when i hit bottom . i remind myseff one is too many and 100 is not enough. Also having cherrois and being on a transplant list helps a little L.O.L. Thanks to the program i have a life again. The first drink could be your last in life. Live Long and Sober
Member: Living
Location: Here & there
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 5:20:07 PM
"Give strong drink to him that is perishing and wine to such as are embittered in soul! Let him drink and forget his poverty and his wearying toil let him remember no more!"
Proverbs 31:6,7
Member: Chris B.
Location: Eastern U.S.
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 6:29:27 PM
Hi I'm Chris. I've been a cross-addicted alcoholic for 10 years.
Recently, I was busted with almost a pound of weed. I've gone through an intensive rehab program and I am currently going through group therapy once a week. I've been given two years probation for the bust and I'm now taking life one day at a time. Good luck Connie and keep faith.
Member: Tom C
Location: NYC
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 8:55:01 PM
I am Tom, and I am an alcoholic. I have gone through a number of serious personal and professional crises over the last few years, and turned to alcohol as my anesthetic. Unfortunately, it almost "anesthetized" my marriage and my family. Whether it is on the web or going personally to meetings, I have to beat this.
Member: Steven R.
Location: NY
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 11:43:58 PM
I'm Steve and I am an alcoholic. I just celebrated one year of sobriety and I have to remind myself that the first drink is still there waiting for me. I need to remember that one drink for me means nothing but physical,mental and emotional pain that words cannot describe. How can one drink cause that? Because it would not be just one...once the first one is in my body no force on this earth can make me stop drinking...ever. That is the way it always has been with me and it is the way it always will be. To this day I am still tempted by the idea of "one won't hurt". That is when I need to A)go to a meeting...B)pick up the phone and call a sober friend...and/or C)hit my knees and ask my higher power to please help me. Whatever you do, don't just think of the one drink...think about where it will take you and what the final cost will be. I am glad I found this site. It is a reminder that I am never too far away from people who share the same problems as me. Peace!
Member: Ray C
Location: Haines ,Alaska
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 12:46:29 AM
I'm Ray,an alcoholic.When the big book says we deal with alcohol,cunning ,baffling and powerful I believe it.Without help it is to much for me.Chapter 5,How it works lays out the steps for me to overcome my compulsion to drink,escape or whatever I choose to call it.I didn't stop drinking after my first meetings either.It took several trys for me to get a grasp on this program.I'm sure not saying I got it made because left to my own devices I'm sure I would return to the insanity I came to AA to escape.I think what I want to get to is what follows the steps in the big book,mainly "do not be discouraged,no one amoung us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principals.We claim spiritual progress not perfection.I'm not encourageing it Connie but just maybe your slips are progress if they bring you back more willing to go to any means to stay sober.Im glad your back,you also helped me to remember I'm just one drink away from a drunk even though I've a few years in the program without a drink.Keep coming back,it works if you work it.
Member: Maureen
Location: Oregon
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 2:04:27 AM
"Denial" is the word that comes to my mind,but I have to tell my heart to wake up and be honest. I haven't been able to completetly do that for myself. I went to my first AA meeeting in May. The journey from the head to the heart isn't even 12 inches, but it is the longest journey. God Bless all of you who keep saying "Keep coming back" It is divine mercy! It is a blessing to an alcoholic that remembers to not give up, only to give in---the sooner the better.
Member: PETER T.
Location: HOLLAND
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 2:57:41 AM
Hello,
Peter here, alcoholic. To be honest with you once I got so bad as to have to come to AA, the idea of having one drink was complete FANTASY.
'Oh I think I will have one beer, maybe a shandy' or 'I will have a glass of wine with dinner'. Not this drunk.
I wanted to get a litre of whisky, or vodka. Or maybe a gallon - and get completely blotto!
The program began to work for me when I realized I did not have to escape. I prayed for change and it came.
Today - nine years later - I still remember that one drink was never enough.
Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 3:52:02 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
The reason I took the first drink,'I believed that the only way I could feel good was by drinking'. Every alcoholic drinks to change feelings.
But, my body is allergic to alcohol so the first drink caused the craving for more to start. Every drink caused the craving to increase. Because of this allergy I am powerless over alcohol. I can't control it.
The only way I could stop was going to meetings and staying close to the members that were not drinking. This is the short term method of staying sober and I was still in danger of slips.
For long term and continuous sobriety I had to change the belief that the only way 'I can feel good' was by drinking. The best method I found was doing the steps as found in the Big Book. I thought I knew the meaning of words,but when I used a dictionary I finally found the message written in the Big Book.
My new belief is 'to feel good I practice step 11 each day'. when I sponsor I point out the program in the Big Book and the meaning of the words used.
Peace and Serenity
Member: Frank
Location: NJ
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 10:19:41 AM
Hi, Frank here, Day 10 and I still haven't taken the drink I want. The topic is correct, I know that one will lead to a dozen, or maby only two, but when they are 16 oz vodka's I don't think there is alot of difference.
What is "the big book" I hear refrence to? Is it available online? I lack the courage to enter a face to face meeting, but perhaps the book will help...
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 11:59:33 AM
((Frank)), The Big Book is the program of AA as written by the founder Bill W. Reading and re-reading it is part of the recovery process - along with attending meetings, talking with other drunks, prayer, etc.
Any AA meeting will sell you one at cost ($6 or $7). Any bookstore will sell you one at a mark up.
I know it is online, but don't have the link. Try the related links on this site.
I have heard from a lot of folks that they can stay dry by themselves, but can't stay sober without the program. Sober, meaning really living, not just getting by without booze.
If you have not already been to a face to face meeting, that is the next step I suggest. Tell them you are 10 days dry and want to stay dry today. They will likely give you phone numbers, literature, etc. Take the numbers and call them. It is part of their program to help you, it is how they stay sober.
Member: Jimbo C
Location: Venice Beach California
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 4:58:45 PM
One drink is too many, and a Million not enough!
Here's to not drinking today, not matter what. Even if my ass falls off. If my ass falls off I will take it to a meeting.
Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa Florida
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:05:03 PM
Hi Everyone. My name is Tom M. and I am a recovering alcholic. I am not sure if I Know what the topic is, but it sounds as though we have a lot of NEWBS. That's great' Keep coming back. Better yet find a FTF metting(Face to face) and join us. Nothing can beat a good discusstion meeting. I got to one 9 years 9months and 22 days ago, as it is 5P.M. here in Florida I think I will make day 23. Because that's allI have asked for; is today. I once heard at a speaker's meeting a speaker put it this way, "Yesterday is a canceled check. It is spent and there is nothing we can do to change it. Tomorrow is a promisary note. We don't have it yet so we can't do anything about it either. But TODAY is cash use it wisely. That has stuck with me all these years. That is how our founder Bill W.did it one day at a time. And that has worked for over 60 years. So come and join us. Try it for 90 days and if your life has not improved we will be glad to refund all your misery. Thanks for letting me share. God Bless.
Member: HARRY
Location: NEW YORK
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:05:46 PM
Member: HARRY
Location: NEW YORK
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:07:12 PM
I HAVE 22 YEARS AND RIGHT NOW I FEEL AS WEAK AS ONE WITH 22DAYS
Member: HARRY
Location: NEW YORK
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:08:30 PM
I HAVE 22 YEARS AND RIGHT NOW I FEEL AS WEAK AS ONE WITH 22DAYS HARRY K
Member: HARRY
Location: NEW YORK
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:08:32 PM
I HAVE 22 YEARS AND RIGHT NOW I FEEL AS WEAK AS ONE WITH 22DAYS HARRY K
Member: HARRY K
Location: NY
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:13:00 PM
I AM SORRY EVERYONE I AM NEW TO THE CYBER MEETINGS IN FACT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE ATTENDED PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I DONT FOLLOW THE FORMAT CORRECTLY HARRY K
Member: HARRY K
Location: NY
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:13:06 PM
I AM SORRY EVERYONE I AM NEW TO THE CYBER MEETINGS IN FACT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE ATTENDED PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I DONT FOLLOW THE FORMAT CORRECTLY HARRY K
Member: Kate H
Location: Troy, NY
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 5:26:07 PM
Hi, I'm Kate and I'm an alcoholic. Just like in a f2f meeting, you never know when you're gonna hear the one thing that you need to hear....Thanks, GC in Indiana for pointing out to me (again) that the mental OBSESSION with alcohol is the beginning of my disease at work. I had just been thinking as I read the earlier posts that it might just be okay if I had just one.... Your words caught me up and made me see just what was happening. Thanks for helping me through another day of sobriety.
Member: Living still!
Location: Here and there
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 6:12:29 PM
“Who hath woe? Who hath outcry of pain? Who hath contentions? Who hath complaining? Who hath needless wounds? Who hath dullness of eyes? They who tarry over wine, they who go in to search for mixed wine. Do not look on wine when it is red, when it giveth in the cup its sparkle, glideth down smoothly. Its after effect is that like a serpent it biteth, and like a viper it doth sting!” Proverbs 23:29-32
Member: Judith . L
Location: Melb Australia
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 7:24:24 PM
Hi All,
((FRANK)) you can find the big book online at http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/
Goodluck and congratulations on 10 days.....way to go!!!
Love & Light Judith L
Member: Lynn H
Location: Alaska
Date: 2/6/2002
Time: 9:58:43 PM
Hi. I'm Lynn. I'm an alcoholic. I,too, am new to the site. What a great place! I'm sober 6 months this time; but this time I got down on my knees and gave everything to my Higher Power and things are different. The first drink is the killer for me because I NEVER had only one drink. What's the point of one drink? As long as I don't take the first there will be no more for me. And I can do that one day at a time. Let go and let God. It works!
Member: Keith R
Location: Canada
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 4:29:36 AM
is anyone here?
Member: gavin j
Location: San Francisco
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 7:31:59 AM
hello kieth, my name is gavin, i am an alcoholic
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 4:04:03 PM
Thank you to Rich and Judith. Day 11 and I am an irritable bastard today. Feeling somewhat depressed also. I think I will go to a meeting f2f tonight. I read enough of the big book that I think I understand the program better now. I hope it works for me.
Member: Old Timer
Location: All over the place
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 4:45:13 PM
Frank D in NJ:
I think you might be in for a rude awakening when trying to find the proven most important aspects of Big Book philosophy at regular f2f meetings. A good example of this is with "Bill's Story," and Chapter Five, "How it Works." You had better be prepared to find this at f2f meetings, or you'll think the whole program is a haven for neurotic hypocrites, which is not too far off-base to do! So I would keep this in mind if you still want to go, or put it off for awhile, stay with the book, and share your feelings here.
A Word to the wise,
Old Timer!
Member: Scott P.
Location: Brooklyn NY
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 5:14:55 PM
Hi, Scott P here from Brooklyn, NY...been home sick since Monday with the worst flu I have had (and I HAD the flu shot...) Needed a meeting and found this one...and I am grateful!
Thanks for all of the comments so far.
Connie, I can hear the stuff still kicking you around a bit...here is a bit of my story an a bit of good ole Big Book that has helped me tremendously...
I was released from the obsessions through some interesting twists in my life that started with two divorces (mine and an ex's) and we got back together...she introduced me to yoga and I started to find a spiritual path.
It came to April and I was tired of drinking and doing other "dry goods" to push off the fear, shame, guilt remorse and then ensuing paranoia as well as the sweats and shakes that hit me every day.
There were so many coincidences that I have to say that a higher power wanted me to live sober.
On 4/15/96 I got sober and have been clean and sober since.
I did spend 2 3/4 years just hanging out in the meetings and doing service without doind the steps. This got me to the point of complete insanity and suicidal in 1/99. Fellowship is only one part of the recovery process...
I went out on vacation to Palm Springs in Janury '99 and ran into a strong step-oriented group. They got me through my 1st nine steps and taught me to do 10/11/12 every day.
Since being on the path of the steps and good sponsorship, the thoughts of drinking or drugging my way into death have been lifted....
If you can sink your teeth into the Doctor's Opinion, Dr. Silkworth describes us to a "T"...
"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks - drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."
Notice Psychic Change....the next paragraph reads " On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules. "
The rules are using the steps as outlined in the steps in the first 164 pages. This allows you to have that Psychic Change.
I hope you find the step connection and get a good sponsor who know who Mr. Brown is.
Member: Living Too!
Location:
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 6:01:17 PM
“Hear my son and receive my sayings and they will multiply to thee the years of life! In the way of wisdom, have I taught thee, I have guided thee in tracks of uprightness! When thou walkest thy step shall not be hemmed in, and if thou runnest thou shalt not stumble! Take fast hold of correction, let it not go,— keep it for it is thy life! Upon the path of the lawless do not thou enter, and do not advance in the way of the wicked: avoid it, do not pass thereon,— turn from it and depart! For they sleep not unless they can do mischief! They rob themselves of their sleep if they cannot cause someone to stumble! For they consume bread gotten by lawlessness, and wine obtained by violence they drink! But the path of the righteous is as the light of dawn,— going on and brightening unto meridian day! The way of the lawless is like darkness, they know not at what they stumble!!” Pr 4:10-19
Member: Rod M.
Location: Innisfail, Ab.
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 6:18:31 PM
Rod, recovered alcoholic, great topic Connie. When I remenber that God makes no mistakes and that every thing is just the way it is supposed to be I'm okay. I also remember that God wants only good for me and for us. Then when I think of a drink, I actually choose what I am going to do. I pray for God to remove your compulsion to drink if it is His will at this time. God Bless
Member: davidh
Location: nashville
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 8:21:58 PM
The great obsession of every abnormal drinker is that somehow, some way we can drink like normal people,Im paraphrasing here,Many persue this illusion into the gates of insanity and death. We are like men who have lost there legs. we never grow new ones. The idea that somehow someway we can drink like normal human beings has to be smashed.
Member: OMAR D
Location: Trinidad, West Indies.
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 8:41:36 PM
Hi everyone, I'm Omar and I am an alcoholic. I am very new to the computer and Iam simply amazed that I can communicate with members of the Fellowship from all over from my livingroom.In Trinidad we drink mainly RUM. My last drink was on January 27, 1984. My short comment is that we must not underestimate the value of HONESTY. I too was a slipper or slipee for about eight years before I had that last drink. The days have turned to weeks, the weeks to months and the months to years simply because I have stopped trying to fight it.For me it is total, absolute and unconditional surrender to alcohol in any form whatsoever. I also realize that I cannot do it on my own, Ihave tried that thousands of times. I now depend on myHigher Power several times a day everyday. If I can do it then anyone can do it. Thanks for the support , Guys, I need you, I love you and I know that together we can do it.
Member: GRea
Location: In
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 12:10:32 AM
Hi G again I have to say Virginia D your right kinda because the ones who die sober have recovered and we to me anyway are recovering so I apologize I didn't mean to offend anyone. and thank you to Kate H for the kind words if you wish to chat I have listed my e-mail address before for anyone who would like to talk with another alcoholic one on one or whatever. Still a great topic and god bless everyone. G
Member: Paul C
Location: South West US
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 5:28:51 AM
Hi, Paul, alcoholic. One is too many and a thousand is never enough! Thank God for AA, it has saved my life. The life and breath of AA is you who reads this now. You saved my life and I am so grateful. My Higher Power speaks through you. You hear my pain, you relate to my issues, you comfort me, you are kind to me. I love you.
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 8:26:42 AM
I attended what turned out to be a small open meeting last night. At first I was very anxious but I finally spoke the words "I am an alcoholic" out loud for the first time. It was wonderful to unburden myself to people who were like me, and understood.
It helped keep me from drinking last night. Day 12
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 12:09:13 PM
Oh Lord, help me. Connie S. here, alcoholic and addicted to every thing else(drugs, food, shopping, money, attention etc.) Today is hard. I have alot on me that I'm trying to give to God but it's so hard. Omar, I too am a slippee, I stay clean and sober for short periods of time, 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, longest period was 7 months, but then I too think I can have two or three, who am I kidding, one won't get it with this drunk and when I start I know that. I talk to my God and pray daily alot but have failed to attend meetings for quite some time, I'm too ashamed and a prideful drunk. This is insanity, alcohol is cunning, baffeling and powerful, but I'm trying to lean on the One that is all powerful and hope He will release me from this bondage of drinking, drugging and being miserable. Last "slip" , not slip, binge that's what I am a binger - scary stuff, this is, was only a couple of days ago and terrible as far as how I feel, not because of what I said or did, I actually did some controlled drinking and drugging, I usually black out but this time I did not and this scares me even more because I know it makes me feel safe to do it again. I feel so guilty and terrible for this continued behavior. I want to have a clean life. I'm going to a meeting because I'm really scared to be alone today. I need AA and I need all your suggestions. Thanks for listening. God bless us all and God bless America.
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 12:33:49 PM
(((Connie)))Keep praying to God, and I'll pray with you now and for you and me later. Don't take that drink. Take it minuite by minuite if you need to. Go to meeting, call someone....
I too am ill, we can get better, pray.
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 1:40:20 PM
Thanks Frank, I was beginning to think no other alcholics were there to listen.
Member: mike
Location: tucson
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 3:10:37 PM
Here's A Congratulations To Everyone That Didn't. Drink Yesterday. Let's All Make It Through Today With The Help Of God & AA
Member: Shianne
Location:
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 3:38:37 PM
Thanks, Connie, for the topic about taking alcoholism to be a serious disease, that it will, if given the chance. An excellent reminder for me to stay close to the AA program and not take anything for granted or get complacent. When life hands us lemons, we make lemonaide and so I have batches made! Who wants a nice cold glass with a sprig of mint in it? *Keep coming back! It works if "we" work it!
Member: Linda
Location: IN
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 4:41:25 PM
To Ann from Aussie- Sounds like your higher power DID answer your prayer- to release you from your compulsion, He gave you willingness. Acceptance.
Member: Steven R.
Location: NY
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 5:22:55 PM
Steve again and I'm still an alcoholic. That will never change. I noticied others double-dipping so as I was reading what you awesome people have written I felt the need to do the same. I was just thinking about when I first came into the program, the LAST thing that I wanted to hear about was God. Although a higher power is needed in order to keep sobriety and the big book suggests that we do not shy away from this topic, I know from personal experience that newly sober alcoholics do not want to hear about God. All I wanted at first was the support and help of those who shared my disease and to see there was hope. I believed in God but it was several months before I was willing to believe that He could help me with this problem. It seems that there are some newcomers here (like Frank, hang in there, it does get better, I promise) and if they are anything like I was they will not want to read bible quotes here (Living too!! from ?) This is a spiritual program, not a religious one. To the newcomers, don't be overwhelmed by this program. It is a simple one but at first it can seem overwhelming. Take suggestions but don't let anyone force thier beliefs or religion on you. The relationship that one has with his/her higher power is a personal one. I know that this topic is controversial and I do not intend to offend anyone. The truth is that although I have never met any of you, I love you and need you to help me stay sober like you have this week. I guess I'm suggesting that we don't get too preachy..it might drive someone away like it did me at first. Peace.
Member: Jeff B
Location: Northern CA
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 5:48:15 AM
Hi everyone My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. The topic of drinking again after some sobriety is always interesting and does get right to the main purpose of AA.
The Big Book talks about it - "the main object is to enable you (meaning me the reader) to find a Power greater than yourself wich will solve your problem"
My problem is alcoholism (for me that covers it-it's like an umbrella). I used to drink lots. I woke up one day and was given the gift to see myself clearly as a person who should not drink. I have defects of character (selfishness and fear among many others). I have had breif periods of sobriety followed by relapse in my past. I am not alcoholic just because of what happened when I drank. I am alcoholic because of the way that I think and act and feel when I am not drinking. How I think and act and feel are what I believe God can change if I keep trying to let him.
I know that if I were to drink it would not work any better than it did in 97 when I stopped because of God and AA. You guys and the book tell me it would get worse. That would really suck. Since I started trying this stuff I have not had to drink. I have been coming to AA looking for answers on how to be more useful and happy. I have learned lots of things about myself and you guys and alcoholism. I have found a real power in AA that I need to trust and rely on. I call him God but I don't really think he cares so much what he is called.
I am just glad to be here and sober and able to breathe and think and remember and believe right now. I don't want to even imagine where I might be without AA. I don't often live up to the standards that I set for myself but I am slowy getting better. I hope that when people come to AA they get what they need. I try to express my hope and experience and also the strength that I get from the power that is our solution. AA does not tell us how to believe in a power it just tells us to believe. It gives us steps that will get us closer to our own power and live beyond what we could imagine for ourselves.
I like reading and listening to how other people get closer to the power they need. I don't usually believe the same way. I believe they believe and that it keeps them sober. I try not to think my belief is better or worse than any others. I try to keep an open mind because I need power greater than me every day to not drink and to grow and change. Thanks to everyone for being here.
Member: Snokle Mc
Location: hoosierland USA
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 7:40:18 AM
Hi all,Tim"snorkle McCorkle, alcoholic, and just starting my second year... here in USA we all got to watch the super bowl last week and the very first Beer commercial brought it up. the robot battle between the killer tank and the mini fridge showed exactly what the first bud light could do... and there was only one!
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 9:50:22 AM
Hi Family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering ALCHOLIC. Havn't been here for awhile, and today just got back from morning meeting on acceptence, and got home and decided I needed another meeting, and stopped by, and it was a great topic, and all I can say is today I don't want to drink, as my life as turned around so much, and the Promises do come true, as I used to worry about money so that I could have my drink, and never had the money, nowe today I have a little bit not much, and I know if I do pick up that first drink, all the gifts I have received in this wonderful life of being sober will be lost, and I will be left with myself, and back in the bottle, and today I thank my HP and AA for keeping me sober and putting me back to the way my life should be, and I live in a town with 250 Bars. I Love sobriety, and one day at a time I will have five years not all good but good years of sobriety on march 1st. I Love you all, and you helped another alcholic stay sober for another day. kwduke_1999@yahoo.com
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 1:37:19 PM
Connie here, alcholic, thanks for being there yesterday, just knowing there are people out there that understand really helps me, more than I thought. God has helped me too. Made it through another day without a drink and so far, thanks to my HP and AA, I've not had the compulsion today. Today is better. Hope I can continue. Thanks for listening. God Bless.
Member: James N
Location: SC
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 3:01:08 PM
I know that I took the first drink with full knowledge that I was gonna have about 30 more. I was an all or nothing drinker(surprise,surprise). I know now that I have a choice today. Before, the craving was constantly in me from the second I woke up. I about killed myself living this way. I just got the Net and I think this is awesome.I have been in the program since Dec3,2000. I know that there is always going to be a mental obsession, but God can handle it. The beautiful thing is -no matter what- I don't ever have to have a physical craving again! I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for you guys. I pray for u all. I don't have an e-mail but will soon. Computer guy is coming. It would be cool to talk to another Christian alcoholic but you are all my bros and sisses. I wanted to see if anyone was going to Sercypaa b/c Cocoa was a blast. Deadheads welcome.Peace,Serenity, and God Bless you all. I live in Cola. so I got a little info. Turn it over
Member: Geri W
Location: Ohio
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 3:47:24 PM
Hello folks. Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. I've managed to put a few 24's together because of rooms like these and people like you and for that I am grateful.
Step I, or the internalizaton that I am powerless over alcohol once I put even the smallest amount in my body saved(s)my life. The disease is also patient - it's out there doing pushups - waiting for the time that I lose my conscious contact with the Higher Power(whom I chose to call God)on a continual basis. I know that - I have a daily reprieve - like a diabetic needs insulin, I need the contact. I do the program of AA like I drank - every day! Since I went to any lengths to get a drink, I do the same to stay sober. So far(a little over ten years of 24's)it's worked for me. There's real hope that if I do what I did yesterday and am doing today, I won't have to drink tomorrow. What a miracle for a drunk like me.
Member: Brian C
Location: North Carolina
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 4:24:33 PM
Hey, I am Brian Campbell and i am a 20 year old alcoholic, or let me say binge drinker. WHen i drink i can become mean and i fear i may start to become violent. My dad was an alcoholic and so was my moms parents. I have gone months with out drinking but then i always try to give myself another chance, but i drink too much too fast. I know longer trust my ability to drink responsably or socially, i want to stop. Thank you for you time and listening to me.
Member: Alcoholic#2,222,222
Location: 48219
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 5:36:05 PM
Day number one - I sure can relate! If it's not alcohol, then it is something just as self-destructive. This is a struggle, but NOT trying to abstain is even worse. At least this way I get to hang around with other people in recovery who are trying to get well. Thanks for the topic!
Member: Tip a tie tie tie..
Location: Relapse
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 5:58:02 PM
If you cannot just have one, try, a "have just one! What I mean is, If you cannot just have one, try, a "have just one! Ah, you know what I mean....
Member: MEL D
Location: MI
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 7:53:09 PM
Wow! This awesome...just what I needed right now...for about the last 24hours I have been toying with the idea that I may be able to drink again cuz I been sober for 5months(well tomorrow it will be 5months). I know full well I cant drink again...I just keep reading what ihad written for my first step to remind me how much I don't want to go back. I have been trying to work on prayer...it just feels so fake to me. I'm not sure if I believe in god. What can I do? Any suggestions?? if you would rather email me: MLDMI9901@yahoo.com
Thanks
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 9:54:56 PM
I am anil I am an alcohlolic At first I did not understand that first drink thing.It always took three or four to get drunk. After treatment, I thought I would be alright, just a few beers and a little pot. First day went great. Second day big trouble.Today I understand(I think)about first drink gets you drunk. If I forget past lessons like I have quite often, all my pain and misery can come back, shortly after first one. Great topic, thanks for helping me stay sober today.
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Member: Freddy B Good
Location: Sunny South Florida
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 10:18:10 PM
We had a member in our home group decide that he was going to give alcohol a try again last Tuesday. The alcohol took his life. He left our group months back and went on a run. He died a slow and painful death. Our Prayers go out to him, his freinds, and family. If your a alcoholic get with the program because the Ice you skate on is thinner than you think.
Member: Brian M.
Location: Japan
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 8:09:23 AM
Hi. I'm Brian and I'm an alcoholic. I've never met a person who got drunk without drinking alcohol. So, if I don't start drinking, then I won't get drunk. The problem is the alcoholic in me wants to be drunk because he hates himself. I've been sober for 7 days now after my second slip. I had thirty days of sobriety 5 years ago, 100 days last year and I'm back in again. Quitting drinking isn't so difficult, living sober is an entirely different ballgame. This time, I'm doing what the people in AA tell me to, even (perhaps especially) because I don't want to. They keep telling me to 'turn it over'. I have started to pray everyday now. I'm not very good at it. It feels awkward and superficial, but I'm going to keep doing it and see if it will eventually work for me. It seems to have worked for others, so what have I got to lose? I certainly know what I'll lose if I go back out into the big wide world on my own again. My sponsor reminded me that half measures avail us nothing, and I realized that if I'm truly serious about having my sanity restored, I must ask people for help. Thanks for the comments everyone, you helped me stay sober today.
Brian
bilinguru@hotmail.com
Member: Bruce N
Location: Houston
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 12:01:46 PM
Hi...I'm Bruce an alcoholic.....I believe I'm the first post of the week. It will be hard to follow last weeks topic! What a great meeting. Hope this makes sense. My wife has an old cookie container that has a carrosel on it. You know, with horses and all...around the top it says "Pleasurable and Safe". I thought to myself those two words together would not have made any sense to me when I was drinking or even first sobering up. In what ways can we have fun without drinking? God bless ya'll(texas)...
Member: capt. howdy
Location: inside megan
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 12:37:46 PM
how about getting the F$%^#@! AS*(%#@ who is to take care of changing the date here do it when it suppose to be done DI%$#&*^%$#
Member: capt. howdy
Location: inside megan
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 12:44:57 PM
how about getting the F$%^#@! AS*(%#@ who is to take care of changing the date here do it when it suppose to be done DI%$#&*^%$#
Member: Andre
Location: North Bay, Ontario, Canada
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 12:46:15 PM
If ever there was another topic, I would go for resentment and anger. I just cannot get rid of resentments aginst my in-laws. I am seven years sobre and go to meetings at least once a week. These resentments are new from last August and I fell in the trap instead of using the step 10 whereas it states that when we are hurt no matter if it is not our fault, there is something wrong with us. Anger better be left to more emotinally balance people. It is not for us alcoholics. Now I need to use step 7 and ask God to remove these resentments and anger that goes with it.
Member: Brian C
Location: North Carolina
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 2:19:03 PM
Hey In Brian, and i am an alchoholic, ha i don't even think i spelled that right. i made my first post ever, yesterday and i guess it is time for my first step. I am not sure what i am supposed to wrtie or what is a first step, iguess i'll just say what i think it is. a first step to my goal of never drinking again, and becoming a strong person. I am 0 and i feel that if i catch this now, my life will be better for it. My first step, really is to find an acutal AA meeting house near my college, and get this blue book. I have been solber for 2 days since my last slip. Wow two days seems like nothing really, but i just keep telling my self that that is two days of being a better person and two days of healing. Thanks again for listening.
Member: Patricia
Location: New York
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 5:27:06 PM
Hello to all my AA friends, First let me start off by saying to Connie thanks for an excellent topic! I have been on the pity pot and have wanted to drink for a while now. This truly is my favorite site to share when I cannot make a face to face meeting. I remember being told at the beginning of my sobriety, that THE FIRST DRINK WILL GET ME DRUNK! I kept saying no way. I need as much alchohol that it takes to make me black out, which was every time I took the first drink! This disease of alcohol is truly cunning and baffling. I can identify with Lessa about Hard Working and not enough play. I have been working 2 jobs, and not making enough meetings! I have been feeling extremely frustrated, angry and lonely. I need to take time out to be with my AA friends. HARRY, welcome to the site! 22 years and feeling like 22 days sober. That truly made me think about how being sober is one day at a time, and we are only an arms length away from the next drink. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO SHARED. YOU KEPT ME SOBER ANOTHER DAY! WELCOME TO ALL NEW COMERS AND PEOPLE COMING BACK TO THE ROOMS!