Member: Tim G. - SC Tech
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 02:56:31

Comments

I would just like to thank everyone again for their prayers and concerns for my son Zack. He has made a full recovery and is going well, thank God.

I also would like to mention that, thanks to God and AA, I didn't even think of a drink during the whole ordeal.


Member: BJ
Location: Miami, Fl.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 03:26:25

Comments

God works in our lives as long as we trust Him; so grateful that Zack has made a full recovery. I am BJ< a grateful alcoholic. Heard a great speaker tonight who had an unspeakable bottom and has stayed sober and worked to help child overcome physical handicaps via tv and mentioned an award she had won, saying, "Me, a drunk". After the meeting she confided in me that she won an Emmy at last awards (I thought she looked familiar). But isn't it heartwarming to hear about one of our own accomplishing this after being sober about l4 years - and to be too modest to say what she won. I don't know about you guys but this just blows me away. Also encourages me to DO MORE and to be all that I can be. I've been sober 28 years and have spent a lot of time being too hard on myself I guess mainly because both my adult children became alcoholics and have wasted so much of their lives because of it and hardcase to the end, I have gotten lost so many times trying to put them on the path; I've let go l,000 times but after hearing the speaker tonight, I've decided to really let go - at last and do just what I've shared - be all that I can be = through the grace of God and AA. I cannot go forward as long as I'm hanging on to anyone or anything. You know, it's easy to say: "Let go and let God", but it's hard as heck to really do it. Well, I'm going to do something different and that is to start thinking about BJ - someone who is loving and caring and deserves to be happy. Now why didn't I think of this before? Hardcase me.


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 04:48:25

Comments

Hey Richard here, I'm an alcoholic. I just wanted to be the first to wish the birthday girls a happy birthday. WOW! Congratulations. Another big step down this happy road of destiny, eah.

Read ya'all later!


Member: Charlie M.
Location: Chipley, Fl
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 05:36:06

Comments

Charlie here and I'm an alcoholic. Being new to this group, or whatever it is, I have only posted one time but I able to read all of last weeks shares. I didn't get into the archives however but will try to do this week. Maybe I can get an idea of what this group is all about and the pattern of each others shares. Three of you has already entered my limited opinion as either menbers with very good sobriety, an inflated ego or a know it all,or uses the method of pissing people off just to get them to open up. Sometimes I fit into the last catagory and have been told to mind my own business a few times. Most of you are sincerely looking for experence that might help in your recovery and these are the beautiful people I hope I might be a tiny bit of service to. I will surely profit from this and I will read the shares from the before mentioned 2 or 3 because a laugh a day keeps the Dr. away. I don't have to mention any names, You know who I am refering to and I welcome your comments. rcmorris@digital.com. I' still trying to figure out why someone that is trying to stay away from the booze would drag a name of booze around with him. Oh well, I don't run this show and dI certianlly can't keep anyone sober. It got my attention and maybe that is the purpose. My home Dist. is having a picnic today , an anual thing, and my home group is hosting it, so I will be full of felowship and gratitude before this day is over. dI will share some of it with you later. Now a little about mydelf. I was in and out of AA for 17 years before I found what I hope was my last drink so you see I am full of "what not to do" if anyone is interested. All I can say, now that I have been sober awhile, that I just wasn't ready to make that decission and back it up. I had to hurt a lot more before before I was ready to do that. Finally on 24 Feb 92 a Judge helped me to make that decission. You see, I worked in a prison for awhile after I retired from the Marines and the thought of going to jail just terrifies me and for that I am grateful. I no longer work at a prison except sponsoring a group in one. I now have a worm farm and I surely enjoy raising those little fellows. I can't say I have good sobriety because I have nothing to judge it on. I can say that I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. My 5th marriage was saved, I didn't loose my property and all the other things that go along with being an alcoholic. My obsession to drink was removed when my sponsor made me do the 4ath &5th step. Or maybe it was around the 7th step. I don't really know but one day I realized I hadn't thought of a drink for some time. You can believe i found a quiet place and got on my knees and thanked the one that did it all. If I rember right, that nite I asked for gratidude to be the topic and I was able to express it openly to my friends in this beautiful fellowship;;;; Better go and take my insulin shot and eat breakfast because I have to help get things ready for our picnic,;;;Bye Sanders, Love you all, Chaarlie M. from chiply, Fl


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 07:00:55

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) so happy to be with you tonight/this AM sober, clean and with the events of this evening still ringing in my head, literally ---- Cliff just brought me home from a Shania Twain concert --- Lehey was the opening act, (like Rain dance) sobriety doesn't suck LOL (laugh out loud) so yes it is actually still ringing in my ears, the voice is gone. The fun I have today is so real, was sitting with a bunch of other sober folks, we all had fun, thank you dear friends for my sobriety today, thank you for the experience strength and hope that you have always so freely shared with me to help me find this beautiful life I live today. First of all Thank you God for ((little Zacks)) healing, ((Tim)) I know that was scary, so happy for you and your family. ((BJ)) so happy to see you here ((Richard)) who are the birthday girls, what did I miss? by the way, hi my friend, ya know when you mentioned birthdays, i didnt get to share about my birthday last month and it definately was a special one, a sea of faces with love in them, I've only been up here for 3 yrs and I've found an AA family here also My very special friend Cliff presented me with an 18yr coin with Bill W and Dr Bob on it, My daughter who I've shared in the past that I had to put in juvie hall when she was 14 twice and absolutely hated me and never hesitated to tell me so (when I was 1 1/2 yr sober) was there and presented me with a new big book, one of the ones from the San Diego (where I got sober) anniversary convention with the original manuscript, what a healing! she went to alateen and alanon cause of course she got involved with alcoholic men, so BJ, dont give up, our healing didnt come until this yr, I just kept putting her and my 2 sons in my God Box, this healing was so unexpected, I had given up but just kept throwing love at her, while taking a ration for all these yrs, I just kept remembering the St Francis prayer 11th step ((Charlie)) welcome, hope you stay with us, alot of wonderful caring loving family here. ((Lib and J-man)) love and hugs as you heal - love and hugs to all my caring loving sisters and brothers here that I havent mentioned yet, also to those that are away from home defending my freedom to be here, extra love and thanks - I'll write later -- love to all, bon - Dear God please bless all who venture here bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 07:17:22

Comments

hapy birthday charlotte!!!

i looked in the archives trying to find who else--happy birthday to anyone else.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 10:47:23

Comments

Good morning to all Y'all I am very definately arear alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I am off to the area picnic for the day and hope all of you have a great SOBER Sunday. Get plenty of rest you guys because you will need it for the stomping that the Jazz are going to give the Bulls. So get out your hard hats and be ready for the game tonight. Like I said, we gonna get ya tonight, just you wait and see. Check with you after the picnic. Love to all Y'all Sanders


Member: Delores
Location: Las Vegas, Nv
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 11:09:15

Comments

Good Morning all, Delores-alcoholic here,,,Welcome Charlie (& any additional new commers) - Happy Birthday Ladies...Only the best to you all. Finally got some much needed work done on this blasted computer...had to install the scanner, we downloaded some stuff from the Net, got a SCSI card instead of paralell port-much easier, for me the novice, to load & install and it is not routed through the printer, (there, does'nt that sound like I know komputer lingo and all). I am getting a basic understanding of the thing and believe it or not I really enjoy learning it. Seems I learn all of it "the hard way"...wonder why.

I did'nt get to get on much last week but I did read the posts and am grateful to have this worthwhile place to come to. Gotta get busy, f2f in a little while-then the weeds await. Love, Delores


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 12:30:03

Comments

Michelle here, alcoholic, Sanders have fun at your picnic, sounds fun. I guess I have to watch another b-ball game at work tonight, they are kind of addicting, or maybe it's just me the addict at work again. Charlie welcome here and thanks for your share, look forward to hearing more about you in posts to come. Delores if you want to test your scanner, send me a pic to michmail@rkymtnhi.com - I have a scanner too and would exchange pictures of family etc for fun. (that goes for anyone out there) Well, I looked through the archives for the end of last weeks coffee pot, and although I didn't find it, I did find some very useful information about anger etc that was exactly what I needed. Funny how when I get out of my own way, things happen as they should. Let go, let God should be stamped on my forehead, or written on the inside of my contact lenses. I'm off my justifiable anger stint that luckily only lasted a day, and as usual I was able to see the foolishness of it all the next day, and thank God that I don't have to drink over things like that anymore. The longer I stay sober, the more I realize that I somehow LOOKED for things to drink over in the past. Linda, I hope your "head storm" passed over too, without incident, and you are enjoying your vacation. I have 2 more days until mine starts--yahoo!


Member: fayla  g
Location: galena  ks
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 13:18:44

Comments

FAYLA ,ALCOHOLIC ,lINDA p i am praying for you and am sending love and hugs to you sweet lady ,and with tears in my eyes ,i feel your pain ,youve been my freind ,youve been here for me ,always helping to guide someone in the right direction ,so careing and helpfull to all .dont carry this pain alone ,I love you Linda ,but god loves you more, hugs and love to all/Fayla g


Member: Patricia  Z.
Location: Ca--still in the USA
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 14:11:48

Comments

You made it, kid!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Linda P.

Congratulations, as while to you Charlotte !!!

Oh,by the way, I'm Pat Z., a very grateful alcoholic.


Member: Jane E.
Location: The ILLINI State
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 14:17:53

Comments

Hi Everyone!! I'm Jane and an alcoholic. I have a question that I hope can be answered. My Alano Club is in much trouble and not to go into much detail there is going to be mutiny of the board members and hopefully not closing of the doors. Someone suggested me to contact AA World Service(or was it Center.)-I am not into that part of service work. I have looked two days on the Web and only able to find the address of AA at Grand Central Station. If some one could help me I would really appreciate it. Leave the information here at the Coffee Pot and a big HUG and THANKS ahead of time.

Thanks,

Jane


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 15:10:02

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.

Tim G. - I'ts so great to hear Zach has made a full recovery. Prayers have been answered.

Charlie M. - the discussion and 12&12 follow the topic for the week. And as you have seen, on the coffeepot...anything goes. Thanx to the techs and all those who share here, it is a great place to be. Welcome and I am looking forward to you sharing your ESH with us.

Jane - at www.alcoholics-anonymous.org, it says at the bottom of the page - this site is created and maintained by Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Office Inc. ("the General Service Office" of U.S./Canada). - I would guess that is what you are looking for. Hope that helps.

Linda P and Charlotte - happy birthday

Linda, I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

Just want to say hi to everyone else and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I've been wanting to do some painting outside for the last 3 days but it was storming. Today "the weatherman" also forecasted storms. So I decided to hold off on the painting and started other jobs. The weather is beautiful today. go figure. So I have changed my plans (again) and I'm on my way outside, to paint!

Luv Suzanne H.


Member: DONALD M
Location: PASADENA CALIF
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 15:23:29

Comments

HI DONALD, ALCOHOLIC, HAPPY BITHDAY TO LINDA P. AND CHAROLETTE (14 & 2 ?) MAY GOD BLESS YOU BOTH. I WENT TO A MEETING THIS MORNING AND FRAN SHARED THAT HERE DAUGHTER SUSIE DIED ....SHE WAS 24 HOURS SOBER AGAIN. I TRYLLY WMPATHIZEED(SP) WITH HER. SHE HAS 20+ YEARS SOBER AND WHEN I READ BJ:S POSST ABOUT HIS CHILDREN I THOUGHT GOD HAS BLESSED US ALKIES WITH THE ABILITY TO STAY SOBER NO MATTER WHAT!!!! THE TOPEC AT THE MEETING WAS FORGIVENESS. TO ME I BELIEVE RESENTMENT IS LACK OF FORGIVENESS. I WILL REPEAT THE ONE I HEARD YESTERDAY MORNING. RESENTMENT IS LIKE POISON YOU TAKE....EXPECTING THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE....... LOVE...DONALD


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 15:53:57

Comments

Good Morning, my name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. I want to wish all of the birthday people a very happy birthday. Isn't it nice that we can celebrate a birthday of our own choosing.We can't do a lot about our belly button birthdays BUT ! ! we can celebrate the fact that we will probably live longer now because chances are we won't die of an alcohol related death. Good for us. All of us. I am going to take a chance here and mention something that has been bothering me for a long time. These spats that have been taking place here at the coffee pot. I think they are unfortunate and probably not very good for any of us. There seem to be some 'triggers' that send someone off the deep end and I,for one, would like to say 'enough' please. I have been tempted to respond to some things that have been said and I have resisted that temptation. I am here for experience, strength and HOPE. Not angry debate. Like someone said to me once, " I put fires out all day, I don't need to do that in a place I was going to enjoy myself". I just read the discussion page and I read the whole thing last night before they committed last weeks to the archives and I have noticed there seems to be a lot of people there who do not come into the coffee pot. I am hoping that they are reading and gleaning what good they can from the coffee pot, and not just staying away from here entirely. I DO NOT want to fight with anyone. I DO NOT want to participate in anger and sarcasm. I have never found any good that comes from sarcasm. I saw names of people who used to come here on a regular basis and I don't see them here any more. I hope that they don't see the same names all the time and feel that this is some kind of click they cannot be part of. It was mentioned last week by at least two gentlemen that they feel like they are on the outside looking in and I, for one, do not want to EVER make anyone feel like that. I remember what this forum was when I first found it a number of months ago and I miss that. I found 'LOVE', and 'COMPASSION' here. I am keeping this entire addition in the first person because I am speaking for myself and myself alone. I am not accusing anyone of anything and I hope that this is read in the spiritual spirit that it is intended. I just hope that we can all remember why we are here. I am here to get help and to give it whenever I can. I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. May the Great Spirit be with us all, Love and BEST WISHES, Doris


Member: Andy T.
Location: Newportbeach,Calif.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 17:07:20

Comments

Good afternoon my friend's Andy alcoholic here...Happy "B" day'Linda and charolette,It's truly a miracle what we alkies can accomplish!! Sander's did you have fun last night??? I'm glad your back was feeling better. You guy's are not going to believe what happened to me this morning, It's truly a never ending saga about my vacation out here on the ranch. well when I was walking out in the pasture to where the cattle were,when I found a hole in the ground I knew nothing about...Needless to say I broke my leg in two spot's...Now picture it****** It's 6:00am. I'm by my self in this pasture screaming bloody murder and guess who come's stroll"n up???? you got it!! none other than Mr.Bull...He had that look in his eye's that said--[hey city boy remember me?] Right then and there I did a 10th step,I promptly admitted I was wrong when I tried to deworm him..For you new folk's who don't know what I'm refering to 'look in the arcives on 6-2 and you'll understand..Any way while I was laying there saying my prayer's'because I knew that Bull was'nt going to accept my amends,one of my friend's came outside to see what all the noise was about and by the grace of God found me . Well I was taken to the local hospital and modern medicine took over..As you well know Sunday is the only day I get to a f2f meeting,and its in the morning,so as usual this alkie was telling the Dr. to hurry up because I have a meeting to attend. He ask me what type of meeting was so important and I replied" ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS" so would you please hurry.He then ask me,"well what happen's to you when you drink",,,,well I did'nt have to think to long on that one.My reply was--"Well Doc. I have a bad habit of THROW'N UP ON PEOPLES SHOES"...and going to jail,and loosing my STUFF,,, suffering from blackout's and just down an out being a ---hole!!!! So I go to A.A so I don't forget where I come from DOC......Needless to say I got to my meeting on time and it was on Graditude,and I am grateful today because I did" nt have to drink over breaking my leg. Before coming to A.A. I would've drank to take away the pain,and drank,and drank,and drank until I passed out. But due to the program and fellowship of A.A. I've made it so far today without a drink..... So my friend's I'll leave you with these two lovely choice word's that my friend Sander's can't quite say "GO BULL'S"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S.If you want to get right,root for the Bull's tonight!![he he] KEEP IT SIMPLE FOLK'S. love Andy T.


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 17:10:18

Comments

Hey Richard here alcoholic, Linda I hope all is looking up for ya. You're probably feeling a lot better, after all you're in an awfully lot of people's prayers.

Although most never heard what I was saying, they found meanings of their own. Vilifying me and anyone who seemed worried about the REAL issue that I brought to the table last week. But, do not worry I'm through trying to discuss it.

Deloris, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry!!! And, that goes out to all whom I verbally retaliated against during last weeks, what ever you want to call it.

NOW, I did my best to leave everyone else's part out of this. And, that is increasingly hard for me to do, for me and the other "nameless" gentlemen weren't the only "bad" posters last week though maybes not the most P.C. But, I won't mention any names either.

LOOK I'M SORRY!! OR I'm sorry…......…I'm trying to be neither too humble and self-loathing, or to self-righteous and cocky, just modest.

Everything cool now, or what! If I can do anything else, let me know, please! I'd better get out of here and start training or I'll start forgetting about the last part of Donald's post. Thank you sir for that reminder about resentments…..... can't afford to keep any of those for very long.

Read ya!!!!!

P.S. See ya'all found that other birthday girl. Congratulations to both of you and may the next one be better than the last even if you thought the last was great.


Member: Pete B.
Location: sw MI (Go Blue !!)
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 17:27:59

Comments

I'm Pete, and alcoholic: Well said Doris !!! I'm relatively new at this site and wasn't aware that there was flack in the air. I guess some folks feel they can say things being we can't see or hear each other. ......Last Sunday I got a chance to see our new Bishop in action. He was confirming 20 kids and in his homily, he talked about reverence and respect ....a topic you don't hear that much any more. He got my attention !!! .... to become more aware of these actions ......and that's what should be exercised here ....respect for one another (principles before personalities) ....... live and let live !!!! .......... Happy Birthday to all who are celebrating !!!!! ............thanks, Pete


Member: Lynne D.
Location: Kansas City
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 17:36:05

Comments

I'm Lynne, a recovering alcoholic. Thanks to all who responded to my last week's post concerning not going to meetings. I will take your words to heart and plan to start attending my Sunday morning meeting again as soon as I get well. (Acute respiratory infection, not acute alcohol withdrawal like the old days, thank goodness!) Doris, thank you for your comment above. No matter what our individual viewpoints are I believe it's important to remember the REAL reason we are here, and that kindness and consideration are more supportive qualities than sarcasm and negativity aimed at others. Have a good week, everybody.


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, MS
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 18:20:25

Comments

Good afternoon, all ! This is Charlotte and I am a very grateful recovering alcoholic. Happy birthday, Linda P ! And thanks for all the happy birthday wishes my coffee pot friends have sent to me! And thanks to God for keeping me sober, one day at a time! And for using the fellowshiip of AA to do it ! My main contributions have been to surrender (calf rope!) and follow a few simple suggestions, to the best of my ability. For those newer than me, those suggestions have included DON'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT, go to meetings, study the Big Book, use the phone list, get a sponsor and use her, find a higher power, pray (take a lesson from the camel here, folks). You probably get the idea. I am so grateful for all of you...those still trying to decide, those coming back, those with a few days, those with lots of days. The experience, strength, and hope on these pages is a "God thing". Until later!


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 18:38:14

Comments

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.

Doris, thank you so much for sharing your feelings, and you did it so well. I have to agree with you here, sweet lady! Again, thanks.

Luv Suzanne


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, Mississippi
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 19:04:17

Comments

Back again! Went to take my grandchildren to their other grandmother's for a few hours. While riding, I realized I'd left our two really important suggestions -- work the steps and "get out of yourself" by being of service. Sanders, hope you enjoyed the reunion and the picnic. Andy T, sorry about the broken leg! Bad things do happen to good people but thank God we don't have to drink about it today--and can keep a sense of humor, too! Sometimes. 8-) I don't know how I would have reacted to the oncoming bull ! I remember hearing a story that when a bull got after her while she was fishing, my grandmother, then blind as a result of diabetes, ran up the bank and got herself through a barbed wire fence without a scratch. Off to a f2f. Love you all.


Member: Alex A
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 20:01:39

Comments

Hi, I just stop drinking like 2 weeks ago, I found this site like a week ago. I haven't join any AA meetings but I like to read all your messages since I can relate to some of them, I'm glad that everybody here are doing so well. Can someone tell me if I can stay sober only having the will to do it or do I better join a AA meeting. I have stop drinking before like for 1 or 2 months but I always start drinking again, now I really want to stop my drinking and give myself another opportunity to have a better life. What I'm doing now is distracting myself on my work and dont be thinking on going out with my friends. If someone can help I will really appreciated, God bless you all.


Member: Alex A
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 20:02:31

Comments

Hi, I just stop drinking like 2 weeks ago, I found this site like a week ago. I haven't join any AA meetings but I like to read all your messages since I can relate to some of them, I'm glad that everybody here are doing so well. Can someone tell me if I can stay sober only having the will to do it or do I better join a AA meeting. I have stop drinking before like for 1 or 2 months but I always start drinking again, now I really want to stop my drinking and give myself another opportunity to have a better life. What I'm doing now is distracting myself on my work and dont be thinking on going out with my friends. If someone can help I will really appreciated, God bless you all.


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 20:13:59

Comments

Kerry B., an alcoholic. I have had a great day and hope everyone else has one too. Grateful to the program of AA and my HP for yet another day sober!! Yes!! Thanks for being here. Kerry


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 21:01:37

Comments

Hi to all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders.----- I am not going to say see I told you so about this game tonight-----This is for Alex and h your question. I have been in AA for 22+ years and I have never seen an alcoholic who could or did stay sober without the program. There may very well be some who can and do ansd you may be that person, I don't know. I will tell you this if you WANT this program and WANT it real bad and be willing to go to any length to get it, you can get and stay sober. It takes a damm good man or woman to make this program. Your call..... Sanders


Member: Jane E.
Location: ILLINI State
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 21:13:44

Comments

Hi Everyone, Jane here and I am an alcoholic.

Suzanne H.- thanks for the info. I don't think I tried that one. Anything will up.

Alex A.- Yes you do need to join a AA group in your area. As a newcomer it is VERY IMPORTANT to go to meetings, get a AA Big Book, get a sponsor who can help you through the steps. When I came in I went to 90 meetings in 90 days, and believe me it really did help. Look in your local phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous and it will give you a number or numbers to call. Find out when and where meetings are and go. Like I was told when first in the program "Just Do It". Best of luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:09:38

Comments

Hi, Linda an alcoholic. Well gang, I SURVIVED. Thanks for all the birthday greetings from so many of you. Especially that sponsor of mine Pat Z. All the encouragement and prayers did not go to waste. I may be suffering an emotional hangover, but thank God it did not result in a drunken one. Today I busied myself with church, taking my 80 yr old Mom grocery shopping, and washing her kitchen window after she had splattered something all over them and the vertical blinds. That was a job in itself--but keeping myself busy and being helpful to someone else kept me out of my own stuff.

BJ, letting go and letting God is what I need to do with my son; Richard, everythings all right I am still your friend, never thought I was your enemy; Charlie, my dad raised worms. Do you have to keep a light on them at night to prevent them from going AWOL??; Michelle, thanks for your concern, yes the storm is past, just suffering from exhaustion--anger has a way of doing that, LOL; Fayla, thanks for your support, your a very sweet spirit; Jane, Alano Clubs are private and do not fall under the jurisdiction of AA. The clubs have dues, AA does not. The board can be choosy to whom can become a member of their club, in AA anyone is a member if they say they are. General Service Office will not get involved in the difficulties of a private club, even though it is run by recoverying alcoholics, and some of their board members may be in recovery. Alano clubs are wonderful in the fact that they provide a place safe for the AA members to go to where liquor is not served, and where meetings may be held for the purpose of recovery. Unless you are a board member of the club, I doubt there is much you can do. If you have some ideas of how to improve the situation bring it to the attention of a board member so that they can present it to their board meeting as an option to whatever management problems they are having. Hope that was helpful info for you; Suzanne, thanks for your prayers. How's the painting coming along? Is on canvass, or stucco?; Donald, thanks for your BD greeting, looking forward to getting to know you better since your relatively new at this site; Doris & Pete, your messages were direct, sincere, and hopefully taken seriously by everyone. It is good to know that we all pull together to improve what we have, this site.; Andy T, my goodness what have you done! broken a leg? You know what that means my man, extended time for your vacation. Don't think you will be racing across those pastures any time soon. Take care my friend. I pray for a quick healing.; HAPPY BIRTHDAY to charlotte, how many years?; Alex, welcome to our happy family on site. To your question, yes AA is essential, meetings are absolutely necessary, along with a sponsor to help in the steps and guide you along in your recovery. Text books on how to stay sober are available at most meeting sites. Good luck to you. Visit us as often as possible; Sanders, thanks so much for your support. How did your reunion go?

Again, Pat Z thanks for yesterday gal, your one of a thousand. A true down to earth person with a heart of gold. For others that did not read any of yesterdays posts, this lady walked with me through a very difficult time, but we went through the day both sober.

Love to all, Linda P


Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:29:20

Comments

I'm sorry for leaving you out--happy birthday linda p--keep on trucking down the road.

andy--too bad about the leg, hope it doesn't hurt too much.

and everyone--say thank you prayers, i have sent out many e-mails, but will post my personal gratitude here--THE KIDS ARE HOME!!!!

thank you God that you didn't let my anger and frustration of this morning stop You from bringing them home safe and in one peice.

thamk you thank you to kerry b and charlotte who have listened to most of my ranting.

am off to tuck ALL my babies into bed.

sorry also to all the people who were rooting against the bulls.


Member: Sanders W
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:31:12

Comments

Just you wait till next year. We gonna get you then. Sanders


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:52:54

Comments

Linda P - It was good to read your post, thanks for sharing with us how this program works. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

The painting (mailbox, wood patio furniture) did not get done again today (day 4) By the time I got everything set up, the threatening clouds moved in so I put everything away again. It did not rain..LOL I'll try again tomorrow.(day 5)

Amy, hope your doing OK??

Luv Suzanne


Member: AndyT.
Location: Newportbeach.Calif
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 23:25:36

Comments

good evening my friend's,Andy T. alcoholic here! First off Micky and the boy's did it in Utah!!!!enough on that subject. Anyway, Alex do you think your an alcoholic? it is stated in the B.B. of A.A."I had to fully concied to MY intermost self that I'm an alcoholic,this is the first step in recovery." Alex,if you think you have a problem with alcohol,I would suggest you go to a meeting,raise your hand and let the other members know who you are and what your going through. Each and everyone of us has been where you are now,your not alone my friend .This is a we program,you don't have to do this alone.Please feel free to e- mail me any time of the day just to talk I'll be here. Hell I broke my leg today,I not going to far from my puter. my e-mail is beachbum42@hotmail.com come join our family my friend you'll never have so good.....[BITSY] how was your weekend??? Hi Doris,I missed you!!! how's stepper??? [[CARYN]] I'm soooo glad the kid's are O.K. tell me there is no God in our live's. "David B". where are you??? Linda P. O no vacation's over,I guess mine just got extented. hey I gotta go time to try to bath with a cast on this ought to be an experiance. I'll check in later. Andy T.


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 23:30:15

Comments

FAYLA ,ALCOHOLIC ,HELLO ,HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! HOPE everyone is ok , iam enjoying my 2 days off ,I think i will get my hair done tommrow ,it sure needs it. then back to work tue.I AM GOING to call about starting my GED CLASSES ,MAYBE i will learn how to spell,ha ha . this new job sets me free to get alot of things done i want to do ,AND all i had to do was ,let go and let God ! love you all . FAYLA G


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 23:30:32

Comments

FAYLA ,ALCOHOLIC ,HELLO ,HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! HOPE everyone is ok , iam enjoying my 2 days off ,I think i will get my hair done tommrow ,it sure needs it. then back to work tue.I AM GOING to call about starting my GED CLASSES ,MAYBE i will learn how to spell,ha ha . this new job sets me free to get alot of things done i want to do ,AND all i had to do was ,let go and let God ! love you all . FAYLA G


Member: RUBY O>
Location: TALLADEGA,AL.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 00:07:18

Comments

Hello, I'm Ruby, an alcoholic; It certainly is nice to be in the discussion tonight. I also am glad Zack is doing so great. BJ I have a son who is alcoholic also. He certainly goes thru a lot of changes and can take me if I allow it. Today I don't,it may be different tomorrow. We learn to love in AA,and this makes it so much better to care and go thru the pain ,we have no choice ,you know the misery is optional. I have been sober 12+ years and even today I can get pretty bizarre if the spiritual maintenance isn't there. I used to believe I would figure out what caused my dis-ease but now I know there is no one out there to blame for my life. When I got sober I took responsibility for my actions and thoughts,no free rent to anyone if I am in the right place. For now I am truly a grateful recovering alcoholic AND MOTHER! GOD BLESS, AND THANKS FOR BEING THERE rowings@coosavalley.net


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 00:38:53

Comments

I'm David, a recovered Alcoholic.

Andy T. I've been working buddy. My phone quit ringing just in time for the game and of course after watching mike do his thing I was incapable of doing anything except exercise my vocal cords. I have a bad habit of screaming way loud when my team wins. I also pout when my team loses. I figure that makes me a complete basketball fan. By the way, I must admit my prediction was a touch off. I had predicted mike was going to score 52 and he was only able to muster 45, or was it 47. Ra RA RA. Catcha later all. Check your email Andy.

Love in the fellowship. DB


Member: DONALD M
Location: PASADENA CALIF
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 00:59:51

Comments

DONALD,ALCOHOLIC, THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE. I WONDER IF OTHERS THINK I WRITE IN CAPITALS BECAUSE I AM SELF-RIGHTEOUS OR WHAT? WELL THE TRUTH IS I AM VISUALLY HANDICAPPED. SO IT EASIER TO WRITE BIG. THAT PLAYS INTO WHAT DORIS SAID EARLIER ABOUT ALL THE NEGATIVE POSTS OR CONTTROVERSIAL COMMENTS MADE EARLIER,SOME COMPLICATED IN THEIR CONTENT, AND SOME JUST DOWN-RIGHT SATRICAL BUT APPARENTLY MISUNDERSTOOD BY SOME. MY COMMENT IS WE DON"T SEEM TO BE UP , POSITIVE, AT THE SAME TIME. I GUESS LIFE WOULD THEN BE TRULLY BORING AND DULL. SOBERITY FOR ME IS NOT DULL. HAVING SAID THAT...THNAK YOU DORIS FOR THE GOOD REMINDER. ANDY T....THEY SHOOT HORSES DON"T THEY? GOOD LUCK IN YOUR PHYSICAL RECOVERY. ALEX A.....MY EXPERIENCE IS BASED ON GOING TO MEETINGS. I WENT TO MEETINGS EVEN THOUGH I WAS STILL DRINKING. ALCOHOLIC ANOYMOUS IS THE MOST SUCESSFUL METHOD OF STAYING SOBER. I PERSONALLY KNOW AT LEAST 10 PERSONS WHO DON"T DRINK ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THEIR PROBLEMS WITH ALCOHOL.. 9 OF 10 SEEM TO BE AS MISERABLE AS WHEN THEY WERE DRINKING. I AM GRATEFUL THAT NO MATTER WHAT I DON"T FIND IT NECESSARY TO PICK UP THAT FIRST DRINK , WHICH I DID NOT KNOW WAS POSSIBLE TO DO UNTIL I TRIED TO QUIT AND FOUND I COULD NOT.WHEW... GOOD NIGHT ALL. .LOVE..DONALD


Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 02:45:53

Comments

hello everyone, mike w, grateful recovering alcoholic here. Still here in saudi, bad news, we may be extended over here a few days, boo. but guess will make it home soon. I'm anxious to see my wife and 3 year old. I've been gone since late Jan, seems like forever. Thanks to you all, i continue to get ESH on a regular basis, as there are no face to face meetings here at present. to Alex, not much on advice, but i can tell you what has worked for me. I'm an alcoholic, the program of AA has enabled me to not drink one day at a time, and improve my life in every aspect. We alcoholics have alot in common, thus we learn and help each other along the road of recovery. please try it, it works, you can make up your own mind. go to a meeting, and get a copy of the big book (called alcoholics anonymous), it changed my life...but whatever you decide, my prayers are with you, good luck and may peace be with you. Andy...sorry to hear about your leg, hope your a fast healer, i'm sure there's alot of chores around there that need your attention (just joking). take care. Josh...haven't heard from you lately, E-mail me when you get time. Way to go bulls!!!sorry sanders.

better go,sorry to have rambled on. I'm so very happy to be sober, sometimes i have to hear myself say that. one day at a time. welcome to all the newcomers, whatever happens don't drink and make it to a meeting, it works. Happy b'day to all celebrating this month, and may all have a sane and sober day.

ODAAT mike w


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 03:08:19

Comments

Hey everybody, my name is Amy and I am an alcoholic, I want to say welcome to any newcomers to this site and thank you to all the great friends I have made here, your friendship in the fellowship means more to me than you can know! A special thanks to those who have sent me e mail in the last few days and I will write back today...over the weekend my man is around and unless he goes to work out I don't come on line because he takes offense and says "can't you read that later?" Since my recent illness tho he really appreciates what you AALL mean to me and why. Thanks to your ES&H I have not even felt the need to drink through the who process. Like someone above said I think in the old days I used to look for an excuse to drink every day, even if it was to stave off a hangover. I remember learning about the hair of the dog that bit me when I was about 20 and I am so glad I don't need that stupid logic any more. Glen last week you asked what prayer people close with all over and I forgot to respond. I wanted to say here in Switzerland I live in the german speaking part and we close with "UNSER VATER" (our father). Altho I have learned it in german I still say it usually in english because that is what I speak from the heart. I usually get strange looks form those who wonder (does she not know the words or what?) LOL. Charlie my man has type 1 diabetes also so I sure know what you go through with the insulin shots. Thank God you don't have to drink over it and I look forward to getting to know you. Delores it was so good to see you with us and maybe you need to fly over here and give me some lessons with computer stuff, a friend sent me the ICQ stuff and reading it...well its all greek to me.! Michelle I will send you a photo , we found here we can have our pictures developed on a diskette for 10 bucks additional and I like to send pictures that way now that I know how , we don't have a scanner.. Andy buddy you must have wanted those extra vacation days somethin feirce! You and Lynne D. both get well real soon. The story about taking a shower Andy brings back painful memories of my time in the hospital. I had an IV connected to my arm the whole time I was in the hospital. The doctors gave me a kind of water that stays in the cells longer and they moved that blasted IV 3 times. I only took 2 showers the whole week because the process was not fun. The nurses taped a plastic sack over it but that never really works...I would have a soppy wet bandage for hours afterwards!

Well there is somethin I want to share with the group. Can you believe they have legalized the sale of pot in this country for "aromatic" purposes (whatever that means) and can you believe they have opened up a store on my street, which is a residential area but near the train station. This bugs the ____ out of me because of course it is a touchy area. I used to think after I quit drinking that other mind altering drugs were ok as long as I didn't pick up the bottle. I know that these things might be ok for some people but for me it can be deadly so I really appreciate the groups prayers for me to STAY AWAY from this stuff. I do not feel the need to use but it sure is weird seeing the kids come and go from this shop from my balcony. My devotion this morning said "A gem cannot be polished without friction nor the child of god perfected without adversity". One day at a time.

Also, my friend Eli from Paris called last night (some of you may remember she visited me a month back and stayed here in my computer room so I couldn't chat for a week). She is getting married Aug. 22 and has asked me to be a matron of honor! I am very excited about this because firstly I am so happy for her happiness, secondly I have not been in a wedding in so long and never in my sobriety. It is a catholic wedding on the french riverea so WOW I have never been a part of something like this! My main concern is that I don't fllip out from the NERVES and wind up break dancin in a seizure and ruin her wedding. Prayers are appreciated on this one as well.

Well that is all I can think of to share and any comments or thoughts are welcome. I hope EVERYONE in my AA family here on line is having a super week and God bless you all for your love and support...Amy GC PS ZIZI in raleigh NC we are coming home in October and I plan to make it to your home town for the state fair (can't wait!)


Member: Delores C.
Location: Las Vegas, Nv.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 03:32:54

Comments

Greetings, Delores-alcoholic here. Soooooooooooooo sorry Sanders. You'll get em next year. --- Michelle, I can't send you a picture yet (I don't know how) but I will as soon as I learn, I kept the adrs., Richard--THANK YOU for remembering me- I appreciate it more than you know. Linda, my prayers are with you, Alex, welcome, 90 meetings in 90 days-buy a Big Book-(read it)-I was told you have 2 ears and 1 mouth-thus-we have to listen twice as much as we speak---I thought that was good advise-my prayers and best wishes are with you. My dear sweet Doris, you seem to have said so graciously what I was unable to convay. I guess when the Great Spirit was passing out good taste he gave you the large half---I love you---you go girl. Donald M.---I can send you the info for ZOOMTEX if you like...just mention it and I will send it along.

Worked on this machine all day and I am pooped...My best to you all---stay well. Love, Delores


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 03:45:28

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Ready to crawl off to slumberland in a minute, but just wanted to check in first. Caryn, it was wonderful to hear about the kids being home; Fayla, so glad that your furthering your education by taking that GED class. I figure it is never to late to get an education; Ruby, thanks for sharing we learn to love in AA, that was true for me; Donald, your right, it would be very boring if everything was the same. We sure are a fine mixture of personalties on this site. Makes for interesting friendships; Amy CG, pot legalized, wow, that is incredible. That stuff never turned me on though, I suffered terrible paranoia the few times I tried it, and immediately sought booze to replace it; Andy, sleep well, tomorrow is another day, but please, don't take a stroll in the pasture, we would not want another FYI about any other broken limbs, and certainly don't want that bull to get a second chance at ya, lol. Seriously though, how are you coping?

Much love to all, Linda P


Member: BJ             
Location: Miami, FL.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 06:37:16

Comments

Hi, I am a female alcoholic named BJ. Never thought til I read the posts that it could certainly be boy/girl; well, I'm from Ga. where a lot of us get initials, like JT and JR and BJ and DJ, well, you get the idea. I loves this site, I get so much out of it. Donald, thanx for sharing about Fran; I'll be praying for her; I sure hate to hear abt. someone with that much sobriety picking up again since we're all aware that this disease is progressive and keeps on developing even when we stop. As to Fran's tragic loss, I know several aa moms who've lost daughters. One was sober a few months when she was killed by a DRUNK DRIVER; her mom had been sober about l8 years and was really in demand as a speaker and bravely started speaking again within months (don't know how she did it but never truly recovered and died about one year later thru cancer); another one had a daughter sober in AA a few months also and we all thought she was doing great; she made a trip to NY and jumped off one the tallest buildings; Her mom somehow stayed sober and still is. I could go on and on but just wanted to quickly share because I've had some experience with this and alos, in sharing this you have made me so aware that I just have to be truly grateful that to date this disease hasnt take the life of either of my children (or even put them in jail which has been a great possibility=my son was smugglng drugs out of Turkey and a friend discovered them and took them before my son boarded the plane; my daughter's been arrested a couple of times and got off with no time served; of course I helped her with that; I'm such a control freak but I'm working on that in CODA. Another time while in LA, she gave a drug dealer a phoney l00=dollar bill and loved to tell about that). So,all I can say is "but for the grace of God go I".

Bonnie, thanks for the good wishes and sharing your ESH. It helped a lot and yes I am keeping the faith. Hope I didn't miss anyone; thanks to all and God bless those who travel here - what a journey.


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 07:06:28

Comments

Good Morning everyone,

I cannot believe I actually watched the basketball game last night. I was so curious after reading about this from all of the fans here.... My husband looked at me like I had grown another head when he saw me watching it! Then he looked at me like I had a third head when I asked him, "what's a stop clock?". I have to admit, it was an exciting game even though I didn't understand it all, and my sympathies to all you JAZZ fans.

Amy, I'm glad you seem to be doing so much better.....

Thank the Lord for baby Zach's recovery and for Tim's success in handling this soberly.

Mike in Saudi Arabia: Our prayers are with you for a safe return and a soon return.

Fayla: good for you and best wishes on your GED.

Have a sober day everyone.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 07:32:21

Comments

Jodene -- I met a man at our Sunday step meeting that just moved here from OKC. His group was the Roundtable group. Naturally I told him I knew somebody in AA in OKC, and then he asked me to describe her. All I could think was "she doesn't like Texans" but he said that fit a lot of people in the group.

Oh well.


Member: Mike
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 08:25:42

Comments

I'm Mike, an alcoholic. Andy, I pray your leg will heal quickly, Doris, thank you for your post from yesterday.

Alex, I quit drinking several times only to pick up the bottle again after several weeks or months. One of the components of alcoholism is that of denial. I would quit drinking, life would get better, my mind would start thinking that it wasn't the alcohol that was the problem, it was all the "stuff" that had been taken care of. So in spite of all the reasons I had decided to quit drinking, I would start again. This cycle continued until God moved me into AA meetings. Since then, I haven't found it necessary to drink. As stated by Sanders, you may be able to not drink without the program. I personally am grateful that I did not stay sober without the program, because not only has the program kept me sober, it has given me the ability to have a fulfilling life in spite of the external circumtances I may find myself experiencing.

I am thankful for this site, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. this morning with several situations in my personal life and work life on my mind. I was unable to go back to sleep so I got up, watched tv and continued to worry. By coming to this meeting, I was able to get out of self and focus on others.

I wish each of you a sober and joyous day.


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 08:54:50

Comments

As to staying sober without meetings, read the "Lone Endeavor", which was the final story of the first edition of the BB:

http://www.recovery.org/aa/misc/endeavor.html

Then read the history, and why it was pulled:

http://www.recovery.org/aa/misc/endhist.html

Enjoy!


Member: mark l
Location: s.i.n.y.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 10:19:48

Comments

Hi, Mark Lerner Alcoholic! Just wanted to wish everybody a Good Morning and I wanted to tell ya Steve, it was real cool hooking up with you at the Moody Blues, it was just a Great Concert. But you know one of the best things was meeting you even though it was for only a moment and that I am very grateful for.

Thanks for Being There


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 10:37:49

Comments

Good Morning, my name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. First of all thank you GLenn for your addresses. I DID enjoy the posts you referred us to. And another thing Glenn, I want to thank you for your previous referances to other on line spots. Esopecially the address to the "Another Empty BOttle" site. I DO get a lot out of it. I met an interesting guy from Spain in the chat room. Fayla: I am sooooo proud of you for going after your GED. But, I just want to say one thing. You DO communicate with this alcoholic and your communication comes from your heart. I appreciate ALL of your additions here. You ARE a light in a room full of darkness. Thank you Fayla for being Fayla. Now for my problem: I am having trouble getting started with the fourth step. "HALT" is all I feel when I sit down and try to write it out. I must have quite an ego if I cannot DO this. I think my sponsor is getting a little annoyed with me. I don't even mention it to her or anyone else. And since I don't want to talk about it I thought talking about it here (to the shole world) would be a good place to start. I think what I need is courage and inspiration and I usually find plenty of that right here at the coffee pot. Any advice would be appreciated. Self examination: a pretty scary concept for this alcoholic. Thank you all, Love Doris


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 11:25:29

Comments

Michelle here alcoholic with 1 day left til' vacation starts... I will be worthless at work today...Doris, my sponsor made me promise that I would not do the 4th step and the 9th step at the same time, doing a moral inventory is just for you, and needs to be kept separate from making ammends. I'm not sure if that is holding you back or not, but it helped me. Amy, what a shock about the pot! I really think that they should legalize pot and outlaw alcohol. People just don't get as aggressive on Pot as they do booze, or I didn't anyway. I was so paranoid after getting high, I couldn't go to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes. I just wanted to watch Mary Hartmann, Mary Hartmann and eat cookies. Don't let your guard down, we addicts can gain momentum from anything that makes us feel better. Andy, sorry about your leg you have a good attitude about the whole thing. Linda, glad to see the storms over, you are an inspiration. Bonnie, thanks for the pic, I sent you one back. Fayla, you go girl! I got my GED 20 years ago, and am just now in community college. At this rate I will be 112 when I graduate. Alex, you have the only requirement necessary to join AA, a desire to stop drinking, so get yourself to a meeting and tell someone how you feel. Mike is Saudi, come home soon! Sorry Sanders, hope your reunion went better than the game for you...maybe next year when Michael and Scotty and Dennis retire, the Jazz will have a better chance (just kidding) El Nino seems to have made it to Colorado, it has been raining and snowing and hailing for a week now. Hope it gets it all out of its system before my vacation starts - Love to all


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 12:41:41

Comments

Hey friends, Amy an alcoholic. Thanks guys for the ESH, I walked to the grocery store and only feel pity for those addicted. I feel stronger by the grace of God and I thank you all for your support. Have a great monday and I will be pulling for USA tonight against Germany in soccer...Amy GC


Member: Bill Mc.
Location: Eastern WA state
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 13:01:02

Comments

Hello....My name is Bill and I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Doris for your wonderful post. I can argue and need to be right ion any tavern in the world. I come here, (by "here" I mean AA) to learn and be a part of a new way of doing things. Thanks for the reminder. I'd also like to say to Alex that if you're satisfied with "one or two months of sobriety" then keep doing it the way you did it before. If you want more, however, "if you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps." Trust me Alex, that's not original, but I know of nop way to state it more clearly. Thank you all for being here. I'm very glad you all are here, but I'm even more glad I'm here. Hugs around, Bill Mc.


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 13:38:02

Comments

Jim, an alcoholic.

There's something to the theory that blind luck and chaos rule human events. Was waiting in a movie lineup when who should come over saying "Golly it's been a long time." It was the teacher who sexually abused me 35 or so years ago. First time I've seen him since he was reassigned to another school at the end of grade 8.

A very strange enounter. Here I've been wallowing in guilt and shame for all this time, and it doesn't even register on him. All smiles and charm. It could have been any chance meeting between an old teacher and a former student.

What the hell was I supposed to do?

I have no idea. I just went all-of-a-sudden stupid. Shook hands, grunted, stared, said so long, then went to the washroom and puked. Two days later I still feel shaky.

I'm a grown man and this is ancient history. My wife says if I won't confront him she will. What the hell is he doing here now when I'm just starting to get my shit together?

I can't think about this--not that I don't want to, just that my brain won't do it. Anybody got any ideas?


Member: Tammy L.
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 13:49:49

Comments

Good Morning All! Tammy alcoholic here. I must have missed alot over the weekend, will have to look in archives. I am so happy that baby Zach is ok. Linda P. and Charlotte - a belated happy birthday. Andy - I am sorry that you broke your leg, but happy that the bull didn't get you. Thank you for sharing Doris, what you said reflected my feelings exactly. Alex - my prayers are with you. Amy - I get you e-mail and will write you back today. Everyone else - hello!!! I am feeling much better this week. I did alot of praying last week and talking to people and have made up with my sister. Also managed to let go of my anger! What a relief! The weekend was nice nothing really good or really bad happened, which is nice. I spent the day yesterday coloring my hair and doing my nails. My boyfriend asked me what was up and I told him that I rarely do things like that so when I get the urge I have to act on it. So I did! I hope everyone has a good, sober day today.


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, Mississippi
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 13:51:23

Comments

Good morning, all ! This is Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic...and addict. I know this is an AA site and hesitated to add the second part here (some folks are really ticky about that) but Amy's post about pot, and a couple of others, opened a door. Alcohol was the first mind-altering substance that I tried. Immediately, I liked the way it made me feel and/or let me not feel. Several years later, the opportunity arose for me to try another "feel good" substance. Over time, I tried several. Always mixed up feeling different with feeliing better. Finally, a combination of factors led me to admit I had problems and seek help for my addictions. I had had enough of hurting, enough of negative consequences, just enough of that life. Thank God, I found the help I needed through God and in AA. My healing began without going to a treatment center, still living in my home with dealers visible from my kitchen window. When I had to wash dishes, I prayed for the strength to stay focused on what I was about that day...staying sober. After a little longer than treatment might have lasted, I realized God had removed those people from view! They no longer lived or hung out there!!! (I wasn't testing my will power guys! I just couldn't afford to move!) He always does for me what I cannot do for myself!! I remember, too, being told that alcohol and drugs were only 15% of what was wrong in my life. I was the other 85%. With the alcohol and drugs removed, I'm able to work on improving me, one day at a time, with the guidance of God and the help of people in these rooms. Fayla, I applaud your decision to earn your GED. Your shares, however, are special because they come from your heart and are freely given. Mike in saudia arabia--may your arrival home be that much sweeter because of this delay. To all, you mean more to me each day! Thank you for letting me share..


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 13:53:53

Comments

Jim D, there really is a good idea, and it's the twelve steps. If you want to get out of guilt, shame, and anger, then you need to work the steps. All twelve.

It's not terribly complicated.


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 14:13:23

Comments

Jim D. I'm so sorry about your encounter with your teacher. He is (or at least was) a very sick man. As painful as it is, remember, above all, you don't have to drink over it. Maybe you could write about your feelings in a journal until you can sort them out and decide how you want to deal with it. The 12 steps of AA address our responsiblity in matters like these, because we eventually destroy ourselves with secrets like these, so you have taken a huge step just by admitting it happened and sharing it with others. We can only heal ourselves, and as hard is at may sound, you can only eventually forgive the ones who have "trespassed against you". But in the meantime, take care of yourself and know that you did nothing wrong and certainly have nothing to feel ashamed about, but it will undoubtedly bring up a lot of emotions that will be difficult to handle in the time to come. Seek support from your loved ones, and talk to your sponsor if you feel comfortable with it, and know everyone loves you here. There is also legal actions you could bring up on this person, but make yourself the number one priority for now and know that God will take this burden for you if you turn it over.


Member: Charlie M
Location: Chipley, Fl
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 14:21:28

Comments

Charlie here, alcoholic. Now that the games are over your back might get better. You won't have be helping the JAZZZZZ run up and the court. oops . Talking to Sanders.+ Thanks Doris H., and if anyone picked up on those snide remarks I made my last post, I'm sorry. Very sorry.I too picked up on the flak floating around and just had to open my big mouth. I've been guilty of that even in my home group & to the ones I have offended, I have to try and make it right. I have to if I want to stay sober but sometimes permanent damage has been done. You see, I don't have the priviledge to force my negative feelings on others and when I do I'm putting self in charge and pushing God out. I humbly ask all of you please let me know if I'm saying anything that might take away from anyones grouth or happiness. I'm like Sanders, when I do something like that I feel "scattered and splattered." I forgot who asked about my worm growing.No, I don't have to keep a light on at nite. I have almost 2 acres of worm bed and the only way I have to keep them home is to keep the ground right, pleanty of water and feed and sing them to sleep every nite... Just kidding. It is called Morris Worm Farm and we ship around a quarter million each year. It supplements my service retirement. Enough about me, I just needed to get that off my mind and maybe I can stay in the 11th step and out of the 10th. My whole program sufferes when I'm bothered about something. I love all of you and thanks for letting me share that with you. Charlie M Chipley Fl


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 16:07:55

Comments

Hi to all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I just got back from the chiropracter, for my back, and he maybe helped a little bit. I felt real good for about 5 minutes and then it has gotten progressivly worse since and is about to the level of climbing the walls stage right now. I have a call in to my regular Dr., after telling his nurse all that has transpired up till now, and am waiting for his instructions as to what I should do. He will probably tell me to find another Dr. since I did not consult with him first. He is a very good Dr and the only bad thing is that it is a 100 mile plus trip for me to go see him. This is so my insurance is OK., He is the nearest Dr. in the system for me.-------- Now that the game is over, I can say it was a very good series but I was hoping the Jazz would force it to 7 games, but it was not meant to be this year. I will repeat myself, I always pull for the under dog unless I have a personel interest in the team. I already had one post written in the early part of the series that I deleted because of what I had written. I stated that the only way for the Jazz to beat the Bulls would be if someone broke M. Jorden's legs. I thought about that and decided that just as sure as I sent that somethung would happen to him and then some of you would always wonder if I had anything to do with it or not. I don't ever wish anyone any bad happenings and I hope by now all of you know that the only reason I pulled for the Jazz was to make some interesting conversation. I read in this morning's post where we picked up a new fan as the results of the basketball "jabs" back and forth. We will get you next year, you just wait and see.-------- It is real good to see everyone back and to all you new or strugling people, If you don't take a drink YOU will get better in spite of yourself. Love to all Y'all, Sanders


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 16:17:24

Comments

Hi everyone, Im Kerry an alcoholic. Doris, for what it's worth (you asked) read Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 again, and do your inventory as the Big Book says (make graph). It really is not as complicated as it may seem. I wanted to do the "perfect" 4th step, and I let that ideal keep me from doing it for quite a while. When I finally took all the complications out if it (wanting to do it perfect) it wasn't so bad. I was even able to do it a little more objectively, rather than emotionally at first. The emotions came later, but they didn't kill me, like alcohol would have. Over the years there have been many more inventories, as this was kind of like "peeling an onion" and things that had been left out initially came to the surface. It all came when it was supposed to, in God's time, just like everything else in this sober life. It is really simple the way the Big Book tells how to do it. Anyway, I have to go, my son is sick, poor baby. Thank you all for being here, I love you all. Kerry


Member: DONALD M
Location: PASADENA, CALIF
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 17:18:02

Comments

Donald,Alcoholic, I hesitate to use my work computer to send this message butttt.... Jim D your share touched me. I have recieved a 5th step from someone who was molested as a child. This (5th step) is the process of the steps whereby we list our resentments who,why and what it affects in them(me). The best advice I can offer would be to first decide if it is it is life-threatening,is it worth drinking over, is it a big deal? you probably can decide the first two by pausing and looking at the situation, three requires help from others, GOD, another alcoholic, another alkie with similar experience, and the loving support of your wife who needs you also. Just my comments on a serious problem for you right now. MAY GOD BLESS YOU....LOVE...DONALD M action is necessary (confrontation)


Member: Ruby O
Location: Talladega , Al
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 17:22:49

Comments

Hello,Ruby,Alcoholic,I'm long winded so will keep short,Amy-THX info on POT(YUK),Jim D-we only make amends for ourselves,Charlie,A warm fuzzy thx to you,courage --- I like that. God Bless all


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Ore
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 18:06:04

Comments

Good Day everyone, my name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. I want to thank everyone for the words on my problem. I DO appreciate your feedback. Two things: Jim D, I,of course, became enraged when I read your post about running into your "teacher?" But I am far enough away that I cannot do what my mind told me I immediately wanted to do. You see Jim, my father wasn't the only one who molested me. My dentist did. He forced me to do a few things 'for him' while I was under the gas. I remember them all. I have always fantacized what I would do 'to' him if I ever ran into him. These fantasies were pretty gory, to say nothing of illegal. BUT ! that is all they were. Fantasies!! I have a good life now and I am not going to screw that up with 'revenge'. If he were near by I would probably do something legal now, if I were able, but I wouldn't run over him with my car. I would see to it that he would not be able to do anything to anyone else. BUT! I would do it RIGHT. I can well imagine what went through and is now going through your mind Jim. I care very deeply what you are feeling. Your question: What the hell is he doing here now that I am just getting my shit together? makes me think. I don't know except that HE IS on the perimeters of your life now and I am sure that you feel that you must DO something. The question is what? I suggest you try to find a meeting of sex abused people and tell them. I suggest you do nothing alone. I suggest you take your time and any action you take be one of thought and a group decision between you and your wife. LET HER HELP YOU. She has helped you this far, I suggest you listen to her. My prayers are with you Jim. Write me through Sanders. One more thing:Charlotte, I,for one, do not see any difference between a drunk and an addict. Drunk equals addict to me. Addicted to alcohol,~ ~ Addicted to drugs, what's the difference? I always feel bad when I hear an addict talk like he has to apologize for not being as 'good' as a drunk. "yeah right" In group at Serenity Lane the addicts acted like they weren't as good as we were. The old caste system strikes again. I got one for you- - - in the horse world there is a definate hierarchy. The Saddlebred people think they are on top, so do the Morgan people, the Arab people are up there too. We, with mustangs, invented a saying. "The appaloosa people were damn glad to see us come along. It gave them someone to look down on" Why do people need someone to look down on? I don't. Anyway, I hope that the 'addicts' don't feel like they don't have any place to go. I feel they are welcome here. God be with us all, Doris


Member: natalie v.
Location: santa monica, ca
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 19:17:20

Comments

Hey my name is natalie, i'm an alcoholic...wow...this is my first time home in 7 months, i live in santa monica california. i've been living in utah, at a rtc (residential treatment program) and i finally earned a home pass. I'm doing really well...i've got 6 months sober, and i'm working on my step 3. tomarrow i will be 17!! I never thought i'd live to see 16, i'm stoked!! it's crazy how for so long we can take our lives for granted, i love my life now!! i love living...well not all the time, but even when it's bad, i thank god i can feel what i'm feeling! i'm doing my best and putting my all into living my life on life's terms, and i believe i'm doing a damn good job of it too...sometimes i can take it one day at a time, but sometimes i take an hour or maybe five minutes at a time. does anyone know of any AA youth sites??? if so please inform me...i would deeply appritiate it!! thanx...


Member: Pam B.
Location: Oregon
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 19:20:09

Comments

Pam B. here, alcoholic and drug addict. Doris, I too had some difficulties beginning my fourth step. But what it truly came down to, for me anyway, was that I was petrified of the next step. Not neccesarily the admitting to another human being, myself and my HP, but the fact that once I did and I truly let these resentments and fears go, and gave them to my HP, I had no more excuses. Did I really want that? After enough pain- YES! I brought this up at a meeting, and a fellow said, "If you want complete serenity, let go completely, if you want a little bit of serenity, let go a little bit, if you want no serenity, then hang on to the F----R!! Well, I know that I want what I see. I want serenity. And when I did my 1st step with true humility and I knew in my heart that I had, I said I would go to any length. So I faced the fear, and when I did it(fifth step) while not enjoyable by any means, it was certainly not as bad as I had imagined. I joked with my husband as I was leaving with my sponsor "that I would be back in about 15 minutes as I had very few character defects." He is also in the program about 20 years now and he got a good laugh out of that one! Anyway, that was my experience with the fouth step. (Now I'm working up nightmares about the 9th.) About the drug addiction - I have always felt my drug addiction and alcoholism were one and the same. They were mind altering and took me out of myself and one was never preferable to the other. My main recovery plan is in AA, this is where I get the ESH that I need. Addiction is addiction to me. Everyone have a great day.


Member: Hateful D.
Location:
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 20:26:41

Comments

Hello, everyone. This is my first time here. My name is Hateful and I am the daughter of an alcoholic father. I'm 16 years old and I've come here to get some advice from the people that know best.


Member: Hateful D.
Location:
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 20:30:06

Comments

Sorry, this takes too long. I will be looking for a different place. Good luck, everyone, with your lives and the lives of the people around you.


Member: Tammy L
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 20:37:03

Comments

Hi Tammy alcoholic here. Natalie, Congrats on your 6mos. I too got sober when I was 16 and have not had to drink (or use drugs) for 14 years. I don't live too far from you. If you want you can e-mail me at Tammy_List@warnerbros.com. Maybe we could hook up for some meetings. Let me know.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.+
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 21:55:33

Comments

Hello to all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I am still alive but for awhile today I was beginning to wonder. I have a muscle relaxer which helps with the back and I hope after tomorrow at the chiropracter, I will be OK. I am feeling much bettter and I do appreciate all your concerns.---------- There are lots of you sharing of your sexual abuse and I wish I could honestly say I know how you feel but I can't as I never experienced it. I can try to know how you feel and my heart goes out to each one of you and you do have my prayers.------Doris, I was reading your post about the trouble you were having with your 4th step and I can't help but remember what I was told a long time ago and especially with this step.I was told that if I were having a problem with a particular step then I had not finished the preceeding step. Go back and read the third step ( from the big book ) again. It tells us to think well before taking this step, making SURE we could abandone ourselfs to Him completely, or something to that effect. I have always refured to the 3rd as the pivitol tep as nothing else can happen till we can abondoned completely to Him. Go back and read it again and see don't you get some strength from it. When you are ready, then you may wish to go the way my sponser told me to go. He said to list everything, everybody that I resented now or had ever resented. This was a very good start forme. I simply followed the example in the BB and changed the names accordingly. Mine was not very long, as I had about 12 or 14 names on my list and I went through it and then when I later did my 5th ( this I'll get some flack from some of you ) with my sponsor, he asked how I felt and I said , relieved. We talked about it for a while and he then told me I was FINISHED with my 4th step. That was about 20 years ago and I have not found it necessary to re do it. I use the 10th to keep me in the "now" I hope my experience with this step helps some of you to better understand it. I have heard some say that you don't have to understand it you just have to do it. That sounds good and it sounds tough but I think we all prefer to understand what we are doing. Anyway I hope it helps. Love to all of ya, Sanders


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 22:37:50

Comments

Jim, an alcoholic.

Thanks for the help everybody-and Doris, I will take you up on writing through Sanders. Probably tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm a lot steadier now, and a drink is about the last thing I want. Not that I'm trying not to want it-I just don't want the damn thing. Another amazing event!

It's been quite a few days. Finishing with a message from the ex-teacher on the answering machine when I got home. He wants to make (get this) "amends." Amends. Not a real common word. I wonder if he's another 12-stepper?

Anyway, you're right Doris--I'm not doing anything alone. He's an old man now--I could kill him without half trying, and I don't want to risk that. Even if I'm not feeling real angry right now. Amazing how much power there is in a simple apology and offer to make "amends." I'm just not angry. There's a long distance between "not angry" and "happy," but "not angry" will do for now.

Anyway, time for bed. I feel like I've been on a three-day bender, and I haven't touched a drop. Weird!

ODAAT, I guess.


Member: Andy T
Location: Newportbeach,Calif
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 22:45:47

Comments

HATEFUL PLEASE Don't LEAVE! PLEASE E-MAIL ME. At Beachbum42@Hotmail.com We care!! My friend Linda or I will be here for you, please give us a chance! I hear your cry for help. We have all been there at one time. You know honey...my son is the same age as you are, please come back to us. DON"T give up! If you e-mail me I can give you some of the women's e-mail address that I have, You might feel more comfortable talking to them. I don't care who you talk to on this site please don't give up!!!!!! Damn I pray you come back tonight. Let us try to help you.....PLEASE DEAR GOD BRING HER BACK TO US..!!!!!"" By some one who heard a cry for help!!!"" Andy T. P.S...[""Hateful, please E-mail Linda or I at the e-mail I posted eariler.""] one of us will stay up until 12:00pm,,and then I'll be back on by 5:30am. Please give us a chance, to try and help....


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 23:51:14

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Charlie, that was me regarding the raising of worms. My Dad was a drunk who did not know what he was doing. He was probably starving them, that is more than likely why they slithered off to happier grounds. Not enough manure?

Kerry, hope your son feels better soon. Natalie welcome to our site and to sobriety. In our community there is a group which calls themselves Young Peoples Group. Perhaps you can check with your local AA's central office in your area to see what is offered for young people. One thing, this disease is no respecter of age. There are younger than you in AA.

Jim D, sorry to hear about that encounter, that must have been quite a shock. Others I know who have had your experiences have sought a good therapist to sort these problems out. Perhaps you may wish to consider that avenue for yourself as an option. In our BB, and I do not even attempt to quote it, refers to availing ourselves to outside help from professionals if needed. I have done that myself with issues around my phobia of carcinogenic chemical exposure that developed after an accident at my job site, my father's cancer and eventual death, my separation and divorce from my X- husband over emotionally abusive issues, and my son's drug addiction for which I was out of my mind about what he was going through. Some of us can just quit drinking and have no other deep seated problems that cause them difficulties in their sobriety. I was not one of those. I assessed my situation by my reactions to what was happening around me and made my decisions based on my responses to whether I needed outside help. Only you would know how bad you feel and what you need. If I had not dealt with my grave emotional and mental condition, I could not have made much headway in recovery sober. That of course is only my experience. Andy, what's happening? Will this injury cut your visit on the ranch? Hopefully your doing better. Once you get home, will you be able to keep in contact with us? I sure hope so.

Hello to anyone out there peeping in for the first time, or those who like to visit and only read, please jump in and introduce yourselves so we can get to know you. It's a great day to be sober.

Love to all, Linda P


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 00:11:59

Comments

Hi again, Linda an alcoholic. Doris, I wanted to say that when I did my 4th step I went to a really peaceful setting in the park with my big book, tablet and pen and began reading from page 74 in the BB. Using that book as a text, I looked upon it as an instruction booklet for human repair and maintenance. I was going to reveal and discover things of myself that would be useful in mending my very soul. When I approached it as an educational tool, I was free to explore without too much difficulty. Actually, once I started I was on a roll. It was like I was writing a book about someone else's life really. I was so far removed from all of what I was writing about that emotionalism was not a part of this activity. Dealing with the facts in summary form, without drawing it our to explicit details helps. That way you will not tend to get into self-pity or remorse. The whole idea is to find out the truth about yourself so that you can know what you would like to discard when this is all over in Steps 6 and 7. The 4th is also a help aid later in step 8. Concentrate on what benefits you will have when you can locate emotional triggers from viewing repeated patterns, see what areas of your character that give you the worst problem, and the most beautiful part of that step is how we process our resentment down to regiving others, or seeing where we were to blame in issues that we always thought the other guy was totally responsible. Take the challenge Doris, you will not regret it. It was exciting to me to find out all about who I am. Having fully equipped myself with such valuable knowledge, I could then look to see what I wanted to change within myself to strive for progress.

If your not ready, then step 3 is definitely in order. I also heard that one sanders, and that is very wise advice.

With Love Linda P


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 01:25:51

Comments

Good evening, my name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. Dearest hateful D, Please come back. I feel that this is the place you can find more out about your alcoholic father. I also feel that if what you want to do is vent I can handle it. I have been accused of having big shoulders. I am a 52 year old woman who has been around. I want you to know that there are many of us here who will try to help you find what it is you are looking for. I am going to write to Andy T tonight and he can forward your letters to me if you would like him to. You DO sound like you are in pain. You do sound frustrated and out of options. Is this true? Your nick-name makes you sound like you are having some pretty desperate feelings right now. Whatever they are I dought that a girl of 16 can really be hateful. I wish you well little one. I hope you DO find what you are looking for. Write to me if you wish, I am a mother of a great daughter. I know how to talk to a young woman your age. Let me try. I wish you power and peace little one. Doris


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 01:27:42

Comments

I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.

Doris, oh, Doris. Our friend Sanders has made an extremely important point about why we sometimes experience difficulty in working a given step.

Think of it, why should I come to believe in a power greater than myself unless I have already admitted I am powerless over alcohol and that my life has become unmanageable??

So here I am, I used to be bullet proof, and I've accepted my powerlessness and came to believe there is a power greater than myself. Now my momma spent sixteen years turning me into a proper Christian, making certain I was at church on a way regular basis. But I didn't hear about Gods love there, I only heard about the torture that I was going to have to endure after I died and went to hell. I definitely wouldn't make it into heaven just because of the "sinful thoughts" that I carried with me most of the time. We were Nazarenes, Methodists, Baptists, Christian non-denominational, Pentecostal, and Episcopal. No wonder I had an issue or two to be resolved. Well, well, well. I stood at the exit way of step two, preparing to make a decision about turning my life (actions) and will(thoughts) over to the care of the God of my understanding. I had a problem. Developing faith in a non-capricious God is difficult when a God of judgement is all you have ever known. At that point in time I turned my life and my will over to the care of AA and continued to pray that God would reveal himself to me. I found God both on my knees and in the fellowship. I do not fear God today, I only fear me.

After taking the third step I thought I started my inventory. After writing my life's history, I shared it with my sponsor and God. My sponsor suggested I wrote a good history. We then turned our attention to the Big Book and did what I was incapable of doing. Following directions. We picked out my #1 resentment and worked the fourth and fifth step on that resentment alone. He had me continue with my resentment list at home and we did a fifth step on them at a later date after I had subjected my resentments to the questions the fourth step asks us to apply to them.

The big deal about this post is not to intimate that I have the answer, it is to suggest the Big Book has the answer.

The best reason I have ever heard for taking a fourth step is so that we can take a fifth step. The Big Book states on, I believe it is, page 72 or 74 that those who don't take this step will drink again." It doesn't say might drink again. It says," WILL DRINK AGAIN."

The obsession was removed from me long before I became practiced in meditation or the taking of daily inventory or even the completion of the amends I was willing to take care of early in my sobriety.

I think it was Charlie that mentioned the obsession was removed from him after his fourth and fifth steps, I will verify his report, as if it requires verification. By the way Charley, welcome.

I mentioned before that I no longer feared God, I fear me. My reasoning is that God truly has offered me a choice in how I would live my life. Considering that after sixteen and a half years of sobriety I'm still about 40% asshole, it is necessary for me to take a third step every morning or I might just be bending my elbow by noon because I have the capability within me to run amuck.

A note on the topic of Jesus in AA. He belongs, so does Buddah, and any other God figure you might want to bring with you, We will not exclude your God, even if it happens to be an old pair of high top tennis shoes with blue soles.

I have been trying to incorporate Jesus into my program as my personal savior. I don't know how all ya'all define personal savior but in my third step every morning I thank God for sending his son for the purpose of saving me from myself. Personal savior fits.

Sanders, your fifth step apparently took. Sounded like the right way to do it to me. But there are so many people writing so many volumes, who is to say, certainly not me.

Gotta run

Love in the fellowship DB


Member: Doris
Location: -------------------------------
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 01:32:10

Comments

One more thing Hateful D, there is a chat room called "Another empty bottle" the address is:----www.alcoholismhelp.com/help/inourwords.html----I will be in that chat room tomorrow morning at 7:30. I am Doris


Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 01:57:23

Comments

hi all y'all, this new route i'm on is great. i wonder why i was so leary of dealing with the physically and mentally challenged. and the people who help, teach and care for them are some of the best people i have ever met outside of AA meetings.

doris... on the 4th step. i was so scared of doing mine. afraid of what a really bad person i was. (i was also paranoid when i wrote mine and kept it under lock and key) well, i talked to some other recovering people and the best discription they gave me of a 4th step is big given a mountain of sh** and given a teaspoon to shovel it with. the only way you are going to get thru it is by starting. there are many ways of doing 4th steps. and i have done several. i can tell you that when it is over the weight of the past is not as heavy.

jim d., someone said forgiveness and it seemed so foriegn to me when i was told that to deal with my molestation past. to me forgiveness was kissy kissy make up stuff, and i sure couldn't see that happening in the next million years. then it was explained to me that forgiveness is letting them own their own actions and be responsible for it as well. forgiveness is not letting the past control you and your actions. from what you have shared healing will be a long process. (i know it was and is for me). as for his amends... be on nuetral turf... and have someone you trust with you. and walk away if it gets to rough on you... remember 12 step group amends are done only if they do not injure you or others... if you start to feel too much pain..tell him to stop...and walk away.. and don't do it until you are ready. i'm glad god has taken your desire to drink away during this time in your life.

hugs, mary w.


Member: FAYLA   G
Location: GALENA   KS
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 02:10:56

Comments

fayla g ,alcoholic ,hello everyone ,thank you Charlotte,MARTINIA,LINDA P,and Doris for the ged,suport,Doris ,you have made my little corner of the world a brighter place to be ,and all the rest of you sweeties too. I am learning to love myself ,because of all of you,i feel a peace ive never known in my life,I have never been shown so much love and consern ,I always feel so good when i come here and . Iknow we all have found a hole new world being sober,its like walking out of the darkness into the light ,Idont ever want to go back there ,so as one of my favorite speakers says ,keep doing what your doing and you,ll keep gettin what your gettin.His name is Johnnie Harris ,I haven ever saw him in person yet ,but i will ,Good lord willing . LOVE YA ALL .fayla g


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 04:09:35

Comments

Hey all y'all my name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. Fayla I agree that this place is so full of love and it has really helped me to be in touch with my higher power who I call Jesus Christ. I was also raised in the church but never saw such unconditional love there. Now I participate in church activities again but it is still hard for me not to want to feel uncomfortable, hurt, disappointed or judgemental about the people in church. I guess that is my old dis-ease speaking this morning. Jim D. I really feel for you in this situation, My first reaction was also so much anger, then when I read he called and wanted to make amends I was also diffused, not happy about it either just diffused. I read this week a quote that you reminded me of...¨The only people to get even with are those who have helped you¨much easier said than done I know. I am praying for you in this difficult time! Tammy hello and I can really relate to enjoying weekends when nothing happens! Those are my favorite kind, when you can just relax and enjoy yourself in your own skin. Charlotte I really appreciated what you had to say and thank you for touching the truth of my fear of the pot next door...what I remember about the old days when I was using is that I also mistook feeling ‚different' with feeling good, how sick. Today I want to feel ALL my emotions good and bad. I will try to remember that God does for me what I cannot do for myself. He sure has in the past week and I want to keep the faith that he will continue. That even helped me with a totally unrelated fear I am dealing with at the moment. Last night my teeth were hurting and I became consumed with fear of getting older and having to have them pulled and wear dentures. The lady I shared a hospital room with last week wore dentures and so does my husbands mom and my dad...I was just dwelling on a dumb fear of the future and something that is not even life threatening, but my disease is and worrying threatens my serenity and possibly my sobriety so I have just given up that silly fear after reading your post to the best of my ability. Kerry I hope your son gets well soon. David B. thanks so much for the letter and the ESH. I will be in touch. Welcome Natalie V. to our extended family and all other newcomers I hope to ¨meet¨. Love to you AALL, Amy GC


Member: Charlie M.
Location: Chipley, Fl
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 08:22:19

Comments

Charlie here and ii'man alcoholic. It is almmost seven AM and I just finished reading all the posts from last nite and all I can say is "what a perfect way to start the day." The sharing was so touching that it almost felt like F2F and I love ya'll for it. Hateful, please stay and write. My wife Ramona is one of us and could be worlds of. help for you. She's been around for almost 20 years and is great at working with others. Our address is rcmorris@digitalexp.com. After you make connection with her you could exchange phone # for 24 hr. talks if you want. My phone bill is already out of sight so a little more won't hurt. Hang in there precious girl, but rember where the greatest and most foolproof help comes from. Oh yea, Ramona is going to post on the Coffee Pot, soon I hope. Doris and Linda I would like to comment later.This post is getting to long and I do have to go wake my worms and start thier day. Again, what a blessing to have been showed where the Coffee Pot is and to have met all you beautiful people. Love, More love and will see you again soon. Charlie from Chipley, Fl.lC


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 08:23:46

Comments

Good morning all,

I didn't get a chance to read much yesterday. Alot of pain in the posts..... JIM D, I am very happy that you shared what is happening. I have not been in your shoes, but my son has, so I do feel for you. I think you have received some good advice and it sounds like you know what NOT to do here. I will keep you in my prayers in this.

Amy - I read your comment about not wanting to stop feeling uncomfortable in church, disappointed, etc. Boy can I relate to that. Jesus Christ is also my higher power and I grew up in the church without really experiencing the power of God. After I had a spiritual awakening, I went back to church and still go, but I often feel like a fish out of water. My church family has many wonderful and kind people, but for some reason I can't connect and often feel disappointed. You comment has me thinking......... I need to take responsiblity for this I think.

Sanders, I am so sorry that you are in that kind of pain. Will pray for you and your healing. Hang in there.

Hateful: sounds like there are some people here who not only care about you but are willing to offer some personal support. Take them up on their offer to help you and see what happens. They are very kind people and we all want to see your name turn into "joyful"..

I wish everyone a day of peace and sobriety, regardless of the circumstances you are in.


Member: Pat Z.
Location: CA.
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 08:53:32

Comments

Just to check in to express my gratitude to all those who post at this site. I've only been reading for a few weeks but my world has opened up since Linda P. introduced me to this site.

Amy--how are you feeling?

Doris--you have given so much inspiration and courage to so many of us: Just pick a mirror and give yourself what you so freely have given.

Andy--you don't know how close that you came in telling my story!:) And that's no bull!!:)

Fayla--congrates on your ged!! What an accomplishment. Keep on learning, you are doing great!

HI to Kerry, Kelly, Don, Caryn, Charlotte, Sanders, Glen, Jodene, Bonnie, Martina, & Jim.

All have made this site caring! Experience, strenght, and hope is clearly being delivered at this site.

Linda--- Thank-you for giving me encouragement on the computer, This thing is such a new thing to me, but it does open up my world, from a shut-in status to one who can now "attend Cyber meetings". You are a Jewel!!! I'm happy to have you as a friend! Your encouragement I cherish!!!!

Keep looking up...O.D.A.A.T...Rule #62..mixed well with gratitude gives a fine recipe for serenity!!! Pat Z.


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 09:33:11

Comments

Richard here alcoholic, addict, sex fiend, nicotine freak, exercise obsess, and "MORE" focused. Well, they are all part of my story, right?? Hope all is well in paradise (between your ears). Well do not have much to say. Guess that's a good thing because People put their own stuff in it anyway. AnYwAy, I've been talking with this guy about his drinking problem, and that has been taking up some of my free time.

Upped my run to 4 miles, and it seems pretty easy even more so than my last upgrade.

Praying for everyone here…. I care for you all. My natural disposition is tward debate, and SOMETIMES I let others dictate my attitude and tone. Guess you could probably tell, right? He,he,he,he…..LOL.

Read ya later alligators

P.S. Fayla did you pass, or are you still studying for the test??? Good luck either way. I'm just curious. Maybe I mmmissed your passing post. I didn't think so though. Later.


Member: Delores C.
Location: Las Vegas, Nv.
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 09:50:56

Comments

Hello, Delores- alcoholic here, on my way to work but read Jim D and had to stop to say you have my best wishes and my encouragement and prayers. A few years ago I was in a movie theater with my x-husband and my sons and I ran into the man who had raped me 20 years prior to that. He was sitting funny and I asked him what was wrong. He told me he sort of "fell" on a knife. I always knew he was mob so I was'nt surprised but I was somewhat comforted in knowing I didn't have to do anything to get the revenge I had so long waited for. Sometimes time can be our best friend. When they say "what goes around comes around" they are telling the truth. Even with my background (incest), believe it or not I was able to turn the whole thing over to God and walk away from it. (Then id did get after myself for a while for not taking the opportunity to "turn the knife). Now so many years later I am grateful I was given the gift of patience and understanding at the time because I believe in my heart that it took every single thing that has ever happened to me to make me the woman I am today. I like the woman I am today so if that is what it took to get me here, the so be it. Thank You God for all of it. Thank You for making me Delores and Thank You for allowing me to share that experience, strength and hope with another who has suffered. Like Doris said, "If you have lemons, make lemon-aid". I wish you well.

Love, Delores


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 10:01:12

Comments

Michelle alcoholic here - Amy and Bonnie thanks for the pics, I love them! Wish everyone had scanners so we could put faces to names. Keep them coming...well day 1 of vacation has arrived and I am headed to Denver to see brother and wife and kids from Hawaii. I better find my Auntie Michelle hat and put it on. We are having a birthday party for my dog, bleau, who is 11. She opens presents and the kids sing happy birthday to her every year when they visit, because no one else has a birthday in summer. Last year my niece wanted to have a surprise party for her, and I didn't know how to tell her that every party was pretty much a surprise to bleau. Can't wait to see what life has in store for me in the next few weeks. Happy days to all.


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 10:19:38

Comments

Hi everyone, Kerry here, an alcoholic. Thanks everyone for the well wishes for my son, he is getting better. Had a temp w/bad cough - I'm always on the lookout for pneumonia. Hey, you Fresno gals, (Pat & Linda I think), I have been to your town, clear back in 1978 I was invited to a Young Peoples AA Conference (had 32 days first time around) and I was scared to death of all the people because it was such a new experience. I remember being invited to sit at this large round table with a bunch of strangers and there was this one old gentleman that everyone was very focused on. So I sit down, and this gentleman asked everyone at the table to share how much time in the program they had. Immediately I wanted to bolt & run cause I just knew I was the newest. Sure enough I was, and this gentleman made a BIG deal of it, everyone applauded. He focused all his attention on me, and I found out that he was one of the first six members of AA. At that time he had 43 years sober!! He showered me with the love of this program, and I have never forgotten it. He gave me a phamplet called "Why we were Chosen" and signed it Charlie B. - Brooklyn, NY - sober 1935. Thought I'd share that with you folks, I still have it. Hope you all have a wonderful, sober day. Thanks again for the ESH. Kerry


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, Mississippi
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 11:35:20

Comments

Good morning all ! I am Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict. Doris and Pam B, thanks for your posts. The substance doesn't matter rather it is my powerlessness over the substance once I introduce it into my body. Richard, glad to see you back! Already had in mind to ask where you were. Glad it was a good thing that has been keeping you busy (12th step work). Natalie V, welcome! And happy 17th birthday!! How wonderful that you are getting your life on the right tract at such an early age. May I suggest that "having put your hand to the plow, don't look back". (If a farmer looks back as he plows, the rows tend to get crooked!) I pray that "Hateful" comes back to this site or gets in touch with some of those who asked to be allowed to help. I have a daughter soon to be 18 and a son just turned 16, among my seven children. I, too, am willing to do any thing I can to help you, if you will just let me. My e-mail address is mabaker_97@yahoo.com. This is for all. Jim D, I was spared molestation as a child, but certainly accepted a fair amount of physical as well as other abuse as an adult, from one I loved. I didn't think I deserved it, on a conscious level, but I accepted it for a long time. You've gotten good suggestions from others already. May I underscore the freeing effects of forgiveness? It took a long time for me to understand FORGIVENESS IS FOR ME. You were not and are not at fault in your situation. Forgive yourself if you ever thought you were. Forgive yourself for being angry about it. Forgive yourself for having wanted revenge. Forgive the other person for being so sick that he intruded in your life in unacceptable ways. One nice thing about forgiving someone, they don't even have to know I've done it for it to work for me! 'Course if they ask me, I am bound to tell them, yes, I forgive. That's just for me. (Check out item on forgiveness on web page "Sunlight of the Spirit:. Helps me.) Didn't mean to make this so long! I am so grateful for each and every one of you who share here. Have a joyfilled day!


Member: Andy T.
Location: Sofa Surfing,with a broken leg!
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 12:31:58

Comments

good morning my friend's andy alcoholic here, Doris I've tried to e-mail you twice but it won't go thru,last night another lady read my post to hateful and e- mailed me. She is having problem's with her kid's.I was up until 1:00am trying to contact her but I am having trouble getting e-mail to her to!I'll try later to get her again .If I reach her I'll give her your e-mail...Hey Ms Yazoo did you get your flower's??? let me know,because if you did'nt I'll go find that delivery boy and give him a lump on his head. how ya doing alex??? O Linda P.how are you my friend???? are you working hard?or hardly working?Hi Caryn,gotta love them Bulls...Well my friend's I have to lay down my leg is killing me,and its all most time for my pain pills,I can't wait for thursday thats when they will finally put on a cast.I have to wait until the swelling goes down..Love Andy T. P.S. Hi Jodene,my one and only!!!


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 13:22:53

Comments

Hi all, Steve, grateful alcoholic.

Mark, I didn't get a chance to log on until today since I was offsite yesterday. Also I only read a few posts.

But I did read your post from yesterday and I'm also glad that we were able to hook up at the Moody Blues. It was a terrific concert and tracking you down gave me something to do instead of drinking, which was my normal routine at concerts. One alcoholic helping another.

Very happy to have met you. You seem like a very pleasant person.

Thanks for letting me share.

Steve

PS I'll read the rest of the posts later, after the series of meetings I have.


Member: Tammy L
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 14:35:26

Comments

Good Morning all! Tammy alcoholic here. I just got done reading everyone's posts from last night and this morning. What a wonderful place this is! To see so much love and caring for other people makes my heart happy. I just had to tell you all that. Jim D. - my prayers are definitely with you. I don't have any ESH to give but I want you to know that I am here to listen . Natalie - please write me if you come back, I would love to meet up with you. Andy T. - I hope you are doing ok. When do you come back to CA? Sanders - I hope you are feeling better also. Doris - I had a difficult time starting my fourth step also. I was terrified of looking at some of my secrets, not to mention having to share them with someone else! My sponsor also had me do the 3rd step until I was ready. When I finally did it, wwrote everything down, I couldn't wait to do my fifth step. Once those things were on paper, it was a relief to know that I didn't have to keep it inside anymore. I felt as though some heavy burden had been lifted from me. Kerry - I'm glad your son is better. Michelle in CO - I loved your story about the dog party!!! It made me LOL!!! Have a great vacation! Pat Z. - welcome to the site. I've only been here a few weeks also. My world has also been opened up since finding this site.

I wish all of you a sober day today!


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 15:25:32

Comments

Jim, an alcoholic.

The bad news is . . . well gee, there doesn't seem to be any.

The update is that I have a meeting with my nemesis tomorrow evening, moderated by the pastor from my wife's church. Her idea, not mine, but I can live with it.

Personally, I feel no need for either the meeting or the chaperone, but the Rev. seems to have spent time studying The 12. He seems to think I still need a little guidance with numbers 2 through12, and he's not convinced I'm OK on number 1 yet. Bottom line--he's pretty sure the sense of release I'm enjoying is another form of avoidance behaviour. Could be--he's a smart man, and a real demon for speaking Greek, Latin and ancient Aramaic.

If I sound a little jaded I am--have never met a preacher I really liked--but he's pretty good insurance. White collar, black belt.

Anyway, like I said, I'm not sure I need this meeting. I feel like about a million pounds has been lifted off my back, and there's big bright spaces inside me where the sun hasn't shone for a long time. I guess I'll see what happens.

But it sure sounds like the old man needs it. And I guess that puts the power in my hands. Wonder what I'll do with it.

ODAAT


Member: Renee P.
Location: Washington, DC
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 16:04:52

Comments

Renee, alcoholic and addict, and there is something that I wanted to share. I liked what I heard earlier about "head storms" because I was definitely experiencing one last week, and I believe it has passed, thanks to the grace of GOD, and my willingness to live in today, and to be greatful and productive in this 24 hours. What I learned from last week is that 1) when I make plans for the future -- I go crazy, and 2) I need to continue to pray for faith so that I can rest assured that my higher power has "got my back" and my future in his hands. I've been experiencing a lot of confusion because I became "religious" when I joined the fellowship about 15 months ago -- and many of Christian doctrines are not in sync with AA's philosophy. Someone last night told me leave the salvation of your soul to the church, and the salvation of your sobriety to AA, but there is just one me - with one head that is one ball of confusion about now! For example, Christianity says that anything that you ask in of GODs will be given to you, and AA says that GOD is not Santa Claus. I am OK as long as I stick with one belief or the other, but this is hard because I attend meetings almost every evening and church every Sunday. Then there are the philosophies that say that our will is GOD's will for us because we are ONE . . . I am in an extreme state of confusion over all of this particularly over my current relationship with someone who smokes pot -- per my translation, if I have asked GOD to work out this relationship for the better, he will do so according to his plans -- The message that I got from my sponsor is that if I continue this relationship that I will "go back out". I am very angry with her about this, although I have not expressed this in words, because I love her and have a VERY difficult time expressing anger towards those I love in fear of loosing their approval. So that is the mess that I have been stewing in and allowing myself to experience all sorts of unhealthy feelings around it! I would appreciate any fback that anyone could offer on this subject. What I have chosen to do for now, is not concentrate on that issue, my boyfriend is in California, and the big decision is whether I want to move out there to be with him -- if this happens, it will not be for at least 3 months so I have time to ask for advice, even though I'm having a darned time following it! Right now, I am concentrating on asking for GOD's will for the next 24 hours, doing the next right thing, going to meetings and sharing what is going on with me, and preparing for my 4th and 5th steps with my sponsor. PEACE!


Member: Barry M.
Location: Villa Grove, IL
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 17:27:01

Comments

Jane E.,

Are you speaking of the Alano Club at Springfield & Neil?? If so, drop me an E-mail at JLHROCKS@VILLAGROVE.COM. See ya'..

Love, Barry


Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 17:31:07

Comments

Glen in Denton, well, I'll be....I happen to go to the Roundtable. He may not know me. I had been going there for about 2-years when a woman I worked with walked in. We were both shocked. We didn't know about the other. She had been going to the night meetings, and I'd been going to the afternoon meetings, and the subject just never came up at work. It was funny though.Oh, and I'm kind of about Texans the way Sanders is about ball-teams(it's just so much fun to rile ya). Actually, some of my best friends are Texans.LOL......Andy,you better check the instructions on your script, I think you're hallucinating....To everyone:Thanks for your ESH. After a lengthy time of being DRY I am coming out of my self-imposed isolation. Gone back to f2f meetings,even picked up a phone#. Thanks.....This has been the first time this week I've had a chance to read the cp. What I find absolutly amazing is that after I've read of a particular problem or situation that one of you is going through, I'll form an answer in mind. Before I can get to the "Add Your Comments" box, I see that SOMEONE ELSE has responded to you,not only with what I would have said, but usually in a deeper, more comprehensive way. I think it's glorious. Keep on Steppin'


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 17:44:37

Comments

Jim, I was really touched by something that you said. Assuming that the old man is making 12 step amends he does "need to do it". But it puts absolutely no "power in your hands" because he's making amends for HIS part. While I'm sure he would prefer that you accept his amends, how you react really is immaterial. The amend is not contigent upon you accepting it. You'll see this more clearly when you get to step nine.


Member: Charlie M.
Location: Chipley, Fl
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 17:56:13

Comments

Charlie here and I'm an alcoholic. Sanders just called me and told me to relay to all of you that he might be off the air for awhile because of his back. Said he couldn"t sit in a chair in front of his computer because of the pain. He said he hasn"t even been able to pull his socks off yet. I told him that my dogs pull mine off for me and he should teach toby to do it. He sends his love to all of you. I'll go see him tonite after the home group meeting. Sove to you all, Chaarlie from Chipley, Fl


Member: Andy T.
Location: fishing in the pond
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 18:44:09

Comments

Doris- I just got out of e-mail mode and I tryed everything that you sent me. Please, my little Indian Princess know that I am computer illerate. I've tried to deceifer the e-mail address that was given to me. I got (SO CONFUSED)right now this computer stuff is boggling my brain, so the only way I know to de-bogglize is to go fishing. So that is where I am going right now. I am going to hobble my little broken arse (leg) down to the pond and just chill out. I love each and every one of you and if you want to take a vacation here in e. texas by all means you are more than welcome to. Because MI CASA,SU CASA But even tho this isn't my house my friends that own it will be more than happy have you 12 step people come on down. Love you always and keep it simple. Andy T. P.S. David B. when I'm done fishing I'll e-mail you.


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 19:08:33

Comments

Richard here, since we are all giving input I'd like to tell Jim D. that he should think his next step through. Do not let anyone push you into something that THEY think is best. If you want to do something then do it, but if someone else does then let them do it while you stay home. The old man can make amends in a different way if he really needs to. But, if you are feeling strong enough then it might just be the step you need to take towards recovering from the passed. No one here or anywhere knows what is right for you, so you make your own choice. Some times the people we love think they know what we need. Sometimes they are right, but some times, they are wrong.

In any case, I think it's good that a man of the cloth has a black belt. Any one who is part of spiritual warfare should focus on his Budo spirit. His marriage counseling is probably unusually calm. Ha,ha,ha. If every priest had one they could lay off the guilt and just beat ya into submission. He,he,he,he. Hu,hu,hum. Sorry, I was just kidding. Do not know what came over me. But, you all know who my H.P. is, and he likes it when I joke and laugh though HE DID NOT USE TO. Or, I mean I did not think he did, but I was wrong.

Oh, and by the way I like riding Texans too. He,he,he,he,he.

Read ya later alligators


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 19:14:49

Comments

ooops! I mean rile Texans.


Member: Doris
Location: Ore
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 19:44:09

Comments

Richard, you are a riot. I find myself being drawn to your sensitivity in one paragraph then laughing out loud in the next, You ARE O.K.,my man. I know your post wasn't to me but I just felt an urge to respond to you. Doris


Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 20:51:57

Comments

renee p--your post touched me right at my heart--how well i know the struggle you are having. i came to aa with a great big God--he parted the red sea and worked all kinds of miracles, and by God, if He wanted me sober, He would do it! i spent a lot of nights on my sofa with my bottle, pleading with God to get me sober. His response was always 'put down the bottle kid, and we'll get to work.'

read 12 & 12--page 32, where it talks about prayer and talks about faith without substance--this was where i was off. in aa, we are told not to pray for ourselves, unless others will benefit. i ask for everything, figuring the worst God can do is say no. scripture says, we have not because we ask not. it does say we will be given the desires of our hearts, IF we are walking with God--and that's the catch because if i am walking with God, the desires of my heart aren't the same. aa tells us our focus is to do the will of God--same, right?

i struggled so long and so hard, even drank over the very things you talk about. you don't have to! i was in a relationship with a married man, praying that God would make things right. if he would just get a divorce and marry me, then i wouldn't be wrong and i wouldn't have to drink over the whole deal anymore. God was probably sitting in heaven, shaking His head and wondering when i was ever going to get a clue.

by the way, he got that divorce, married someone else, and today, i am grateful. at the time, i wasn't--it hurt, hurt, hurt. i had to learn to let go of the things that stood between me and recovery, even if they were people and even if i 'loved' them.

there is a saying around here, from page 449, which burns my butt everytime i hear it. it says 'nothing happens in God's world by mistake' if i am an abused child, as so many here are--this does not comfort me. if i was a battered wife--this does not comfort me. if my child/wife/dog dies, i am not comforted to hear that none of this was a mistake. i finally had to realize i don't live in God's world, i live in man's world and PLENTY happens here by mistake. my being passed out on my sofa, on the edge of death, was not what my God had planned for me. what the scripture reference is--"all things work for good." and it ties in directly with aa--we will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. as an abused child, battered wife, falling down drunk, i have learned things and touched people i never would have been able to had i lived the "perfect" life. i have compassion and understanding i never would have gotten had i not been battered into submission. i finally learned that while God has the power to zap me sober, it didn't have any meaning until i became willing to do the work--then He did for me what i could not do for myself.

an excellant tool for tying christianity and aa together is the Recovery Bible. it may help you. in the meantime, apply to church the same attitude we are told to use in an aa meeting--take what you need and leave the rest.

i am not a failure because i couldn't get sober in church. i am no less a christian because i had to come to aa to find God.

i hope something here helps you. sorry i babbled on so long. andy t--the only team i have any loyalty to are the minn. vikings. rest that leg and don't fall in the fishing hole.


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Windswept,Rainy Idaho
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 22:34:45

Comments

Kerry B. - Well said Caryn!! Thank you.


Member: Kerry B.
Location: same place as last post
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 22:37:50

Comments

Good Grief, I forgot to say that I'm an alcoholic!! I do believe I'm getting senile!!! Or something!!!!


Member: DONALD M
Location: PASADENA, CALIF
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 00:09:17

Comments

DONALD,ALCOHOLIC, THANK YOU GOD FOR ANOTHER DAY OF SOBREITY, PLEASE PROTECT AND TAKE CARE OF JAN, TAMMY & SHILOH, SHERRY & TAYLOR, MY MOM & MARY...GOD PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SELFISH AND SELF-CENTERED..

P.S. JIM D ...YOU ARE NOT ALONE ANYMORE.

LOVE TO ALL.....DONALD


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 00:15:27

Comments

Hi to all Y'all I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name isSanders. This will be short as my back is really hurting and can set at the puter for short periods only. I have been thinking all evening how to say to Renee just exactly what you just said caryn. The only thing is you said it much better than I could have. I am always desturbed when I see and hear people who have trouble serarating AA and religion or spirituality. I am a christian and have a very active church life and have absolutly no conflict between the two. As a matter of fact one comliments the other. I do not talk much about my "religion" in AA because it causes so much controversy and not because I am ashamed of my religion. I do believe my God is all powerful and could, if He choose to, cure me of alcoholism, but when I asked Him to He sent me to AA and this is how He wants to keep me sober today. While I am here, I just may be able to help some other drunk along the way. I think lots of the confusions come frome mis quotes from the bible as you pointed out caryn. I try to remember we have "warts" in AA as well religion. I know for me, when I really want something for me, I tend to "instruct" God in a nice way to conform His will to fit the situation in my favor, and thatr aint the way it works.-------To any of you who are having trouble in this area, Philip Yancey has several books out and they are all excelant. He is a christian author, so you will find his books at a christian book store. Some of the titles are: The Jesus I Never Knew-----What's So Amazing About Grace?------Finding God In Unexpected Places----- Where Is God When It Hurts?-----Disappointment With God. He has more and every one are very good. He speaks very highly of AA and the sincerity of our us and our ability to be honest. If you read some of these, they will give a better understanding as to the fact that religion has it 's warts also.--------Thank for letting me share and the ones of you who believe in prayer, I surely would appreciate them tonight for my back. Goodnight to you all and may God bless. Love ya, Sanders


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, Mississippi
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 01:21:59

Comments

This is Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. Thanks Caryn and Sanders. As with you, Sanders, when I asked the God of my understanding for HELP, he sent me to AA. In March 1996, my then 15-year-old daughter was driving a friend's car (illegally and without my knowledge, I may add. She knows she is part of this story.) and backed into a man's truck. They talked. She promised to do whatever was necessary to have the truck repaired. She was working , she let them know, & would pay...and would tell me. She didn't but she stayed in touch with them. They decided to let the matter go. In June 1996, within 24 hours of my asking God, as I understood him, to please take away whatever it was that had me in such a bad state, the man's wife came to my house to read the electric meter. ( I had stopped using and drinking in the few days before but the next step was unclear.) The dog started barking. I went to investigate. The woman asked about my daughter, and revealed the earlier incident. I thanked her. She said she & husband believed everyone deserved a second chance...they were alcoholics and addicts, and they'd gotten them. I thanked her again. After she left, it hit me. (Yes, I do have to be hit over the head with stuff like that.) I called her job and left a message. She and another member came to see me that afternoon. She took me to a meeting that night and I began to "trudge the road to happy destiny." Destiny. Wonderful word. For me, in a very personal sense, AA is a God-given program. Love to all. Good-night!


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 02:16:20

Comments

Hi Linda an alcoholic,

Amy & Martina, I have not yet built relationships with people in my church either, except mere acquintances. My experience with church is that it is a place for me to worship God and have spiritual healing. I left the church at age 13 filled with anger over the hypocrisy of some it's members. At 29yrs old, fresh in the program of recovery, my sponsor's reply to my reason for not going to church was, that those people are not the ones you are to be focusing on as an example of how to live your life, it should be Jesus. Wow, that sure blew me away. I was placing people above God, and no one could measure up, no wonder I was so dissappointed in the human race; Renee, I hope your confusion about church and AA will be resolved. It took me awhile also, but in time things got straightened out for me; Caryn, what you said was so wonderfully put. Not much else could be added; Sanders, I found AA and church compatible also. Your in my prayers, hope you get to feeling better soon; Jim, about your meeting coming up, I pray your Pastor's presence will be a positive experience and that this meeting provide a path for inner healing; Richard, your so funny. That black belt remark about the Pastor had me thinking this community could sure use his services--couples are shooting each other in counseling sessions in front of their pastors here. Scarry. About the running, are you working up to run in a marathon?; Charlie, I bet Sanders sent you to this site, right? It is great to know that he has someone that can look in on his progress and keep us posted. Thank you; Andy, how is the fishing?; Jodene, good to hear your back to F2F meetings; Michelle, enjoy your vacation, looking forward to your return; Kerry, thanks for walking me down memory lane with respects to AA conferences. I was not at that particular conference in 1978, but those sure do have a positive impact on me also; Pat Z, thanks for reminding me of that wonderful recipe, Rule 62 & ODAAT. Doris, thanks for that other meeting site, I'll check that out and use the name Traveler. Hopefully I can hook up with some people from this site; Delores, I drank my share of lemonade this bad weekend, LOL; Hi also to everyone else I have not mentioned, and those visiting here that have yet to post.

Take care, Love you all. Linda P


Member: Raincloud
Location: Texas
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 02:42:20

Comments

Hi, I'm Raincloud, and I'm an alcoholic. I haven't been here for a long time and have yet to catch up. Someone mentioned the word *procrastinate* in the discussion meeting. This is one of my character defects. Procrastination puts the *P* in RELAPSE. Symptoms which can lead to relapse:

R Resentment E Exhaustion L Loneliness A Anger P Procrastination S Self-pity E Environment

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 04:09:12

Comments

Hey Aall ((world hug)) my name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. I agree with what someone above wrote, what a great way to start the day. I have just read all the US posts from last night and want to respond to a few. First, Sanders, I just hung my head to pray for you and the pain you are in and the tears flowed from me like a river. I asked God that if you must endure this pain, that you would also feel the comfort of his love just as strongly. You have been such a wonderful friend to me in the fellowship I want you to know how much you mean to this swiss miss! Thanks Pat Z. for asking about my condition, I am feeling a little better each day but I cannot say I am well. I am struggling with alot of lost memory from the seizures, its wild because although I remember much of what is really important to me, many things that were just taking up brain space are gone and that can make me fret, for example I can only deal with thinking of one meal at a time. Because my husband has diabetes my cooking is one of the most important things I do for us. It is hard not to remember how to cook things I have cooked all my life and having to get the cook book out to boil water, then reading a recipe like it was a pulitzer prize novel just to comprehend it. It is also hard not to remember which drawer things are in or what I even own! Opening every cabinet is like a surprise party, or I even stop in my tracks and think ‚what in the world is this???' It sounds strange and it is strange. I guess brain cells don't multiply overnight...Charlie you have me and my husband intrigued about this worm farm, we wonder if you sell them for fishin' and also do you sell the dirt? He says this dirt grows the best flowers and mine could use some help after a week and a half of neglect but I just can't worry about that yet. Kerry the story you shared made me remember a nice alcoholic named Jerry at the happy hour club in Greensboro NC where I began to get sober. He saw me crying in a meeting and afterwards gave me a meditation book called ONE DAY AT A TIME. He asked me when my birthday was and I told him the day of my real birth (my mind was too active in the disease at the time to understand that he meant the first day of my sobriety) I brought this with me to Europe and plan to go to this meeting when I am in the states in October and tell him how much it has meant to me. Steve D. thanks for your email and your ESH, also thanks for your sharing from the discussion page, it meant alot to me. By the way I was sad US lost against Germany in Wold Cup Soccer but after trying to watch most of the game I have to agree with David from the West Coast that hockey is more my idea of a sport, its also big here in the alps. I am so glad you and Mark met at that concert and so glad you are with us. I also like the moody blues, I saw them as a warm up for bonnie raitt who I also love back in 1993 or so in Raleigh NC. Renee I really appreciated what you had to say about christianity and AA. Also Caryn and Jim D. thanks for sharing. Michelle thanks for the great picture, you have your grandmas beautiful Danish smile! Moreover you have given me such beautiful ESH here in the coffee pot. Special hello to Tammy, Jane and Jodine, I will write you all back this afternoon. One more thing I would like to share is that this evening the ladies in my english speaking bible study are having what we call a fellowship evening tonight and the friend that I used to consider my best friend here is speaking. She is from Tennesee. She is speaking on ‚ the beattitudes or me-attitudes, thoughts on the sermon from the mounts'. I am not sure about going for 2 reasons...one is my NERVES and I know many friends have heard about my condition but have not called so they will act or be concerned when they see me, I don't want a pity party and I don't even want to discuss it. I don't know if I can without getting upset or having brain fades and becoming embarassed that I can't converse. The other and main reason I am questioning going is that this is the friend who hurt my feelings so bad about a week before my seizures when we took her and her man to the home in the southern alps and she was so demanding, non appreciative and even said to me once "Amy can you please just hush! ¨when we were walking. I told her she had and she appologized but I havn't really forgiven her in my heart and I ask myself how she can preach on such a topic...I know that is so hateful of me and I want to love her as a friend again I just wonder if the friendship is a healthy one or not. She also insulted me by saying "I know your mom is a preacher but I am just against female preachers! ¨and here she is preaching so that is confusing as well. Well I am sorry for typing so much, I appreciate everyones love in the fellowship. PS Hey Suzanne and Jrr , havn't heard from you guys this week, just wanted to say hello. Love AALL Amy GC PSS I just read Lindas post as I came on line to send this and what timing. You are right Linda I should not go for me or for her but for my hp Jesus Christ, thanks for the positive reminder and the perfect timing! Have a sober day friends.


Member: Pat Z
Location: Fresno, CA
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 05:35:25

Comments

Good evening (or morning) to everyone here. I'm Pat Z., a recovering alcoholic and Renee, you touched a cord that is common to most of us---many things that first confused me was the coldness that I received when I went to church. That "coldness" brushed over to my knowledge of my God. I would paraphrase scripture, and with my lack of memory, concluded a mis-directed opinion on my god. My sponsor had me "build" a mental copboard, a place where I could leave anything that I didn't understand. She reminded me that later on, I could pick up the items that God would reveal to me. Caryn and Sanders said what I wanted to share, but they did it much better than I. When I've been seeking, my God has always answered me, but not neccessarily how I expexted.

Kerry B.--how is your son doing? I have to watch out for pneumonia as well. Hope he O.K. I beleive that I went to the same conference, for I remember a friend pointing out that "young" man that was a part of the original 100. At that time, I had 8 years of sobriety, and comparing to 43 years was over-whelming!! Hold on the pamphlet--that's a part of our history you are holding on to!!

Andy--fishin in streams could be hazardous to your health!! There's holes not only on the bottom of the stream, but holes on land made by the gophers. Watch your step!!! And take care of yourself.

Tammy-- thanks for the warm welcome!! I get confused by this machine, but what a world that it opens up for me!! Be looking forward to your posting!!!

Jim --What a trial you have had to endure!! My thoughts and prayers will be with both of you tomorrow night. As someone else wrote FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY, allowing you to start to drop that "Boulder" on you. With the boulder dropped, a new sense of freedom will occur!!

Amy & Martina-- I too felt like fish without water while being in church. There are times when I still that way. These times I hopefully spot with a quick 10th step, noticing that I have started building walls, to protect me. But they end up keeping me away from the ones I want to be near!! Thank-you for sharing!!

Evening to Doris, Bonnie and some who just come and read!! Sanders--get well, for your input is needed here. But, more importantly I would like to see you healthy...Tobie would too, I'm sure!!

Linda P.--sent an e-mail to Dee but haven't received a reply. Glad to hear that you had fresh-squeezed lemon-aid!LOL Thanks for being you!!

Good Night to a special site, where we all can be accepted!!! Pat Z.


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 08:14:38

Comments

Hi everyone,

It has finally stopped raining in New England! Though the rain was getting me down, I notice today now that the sun is shining that the rain has caused everything to be much greener and more beautiful... kind of like life.

Renee: you have received alot of good thoughts on your dilemma. I too can relate and had alot of confusion about this early in my sobriety. I don't see any incompatibility now, however. Be careful not to confuse how people intrepet the program with the actual program. Or, how people intrepret Christianity with what God has to say. For example, I understand asking for things in God's name or according to his will totally different than expecting God to give me what I want. I believe that the closer I become to God; or the more I am transformed into the image of Christ as I grow in the will of God, the more I will surrender to his will for me and the more I accept whatever life gives me as his will for me at that time. This is compatible with "let go and let God", "One day at a time", "this too shall pass", "accept life on life's terms", etc. and many other AA principles that these slogans represent. Also, if you really read through the Bible,you will see that Jesus did not go around stroking people or giving them what they wanted. His purpose was to do the will of God on earth and sometimes that included healing people and blessing them materially. Sometimes it meant that he called people things like "vipers" (told the truth). Other times, as in the case of Mary Madgalene, it meant that He bestowed great compassion on someone whose heart was broken over their failures, sins and regrets. Jesus asked questions like, "Do you want to be healed", which shows me that He had full understanding of human nature and the desire of some to remain sick, as well as understanding that you cannot force healing on people. All these things are compatible with AA philosphy. As you can tell from something I posted about church earlier this week, I still struggle with some things in the organized church. But this is different than spiritualy and the Christian church does not always do a good job of illustrating what God had in mind for his people, just as alcoholics do not always well illustrate what Bill W had in mind for AA. I have read all the of the books Sanders listed and he has given you some good reading material. James Dobson also has some very good reading material and is a very honest and readable, but not simplistic, Christian and author. Remember too, that you can love and respect your sponsor and others in AA without having to accept everything they say as truth, especially in areas as personal as faith and religion. Spiritually speaking, I have nothing in common with a non-Christian when discussing religious doctrine, so I don't seek the advice of a non-Christian on these topics. I also don't seek the advice of a non-addict on alocholism. I doubt if a Buddhist would want to listen to anything I have to say on the topic of religion. So, we can all be diverse with the commonality of our addiction and the problems that has created for us. As a Christian, I can very easily merge Christian doctrine and AA philosphy. I just can't always discuss that merger with all alcoholics or all Christians, because it is like trying to talk to someone in English when they only speak French.

Well I certainly have rambled on. I wish you the best. If you want to discuss this anymore without subjecting everyone here to it, email me at martinag@juno.com

Sanders: I am praying for you. Hang in there brother.

Jim: You too....


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 08:24:04

Comments

Yooooo Richard here alcoholic, hey Amy it was Richard who likes Hockey, but I like soccer too. When I posted that I like soccer and hockey, I was giving those b-ball "sports" fans a hard time because b-ball players are so sensitive. Do not slap my hand. Do not knock me down. Please do not rush me I got a manicure yesterday. Hockey and soccer are sports that you do not here all that non-scenes. Now, I like track and field also, but at least they do not go around crying about silly fouls in those sports.

I saw a new player that a team drafted for next year, and boy that guy looked like he had problems walking up to the platform. I mean I thought the guy was going to topple over. He looked so clumsy.

You know actually B-ball would be a great sport, it just needs more power! Ar,ar,ar. Oh, sorry excuse me.

Thanks Doris and the rest of you, when I got sober I learned to enjoy laughter. Oh, and controversy. Ha,ha,he,he,he. Just kidding….

Read ya later alligators


Member: Mike
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 09:21:26

Comments

I'm Mike, an alcoholic. Sanders you have my empathy as I have had back troubles in the past. I had surgery a couple of years after I got to the program and was told eight years ago that I probably would have to have another surgery. By the grace of God, I haven't missed a day of work since that day. My back isn't great and I feel stiffness and pain most mornings, but God has given me the grace to handle it. I bet his grace is there for other areas of my life.

Renee, I was raised in a Christian family, became a drunk, turned into an aetheist, got sober, opened up to spirituality and then became a Christian. I had been in the program for about five years when I became a Christian. I went to meetings 3-6 times per week and worked the program to the best of my ability. About the same time I became a Christian, I married a lady who had two children and we soon had another. With the demands of a career, family and now church, my AA attendance diminished to nothing. At first, this did not cause problems with my recovery, but over time, I came close to drinking. I know that God gave us this program and it is an integral part of my Christian growth.

Jodene, tried to e-mail you again this morning, but my server is not recognizing your address.


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 10:13:25

Comments

I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.

WOW. I was sick yesterday and spent the majority of the last 24 hrs either in bed or nodding out at work. This is the first opportunity I,ve had to catch up since my last post. Thank all of you for the attention given to the question of religion in AA. I had a very difficult time also but as I posted I too have been trying to incorporate Jesus into my program, I didn't mention I've been trying now for the last eight or nine years. The amount of recovery between my last post and this one boggles my mind. I am so grateful for the info you all put out that I can't possibly name everyone that contributed to an answer I've been looking for for a long time now. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Love in the Fellowship DB


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 10:25:30

Comments

Jim, an alcoholic.

Glen H., just when I thought I finally had some power over this guy along you come a speak an honest truth. Darn. And I thought I was done with analyzing all relationships in terms of power. Now I have to be honest with the old man. One less lie to live with. Many thanks.

And Richard, you're right about being pushed into something I don't want to do, Wouldn't work. I was going to back out (exercise my power by denying him the opportunity to make amends?) but had a session with the Rev. last night. He somehow managed to make tonight's meeting my choice. He's good! Maybe I've finally met a preacher I like.

Anyway, I feel like this whole thing has taken up far too much of my life, especially since last weekend. After tonight it's time to move on.

Still sober, and staying that way ODAAT.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 10:30:28

Comments

There was a time when I went to church and thought the whole thing was hypocritical. The people came for an hour, listened, talked a little afterward about what wonderful people that they were, all the while putting their own interpretation on the literature. Then, they went right back out and continued living in whatever manner suited them.

I've started to think now it doesn't matter so much what you name the program or HP it's what you live by.


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 10:44:50

Comments

Jim, I've got a feeling that tonight is going to be something that you'll remember your whole life. God is pushing you at this point.

Our prayers go with you.


Member: ReneeP
Location: Washington, D.C.
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 11:17:36

Comments

Renee here, alcoholic and addicts. ((GROUP HUG)) and Thanks for all of the ESH from Caryn, Sanders (I'll have to look into finding some Philip Yancy books), Martina, Mike, Amy, Glen and everyone else. It sure feels good to know that I am not "unique" in these feelings of confusion. I feel a lot better this 24 hours, yesterday I was reading the 2nd step in 'stools and bottles' and realized that I HAVE come to believe in a power greater than myself, and he has take from me the COMPULSION to drink. Now -- it is up to me NOT to take that for granted and to MAINTAIN my SOBRIETY by giving back to the program, and to the people in my life! I picked up one of my AA sisters and went to join our sponsor at a women's shelter where she has started a weekly meeting, and it was great! This, for me, is the true meaning of happiness, service to others. But I must get out of my own head, and off the pity pot to do so. Thanks for your words of wisdom that I can use to crowd out some of the words that I like to put in my head! I too empathize for everyone in this room? that is suffering, especially from physical pain, and pray that you will heal quickly and above all not find it neccessary to take a drink to alleviate the pain (YEAH, RIGHT - THAT'S A JOKE! Of course, not on par with those told by Richard Ha, Ha, Hee, Hee!) Anyway, 'nough out of me, I'm going to get back to work, and concentrate on being of maximum service for the next 24 hours. Love to you ALL! PEACE!


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, Mississippi
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 11:32:02

Comments

Good morning, all ! I am Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. Jim D, it is my prayer that God's will be done in your life. Richard, went to library yesterday, read just a smidge about Budo, and asked them to find a copy of the Book of Five Rings for me. (One of the librarians was familiar with it!) Amy, sometimes I just have to remember that all of the sick people in the world are not in these rooms! They have to follow their own path, doing good, doing bad, I can't afford to miss the message because I don't like the messanger. Sanders & Andy T & any others who aren't "up to par" physically, hope it's not long before you are feeling better. Everyone, you are a true blessing in my life. My nightly prayers include my friends at the Coffee Pot, always for the outworkiing of God's will in our lives. Love to all, Charlotte


Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 11:44:07

Comments

Renee in DC:others have shared with you,far better than I about your spiritual concerns. Let me share with you my experience concerning a sponsor and a relationship. I ask you to think back on why you asked this woman to be your sponsor. What is it she has that you want? How important is YOUR sobriety?It sounds like you are standing "at the turning point". When I was one year clean and sober, I fell in love. He still went to AA and still drank. My sponsor suggested I give him time to concentrate on his own program.My sponsor suggested that if it was true love it would wait till I (and he)had more sobriety under my(his)belt. My sponsor suggested I not have this relationship. My sponsor STRONGLY suggested I not have this relationship. I suggested my sponsor kiss my foot. I fired her. After all I didn't have to listen to that s---,we were IN LOVE! Well, guess what? After 18 months of sobriety, I drank again, and not just once. It took me only two months to realize, "Hey, I really AM an alcoholic.", and this wasn't fun anymore. Luckily I knew where to go to get help. Meanwhile I instructed God, I pleaded with God to PLEASE sober up my man. 43-days after my last drink "He" drank,he drove, he died. The hell that came next is undescribable(sp?). Here's my point:I did not "throughly" follow the program. Neither did he. Those of us who have surived and are sober are truely,truely blessed. Not all stories have happy endings Renee. Again I ask you, what did you see in this woman that called to you for her to be your sponsor? If she has what you want I urge you to decide if you "are willing to go to any length to get it...". These years later I now understand when they said "this program is simple, but it isn't easy". Even though you have only begun the steps, I personally don't think it's too early to practice praying "only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." My prayers are for you.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 11:50:20

Comments

Good morning everyone, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.

I have been having alot of difficulty the last few days with some symptoms of the disease(primary biliary cirrhosis) I have. Many of these symptoms I have had for several months to a couple of years. I started learning in recent months how to cope with them one day at a time. I was doing pretty good. In fact, I had a "break"(less bone pain, muscle soreness and fatigue) for a week or so, It was real nice. Then last Thursday they worsened, of course I was a bit let down, but I accept I have this and I know I have to do the best I can do, and I can do nothing more than that. Then Sunday evening I started experiencing some problems I never had before. Nothing life threatening. I am having trouble focusing with, especially my right eye, it almost feels paralyzed or something. And my thoughts are all messed up (more than usual LOL) that is the encephalopathy or "fuzzy brain" that is associated with the disease. In any event, this is preventing me from being able to fully read the comments here, respond here and respond to any e-mail I've recieved. I'm honest with you when I tell you I have been trying, trying my hardest. I sat here last night, struggling to read, feeling sorry for myself, it wasn't doing me any good at all. I went and rested on the bed and gave myself the time for some close contact with my higher power. I later fell asleep and feel much better, spiritually today. The physical symptoms are still causing me difficulty this morning and I want to thank my grade 9 typing teacher, who taught me so well, that I can type without looking at the keys.

I needed to let everyone here know how much I miss you, love you and am thinking of you. I will post here and respond to e-mail whenever I am able to. The fuzzy brain is weird to deal with and since I can't focus to well to re-read what I have just typed here, well, I hope it makes some sort of sense. Oh and anyoone who needs prayers, consider it done. I might not really know what it is I am praaying for, but I am praying.

Luv Suzanne


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 12:08:36

Comments

Michelle vacationing alcoholic here - the dog party was a smash, the little ones squeeled with delight when bleau opened her packages, and the little ones also organized a band complete with hats and drums and cymbols to sing happy birthday along to. Children are like psychotic young adults in their actions, they have invisible friends and wild outbursts, and spin around the room on one foot without warning. Maybe this is why I get along with them so well. I would have never had the patience to be with them when I was drinking, but I enjoy them so much now at this tender age. My brother is a Lutheran minister from Hawaii, and he leads them in a prayer before they go to bed. Then they all say their own prayers including all the people they have ever met in their lives. It's quite a moment to share, especially when the 2 year old babbles for 10 minutes saying absolutely not even one word you can make out, and then ends with amen. She is like the hoo, from hooville in Dr. Seuss books. I almost cried when all 3 of them included me in their prayers, because I know God listens to everything they say. How I love being sober to experience life as it was meant to be.


Member: Ruby O.
Location: Talladega,Al
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 12:44:24

Comments

Hello I'm Ruby ,a grateful recovered alcoholic It's great to be here, I have read s many helpful things and really enjoy them. I realize that the differences of actions and reactions in recovery help us to grow, in adversity and disagreement we learn that there is more than 1 way to say or do the right thing, we don't have to agree all the time to respect and like then love one another. I used to think that if a person left a mtg they were WRONG but I have found like many others tht if we stay around leaving is often growth and so is learning to fight fair(allowing yourself to be self and others to be themselves to) I used to think if I did not like someone then my friends better not like them to (boy that's unfair isn't it. Hey AMY your memory lapses may be a gift in disguise you literally have to live in the now--My husband has had open heart su recently so we eat very frugally no sugars included (1 meal at a time) Raincloud (my ggrandfather's name was rainwater) yes I'm Indian ; anyway you like achronyms so THINK THE HAPPINESS I NOW KNOW I know many others but you may also. Thanks everyone for such great prose and muse and forsight and sobriety etc GOD BLESS ALL


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 12:59:19

Comments

I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.

My generic thank you from my last post was just not enough! The members that shared a healing message of recovery are as follows: Renee, Jodene, Glen, Caryn, Sanders, Linda P, Amy, Pat Z, Martina, Mike ( E Mont).

It seems all the answers I have ever needed have been supplied by the format of one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic.

Jim D. it's OK today. My prayers are with you.

Andy T. You had better be catching fish.

Love in the Fellowship DB


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 13:49:51

Comments

Good afternoon everybody. I'm Steve, a grateful alcoholic.

I came back from lunch and really enjoy reading everyone's posts. It is the f2f meeting I need but can't have because of time pressures at work.

Suzanne H, I'm sorry to hear about your primary biliary cirrhosis. I assume you know about Actigall (ursodiol) which has been shown to be very effective in controlling and delaying symptoms. If you don't, feel free to email me at bepkyt@aol.com. I am a pharmacist and was involved in developing that product for my former company.

Barbara S, thanks for your kind words in the Discussion meeting....Raincloud (love that name), well said...Amy, glad to hear you received my email. You'll probably read this after your evening commitment (it's about 7:45PM your time. However, if you feel uncomfortable doing something, don't do it. Your main purpose is to rest and recuperate. Your time to mingle with friends and address resentments will come in its own time. I'm sure you will do what's best. If hockey's your sport of choice, then you should know that the Detroit Red Wings won the Stanley Cup last night. I refuse to cheer for them since the Devils should've won but they didn't even make it past the first playoff round. Next year...Jodene and Martina, I enjoy reading your posts, they're so chockful of lessons...Greetings to Glen and Jim....David and Sanders, hope you're feeling better...

My older daughter is graduating 8th grade tonight. She is 14, and half the time (the longer half) she has an attitude like you wouldn't believe. The other times, she is a sweet, hardworking 14 year old girl with insecurities and dreams. She is basically a very good child who has trouble communicating her feelings at times and that's when she gets frustrated and gets sarcastic, screams at her brother and sister, me and my wife... I can't help thinking about the times when she was growing up and the images she must have of the screaming, my passing out on the floor, and the dysfunctionality of our family during my active drinking phase. When I think about those times, all my desire to drink and get high leaves me. We shall not shut the door on the past because it is a good (bad?) reminder of where I was when I was a flaming drunk. Anyway, she holds several school track records and scored 3 goals in the county soccer finals, so she is on the path of progress despite my past influence. I have been blessed with the females in my life. They have all been very supportive and loving (and currently are, except for my mother who passed away in 1981). But because of her mood swings, I sometimes catch myself resenting my daughter and why can't she be more like a good, self-controlled child without the attitude (as if she ever had an example of that type of person at home). When I feel that way, I know enough to walk away from a situation, put things into perspective, and try to understand her feelings. It doesn't always solve the problem but both of us are getting good lessons in conflict resolution. I truly love her.

Well, thanks for letting me share.

Steve


Member: Bitsey
Location: NC CA
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 13:54:26

Comments

Bitsey and I am an alchohalic. Finally got a chance a chance to check in. Well I did not make the whole weekend, but once again did not binge. (well I would have if the damn bar tender hadn't closed the bar!!!Lets just be honest here!!!) I knew I was going to a slippery place this pastweekend. It was something like an an Octoberfest in June. I help cook for the festival (red cabbage for 700). Friday night was ok. Sat night there was alot of tension within the group of people organizing the kitchen and I was somewhat of the peace maker. Some one brought us a pitcher and I said no thanks. Then everyone left the kitchen but me and here was this damn glass of beer. I had this discussion at least a half an hour with this glass of beer. Once again anger, frustration, all the rest got the best of me. So I just grabbed that glass of beer and drank it. Just me and my beer all alone. I had a few more through out the evening but never got to my point of no return, but easily could have if the bar hadn't been locked and there were no half full abandoned beers left around. My brother was there (hes been on the program for 5 or so years)and we talked about it . I said you know what I'm doing (sobriety) and I choosing to drink tonight. He did not condone it but did not judge me. That was a real shift in our relationship. So I woke up the next morning feeling disapointed in myself (that I blew six days sobriety) but knowing that my love affair with booze(beer specifically) is coming to an end. The fact that I did not get to the point of no return does not make me feel that I can possibly control my drinking. I know better than that. I also found a pattern that I yet to make it through a weekend.(hmmm could there be apattern!!!???) Anyway the fest was great and I did not drink during that. We had to leave early to get back here for work summer school etc. (175 mile drive). I was riding someone else and that was not real pleasant. The man I have been involved with for the past few years is a maintenace drinker and keeps trying to tell me I should be able to control my drinking and that he is so proud when I just have a few and stop. See, you can do it he says. I know that this relationship must end because it is very unhealthy for me in many ways, not just the alchohal (it does not intefeer with his life as far as he is concerned). So I am working on that as well, which brings alot of fear for me. Any way I am here and I am sober today. Wow Andy, you sure do have some adventures!!! I usually can only skim the postings but I saw afew things about AA and religion. thank goodness for printers and the archives. I noticed a discussion in the past archives about STEP ONE (that is STEP 1 Bitsey) sounds like a good one for me. I to am unconfortable in church, so will have to spend a little more time on these postings. Great subject. One change for me is when I was in AA in the past and I would drink I would be embarressed to go back untill I had thirty days (well we all know how long that could take). Anyway (((HUGS))) to you all and thanks for tolerating me.


Member: Doris H
Location: Ore
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 14:32:38

Comments

Hi there, my name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. Suzanne, I know someone sho has a "READER" for their computer. Maybe you could take advantage of this kind of thing. I will find out more about it and get back to you. Love and I am praying for you Suzanne. Doris


Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 14:51:23

Comments

Steve in NJ: I'm nobody's mother, but I've BEEN a 14-year-old girl, and trust me, your daughter sound completely normal. My late father, whom I just absolutely adored, and I had our first real conflicts at about that time. Remember, she isn't just your little girl anymore. She's a young woman. My belief is that THAT is a great deal of what is going on. Sometimes she wants to be (and IS)a child. Sometimes she wants to be (and IS)a young woman. Just love her......I am embarrassed and touched by your and DAVID B's kind words. Thanks, I needed that.


Member: Mark L.
Location: Staten Island
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 14:58:37

Comments

Hi, Mark alcoholic. Just wanted to say hi to everybody and hoping everyone is having a wonderful day. Steve what I went through to get to the concert(also that my wife drinks) just made it so rewarding to meet someone from the program. I shared about meeting you and how cool it was. The miracleof all this is that I thought we wouldn't meet but when we did and you were just standing by me shows that things work in mysterious ways,and I am grateful. Talk to ya soon! Smiles to everyone thats here that I haven't really met yet!

Chow!


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 15:13:31

Comments

Michelle, it wasn't that long ago that I, too, could babble "for 10 minutes saying absolutely not even one word you can make out." For more than 10 minutes actually. For hours. On a barstool. It wasn't a "share the moment" deal either.


Member: Light Foot
Location: West Coast: he,he,he.
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 15:26:02

Comments

I too am Native American, and they probably would have called me Light Foot if I was not born in the city. He,he,he. And I'm an alcoholic. Bitsy, do you realy think you are powerless over fire water?? and, if so are you realy willing to do anything to quit??? Even if it means no more Octofest??? I'm not saying it does. I'm only asking if you know, and if so are you willing???


Member: Martina
Location: Ct
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 15:32:56

Comments

Hi Steve: It is so nice to hear a father share his feelings about your daughter. It made me remember the same thing when mine was 14..... you do sound like you love her very much. Regardless of whether her "moods" are age typical or dysfunctional, you are sober now and you love her. That's what matters most now.

Amy, Suzanne, Sanders (and anyone else I'm forgetting who is living with pain) : thanks for your positive modeling in dealing with disappointment and physical pain -- sharing it honestly and coping a day at a time.


Member: Renee P
Location: Washington, DC
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 16:10:09

Comments

Renee here, alcoholic and addict. There is not much going on in the office so I thought I'd grab another cup of coffee and some conversation. Bitsey, one thing I have been doing today is reading recovery stuff on the net, and I found some very interesting info about the "insanity" before the moment of taking the first drink, and how understanding (or at least knowing about this insanity) can help us stop drinking. It can be found at http://www.public.usit.net/rfhale/personal.htm. It also provides comments regarding how others cannot understand that we do have a problem with alcohol, and ARE NOT able to control. It is not AA approved material, but very very interesting and helpful anyway. I hope that you continue to put together a string of sober days, one day at a time. DON'T GO TO ANYMORE PARTIES OR FESTS FOR A WHILE!! It may be painful, and the boredom and loneliness may feel like they are going to kill you, but they won't -- drinking WILL. I wish I could think of something witty to say (or least something that rhymed) to provide comfort. But I can't. I know you must be in a lot of pain, and all I can really honestly say is that I hope things get better for you soon and that the quickest way for that to happen is if you stop drinking.

Jodene if you don't mind, please send me your e-mail so I can get more of your ESH as it pertains to relations. I can be reached at rpeace@cancer.org. Incidentally, I have no intention of firing my sponsor any time soon! She is truly a treasure in my life, and she definitely does have what I want - which is peace of mind, and a kind, loving spirit devoted to service. Well, I think I'm going to grab a real cup of coffee. PEACE!


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 17:50:07

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, A great big, warm (((ROOM-HUG))) to all, I am missing my time in here, no time to read posts yet, will have to search the archives, and the bummer there, is that even tho the techs have done such a wonderful job with these alternative sites, my pages are still cut off sometimes, so I don't get the full coffeepots or possibly personal posts. A little of whats happening, a sinus thingy, babysitting my 3yr old grandson everyday and working quite closely with 3 woman fleeing their domestic violence situations. My daughter and I have worked with quite a few since we were both victims until this Blessed program saved our lives and gave us both new pairs of glasses to see life out of. So we share our home with them etc. but it does take energy and time away from those things we would rather be doing. this week one got into treatment, heard from one who is getting stronger, staying away from relationships till she gets stronger and another pick up another abuser to replace an old one. In contact with all three but not like it has been for the past few months. So hopefully, I will have more time to visit with my dear friends in this room. either catch up on news or just keep up LOL at this point. the reason I wrote all that was because alot of us are in those types of relationships and it is kept silent for the fear is so thick. Remember LOVE doesn't hit, nor threaten nor jail us. I was 15 when I married my first abuser,(He had been drafted to go to Viet Nam) he was 18 and my childhood sweetheart, had my first baby at 16, the torment and beatings began then, being told I could have no friends, alenating family, breaking my contacts with the outside world, who else would want me, I was stupid, he could do what ever he wanted to, I was always CRAZY, no matter what my opinion was, the physical then started after he had beaten me emotionally, pulling me by the hair up and down the stairs, slaps if he didnt like what I was saying, kicking sideway and kicking me out of bed if he didnt like what I said, checking up on me all the time, telling me if I ever left him he would kill me and my whole family, always making me feel like I caused him to do it, when I was 17 yrs old and 7mo pregnant for my second baby, he threw me into the bath tub, broke my glasses, punched me in the face numerous times, black eye, busted lip, bruised ribs, thank God a friend called my Mom, she called my Dad and my husbands parents, they all came, they all read him the riot act and I had to go to the hospital for I was losing the baby, (the daughter I live with today) the police were called, I filed charges but the night before our court date his mom called me and threatened to take away my kids, if I didnt drop the charges, for I was so young, being afraid of everything and everybody I dropped the charges. OH you think this is the end of that story, not so, for you see my abuser, came to my door many times, with flowers, and tears and apologies and promises that it would never happen again. He was the father of my children, after all, he deserved another chance. the madness went on for yrs. until I broke the cycle with that one. married a very passive man the next time(for 12 yrs) that was emotionally unavaiable (got sober, divorced him) and then married another abuser when I was 10 yrs sober. Until your co-dependent issues are dealt with, the madness goes on and on and on. this kind of madness turns us into emotionally unavailable people who hit or yell, ask my kids. theres many ways this manifests itself into our lives, even after the abuse stops. Stop the madness, reach out. WHEW, guess I needed to dump, I wasnt ever going to share about this on here, guess I was supposed to. ((Bitsy)) as I was scrolling down, I did read your post - please dear, if you are not going to be responsible about your drinking, (it sounds like you dont like being a passenger in a car) please I beg you to NOT get behind the wheel of a car, for I dont want one of my children or grandchildrens death by drunk driver to be your bottom. You can get off the elevator at any stop. You have the tools of this program being offered to you at every turn. In these rooms, in f2f rooms in your area and in your own family. Pick them up and claim your gift. God Bless you in your journey. Thank you dear hearts for being here. Love and hugs, bon Dear God please bless all who venture here, -- bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: Mark R
Location: Naperville IL
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 18:22:39

Comments

This is the best Web site ever wish I had my own computer so I could keep comming back to all who take time to read this this site got me to go back to meetings and feel good about it so keep up the good work

Thanks love all


Member: Lisa M
Location: New York City
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 18:45:11

Comments

Hi my name is Lisa - alcoholic and addict. This is my first time in this room and I am amazed at how much love there is. Everyone -- thanks for giving me hope. I've been feeling way too hopeless lately.

I've been sober now for 6 weeks, 1 day. The first 2 weeks were hell but after that, days got much easier. The drinks were easier to get over than the drugs but the hardest part was trying to get through an entire day thinking, "I will not have a drink." and "I will not pick up that phone to call my dealer." The actual conscious decision was so hard. It used to be so much easier (and so much more debilitating) to know I could fall back on drinks and drugs...if the day got too difficult I could always escape. Not allowing myself that escape is so much more difficult that I expected.

I do know I am blessed in many ways. I am alive, have wonderful friends and family supporting me and am furthering my education. I'm in a very trying relationship, however, that stretches me daily to my thinnest point and I have to forcably NOT use. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are having serious relationship problems and he moved out recently. We've been going to therapy but still have horrible fights daily. I think I'm dealing with some serious co-dependancy but I don't know where to turn for help. And I try daily not to hate myself and just get through the next minute. I've been calling them 'baby steps.' I must take thousands of baby steps each day but I just keep telling myself that at least I'm not drinking and drugging.

All of your comments have really helped me through today. I'm so happy I found this site. Thanks so much for letting me vent and God bless you all.

Lisa


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 18:57:18

Comments

Hi to all Y'ALL I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. First of all, a great big thanks to all of you for your prayers and con concerns of me and my back. I feel right now, the best I have felt in a week. I am angry with myself for not going to my regular Dr. sooner. I went today and he checked me over, gave me a shot and some medication for muscle inflamation and told me I should be bettter in a couple of days. The shot started the healing quickly and the pills for the long haul. I'll be OK now and I am so glad to be back among the "living". I'll try to catch up on all my mail and postings but am way behind. I have 199 E mails to do something with, so it may take awhile. In any event it is very good to be back. I didn,t go to my regular Dr. first because I "knew " what the problem was and the chiropractor coulf fix me right up. I was not wanting to make that 100 mile trip to him either if I could get relief another way. After two trips to the chiropractor and 115 dollars, and two agonizing days of pain, I decided I would chance the long trip. With my insurance the office visit cost 10 dollars nad the medication cost me 7.50 and I feel the best I have in a week. I said to some one on here earlier that I was a little " slow" but now I think I am downright stupid. I have always known I have excellant hind site and poor foresite. Glad to be back and will catch up later. Thanks again for all your love. Sanders


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 19:06:17

Comments

Hi everyone, Kerry, an alcoholic. There sure is alot of inspiration being shared here today, and I really appreciate it. Have been having a relatively uneventful day, that used to be boring, now I just accept it as a "day off".

Steve - I felt what you were talking about with your girl. You can rest assured that your example in sobriety will at least do some healing from the life before. As was said before, 14 year olds do have alot going on physically and emotionally. I think I would probably worry more if she all of the sudden got really quiet and started staying to herself.

Bitsey - When I was doing what you say you are doing, it was only because I was still trying to prove that I was "different". You have two choices that I can see - You can surrender your terminal uniqueness, or you can allow you EGO (which is really what being different is about) to eventually Kill You. Because it will, I have seen it too many times. Weather you are an alcoholic or not, that is not for anyone else to say, but in your heart I think you know, otherwise you would not be "playing" with this problem. Again, the game you are playing will Kill you, eventually. What used to bother me about it was that I did not know when, or how it would happen. I was pretty selfish, but I sure did not want to take anyone with me, and the worst thought was that perhaps I wouldn't die, but would be incompacitated physically, or maybe even get committed to a sanitarium. Anyway, the choice is yours, you know. You didn't say anyone was pouring it down your throat. I'm sorry if I sound like a hard a**, and I certainly don't want you to stop sharing here, because you remind me where I have come from. I hope that somday you will "stop and watch the passing parade" rather than leading it out the doors of the program. I did, so can you.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their ESH, I'm like a big sponge, soaking it all up!!


Member: Tammy
Location: Burbank
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 19:15:45

Comments

This is from Tammy - by way of Kerry B.

Jim D. , Sanders and Bitsy - my prayers are with you, and I want to thank everyone for their sharing on religious stuff, that's definately an area I'm still working on.

Tammy's computer won't let her post here again this week, dang it!! Did I do good, Tammy?? e-mail me, I'll post for ya!!


Member: Kerry & Tammy
Location:
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 19:19:17

Comments

And I thought I did a good job, but Tammy also wanted me to mention Suzanne, you are in her prayers also, mine too!!

Kerry B.


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 19:36:56

Comments

Hi Bon/alky again, forgot something, If anyone is dealing with an abusive situation please contact your local abuse hotline, most major cities have them, some churches will help, sometime salvation army have shelters, etc. etc. call the court house and ask if they know who to call. look at the index in your phone book and start calling, someone will know, this problem is there today and there are ways to get out from under. Pray then call, He will lead you. (((Lisa))) God speed my friend, my prayers are with you. God Bless all who venture here. Love and hugs, bon


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 19:53:18

Comments

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.

Steve D. - my higher power(God) works in some wonderous ways. There are how many people using the internet? and I am blessed with meeting a person who was involved in developing the medicine that will help with controlling the symptoms of the disease(which by the way I didn't make clear that it has not yet been diagnosed by a biopsy.)I haave had the symptoms for a few years and tested positive for the antimitochondrial antibody in February. Also my mother had PBC and had a liver transplant in '86 and she died from recurrent PBC in '96. The doctor says the liver involvement in this autoimmune disease is inevitable. I am aware of actigall, and would really like to be taking it, but at this point in time it has not been prescribed. I will e-mail you and explain more of this. It was very nice of you to offer and I thank you.

Doris, thanks for the info. I got to thinking, as far as the problem with my eyes goes, I never in my life did alot of reading...until I got sober...maybe I just need glasses. Anyway, I go to the specialist next week and will check things out then.

Luv Suzanne


Member: DONALD M
Location: PASADENA CALIF
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 20:26:26

Comments

DONALD, ALCOHOLIC, WELCOME LISA AND MARK,,,BITSEY....WOW...THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONEST SHARING.....BONNIE...WHEW...

WELL HERE GOES...WHILE DRINKING AND DRIVING I HIT AND KILLED SOMEONE. THE MAN WAS A PEDESTRIAN STANDING NEXT TO HIS CAR PUTTING GAS INTO IT. HIS CAR WAS TWO FEET FROM THE CURB,HIS CAR WAS BLACK .IT WAS NIGHTIME. THERE WERE NO STREET LIGHTS IN THE AREA, MY BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL WAS .105, HIS WAS .25.. I WAS CHARGED WITH VECHILULAR MANSLAUGHTER. AND FELONY DRUNK DRIVING. SINGLE AND LIVING WITH MY PARNTS THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WAS THERE. THE COURT SYSTEM DROPPED THE CHARGES AFTER THE HIGHWAY PATROL OFFICER TESTIFIED IN COURT.

WHEW...THE REASON I SHARE THIS ,LIKE THIS . IS : 1) GOD HAS FORGIVEN ME. 20 IT MIGHT HELP SOMEONE ELSE. 3) IT DID NOT GET ME TO QUIT DRINKING. KERRY AND BONNIE:S COMMENTS REMINDED ME OF MY CIRCUMSTANCES OF 26 YEARS AGO. BITSEY, STEVE OR ANYONE STRUGGLING WITH THE NOT DRINKING PART MIGHT CONSIDER AT LEAST NOT DRIVING ON THE HIGHWAY. LIKE BONNIE SAID I SURE HOPE MY FAMILY IS NOT TAKEN FROM ME MY A DRUNK DRIVER. WHEW. I SHARE THAT AS A MESSENGER/EXAMPLE TO OTHERS GOOD OR BAD. GOD HAS REMOVED THE OBESSION FOR ALCOHOL, AA HAS GIVEN ME THE 12 STEPS SO I CAN LIVE LIFE SUCESSFULLY WITHOUT A DRINK.... LOVE TO ALL, DONALD PS.GLAD SANDERS IS FEELING BETTER I ALSO KNOW WHAT BACK PAIN CAN DO...


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 20:33:27

Comments

Hi Richard here alcoholic, well I haven't made a point of it because my problems seem small compared to some people and what they are going though. However, something has been creeping up on me and I did not know it. WWWWOOOO BABY!!! That sounds like my ego, it really is not my problem, but it is my mom. I love her very much, but she moved to another state with her new/old husband: he is not my dad. But, I do care about him and love him as an AA brother. He has always seemed like a good guy, and I have no reason to think otherwise even now. But, my mom called me up asking for a place to stay for the weekend. Now, that might seem normal to some of you, but it is not in my case. She has been sounding depressed lately, but I only could here her on the machine. Well, now she says they are just having a rough and stressful time. This is understandable, for he is going through a lot of stuff (for lack of a BETTER word he,he,he). He just found out that his brother is dying and his mother is old and is having health care problems, which are both physically, and emotionally draining on both of them. The bottom line is that I asked my mommy if everything is all right and she said, "oh, yes." I have no reason not to believe her. I told her she's a grown woman and should know to tell me if there is anything wrong. She said she knew and that all is well in paradise.

AnYwAy, her husband is also a long time member of AA. WOW! From the tone of this post you'd think I'd have said, my AA." Ha,ha,he,he,he. I tend to internalize responsibility for other people who I love. EEEEGGGGOOOO! Is what they call it: I think. On with this, he has been sober for, well, I guess about half the time Gods been around, but he has not been going to meetings since they moved. If he drinks, I do not know what will happen. I feel like saying that if he does, she should leave him, but I do not think that is in accordance with the B.B. I just hope that he does not, but what can I do. I just keep getting past over for the "GOD" position, so I can only try to be a fellow sober drunk. It is hard for me to talk to much program with him because our relationship is not like that. The only thing I can think of is that maybe some meetings and fellowship with fellow alkies will help. I called and asked my mom if they had found a meeting hall, but she said no. I told her that maybe that would help, but if not that it may keep him sober through this pile of life shhhhstuff. She seemed to think that might help, but I hope some action is taken. I do not think I can take my mom having any major problems or lifestyle changes. It seems like yesterday her and my dad were breaking up. I do not need my mom in any emotional pain. LOL God must be cracking up with me saying, "I do not need." He is so use to me saying, "I need, I need, I need." Ha,ha,ha,ha,he,he,he..lol. Anyway, I know my problem is small, but it feels big. I just want everything to be calm and peaceful, but I guess that went out the window after Eve gave Adam that darn fruit. Ha,ha,ha. Now, now, I'm just kidding I know the history.

One note I'm a Capitals "fan", and I hate the Devils. Also, I think everyone who likes sports knows who won the championship: hockey. Nevertheless, who won the B-ball games? He,he,he,he. Anyway, I'm not much for hooting and hollering over pro-sports teams: minus football. I save all my sports energy for playing hard. I really liked what someone said about distinguishing the program in the B.B. from that of the programs, which reside between the ears of many opinionated members. Also, concerning Charlotte B 's interest in Budo, you go girl. Budo is a way of life, which can help you in all areas of your life, but you must be willing to train when you do not want to. Today I ran four miles, and I felt like quitting after one, but your Budo spirit must carry you all the way. So, by the time I got to the end MY FEET WERE FEELING LIGHT AS FEATHETRS: make the connections. Ha,ha,he,he,he. There is no quitting outside of death for a warrior, which is why it is important to start you training off slowly and gently. The Book of Five Rings is for strategy and swordsmanship what the B.B. is for recovery. WAIT, WAIT, all I mean is that if studied and practiced the book makes you as good of a strategist as you can be. Just like if we study and practice the principles in the B.B. we become as clear headed and sober as we can be. SEE no problem right? But, it was written hundreds of years ago by a most successful samurai. He is thought of as invincible, and quit using swords in sword fights when he was 40 or 50 years old using only wood after that, and he never lost. Not too many samurai died of old age, but he did. He,he,he. Yea, his name was Bill!! Yea, right…just seeing who's still awake Anyway, the book reveals itself differently to the reader ever time one reads it.

Well, I'm praying for all our brothers and sisters here at this site. Whether they are here or not makes no difference.

Read ya'all later alligators.

P.S. I…I…I…l..la..la..love…you guys. He,he,he,he. Oh yea, and to the person who asked if I want to run in a marathon the answer is hopefully someday. First 5K then 10K charity runs. However, a marathon would be the ultimate test. After all, historically the marathon is the athletic symbol of indomitable spirit. To run to death shows how that first marathon runner cared for and loved those he was charged with protecting.

Sorry for the length, but you know I'm one of the winded members here though I'm not alone. Ha,ha,he,eh.


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 21:30:37

Comments

I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.

The time has come for the deepest bumper sticker of the year. I was on my way home from a job moments ago when there, in front of me was a green pickup with a bumper sticker which read "Not All Who Wander Are Lost."

Well, it meant something to me at the time.

Glen, the bid I spent two days on last week. The company came back to me and offered the project to me for 65% of what I had bid. It felt so good to have done enough homework to say," No, I'm not interested at that price. Thank you though." They will find a low bidder type somewhere that won't mind hanging his shorts out in the wind on the project. I sure feel sorry for him/her.

Love in the Fellowship DB


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 22:46:20

Comments

Hi to all Y'all again, i am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Richard my thought on your situation with your mother and step father are this. Maybe suggest alonon for your mother and let her deal with your step dad from tha alonon viewpoint. I know for me , there was a period of about two years in my life that alonon was more important to me than AA.. My AA sponsor's wife was my alonon sponsor and I would go to an AA meeting and Woody, my AA sponsor , would talk to me a little bit and tell me to go to the other end of the building to alonon. This was when I "knew" my wife was heading back out for more drinking and poiwerless to stop her. I ended up devorcing her and she did go back out and nearly died out there. I was trying to hang on and let her go out and hopefully get back and then we could live happily ever after, but in the end, I was going down faster than she was so I had to ge out. I took my 3 year old son and left and I raised him alone. He is now 19 and doing fairly well.------ I suppose what I am trying to say to you is that if your step father has the answers then he knows that alcoholics who don't go to meetings get drunk and alcoholics who drink die. I don't care how long a person has in AA we are all just one drink away from a drunk. I honestly believe this with all my being. I am sober nearly 23 years and I do believe if I went out to have a drink, I do not believe you would ever see me alive again. I know for me to drink is for me to die. Any way you or your mother can get that message accrosss to your step father may save his life Anyway Richard, alonon will help your mother cope with the situation better Good luck and God bless.

,


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 23:22:31

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Sure enjoyed everyones posts today. I get so much out of others sharing their ESH here.

Amy CG, your welcome. Seems like whenever I need direction, someone here has said what I have needed to "read." I am glad to hear your doing better; Pat Z, I look forward to your postings, glad you joined our happy family; Glen, your posts are great, you manage to say so much in a relatively brief manner. I like that about you, down to earth messages which may be short and sweet, but precise, and full of wisdom; Martina, I appreciate your discussions about preceptions to truths from others in AA or church. So true. I do my own research when I doubt what I have heard from others; Mike form Montana, my spiritual cycle was similar to yours, just substitute the word aetheist for agnostic. My church activity today is an extension of my 11th step; Jim, that's the spirit, to move forward and beyond this point. You have my prayers for this evening, good luck; Renee, good to see your doing better; Suzanne, it is always inspiring to me to see people like yourself and others here with physical disabilities stretch themselves to fully participate with life. Hang in there. Hope a pair of glasses can remedy your situation with the failing vision; Michelle, looks like your enjoying that vacation. Those kids sound precious. Appears your storing up a lot of treasured memories for you and them; David, acknowledging those who are helping was a very nice thing to do, and your welcome; Steve, wonderful to see you are making strides in the relationship with your daughter. Neat to know you want to improve the family ties, some people do not have that in their agenda; Bitsy, wise of you to see the patterns you have for drinking. Perhaps now you can change some of your activities for weekends and incorporate meetings and AA fellowship instead. That would be far healthier, and not so risky; Bonnie, wow, your abuse story was important. Mine was more emotional than physical, but seeking the same emotionally unavialable people to be a part of my life had to stop. My choices get better as the years have marched on, but I do manage to make that occasional mistake and end up suffering for it; Lisa, thanks for speaking up and sharing with us your struggles. We are here to help. Also seek regular meetings in your area and find a sponsor to guide you through the program of recovery if you do not already have one; Kerry, I like your prior post on the issue of relapse. Denial of our disease can be so deadly. Sometimes we just have to give it straight, without any fluff. Not only honest, but where I live, it is called tough love, and sometimes essential if we see someone veering off our path; Donald, whew, that was a heavy experience of tragedy. That only shows the yets many of us have out there if we either continue drinking, or relapse. Scarry stuff, but glad you shared that with us; Richard, your one of the special characters here that I look forward to reading. Marathons, huh, don't think I could do it. Someone from church ran in one on old Hwy 1, the coastal road of California. Think he ran about 25 miles. He is hurting though. That seems like torture to me. How is that situation with your Mom coming along?; Andy, what's happening, did you fall in the fishing hole???; hello to everyone else on this site I have not mentioned, even those peeking in to see what we are about. Keep coming back, join in, we'd love to have you over for (__)> (coffee) and @@@@ (cookies).

Love to all, Linda P


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 23:58:11

Comments

Hi, Linda P (The Traveler) here, an alcoholic. The nickname is to help identify myself to someone I have asked to meet me here. " 1more "

My experience with relapse was very difficult. I hurt deep inside, and was also mortified over what I had done. It took me months to forgive myself for that terrible mistake. That drink did not solve one of my problems which I drank over. It all loomed over me when I sobered up like a bad dream. One day someone told me to put away the club. Reminded me of the disease factor. Anyone else with a disease that came out of remission was not kicking themselves into obliviion because their condition came out of remission, what the h__ was I doing? It was a slow recover, but you are not along. Many with this experience feel deep shame and remorse. Please hang in here with us, and share your pain and allow us to love you back to health. The best advise I got was to read my big book from cover to cover as if I knew absolutely nothing. That something in those pages would be identified with and my answers would be there as to what to do. Take that challenge "1more" and find what I have found, a basis for my recovery to begin anew.

Love to you Linda P (Traveler)


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, Mississippi
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 01:16:14

Comments

Hello, everyone! I am Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. I'll bet God smiled all day as he watched his chosen people sharing on this site! Sanders, so-o-o happy you're feeling better. We'll get with you about icq in a few days after you have a chance to catch up with postings and mail. Glen, it's true. Your posts are always right on point. Amy, how's your grandmother? David B -- I got it! Will have to remember that one. Steve, in addition to having been one (albeit a few days ago) I am the mother of a 14-year-old girl. Have to agree, it's a difficult age for children and for parents. Some days all ages are difficult ones for children and for parents! But some days are a joy to live. This, I think, is part of the deal. This too shall pass...and you'll do just great...sober. Richard! I didn't say I was converting! 8 - ) Yet. (yeah, my sponsor still suggests I tack that on.) But I am curious. I can understand your concern about your mother. Sanders and others seem on target when they suggest that you suggest she seek out an Alanon group. Just don't forget what you said about not having been elected God, yet. She has the right to use or reject your suggestion. I will pray for God's will in her life and yours, knowing that God's will is good and only good for each of us. I will pray the same for everyone here, posting or just reading, especially those who are new or still wavering. Yep! I think my higher power is smiling mightly tonight. "My children! They're getting it!!" [ I've been long-winded, and still didn't respond to all individually. Know you are loved.]


Member: Connie S.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 01:46:27

Comments

Thanks Traveler. It is hard to remember that I drink because I am an alcoholic. The shame is in not trying to do something about it. I still feel like I drank because I am bad, substandard. I have made a plan to go to a meeting tomorrow. ...and to read from the Big Book tonight. Until then, there is no place to put myself but in God's hands and hope that I have the humility not to drink for the next 24. 1more shot.


Member:   Chuck Le C
Location:     Yreka, Calif.h
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 04:18:40

Comments

Hi Everyone I am Chuck a real alcoholic. that means something to me that many out there will never have to go through the program like I did ! I am sure you must think this guy is a real nut. I have become who Iam Instead of who I ain t . I sobered up on one meeting a week. Six days and twenty two hr.s staying sober At this time I could get two six packs and four or more packs of cigarettes four a five dollar bill. Their was no medi-cal. there was no free medical . A friend in Grants Pass, Ore. told me that up there they would slip a drunk up near the emergency room early in the a.m. then they would push the emergency button and leave before anyone showed up. Things were differernt then we didn t have people with drug problems. I can remember when we had time accepting them! look at things now. They have certainly changed. I have no problem with anybody on the program today A.A. teaches us to live and let live. A.A. is a way of life. The twelve steps are like the grades in school. You never graduate you learn how to live without drinking. I don t believe that alcohol causes alcoholism no more than gasoline doesn t cause accidents. This is a way of life folks the only thing A.A. is going to give you is a way of life. You are going to grow up or die! Hopefully you can understand where I am coming from . On August 12 1998 I will be sober 33 years. Good night everybody I hope you understand where I come from. Love to all Chuck Le c .


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 04:40:52

Comments

Hello dear friends, my name is Amy and I am an alcoholic...I have so much I want to share I just hope it makes some sense. Last night I did go to the english christian fellowship meeting I was debating about and BOY was I glad I did, I so needed the message and felt love for my friend the messenger, a double blessing. She talked about some things that really touched me, especially Galatians 5:16-25. In a nut shell my HP told me that I can expect conflict between the flesh and spiritual growth, most times they are in complete contrast to one another and in order to grow spiritually I will be put to the test, I will undergo painful circumstances and events but if I keep fightin the good fight within my self in the end he will say ¨well done my good and faithful servant!¨ Just the thought of it makes me smile with hope. Steve when you wrote that your daughter was graduating from 8th grade it made me remember my 8th grade graduation and I tried to remember what I was like then. It is a time of change for her and just being there by her side and telling her you intend to do your best and you are proud of her for this achievement she has made will mean alot to her. The fact that you are now emotionally available means alot to her I am sure. Also the son who came to be with you at the concert because he did not want you to be alone...that touched me. You are blessed . Bonnie thanks so much for sharing, both what I read here today and what I read on the discussion page yesterday from you really touched me, you are a special lady. Bitsey, boy have I been where you are my friend. I too remember the struggle and trying to get 30 days straight...don't worry about the length you havn't been able to achieve and be thankful you have stopped again. I have not given up on you and will not, please e mail me at amcan@swissonline.ch if you want to talk some more... David B. it sounded from your second post like you are feeling better, glad to hear it! I had to smile when I read your bumper sticker quote that NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST because wandering (hiking) is the national swiss past time and it used to really bug me, being generally lazy myself, to constantly see the signs for wander paths, people even in their 90's walking all day, I would think good grief! Now I am trying to wander myself and made a hike a month or so ago from an altitude of 5000 ft. To 2000 feet in 5 hours. I enjoyed it so much, just to realize I COULD do that took away my sarcasm to those who did it, funny huh? Donald thank you so much for sharing what you did, I sure appreciated it. Richard last night the person who spoke said something about training that I found interesting, she said...If we want our muscles to be fit we don't just pray to god to make them strong, we have to train with resistance to build the muscle the same way God puts us in trying circumstances that my strain us at the time, later to be able to look back and realize the benefit that came to our spirit from the trial...keep on running my friend! Jodene thanks for sharing too about what happened when you entered a relationship against the advise of your sponsor, you know I did it... I have survived these 3 years since (for the grace of God and a non drinking spouse) and I am thankful that I am truely, truely blessed...I love you girlfriend! Michelle! Glad you are enjoying that vacation! Reading the story of the children made me LOL and my heart felt all warm...I love children in this sober life too... I can't wait to see my neices and nephews in October, and boy will we have a REAL Octoberfest, minus the beer. All the talk about Octoberfests made me remember the time I was in Münich drinking the liquid poison back in 1987, then when I lived here 2 hours from the home of the party the first October (1995) I was thankful not to give a ___ about the debauchery. Charlotte thanks for asking about my Mamaw, she is now back at home with my parents in western NC and even going to day care again! I am sure she has the whole staff in stitches, she is such a card. My mom is making sure she takes her meds and she is happy as ever thank the lord. I cannot wait to see her again too in October. Suzanne you are my sunshine. I just KNEW something was wrong and had been praying and now that I know what I sure will double the efforts. Ruby O., Connie S. Mark R., Lisa M. and all other newcomers or readers welcome to the family, Mark L. Ciao yourself! Thats what we say here for goodbye! Traveler, please e mail me if you feel lead to...you have something I want and I am willing to go to any length to get it. Sanders my man I am so glad you are feeling better! I am sending you a funny e mail today, no rush to respond since I am thank God not on the red list at the moment. Charlie how are those worms? Everyone elso, thanks for letting me share and God bless you all...Sincerely, Amy GC PS Special hello to Doris, Delores and Fayla.


Member: Pete B.
Location: sw MI
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 05:20:27

Comments

Hi, I'm Pete .... recovering alcoholic !

Re: 1 more beer ...... I had a 9 year slip ..... not 1 but 9 ! ...after a 2 year shot at AA. There was a mixed bag of motives as to why and how I came back into AA.

First, my son encounter a DWI and when the cops called a 3 am, I knew instinctively that my drinking days were over. There was this split second that I looked back at 30 years of horror and saw nothing but waste. I was in the act of SURRENDER !!! ........... I knew that last year of drinking that I was headed back to AA .... I didn't know when, but I was .....because I knew AA was my salvation. I had tried everthing else to "control" my drinking ..... but to no avail. It is my belief that God (the Supreme Higher Power) came to me that morning ....wacked me in the head ...let some reality air into my brain and planted the seed of AA recovery. The rest is history !

"Grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, and the COURAGE to change the things I can ........!!!! Ask this from your heart and this request, this prayer will be answered !!!!!!! Go back to a meeting....swallow the false pride, SURRENDER !!!! and you'll be back on the right path.


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 07:41:31

Comments

Morning everyone,

Just spent a long time reading posts. This is a rich group. Donald and Bonnie thanks for being willing to share so openly in order to help others.

Lisa - maybe Alanon would help?

Richard - Your problem with your mom is not small or unimportant. Our lives are all made up of big and little things and the sharing of both help us to see life as it is and to be able to relate to one another. I can understand why it is unsettling to you. I am sort of feeling that way also as my parents both grow old and feeble, as there is a part of me that still wants them to be okay and still be able to parent me.

Sanders - glad you are feeling better.

Bitsy - You have no control over your drinking if you are an alcoholic, but you do have a choice as to whether or not to surrender to that which will make you well. Don't remember who appealed to you about not drinking and driving, but I want to say amen to that --- If you really want to stop drinking, go to lots and lots and lots of meetings.

Have a great day.


Member: fayla    g
Location: galena  ks
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 10:02:28

Comments

FAYLA ,Alcoholic ,Mary i keep getting the mail back i sent you the last 2 times ,do i have the right email address ?love ya. hi everyone Suzanne ,my love and prayers are with you always.Sanders hope that backs doing better,love ya Fayla ,


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 10:42:11

Comments

Michelle alcoholic here - I can't believe it's snowing in June, but I had to shovel my deck this morning. Maybe I better get my skis out and put my golf clubs away. This Canadian front is nasty. Jim D. did you send it this way? Windsurfing is going to have to wait a few more days, until the ice thaws off the lakes. Living at 9500 ft can be challenging, but I am closer to God which is where I need to be. Happy and grateful to have another sober day, and be living a sober life, enjoying my sober friends. Peace to all who come here.


Member: GALENA  KS
Location: FAYLA   G
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 11:01:15

Comments

Fayla Alcoholic, Richard ,im studing for my ged,iwant to go to some clases ,now that my time span will allow it,I have just been stuiding at home on my own up until now .am praying for everyone and sending love to you all Fayla g


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 12:39:36

Comments

Richard here alcoholic, well I woke up today and the TV was running. There was another person who hates discrimination, but who has a good reason why another group is less worthy of equality: physical, emotional, and financial. It seems we get hooked up on maybe one or two of these and start thinking we are all part of an open-minded enlightened society. He,he,he,he. Well, this time it was a congressman who thinks homosexuality is a good candidate for a 12-step program. He compared it to kleptomania, and alcoholism. And, by the time he was done justifying why homosexuals are "separate but equal", it ALMOST sounded logical. Well, if you are a non-thinking follower of blind leaders or angry masses. ANYWAY, DO NOT GET ME STARTED. Ha,ha,he,he,he,ha,he…...LOL.

Oh, I'm straight...….and sober too. Well, I think I am straight and I know I'm sober. I like girls is all I know about the first part.

Now I'm turning it over to my H.P. because it seems he wants me to live in a world where we are all flawed. But, I wish he made it so that we could at least see our shortcomings and lay off other people for whatever reason. I MEAN FOR WHATEVER GOOD REASONS NO JUSTIFICATION FOR DISCRIMINATION HATE OR BIGOTRY, but at last even those I respect seem to like finding ways of making everything an "us & them" issue.

When it comes to the Bible I believe in it and my H.P. is JESUS. Never the less, I can not focus on the idiosyncrasies and the subtleties contained in history's greatest collaboration of authors. I do believe the Bible is divinely inspired and crafted. But, I always end up loosing it when I try to follow all of the LAWS and parables. I AM FLAWED and fall far short of the kingdom. We all do, for no one has ever even kept all of the 10 commandments throughout his/her lifetime. Moreover, if we can't follow even the simple straightforward principals then how can we start thinking about the other precepts contained within the scriptures? Remember what GOD told Moses when giving him the LAWS. He said that all of the LAWS are equal & that if one breaks one it is like breaking them all. WOW! That means if I lie that I am on equal footing with a murderer in God's eyes. And, though it may be hard to believe I might have broken more than one of these simple rules. I'm just not good at reading directions. He,he. AnYwAy, this is how powerless over life I've felt all my life. I WAS JUST WAITING FOR HELL because even when I'd try I'd fail: most assuredly.

Now, this post is not over. So, WWAAKE UUP! Or skip to the next one. See, one day I read a part of the BIGGEST BOOK that makes it possible for even me to live in semi-peace. See, there was this guy who asked Jesus how he could get to heaven, and Jesus did say follow the 10 Commandments, but then he gave us the real way when he said something that I'll paraphrase cause I'm not worthy of quoting. He said that if we believe in Jesus and the FACT that he came to sacrifice himself for our sins then we are saved. WOW! Now that was something I could deal with. Then I started seeing this same sentiment over and over again in the BIBLE. Therefore, I can not focus on the filler even though it maybe important, for the filler causes me to miss the message of love. I must focus on the bottom line (never would know I was a business major would ya?) But anyway, the BIBLE basically says there are two ways to get into heaven: be perfect or believe that Jesus died for us and now lives. No middle ground. Whether you only lied or commited murdered you are TRUELY equal in God's eyes. And, you both can go to heaven being equal in sin, as we all will be. We can not earn our way into God's good graces; grace is a gift; works are never enough. Now though faith without works is dead, faith without perfection is not. And, by me trying to live up to the Bible I try and attempt perfection even when I say that I know that I can not be perfect: INSANITY. Now, I do not live in the Bible Belt (thank goodness), and I'm sure many of the people there would disagree with me, but I'm backed up by the same book they would try and quote to me. And, the same book used by the Catholics in old Europe to justify burning Protestants & vise versa. It can be a dangerous book when in the hands of those who think they know what it says, and want you to see what they see. Do ya think that is what God was trying to tell them in the Bible? Well, I do not think so. See, I think man/woman interpret things how we want to or are training to. Then people use their interpretations to back up their own views and interest, and get rid of the other guy. He,he,he.

Basically, what the Bible says to me is you are not perfect, Jesus was/is, and if you believe in him then you are saved. Oh yea, and try to be a half way nice guy to you fellows there Richard because I know that if I do not tell you then you won't play nice. Oh yea, and do not let the sign of the beast be put on your right hand or forehead. IN ADDITION, do not follow any leader with the numbers 666 (or the sign of the beast) on his forehead. Do ya see how quickly I can start to dissect and distorting the scriptures?? That is why I think God made me see my truth in the scriptures. If I kept on with this, pretty soon I would be trying to explain how the flying scorpions in Revelations are actually helicopters and bla, bla,bla,bla,bla,yada,yada,yada. FAITH IS MY BOTTOM LINE.

There is one thing that will get me drunk just as quick as resentment and that is the pursuit of perfection. Oh, by the way that is not in the B.B.. Well now I guess it does say progress not perfection...…he,he,he. God let me see that I'll never be perfect, so why not just except it and have faith that Jesus will save me in the end.

Hope someone needed this, I sure did. He,he,he...…eh. AnYwAy,

Read ya later alligators.

P.S. Fayla, go for it girl. I'm sure that you will do just fine. I'll pray for you, but you may still want to study just a bit. Ha,ha,ha.


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 12:43:39

Comments

Jim, an alcoholic. Sorry Michelle, but you can't blame me for the weather. Up here we're still blaming El Nino for everything from tornadoes to the falling Canadian dollar. I figure the Pacific Ocean's big enough to shoulder the blame.

Last night's meeting with my former sexual abuser was held. I guess it went OK, but if it did any real good it was for him. Like I said, I finally got over it in the past few days.

Sounds to me like he might yet wind up in the news, though. Guess he had a thing for his students--male, female, didn't much matter. I wasn't the only one. If he keeps on making amends, somebody's going to lose it and charge him. He knows that, but says he doesn't want to die with that part of his life unresolved. Guess he's been in counselling for years.

Anyway, it lasted a half hour, he made a formal apology, asked if there was anything he could do to make amends, and I told him he already had. Acknowledgement of his guilt (rather than my guilt) and the apology gave me all I needed.

So, that's over. As the Rev. says it will never be as though it hadn't happened. It did, and nothing can change that.

But the chapter's closed and the old shadow's gone.

Meanwhile, the Rev's a big fan of jazz music too, so maybe there's a new friend there.

Have a wonderful day everybody--even if it is snowing at 9500 ft. in CO. ODAAT.

P.S.--My wife Donna says hi to everybody here, and that she'll drop in for a bit herself sometime soon. Says she'd like to meet some of my new friends.


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 13:35:45

Comments

Hey friends, my name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. mary w. I also had a letter returned by email so if you have a new address, please let me know and I will keep it confidential. Also, Tammy I tried to mail you but it was returned and I hope you email me and let me know if I have the wrong address. Well Richard that was some read! I was glad when you said the part about loving one another, sometimes I do find it hard to love my neighbor as myself, especially here in Switzerland. Yes I do miss America. Now I sure don't want to start anything, just a simple and easy comment that the Bible Belt is as good a place as any on this earth, I miss it dearly anyway...Jim D. bravo for having gone through with what must have been one of the most difficult situations anyone can face. Donna we look forward to getting to know you too! Chuck welcome to the family here in cyber land. I hope everyone has a great and sober friday! Love, Amy GC PS Michelle we have has lots of cold weather here too, can't blame it on el nino though. It is called schäfskalt (sheeps cold, don't ask me why) and it is a weather front that comes to the alps most every June.


Member: Renee P.
Location: Washington, DC
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 14:26:22

Comments

Renee here, alcoholic and addict, Richard you are a NUT, but I really understood what you were saying in your post -- (now we don't want to turn this into a Christian chat line) but I really appreciated what you said and it made sense to me. I really identified with the pursuit of perfection thing -- and I'll take heed that it can make you drink. My job involves reading the news paper everyday, and I totally understand what you were saying about our leaderships views as well. I also work for an agency that believes that smoking kills you, and that the bill that was just killed in Congress was not about "tax and spend". Look, if you don't smoke, you don't get taxed. I just can't understand why people can't see that and have been bamboozled by the tobacco industry into thinking that they should be able to maintain the right to inexpensively purchase their own death! Smoking kills more people than alcohol! Know let me climb down off of my soap box, I'm beginning to enjoy my self-rightgeous indignation a little too much -- hey, if you want to talk more about political issues, and current events please feel free to contact e-mail me at rpeace@cancer.org.

Now for the important stuff == Recovery! I'm glad to see that Sanders is feeling better, and I think it's neat that Suzanne H. and Steve D. have met each other in this room. I am so grateful for this site, it is really getting quiet in our offices and will continue to do so (BORING!!!), and I used to spend quiet office time indulging in serious mental binges "head storms". I now can spend some of that time reading the ESH in the posts at this site or others, and trying to do the little things that I am assigned in a great way, instead of wishing I was doing great things in a spectacular way, and being jealous of those who were doing those things that I wasn't (because I was lazy, had a bad attitude dressed with a smile, didn't get along well with co-workers, etc. - can anyone relate with this?) Anyway, I don't have to do this today, I am able to talk comfortably with my boss today (a miracle for someone like me who has a SERIOUS problem with authority - can anyone relate?) and working at better relationships with my co-workers. Today my smile is genuine and it feels good. It feels good to feel good today (sometimes I am disgustingly cheerful (once again berating myself for a good quality - I gotta loose the sarcasm!), but that is OK today). Thanks to everyone for being here, and for all of the honest sharing. It really does HELP me on a daily basis! PEACE!


Member: Bitsey
Location: NC CA
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 14:28:50

Comments

Bitsey and I am an alcholhalic. I'm sorry if I sounded like I was taking my drinking or anybodies "going out" lightly. If I had any control over my drinking I would not have thought about it for half an hour, I would have dumped it down the sink or not even thought about it. I thought when I was writing that post that some people might misinterpret what I was saying . I wrote four days after the incident so some of the shame pain etc had diminished. I guess my point was how very powerless I am over alchohal. Luckily I do not drink and drive because my mo for drinking is usually alone at home. I stayed over nite at the place I was cooking at and driving was not neccessary. I am a procrastinator and I hate change. It took me 6 weeks to move a half mile onec and 6 years to get out of my marriage. Alchohal took me away for a long time before it quit working. It has been my only friend for a long time. I know it doesn't work. I know it makes me sick. When I get angry, lonely fustrated I put myself in that vulnrable position. For me it was not so much the fest but the emotions tensions egos and BS of the weekend that caused my slip. And being a person with ego I caused much of my frustration. I really am not worried about being bored. I have three acres, two children and a full time job to keep me occupied (hence much of my frustration-no time for ME-no time for meetings-no time to think a complete thought!!!In fact I have been interrupted at least fifteen times trying to write this post so it may be abit scattered). I was hoping to get to F2F last night, a meeting a found last week, but I had to go grocery shopping instead. I have to pick up my children at noon from summer school summer school and take them somewhere (the pool home etc.) so I am not making noon meetings. The option there is to let the man I am trying to pull away from (the who thinks I can control my drinking) pick them up which would be the easier softer way but keep him involved in my life and having control over my children.

Any way, I feeling quite frustrated with things today. I have been watching my mothers small old dog for her and it escaped yesturday and (another ten minute interruption) has been missing alnight. The dog is small and old and and can't see and can't hear and is really good cayote bait. I'm at work and can do nothing about it. And I am wondering how I will explain to my old mom how I managed to lose the old dog.

I am also a single of a ten year old and a twelve and I really related to Steve about his 14 year old. Unfortunenatly I do'nt have alot of joy around the 12 year old.. She is extremely self centered (I know its normal for the age) and demanding that the world dance to her tune. In my already spread to thin life I find I have alot of anger and its right on top and it is one of the things that really gives Ole King alchohal power over me. Her summer is ruined because I scheduled her summer camp the same week as the fair. last week her summer was ruined because she has to go to summer school and she probably wouldn't get to go to summer camp. I changed my mind yesturday and arranged for her to go to the pool that all her friends were at instead of the one near my work and I hear her on the phone tell her friend "guess what I cried my way to the pool". I thought I was just being a nice mom and comprising. I don't remember any tears!!!! Any way, I am sober today and for me thats what counts.

I have been in the post box far to long and hopefully have not not made impossible for any way else to post.

My other message is for Alex-Not drinking has nothing to with will power. I am a perfect example of how far will power goes and I have been in and the doors of AA for many years. If you have to ask yourself if you are an alchohalic then I believe you already know the answer.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 15:19:49

Comments

Hi to all Y'all. I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I am feeling even better today than I was last night and again a great big thank you for all your prayers and concerns.------Jim D. I am so very happy for you in that you can once and for all put this mess behind you. It is comforting to see that God is still in the business of answering prayer.--------Richard, I want to tell you, without making this religious post, that what you said is exactly the way I feel about the same areas you spoke of in your post. I highly reccommend the book by Philip Yancey, "What's So Amazing About Grace?" It deals exactly in the area you spoke of. I feel so strongly about the book that I'll make you this offer. You get it and read it and if you don't like it, I'll give you your money back. It is the most powerful book I have ever read. I'm not sure if it is in this one or anotherone but he speaks very highly of AA in his books.--------Bitsey, I don't mean to sound unkind but the only way you are going to get sober is to stop drinking. Most alcoholics can not do this without going to meetings, so you may have to redo your thought and change your priorities. Remember, willing to go to any length. Love you and my prayers are with you -------- Now a word about my crazy dog. She knows when I feel good and she knows when I feel bad and last night she was simply crazy in that it was the first night I felt halfway good and she enjoyed it also. The other night after the reunion, a lady fried stopped by to see Tobie and after a short visit she got up to leave and I got up and hugged her. My deer Tobie went crazy and Christine started laughing and then I did too. I have come to this conclusion: This house contains one used up old man and one insanely jealous female, and I love her dearly. She is a "trip" for sure. Love to all Y'all Sanders and Tobie


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 15:20:47

Comments

David, if you're anything like me, there was a time when pride and grandiosity would have made you take that job. Just to show THEM. Whoever THEM are. One of the really neat gifts of the program is that I'm starting to find out who and what I really am. Because of that, now, after I have done the best that I am capable of, I can say "No" to requests for more and be at peace.


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Mississippi
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 15:40:04

Comments

Good afternoon, everyone! (((((all))))) Did I get that right, Bonnie? Chuck LeC, welcome and thank you. Amy, Richard is skating on thin ice when he swats at "Bible Belt" folks, huh? Seriously, Richard, thanks again. The whole point of spirituality, and all religions, is LOVE. My humble opinion. Pretty much every religion has a saying or proverb or whatever that says, in essense, the same as the Golden Rule...do unto others as you would have them do unto you. LOVE. Love yourself, love others, love God however you understand God. Jim D, I'm grateful the healing has begun. And you may have gained a new friend in the process. You know nature abhors a vaccum and quickly operates to fill it. Bitsey, you touch my heart Actually, I'm thinking of changing my nickname to "momofmany"! 8-) My suggestion to you, if you want to get and stay sober, and I believe you do, is PUT YOUR SOBRIETY FIRST. If I don't do that, on a daily basis, I'll probably give away everything I put ahead of my sobriety. Kids, other family, friends, home, job, me. Is it possible you could arrange to carpool with other parents to get children back & forth? Maybe swap one or two days with one other parent? Then you could make a noon meeting? Or arrange a sitter for one night a week? (Yes, I know. Your children will swear they don't need one. Ignore them. Keep your mind at peace.) Just thoughts. Andy T, this is the day you get the cast right? Ready for us to send our autographs?? Doris, check your e-mail. I thank my God for the people who make this site what it is. A loving home.


Member: Lori G.
Location: Batesville, IN
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 16:17:32

Comments

Hi everyone, I've been in here before, but it's been a long time. IMy sobriety date is 7/12/95. I sponsor 2 other women and it has helped me sooo much. I haven't had a drink, but I'm definitely back in my disease. Last Jan I started communicating with a gentleman on the internet, went to see him, had an affair. I am married, my husband found out, we are in counseling now. He has started going to alanon. My head is spinning. I have a very hard time letting go of my escapades with this man why!!! self-will run riot. I feel like I'm back at the beginning, fighting off the first drink, or first phone call. I am covered with anger guilt and remorse. At the time all this happened, I thought I was on good spiritual ground, I feel like I've been tested and flunked the test. But I'm still sober but struggling. Any input would be appreciated.


Member: Andy T.
Location: the right side of the Red River
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 16:18:31

Comments

Good afternoon everyone,Andy T alcoholic here. My God I just got finished reading all the posts. and that took forever. First off I want to thank everyone for the cards and emails and flowers and especially from the person on the wrong side of the Red River. (haha) I just go back from the doctors and shall be on cruches for 8 weeks and I won't know what to do with all this time off now. Guess now I'll just have to fish all the ponds of texas. I'll be going to a f2f tonite.....I hope, depending on the pain in my foot. Betsy, once again welcome back.Don't make me come up to Nevada City like you said I have some strange adventures. Honey, please get your hand up at a meeting and share what is going on in your life; we don't want to lose you, you have earned your seat, now just stay a while. Remember, one day at a time is all you have to be concerned about. And keep the plug in the jug. I love you kiddo. Linda P. The big fish in the pond has not eaten me yet. Even tho those little blue gills are peckin at me a little at a time. David B: sorry I haven't emailed you my friend, is it pain or procrastion? Probrally a little of both. Ms. Yazoo (charlotte) Thank-you for all the cards you sent me. Well my friends I must go lay down for my foot is killing me and I'll check in tonite after my meeting. remember keep it simple folks. Love Andy T.


Member: Andy T.
Location: the right side of the Red River
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 16:19:33

Comments

Good afternoon everyone,Andy T alcoholic here. My God I just got finished reading all the posts. and that took forever. First off I want to thank everyone for the cards and emails and flowers and especially from the person on the wrong side of the Red River. (haha) I just go back from the doctors and shall be on cruches for 8 weeks and I won't know what to do with all this time off now. Guess now I'll just have to fish all the ponds of texas. I'll be going to a f2f tonite.....I hope, depending on the pain in my foot. Betsy, once again welcome back.Don't make me come up to Nevada City like you said I have some strange adventures. Honey, please get your hand up at a meeting and share what is going on in your life; we don't want to lose you, you have earned your seat, now just stay a while. Remember, one day at a time is all you have to be concerned about. And keep the plug in the jug. I love you kiddo. Linda P. The big fish in the pond has not eaten me yet. Even tho those little blue gills are peckin at me a little at a time. David B: sorry I haven't emailed you my friend, is it pain or procrastion? Probrally a little of both. Ms. Yazoo (charlotte) Thank-you for all the cards you sent me. Well my friends I must go lay down for my foot is killing me and I'll check in tonite after my meeting. remember keep it simple folks. Love Andy T.


Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 16:23:07

Comments

AMY,JIM D.and MICHELLE! Y'all are KILLIN' me with all the talk of cold weather! It is SWELTERING down here. Since it's still (officially)Spring till Sunday, I am not encouraged. :( Sanders (and Tobie), when I was a child we had a dog named "Prince". This dog HATED men. He only tolerated my dad because daddy had pulled a bone out of his craw once. Anyway, once when my grandmother and her husband were leaving after a visit,step-gdad hugged my little sister's neck and Prince bit him. I hope Tobie is more tolerant. I heard on the news this am that something like 22-counties in Fla. have been on fire since Memorial Day. How's things where you are?......MIKE in Eastern Montana,haven't seen anything of you and you sounded so down the last time you were here. How are you doing now? Gratitude and hugs to everyone who ventures here, you've all blessed my life.


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 16:24:08

Comments

Hi everybody, I'm Steve, a grateful alcoholic.

I want to thank everybody for their ESH regarding my relationship with my daughter. Her graduation went very well last night, we had invited a few neighbors and friends over afterwards. She invites almost her entire class without telling us but I was glad they came over. Nice bunch of kids and I would rather have them over my place (or another home where parents are present) than somewhere else doing something else. I stayed sober with the help of my HP and knowing that I could talk about it with everyone here the next day. I woke up this morning very tired (and late) but I could face myself and my family with the knowledge that I had fun last night. Thanks everybody, sincerely, for your feedback. Yes, I really know it's important to be there for our children, but the daily pressures really have a way of making me forget my good intentions. That's why this site is so cool.

Kerry, I agree, being quiet and withdrawn is much more concerning. At this point, that she is not...Bonnie, you are doing a great service by keeping the issue of spousal abuse in front of everyone. The people who are being abused must know there is a way out and the abusers must know the consequences of their actions. God bless you...Suzanne, I will get you the name of one of the leading medical experts in PBC. Email me at bepkyt@aol.com. From what I know about it, it's important to start something like Actigall as early as possible...Donald, what you said was very moving. A good friend of mine, years ago, was also the driver in a fatal DUI accident. I am fortunate that I have never been involved in that situation because Lord knows I have been there. Your words are very powerful, thanks...Linda P., thanks for your kind words about my effort to right my wrongs. I have one previous example which I try to remember everytime I get angry at my children. My parents were from Eastern Europe, worked hard, my father drank hard, believed kids should be seen and not heard. My sister was like my 14 year old is now but my parents didn't have the benefit of education and child psychology so they tried to pressure my sister into being a "good girl". It didn't work. The screaming, fighting and ultimately, death of my sister from drinking reminds me that the responsibility lies on me to reach out to my children so I don't lose them...Charlotte, it is a "fun" age, isn't it. Actually, there really is no one like a daughter to make a father feel special... Chuck Le C, thanks for the historical perspective from someone who knows how to stay sober one day at a time. Please keep on writing, I enjoyed reading it. I like the saying that AAers don't graduate, they learn how to live without drinking...Amy,gruezi. You made me cry. Your brief statement about my daughter and my son affected me. You're right. I am blessed. Yet often, I choose to see the underside of things. Up or down, full or empty, My Choice. Thank you. Mark, good hearing from you. Ciao.

I feel cleansed after writing to everyone here. See you soon. Steve


Member: Lori G.
Location: Batesville, IN
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 16:27:39

Comments

addendum, comments may be e-mailed to llgrossman@mailexcite.com


Member: Dane Z.
Location: New Orleans, LA.
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 17:46:00

Comments

hello all. My name is Dane and I am an alcoholic. this is my first time here and was told by someone that the "coffee pot" would be a good place to start. After reading through several tens of posts I noticed that there seems to be a lot of "God talk". Which is fine I suppose, however, I just wanted to say that I am trying to stay sober because every time that I drink it seems that nothing ever becomes good of it. I find it to be very difficult though as I am sure that you all can relate to. I have been having an exceptionally hard go of it lately with every thing seeming to pile up. Is there anyone out there that is also from New Orleans? I would like to someone close by. However I guess that it doesn't really matter. So, rules say not to make it too long so there you go. Gee, feel better allready!!


Member: Tom M
Location: SF
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 18:29:30

Comments

Tom, alcoholic...whew: hard to keep up with all the goings on! Been kinda scrambling to keep up all around, I guess. Took my roomie to the Airport this AM, so I've got three weeks of relative peace and quiet. Just me and the dog, too. I suppose this is a test for me: not gonna be much support around otherwise, so I'll be hitting more meetings to fill the gaps. First time to be left alone to my own devices sober in God knows how long, so I'm trying to load the days up and get some structure set. dangerous times....but I feel up to it. Hope you all are doing well. Some I guess are doing weller than others, but hang in! I'm waiting on word from my Doc on doing a biopsy now. Kind of a shock to hear that word when he said it. Fingers X'd in the meantime: it's been a rough year all round, but it can only get better. Weather wise we're getting our Summer at last out west...feels friggin great after all the wet weather. My car is hating life,tho...:) I'm Outtie! Tom


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 21:03:52

Comments

Richard here alcoholic, Geees!!! Somebody pinch me I think I'm having a flashback. So much can happen in 24 hours, but I swore I'd keep it short. I sure wish that writing for my professors came as easy as writing for you guys/gals. I sit down, there is already a page waiting for you, but a few hours into the process, and I only have maybe a topic sentence for them.

As for my last post, I put something up over at the discussion page, but I think it is funny and it seems we have a different group over here: somewhat. See, I was thinking about our political "leaders" and life in general. And well, if "CON" is the OPOSITE of "PRO" then is CONGRESS the OPOSITE of PROGRESS??? I do not know if you saw it, but I felt like typing it again, and if you didn't now you have. Did it change your life???? Oh well, I tried. SORRY, if I wasted your time.

Keepin it short on the West Coast!!!

Read ya later alligators

PS I knew I could do it. See, it's like the B.B. says we have great control over some areas of our lives. Well, sometimes in my case. He,he,he.


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 21:11:37

Comments

Michelle the arctic alcoholic here - finally the sun came out tonight and I mananged to get a bike ride in. The kind where mud splatters up your butt and all over the place, but it's good to be away from the computer and out of the house. I drove my dining room table all over the place today, getting an estimate on whether or not it's worth saving. Jury's in, and I have to buy a new one. I took my table to lunch, drove it over Berthoud pass in a snowstorm, and it survived in the back of my pickup truck even though all the blankets blew off of it in the wind storm. Lucky the chinese place had a parking garage during the hail storm. I brought it back home and put it in the dining room and somehow it has more character now than it did before...I might keep it. Kind of reminds me of me. Going to my one and only face to face meeting tonight to see my sober pals, I'm happy everyone is here. Jim D. I'm so thankful everything went well for you, I have been thinking about you.


Member: Joan H
Location: NC
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 22:25:28

Comments

Hi Everyone.......

My name is Joan and I just found ya'll and think this site is great.

I recently moved from a town where there were meetings around the clock and I had a wonderful home group. Now I am halfwalf across the country from "home" and there are 6 meetings in the entire county!!! I have been to just one meeting and there were just 10 people there and all men! Help!!!

So, I keep praying, searching the web for inspiration, but I haven't been reading. Hope that I can find strength here and encouragement to do the right thing.

Thanks for letting me share! ;o)


Member: Ruby O.
Location: Talladega,Al.
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 22:57:08

Comments

Hello I'm Ruby A grateful recovered alcoholic, I am pleased to meet you Joan and I can relate, 4+ years ago I moved to a rural town in Alabama, from Tampa,Fl. where you could find any kind of mtg. When arrived here I found no women in rec. I wrote others,attended anyway, prayed,said serenity prayer. Got over CULTURE shock and now I find THIS. Isn't God great. You can Email me at (rowings@coosavalley.net) #2 Jodene it's HOT here also &dry,#3Welcome Lisa;sounds like you have a great sponsor. #4Bitsey- Keep coming Back. #5Andy that's right "put your hand up." #6 Richard I don't have to tell you that we have no control. Have you read "The Celestine Prophecy"? #7Tom Easy does it. #8Amy I lived in Munich for >3 years,it was beaut. #9 Glen Thx for the lead into Lone Endeavor, I enjoyed that. #10 WELCOME LORI<stop beating up on you,it's done make amends and move on,sometimes we carry other peoples garbage and think it's ours. DROP the rock. Well Thank you to all and may God Bless us all. I LOVE IT HERE


Member: Sanders W
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 23:16:48

Comments

Hi all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my na me is Sanders. Just got back from my Sunday School class party and I took my mother with me since I don't have a wife and she had a ball. She always does when there is eating involved and she really ate a dinner or supper depending on where you are from. It is so good to see her enjoy herself.----- Fayla, when are you to take the test for you GED. Let us know so we can help a little bit by praying for you. I know you will make because you want it so badly and are preparing for it.---------Jodene, you mentioned the weather here in Florida and all I can tell you is that it is HOT and dry. We have one bank with a clock and therm. on it and it was 105 today, or that is what I was told tonight at the party. It was 103 on my back porch which is hot as blazes any way you slice it. We need rain very badly as this is a farming area and the crops are burning up in the fields. The farmers are plowing the crops under and will plant something else if it starts to rain. It is real sad because when the farmer suffers in this part of the country everyone suffers. Pray for rain for us.--------- Bitsey, I don't remember if you were here when I shared my story about how hard it was for me to give up or not. If you were, just delete this and if not maybe it will help you. Where I got sober, they give chips for the markers. You get a white chip when you start out and a blue one for 90 days and on up and for a year, they give you a cake and all that stuff. Over a 6 year period, I received 100 to 150 white chips and finally I got ONE 90 day chip and that was nearly 23 years ago. The ONLY thing I did do right was I kept coming back till I finally gave up. When I finally surrendered to the fact that I was powerless over alcohol, I was willing to do anything. Anything was better than what I was and had at that point. I do not believe there was anything that anyone could have said that would have made it any different for me. I HONESTLY believe that every drink I ever took was NECESSARY for me. I don't believe I would have made it on ONE LESS drink, but thank God I have arrived. Today I do not have to drink. You just keep coming back as long as you can and I hope and pray that you find what I have found here before it is too late for you. I love you and am praying for you to be able to surrender and let it happen. Love to all Y'all Sanders


Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in kansas
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 00:12:20

Comments

hi all y'all, all's quiet here in kansas. it's hot and humid here. i got to eat my fried green tomatoes!!! they were fantastic. well woth the time effort and patience. to all who written me in the past few days... i procrastinated on paying my net bill and was cut off. please resend me anything that you got back. and i will write you as soon as i can... i haven't forgotten you. my legs are scratched up now... we have red healer dog.( her name is tessie) that thinks she is a lap dog. try having 40 lbs jump in your lap to help you read the computer.. sanders- she is jealous too... she barks and jumps up every time i hug my husband. i should know better... that is her daddy. LOL ..also my cats have let me know that dogs have got a lot of air time in here..so sasha, shasta, sparkles, and bubba (the siamse) say cats rule and dogs drool !!! as richard says no discrimination here...LOL.. richard.. are you studying to be a civil rights attorny? you sure have your debates skills honed finely.

my mom is doing some what better. they took her to a new specialist and she was prescribed some changes... but now her memory is getting worse. DAMN Parkinsons anyway....

hugs, mary w.


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, Mississippi
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 01:44:14

Comments

Hello, all. I am Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict. Since we're sharing on the weather -- at 10:15 tonight, the heat index here was 101 degrees!!! For those who are unfamiliar with such, the heat index is a measure of how hot it feels as distinguished from the actual temperature. (No. I don't know how this is determined.) At any rate, this weather leaves us southern ladies "glistening", as "ladies nevah sweat" ! 8 - )

A heart-felt welcome to those who are newer than I here; and love to you all.


Member: Connie "1 more" S.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 02:39:06

Comments

Traveler and Pete B. -- thank you for your comments. I did not drink today and am very proud of myself for having the faith to try something different again. It felt like HP made it just a little easier to say no today. It sure isn't me that does it.

It is so important to remember the disease factor and to comprehend the full devastation the course of the illness makes. Perhaps opening my heart to these realities will make my foundation on this path more secure.


Member: Linda P (Traveler)
Location: CA, USA
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 03:05:23

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Wow, wonderful shares. This site just keeps getting better. More people are poping in and posting.

Connie (1more), Chuck L, Joan H, Lori G, Dane Z, and Tom from SF, and Pete, welcome to our happy family. Neat to read all of your posts.

Connie, a special welcome to you gal. Stay in touch on this site. I'll check into the chat room ocassionally to visit also. How is the book reading going? ; Amy CG, so glad to hear you made it to that meeting and that it went well. I would e-mail you, but I need your address; Michelle, I like to visit snow, but I literally panic if I am in a position to dig my car out just to go somewhere. Still got your table intact? Once I went to buy a large book shelf that was sqaure and had shelves on all 4 sides. My x and I hauled it behind us in a utility trailer. Here we were traveling along this country road and we hit a bump. Out flew this book case. So my x & I picked it up out of the roadway, it was now two book cases as it had split in half. We were pretty upset about it, but we figured we could put it back together. We got another few yards, another bump, another crash was heard--yeah, right, now it is into 4 bookcases. So we shrugged out shoulders, figured it could be put back together, and went to turn a corner--oops, well, now we had kindling wood! ; Richard, right on with Jesus saves. Since he has pardoned every sin by his great sacrafice, I know I have salvation. Feels great to have been forgiven for my wrongs by the Living Christ. That fact alone has been of great comfort to me; Jim, thankful your meeting went well, say hello to Donna for me; Renee, your lucky getting on the web at work, during my lunch, all my options are solitaire and hearts. lol. Did try the local library though during lunchtime to discover they had blocked the use of internet interactive sites; Sanders, praying for that rain. Good to hear your doing better; Glen, my needs have also lessened. and those I have God seems to fill; Charlotte, I like your post of sobriety first priority. We have an acrostic of SLIP, sobriety loses its priority.; Jodene, hot here; Steve, glad you were there for your daughter. My dad did not even notice or care that I was kicked out of high school for drinking and that I finished my education in a continuation school--to busy drinking. So glad you are there for her. There is nothing worse that people you love that do not even acknowledge your existence;

Hey Pat Z--where did you go???

Tom, SF, hope your test goes well. I'll keep you in my prayers. Lori, once we get sober, we need to concentrate on changing our behavior that harms others. Making amends was good, now you need to live them out by not repeating the activity. I've been there during my drinking years. Thought it was always greener on the other side. Painful as those lessons may be, that behavior needs to cease in sobriety. It was necessary for me to give up old ideas, or the results would be nil, meaning that if I had continued to live dishonestly, that it would probably lead me back to drinking. Keep coming back, no matter what. Things do change, you can count on that in sobriety.

Love to all, Linda P

offee pot.


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 03:54:11

Comments

Hey friends ((world hug)) my name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. I read something this morning (yes it is 10 am here and all of you are sleeping soundly I pray) that I want to share with all my coffee pot pals, I think it relates to the reading Glen suggested about trying to get sober alone. I am very interested in the idea of a true sobriety for myself, not just the dry ¨I don't drink¨ that I have lived here the past 3 years with no program...A man sat on a beach and watched 2 children play in the sand. They were hard at work by the waters edge building an elaborate sand castle with gates, towers and moats. Just as they finished their project, a big wave reduced the sand castle to a heap of wet sand, He expected the children to burst into tears, but they didn't. Instead they held each others hands, laughed a big belly laugh, and sat down to build another castle. The man reflected that all the thungs in our lives - all the complicated structures we spend so much time and energy creating- are built on sand, only our relationships with other people endure. Sooner or later a wave will come along and knock down what we have worked so hard to build. When that happens, only the person that has hold of somebody's hand will be able to laugh and rebuild...¨ Well I know it's not AA lit. But it sure touched my heart and reminded me of AALL y'all. God bless you all, we are going to the hills for the weekend, be back monday! PS special hello to Kerry, Linda, Terry and all newcomers, Amy GC (amcan@swissonline.ch)


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 07:22:20

Comments

Good Morning all,

It is so interesting to read about personal experiences with the weather (as opposed to just hearing the weather on TV). Sanders, will pray for rain -- wish I could send you some of ours

Fayla -- keep up the good progress -- we are all pulling for you and your test!

Dane - Welcome....thanks for your post. by the way the "God talk" comes and goes and since God is a big part of many addicts' lives, it is obvious that sometimes the subject will come up. I know that I cannot separate my journey in sobriety from my faith in God -- my HP is Jesus Christ and it is the most important part of my program, the foundation upon which all else stands. So for me, the occasional God talk is the most uplifting to my sobriety. On the other hand, I know that God is not everyone's HP (let alone Jesus Christ), but that's what I like about the slogan "take the best and leave the rest". I think you will usually find respect on the coffee pot for whatever you need to discuss. I AM an alocoholic and need to disuss all aspects of my life with other alcoholics regardless of the topic. That's what the coffee pot is for --- just about anything. The Discussion meetings and 12/12 meetings on this site should be focused on specific topics related to alcoholism and I think that you will find they are for the most part.

Speaking of the coffee pot, I have been reading this site for a couple or few months now and I am happy to say that there seems to be developing a better tolerance for discussing lots of different topics -- and more respect in doing so. This is exciting to me, as we are quite a diverse group.

Bitsey - I hope that you did not feel misunderstood by me. Sometimes it is hard to remember back if you are commenting on something someone said, or something someone commented on about that. That's the part I like better about F2F meetings...You do sound something like agitated or frustrated and I think we just want to help. It doesn't feel good to feel misunderstood though.

Lori: I feel for you. I will pray for you and hope you keep sharing.

Andy - hope you feel better each day

Richard -- quite an articulate summation of Grace.... I especially liked what you had to say about Jesus being our perfection because we can't measure up. That's why I love the Sermon on the Mount. Instead of feeling hopeless, this perspective enables me to be able to surrender and realize that I am not perfect -- not even close -- never will or can be and I can rest on God's grace. What a peaceful place to land.

Have a joyful and sober day everyone -- regardless of what life gives you.


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 10:18:29

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

For: Mike W. in Pasadena

With regard to switching departments. You should speak with your union rep. as well as with any other ff's who have been in this situation. It is true that A.A. is an honest program, however, at whose expense.

I have a friend who, in his first year, decided that he would be "honest about his problem no matter what, not considering that his "honesty" (read stupidity) could adversly impact his family. When asked, on an insurance questionaire, about medical problems he cheerfully responded that he was a recovering alcoholic - insurance companies are not as understanding as A.A.. He was denied coverage and his family was "put at risk" until he could secure other insurance.

In recovery we are required to be totally honest with "ourselves" about our alcoholism. I would also not hesitate to break my anonymity when it can help a fellow sufferer. However, I do not have the right to put my family at risk by professing to be "totally" honest to the point of inflicting further harm on them.

I chose to apply the same standard to "Honest" disclosure as I do to "making amends" "...except where to do so would injure them or others". You're family, in this case are the "others".

Please speak with your union rep. and others in your profession prior to any disclosure.

Thank you for letting me share.

J.L.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 10:52:07

Comments

"..but obviously good character was something one needed to get on with the business of being self-satisfied. With a proper display of honesty and morality, we'd stand a better chance of getting what we really wanted...We never thought of making honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living."

12x12


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 11:37:41

Comments

Incidentally, Webster's on "rigorous" -- no abatement or mitigation


Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 12:00:01

Comments

'...he had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. Why, he argued, should he lose the remainder of his business, only to bring still more suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he made his livelihood? He would do anything,he said, but that.""..........Some time later,and just as he thought he was getting control of his liquor situation,he went on a roaring bender....Hesaw that hewould have to facehis problems suqarely that God might give him mastery." BB 155-156


Member: Dane Z.
Location: New Orleans, LA
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 12:35:59

Comments

Martina G. Thanks for your comments about my post. Please don't mis-understand, I in no way meant to belittle anyones HP. I too believe in God but was just hoping to avoid that conversation for the time being in respect to how I was feeling yesterday. Anyway, today is a good day aside from the heat that we are enduring down here in the deep south but alas, it is to be expected untill at least next October. Again, I try my best to remain sober for yet another day. My girlfriend of 7 years can be very supportive but it seems that sometimes she thinks that I have been drinking when I have not and that can be so frustrating. It makes me wonder why I shouldn't. Of course I know the answer to that. I simply cannot. I wonder if other people also have that problem. Does anyone know if there is a chat room scenario in which we, as alcoholics, can discuss things on a more rapid format? Anyway, off to 12/12 & disc. Thanx!!


Member: TonyJ
Location: Middle East
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 12:49:46

Comments

Hi im Tony an alcoholic.Im 42 and have abused alcohol for over 20 years. Ive tried on countless occasions to control my drinking but now admit I cant. For the first time in my life ive stopped drinking with the intention of stopping permanently.I have huge social pressure to drink as part of the business im in, also my boss insists I go drinking(heavily)with him when he is in town.For the first time ive mustered up the courage to say no.(i wonder what that will cause!).I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful little girls who ive been totally unfair to.Just last week we returned from vacation which as usual was ruined by my drinking. I live in the middle east so meetings are a problem but Iwill try through the web to stay connected to people.Dry for only a few days and I feel good about my decision but fear for the long long road ahead .I try to concentrate about the benifits and the chance to make up for my past with my family. bye for now.


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 13:24:39

Comments

Hi all. I'm Steve, a grateful recovering alcoholic.

The nice thing about this cyber meeting is that I can pop in during lunch and read a post like that from Tony. Welcome, Tony. You have come to the right place.

Traveler, thanks for your thoughts...Amy and Martina, I will be getting some information to you hopefully over the weekend...

Tony, you sound like you're ready to stop drinking. Let me offer a couple of simple suggestions and I know a bunch of other AAers with more sobriety time than I have will also want to help. Keep it Simple: you're only not drinking today, this hour, this minute. If you don't pick up a drink, you won't get drunk. Go to meetings (if you can't because of where you are, this is probably the next best place). Keep on asking for help. Hang in there.

Steve


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 13:31:54

Comments

Just to start I'd like to welcome our sand-ridden friend from the Middle East: better you than me friend. Just seize the moment try not thinking about the long run though it may be hard, shun it, and get a Big Book I'll send you one if they do not have them over there in B.F.E. He,he,he. We are here for you 24 hours a day 7 days a week, so you do have meetings over there. LOL If your boss fires you for not drinking that might look good on your resume. He,he,he. I'm just kidding do not worry about that.

Hey there everyone Richard is in the hhooouuuuuse; I'd just like to start by saying RENEE shshshshshsh!! You weren't supposed to tell the whole world. Besides I may be a NUT, but that don't mean I'm CRACKED. Ha,ha,ha. Then again it does not mean I'm not either…....hum. He,he,he. In either case, I feel like a normal alcoholic. Is that a contradiction in terms??? Ha,ha,HA…...I'M KILLIN MY SELF...…. don't get excited I'm just kidding. You should be so lucky. He.he.he.

Sanders I'm right on that book. And, to the rest of you, I must say that I'm surprised at the responses. Delighted I must say. I've never really put how I feel and believe down on paper, and when I've brought it up to spiritual leaders there is always a "BUT" at the end of our conversations. They might say something like for example, but you must want to obey or be lost: just an example. Anyway, I was expecting one thing and got another. Is that like life or what??? It is really, really, nice to know that my interpretation is not just my own. My whole life I spent running until I realized that God is not a scary condemning entity just waiting to pay me back. Now boy/girl, don't get me wrong it's not like I do not deserve a good spanking from my heavenly father, but now I think he is against corporal punishment. LOL. This gives me peace because I do not think the books (Bible) were sent just for me. He,he,he…....LOL.

Finally on to the exciting "ME" stuff (LOL), Sanders do you know my mom. Well, you must be on the same spiritual connection. You see, yesterday she called and told me that my "step-dad"(my dad is still alive: thank goodness) and her were going to a meeting. But, she said she wanted to go to Alonon while he went to an AA meeting. Ha,ha,ha,ha,he,he,he…....LOL. Sound like your post the other day doesn't it Sanders. Anway, I just got off the telephone with her and they DID take action last night. He got on the telephone, we talked about how he has found a really nice club up there, and it is even a non-smoking club. DO NOT WORRY THE SMOKERS ARE WELCOME JUST NOT THEIR SMOKE. He,he,he... See, we talk about the program, but we don't get into specifics. So, I guess I'll have to go visit them and make sure they are doing their recovery the way I think they should, or I mean to see the new club. Ha,ha,ha….....LOL. My mommy has been in Alanon since about the time I started drinking, maybe a bit longer, for her father died from our disease. She is very spiritual in a Jesus kind of way. Wonder where my spiritual beliefs were formed. She is a different person since she started "NORMIE" recovery. Some times I think they need it as much as we do.

One last thing to those troubled with God talk. I'm sorry if anything I said was disturbing to you. You will have to pick a H.P. though, and when you do, I'll be happy to hear about your spiritual progress. Today there is really no positive spiritual belief, which I'm in conflict with. See, in my eyes, your H.P. is my H.P. and visa versa. See, the Great Spirit comes to us, as we can understand him. You may have different life experiences which make it impossible to know my perception of God, and that is OK. God will find you and he/she will reveal him/her-self to you in a way that you can understand if you are willing to search for him/her. It is not my job to impose my beliefs on you, and I believe some pretty gruesome segments of history backs me up on this fact. It is my job to tell of my experiences because my perceptions my help someone else who is struggling with the H.P. thing. And, they may have a history which makes my perception of God seem very plausible, and it may help open the eyes of someone who was raised to burn, but who wants to be at peace knowing that they were deceived into fearing God instead of being in awe of him. See, those two words have been used interchangeably, but they are easily misinterpreted.

I'll be praying for all of you, and will be expecting some reciprocation. Ha,ha,ha,he,he,he….....LOL. I'm just kidding.

Read ya later alligators


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 13:40:56

Comments

good afternoon,

Steve -- thank you again.

Dane - certainly no offense at all taken by any of your comments. One thing I don't like about cyber meetings is that you can't hear the inflection in someone's voice or see their facial expressions, body language, etc. Words alone sometimes mis-convey what is meant.... I think I have a problem in being a bit sterile and can sound more harsh than I intend. I was actually trying to set your mind at ease that this isn't a religious topic site, so that you can focus on what you need to and feel comfortable talking about whatever you need to. glad you shared.

Jim D - I meant to tell you earlier that I am very happy that your "meeting" is over and maybe you can put some of this behind you, even if it didn't seem like it benefited you all that much. I respect the fact that you were willing to go through with it and allow someone like "The Rev" to try and help, even though you weren't sure about him.

Tony -- stay close and welcome.

Have a peaceful afternoon.


Member: Andy T.
Location: Where else,at the pond fishing!!
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 14:27:35

Comments

Good afternoon my friend's,Andy alcoholic here'WELCOME to all the new people who are here. You are defenitly in the right place. It's 1;00pm Texas time and hotter then hell!!!!Tony J.you can e-mail me any time you want to talk,since you do not get to meeting ;s out there.I know the otherguy's and lady's will say the same..so don't hesitate!!! welcome Dane alway's remember the little saying we have "TO THY OWN SELF BE TRUE!" If you know you have'nt drank today,do'nt let other people rent space in your head,by saying you did...Anyway last night at the f2f I took a commitment.They ask me to chair the meeting's on Thur.I explained I do'nt know how long I'll be here for,and there reply was"it's ok" so I'mglad I at least have a commitment while I'm here.and my sponser always suggest that I have a commitment. Well you guy's know where I'm headed to,that's right to the pond!!!you ought to see who i have thing's set up !!Two wheel chairs,one across from the other,so I can keep my foot up.FISHIN ROD IN IT'S HOLDER,tapedeck playing the BLUES'.....SOBERITY just can't get any better for me today then this..My friend's have a safe and sober weekend. P.S>RICHARD my friend don't ever change and don't give'em an inch!!! KEEP IT SIMPLE JUST FOR TODAY. Andy T. beachbum42@hotmail.com


Member: E.J. (Skee)
Location: Atlanta,Ga.
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 14:42:33

Comments

Hello, Let me see now. How do I begin? I guess the first thing I should do is say that my name is Skee and I am an alcoholic on a "slip". It has been a long "slip" too,about a year and a half. I'am greatful to still be alive and not in trouble as the trouble that my other "slips" had created. I do not know if I am making any sense to you people because I am having difficulty typing words in this little box. Anyway - I am just glad to be here. If you do not mind,I will just "watch" now.


Member: Tom M
Location: SF
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 15:10:42

Comments

Hi all (((group Huggs!)) Only got thru 75% of the posts as yet, but wanted to welcome Joan and Dane, thanx to Ruby and Linda and all for just being here. Finally read up on Andy's story. Ouch! I was wondering how ya got laid up...now I wince just thinking about it! Anyway, heading off to Alano club here in a few...wanted to keep it short. By the way, does anybody want a slightly oversized ball playing obsessed Sheltie for company? He's generally a good sort, but it's hard to concentrate on my typing when I'm constantly having a tennis ball dropped on my feet! just a thought. hehehehe. Back later! Love ya all, Tommy


Member: Lisa M.
Location: NYC
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 15:23:59

Comments

Hi to all. Lisa M., alcoholic and addict here. I want to thank everyone for all their good wishes and prayers. I definitely need it. After 6 weeks, 2 days of sobriety, I slipped last night. Have been "jonesing" this week from all the stress and problems with my boyfriend and at a company function last night, I succumed and downed a glass of champagne before I regained control (and some sanity). I definitely didn't go on a drunk but with taking that drink, I've opened myself up to such self persecution today. I'm scared to get to a meeting tonight because I have such a feeling of failure and am afraid others will see me that way as well. Gotta take a deep breath and take that step though. :-)

Have decided to take a weekend away from the boyfriend. I seem to do so much better when we are not together and am trying so very hard to be okay with separation. It's a difficult tie to break... there is so much of an emotional bond. He is truly not an ogre... we just want different things and in trying to work through the differences, we fight a great deal. Am trying so very hard to turn the outcome over to my HP but usually find myself in tears when dealing with our problems and incapable of really letting go. I really connect with the saying -- Let go.Let God. I just have trouble doing it :-) So, I'm taking a huge step -- am taking a rock climbing course upstate away from the boyfriend and the city and, hopefully, the stress. I want to immerse myself in nature and let the wonders of the mountains wash over me and help to heal. I also think I need some alone time to work through some issues. Wish me luck!

I feel really blessed to have discovered this room. I feel more connection here than at any "live" room I've been to in NY and I think everyone here is so special. If anyone wants to email me, I'd love to hear from you at ldm@yahoo.com. God bless!


Member: Jodene
Location: OKC
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 15:49:06

Comments

I'm getting outta here early today and since I won't be back for coffee;) til Monday, I want to wish you all a sane and sober weekend....Andy T, have ya got "Lie to Me"?...And for all you X-philes, I'll see you at the movie!


Member: Lisa M.
Location: NYC
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 16:45:03

Comments

Hi to all again. Lisa M. Addict and alcoholic. Need to update my last message. My email address is actually ldm2000@yahoo.com and as I stated previously, I'd love to hear from any or all of you !! :-) God bless!


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 16:46:15

Comments

Dane, once I got sober and could look back on it from a different perspective, I realized that in the quantities that I was drinking it would take days for all the alcohol to be sweated out. I would quit for a day (or a half day) and someone would ask me if I'd been drinking. What I would with that, of course, was to say "SEE -- SEE -- What's the use. You people don't believe me."

String a few "24 hours" together and both her accusation and your rationalization will go away.


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 17:11:23

Comments

I'm Steve, grateful alcoholic.

Like Jodene, I'm probably outta here until Mon morning, so have fun and stay sober. And, like Jodene, I'm seeing X Files tonight as well... Tom M, I've got a sheltie. They're fun, aren't they? One of the smartest breeds I've ever seen...Lisa, good luck this weekend and enjoy. Be careful with the rock climbing. My niece in SF is heavily into that activity and when I was out there a couple of weeks ago to visit, it looked "exciting" but one does need to watch that first step...

Thanks to everybody for being here.

Steve

PS> Skee, see my post(and others) to Tony. I can relate to your situation. I was on an extended slip until very recently. To stay sober, I had to remember and do 2 things: Don't Drink, Go to Meetings. Your choice as to when you want to do something about it.


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 20:29:07

Comments

I'm David, a recovered alcoholic. I have it on good authority that I must fall under that classification, as do most of you, because of the day I have been able to make it through today. With my sobriety intact.

I was told early on that it was the broken shoelaces of living that seemed to create more problems amongst us that the bonifide big deals in life. (yes I KNOW there are no big deals anymore)

First thing out of the box this morning I was running down my second set of stairs to answere the phone because my hand held phone decided to quit working. I missed a step and launched myself across the laundry room on my way to a landing just outside my family room. I made it to the phone in time. Bleeding and with a tweaked knee but I made it to the phone before the caller hung up and my workday began then at 6:45 AM.

On the second job I followed instructions exactly. Just as I was finishing up the customer came running up and informed me they didn't need to have the job done after all. Welcome to my day.

Hang in here I'm headed for something.

About an hour later I get a call from my son telling me he has broken six inches off the tip of my favorite fishing pole. Of course I had rewrapped this pole over eleven years ago after my brother gave it to me, six months before he died. Irreplaceable.

My wife gets almost as angry at me as I am at him for letting it get to me. I get almost as angry at her as she is at me for getting angry at him. As an editorial comment, before leaving work she plops a tape in the player and plays one song. "Get Over It" was its title, Bitchin' Song! I didn't act like I even noticed it.

Finally it slowed down. I had the opportunity to catch up on the posts here and once again, ZINGO, another shoestring breaks.

See I am one that enjoys forming opinions, another word for the kind of opinions I generally form is judgements. I had judged one of us as an absolute whacko that was doing nothing more than trying to cause problems in the nest. I knew that eventually he would show his true colors and by his own choice would flee knowing I(MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME) had his number. Upon entering the coffee pot today I caught him in the act!!!

Richard, I decided you had more crap about you than a Christmas turkey. You were on a par with overcooked carrots on the scale of,"how much I like Richard". Then I got to your post on your conception of God. The question about your being a whacko is still up in the air but I thank you for the effort that you put into that post. One of the tennents I have clung tightly to is that Jesus was sent to replace the law. Now I don't know how he was supposed to do that, But this bunch of drunks and that includes you Richard has been able to shine a light on a number of my lingering questions.

The bad thing is fifteen years ago I was unavailable for the type of enlightenment I have received here this week. Too many issues in my heart but God was still able to do his thing and keep me around.

My mother (Scripture aholic) and I have been bickering for a long time. In earlier days my point was that there are many religions, they all seem to work. In the Universe there is space for only one infinite God. The bottom line being God doesn't seem to care what you call him just so you call him. That might be part of why I still shy away from religious conversations containing the name of my higher power which is Jesus.

RICHARD, if there had been someone carrying your message around 15 years ago perhaps my issues wouldn't have consumed as much of my sobriety as they have.

Between years 5 and eight I trained. I ran three times a week. Graduating upwards from just a quarter mile on a track to 5K and 10K runs and finally overdoing it by starting to run daily at a distance of 7 to 8 miles on the road. I ended up with stress fractures in my right foot. Running hasn't been the same since. Please remember, rest between runs.

Love in the Fellowship DB I'm David, a recovered alcoholic. I have it on good authority that I must fall under that classification, as do most of you, because of the day I have been able to make it through today. With my sobriety intact.

I was told early on that it was the broken shoelaces of living that seemed to create more problems amongst us that the bonifide big deals in life. (yes I KNOW there are no big deals anymore)

First thing out of the box this morning I was running down my second set of stairs to answer the phone because my hand held phone decided to quit working. I missed a step and launched myself across the laundry room on my way to a landing just outside my family room. I made it to the phone in time. Bleeding and with a tweaked knee but I made it to the phone before the caller hung up and my workday began then at 6:45 AM.

On the second job I followed instructions exactly. Just as I was finishing up the customer came running up and informed me they didn't need to have the job done after all. Too late. Welcome to my day.

Hang in here I'm headed for something.

About an hour later I get a call from my son telling me he has broken six inches off the tip of my favorite fishing pole. Of course I had rewrapped this pole over eleven years ago after my brother gave it to me, six months before he died. Irreplaceable.

My wife gets almost as angry at me as I am at him for letting it get to me. I get almost as angry at her as she is at me for getting angry at him. As an editorial comment, before leaving work she plops a tape in the player and plays one song. "Get Over It" was its title, Bitchin' Song! I didn't act like I even noticed it.

Finally it slowed down. I had the opportunity to catch up on the posts here and once again, ZINGO, another shoestring breaks.

See I am one that enjoys forming opinions, another word for the kind of opinions I generally form is judgements. I had judged one of us as an absolute whacko that was doing nothing more than trying to cause problems in the nest. I knew that eventually he would show his true colors and by his own choice would flee knowing I(MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME) had his number. Upon entering the coffee pot today I caught him in the act!!!

Richard, I decided you had more crap about you than a Christmas turkey. You were on a par with overcooked carrots on the scale of, "how much I like Richard". Then I got to your post on your conception of God. The question about your being a whacko is still up in the air but I thank you for the effort that you put into that post. One of the tenants I have clung tightly to is that Jesus was sent to replace the law. Now I don't know how he was supposed to do that, But this bunch of drunks and that includes you Richard has been able to shine a light on a number of my lingering questions. Your other posts also carry a good message.

The bad thing is fifteen years ago I was unavailable for the type of enlightenment I have received here this week. Too many issues in my heart but God was still able to do his thing and keep me around.

My mother (Scripture aholic) and I have been bickering for a long time. In earlier days my point was that there are many religions & they all seem to work. In the Universe there is space for only one infinite God. The bottom line being God doesn't seem to care what you call him just so you call him. That might be part of why I still shy away from religious conversations containing the name of my higher power which is Jesus. Past beliefs or if you will old ideas.

RICHARD, if there had been someone carrying your message around 15 years ago perhaps my issues wouldn't have consumed as much of my sobriety as they have.

Between years 5 and 8 I trained. I ran three times a week. Graduating upwards from just a quarter mile on a track to 5K and 10K runs and finally overdoing it by starting to run daily at a distance of 7 to 8 miles on the road. I ended up with stress fractures in my right foot. Running hasn't been the same since. Please remember, rest between runs.

AND I also like girls.

Love in the Fellowship DB


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 20:38:10

Comments

crap


Member: Tom M
Location: SF Bay area
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 20:48:37

Comments

Hmmmm.. back again! Hi all: Tom, Alcoholic. Interesting meeting this afternoon. Took the advice and hung around late and shot the sheet with the chair and secretary...found some other new and as yet unlisted meetings, which should be smaller and a bit easier to get into. We'll try em out. Steve, about the Sheltie: I think he's crossed the fine line to insanity sometimes, but yer right; they are smart as hell. actually have another one (his Bro) at the Vet today, so it's somewhat quieter around here. Glen:The "sweating out" alcohol thing brought something to mind: I would Binge heavy for three to four days at a stretch, and figured nobody could tell what was up after I sobered up. But that funny smell stayed with me...I guess it lasted about two weeks before I finally got it all out...and I never knew until my Sis in law said "that funky smell is gone" Jaysus, I never knew! Guess I found out a lot of neat stuff like that as I've been going along...But even after that amount of time, I still got kinda Zoney sometimes. Guess that's part of Post Acute withdrawal. My Doc looked at me just last week like he doubted I had been sober for lo these forty plus days. Some folks just expect the worst, I guess. Not our problem. Lisa M: good luck upstate...beautiful country still: something few westeners know about NY. It makes me think it's aout time to go camping again. hmmm. I'd best get along now....Later all! Tom


Member: DONALD M
Location: PASADENA
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 22:07:47

Comments

DONALD, ALCOHOLIC, THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR POSTS. WELCOME TO THE NEW PEOPLE (NEWLY SOBER OR NEW TO THIS SITE) I HAVE FOUND THAT IN THE FOUR MONTHS I HAVE BEEN WATCHING AND THE MONTH THAT I HAVE BEEN POSTIING THIS MEETING ON-LINE HAS BECOME IMPORTANT TO MY SOBRIETY. DUH, IT MUST HAVE BEEN TIME FOR A CHANGE.

EARLIER THS WEEK (WED) I SHARED SOMETHING VERY SERIOUS THAT HAPPENED TO/AROUND ME 26 YEARS AGO. MY "BALANCE" REMINDER CAME IN THE DOOR TODAY WITH DAVID B:S POST ABOUT THE SMALL STUFF THAT CONTINUES TO HAPPEN. (LIFE...PERIOD).

I HAVE LEARNED ENOUGH ABOUT ME AND MY DISEASE TO KNOW THAT I DON:T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WILL PUT ME IN A POSITION TO TAKE THAT NEXT DRINK. I DO KNOW (JUST FOR TODAY) GOD HAS REMOVED THE OBESSION FOR ALCOHOL AND I NOW HAVE THE POWER IN CHOICE OVER DRINK.MY LOVING GOD HAS DONE THAT FOR ME. THE GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING WHEN I CAME TO AA DID NOT KEEP ME SOBER..I HAD TO FIND A GOD OF MY OWN UNDERSTANDING. GLAD I DID!!!!!

I WAS TOLD A LOT OF THINGS WHEN I CAME TO AA. DON:T DRINK BETWEEN MEETINGS, GO TO 90 MEETINGS IN 90 DAYS. KEEP COMIJNG BACK... I DRANK BETWEEN MEETINGS AND I KEPT COMING BACK. EVENTUALLY I WENT TO 701 MEETINGS IN 730 CHANCES (TWO YEARS) TODAY BY THE GRACE OF GOD I HAVEN:T HAD A DRINK FOR 4520 DAYS.I WORTE THEM DOWN ON MY CALENDAR BEFORE THEIR WAS A WEB SITE TO TELL YOU HAOW MANY DAYS SOBER WE HAVE. WHAT I HEAR IN SOME OF THE POSTINGS OF THE "NEW" PEOPLE IS THEY DON:T SEEM TO BE PUTING THEIR SOBREITY FIRST. AN OPINION BASED ON EXPERIENCE AND OBSERVATION. EXCERCISE WILL NOT KEEP ME SOBER,READING THE BIG BOOK, WILL NOT KEEP ME SOBER, WRITINHG, EVEN GOING TO MEETINGS WILL NOT KEEP ME SOBER. PUT IT ALL TOGETHER AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE I WILL :HEAR: THE MESSAGE OF RECOVERY AND EVEN THEN I STILL HAVE TO GET INTO ACTION AND MORE ACTION. I DO NOT THINK MY WAY INTO SOBREITY. I HAVE TO TAKE ACTION.....I HAVE EITHER REACHED MY BOTTOM OR I HAVEN:T..I HAD TO STOP DIGGING THAT HOLE THAT ALREADY HAD A BOTTOM IN IT (THANK YOU DAVID B FOR THAT ONE)

HAVING READ THE POSTS THIS WEEK, PRAYED FOR THE WILLINGNESS TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS,KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT AND TO LISTEN THIS IS THE BEST I COULD DO FOR NOW.LOL. "WE" ALL FIT..THANK YOU/ALL FOR YOUR POSTS...I WILL KEEP COMING BACK..I HOPE YOU HAVE THE SAME GRACE OF GOD THAT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN FOR THE CHANCE TO LIVE LIFE SOBER NO MATTER WHAT(BROKEN SHOELACES ET/ALL) LOVE...DONALD


Member: Ruby O.
Location: Talladega,Al
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 23:11:57

Comments

Hi All! I'm Ruby A grateful recovered alcoholic. It rained a bit here today to cool things but the heat wave continues. Well I've read some wonderful info tonight. I always enjoy it and since I try to spend my time looking for PLEASANT, that's good. I was so neg when I came to prog. that my sponsor told me to find (or only say good things for a while) I found the word pleasant and it became my fav and it still is. Tonight I was in a bread baking contest YES,that's right. I didn't win but sure had a pleasant time. I am a health geek so I don't eat a lot of things that are delicious,thus I learned to make food an art. At any rate; today when I must do something,I try to make it pleasant. What ever it is. Hey Skee,welcome remember the slip is ALWAYS preceeded by a thought/thoughts. TonyJ; welcome go to these mtgs,no one can make us drink,sometimes we have to chg playgrounds. Jodene,I like Ally McBeal. Richard,Have you ever cons being a writer,tho long winded you're a great story grabber HeHeHe yourself. Martina, I love cyber,there are no preconcieved ideas (remember looking at great looking guies at mtgs and liking what they said (even tho it was s t,or ugly people;just didn't have anything to say. I feel free on this because we aren't expecting certain 'stuff' from eachother. I'm not proud of this fact,tho I still like looking at 'pretty'people. Well I've been long winded myself, I sure appreciate everyone's input and tolerance. We practice prin before personalities , and are allowed to make mistakes because if we are listening to ourselves that's how we grow. It's great you have the sheltie Tom, some of us had to learn how to commit when we got sober,you must be committed to your friend there. Love to all


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 23:17:33

Comments

Michelle vacationing alcoholic here - Tom M. I know what you mean about the smell..when I came back from a 3 day varsity drunk, the gals in the office would say, "Oh, did someone bring chinese food in?" EEEKS! I knew it was me, and wondered why I smelled like moo shoo pork, but that booze had to come out somewhere. Perfume made it worse. Oh the little things I don't have to worry about anymore.

Vaca is great, it stopped snowing and the sun was out shining on the swollen streams full of trout, the sweet high mountain meadow grass, and the peaks of the snowcapped rocky mountains today. I enjoyed a mtn bike ride with friends and thanked God for another sober day. Sorry to the people who are in sweltering areas, it was a pleasent 75 degrees here today, and the lows will be in the 30's. You can all come for a visit if you like, if you want to live like a mountain goat that is. Peace to all.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 00:27:06

Comments

Hi to all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I just want to check in before going to bed. Went to my F2F meeting tonight and it was a super good meeting for me. Of course I don't ever remember going to a meeting, expecting a good meeting, that it was not. I have about decided I get from a meeting what I am looking for. We had anew man there so we talked on the 1st step and this is always good to remember where we came from and that we are not but one drink away from being back there.-----When I left to go to the meeting this afternoon, it was 103 on my back porch and a little later, it clouded up and rained a little bit and cooled things off a bit. I don't know how much rain we got here but it was 100% more than we have had in a long long time. I noticed going down to Chipley, several fields of corn that have just been mowed because it burned up and produced no corn. I am thankful for the amount of rain we did get.------ What is the average weight of a Sheltie. I have heard they are very nice dogs but they do have long hair don't they?-----I have some people coming over Sunday afternoon to help me get connected up on the ICQ network. I am sort of excited about this as a new way to talk on line. I lied about that, in that if I get on line with ICQ, it will be because THEY got me there and not that they helped me. I am lost as acoot in trying to figure that mess out. I think I got the first two steps and that is as far as I could go with it. Antway we will see after Sunday PM.------ I hate this keyboard in that I wish I could take the "caps lock" key offf this board. I keep hitting it and am two lines down when I notice it is all captols and I never use the blasted key anyway. They should let me design these keyboards anyway and I would get them straightened out quick.------ Tobie is mad with me because I told her tonight when I took her out for the last time that we were going to get a bath in the morning and she does not like that. It is worth it though just to see her run and play after she gets the bath. I told you before about giving her the shark cartlidge for the stiff bones or joints and just want you to know it has really helped. Some of you may have a simalar situation is the reason I passed that on to you. She sort of makes a game of taking her pill each morning with me. She is a " trip and a half". Love to all Y'all and one last thought. I have not had adrink all day and have not even thought of one untill the meeting tonight on the first step. That is amiricle folks. Love you Sanders ?


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 00:58:30

Comments

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.

With the symptoms of Primary Biliary Cirrhosis worsening, Sunday and Monday got stressful for me. I've known all along about how the disease progresses, the fact my mom had lived with it for the 15 years before she died, but I didn't expect it to progress so quickly. I hoped I had another 5 - 10 years before experiencing some of the more debilitating symptoms. The problems with the "fuzzy brain" has really been hard. I get confused enough as it is, without this symptom. As far as my eyes, I think I simply need glasses. Next week I have an appointment with another specialist and will probably be sent for more tests. I was 7 months sober when I started undergoing tests and I do know one thing, if I didn't have God, AA and all of you in my life today, I would not have had the courage to face this disease. I don't want to think of dying in 5, 10 or 15 years, I am thankful to live today. A special thanks to those who expressed their thoughts and prayers.

Richard, I told you I'd let you know how my son finished with his grades. He is graduating(with a 47% grade average)with the condition that he be on a 6 week probation period entering into grade 9! I am so proud of him! For a child who 1 year ago had a drunk for a mom and never knew what awful thing was going to happen next, he had a "not bad" school year. Most importantly, he attended school (never once skipped classes) he was attentive, considerate of others, completed his class assignments, all this really great stuff. I am so proud of him. A year ago he thought his life was doomed and I thought he would never attend school again. Low grades were mostly a result of incomplete homework and the fact he only did the minimum required(this is the reason for the probation period). As my life changes for the better, so does his. He is intelligent and with an effort he will have no problem making it through the probation period. Besides, he wants to be on the football team and he is very aware that you have to keep up good grades for this, or they won't let you play.

My love to everyone, Suzanne


Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 01:00:44

Comments

Dear Friends, what a week of sharing. I just wish that I could respond to all. Beginning with Doris and her eloquent appeal for unity and respect which is really happening here. Doris, did you ever get my e-mail from Sanders some time back?

Prayers for Suzanne, Amy, Tom M., and Andy. Jim D., I held my breath waiting to hear how the amends went. Surely, a healing has begun. It may be a longer process than you wish--or not. Thank you for including us in this poignant event. Many of us have seen the hand of God in action here.

Michelle, I saw your June snow on the news and weather channel. And laughed my head off picturing you putting that character-filled table back in you home. PULLL--EEEEZE, someone tell me where it talks about beating up the dining room table --which step?? Glen?? I'm tired and I want to go to bed and can't find it in the 12x12.

Is it Charlie who has the worm farm? Forgive me if I'm wrong--our happy family is growin and I can't always keep stories straight. I remember in my drinking days whooping it up w/family and x because we thought we had finally found THE way to making ou fortune with little or no work or investment ( that was a frequent bs topic with us, dreaming stupid dreams and coming up with get rich quick schemes.

Anyway, this day that was a eurika time around the boozy kitchen table (our's had character--'s too, Michelle) we were celebrating our future millions in the worm business: Dad had thrown out some pool chlorine on the grass, and suddenly, worms started coming out of the ground like it was the end times or something.

We went inside to celebrate our "secret" worm bait, got plenty snookered, and went back outside to discover that chlorine suffocates the poor things and they had come up gasping--and shortly expired as we were busy celebrating...

Speaking of critters from out of the depths---I could start a slug farm up here. The rain is so heavy and prolonged the my annual flowers have been picked clean by armies of slugs who strip the plants and hang like a million ornaments from bare stems!!! Sanders, I would love to send you some--rain, not slugs.

Charlotte, BJ, Frank, Steve, Ruby, caryn and so many others. Enjoy your posts. Kelley, are you ok? Love to dear Amy and mary and Bonnie for her courage and advocacy for battered women. Nothing is wasted is it, Bonnie?


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, FL.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 01:40:24

Comments

Hi all Y'all again. I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Jane, I was just reading your post and I don't remember getting a letter from you for Doris. I may have and hopefully if I did I would have sent it on. I too would like to know because I could have accidentaly deleted it and if I did I am very sorry. It was by mistake if I did, but I do not remember forwading anything to her for you. Send it again and I'll make sure it goes out this time.------ What I came back on for was to share something I got at the meting tonight. A friend jotted this down and handed it to me as he was leaving and I thought it was prety good. " If you go forth on the fourth (of July) with a fifth, you may not go forth on the fifth". Goodnight and God bless all Y'all Sanders


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 01:45:14

Comments

Hey what's up, this is Richard alcoholic. Well, Tom I have a German shepherd who hasn't outgrown the darn tennis ball either. She thinks it holds magic, I think. Lisa Are you done because if you are then you stand a good chance at sobriety, but you do not get to drink anymore if you are serious. I'm with ya in spirit, and hope you are ready, but if you aren't then at least you know where the program is. That is more than some. David, WOW! You threw me for a loop. Here I thought we were buddies, united, all for one and stuff. He,he,he. I guess it is non-of my business what others think of me, but I'd hate to be ambushed. Sounds like we might be mirror images of each other with corresponding opinions at that. LOL Now, are we boys!!! We can be patnas in AA. Like....….uuummm...….Young Guns…....or Thelma and Louise. Ya that's it, but I'm Thelma, dude. I'm being genuine. When I'm snide it is obvious. Lets be bros. in the program. Sounds like you have a little budoboy trying to come out of you bro., being patient, waiting for the right moment, never letting show your battle plan. Ha,ha,ha. I'm not making fun; I'm just kidding with ya, but it does sound that way. Hey, one last thing thanks for telling me of your training overload. I try and keep things in as much balance as I can, but I tend to get distracted. Then I get all extreme in one area, and all of a sudden, all of the other areas of my life are in shambles. I think I'll stick with five miles three or four times a week.

One last thing: Thanks for all your concern with regards to my mommy. I hope all is well in that part of the woods. I'm trying to stay out of it as long as everything is as it seems. They are getting back into recovery action, so I have my life to live and must let go and let "who"? That's right GOOOD! He,he,he.

I'll pray for everyone who is part of our "Cyber-family".

Read ya later alligators

P.S. About the sanity issue, I never clamed that I had any. I did fry a lot as a younger man, so reality has changed just a bit. At least I think so. He,he,he. However, I'm not dangerous, and I'd appreciate it if ya'all would refrain from advertising my eccentricities to the world. I mean come on I don't even hear voices anymore. What's that???? Oh, sorry thought I heard something. He,he,he No really, I'm sain. Doesn't anyone believe me!!! He,he,he..LOL>>>>


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 01:52:40

Comments

It's me again for the last time I promise. Jane, I looked back and I did in fact send the letter to Doris on May 24th. so maybe I'm not completely loosing my mind yet. Love ya, sanders


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 02:21:35

Comments

I'm David, a recoved alcoholic. Richard I was trying to illuminate a few of the twists within MY character. The over cooked carrots thing was merely poetic license. I prefer Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and I don't care which one I am. Take your pick. Stress fractures suck. Love in the Fellowship DB


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Ore.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 02:57:41

Comments

Hello everyone, My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. I want to apologise to you all for neglecting everyone here at the coffee pot. I BEEN BUSY. I am trying to halter train a 3 week old Stepper and she is a handfull. We have a show in two weeks and it would be nice if she didn't embarress all of us. She is a cutie. I Do have her for sale but her daddy just went to the nationals last week and cleaned house so her price just went up. I DO want her to go to a home where they will , of course be very good to her, and train and show her as well. I think she will make a good show horse considering the way she is built. It is late at night ad I gotta go to bed. I love you all and may Wacah Tonka (the Great Spirit) be with you all. Love Doris


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 03:41:42

Comments

Richard here, I'm having trouble sleeping. I seem to be a bit sore, but not at any of you kind folk. David I caught your messege, patna. Or, should I say Butch. LOL. I's just having a bit of fun, but I did think we had made up. And hey, I took the whole carrot thing as a compliment. Now if I'd been equal to say boiled shrimp tHEn we'd have a problem. But carrots, I'm with that. I'm just can't seem to keep a serious thought, today.

Hey Andy thanks for that "givem hell" post. Just a note, I'm always willing to give up an inch. If by doing so I can gain a yard. It is the concept of wei (do what is natural). Just some useless information that I thought about when reading your post. Thanks again for your kind words.

To those suffering, I hope that you are comforted.

To the newer comers, do not be discouraged by past drunks (slips). However, now seize the opportunity that you have been given, and start trudging down this road of happy destiny. If you feel like crap then do not drink and go to a meeting or read the B.B. If you're feeling good then do not drink and go to a meeting or read the B.B. If there is no meeting, then do not drink and wait for one. I care about you, so do not think my comments are at you because I've been there too. I just think that codling is not the answer. Learning to live is, and that takes some work.

I am through now too Sanders.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 04:05:33

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda P an alcoholic. Just finished watching a video with Matt Damon and Danny Devito called "The Rainmaker." Pretty good film. Couldn't wait to get back to my friends on the coffee pot though.

Andy, I can just picture you with those two wheelchairs. At least your making the most of your down time and enjoying life. Happy fishing.

Welcome to Tony J, E J Skee and any others new or posting for the first time I may have missed.

Bitsey, Lisa M, and Connie, keep coming back. The misery and shame I went through years ago as a result of my relapse nearly killed me. I fought with that ego/pride until I became exhausted, then surrendered my old ideas for a set of new ones, from thinking I can't, to I can do this thing called sobriety with God's help. When you make a decision for sobriety, the answers for how to live life sober can be found in our textbook, Alcoholics Anonymous. The instructions discovered there saved my rear end years ago, and still does. Meetings and sponsorship are essential for our needs in recovery also. Hang in here and stay in touch.

Every year around my birthday I review all the 12 steps in chronilogical order, checking and affirming my beliefs in them and how each one is applied in my life today. The 4th is taken again, if I have some unfinished business where I rationalized wrong behavior and failed to clear it up in any daily 10th step along the way. With exception of my first 4th Step, these yearly kind do not go back into my drinking past, but my current year in sobriety. I find doing another 4th Step truly is beneficial for me. I know others may not agree, but to me, any number of yesterdays constitutes a "past" to be reckoned with, even in sobriety. It has been a few years since I have had to do another resentment list, but I look over that format anyway, and see if there is anything I did not take care of. The others areas of the 4th step I enjoy are doing a fears list and listing why I have them, that process helps me to see very clearly that the promises do come true in this program as I witness this list shrinking. Also my list of faults can indicate how much I have improved, or how much I need to surrender. LOL. The sex list, I no longer bother with, as I am not in the habit any longer of misusing my god given gifts which that part of the 4th Step talks about. It was surely an interesting and most eventful discovery when I did this step for the first time. Amazing what we see in ourselves when we are ready to do that self-examination. Today I am on Step 3. Pat Z, get ready for some 5th Step work soon, LOL. Got your e-mail, hope everything is alright and that you are doing better. Say hi to your family for me.

Well got to get some shut eye. Love to all, Linda P (Traveler)


Member: LAURA S.
Location: NYC
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 07:49:49

Comments

Hey- Laura here, Alcoholic/Addict...Lisa M. I know some of the NYC meetings are intimidating but I'd like to suggest two really great women's meetings - Tues 6pm, Washington Square Methodist Church on W.4th St. Sat 6p, same location. Warm women with good sobriety and some beginners, too. I understand the shame and remorse and recriminations that go along with slips, but as my sponsor said to me after my first slip: it takes what it takes...I have been sober now for 2 yrs/9 mos. If I can do it with the grace of God, anyone can. Everyone else: sorry about the meeting plugs but I do not have email and can't send anything privately. xoxoxo


Member: LAURA S.
Location: NYC
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 07:50:51

Comments

Hey- Laura here, Alcoholic/Addict...Lisa M. I know some of the NYC meetings are intimidating but I'd like to suggest two really great women's meetings - Tues 6pm, Washington Square Methodist Church on W.4th St. Sat 6p, same location. Warm women with good sobriety and some beginners, too. I understand the shame and remorse and recriminations that go along with slips, but as my sponsor said to me after my first slip: it takes what it takes...I have been sober now for 2 yrs/9 mos. If I can do it with the grace of God, anyone can. Everyone else: sorry about the meeting plugs but I do not have email and can't send anything privately. xoxoxo


Member: Mike
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 09:10:13

Comments

Hi all, Mike and alcoholic. Welcome to the new members to this site. I haven't shared much this week as I have been busy preparing to take off work for six weeks to attend school. I am not at all excited about this as I will be 300 miles away from my wife and kids except weekends. Oh well, it is something that needs to be done. I don't know yet if I will have access to the Internet while I am at school, so I may not be able to keep up with all that goes on here at the coffee pot. I don't think after being gone all week it would go over too good for me to spend several hours catching up on the reading. I will miss this site because as stated earlier, this is the main part of my recovery program. On the bright side I will be in an area that has AA meetings everyday at various times so I will be able to attend lots of f2f meetings over the next six weeks.

Richard, I too thank you for your post.

I will miss you all, Bye for now.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 10:31:02

Comments

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic. It has been a hectic week, I have had to make some changes to simplify my daily activities. Although I was not always there for my kids when I was drinking, they have been very caring and they are doing things to help me. Family unity has been awesome. I love them so much.

Jane - I really laughed at the worm story, there were so many times I came up with strike it rich schemes - I just can't remember what they were.

Sanders - thanks for the e-mail you send! I hope your back will continue to get better. Now on the topic of dogs - when I first got sober, I thought I would look for a job and put the pet issue out of my mind. I thought it would be unfair to leave a pet at home all day by itself. But, with things as they are, my husband and I decided that a dog would be good companionship for me and also help in keeping me active(giving me the incentive to walk every day) So when finances are better we will start looking for a dog.

Mike - good luck with your time away at school, I wish you well.

Richard - So you're not going to comment on my son graduating with a 47% average? I thought you would. LOL I am still proud of him for his efforts (so different from past years) and always will be. Things will get better for him.

Hi, Linda P - I learn so much from what you post here at the coffeepot.

I am so behind on e-mail and other things and will respond to those waiting for replies...real soon, I hope. Hi, Amy!

I also want to putter around the garden and work on painting the patio furniture this weekend. No, it isn't finished yet! I could ask one of the kids to do it, but it is MY project, something that doesn't require too much energy, as I have very little. Insanity sets in when I can't be active.

Love to all, Suzanne


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 10:33:56

Comments

I'm David, a recovered alcoholic.

Nice to see your post Doris, I've missed you here and assumed you were off practicing some sort of infidelity on some other site. Sure am glad to hear you have been busy with Stepper. We enjoy your input.

Sundance, I am starting to enjoy your posts more as time goes by. As it seems, I get a little too serious from time to time but I believe that is a part of our condition that, while not fatal, does lead to the character attribute of practicing contempt prior to investigation. So keep it up. I feel for those you were sore at last night. If it was a muscular thing, go soak in a nice hot tub, If it was a personal thing, pray a lot. Sure works for me.

Donald, hi friend, its nice to have you with us. tell Jan that K and I said howdy.

love in the Fellowship DB


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 16:14:48

Comments

Hi to all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my na,me Sanders. I just got up from a nap as I was tired from my morning chores. Tobie's bath, washing clothes and house cleaning getting ready for the two ladies tomorrow afternoon who are going to get me hooked to ICQ, whatever that is.-------Suzanne, I am real happy for you in your son graduating. I have a 19 year old that right now, he would give anything in this world to have stayed in school and finished. he dropped out in 10th grade at age 16 and already regrets it. One thing I have noticed about people is that it makes no difference how much education a person has, they always wish they had more. I stopped college after two years because it was interfering with my drinking and I have regreted it ever since. It is very difficult to get a job anymore without a high school education at least. You tell your son for me that he will always be glad he stayed with it and completed it. I am happy for you both and especially him.---------- I saw a good definition of procrastination that I hope you all enjoy. Procrastination is the art of taking a long time to start to begin to get ready to commence. This has always been one of my problems and I intend to work on it --- LATER. Love Ya. Sanders


Member: fayla   g
Location: galena ks
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 16:57:35

Comments

Fayla ALCOHOLIC ,helllo everyone ,suzanne i am happy about your son . its been a good week,ive been in love with love as my mother used to say ,you know i told you once befor ,somedays i just want to walk up to a stranger ,and hug them and tell them i love them.Thats how ive been most of the week ups and downs ,but i dont let myself stay down very long ,I have a new sponser ,my old one who i never saw ,got drunk and beat up by an x boyfreind ,please pray for katy,i just dont think shes reddy yet,shes been in and out of this program years ,and shes more out than in right now. love and prayers everybody ,fayla g


Member: Richard: Sundance Kid
Location: West Coast
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 17:31:32

Comments

Richard the "Sundance Kid" in the house, darn that has a sweet ring too. It puts images in my mind of me dancing for the sunrise, set or something . Cool!

WOW! WOW! WOoooW! Nelly!!! Now Suzan wait a minute there little lady. I was half-asleep when I read your post about that little bookworm of yours. That is great, and I am very impressed. Tell him he has what it takes if he has mastered the art of the academic come back. Maybe he and I should write a book like the one Donald did. I hear he made a bundle with just such a book. Ha,ha,ha. Have your people talk to my people. Tell him I say, " WAY TO GO LITTLE MAN."

D Butch B, your boy can still get into school if he wants too. I dropped out as a sophomore in H.S because I thought I had the world on a string. Oh, and I was drunk all the time. Do they have junior colleges in your state??? If so that is an excellent way to get started. All that I had to prove was that I was over 18, and breathing. Then they had me tested in the 3R's. After that there were some bonehead classes that I had to take, but after a few semesters I was well into my "second chance". The Federal Pell Grant helps too. If your state does not have this then maybe him renting a room off campus in a state that does could be an option. Sorry if I'm putting my nose in too deep.

Well, today I went to a nooner, and the secretary announced the chair, and I thought to my self, " oh crap not this crusty, tattooed up, semi-bathed, s*** talkin, full of crap, bottom of the barrel, simpleton…...I do not have anything in common with him, and he always goes on and on……...bla,bla,bla." Then all of a sudden a thought flashed through my head: you hypocrite. Did you not rant on about unity and singleness of purpose in the past, and here you are saying that this alcoholic has nothing in common with you??? Well, you are making me sick. Or, is it I'm making me sick???? Oh crap, now I'm confused. But anyway, I saw my hypocrisy, and decided that I was going to sit there and listen to his story again come hell or high water.

AND THEN THE WALLS, CAME A TUMBLING DOWN! Oh yea, the walls came a tumblin down!

His story though different in sequence and severity was practically a mirror image of mine. I've head this guy tell his story maybe ten or more times and have always left feeling like I'd been screwed out of a half hour of meeting time: resentment, eh? Well, today my eyes were opened and I now see a brother in the man. We even talked a bit, and I can remember maybe twenty howdys between us in the past. The conversation was both enjoyable and enlightening.

AnYwAy, what a trip!!! Life is too cool when you are. He,he,he.

Read ya'all later alligators


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 17:32:48

Comments

Hi, just wanted to say how nice it is to be back here with my friends. I missed you all so much the last few days, I was only able to read some of the posts and got real frustrated at times. I don't think I have missed a day here in 7 months.

Love ya Suzanne


Member: Richard: sundace Kid
Location: West Coast
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 17:44:57

Comments

Hay D Butch B Casedy, It was a muscular thing. I'm trying to rest the entire weekend. Thanks man.


Member: Ruby O.
Location: Talladega, Al
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 20:44:49

Comments

Hello Ruby A grateful rewcovered alcoholic, Fayla I am so grateful you saw the opportunity for growth when your sponsor slipped. Yea Fayla. Montana Mike a fried of mine from Tpa,came from Montana and he told a great story about how he got sober after he asked an old man about why he never came to town with the other cowboys on Sat night and why he aleays carried that old book ujnder his arm,The old man said that a friend told him if he would carry this book he would never have to drink again. Bill said"yeah,but you never read it." The old man said that he couldn't read. Bill read the book to him and has been sober since(>20 years). I love that story.


Member: FAYLA   G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 20:58:13

Comments

Fayla ALCOHOLIC,I love you Sundance.it fits ya to ,i love you too butch. once i was blind but now i see,that song plays in my mind alot,i have a boxer his name is champ ,i got drunk one night and almost cost him his life ,he always had to be on a chain because he likes to run around alot and play but out here theres a highway that has taken the lives of many dogs and cats most all of them pets of folks in the trailer park,anyway i brought him in the house to play with him i was real drunk ,i forgot all about him,my boyfreind and i got into a fight ,he was drunk too,he took off in his truck ,i went to hunt for him ,i never found him ,he drove over to his job and spent the night,the next morning champ was gone ,i was seeing him in my mind chaseing my car ,and it kept getting clearer in my mind him chaseing me down the road ,i just let everyone think he was stolen or ran away ,and the guilt and pain and anger at myself for being so careless ,i went threw hell i serched the ditchs all along every road around here for his body ,i thought i probley ran over him or someone else did when he was trying to follow me ,he was missing for 3 weeks,my boyfreind reported him stollen ,MY COUSIN came over one day and told me the vet in baxter had aboxer ,he wanted me to come see if it was mine ,he said it had a messed up eye and his leg was in real bad shape ,the bones in it were shaderd his leg would probley half to be cut off .i didnt even think it was him ,his eyes were alright the last time i saw him.anyway i went in to check it out ,it was my boy his right leg was just hanging there ,his left eye all matted and clouded over,he was so glad to see me ,he started crying and i call it talking to me it sounds like he is any way ,they wanted to keep him for afew days ,and they called the next day and wanted to cut off the leg or put him to sleep ,my boyfreind started calling around and found a vet who wanted to try and save his leg ,and they did and hes a fine spoiled dog today ,WE quit drinking not long after that ,we dont know if a truck or a car hit him . its not important .but every time i look at his blind eye,i know thats my fault ,that might not have been a dog i hurt that night driving drunk ,it could have been someones family member who could have lost there life because of another drunk driver . if your out there driving drunk iam praying for you im praying they catch you . love fayla


Member: FAYLA   G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 21:34:27

Comments

Fayla ALCOHOLIC,I love you Sundance.it fits ya to ,i love you too butch. once i was blind but now i see,that song plays in my mind alot,i have a boxer his name is champ ,i got drunk one night and almost cost him his life ,he always had to be on a chain because he likes to run around alot and play but out here theres a highway that has taken the lives of many dogs and cats most all of them pets of folks in the trailer park,anyway i brought him in the house to play with him i was real drunk ,i forgot all about him,my boyfreind and i got into a fight ,he was drunk too,he took off in his truck ,i went to hunt for him ,i never found him ,he drove over to his job and spent the night,the next morning champ was gone ,i was seeing him in my mind chaseing my car ,and it kept getting clearer in my mind him chaseing me down the road ,i just let everyone think he was stolen or ran away ,and the guilt and pain and anger at myself for being so careless ,i went threw hell i serched the ditchs all along every road around here for his body ,i thought i probley ran over him or someone else did when he was trying to follow me ,he was missing for 3 weeks,my boyfreind reported him stollen ,MY COUSIN came over one day and told me the vet in baxter had aboxer ,he wanted me to come see if it was mine ,he said it had a messed up eye and his leg was in real bad shape ,the bones in it were shaderd his leg would probley half to be cut off .i didnt even think it was him ,his eyes were alright the last time i saw him.anyway i went in to check it out ,it was my boy his right leg was just hanging there ,his left eye all matted and clouded over,he was so glad to see me ,he started crying and i call it talking to me it sounds like he is any way ,they wanted to keep him for afew days ,and they called the next day and wanted to cut off the leg or put him to sleep ,my boyfreind started calling around and found a vet who wanted to try and save his leg ,and they did and hes a fine spoiled dog today ,WE quit drinking not long after that ,we dont know if a truck or a car hit him . its not important .but every time i look at his blind eye,i know thats my fault ,that might not have been a dog i hurt that night driving drunk ,it could have been someones family member who could have lost there life because of another drunk driver . if your out there driving drunk iam praying for you im praying they catch you . love fayla


Member:   Chuck le C.
Location:   yreka, Calif.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 21:37:49

Comments

Chuck le C Yreka Calif SAt P.M. Hi Out there in Disneyland and home of some really sick people out there. It takes one yo know one ! I flunked sandbox,kindergarden,recess and summer vacation. I just never fit any place till I found out from a drink in my hand . Then I was something else. I never thought much of this til it started to dawn on me that thier was another (chuck) inside of me the one that got me in all my trouble. I was a prof. quitter I quit between ,drinks,bars,towns,cities,States ad in-finitum . I just couldn t stay quit. Coming of my next to the best drunk I ever had . I thought of thiss asshole inside of me, that gets me drunk and is never around when I would have the dry heaves, not eat for a week or more ,not sleep, lay around feeling guilty for months. Their was no free medical as there is now !!! I had no ins. you can t have to much of a drinking career if shoes match and you have money in your pockets. A.A. was all that was left for me. E ither I quit or I died. It was killing me . I cant understand people that they think they still have a choice. If you do then you may well try again. I have lived this way of life before drugs became a problem. I can still remember in our one meeting a week group we thought how nice it would be if we just had a place to take our new drunks to instead of our homes. Look at it now everyone is trying to get into A.A. sell us ,fix us in thirty days for up to fifteen grand.For those of you out there from a recovering Baptist like me keep the plug in the jug remember(kiss) (halt) and the four great big wors that if you follow perfectly you will never drink . O.K. here they are TOUGH - SHIT- DONT- DRINK. what ever the problem is just say that to yourself . To all you fathers out there Happy and sober Fathers Day


Member:   Chuck le C.
Location:   yreka, Calif.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 21:39:06

Comments

Chuck le C Yreka Calif SAt P.M. Hi Out there in Disneyland and home of some really sick people out there. It takes one yo know one ! I flunked sandbox,kindergarden,recess and summer vacation. I just never fit any place till I found out from a drink in my hand . Then I was something else. I never thought much of this til it started to dawn on me that thier was another (chuck) inside of me the one that got me in all my trouble. I was a prof. quitter I quit between ,drinks,bars,towns,cities,States ad in-finitum . I just couldn t stay quit. Coming of my next to the best drunk I ever had . I thought of thiss asshole inside of me, that gets me drunk and is never around when I would have the dry heaves, not eat for a week or more ,not sleep, lay around feeling guilty for months. Their was no free medical as there is now !!! I had no ins. you can t have to much of a drinking career if shoes match and you have money in your pockets. A.A. was all that was left for me. E ither I quit or I died. It was killing me . I cant understand people that they think they still have a choice. If you do then you may well try again. I have lived this way of life before drugs became a problem. I can still remember in our one meeting a week group we thought how nice it would be if we just had a place to take our new drunks to instead of our homes. Look at it now everyone is trying to get into A.A. sell us ,fix us in thirty days for up to fifteen grand.For those of you out there from a recovering Baptist like me keep the plug in the jug remember(kiss) (halt) and the four great big wors that if you follow perfectly you will never drink . O.K. here they are TOUGH - SHIT- DONT- DRINK. what ever the problem is just say that to yourself . To all you fathers out there Happy and sober Fathers Day


Member: miki
Location: midwest
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 22:08:38

Comments

Miki alchoholic and addict I am. I know that today because after 20 + yrs of sobriety I want to use tonight as much as I ever did 20 years ago and I don't know why......even tho I can tell myself its because I'm not doing my steps, don't know when I quit... anyway this is about the only place I can think of for a meeting because I am out of town and if I walk out the door sure as hell I'll find a old friend or a bar before I find a meeting. I've been doing such a good job of surviving , I think I forgot how to live and I really don't know where to start....ya I know..my higher power. See I know the answers.. but He's just not here right now...


Member: program/BB/another alkie
Location:
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 22:48:01

Comments

I'm there for ya bro.