Member: Barry L
Location: Tech
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 12:36:14
Sorry Due to operator malfunction (ME) all of last weeks meetings are lost they will not be in the Archives.
Member: Mary M.
Location: North Carolina
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 13:20:10
I was a sceptic at first about how well AA and on-line would mix. I have found that it is a wonderful resource that is available to us all anytime day or night. It can never replace f2f meetings or sponsership, but it is a wonderful edition to our program. I would love to hear from some other women in recovery. Please e-mail me at serenity1st@msn.com if you are interested in cooresponding. Thanks! Mary M.
Member: Caryn
Location: Illinois
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 13:48:33
I put a comment in last night, but just realized it was updated before I got any real response. Am looking for women to e-mail. Trying to form some new connections in AA.
Have a comment for Bitsey, if she's out there. The last time I checked into Detox, three years ago, the woman who became my first sponser went to my house and took all my self-help books out in garbage bags. She told me I could read anything else, and suggested I focus my recovery in the Big Book--I was getting confused with all the other stuff. It has worked. Ayear ago, she gave me back all my books, but I haven't been interested in picking them up. Might help. Keep trying.
Member: Kerry B,
Location: Idaho
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 14:24:44
Kerry B. - an alcoholic. Just checking in, have been e-mailing a new friend, and it has been a lot of fun. I have not had that much contact with other women since I moved here 7 years ago, and I miss it. My husband and I run a 24 hour, 7 day a week business, constantly on call, and I had (at the time) 2 small children, so I wasn't able to go to the movies, out to coffee etc. and the gal's here I guess thought I was a snob cause I was always turning them down for the social activities. Anyway, glad for the opportunity to share here. It's a beautiful day, and I'm going to get out in it, barbeque and have a few friends over. It's great to be sober!!!!
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 16:12:32
The weather has been unsettled here today. A few T storms and even tornado warnings, we only had damaging winds (my garden didn't get flattened...thanking my higher power for that one) Barbeque sounds great Kerry! I barbeque year round, while shoveling the snow from the driveway I shovel my path to the barbeque. Well, the sun is shining right now so I better go get things started. (..I made cheesecake for dessert..topped with fresh strawberries)
Everyone is in my thoughts and prayers Luv Suzanne
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 16:52:37
My name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic. Just needed to remind myself. I just wanted to check a file before starting dinner...my files are gone...my son was doing some housekeeping here and must have deleted them all. I am in tears...and he will be so upset with himself when he finds out. This too shall pass -pause- I can't change it, so why worry...I'll just start over...it's not worth drinking over
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 16:54:23
Here's a tip to save internet charges while reading and posting here. Log on, bring up what you want, then go "off line" (on mine I double click internet logo in lower right hand corner), disconnect, then when I post and click once to submit, the computer ask's if I want to reconnect. I hope I explained that right. Kerry
Member: JBCorn
Location: program
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 16:59:50
JBC here, Just saw that last weeks meeting is lost, hope that you got my message Sanders. I got yours and ecepte your apology. Lets not find things in eachothers shares to poke at but lets look for the similarities. We will always be able to find faults with others. I'd like to thank Sanders for showing me the program in action. Way to work those steps. I am sorry to Bitsy as well for being grumpy. Hope you are doing ok.
Member: Dave K
Location: MN
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 19:04:47
Dave K, alcoholic, new to this board. I've been reading the postings for the past few weeks and have found a few bits of wisdom to remember in my program. Enjoy hearing what people from other parts of world have say about their recovery. My home group is a step group. This is like going to an open meeting any time I care to. To bad archives from last wk. were lost. There was some good corespondence there. Writting this is like going to an out of town meeting, not knowing what to expect, fear of new people, and not knowing what to say. But after its all over and done with you feel better for having met and talked to a new group of people. Also having kept ourselves sober for another day. Looking forwards to this wks. comments. Thank You All for your help. It is great to be sober.
Member: ty
Location:
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 21:11:51
Member: Delores C.
Location: Las Vegas, Nv.
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 21:42:19
Hello, this is Delores in Las Vegas, I hope all are well. Bitsey, I certainly agree with Caryn about concentrating on the Big Book and delaying reading all of the self help books for a while. I found in my early recovery I was still toooooooo sick to differentiate between what was valuable and what was not. I only knew one thing for sure. The Big Book came highly recommended by the success stories I listened to but people like Wayne Dyer could claim no such acolades. I feel in all comes down to KISS - - - My prayers and hope are with you. Signing off for a while,,,,,got work to do.
Best wishes to all. (I am really sorry last postings were lost, Doris won't be able to see all the great notes of good wishes for that baby. Luv, Delores C.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 22:37:27
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Today was exhausting. Had some difficulties with my asthma due to the heat. Just got up from a long nap to read the posts before retiring in front of the old TV the rest of the evening. It is great to be here, and sober. David K welcome to this site. I found it also to be wonderful to have a meeting with people all over the world. My home group is a Topic meeting. One of those that discussions type meetins of what's going on today in recovery, and express the contrast of what it was like before we sobered up. That can be most interesting. I love to see how others apply the steps to their daily circumstances, and that meeting seems to fulfill that need for me.
Doris--since you can not dig through the archives, congratulations on Stepper's birth--I asked if it was a girl or a boy, since I get lost with your description. Not to familar with the terms used in the gender description for horses. Hope you get back on line soon--I miss your posts.
Hello Pat Z--hope your doing well, have not seen you post in awhile.
Thanks Jon and Sanders for showing us how this program works in action. Love you guys.
Best be cutting this off--Stay sober, happy, and on-line with the rest of us.
Love to all - Linda P.
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 22:38:05
FAYLA ALCOHOLIC ,ANOTHER SOBERweekend ,so many things to be thankfull for ,I will spend tue.with JOHNNIE ,HE WILL Go back to jail wed.And go to a halfway house,Nomatter what the outcome i will treasure this time we have spent together clean and sober,ITs been great!now its up to JOHNNIE.Hope everyone had a good weekend/LOVE FAYLA G
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 31 May 1998
Time: 23:23:36
Hi all Y,all I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Well te Ind Pacers came close to beating the Chicago Bulls, but could not quite pull it off it is now left up to the Utah Jazz to get the job done I even skipped my F2F meeting tonight to watch this game.------ We finally got some rain today and we surely did need it, as the crops in the fields are burnig up. This is a farming area and the farmer is so dependant on rain for the crops.---- This has really been an odd night for me. I have been trying to watch the ball game, read my E mail, check the three puter meetings and eat watermelon all at the same time --- In the middle of all this I gave my dog Tobie a rawhide bone about 12 inches in length and she will gnaw on it for awhile and get up and move to another spot to work on it, but when she moves she takes the bone with her and she looks like she has a big cigar in her mouth. She is really funny looking with that thing stuck in her mouth.------ Linda, you were speaking of having a hard time today with breathing and I can identify with that. I only have one lung and have emphasema in it so I stay in the air conditioning. Heat does not bother me as much as high humidity does. I tell people I have a lung and not a gill---- I have rambled on too long so I'll get off but for what ever it is worth.... I have not had a drink all day and have not even thought of one till I started this post, and that is a miricle. Love to all Y,all Sanders
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 00:35:09
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.
Sanders, sorry about your pacers, they did give it one heck of a go. I think I'd probably have paid to see Tobie with that "cigar" hanging out of her mouth.
I was taught a long time ago that when a situation gets out of hand the best thing to do is turn it loose and let it come to rest all by itself. That is the reason I chose to back off last week in the midst of our little bruhaha. The unfortunate thing about anger is that once you buy into it you have no choice but to ride the wave to the bitter end. Kinda like a good three week drunk. For some odd reason I'm getting the impression that I am going to end up being the goat in this situation, Oh poor me. The fact that our tech lost all of last week's data can only be considered a blessing in my view. There is a God. Glen told me so.
Love ya ALL, DB
Member: Craig
Location: Arizona
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 00:54:51
Hi all, Craig, a recovering Alcoholic.
Here's something I would like to throw out to the group. I have been working really hard on 'Thy Will, not mine. This past week I have been asking my H.P. to help me to remember his through the day. I remembered quite a bit on Monday. Monday was a terrible day! I don't know if any of you have seen the Lucille Ball piece where she gets the job in the bakery and these pies or cakes are coming down the assembly line. Slowly at first, then faster and faster. That was Monday. I kept saying "Thy Will, not mine", and the pies kept coming faster. Same thing on Tuesday. Worse on Wednesday. After work on Wednesday, I go to a F2F meeting just a couple of blocks from my work. This is good because I can sit in the car and meditate & pray. Which I did because my nerves were really frazzled. I asked my H.P. what message He was trying to get across to me. One of the thoughts that came a little later was to change jobs. I thought I would check some of the web pages that post job listings. Didn't see much that I could do, though. Thursday (I remembered, Thy Will) went just great. So did Friday. My question is this. What do you make of this?
I am a believer that my H.P. got out of the burning bush business a couple of years ago. He now works His miracles through you and me. So, If you have any 'inspired thoughts' on this matter, please post and I will be looking and listening.
Oh yes, my H.P. again saved me. I didn't have to drink today. And that is a miracle!
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 01:07:52
barry... our favorite techie...it's okay to be human today... nothing to forgive... just know we love you and APPRECIATE all you do for us !!!! linda ... stepper is a fillie and that means that she is a female. doris... congrats again grandma!!! i miss you and hope you will be back soon. saw mom yesterday...she looks like she has aged 25 years in the past few months.. she's really weak. but now the causes are diagnosed we can progress from here.. btgog....
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 06:22:35
(_)> Good morning AALL! Amy an alcoholic. Today is "Pfingstenmontag" or Pentacost.. It is a very quiet day here, all businesses closed but the weather is beautiful. I wish I could sit outside but I have a summer cold (I didn`t get one all winter!) and the winds here can really blow. The wind pattern is called the Föhn (the mistral in France) and people have blamed all there is to blame on this wind. They say it makes one crazy, or healthy depending on who you ask. Sanders here there is NO HUMIDITY which I understand would help with your breathing but I know you too well by now to even suggest you leave your mom, and I say that with ALL respect. I thought I read your implied wish that the Chicago Bulls would not win a tournament (Sorry guys I watched the final 4 but pro ball I just can't bear). Now you know I am a tar heel and Michael Jordan is not only from my state but from my school so I am still pulling for the Bulls unless they have already lost this tournament. Now with Delores moving to NC, David from God's Country (Western NC, I agree completely, however we still call Chapel Hill Blue Heaven) and now Mary M from NC...You guys are my home group. I have no access to f2f meetings and therefore REALLY appreciate the net. I want to respond to a few people and will try not to ramble... Mary w I pray for your mother and for your strength as you face the unknown. You are an inspiration to me and I appreciate your insight. Your sentiments reminded me of a painting we have hung in the family house here that says (translated from German) "When you still have a mother, thank God and be happy". Last night my hubby and I watched a funny movie called "French kiss" and Meg Ryan says "everyone loves their mother whether they hate her or not". My mother and I have had our ups and downs. Being a preachers then missionary's wife the church and all activities came first, family second or third. She is a perfectionist and I am a sentimentalist and these two mix sometimes like oil and water. I have found that working on this relationship has helped me so much with serenity . The more I ask my HP for grace and understanding the more he gives me. Thank goodness only as much as I can take... Delores tell Doris I miss her and I only posted once last week , I will write her when she has her comp. up and running again. Bonnie, in case I have never told you before you are a very special person and I always enjoy your posts. Especially how you bless all who venture here...keep up the support, I need it! Altho I have a cold I would like to go out and work in the garden, which is forbidden today just like on ANY Sunday. What would we do in America if we couldn't work in the garden or cut the lawn or wash a car on Sunday? The Swiss are different, that is all I have to say about that. Fayla I am still praying for Johnnie. If he is going into the half way house that is great as a new start from what I have heard. If he can stay away from the old playgrounds and playmates he has a great chance. Still sponsor hunting? Keep us posted, we care. I havn`t heard from our men overseas in the service and just incase any of you read this we are behind ya 100 percent, we Americans, regardless of where we hang our hats. Thanks for letting me share, Amy GC PS Welcome Craig from AZ...the Lucy story also reminded me of Charlie Chaplain`s Modern Times when he tries to work too fast. I could also relate to having frazzled NERVES because that is still a problem with me. I also found that the only help was in the asking (my HP) and when in trouble or PERCEIVED trouble (mostly the case ) I ask him earnestly to prepare the road (way) ahead. Turn it over, take it easy! Love to AALL
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 07:04:53
Craig, I'm sure there's exceptions, but my experience is that like so many other things in this program, if you're positive that the perfect, hassle free job is out there then you just haven't had enough jobs yet. Once you've worked enough places to realize that it's not the job, or the company, or the boss, or the people, that it just possibly could be you, then the road is downhill.
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 09:23:07
FAYLA,alcoholic .happy new day everybody ,going to make some changes,QUIT MY JOB ,going for meeting at 9 am ,with an old boss who called sat ,wanting mw to come to work for her ,more ,money ,going to give it a shot,have a good sober day everyone ,Doris ,love ya ,miss ya,glad Stepper got here,Amy i still have not seen my sponser . Wheres JASON ? mtss ya JASON. Johnnie IS A bulls fan to AMY . love to everyone BONNIE,SANDERS ,JANE,LINDA P.,RICHARD, DELORIS,MARY ,LIBBY,SUZANNE,JRR,MARTINNA,AND SO MANY MORE.
Member: Jane
Location: Ma
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 09:24:50
Where do May go? Craig, I think the pies are flying down the assembly line for me as well. Seriously, though, I am not sure if you were asking if God still speaks to us directly as in the burning bush or if you wondered why God didn't slow down the week for you in answer to "thy will not mine be done".
In Step 11 of the 12&12 it suggests we not go it alone in spiritual matters, that is, to expect direct "hits" from the voice of heaven on a one -to-one and act on them without consulting someone else. I have had but one experience of "the still small voice" and it was life changing. As you say, most communication comes via others. Reading too.
God , my sponsor would say, is a gentleman. He does not speak in chaos. Other than that it sounds like a typical week in the ups and downs of life. Hope this helps.
Love to all this week. Thanks guys who worked through disagreements last week for your humility in showing us how it works!!!! Even the "slate was cleaned". We still love ya, techs.
Member: JBCorn
Location: program
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 10:40:26
JBcorn, well just wanted to point out that when Delores&Caryn said Bitsey, I certainly agree with Caryn about concentrating on the Big Book and delaying reading all of the self help books for a while they were saying the exact same thing as I was saying just before being hit with those kind words of David & Sanders(I know we kissed & made up) but it seems funny that one person can say one thing & get jumped with all kinds of harsh "newcomer" jargon, while the same thing can be said by someone "known" & be praised as the "truth". If that is not odd to you all then the nile or I mean "denile" is still lapping at your anckles.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 10:53:12
Jim, an alcoholic.
Struggling to stay in the program this past couple of days. Haven't seen a bio-rhythm chart, but I suspect I'd be on a triple low. If there were anything to those things.
Not sure, but I think the problem is expecting too much. Had myself convinced that after 20 years of neglect I could jump-start my marriage in three or four weeks. But, attempts at spiritual intimacy turn into shadow-boxing matches. Physical intimacy? We've tried, but it just sort of gives new meaning to the word 'embarrassing.'
Oddly, I think booze would make it less disturbing. When I was drunk we both had our 'safe' places--cocoons where we didn't have to think or worry about each other. Now--no more 'safe' places. We both grew thorns while I was away. It's going to take awhile to learn to live with each other as real people--the dangerous kind, that have actual feelings. But it's worth a try--I sure as hell don't want to go back to my cocoon. It's dead there.
Anyway--Craig, I think I need to disagree a little with Glen H. There's no such thing as the 'perfect' job--he's right about that. But there are such things as snake-pit jobs, and if you have one of those it's worth whatever it takes to get out.
I had one for five years--the worst five years of my life. The people I worked for were pretty close to evil. Example--once, when I tried to quit drinking, my boss and my boss's boss took me out, got me drunk, and laughed at me for it in front of the rest of the office the next day. Sure--I'm the one who put the glass to my lips. But they were brutal. If I hadn't left I'd have killed either myself or one of them. Probably one of them. They showed me where to find the hate.
So I guess the moral is--nobody but you can say whether your job is bad for you. Just make sure you appraise it with the same honesty you bring to AA, and make the choice that's best for you.
Hope everybody's well--here's to one more day without a drink. And if somebody wants to tell me that everything between my wife and I will be just fine, I'll believe it without questioning. Time for a little blind hope.
Member: JBCorn
Location: Program
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 11:33:22
JBCorn here, When I read Davifd's post I was flabergasted he says I was taught a long time ago that when a situation gets out of hand the best thing to do is turn it loose and let it come to rest all by itself. That is the reason I chose to back off last week in the midst of our little bruhaha but David you were the antagonist. No one was saying anything untill you started it and just because you didn'nt like my handle. Yea, now that is just letting go and letting God isn't it.
One thing is for sure Divid did not let go of last weeks "brewhaha". And, David you saying my handle is related to drinking well do you know what a Brewhaha is?
I've learned one thing and that is that just because some one with time says something does not make it healthy or true. And, David's nitpicking about my handle lastweek& his self-righteouse, self absorbed, I'm better than the rest anouncement on how to turn the other cheek which he posted today are in contradiction with eachother.
I would have never jumped on David for choosing a name or ANYTHING ELSE. But you started picking on me& for something stupid.
Jon Barley Corn sober but still not buying everything that's sold. Come on David through me another sucker punch like last week when I was trying to talk with others and you so freely jumped in on me.
Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 11:34:35
Jim, I have found snakepit jobs myself, usually when I just thought I was in one. Realistically though, they are few and far between. For us as alcoholics, we always want to be the one exception to "it is a spiritual axiom that when we are disturbed the problem is with us." I will go to any length to certify myself as the one true unique exception before I look inward.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 12:01:12
Glen, I believe (hope?) I understand your point. Without trying very hard I can think of aq half dozen occasions where I've taken the easy way out. Certainly in my snakepit job I was responsible for much of what was wrong--and COMPLETELY responsible for my own response to it.
But sometimes, leaving is the only route leading to sanity. I could not have stayed there and healed, just like I can't drink and heal.
Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 13:36:23
Jim D. - Thanks for your posts. You've made me think about a lot of things.
I think most people find beginnings to be very difficult, although in AA we are blessed that it is accompanied by an ending, as well, to awful kind of drinking life that brought us to the program in the first place. At first, it often feels like we're stepping out into the unknown, and that there isn't any solid ground to walk on.
But it IS the beginning! It's just hard to believe it, at first. And hard, too, to wait (I am certainly one who has had a lot of trouble in the area of patience!) for life to stop feeing bad and start feeling good. At the beginning, for me, the only place I found any real peace was in an AA meeting, listening to the amazing stories of people who had come back to life after heading so certainly towards death. I also read the stories in the back of the Big Book, and tried to read the AA literature (although I couldn't concentrate too well, after years of mental fog). I was glad, too, to be able to talk to people (although I was very shy at first), after years of living alone.
Someone once told me this: When you come to the end of your rope, let go! It meant, to me, to just try to live a day at a time and not worry about too much, not try to force things to happen. It's against our instinct to do this, I think, but it helped me a lot. Another thing that people said was: God doesn't bring us this far to drop us. This was also a great comfort.
For me, the first year or so was about healing from alcoholism, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Thanks, again.
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 13:43:25
Hey again AAll, Amy an alcoholic. I came back on line, and when I read Faylas post reaching out to Jason I thought of how I had wanted to ask if jim d. was around. I known you have it tough now but this too shall pass and everything can be straightened out it just takes time and sanity. First don't drink, we love you and have faith in you, and are unexclusionists (speaking there for myself) and you can slip and come back but as my granny would have said, why cut a cats tail off bit by bit it does not make the pain any lighter. Stop drinking, you will! As to your marriage I pray for it. Intimacy does not come overnight (or in a few weeks?) I hope you know I say this in compassion. Has your wife gone to Al Anon? Also, as to those changing jobs good luck and chin up! Some say change of a drastic nature is bad the 1st year, any opinions? World Hug Amy GC
Member: Steve D.
Location: NJ
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 14:39:10
Steve, alcoholic.
Amy, thanks for letting me know about the coffee pot. It looks like a good source of sobriety.
Member: Jodene
Location: OKC
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 16:06:25
Jodene Alcoholic here. So, where's the "Swiss Ms."? ;) Hiya Amy. I found the coffee pot and the discussion meeting for the first time last week. I've only had internet access for a few weeks. I'm very fortunate in that part of my job involves retreiving medical reports from a secured (at least so they claim) site for the company I work for. My work is very sporadic. It's important that I be very exact in the work that I do, but there are spells when I do nada. Fortunately my employers are cool with me web-serfing. Can't beat that with a stick. Amy--I throughly appreciate your posts. You sound like someone it would be GREAT to hang with. So tell me, just exactly what is this Swiss law concerning what can and can't be done on Sunday? If I understand your situation correctly, there are NO meetings there???? To follow-up on the situation I discussed in the discussion meeting :) After Nick died I went back to my parent's house in the Oklahoma Panhandle (can you say "isolation"?). The relationship with MY mother had been complex to say the least. What I found in that awful, awful time was a minute by minute deepening relationship with God. In some ways it was the most spiritually growing time in my life. Basically it came down to a minute by crawling minute choice...("I won't go to the liquor store in the next 2-minutes.")There were other "growing experiences" in the following 2-years, and to be honest, I think most of us have days when we get up and say "God, PLEASE don't teach me anything today!" I'll have to discuss N.C. with you later. Got to run and do some WORK! K.I.S.S.---Jodene!
Member: Tammy L
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 16:36:15
Tammy alcoholic here! I missed reading all of your posts this weekend. I couldn't wait to get to work today so that I could get back online. I hope no one lived in one of the areas where the tornadoes hit. If you did I hope you are ok. Well I don't really have much to say today, just happy to be alive and sober. Have a wonderful day to everyone.
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 17:17:16
My name is David, A Recovered Alcoholic. Life is Bitchin'. No other way to put it. Life is just flat Bitchin'. In a positive context of course.
I was practically torn up by the level of intensity in the game Sunday afternoon. For some reason, I haven't been able to figure out just why, I am a Bulls fan. There's just something about the way Jordan plays the game that lights me up. There for a while Sunday I thought they were gonna get beat up but Mikey side stepped the bullet again. I shouldn't have been surprised, we've all seen Chicago do it so many times before. However he has an appointment with Carl Malone next week. I might not even be up to watching that series, it scares me and I'm afraid of very little.
I'm extremely grateful for my soberiety and the forum that has been provided for us here on the web. Other than utilizing the services of box 459 there is no way any of us could hope to gain access to the abundance of information available here at this site. That is a big part of why life is Bitchin' today. Today I have options available to me that did not used to exist. That is another reason life is Bitchin' today. Its coming up on 3:15 PM where I live and I haven't had a drink or the desire for one all day long. I didn't have a drink or the desire for one all day yesterday, even while Chicago was behind. The biggest deal about this whole thing, I think, is that I have been given a second chance to do with as I wish.
The folks hanging out around the tables when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous asked me one simple question. When I answered "yes, I do have a desire to stop drinking, they didn't make me qualify my answere by asking me how long I was willing to stop for. They said welcome home David, we got a seat for you right over here. At the very second my butt hit the chair I realized I was indeed home. Mom and Dad weren't there but there was more love in that room than I had ever experienced before and everyone still had their clothes on.
THIS MEMORY STAYS WITH ME CONTINUALLY. IT DOESN'T GO AWAY. Because of it I want to share two paragraphs from the family afterward with you.
"So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefullness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.
Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much. So let each family play together or seperately,as much as their circumstances warrant. We are sure God wants us to be happy , joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the beleif that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize on it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence." From pages 132 and 133 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Thanks to all off you, my memories remain intact, DB
Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 17:45:53
David, I think of that passage every time I hear the silly "we are powerless over people, places, and things" catchphrase.
We are not; "We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."
Member: Sanders W
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 18:38:38
Hi all Y,all, I am very definately a reaL alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Craig, I just have one thought you may or may not have considered. There are lots of people out there who would like to have your job and also could it be that "the job got better" after you went to the meeting?----- to Jim D. in Canada. Jim, drinking is not an option for us anymore. You indicated you had been married for 20 years and I would suggest you do whatever it takes to make it work. I have been married and devorced three times and you can take my word for it, THERE ARE NO WINNERS in a divorce, just two or more loosers. One may be more of a looser than the other, but both are loosers. If you both want it to work then you have half the battle won. Don,t give up, just keep on trying and you will be glad you did.--------- Someone earlier spoke of self help programs and my last wife was addicted to self help programs. I told her once she needed a self help program to help her get off the self help programs she was involved in. I heard a speaker at the round-up we just had speak of disfunctional families. He said he did not know what a disfunctional family was because he had never seen a functional family since being in AA. Antway my last wife was in CODA, Alonon had all kinds of books one of which was the birth order and if you did not fit your "slot " in that order, she made you. It was a very confusing family. Just keep it simple and don't get involved in too many programs. It is hard to stand up and set down at the same time.-----------Just you wait, the Jazz ar going to kill the Bulls please. Love to all Y,all Sanders I am off to Lions Club tonight
Member: Andy T
Location: Newportbeach,CA.
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 19:06:06
Hi my friend's Andy T. alcoholic. Well I finally got my computer up again.Sunday after I posted my good morning to you guy's,I went to my f2f,boy did I really need it too!,when I got home, someone got on the computer here and just screwed it all up!!!! Another case of my HP. giving me a dose of patiance and tolarance.I really rely on you guy's and lady's postings. Being that I'm on vacation here in E.Texas I only get to go to meeting's on Sunday.So you can guess why Iwas so stressed-out with no cumputer.Anyway enough of my whinning! Did everyone have a GREAT WEEKEND??? and how was your today??? my day is great so far,I think the only thing that can mess my day up is A drink......And today I made a choice not to drink,just for today,I don't know about tommrrow it's not here yet,but just for today I ask my HP to help me thru out my day,because I'm an Alcoholic of the worst kind and I to say "THY WILL BE DONE" thru out my day.So today I choose not to pick up that first drink ,because I've lived my time in hell and I don't want to go back TODAY!!!! well my friend's Igotta go for now I'm going fishing.Did I forget to mention that where I'm visiting they have a BIGGGGG farm pond, lot's of fish.As a matter of fact for lunch today I had fresh bass filets life does'nt get better then this in soberity.well I'll check back later tonight to see how the continueing saga of dave and jon are doing.Just for today WE stay sober together!! Andy T.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 19:07:11
Thanks Sanders--and if anyone knows where I can get Jazz jackets or jerseys let me know. My wife's a jazz music fan, and it would make a nice borthday gift.
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 19:36:25
Hi my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.
Jim D.- I have been sober for almost eleven months. I have a husband and three children 16, 14 and 9. A year ago I thought marriage and family life was over. When I first got sober I wasn't so sure I wanted to live with my husband anymore(I was afraid it would jeapordize my sobriety) even though he is a wonderful man, he can be emotionally abusive to me and the kids. He knew that there were changes he had to make as well and asked me if I would have some patience. How could I say no? I couldn't expect things to be different overnight. And after all we do love each other. Together with the children we attend family counselling, separately my husband addresses his problems(his program) and I have my recovery program . We have all grown, individually and together. Some days were, still are, and probably always be "bumpy" But with each and every bump we learn something about ourselves or each other. Each day seems to get a little easier. I would also like to say that it gets interesting and enjoyable, almost like we have just met. I am happy to say we will be celebrating our 18th anniversary on June 14. Our love for each other is reason enough to keep working at our marriage.
luv Suzanne
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 19:43:17
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic. Thanks a lot Andy T.
Member: Karen M.
Location: Pittstown, NJ
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 21:21:04
Karen M., active in the AA Fellowship for the last 12 years. Found this website via correspondence from Caryn. New to this online meeting, but interested in participating and hearing others' experience, strength and hope. One Day at A Time! Karen
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newportbeach,CA.
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 23:06:41
Hi again,andy alcoholic.First off welcome Karen M.I to am new to this web site and have found alot of E.S.H.here.David I did't mean anything by the saga,so I hope I did't offend you.If I did please except my apoliges.Well as I wrote eariler I left to go fishing and I took my B.B.to read just in case the fish decided to boycott my hook.Well needless to say the fish were not on strike.It seemed every time I started to read(chapter#3)I'd get a bite,ya know I really think the fish were only letting themselves get caught so they could get a workout,beacuse I was letting them go,so they must have been passing the word around to there little under nurished friends that they could get a free meal.Needless to say I only got a few pages read,but thats O.K. today.I can remmember day's when I did'nt want anything to do with that book or what it had to offer.Today I keep it simple in my soberity.I try to read a few pages in my B.B.I call another alcoholic daily on the phone,even though I'm along way from my home group,I still got phone number's of alcoholic's from the meeting I attened out here.You never know when the urge might hit,and i've found by one drunk talking to another drunk during those times HELP'S.Thats how this whole program started one drunk talking to another.Plus getting on this web page daily,(when my computers not down)Well I've talked enough now,so I'll call it a night.Good night my new friends in A.A. Always remember we only have TODAY...Andy T.
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 23:51:21
Welcome to all the newcomers at Staying Cyber. Thanks to the techs for their hard work.
Welcome "stepper" and welcome back Doris..I missed you!
Luv Suzanne
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 01 Jun 1998
Time: 23:56:42
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic. No offense taken Andy. I used to know an Andy T in Glendale CA. The last I heard he had moved down your way. This would have been at least fifteen years ago. If you are the same Andy T. then life has truly turned weird! I don't think you are, he was not into fishing as far as I knew. This Program does tend to change people though. Calling upon memory, if you are the Andy T I recall and you are fishing party boats, the calico bass are getting pretty active now aren't they? I love the connection we are able to establish here. If memory serves me, Davies Locker is the local sportfishing business in Newport beach. I was mentioning before about how life is Bitchin'. Every time I turn around I get to head down memory lane. Now you know a little more about why I said "Thanks a lot Andy T.
Love ya ALL DB
Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 00:25:47
Richard here alcoholic. Well, last semester was a success, but now summer school is here. I started today. I'm now officially a senior. Just two more semesters and I'm done with undergraduate studies. I hope all is well with all you guys, but it seems life is not that way. Anyway, I'm praying for everyone here, and hope that everything either stays good, or gets better. One more thing, someone was mentioning how they were glad to be leaving a deadbeat job. Well, some advice was given for that person to look at themselves for the problem (paraphrased). I believe that we must FIRST look at ourselves. But, even though we are alcoholics, we are sometimes confronted with unhealthy people (spiritually sick according to the B.B) in these situations I feel that we should not except full responsibility for the situations problems. Though we are Alcoholic, we too are thinking creators, with legitimate feelings, and if we find a situation unhealthy then we should leave. And, we should feel good about our leaving if we have been honest in our analysis of the situation. Now, I know, I know, some people are too sick to think for themselves around here, but if you are working then you might be able to think and that is the bases of my two cents. If one can't think for themselves then they should continue to mindlessly fallow someone else until they can, and hope they are not being led by the blind. And, probably should keep any job they can get. This is not ment to down any jobs or downgrade anyone's career choice. I just think that we as alcoholics can be very effective members of society, and we have every right to be as respected, and mobile as any normy. In fact, the B.B. talks of how we are mostly more productive than most: when we arn't drunk. He,he,he,he,he,he,he.
Live&Let Live, Easy Does it, First things first.
Read ya later
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 00:54:22
Welcome back "stepper" and grand ma. You were missed by lots of us here. I am waiting for a first hand report on your new addition. Your sister Delores gave us some of the details but you know how expectant fathers are, we want it straight from the " horses mouth". Good to have you back Doris. Sanders
Member: Craig K.
Location: Arizona
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 00:55:09
I'm Craig an Alcoholic, who is greatful to be here. Thank you all for your posts. I may have 'stumbled' onto the answer this eve. at my F2F meeting where the topic was stepping back and letting your H.P. take over. One of the threads of the discussion had to do with 'our motives' when we try to be helpful. And the conclusion of the discussion was that one's motives have to be unselfish. In looking back at my motives for saying 'Thy Will, not mine, be done." was an attempt at making things easier. I am thankful for getting beat up over that one. I have changed to 'Thy Will be done, please show me how I can help this person?' So far, it is working much better.
Jim D., thanks for the thoughts. Thank you all who mentined your thoughts in you posting. Jim, some thoughts. Don't drink becuase you don't have to. I used to think that 'I had to' drink to be comfortable with myself. If not drinking today seems too long, try not drinking this morning, this afternoon or even the next 5 minutes! Then humbly ask your Higher Power to remove your obsession to drink. On your marrage, A.A. tells us not to make any major Life Decisions if we can postpone them until the first year of our sobriety. Things will get better. Maybe not what you hope for right now as better, but they will get better. Next, read the first 165 pages of the Big Book. Start at the beginning and go slowly. When you get up in the morning and go to bed at night, read pages 85, 86 and 87. During the course of the day if you feel discouraged, read page 449 and 450. Next, go to face to face meetings, get a sponsor and start working the 12 steps. When you are feeling pain, anger, confusion, the urge to drink, call your sponsor! Get some phone numbers of other group members and ask them if it would be ok to call them if you can't get to your sponsor. Remember, God works his miracles through people. Do this with an open mind and it will work.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 00:59:11
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Just finished reading the shares from the other two meetings. Wow--a lot of honesty and involvement this week. Loved what alot of people said. I identifed with those who had experienced relapse, and just want to share that we don't have to fall prey to our alcoholic thinking anymore. Accepting my disease and being willing to finally take action to do what it took to stay sober was one of my spiritual awakenings in this program. Like a bolt of lightning the thought occurred to me --I don't have to drink anymore, one day at a time, if I don't want to. Desire is where it's at, then the willingness for me needed to follow closely thereafter. Good to have so many newcomers on-line with us. These meetings are a great resource for me, but does not replace my attendance at regular AA meetings. This site serves as additional support for me. I am one of the fortunate ones that live in a town large enough that many meetings are avialable for me to attend. Some do not have that easy access to them, so they rely on this site and others like it. What's truly neat is that each person receives as much out of this program as they put into it. Participation seems to be very important in sobriety, and there is plenty of that here!
Doris--glad your back, you were sorely missed. And congratulations Grandma! Mary, thanks for the information on the status of the gender of Stepper, as I am ignorant to horse terminology. LOL.
It's wonderful to be a part of this particular group. I am beginning to truly feel apart of all your lives, as I come to these postings daily to catch up on the latest in everyones lives.
Thanks for the kind words Amy--you, as well as many others are a source of inspiration for me. I feel like I am going through another growing spurt on this site.
Love to all, Linda P
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 01:16:51
WELCOME BACK doris @>----%----- we missed you... email me... what happened? did icq mess you up? any body else want to email me too. my address is MWMOSTEST@aol.com the address is case sensitive.. thanks to all of you in your continued support of my mom and me...people like the all of you are what makes life good.
heard from libby, and she sends her best.. she'll write when she can...
hugs, mary w.
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 01:41:32
Hey all y'all, Amy an alcoholic. Welcome to it (_)> Steve and Jodene! Jim D. I am pulling for you this am. Sanders spoke the truth when he said their are no winners in divorce. Mine was after only 2 reckless years with another drunk but it has taken me many more years to get over the pain. All those out there celebrating many years of marriage hats off to you all. (I am now happily married the second time to a non drinker as many of you already know). I wanted to say welcome back Doris if you get this post. Also Jodene you asked about the Sunday law here...it goes like this - everything is closed except restaurants, period. In the hospitals the weekends are spent staring at the ceiling with the occasional nurse coming in, never a dr. all pharmacies are closed but one emergency one that is listed in Fridays paper, there is no Sunday paper. There is one AA meeting here once a week in a bad part of town, I know that seems hard to believe but there is an area of my city here where heroine addicts all hang out, no lie and they are so sick, skinny, green looking, there but for the grace of God go I my heart cries to look. But that is not the reason I do not attend this one f2f mtg, the reason is that I am only now semi fluent in German and Swiss German is very different and it is a dialect, not a written language so you can only learn it over many years of hearing it. Earlier I compared it to southern American english, my mother tongue, sounding different than the dudes in London...But it is a worse situation, there are 27 different dialects of it! Of course speaking the one used in this area (north east)that is my goal. I have been to this weekly meeting 3 times, always to cry myself to sleep over not understanding and wanting to be understood when I am going to bed. This AA line has given me even more courage to understand the language because we drunks are the same all over the world even if we yak in different sounds. Also Sanders I smiled but felt for you when you told about you ex's self help programs. In fact you told Jim D. exactly what I wanted to tell him, don't give up on that marriage. Speaking of self help and so here is a funny thing I read, hope all y'all have a good and sober day, Love ya world...Amy GC WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN
The Yoko Club? Oh no. The Peter Pan Club? Never, never. The quarterback Club? I'll pass. The compulsive- rhymers club? Okey dokey! The pregnancy Club? Conceivably. The Agoraphobics Club? If we meet at my house. The co-dependence Club? Can I bring my friend? The Procrastination Club? Maybe next week. The self-esteem builders club? They wouldn't accept me. The prayer group? God willing!
Member: JACK G
Location: HARTFORD,CT
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 03:19:33
HI,JACK G HERE;A GREATFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC.
CARYN HOW FORTUNATE TO HAVE SUCH A WISE SPONSOR. THE BIG BOOK IS THE BEST "HOW TO DO IT BOOKS EVER WRITTEN. WHEN EVER I HAVE DOUBTS I REACH FOR THE BIG BOOK AND SURE ENOUGH I FIND THE ANSWER.
I HAVE A DEEP CONCERN FOR THOSE THAT USE THE WORD "RECOVERED" AT THE START OF MY JOURNY INTO SOBRIETY,I A DIFFICULT TIME ACCEPTING MY ALCOHOLISM AS A "CRONIC RELAPSING DISEASE". ONLY ,WITH THE AID OF MY SPONSOR,WHEN I STARTED TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I HAD A SLEEPING TIGER WITHIN ME AND AS LONG AS LONG AS I DON'T WAKE WITH A DRINK OR A HIT,I'LL BE O.K.
A LITTLE QUIP ,EGO IS PROBABLY ONE OF MY WORST ENIMIE THE BEUTIFUL PEOPLE I HANG WITH LET ME KNOW WHEN IT IS OUT OF WHACK ONE OF THE COMMENTS "BIG SHOT SMALL SHOT,ONE SHOT WE'RE ALL SHOT"
THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE. GOD BLESS ALL ALCOHOLICS THOSE THAT HAVE FOUND SOBRIETY AND THOSE STILL LOOKING.
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 04:50:21
Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))) man am I glad to be here where people understand me. a part of something pretty special here. first of all, hugs, love and prayers to (((Lib))) and (((J-man))) in their healing. love u guys - (((Doris))) pick that straw out of your hair girl, get you a cup of coffee and tell us all about our little *stepper* missed you. (((Fayla))) change is good, you go girl! (((Delores))) KISS keep it simple sweetheart, thats how my sponsor said we precious children of God should say it, for we have all had enuf negative in our lives, thanks for bringing it up :-) (((Amy))) french kiss is one of my light hearted favorites, a little co-de but cute - Dan Dierdorf was in my homeroom in high school, just thought of that when you mentioned Jordon, i am old *s* (((mary w))) prayers for your mom and u (((Suzanne))) just answered your e, thnks (((Sanders))) glad you're back, missed u (((craig k-AZ))) hey my new friend, how are the meetings in AZ? I've been planning a move down there for the past 3 yrs, near sun city where dad is. (((richard))) hi5 on those grades, good for u (((linda p))) love those bolts of lightning (((Andy))) welcome my new friend (((David B))) wasnt that clancy with *drop the rock*?? I think it was you that mentioned it last week, and for the life of me I couldnt remember exactly who it was. hmmm brain-fart (((jodene))) made me smile, I used to say the 3rd step prayer, on my knees beside my bed, head on bed, arms covering head like I was waiting for the ceiling to cave in, it could have, i was in Southern Ca. LOL (laugh out loud) powerful (GROWTH ewwww) prayer (((jim d))) so happy you joined us (((glen))) thanks for the POWER boost *s* (((karen m))) welcome my new friend (((tammy))) please say hi to the sun for me, glad you're here (((barry))) you do such a wonderful job just keepin us on here - thanks (((mary m -caryn -dave k -ty -steve d))) welcome (((barb s))) glad to see you again (((jane))) hows that meeting hunting going? (((kerry))) new friends are awesome huH? (((tj)))this is for you in case you stop by - to all my brothers and sister away from home defending my freedom to be here, extra hugs, you are appreciate! to those that havent stopped by yet and I havent mentioned, love you too, (((jrr))) hope youre on the mend, you're missed. Dear God please bless all who venture here, Still lookin behind me to see if I'm leavin footprints, Love you all, bonnie c bonzoc@webtv.net
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 07:57:01
Hello everyone- I am having a particulary bad this week/last week and would like to share it a little. I visited my parents this week end and my mother's alzheimer's is noticebly progressing, though still in very early stages. It was a depressing, frustrating week end and I left having seen my "dark side" very clearly. This is good for the state of humility we all so badly need, but I hate watching my parents in this situation. My Dad is 83 and very scared about what this all means for them. But, they are also stubborn and my mother will still not go to a doctor. I kept telling her that new medication can help, but she won't even admit she has alzheimer's (she frets and worrys constantly about her bad memory however). I did some organizing for her, like putting all her credit cards on a list because she keeps loosing her pocketbook and then worries about her cards. But I left them feeling heavy and wondering at what point do you intrude in your parents' lives and "take over"? I want to preserve their dignity and they badly want to preserve their independence. Being 250 miles away doesn't help.
The other thing is that my closest friend has an ovarian tumor and is having surgery and a biopsy on Friday. I feel sick about this. All of those things about surrender and letting go, letting God feel like they are just in my head because I am having alot of difficulty letting go of these two issues and not worrying. My friend's situation puts a great deal of work stress on me also, as she is my assistant. I find myself saying that the work stress is nothing compared to her well being, but then I also find myself waking up in the middle of the night overwhelmed with doing two jobs (for now). We will resolve the work situation one way or another depending on how her biopsy turns out. I think the anxiety over this is just a part of the whole picture.
I am learning something about myself and how much I still feel the need to control my circustances. These are both situations that I cannot control and letting go intellectually doesn't cut it.
To those of you who pray to God, would you please pray for my friend and my mother.
Thank you.
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newportbeach CA.
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 08:12:43
Good morning my friends,Andy T. Gratiful alcoholic here.It's A beautiful sunrise here in E. Texas today. David'thanks for letting me know I did'nt offend you.I'm not the Andy T. you use to know,but he must be A hell've of A guy with A name like Andy!(ha,ha.)Any way,yes the calico's are starting to bite now as the weather and water start warming up.As a matter of fact I live just around the corner from Davey's Locker.Most morning's I walk down to the landing to have coffee and see the boat's load up with anglers .I alway's see a few of them that remianed me of me when I was drinking.Having that morning beer just so I could make it thru the morning,but it's not like that today!!! for I have found A Solution and it's on Pg 17 in the B.B. Anyway today's going to be another beautiful and hot day (100+)in E.Texas.Boy do I miss my ocean breeze,just another lesson on acceptence.I would of never thouhgt this beach bum would be spending time in Texas feeding steers, stringing wire and listening to a rooster crowing at 5:00am.every morning,(I'm going to duck tape his beak together@#%&*&#) well my friends it's time to find some tape so I'll see you folk's later. Amy,I hope your having A beatiful day in Swiss. Bonnie is it raining in Seattle? if so I'll make you a deal---- you send some rain this way(these folk's sure need it)And I'll do my best to send you guy's some of this HEAT if you need it.Well my friend's gotta go that rooster back at it.. ONE DAY AT A TIME..Andy T.
Member: Mike W.
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 08:36:55
I'm Mike, an alcoholic. Just a quick note of thanks to all who share at this site. Because of geographic,work, and family I am not able to make f2f meetings on any kind of regular basis. I have moved to this area within the past year, and the closest meeting is an hour drive. Reading these posts over the past few months and watching the friendships develop reminds me of the early years of my recovery. Our group was very close and we experienced the rebuilding of shattered lives daily. Most of us moved away from that town after three or four years. This is the second time I have moved.
This meeting is now the main part of my recovery, and usually check the posts a couple of times each day. I thank each of you for the experience, strength and hope you put down in words.
Jim D., I am praying for you. Your posts remind me of the struggles I had with not taking that first drink while just starting this program. As stated by many others, it will get better if you don't take that first drink.
Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 09:03:04
Yes, I had a very wise sponser at the beginning of my walk towards recovery--I miss her a lot. She was smart enough to see that I was spending too much time and energy looking for answers outside myself, places to lay blame, quick fixes. I am addicted to instant solutions, no matter what the problem. In some areas, this remains unchanged.
drunken message from my ex last night--he is coming to get the kids next monday. he used to be a big trigger for me--a very good excuse to pick up a drink. am not tempted to do that, but have an emotional hangover today, anger, frustration, and grief. in some places, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I am not always afraid of change, constants sometimes get to me worse.
am so glad you are here. i am grateful for the joy i see in some of these writings, will try to adopt some of that as i go through the day
Member: Jason
Location: Beirut, Lebanon
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 09:09:52
Jason's back... confirmed alcoholic with 3.5 months of sobriety now! Sure missed all y'all-- I was out of the office much of last week and I guess I missed out on a little action. Springtime always makes me feel a little homesick for the good old USA... your posts have brought me a little closer. Doris, delighted to hear about the filly-- what did her coloring turn out to be? Fayla, I'm praying for you in the new job-- I hope that you meet someone in the new workplace with a positive and encouraging attitude like your own! Jim D. never surrender! By the way, jazz is an acquired taste (kinda like rye)... wouldn't it be cool if you "happened" to acquire a taste for music that you and your wife could enjoy together??? Or maybe you're already a jazz fan too-- could I suggest you take her out to a concert? Things are going great over here, spent the weekend on the beach and have a mauve triangle on my back where I missed with the sunscreen! Andy, there's a rooster somewhere behind my apartment building right here in downtown Beirut-- you gave me an idea...
Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 09:13:54
And Glen reminds me of another important part of recovery from alcoholism: service work, and helping others. We CAN help where no one else can; even the newest of newcomers can extend his/her hand in a meeting and welcome someone even newer. That's actually the best part, for me. And there are other types of service work, too: greeting, coffee, setting up, reading announcements.
Thanks, Glen
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 10:31:41
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic..
Bonnie C. I love your posts. I don't think I am capable of putting as much info in a three page post as you do in one half page. I'm a writer at heart and there is a story to be told. Daaaa,
"Drop the rock", believe it or not came from a guy named Sandy Beach. He shared he was like a person walking out into the ocean carrying a large rock. As the waterline got higher and higher he would start yelling for help, all the while carrying the rock which kept him from floating to the surface during a swell.
People on the beach would hollar" drop the rock and you'll be OK". He would hollar back "But it's my rock."
When I first heard his story it made me start looking for my rock. I essentially found all my" pockets" were filled with rocks of various sizes. It took a lot of inventory and disclosure to drop the majority of those rocks. I still have an occasional pebble fall out of my ear.
Thanks for bringing back a plethora of spiritual tools that were made available to us in So Cal back in the late seventies and early eighties. Some of the best Bob Earl I ever heard was taped at a young peoples conference in 1978, a full three years before I got sober.
Have a Bitchin day everbody.
Love you ALL DB
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 10:37:16
Jim, an alcoholic.
Thanks everybody for the help. Craig--I'll try your reading/etc. program, and remind myself about not making any big Life decisions for the next 12 months.
For the record, I don't think divorce has ever really been in the cards. I believe we're mated for life, for better or worse, sickness or health. There's been a fair bit of worse lately, and it can make me tear what's left of my hair out, but I just can't imagine not being married to this woman. She says the obsession is mutual.
Sort of reminds me of something in a poem--I think by Carl Sandberg. Not sure I can quote it accurately but it's something like: "Home is where, when you go there, they have to take you in." I guess our marriage is our home. I guess AA sort of fits the description too.
Anyway, on with the day. I feel like I've been dropped from 200 feet onto a pile of rocks--but it's still better than a hangover. ODAAT.
Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 10:51:07
Hello everyone Joanne here alcoholic and compulsive gambler.
To Caryn of Illinois. if you would like to e-mail me my address is:
Joanne_Manganaro@hud.gov P.S. Delores please day hi to Doris for me I miss her postings.
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 11:11:45
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!
Jim D. - Your post reminded me of my early sobriety, I felt that now that I had "gotten sober" things would be different. An "old timer" told me about a guy who came to A.A., got sober then went home and tried to put on a pair of pants he hadn't worn for twenty-years, it didn't work out too well.
The point for me was that the people we live with get as sick or sicker than we do from our disease, and many don't have the support of a program to help with "their" recovery. My homelife suffered plenty in my early sobriety; I am happy to report today that, over time, things have been made right, with the help of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Thank you for letting me share.
J.L.
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newport beach,CA.
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 11:23:53
Hi! everyone.....Andy T...alcholic. I just thought I'd come in and tell you about my near death experience I just had. As you know earlier in my posting I was going to go out and find some tape for that rooster's beek. As I was outside looking my friend the owner of this ranch asked me if I would go out and deworm his bull. Being a member of A.A. I couldn't turn down his request. So I proceeded across the north 40 with a two foot long tubular dewormer in hand. Ever so sweetly calling "Mr. Bull Mr. Bull" as I silently walked up behind him and ever so gently started inserting this two foot long tubular device into where the sun doesn't shine this 700lb. bull swung his head around and looked at me with death in his eyes. Needless to say I found out that a human can break the sound barrier running in beach thongs across forty acres with 700lbs. of mean muscle frothing at my feet. By the time I cleared those 40 acres my friend was rolling on the ground in pure laughter. When he caught his breath I kindly asked him " What the hell is so funny?" and his reply was Andy as we trudge this road to happy destiney in soberity more will be revieled. And it seems to me that it was revieled to you that you do not and I repeat you do not insert a two foot long tubular dewormer into a bull's arse. Without cuddling with it first. Well my friends I hope you got a good laugh out of this story. For in soberity we are not a glum lot. We spent too long being glum when we drank. And laughter is the best medicine today. So I will leave you now laughing and smiling to yourselfs. And I will see if I can go get into more mischief out on the ranch. Isn't soberity great? Love and hugs. Andy T.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 12:15:20
Hi to all Y,all this morning, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders.------- Bonnie, I want to know what your secret is also in yhe amount of info. you are able to cover in such a short space. You must have two computers that you scrool down one and write on the other. I can't remember that long or that much at a time. Must have been the shock treatments years ago I received. I too enjoy your posts very much and feel you contribute a tremendous amount of ESH to all who journey here.----------- Martina G., I can identify with you and your mother as I live next door to mine and she is 92 and still TRIES to be very independent. We try to let her do all she can for herself but the factthat she is also blind makes it hard for her. I can see her go down from one day to the next and when I look at now and a year ago it is very depressing. I have found that the closer something is to you the harder it is to let go. You know the old saying. I can tell you exactly how to raise your kids but mine are a different story. We know what we are supposed to do but doing it is a different matter. I think God knows and understands this and allows for it somewhat. All He expects of us anyway is the best we are capable of in any situation. If that is all He expects, then I certainly don't have any right to expect more of me than He does, do I?------ As far as prayer is concerned, I do believe in it and you can rest assured, your mother, your friend and you(you did not include yourself in your request) are all in my prayers and I would appreciate your prayers for my mother and me.------ On a more humourous side in a way, my mother was taking an antohistimine for allergies and the Dr. took her off it because of a possible reaction with her blood pressure medicine. She has not been happy about this since becaus one of the side effects of it was it caused sleepiness and the new one he gave her did not. What it rally came down to was she was using the old one as a sleeping pill. She is 92 so I said let her go it can't hurt now. When the Dr. took her off them, I brought them over to my house so she would not use them. She has complained since then. The funny part now. While I was gone last week for a few days she and the live in lady came over to my house and found those pills and took them. She does not want to admit this but I know she did because all the other two he also stopped are there and the only one missing is that one. She has not been complaining either. I think I'll just let it go and hope she does not have a reaction. She had taken them for a long time so I would think if they were going to react it would have done so by now. Love to all Y,all Sanders--------I nearly forgot, Jim, I am glad that divorce is not an option for you and your wife. It will all work out because you BOTH WANT it to and the battle has ben won. All you have to do now is just settle the small details. God bless to both of you.
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 12:17:49
Good Morning to you all. My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. Yes ! I have missed you all very very much. You are ALL a very important part of my life, and my recovery. Sanders my man! I have especially missed you.I call you my friend. Amy G C, What you had to say about "Everyone loves their mother whether they hate her or not" is sooooo true for me. I thought I hated her for so many many years. But ! I found that one day I realized she was as much a victim as I was and she IS the only shot I will ever have at having a mother, so I think I will just enjoy what i can and give the rest to God. I also feel a moral obligation to "be her daughter as much as she will let me". I try to keep this ralationship as simple as I can and accept her warts and all. I can NEVER fix her, it's not up to me. Thank you Amy. Fayla, sweet Fayla: I too am praying for Johnnie, and you. Creig, about the job hunting. You said something about what you knew how to do as far as getting a new job. I have found that people often short-change themselves when it comes to really realizing what they CAN do. When I sat down and listed all my skills and the things I am good at I was very surprised to find that I am good at a lot of things. More things then I realized. At 52 I found that I have very good people skills and sales. My kids say I could sell "Tea to the Chinese". I guess what I am trying to say is that I am discovering so many new things about myself. I am also enjoying the discovery. Growth IS exciting. Jason, welcome back. I have missed all of you guys that are so far away. About the bruhaha: Glad I missed it. I was reading all of the posts and thinking of some responses and then realized it was none of my business. Part of me was thinking " this sounds exciting, kinda like seeing the fight at a hockey game. Some people just like to feel picked on and ,then react. I used to be like that. Not anymore, ever. Now I'm perfect. (yea right). "STEPPER" : yes she is a filly ( female) . I am sorry that I used specialized terminology and assumed everyone knew what I was talking about. Don't ya hate it when technical people do that? When people do that to me I feel like they think I am kinda stupid and they like to SHOW me how much more they know than I do. Oh well ! I guess it's just one more thing to critisize others for. (I am being sarcastic) Stepper is a filly and she is WONDERFUL. Her dam (mother) is 15 hands (60 inches) tall and weighs about 1250 lbs. She is a BIG mare and she won't be 4 until next August. Mustangs grow till they are about 6 so I think she will get a little taller. I hope not though, I am not getting any younger, or skinnier, or more limber. The sire ( stallion) is a 'Kiger' mustang and he is about 14.1 hands (57") tall but a real hunk. These horses are very powerful. (By the way a hand is 4 inches and you add another hand every 4".)The Kigers are a special herd here in Oregon that have remained a "breed" by isolation and natural selection. They are primarily all the same conformation (build and style) and the same color, mainly dun (buckskin with a dorsal stripe and some striping on the legs and occasionally on the neck). Stepper is a red dun. That is exactly what I wanted and was counting on. The mare is black and her dam was yellow dun, the stallion is a yellow dun so these are in the same gene pool so I was hoping for the dun factor to show up. It did. However, she does have tall white socks on the back legs and a fairly large white blaze on the face. In the Kiger world this is extremely undesireable but Stepper is only half Kiger, her dam is a Steens Mountain mustang, like my old mare that I lost. I am writing book about her. This filly is quite special. She has a looooong neck, a great rear end and a sloped shoulder (very desireable because it usually means the horse has better action). She has very long pasterns (the lowest part of the leg, ankle). Long pasterns also is very desireable. Actually she looks like she is part Saddlebred. She is for sale and I will make every effort to sell her. BUT ! if she remains a part of our family it will be my husbands fault. He has always said we should have only two horses and this has at times been a bone of contention with us so I am just playing it streight and leaving it up to him. (However I must admit that i wouldn't mind raising her and seeing what she turns out like.) I think I will be showing her at halter in 1 month in Redmond Ore. She has a very sweet disposition and the mare is a great mother even though it is her first foal. Shunka licks the baby all the time and the filly is sooooo clean. Gotta go and clean stalls. I DID miss all y'all, Love and God bless you all. (By the way, I will write you guys when I figure out the new e-mail. Doris
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 12:19:01
Good Morning to you all. My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. Yes ! I have missed you all very very much. You are ALL a very important part of my life, and my recovery. Sanders my man! I have especially missed you.I call you my friend. Amy G C, What you had to say about "Everyone loves their mother whether they hate her or not" is sooooo true for me. I thought I hated her for so many many years. But ! I found that one day I realized she was as much a victim as I was and she IS the only shot I will ever have at having a mother, so I think I will just enjoy what i can and give the rest to God. I also feel a moral obligation to "be her daughter as much as she will let me". I try to keep this ralationship as simple as I can and accept her warts and all. I can NEVER fix her, it's not up to me. Thank you Amy. Fayla, sweet Fayla: I too am praying for Johnnie, and you. Creig, about the job hunting. You said something about what you knew how to do as far as getting a new job. I have found that people often short-change themselves when it comes to really realizing what they CAN do. When I sat down and listed all my skills and the things I am good at I was very surprised to find that I am good at a lot of things. More things then I realized. At 52 I found that I have very good people skills and sales. My kids say I could sell "Tea to the Chinese". I guess what I am trying to say is that I am discovering so many new things about myself. I am also enjoying the discovery. Growth IS exciting. Jason, welcome back. I have missed all of you guys that are so far away. About the bruhaha: Glad I missed it. I was reading all of the posts and thinking of some responses and then realized it was none of my business. Part of me was thinking " this sounds exciting, kinda like seeing the fight at a hockey game. Some people just like to feel picked on and ,then react. I used to be like that. Not anymore, ever. Now I'm perfect. (yea right). "STEPPER" : yes she is a filly ( female) . I am sorry that I used specialized terminology and assumed everyone knew what I was talking about. Don't ya hate it when technical people do that? When people do that to me I feel like they think I am kinda stupid and they like to SHOW me how much more they know than I do. Oh well ! I guess it's just one more thing to critisize others for. (I am being sarcastic) Stepper is a filly and she is WONDERFUL. Her dam (mother) is 15 hands (60 inches) tall and weighs about 1250 lbs. She is a BIG mare and she won't be 4 until next August. Mustangs grow till they are about 6 so I think she will get a little taller. I hope not though, I am not getting any younger, or skinnier, or more limber. The sire ( stallion) is a 'Kiger' mustang and he is about 14.1 hands (57") tall but a real hunk. These horses are very powerful. (By the way a hand is 4 inches and you add another hand every 4".)The Kigers are a special herd here in Oregon that have remained a "breed" by isolation and natural selection. They are primarily all the same conformation (build and style) and the same color, mainly dun (buckskin with a dorsal stripe and some striping on the legs and occasionally on the neck). Stepper is a red dun. That is exactly what I wanted and was counting on. The mare is black and her dam was yellow dun, the stallion is a yellow dun so these are in the same gene pool so I was hoping for the dun factor to show up. It did. However, she does have tall white socks on the back legs and a fairly large white blaze on the face. In the Kiger world this is extremely undesireable but Stepper is only half Kiger, her dam is a Steens Mountain mustang, like my old mare that I lost. I am writing book about her. This filly is quite special. She has a looooong neck, a great rear end and a sloped shoulder (very desireable because it usually means the horse has better action). She has very long pasterns (the lowest part of the leg, ankle). Long pasterns also is very desireable. Actually she looks like she is part Saddlebred. She is for sale and I will make every effort to sell her. BUT ! if she remains a part of our family it will be my husbands fault. He has always said we should have only two horses and this has at times been a bone of contention with us so I am just playing it streight and leaving it up to him. (However I must admit that i wouldn't mind raising her and seeing what she turns out like.) I think I will be showing her at halter in 1 month in Redmond Ore. She has a very sweet disposition and the mare is a great mother even though it is her first foal. Shunka licks the baby all the time and the filly is sooooo clean. Gotta go and clean stalls. I DID miss all y'all, Love and God bless you all. (By the way, I will write you guys when I figure out the new e-mail. Doris
Member: Kelley C.
Location: Chicago
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 13:32:58
Hi. I'm Kelley and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I haven't posted in a while but I have at least been lurking. I'm having a difficult time right now. Some of you may remember and some of you may not and some of you have no reason to remember, etc....I was hit by a car last December and am still currently disabled. As a result, I'm working from home for the first time since receiving my Ph.D. I am extremely cut off from direct contact with people and the few times I have had direct contact it has been an abyssmal experience for me. I know that my life must be changing (yet again) but I have no clarity and no sense of purpose at all right now. I am instead, disillusioned and uncertain. For the past four years I lived with the certaintude that God/dess was 'with me', I had so many confirmations about a particular set of circumstances and last week it all crashed and burned. I am confused as to what constitutes good orderly direction or the nature of heaven's messages again. I know all the stuff about "God speaks through others", I have been clean and sober for 16 years and am not looking for platitudes. Deep down the confirmations I had recieved were indelibly linked to my self-worth and everything is disordered right now. I have no clarity as to what the "next right thing is" much less whether or not I have ever been capable of the "next right thing". The only real comfort is that despair always precedes repair. I'm tired, I'm hurt, I am, at times, completely without feeling at all and who and what I am is somehow a complete mystery. Well, at least I'm "being still". I don't know what to do anymore. P.S. Don't pick on the Bulls they have been a source of consistency for me right now. Hehe. God/dess knows...this world isn't.
Member: jrr
Location: Harmony on the Lake
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 13:54:28
well. .. hello all. and welcome any newbies.. this is a pretty cool site.. I know it has helped me in the past. Good to see all the kids are behaving; and learning to work out their differences, though i did think one recent post suggested a little more work may have to be done.. but. alas... when the discomfort is bad enough.. there will be actually be progress in letting bygones be bygones..
Doris.. congrats on the filly.. was beginning to think it was a phantom horse.. and to everyone else --- thank -you for your prayers and well wishes for my speedy recovery.God must really look out for me.. because the week i had last, all i needed would be to get involved in a childish rukus.. after all.. we are all in this deal together.. .right ? I personally like the line about John Barleycorn becoming my best advocate.. to get sober.. what with the whupping it delivered.. So.. we had a beautiful summery spring up here by the Lake..and I want to say a special thanks to AAmy G.. god bless you .. the care package was just what i needed in the mail this morning.. will return the favor when my arm will withstand the rigors of scooping those world famous Truffles.. I loved that story about the bull. i laughed so hard .. i may have to cut and paste the story and send to my vet. buddy.. Well.. on that note.. thanks for the great mail, sanders.. and sweet mary w.. stay the way you are friend.. always grateful for your kindness.. god bless.. and keep it nice , peace, jrr ps--- hello to all i missed, Glen.. give 'em hell.
Member: Jodene
Location: OKC
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 14:58:18
Jodene Alcoholic.....Andy T, your deworming story had me rolling--no bull! (Hey, you knew that was coming!) As a former vet tech, I would suggest to you that is a 2-person kind of job.........Sanders, what kind of dog is Tobie?, how old,what do you feed her, etc.? I saw an interview yesterday morning with Magic Johnson. Of course he's jealous as he can be that his old bud Michael Jordan MIGHT come up with one more ring than he. But, Magic predicted that Utah will "definantely take it"......Craig in Arizona,there are a bunch of burning bushes in Oklahoma right now (heat induced in the just-harvested wheat fields). But seriously, now that the substanced-induced fog has lifted, you've asked your HP what to do,checked your motives, and received an answer, the only question I think you have to ask is "does this feel right". If so, go with it! My last job was in the area of mental health. I left because I was losing mine. I truely believe that when we open ourselves to God,asking that His/Her will be done, then LISTEN, we will know if the answer is "true" or not.......Glen H, I genuinely have to disagree with you about powerlessness over people, places and things. For me that isn't a silly saying. Yes, we do have the power to help others, but we do NOT have the power to make anyone do anything. And if you honestly believe you have power over places and things, I earnestly ask you to come change the weather down here. I apologize if that came off sarcastically, but the truth of powerlessness of anything outside of me is just my reality......Martina G and Kelley G, my heart aches for each of you, having been wehre Kelley G seems to be and very much in the same situation as Martina. Be assured you are in my prayers......SWISS MS. AMY! Do you have enough okra growing in your garden to get you through the year? Call me co-dependent(you wouldn't be the first), but I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to have a translator available for you at meetings (like the signers for the deaf here). Anytime you want me to talk "Okie" for you (that's as close as I can get to a southern drawl), let me know.......sorry for taking up so much space, so I'll end by saying that I know I'm getting old. When people ask me if I'm "getting any", I think they're talking about sleep!
Member: Tammy L.
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 15:11:21
Hello everyone, Tammy alcoholic here. It is a beautiful day here in So. Cal.!!! I loved reading all of your posts this morning. You made me lagh, you made me cry.....But mostly just happy to be sober.Bonnie, I love your posts, how do you do it? Sanders and Martina, I will keep you and your families in my prayers. Andy - that was a great Bull story. My Grandfather got stuck in a tree by a mean bull for a whole day one time. I have to share a little story about something that made me grateful to be a sober alcoholic today. I work in a 16 story building. The company I work for takes up 7 floors. We frequently have to go to other floors and take the elevator. So, if you are coming from the top floor rarely does the elevator make it to the lobby with out many stops. The other people in the building get so upset that the elevator doesn't just go, but instead keeps stopping. They almost alwaysmake disgusted or snide remarks to us while we are in the elevator. I was thinking about this and realized what a waste of time and energy it is to get upset over an elevator ride. Probably before I got sober that is something that would have infuriated me, now I try to save my energy for more important things. Well, speaking of work, I must do some now. Love to all.
Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 17:12:48
Hi My name Joanne alcoholic and compulsive gambler, Hi Doris, I just wanted to say hi and that I missed you I hope Dolores told you I said hello.
How could anyone hate their mother, my mom passed away in September 1997 and I miss her there is not a day that goes by that I don't cry or talk to her I found out the hard way that the only one that cares about you is your mother. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister they care but not like a mother does, my siblings don't care even if I have milk in the house. But I guess it was time to grow up and depend on myself.
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Ore
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 23:13:57
Joanne, I'll tell you how I could hate my mother. I was an incest victim from the time I was 4 ( in 1949) until I was 18 in 1964. My father performed every known method of abuse to me and the rest of the family. He was truly evil. The beatings were as bad as they could get. He would rouse us from our sleep at 2: 00 in the morning just to beat us with wire coat hangers(thus my friends wouldn't let me watch "Mommy Dearest" when it came out.) My mother was there all the time and I am sure she knew what was going on. To this day she either says "you kids enticed him" or she denies it entirely. Different day, different story with her. This is over now and I feel I have to go on with my life. I choose to forgive her and him. He is dead thank GOD. She is a pitiful old woman who has never had an origionaal thought. She was always an extension of him and in many ways still is. She lives in another state. That is a good thing as well. I feel a moral obligation to my mother even though she never protected me as a child. I am not a saint but I have to live with myself and whatever I feel God wants me to do I try to do. My mother was beaten right along with us most times. I think she loves me in her way but that has nothing to do with the way I have treated this situation. I don't know what it is to "have a mother". I , because of this, had a pretty hard time "being" a mother. Thank God i married a man who had a relatively 'normal' childhood. "What the hell is normaal anyway?" I know I have seen very little of it in my lifetime. Maybe the Reetzes that lived down the street from us when we were children. Certianly our Auntie Bernice and her family were normal but we didn't live with them. But ! Auntie and Uncle tried to do all they could for us, however all of the family was informed that we would all be killed if anyone tried to interfere. Remember, this was the 'perfect' 50's. Father Knows Best, The Donna Reed show, and other such nonsense was held up as some kind of ideal. All I could do as a child was dream. Enough of this. Read the book when it comes out in a year or so. Yes, Joanne, Delores did tell me hello for you and I did appreciate all of you as I missed you when I was gone. Thank you all for your comments. Love Doris
Member: Delores C.
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 23:29:28
Delores here - - alcoholic...just finished reading jb corn...what tripe...david your not so hot either...the poor newcommers may not ever come back to this silly mess. I'm ashamed of both of you.
DC - Las Vegas
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Ore
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 23:33:30
Joanne, I'll tell you how I could hate my mother. I was an incest victim from the time I was 4 ( in 1949) until I was 18 in 1964. My father performed every known method of abuse to me and the rest of the family. He was truly evil. The beatings were as bad as they could get. He would rouse us from our sleep at 2: 00 in the morning just to beat us with wire coat hangers(thus my friends wouldn't let me watch "Mommy Dearest" when it came out.) My mother was there all the time and I am sure she knew what was going on. To this day she either says "you kids enticed him" or she denies it entirely. Different day, different story with her. This is over now and I feel I have to go on with my life. I choose to forgive her and him. He is dead thank GOD. She is a pitiful old woman who has never had an origionaal thought. She was always an extension of him and in many ways still is. She lives in another state. That is a good thing as well. I feel a moral obligation to my mother even though she never protected me as a child. I am not a saint but I have to live with myself and whatever I feel God wants me to do I try to do. My mother was beaten right along with us most times. I think she loves me in her way but that has nothing to do with the way I have treated this situation. I don't know what it is to "have a mother". I , because of this, had a pretty hard time "being" a mother. Thank God i married a man who had a relatively 'normal' childhood. "What the hell is normaal anyway?" I know I have seen very little of it in my lifetime. Maybe the Reetzes that lived down the street from us when we were children. Certianly our Auntie Bernice and her family were normal but we didn't live with them. But ! Auntie and Uncle tried to do all they could for us, however all of the family was informed that we would all be killed if anyone tried to interfere. Remember, this was the 'perfect' 50's. Father Knows Best, The Donna Reed show, and other such nonsense was held up as some kind of ideal. All I could do as a child was dream. Enough of this. Read the book when it comes out in a year or so. Yes, Joanne, Delores did tell me hello for you and I did appreciate all of you as I missed you when I was gone. Thank you all for your comments. Love Doris
Member: doris
Location: la la land I guess
Date: 02 Jun 1998
Time: 23:44:06
Sorry, did it again, I will learn this new server : sorry again, doris
Member: David B.
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 00:37:40
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic. Thank you for sharing, Delores.
Love ya ALL. DB
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 00:46:37
doris, you are right what is a normal family? had half the kids in town tell me how lucky i was to have my mom as a mother... if they only knew the drunk i did... but that is the past. and life is too short for me to carry that old trash with me... so i turn it over to my higher power. welcome back, doris.
Member: Just another Alcoholic
Location: Happy, joyous & free land
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 01:06:42
Delores - I have been reading the posts here for quite awhile, and what I saw happen last week is one person (JBC) attack in a personal manner another one (David) because David criticized his choice of name. And I agreed with him, I listened to King Alcohol for many years before I got sober. And it darn near killed me. Why anyone would choose to call themselves "booze" is beyond me. So, it really wasn't what he posted, it was his choice of names. Period.
Now, I know you were reading all of this last week, because I saw you post here, WHY, all of a sudden you choose to editorialize and attempt to shame two alcoholics into what you consider proper action is a questionable action. You have already heard back from David. I wonder if JBC's retort will be as kind? I thought that the "problem" had been put to sleep, but oh no, here we go again. Tell me Delores, just who do you think you are. I know that I'm just one amonst my fellows. Unless I hear someone seriously degrading the program of alcoholics anonymous, I can't concern myself with how each and every person that comes to the program perceives what they hear. I have seen many go out, simply because they were looking for an excuse to do so. The point is, you never really know what will send them out. That is God's business. We do not go into bars and smash all the bottles. The message is in the Big Book and David has quoted quite a bit of the book in his posts.
Please, let it go AWAY!! Do you like the controversy?? I don't, obviously.
Member: Craig K.
Location: Arizona
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 01:21:36
Craig here, Alcoholic. Thank you all for being here. I just read Kelly C's post. I was reminded of the way I was feeling the day I walked into my first meeting! Scary. Do you have phone numbers from your F2F meetings? I would start calling them or my sponsor and tell him/her what I am feeling. (These are only suggestions.) If I couldn't get out, I would try and find some other Alkies who are looking for a place to have a meeting and invite them over to my house. Here's my living room. Have a meeting! If that didn't work, I would call the intergroup office and see if they needed someone to answer phones for them. We always seem to be short on phone help here. (Maybe we could transfer some of our overflow to you?) I might try and find someone who has worse problems than I have, ask my Higher Power for the ability to help them. Open the Big Book and read pages 85, 86 and 87. Then do anything you can think of to be of help to someone else. You have a Ph.D. Find someone who needs help passing their G.E.D. for free. What ever it is, get out of your own head. If you are like me, you have mental astigmatism. Left to my own devices trying to solve my own problems, I ALWAYS make the wrong choices. I mean, I even screw up 'drunk dreams' because I do them all by myself!
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 01:34:01
HELLO,FAYLA ALCOHOLIC,HERE.Doris so happy your back,And Jason so good to know all is alright with you Prayers and Love my freind ,you do good work.Welcome newcommers ,here you will find good advice ,love and someone who cares ,because they all do.You know someone on here said once ,they didnt know how you could care so much about pepole they never layed eyes on, but when you think about,you never layed eyes on god ,you just feel his presents and love,to me its that way with all of you .LOVE YOU AND GOD LOVES YOU MORE.FAYLA G
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 02:03:22
HELLO,FAYLA ALCOHOLIC,HERE.Doris so happy your back,And Jason so good to know all is alright with you Prayers and Love my freind ,you do good work.Welcome newcommers ,here you will find good advice ,love and someone who cares ,because they all do.You know someone on here said once ,they didnt know how you could care so much about pepole they never layed eyes on, but when you think about,you never layed eyes on god ,you just feel his presents and love,to me its that way with all of you .LOVE YOU AND GOD LOVES YOU MORE.FAYLA G
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 02:06:04
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Today went pretty well. Went to a super topic meeting this evening. Guess what the topic was? Anger/Rage. People talked about what was behind those emotions. What people shared on that topic went right along with my own experience behind such strong and powerful feelings. When I get into such states of emotions, I either fear the loss of control, looking bad, or am frustrated and hurt over feeling putdown, discounted, or rejected. One thing for certain is that resentment is the #1 offender of most alcoholics. So sometime I need to look at my part in the mess, make amends, or see where others may be sick also and forgive them or allow others to be wrong. We each grow at our own pace. I certainly do not have a handle on feeling wonderful all the time. When Anger/Rage rears up for me, I pray the Serenity Prayer, and also the Third Step prayer in our BB to turn my conflicts over to my higher power that is better equipped to deal with it. I figure my sobriety is much too fragile to handle something so volatile.
Thanks Doris for the education on the horse terminology. Just hope you were not offended by my ignorance about horses. I really was not being sarcarstic when I posted earlier--just being inquisitive. I figure when I am in the dark, ask plenty of questions to get the lights turned on in this brain of mine. LOL.
Andy T--thanks for the hilarious story. Are you a professional writer? The way in which you express yourself telling that story is very entertaining--lot's of talent there.
Martina and Sanders, I will be praying for you and your families. My mother is in her 80's and it is difficult watching her lose her eye-sight due to glugoma. She is not as sure footed as she used to be, and is easlily upset and frustrated over the slightest things. I lost my Dad to Cancer in 1989. My Mom has been very strong through all of that, and raises a retarded son as well who is a couple years older than I. Time is getting the better of her. I take her shopping weekly. It is our quality time together, usually lunch goes along with that if time allows. She is writing her memoirs for me. I bought her a book with blank pages to fill out. Lately she has been working on it. That will be the only thing I will every receive from my Mother that resembles any form of intimacy. We have never been close. In years to come I hope it will be a comfort for me as well as my son when I am gone. Personally I wrote memoirs of my spiritual faith for my addict son. In hopes that if he does not seek recovery in my lifetime, that those pages will be a source of strength and courage for him to seek help later.
Kelly from Chicago, I experienced a disability for a brief time after an auto accident. In that period of recovery, approximately 8 weeks, I thought I would never walk again. I was clothed, fed, carried to the bathroom--how humiliating. I had limited use of my arms, and was unable to stand up from a back injury. My x-husband came in to care for me and my folks traveled across town to care for my needs when he went to work. What happened to me during that time was one of emotional and spiritual healing. I read a book called "Joanie" during those weeks I was home. Read about this woman's experience with paralysis and her wealth of faith, I began to have some hope. I was in excruciating pain 24hrs a day. It seemed like I never slept. Somehow though, there was this seed planted of better days to come. I needed faith at that time, and I prayed a lot to just allow me to lay still through the pain. When I got up on my feet, I went to church. It was unbearable sitting in that hard wood pew. Then the minister a prayed for a healing for those in the audience, and a very strange dingling sensation began at the base of my neck and ran down the entire length of my spine, the pain was gone. What I am describing of course is a miracle. Some people may not believe in that, but it happened to me. It was a glorious experience, one not to be forgotten.
Love to all, Linda P.
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 05:39:00
Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic (((ROOM-HUG))) so happy to be here, sober tonight. (((Martina))) do you have a God Box? that's one of my tools when I have a hard time getting stuff out of my head and into God's hands. Praying for you my friend (((Mike-Montana))) glad you decided to join us (((caryn))) I was just like you, always judging my insides on everyones outsides, not knowing what they were hiding. (((jason))) have thought of you so ofter, welcome back dear friend (((david b))) ya know I dont think I ever heard Sandy Beach but I think I've heard many refer to him, dang, I feel like I missed something, would I be able to find some of his tapes somewhere? Nothing like early Bob E. was spoon fed program by his.(((joanne))) glad to see you here this week (((jay))) good point, some relationships I had coming in have healed and some have not, only God knows what is for my highest good. (((andy))) tears in my eyes from your *bull* thanks, I needed that LOL (((sanders))) thanks for the kudo, I only have webtv and I just scroll up and down for I have NO memory but every once in a while I like to personalize my posts so people here know that I care and what they say MEANS something to me, u share your love in a special way here my friend, thank you. (((doris))) she sounds absolutely precious, how I'd love to see her. extra hugs for healing, hope you're catchin up on your sleep. *s* (((kelley))) I have an eleventh hour God myself, seems like the miracle never happens till I am at the end of my rope, but it always does. this IS all for something.platitude or not it is my truth and if it gives you any comfort please accept it my friend, if you want to email me so we can share spiritual tools to do combat with, please do. (((tammy))) thanks for the sunshine, it was beautiful all day, in fact when we have a nice sunny day the sun doesnt go down until about 10 pm, thats Gods way of apologizing to us for all the weather that sucks! LOL just kidding God *hands over head* (((cliff))) get out the cribbage board, I'm comin over this weekend REMATCH *s*! (((ronnie))) (((mike))) (((kim))) To all my brothers and sisters I havent mentioned, love and hugs, not intentional. God Bless all who venture here. bonnie c --- bonzoc@webtv.net
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 05:44:15
Good morning AALL! Amy an alcoholic. The love, humor and honesty that has taken place on this web blows me away. . Doris I am so happy for youand the fillie , I like learning something about horses. I have always loved them but never known them. Since Sanders told about his dog I must tell about my cat. I brought him here from America (I told my husband to be it was a package deal if I said "ja" ...yes). He is almost 10 (the cat, not my man) and a chocolate point siamese named Lewis, mostly we call him the boy. He is declawed on the front (which is of course forbidden here) but can climb a tree with his rear legs if needed. He has beautiful Carolina blue eyes and I have spoiled him way too much. He was with me through so much mess and now renewal. Animals touch my heart. I do hope one day to have a child if it is God's will, so just for now he is spoiled Did al y'all know that you can teach an old cat new tricks? For example, my husband trained the cat to get in a basket and be lowered down (about 20 ft.) to the garden so we don't have to go down and let him out or in when he cries. It is even remarkable to the Swiss who, when they see it stop and stare and then think probably "that strange American". Jodene I am sad to report that there is NO OKRA in europe (or this part anyway). It was an American Indian food just like potatoes and corn, that saved the old world hundreds of years ago. (yes pround to be a part Cherokee) I cannot grow something like corn here because it never gets above around 75 all summer and it is only for 3 months til the chill comes then the cold then the SNOW. I would love some fried okra. Jrr I was thinkin of you today too and hope the recovery is coming along PS just send the recipe on the truffles! It is wild how I love to cook again. When I was drinkin' maybe I cooked one real meal a week sometimes...Now I can make a 3 course lunch today in about 3 hours. Praise God. For those of you who posted earlier suffering from other ailments BLESS YOU Martina, I am praying for you! Also, was it your daughter who went to Spain and returned home with a "don't worry be happy" attitude? Next time send her to eastern Switzerland where she will get enough regulations and rules and hard work ethic you will not know what hit you when she comes home! I could teach her how to compost everything, recycle ALL (the TRASH issue was a big one for me when 1st here,) you pay about 15 bucks for a city approved trash bag that pays the tax for picking it up and sweeping your sidewalk and street and even dusting (cleaning) the street lamp bulbs, I am not exagerating.- if I mention a garbage disposal people look at me like I am from Mars and say "oh that must be so bad for the ground water". Needless to say I have learned what it means to be an environmentalist. Forgive me for letting off steam here, I do love this country almost as much as my own...They just don't have so much space like we do in the states. The whole country is only the size of West Virginia. ANDY I have just read over your posts and want to welcome you! Hey mary and hey jane, thanks for the e mail!(((World Hug)))AAmy GC PS if someone wants to write me my e mail is amcan@swissonline.ch
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 06:48:36
Good Morning,
I have been enjoying reading everyone's posts. It is so great ans inspiring to see how recovery can cause people to really enjoy simple things in life.
Amy, yes it was my daughter who lived in Spain and thinks Europe is probably the "place to be"! She is having trouble adjusting back to the US, but you are right to think that her perspective is a bit shallow, given she had no responsibility there except for school and just had fun!
Thank you all for your prayers. I really appreciate knowing that you are praying. This is a battle for me, though it still does not occur to me that drinking is the answer and for that I am grateful. I will keep you posted.
Sanders, thank you especially. I have been reading about your mother for some time and your relationship with her. I appreciate your honesty and your caring of her at the same time.
Congratulations to Doris' new addition --- it all sounds pretty exciting.
I have to get to work now. Have a great day.
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 07:23:45
Jodene, there are many phrases that get bounced around AA that have no foundation, and I'm sorry, but "powerless over people, places, and things" is one of those. I have power over all three, including the power to help people (as the BB says). Of course I can't change the weather; "God grant me the wisdom to know the difference" between what I can change and what I can't.
Here's another silly one "Alcoholism is the only disease that tells you that you don't have it."
Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 08:11:16
okay, so it's another morning when i want to start my day with you guys--am i getting weller, or sicker? (not sure i want an answer to that one!)
thank you to the women who have reached out with e-mail addresses, it is wonderful to come home to mail. thank you for just being there. tonight is one of two nights i go to f2f meeting--in fact, i chair this one and maybe i can carry in some new enthusiasm instead of my weary complaining self. don't think i'll share the bull story though, unless we really need some lightening up.
i keep watching for bitsey, hope she's out there and doing okay.
Member: Andy.T.
Location: Newportbeach,CA.
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 09:52:06
Good morning my friend's,Andy T. alcoholic. It warm's my heart just knowing everyone got a good laugh out of my BULL story. As I sit here soaking my poor HOOF'S (feet)wondering if I'll be able to walk again,A thought occured to me----just maybe I can sneak up on that BULL at night????? This way I won't have to cuddle or kiss him! What do you think? Give me some feed back. And if you are new here fall back and read my near death experience. Because if you are feeling down and out this should pick up your spirits and give you a laugh. It did me. Anyway have a safe and sober day. And my heart goes out to each and everyone of you. Remember one day at a time ,and keep it simple. Love Andy T.
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 10:38:46
Michelle alcoholic - Glen H. I have to agree that we do not have any control over other people places and things, and conflict starts the minute we try. I think "accept the things we cannot change" applies here for others, and "courage to change the things I can" applies to ourselves,generally speaking. One last note, and it might be another silly little saying but necessary to sort out all the silly little sayings in AA once we have absorbed the basics "take what you need and leave the rest" We help other people sharing our own experiences by the grace of God, not by controlling them.
Member: Jodene
Location: OKC
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 12:25:14
Jodene Alcoholic. Michelle in Colorado, thanks for sayiing it so much better than I. Appreciate that......Glen H, just for me,one of my excuses for drinking was rage. Rage at people who would NOT do what I wanted them to do. Rage at situations out of my control. Just a general rage 24-7. I do not remember why, but I do remember during early sobriety experiencing that rage and immediately thinking "I know how to fix this (feeling)!". Thank heaven I had developed just the merest sprout of being able to "think" between "feel"&"react". Anyway, you certainly have the right to your own beliefs. I guess I have such a strong reaction because I've wasted so much of my life "trying" to MAKE things and people be and do what I wanted. The promise that "we have stopped fighting anybody or anything" has been a sporadic reality for me and I want more.Just for me, my life works best when I remember that all I have control of is my reaction.....Andy T, say, I didn't realize there was a single bull in the entire state of California...Ah,let me rephrase that ;)...I didn't realize there were any FOUR-LEGGED bulls in California! Are they beef cattle, or what?....AMY!!!! Say it ain't so!!!!!!! NO OKRA??!!??!!My co-dependent gears just shifted ,rusty tho they be ;). Gosh, 'maters must be worth their weight in gold! So, "what DO your garden grow"? Thanks for the cat story. I'll have to re-read, did you mention a name? .....To EVERYONE, I have been so very blessed by this site. I've been in a self-imposed isolation for the past few years. This is both embarassing and difficult to express to you. I literally don't have the words to tell you what a blessing you have EACH been to me these past few days. I've been dealing with a using 16-year-old whose dad is dead and whose mother is in the pen. Of course HE does't have a problem, it's the rest of us who do. Thanks to whoever wrote "When you reach the end of your rope,let go". I needed that. I'm wrestling with acceptance (mine) and some moral and legal responsibilities to a youngster who just, well, heck, every one of you know. If you hadn't been there, you wouldn't be HERE. I'm just overwhelmed by the blessing you guys have been. Even if you think I'm not refering to you, I AM...............Read ya later.
Member: Doris
Location: Springfield, Ore.
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 12:35:19
Hi there, My name is DOris and I am an alcoholic. Linda, of course I wasn't offended. I just hope that i wasn't sounding like a know it all. But ! I do get enthused when I talk about horses. It is my passion. Like most alcoholics I am a creature of extremes. I think it is time for a funny story, it is a long one. A few years ago a group of us went horse camping in the wilderness here in Ore. and waaaaay out on the trail we came to a parking area. There were potties there and Donna and Jenny went first. They were gone forever and I finally went to see what was taking so long. There were BOTH in the potty and I tapped on the door and asked what was going on. They whispered, "get in here". I said no, I didn't want to spend any more time in an outdoor one holer in the HOT weather than I had to and they should just hurry up. They opened the door and dragged me in. "Great". Donna said, Doris, you look, my eyes are tired from looking so hard. I said " look at what?" They said, "look down the hole, Donna dropped her gun in the potty" (Yeah right, I really felt like staring down the hole in an outdoor potty) They made me - - I zipped in peeked real fast and said " nope, don't see it, gotta go". Well for the rest of the day Donna was real testy and made us all swear to secrecy cause she was going to turn it into her insurance as stolen. It was a brand S&W .38, costing her over $400. So. . . . a little insurance fraud amongst friends. We got back to camp and I, of course couldn't wait to tell my husband and daughter and her husband Dich Head (he's now history thank God). A few minutes another of the ladies husband went over to Donna and in his very dry way leaned over to Donna and said, "I understand Donna that you have given new meaning to the words 'shoot the sh__." Donna wasn't in the mood for levity. So! we all went home and Dick Head said he was going to go back and "git that gun", my daughter said "no you're not" and he said , " oh yeah, I got a magnet that will suck the iron out of your bleed." The next week-end they went back and he put this magnet on the end of a long cord and made a few attempts and finally my daughter did get it out. She had covered him and his magnet and the cord with saran wrap. Ick ! ! So! Donna did make the claim and Dick Head is now the owner of a "HOT" gun. Moral: Don't go camping with criminals. Have a nice day all y'all. Love Doris
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 13:16:52
Hi all Y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders-------- That was a great story about the gun Doris. I'll bet it took a lots of cleaning before he could use it.------ Now for the continuing saga of my mother and her pills. They are now back in my possession. I went over and retreived them. We will see how long this lasts this time.-----------This is a word of warning to any Bulls fans out there,DON'T WATCH tonight because the Jazz are going to tear them apart. It is going to be a good series, but seriously I do believe the Jazz will take them this time. It make take all 7 games but I think they will prevail. We will see.---------Tobie, my dog, really got me good this morning early. When my daughter, the honorary vetnarian in the family, was here, she noticed that Tobie was limping and told me she probably had stiff joints and to get and give her shark cartilage and it would help. I went out and got it and have been giving it to her each morning after I take her out for the first time. This is a people pill and not a dog pill so I have to poke it way down her throat to make her swallow it and she does not like it but just tolorates me through it all. This morning was more difficult than usual in that after about the 6th try she still had not taken it and I was getting irritated with her and she knew it but she just looked at me. I tried one more time and still failed so I just said to heck with you and threw the pill in her food dish. She calmly looked at me and walked over and ate it and looked at me again as if to say "there now what do you think of that"? It is just she and I and there is never a dull minute here. She is so very much company and you can't get mad at her, and every time I do she al ways comes out the winner and me the goat.-----------I do enjoy this site and all you god people on here will never know how important you are to me and my sobriety. Thanks for being here for me as well as for everyone else. Love Ya. Sanders
Member: Tammy
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 13:30:26
Good Morning All! Tammy alcoholic here. Just got done reading everyones posts and already my day is off to a good start. I hope all of you have a wonderful sober day.
Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton, MA
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 14:41:23
My name is Joanne and I am a alcoholic and compulsive gambler. Doris: I am really sorry that I attacked you regarding your mother, please don't be mad at me I didn't know. my big mouth gets me trouble all the time I should realize the facts before I open my mouth again I am sorry. Joanne .
Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 15:03:11
Sanders,has the shark helped? I thought that was for cancer.My HEART (5-year-old Rott) was born with a certain amount of displasia (degenerated joint cartelege). I've given him a product you can get from your vet called 'Cosequin' that preports to not only stop the deteriorization, but helps re-build cartilege. He's made a 180 with it, but he was young when we started. Interestingly the very same ingrediants are now being marketed for people, but I can't spell it ;) If Tobie is an older animal, you might want to talk to your vet about Rimadyl, it's a non-steriodal anti-inflammatory for animals. And, not knowing your dog, I sure do want to suggest you don't let her/him get overweight and to keep those nails trimmed. If a dog's nail's aren't kept short they wind up having to adjust the way they walk, which can contribue to arthritis when they are older. Good luck with your Mom. You sound like a really well centered guy.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 16:12:34
Thanks Jodene for the info, especially about the nails, because hers are a bit too long and she is over weight. She has always been over weight as she had been spade when I got her and never thought too much about it. The shark cartilege does seem to help her with the stifness. I'll check with my vet, but he has always told me to keep doing what I am doing because she is very healthy. She is just a mixed bred, a cross between a Lab and a pitt, with the most beautiful disposition of any dog I have ever seen. She loves people but thinks other dogs and cats were put here for her to eat, and that is why when she goes out, she is always on a leash, She is not afraid of any animal; I really believe she would take on a bear with no hasitation but she is deathly afraid of a "gurgling" water dish. That is another story that I'll save for later. Thanks again for the info.
Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 16:39:08
There's probably more knowledge about drugs of every kind right here on these pages than in most pharmaceutical companies.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 16:52:16
Jim, and alcoholic.
Between Jack T's bull story, and Doris's gun story, we could start a heavy metal group. Waddaya say to 'Guns 'n Arses'?
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield,Ore
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 16:54:42
Dearest Joanne, This is Doris and i am an alcoholic, Joanne, you didn't attack me. You simply made a statement based on your experience. I didn't feel attacked, but, maybe i sounded a little aggressive in my response to you. If I did i am the one who should be sorry and I am. You know, , , sometimes we don't sound in writing exactly the way we are feeling. I guess I could have come across as being a little resentful though. You see Joanne, I deeply envy others who were lucky enough to have or have had a true mother. Maybe that is why I am accused of and probably am such an extreme co-dependant. I want to thank you Joanne. You made me think. You made me be more aware of how I am coming across on this thing. RELAX Joanne. I still love ya. Doris
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:27:34
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.
Sanders, you are right about the meetings but I'm not so sure about the JAZZ. If they win tonight I'll be in a meeting tomorrow night, hell if they loose tonight I'll be in a meeting tomorrow night. I love arrangements where I win either way.
Andy T. you should thank your lucky stars. If I had been that bull you wouldn't have been able to run far enough to get away. That was one of the most humorous posts I've read yet. I'd be careful about attempting a nighttime mission. The bull sounded like he might be the type to harbour a resentment. Hell I wouldn't even walk near his pasture!
Have a good day everybody.
Love ya ALL DB
Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:29:51
Steve, alcoholic.
This is a good site for me. I am recently back into the program and jumping into this site a few times a day gets me through the day.
I can relate to a lot said here on a personal basis and agree with Sanders that this site is turning into an integral part of my day.
Amy: your description of the language claustrophobia in CH (anybody besides Amy know what those letters mean?) sounds familiar. The first time I was in Basle, I felt extremely closed in and claustrophobic. So I took a 10-week German course so I could read the signs on the doors of the stores (all of them indicating that they close at 630 PM on a weeknight and closed Sundays). But then came the issue of the dialects... However, I found most people were willing to help an American who was obviously incapable of speaking dialect. Plus, Basle has a very nice zoo for a relatively small city.
Glen: I can vouch that there's more knowledge of drugs on these pages than in a pharmaceutical company. I work for one.
Thanks & bye.
Steve D
Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:31:16
Steve, alcoholic.
This is a good site for me. I am recently back into the program and jumping into this site a few times a day gets me through the day.
I can relate to a lot said here on a personal basis and agree with Sanders that this site is turning into an integral part of my day.
Amy: your description of the language claustrophobia in CH (anybody besides Amy know what those letters mean?) sounds familiar. The first time I was in Basle, I felt extremely closed in and claustrophobic. So I took a 10-week German course so I could read the signs on the doors of the stores (all of them indicating that they close at 630 PM on a weeknight and closed Sundays). But then came the issue of the dialects... However, I found most people were willing to help an American who was obviously incapable of speaking dialect. Plus, Basle has a very nice zoo for a relatively small city.
Glen: I can vouch that there's more knowledge of drugs on these pages than in a pharmaceutical company. I work for one.
Thanks & bye.
Steve D
Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:32:23
Steve, alcoholic.
This is a good site for me. I am recently back into the program and jumping into this site a few times a day gets me through the day.
I can relate to a lot said here on a personal basis and agree with Sanders that this site is turning into an integral part of my day.
Amy: your description of the language claustrophobia in CH (anybody besides Amy know what those letters mean?) sounds familiar. The first time I was in Basle, I felt extremely closed in and claustrophobic. So I took a 10-week German course so I could read the signs on the doors of the stores (all of them indicating that they close at 630 PM on a weeknight and closed Sundays). But then came the issue of the dialects... However, I found most people were willing to help an American who was obviously incapable of speaking dialect. Plus, Basle has a very nice zoo for a relatively small city.
Glen: I can vouch that there's more knowledge of drugs on these pages than in a pharmaceutical company. I work for one.
Thanks & bye.
Steve D
Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:33:36
Steve, alcoholic.
This is a good site for me. I am recently back into the program and jumping into this site a few times a day gets me through the day.
I can relate to a lot said here on a personal basis and agree with Sanders that this site is turning into an integral part of my day.
Amy: your description of the language claustrophobia in CH (anybody besides Amy know what those letters mean?) sounds familiar. The first time I was in Basle, I felt extremely closed in and claustrophobic. So I took a 10-week German course so I could read the signs on the doors of the stores (all of them indicating that they close at 630 PM on a weeknight and closed Sundays). But then came the issue of the dialects... However, I found most people were willing to help an American who was obviously incapable of speaking dialect. Plus, Basle has a very nice zoo for a relatively small city.
Glen: I can vouch that there's more knowledge of drugs on these pages than in a pharmaceutical company. I work for one.
Thanks & bye.
Steve D
Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:36:19
Glen H, had to laugh because what you said is so true! Thanks, I needed that.........Sanders, aren't our animals just wonderful? That unconditional love just can't be beat. Heck, my dogs are delighted to see me when I return from emptying the trash! A few years ago I had left a high-profile job with a mental health center because I was about to lose my mental health working there. I was without a job for 6-months--either overqualified or underqualified, you know how that goes. Finally a vet gave me a chance to work my bee-hind off for minimum wage (mind you there's nothing wrong with that, but remember it was quite a come down from that white collar position I was in. I loved that work more than just about anything I've ever done in my (now) 46-years. Among other things I discovered I have been blessed with a talent:big,bad dogs love me. Go figure. I think it has to do with respect. Working there for 2-years was an education I could never have paid for. Anyway, don't apologize for having a mixed breed, they're usually the best pets. Both of mine were rescued. One reason I mention the weight on Tobie is before I knew better I let Jake (my Rott) get up to 135# which is way over what is healthy for him. He couldn't move without pain, no longer had the endurance he'd had. And I know you know what I'm talking about when I say that pained ME. He's now down to a swelte 108. So, needless to say I'm acutely aware of any contributing factors to his genetic problem. Of course my 15# heathen-dog beats up on him, but that's another story. ;) Thank Heaven the wind has switched from the North and there are actually a few clouds in the sky. Maybe we'll have some relief from these 105-degree days. Thanks for helping me stay sober another day!
Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:37:22
Steve, alcoholic.
This is a good site for me. I am recently back into the program and jumping into this site a few times a day gets me through the day.
I can relate to a lot said here on a personal basis and agree with Sanders that this site is turning into an integral part of my day.
Amy: your description of the language claustrophobia in CH (anybody besides Amy know what those letters mean?) sounds familiar. The first time I was in Basle, I felt extremely closed in and claustrophobic. So I took a 10-week German course so I could read the signs on the doors of the stores (all of them indicating that they close at 630 PM on a weeknight and closed Sundays). But then came the issue of the dialects... However, I found most people were willing to help an American who was obviously incapable of speaking dialect. Plus, Basle has a very nice zoo for a relatively small city.
Glen: I can vouch that there's more knowledge of drugs on these pages than in a pharmaceutical company. I work for one.
Thanks & bye.
Steve D
Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 17:42:23
Steve, alcoholic.
My God, I'm so sorry about the multiple posts.
The message I was getting was that host was being contacted, waiting for reply. I didn't realize that each time I pressed Stop and Click Once (follow directions, Steve) to Submit, it was getting posted.
I'm so sorry...
Steve
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 18:15:41
Jim, an alcoholic who finally has time to do more than a two-line post.
Doris, I can't relate to a story about abuse at the hands of a parent--but there was this teacher. Happened when was I was 12/13, and for the longest time I thought it hadn't left any permanent mark. He was pretty skillful--worked on the normal adolescent loneliness, cunning little bribes, etc.
Of course, there was damage. I still don't feel one way or another about the physical side of it, but with a mature understanding of how I was duped into being an accomplice in my own abuse--it makes me so angry I can hardly function sometimes. When my son was small I came within a hair of beating the living s--- out of a man who for some reason looked like he was taking liberties with the child. If I had started I would probably have killed him, and I sure scared hell out of my son and my spouse--and me. Didn't know until then what I was capable of.
I haven't made a habit of sharing this with people--one or two others, and their reactions pretty much persuaded me that sharing was another mistake. Amateur psychiatrists can be so damn annoying. They spend so much time explaining things victims already know, and never get around to dealing with the problem.
But, I suppose if I'm going to take the Steps seriously, I'm going to have to deal with this at some point. Frankly, breaking both legs would be more fun.
Anyway, I wanted you to know that in some tiny way I can appreciate what you lost, and grieve for the loss, and admire your strength in being able to even acknowledge your anger. Thanks for the example. You're really something.
Member: Tom C
Location: USA
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 18:38:46
The "In Our Words" section of Another Empty Bottle tops 125 stories!
The section was created on July 10, 1997. It is a place for real people to share real experiences about how alcoholism has affected their lives and the lives of their loved ones. The collection of stories, letters, poems, and personal observations is the largest of its kind on the Internet.
http://www.alcoholismhelp.com/help/inourwords.html
Here are some highlights:
Story 114 - Not suffering in silence...
"Today is Mother's Day and I want to go to church. I want someone to do something special to celebrate my Motherhood. I want to feel special to someone. My 18 month old son thinks I am special and most days that is enough, but I feel so sad and alone. I have been a member of an anonymous group designed for the families of alcoholics for almost 3 years. I have given service as secretary and literature person and I know if I were hit by a car today no one would care."
Story 94 - One alcoholic's view of surrender
"It has taken me close to twenty years to begin to realize that I must surrender to the Beast that taunts me every day of my life. To finally realize that by swallowing my pride, suppressing my ego and finally admitting to my inner self that there is no way I can drink alcohol again has ultimately helped lead me to the beginning of serenity. I am not there yet but at least there is hope."
Story 79 - Alcoholic at 14
"I don't remember what happened next, but I was informed. My friends (the freshmen girls) asked them to stop, but the boys kept giving me more and more to drink. After I had about 8-9 shots, at least, I started throwing up, and a few more of my friends arrived to help me. Well, it was pretty bad after that. My friend called my parents and told them the address so they could come and help, too. The boy whose house we were at refused to give the address and said they should bring me to the bottom of the street, but they gave my parents the address. My parents got there and called 9-1-1, and I was rushed to the hospital in the ambulance. The police took all my friends, and so-called friends names. At the hospital I got my stomach pumped, and had several IV's put in my arms. It was definitely the worst experience of my life!!"
Story 30 - I can still hear the mother's sobs and screams
"He tells me the girl lying in the middle of the road is a friend. It is her fault she is dead. She was thrown from his vehicle at the time of the crash. She should have held on. He ran off the road because a rabbit ran in front of his car and he swerved to avoid it. A short time later he denies he was driving. The driver indicates he has not been drinking or smoking marijuana. After failing field sobriety tests; however, he admits to 2 beers and a couple of hits of pot."
Story 1 - Alcohol has taken you from me
"And then I hear the words, the words of hate and fear. I hear, I hear you raging and cursing and yelling and I want to yell, I want to shout to the world "THESE ARE NOT MY PARENTS!" I want people to know that the monsters have taken you over, have possessed you. You are not who you are. You are not my parents anymore. You do not love me. You do not care about me. All you care about is feeding the monster, feeding the parasite inside of yourselves."
http://www.alcoholismhelp.com/help/inourwords.html
Another Empty Bottle at http://www.alcoholismhelp.com is a site for the friends, family and alcoholics. The site contains a weekly column of news, information and fun; an extensive listing of resources about alcoholism; links to sites on alcoholism, depression, domestic abuse, and more; help groups and hotlines; personal stories submitted by visitors; a touching, yet-informative children's section; a recovery site building shop for those wishing to create their own recovery web site; a listing of chat rooms and meeting schedules; a thriving discussion area for visitors to post questions or comments; and more!
Regards,
Tom Chaplin Another Empty Bottle at http://www.alcoholismhelp.com Recommended by Infoseek, Excite, Lycos, Hotbot, and AltaVista. Chat Rooms * Help Groups * Weekly Column * Anonymity Guide Discussion * Information * Hotlines * Links * Stories and more!
Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 20:13:32
steve d from nj--thanks for making me laugh! my youngest's dad missed his visit today as he was arrested for unlawful use of a weapon--sometimes i get tired of facing the consequences of my drinking (ours was a case of, as 12 & 12 says, "boy meets girl in aa". i can truly say live and learn. i was scrolling through here and it just set me to laughing. something i would do...have spent hours, going around in circles, trying to find something on the net--this site is in my favorites so i can click right too it. hope you can appreciate the lift you gave me.
am off to my meeting. see you tomorrow.
Member: BIG BULL
Location: NORTH40 TEXAS
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 21:21:55
Andy alcoholic. gotta make this quick. GO BULLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIGNED-------THE BULL ANDY TRIED TO DEWORM!
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 22:31:50
Doris, alcoholic, Jim, i am crying as i write, I just read your post and it makes me so angry I could scream. I am SOOOOOO sorry about what happened to you. I will not lecture or analyze you. I will just say that I believe that what happened to you was just as harmful as what happened to me. I DON'T compare others situations to my own. I know that there is seldom a matter of degree. pain is Pain and damage is damage. Please don't feel what happened to you was "in a small way". There is nothing small about what happened to you and I get REALLY pissed when someone tried to negate or minimize my anger. I ,at times, am ANGRY. I deserved decent parents just like every other child that is born. I just didn't happen to get them. I have dealt with this in a very positive way and when someone writes in later that they think that I "haven't REALLY let it go" I want to slap them. How the hell do they know. I , most of the time, feel I have forgiven and can live with what happened fairly well. But, of course, it comes back once in a while. And when it does I get kinda riled. I am afraid I lashed out at poor Joanne and for that I am so very sorry. That poor lady had no way of knowing. This is why I try even harder to not judge others for whatever they say here in these rooms. I don't know their history. I haven't walked in their moccasins and I don't want to. I have enough trouble walking in my own. But! I can tell this story and I do every chance I get.I have told it here before in some detail and I probably will again, If what happened to me can help prevent even one incident by making people more aware then that is why I am on the planet. I now feel that I must apologize to my sister for betraying HER anonymity but I also have to do what I have to do. I know my sister and I think she understands. She knows I am writing the book and our anonymity will be all blown to hell when it comes out anyway. Jim, my friend, i want to thank you for your compassion and your courage. You took a step today and I am grateful. This kind of thing is another "dirty little secret" and we all know where keeping secrets gets us. I am woeking very hard on having NO more secrets. Thank you, Doris
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 22:32:48
Hello everyone! Kerry, an alcoholic. Sure have enjoyed all the posts here. I am so full of pride today for my two kids. My daughter came home from school (4th grade) with a certificate for making the academic honor roll. I was flabergasted, since nobody in my family or my husbands has ever accomplished that. I am so grateful. My son, who is 2 years older will be graduating 6th grade tommorrow. He's pretty smart too, altho those puberty hormones have been hitting him pretty hard lately (getting lazy). It just amazes me that if I had not gotten to this program, I probably would not have lived long enough to even have them to love and enjoy. I hope that some of the principles of the program have seeded themselves in them. I have taught them both to laugh at some of life's "big deals", specially when they get angry at petty stuff. I know that just because my kids have been raised in a house where both parents are sober members of AA, that they will not be immune to the "ism", actually, their chances for dodging this disease could be pretty slim with the genetic background. I have informed them as much as I can about the physical allergy to alcohol, the rest is up to them and God. Caryn - my husband and I must be exceptions to the rule about AA relationships. We met in a meeting and have been married almost 15 years - and the love is just as strong today as it was then. We did have a discussion and resolved that "Divorce was not an option" (excluding of course domestic & emotional abuse) before we got married. As a matter of fact, we pretty much left no stone unturned before we committed to each other. I work my program, and he works his. He is my best friend.
Talk about Bull stories (basketball and 4 legged), I just had to laugh, Andy. I lived on a farm here for 4 years after being raised in L.A. We had it easy, cause we just lived in the house, didn't have to grow the spuds and alfalfa. The corrals were leased out to a guy who raised cows. One day, after we had lived there for about a month, I look out in the farm yard, and this cow (BIG COW) was just sauntering out towards the road, no one was around but me, so I go out there and get in front of this cow and start waving my arms like a maniac trying to turn her around. She kept turning her head around and just looking at me, she wasn't running, just walking, when I realized just how big she was, and just how small I am, 5'2". I decided to call the owners and let them get her back into the corral. I must have looked pretty silly out there, though. Those bulls in the corral were awesome, I would have never messed with them, oh no!! I'm glad they never got out. The farmers around us did get alot of laughs at my expense. When we moved in I asked who to contact to pay for the water. See, in L.A., water is as expensive as gold. I was promply told that I did not have to pay for water, just for the electricity to pump it out of the well. From then on our farmer friend would holler "City folks on the Farm"!!
That's enough out of me, thank you all for being here. Hey Sanders - I'll root for the underdogs tonight, Okay?
Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 22:33:50
What a great week on this site. Thanks for the belly laughs and chuckles (Amy), and Doris, you are somethin', a real gift for honesty. Jodene, I like your shares too and look forward to more. Bonnie, you are a marvel. That wonderful (California?) exuberence is such a treat to this chilly New Englander. Jim D. it is a pleasure to see your openness and willingness to charge ahead as a newcomer--that bull stuff really stays with me.
Thanks, all for the animal tales and info. My daughter is in vet school and had to pack up 4 cats and a parrot twice and head for a shelter in this week's storms. Everyone was jumpy there, with tornados lurking, and her squawking parrot nearly shattered everyone's nerves!! I wonder if she brought the snakes and turtles?.....
Hey Jason!! Welcome back and Kelley hang in there. I can identify with having what seemed to be divine orchestrations of friendships (in my case)--the heavenly "confirmations" and "coincidences". The first was not from HP after all, I believe. My distress should have told me that despite the signs and wonders. The second went suddenly sour and I am still in pain over it. What the purpose is , I don't know. God seemed capricious at best. Haven't had the hindsight thing yet either. Love to all, Jane
Member: Kathleen O.
Location: Indianapolis
Date: 03 Jun 1998
Time: 23:08:29
Hi, I'm Kathleen, an alcoholic. The last few days have been really tough. I was feeling so sorry for myself and for my poor husband who had major surgery today, that I nearly gave in to that demonic alkie within me. I decided instead to check out the "coffee pot" and thank GOD I did. Andy, your bull story truely is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thank you soooo much. I really needed a good laugh. Jim D., I love your idea...."Guns and Arses", you go boy! Sanders, I'll be thinking of you while I watch the Jazz roll right over those bully-Bulls. Doris, don't forget to watch the Belmont this Saturday afternoon. "Real Quite" has a great chance at winning the Triple Crown. On to the more serious, the operation my husband had today was a total hip replacement. He has a condition called Avascular Necrosis. Alcohol abuse is what caused it. He is 32 years old and will need to have surgery on his other hip within 6 months. I'm telling you guys this for two reasons. 1) I need to learn to share my low points with others. I've never been good at that, but I'm working on it. 2) I've become a bit of an expert on the condition and the treatments available. If there are other alcoholics out there with questions about AVN, I'd be more than happy to share what I've learned. My kids are demanding my attention, so I've got to run. Love ya'll, Kathleen
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 00:13:42
How bout them Jazz???? I have sat here and ate two peaches, a large tomato, a large piece of watermelon and a bag of carmel pop corn along with my glass of DIET ginger ale. It took all I could do but the did it to them tonight. I must have aged ten years in this one. I hope all Y,all have a good night and sleep well. Love to you Sanders
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 00:34:31
well, today we took my daughter up to stay with my mom for an indefinate period of time. mom is having serious dizziness problems and we are afraid that she will fail and won't be able to get help. i feel bad asking a 14 year old to handle so much stress and responsiblity but mom asked and sis agreed. i apoligize for my comment about my mom earlier... it was pain and fear speaking. i know that i am where i am supposed to be right now and that god is with me. but it doesn't make the pain , fear, and the sense of loss seem any less...it's so hard to be losing her after i've finally made my peace with her and the past. my sisters keep on trying new doctors without any results.. sorry again..feeling down today......doris are you mad at me? haven't heard from you in here or e-mail....
on a more positive and up-beat note, my garden is doing great!!! we had a beautiful cool day today after 99 degree temps for a couple of weeks (jodene i'm just north of you and am trying to send som of this to you). well, the wheat field around my house is turning a beautiful golden red, and my garden is right next to it and it looks so incredibly serene. i love to sit out by my garden and just look and listen to the sound of the wind in the wheat.
hugs, mary w.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:03:04
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:04:29
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:06:07
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:07:13
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:08:24
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:09:30
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:10:43
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:11:58
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:13:00
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:14:09
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:15:21
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:17:51
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:20:05
HI I AM FAYLA Alcoholic,Martina i am praying for your freind and family,God is watching over you all.went to work at my new job today ,think its going to be ok,has any one ever heard of JOHNNIE HARRIS?He speaks alot he lives in CALIFORNIA,I HAVE alot of his tapes they have helped me stay sober,i would love to see him,well if you have any info,please let me know,love and hugs and prayers .FAYLA G
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:21:13
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:22:32
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: bj
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:23:43
I am an alcoholic and new to all this; it's quite fasinating and a lot of it touching - the way only one alke can touch another. One thing that is puzzling to me; how one get so far off track as to get angry because of something someone shares (honestly and in good faith). Did we leave our principles at the door? I've been in recovery 28 years and the only way I've survived is to constantly work at putting principles before personalities; of course I don't agree with EVERYONE but I try to look for the good in everyone and everything. It's a part of keeping it SIMPLE to remember if I can't say something positive I don't say anything. I can only say what works for me one day at a time; I don't presume, either, to give "advice". Instead, I try to share my own experience, strength and hope. I'd love to do more of that in the future; and thanks to all those who ARE doing that. Love to all.
Member: john
Location: miami
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:40:52
i m john a miami alky and i told bj to keep hitting the button until it worked, and when she got tired and frustrated i hit it for her cause its her first experience with this keyboard and I WAS WRONG,wrong, wrong again and still wrong and promptly wrong some more which is promptly admitted again and again...
Member: jrr
Location: Harmony on the Lake
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:45:11
well. first off.. i would suggest bj. just clik one time.. it was a little much seeing your post 11 times.. and anonymous alkie. .. for someone who blasts others. what is with the cloaking your identity...surely you would have the courage to get a response...? or is it the cowardly smash and run.. hell. i don't care what others do.. though it seems you have a difficult time letting it go.... or do you just like the" drama queen" role.. ?it is funny. how quickly folks judge..and critique.. hell. i am just glad i don't have to see some of you folks at my face to face meetings.. because all n all .. i love this site.. but the few malcontents can really throw the spirit of harmony in here out the window.. some good stuff going on in here. and i am just glad the core regulars do what they do.. week after week.. anyway.. life goes on.. and lessons are learned.. at every turn.. so god bless all of you.. and keep it simple.. and AAmy.. no can do.. i was sworn to secrecy on the recipe.. but will get them out to you ASAP.. till we yak again.. peace, jrr
Member: john
Location: miami
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:48:01
i m john a miami alky and i told bj to keep hitting the button until it worked, and when she got tired and frustrated i hit it for her cause its her first experience with this keyboard and I WAS WRONG,wrong, wrong again and still wrong and promptly wrong some more which is promptly admitted again and again... and she is laughing so hard shes had to go "down the hall"...and the submit button still wont work
Member: john
Location: miami
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:52:30
i m john a miami alky and i told bj to keep hitting the button until it worked, and when she got tired and frustrated i hit it for her cause its her first experience with this keyboard and I WAS WRONG,wrong, wrong again and still wrong and promptly wrong some more which is promptly admitted again and again... and she is laughing so hard shes had to go "down the hall"...and the submit button still wont work AND THE PUBLISHER IS TOO BUSY TO USE NOW and I m wrong some more
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 02:57:35
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. My day was pretty good today. Did the hair thing ladies--you know, the one that covers the gray LOL. Came home tonight as a brunette--my original color for a change. Kind of enjoyed pampering myself, and doing something for me that gives me some satisfaction. If you knew me when I was out there drinking, doing things for myself was unheard of. I was not worth it then. Life was glum, and I spent a lot of time trying to demolish my life rather than enjoy it. Sure is a lot different in sobriety.
Loved your story Doris about the gun loss/retrieval, and Jim D's quick witt about the heavy metal band regarding your story. I truly appreciate the humor, along with the honesty by all those who share here.
The sharing about the physical abuse issues and referring to them as "secrets" can surely be identified with. I spoke about all that stuff with my sponsor. Those "secrets" involved a stranger in the park once, and numerous attempts by some neighborhood boys when I was young. Did you every read Suzanne Sommer's book about that subject matter Doris? There is a phrase she uses, "conspiracy of silence," that may even be the title of her book, I just don't remember. I would not tell my folks of these occurrences. So naturally these happenings occurred a lot. It was not until I got sober, through a 4th and 5th step, that I discovered why I never told my folks. By not reporting it to someone who could have done something about it, left me wide open for the perpetrators to continue their assaults. This was an awesome discovery, one that led me to some personal healing. These were my reasons: In every instance that one of these assaults occurred, I was doing something that my parents had expressly told me not to do, such as; 1) do not talk to strangers--oops, I goofed, can't tell my parents about that guy in the park, I was breaking the cardinal #1 rule, 2) don't allow anyone in the house when we are not home--oops, I invited the neighbor boy in to visit, can't discuss that one with them, 3) don't go into other's homes without their parents being there--oops, there goes that one also, I was enticed to come take a look at someone's swimming pool, and guess what I knew at the time, the parents were not home--no way could I talk to them about that one, 4) don't play in the alley--oops, walked into that one big time, can't discuss that with them either. I was chased for hours by boys with a knife, I barely escaped.
As a small child I was perplexed at the numerous times this happened to me. I got a worped impression of men and my first marriage was awful because of it. Today I look at the whole experience as "shame on them", not "shame on me." As a small child, I was innocent, and niave, not quilty. Being immature at ages 5 through 11, I did not know that I could stop all that from happening by reporting it to the right people. I was too afraid of being punished for my part that lead into each assault. I made some mistakes in judgment as a child, too trusting, but I personally am not a mistake. That does not change the fact today that I knew I was not disserving of that treatment. God has restored me emotionally from that twisted experience as a child. It turned out, with an adult mind, I can see that all those boys were the same age, attended the same school, and lived on the same block. My silence enabled these boys to continually conspire to do me harm. If I had reported the incidents, that would have stopped. Gee, I could practically write a book myself--I certainly wrote a Chapter here today. Whew. Sorry for the long post. I just really felt compelled to write about it this time. I don't exactly share in the same experience with you Doris--as the perpetrators in my case was not my parents. But the pain and emotional suffering I can relate to as having these sorts of experiences. Perhaps writing your book will be a freedom from your bondage of the past. I hope so.
Kathleen--that was interesting about AVN as a medical condition connected to alcoholics. The medical field is constantly finding out how alcohol affects the body. It truly is an interesting subject for me. I have arthritis and my grandmother and aunt (both alcoholics, now deceased) had osteroporosis. I have read, along with being advised from doctors that alcohol abuse robs the bones of calcium. I am not sure if calcium deficieny might effect cartilage also, but I am curious if there is a connection.
Mary W, my heart goes out to you with the situation with your Mom. Glad you have someone to watch her for you. It also sounds like you are in a very peaceful setting where you live by the lovely discription you gave. I live right along a railroad track--28 trains daily sound like their running right through my bedroom! I could use a little peace somewhere in the country. There is nowhere in the house where you can sit where your seat does not rumble like your experiencing an earthquake! LOL
See you all later--got to get some shuteye. Love to all. Linda P.
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 03:57:05
Good Morning! Amy an alcoholic. I have had such a nice hour reading the posts. I have laughed and I have cried. Martina I wanted you to know that when I mentioned your daughter and her attitude when she got back from Spain I did not really say what I meant to say...I circled and skipped around the point which is so typical of me...You know how people in the states have general pride in their state and sometimes make fun of others? Well here the Swiss and Germans who consider themselves to be very serious and hard working people (many are) and they think the people from the southern countries (ie spain, itlaly, greece) are lazy because the sun warmed their brains too much. It is just a silly rivalry because the spainiards think the swiss are uptight and closed (no comment, I plead the 5th). That brings me to Steve in NJ who lived a while in Basle, thank you so much for being able to relate to my problem and I did not even realize it was a kind of clostrophobic feeling but that is exactly what it may be. Many non-swiss who have lived here a while (such as Einstein) later move to another country because they felt confined by the Alps and lack of an ocean within 9 hours. I am in St. Gallen by the Lake of Constance which is the second largest lake in europe (i think) and with that there are good and bad weather situations. I was in disbelief when I read that it was 105 in the heartlands and I sure do remember those days from my upbringing in NC, here it is mild and beautiful and arid (for the next 3 months) then it is like England but with snow the rest of the year (meaning HEAVY fog, darkness, short days). Needless to say I am thanking God for the summertime and then I get to come home for a visit in October. Steve it was also wild that you mentioned the Zoo because my husband is a Zoologe (Zoologist) but now ALSO works for a pharmaceudical company. What a small world!Also I laughed about the double posts but wanted to say thanks it helped me, I still have this short term memory problem sometimes! In case anyone wondered, CH stands for Confederation Helvetia which is the real name for Switzerland, or Suisse, or Swizza, or Schweiz depending on which alp you are standing. When I first moved here and saw the CH stickers on all the cars I asked my man "why are there so many people from Chekoslavakia here?". He married me anyway. Jodene I could relate to what you said about isolation. I had an operation (not life threatening) in January and was really a hermit in the true sense of the word for months. My husband had to trick me to get me out of the house (now I am exaggerating). I think I go through so many stages in this recovery process, many good, many not so good. I just wanted to say I can relate to that emotion you expressed. At the moment I will spend the whole am either in the house or in the garden, not shopping in the city or having to go to the post or confront strangers of various tongues. It is the worst when I say Grüezi (hey) and the other person just stares at you... because you are just a friendly at heart southern girl from NC wanting people to smile back and say hey...Anyway, don't be down on yourself for wanting to be alone. At least you enjoy your own company now and so do I. Much better than lots of "friends" from the ole' days. My cats name is Lewis by the way and altho he is siamese I did not mention that I bought him from a trailer park in NC for 50 bucks and I never fail to tell him that when he sticks his nose up at me! Sanders I cannot wait to tell my man the story of your dog and the pill. I had to tranquilize my cat on the flight over here and I will never forget having to shove that pill down his throat. An hour later I could see both sets of his eye lids (i didn't even know cats had two, like camels) so I thought he was a goner but a day later he was ok, just asking himself "where the___ am I?" I love animals. I hope your mom is ok about those pills. Did you talk about them to her? Just wondering. My grandmother who lives with my parents in NC goes to a day care ctr. In the day time and now she sleeps at night. Before that she napped so much during the day she wasn't sleepy at night, my mom said. Kathleen I am praying for you as your husband is in the hospital. I remember when I was here just 6 months my husband got a bacterial blood infection from his work place and because he also has type 1 diabetes it became a life threatening illness and he was almost a whole month in the hospital. He got to come home 4 days before Christmas. But for the grace of God I did not become overwhelmed by this disease at a time when nothing made sense and I was scared. My HP pulled me up by my boot straps somehow and I was in that hospital usually twice a day, doing what I could to help or just be around. I know you too can make it through this! Jim D thanks for sharing, it took lots of guts and I can also relate to your pain. I was glad you came on line to tell us about it cause as they say we are only as sick as our secrets . Finally, a loving hug to Doris and to Delores. Delores I havn't seen you post and we miss your Vegas touch! Special hello to Jrr, mary, Fayla, Glen, Linda P. Jane and everyone else a (((World Hug))). Still sober in Schweiz, Amy GC
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 05:37:06
Hello everyone, My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. Mary, my friend. Of course I am not mad at you. I guess I have been busy and thoughtless lately. Not to mention lazy about my correspondence. I am sorry if I have hurt your feelings, I love ya. Kathleen, I am sorry you are having such a tough time these days. I am praying for you and I feel for you. Life kind of sucks once in a while doesn't it. You know what? I used to see those t-shirts with shit happens written on them and I thought that they made no sense at all. Then I became an active alcoholic and sobered up a number of years later and now I understand what that statement REALLY means. "IT" really does happen. I am praying for your husband. He is so young to have these awful things happening to him, and you all. bj and John, it is 2;34 here and I am tired. But when I read your accidents I just laughed. It just struck me as very funny. RELAX, both of you. If that were the biggest problem around here it would be a win for all of us. Amy your post this evening was a delight. You always have the interesting stuff to talk about. I love you. Fayla, as usual you make me feel a bit of peace. Sanders, Congratulations on your team winning. I an happy they won just for you. All of the rest of you "good" people, I wish you peace and sobriety, Good night, Doris
Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 07:26:30
jrr, looks like you're feeling better. Glad you're here.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 10:29:14
Jim, an alcoholic.
Thanks for the response Doris--no need for tears, but thanks anyway.
Yesterday, after unloading that story about being abused, I got to thinking asbout whether there was any silver lining to that one at all. I found a somewhat tarnished one--let me know what you think.
The silver lining is that having been seduced by an older man, I've never been able to be a seducer. God knows I tried for a while--back when I was still officially forgetting the abuse--but all the little tricks of seduction made me feel sick to my stomach. Far too much like what was used on me. All about power, not about love at all.
So while I don't doubt that the experience has had a few deplorable ffects on my sex life, maybe it kept me from inflicting similar damage on other people.
So, there's an insight. Bogus or not? Who knows?
Anyway--ODAAT, and on this particular day the sun's shining. Timre for a walk in the park.
Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 10:45:03
Mike w, grateful recovering alcoholic. glad that there are so many people checking out this site. greetings to any newcomers, hope you're enjoying sobriety. I take life ( or try to) one day at a time. it's been really hot here in the desert. I'm ready to go home, and get to some f2f meetings. looks like I'll be getting home around the 20th...........yeah!!!!! I want to thank you everyone for sharing with me, you've helped me stay sane over here. Life is good today, that is when I'm grateful for my sobriety and what has came from it. AA has changed my life, I was basically living to drink before, an endless barage of blackouts, auto wrecks, and domestic problems. I still have problems today, but I'm not living in a bottle, and I have friends wherever i go that will lend a hand to help me stay sober. Thats on thing I've learned being in recovery and in the military, AA is everywhere......thank god.!!!!!! Welcome Stepper, hope your doing okay. I don't know much about horses, but guess I'm learning.. I can't give much advise on anything except my own experience, and that's if I don't drink, go to meetings, read (study) the bigbook, my life does get better day by day, with some setbacks, but in the long run sobriety is the only way for me. With the fellowship of AA I have a chance to live a happy and free life. thank you all for my sobriety.......ODAAT mike w
Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 10:57:34
Hi, Joanne here alcoholic and compulsive gambler
Doris no harm done thanks for the apology, I still love ya, I don't know you but I feel like I have known you all my life.
To Jane from MA what part of MA are you from.
Hi to J.L. from MA. Joanne
Member: Kathleen O.
Location: Indianapolis
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 11:51:22
Good morning, I'm Kathleen, an alcoholic. I'm feeling MUCH better this morning, thanks to all your prayers and thoughts. I'm getting ready to visit my husband, Tim, in the hospital. Thank you Amy and Doris for your kind words. They go a long, long way. To Linda, I'm not sure what role calcium deficiency would have on cartilage. In Tim's case, alcohol abuse enlarged his red blood cells which clogged the capillaries that feed the femoral heads(the top of your leg bone that attaches your leg to your pelvis). Interestingly enough, that femoral head is covered with cartilage. Once the capillaries become clogged, the blood flow ceases to get through that cartilage and into the femoral head. The bone begins to die, it literally starves to death. If all goes well, Tim could be out of the hospital this weekend. He'll have a 6 week convalescence at home and then intends to go back to work. His other hip will need to be done in about 6 months. Things could certainly be worse. GOD gave us both a physical wake up call in regards to alcohol. Neither one of us intend to EVER drink again. With GOD'S grace this will become our new beginning. Love you all! Kathleen.
Member: Mike W
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 12:03:55
I'm Mike, an alcoholic, grateful to the program of AA and the souls that share their experience strength and hope. This site sure has been busy the past 24 hours. It took me so long to read all the posts that I had to wait until I got to work to write this.
Doris, your post talking about how it upsets you when people think that you have not "let it go" touched me this morning. When I was 14, my Dad who was a medical doctor who happened to be an alcoholic and was abusing prescription drugs to minimize the effects of his drinking quit "cold turkey". As a result, he went over the edge for about a week until my Mom was able to get him into the hospital. This was a week of extreme terror for me. My dad was going through the DTs, screaming all night long. In the mornings, I wouldn't leave my room until it was time to catch the school bus. I would then look out my door and make sure Dad wasn't there because he was carrying a baseball bat to kill the creatures coming out of the walls. If he saw me he would chase me. Dad was hospitalized for about a month and never drank again. I was able to stuff feelings and not "let it bother me." Fifteen years later while in treatment for my own alcoholism, This week became as real as if it had just happened. I began to feel the fear again which I turned into anger toward my Dad. Our relationship had become very good considering the on-going dysfunction, but I still felt rage toward him for his actions of 15 years earlier. I was six weeks sober and decided that I would not be able to go forward in my recovery if I did not confront my Dad. It so happened that my Dad surprised me the next day by driving 500 miles to see me on my birthday and provide support. He and I took a drive and for the first time (he never went to any meetings and his substance abuse was kept extremely quiet--small town docter in the mid 60's) talked about his own disease. The opportunity arose for me to confront him with how he damaged me. The rage built and as I was ready to blast him for his actions, I stopped and realized that the benifit to me for confronting him was not worth the damage it would do to him. My rage left immediately. The point to all this Doris is that from that time on I feel I have dealt with my childhood in a positive way. Have I had problems in my recovery because of family issues? Yes. Do I wish my childhood had been "better". Sometimes. Have I let it go? To the best of my ability-yes. Doris I enjoy your posts and they help me alot. As I stated earlier, this is the majority of my program right now.
Sanders--just a note about the game last night. For the series, I am a Jazz fan, but my 11 year old son is a die hard Jordan worshipper. We were able to have a great evening last night wathching the game. I almost wish it would have turned out differently because my son was crushed when the Bulls didn't pull off the win. My son worries me. Although he has been raised by a sober father, I see so many character traits in him that can cause him problems. I have four children, and Michael seems to feel like he is neglected and unloved. No matter how much attention he gets, it isn't enough. No matter how much love he gets and time with his Mom and I it isn't the right kind. So the fun we had last night is cherished.
I have wrote enough and need to get back to work. May all of you have a great day in sobriety.
Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 12:48:51
Maine Jane, I'd of given at least a nickle to have see the shelter with all those people, your daughter and her critters. How far along in school is she? Saw this morning where there was a tornado in New York state, hope all of you are well out there. I guess we down here tend to think we have the corner on twisters and forget the darned things can pop up anywhere......Hey kiss-n-ks! Mary THANKS SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for that sweet cool breeze that floated down yesterday afternoon. I even got to sleep with the windows open! We're looking for a high today of 86 and a promise of a high on Saturday of 77. That suits me to a "t" because I'm moving this weekend (read that to mean "participating in a full-out assault on my sobriety", cause I HATE moving). Just another one of those deals in life where I want the results without the work. Ho-hum.....Anyway, because of this site, when I watch the weather forecase (something we pay a LOT of attention to down here) I've found myself noticing what the forecast for Florida, Oregan, Maine,etc., is. Because you see, I now have friends who live there. Sigh. I'm even trying to develop at least a tolerance for you posters from Texas. "Progress, not perfection..." ;) To my favorite Swiss Ms, I remember being in Pittsburg (Penn., not Ks) a few years ago. It was a lovely Spring day and on my walk, I too would say "Good Morning!"--I even said it in English! And yes, all I got were strange looks. But remember, it's their loss--they're losing out on the opportunity to speak to a GREAT woman, and you can tell them I said so ;)...........And finally, I too choked with laughter at John's story about the adventure with B.J. Have you thought about starting a ball team called the "Miami Clickers"? ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha,etc.........read 'ya later!
Member: John E.
Location: Kentucky
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 13:08:04
Hello. John recovering alcoholic. Are you all talking about anything specific?
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 13:25:21
Hey again AALL, Amy an alcoholic. Just came on line to ask for prayers for my grandmother who was hospitalized in NC last night, I just found out. She had a bad kidney infection, was on a high dosage of medicine and did not eat a whole day, then fought with my dad and mom til they could get her to the hospital where they have stabilized her as far as I know. On top of that, I had made a prior afternoon apt., had invited a 92 year old woman named frau Künstler to visit me for tea. So after crying she came and I told her but she was such a delight, we spent about 4 hours together and when I am not so upset I will write again and tell you some of the tales I heard. For now keep my grandma Lois G. who put up with a drunk husband her whole married life and still speaks sweetly of him 20 years after he has gone...Love, Amy GC
Member: Kelley C.
Location: Chicago
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 14:03:26
Hi. I'm Kelley and I'm an alcoholic/addict. Thanks to all who extended prayers and words of encouragement. I'd love to tell you I feel better and am doing great, but the truth is neither of those things. I believe the universe had a purpose in me suddenly revisiting the "coffee pot" this week. Doris and Jim...been there, done that. Unfortunately it takes only a few seconds to destroy a child's ability to trust. I too was sexually abused between the ages of 3-5 and then again between the ages of 13-15. When I was 21 I was raped at knife-point in my own home. The amount of damage is stunning. 16 years sober I still find myself sweeping out the cobwebs of my life, repeating dysfunctional patterns, finding myself attracted to friends most likely to betray my trust and that is after years of therapy, years of a twelve-step program for incest and sexual abuse survivors and years of sustained sobriety. I just lost a lawsuit, was seriously injured in December and have no friends left in the AA community that most closely surrounds my geographic residence. The loss of friends primarily has to do with the amount of judgement and betrayal I am no longer willing to endure and everyone else's discomfort with conflict and confrontation. I waivering now between self-loathing and despair. I'm back, occasionally, to that feeling of "I deserve it cuz I'm inherently bad." I'm not even certain what relief would be like or look like or feel like. I feel so estranged and extremely tired. May your gods and goddesses bless..I'm not certain right now if mine like me.
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 16:39:09
Hey last time today All, thanks for the love and prayers, she is stabilized and ok, LOVE Amy GC PS THANKS Jodine
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 18:01:46
Mike W. sorry it's hot in Saudi Arabia, we will look forward to you coming home soon. Would it make you feel better or worse to know it snowed here in Colorado last night? Of course I live at about 10,000 feet on the continental divide, so what do you expect? Plays havoc with tee times-any other sober golfers out there? It takes an insane compulsive/obsessive person to enjoy golf. I really enjoy it. It's the one place where adults can still throw a coniption fit and get away with it. As long as your dressed right it's perfectly acceptable.
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 18:05:36
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.
Fayla, I once had the opportunity to sit in a meeting where Jonnie H was the speaker. The tool he left me with was very simple. Paraphrasing, he said "we alkies are just like the flowers and other plants growing outside your window. A plant is either growing or it's dying. It's real easy to tell what state it's in too. We alkies have to keep on growing spiritually or our vitality begins fading away in the same fashion that a plant begins withering if it isn't watered properly."
So much for working the steps once or twice and then setting back and resting on our laurels!
Sanders, I hosed my own network the other day! At least I've learned enough to be able to undo my problem and get this machine back up. It was maddening. The only sites I couldn't access were the coffee pot, disscussion meeting, and 12 and 12 meeting. Do not set the coffee pot as your opening page if you are using IE4.0 Daaaaaaaaa. Sure glad I had a second machine to fall back on.
By the way, rumor has it that Carl Malone is the Anti-Christ. I wouldn't reccommend rooting for the JAZZ if you know what I mean.
Andy T be careful. Resentful bulls do have the belief that one good poke deserves another.
Thanks for bein there all ya'all
DB
Member: bj and john
Location: Miami, Fl.
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 18:41:59
thanks to jodene keeping her sense of humor in A BIG WAY. (so good for all of us to keep a sence of humor) and your suggestion about the Clickers gave john and me another laugh, added to last night's misadventure which we are still giggling over; if you had seen john sitting here saying, "hit it again bj" and then getting up when I got weary, and beginning to click over and over....but I must apologize to all who had to go through so many posts...however, I like to remember that "there are no mistakes"....also thanks to doris who also got a laugh. You guys"made our day" before we go off to a f2f meeting. check you later.
Member: Charlotte B.
Location: Mississippi
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 19:56:26
I've had a wonderful time reading your posts ...learning and laughing at the Coffee Pot. It's being a good day! Thanks to each of you.
Member: milas
Location: colfax ca
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 20:11:18
JRR ,glad your feeling better
Bitsey,how are you doing?
GOD bless, milas
Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 20:47:25
kerry b--thanks for your comment on your marriage--am always glad to hear success stories, even if my own attempts at relationships have been failures. My oldest boy say "mom, three stikes and you're out.
i looked this up because i wanted to be sure it was right (12 & 12, pg 119) "Some marry fellow aa's. how do they come out? on the whole these marriages are very good ones....it is only where boy meets girl on aa campus, and love follows at first sight, that difficulties may develpe." you can read the rest as it too applies.
i came into aa the time before this and managed to stay sober for 16 months solely by hanging onto the table and swearing not to drink. i caught the attention of a man who was more interested in playing than recovering. it was obvious, i chose to ignore it. i also ignored a lot of well meaning people who wondered what the *!#$ i was doing. i relapsed--my fault, not his, i had no program. i let him move in, got sober, got pregnant, got married--in that order. i thought we could skip down the road to happy destiny together-i could change him, i could heal him, and keep him sober--hahaha
9 days after we got married, he threw me to the floor in a drunken rage and tried to break both my arms. my 10 yr old daughter pulled him off me. Six months later, he knocked me and my newborn across the room, stone cold sober. in between, he terrorized me and my children. when it became clear i was going to make him leave, he took the baby and ran. it took me two days to get her back.
so today, a year and 3 months after the divorce, i have an order of protection--he's been arrested twice for violating it. he has 1 hour supervised visit with the baby once a week and has shown up the drunk/stoned. he was arrested a few weeks ago for public intox and arrested two days ago for unlawful use of a weapon. we have a hearing in 6 days because the agency supervising his visits wants them terminated. i've had my tires slashed, my dogs let loose, and his sister chase me through a department store.
what i learned-- i can go through hell and stay sober i can make big mistakes in sobriety i am not a good judge of character
at my divorce, i made a commitment not to date until i worked on myself and could be relatively sure not to pick the same type again--he was the third! my sponser said once i was the type to walk in a room and say "okay, who's the sickest here because you're the one i'm taking home!" have stuck to my commitment even through the toughest lonliness and realize sadly, i am still attracted to the same type. more work to do.
and yet, i cannot regret all of it because of what i learned and because my daughter is a joy and a gift. god has brought blessings from my worst mistakes.
one last thing i learned. when they say to do or not do something in aa, there's usually a reason.
hope i wasn't boring. i put this out here because of the honesty other people have shared. thanks for reading
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 21:58:47
Caryn - You reading my mail or what. I did the same thing my FIRST sixteen months (between March 1978 and October 1979) I did not stay sober and had a heck of a time getting back (took me about 6 months of intermittant soberiety) There was an old guy, his name was Carson, that asked me if I was going to "take the britches off my program this time" when I got back. I couldn't have said it better. I really thought there was a flashing neon sign on my forehead that said "Sucker". Boy, have I got some stories and experience, strength, hope, I could share with you about how I got through to the "other side", so to speak, of those sick relationships. The Big Book backs off of this subject on page 69, which really made me mad, cause I needed alot of direction and did'nt really know that many people in "healthy relationships" at that time. Even my sponser had been unsuccessfull with hers. I will tell you that you are definately on the right path, taking care of yourself, and remember that there is a big difference between "lonliness and aloneness". I lived alone on this program for quite a while, and learned how to deal with it, ever so slowly, but I learned. You will too. I hope I didn't sound defensive at you in my last post, I just wanted to share that it can work good on this program. I think you took it right. If you want to share some of your experience, strength and hope with me, you can e-mail me at alarmme@srv.net. Hope everyone else had a great day, if not, maybe tommorrow. We always have that if we just don't drink and keep breathing in and out. It works, and it works good. Thanks, Kerry B. - an alcoholic
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 23:10:14
hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.
My husband and I met our new family counselor for the first time today. She is our fourth in a year. Everyone tells me change is good and I don't really mind because I truly believe it is all in Gods plans for me. She asked if we would review the past year with her. When two weeks ago I wasn't too sure about where I was in my recovery, I sure do know today. As we talked with her it was clear to both of us that the good sure did outweigh the bad. It is so exhilerating to see the progress we have made individually and as a family. I don't even mind the bumps in the road so much anymore, I know that we will learn and grow as a result, and I also know that God will not give me more than I can bear, one day at a time. Now here comes the biggy...I'm learning to "let go" ....this has been real hard for me. Usually the results are not too bad at all, much better than if I had been in control of matters. I really like this "letting go, letting God" Listening to everyone who shares here certainly helps me along my way. I love each and everyone one of you. It is great to be sober today.
Love Suzanne
Member: Mary M.
Location: North Carolina
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 23:12:59
Hi everyone! Mary/alcoholic. Thanks to you all for sharing such personal experiences and stories. To Jim, recovery is a process, not an event. Recovery is far more that just not drinking. It is a way of thinking and living. It applies to your relationships to everyone and anyone, including your wife. Recovery is a process, not an event. Someone shared a slogan in a meeting the other night that, being a relative newcomer to AA, I had never heard. "Row, row, row your boat". I think that is great advice. Detach from other people's deals and worry about your own. You can't row someone else's boat or there will be no one to row your own. With no one to guide it, your boat will be tossed around by the current. But before we can detach, we have to come to some level of acceptance. I have found that when I can accept people, places, events...then I gain my serenity. When I start thinking that I know best how things should be, I loose my serenity and become restless, irritable and discontent. These things will lead me to using. So I gaurd my serentiy at all costs.
I am blessed by you all!!! Thanks for listening.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 04 Jun 1998
Time: 23:43:14
Hi to you Kelly C. from Chicago, I just got back from my F2F meeing and read your post and it really upset me. I see a lots of hurt and saddness in it and my heart goes out to you. I wish I could better identify with your problems of rape and incest but I never experienced anything like that , but I can still "hurt" with you. I don,t have any idea what to say to you but felt I had to say something to hopefully ease the pain. I do know one thing and that is a drink will just make it worse for you. I know it is hard or even imposible for you to see now but if you will hang on " this too shall pass" and when it does, you can look back and see where you have grown from it. I do not believe there are any mistakes in AA. I think everything happens for a reason. I may not understand it but I do know that God WAS, IS, and always WILL BE in control. My responability is to find what my role is in His will for me, so that I am compatible rather than incompatible. I want you to know that I do believe in prayer and you are very definatelly in them. Love in the fellowship and may God bless is my prayer.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 02:16:29
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. I was doing good today until I met with one of my sponsees. She was going through something similar at the same time I was, but I personally did not really want to face my problem. Funny how God places people in my path to help me when I need it most. Once she shared her grief over her loss, I was in bad shape. Luckily I do not hold back from those I sponsor. We do this one day at a time thing together. So between the two of us we managed to get in a meeting between ourselves and joined our regular home group afterwards. Two meetings back to back, not bad. Although I still felt sad, it was not overwhelming me, and was at least bearable the rest of the evening. Just having shared it lifted the burden somewhat.
Caryn, I share in your early choices in sobriety. I was married to my son's father for 10 drinking years. Got divorced and began working a program, holding back on the dating thing for not 1 yr, but 2. Not from anyone's advise, I just knew I was too sick to be in one. Two years later, I date one guy in the program. It was a nightmare. He insulted me in the first 5 minutes because he felt it necessary to be honest, brutally so! I spent the rest of the evening strained, attempting to be polite and at least coordial. It was one of those grin and bear sort of dates. Then I figured I would just swear off dating after that fiasco. Well, I did my 9th step with my x-husband about that time. Yeah, you got it, we got back together and remarried, only to divorce 10 yrs later. Now why did I think that being sober would make that much difference in a relationship with an active alcoholic? Just like me to run into a brick wall, back up and take another run at it, knocking myself silly. Sometimes I wonder about my sanity, even in sobriety. The 2nd divorce was a lot more painful than the first one, because my feelings were raw and I felt everything very intensely being sober. Three months of depression went by. Then I began to look at the positives of being single, and managed to climb out of the hole I dug for myself. Because of being single, I was able to devote more time to service in AA. I could enjoy what I wanted when I wanted. There was no more keeping schedules for meals, doing extra laundry and chores, checking in or asking for permission to go places and do things with friends. It was a whole new vista for me. Blessed with this new insight, I made the most of it, without even dating for the next three years I had a blast. Then I did a boo-boo, picked a fellow having recently relapsed. Well this guy had a mean streak that did not surface until he was out of my life and had left the state on a job. Luckily I had some clarity and backed off, good instinct, as this guy ended up committing mayhem, disfiguring someone in a brawl.
My current husband and I were sober for over 10yrs before we began to date. Both matured somewhat in recovery, we knew what we desired in a relationship, and expressed openly what we wanted from one. There were no secrets to overcome, we both knew our faults and figured we could live with them. We both had experienced therapy, bad marriages and relationships, and looked at life more realisitically being sober and working a program. We had the usual adjustment period for newlyweds, and we managed to survive the rough times to attain a truly intimate relationship that far surpasses anything I have ever experienced. What can I say, ups and downs of life. Married life suits us both. I had to slow down with some of my involvement in AA to be a responsible wife, but I remain in service and thank God he sent me a good man to share my sobriety with.
Love to all, Linda P.
Well, got to close--love to all, hang in here for a wonderful ride of your life. It's worth it.
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 06:40:53
Kelly,
Like Sanders, I also felt pretty bad for you when I read you post. No as much for what happened (though that is surely something to feel bad about), but even more so about how you view yourself right now. I have had some of your experiences and I know first hand some of the feelings. The only thing that has been significantly helpful to me is serious, focused and ongoing prayer for healing. My pastor leads this with me and I am slowly finding the peace of God. I will pray that you can find peace also in your soul, where it counts.
Please hang in there and stay close.
Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 08:41:10
kerry b & linda p--thanks.
if i put something out on the tables and everyone else said "well, i never..." i would go back to that sense of terminal uniqueness.
if i never heard the flipside of my failures--i would wonder what the point of trying was.
i can beat myself up forever or i can "let go" and do the doing. it is people like you who continually push me to work.
God can give me a right relationship, but He will never make a wrong one right.
many thanks for the straight out sharing. am off to work, with you all in my pocket.
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 09:19:15
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!
Just checking in to claim my seat. I had a great day with my sponsor yesterday (we played 9 holes) and am not as sore today as I thought I would be. I was also able to get to my regular f2f meeting last Sunday, first time since my last surgery, surprisingly I was able to sit through the entire meeting, although I was getting pretty sore towards the end. It was worth it to feel "part of the A.A. family" again. This meeting is good but it can't replace my f2f meetings.
Kelley in Chicago: Hang in there!!
Joanne in Brighton: Thank you for the "Hi!", how are things with you? Have you run across Big Bill S. yet?
Thank you for letting me share.
J.L.
Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 10:42:32
Good morning Joanne here alcoholic and compulsive gambler.
To J.L. no I haven't yet met Bill do you know what meetings he goes to. I probably know him by sight.
I haven't been to many AA meetings lately I have been concentrating on GA. Both it is so difficult balancing between a full time job a part time job and AA and GA plus trying to keep my sanity.
Hi Doris how are you today.
Bye
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newoortbeach,CA.
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 10:51:54
Good Morning everyone Andy alcholic here. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Major stress day. My day started off with having to babysit a 4 month old child. It's been YEARS and I do mean YEARS since I have had to take care of a four month old. I wasn't prepared to take on that responsibility, but matters came up that I had no choice. You talk about MAJOR patience and tolerance Thank God I had a HP to fall back on. And the serenity prayer. But-when the mother of the child showed up twelve hours later I forgot all about the program of A.A. and jumped dead into her#$%$#@!&* needless to say I had to make amends. Because I know I am powerless over persons, places, things and situations. But; I sure fell in love with that little boy. Watching the smiles and laughs and his contentment with no worries in the world. Now on the brighter side. DAVID- I made amends to the bull and we have a good understanding now. He stays on his side of the fence and I stay on my side. The only time he and I will do anything together will probrally be tonite. As we both will root for the BULLS. Sanders did you read that?!!Wednesday nite's game was definetly a nail biter. Ms. Swiss my prayers are with you. Linda P. how's the weather at home? I sure miss my ocean breeze. Last nite we had one severe thunder storm here. I thought I was going to have to click my heels three times and say "there is no place like home..there is no place like home" Today the storm stopped but it still looks gloomy out, but I guess it's better than the 100 degree humid weather we had been having. To the guys overseas in the program- you hold a special place in my heart for I too am an alcoholic who served his country.When I was in I believe that is when my deiase started and I didn't have forsight to discover A.A. When you guys E.T.S. contact you local V.A. Hospitol they have some great f2f meetings. The reason I know this is because it is where I worked until I came here to Texas. Helping the veteran alcholics and addicts stay sober one day at a time. Well, I gotta go now. I'll check in later. Hey! BJ and John keep on clicking! One day at a time. Oh. by the way, Kerry B. I can relate to the story about the cow,because it happened to me last week. And I found out the only way to get them back into the pasture is to herd them in; altho I had tried to take a stick to him. It's amazing the things we learn about farm life when we are just plain ole city folks. That's why they say in the program, more will be revealed. Well now I REALLY have to go because my banana pancakes are ready. "YUM ".Andy T.Love Kisses and Hugs Andy T.--- P.S BY the way,my E-mail add.is beachbum42@hotmail.com Ijust got it yesterday, so someone send me some mail.I'm tired of the only mail i get here is address to occupant or resident of!! HA.HA.
Member: Renee P.
Location: Washington, D.C.
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 12:24:31
Renee, alcoholic & addicted, addicted to people, places and things (like the internet!) I'm sitting at work and I am unable to concentrate because I have to go to a Doctor at 3:15 about a lump underneath my armpit. I am only 31, and wallowing in self-pity! I need to snap out of it but am not letting myself. I keep hoping that it is nothing, and at the same time am trying to imagine the worse case scenerio, wringing my hands and holding my head in my hands! Ahh, the life of a drama queen. I know I am grateful, I am just full of fear right now and I don't like it! I'm also in love with a person that happens to be a practicing pothead, and am thinking about moving to California to be with him. Yesterday, I had a session with my therapist and we started working on some of my "emotional baggage" as it pertains to this relationship,then I went to a meeting (8th step) and read "this re-opening of emotional wounds, some forgotten, some still painfully festering, may at first seem like a pointless piece of surgery (why did they have to say surgery!) . . ." exactly explained how I felt. These wounds are open and festering and I have a @)&))(#%&&%#&*( lump to boot! (I am making my own self laugh as I write this, but them I find myself quite amusing) I thank you all for listening to me whine, my sponsor is at work so I can't talk to her until tonight but written venting is very helpful! As you can see I am having a very confused 24 hours -- but I am still happy to be sober, and grateful for the grace of a loving GOD in my life! Ciao!
Member: Jason
Location: Beirut
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 12:42:38
Hi all-- Jason, confirmed alcoholic. Just stopped by briefly before leaving the office this Friday evening and was really shaken by the pain in your post Kelley C. Like Sanders, I'm afraid I can't relate to closely with the reasons that you are hurting-- but pain is a true universal and I want you to know that you are not alone with your hurt. You are hurting there in Chicago; way over here in Beirut someone knows and cares and will be praying for you. My prayer for you right now is for Divine Comfort and Peace amidst the chaos and pain-- peace and comfort that you will feel. We love you Kelley.
Member: Kelley C.
Location: Chicago
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 13:13:29
Hi. I'm Kelley and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I want to let Sanders, Martina and Jason know how incredibly touched I am by their support and prayers. Thank you so much. I'm not used to having my pain be heard much less having someone respond to it. I am trying to (in the words of J.L. from MA, "hang in there.") I can't tell you how much your prayers mean to me...I may have difficulty with my god/dess right now and my waivering faith that there is a god/dess who believes in me, supports me or cares about my well-being....but I believe with all of my heart...in yours. Thank you and may your gods and goddesses continue to bless your journies and your sobriety. Jason..I will wait for divine comfort and peace and maybe someday believe that I deserve it. Thank you all. Love in recovery and healing, Kelley.
Member: Jon Barely Corn: Gett Use To It
Location: Quit crying David&JAA
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 13:48:13
Jon Barley Corn, I'm sorry that some of you felt that I was attacking David. He attacked me for my handle and then came back and decribed this AA discusion as a Bruhaha, well that is a drinking party....what the heck you hippocrit. What he is alowed to make snide remarks about alcohol but no one else is. That is a typical response from any AA group. An old timer, or so he says(david) attacked me for my handle. Well, I'm sorry that my handle huret little daveys feelings, and that his little puppies couldn't see it. Oh yea, for the newcomer who was all head ogver heals with how he too didn't like my handle. I've had a little time around here, and since I've found this sight all I hear from David, Jrr, & a few others is Ohh we know how to stay sober, if you do not follow our way then you must be a newcomer, and a host of attackes on other posters. Most of the spattings that they post are surmons, or at the best an attack. Usually, they just post feelgood cleches about how they fowned the perfect answers and try puting them into a sentence which is completely out of contects with regards to the B.B. Anyway, Just an Alcohalic. I'm sorry that you are so weak that you can't see through these few talking heads. But, if you took the time to read David's posts you'd see that the only way to stay sober is their way. Now, I know you probably will atill find something about what I've said to be offencive. But, we do still live in the U.S.A: noy in the providence of AA. So, we have the freedom to say & listen to what we want. I just do not like listenning to "know it alls" who if you take the time and research simply try and cut down everthing and everyone because they can find a chink in the armor of one;'s share. I do not advertise my time because many use that as a for of expressing their ego. But, I do have a little bit of time both as a F2F member and have wathed this sight for some time. However, some of the people here think that if they do not like it then its wrong. I'd like to just say one more thing after all I sure thoughs ego driven people I'm reffering to are probably about to have a rage attack. Lets remember we are on the same team. We always read but manny are too busy re-writing the B.B. PRINCIPALS BEFOR PERSONALITIES. sO, TRY WORKING THAT PRINCIPAL BEFORE YOU START WORKING MINE.
p.s. wAITING FOR THE PREACHERS....dAVID HAS THE ANSWERS AND HIS CO-HERT WHOEVER IS BLINDLY FOLLOWING.
Remember, Out side of kindergarden I though picking on other's names was considered immatter. You didn't say anything about that. JAA( just another alkie) why. Are you just tryin to make friend and influence people. I knew alot of though type of followers in pre-school too. Well, grow up and get spiritualy sober. That goes for all you emotionaly frothy rat pack followers. Just because David and his close Cyber cronies spat out hatefull, but emotionaly frothy, rehetoric, this place continue to be the stroking group of AA: if you are one of the close nit dry drunks who like to attack others. I'm not the first victim of David(the pussy cat) and his cronies focus. Many other practising AA members have resieved equaly their misguided attempts at grinding others equaly successfull attempts at sobriety. He just thinks that his approach is the only aproach, and strickes out at anyone elses. After all, HE MUST SHOW THEM THE ERRORS OF THEIR WAYS. sURELY HE HAS ARRIVED. aND i THINK A NEW CHAPTER IN THE b.b. SHOULD OUTLINE HIS BELIEFES SO THAT WE ALL CAN PROFIT FROM THEM.
Anyway, J.A.A. good luck at following others maybe someday you can find your own path here a AA. Remember, we have recovered ....hopless state of mind and body. It says we....never mentioning David or any of his other cronies.
Well, I never leave& always read this page. Let me say that many of you sway back an forth on issues: from week to day. So, rather than looking like hypocrites when downing others posts. Why not try shoving cotten in your mouth(wrap your fingers) and open your ears(eyes). Maybe then newcomers will see that you have what they want. They can get comments like Davids, and puppy dog backings like just another alcoholics at the bar. That is the place for bullying like that.
I was trying to help another Bitsy focus on alcohal as her problem before tackling her other issues. Then David oh the scholar that he is had to focus on my handle rather than on my messege: tyoical drunk. Just in case you have not read the B.B. it does say first things first. So why don't you think, think, think. Before running of at your alcoholic spats of all knowing enlightenments?
Member: JBCorn
Location: Stayincyber
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 14:27:28
Boy JRRRRR, or what ever your name is, saying how anonymous I am seems hypocritical of you mister mysterious. If you would have researched the situation you could have responded with smarts rather than a "I'm gona get that guy" attatude though I know you'd never attack another AA member right. ??? Suuuure. Anyway, just so you know it started with me suggesting to Bitsy that she shoul focuse on her problem with Alcohol rather than attacking all her problems at once. But, I've been reading your posts from the archives and I know how you like to reacte with emotion rather than facts. Most of the sicker alcoholics do. Well, maybe you guys along with Just Another Alcoholic should read the part of the B.B., the whole book if you haven't yet Davi & JRRRRR, were it says FIRST THING FIRST. sO, WHY DON'T YOU TWO PRACTICE AND LEARN. rATHER THAN ATTACKING OTHERS FOR THERE HANDLE. dRINKING WAS ONLY A SYMTOME & YOU TWO HAVE EXIBITED MANY OF THE OTHER SYMPTOMES FOR ME THROUGH YOUR POSTS I've been reading the archives and it would seem you two are the true guru's of AA. You should go on tour. But, while you still hide out here in cyberspace with your aliases the rest of AA is missing out on some real good egomaniac theropy.
With a handle like JRRR how can you call me mysterious. Unless you are a true hypocrit. Think about it. Oh yea you have the answers never mind. Don't forget David has 16 years, maybe). Sorry no time to point out your glory JRRRRRRR9 or what ever your name might be). I do not have anymore time but if I keep getting bullies by these two and their blind cronies then I'll just keep using my handle. David, Jrrrrrrrrr keep coming back. Bayme you'll get sober, or stay sober if you really are. From your posts I'd never know it.
Member: JBCorn
Location: Stayincyber
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 14:28:56
Boy JRRRRR, or what ever your name is, saying how anonymous I am seems hypocritical of you mister mysterious. If you would have researched the situation you could have responded with smarts rather than a "I'm gona get that guy" attatude though I know you'd never attack another AA member right. ??? Suuuure. Anyway, just so you know it started with me suggesting to Bitsy that she shoul focuse on her problem with Alcohol rather than attacking all her problems at once. But, I've been reading your posts from the archives and I know how you like to reacte with emotion rather than facts. Most of the sicker alcoholics do. Well, maybe you guys along with Just Another Alcoholic should read the part of the B.B., the whole book if you haven't yet Davi & JRRRRR, were it says FIRST THING FIRST. sO, WHY DON'T YOU TWO PRACTICE AND LEARN. rATHER THAN ATTACKING OTHERS FOR THERE HANDLE. dRINKING WAS ONLY A SYMTOME & YOU TWO HAVE EXIBITED MANY OF THE OTHER SYMPTOMES FOR ME THROUGH YOUR POSTS I've been reading the archives and it would seem you two are the true guru's of AA. You should go on tour. But, while you still hide out here in cyberspace with your aliases the rest of AA is missing out on some real good egomaniac theropy.
With a handle like JRRR how can you call me mysterious. Unless you are a true hypocrit. Think about it. Oh yea you have the answers never mind. Don't forget David has 16 years, maybe). Sorry no time to point out your glory JRRRRRRR9 or what ever your name might be). I do not have anymore time but if I keep getting bullies by these two and their blind cronies then I'll just keep using my handle. David, Jrrrrrrrrr keep coming back.Maybe you'll get sober, or stay sober if you really are. From your posts I'd never know it.
Member: Steve
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 15:20:49
Hi everybody. Steve, alcoholic
bj: in the game of double posts, you win. bj 15- Steve 5. Nice going. Highlights at 11.
It's amazing how much I got used to this site. I was away on business yesterday and found myself stranded at the airport for about 4 hours. I missed the guidance and reminders of the consequences of drinking this page provides. But having developed the habit (again) of doing what I'm supposed to when it comes to drinking, I called the local AA and asked if there were any meetings at the airport (in Detroit). He said "No, but it's a damned good idea."
So I talked to him for a few minutes and afterwards, the wait wasn't as bad and didn't feel as long and I found other things to do rather than going to a bar. I got home at 1230AM rather than 8PM but it could've been worse. I could've drank.
As I wrote earlier, I am recently back in the program and man, it feels good not to be thinking about drinking. A sense of a fog being lifted. Now, i have to do the other things I know I have to: get another sponsor and start going to F2F meetings.
Jim, I agree with you 100% about amateur psychiatrists. They all mean well but seeing the things which have helped me with my depression a couple of years ago and my drinking, I support going to professionals who know what they're doing AND with whom you feel comfortable. I can't imagination what you have gone through all these years. I hope you find peace and serenity.
Caryn, thanks for laughing about my double posts. I was kind of glad that I wasn't able to access this site yesterday because I felt a little embarassed but bj's 15 postings and John's bonus postings, and yours and Amy's comments put things into perspective. But after reading the really important things going on in people's lives, I felt humility.
Amy, I hope I didn't portray my frequent visits (I didn't live there) to Switzerland negatively. It was my inability to communicate which caused me to feel hemmed in. I love CH. Especially places like Davos (Jakob's Horn) and Lugano. It's a beautiful country with extremely hard-working people.
Tom, thanks for the post on the alcoholism website. I visited but didn't have a chance to really dig into it. It looks like a lot of resources.
Thanks and have a nice weekend!
Steve (just click once, Steve and wait, no matter how long it takes to post, OK?) OK.
Member: JON BARELY CORN
Location: PROGRAM
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 15:22:18
Member: Just another Alcoholic Location: Happy, joyous & free land Date: 03 Jun 1998 Time: 01:06:42
Comments
Delores - I have been reading the posts here for quite awhile, and what I saw happen last week is one person (JBC) attack in a personal manner another one (David) because David criticized his choice of name. And I agreed with him, I listened to King Alcohol for many years before I got sober. And it darn near killed me. Why anyone would choose to call themselves "booze" is beyond me. So, it really wasn't what he posted, it was his choice of names. Period.
JBC here, I'm sorry that you can't handle my name, and please don't drink over it. BUT, THIS HANDLE CAME FROM A MAN THAT IKNOW IN THE PROGRAM WHO HAS BEEN SOBER FOR OVER 25 YEARS. NOW, YOU SEEMED TO THINK I WAS ATTACKING DAVID. I'M SORRY MY DEAR BUT HE ATTACKED ME FOR GIVING SOME ADVICE ABOUT SINGLENESS OF PURPOSE ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASES:FOCUSE ON YOUR ALCOHAL PROBLEM FIRST NOT YOUR EATING PROBLEM DURING MY FIRST POSTING. I DIDN'T EVEN ADDRESS DAVID. BUT, HIS NEXT POSTING ATTACKED ME. SO IF YOU LKE LIVUNG IN SOBRIETY BECUSE YOU FEEL LIKE REALITY IS BETTER THAN ILLUSION THEN PLEASE KNOW THE ARGUEMENT BEFORE CHOOSING SIDES.
LOOK I'VE MADE TOO MANY ENEMIES HERE. SO, I'LL JUST LISSEN FOR A WHILE.
SANDER, YOU ARE A PROGRAM WORKING MANIAC. YOU, HAVE TAUGHT ME HOW TO ADMIT WRONG QUICKLY . YOU SIR HAVE WHAT I WANT!!!! THOUGH OBVIOUSLY I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH LETTING THINGS SLIDE.
I'LL BE HERE DAILY. KEEPIMG MY MOUTH SHUT HOPEFULLY, I KNOW THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN'TSO WILL BE LAUGHING WITH YOU AND AT WHAT EVER OBSERVATIONS I MAKE. BUT AS FOR HYPOCRACY HAVE FUN CREATING YOUR OWN "REALITY" WHO NEEDS THE REAL THING RIGHT???
IF ANYONE DRINKS OVER COME BACK QUICKLY!!!!! AND, BE HONEST ABOUT IT AT LEAST TO YOUR SELF. (NO NAMES)
Member: JON BARELY CORN
Location: PROGRAM
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 15:23:54
Member: Just another Alcoholic Location: Happy, joyous & free land Date: 03 Jun 1998 Time: 01:06:42
Comments
Delores - I have been reading the posts here for quite awhile, and what I saw happen last week is one person (JBC) attack in a personal manner another one (David) because David criticized his choice of name. And I agreed with him, I listened to King Alcohol for many years before I got sober. And it darn near killed me. Why anyone would choose to call themselves "booze" is beyond me. So, it really wasn't what he posted, it was his choice of names. Period.
JBC here, I'm sorry that you can't handle my name, and please don't drink over it. BUT, THIS HANDLE CAME FROM A MAN THAT IKNOW IN THE PROGRAM WHO HAS BEEN SOBER FOR OVER 25 YEARS. NOW, YOU SEEMED TO THINK I WAS ATTACKING DAVID. I'M SORRY MY DEAR BUT HE ATTACKED ME FOR GIVING SOME ADVICE ABOUT SINGLENESS OF PURPOSE ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASES:FOCUSE ON YOUR ALCOHAL PROBLEM FIRST NOT YOUR EATING PROBLEM DURING MY FIRST POSTING. I DIDN'T EVEN ADDRESS DAVID. BUT, HIS NEXT POSTING ATTACKED ME. SO IF YOU LKE LIVUNG IN SOBRIETY BECUSE YOU FEEL LIKE REALITY IS BETTER THAN ILLUSION THEN PLEASE KNOW THE ARGUEMENT BEFORE CHOOSING SIDES.
LOOK I'VE MADE TOO MANY ENEMIES HERE. SO, I'LL JUST LISSEN FOR A WHILE.
SANDER, YOU ARE A PROGRAM WORKING MANIAC. YOU, HAVE TAUGHT ME HOW TO ADMIT WRONG QUICKLY . YOU SIR HAVE WHAT I WANT!!!! THOUGH OBVIOUSLY I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH LETTING THINGS SLIDE.
I'LL BE HERE DAILY. KEEPIMG MY MOUTH SHUT HOPEFULLY, I KNOW THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN'TSO WILL BE LAUGHING WITH YOU AND AT WHAT EVER OBSERVATIONS I MAKE. BUT AS FOR HYPOCRACY HAVE FUN CREATING YOUR OWN "REALITY" WHO NEEDS THE REAL THING RIGHT???
IF ANYONE DRINKS OVER COME BACK QUICKLY!!!!! AND, BE HONEST ABOUT IT AT LEAST TO YOUR SELF. (NO NAMES)
Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 15:31:22
Jodine, did you notice Andy was powerless over people, places, and things with the child and yet moments later herded the cattle into the pen against their will? We work on air conditioning here at the college, and are certainly not powerless over those things. Yet, we are completely powerless as to WHEN they break. Which still seems to happen 5 minutes 'till quitting time, and which can still send me into a small rage. But I'm getting better. The trick is know the difference.
Member: Jon Barely Corn
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 15:32:52
HEY JRR, I'M MIGHT HAVE NOT UNDERSTUD YOUR POST I THINK YOU WERE TAKING ABOU ME. BUT NOW I THINK YO WERE TALKING ABOUT JUST ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC.
I'M SORRY ABOUT ANY STRONG WORDS I USED IN MY SUPOSIDE DEFENSE. BUT, I HAVE BEEN THE FOCUS OF A SLECT FEW'S CONSENTRATED CHARACTOR ASSATIONATION ATTEMPT. SO, IF SORRY IS IN ORDER. THEN I'M SORRY.
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. THIS IS ALCOHALICS anonomys though isn't it. anonymous.
Member: Jon Barely Corn
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 15:34:30
HEY JRR, I'M MIGHT HAVE NOT UNDERSTUD YOUR POST I THINK YOU WERE TAKING ABOU ME. BUT NOW I THINK YO WERE TALKING ABOUT JUST ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC.
I'M SORRY ABOUT ANY STRONG WORDS I USED IN MY SUPOSIDE DEFENSE. BUT, I HAVE BEEN THE FOCUS OF A SLECT FEW'S CONSENTRATED CHARACTOR ASSATIONATION ATTEMPT. SO, IF SORRY IS IN ORDER. THEN I'M SORRY.
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. THIS IS ALCOHALICS anonomys though isn't it. anonymous.
Member: Jon Barely Corn
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 15:36:08
HEY JRR, I'M MIGHT HAVE NOT UNDERSTUD YOUR POST I THINK YOU WERE TAKING ABOU ME. BUT NOW I THINK YO WERE TALKING ABOUT JUST ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC.
I'M SORRY ABOUT ANY STRONG WORDS I USED IN MY SUPOSIDE DEFENSE. BUT, I HAVE BEEN THE FOCUS OF A SLECT FEW'S CONSENTRATED CHARACTOR ASSATIONATION ATTEMPT. SO, IF SORRY IS IN ORDER. THEN I'M SORRY.
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. THIS IS ALCOHALICS anonomys though isn't it. anonymous.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 16:36:34
Hi to All Y'all, (plural) I am very definately areal alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I want to give you all fair warning, after tonight's game, it will be 2 and 0. I have my water melon and my cantolope cubed and ready for the game. I'll miss the first part because of my meeting but as long as I'm there for the last half, to "help" they will still win. It will be a good game and I am looking forward to it when I get back from my F2F meeting and regardless of who wins both the Bulls and the Jazz have tremendous teams. I'll check with you guys when I get back. Time for another insurance payment on my sobriety.----------One other short note. I belong to a southern gospel news group and I want to share part of the words to a song one of them had written. I think it is very fitting for some of you who are "hurting " real bad right now.------- I was going through the darkest depression I had ever experienced. I was praying and not hearing from the Lord and heard a voice say just end your life. The day was so dark and cloudy but suddenly a tiny ray of sunshine outlined the sky and the Lord spoke and said, Even when you can't see the sun, it's always shining, that's how Jesus is. That is what faith is--------Love to all, Sanders
Member: Tammy L
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 16:44:56
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 16:48:52
Sanders my man, How the heck are ya? Did you ever go to a closed meeting in a bad part of town and find a lot of angry people there? I just did and I must say I was a bit put off at first. But ! as I sat there and observed those that were so angry I came to realize that the Big Book is right. We are ALL angry and just have to learn how to deal with itand try to replace the anger with something better. There was an old timer and he sat there and looked around the room like he was looking for something. Then a young man, a very poor and unkempt young man, spoke about not being able so far to stay away from the booze. Well that old timer jumped on the young guy and lectured and prosthelatized till I thought the young guy was going to poke him. He didn't. He just got up and left. As he was leaving the old timer yelled after him "there, there, now you are going to run away. Isn't that what you always do?" noone said anything to him. He RAN that young guy off when he was in a very fragile state. What do you do when this kind of thing happens? I just left. It is a little intimidating to speak up to an old timer when you have only been sober for a year and a half. He has I think 17 years. I am not too interested in returning to that meeting. I have seen the old timer a few times before and he seems to be angry all the time. "Ya just can't help some people". See you all later, I have to go put a halter on Stepper and let her dance on my toes for a while. Ugh! halter training. By the way she is getting filled out and everyone who sees her says she is a great filly. But, we all know that don't we. Love ya, Doris
Member: Doris
Location: Spfd.
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 17:22:15
Sanders, apparently we were both posting at the same time. I love the phrase from the song. I am delivering food to a neighbor this afternoon. They are having a service for their son who just killed himself. I don't know them real well, but I know how they must be hurting. I'll write that phrase on the back of the envelope, Thank you Sanders my man, Doris
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 17:43:58
Doris, just what did that "oldtimer" say to that "newcomer"? Was he telling him the truth?? When I was new, I really kind of dispised oldtimers, because basically most of them had what I wanted, but I did'nt want to "earn it", that means I didn't want to have to work all the steps and do all the service and all the time. I wanted everything NOW. No, I wanted everything YESTERDAY. I don't really know what an "oldtimer" is, because some one who has been sober 30 days is basically an oldtimer to one who only has one day. I do know that character assasination is not okay, because basically we are all sick, some are sicker than others, but none of us were well. I have never met a well one yet that just woke up one day and decided to go to an AA meeting. The defects that I see in others are usually the defects that I have in myself. Whether I practice them or not depends on my spiritual condition. Just not drinking and not dying for a long time doesn't mean someone has worked the steps, then on the other hand, there are some like me in the beginning, who just resented the heck out of all those who got there before me. I know you asked Sanders, but I just couldn't help myself, forgive me. Hope everyone has a great Sober weekend. Love, Kerry B. - alcoholic
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 17:57:32
A-Bonded Lock & Alarm 1164 E. 17th St. Idaho Falls ID 83404 522-2235 fax 522-3992
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.
Right off the top I would like to apologize to the general population of our site for this post. That being said all ya'all can click right on to the next post while I take care of a little business and you won't have to be bothered by what I am being forced into. It is referred to as 12th step work.
Jon Barley Corn this Coke is for you!
Last week I committed the unfortunate crime of making a comment to another member about the handle Jon Barley Corn. I said, and I quote "Glen, weren't we told not to listen to old jon barley corn?"
After your scathing reply to me, I attempted to make amends, which you apparently did not accept. I have been taught that it is only my responsibility to offer amends, it is not my responsibility to grovel for your approval if you choose not to accept my offering.
We had a brisk moronic exchange shortly afterward. I was rather concerned about my part of that exchange so I sought the guidance of on line and f2f friends, they basically suggested I let bygones be bygones and with a liberal application of prayer perhaps the wounds would heal.
Prior to this volume, I have posted here eight times this week, Jon. I have not mentioned your name nor tried to cast any doubt toward your on line persona. I have tried to add to the site, to bring a little of my experience, strength, and hope to the Coffee Pot. Try as I may I can't see any evidence of "attack mode" in my posts. In the past I have been guilty, as many of us have been, of offering unsolicited advise. That advise was always worth exactly what the recipient paid for it. Not a thin dime.
Counting your last little flurry, you have also posted eight times this week Jon. My name was used extensively in six of your posts. You were apparently calling me out.
Jon I have only been active on this site for a short while. I have been reading the posts for a substantially longer period. I love this site. It has enriched my sobriety and added to my list of friends. Like it or not Jon, I'll not be leaving.
The purpose of this post is to convey my concern for your spiritual condition. I know when I am acting in an emotional manner one of the things that suffers is my keyboarding ability. My spelling goes to hell too. Before you know it I'm mad at the world, or at least selected small portion of it.
I would not dare take your inventory Jon. But you must admit that if you give some of your posts a close look you were pretty darn mad when typing them up. We all know "Anger is the dubious luxury of normal men."
Jon, I've already made amends to you. I will not grovel and I will not leave. Why don't we find a way to get along on this site? Call yourself what you want, just find a way to leave me alone unless you have something to share that has to do with how you work the program. I would be more than happy to share with you, but like most alkies you can't tell me a darn thing. Please quit trying to make me look like a monster, join the family. You will be most welcome.
As always, Love ya ALL DB
Member: David B
Location: IDAHO fALLS
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 18:04:40
Damn, thats what I get for writing a post on letterhead.
Glad I wasn't being a butt.
Love ya ALL DB
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 18:06:18
Damn, thats what I get for writing a post on letterhead.
Glad I wasn't being a butt.
Love ya ALL DB
Member: Mary
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 18:09:42
My sponser, who has been sober for many years, told me something when I was new to AA and holding her in high esteem because of her years in recovery. She told me we are all only one drink away from relapsing. Everyone of us has our own program to work. No one can do it for us. We all have a gift to give each other and no two are the same. We are not made to see life, AA, or the world from exactly the same perspective. All of those people tonight at the basketball game, all tens of thousands of them, will see the game from a unique view, different than anyone else in the whole stadium. So it is with our HP, AA, politics, AA, and life in general. No one has to be wrong, we all just see our world from our own row and seat number. I am blessed by you all everyday. Let's keep it simple. Mary
Member: Jon Barely Corn
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 18:35:38
Jon Barely Corn, I except your ammendes David. Just as I did if you read my reply to Sanders promptly regarding his jab at my handle. Now, I know you like to say" sorry....bu I'm right ". Sounding all innocent oh and enlighted. However, if you would have left me alone when I was talking to Bitsy, none of this would have happened. If you would have been kind to me I would have never noticed you in a negative manner. See, I do not believe length of time equals truth. All it means it that you haven't drank for a while and most importantly haven't died. Ha,ha. I'm fun loving, and those who know me in real life knoow that.
I can let bigone be bigones. But, in the future maybe we can think before jumping into others shares. And, do not swet the small stuff. What's important a name or a message. I thought we honored princaples before personalities.
That's it, David you are the moraly correct. I was wrong to try and share with Bitsy about focusing on her drinking problem. I should have known that someone would be more interested in sturring up controversy than having a bit of humor acompanying a serious message.
Oh David, I just can't spell. But, you can joke about it if you must. See, I don't think thsat was a little jab at my charactor.
I'm anciouse to see who gets the truble makers attention next. Oh I'm not talkin about you David.
Kissy,kissy......friends????
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 18:58:26
David B again. Jon, let the nickle trickle down into the coin box. You were not wrong when you were sharing with Bitsey. I did not try to accuse you of sticking your nose into her business. I made a yoke to Glen about your name, then WE got all pissed off.
No I don't kissy, kissy anyone with hairy legs. Friends, gladly.
AND the last I heard it takes a little over twice the amount of time I have sober to be considered an oldtimer. Hell, I'm only a not quite middle aged timer.
Love ya ALL and you can have the site back for a bit, DB
Member: Jon Barley Corn
Location:
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 19:55:05
Jon Alkie, Well the tone that your post tok seemed one of don'nt listen to anyone who doesn't shut the door on the past Dave. I use the past & find humor in it. It is not quite my most valuable asste though.(gigglining) But I may have been reeding something into it. I can some times do that in person but here it's all in black and white, orrr blue and gold... any way,Yea your right that's thik hair to patna. (laughing out loud). Cool. Always use a friend.Outa hear. for now
Member: Bitsey
Location: NC CA
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 20:03:49
Bitsey and I am an alchohalic (though not raging today). I have been unable to post or even read much this week. Well I didnt't make it the weekend last weekend but didn't binge either (I'm not validating my drinking either!) I remember when i first attempted the AA program about 13 years ago someone said if you havn't hit bottom yet the most AA can do for you now is ruin your drinking. Isn't that the trueth! I have gone in and out of this program for many years. Originally my husband joined and I followed (so I could run his program RIGHT for him) I was in alanon for several years and then CO-DA. It was not untill the last three years that my alchohalism really manifested itself. And I am just in shock (beyond denial at last) it has been an interesting week at looking at this. I had a great day yeasturday. I took the day off to attend my daughters school picnic and ended up with an hour to kill right at NOON. This little voice said ok girl you have run out of excuses to go to a f2f meeting. It was good. I saw people i met when I first started recovery. It was humbling and a releif to go and for once I wasn't embaressed going back in. So have I hit my bottom yet? I don't know. I still have a house my kids my car my dog and my job. i am sick and tired of being sick and tired but I'm not sure the part of me that still thinks alchohal is my freind is sick and tired and scared enough. The part that finds escape. The part that is fooled into not beleiving alchohal is CUNNING BAFFELING and POWERFUL.
I have a little trouble following a thought when writing on this sight because I can't see what I've already written so I'm sorry if my thoughts seem to wonder.
BONNIE thankyou thankyou thankyou for your post of early last week it was lost and I could not reread it but it was very helpful.
I am feeling some powereful resentments flying from these pages and it is a little scary. Thats all I'm going to say on the subject.
Have a great weekend all and thankyou all for being here!
Member: Bitsey
Location: NC CA
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 20:17:11
Bitsey here again and still an alchohalic and I just want to tell JBC and DB that I understood what JBC was saying when he first posted in response to all books and stuff and I hope you guys will now be made up (Kissy kissy whatever it takes). I just read the last two posts and had to respond. Both of you have alot to offer so why waste it on anger resentment gotta be right and have the last word. And I hope that by responding this way I don't stir the whole damn bees nest up again. Bitsey
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newport,Beach,CA.
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 21:09:03
Hello my friend's,Andy alcoholic here----Bitsy welcome back.I was wondering where you went.Don't beat your self up over taking that drink.You made it back,some alcoholic's don't make it back.It only mean's you have to work that much more harder on your soberity.Do you have a sponser? Find someone to help you down the path to soberity.One of the gift's of this program is that we don't have to do this alone,just grab on to someone's shirttail and hang on. Bitsy, for me getting sober was the hardest thing I've had to do in life,staying sober one DAY at a time was even harder early in my soberity.Thank god I found a sponser I could relate to and talk to when EVER I got the urge to drink.We love you Bitsy hang on. Well it's 8:00 game time gotta go ....SANDER's being I'm visiting in Texas I have a bag of Texas chilies that say's BULL's take the series!!! HI David, my bull say's hi ,he told me he'd like a poke at you,or at least E-mail his love.....HA.ha. take care my friend's.Will check in after the game.
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newport,Beach,CA.
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 21:10:36
Hello my friend's,Andy alcoholic here----Bitsy welcome back.I was wondering where you went.Don't beat your self up over taking that drink.You made it back,some alcoholic's don't make it back.It only mean's you have to work that much more harder on your soberity.Do you have a sponser? Find someone to help you down the path to soberity.One of the gift's of this program is that we don't have to do this alone,just grab on to someone's shirttail and hang on. Bitsy, for me getting sober was the hardest thing I've had to do in life,staying sober one DAY at a time was even harder early in my soberity.Thank god I found a sponser I could relate to and talk to when EVER I got the urge to drink.We love you Bitsy hang on. Well it's 8:00 game time gotta go ....SANDER's being I'm visiting in Texas I have a bag of Texas chilies that say's BULL's take the series!!! HI David, my bull say's hi ,he told me he'd like a poke at you,or at least E-mail his love.....HA.ha. take care my friend's.Will check in after the game.
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 21:13:29
bees,arrrraaggghhhhhhh!
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 21:44:07
Hi, Linda an alcoholic. This was a marvelous day--as of 4:30 pm I began my vacation. Short staffed, overworked, you got the picture, I needed time off.
I can't remember who was inquiring to the California weather, but lately it has really been warm and sunny with nice evening breezes. I live nestled in the San Joaquin Valley, in Fresno. On my vacation I plan to drive over to Monterey and visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium. They now have a wonderful jelly fish exhibit which is absolutely outstanding. Once you enter that area where they are located, you hear this beautiful classical music. The tanks are all behind walls with oval cutouts where these beautiful creatures can be viewed. There is a dark blue background that helps show them off, and they are illuminated by some special lights which make them almost look mystical. I get absolutley captivated watching their fluid movement through the water as if they are moving to the rythm of the music. Just before you enter that exhibit you step up to a staging area, there you sense this movement around you--yep, there is a round-doomed tank above you with thousands of silver fish all swimming around in unison just above your head. It truly is wild. So whoever is from old California, perhaps you can enjoy the discription of a place you may have visited, and the changes that have taken place while you were away. I'll safe San Francisco information for another post.
Love to all, Linda P
Member: Doris
Location: Ore
Date: 05 Jun 1998
Time: 23:39:14
Hi there averyone, My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. Linda P I enjoyed your description of the jelly fish. We have a great tank of them here at the Hatfield exhabit in Lincoln City and they are so relaxing to just watch. I thought i would tell you an anecdote. I was in Florida a few months ago and went to Sea World. Of course I saw the whale and dolphin show and afterward I went to the petting tank. I reached in and touched a dolphin and all I felt was sadness. I do not believe in that sort of thing as a rule but I DID feel so sad, it was like I was feeling their thoughts. Than I went to the big tank where the manta-rays are. I put my hands into the tank and petted and played with them. They were like sitting in a small roon with a big batch of baby beagles. They were soooo fun. They rubbed on my hands and actually took my fingers into their mouths. Even the 6 footers. I loved it. I've never had a political opinion on whether or not the dolphin should be in captivitity before, I'm kinda leaning against it now. (Oh my God, eek! I'm turning into a liberal - - NOOOO WAYYYY! the next thing ya know I'l run out and hug a tree. oops i should not bring up such controversial issues in here, you never know what will get started). Note to Bitsy: Like Andy T said, at least you made it back. Just KEEP coming back till ya get it right. I want to say that I am praying for you my dear. I believe that you want to do it don't you. You REALLY want to do it. It is hard. It has been hard for most of us. That is how I feel I understand some of what you are going through. We have all been there one way or another. I feel that you WILL get it soon. I feel I can feel how badly you want to stay sober. It must be very hard for you to be living with a man who is also using alcohol. I had to have a rule here. No booze in this house. I have not re-lapsed and I don't intend to (does anyone?) but I know it would be a lot harder if there was booze in the house. Bitsy, you are in my thoughts a lot. I am sending you my prayers and I hope to see you in here often. God bless you all, Doris
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 00:18:19
Hi all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. The game is over and the Jazz did NOT win and I know why. They did not win because the Bulls scored more points, but that is OK cause we gona get um Sunday. Just you wait.---------Doris, I don't really know how to answer your question with out having seen the situation first hand. The old timer may have known the kid and knew his history andf was simply trying to " personally" get to him. The reason I say that is I am sure if anyone, who did not know the circustances, had seen Bill T. when he responded to me when I asked him when was I going to stop hurting, would have thought he was very unkind to me, a poor hurting kid. He told me to stand still and hurt you SOB, you deserve it. He was talking to me and had said EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I had been playing on everyone's sympathy and really feeling sorry for myself and this was his way of snapping me out of it, and it worked after a while. Bill T. is the same person who told me, when I first came back to AA after 6years of trying to prove I was not powerless over alcohol, that if I did not take drink, I would get better in spite of myself.------ That is one thought on it Doris, and I have also seen some " old timers" who seemed to enjoy being horses butts. We had one down in central Fl. where I just came from whose name was Tom SOB and he had earned it. He has been sober or dry forever and the name fit him very well.-------The way I personally try to deal with a situation in a live meeting is I try to put "me " where the new guy is at the moment and try to see how I was thinking and acting when I was there. Then when I comment to him or her I try to remember how I would have heard. See I usually heard what I wanted to in the beginning. This is why I try to choose my words very carefully for a new person at a F2F meeting or on line. This is why I hesatated in answering this on line because of how easy it is to misunderstand what is said and what is heard.
I don't know if any of this helps or not Doris but I hope it does. Love to all of you Sanders
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 00:41:16
I'm David, an extremely stressed out alcoholic. At this point my wife and children are VERY happy the Bulls won tonight. Come to think of it this is the broadest smile I've had on my face since Wednesday night when the Jazz won in overtime. The tightness in my throat is subsiding, by morning I will be able to identify as a recovered alcoholic again.
Sanders, I hope you don't take tonight as badly as I took the OT loss. By the by, I did make that face 2 face meeting last night.
Doris, remember to keep on doing your job. I know everybody else is going to keep doing theirs and It would be a bummer if we were to loose our balance. By the way, you can recognize a tree hugger in Idaho by the bark burns on the inside of their forearms. The burns are a direct result of being torn away from a soon to be felled tree by a new generation logger. The old loggers dropped the trees with tree huggers still attached. It was a good way to control rampant growth of that group in Idaho. I have a sneeking suspicion that the program has something to do with this outbreak of compassion amongst the loggers. Another miracle. Don't get me started Doris it would be too much fun and you know we are supposed to be a glum lot!!
Love ya ALL DB
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 01:06:39
Caryn - tried to e-mail you and they keep coming back at me. Computer says your address had a permanent fatal error and that the user is unknown. Weird huh, I got your e-mail, but I can't send back to you. Just wanted to let you know that I tried. Hope you had a good day. Let me know what's up, okay? Kerry B.
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield,Ore.
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 01:25:53
Oh DAVID . . . . .DAvid. . . . .david, I can't be glum. I'm just having TOO much fun. I played with the baby, little Stepper, tonight and she is getting friendly. Some people came over to see her and I do like showing her off. I think she has gained about 10 lbs since she was born. At birth she was 94 lbs. that is rather big, no wonder i had to pull her.(don't panic anyone, I do know how to do that) She is really beautiful. I like to just sit and look at her. I love all horses and animals but I have to admit I have a soft spot for the mustangs. Maybe it's because they have always been the underdogs. It wasn't that many years since they were considered vermin and there was even a bounty on them. Remember the movie "The Misfits". that is all true.I have been involved with the B.L.M. and the adoption program for about 23 years now. I am also an Open show judge, so I mean it when I say this filly is a good one. I hope to sell her to someone who will show her. Believe it or not there is getting to be some serious competition amongst the mustangs these days. I won the first all wild horse class ever held back in 1979 on my old mare Luta. (excuse me for bragging but I DO have a lot of pride in the whole wild horse thing. I just want to say one more thing. I had a really screwed up youth and then I became a drinking alcoholic for quite a few years. I have had my share of misery and I have found a way to have fun and enjoy myself. My life isn't laughs all the time but I try to make as peaceful and happy as I can. As we all know being a recovering alcoholic isn't a bed of roses but ! ! I mean to have a good time whenever I can. I try to be honost and fair and hurt as few people as I can along the way. I will help others but not at the expence of my own sobriety. That is one thing I will not risk. I want peace and sobriety for all of us. If it were in my power to make that happen I surely would. But ! It isn't, so I guess I will just try to be a friend and give support whenever I can. I am certianly not a goody goody, but I do want to do good. May the Great Spirit be with you and keep you safe this weekend. Love Doris
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 02:33:56
to mary in ?.... this is the mary in kansas. i really liked what you shared earlier. my sponsor used to say that they were one drink away from a drunk (usually sitting next to me and then look right at me..LOL) nice to have another peacemaker here. and like i always put my address kiss in ks.
linda... i lived with a RR track 50ft behind my house for 5 years.. i just moved out in to the peace and quiet about 9 months ago. that is one reason i love the serenity of my garden and the wheatfields.
jodene... could you push some of that warmth back up here? i think i pushed it too hard and now the night time temps are in the 40's brrr.
renee... you are in my prayers... amy.. i missed you. doris... i'm glad that you are okay. give our stepper a hug from me. bj... you two in miami bring new meaning to the saying keep coming back..lol... andy t. ..beach thongs in a pasture? watch out for the cow pies...loved your story of the bull and am waiting for the further adventures of the califoria kid in texas.
one last thing before i go... as i said once before in here... if a picture paints a thousands words... a post is only a fraction of the whole person. and i was taught in the program, that i don't have to like everyone that is in AA, but i do have to love them. i never know where that one piece of ESH is going to come from that will save my a**...
Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 05:41:40
Mike w, grateful recovering alcoholic here. must be 120 degrees here today, can't wait to get back to the washington coast. Won't be long and I'll be in for some f2f meetings. Just glad to be sober today, I still have alot of work to do on personal relationships. The selfishness in this alcoholic keeps rearing it's ugly head, but progress not perfection huh? One day at a time comes to mind, and treat others as i want to be treated. today I have to live by the principals of this program, too easy for me to justify unsocial behavior that causes harm to others. When things (people) bither me, IMUST LOOK WITHIN, not at others. this has been an ongoing lesson for me, and over the last 6 years I've had to relearn it more times than I can count. Thank you old timers for telling me the way it is!!!!! Be nice to each other, may you all have a great sober day.....everyone. love you all.....KEEP COMIN' BACK JBC ODAAT mike w
Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 08:47:36
kerry b--many people are having trouble with my e-mail address, don't understand, am not a computer person. have recieved some even when the other person has been told i haven't. make sure you have a j (as in john) fro 5th letter, not an i (icecream) my computer service is closed til monday, will have to call then. i hate ignorance--and am absolutely lost here...
it has not been a good few days. am stressed and frazzled. had a yell-fit last night with my teenagers. am feeling like i am running around in circles looking for serenity--that computer analogy again. am feeling a bit like a "fatal error"
linda p-my kids and i are hoping on a train in 19 days and going to livermore ca to spend two weeks with family. is that close/far from you?
sanders--being from illinois, i feel like i ought to say something about the bulls... but i don't care. a friend once said basketball was a sport that should begin in the last two minutes, score tied, and no time-outs left... but i do like to read what you post.
steve from nj--airports, traveling, quadriple posts, you make my life seem very boring.
am going out to weed the garden. the dog has eaten most of my pepper and tomato plants, so should be easy.
bitsy--i struggled, got determined, gave up, came back, for a long time. just keep trying and eventually, something clicks.
Member: Mike
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 08:54:49
Mike, an alcoholic. Just woke up and have an emotional hangover because of the game last night. There have been so many times over the years that Jordon and crew have ruined my serenity.
Just a quick note to Bitsey. When I hit bottom, on the outside I appeared to be "successfull". House, vehicles and money. Only I knew that underneath the masks that I presented to the world was an emotionally, mentally and spiritually bankrupted person. Through the grace of God and the fellowship of AA, I now have fewer masks and my interior being is a closer match to my exterior, but more than that I have not found it necessary to medicate myself with drinking or drugging today.
Love to all and wish each of you another sober 24 hours.
Member: Adam B.
Location: Mississippi
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 09:10:42
Hello! I got my 3 year AA chip last night and really am very gratefull for my sponsor giving my chip to me. I cannot believe it has been 3 years since my last drink and drunk! It has been a up and down road, but I am really happy today! Just thought I would let you all know! Keep coming back! It does work! adam12@meta3.net
Member: caryn
Location: illinois
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 09:40:35
okay--to anyone who has/is trying to e-mail me. i DO have a fatal error in my address--and it is actually not my fault. the tech input wrong return address, do not try return to author! the "i" i supposed to be a "j" (jumping jacks)
for anyone who has tried--it should read
canbjc@galesburg.net
i will try to get this fixed on monday. sorry.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: graceville, Fl.
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 12:01:31
Hi to all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Congradulations on your three years Adam B. I am very happy for you and it is ajoy to see this program working once again.------ Just for the record, I want you all to know that I don't really care who wins in the NBA playoffs. I just always pull for the under dog and the Bulls have had it so long, I felt it was time for a change.----- When it comes to colleges football, that is a horse of a different color. I am a die hard Fl. Gator fan and I even bleed "gator" when I get cut.------- Tobie, my dog, got me again last night and I want to share that with you. I gave her another of those "cigar" bones last night and she worked on it for hours and finally got quite. I later on went to bed when I finished with the puter and was laying there when I realized Tobie was not there so I called her. I got no response so I rolled over to go to sleep and just as I was nearly there, Tobie scratched on the side of the bed to come up and I told her come on up which she did. She usually does the normal dog thing about going around about three times and then ploping down. Well tonight she didn't do that and when I turned over to see why she was still standing, I started laughing because she had that dumb "cigar" in her mouth. That is why she scratched to come up on the bed because she knew she was not suppose to have the bone in the bed. I could not scold her because she had asked two times for permission so I got up and got her a towel to gnaw her bone on. She stayed for a few minutes and got up and came back in the den to her towel to finish her "cigar". I never get lonely or bored here because she will not let me.------- Doris, you need to hury and get your printer on line and take a picture of Stepper and send out for all us " honorary fathers" to see. I said printer, and I meant to say scanner. Love to all Y'all ( plural ) Sanders
Member: Jon Barely Corn
Location:
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 12:19:52
Jon Barely Corn here: sober and a member, thanks Mike I have been coming for a while and plan on stayin in the program for life, and I hope you are too.
Now, I know alot of the peoplke here do not like what I have been sayin. But, I began sharing at this site for one person in particular thopugh I'm sure they didn't need my input, but maybe they did. I do not knows, but I was only trying to help her/him with a outside observation. Sometimes those outside observations help people focus.
Anyway, as soon as I posted I started seeing all kinds of snide side comments about of all things my handle. And, well I started spatting back.
It seems that many people look for the small insignificant slips in peoples share. The answers to the univers could be revieled in a meeting by God himself. And, someone would have to point out to the whole program how that Guy didn't say he was an alcoholic. Or, how he didn't mention any other Higher Powers. Well, he must not have a good messege he's too close minded, or better yet someone would undoubtedly say HAY YOU DO NOT EXSIST.
Anyway, I'm just havin a bit of fun thinkin about how we would accept God into the program. Well, we would probably treat him/her alot like they treated a man named Jesus about 2000 years ago.
Anyway, I want to say that I'm a member goin to stay a member, and I asure you that my goal is not to be a jerk, but I will not be comforming to suit anyone's "ideas" about what the program is all about. My handle is Jon Barely Corn. And, my ideas may vary from yours, but they are just as valid. We are living a life hopefully based on the same ideology.
Do not forget niether barely nor corn got us drunk. It was the people who altered nature and created the intoxicating substance from those two life giving ingrediants.
Hope you guys arn'et too upset with me. But if you are please do not drink over it on my account. I'm only an alkie. My word is not supream. But, I do have a little habit of sharing my ideas about experience, strength, and hope.
Until nextime take care of your self and others. Ha,ha. No I'm not JERRY.
Peace to all. Keep it clean&sober
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 13:59:51
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Today is the start of another beautiful day here in sunny California. Read the post this morning and wanted to say congrations on 3yrs sober to Adam. Doris, your experience in Seaworld sounds like fun. I was afraid to touch the sting ray that was in the tank at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Somehow I had the understanding rays have stingers that can hurt or kill. Perhaps that only applies to a certain type like the Manta. Even though I watched others do it, I could not bring myself to even touch the water where it was. They look awesome to watch in motion. David-your description of the tree hugger was precious. I used to travel through your state and visit my husband's family in Salmon and Boise on vacations. They have since left that area and resettled in Klammath, Oregon. Caryn, Livermore is at least 3 hrs north of Fresno. Sanders, has Tobie been watching the old Colombo detective movies? LOL. That pet of yours seems like such a character. It is wonderful to have a companion that loves and keeps on giving, no matter what isn't it? I lost too many pets in my life to have a desire for another one. I have had Irish Setters, Cocker Spaniels, and an assortment of cats over the years, not to mention parakeets, fish, and ginea pigs. Having a child does open one up to the experience of caring for animals. The only problem, once I got what the kid really wanted, guess who took care of them, me. LOL. Perhaps when I retire I will look into another pet, but right now I have no time to spent with one. Andy, whereabouts in California did you say you were from? Well got to run, off to the movies. Love to all, Linda.
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 15:10:58
Michelle alcoholic- There seems to be a lot of discussion about "right and wrong" lately. Let me share my experience with these two words I think should be condensed into one called "choices". To me, there are choices that work well, that don't work at all, that work on a delayed response, etc, and mostly are either effective or uneffective. The big book is full of choices. Actually, its a book about Michelle, Sanders, Doris, Delores, Mike W. Carolyn, Jim D. John Barley Corn, David and everyone else that picks it up. Its a very magical book that often re-writes itself and I find something new and helpful in it everytime I read it. When I use to come across something that did not apply to me, I would dismiss it. Now, I have learned to just put it aside until a later date, because more times than not, I can use it later when I am ready to listen and absorb the idea. Wanting to be right instead of happy to me is really just me screaming "someone please listen, please validate what I say, please pay attention to me and make me feel like part of the group instead of the outsider that I make myself" It has nothing to do with being right or wrong, its just a big hole of desperation that makes me feel bad. When sharing with others, I try to remember that our only mission is to carry the message to the alcoholic that still suffers, not get into pissing contests about who is sicker, or weller, or better, or smarter etc. I can say for a fact that the alcoholic I am has never won any self-esteem contests, and that surely must be one of the reasons that the false sense of security of booze was so effective for a person that wanted everything my way or no way. My daily goals include becoming flexible, giving, more sharing to others to get outside of self just long enough to remember that the world does not revolve around me. To all the newcomers and those celebrating anniversaries, miracles happen. AA does not have the corner market on sobriety, it's just a basic mental health program that is highly effective for those who want it. Word of mouth is the best advertisement for a product that works, and people sharing their experience strength and hope are living proof that AA works. Thanks.
Member: andy t.
Location: newportbeach,ca.
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 17:56:27
Good afternoon my friend's'Andy T. alcoholic here.Well I finally finished my daily chores here on the ranch. And boy do I have a story for you! I had to go out to the south pasture today and cut the grass that had been growing since god was in high school. Now as you know most ranches have those driving lawnmowers. But - nooooooo not this ranch. All's I had was an electric push mower. Another dose of acceptance again. Anyway I dragged the lawmower out to the pasture and preceded to get busy. Just as I was beginning I had an intuative thought I had better get something attached to me so they can find me amongst the tall grass if something was to happen to me. So I went and cut a 30 ft. piece of pvc tubing and duct taped it to my back and attached a orange rag to the end and I'm hear to tell you I needed every bit of that 30 ft. So I proceeded to start mowing again and it seems that someone forgot to tell me that the pasture had been used recently. Remember how mom used to tell the kids " now go outside kids and pick-up the doggie pooh-pooh so dad can mow the lawn" well someone forgot to pick-up the cow pies! The first one I hit I thought a bomb had gone off, There was sh** everywhere! And it killed the lawnmower. I then deceided to walk the pasture to see how many piles there where by the time I got done I felt I was on turd island. There was no way around them so I went back into the shed and found one of those old leather football helmets and a pair of goggles and got ready to go to war!!!! Four hours later when I got done cutting that pasture I felt like King Sh** on turd island. I was covered from head to toe with the stuff but I had least accomplished the task at hand. There was no procrastion in this alkie. I thought I would share this experience and strength, and hope you don't have to do this. This is my little humorus story for you today. Linda P.I hope you have A great vacation.I'm from Newportbeach,CA. and we to have a HUGE aquarium filled with jellyfish and sting ray's!! It's the ocean,and I strongly suggest,and this is only a suggestion,is that YOU don't try to touch the sting ray's..you may touch a manta ray.As a matter of fact manta's can be ridden in the wild. There very gentle when approach gently underwater.[I've been Scuba Diving since I was 13.]But a sting ray," O" no!!! I've been stung a few time's by them and it hurt's like hell...Every summer they spawn along the coast here in the shallow's and their only defense is that stinger in their tail and there not afraid to use it.So please be careful!!!!!David loved your story about the tree bugger's or was that hugger's????? was Air Jordon on last night or what??? As Dickie Vital would say "You gotta love it Babieeee". Sander's I love your stories about Tobie.I
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newportbeach,CA.
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 18:22:47
Hello again,Andy alkie here.My computer shut of during my message to you sander's and I didnt know how to get it back up.any way Tobie sound's like FUN, my dog Buckwheat {Black lab} does the same thing with his chew toy's.Ya gotta love'em,because they love us unconditionly. Well I've written enough so i'll let some one else in. My friend's have A safe and sober Weekend.And if the urge to drink hit's you call another alcoholic and talk about!Love to you all,Andy T.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 19:00:37
Hi to all Y'all, I am very definately areal alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I was reading your post Andy T. and it got so deep in my den, I had to roll up my britches legs. If it gets any deeper, I'll have to go get some hip waders. My dog , Tobie, does mean lots to me as you can all tell from my posts. She truely is lots of company and honestly there is never a dull moment when she is around. She will not let me ignore her. When I try to she picks up a squeeze toy and throws it at me as if to say don't ignore me. She is something. She has lots of Lab in her. Lab and pit with the most beautiful disposition in a dog I have ever seen. I am not pregudous either.(much).
Hope you all have a good weekend and I'll see you Sandersa
Member: toddb
Location:
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 19:34:24
hello this is todd im an alcholic and i was looking for a meeting any one out there im new to the computer so bear with me pls
Member: Doris
Location: Springfield,Ore
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 19:41:29
He all yall, I am DOris and I am an alcoholic. Andy, I am sitting here laughing at your story about being King Sh_ _ . You must have been a sight. You know what I have always told people. I would rather hold fresh horse pucky in my bare hands than stand in cow dung in my rubber boots. You must have been a sight. And about attaching the pole and flag to yourself, I can just imagine what you must have looked like. You know sometimes I have to so some dangerous stuff around here and I am all alone. i have taught Roo, the doberman to go and get the phone. I just hope that if anything does happen she can find the cordless. This Doberman is smart. My husband gets annoyed with me when I tell someone that she is smarter than a lot of the people I know. He's afraid I may hurt someones feelings. I am just careful to not say that to one of those people. The Boxer is just a bundle of love. However, she slobbers. It is a riot that my son got a Boxer. He won't even eat near someone who may not have the best table manners. He gets very anal about people who make mouth noises when they eat. So what does he do???, he gets a boxer. They snort, They slobber. Their stubborn. But we love her. Warts and all. About playing with the "rays" in the pool at sea world. I don't know what the heck kind they were. I will find out next time though. They had them in a 2000 + sq ft shallow pool so I assume they were the safe kind. I just now I never had so much fun. Michaelle: I REALLY enjoyed your post. I get the point. Tolerance and forgiveness. I also appreciated what you had to sayabout "what are we here for?" I try to remember that each time I post. I am here to read the things others say and learn from them. I am also here to help others if I can. I am here to enjoy myself. In that order. I am not here to bitch people out. I am not here to practice my put down skills. I am not here to hurt anyone. I am not here to waste others time as well as my own. If this started to be no fun any more I wouldn't come back. But I DO enjoy this room. I savor ths things said here. I love those that say those things. I have met some GREAT people here. I will not name names cause I may forget someone. For the most part I love you all. I can learn 'something' from everyone. But for the most part I feel safe here. I feel I am not being JUDGED. I feel that we are all equals here and that makes me very comfortable.Gotta go, I have to clean stalls. Lotsa horsey poop around here. I don't mind. Love you all, Doris
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 20:10:57
Andy T. - you just made my day with your story! Would it be okay if I share it with my kids? It is hard enough just getting them to plug the lawnmower in. My youngest son is a stand-up comic of sorts, and is always looking for material like this to entertain his family and friends. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.
Luv Suzanne H.
Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 21:12:54
Richard is in the hoooouuuuse, he,he,he. Just kidding... Summer school is now officially in full swing. The first week is over, and now I find myself anxious, frustrated, and worried about this class that I am taking. It is a math and computer related course. On the second thought, I am going to stop worrying about my classes. (Yea right) But seriously, every session I start getting all worked up about being a failure, for I have to graduate college, for as I think most of you know I did not graduate high school. Both of my cousins are younger than me, and they both graduated from Berkley. WHATEVER. The fact is I have to put on a good show. And, in the end I always feel stressed out...did I pass? Did I do ok? When will the grades be in? And what happens, well the grades come back and God cares me through another session with respectable grades. Well, changing the subject away from ME.he,he,he.... I'm not self-centered am I??? Dogs are the best friends a person can have. I even love my long hared Chow bi***...ha,ha,ha...well that is her leagal title. Her name is Sammy, and without her apparent sanity, I would go crazy. Every time I get at wits end she lets me know that all we need is a good ball and sunshine....... She probably thinks about my problem and says," puff, puff, drool... yea a new ball and sunshine that's all we need for serenity dad." "Oh yea and a meaty bone." OK, OK...maybe she could get restless, irritable and, discontent but at least she doesn't drink over it. And, believe me she's no normy thanks to me. After all, when I brought her home she was introduced to her saucer. And, I would always give her booze. We thought it was funny. Nevertheless, she seems normal...all and all....chases her tail a bit much....but she's as normal as I am anyway...ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,he,he,he.
Read y'all later. Remember live and let live....did you hear me???? LIVE & LET LIVE!!!
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 22:00:10
Hi Richard, I was just thinking about you. My son wrote his first exam this week, science ...he scored 29%....at this point in time I am just happy that he is still attending school. He found it real rough when I was drinking. He has had alot of catching up to do. I pray he passes the year. I give him an A for his efforts.
Suzanne H.
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newportbeach,CA.
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 22:56:35
Good evening my friend's,Andy T.alcoholic here..Yes of course Suzanne you may share it with your Son. Did you see my story on my near death experince? You might want to let your son take a look. Doris your so right on those ray's. the one's in tank's like sea world are tame so people can touch them,once again I let my cadillac mouth over ride my V.W. brain. What do they call that contempt before prior investagation,some thing like that.Anyway I'm glad you guy's liked my story from today, as you know were not a glum lot,and laughter is the best medicine.until tommrrow. LOVE ANDY.
Member: Doris
Location: Out west
Date: 06 Jun 1998
Time: 23:53:36
Hi there, Doris,alky still, Andy, you did not let your mouth run amuk, I appreciate the caution. I know nothing about that sort of thing. Now if you were doing something unsafe with a horse I would be the first to tell you, But thanks for the correction. You're oooooh-tay Andy. And ! do ya really have a dog named Buckwheat? - - - Richard: my sons boxer is named Sammy. I like it when people tell about their everyday lives like I have been reading here lately. It seems like we are all more and more normal every day doesn't it? Love ya- - Doris
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 00:40:25
Good night to all Y'all, I am going to bed so I can rest up for that big game tomorrow night. That is the one where the Jazz are going to stomp the Bulls, ( I think). Tobie has been in bed and has been out one time to see why I wasn't back there so I better go as I must not keep her waiting. I'll check with you tomorrow. Love Ya, Sanders
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 02:10:28
HI Fayla alcoholic,here,just got home from the city carnaval every year they have this ,went with my son Johnnie,HE bought me a rose ,IT has a light in it it blinks on and off ,its the prettyest flower in the hole world .David thanks for sharing your Johnnie Harris story with me ,Its one of my dreams to one day see him inn person ,his tapes have helped me alot to stay sober,I wonder if any knows where you might get a list of where different speakers are speaking and when last year i went to an aa deal called the summer hummer ,its real neat ,it lasts all weekend ,they bring speakers from all over ,Johnnie H,has been there but not during my sober days he was ther the year before i quit drinking .I was talking to a lady who i was buying some J H tapes from and she said hes speaking in TULSA OLK.tonight ,I was heart sick ,here i am in JOPLIN and Johnnie Harris is in olk. love to all Fayla g
Member: jerry h
Location: vancouver bc. can.
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 02:15:39
Member: Cherise D.(SECRETARY)
Location:
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 10:32:30
TO ALL MEMBERS.............
The site will be updated as soon as possible. We are sorry for the delay, but one of our tech's has a little baby that is very ill in the hospital. We ask to please keep him and his family in your prayers. Thanks for all being here, and I know with all our prayers he will get better!
Member: Mary M.
Location: North Carolina
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 11:07:56
Hi everyone! mary/alcoholic here. Andy, I love your stories. Laughter does alot to heal the spirit. And you are a great story-teller.
caryn, I e-mailed you but got no notice that you didn't receive it. I'll write again soon. I have had trouble with my e-mail lately since up-grading my system.
I believe that any pet is a great resource for us. They love us when we can't love ourselves. We had to get rid of our 4 dogs when I got sober and left my abusive husband. It really hurt my 8y and 10y old sons. We just got us a new puppy recently. her name is Tinkerbell and she weighs about 2 pounds. She will fit much better into our small apartment. She is a joy! Thanks for all the words of wisdom. Mary
Member: Doris
Location:
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 11:17:20
Cherise, Of course we will pray. You all do a great job on this line. I wanted to thank the management anyway so here goes. THank you all. I will pray for this child today. I put a big lback X on the back of my left hand and every time I notice it I pray. My memory isn't what it used to be and this helps me. Doris
Member: Andy T.
Location: Newportbeach,CA.
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 12:07:14
Good morning my friend's. Andy alcoholic here. It's such a beautiful day here today. It's only about 72*degrees clear and sunny. I do believe I'll go fishing today and get some nice bass filets for dinner!!. Doris my dog is really named Buckwheat. My EX-Wife kept our other dog,and his name was Spanky,they were our little rascules...[did I spell that right??] anyway my friend's I'll pop in later to see what's up...Good morning to all BULL'S fan's and thoes that arn't. love Andy T.
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 15:16:06
Kerry, alcoholic. Sounds like everyone's doin just fine today. Glad to hear it. Been out in the garden, dodging bumble bee's and all other creepy crawlers, trying to get rid of those darn weeds!! Noticed a robins nest in one of our apple trees, so did our calico named "stinky" (she's named that for obvious reasons, use your imagination). My 10 year old daughter was guarding the tree for awhile, as was our 2 dogs - Golden retreiver named Chester and a small 100% pure mutt (Lhasa apso and ?? mix, beleive me, if there is any Lhasa in that dog, I dont know where, looks like beagle and weener dog) her name is Chewy. Poor Stinky, she gets up there, daughter starts yelling, and the dogs chase her over the fence. Got an old tom cat also, named Milo. He just lays around anymore, altho sometimes he does chase that Golden retreiver around the yard. He does'nt take nothing from the dogs. It's pretty funny to watch. Life would be so dull without all of them. Well, I just can't stay in anymore, I just love it when the sun is out and they say we will get more thunder showers this afternoon. Have a great day everyone. Love, Kerry
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 16:31:55
Hi to all Y'all To Cherise D. for the tech, I will definately be praying for the baby as well as the baby's family to all get well soon, if it be God"s will and I too certainally do appreciate all the hard work and expertise done by you techs. You all make the sites extreamly clear and enjoyable. Thanks again.---- Kerry, it sounds to me like Milo is in charge of everthing at your place. I am like you in that I can't imagine life here without my Tobie. It surely would be a dull life and I don't even like to think about what I would do if and when I loose Tobie.-------- I have been fixing my snacks for the big game tonight, the one where the Jazz make it 2 to 1. I am going to have my usual of watermelon and cantolope and I have added some orange chocolate. I will probably also have either popcorn or pork skins along with my DIET ginger ale. I'll miss the first part of the game as I will be at church but I am going to skip my F2F meeting tonight because they need me here pulling for them so they can win.------- I am like most of the rest of you in that I really do enjoy the animal stories.-----For the rest of you animal lovers out there, I just finished reading " Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul and I mean to tell you it was good. I would read a little bit and cry as some of them are very touching and I highly recommend it for animal lovers of all kinds. Got to go rest up for the big game tonight. Love Ya. Sanders
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 07 Jun 1998
Time: 16:49:03
I'm David, a Recovered Alcoholic.
Doris I wish you hadn't shared about putting a big black X on the back of your hand and using it as a que for prayer. Now people are gonna be looking at me funny for the color coded prayer reminders I'm going tho have to start using.
As long as I've been hanging around this is the first time I've ever "heard" anybody share about the X.
The bad thing is with the way my memory is fading I'm going to have to carry a cheat sheet so I can keep the color code straight.
I sure hope it doesn't rain this afternoon.
Love ya ALL DB