Member: Barry L. - Tech
Location:
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 00:57:50

Comments

We have made some more technical changes to the site regarding the new alternative (text only) versions of the meetings and the coffee pot.

You can now post from either view of a meeting, Please be aware these alternate views are the same as the their equivalent page, except they are plain text with no graphics to accomadate older browsers and web tv. So don't post to the same meeting twice.

If anyone experiences any problems please notify the Tech's asap


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 02:04:16

Comments

Hi Techs--wonderful job you guys are doing. I like the idea you can not post at the bottom of the black and white screen version. You guys/gals, really are something else. Keep up the great job. Linda P.


Member: Kerry B. - Alcoholic
Location: Sunny/Rainy Idaho
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 02:05:45

Comments

Great to be sober today!! Spent the day planting in my garden, dodging the clouds and rain. Sun would come out, I'd run out and plant, then a cloud would come with a little rain, and I'd run back to the house until the sun came out again. Did it all day, but I got about 15 plants in the ground all in all. That's Idaho, they say if you don't like the weather, just wait 5 minutes, it will change. It sure rang true today. If you would have told me I'd get pleasure from gardening before I quit drinking, I would have told you that you were nuts, cause there was only one goal in life then, and that was to get "out of it". Like I said, it's good to be sober today. I get to participate in my life today.


Member: Doris
Location: Ore
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 03:04:32

Comments

Doris, Alcoholic/addict. I had a rather unique experience two nights ago. Actually it started when I was in the re-hab here in Ore. I met alot of people and one day I was sitting in the courtyard having a ciggarette. Sitting in the bench across from me was a girl. She was about 5'6" and probably weighed 95. She had dyed black everything and studs in her tongue and everything else was pierced many times. The white make up and black lipstick made her look even more dramatic. I ended up getting to know her and we became friends. The 18 year old drop out and the 52 year old ? ? ? . When I left the re-hab she wrote in my B B. Doris,I hope you can escape your bondage and I can escape mine, I am so sick of sticking needles in my arms. She is not doing that anymore. She O D'd and she is dead. This is number 8 since I became sober."There but for the grace of God go I. " " If only she'd come to therapy sooner" " WHY?" All of these things come to me when I hear of another person dying of the disease of addiction. I just know I am sad. However, this DOES strengthen my resolve. THIS DOES make me angry but it also makes me even more determined to keep winning those little battles with demon alcohol. I am so sick of seeing people die. It's very late and I do have to go to bed. Good night all, and you new comers. I wish you all the strength Noel didn't have. I wish you all the success that Noel couldn't achieve. I wish that for all of us, Love Doris


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 03:23:40

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Doris--sorry to hear about your friend. It is tough to lose people in the program to death from drinking/drugging. The first one I lost was a gal who began to drink, and she took a gun to her head over it. Another one ran off a road in a single car accident which took his life while drinking. There are a lot of people in mental hospitals that are "wet-brains" because of the seriousness of this disease. God bless all of those who stay sober, and those like me who by His grace made it back without having to die out there.

Welcome to the newcomers who join the site today. May you find the comfort and support I have found here. Your finally home now. I was so grateful that I finally knew what my problem was when first arrived, that I was an alcoholic. With the knowledge of the problem, it made it possible for me to seek the solution--AA and a way of life that has me living one-day-at-time (ODAAT) without the need to take a drink. May you find your solution along with us.

Love to all,

Linda P


Member: AAmy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 03:30:36

Comments

Hey all Y`all, Amy the alcoholic. Doris I am thinking of you especially after the loss of a friend. There are those from my past that I worry for, pray for, but since I have moved on I have selfishly `taken care of me until I could take care of others` (which was what I was told to do). So today I pray for you and for all those still suffering. Love to all, Amy GC


Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 11:38:12

Comments

hi all y'all, my garden is florishing... but my patience is low - i want to go out and pick some veggies right now. oh well, it take time for time to pass. :) i'm sorry for your loss doris. i, too, have lost some in the 12yrs around & 9 yrs since i've been back. it does hurt. it truly brings home the fact that this IS A FATAL DISEASE, if untreated. i also, have lost some sober people in this time too. it hurts too. the choice comes down to if i want to live dieing or die living the program. i know that there is another relapse in me.. but i'm afraid that there might not be another sobering up. having gone out once, i learned fast and painfully that the disease is still there. waiting patiently, to take control of me. and it was so much harder to stat sober at first this time. one friend i lost to the disease was also dieng from aids - don't know why but his story made the life page in my newspaper. anyway, the way he ended his life was a message to us. he drank some booze, he took some drugs, and then he killed himself. the moral - you drink, you drug, you die. sorry i'm so down about this... the memory just came back to me and i had to share.


Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 12:26:21

Comments

Hi all, Mike the alcoholic here. Doris sorry to hear about you're friend i've had to deal with my daughters mom when she was born she was an addict, put her through live in rehab for 3 months and all kinds of couselling afterwards nothing seem to help, well as time when on I could not deal with it and kicked her out so I could raise my daughter properly, now she's 3.5 yr old and i've been a single parent sinse she was six month old. Now i'ts my turn to sober up , never did do drugs I was drinking two or three days a week, the problem is when I strart I can't stop.Well enough blabbing for today. You all have a great day and God bless


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 12:48:36

Comments

Hello everyone, Linda an alcoholic. I too went out once like you Mary, after 5 yrs, now I have 13yrs back the second go around. It was more difficult to sober up that second time. I guess for me it must have been my ego and pride, but I stuck it out until I passed that miserable existance stage, which for me seemed to last an eternity. People were very kind, encouraging me all the way until it hit me the same truth appliled now as it did before the relapse, ONE DAY AT A TIME. I feel extremely blessed and fortunate that I could get honest with myself on the reasons for my relapse. No doubt about it, I had made the wrong decision when I picked up that drink. Nothing improved, and in actually it worsened all the circumstances that I drank over. After a seizure, and a long haul in feeling sorry for myself, I wrote a Dear John letter to liquor, my ole buddy Wine. This is not anything in our program that has us to do this. I actually heard it from someone who had done it and I liked it and tried it. It was sort of cleansing to cut off the relationship that way. There has never been a time that when I did that with a person, I sought their company again. So I thought, why not, after all alcoholic was my ole friend, but in reality was truly the foe. It devastated my relationship with husband and child, my health, and spiritual well-being. How could I think I would like to continue in a relationship with something that was so cruel. So I let it go that day in a letter. I actually cried when I read it to my sponsor. I had to grieve that loss of that relationship I guess. No doubts today that I am an alcoholic, thank God. Nor do I fancy keeping company with it again, another blessing. I shall keep praying for the lost and sick, and pray they get here and stay. Love to all, Linda P.


Member: Michel R.      
Location: Québec P.Q. Canada
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 14:51:42

Comments

My name est Michel and I am a member of A.A. since 1979 (sober by the grace of god) Please, someone send me a E-Mail lisemichel.@sprintcanada.ca God Bless Michel R. Thank you.


Member: anon
Location:
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 15:12:18

Comments

today i'm nearly a week sober. i should be happy and continue but i'm so miserable. i wish i had the guts to kill myself. it would really make me feel better today to go out and have a drink. it used to be the one relief i had from all the pain. it's temporary relief but that's what i need right now. truly i wish i was dead because i'm only physically living. it's the worst it's ever been. sorry to go on griping. i admire all you who are struggling to keep sober. being sober won't solve my problems it'll just create one more.


Member: Doris
Location: out there sober
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 16:26:09

Comments

ANONYMOUS: I could just give you all the cliche's and walk away and maybe try to convince myself that I "did the best i could" but i think I would rather talk to you. I don't know who you are or where but I want you to know that I, DORIS in Oregon, am wanting you to NOT kill yourself. Please don't. All that does is give you the one final problem you CAN'T solve. Did you ever see that movie with Jimmy Stewart where he wished he'd never been born? If you're over 20 I think you must have. I want you to think about what your death would REALLY mean to others. I want you to think about how that would 'affect" those around you. I don't know what you are like but I'll bet there is at least one person in this world that cares about you. What would you killing yourself do 'to' that person? I want you to know that you killing yourself would affect me. I am noone in your life and I am not " just saying that" when i say that I would be affected. We all here at the Coffee Pot would be. We are in your life now even if it is in a small way and we DO, I mean DO, care about you. We care about ourselves and want you to as well. We WANT you to care about yourself. I think you do or you wouldn't have nearly a week sober. YOU CAN DO IT. You are doing it. I want you to go to a meeting and announce how you feel. I want you to give someone the chance to do what was done for me a year ago Jan 17th. I WANT YOU TO LIVE. Did you read the earlier posts? I am Doris and I am sick of people dying. Yes, Noel is dead but i didn't tell you all about Steven, 36, he jumped off the parking garage. I have known him all his life. He was a wonderful talented attractive young man who chose to kill himself and leave his sister alone in this world. His mother, my cousin, died of brain cancer. His father ,cancer . his friend, drugs. His grandfather suffered a fall the night he heard about Stevens suicide and lasted 2 days. Steven was his life and there was nothing he could do for him but love him. He did that and Steven is dead anyway. We have no control over what others do but we do have control, anonymous, over what we do and you are doing it now. You are trying to save yourself but i hope you don't quit before you're saved. If you don't have any faith in God or any higher power pray for faith. If you can't pray for faith pray for the ability to pray for faith. Pray for yourself. I will. I am sure that many will. You've sent us your plea and you are part of us now and we DO NOT want you to loose this fight. We want you to win like we're trying to win. We haven't won you know. But we are ahead. We won't have won till we die a natural death SOBER. I have been sitting here banging on my machine like I am yelling at you. Like I am begging you. Now I just want to say that I wish you peace. Not peace in death, peace in life. It WILL come. You can have peace and rest and relief but I'm afraid you have to work for it just like the rest of us. For some it's harder than others. I'm sure you are frightened. We were too. I'm sure you're angry. We were too. I'm sure you would like to be rescued, so did I. We will help you. We DO LOVE you. Let us help anonymous. I am putting my arms around you now. I am holding you and have my face on the top of your head. I can hear your breathing slow and relax. Now I hope you can find someone to do that in person. I would if I were there. Many of us would. Find a meeting. Talk to those at the meeting. If you can just find 1 person to talk to that is the beginning. You can have a new life but you have to find it and you can. I promise. Go with GOD anonymous. I am thinking of you, Doris


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 16:42:19

Comments

bonnie, alcoholic here, ANON, I felt the same way as you do when I got here, I was sitting on my couch and screamed God take me and make me a productive human being or let me die, it was the most heartfelt prayer I'd ever prayed. I was finished, I had no answers and my life sucked. On the outside my life looked successful, on my inside I was dying or possibly I was dead. I had no hope. that was a week before i went to my first meeting and saw hope there, a friend told me to listen for the similarities and not to focus on the differences. buy a Big Book and start reading it, get phone numbers and use them, I did. but what I got from that first meeting was HOPE. The first time I walked into a meeting was 18yrs ago May 30th 1980 and I have been clean and sober ever since for what did I have to lose? I was just about to give up anyway, why not try this before I threw in the towel? Today I am Happy, Joyous and Free from my own head that was out to kill me. Nothing is the same but it was a slow process, don't give up, we need you here, for some day you will be posting this to someone who is hurting as bad as you are at this moment. we all got here when we had no more answers. let us love you till you can love yourself and help you find your answers. they did that for me and i felt exactly as you do. Please my new friend, don't give up, Join us. I can't, We CAN. God Bless all who venture here. *********************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net Bonnie C 5/30/80


Member: J-Man
Location: Ardsley, Pa.
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 17:00:45

Comments

Hello everyone J-Man I'm an alcoholic. I've been on treatment for my Hep "c" now for a week Ido my injections daily, and I feel pretty good now and wanted to thank all of you for your concern. I have thought about ya'll,haven't been able to concentrate on things for any length of time such as reading ,typing, etc. like now my mind is going blank so I will say goodbye for now, Thanks again.


Member: Barry L
Location: PA
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 18:12:36

Comments

To anon,

Don't drink, Don't think, and go to a meeting everyday, It will get Better.

Try that for the next 90 days, What have you got to lose.


Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 18:42:44

Comments

to anon, whatever the pain... it will pass.... emotional - time will heal... mental there is professionals out there to help... the same with physical. i've lost more than my share of people to suicide.. friends and aquaintences. it is devastating to the ones left here. suicide is a very selfish thing... as i was told once when i was considering the same thing. get help, you already reached out once reach out again to someone who can help you. you do want help or you wouldn't have posted here. let us or someone help. don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 19:53:24

Comments

Hi Linda an alcoholic. ANON--many of us started sobriety with that disparate feeling that our lives were coming to an end--our drunk life was... but our life sober, no... it was just the beginning when I walked through the doors of my first meeting. As those feeling expresses so beautifully in prior posts, no one here wishes your life to end before it actually have begun. Give AA a chance before you do anything drastic. When I wanted to pull that off and do away with myself, my sponsor would say, "that would be a permanent solution for a temporary problem." Misery when first sobering up is truly temporary. Don't blow your chance to see how living life sober can really be. I will keep you in my prayers. Hopefully you follow those who have given the advise to head for a meeting. That has saved me on many occasions.

Love to all, Linda P


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 23:01:07

Comments

Linda, an alcoholic, hi everyone. This day has been a difficult one for me. My pastor who married my husband and I three years ago, is leaving our church. It was a real bummy to say goodbye today. I learned an awful lot from that man, and my spiritual growth really took off when he inspired me to live and follow the example God laid out in another BB I follow. Well as my sponsor says, change is inevitable. Just wish it did not mean saying goodbye to someone I care about. Loss is difficult, especially with someone like myself who has abandonment issues anyway. Life goes on, change is inevitable, but it still hurts. So glad you guys are here. Love to all. Linda P.


Member: FAYLA   G
Location: GALENA     KS
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 23:15:05

Comments

FAYLA ,AA.Hello ,Hope this finds all well and sober,Anon ,Please hear what we are saying,These are the kind of men and women you have been looking for all your life ,in this program we found each other ,so much alike ,full of fear and anger,that you must be feeling now .please give yourself a chance at a new way of life,you will never half to suffer this kind of pain alone,please call AA,NOW AND TALK TO SOME ONE ,LOVE FAYLA G


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 17 May 1998
Time: 23:55:49

Comments

I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Hi anonomus, you have received some very good and wise suggestions on here as I have read and it is very evident that all the people on here do LOVE YOU. God does also love you. God don,t make junk and He made you`and if you would just give this program a chance with your life, you would abolutely be amazed at what all God could do with you. I promis you one thing and that is that you will like it a lots better than where you are right now, but you have to give Him a chance. Also remember this, you only have to get sober once. We all love you and so does God and there is nothing you can do about that. Please let us hear from you and how you are doing. I am going out of town for a few days starting on Wednesday but if you wish to please feel free to write me at sanders@wfeca.net and I'll talk privatly with you. Hang in there Sanders


Member: Bill K.
Location: Washington
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 00:33:14

Comments

Ran in a footrace and attended a morning meeting. Will be celebrating 3rd B.Day Wednesday. Heard from member who went out to do "research" and came back today. An old timer who shared pointed out that (not to be gloomy) if he went out he's not sure if he'd make it back. God bless all who come back because not everyone's ticket is round trip when they go out. For me I just don't want to even tempt fate; I hope I keep my fear and respect for this disease. Great to find this cyber place! Bill


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 01:28:02

Comments

I wanted to die when I was at the end of my drinking, because I did not know how to live. The fact that I was merely breathing in and out was not really living, and some how I knew it. I was really pissed off and felt that I had been hurt too deeply to go on. Resentments towards people, places and things in my life were at the basis of my suicidal thoughts. Resentment is the number one killer of alcoholics. I would play out my funeral in my head, basically flipping off everyone that I had hurt so bad by killing myself, and I would get some gratification that I had finally hurt back those people I had resentments at. Here's the big wake up call - IF I'M DEAD, I CAN'T GO TO MY FUNERAL!!! (alive, that is) Therefore, killing myself served absolutely no one, and that included ME!! I know it sounds insane, but that is where my thinking was when I got sober. Now, I took all that anger and resentment towards those people, and turned it around (in the beginning), and decided that NO MATTER WHAT, OR WHO, OR WHERE, I was going quit drinking long enough to find out why the heck all those people at the meetings were seemingly happy, joyous, and free - SOBER!! Those people who had hurt me, those places, those things, were not going to defeat me any more. Period. It has not been easy, I have cried a few rivers, I have screamed at the top of my lungs, at times I felt I could not go on, but I stuck around long enough to see that I was a valuable human being, and all that outside crap was just what I said, crap. Know what, if I can do it, if we all can do it, there is no reason that You can't do it. Let some one help you, you can't do it by yourself anymore, and you don't have too. Love, Kerry - Alcoholic


Member: AAmy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 01:54:29

Comments

Hey everyone, Amy an alcoholic. Dear Anon. I have been where you are and there is light on this side of the tunnel, have hope once more and give the AA program a chance to show you first how to get by one hour at a time then will affect you in ways of GOOD that you cannot at the moment imagine. I finally turned my life over to my higher power after 29 years of fightin` him. The first steps are the hardest but we are all, as so many loving people have written above, thinking and praying for you. Here in the alps I`m even holding my thumbs for you (a superstition here like crossing fingers).

Doris you made me really remember in a heartfelt way this morning that I have to pass it on or lose it, thanks for your courage. Linda your words of love above touched me also. I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and send a (((world hug))) to all. PS Hey Fayla I have been thinkin of you, did you get that sponsor thing worked out? Love, Amy GC


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 08:25:02

Comments

The BB tells us that 50% of the people who came in and really tried got sober and stayed that way. Another 25% slipped a few times and then stayed sober. That tells me that this program is my no means a sure thing. If I'm gonna gamble with MY LIFE, I want the best possible chance, and that means doing as much of what those first 100 did as I possibly can.

AA saved my life, primarily because there were people (like Sanders) who loved me enough to "rain on my parade" when I decided that my program was different than what was in the book. I think I might be dead now if these old guys had let me believe I was doing well when I wasn't.

Doris, sorry about Noel, but learn what you can from it. Anon, I wasn't afraid of dying so much as I was NOT dying and having to live the life I was in. I disagree with you anyway -- getting sober will solve most of your problems and give you a chance at solving the others.


Member: FAYLA   G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 10:58:33

Comments

FAYLA ,AA .DEAR ANON PLEASE HELP US TO HELP YOU ,WE ARE FIGHTING FOR lives every day ,we do this every day by not takeing a drink ,by shareing are pain and shame from the past with each other ,by letting god do for us what we couldn,t do for ourselfs,we do the foot work,he shows us the way ,you haft to want to help yourself,you can start today ,I have been afraid to live and afraid to die ,I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF YOU ARE THERE ? I LOVE YOU ,TODAY I LIVE,LOVE FAYLA G


Member: Frannie M.
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 11:48:26

Comments

it's time to get off the pitty pot. Put the plug in the jug and go to a meeting. Get a sponsor and start to work the steps. Even rehab will help if you really want the help. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Doing something about it is putting this program into action. Sober and sane today by the grace of God and the fellowship of AA .


Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 12:04:58

Comments

Hi: My name is Joanne M. I am alcoholic and a compulsive gambler as well, I have 8 years and 5 months of sobriety and 24 days without a bet I ask for help everymorning and thank God every night before I go to bed and so far it is working I have had a rough couple of weeks but it seems to be working because I haven't drank or gambled, I am trying to balance both AA and GA and it is not easy. But I know that if I keep doing what I am doing I will be alright. Joanne.


Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 12:21:53

Comments

Kellie, alcoholic here. Hello to all of you loving sober souls. Who wouldn't want to get sober after listening to you guys. because of the love and support in here i didn't pick up a drink yesterday when i REALLY wanted to. i was feeling angry and impulsive and then i came to the coffee pot. it really helped me and i'm grateful to you and my HP. it was a week ago tonight that i last got drunk and drove. thank god i'm still here to get sober and take care of my family. i know exactly how anon feels but all i can say is that with time it will get better. hang in there and keep coming for support. there's plenty of it in here. love to all, thanx for letting me share, god bless....Kellie


Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 12:39:00

Comments

Hi all, Mike here alcoholic. Day 7 doing great thanks to you all . Anon hope you're readind all the great advice and help everyones giving you, they've been there and know what there talking as for me I'm like you only a week sober and don't feel qualified to give advice but hang in there buddy we're all pulling for ya . Hope to see you here again Anon


Member: FAYLA      G
Location: GALENA     KS
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 14:37:41

Comments

FAYLA AA, KELLY AND MIKE WE ARE GLAD YOUR HERE ,HANG IN THERE .LOVE AND HUGS FAYLA G


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 15:01:23

Comments

Michelle alcoholic- There is no difference from an alcoholic who drinks and wants to die, and an alcoholic who drinks. ANON-- we have all been there, done that and came out the other side! There is no reason that you can't recover. Just surrender your addiction, not your life, and pick up a phone instead of a drink and ask for help. Your extended family will love you until you learn to love yourself.


Member: Bitsey
Location: NC CA
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 15:42:48

Comments

Hi-Bitsey and I'm an alchohalic. I need to say that over and over and over........ I have one day of sobriety. I feel great but usualy by the third day i start to feel sick and the pink cloud disapears so I reach for the thing that makes me numb and then I'm sick from I what I think will make me feel better. My being sober creates some problems for me but when I drink my problems are still there when I'm sober only I'm to sick to deal with them. I don't want to lose any more days. I feel like my children have been growing up under my nose but I've lost so many days to drinking and/or hangovers. I told my youngest I wasn't drinking today and she said how about all week? No, I can only commit to today and tomorrow I'll commit to tomorrow. To Frannie and everyone else out there I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I appreciate this web site. It is my connection and my meetings at this time.


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 15:56:07

Comments

Being sober DOES NOT create problems. SOBER stands for:

Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real. S-O-B-E-R


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 16:08:14

Comments

Hi everybody

LINDA P in CA: My pastor moved when I was new in sobriety and know what you mean and I also have lots of abandonment issues. He had been the biggest support in helping me to see that I needed rehab (which changed my life). I felt devastated when he left. When he left, I was taking this creative writing course to satisfy some English credit and I wrote this poem about his leaving - not a literary feat, and I am not a writer, but it helped me to write my feelings in this form:

To Pastor Bob

When you're gone To whom will I turn for consolation? With whom will I share my inspiration?

When you're gone, Will all that's sacred flee with you? Will I be left uncertain truth?

Alas, you're gone bequeathing Grief...... but can I trust her?

No doubt, as Pain With mellowed age Will prove the nobler teacher. ........................................

my professor thought my pastor had died of course. Since then I've realized that what I thought was typical feelings were much more intense than the non-alcoholic experience. I have also learned 12 years later that working through pain is, in fact, the nobler teacher of all if it gets worked out positively and there is healing. It is sad, though, to say good bye to people you care about. I will remember to pray for you.

ANON: : Your life is much too precious to even consider ending it. I know you don't feel that way, but God sees beyond the crud and sees what you can be and what He designed you to be. We all felt worthless at one time or another and as you can see from reading everyone's posts, there is anything but worthlessness here. Stay close. Go to meetings. Don't give up. We care.

Kellie and Mike: Congratulations on more days of real living!

thanks for listening everyone and for all of your sharing.


Member: tony p.
Location: ny
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 16:39:20

Comments

glens description of sober is true so true...


Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 17:51:42

Comments

Anon, Kelly, Mike and Bitsy, I want you all and any other new or early people to know that I am praying for all of you.. You are part of "US". Without each and every one of you, and the rest, there would be no "US". I know people who are staying sober without a program and i see the difference between them and the program people, "US". Noone likes to be alone. Noone likes to feel they have no friends. Nobody likes to feel they have noone to turn to. In here at the 'staying cyber' and at A.A. you are never alone. This is not just a saying. This is not just a platitude. It is the truth. But ! The only way any of us find this out is to go to meetings, write in here and find out. I, for one, am glad you all did write in. Now the healing can begin, and when you begin to heal I heal a little more too. Thank you, Doris


Member: Glenda W
Location: Alabama
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 19:03:49

Comments

I too lost a friend, Glenda, aa member. She died in my arms and I was told that some of us haven't to die for others to live. I did not like that but seem to understand now. I know that I will never forget her. That is one of the reason that I am alive now. Hang in there, it does get better. Writing a letter to her help me so much to let go when I was ready. Love ,In Recovery, GlendaGlenda


Member: Paula S.
Location: South Bend, IN USA
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 21:18:48

Comments

I'm Paula, a cross-addicted alcoholic. Sorry to hear about your friend from rehab. I'm grateful for everyone here who's still alive and sober. You probably know we only have a daily reprieve from the disease. I have lost a home group member because he took that "first drink", got in the driver's seat and killed in an accident. Hang in there, Anon. At 9-1/2 years of sobriety, I've had some struggles myself. I think being in the program a while has helped me deal with things, but it's a one-day-at-a-time process like I said to Doris.I've known people who committed suicide and felt bad I couldn't stop them. I think I'd be missed too, and life can be very interesting. -Paula


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 21:28:03

Comments

Glen, you got me started!!

Ego - Easing God Out

Fear - False Evidence Appearing Real

I hadn't heard the Sober one for quite a while - thanks for the reminder!!

There are more, I guess for your sakes I can't remember them just right now. Kerry - still an alcoholic.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 18 May 1998
Time: 23:29:25

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Thanks for your kind words and for sharing your special poem on line with us Martina. I so enjoyed it, and got a little weepy with sentiment also. Your right, alcoholics do manage to take things to extremes, at least I do. Last night I was just fighting to not feel sad. I busied myself on this site, and on another on-line meeting. After the meeting, I even lingered on the AACHAT for hours, to delay and divert my attention to what I was feeling, to avoid the apparent welling up of what finally broke free at bedtime--tears. I felt better after I was able to release all that bent up anguish. It seems when I prolong or put-off a bad feeling, it kind of just waits for a weak moment to break forth. Guess I should have surrendered sooner, felt what was real, cried, and got it over with. I prolonged my misery last night, but am feeling much better today. Thanks for caring and sharing.

Before I left church yesterday, I obtained my pastor's e-mail. When I got home I wrote to him all the special things about him I admired, and all what I was appreciative of during the time I have known him. That was a positive thing to do with my grief. The only thing about yesterday that was positive was that and fessing up to my feelings on this site. Getting honest at the risk of looking foolish is what is takes for me to continue walking not only in the light of the spirit, but a path of continued sobreity.

Teresa C from Fairbanks Alaska, what's happening out there? Haven't seen your posts in a while. Did you get my last e-mail?

Jrr--good to here from you. Glad to hear you are a little better. Keep in touch.

Thanks for letting me share. Love to all. Linda P.


Member: Sanders W
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 00:32:43

Comments

Hi to all y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. This to anyone who is intrested but primarily to Martina and to Linda. I enjoyed your poem very much and can certainly identify with you Linda in your love for your pastor. I too am very close to my pastor here and where I just retired from and it was very hard leaving all those people in my church as well as all the people I got sober with in AA. What I really wanted to tell you both is this. I am 6ft 4in tall and weigh 250 pounds and I can and do cry today and what is so amazing about it is that I am not ashamed of it anymore. I once heard a man that I have the greatest respect for, say that when a man's eyes leak, his head won't swell. When you stop and think about that it sounds pretty good to me, so ever since then I have not been ashamed to cry and let out some of the emotions I was always taught to not show. You will not be hearing from me for a few days as I am going on my "mini" vacation till the end of the week. I'll let you all know how it went when I get back. I'll also catch up on all my E mail then. Love to all y,all (plural).


Member: DALE W.
Location: OKC OK USA
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 02:02:02

Comments

DEAR ANON, HANG ON MY FRIEND.WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER .TRUST IN GOD,IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE,TAKE SOME OF MINE HE'S A VERY BIG ONE.PLEASE GO TO A MEETING ASAP.KEEP THE FAITH, DALEW.


Member: Dennis K
Location: Louisiana
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 02:03:33

Comments

Sanders,that was a good little message. I've never heard it put that way. My sponser used to tell me that I could be on the outside' the way I felt on the inside. But I'm still not much on these tears, to me it's like vomiting, it makes me feel sicker, and gets me angry. This is fresh in my mind because I've been sick past couple of days and I hate it. I get so down when I'm sick, it really pisses me off. I'm basicily pretty healthy, and can't imagine what I'd do if I really had something wrong with me. Anyway while I was laying here feeling sorry for myself, I thought about you guys here @ Coffee Pot, and decided to check in, glad I did and it was good to see Kellie was still around.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 02:48:24

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Wow, what an evening I have had. Lots of 12 step activity on-line this evening on another site. It got so hectic I could hardly keep up the posts. I met some person there that was absolutely wonderful to chat back and forth with, and I think I actually have made a friend on-line. I am feeling more and more connected to this form of communicating in cyber space. I am having a blast. Thanks sanders for taking the time to share that with Martina and I. There is a saying I heard at the other meeting tonight that I thought was wonderful--If one stays in the center of the circle of service (service, unity, recovery), one will not fall off the edge. Cute huh?

Goodnight all. See you again real soon.


Member: carolyn
Location:
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 08:21:40

Comments

today I feel like i'm drowning. i stayed sober for 17 days and then gave in to fear depression and desparation last night and got drunk. now all i feel is guilt.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 08:43:37

Comments

Carolyn, don't lay a guilt trip on yourself -- you're simply an alcoholic who has lost the power to choose insofar as alcohol is concerned, and it's not any more complicated than that. As long as "I" try to stay sober the results will be disappointing. It is only when you surrender and ask for help that you'll have any success.

Connect with your local group, ask whatever HP you have for help, and keep coming back.


Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 09:10:50

Comments

Dear Carolyn, Bitsey, Kellie, Anon, Mike and all new who are struggling to stay sober, please read Chapter 5 in the AA Big Book --the beginning says "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." This is a promise! We throw yourselves into a new beginning each day putting sobriety first above all things. Meetings meetings meetings. Getting active by joining a group, helping to make coffee, greeting others---all made me feel like I belong. You belong. We care. Dig in and believe that a beautiful life awaits you. Please believe that we believe.

Linda, so sorry to hear of your pastor's leaving. My church which I rediscovered before being led to AA was as much of a support as the program. My sponsor went there too. My priest used to send me money once in a while knowing I was destitute and a single mom getting sober. In his notes he THANKED ME as he gave me money. I could cry with gratitude..in fact I am. It was so hard leaving them all and my sponsor and group when I married and moved. New blessings awaited in new places. Back then I avoided the grieving, unlike you, and paid by nearly drinking again. One of the most difficult lessons I have yet to accept is that life is transitory and people come and go--I hate that.

Kerry B. How about SLIP- sobriety loses it's priority ! Love to all, Jane


Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 09:49:45

Comments

More dreams about drinking. It indicates fear that i won't be able to maintain sobriety. Hi FAYLA, Linda, Doris, Martina, Dennis, Jane and everyone out there. With you guys i hope to remain sober. sunday i nearly gave in to depression and the drink but then i came to the c. pot and felt sooo much better. Carolyn don't feel guilty. we are only human. please keep coming in here and we can help each other. there's a ton of real love in here too which i'm grateful for. thanx for letting me share. gbless, Kellie


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 10:08:36

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

To: Anon - Your feeling exactly as you are suppossed to feel right now. However, if you put one foot in front of the other i,e; do not drink today, get to a meeting every day, get a sponser, follow other suggestions as you are able to, YOU will get better, as you get better the things around you will get better/or not but your view of yourself will have changed.

It sounds as if you are making the classic mistake of comparing your insides with evryone else's outsides. I can recall sitting at meetings early on knowing that I was never going to feel like those around me, everyone looked so good and sounded so good, and I felt like, well very much like you. Over time I came to realize, with the help of my Higher Power and by following the suggestions, as I was able to, that I was like everyone else and we all have our "crosses" to bare. If you expect being sober to be devoid of all trials and tribulations, forget it, however, you are welcome to "come along with us for the ride of your life", I hope you will come.

Doris, and Linda P. Sorry for your losses, hang in there, my prayers are with you.

Kellie, Mike - Congratulations!! It works if you work it.

Thank you for letting me share.

J.L

KelleyC in Chicago - Thinking of you, You remain in my prayers.


Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 10:50:26

Comments

Good morning everyone Joanne M here alcoholic and compulsive gambler. Just wanted to say hi to everyone and claim my seat.

Talk to you soon, Joanne


Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 10:54:28

Comments

Hi all, Mike the alcoholic here thanking all of you for you're support , got through a long weekend sober YAHOO


Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 11:42:03

Comments

Good Morning, My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic: There, really should sign on that way every time, it doesn't hurt to remind myself of that as often as possible. Carolyn . . . . You haven't drowned yet. You're still here and it is a brand new day. Your first day. Just one day but part of many more. Think about today Carolyn. "I will not drink today" just today. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. just live "in" today. i hate to sound cliche but do it one day at a time. Yestereday is gone. It's over. There's only one thing you can do with yesterday and that is try to learn from it. Tomorrow isn't here yet so ya can't worry about that yet. If I haven't learned anything else from people who commit suicide i have learned that I must think about today. It's all I have. And I do want to live it. I mean LIVE it. I want to look around and SEE the things i am looking at. I want to call the dogs and enjoy watching them run toward me from the pasture. I want to be with those who love me and I love and relish each minute. I want to help my friends when they need help and I didn't do any of those things when I was drunk. I want to bake a strawberry rhubarb pie and enjoy doing it and enjoy sharing it with my family when they get home. I didn't do that much when i was drunk either. I am an exotic, expensive gourmet cook. I love to cook and do the whole food thing. I am now learning to do and enjoy the things I am good at. What are you good at? Go do it. It doesn't matter what it is, if you enjoy it , do it. I would like to see this as a topic on the discussion some time.What are you good at and do you do it often enough. I think we sometimes loose sight of the fun stuff. Early in my sobriety ( of 1 year,5 months, and 2 days) I found I needed to keep busy. I did 90 in 90 and at first i hated the meetings. I thought they were boring and I felt like I did when I was a child and was forced to go to church. I just wanted to leave. But I didn't and I am so glad i stayed. I suggest you do the 90 in 90, or 30 in 30. I wish you well Carolyn. I have to go bake that pie. Love to all y'all, Doris


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 11:51:31

Comments

Overheard @ a f2f meeting where some got a little longwinded:

The Gettysburg Address lasted a little over three minutes, the Sermon on the Mount slightly less than four; it's not how long you talk, but what you say.


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 14:04:36

Comments

I'm Jim, an alcoholic, and still sober after 16 days. Been away for three days, and it looks like I missed a lot. Two subjects stand out.

1) Suicide: Tried it, wasn't very good at it, and am more than a little pleased that I messed it up. After that I had no choice but to accept help. In fact, that's kind of where the new sobriety comes from--what's drinking yourself unconscious day after day if not a form of slow suicide? I'm here for a purpose--everybody is--and I'll be damned if I'm going to check out before I find out what it is.

2) Being left behind: I don't have a pastor, but I do have parents approaching their 80s, and they're getting ready to leave. They're still interesting and interested, involved and engaging. But I spent the weekend with them, and came away convinced that they're packing their spiritual bags, getting ready to get on with whatever comes next.

And it scares hell out of me. Which is silly. I'm almost 50 years old, and one way or another I've had a few flutters with mortality. I understand this stuff as far as I ever will, and I ought to be able to face my parents' deaths without getting scared.

But there it is, I'm scared. When it happens I'll have to finish growing up. Is anybody ever ready for that?

At least I have a chance of being sober when it happens. Over the years I've been drunk at weddings, christenings, funerals, memorials, Christmas dinners--you name it. I can barely remember the significant family events in my life for the past 20 years. I even got passed-out hammered the day my wife brought my daughter home from the hospital. I don't show up in family photo albums--I was generally sleeping it off somewhere when the cameras came out. More accurately, they didn't bring the cameras out 'til I was passed out.

But by God, I'm not going to waste whatever time is left with my Mom and Dad. When they go I'm going to be clean, straight, sober, conscious, and a source of strength to my wife and kids, instead of an embarrassing mess.

Im expect I'll cry too, Sanders. I already have trouble finding a big enough hat--no sense making it worse.

Good luck all--day 17's halfway done. ODAAT.


Member: jrr
Location: Harmony on the Lake
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 15:09:15

Comments

hey all.. well.. just got to say--- is there another Glen in Denton? i thought i saw a little compassion sneaking through ... hmmm.... My sponsor always mentioned.. if i can't say it in 3-4 minutes... I best get in touch with him.. it had been too long a time in between our last conversation, if I had to hold a meeting hostage.

anyway.. peace, love and Tolerance jrr


Member: jrr
Location: harmony on the Lake
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 18:50:05

Comments

and Glen...you know i say that jokingly.. been awhile for me being here.. always good to see and hear you all.. just go to meetings, get a sponsor , get a homegroup, get a job in your homegroup, try to pray... however you can.. just be as sincere and earnest as you can. For the earnest petition is seldom not heard..

Again. thanks for the prayers and kindness after my surgery... peace, love and Tolerance...jrr

ps. I am listening to Van the Man.. and the cd.." the Healing Game" how appropriate while I visit with you fellow survivors... one old fart around here always said.. " we go to AA and we get Healed.. not Fixed... "


Member: Glrn H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 19:13:03

Comments

Jrr -- glad you're back. Any compassion that leaked out was accidental.

Kerry, a few more and I'll quit. Credit these to (or blame on) Micky B in LA:

HUGS - Help Us Get Sober

DENIAL - Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

GIFT - God Is Forever There

STEP - Solution To Every Problem

SPONSOR - Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery

Really Exciting Love Affair Turns Into Outrageous Nightmare Sobriety Hangs In Peril

Living Out Victories Everyday


Member: Chet G.
Location: Napa, Ca
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 20:30:41

Comments

don't forget Finding Answers In Trusting Him/Her I'm Chet, an alkie. I like the forum. Here's a story about a self-centered alcoholic. There were three guys on a deserted island. A bottle washed up on shore. You know who got to it first and opened it. A genie came out and offered each one a single wish. The alcoholic didn't think it was fair but, what could he do? any way the first guy said I want to go home to my beautiful wife and kids. Abracadabra! he went home. Ditto for guy number two. The alcoholic was disraught. He hoped to wish for liqour but couldn't stand to be alone. He cried to the Genie. "I'm all alone in this world! My wife has divorced me. My parents have disowned me! My children despise me! I don't even have any friends except for those two guys (the ones he wouldn't share with if he had a choice) "I wish they were back!!!!!"


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 21:40:11

Comments

Hi all, Linda an alcoholic. Jane thanks for your share on losses. I appreciate it. Kellie, great to see your hanging in there, along with so many of the newcomers who keep coming back. Carolyn, like others mentioned, we are not perfect, we are striving for progress though. So settle back in and do those wonderful things suggested above, and stay sober ODAAT. Glen I loved those accrostics, especially about the sponsor. I shall share that this evening in my f2f meeting.

Love to all, Linda P


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 19 May 1998
Time: 22:30:22

Comments

HI FAYLA AICOHLIC,Good going Kelly.love ya ,I just spent the day with my son Johnnie whos in treatment at this time ,he was brought there from jail.IT looks real good right now he seems like hes reddy to change ,we got to tell each other how we felt we went to two group meetings togeather ,all i can do now is pray,pray,pray. he gave me this i wanted to share it . I AM YOUR DISEASE Ihate meetings,I hate Higher power,I hate anyone who has a program,To all who come in contact with me,I wish you death and iwish you suffering.Allow me to introduce myself ,,,I am the disease of alcoholisim and drug addiction. Cunning ,Baffling,Powerful;thats me! I have killed millions and am pleased.I LOVE to catch you with the element of surprise,Ilove pretending I am your friend and lover. i have given you comfort,have i not?Wasnt I there when you were lonely?When you wanted to die,didnt you call on me?I was there. I love to make you hurt ,I love to make you cry.Better yet,I LOVE to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry.You cant feel anything at all, This is true glory!Iwill give you instant gratification and all i ask is long-term suffering.I have been there for you always.When things were going right in your life, youb invited me.You said you didnt deserve these good things and i was the only one who could agree with you.T ogether we were able to destroy all the good things in your life.People dont take me seriously.They take strokes seriously,heart attacks seriously,even diabetes seriously.Fools that they are, they dont know that without my help these things would not be possible.Iam such a hated disease, yet i do not come univited. You choose to have me be an active part of your life.So many have chosen me over reality and peace. More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12-step program.Your program,your meetings,Your Higher Power,all weaken me. I cant function in the manner to which I am accustomed. Now I must lie here quietly.You dont see me but i am growing-bigger than ever.When you only exist,I live.When you live ,I only exist.But I am here and until we meet again ,if we meet again,I wish you death and Suffering! Stay sober i love you all ,but God loves you more AMY , my sponser is not reachable. LOVE YA FAYLA G


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 00:37:49

Comments

I'm David a Recovered Alcoholic. I'm so happy to see the Vroom effect is still in operation. Carolyn, darn it start again. Don't beat yourself up for six months before you get motivated to try or you will get the opportunity to have the Vroom effect happen to you. What am I talking about? Whats the Vroom effect? Thats what happens when someone comes into one of our meetings or a chat room and talks about ending it all. Vroom, everyone runs to their aid and spends the whole rest of the meeting, etc. trying to convince them life really is worth living. Anon, the only thing that happens when you threaten to end it all around a wino is the wino smiles after he realizes there will be more left for him. F_ _ _ Everything And Run Some of us have no fear and lack compassion. Don't worry about chastising me for my shortcomings, I'm in the process of attending to that myself. Staying sober doesn't take much of a man but it takes everything a man has. How do you spell sober? C O M M I T M E N T Thanks for letting me be a butt. DB


Member: Delores C.                           
Location: Las Vegas, Nv.-USA
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 01:22:56

Comments

Delores C. Las Vegas, Nv. USA Hello, my name is Delores & I am an alcoholic. I just spent 7 days in Oregon with my twin, Doris, & she gave me many opportunities to contribute my thoughts to the "Coffee Pot" but I was afraid to do it. Now, that I have read the words written here I am convinced we have been given a wonderful gift in this internet means of really communicating with eachother. I guess we are all "annomous" which gives us license to speak a freely as we wish. This really is wonderful. I am quite taken aback after reading the plea from annomous. I hope and pray that the encouragement and prayers of the group get through do his tormented soul. Annomous you are the only one who can make the decision to continue in this struggle called life. I really want you to stay around long enough to find out how it all comes out. It would be such a shame to deprive all of us of what we can learn from you. Possibly we can teach you something to. Please indulge me but I must say how proud I am of my wonderful sister. I try to visit her every year and hopefully even more often in the future and each time I see her she surprises me with more and more strength and wisdom. When I read what she had to say about our cousin Steven I felt that because of this program I was more able to understand her than I have ever been. I feel the same connection of understanding for all my AA family and I was so gratified to find that connection finally reached one of the most important people in my life. Thank you AA and thank you all here in the CP for being in the right place at the right time for me. Delores C.-


Member: Pat Z.
Location: CA.
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 01:48:59

Comments

Hi, I'm Pat (or Trish),an alcoholic in recovery. This is my first time posting, but I feel close to all of you! I've been sober since 1981. but first came into the program in 1976. When I came back to the program, my sponsor had me "take a fourth" on the "reasons" for going out. These would be my weak areas....the areas which would be turned over to my H.P. Through love in the program, I was able to connect to my H.P., while others in our program took me along the path in caring for myself. Right now, I am essentially home-bound, so this meeting and all of you are my connection to meetings. For the new-comers, what you really want (serenity) will be found by following earlier posting and keep coming back! I look forward in hearing from all of you!


Member: Doris, Delores's twin sister
Location: In Oregon
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 02:12:10

Comments

Good evening, my name is Doris and i am an alcoholic. Hello Delores, Fayla and everyone. i just wanted to say thank you to Fayla, as usual Fayla you are such a nice addition to this forum It is true isn't it Fayla, and Fayla ; ; ; i am praying so hard for your son , , , and you. you deserve the best my friend. You are always so positive, even when you are sad. you are an inspiration to me. thank you for your example. Love , Doris


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 02:35:15

Comments

Hey gang, Amy an alcoholic. Fayla I too want to thank you for taking the time to type in what you did about the disease. Cunning and Baffeling it is, but with my HP I will get by ODAAT. I was glad to hear from Kellie and Bitsey, Jim D, Kerry, DORIS AND DELORES, Glenn and of course Jrr, welcome back! I too will be away until next Monday but wanted to thank you all for your love and support this week. Although I will be with friends and family the next 4 days down near Italy I am going to try to do another 4th step in my head to see where my weaknesses are that COULD affect sobriety...Love to all, Amy GC


Member: Diane H.
Location: South Carolina
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 03:17:21

Comments

Hi My name is Diane and I'm an alcoholic. To all the newcomers. Please hang in there. You are embarking on an adventure that will absolutely amaze you. Right now things look bleak, but get to a meeting, get some phone numbers, share your feeling with another alcoholic, take the suggestions that were written to you by your fellow alcoholics, and start learning how to live in this beautiful fellowship of Alcoholics Annonymous. My prayers are for all of you, the newcomers and the rest of us all trying to work this program to the best of our abilities. Try to find the God of YOUR understanding. Not necessarily the God of you youth, but the God that you can relate to on a one on one basis. This can happen if you just be patient and listen. There is magic in the meetings. You can walk into a meeting feeling like crap, by the time the Our Father is said in the circle at the end of the meeting, stop and just see how much better you feel as compared to how you felt at the beginning of the meeting. That is part of the Magic of the Meetings. Hang in there, we are all keeping you in our prayers. Thanks for being her for me and for the rest of us. You newcomers are the most important people at this Coffee Pot Meeting. Thanks for being here for us.


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 03:48:52

Comments

Hi extended family, (((ROOM-HUG))) bonnie here, alcoholic, so happy to be here with you tonight. (((Delores))) so happy you're with us, (((Doris))) is a gift to us. (((lib))) & (((j-man))) much love and prayers go out to you in your healing. (((cliff))) bbq and cribbage Sat. your house, cant wait!! love you. (((jrr))) glad you're on the mend (((fayla))) been there with my daughter, not fun but out of all three of my kids, we are the closest, and thats a miracle LOL To all that are new to the program or to this site - a heartfelt welcome and hug - to all my beautiful sisters in here that walk in dignity and grace, I love you girls. To all my wonderful caring brothers, I love you guys. To all those brothers and sisters away from home defending my freedom to be here, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Life is so good today that I sometimes have to look behind me to see if I'm leavin footprints. and this feeling is here for every one of us to enjoy. thank God for AA and thank AA for my God. God bless all that venture here **************************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net Bonnie C 5/30/80


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 04:04:19

Comments

wanted to mention the site techs, barry and all, thank you my friends for making this post possible. now when I need to say something, I can. (((hugs))) bon/alky again (awesome job folks) what a blessing!


Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 10:03:47

Comments

Good Morning everyone, My name is JoanneM and I and am alcoholic and compulsive gambler. I am feeling very depressed today and I don't know why. My mom died in September 1997 and I really miss her, I wish could call and talk to her but I can't. This weekend I will go to the grave and talk to her I hope you all don't think that I am crazy. BYE Joanne.


Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 10:15:13

Comments

Hi all Mike the alcoholic here. Day 9 feeling so good and getting so much done, wish I would of quit boozing sooner. LOVE BEING SOBER hope you all feel this good. Peace and God bless.


Member: FAYLA    G
Location: GALENA      KS
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 10:30:59

Comments

HI FAYLA,ALCOHOLIC,I LOVE YOU DORIS,AMY ,Welcome DELORIS,Glad your here!YOUwill never know because words cant express how much strength i have gained from all of you on the coffee pot .Sanders,BOnnie,Libby,Mary ,jrr,Linda p.Marrtina,jason,John,and so many more of you who have touched my life and my heart.My daughter comes over here when im writeing on here and shell say mom you didnt spell that right or she will find some other mastake i made,I just tell her ,They understand.I LOVE YOU. FAYLA G


Member: Carolyn L.
Location: GA
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 11:00:51

Comments

Hi Carolyn Alcoholic here. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I realize that I had a slip. I will start anew today I see that today is all I really have. I do feel like I have people here on this page who really care about me. I don't feel so alone today. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 11:10:10

Comments

Good morning, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.

To all the newcomers, welcome to the coffeepot. Delores, I am looking forward to your visits here. Your sister Doris has been quite a help to me through her comments here, even though we have not communicated via e-mail.(Doris, I wanted you to know that)

Joanne from Brighton- well dear, I don't think we are crazy at all! My mom died 2 years ago. I miss her very much. I have not visited her grave since the funeral because of distance. But, I talk to her all the time, sometimes to myself and sometimes outloud. In every day something I do, or say will remind me of a time we shared. It could be the way I arrange a vegetable platter or flowers in a garden, and she would direct me as to how SHE would do it. (we playfully bickered with each other, oh, how I miss that) Anyway when I do these things now, I feel her presence and I find myself looking up to heaven, hearing her comments and I chat back and yadda yadda yadda. I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to my mom. It works for me! I cherish those memories with her.

My dad has been visiting and I haven't been around too much. I have been dropping in though Everyone here is in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv Suzanne


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 11:19:58

Comments

Fayla, you too, have touched my life and given me strength Luv Suzanne


Member: FAYLA     G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 11:40:35

Comments

FAYLA ,ALCOHOLIC,TO Joanne,no i dont think thats crazy,my mother is dead also,and i go to her grave and talk to her .Any way someone told me at a meeting once ,WERE all here cause, were not all there, love you ,suzanne i love you FAYLA G


Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 11:43:19

Comments

Joanne, Noone is going to think you are crazy, talking to her is real for you and i am sure it helps you. I think she is up there helping you all the time. I do believe in guardian angels and she id probably yours. I, in a childhood with very little hope or happiness, had an Auntie that was responsible for any happiness that I DID get. She died 25 years ago and I feel her presence all the time. I talk to her every time I do some things that she and I used to do together. It's like not being alone, she's there. I am sad about your loss. Carolyn, I am so glad you are feeling better. Fayla, you are right, I think we all do understand, who cares about the spelling? Suzanne, get my address from Sanders, I would love to write you. I love you all, no baby yet (teeth gritting) I will tell you all first when Stepper is born. The mare is looking soooooooo miserable. I will stop now, forgive me if I am sometimes verbose, love Doris


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 12:01:10

Comments

Mike, I'm glad that you have 9 days, but are you doing anything besides crossing days off on the calendar? How about f2f meetings? Have you met any other alcoholics in recovery? There is some much more to this deal than just not using.


Member: Eileen
Location:
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 12:27:05

Comments

I am one of the lucky ones with my Mom still here with me at 93. Thanks to everyone for reminding me what I still have. Carolyn, we do care sooo much about you. I am not on too often, but you and all who come here are in my prayers. Thanks, Joanne, Suzanne, Fayla, Doris, Bonnie, and all who responded to me when I was desperate. I am so grateful today to you and Almighty God. God bless. Eileen


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 12:55:48

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, my mom died 12 days after I got sober, didn't go to her funeral, she was in Pa. and I was in CA. I had just been home a month before this and I was too sick, my sis understood although she didnt even know that I had a problem or that I had gotten sober. I have had many conversations with mom since then. even made amends to her. Once when I was at a baseball game (Padres-San Diego) (about 3months after she died) with my husband, son and his buddy, i was sitting there and wished mom was sitting next to me, for she loved baseball (Pirates-Pitts.) and always wanted to catch a foul ball, the boys had just gone off to the snack bar, actually I think it had something to do with the 2 little blondes that had just passed, the boys were 16 LOL and I was sitting there with this overpowering missing of my mom, the boys had handed me and my husband their mitts, and in the middle of this very strong feeling, one of the (Astros) popped one up and it landed in my glove. I sat there and shared my feeling with my husband, he then said that he would have loved to have caught one for mom for they loved each other very much, you guessed it, the next ball hit by the same guy fell into his glove, coincidence, I think not. When I held each of my grandbabies for the first time I shared the experience with my mom. Now miles and time no longer separate us and she is no longer in pain, She had cancer for many yrs. and just didn't know how to let things go so she was mentally in pain also. The only thing I wish is that I could have shared this program with her so she could have had the serenity that we all have the chance to gift ourselves with. Thanks to this program I am not in pain over her - I get to have her here with me anytime I want


Member: bc
Location:
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 13:07:02

Comments

by the way, the boys were really pissed when they got back, the girls wouldn't talk to them and we had caught the foul balls. LOL


Member: Carolyn L.
Location: GA
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 13:20:43

Comments

Hi, Carolyn here alkie still, I need help and am not able to reach anyone by phone. I felt better earlier and now am experiencing great anxiety and a sense of being out of control. I want some contact s/o please email me at clafranc@mail.egleston.org. My sister called me with news about our dad that should be making me happy instead I feel confused. I'm not sure what this is about but I need help feeling grounded again.


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 14:05:04

Comments

Hi everybody--Jim, an alcoholic who has been sober 17.5 days and until last night was starting to think maybe he's not an alcoholic after all, maybe it was over-reaction, maybe it's just a matter of will power.

Insidious, isn't it. How could I feel this well and be ill?

But if I'm not an alcoholic there's something else wrong. I blew it at f2f last night. I was feeling cranky, didn't really want to be there. A woman I'd talked to on other occasions started to push a little to get me out of my shell. Something she said hit a nerve and before I knew what was happening I'd said some really vicious things.

Regrettably, saying things that flay people is one of my talents, and I outdid myself. I apologized all over everything. She kind of accepted the apology and said something about how alcoholics are like that, but I still felt lower than snake s---.

So I went home and yelled at the dog. Poor beast, poor spouse--poor me, who cannot unsay things that really need to be unsaid.

Gonna be tough to go back there tonight. Maybe I'll take some flowers and hope she's there. Sure could use a sponsor about now.


Member: paul c
Location: adelaide, south australia
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 14:37:53

Comments

hi. im Paul, an alcoholic, in australia, 13 years sober, and totally insane, but not unhappy about that. Jim, we all say and do things that hurt others, it comes from our own pain, its a part of the disease, a part that wants us back out there. but when we stay, we grow, and when we grow in sobriety, we can learn to be the people we want to be, not perfect, just people. Ive never met a sane member, but i know a lot of happy nut cases in the fellowship There are days that id like to edit right out, but i know that they make me a better person.


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 15:10:45

Comments

Jim, if she made you realize that you have work to do, a heartfelt "Thank you for making me realize ..." will mean more than an apology. If she's not there share it with the group; they'll understand 'cause they've been there and done it.


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 15:22:55

Comments

Jim, still an alcoholic.

Paul C., I'm not sane either--thank God. Most of the conventionally sane people I know are pretty boring.

Thanks to both you and Glen H. I think I'll still take the flowers, but the card will say "thanks" instead of "I'm sorry." Either way, she's a neat lady and ought to get flowers from somebody.

But it's still gonna be hard going to the meeting. Yet another lesson in humility. When does a body stop learning and become humble?


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 15:38:37

Comments

I'm David a Recovered Alcoholic.

I have NEVER lost control of my mouth or my keyboard since getting sober!!!

AHH, HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Just another day in paradise.

I loved the line from Bonnie C about having to look behind herself to see if she's leaving footprints. I will use that one whenever I get the chance. Consider it stolen.

Carolyn, like it or not you too cool to die drunk. Remember sometimes it comes down to 10 seconds at a time.

I would like to thank the whole bunch of you for not getting on me about my post from last night. Wouldn't have done you any good anyway but thanks. DB


Member: Kerry B. - Alcoholic
Location: Idaho
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 15:50:47

Comments

Jim - I'll stop learning when I'm 6 ft. under. Humility, who know's??? I know sometimes when to keep my mouth shut. But only sometimes. I was told a long time ago that the only perfect things in the world were A--holes!! I know that is not entirely true, but it sure put the skids on my search for perfection!!! Like they keep saying at those meetings "One Day At A Time" Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse, but it is always "Real" - Sober.


Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 16:15:32

Comments

LOL.... jim d this is a journey. we keep growing and learning. remember this is a program of progress not perfection.

glen, you do share some wonderful advice. why don't you share more of yourself? there are times you seem to be resting on your laurels and passing on your gems of wisdom. yet you "slip" up and give us a brief glimpse of the real you. i like that person. fayla, you are right we understand and do love you. @>--%----


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 16:43:52

Comments

Humility..... just about the time you think you are humble, you aren't.

I lost it this week also, Jim in pretty much the same way as you did and had to write a letter to someone to try and mend things. I am grateful that I know alot of forgiving people. I knew I was in pain when my mouth started flapping, but I just kept going anyway. Still doesn't feel as lousy as being drunk, though.


Member: Tom C
Location:
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 17:21:26

Comments

I just wanted to vist people to visit a site for the friends and family of alcoholics (with alcoholics welcome as well!)

Another Empty Bottle at http://www.alcoholismhelp.com is a site for the friends and family of alcoholics. The site contains a weekly column of news, information and fun; an extensive listing of resources about alcoholism; links to sites on alcoholism, depression, domestic abuse, and more; help groups and hotlines; over 100 personal stories submitted by visitors; a touching, yet-informative children's section; a recovery site building shop for those wishing to create their own recovery web site; a listing of chat rooms and meeting schedules; a thriving discussion area for visitors to post questions or comments; and more!

Once again, that's http://www.alcoholismhelp.com


Member: Eleanor S.
Location: Princeton, BC,Canada
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 17:53:11

Comments

Hi My name is Eleanor S. I sobered up in "83 but had a couple of relapses, one was for a horrible 11 months, that is when I hit my bottom, I guess, it nearly ended in suicide. I am coming up for 2 years and am doing ok but 6 years ago we moved from Ontario,Canada,to British columbia,Canada, I am in a small town of 4000 and AA is run so different. For the first few years I attended here but for the last couple I have not attended many meetings. I really miss the meetings back east, I find that there is no help for me here as I know these people and I know they don't practice the principles of AA outside meeting room. I know I should not judge, I am not perfect either. I have had two sponsors since coming here and got along well with both, first one moved out of town and never told me she was moving got a change of address card, and the second moved in town, been about 3 months now, I see her often but she hasn't said come for coffee or even given me her phone number for that matter. I don't bug my sponsors never have, only want them for friends and emergencies. I still have my sponsor from back east but she is 4000 miles away.I have been looking for online support, I think this is great, it is hard to open up to people that you don't trust.My husband is in the program and has been sober 14 years and he is a help but you can't discuss a lot of things with him, he is so different than me emotionally.I have a chatline that I go to, it is a small one and we know each other pretty well, some of them know I am in AA and some don't, I think this is one of the things that has helped me through the rough times and there have been many, with a daughter that is into everything I guess, and is 29 with 2 children and has decided all of a sudden in the last 2 years that she hates her mother.This has not been the case all along but to hear her now it has, so I have cut myself off from her.A real hard thing to do, but she as attempted suicide and does everything, had affairs, her kids are afraid and she is in denial says it's my fault and I live 4000 miles from her.I quit smoking at same time as I quit drinking last time(only drank twice) and it has been a battle with all of this coming at me, but so far , thanks to God and my AA learning I have stayed away from those two devils. I am really glad I have found this online help.and very glad I found AA and a God of my understanding. I have two little stickers on my computer table right next to keyboard, one is One day at a time, and the other is Easy Does It.


Member: Eleanor S
Location: Princeton,BC,Canada
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 18:20:46

Comments

Dear Carolyn, This is Eleanor S. just signed in above for first time, but read your comments.Don't feel quilty, quilt kills us.We have lived with quilt too long and everytime something happens the quilt comes back, Just start over, and it is one day at a time, so today is a new day and tomorrow is a new tomorrow, so stay sober today, and go from there.Ask God to help you to stay sober today and thank him tonight for his help. He will not hold this against you, so if he can forgive you, you can forgive yourself too. I do know where you are coming from though, felt that awful feeling many times.Am glad I found this site, will check with you and email you little later. love you Eleanor S.


Member: Melanie  E
Location: WA
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 19:02:26

Comments

Hi, Melanie, Alcoholic, I just found this site yesterday and I'm very happy I did. I've been trying to stay sober for a year and a half, even went through treatment. I have a family and never get to meetings. I know, "willing to go to any lengths". Well that's why I'm so happy about finding this site! Here you all are right in my own house all the time. I keep relapsing. I love to drink! I just hate what it does to me cause I can't stop till it's ALL gone. I hate not remembering what I did or said. And God forbid, what if I were to kill someone with my car while on my way to get more to drink? I hate not being able to sleep at night, sweating, worring about my breath, being ashamed etc. etc. etc. So, I didn't drink today or yesterday, just because you are all here and because i've been working the steps and ended up on the 4th and added to it: I hate restrictions!! No matter what they are. So please pray with me to have God remove this defect of character from me. Thanks everyone. I'll be back! Love, M


Member: milas
Location: n.calif
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 19:03:16

Comments

Jim every day is a lesson, and they will be repeated till we learn them. If its not humility it will be something else. HE has unbelievable patience. Glen I love ya man, took me a while to figure out that my own "hardhearted" sponsor, truly cared for me and my well being. Turns out he's a big teddy bear. Don't tell him I said that though! Keep up the good work jrr Glad to see your recovering, Ya sound a bit mellow tho. thanks all y'all

milas,an I'm still an acholic


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 20:02:24

Comments

bonnie/alcoholic here, (((Carolyn))) (((joanne))) (((mike))) hang in there and remember whatever you're feelin, this too shall pass (((melanie))) welcome but please do try to make it to reg. meetings. face to face is so important.(((eleanor))) welcome (((jim d))) glad to see you here (((martina))) hang in there (((david b))) its yours, one time I was just sharin at a meeting and that fell out of my mouth, it felt good when I said it, hope it works that way for you. God bless all who venture here.


Member: Tonia F.
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 22:29:01

Comments

Tonia, alcoholic. Thanks Eleanor S and Martina G!!! I've slipped and I feel guilty even posting this note. I feel I've let myself down, my family, my boss, everybody! I'm still trying to figure out why I took that first drink. Your post has given me support, and Martina....I'll keep telling myself that even as miserable as I feel right now, it's NOT as lousy as BEING drunk! I got to get with the program. Thanks for being there.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 20 May 1998
Time: 22:50:51

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholilc. Wow, it was so wonderful to be surprised to see my sponosor on line--hi there Pat Z. A hugh welcome from your old pal. Hope you get to loving this site as much as me.

For those who are interested and need to speak with someone right away on the internet, there is another site that enables instant communications back and forth on-line called AACHAT. My nickname for that site is Traveler. If you manage to visit that site and need to speak to someone right away, and see that nickname, mark the private box and highlight my name and we can go into a private, back and forth chat without others seeing our communications. I find that absolutely amazing. I have no idea what the address is. I always find it by going to: alcoholics anonymous fresno, select AA links, and then AACHAT. The meeting is called the Winner's Circle. Hope to visit with some of you there.

Eleanor--I have visited your neck of the woods three times. Beautiful country. Glad you found our site. Same with you Melanie, just hang in there. Carolyn, I'll be in the AACHAT this evening until 9PM Pacific Standard Time, if you need to talk.

Love to all, Linda P


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 00:39:50

Comments

SCREW GUILT!!! I'm Kerry, Alcoholic. Welcome to this web site Eleanor - Melanie -Tonia, Want you all to know that I know how it feels to go out again. I did it back in 1979, and it was rough coming back, but that last time really scared me, and made me willing to do whatever it takes. Eleanor - I made a 1000 mile move when I had 11 years, and I guess you could say I ran into the same feelings. There just isn't anything like the home group and the people who have been a part of our recovery. I had not gone to a meeting for a few years when we finally got the internet and found this. And it has helped me so much, just to be in touch on a daily basis. Keep coming back, there is alot of love here.


Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 03:21:08

Comments

Dear Melanie E, My name is Doris and i am an alcoholic. Apparently so are you. Do you really believe that you are an alcoholic? Do you want to be a recovering alcoholic? What do you want? Do you have a higher power? I hope that you can answer these questions to yourself with complete honosty. I think we all understand hating restrictions. We do too. I can't think of a soul that likes restrictions. BUT ! there they are. They're a fact of life. YOU like to drink. We all did. How WOULD you feel if you killed someone with your car? What if it were your children? I don't mean to be hard on you Melanie, I just wonder if you have been honost with yourself. You ask us to pray for you, Do you pray for yourself? I remember asking for the Saints and the Blessed Virgin to pray for me. But I didn't pray for myself. I started to really do that when I hit what turned out to be my bottom. I remember saying to myself that I wanted to stop drinking, but I didn't really do anything about it for a long time. I remember planning my buying trips so carefully so I didn't have to drive drunk. Of course a few times I didn't plan well enough. I was lucky, I never killed anyone, but I know a few people who did. I hope they do but I don't think they will ever get over it. This site is wonderful but there is nothing like f2f meetings. I hope that you can go to them. 90 in 90 wouldn't be a bad idea. Go with God Melanie, Doris


Member: Suzy McGovern
Location: Dallas
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 06:54:22

Comments

Hi everyone, I brought my mug and more sweet-n-low (Saw we were getting low) sorry no doughnuts (dieting for the approaching)bikini season. Did you see the cloud this morning? That Mexican grass better stop burning so I can mow my lawn....couldn't even see it this morning. Though Jimmy said it wasn't very good quality Mexican grass, he had smoked better, :) Gotta get to work ya'll ...bless you


Member: Martina G
Location: New England
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 07:49:46

Comments

Good morning eveyone -- I am a grateful alcoholic today, as I can look on this past week and see how cruddy it was and I am still sober.

Tonia, no matter what happens, remember that every day is a chance for a new beginning no matter what happened yesterday. Stay close.

Melanie -- when you are REALLY sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you will have the motivation to step on the road to recovery. It sounds like you are getting to that point, but haven't decided yet that your drinking is causing your more pain than going without it will. I got to that point the day I put my kids in the car and drove them when I was drunk. No other pain or humiliation was enough for me - but that one was. Thank God it didn't have to be the issue that I had killed them or someone else to bring me to my knees, but I am convinced that had I continued drinking, it would have been. We are all powerless over additction, but not powerless in decision making and this decision is yours.

Have a blessed sober day everyone.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 08:41:22

Comments

Melanie, if your family is more important than making meetings, you may just need to drink until you lose your family.


Member: Barbara B
Location: W  PA
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 09:31:55

Comments

Barbara B. (W PA) Good alkie that I am, I would like to propose a toast... Here's to all the alcoholics I know, who didn't have the courage to grow, whose bodies lie six feet under, Help me Lord not to make the same blunder. May their deaths be not a waste, that I would not do the same and make my decisions in haste. Help me to give to my fellow man, give me a heart that understands. Help me to learn to take direction, And thank you God for your protection. Amen. I must be getting better, my toasts are turning into prayers. There's hope for us all.


Member: sara c.
Location: maine,God's Country
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 09:36:26

Comments

hello everyone, it's a beautiful day here in maine,but then again every sober day is beautiful. i just wanted to share part of a book i'm reading called "blessings" and it's just further confirmation of what we all already know. a quote by louise hay,"i lovingly create perfect health for mysel. my dis-ease is a valuable teacher". a wonderful affirmation. in times of disease i slow down,center myself, and focus on the blessing hidden within the circumstancewhat am i meant to attend to? what grief have i ignored? what stress have i turned aside or buried?what blessing can be found by slowing down,turning within?(pg.171 by julia cameron)and in the words of someone named seneca"it is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult" and in my own words, i love all of you and thanks for listening!how great thou art!!!


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 09:39:14

Comments

"The Winner's Circle" that Linda P mentioned is @

http://aa-intergroup.org/real.html


Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 09:40:07

Comments

Hi guys. Kellie, alcoholic here. Just wanted to say hello and that i'm a little over a week sober. last night i went to a pub and ordered gingerale. so then this new friend of mine said he likes it better when i drink because i let down my guard. (typical man, no offense.) what a shitty thing to say to someone trying to recover from an illness. anyway i asked him if he didn't like it because it made him feel less powerful and he said "yes." That made me think "great, not drinking is "powerful." I 'm not a powerfreak but the words ring nicely in my ears. there's no way that i'll stop going into bars. if anything it makes me feel better to see how stupid all the people heavily under the influence are acting and i think, is that the way i looked? vanity and power can be good. i can't say that i'll never pick up another pint of beer but i'm trying to see the POSITIVE things about not drinking instead of focusing on the NEGATIVE things about not drinking and hope it reinforces my decision to quit alcohol. i'm probably just babbling but i'm happy today about bieng sober. thanx for letting me share and gbless. Kellie


Member: FAYLA    G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 11:53:25

Comments

Hello,fayla,Alcoholic, hOPE EVERYONEIS DOING ok newcommers ,We can talk to you and we can listen ,But you half to do the same thing we half to do ,stay sober !Its been hard for all of us ,at first i didnt think i was going to make it ,my nerves got so bad i thought i was loseing my mind ,i cried all the time ,i shook ,i felt like my body was a puzzel and i kept trying to pull the peaces all back togeather,i even got mad at God i blamed him ,and wondered why he was doing this to me in my sick mind i was blameing everyone but i was doing this to myself,I hadent gone to a meeting for 3 weeks i was still trying to run everything ,God couldnt help me i wouldnt let him ,I marched myself to a meeting i let go for the first time ,i said God show me the way ,I started asking insted of telling,doing insted of feeling sorry for myself . and its getting better and better every day, I LOVE YOU ALL ,BUT GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW ,just give him the chance to show you. FAYLA G


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 12:55:30

Comments

Heool: Doris in SPRINGFIELD, Oregon, Well ! it has happened here too. It is now 9:49 here in Springfield and I have been listening to the news for an hour this A M. There has been a shooting at Thurston High School in SPFD> and so far one student is dead and 6 more are in the hospital with gunshot wounds. There are many more with other injuries due to the stampede. Rick Dancer, the news guy on channel 9 was broadcasting live from the school when he got the word that one was dead and he lost it in the air. As we all lost it in our homes watching him. I can't believe it. This is awful. You know what my first reaction was? I wanted to be here with my friends at the coffee pot. Please pray now for the injured. Please pray for the parents who don't know yet if their child was the unlucky one. Apparently the student who did it was expelled yesterday and he returned today with more than one gun. He mowed people down in the cafeteria before school. Of course there was a great deal of panic and a bunch of other students tackled him and subdued him. He was wearing black fatigues. This is a very liberal community, who knows what will happen now. I am in shock. I have a lot of friends whose children go to that school and I just don't know anything about their safety. I hate this. I can't find anything out right now but we'll find out soon, I hope. I thank you all for being there. Love Doris


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 13:24:14

Comments

Doris, that's heartbreaking news, whether it comes from a small town in Scotland or from Springfield, Oregon. There just isn't anything I can say to make it even a bit better--all we can do is grieve, and when that's past look for solutions. I try to recall whether I ever felt the kind of alienated rage that youngster must have felt--the answer's yes. I've even fantasized about doing that kind of thing, God forgive me, but even at the time I knew full well I couldn't.

What makes a kid step over the boundary like that? I wish I was wise enough to answer that. This has got to stop.


Member: Doris
Location:
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 14:51:34

Comments

Thank you Jim.


Member: Doris
Location:
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 14:52:08

Comments

Thank you Jim.


Member: Bitsey
Location:
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 15:33:28

Comments

Hello Bitsey and i am an Alchohalic. I have had alittle trouble getting through the last few days but keep on reading your postings. thankyou Glen for the definition on SOBER. I like Melanie have a family and an unlimited amount of excuses not to go to meetings. Scary to think i might need to lose my family. It is getting close. i do my drinking at home either alone or when kids are around. So I'm not passed out or to shitfaced to function lets face it emotionally I'm not there because I've checked out. I don't love drinking but i love where it USED to take me....away. I have some fear of giving it up because it is the only thing i have (so I think) that is all mine. I am a single parent-no privacy no space blah blah blah whine whine whine. Thank you all for this web site. Doris how sad for your town. Its when we here of or expereience things like that it makes me realize how precious life is and why would i want to waste another day being checked out or to sick to enjoy.


Member: Doris
Location: Springfield Ore
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 15:49:09

Comments

Bitsy, I just went into a chat room and encountered a young woman who is desperate because of her husbands drinking. Her life just fell apart and she was and still may be suicidal. I convinced her to give me her phone number and i called her. I hope and pray that I did some good. She is a long way from me here in Ore. Now I know what I put my husband and family through. She told me. Reality just struck for me. I have a lot of thinking to do. What DID I do to others? I am ready to go there now. I sis stop and I don't intend to ever hurt any one I love again because of booze. Good luck to you, Go with God, Doris


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 15:50:34

Comments

Jim, an alcoholic.

Got my armor on again after Doris's awful news. Grieving, but almost 19 days sober and grateful for that.

If anybody was wanting to know, I did take flowers and a thank you card to the meeting, the member I verbally abused the previous night was there, she accepted them graciously and said: "That's one--you don't ever want to get to three."

So I dunno--I think maybe I've found a potential sponsor.


Member: Bill Mc.
Location: Washington State
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 16:50:02

Comments

I'm Bill and I'm an alcoholic. I want to console Doris from Ore. and tell you that this is my first time here, but in the reading I have done both here and in the the week-long meeting, you shine like a diamond. Your obvious genuine concern and commitment are inspirational. Yours is an example for me of "having what I want." I am now praying for the willingness to go to any length to get it.

I have been around AA for 32 years, but have lacked the willingness to do "whatever it took," and consequently have not been able to string together a lot of continuous sobriety. I had 10 years in 1993, but have 11 months now. But I do keep coming back, a little worse for the wear each time, and don't stay out as long. I know what I need to do, and am so far doing it, this time. I thank God fopr all of you who have shared here, and intend to become a regular. You have what I want! I battle with depression and PTSD and used them as excuses for not attending meetings or working with a sponsor for a long time. Now I want to live and to contribute so I need to find the humility to focus on what we all have in common and forget about how we differ. I have been isolating again and this site has let me see what I've been missing. I am going to a meeting this evening, because of the things I have read here. Thank you all and God bless you.


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 18:00:51

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))) DORIS, I know the feeling dear sister, I lived in Escondido CA (san diego - north county) right before I left the state. lived behind a beautiful little park. one day about 3yrs after I'd been there, there was yellow tape around the park and gang writings on the fence and a dead boy there, over the next yr that I lived in that duplex,my ex had a business there and my rationalization of staying was the relocation of all the plumbing supplies problem, he was always going to move it and I waited, in harms way, I saw more yellow tape, prositution, drug deals and worse and finally one morning I woke up to blood in my driveway and yellow tape there, by that time I had found another place and was in the process of moving, packed my double garage with boxes floor to ceiling, wall to wall and when I got home from my 9 to 5 job that night I had been wiped out (no insurance). so at 13yrs sober, I had to reevaluate everything and take myself out of harms way, leaving the best career i'd ever had. LA was moving down the coast so thats one of the reasons I moved. sorry to go on like this but I really hate to hear about quiet little communities that drugs, gangs, booze or just plain insanity starts to rear its ugly head. The only thing that I can do is stay clean and sober myself and pray for those affected by the insanity and get to as many meetings as I can to give to others what was so freely given to me over these yrs. It may be that one person at the meeting that will hear me share and get the hope that you folk gave to me, that wont go home and beat or ignore his kid that would have gone to school and killed his classmates. Alot of anger and hopelessness today amongst my fellow humans. So those that have a hundred excuses for not going to meetings, if not for you, why not go and give away what has been so freely given to you so that we can have a better world to live in. It has to start with me and I don't feel helpless in my own community today for I do my part. KELLIE, I really hope you're strong enuf, if you feel yourself starting to weaken, get the hell out of there and call someone in the program, at least go to as many face to face meetings as you do bars so at least you give your recovery a 50/50 chance. I know you have time to go to meetings for you make time for your drinking abusive "friends?". by the way thats just typical of men without programs, you are truly in for a wonderful surprize when you get to meetings. the men i know treat me with love and respect, they always have and I was 30 when I got here. check out the posts on this page they come from loving caring gentle souls and some of those are men, none of these guys would ever tell you to drink so they could take advantage of you for they know your disease WILL kill you. We need you here dear heart, you don't deserve to be treated that way. Please God bless all who venture here.


Member: Darwin L
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 18:11:29

Comments

Hi, I'm Darwin and am a alcoholic. This is my first time with you in the coffee pot. I presently have 93 days sober. I was in AA for over a year when I decided to find an easier, softer way. There was none. I am now trying to work the steps to the best of my ability and stay sober one day at a time. I would like to share a poem with you that someone sent to me over the internet. ALWAYS HAVE A DREAM Forget about the days when it's been cloudy, but don't forget your hours in the sun. Forget about the times you've been defeated, but don't forget the victories you've won. Forget about the mistakes that you can't change now, but don't forget the times your luck has turned. Forget about the misfortunes you've encountered, but don't forget the times your luck has turned. Forget about the days when you've been lonely, but don't forget the friendly smiles you've seen. Forget about the plans that didn't seem to work out right, but don't forget to always have a dream. "A thought from a friend" Thank you for letting me share and keep on coming back.


Member: Doris
Location: Springfield
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 21:30:08

Comments

I have just heard that the police went to the home of the boy who did the shooting and found what they believe to be the parents of the boy dead in the home. They think that they may have been killed yesterday. Apparently this boy was a bomb fanatic as well and they have evacuated the neighborhood and they seem to think there is some kind of explosive device in the home. This was a quite well off family. the father was a Spanish teacher in a local community college. the mother was a spanish teacher in the other school in Springfield. There were so far three students there that I was acquainted with and two of them were injured. One is critical. This is nuts. When the boy was brought down by the other students he told one of them, "Kill me, just kill me". I don't even know how to think about it. I take a computer class at that school and I don't even want to go there again. What about all those young people who have to go there again? I'm sorry to burden all of you with this. It doesn't have anything to do with A A but I just feel like talking to you all. Thank you, Doris


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 21:35:10

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Sorry to here about that going on in Oregon Doris. Hopefully those whom you know were not involved as victims in that crime. It is always a sad thing to see children that act out their anger in such a destructive way. Like someone else mentioned earlier, I too was quilty of fantasizing people's demise, but never in a million years would I have ever actually done it.

Thanks for the info Glenn--perhaps I will see you there sometime. I got through today by entering AACHAT. The address will probably be a lot more direct. Thanks again.

Welcome to all the newcomers. Kellie it is mighty difficult to play in the same old playground where you used to drink without succumbing to temptation. It might not hit you now, but eventually this activity your in could become a problem. I would suggest perhaps getting to some f2f meetings, and if you don't have a sponsor yet, to find yourself one to guide you in your recovery.

Love to all,

Linda P


Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 22:55:07

Comments

HI Kellie, alcoholic here. I just wanted to reply to Bonnie. She posted that the men in AA are loving souls and i'm sure MOST of them are. But let's face it they are still men even if they never would ask me to have a drink. At one of the first AA meetings i went to (3 yrs. ago) i was able to say a few words on my behalf as an alcoholic and i mentioned that because of alcohol my husband was going to divorce me.( He never did) At the end of the meeting a guy came up to me and said that i shouldn't have mentioned the "getting divorced" part because the men in the meeting will take that to mean that i'm available. Also he critiqued something else i said which was really not his place to do so. Another meeting that i used to go to was like a meat market and that's one of the reasons why i stopped going. It didn't FEEL comfortable. I'm not saying that the meetings weren't helpful. they were and there were loads of lovely people there. So far this website has been keeping me sober and if this works why not stick with it? And this abusive "friend" is someone that i just met. Last night was only my second time out with him and that's when he made his remark. I doubt i'll be making a strong friendship with someone who doesn't understand the true meaning of the word "FRIEND." I really appreciate your comments Bonnie. You make some good points as usual. Thanx to all of you for caring and gbless. Kellie


Member: Diane H.
Location: South Carolina
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 23:00:47

Comments

Hi I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic.. Kellie, I was told early on, if you sit on the railroad tracks long enough, you will get hit by a train.. if you sit on a bar stool long enough, you will pick up that first drink...I will keep you in my prayers..People, Places and Things... they got to change if you want sobriety....Blind men don't go to moves... Recovering Alcoholics don't go to bars.


Member: FAYLA     G
Location: GALENA   KS
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 23:10:15

Comments

FAYLA ALCOHOLIC,Doris talk about anything you feel like,thats what its all about sharing our pain ,I AM praying for those people and my heart is sad for them who lost there children,or had a child hurt in the school,i pray that God will help them to get threw this,and i know he will .i hope everyone is praying for the parents and familys of these kids, love to you all FAYLA G


Member: Bill W
Location: Illinois
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 23:14:31

Comments

Hi everyone, Bill W. - alcoholic here. I'm glad i found this site , it's a great place to come when a meeting is impossible. I'm sober 26 days now,and the first 20 I felt pretty good - self confident - tough. I don't feel so hot now. I'm starting to see what an ass I've been to those close to me , and how there are really very few people who are close to me. It's scary and saddening. Have I spent the last 20 years trying to push people away? What a life! What if I die tomorrow? What will they say about me? Hope I can change things - hope you all can help. Thanks for letting me vent.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 21 May 1998
Time: 23:50:35

Comments

Doris, I have been praying for everyone in your community. It is a senseless tragedy. And why? I find myself asking how? can we prevent these things. What can we do to help these young people before tragedy strikes. I don't have these answers but in my personal case - the morning of July 3 last year my 15 year old son, usually a calm, considerate, loving individual, became enraged with me(I was drunk as usual)and he started hitting me and punching me as if I was just some object to him. This was my bottom, the end of my 11 years of drinking. I had no friends or family to help us out(my husband was in denial of everything), I really did not want to have my son charged because he was never violent before this incident. So I called Childrens Aid and had the kids put in foster care and I checked into a detox and from there I went into a treatment program. Within 6 weeks we were together again and attend counselling as a family and individually. We have made alot of progress. The kids love me and actually trust me. It hasn't been easy though, we've had our ups and downs. We openly discuss that there is no room for violence in our lives, just as there is no room for alcohol abuse, it will stunt our growth as a family. We are all progressing on the road to recovery, even if it does get bumpy at times.

Melanie-I hated all the things drinking did to me too (the shame, the lies, wondering what I did and said when drunk)BUT...I REALLY HATED seeing what my drinking did to my son. If this had not happened I am sure that I would not have my family today. And I don't even want to think where my son would be right now. I pray that you will "go to any lengths to stay sober" because there is a family, waiting there for you, to love and trust you. There will come a day when they won't wait anymore.

For myself, sobriety, my higher power, AA and everyone here is what keeps me coming back. Thanks for letting me share.

luv Suzanne


Member: Jenny C
Location: TN
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 01:12:37

Comments

Hey everyone, I'm Jenny and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time in the coffee pot and I believe I may have found my home away from home-if you know what I mean. A very good friend just sent me the links on how to get here and insisted I check it out. I am really glad he did. I am 20 years old and been sober for almost two years. I know exactly how lucky I am to have found this way of life so early in my addiction. For me, this is the easier softer way and by GOD's grace, this is where I'll stay. I love yhis way of life. I would just like to say I really appreciate all the love that seems to seep out of this page. I am really grateful that I've found ya'll. I can't do this deal alone. thank ya'll for being here. To all the newcomers, please keep coming back!!!!! This deal DOES work, if you work it. GOD knows it saved my life and it will save yours, too, if you give it a chance and no matter what, JUST DON'T drink JUST FOR TODAY!!!!! I hope to be talking to ya'll soon. Love and prayers, Jenny


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 02:10:37

Comments

FAYLA ALCOHOLIC,Welcome home JENNY.Bill W,sounds like your on the right track,hang in there.SUZANNE ,im so happy things are working out for you and your children,Iknow how much that means to a mother.I have 5,3boys and 2 girls,my youngest daughter has over a year,shes 28,my youngest son is in treatment now ,hes 33.The other 3 are still useing,These kids had a hell of a life a drunk mother and a drunk father,they grew up in a filthy house ,sometimes no food,i could go on and on ,most of the time i live with myself pretty well ,i have made amends to them over and over,sometime when little things remind me of life in the past ,i feel that hate for myself sturing in the pit of my stomic,but with Gods help ,its not as strong as it used to be ,I never thought a day would come when i would find ,that i could stop hateing myself,but thats getting a little better too.I am looking forward to spending tue.with my son in treatment,its family day ,we will go to group meetings and get to spend time togeather,last tue.the counsler,wanted us to look at each other and tell each other how we felt ,he told me he new i blamed myself for him doing drugs and drinking and he wished i wouldnt ,even tho i know its not all my fault ,part of me will always feel responsible,thanks for letting me share , love Fayla G.GOD BLESS YOU .


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 03:27:39

Comments

Hi dear hearts, bonnie/alcoholic here, a very warm (((ROOM-HUG))) DORIS please share anything you want to here, your pain is shared. Love you girl. KELLIE - if you noticed I said the men with programs, there are some men and women who come into those rooms that are just getting a court slip signed, or need a place to hang out, Go to step meetings, that usually bores them for the games don't wash there and it will give you insight on how this thing works. dear heart we are not picking on you, we know how DEADLY your disease is, we've lost many friends here. I respect my disease. I'm sitting here at this moment with a dilemma and I'm rather numb from this evenings events. Our neighbor called, this is a gal that calls me mom and her son calls me nana, we are very close, she asked if her son could spend the night, she was so upset, you see, tomorrow isn't going to be a very happy one for that little 8 yr old boy, he doesnt know why he doesn't have to go to school tomorrow or why hes spending the night here but he was happy to get on the web and look things up with Nana tonight. You see his 30 yr old Dad OD'd tonight and one of us has to break this to this child tomorrow, he loves his dad, he knows that dad doesnt always show up when hes supposed to but he loves him very much, he has been in and out of the program and didn't take it very serious, he decided to party just one more time, Now how do we tell this dear little boy that his Daddy is dead? Please pray for a little boy named Zaak tonight for tomorrow is going to be one of the worst days of his life. God Bless all the dear hearts that venture here


Member: Pat Z.
Location: CA
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 05:13:32

Comments

I want Doris and Bonnie to know that the prayers are on their way !! Welcome to our newcomers, you all are what keeps us sober, for we are sharing what had been freely given!! Getting connected yo all of you--Pat Z.


Member: Jason
Location: Beirut, Lebanon
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 05:51:09

Comments

Jason the Alcoholic in Beirut-- I've just been listening for the last couple weeks and guess I must be approching 3 months sober now. Dear dear Doris I was eating breakfast this morning with a rebroadcast of ABC news running when I was brought up short by the mention of Springfield and the tragedy there. My heart cried out for you and for the people there. Usually I feel pretty far away from the problems in the US now, but over the weeks of reading your posts I have come to feel very much like Bill-- you are an angel among us! I think of you daily and you (and Sanders) have been more of a support for my sobriety than I could ever properly convey without hugging you both. I have been praying that God will send His Peace to you and let you feel his Comforting Presence through the pain and grief that surrounds you and the people of Springfield now. Fayla, I also wanted to thank you for the description of the disease that you posted. As I read, I was chilled by the power and the evil that we have allowed to enter into our lives and reminded that without ceaseless vigilance, humility and faith, that Evil, that Powerful and ever Watchful Demon rushes at us with deceptive artiface to bind us and drag us to destruction in a living Hell that I call "Mortal Damnation"! Jim D in Canada, I remember reading your first post and thinking-- I know just what he means! I am so glad that you've stuck with the program and have discovered the liberation first hand. Jrr, I'm glad to see you're feeling better and have missed your posts-- I concur with Milas though an am looking forward to seeing more from our favourite "Bear". Bonnie, I'm praying for you and Zaak and his Mom; for strength and wisdom and peace that are so tangible you will feel God's love and presence.


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 07:57:31

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

I have not been able to attend my usual ftf meetings due to recent surgeries, I miss them terribly. I am now two weeks out from my last surgery and should be back on the circuit soon.

For Kellie in Boston: I agree that ftf meetings can be difficult for women, however, I do not feel that the Pub is the alternative. I have a friend who attended one A.A. meeting and never went back, he used to say that he went to the meeting to get away from alcohol and there were two guys drinking in the men's room. I asked him why he chose to identify with the two guys in the men's room rather than the one hundred or more people in the hall who were trying to work the program, he didn't see my point..

If you look for reasons to not go to meetings you'll find them, I have seen at least one meeting that fit your discription of a "meat market" however, if this is really the concern you may consider the many wonderful "women's meetings", both discussion and step, which are so abundant in the Boston area. If you need help finding these meetings call Central Service, or you may want to hook up with some of the women at the Shepherd House in Dorchester. Many of these women, as well as graduates of the house, attend meetings together throughout the Boston area. Good luck and God Bless.

Thank you for letting me share.

J.L.


Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 08:13:02

Comments

mike here grateful recovering alcoholic. needed to say that. glad to be back in the coffee pot. welcome to all the newcomers, sobriety is the greatest, just don't drink, work the steps, and your life will change for the better. if you don't believe me, read tthe first 164 pages of the bigbook. life in the desert is hot,hot,hot. near 110-120 everyday, at least i work inside in the air-con. still working 12+ hours a day, but have this meeting to give me peace and serenity. i'll be going back to WA here next mont, and back to my home group. if your new the net meetings are great, but i would suggest (like others have) that you get to as many face to face meetings as you can. well not much else, just thanks for my sobriety, can't hardley believe that in july i'll have 6 years, i owe it all to AA and my HP. any one that wants to e-mail me, or hear my story.......runner_71192@yahoo.com

ODAAT my prayers to all of you for continued sobriety .................mike w


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 09:17:44

Comments

Kellie, I'm terribly confused. You said your husband never divorced you, yet you go drinking with male "friends" who want you to let your guard down. Yet you don't go to AA because it's a meat market?? Say what??


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 09:31:04

Comments

My name is Barbara, and I'm an alcoholic.

Jason, good to hear from you again. And Jim D., and everyone else, of course! I realize now that I look forward to your posts as eagerly as I look forward to seeing new people come back to the rooms of AA week after week, and know that day by day, we are all finding new lives. It's a wonderful thing to see.

Doris, I've also been thinking of you and your town. May you all find peace, and a way to find meaning in what's happened.

Peace to all -


Member: Adam B.
Location: Jackson MS.
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 09:46:33

Comments

My name is Adam and I am an alcoholic. I am very sad about what happened to me and my family yesterday. It seems the longer I stay sober "3" years the more people seem to treat me wrong or my family wrong. I got into an argument with a customer at work yesterday then came home to find out my mom and step dad are getting a divorce only after 6 months of marraige. These kind of triggers used to be great excuses for a drink, but God seems to be handling the problems which used to baffle me. It really sux's though and is very painful.. Thanks, had to get it out.. Adam adambinder@hotmail.com


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 10:28:39

Comments

I'm Jim, an alcoholic. Day 20 of sobriety's underway. Promises to be an interesting one. aHave to travel with a car load to an out-of-town meeting. These things always wind up with "a few quick ones" before heading home. I've seen the ragging other people get bwhenn they choose ginger ale instead of booze, and it's never real pretty.

I'm a little concerned about how I'll handle that, but what concerns me more is the rumor mill. If I, who never ever turned down a drink, start in on ginger ale the rumor I'm a booze-hound will be all over the Corp. before sunset. They talk a good, liberal line here, but I've notice that people who let health problems show tend to get left behind.

One of the guys at f2f put it this way: "What's going to save your life, Jim? Staying sober? Or currying favor with assholes?"

Makes a kind of sense, I guess. If talent and hard work aren't enough, there are other corporations and other jobs. Wish me luck--I'll see what I can do about finding an HP to draw on.


Member: Bitsey
Location: ca
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 10:55:04

Comments

Bitsey and I am a raging alchohalic. Faylas descripyion sure describes my relationship with alchohal. i read that one with my mouth hanging open. I am sober today. i hope to be sober tonight. i still have not had a chance to get to a face to face meeting (finally figuared out what f2f meant). I just needed to check in here this morning. My oldest daughter and I have stormy relationship at best and I can sure find a reason to drink over that. She is great at pushing my buttons and I forget that I am the adult. I heard moody blues miracle in my life this morning. Uh oh brain fade. Thank you all for being here. Jim D I like seeing you each day with one more day. All of you Glen fayla doris......thank you so much.


Member: Jason
Location: Lebanon
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 11:23:56

Comments

Jason the alcoholic here... Jim I know what you mean! I report to the GM here who is also an American and prides himself on being able to down 1 martini and 2 beers with lunch. we went to lunch a week into my sobriety, and he automatically ordered me a bottle of the local brew. I was tempted to let it slide rather than call his attention to the matter so blatantly. Instead I said silently "HELP GOD!" and to the waiter, "make that a perrier." Obviously he was surprised, but I simply replied "I don't feel like a drink today," and changed the subject... if people are going to sit in judgement on me for being "too weak" to control my drinking or for having "a problem with drinking", as far as I'm concerned they don't deserve (much less have any RIGHT to) a fuller explanation! I'm glad (and even humbly proud) to have joined the sober minority in business circles who never end up talking too loud, telling jokes that aren't really funny, standing to close to the person they're talking to and making imprudent confidences. I hope that your experience today as part of that minority (that more often than not includes the sharpest people around) feels as good to you as it did to me! Wait and see Jim, you're going to get even better at what you do the longer you're sober! Remember that-- sobriety is a rush! Feel good! Feel clean and responsible! Good luck, and when the time comes, take it one second at a time-- remember some good advice Bonnie gave me: NOTHING IS AS IMPORTANT AS MY SOBRIETY!


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 11:24:51

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

Jim D. - In a similiar situation I told people I was working with that I was on medication and could not drink while taking it. Anyone who can't accept that has their own problem. Most antibiotics are rendered useless by alcohol. Just a thought.

Thank you for letting me share.

J.L.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario  Canada
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 11:59:27

Comments

Hi Jim - There are many reasons you can give to others for not drinking...the list is endless. I have been told by many, just go ahead and order that ginger ale or perrier and if anyone questions you than (agreeing with Jason) simply say "I don't feel like a drink today" and go on to another topic of conversation. Usually works just fine.

Have a good day and enjoy the gingerale! Keep Coming Back

Luv Suzanne H.


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 12:40:37

Comments

I want to brag today about some young people. Some "teenagers". Two sets of brothers were the ones who stopped the shooter in the cafeteria here in Springfield. The Ryker boys, one 16 and one 14 = jumped this shooter and two other brothers did as well. THEY ARE HEROES ! ! I hope that they get the recognition that they deserve. One of the Ryker boys was shot in the melee. He is in serious condition. His younger brother has been interviewed a number of times and is amazingly articulate and mature. He is also humble. I am learning from this 'child'. He is beautiful. The Ryker boys are Boy Scouts, their training in the Scouts helped them. One young scout even performed C P R on one of the victims. I say HOORAH ! ! ! for these wonderful young people who showed such greatness at a time of frenzy and tragedy. If any good can out of such a disaster it must be the recognition of such selfless action and bravery. I am going to do something for these young people, i just don't know what yet. Any ideas. Send your ideas to Sanders, I am sure he won't mind forwarding them to me. I have read all your posts am sooooo grateful for your prayers and concern. You are all truly "friends" and I love you so much. Jason, hoorah for the 3 months, it's just the beginning. Bonnie, I am praying for you and Zack and his mother, you will handle it well, with God in your pocket. J R R = I too have missed you and so glad that you are doing better. Mike in Saudi, you're great. Jim D - I wish you well. Bitsy , what we have done in our disease was bad and so sad, but over. Adam, I am sorry about the difficulties in your life. "That which does not kill us makes us strong". Fayla and Amy, my special friends I love you, thank you, I feel your hearts within my own. I MISS SANDERS ! ! ! Go with God all of you, LOVE, Doris


Member: Doris
Location:
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 12:48:59

Comments

I am sorry, I had to come back. I just heard something awful. There was a young man shot yesterday names Ben Walker. He had a head wound. The hospital people are waiting to perform the organ removal at just the right time. HE is going to die. I guess he is already dead, technically. I can't believe it. His poor parents. I feel like "he's alive , but dead" I don't know what to say , , , , , or think. Gotta go. Doris


Member: Joanne
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 14:48:50

Comments

Hi, my nane is joanne and I am alcoholic and a compulsive gambler Hi, J.L. what part of MA are you from, I am from brighton, MA.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend. Hi Kellie, hope all is well with you. Joanne


Member: bitsey
Location: CA
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 15:40:01

Comments

Bitsy and I am a raging Alchohalic. I already wrote today but I have tried to access AA chat rooms and I do not understand how to do it. Any help out ther? I am feeling pretty angry right now. My kids are home alone and my older daughter wanted to go into town to a friend who I don't care for. I'm at work triing to my job and I tell her no. So shew leaves on her bike. We live 7 miles from town. This child can't understand "NO'. I get so frustrated i think oh F--- it why bother with sobriety? Where is the balance. Being a single mom I have to work. The option is welfare. I have no contact or support from their father. they will have to spend some time at home by themselves this summer. GUILT. In reading Faylas description of alchohal I feel that sometimes it is my only friend, my only "own" thing. The pressure gets do great sometimes. I know if I drink I will be sick, I know it won't make it better but it gets me away for awhile. Part of the problem with my relationship with my daughter is my drinking. Will try to hang in there tonight.


Member: Chet G.
Location: Napa, Ca
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 16:27:36

Comments

To Anon who thinks he or she should be happy after a week. Read Bill's story. He said that for the first year he was overcome with waves of self pity and resentment. It is normal to feel weird in the beginning. Please keep coming back.


Member: Doris
Location:
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 16:44:32

Comments

Bitsy, you are not alone. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, I will help if I can. I know that the bottle looks like your only friend. The friend that can bring a bit of relief. You have to fight it. You have to give it one more try. I hope that you can find a way to have the power within replace that "friend". Power is intoxicating too and if you can feel it and realize it is there it will help. I hang onto my new power and it is the only thing that keeps me sober sometimes. When I can't find it in my heart to let God fill that void the power does. I have named that power God. I pray that even when I cannot be in God I can know that He is in me. Helping me and keeping me sober, one more day, one more hour, one more minute. I wish you well Bitsy, I had a friend give me a thing todo. She said when I have to do something I don't want to do I reach out and take Gods hand, she really does this with her hand. Then God is beside her, helping her, the whole time. I have done this and I can feel the presence of God. I hope you can feel his presence too, love Doris


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 16:45:31

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

To: Joanne in Brighton.

I got sober in South Boston, moved to Quincy, still get to Southie meetings once in awhile in as much as I still sponsor a couple of guys there. Primarily attend meetings on the South Shore today.

I have a friend who attends meetings in Brighton - big Bill S. maybe you know him.

Continued success with your recovery.

J.L.


Member: Michelle L
Location: Dallas
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 17:05:03

Comments

Hi! I am Michelle and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time here. Actually, it is my second time on the net. Today, I celebrate 23 days of sobriety. Thanks to God, AA, family and my sponsor, it hasn't been as horrible as I thought it would be. You all are wonderful and your posts are truly inspirational. You've touched on many of my dilemas and rationalisations. Can't I try it just one more time? NO Am I really an alcoholic? YES Do I have to go to meetings? YES. I know the answers, however, sometimes I don't think I want to listen. I have to admit, though, for the first time in ten years, I do have a sense of serenity and thankfulness.

Thank you all for sharing. It always helps me.


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 19:07:51

Comments

Bitsey, when I got to what I pray was my last drink, alcohol WAS my only friend. And I mean ONLY. Well, alcohol and the TV. What you need to believe is that by coming here you already have more friends than you know.

Find a meeting, pray, and DON'T DRINK (today).


Member: David B.
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 21:48:19

Comments

I'm David , a Recovered Alcoholic. Glen you were lucky. In the end of my drinking I couldn't even get the TV turned on. You do have the same curse as I in the area of reading between the lines. Ain't it cool!!

Jim D and Jason, we tend to make big deals of everything in soberiety. Not to intimate that our not drinking isn't a big deal, it is. What others think isn't. I have fun when I'm offered a drink. I say "No way man, when I drink that stuff I break out in a rash of handcuffs. happens every time." We both or we all get to laugh and move on to more important matters. I deal with my problem, my friends don't get placed in an uncomfortable situation, and I don't break out in another rash of handcuffs.

WHERE DID RICHARD GO?

Thanx DB


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA   KS
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 21:50:39

Comments

FAYLA,ALCOHOLIC,Hi everyone ,Bitsy,I hope you can stay away from drinking ,long enough to see how good your life can be without it ,my kids played guilt games with me ,i should say my two girls,my boys didnt,I started getting a little respect for myself ,and putting them in there place,Today i see a respect in there eyes for me ,and its because i learned to say no ,I will help them any way i can,as long as they are not useing and are trying to help themselves,I just cant believe how much i have learned and gained from being sober,the love and understanding ,of the people in this program ,please dont drink ,every day it will get better for,you willgrow stronger and have peace of mind ,and youll never half to suffer the pain of being alone ,with your problems,thats whats so neat ,we all understand each other cause were all alike ,so hang on and reach out for a kind of life youll thank god for ,Ilove you Bitsy,LOVE FAYLA


Member: louis
Location: gatineau,quebec,canada
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 23:18:24

Comments

louis, alcoholic,thank you all for sharing,thanks to you guys,aa,and my H.P. i'm sobber today.i'm so greatful.and like i always say,(my life is not 100%,but it's 100% better then it was.) keep coming back.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 22 May 1998
Time: 23:56:49

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. I wonderful hello to my dear ole friend Pat Z, and all those new friends I am making here. Welcome to all the newcomers. Glad your with us. This is a marvelous place to come and share and be a part of AA all over the world. The importance of f2f meetings for me is the physical hugs, the commorderie before and after the meetings, and the insights I get from others who share their histories, the story of recovery and how they are maintaining sobriety. That is done here also, but in a limited capacity, otherwise we would be writing volumns of text. This site is a wonderful medium. Somehow f2f takes me out of isolation though, which can be deadly for me. I heard a lady share once that her head was a dangerous neighborhood, everytime she visits there and stays too long she gets mugged!! Kind of cute, and very original. Thought you guys would lilke it.

Today I have the blahs. After a month of service in an e-mail womens meeting, I told the secretary I was done. It just did not give me the satisfaction that this site, regular meetings, and AACHAT gives me. I hate to give up on things. It brings back some old feelings of failure. Out of 21 women in that group, only 3 shared, 4 including myself. If I went to an AA meeting, and only three shared, that would make about 97% of the people having passed, or those three carried the whole burden of keeping the meeting going. It was truly disturbing to me. I figure a person will get out of recovery what they put into it. Complacency is one activity I do not wish to partake in.

Love to all, thanks for being hear. Doris, and Bonnie, my prayers are with you both as well as those families of the deceased and injured. Kellie, God bless you as you journey through the jungle scene. For me the bars were very dissatisfying sober. I tried that one myself, and I no longer fit in with those drinking. Felt truly isolated after awhile and became overwhelmed because I was not doing what the others were doing. I left that bar post-haste, and never have gone back to visit, nor have I missed it since I made the decision to do life sober. I will keep you also in my prayers.

Glenn--I tried that address, it did not get me at the site I was speaking of, unless I just did not understand the screen I bumped into - URL ??? I did find a shorter cut to where I visit by just typing AACHAT, then select that on the next page that shows up and then I can get into the meeting room. You can tell I am a novice at this stuff. Also do you know anything about ICQ?

Love to all, Linda P


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 05:37:07

Comments

Linda, I've got several friends who are on ICQ, and they tell me it's the best of the chat programs. So I downloaded it a minute ago. It looks cool, and if you decide to try it, it'll give you a 8 digit id # were you can develop a "friends" list. Anytime you're both online you can talk in real time. Here is the "primer" page:

http://www.icq.com/icqtour/new-quicktour.html


Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 05:56:24

Comments

The download page is

http://www.download.com/PC/Result/TitleDetail/0,4,0-19877-g,00.html?bt.mirab.l2.g19877.cat37


Member: Sandy A.
Location: Beautiful Black Hills of SD
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 09:06:06

Comments

Sandy, Alocoholic - I have ICQ and love it - I have had conversations at the same time with relatives that haven't spoken 5 words to me in the last few years. I keep in touch with a good AA friends I used to sponsor. And it is easy to use.

Linda - I am too on a women's e-mail group of 25 women - I just joined about 2 weeks ago. And like the one you just left - only 3 or 4 share. But like my old home group there were only a few who shared on a regular basis - you knew if there were at the meeting - they'd talk.

Kelli - I too tried the bar scene and it wasn't much fun after I quit drinking (there is a country song by that name) - anyway - I found a group of sober men and women most of us single and started doing things together, dinner, movies, hiking, volleyball and yes, even going to bars together to dance - I was told in my sobriety that if you went to bars w/the intention to dance and went with other people in theprogram, then your chances of taking a drink are very few. Our group had a BLAST!!! And the group grew - it was the best time in my sobriety. I was told too that if you hung around a barbershop long enough - you'd end up w/a haircut. Same is true for "Pubs".

As far as face to face meetings and the "Meat Market" - we call it 13th stepping - and most men who work the program of AA wouldn't 13th step you. After I'd been around meetings for a while - I got to know who these 13th steppers were and STAYED AWAY from them. And warned other new women in the program about who they were and why they were so "nice".

Have a sober day everyone!


Member: Doris
Location: Ore
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 12:40:50

Comments

Doris Here, and I am an alcoholic, Glen, I have tried to use this conversational program and maybe I am just to intimidated by the thing but i am having trouble figuring it out. Thank you for the addresses, I set it up(I think), Mary helped me and I do not have the flower anywhere on my toolbar. It DID download but I can't find it. I'll keep trying, but how do I find the sign to click on?Doris


Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 13:49:56

Comments

Hi. Kellie here, alcoholic. To Glen H. Who are you to question why i go to bars as a married woman with other "male friends?" It's none of your business and you don't know my situation. As i said before the person i went out with was someone i had just met. I didn't know that he was going to say such a shitty thing. We went to a lecture together and we decided to have a chat afterwards. I don't know of many late night cafes around this area and the particular pub we went to has a bartender who i know and he's been off the drink for over 3 years. I wanted to tell him that i was new in my recovery and to ask him how he keeps going. I've met several recoverd alcoholics who work as bartenders. yes women only meetings sound better. Hi to Joanne. Thinking of you and hope that you are well. Maybe we'll meet sometime. gbless. Kellie


Member: Kimberly T (KDArtist)
Location: Seattle,WA.
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 14:02:11

Comments

Hello all its my first time here. I have been sober 4 years b-day is 13 Feb. 1994. Hello Bonnie C ((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))).It is good to see you! It is day one of not smoking cigaretts and the serinity prayer is on continuos play in my head.This is the most difficult "drug"to kick they say. AS i am doing it i have to agree............wll i will visit here again soon. To all, take care and God bless!!!!!!


Member: Kimberly T (KDArtist)
Location: Seattle,WA.
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 14:03:03

Comments

Hello all its my first time here. I have been sober 4 years b-day is 13 Feb. 1994. Hello Bonnie C ((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))).It is good to see you! It is day one of not smoking cigaretts and the serinity prayer is on continuos play in my head.This is the most difficult "drug"to kick they say. AS i am doing it i have to agree............wll i will visit here again soon. To all, take care and God bless!!!!!!


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 15:33:42

Comments

Michelle alcohlic here-wow! lots going on this week. Doris, your town must be devastated I pray for all. Jim D. you are stronger than you know already, don't worry about the peer pressure. Just remember whether its Don Perignon on a priv jet, or cheap wine out of a sack, its still alcohol and its a killer to those of us who are addicts. People have all kinds of ways of disguising it as safe, but it's not. Kellie, try to remember that everyone is pulling for you and cares about you..sometimes that means tough love. Yesterday is gone, the future isn't guaranteed, so focus on the gift of today-- that's why they call it the present! odaat.


Member: milas
Location: colfax,ca
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 15:37:36

Comments

Hi everybody, I'm milas an acholic,and hope to never forget that. Kellie dear Glen is a concerned acholic who is trying to help, please don't get upset. He is only asking questions a sponsor might ask in order to make you think about yourself, and your actions. Why so defensive? PLEASE find a sponsor,read the BIG BOOK, it does contain the answers your looking for. Remember "There is a solutoin." Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride,the confession of shortcomings which the process REQUIRES for its sucessful consumation. Well thats enough book thumping for me,I really do wish you sucess.I know how difficult it can be. Some one told me once that AA is full of people, some we wouldn't drink with, some we won't get sober with. So take the best and leave the rest.

Bless us all-milas


Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 16:16:22

Comments

Kellie, I am sorry that some of these truths upset you. DO you believe it when someone says to you, If you hang around a barbar shop you 're gonna get a haircut. When you hang around a bar long enough you're gonna have a drink. Do you feel just a little but like " I want to hang here but I won't have a drink,( and at the same time inside yourself, you may feel like maybe you could just have a "little bit ?) Do you totally believe that you are a real alcoholic? Like any other alcoholic. I hope that you can answer these questions with absolute honosty with yourself. You kno/t have to tell the truth to anyone else, just yourself. I hope it doesn't seem that any of us are ragging on you. We are trying to have an honost conversation with you. The key word is "honost". I won't ask you if you are being honost, but I hope you can ask yourself and give yourself an honost answer. I am sure that a lot of the fine people here are praying for you Kellie, including Glenn. And including me. Go with God Kellie, I wish you well. Doris


Member: Linda P
Location: CA. USA
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 16:28:11

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. I like what you said Milas referring to taking what you want and leaving the rest. There are people I am uncomfortable with. I was a quiet drunk, and am sort of that way in sobriety. So naturally when I try and team up with a bosterous extrovert, I am not on any commonality with that person. Personalities kind of seek their own kind, in meeting, and outside of them, human nature

By for now, got to run.

See you guys later. Thanks Glen for the addresses.


Member: milas
Location: colfax,ca
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 16:35:49

Comments

Thanks Doris,your words came out much better than mine -milas


Member: milas
Location: colfax, ca
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 16:52:24

Comments

Thanks Linda,I think Doris' words came out better though. Bless you Doris, and all in Springfield. I sure don't understand tragities like the shootings either.

milas, always an acholic


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 17:23:20

Comments

Hi all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Just got back from my mini vacation and will tell you about it later. I checked my mail and have 257 to read. While I was waiting for them to download, I checked in on coffee pot and am so sorry to hear what you are going through Doris. I read about this in the paper yesterday and any way you look at it, it is just simply bad. We will never understand some things but I know that God never allows more to happen to me than I can handle with His help. I forget the names, but to the people who are having trouble with how to decline a drink from someone, How about this for an answer. " No thank you I do not drink." No explaination needed, If you give the answer I don,t feel like one today you are actually saying to them that I will like one tomorrow. I was told by my sponser to never make excuses for NOT drinking. When you say I don,t drink, that is pretty clear to everone. If they pusue the question look them staight in the eye and ask them why in the world would anyone ask such a personel question. The next level answer is that it is none of their ____business. Yes, Doris, any one who would like to send something to Doris, send it to me and I will forward it to her gladly. Letr me go and read some of my mail. My address is sanders@wfeca.net


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 21:59:50

Comments

Doris, it's not all that user friendly to download. On my system it put ICQ in the program files. I found it (the little flower logo) with Windows Explorer and then dragged it to the screen so that I now have have a flower icon. The flower is on the toolbar only when I have the program open, and I think that the program opens automatically when you start the computer. I don't know, though, 'cause I usually leave mine on. Keep trying and we'll keep helping, like Sandy says it really is a neat program and is worth the trouble.

Kimberly, I have been "smoke free" since Feb 9th. For me, the hard part, believe it or not, was treating it just like alcohol. I KEEP wanting to have "just one" as a reward. Once I got past day three the physical withdrawal lessened. Just remember that it's an addiction and apply what you already know.


Member: KAY H.
Location: VEGREVILLE, ALTA
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 22:23:24

Comments

hi everyone. kay from canada,had my 3rd.birthday on thurs..i came into a.a. in 1985 and had a relapse. but am grateful that it was not for very long, one day as a matter of fact, but none the less,a break ib sobriety, is very damaging, emotionally and spiritually for me. it wasn"t easy. but a good learning expierence, which showed me that I'M STILL AN ALCHOLIC .HAVE A VERY NICE WEEK-END EVERONE. SORRY TO READ ABOUT SOME OF THE HARDSIPS PEOPLE HAVE TO OVERCOME. GOD BLESS.


Member: FAYLA    G
Location: GALENA   KS
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 22:42:34

Comments

Hello every body ,FAYLA ALCOHOLIC HERE,Sanders you sure have been missed ,Ihavent heard fom LIBBY OR Jmam I hope you are ok,love you.I miss Richard too,he had some neat things to share,Jason missed you to,Thank you MARY for understanding,I love you too ,jrr hope you are alright,love to all FAYLA G


Member: FAYLA    G
Location: GALENA   KS
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 22:53:14

Comments

Hello every body ,FAYLA ALCOHOLIC HERE,Sanders you sure have been missed ,Ihavent heard fom LIBBY OR Jmam I hope you are ok,love you.I miss Richard too,he had some neat things to share,Jason missed you to,Thank you MARY for understanding,I love you too ,jrr hope you are alright,love to all FAYLA G


Member: FAYLA     G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 23 May 1998
Time: 23:02:21

Comments

FAYLA ALCOHOLIC, rhicks@cowtownusa.com ,in case you want to email me ,LOVE FAYLA


Member: Leola G
Location: BC Canada
Date: 24 May 1998
Time: 00:03:15

Comments

Hi all, Leola an alcoholic and drug addict..I was clean for about 15 weeks before I fell off for the booze and tho it only lasted one day I deluded my self into thinking ok...I never kept on drinking...I will just minus one day and keep counting...I didn't think I could stay clean and sober if I had to start counting all over again...I still cant do it...i fell off the other wagon just a few days ago...a person i thought was a friend offered me a few lines and I couldn't say no..I did say no after the third but what difference did that make? I still fell off that one without a struggle...I am feeling pretty low today...I want to feel as positive as you all do but where do I find it? I haven't even gone to an aa meeting since I left the detox and treatment center....which was in another town from the one I live in...I am afraid to go to an aa or na meeting here where I live..everyone here knows everyone..and I guess maybe I am just deluding myself about my addictions....anyway...just not sure what to do next...thanks for listening...my email address is leola_g@hotmail.com if anyone is interested in being an online sponsor for me...thanks again...


Member: Doris
Location: Ore
Date: 24 May 1998
Time: 06:39:10

Comments

Hi everyone, It is 3:27 a m and I am watching the horse, maybe , , , , maybe mot. I hope she has it tonight, I would hate to stay up all night for nothing so here I am, Leola, I want to tell you a story that has happened many many times. I live in a town, Eugene/Spfd. Ore, that isn't small but I know everyone in the whole world. I came out of a detox here in my town and I was terrified of running into someone I knew.One night i chaired a meeting at the local de-tox and I saw a very familiar face in the crowd (of 16). He was a very well knmown and wealthy man of this community. It made me think. I started going to a meting on Sat. mornings in a very nice part of town and felt very comfy there. One day my worst fear came true. An old friend and the wife of an ex employee of my husbands walked in and i instantly started trying to see if I could sneak out the back door. WELL ! ! ! I couldn't so I tried to blend in. That didn't work either. She SPOTTED me^- - - I was busted. I just looked at her and kinds smiled. She waved. After the meeting she came over to me and hugged me and said "You too, huh" with a big smile. We laughed. One more thing Leola, "one day at a time" you can and will do it, one dayat a time. Yesterday is gone,(thank goodness) tomorrow isn't here yet : : : : now is what counts and where you are. Do it now. Just now. Be strong Girl. I wish you power in yourself. Look to your Higher Power (GOD) and let him fill you with power . Love Doris