Hi everyone I'm Cherise and I'm a grateful alcoholic! I am also grateful to be leading the meeting this week and to be a part of this group. My topic is a little unusual, because I don't really know what it is, but I really need to share this, and I hope you can give me some feedback. I am at a turning point in my sobriety(so my sponsor tells me). But it must be true. This week I've been in tears and feeling stuff I've never felt before. I think I'm finding out who "me" is. Other people are telling me that "me" is a wonderful person but Who am I?????? and why does everyone else know and I don't. I really feel like being alone with myself in peace right now. I'm not saying it's a bad crying feeling just a confusing and scared one maybe. I guess (a friend said) Everyone now knows me for who I am, and I know me for who I've always been. I feel kinda lost but needed to talk about it. Thank you all for for helping to keep me sober today. Love, Cherise
Hi, I'm Tim and I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry Cherise, I can't relate to being told how wonderful I am. If anyone said it, I didn't hear it anyway. I was too busy being the worst of the worst, and feeling sorry for myself because of it.
It really doesn't matter much what they think or, even what you thing anyway. What matters is that we practice the principles of the twelve steps to the best of our ability each day, and be willing to become the person our Higher Power wants us to be! It dosen't matter if others think us nice or good or sweet or cute. It only matters that we find and do the will of God as we understand her.
When I find myself in accord with God's will, the world generally recieves me about the same as when I'm self will run riot. The difference is not so much in how the world sees me, rather in how I see the world. When I'm on Tim power I generallly worry about how others see it though, and try to dance in such a way as to pleas others and get my way. When I'm on a Higher Power, I am at peace with me and the world. Even when conflict and turmoil surround me I am calm and serene.
The hell I say with what they say about who you are or what they want you to be! Find and do God's will and all others will see the blessings of AA and the spiritual life.
Many blessings, Tim V.
Hi My name is Herb and I am an alcoholic. I can remember when I was first getting sober, hearing people talk about finding out "who they were" or that "they found themselves", well it always left me feeling a little like I must be missing the boat. It's a good thing that most of my energy was focused on staying sober, getting to meetings, prayer and being greatful for what I had. Not always easy, but always important. For the longest time I was on the preverbial roller-coaster. Up on a cloud one minute then under it getting poured on the next. The new friends I made told me that what I was feeling wasn't uncommon that I wasn't unique and that in time this to shall pass and in time with a faith that works I to became a miracle. Slowly I became aware that it was not so important who I was, but who I was not and who I was not defined who I was. Doing the best that I can with what's in front of me Herb
Thanks Cherise -- great topic (whatever you may call it!) I too went through a crying time, when I was learning how to meditate. I believe now that all the sadnesses I'd buried deep inside all my life were being released. Certainly the end result was some inner peace. I love what people have been writing, and also what your friends have been saying to you. I suspect the layers of make-believe are falling away. Leaves us pretty vulnerable. And I know that if you hang onto trust -- trust in HP, the Program, your sponsor (even the tooth fairy and Santa Claus -- yes, ALL the positive stuff) -- you'll reach a new level of acceptance and joy (but perhaps not just YET!)
Look around at your AA friends and you'll see the promises coming true. May I suggest that you read the Promises (pages 83-4 of the Big Book) every day while you're feeling tearful? Here in Maine, we read them at the beginning of many meetings, and when the reader says "Are these extravagant promises?" We all answer WE THINK NOT!
Now that's cool!
Hi, I'm Mark and I'm an alcoholic. I can identify with what you are saying Cherise. People that have known me while I was drinking and now, tell me what a different person I am today. That I'm a much better person today than I was then.
Slowly but surely I'm beginning to see what they are talking about. Today I care for other people, how I treat them, if my actions will hurt them, if I can do something to help them. While I was drinking the only person I cared about was Mark and what other people could do for me. Today I feel emotions that I didn't know when I was drinking. Sometimes it's very confusing, but I'm getting used to them. For 20 years I drowned them out so I wouldn't feel them so it is taking me time and patience to learn how to deal with them in the proper way.
These changes weren't brought on by me, and other people did see it in me before I did. It came through this program and my faith in God. On my own I never would have changed, but with God anything is possible.
Have a sober day! Mark
Hello Gang, I'm Perry H and I'm a grateful recovering alky,
Sobriety is a journey with no destination, I try to enjoy the trip. Sobriety is always changing, usually for the better. Feelings have returned. Conscience has returned. Caring has returned.
finally, it has turned into a sort of FAITH
Faith, that all is well and will be well,
Positive actions induce positive happenings,
My life has truley become an outpicturing of my inner atitudes and Faith.
Faith is sustained and increased through helping others and attending meetings and sharing and taking inventories and doing the next right thisng etc...etc...
Ah shucks, It just plain works... Like someone turned up my life... the difference could be compared to the change from a LP to a CD
Man, now were cookin, I am forever grateful. And I am responsible, when anyone ever reaches out........
Love: Perry H.
Thanks for your topic Cherise. I can certainly identify with what you and the others have wrote. Not knowing how long you have been sober, I don't have an ideas where your at in time of sobriety but if your working the program a day at a time to the best of your ability, then that's were your at and doing just fine. During my journey along this path I know that one important thing for me to do is to be able to experience the moments sober and whatever is happening will change for the better. Somewhere I read that it's not important who I am but who I am becoming. Best to all. In case none of you know, I'm David and I'm an alcholic. :)
Hi, my name,s George and I,m an alcoholic.
I identify so much with what everyone's shared. A while ago, I came to a point on my journey where I thought there was something missing, but I didn't know what it was. Someone close to me at the time helped me see what it was. It was me!
Throughout my life, I was so disconnected from my feelings that I was a stranger to myself. By drinking and drugging to deal with, or not deal with my problems, I failed to learn skills that help me deal with life. One day I prayed for God to help me.
My Higher Power knew exactly what I needed. I believe that's how I found my current sponsor. He was able to help me by sharing his own experience, strength and hope with me.
Once I began to find out who I am, it became easier to understand why I drank. That was the beginning of alot of work to learn about feelings.
When that door of my sobriety opened, I could only label three feelings: good, bad and anger. But through working the steps and trying to live the steps, combined with a strong support system, I'm more in tune with myself than I ever could have imagined possible.
I want to share something with you Cherise that my sponsor shared with me: "It gets better"! Today I know I'm it! WE're it!
Thanks so much for a great topic. I've been viewing this meeting for a few months now. It's about time I finally shared. Thanks Perry and Barry for telling me about it. I really enjoy it.