Member: David C
Location:
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:55:01 AM

Comments

My name is David and I'm an alcoholic.

This group has become a place I visit at least once a day and frequently more. When I come, I see there are many newcomers who are reaching out and trying to check out our way of life. I come from a section of the country where, if there is a newcomer in the room, the topic is the 1st Step. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -that our lives had become unmanageable."

For me these was no problem admitting I was an alcoholic. I had been drinking pretty much around the clock for the past couple of yours. My body had changed so much that I could no longer get high. In fact towards the end I could not drink enough to feel even "normal". I knew I was dying of alcoholism, and I just wished it would be soon. I had tried everything...changing to beer, to pills, to church, to various combinations. The point was that "I" was continuing to try to stay in some sort of control and not admit "utter defeat".

The utter defeat came when I was confronted by the state licensing board and say in the eyes of the man doing the intervention...hope. I knew he had been where I was and had found a way out. At that point I surrendered. As is said surrendered to win. I am no longer alone. I am no longer filled with the nameless fear. I am generally "happy, joyous and free" one day at a time.

I have therefore chose the 1st Step and hope for the topic.

Thanks for helping me to stay sober today. david c


Member: Perry H Again
Location:
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:57:22 AM

Comments

How about the first step, sounds better!


Member: Al S.
Location: Beckley,WV
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 10:57:59 AM

Comments

My name is Al and I am an alcoholic. I came to AA defeated and spritually bankrupt. I was nineteen and washed up. I begin to read the literature that was given to me and I then begin to learn that I was powerless over alcohol and my problem wasn't getting drunk, it was living sober. I could not live sober on my own. As I began to work the twlve steps in my life, I began to receive the gift of sobriety. The answers are in the Big Book as well as the instructions for working each step. I know today after a little over eight years of sobriety that I am still powerless over alcohol, but I have learned that there is a way to remain sober and enjoy life one day at a time. At one time I couldn't picture life without alcohol, and now I can't even picture it with alcohol. I got it through God and the twelve steps of AA. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Frank D.
Location: WillowGrove Pa.
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 12:27:21 PM

Comments

For Years i walked around with a Head full of AA and a belly full of booze,untill I got Honest with that first drink.Then things started to happen for me.I also had to look at that third tradition. The Desire not to drink nothing else. That is one of the main reasons I go to meetings today is to keep my desire strong,And I have to ask my Higher Power whom I call God To help me through a day.This is a God giving program. Thank You For Letting Me Speak PS I will have 20Yrs Feb 8th. It Works If You Let It. Frank D.


Member: Judy K in Brigadoon
Location: Cushing, Maine, that is!
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 12:51:54 PM

Comments

Thanks, David -- the most important step in my book -- the one I have to take "perfectly" in order to change and live a sober life.

I was definitely NOT an alcoholic in my own arrogant mind -- "Not an alcoholic because ... I was college educated, didn't drink before 5 PM (excet on weekends when I did laundry in the basement at 10 AM with a glass of scotch, I mean) I lived in a big house, etc., etc., Talk about denial! It has nothing to do with those things but ... what happens when I DRINK?! And when I drank I got drunk, argumentative, arrogant, defiant, obnoxious and had blackouts. My shame was unbearable -- so I drank again.

Well, my Higher Power led me to an AA member who let me look at myself. Live without booze? What an amazing concept! Twenty seven years later I know that I and AA are miracles of joyful living. I hope our new-comers wil give AA a 3 month honest-to-God commitment -- at "real" meetings, not just in cyber-space. You know what the old-timers say "You'll save a lot of money, and if you don't like what we have to offer we'll gladly refund your misery!"

Thanks, but I never wanted to take anyone up on that refund! I'm happier sober! Welcome, all you newcomers!


Member: Connee R.
Location: Massachusettes
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 1:30:13 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Connee and I'm an alcoholic. What a great topic for me today. I am struggling with 3 weeks of sobriety after a recent relapse. I know I'm powerless over alcohol, yet I still want it. Actually I want the way it made me feel before it stopped working.This time out I blacked out and ended up overnight in the hospital. I thought after a year of sobriety I could have a couple but I was wrong. And I only drank for 4 hours so now I understand the progression. I am desperately searching for my higher power, so I hope that will be a topic soon. I am grateful to have stumbled across this meeting... maybe it will help me stop isolating. Thanks.


Member: Russ W.
Location: Powell, WY
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 1:31:49 PM

Comments

Hi everyone at tis cyber fellowship, I am Russ and I am an alcoholic/addict. This is the first time I have shared at this meeting. I have been attending AA for a little over 4 years now. Although I have not been making a lot of meetings recently. My mind and my life is still unmanageable. I was introduced to AA at the very beginning of my using days in High School. But I did not believe it was for me at the time, "I didn't have a problem, I could quit anytime I wanted to." I thought. Anyway I am truly powerless over any kind of mood altering drug (alcohol is a drug.) Once I consume that first use, I do not know what will happen or when I stop (usually until I pass out or get locked up. I used to live and lived to use. I had no mental defense against the first drink. Once I started I could not stop. I used when I did not want to and when I wanted to. I could not imagine my life with or without some kind of mood altering drug. My life continued to go downhill fast. I had lots of legal problems from the beginning to the end. The last time I drank I was arrested for my fourth DWUI and spent some time in the county jail and the State Hospital Drug/Alcohol treatment program. This was the second treatment facility I was in. Anyway I am truly glad to have all you folks in AA and the 12 Steps and fellowship of the program. I would not be clean and sober today if it was not for you and my Higher Power. Thanks for letting me ramble. Russ W.


Member: Thomas L.
Location: Warsaw, Poland
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 1:48:27 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Thomas and I'm an alcoholic

So much has happened in recovery for me that at times I forget what it was like when I was out there drinking and drugging. I can't say that I wanted to stop for a long period of time but when I did it was completely GOD driven. One night a fell to my knees in tears and asked GOD that to help me stop, total surrender. The amazing thing is that it worked. For about five years then I went out for a few months, till I found the rooms again seven years ago, and I hope to GOD I never leave again.

Admitting I'm powerless today is so refreshing to me.

So many times I get, caught up in the belief that I can force the outcome of a situation. Only to come to the realization that the outcome I forced was not spiritually motivated but Thomas driven, usually out of fear, pride or greed or some such other self-centered motivation.

To surrender today for me means to let go and let GOD. Which brings peace into my sole.

I am in Warsaw, Poland this week working on a venture, that at times brings tremendous joy and pain to me. Tomorrow I am going into a meeting (thanks Perry for your input) that I must practice the 1st step on, surrender the outcome. I have to remember that the outcome is in God's hands and I am but the messenger.


Member: don w
Location: akeley mn.
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 1:58:13 PM

Comments

Hi , don a greatful recovering alcholic. the first step is good topic..well. i ended up in a treatment facility.. and i didnot have a problem with drinking... i could outdrink most everybody that i meet locally. the problem was i could not stop drinking... every day, was 1 drunk after another..i got there because of my unmanageablity. after 10 days or so. when the fog cleared from brain.. i got to listing my life...good=10.. bad=1. and no matter the rating for the day when i looked back at this date, the common underlining issue was that i drank that day..this went back to when was senior in high school and had a pint in locker.. well life was unmanageable all right.. confronted with this.i figured why not stop drinking for a while ( at least till things cool down ) ..some how by the grace of God my higher power, all the right people were put in my life at the right time. this led me to understand that at one time in life i was powerless over alcohol. today i am not powerlees over it as long as i work and apply the 12 steps and traditions every day in my life and do not drink.. i can not give enough thanks to all A.A. members past ,present and future. there is hope.. This meeting is just another example of that hope and fellowship.


Member: Del F.
Location: Midwest-Chicago
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 2:13:47 PM

Comments

Hi Family: The first step is always one of my favorite steps. It was very hard for me to admit I was an alcoholic. I only drank a couple of days a week, had a good job, family, friends and no time in jail. How could I be. Then I came to understand that I was a spree alcoholic, perhaps the most difficult to convince. All I knew was that I drank too much and bad things started to happen. My life was a mess, I was full of fear and my fingernails were scraping the board. I knew I was on a downward spiral. Tried suicide and yet I always reached out. So therefore, there must be some greater mission for me in this world. I knew I could not be counted on in any situation that involved alcohol. I could drink one and walk away or never stop the whole evening and wake up not knowing what happened. So much for my denial. I am ever so greatful that someone loved me enough to get me to a meeting. My life, without God, is still unmanageable, but I pretty much leave him in charge and take each day as it comes, without booze. Thanks for the topic.


Member: Tim V.
Location: Poconos, PA, USA
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 2:18:37 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Tim and I'm an alcoholic.

Saying that, however, is not the first step. I drank for 5 years after I realized that in 1975.

When I came to my first AA meeting in 1980, I understood what it meant to be an alcoholic; that I am powerless over alcohol(whether drinking it or not) and that my life had become unmanagable. (that's the easy part for me...lots of evidence).

SO WHAT!

It only means something, if I do something about it one day at a time. For me, that means getting up at 5:50AM and attending my home group at 6:30 AM. We meet every day and I usually make it 5 days a week.

When I'm sitting there, instead of home sleeping, I've work/taken the first step. When I'm sleeping late and skipping the meeting, a little powerfulness is slipping back into my life.

Careful careful.. I best not let that go on to long!

Many blessings,


Member: John M
Location: mb
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 2:45:05 PM

Comments

Hello, I'm an alcoholic and I really need help! Just writing these words is almost more than I can do.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 3:31:01 PM

Comments

I think, (in hindsight, of course), that I had a more difficult time w/ the second part. I had known for years that once I started, I wasn't going to stop. But I still had a good job, so therefore didn't have a problem.

It used to make perfect sense to me to have mouthwash in my glove compartment, gum and mints in every pocket; I wore lots of cologne, and it wasn't 'till I got sober that I went back to a cafeteria to eat.Unmanageable ? Not me.

I'm so grateful that it no longer makes sense to live that way.


Member: jessica h
Location: fl
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 4:06:20 PM

Comments

hello I'm Jessica and I am an alcoholic.Cool topic!You know when I was out drinking nobody could convince me that I was an alcoholic,I thought that an alcoholic was someone who had lost everything and who was living under a bridge.Today I know that my idea was very off. I had never lost anything materialistic when I was out there but I took my drinking to the extreme got totally plastered and ruined almost every possible relationship I had with anyone. About the only people who would have anything to do with me were my parents and they were just about ready to give up on me.By the grace of God and through the help of my family I got involved in the recovery program.For me it took losing all selfworth, destroying any close friendship or relationship and leaving myself very few people to turn to,before I realized that alcohol had total controll over me.Today I consider myself an alcoholic and pray that I remain sober one day at a time.Taking that first step was very hard for me, but its through working the steps that I stay sober. And it works but, only if you are willing.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Maureen C.
Location: Whitehall, PA
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 4:38:05 PM

Comments

Hi! I'm Maureen and an alcoholic from Whitehall, PA. The 1st step was the hardest one for me to take. I was raised to believe that nothing could ever keep me down; if I was knocked down, I could always get up again. It was only after a relapse in AA, and the absolute knowledge that I needed that drink, that I was able to take the 1st step. The funny thing is, once I took it, I found out that I was finally free of a prison I didn't even know I was in. That was going on 19 years ago, and I haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink - no matter what I have gone through - since. That's only throught the grace of God and the fellowship of AA.

John, the first time I said the words "I'm an alcoholic" I literally choked on them. Keep coming, but also get in touch with the AA hotline or Intergroup office in your area for meetings. At the meetings, get phone numbers and keep in touch with the people. Remember, we all have been where you are right now. Good luck, and God Bless.


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 7:19:47 PM

Comments

I'm Kerry, an alcoholic. This is a disease of Denial. I know that first hand. I never thought that my drinking had anything to do with my problems. It just never occured to me. Isn't that amazing?? Here I was, 23 years old, hitting the bars most every night, telling myself that going to them was the only option I had to have "fun". In actuality, I was unable to have a relationship with anyone that wasn't just "on the surface". Just did'nt get it, I had a job, my own apartment etc. etc. One night I got so drunk that I got lost in my hometown. Didn't know where I was. Thank God (although I did'nt know HP at that time) I managed to get to a "friends" house and pass out on their porch, in the rain. What a mess!! What occured to me the next morning, after calling in sick to work, was that possibly I should call AA. I do not recall anyone talking to me about it. I just made the call. The first step is hard to take for some of us, after all, alcohol had been my solution to all my problems for so long. I thank the steps and the people who has gone before me for showing me that there are other solutions for my problems, and for living life on life's terms. It has been almost 18 years, so far I have not had a problem big enough to send me back to the insanity of alcoholism. Thanks you all for being here, specially the newcomers.


Member: Camella R
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:10:25 PM

Comments

Hi I am Camella and an Alcoholic, I have been sober almost 2 years, my father was an alcolic as was my brother, therefore I was no stranger to AA,. It took years of drinking for me to realize that I had to stop, but i couldnt. I signed myself into a rehab even though my husband at the time didnt want me too, because he said all I needed was disipline, and he was a reovering alcoholic if 18 yrs at the time. Admiting I was powerless over alcohol was not the problem for me as I knew for years that I was powerless. I have found good times in AA but also learned that there are still many hard times and I am going through one of those times now, the only difference is that alcohol is no longer an option for me and I am glad to say that God has relieved me of my desire to drink. I have gone through a divorce in recovery that was very painful, I met someone else and had a baby a week ago, however the father had left me, he left me when he found out I was pregnant, I ended up back in rehab not for relapse but because i knew I was in trouble. I am now having great difficulity with acceptance and need to learn how to accpet my current situation. It is not easy and most likely I am going through the hardest time in my life, but I am staying sober for me and for my new baby daughter. So hang in there as I am doing, and keep learning like I am trying to do. We are not perfect with are still humans. I wish you all the best " one day at a time" because that is all we have anyway. God Bless you all. Camella


Member: Fran D.
Location: St. Simons Is. GA
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:21:37 PM

Comments

Hi, everyone! My name is Fran and I'm an alcoholic. I love this step, because it reminds me who I am - a person who's powerless over alcohol ---- and, it turns out, over an awful lot of other things and people, as well. When I can accept that cheerfully and look to my Higher Power for his/her power, rather than mine, life goes a whole lot better. I keep coming to meetings, usually in person, but in the past three weeks in cyberspace also, to be reminded of my powerlessness. It's so easy to try to tke charge all over again, and it never works. Good luck to the newcomers, and to the ones starting over. keep coming, and try to go in person. It works!


Member: Janina K.
Location: Powder Springs, Georgia
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:35:27 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Janina and I'm an alcoholic. I am 17 and am still dealing with trying to grow up. It is tough right now. The first step took me awhile. I could admit(with pride) to friends that I am powerless over alcohol and other substances. It was admitting my unmangable life that I had the real trouble. You see, I still lived at home. I never went through DT's or living homeless. But I never bothered to look at how miserable I was. Why did I not feel good enough about myself to look in a mirror? Why was I not out there at those high school functions like other kids? Because my life was unmanagable. When I finally hit a bottom where it forced me to look at myself, I saw that I was a failure. I did not want to spend the rest of my life the way I was heading. I decided I wasn't managing my life very well. That was a wonderful beginning. I still have a long way to go, but with the God of my understanding, I know I can make it today. Just For Today! Thanks.


Member: Mary Ann
Location: Elberta Al
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:44:41 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Mary Ann and I'm an alcoholic. Surrender not defeat!! I heard that this morning at my local meeting, it was as if for the first time. We can admit that we are powerless and yet not be defeated. My higher power has a plan for me and now I am VERY willing to accept his will in my life. Camilla, my sister went through a similar experience two years ago. Divorced her husband and became pregnant by a man who left her life. She had two children already and a low paying job but she has managed to care for her family and I have had the pleasure of seeing my newest niece grow into a beautiful little girl. My sister has a new love in her life and is very happy. My best wishes to you and your new little girl.


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:51:46 PM

Comments

John M.: Look up "AA" or "Alcoholics Anonymous" in your phone book and give them a call. Someone there can tell you where you can find a meeting in your area, and answer questions you might have.

Give it a try, John. It's saved my life and the lives of many, many other people. The first step is recognizing that there's a problem. Good luck, and keep coming back! We're very happy you've found us.


Member: Mary Ann
Location: Elberta Al
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 8:57:56 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Mary Ann and I'm an alcoholic. Surrender not defeat!! I heard that this morning at my local meeting, it was as if for the first time. We can admit that we are powerless and yet not be defeated. My higher power has a plan for me and now I am VERY willing to accept his will in my life. Camilla, my sister went through a similar experience two years ago. Divorced her husband and became pregnant by a man who left her life. She had two children already and a low paying job but she has managed to care for her family and I have had the pleasure of seeing my newest niece grow into a beautiful little girl. My sister has a new love in her life and is very happy. My best wishes to you and your new little girl.


Member: Jen M.
Location: TX
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 10:04:51 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Jen and I hate the first step. I havent had a drink in a week and have gone to two meetings. Ive had to hide in my apt. to keep away from my friends at a bar next door for the game. Part of me is OK letting go and coming back to the program,( after leaving ten yrs ago at 22,) the other pt. is still trying to believe I just need to chill out for a while. Do I really need to drink and smoke up what little I have left and destroy the rest of my relationships to get it? Ive heard so much that you have to hit bottom to "get it" Can I please have gone down far enough???? Im fricking patehtic and scared to death. And I really want to see what life is like w/out living in a bar or on drugs. Ive been praying again and it seems to help. I actually forgot about working the steps. I have afeeling step 1 is going to be the hardest to do again. Like that guy said, admitting i'm an alcoholic isnt so hard, its doing something about it . This site has saved me this week. Thanks for all of your help.


Member: Brown, R.
Location:
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 10:07:32 PM

Comments

I am very hurt and resentful. I am hispanic and of brown color. I am resentful of the segregation that I have experienced, still experience from many white people and petrified to speak to whites about this. I am afraid of my anger have not drank for 15 years and am mistrusting around people. I have been for a number of years in ACA, OA, NA, CODA, Alanon, AA for 14 years and choosing to journey on my own. I will not drink again because I was a low- emotional bottom drunk and I do not want to be institutionalized nor loose my family as I did in 1978 due to my alcoholism and dysfunction. I continue to go to therapy (13 years) but I still have many negative emotions. I have worked the steps.


Member: Perry H.
Location: Treasurer in PA
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 10:49:03 PM

Comments

It is time to pass the hat folks. This group needs contributions to pay its hosting fees and to carry the message to other alky's. We suggest as little as a buck per year of sobriety if you can afford it. Please find the adress when you click on "Pass the Hat" at the bottom of this page. Thankyou , your treasurer: Perry


Member: Marcia B.
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 11:12:20 PM

Comments

I'm Marcia and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. This is so cool! I just returned from my meeting, and it was on the same topic. This is my HP telling me what I need to be hearing in my life today. I'm am so grateful that today I can listen to my HP and get the message of what I'm supposed to be WORKING on for today. It has,for me, worked mainly because of the 1st step, and doing it every day that I'm able to listen and follow directions of this wonderful program. I know for me, that if I don't practice this step every day, that I will be taking my "will" back, which means I'm one step closer to picking up a drink and, or drug again. The 1st step makes me remember where I came from, what it was like, and where I could go if I don't take this most important step. I have been taught from the beginning, that "no matter what" don't pick up that 1st drink. That 1st step helps me every day to remember that I'm am powerless and that it is HP's will, not MINE!!! It is very refreshing to see people who have responded to this topic on it's 1st night on site. I'm glad that there are people who have time in this progam respond to this topic with such wisdom and compassion to the newcomer. thank to all of you for sharing. I know for me, I can always learn something new if let myself.


Member: Marcia B.
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 11:13:01 PM

Comments

I'm Marcia and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. This is so cool! I just returned from my meeting, and it was on the same topic. This is my HP telling me what I need to be hearing in my life today. I'm am so grateful that today I can listen to my HP and get the message of what I'm supposed to be WORKING on for today. It has,for me, worked mainly because of the 1st step, and doing it every day that I'm able to listen and follow directions of this wonderful program. I know for me, that if I don't practice this step every day, that I will be taking my "will" back, which means I'm one step closer to picking up a drink and, or drug again. The 1st step makes me remember where I came from, what it was like, and where I could go if I don't take this most important step. I have been taught from the beginning, that "no matter what" don't pick up that 1st drink. That 1st step helps me every day to remember that I'm am powerless and that it is HP's will, not MINE!!! It is very refreshing to see people who have responded to this topic on it's 1st night on site. I'm glad that there are people who have time in this progam respond to this topic with such wisdom and compassion to the newcomer. thank to all of you for sharing. I know for me, I can always learn something new if let myself.


Member: PAT L
Location: KANSAS CITY MO
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 11:25:17 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Pat L, and Im an alcoholic and druggy. Great topic, I have worked this step to many times. I keep coming back because I know in my heart the program works if I do what Im supposed to do.Read the book,go to meetings,work the steps, say my pleases and thank yous. I just recently went back out. I had 73 days and got bummed about something and instead of calling someone, It was just to easy to get a bottle. I didnt get bad or in trouble but I had the drink. As soon as I had the drink, I thought of what I could do. Like start saying the serenity prayer and go to the AA hall. I did but I had already had a little. So again, I have admitted I am powerless and have asked for help from my higher power and my friends in AA. This probably sounds bad but actually Im getting better. For some reason, This time I didnt waste time getting to aa, I got right back to it. This is fortunate. Usually I would finish my drunken insanity with more and more drinking. Several months, after getting totally sick,and hit even another bottom, I would return with my tail between my legs. This time I am lucky. I need to remember its one day at a time. TOMORROW, I will get drunk and its ok. TODAY I WILL REMAIN SOBER. Let tomorrow take care of its self and today take care of me, and not drink. Just dont drink today. SURRENDER, ADMIT IT IS CUNNING, BAFFLING, AND POWERFUL...more powerful than I. Thanks for the space. "You are where you are because, You're doin what you're doin" Dirtyferty@hotmail.com


Member: Andrea B.
Location: Cordova ILL
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 11:27:55 PM

Comments

Hi I am Andrea And I am Alcoholic/addict, The first step came to easy to me. Sure I had a problem But as long as I could keep drinking "what problem" But it used to make my family feel better when they would hear me say it. Well now 10 months sober I can say it and I can be proud that I belong to AA and if it wasn't for God and AA I would not be here today. March 11th I will have my one year and I have deserved it. No one knows what you go through and how important it is to have one more day on your belt. Except those who have been there. And those are the ones I contiue to learn from. Thank God for you.


Member: Regina S.
Location: Spring Branch, Tx.
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 11:38:31 PM

Comments

When I first came into AA 37 years ago, I only wanted to learn how to drink. I never thought about quitting. After I was in a year without a drink I was sitting in a meeting and was reading the 1st step again that was on the wall. I was very surprise to see that it said: WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL.... I had thought all this time that it said: WE ADMITTED WE WERE ALCOHOLIC'S.... You can see how difficult it was for me to get the program. I did manage to stay sober, hanging close to AA and my higher power for 21 years. I became resentful in my 8th year of sobriety and rationalize the resentment, then intellectualized it, then spiritualized it...but never did surrender it to my powerlessness. As a result, I got drunk and stayed drunk for 2 and half years. At another bottom, I asked God to help me get back to AA. I knew that was where the power was for me. I am grateful to announce that I again by the Grace of God am sober almost 14 wonderful years. I am aware everyday of my powerlessness and turn my lifeover to the care of a Loving God.


Member: Donna G.
Location: Lake Jackson, TX
Date: 1/25/98
Time: 11:47:49 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Donna and I am an alcoholic. I am just returning to the program of AA after a 3 year relapse (it takes what it takes). I have recently started working with a new sponsor and am "on" step one.

For a long time I had no idea that I was an alcoholic. The thought just never occurred to me as I poured vodka in my coffee in the morning. But today I can truly see that I am powerless over alcohol. In the end, I didn't WANT to drink - I HAD to drink. The unmanageability is also pretty evident. I can remember all those days not so long ago when I looked in the mirror and knew that I was going utterly insane. I wanted to die.

Today I am just so grateful that I knew where to go when I was ready to give this way of life another try. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Mike O.
Location: Pontiac, Michigan
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 12:38:23 AM

Comments

The first step is the only one i need to work perfectly. As long as i stay away from my first drink i feel i am. My life today is alot more manageble than it ever has been. I heard early..bring your body and your mind will follow. This is a life long program..it is not easy..but it is simple..one day at a time..


Member: Bill A.
Location: Astoria, Ore.
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 12:49:25 AM

Comments

My name is Bill and I am an alcholic/addict. The first step is a great topic for me since I am currently on step one. I have 65 days sober and feel so damn good that I can hardly stand it. I know that I am powerless over alchol and drugs so that part of step one is accepted. I am having problems with the control isssue. I pray and meditate every day and am attending meetings as often as possible. Through the grace of my higher power I have been able to stay sober through Superbowl Sunday and with the help of AA I will stay sober tomorrow. Thanks for being there.


Member: Bill A.
Location: Astoria, Ore.
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 12:49:55 AM

Comments

My name is Bill and I am an alcholic/addict. The first step is a great topic for me since I am currently on step one. I have 65 days sober and feel so damn good that I can hardly stand it. I know that I am powerless over alchol and drugs so that part of step one is accepted. I am having problems with the control isssue. I pray and meditate every day and am attending meetings as often as possible. Through the grace of my higher power I have been able to stay sober through Superbowl Sunday and with the help of AA I will stay sober tomorrow. Thanks for being there.


Member: Bill A.
Location: Astoria, Ore.
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 12:52:31 AM

Comments

My name is Bill and I am an alcholic/addict. The first step is a great topic for me since I am currently on step one. I have 65 days sober and feel so damn good that I can hardly stand it. I know that I am powerless over alchol and drugs so that part of step one is accepted. I am having problems with the control isssue. I pray and meditate every day and am attending meetings as often as possible. Through the grace of my higher power I have been able to stay sober through Superbowl Sunday and with the help of AA I will stay sober tomorrow. Thanks for being there.


Member: MIKE S
Location: OH
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 12:53:16 AM

Comments

i'm mike and i'm an alcoholic.the first time i said those words in a meeting,i felt a tremendous burden lift from me.and when i heard the first step,ifelt hope where thre had been despair. i have to remember every day that i am powerless over alcohol. it has been almost 4 year and nothing has happened that i have had to drink over and there have been problems. this is a great site, an adjunct to my program i will urge new commers to get in contact with AA in their area and go to live meetings.god bless


Member: Alex M
Location: Sausalito, Ca.
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 3:08:19 AM

Comments

hi, i'm alex and i am an alcoholic. first step, yes I am powerless and my life was unmangeable. was, because i'm sober three years now, manageable with God's will. as long as i remember the first step, i am an alcoholic. i know what happens to me when i drink. sometimes i don't know what happens to me when i drink and that's why i don't drink. unrational fear has left me, the only fear now i have is drinking. when i think about all the time i wasted drunk and all the bad decisions i made with a twisted mind it reinforces my acceptance of my alcoholism and leads me away from that drink. but without step one i'm only one drink away from my own personal hell.


Member: Cherise D.
Location: Grateful in PA
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 8:53:58 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Cherise and I'm a GRATEFUL alcoholic!

Never thought I'd be saying that. Powerlessness was the hardest for me when I was still out there. I thought everyone had a few Dui's and cracked up a few cars. Got drunk into blackouts and didn't remember the night before. I thought my life was normal. So it was real hard to even think that I could be an alcoholic or more important that alcohol was the problem.

Someone said Surrender, when I came in I lost my husband, my home, my business, my family, even my 1 yr old daughter, but mostly myself. But the alcoholic that I am, wasn't done fighting. The first three months in the program I fought everything. The people in here said just don't drink and go to meetings and things will get better. Well By the Grace OF God I went to 5 meetings a day for the first few months but it wasn't until I TOTALLY SURRENDERED, that things started to get better. Reading page 449 in the BB helped me through many days and nights. Now I am GRATEFUL to my HP,You people,my sponsor and this fellowship.

I am totally powerless not only with alcohol, but with life. So I trust my life in the hands of my HP and try not to take my will back. Although at times I do, I just pray and it ALWAYS gets better.

For all the newcomers hang in there, It really does get better it takes time but it really works. I am proof that this program and the promises do come true if you wait for them to happen!!!!!!!

Thanks all for letting me share and have a happy 24 "Yesterday is gone forever;Tommorrow may never come. Today is YOURS, use it."


Member: Susie S.
Location: Dallas, TX
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 1:33:31 PM

Comments

As a few others have mentioned, knowing that I had a problem was one thing - but wanting to do something about it was another. I realized I was totally powerless over alcohol (or whatever other mind-altering substance I could get my hand on) when I could honestly not quit on my own. And believe me, just like the good alcoholic that I am, I tried everything - only on weekends, every other weekend, just special occasions, the list goes on and on. I didn't lose too much financially, but spiritually I was bankrupt. If I could only find something - anything to fill the hole. I went to my first AA meeting in a treatment facility in June of 1989, but didn't actually stay sober until May of 1990. However, once I got my first taste of AA, it really screwed up my getting loaded. You people had what I wanted - but of course, I wanted it right now. It wasn't until I was willing to work the steps with my sponser that I really understood. And even today, I still learn from the first step. For me, Steps 1,2 & 3 go together - "I Can't". "He Can". "I think I'll let Him". Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Alice D
Location: Greene County, PA
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 5:03:47 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Alice and I am an alcoholic. I am very grateful to be here today. Like so many of you, I still had a lot of "yets" whe n I came into the program and that helped me stay in denial for many years. I realize today that although I did not get in any legal trouble, I got in a lot of emotional trouble. I really believed that I was just a person who liked to party, and the things that happened to me (like blackouts) were just normal and that I was unhappy was just my lot in life or I was crazy! But by the grace of God, AA, and the steps I have found that all of those beliefs were false.

This lst step topic is great because I keep running across the underlying theme of acceptance, which is what I need to work on right now. Acceptance is the key to all my problems , according to the BB. Lately I have been forgetting that I am powerless over people, places, and things, as well as alcohol. Thanks for remnding me!


Member: MarkW
Location: Scotland
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 6:25:12 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Mark and I'm an alcoholic. The first step probably to me the longest to get to, I thought, more than once, yes sure my life is unmanageable and yes deep down I knew there was something wrong with my drinking, however I didnt really, honestly know how drink affected me! I found a sponsor who endured me like only another ex-drunk would. He pointed me in the direction of the doctors opinion and he still does 2yrs later. I'm glad to say I'm begining to know what's good for me. Happy to be sober!


Member: susan
Location: Terre Haute, Indiana
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 6:39:40 PM

Comments

Hi..my name is Susan and I'm definitely an alcoholic. It took me 2 1/2 years to get 1 year sober. I knew I was an alcoholic, and was used to my life being quite insane, but somehow clung to that illusion that I could still drink..probably not sucessfully, but that I would "get by with it". It took every drink, every disaster, every moment to get me to that "jumping off" place we read about in our Big Book. My last drunk (starting with the very first drink) convinced me that I simply could not drink safely. It was impossible for me to predict what would happen or who would get hurt. I had to be convinced in order to go on with the rest of the Steps. When I became convinced, I became willing, and have not had to take a drink since. My life is better and I really am truly enjoying and appreciating what Life brings or puts in my path. It's not always good, but by God, it's always interesting! I laugh a lot, and it's genuine. It feels really good.

To all you newcomers, just keep coming back. No matter what happens, keep going to AA meetings. Real life meetings are very important, as well as getting a sponsor, reading the BB...and praying.

ps. don't drink.

signed: once-was-lost susan


Member: Rob G
Location: Atlanta
Date: 1/26/98
Time: 8:34:58 PM

Comments

MY name is Rob and I'm an Alcoholic. I am a first time visiter to this forum and recently relocated to the Atlanta area. March 20 will be 11 years for me and Feb 17 will be 10 years for my wife of 6 1/2 years. And still after two kids and a great job I need meetings and people to help me remember how it was . What happened. And why it's different today . I'm am very greatful and glad to find this online.


Member: Bobby W.
Location: ST.pETE,FL
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 12:36:28 AM

Comments

HI EVERYone I'm Bobby & I'm an alcoholic and have an honest desire not to drink today. The first was the hardest step for me to ever honestly admit. I've been in & out of this program for over ten years now and believe when I say I wish I would've gotten it then instead of now. My dad was a real alcoholic & died of Scirosis when I was seven. I didn't know this until twenty years later but it still relates to me & this disease that I have to battle with everyday. When I was 15 years old I was drinking every night and honestly just could'nt cope with life anymore. So I tried to kill myself like 5 times on this one day,and felt totally hopeless even as a failure.I was in alot of trouble back then and my family was pretty much done with me. My mom put me in a private mental institution that I did a year & 3 months in but when I got I went right back to the same few friends I had & started back doing the same things I was doing before only now I was on my own. A year later I was 19 & I had my first blackout woke in jail the next morning not even knowing what I did but I ended up hurting 2 police officers pretty bad and was in serious trouble but I was used to that I was always at the wrong place at the wrong time, you know I always had the perfect excuses for every thing that ever happened to me. That's when I was first introduce to this fellowship of alcoholics and I got my little court paper signed and really never even heard one word that anybody even said and I just kept doing what everybody else was doing. I ended up like 2 years later getting busted for selling marijuana to an undercover agent & was sent back to A.A. to get my paper signed again and this time I actually started hearing what the people in the rooms were saying and I could actually relate to some of them but I still wasn't powerless even though my life was unmanageable. I was trying to stay sober and got about 3 months twice. Then one night I went out drinking with my best friend, came home and got into a fight with my girlfriend, went to jail, violated my probation and they sent me to a Florida state prison at 21 years old. Did A.A. in prison told myself I wasn't going to drink when I got out. They gave me a hundred dollars when I got out and put me on a bus. I had a three hour layover in Orlando found a bar and was broke before I even got back home didn't even have enough money for the cab ride home. Again I wasn't powerless just another excuse pop in my head I was good with them. Another year passed by I got into a band and started playing in the ROCK *n* ROLL clubs around town and we always got paid with free drinks. So like I thought that was the coolest thing and one night coming home with the same best friend I had mentioned earlier I was hit in the face by a trucks rearview mirror{I was on a motorcycle} and I had my first death exp. The guy that hit was drunk and thought he had killed us but I came back to life,wow. I'm almost 30 now and only have a couple of months and thats after going back out when I had two years.But I hit my knees this mourning and cried asking my H.P. for help today. there is alot more to my story but I've been rambling I just hope that people will take this thing seriosly because I didn't and just got hit by a car 5 months ago and I'm not taking any chances today with my sobriety. I don't want to die a drunk like my father did. TODAY I AM A GRATEFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC. I also have that strong desire even on days when its hard to admit. THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE. GOOD TOPIC.


Member: Scott D.
Location: State College, Pa
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 10:18:59 AM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and addict named Scott.

I am only 5 days out of my first and hopefully last rehab.

I relized I had a problem with alcohol and drugs about two years ago. I got into legal trouble and was put on parole. I stopped using for a couple of weeks. That meant I didn't have a problem if I could quit anytime I wanted, right? WRONG!! I tried everything to "control" my addiction. Only drinking beer, only drinking when I didn't have to work the next day, taking taxi's when I had too much, limiting the amount of money I went out with(damn MAC machines are everywhere), Limit number of drinks etc. What I've since realized was after the first drink none of the commitments I made to myself meant a damn thing. I always ended up drunk.

I really wanted to stop after several arrests in a short amount of time. It was suggest I go to A.A meetings. The only thing I saw were the differences between myself and others. I hadn't lost my girlfriend, family, job, income or any of those material things. So I stopped going to meetings and continued my uncontrolable controlled drinking.

During this time I was able to admit that I had a problem, however I was not able to accept that I would be that way for the rest of my life and I could not even smoke a joint anymore. I thought "what's the point of being sober and miserable, at least when I use I have a good time. The good times quit coming when I needed that morning drink just to start my day.

I learned a lot about myself at the rehab I went to. I learned addiction is a disease and although I am not responsible and it's not my fault for having this disease I am responsible for my recovery. I am doing all the things I didn't do my first time in the rooms. I'm working on doing 90 in 90, I got a temporary sponsor, and most important for me I'm learning to be honest with myself and other people, and I make myself share at most every meeting otherwise knowing myself I will shut down. I am really feeling positive and want to do the right thing.

I have no problem today admitting I am powerless over addiction and am trying to let go of wanting to control people and things around me. The serenity prayer is a big help for me when I get angry about things I am powerless over and have no control.

I thought this web site was cool and felt like rambling for a while. Thanks to everyone in this fellowship for being there.


Member: Michael B.
Location: Puget Sound- WA
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 2:35:35 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Michael and I'm an alcoholic. I am 35 years old and have been drinking since age 15.

Earlier this month, my wife of 3 1/2 years served me with legal seperation papers. We have 3 yr old daughter together..

I am having a very difficult time right now.

I grew up in an AA family (mother / father sober 25+) but apparently learned the hard way anyways...

My wife says that 6 months living apart and staying sober and we may be able to salvage the family...I can only pray..

Any advice?


Member: frank b
Location: portland oregon
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 3:25:18 PM

Comments

Hi i'm an alcoholic and my name is frank..truely by the Grace of God and this fellowship i am sober for another day.. if you are a newcommer or recently new to soberity i hope you read (hear) something that keeps you comming back cuz it really does work...when, by the Grace of God, i got here i didn't know what an alcoholic was..i knew i was a miserable and mean drunk...i thought it was just normal to have gone through a couple of fortunes, 3 wifes' a countless number of failed relationships and many broken friendships..it was just macho to get drunk and raise hell all the time..being a drunk really wasn't a big deal until i reached that point of incomprehensible demoralization..absolutely nothing worked any more and God did bring me to my first A.A. meeting many 24 hours ago..and i have managed to stay sober by asking Him to do for me what i could not do for myself..on a daily basis..when my journey first started it was on a minute by minute basis for a long time..one of my favorite sayings i first heard

Don O. in Reno Nv said "I came, I came to, I came to believe" it wasn't till after i had stayed sober for a while and the fog began to lift that i realized i really was an alcoholic and my life was unmanageable..losing everything time and time again wasn't "well its just bad luck"..shit happens for a reason...i am and will always be an alcoholic..but today i don't have to drink and if tomorrow gets here i'll do at least what i did today and hopefully more (this morning i got out of bed and my knees hit the floor before my feet did and i asked God not to let me drink today because i don't want to.. to walk in his light and spirit to do his will and be of service)its worked for a lot of yesterdays and its working now..everything i am today and everything i have i owe to the Grace of God and the fellowship of A.A. He makes it happen and you help me and i help the alcoholic who still suffers..love and service for me that's what its all about..thank you for letting me share


Member: patsyv
Location: northcarolina
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 5:17:12 PM

Comments

it took me a long time after comming into the rooms to realize I had a drinking problem.. I was so busy trying to cure my husband and my family and everything else and didnot want to take a look at myself. It was through the good people of the program and a loving god , that I am sober , alive and living free of the burden of self or alcholol. Unmanagability was the part of the 1st step that I could relate to...that was my middle name. Still today I am working on me...trying not to repeat old paterns. I start the day the was I did it yesterday..Pray, read my books, talk to my sponsor and talk to others in the fellowship. At the end of my day I look over my day and thank God for this sober day.

The 1st step is taken on a daily basis.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Steven  B
Location: Rock  Island  IL.
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 10:06:57 PM

Comments

Step one was the hardest for me.It has taken me at least fifteen years of rehabs jails and mental health clinics to get where Iam at now.Iam very proud of my 10.50 months being Clean and Sober.I would have never had found GOD or a peice of mind without A.A. AND THE PEOPLE in it . THANK YOU


Member: George  H.
Location: Library, Pennsylvania
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 11:20:35 PM

Comments

Hi, I am an alcoholic named George, this is the first time I have ever visited a meeting this way. Through the grace of God and AA it has not been necessary to take a drink since April 18, 1985, For me thats a miracle !! Alcohol took me from being in every part of my life to a life where all I wanted to do was die. I ended up in a rehab and they introduced me to AA and the twelve steps. Thank the good lord for those who work in rehabs. First Step and powerless over alcohol "NO WAY" here I am in rehab getting divorced loosing my two sons about to loose my job and it was still EVERYONE ELSES FAULT, if everyone would just leave me alone I would be OK. That boss, that wife, those kids, and everyone else, just quit messing with me and I could drink in peace. I was beaten t my knees in emotional and physical pain and uttered the alcholics prayer "God Help Me" !! I am pleased to report that the gift of sobriety was given to me. I had to surrender and accept the First Step. I have been required to work the steps and face some very painfull aspects of my self. But it has been with he guidance and love of other AA's that had walked the path before me. I have not been alone in this fight against alcohol since AA came into my life and brought with it a God of my understanding. Every AA member helps keep me sober and I want to thank each and every one of you for allowing me to participate in your meeting. Thanks to each of you for sharing it has been very rewarding to still know I am never alone, unless I choose to be and for me thats flirting with disaster. God bless each and every one of you. Looking forward to continued participation. George


Member: Nan D.
Location: Pocono Mt's. Pa
Date: 1/27/98
Time: 11:56:07 PM

Comments

Hi family, Nan alcoholic and drug addict here. That first step, I need to come back to this often. Every once in awhile i wonder for a minute if i am an alcoholic. Then when someone in my past brings up something terrible i did, or i look at pictures of my kids and don't remember them when those pictures were taken, or i share my story with another alcoholic, and they tell me they cannot picture me like the way i said i was, then i can see, im not that person anymore, and the more time i have, the less i remember the way i used to be. By the Grace of my higher power and all of you, i get reminded from time to time of that first step, and i will always be eternally grateful. So for anyone new, go to meetings, get a sponsor, and by God do it One Day at a Time. Love to All


Member: Deanna S
Location: Lake Forest, CA
Date: 1/28/98
Time: 1:05:57 AM

Comments

I've been thinking about this one, because my sponsee who is recently back after flushing 6 months of sobriety down the relationship tubes, told me she thinks the reason she drank and used again is because she never really got the first step. So how do you get the first step?

I only know how I got it. I was weighing giving up alcohol against giving up my husband, and each time alcohol won. I knew that was the wrong answer, and that something was wrong with my calculator. I knew that any normal person would have come up with a different answer, and that I needed to get to AA. Once I got to my first meeting and said those infamous words "I am Deanna and I am an alcoholic", I knew they were true and I was sunk, but there was this flicker of hope, like the leader said. It was the hope that if alcohol was the problem, then maybe there was a solution. I had always thought I was the problem. Turns out I was.

Anyways, love the topic. I am still powerless and my life is unmanageable by me, without god's help, and right now he's doing a heck of a job. I really liked my first on-line meeting and look forward to many more now that I found you all. I'll keep coming back--

Deanna


Member: Paul C
Location: Antioch CA
Date: 1/28/98
Time: 12:07:21 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Paul. Step One, my favorite step. I drank/drugged for 26 years. In my early drinking days I knew I had a problem and later I knew I was an alcoholic. But admitting powerlessness and unmanagability were not so easy. It was not until I was broken and later humbled myself that I finally started to grow spiritually. I like to re-read the last two paragraphs on page one of Step One in the 12x12. Those lines really speak to me. Toady, at 3 years soberity, I've come to realize that my life is a daily spiritual journey. When my selfish, self-centeredness, ego gets in the way, as it does on a regular basis, I come back to Steo One. It reminds me of who and what I am, a powerless and unmanageable alkie and only by the grace of the GOD of my understanding is there any sensibility to my life. For the newcomers, please take note that Step One is the only step that mentions the word alcohol, and as a earlier member wrote, it must be done perfectly. Not to do so would mean death, slow and agonizing. So, to rap this up on a positive note, Keep coming back it works if you work it. Thanks


Member: Julie W.
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: 1/28/98
Time: 2:46:23 PM

Comments

Hi,my name is Julie and I am a cross-addicted Alcoholic. I love to talk about the first step. It is so important and it always brings me back to the beginning of my sober journey but more importantly to the "end" of my drinking Journey. I say that in quotations because I will always be an arms length away from another Drink. When I think about the end of my drinking I always remember the feelings of shame, guilt, remorse, and desperation. I wanted to die but I wanted to live. I knew at some level I had a Problem with Alcohol but I didn't know how I would possibly live my life without alcohol. I started each and every moring with a promise that I would not drink that day only to end up with the shot glass in my hand and the drunk well on its way. I hated myself and life in general. Everything felt so out of control. I remember going to my first meeting and crying through the whole thing, feeling peace that I belonged some place and overwhelming fear that my life was about to change. AND CHANGE IT DID. Beyond my wildest dreams. Sobriety it worth the struggle. Don't drink, go to a meeting and keep coming back. God Bless you all.


Member: anna g.
Location: dennis, mass.
Date: 1/28/98
Time: 5:17:24 PM

Comments

hello, my name is anna. today is day of starting over again! i've been in and out of the program for two years or so and am trying hard to get past those road blocks that always stand in my way. but for me i think i need to remember the first step, i'm positivly powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanagable when i drink! i've tried therepy and AA and still seem to "not get it right" so i realize i need to be around people who have the same problems who will remind me i'm not the only one in this boat. i just came to a big head this week when i got stopped for my second oui in less than a year and don't go to court till march to find out what happens to me this time. i took a friends car and it's still here, her fathers looking for it and he was going to call the state police before i got to tell him what had happened, his daughter was sober for three years and now she not again! well, i hope everything works out for her but i guess the big thing is work on myself now, then see where things go from there! thanks for listening!!!anna g.


Member: cheryl f
Location: nc
Date: 1/28/98
Time: 6:09:28 PM

Comments

My name is Cheryl and I AM an alcoholic thru and thru! Step One is always good for me to hear because it immediately takes me back to where I was and how far I've come because of my Higher Power and the Fellowship. I am grateful that I was able to surrender with my first meeting, although I tried everything and everyway to drink for many years before I was brought into the rooms. I heard an oldtimer say "When the thought of a Drink comes, Blow it out of your mind." I did a lot of humming for the first year, and it worked Thank God for AA.


Member: Eddie G
Location: Vermont
Date: 1/28/98
Time: 8:04:23 PM

Comments

I've been sober since January 5, 1998 and try very hard to make it day to day without that drink - the attempts to drink come often as you all have experienced, but I try to think of other things and the cravings eventually go away. It feels great to wake up with those pulsing headaches and awful bodily feelings - why on earth have we tortured ourselves so badly!! Looking forward to working in this room.


Member: ali
Location: honolulu, hawaii
Date: 1/28/98
Time: 10:22:37 PM

Comments

thanks, everyone for all your comments. i'm feeling bad because i relapsed, and i don't want to get honest with all my friends in the program. still, i don't think i can go on like this and keep my job, my relationship, and my friends. i hate myself today, and i wonder if i'll ever stay sober. still, reading all your remarks gives me some hope. i feel sorry for myself, but the fact is there are so many great things going on in my life today. i just have to stop drinking so that i can enjoy them and be the kind of person i admire.


Member: Ron L
Location: Antioch, CA .,USA
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 12:33:22 AM

Comments

Hello, my name is Ron and I am a recovering alcoholic since I have been coming to AA. My decision not to drink came by my higher power prior to coming here by to understand and accept Step 1 was and has been a learning experience. For me I had to take those very small steps in my great denial of my disease in accepting my powerlessness over alcohol. Then that my life was unmanagable? Untill I looked and relooked at what all of meant with the help of my sponsor, step study and the "HOW" of this program, did it make enough sense to me and a sort of acceptance came about. With all the "YETS" hopefully behind me, I thank AA and you for allowing me to understand and work it out myself by doing what you said from the very begining of my journey, "Keep coming Back"! It Works.


Member: Mary Jane G.
Location: Illinois
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 1:06:27 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Mary Jane and I am an alcoholic. I was seeing a counselor who treated people who had an alcoholic in their lives. My mom and dad had both been users and my life was a mess. I was given a book to read on alcoholism and happened to see a quiz at the end of the book. I took the test and guess what? I was an alcoholic just like my parents! I was shocked and in a lot of denial. I swore it would NEVER happen to me. I cried and realized that was why I and my life was all screwed up. I finally admitted that I was powerless over alcohol. I have been sober now for almost 13 years but I still have to take that first step every day. Today I add that I am also powerless over the alcoholic in my life, my husband of 24 years. I thank God every day for this program and His help in keeping me sober. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Eric O.
Location: Southern Oregon
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 2:27:49 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Eric and I am a very grateful, recovering alcoholic. I'm in that stretch between ninety days and six months sober. My sobriety date is Sept. 14, 1997. I am still pretty close to that day when I came to terms with the first step. That was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. No question about it. I knew I needed to go into treatment but I had to wait a few days to get there. I could have gone to a meeting but due to pride about being in my hometown I didn't. I had to white knuckle it for a few days first. Boy do I know I am powerless over alcohol. I had gone as long as ninety days, (in Saudi Arabia)without alcohol. Going without it wasn't a problem, as long as it wasn't available and until I decided that I wanted to make that a way of life. My body rejected that with a passion. I will never forget that (I pray). I think getting to the point of making a decision to do something about being an alcoholic comes differently for everyone. For me I had to decide between a loving family and alcohol. It was that simple. They had tried to help me but it soon became enabling. Finally they had the guts and love to confront me and let me know where they stood. My HP had prepared my heart and mind for this without me knowing about it. He had made sure that as long as I drank my life was miserable. I was ready to give it up, but needed that intervention from a loving family. As I said in the beginning, I am a very grateful recovering alcoholic and at best that is what I will always be. That's good enough for me though. Thank you for helping me to stay sober today.

Eric O.


Member: doug t
Location: central florida
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 6:47:08 AM

Comments

good morning all. my name is doug and i am an alcoholic.

this morning is the thirtyfirst 24 for me. again i have to be honest and start my day by admitting to myself that i am powerless over alcohol. before the day is over i will probably have to do that a hundred more times. my life is still unmanagable but i have finally realized that gilbeys gin is not going to change that.

step 1 is a continuing thing for this alcoholic. its about all i can handle at this point in my sobriety. it took a long time to accept it but, i am so gratefull i have. AA and people like you have given me a chance to live.

i tried this thing 19 years ago. stayed sober (dry) for a year but never quite got the idea of my impotence at the hands of john barleycorn. on the day of my first anniversary i bought a half pint of gin and spent the next 18 years trying to deny my desease. after driving away family and friends, after losing my job, getting arrested, generally engaging in behavoirs that i thought i was incapable of i finally realized what everyone else knew....i am POWERLESS over alcohol.


Member: diane c
Location: slc ut
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 9:09:26 AM

Comments

boy, am i in trouble. a bottle of wine secretly a day. i almost his a little girl yesterday. today i stop, though i have said that before. i believe i can stop. i know i can stop, but something takes over and i reach for the bottle and , well you know the rest


Member: Mike T.
Location: pierre,south dakota
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 10:10:19 AM

Comments

Mike, I am an alcoholic. So much has been said and I truely believe that if not for the AA and MY HP daily. I am truely greatful for the first step. Without that step I would have surely been out there screwing up my life and my familys. My wife and daughters are the world to me. Been sober 12 yrs. l am working with others who are like me and enjoy the fellowship and friends I have today. KEEP IT SIMPLE , I hear that from my sponsor. thank you for this day and time. ODAAT.


Member: Tony G.
Location: Pequannock N. J.
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 10:39:10 AM

Comments

Hi Tony G. alcoholic, Iknow what the first step says but at times felling powerless becomes feelling powerful then Katie Bar The Door. Hyde starts talking and says 'You are in pain or you are feeling great today or YOUR NOT an ALCOHOLIC' and before you know it I go and prove I am. The first step offers me hope for it does not say "I" it says "WE" and that means all of us from 10 minutes to 25 years. We get sober I get drunk. SO from this rummy, drunk, alcoholic Keep it Simple Silly and If you have to have a drink make it tomorrow not today. Tony G.


Member: LOUIS
Location: GATINEAU,QUEBEC,CANADA
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 12:38:58 PM

Comments

LOUIS,A DRUNK,THANK YOU ALL FOR SHARING.I CAN RELATE TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU.I HAVE ADMITTED TO BE POWERLESS OVER ALCOOL,THE HARDEST PART WAS TO ACCEPT IT.TODAY I'M VERY GREATFULL TO MY H.P.AND TO A.A. AND ESPECIALY TO ALL OF YOU THANKS.


Member: Cynthia S.
Location: Tx
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 2:06:45 PM

Comments

I am Cynthia. I am an alcoholic and presc. drug abuser. Nearly two weeks ago I realized I was in very serious trouble. I called my daughter (we had not been close in several years) and explained that I might not be around for a few days, of course she wanted to know why so I told her honestly I was going to commit my self into the hospital. She left work immediately to come and take me. I really don't think I could have driven safely. Going into detox was the best decision I have ever made. You cannot believe how nice everyone was. I was there for four days and then came home with prescription for anatbuse, prozac, revia, and trazodone. I had been on Prozac for years but not realize the alcohol killed the effect of the presc.. I started AA immediately, then missed several days with no one to take me due their jobs. Last night I got the nerve up to drive and did okay. My alcohol problem has been 25 years. I will be moving to Saudi Arabia the first of March and know there will be no alcohol (except black market and would never want to suffer the penalty over there for being caught with it. I think I am going to do fine. I have not desired alcohol since I went into detox. And detox is not a frighting place as I had belived.. They are wonderful people. From the nurses to the counselors. I am still a little woobly getting used to the medication, but it is getting better day by day. Hope I have not bored you too much. This is just part of my story. Thanks for listening, Cynthia


Member: Cynthia S.
Location: Tx
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 2:07:16 PM

Comments

I am Cynthia. I am an alcoholic and presc. drug abuser. Nearly two weeks ago I realized I was in very serious trouble. I called my daughter (we had not been close in several years) and explained that I might not be around for a few days, of course she wanted to know why so I told her honestly I was going to commit my self into the hospital. She left work immediately to come and take me. I really don't think I could have driven safely. Going into detox was the best decision I have ever made. You cannot believe how nice everyone was. I was there for four days and then came home with prescription for anatbuse, prozac, revia, and trazodone. I had been on Prozac for years but not realize the alcohol killed the effect of the presc.. I started AA immediately, then missed several days with no one to take me due their jobs. Last night I got the nerve up to drive and did okay. My alcohol problem has been 25 years. I will be moving to Saudi Arabia the first of March and know there will be no alcohol (except black market and would never want to suffer the penalty over there for being caught with it. I think I am going to do fine. I have not desired alcohol since I went into detox. And detox is not a frighting place as I had belived.. They are wonderful people. From the nurses to the counselors. I am still a little woobly getting used to the medication, but it is getting better day by day. Hope I have not bored you too much. This is just part of my story. Thanks for listening, Cynthia


Member: Cynthia S.
Location: Tx
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 2:07:37 PM

Comments

I am Cynthia. I am an alcoholic and presc. drug abuser. Nearly two weeks ago I realized I was in very serious trouble. I called my daughter (we had not been close in several years) and explained that I might not be around for a few days, of course she wanted to know why so I told her honestly I was going to commit my self into the hospital. She left work immediately to come and take me. I really don't think I could have driven safely. Going into detox was the best decision I have ever made. You cannot believe how nice everyone was. I was there for four days and then came home with prescription for anatbuse, prozac, revia, and trazodone. I had been on Prozac for years but not realize the alcohol killed the effect of the presc.. I started AA immediately, then missed several days with no one to take me due their jobs. Last night I got the nerve up to drive and did okay. My alcohol problem has been 25 years. I will be moving to Saudi Arabia the first of March and know there will be no alcohol (except black market and would never want to suffer the penalty over there for being caught with it. I think I am going to do fine. I have not desired alcohol since I went into detox. And detox is not a frighting place as I had belived.. They are wonderful people. From the nurses to the counselors. I am still a little woobly getting used to the medication, but it is getting better day by day. Hope I have not bored you too much. This is just part of my story. Thanks for listening, Cynthia


Member: Cynthia S
Location: Tx
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 2:13:30 PM

Comments

Sorry, I double clicked!!Cynthia


Member: Cherie E.
Location: Santa, Clara, Ca
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 3:43:36 PM

Comments

I'm a alcoholic and my name is Cherie, The day I asked for help was in 1987, and however I didn't realize that I was an alcoholic I thought something was terrably wrong, once however I could see the truth, with the help of my wonderful sponcer I knew I could no longer drink. The hopelessness I felt was so overwhelming I was afraid to drink and afraid not to drink, however I knew I didn't want to feel the way that I was feeling. My life is much diiferent and real "real", and I wouldn't have it any other way beccause all I ever wanted in my whole life was peace of mine and now I have it thanks to A.A.


Member: Danielle L
Location: Hull, Québec
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 5:06:11 PM

Comments

Hello! My name is Danielle and I am an "alcoolique". I admitted to being an alcolic the morning I woke up in jail. I couldn't believe I had gone so low. I also believe God made sure I was picked-up and put there so nothing worse would happend to me. I had received to many "signs" before and I couldn't let this one go by. Two weeks before this happened, I was a my sister's wedding reception and I noticed my AA cousin was there. Since I had not seen him for a while I checked to see what he was drinking and it was straight coca-cola. When I returned home after my ordeal with justice I called him. He was in my dinning room 1 hour later and we attended my first meeting that afternoon. I got so scared and ashamed of what I had done that since that day, four months ago, I have not been thirsty. I truly had lost control over my life and was not going to loose what I had left. I am one of the lucky ones as I always had faith in God and I believe that the 12 steps have to work if you work hard at it. Everyday I apply tthese steps in my life and with God's will I will never drink again.

P.S. To John M. - Find out where AA meetings are and keep going, it works!

Cheers from Canada


Member: Marcia M.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 8:59:40 PM

Comments

Hello to all - have found this meeting helpful and interesting, I have 5 weeks being sober, I have been trying to convince myself all day I deserved a 12 pack. Things have been rough, I have been handling it pretty well, been productive - but need to relax, treay myself, forget about all my responsibilities, etc. Somehow did not head to the store, and decided to check the meeting out. Aha....the first step. Thank you everyone. I had almost forgotten the pain and shame involved when I am an active drunk.


Member: ruthie c
Location: georgia
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 9:57:56 PM

Comments

Hi my name is ruthie and I have not yet admitted that I am a alcoholic. I do khow I have a drinking problem because I don't seem to be able to stop. Every day is this the last day I am going to have a drink and it never works. I have been drinking a 5th+ of brandy everyday for over 5 years. My body has wore out and I am have so many problems that I am convinced if I did not drink would go away. I'm scared, I think if I stop I will have a heart attack or some sort of failure. I have spend a great deal of time hiding my drinking from every one because they get upset. I've always felt that I was not having a problem becuase I don't have black outs, I have been sick from drinking maybe three times in 10 years. However I do have hb,diab, kid and liv damage. Yet I keep on drinking. Today I bought what has previously been considered by last bottle. I told my self when I get up saturday morning it will be my first day of no drinking. You know what, reading all your comments over the last few days has helped me think that I might be able to do this. I NEED YOU HELP. My son will be having my grandchild this summer and I know if I don't stop drinking I won't be here. You all seem to have benefited from going to your meetngs and I hope to reach that step soon, however, at this time I just don't have the courage to do that; yet I MUST STOP DRINKING. I WILL BE CHECKING THIS BOARD AS OFTEN AS I CAN, I NEED YOUR HELP, YOUR ENCOURAGMENT, COMMENTS NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE. SATURDAY IS MY DAY, I GET UP EARLY CAN SOMEONE BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I SIGN ON?


Member: Peter B.
Location: St. Paul, MN.
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 10:55:32 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Peter, an alcoholic. Whew...nothing like a first step meeting to pull me back into focus....My last drink was August 21, 1982...a little over 15 years ago. And yet, I frequently like to get a seat in a first step meeting. Although I stopped drinking at 22 years old...I had already developed the "habit of drinking" and did everything in my life around alcohol. Now that I have been sober...I have developed a "habit of sobriety" and have stayed clean and dry for a long time.

But as I look back over the past years...I know that there are periods of my life where I was happier and healthier and more full of "joie de vivre". At each of those points of my life I was closer to the program, working on a step, talking often to a sponsor and going to regular meetings. My "habit of sobriety" was also addictive....it told me I was "okay." I didn't need to do all that stuff.

Being sober is not just not drinking....it has been a complete life change for me....when I have chosen to make it that.....Often, however....I slip back into the comfortable habit of "being sober" and not taking any of the other actions I need to be happy in my sobriety.

I heard early on in the rooms, that AA offers us a smorgasbord of opportunities for a new life, a whole buffet of possibility...and many people only take a ham sandwich.

I know that I need to bring more of myself to The Program and to the people here. When I do, I get so much more!

I am grateful for each of you and everyone over the years who has contributed to my sobriety.

Thanks!


Member: Nan D.
Location: Pocono Mt. Pa
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 11:21:39 PM

Comments

hi Nan alcoholic drug addict. I was just listening tonight, and decided to share a bit. Everything i heard here tonight was wonderful, from the pain of the new comers to the wisdom of the oldtimers. I remember when i admitted i was an alkie and druggie, i just had a hard time with the willingness to do something about it. Im glad i finally did, the promises are coming true ten fold. Anna G. from Mass. The only road block is you. An oldtimer who has passed away recently always said get out of your own way, i needed to do that on a continuous basis. Try it. Well this was a great night of sharing, thanks everyone. We are all miracles, we made it thru another clean and sober day. Love to all Nan


Member: Mike B.
Location: Ore.
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 11:36:23 PM

Comments

Hello My Name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic drug addict who just started going to some meetings here, at our towns local chem. depend. offices in town. I was court ordered to go but I have no quams with admitting I have a problem with staying sober. My wife has probably had her fill of me and my slips. I use to attend aa meetings and was doing good staying sober when I made it a habit to go on a fairly regular basis. My wife as told me how much better I was doing when I was attending but do you think I could take her word for it and pay heed? No! I've slipped over and over and now my comfort zone at home is at ruin and my health is feeling mighty poorly. I do want to quit the drink and find some happiness in live and I really would like to form some sort of lasting relationship with my higher power. The only answers that I've been able to come up with is to go back to aa and give it another go. These meetings I'm going to with chem. depend. were court ordered because of a duii and thank god no one was injured when I did that stupid move. Well, if the topic was the first step then I guess I just made it official that yes I am an alcoholic and I sick and tired of being sick and tired. Please keep being here for me if I need you cause I think I gonna need some help thur this. Thanks Mike B. Ps. Is there and way to do a one on one on the internet?


Member: Mike B.
Location: Ore.
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 11:36:38 PM

Comments

Hello My Name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic drug addict who just started going to some meetings here, at our towns local chem. depend. offices in town. I was court ordered to go but I have no quams with admitting I have a problem with staying sober. My wife has probably had her fill of me and my slips. I use to attend aa meetings and was doing good staying sober when I made it a habit to go on a fairly regular basis. My wife as told me how much better I was doing when I was attending but do you think I could take her word for it and pay heed? No! I've slipped over and over and now my comfort zone at home is at ruin and my health is feeling mighty poorly. I do want to quit the drink and find some happiness in live and I really would like to form some sort of lasting relationship with my higher power. The only answers that I've been able to come up with is to go back to aa and give it another go. These meetings I'm going to with chem. depend. were court ordered because of a duii and thank god no one was injured when I did that stupid move. Well, if the topic was the first step then I guess I just made it official that yes I am an alcoholic and I sick and tired of being sick and tired. Please keep being here for me if I need you cause I think I gonna need some help thur this. Thanks Mike B. Ps. Is there and way to do a one on one on the internet?


Member: Jerry S
Location: Osage,Ia
Date: 1/29/98
Time: 11:47:37 PM

Comments

Step 1 I accepted that I had had it and needed help. am so very gratful that GOD allowed me to live long enough to get to step 1. without step one the rest can not be worked. dry 5 years,then chose to drink again. wheen I ended up in detox, it was then that I was able to accept step no 1. that happened in 1978. it hass been a very rewarding life since then, one dddday at a time,thanks to GOD and the AA program, and for that I am very grateful. yourr in AA Jerry S


Member: aaron w.
Location: somerset, n.j.
Date: 1/30/98
Time: 12:00:44 AM

Comments

hi evaryone, my name is aaron and i am an alcoholic. thank God i am sober today. i have been sober for 5 1/2 years, after relasping 5 times i finally came to terms i am a alcoholic and my life had become unmanageble. i came back to the program in june 1992 with all intenison of staying. i relized if i was going to make it, i had to admitt defeat. and to recover, i could'nt do it alone. at that point i swallowed my pride and allowed people to help me. for 90 days i stayed close to people in AA and did'nt dare go around my old so call friends. it's just that simple. and from there i was able to start the process of change. unless you start the process of change step one is not complete. i had to understand my best thinking got me here. AA has helped me to go back to basics. step one for me was admitting defeat, swalling my pride, excepting help anad going back to the basics. and now i am a grateful recovering alcoholic. thanks for letting me share.


Member: aaron w.
Location: somerset, n.j.
Date: 1/30/98
Time: 12:01:36 AM

Comments

hi evaryone, my name is aaron and i am an alcoholic. thank God i am sober today. i have been sober for 5 1/2 years, after relasping 5 times i finally came to terms i am a alcoholic and my life had become unmanageble. i came back to the program in june 1992 with all intenison of staying. i relized if i was going to make it, i had to admitt defeat. and to recover, i could'nt do it alone. at that point i swallowed my pride and allowed people to help me. for 90 days i stayed close to people in AA and did'nt dare go around my old so call friends. it's just that simple. and from there i was able to start the process of change. unless you start the process of change step one is not complete. i had to understand my best thinking got me here. AA has helped me to go back to basics. step one for me was admitting defeat, swalling my pride, excepting help anad going back to the basics. and now i am a grateful recovering alcoholic. thanks for letting me share.


Member: aaron w.
Location: somerset, n.j.
Date: 1/30/98
Time: 12:02:15 AM

Comments

hi evaryone, my name is aaron and i am an alcoholic. thank God i am sober today. i have been sober for 5 1/2 years, after relasping 5 times i finally came to terms i am a alcoholic and my life had become unmanageble. i came back to the program in june 1992 with all intenison of staying. i relized if i was going to make it, i had to admitt defeat. and to recover, i could'nt do it alone. at that point i swallowed my pride and allowed people to help me. for 90 days i stayed close to people in AA and did'nt dare go around my old so call friends. it's just that simple. and from there i was able to start the process of change. unless you start the process of change step one is not complete. i had to understand my best thinking got me here. AA has helped me to go back to basics. step one for me was admitting defeat, swalling my pride, excepting help anad going back to the basics. and now i am a grateful recovering alcoholic. thanks for letting me share.


Member: Bruce B.
Location: San Diego,CA
Date: 1/30/98
Time: 1:43:46 AM

Comments

my name is Bruce B.the first step is thekey to all the rest of sobriety.We must accept it without reservation with our whole heart,and soul.No questions! All the rest of recoverys foundations are based on this princible being lived 100% of the time,allother steps can be done less than perfect. Amen keep coming back it works,if ya work it!

Love & Service-bruce


Member: Jean S.
Location: Washington State
Date: 1/30/98
Time: 2:02:57 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Jean and I'm an alcoholic with a daily reprieve today. Yes at the end of all this, it is absolutely surrender or surrender absolutely. "Throw in the towel" and just stop that merry-go-round. My life was so chaotic (I thought everyone else caused it), I really got off on the high drama of life. If I didn't have something to drink about, I created one. Anyway, much has been said about step one. I wish I had gone to a meeting when I was renting a house at the end of the spit when in Cushing, Me. a few years ago. Everyone else was drinking and I did not check out a meeting. I would have probably met Judy K in Brigadoon. With alot of gratitude because I woke up sober again today! Jean


Member: Rita S
Location: Indianapolis
Date: 1/30/98
Time: 8:47:20 PM

Comments

Hello World......

WOW! So many wonderful shares! Lotsa newcomers!

The first step does not "brand" us an alcoholic......merely says we are "powerless"

Accept that fact and it is easier to put the plug in the jug!

It is so wonderful to be able to walk down a hallway without walking into the walls on either side........it is so wonderful to "NOT" make that phone call that you will regret in the morning..........it is so wonderful to know "who"/"what" you did last night!!! And on and on and on!

No more Mr. Remorse and Despair to wake up with in the morning! I remember last night!

Alcohol beat me..........BAD!!!! One battle I was glad to finally admit defeat to and with it I WON MY LIFE BACK!

To those that are struggling.....it is really "simple"...NOT EASY, But "simple"

Go to a meeting today and go to a meeting tomorrow and don't drink in between.....then do it again and again and again.....

Then you too can find the joys and peace and serenity that this program has to offer.....

AA Hugs around the room


Member: bob
Location: sc
Date: 1/30/98
Time: 10:53:42 PM

Comments

My name is Bob and I am an alcoholic....over 7 years sober and life has become more of an adventure that I can possibly imagine. But I remain powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanigable. I just suit up, show up and try to do what's in front of me. There is no secret that any AA member is hiding. I just go to meetings (sometimes just to see what happens to people that don't go to meetings), try to pray each day (I don't succeed at the every day part) and remind myself every single day that is serious business. And I don't drink. Funny how that works. Step one---great topic


Member: Jeff H
Location: Waukegan, IL
Date: 1/31/98
Time: 12:56:03 AM

Comments

Nothing I can say about getting sober is any different or original than anybody else. It came to me when I was able to get honest about myself. I finally reached a point where I became willing to quit when there were no more valid reasons to continue abusing myself. So, I chose life without alcohol one day at a time.


Member: UncleRon
Location: Pusan, Korea
Date: 1/31/98
Time: 8:29:56 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Ron a drunk, I just stumbled in here trying to find a contact in my new town Pusan. I have been sober for 9 years last 12/26, I lived in Huntington Beach, Ca and this is my first meeting here. I have not worked a perfect program and somehow stayed sober while doing many things wrong, one thing I did was not drink. I thank you for being here. I have seen many of us come and go through AA and it always seems to come down to step one. I have seen smarter people than I make the terrible decision that they had somehow made it ok to have one drink, allways with terrible results. I am gratefull for the "retreads" who come back and tell us what happened. I don't think itis a matter of brians, or anything like that. Being sober is a spiritual gift, not something that can be achieved by thoughts or will power (I tried both from a bar stool). In every case of relaps, it seems clear that my sponser was right "the only step you must do 100% is step 1" The other steps are important, but progress rather than perfection, step one does not seem to allow this luxury. We simply don't drink one day at a time (some times it is in minutes). I don't want to sound too harsh to any newcomers, just my point of view, we simply do not take that first drink. Step one is why. I wish to grow in all the other steps and need to continue such growth, in 9 years I feel that I am just starting to learn what being sober is about. I will miss everything if I forget step one. My favorite chips to see are the 30 day chips, there are allot handed out, some stay some don't, they know step one well to get those first 30 days, I pray that I keep listening to those newcomers. Thank you, if you know of anyone out here in Pusan, Korea please let me know. <uncleron@usa.net> We can do what I can not.


Member: duhgg
Location: central florida
Date: 1/31/98
Time: 9:33:52 AM

Comments

good morning,my name is doug and i am definately an alcoholic...its funny how we always get what we need....this meeting is a great example of that......step 1 is what let me find you all.......i needed extra help very badly this week and "shazam" there you are....right place.....right topic.....thanx too all


Member: Marne L.
Location: Sacramento, CA
Date: 1/31/98
Time: 7:04:18 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Marne and I'm an alcoholic. I went to an AA related retreat last weekend. The topic was the first step. I thought "this is going to be pretty boring, because I'm almost 15 years sober, and I've already done the first step hundreds of times". However, much to my surprise, the first step was right where I needed to be. I have forgotten to be powerless and was pretty into being powerful. As a result, my life had become unmanageable. I know that I don't hae to drink or use to be unmanageable. Just the emotional stuff can put me there. Anyway, as soon as I realized this, I wanted to get on with Step 2 and 3, but our group leader wanted us to stay on step 1 for the entire weekend. It was a painful process for me, but really got me back on track.

I still go to a lot of meetings, work with my sponsor and sponsor others. I am usually in service of some type - secretary, GSR, H&I, coffee-person - because it keeps me sober.

To Camella R in Ontario, Canada. I'm originally from London, Ont. and have gone to many meetings there when I go back to visit family. They have some great AA there, and probably elsewhere in Ontario too, so hang in there. Share as much as you can and keep in touch with your HP. Best wishes to you.


Member: joseph
Location: Maine
Date: 1/31/98
Time: 8:07:39 PM

Comments

my name is joseph and i am an alcoholic Boy you guys scare me ............ I guess I have been getting too secure in my sobriety But this is good it has made me think and value what I have ,oh no I don't want to go back there Thank you all for sharing and a little jolt out of my "rut"


Member: Susan H
Location: London UK
Date: 1/31/98
Time: 8:13:57 PM

Comments

Hello - I am glad to read the comments and sharing on step one. I agree that step one is the one you need to get 100%. It makes the difference between staying in a position to understand the other steps and go about the business of getting and staying sober with the other 11 steps. I don't think it is possible to go anywhere with the other steps without accepting that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives are unmanageable. My life was very unmanageable before I came to meetings. It was in total turmoil and so was my mind (I think that's an admission of step 2). Luckily for me I am so grateful that steps one and two seemed glaringly obvious to me from my firsst meeting even though it took a while for me to admit that I was an alcoholic. My insanity was manifested by a some hallucinations and bad dreams while awake after coming off booze after a 2 week binge. It was terrifying. I felt totally powerless. My life was obviously in a mess and unmanageable. The finances, romantic life and work were falling apart. I longed for a family and children but it seemed an impossible dream. As I type this after 3.5 years sober, my 2 year old daughter is drawing me a picture. She is a miracle as for the 36 years before she was born I knew I would be incapable of responsible motherhood. Thank God I found AA before I was too old to have children. It seems so normal and not too difficult to run the family and nice home, responsible job e.t.c BUT it would have been a different story I know without AA. Probably a tragedy of many kinds. I can imagine the hellish life I could be leading with alcohol right now and it is a horifying and sobering thought. I hope and pray that I will always remeber that I am powerless over alcohol and life is difficult to manage without adding this poison. I don't want to drink again - If I keep going to meetings, stay close to my sponsor and work the steps I will not be tempted to imagine that drink will be a safe substance. Thank you for being here. Susan


Member: Pierre T
Location: Montreal
Date: 1/31/98
Time: 10:30:53 PM

Comments

I Im happy to be hir,sorry for my error. Step 1 Very Big step but a good one . For a new LIFE YOU ARE NOT ALMONT (( Good bees You All ))


Member: Naomi Z.        Naomi Z.                                     
Location: Forestburgh, N.Y.
Date: 2/1/98
Time: 1:45:00 AM

Comments

Hi , My name is Naomi , and I am an alcoholic. Its felt so peaceful to sit here quietly , Reading ( hearing, seeing] and feeling with all of you who've shared this past week. As aleays I got what I needed. I too need to remember who is in charge. I needed to be reminded that it certainly is not me. Although I knew My life was unmanageable ten years ago, I did not in any way connect the umanegeability to my drinking. I was a physical and eemotional wreck. And Spirituality was not a word in the vocabulary of this aalcoholic, llet alone a stateeeee off beeing that I assocciaaated with mysself. The word ALCOHOLIC as it related to me didn't occur to me. I too lived to drink and drank to live. All day. Every day. And then came the days when it stopped working. No matter how much I drank or used the pain woud not go away. All I ever felt ( when I wasn't passed out) was hopelessness and despair. I thought that the only way out was death. I thought that that would be easier than " living " The way I had been or even worse admitting that just, just maybe alcohol might be a part of the problem. I remember how it felt the very first time I thought the word Alcoholic to ,my self. It choked me and gagged me like bitter bile in my throat. Theres alot more to my story, and the dawning of the awareness in April o0f 1988. There were five children, a home with holes punched into most of the walls by the husband/father of the five children. I truly believed that I could not live without alcohol, nor could I live with it. I also believed thaat I could not live without the husband father , nor could I live with him. Finally in July of 1989, it became clear to me[ Gods Gracee?} that the only two choices were to either get sober or kill myself. And in retrospect I KNOW that it was only through thee intervention of my HP that I got myself i nto a rehab that was totally meeting, meeting meeting oriented. I remember very little about that month except " Dont drink and go to meetings". When I first dcame to meetings I was told "Hang on to your hat baby, you're in for a heck of a ride". And it really has been some ride. Not ONE SINGLE PLAN I had worked out tjhe way I thought iut would. And One Day at a Time I didn't drink and I went to a meeting. Today, the p-erson I thought would be my husband forever is not my husband. The " children are all grown up now, leading there own lives. The youngest graduated from college in December '97 , I'm expecting my second granchild in one month, and one son has been sober f9or a year and a half. I am hap-pily remarried to a recovering person, with who I hope (not plan } to live mostly happily one day at a time.Thanks to you all for being here to listen". I neededd this topic of Thw first step. Two days ago, my newest puppy, ran out into the road and was killed. I have been inconsolable and like any good alcoholic have been beating up mon myself. I took my eyes off her for a few minutes ( I did) , And if only this and if only that. I haven't slept in two nights and haven't been able to stop weeping. It felt like my my heart was beingktwisted and torn. I will always miss this sweet little girl . I feel better now though being reminded that I am not ssupposed to know Why. I do howev3er have to accept this loss, as I've learned to accept many others.... no matter how much it hurts. HPs in charge not me. Thankls again for going on and on.


Member: SC Tech
Location:
Date: 2/1/98
Time: 2:00:15 AM

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